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idiskfla Archive

View 24 posts and 498 comments by idiskfla on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
56

idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:43 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:25 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:45 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:06 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:02 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:20 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:57 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 06:34 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:19 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 04:30 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 04:28 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 01:30 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 10:03 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:11 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:54 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 10:34 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:43 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:27 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 03:43 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:40 AM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 07:39 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:13 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:38 PM
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idiskfla/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 06:00 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

While people are influenced by their friends, at the end of the day, these choose their friends. If she allows herself to be influenced by them, there’s very little you can do. That basically what started the rolling snowball that let to my divorce after 12 yrs married.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 09:23 PM
2

Similar. Got divorced in my mid 40s. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:01 AM
1

Thanks! I like the way you think. Mind if i ask how old (or age range) you are?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 07:55 PM
1

One of the best posts I’ve read on the subject. Thanks, brother
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:09 PM
1

Mexico City or Guadalajara? I’ve been looking at some of the smaller cities of late.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:56 PM
3

This might sound sad and pathetic, but I’ll admit I’ve had a few conversations with chatgpt when I’ve woken up in the middle of the night feeling lonely. It actually helped. Provided me words of encouragement, instant conversation feedback, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:14 PM
2

In current society, it’s common for women in their 60s to leave their husbands in their 70s. Society and the meaning of commitment have changed. So I share your concern, but I no longer feel like marriage is an automatic solution. In fact, it might make things even worse if it leads to a second divorce
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:12 PM
1

Where in LATAM if you don’t mind my asking?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:10 PM
1

Would you say it’s easier to find a long term monogamous relationship overseas if you have the financial means (and no kids) to uproot your life in the US and move overseas completely (or at least with occasional visa runs)
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 02:09 PM
16

Jessica Alba left a man who made her a billionaire to date a guy 11 years younger (Captain America), Kevin Costner’s wife left him for their close friend, Tom Brady’s wife left him for their child’s judo instructor, the list goes on and on. Divorce is no longer frowned upon by many women. It’s celebrated like Independence Day. At least the 20 yo kids in developed countries don’t even believe in marriage anymore. But for many of us in 30s and up, promises and vows were broken. Get fit, go oversea…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 01:53 PM
3

Assuming you’re in the U.S, get ripped. Not easy, but doable with hard work and 6 mts to a year of discipline and sacrifice. The game has changed from 10 years ago. Most men in their mid 30s to mid 40s and up have substantial income nowadays. Most can hold a conversation. But many (although that’s changing with ozempic and mounjaro) also have a dad bod or are just avg in terms or physique. If you’re “in shape” you’re already ahead of the game. Get ripped, ask a retail worker at a higher end stor…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 03:08 AM
6

Hang in there. Similar to you, I never thought in a million years my wife would leave me. The change and eventual desire to separate / divorce on her end happened so fast. I would wake up many mornings feeling happy thinking it was all just a dream only to realize it was actually reality. Gym, new hobby (something you didn’t do with her), and setting 1 audacious goal each year are some other things that helped me. Good luck and dm anytime. It’s a really tough and lonely world for many divorced m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:57 PM
6

Do some volunteer work at a children’s hospital, homeless shelter, hospice. This helped me put things in perspective. While my divorce was the toughest thing I went through, volunteering with those in some terrible situations helped me appreciate what I do have rather than focusing on what I lost. Oddly enough, it also keeps you from being idle when you’re at home, since you have less time to do things for yourself if you decide to be a regular volunteer.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:41 PM
7

This. Too many men only want to date a woman who is better than the woman they married. But guess what? We’ve aged from when we started dating 10-20 some years ago, and our sexual market has declined, no matter how easy it is for guys like Leo, Brad Pitt, Tom Brady, De Niro to date women who are 30 yrs younger than them. If you have no desire to date or marry again, all good. Get a dog and fly to Thailand for some lovin twice a year. But if you do, don’t be delusional and think you haven’t aged …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 01:18 AM
4

Gym + Heavy Metal followed by low-sugar Protein shake
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 07:58 PM
7

Some honest, candid advice coming from the heart: I think you should see a therapist first, and down the road spend some time with a dating coach. Good luck to you u/pally3
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 08:42 PM
4

