Anger and hatred

TheBoyBand · 2023-09-11T02:19:36+00:00

Yes I went through it, took about a year to get out of this stage of grief, this forum helped a lot tbh, all the crazy eventually becomes comical.

Throwawaykid1984 · 2023-09-11T02:23:31+00:00

I’m with you man. Just in the beginning stages myself and extremely hard to deal. I find myself fantasizing and wishing ill will and i hate the person I’ve become because of it. It makes me sick to my stomach that someone I tried to protect and care for is now my enemy.

Illustrious_Cash1325 · 2023-09-11T02:40:35+00:00

When you go down this road, you need to be vigilant in reminding yourself she isn't the person you loved.

You can be curious about who she is now but just that. Curious. Don't try to identify with it.

Be compassionate. Poor thing lost her fucking mind for any given number of reasons. It's SAD. And it sucks. It wasn't about you. And she is more than likely going down a bad bad road and since you can't save her anymore, be sad for her.

You are losing your shit because you care for the her you knew. She isn't someone you know anymore.

Look inward. See what you did and how hard you worked. Forgive yourself for being a fool not seeing her change.

This is how far I have gotten by being objective. I am not sure what happens next. But I believe in me.

Reasonable-Desk-8508 · 2023-09-11T06:03:11+00:00

I still have a lot of it, but what I've noticed helping was taking time to actively remind myself when I'm happy. Like, when I'm not seething with rage and I'm just okay, I remind myself, "Hey, this is how I feel right now despite what I'm going through." That helps me when I do get angry to remember that sometimes I'm happier than now and the anger doesn't represent the whole truth.

Substantial_Try8417 · 2023-09-11T12:04:37+00:00

If there was a bigger picture, where what happened made sense, where your anger is justified but on a larger scale, if you were able to conceptualize it, you could look on these events with compassion...what would that look like?

Puzzleheaded_Suit996 · 2023-09-11T16:49:25+00:00

Just remember, like you she's human. And no matter how disgusting she acted and maybe continues to do so, all the control you never had with her is now in YOUR hands in how you act and react to it. It's hard, trust me the betrayal is real and it's a very real pain, but when you learn that humans are what they are, it becomes easier. She's not a vile disgusting succubus, she's just a human woman. And that she doesn't have that "power" over you anymore, you are your own man, and you can change your life for the better, not for her or anyone else, but yourself. She's irrelevant to your successes anymore, not that she was, but now you can forge your life to the way you want. Fight on brother, you're not alone

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-11T04:12:49+00:00

Have you ever had almost identical thoughts recurring in your head repeatedly? Try writing them down.

Is there anything you've ever wanted to tell her and force her to listen? Go for a drive alone and shout it all out.

These helped me A LOT. Didn't stop everything all at once but over time it became a lot less debilitating and the triggers (intrusive thoughts) became less random.

Is she still actively in your life and creating more anger? Stoicism is the key. It's really painful but if you visualize the worst shit she does and the worst shit you imagine she can do - really visualize it and try to feel it - when it actually happens, your reaction will be dulled and muted.

Hope these techniques help!

SpacemanLost · 2023-09-11T05:33:02+00:00

For almost 15 years, my ex continued to try and interject herself into my life and my business in every way possible given I lived in a different state and grey rocked and kept her on an information diet, along with alienating my children from me and teaching them to distrust and disrespect me. She's also still on the warpath about my second wife, and ANY success that I have achieved since leaving her (though she tries to take credit for much of it. BPD/NPD for the win)

In the intervening years, I also learned about additional affairs and other crap she pulled when I was with her.

The net result is that I still have deep anger and hatred for her to a very deep level even after 15 years.

I have however mostly made my peace with it, and don't let it in my mind most of the time.

The problem specific to my situation, and many others I am sure, is that it's very hard to heal if someone else is constantly picking at the scabs. This is where not having kids with your ex is a huge benefit.

Ncfc48 · 2023-09-11T11:19:50+00:00

Yes have never felt anger like it but now I laugh at her and her car crash life I also enjoyed rejecting her advances for a few years it will get better mate

Fwooply · 2023-09-11T15:50:02+00:00

I was a train wreck through the divorce. Not just anger. Everything.

There were only two real things that helped. The first was time. The second was realizing that negative emotions are inevitable but can be made temporary.

That latter one - that negative emotions are temporary - have an entire ecosphere of psychology behind them. They go by the name of therapy, meditation, gratefulness, mindfulness, and yoga. I kept an open mind. They helped.

I don't hate her. I just realize that I wasted half my life. And wasting half my life somehow made me indebted to her. I have to pay her for the privilege of wasting half my life.

The train wreck has morphed a bit. It's now pretty much all financial worries. I'm 50+. Everyone in my circle wants to suddenly talk about their house remodels, their trips to Europe, and their early retirement. Meanwhile, I'm wondering whose property I can stand a tiny house on when I retire at 70.

Fact-Civil · 2023-09-11T11:54:38+00:00

Have you tried Vortioxetine?

Reflog1791 · 2023-09-11T17:49:49+00:00

Yes, you are actually closer than you think because you understand this is hurting you.

I let it go when it became obvious that it was best for me and my happiness. Continue to address the things that are in your control, let go and move on from the rest. It is a process not a destination. You will be ok and this whole thing will turn into a blip on the radar that you successfully overcame and used as a springboard for an improved self and life.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-09-11T17:57:15+00:00

Yeah, it's not uncommon to experience intense hatred and anger. That's true of any loss, and in particular this loss is probably the most stressful type of loss. It's going to happen. It lasts longer for some than others.

Finding a good outlet can help. Write her a letter telling her how you really feel, and then burn the letter. Start hitting a punching bag or plinking targets at a shooting range. Whatever lets you really let it out without hurting anybody. (make sure you get a good pair of gloves and wrist braces if you're going to start hitting a bag).

Title	Anger and hatred
Author	FreshNewI81
Upvotes	24
Comments	49
Date	September 11, 2023 2:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16fj5kb/anger_and_hatred/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anger-and-hatred.1231143 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231143

Comments