Just thinking a bit and talking to a friend today about this, no question asked. Just ranting... can't sleep.. it's all fresh.

My stbxw has a group of friends (her pilatus group women only) where over the years she joined first half were divorced and now 70%. I heart all kind of divorced stories from her. Mostly ofc women complaining about how awefull the coparinting was with the exhusbands. How bad they were and impossible to deal with. Or the ones who were so good friends and went on a holiday together etc. yeah all have kids but young ones.

And I have been reading here and read about men who went into no contact. That's something nobody does here in this rather liberal area/surroundings.

Somebody wrote here: I will get back as much from myself as I gave her. I found that very powerful.

Stbxw wanted to be friends too, I don't and made that clear: I made no contact part of the seperation contract. We will speak again in may 2024 at the moment we can file together at our lawyer. Kids are old enough to go to her if they want or stay with me. I don't need to organize that with her. Not even doctor visits have to be discussed. School visits are seperated. All holidays are splitt till they are 18 etc. Only if really nessacary she may write me an email.

I told her I need this to be able to heal, she accepted that but it's just a reason I found most acceptable for her so she could easilier comply... she does feel a little guilt....

So why do I want this? First I thought, do I want this no contact in the hope that she might come back to me, but I really don't want her back. I am not going to risk this emotional rollercoaster with her ever again.

The reason is that I also want to take back everything from me. So if she is chatting, being divorced now too, with her divorced girlfriends, and they ask her how coparenting is going or anthing about her bad husband.... she can't tell anything. Nothing. Nothing to complain, nothing good, just nothing. Perhaps the kids will tell something but that is just hearsay... that feels good!

About the oh we are friends thingy... I chatted with a woman online... who divorced her husband and immeadiately told me that they are friends and doing great coparenting and that she even hopes so much that her ex husband will soon find a new woman again. I told her we are not friends and I started the no contact etc and she was like well that is extrem. I said no it's not. I am just not intested in anything what she does, for example why would I care about with who she is, it is not even my business. Who cares... And immediatly the woman says, yeah I well only say that but I don't care either....

Turns out their only child is 15 (Dont think you need lots of coparenting there but whatever). And while we chat she tells me that the child has a party at dad's place and she is concerned if everything is going well... and starts updating me about what's going on....

I thought wtf. Here in this group, many say women only want to be friends to be able to control you... and it just got presented to me in real time...

Thanks!