This was pretending?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 05:17 PM
9

Take things one day at a time. For me, I actually had to take things one period at a time (morning to lunch, lunch to dinner, dinner to sleep. The latter always being the toughest) for the first few months. It’s tough. In fact, it’s probably the toughest thing you or I will ever go through. But time is a healer, although it will always leave scars. What helped me was just setting a goal for each period. E.g.: This morning, I’m going to ride my mountain bike for 2-3 hours. Then eat a healthy lunc…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 10:47 AM
11

The woman you loved and married started dying when she joined that yoga class / vegan movement. The issue isn’t yoga or veganism itself, but rather that many of the women (and men) who attend the classes seem to also have belief systems that fall in the toxic feminism category. I’m sorry for your loss.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 10:48 AM
2

It’s probably the fact that you were dealing with the divorce well that pissed her off, and she did this partly to get a rise out of you (she probably expected you to look at her phone already).
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 04:01 AM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 03:54 AM
7

We’ll all be gone in 60-80 years. Just make the most of the time we have left on this earth, since it goes by fast. Translation: book a trip to Southeast Asia or South America, hire someone to help you make an incredible dating profile, travel abroad for a few months, date end enjoy the company of different woman (if they’re using you for your money, who gives AF. Nothing can be worse than what the ex did). This won’t take the place of your ex and memories obviously, but it’ll create a new chapt…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 03:43 AM
2

Wise true words
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 03:01 PM
6

It’s harder, and you’re also 13 years older.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 11:30 PM
1

I hear ya brother. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m looking at a Salsa full suspension as we speak. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 03:36 AM
3

Thanks brother. Such great advice right here.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:33 AM
3

Sorry to hear this. I’m late 40s, but also don’t have kids. I honestly don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, since loneliness is real, and something I never really experienced until the separation / divorce. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Good luck to you. Good luck to us both.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:12 AM
2

Great advice. Time to make new better memories. 🫡 Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:09 AM
2

Life’s too short to be stuck in the past. So true. Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:07 AM
2

I dream of getting to that place one day. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 03:02 AM
2

Thanks brother. Needed to read these words over and over. Sometimes certain things just trigger me, and I encountered a few triggers today that made me realize I’m not happy with the way things have played out. But time to make some changes. The alternative can’t be an option.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 01:08 PM
1

For a second, I thought I was the one writing this. Don’t have good advice at the moment since I’m going through it as well, but good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 12:46 PM
1

Similar situation to you. Been alone for 3 years since the divorce. The few dates I’ve been on haven’t panned out, because my ex WAS my best friend, and I enjoyed every moment with her. But she found a new best friend (AP) during the pandemic when I was going through a rough patch, and left me in the dust. I’m a unique personality type, so finding someone that fits me well has been tough. I’ve managed to find joy alone, but it’s not the same. I think you know what I mean. My saying now is that “…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:35 PM
8

It’s echoed in one of the comments here, but you gotta accept that the woman you loved died already. The woman you see now is someone else. It’s ok to mourn, but mourn the loss of your ex with the realization she’s not coming back. She’s gone. The woman you see now when you pick up your son is a different person. Good luck brother. The advice I’m giving you is advice I’m giving myself, since I’ve been dealing with some serious depression 3 years after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 03:33 PM
6

By betrayal and moment of weakness, I’m assuming she slept with someone else? I recommend moving on asap brother. I was in your shoes (without kids) a few years back. Holding at hope for things to change was the biggest time waster. As they say in the military, “get dirty early.” I would get a lawyer, file, and prep to move on. Betrayal sucks, but betrayal 2x is 3x worse. Trust me brother. DM if ever want to reach out. You’re in hell right now, and it’ll take everything you got to get out of it.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 06:01 AM
2

Everything that matters in life is easier said than done
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 10:41 PM
31

Get to the point where you don’t give a shit if they’re regretful or not. Only then will you have “made it.” Do whatever it takes to get to that point as soon as possible. Our time on this earth is limited. Don’t waste it thinking about hell. Spend it getting to heaven.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 10:27 AM
5

Needed to read this today. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 09:55 PM
1

Can you give examples of major food types you stay away from besides dairy?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:38 PM
1

Thanks brother. Appreciate this excellent advice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:47 PM
1

Thanks. I really appreciate the point about having an abundance mindset. I realize I lost my way in that area.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 10:32 AM
7

This is some great insight and also beautifully written. Thanks brother. Saving this to refer back to whenever I feel like I’m going astray from my mission and goals.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 05:34 AM
3

I don’t really have great advice for you brother aside from what’s already been said or recommended on these forums. I’ve been divorced for 2 years after a 12 yr marriage, and like you, I recently had an episode where I thought “I wish I could call [] right now and tell her this story that only someone like her would appreciate.” I was doing well for several months, but since that episode a few days ago, I stopped going to the gym, eating healthy, sleeping right, thinking pessimistic thoughts. (…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 10:35 AM
0

Coach Greg?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 08:20 PM
7

In scenarios like this, the woman that leaves you for another guy tends to win in the short-term, but also tend to lose in the long-term IF you do what it takes to climb out of the hole you’re in and hustle, grind, go monk mode. A few years of sacrifice is worth it for a few decades of happiness, victory, and fulfillment. Be a great dad, hit the gym consistently, self improve, crush your job. Your mood will improve and you’ll start to attract the type of people you want to attract. But it’s gonn…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:59 PM
3

It’ll be tough, but it really just depends on how you want to prioritize your time going forward. But dating is def harder later in life if you’re want a quality woman without red flags who wants a LTR. If this is important to you, you just have to put in the work. This is why a lot of people choose one of those options listed above. I’d also say that people date more, but in general everyone wants that too 20% of partners, and that top 20% wants that top 2% of partners. You can see why online d…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:51 PM
2

You nailed it. I think the midlife crisis for both men and women is the same. They want more men to be attracted to them. For men, they want more status. For women, they want more attention. Men can get more status without a divorce (get good at golf, buy a Ferrari, promotion at work). Women get more status by “upgrading” their man and getting hi-fives from her girls (who secretly want to be a part of the drama that goes along with a divorce. “You go queen.” Many of them are actually secretly je…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:37 PM
5

Hard truth you need to accept: Odds are she has a romantic interest in mind or already on deck. The woman you loved and married no longer exists. That person died some time in the past. And to add to that, women discuss trends, and with today’s online dating app-driven world, any woman who looks decent can find a new guy to bed within 10 min. Heck, maybe 5 min. There are tv shows, vlogs, and forums dedicated to women who want a new chapter with a new young buck or wealthy distinguished older man…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:26 PM
2

It takes me weeks to get through a single movie on Netflix: Distractions, reminds me of binge watching with the ex, mind starts to wander, feel like I should be doing something more productive.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:54 AM
2

Great idea. I watched dune 2 and mad max furiosa in a theater alone this year, and had a blast. Need to look into this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:48 AM
2

This is great. Been dabbling with a few new hobbies post-divorce, and while fun, I feel like I’m the “old guy” in these hobbies / clubs, which doesn’t exactly help my mood when I’m not specifically engaged in the activity (mountain biking, road biking, kite surfing). Bought a set of golf clubs post divorce, and haven’t touched them. Will start watching some refresher YouTube videos and try the driving range this weekend. I never loved golf on the few occasions I’d play in my 20s (was never good …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:43 AM
5

Family, gym, career, hobbies, dating in that order. For dating, I recommend trying online for a couple months. If you see success, great. If you don’t, delete the app. The only men I’ve known in their 40s who have had great success in their 40s have been two of my really good looking guy friends who also happen to be wealthy and own their own companies. And one of them is a widow, not divorced. Online dating today is very different from just 10-15 years ago. It was a gold mine for men that had t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:18 AM
8

Solid advice brother
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:35 PM
25

I’m sure there are, but in general, I think it’s easier for women for two reasons: Women tend to have in-person support structures. When a woman finds herself solo, everyone from family to friends to single ex-boyfriends come to her aid. For men, your boys will offer to take you out for a round of shots upon hearing the divorce news. They’ll empathize, but they’ll also expect you to get over it quickly since that’s what “men” do. And your married friends with kids will be so busy that they’ll ju…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:00 PM
6

It does get better. It just takes time. For some it takes longer, others shorter depending on your personality and the nature of the divorce. It took me 3 years, but finally getting my groove back. I don’t dwell on the past or the time it took me to get better. I only have probably 20 good years left on this planet (where I can still enjoy my favorite hobbies), so I focus on that and not the cheating ex-wife now. The wife I loved died half a decade ago and isn’t ever coming back. Look for joy el…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:32 PM
1

Happy for you brother? How’s you meet your dream woman?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:11 AM
8

Sadly, my experience has been women that either have poor hygiene, or women that have great hygiene but then are so OCD that if you don’t sanitize the toilet bowl with Clorox after ever time you take a crap, they’ll lose it on you. There’s been like no middle ground among the last dozen women I’ve dated (esp in the US).
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:25 PM
1

Thanks brother. How are you meeting quality girls if you don’t mind my asking?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 07:02 PM
1

Do you bother with OLD or IRL? Just getting back into the dating scene in the US
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:42 PM
1

Great saying. Helps out things into perspective esp on Mother’s Day. Stay strong fellas.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 10:18 PM
7

With online dating apps, any woman can find a date in 2 hours and a new boyfriend on 2 days. Finding a faithful, loyal woman in the long-term is more difficult now that it was in the past because temptation is just an app download away. It’s just the new reality we live in now brother. No point in wishing for the past. The people in our lives have change. The world has changed. And it isn’t going back. Just make the most of the short remaining time we’ve got on this planet. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 12:21 AM
10

It takes time. The more it was her, and not you, the longer the healing process takes. My recommendation is to try to be productive during this time. It might take you 1, 3, 5 years to heal. But you don’t want to look back after 5 years and say to yourself “I was just sad and trying to replace her with someone new that entire time”. Life is soooooo short. Many of us are more than halfway done with this thing called life. High school might feel like it happened just a year ago. Our wedding cake f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 06:31 AM
5

Stay strong brother. My ex moved jobs and her new office mate was a newly divorced narcissist of a woman who came from old money. I believe that was the start of our troubles. To this day, I don’t know if my ex regrets her decision, but I blocked her on absolutely every channel (phone, email, social media), because I don’t care. Painfully, I cut off ties with all our mutual friends who accepted / believed what she did was ok, but it had to be done. Some of these friends / couples I knew since hi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:51 AM
6

A wolf doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep. Your ex, her divorced friends, their friends are all blathering sheep at this point. I imagine many of them live for shows like the golden bachelor and the matchmaker, too. Be the wolf that you are. When people ask you about your ex or what went down, say it’s not right for you to talk about someone else you were intimate with when that other person isn’t there to corroborate or dispute your experience. That statement will speaks volumes…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 01:50 AM
2

Similar boat to me. I recommend taking a break for several years from ALL the hobbies you used to enjoy with the ex, and discover new ones. Try things that you didn’t do with your ex. I threw most all my camping, scuba diving, kitesurfing gear into a trunk, and my brother is storing it for me until 2028 in his attic. Since then, I’ve picked up golf, cooking, mountain biking, remote control cars, and the guitar. I won’t give up the things I did with my ex forever. But I plan to give them up for a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 05:51 AM
5

If you’re a dog lover, start out by getting a dog. It’ll help meet your need for 24-7 companionship and make the whole dating “game” a lot more tolerable. I’d argue it makes you even more successful on the dating scene since you won’t be putting out “needy” vibes. If a date doesn’t work out, I always look forward to coming back home to my most loyal friend.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 07:35 AM
1

Your ex father as in your ex-wife’s father? I’d quit asap. I’d rather run up credit card debt than have to work for a relative of my ex at this point. Quitting will force you to find a new job fast. Necessity is truly the mother of invention from my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 01:04 PM
2

Still hard, but I was never worried about running into my ex at a shopping mall or bar. We didnt have kids, so no need / req to see her
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 06:35 AM
9

3 years in. What helped me was moving to a new city, moving into a different career, and finding new hobbies. I also casually date with no intention of marriage / serious ltr again. I mean, if it happens, it happens, but it’s not something I pursue or expect anymore. The more you miss your old life, the more depressed you’ll be. But you can’t get your old life back. It’s simply impossible. So try to create a completely different one. That’s what’s helped me. On the few occasions I find myself “g…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:28 AM
6

That’s great. I started running again during the divorce and it was a life saver. I was in your exact shoes. I didn’t want it to end. Was just friggin confused. Ex got new high paying job, new friends. Things weren’t perfect, but id argue we had a better relationship than all of our mutual friend couples. So I didn’t give up on us and basically turned into a lap dog. In the end, my buddies suspicions were correct, and I had to learn it the hard way. I’ll just leave it at that. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:37 PM
5

Bro, you sound like me when i was getting divorced. Please read my earlier comment along with the other ones here. It won’t be easy, but you need to accept it’s over and start thinking for yourself. You owe her absolutely nothing from this point forward.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:35 PM
19

She might be your best friend, but she no longer wants you to be her best friend. Based on what you’ve shared and assuming you didn’t abuse her or abuse yourself, it’s highly likely that there’s someone else in the picture. She might not be dating the guy. She might not even be in any sort of intimate relationship with the guy. But she had an emotional connection with someone (at work, a friend of a friend, someone online), and she’ll wait until enough time has past (in most cases) to make thing…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:27 PM
15

24-7 mobile dating apps changed everything in my opinion. Made women who were 3s think they were 10s and men who were 8s feel like they were 2s. The two big beneficiaries? 1. Absolute chads who just want to bang and don’t care about LTR or repercussions. 2. The tech companies. Everyone else is generally worse-off. Change my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:19 AM
4

Not the OP, but I needed to read this tonight. Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:36 PM
7

You’re not alone brother
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 06:45 AM
5

This is so common sadly. Similar to my case, except no kids. But her new friends were setting it up because they didn’t like me (even though they didn’t know me. They just wanted to set their colleague up). F em all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:55 AM
2

Deleted. You got a copy and paste of what stalker said?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 08:55 AM
1

That point was more about the different biological timeframe for having kids as a male. Having said that, I just left the Philippines where lots of guys who def aren’t millionaires and well into their 60s were having kids with their new wives who were 20+ yrs younger. Don’t limit yourself young man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 07:44 AM
3

Try to start every day with a specific routine that gets you in the right mindset. Whether that’s a 10 min routine or a 3 hour routine, try to figure out what makes you feel good / normal / happy, and stick to it no matter what. Tell yourself when you wake up that you can be sad when your morning routine is done, but finish that morning routine first. For me, it’s walk 5,000 steps with mindless sport podcast, then lift for 30 min (full body) with yoga / stretching every 3rd day), then make a qui…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 07:03 AM
1

That point was more about the different biological timeframe for having kids as a male. Having said that, I just left the Philippines where lots of guys who def aren’t millionaires and well into their 60s were having kids with their new wives who were 20+ yrs younger. Don’t limit yourself young man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:29 AM
6

Bro you’re so friggin young. And as a guy, . . . De Niro and Al friggin Pacino just had kids. I’m 47 and I still plan on having kids. I’m good with adoption, too. Don’t let “society” tell you what you can or can’t do / should or shouldn’t do.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:41 AM
11

Mind if I ask how old you are? I think dealing with post-divorce loneliness is very different for those who get divorced in late 20s vs late 40s vs late 60s just based on where we are in life as well as where are family (esp parents) and friends are. I’m assuming you don’t have kids? I’m divorced in mid-40s, near 50 now, and for me, hobbies with others (even if it’s a video game with people I don’t know, but real people), helping parents with quality of life issues, and getting a dog have been h…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 07:53 AM
11

Bro. While that time is lost, be thankful it’s over and you didn’t sign a govt contract with her. No offense, but in time, I’d try to view it like you had a 7 yr arrangement with a seekingarrangements sugar baby. That’s how I’ve approached my past anyway
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 02:17 AM
1

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 09:40 AM
7

I can’t break down why she lost attraction to you. Everyone is wired differently. If i had to guess, it was a combination of boredom, friends sharing their sex lives / envy / jealousy, and “empowerment.” This year will be tough for you. There’s no denying that. But you need to immediately set some personal goals so that even as you mourn and feel like crap, by the end of the year, you have something to show for it for the sake of your own self-esteem / insanity. Make 1 or 2 major goals asap. Fit…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 08:41 AM
2

Scams, and not necessarily from women.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 11:29 AM
8

I was admittedly a player in my 20s. Never had my heart hurt, never got burnt until my divorce. Regardless, now that I’m in my 40s, I just like to be honest with people. Maybe I just don’t have the same level of sex drive where I need to sleep with every girl I meet. Maybe I’m a genuinely better / changed person. But I just don’t feel good about myself hurting people at this point in my life, and I like to think we all have a moral compass by the time we hit mid-life where we know what’s morally…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 05:34 AM
1

Hang in the buddy. You’re going through the fire right now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:21 AM
8

Hang in there brother. I’m around your age. Also making a career pivot where lll be working for people probably half my age. Made too many career sacrifices for the lying cheating ex to pursue hers. Just try to carve out a little bit of joy each day since each day will be a grind if you want to make it out of your current situation (for me, it’s a tasty snack, maybe a video game, or a fiction book at the end of the day. I avoid Netflix and most sports now). A buddy of mine who got divorced a dec…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 01:18 AM
1

So true. Sounds awesome. Enjoy the ride!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:41 PM
2

One single day at a time. If you think about ALL the things you need to do to be “happy” or “whole” again, it will seem insurmountable. Set big goals, than med-term goals, than short-term, than tactics. Then that to-do list. Each day you complete the to-do list, it’s a mini victory that’ll add up over time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:21 PM
2

Nice. I was initially put off by the price tag with all the options, but when I stepped back and considered all the money and time I wasted on my ex for things that didn’t bring me any joy (and apparently not lasting joy for her) . . . YOLO. What color and model? Enjoy the new ride!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:46 AM
15

Gym in the morning, steak for lunch, Popeyes chicken and video games for dinner. No time wasted looking for the perfect gift and card that wont / didn’t make a difference in the long run. Also reading reviews on Apple vision pro and the new Tacoma. My birthday is coming up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:11 AM
7

She’s living in crazy land
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:10 PM
1

Thank you! Been looking for some fiction to read, so the alchemist sounds perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:55 AM
3

Great words brother. If there are any specific books, speakers, podcasts, videos you’d recommend, I’m all ears.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 03:55 PM
1

Haha so true
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:07 AM
1

I hope I can get to this point as well. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:44 AM
3

They might or they might not. But the problem is they might, even after taking vows they won’t. I don’t plan on getting married again (at least not under government law in the US). But men at the very least need to know that marriage is something most women want but also don’t know how to honor the meaning of. “For better or worse” my ass.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:43 AM
1

Same exact situation for me. She left someone for me (although she made it seem more casual than it really was, which I didn’t find out until talking to mutual friends post-divorce). The old you is dead. The old her is dead. You have to accept and mourn that fact before you can move on. But the old you is dead. Don’t even worry / think about you and her being friends again. It doesn’t matter unless you have kids, and then it’s just about being cordial. Don’t expect anything from her ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:40 AM
6

Sorry to hear this brother. It might not make you feel any better, but you’re not alone in having this same experience. I try every day not to make her live rent free in my head anymore. It’s a battle, but new hobbies, extended family, and exercise help in that battle. This subreddit as well. So glad I found it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:37 AM
7

I’m not a great looking guy. Dates for me haven’t been the easiest compared to my peers, although I still manage to go on dates here and there. Like one of the commenters said, I enjoyed being married more than I enjoyed being single. The problem for me now is trust. I just can’t trust the idea of marriage again, def not in the US. I’m semi open to the idea of marrying someone in a foreign country and never returning to the US again, but i wouldn’t do that until I was sure I never had to live in…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:43 PM
5

If there was a Divorce women sub (maybe there is?), I feel like I’d have no business being on it unless it was to stir controversy or let out my resentment by proxy (ie trolling). If divorced women want to feel a certain way or say certain things on their own sub, feel free. None of my business, and I could care less. I’m not trying to fix the world, just myself. And let’s be real. In general, this sub is for men who got burned and didn’t want their family to breakup, many who didn’t see it comi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:00 PM
3

Being sad, angry, disappointed is human. We’re not emotionally wired the same. For some, it’s the time wasted, memories that aren’t done anymore, finances destroyed, and loss of trust going forward that hurt more than “missing the ex” But your point about not calling your ex “the love of your life” or “the one” anymore is absolutely spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 11:07 AM
8

Never get married in the US. If you do get married, choose your countries wisely. Ask local men who’ve been divorced what the experience is like. While I have to plans to remarry, if I do, it won’t be in the US or Europe. I might as well burn half of my assets or give them to a future enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 08:58 AM
2

I have an older relative who was perfectly healthy. Fit, vegetarian except for salmon, enjoyable work, good relationships. Then her husband cheated on her and her life fell apart. She couldn’t move on. But she continued to exercise, eat healthy, but she was a giant stress ball. She eventually got cancer and a plethora of health problems despite no family history in such a short period of time. She said it was just the luck of the draw, but for her family and friends, we all believe that she was …
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:34 AM
4

Yeah, if you’re busy, you’re busy. I think hobbies (and feeling like a kid) are important for your physical and mental health. I didn’t recommend it earlier, but I also started playing video games again. Sure, it’s not “productive”, but I find it so relaxing that I know it’s good for me physically, mentally, etc. I’m 46 now. I’m out of the rat race to be a CEO, Fortune 500 exec, start-up founder, politician. So while money is important, I don’t want to be one of those guys that is so stressed ou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:11 AM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:57 AM
7

Find some hobbies you can lose yourself in (that you didn’t do / enjoy with your ex). Preferably ones you can do with your child. (I really got into cooking, gardening, weightlifting / jogging, and rc car racing - latter based on a Reddit recommendation). Gave up scuba diving, surfing, hiking which I used to always do with my ex). Maybe I’ll get back into those old hobbies one day. Maybe I won’t. Packed up all my scuba, hiking, boards, and stored it at my brothers place. Spending my money on nic…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:54 AM
1

Sure brother. Sorry for the delay. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jocko-podcast/id1070322219?i=1000630928576
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:22 AM
4

The top 20% of men on the apps prob get 80% of the dates. You don’t really know how well you’ll do though until you’re actually on them. Don’t overanalyze. If it works out quickly, you’re good. If it doesn’t, tweak your profile and in time you’ll see what your avg success rate is. Then determine if it’s worth the effort based on where you stand in the “online dating market.” I’m Asian, short, balding, mid-40s. Not gonna lie, it’s just crap for me. I keep a profile up, but I don’t invest too much…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:06 PM
1

You can still get punnany, but you have to pay / arrange for it. And if you say you don’t ever / have never paid for it, something I learned post-divorce is that “no punnany is free.” Just go somewhere where it’s legal and regulated like Germany or the Netherlands.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:24 AM
1

That’s wonderful re sobriety brother
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:29 AM
3

I will find it for you this week if not today. My dumbass didn’t save it. I saw the title and channel while jogging thinking I’d remember it and of course instantly forgot 30 min later. I’ll find it though because I want to keep it for myself as well. Dm anytime. Long term the goal is indifference, and maybe even cherishing specific memories while not caring about the person. (In the same way I have some fond college memories with people I no longer interact with). That’s the long term goal. Sho…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:29 AM
2

Thanks brother. Yeah, my ex and I shared so many hobbies which was the problem I ran into (skiing, diving, cycling, kayaking, camping, binge watching a series every couple months for an entire weekend). From this forum, I actually learned that there are so many hobbies I never even considered (who cares about age). Rc car racing, drone photography, free diving, birding, fly fishing the surf. And while this might sound crazy, I even worked as a prep cook at a casino buffet for about 3 months. Hel…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:25 AM
3

Absolutely. I moved cities, and then actually moved countries for the sake of my mental health, but now I’m fine living anywhere. You’ll also learn who your “true friends” are during this time. If I can find a YouTube video I listened to recently, I’ll dm it to you. It really helped me get past a trigger event I was happening (ex- getting remarried and showing up on the damn social media algorithm (for my business, not personal) despite us not being social media friends and blocking her, etc.). …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:15 AM
10

She probably had someone else in mind whether real or imagined. It hurts buddy. It will hurt. But you’ll get over it. Gym, therapy, healthy diet, spend time with friends (esp single and divorced friends who can relate). When you’re emotionally healthy enough, look at an old photo of the both of you. And then tell yourself that both people in that photo are dead. Her AND you. The good thing is that you’re alive just in another form. You’ll never be able to replace the old memories, so start makin…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:48 AM
6

“I think it’s best we no longer communicate going forward in line with your earlier wishes. Thank you.” This will drive her absolutely mad, and will also keep you in the clear. Good luck buddy
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:04 AM
7

You’re still really young brotha even though it might not seem like it. Treat dating as a fun aspect of your life (like another hobby), but don’t view it as another path to marriage or not being lonely. Start exercising A LOT. Find purpose in your life, whether it’s moving up in your career, religion, community service, a sport, a hobby. But you got to find something to do that you prioritize over meeting someone asap. You’ve got plenty of time to be happier than you’ve ever been, but don’t wast…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:25 AM
7

Your problem is you’re looking for 8s. Just starting having fun with 4s, because marriage is no longer a question, right? Right?!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 05:19 AM
1

What martial art would you recommend for least likelihood of getting injured? That’s been my biggest concert. Hurt by back, and finally recovered after two years. Don’t want to risk injury again since not being mobile really hurt my mental health post-divorce. I’m working out again which is good. So interested in bjj, but getting injured again would be the end of me mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:09 AM
5

Sorry to hear this brotha. If you can, find a new hobby that doesn’t remind you of her. It could be something silly, it could be something incredible. I explore the following new hobbies over the past two years: Piano Guitar Windsurfing Remote control car racing Fishing Canoeing Reading Walking Driving a manual car again Bike camping Watching sports Video games Martial arts Stay strong brother. I live in Asia, and Christmas Eve was much tougher for me than Christmas Day. I bought some overpriced…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:06 AM
2

Do you live in a big career-oriented city like NYC? DC?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:56 PM
1

🫡
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:26 AM
2

Is it easy to get injured if you have no experience? I just finally healed from some injuries, and I fear getting injured all over again in my late 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:25 AM
2

Thanks for sharing. Stay strong and happy holidays brother. First Christmas for me really alone. Gonna watch some football, play some video games I just bought, eat a couple steaks, and then start a new workout regimen the following day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:00 AM
9

This is wonderful to hear. As trite as it sounds, people who find renewed true purpose post-divorce seem to do the best compared to those who check all the boxes (gym, fitness, therapy, books, bjj, new city). When you have purpose, you don’t have to worry about the micro because the macro is so noteworthy. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 09:09 AM
2

Thanks, and glad to hear that. Good luck to you
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 01:06 AM
1

Oh interesting. Thanks for the description. I’ll look into it
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 01:05 AM
8

That last line. Wow. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:39 PM
2

Thanks. This is a lot to digest, but it’s what I needed to hear. I think you’re spot on. I’m 46, and it’s hard to develop / maintain friendships with other men at this age because many of my friends in the US are busy with their family lives, kids, careers. My ex and I didn’t have kids. I’ll look into this group you mentioned. Really appreciate you taking the time to write this all out in great detail.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:11 PM
3

Thanks for this insight brother
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:09 PM
2

Did your first girlfriend post-divorce help you move on from your ex? Like think about her less? Realize her flaws more?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:48 PM
3

Sorry to hear this brother
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 07:19 AM
5

Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:39 AM
1

Haven’t even heard of it. Recommend?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:38 AM
15

Someone once told me in my youth that “if the right guy says the right thing at the right time, just about anyone’s girl will want to leave them.” I never believed that statement until my divorce. Now I feel it’s one of life’s few universal truths.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:12 AM
2

Learning how to accept things you can’t control. This.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:10 AM
3

Considering moving into a boat myself next year. Only challenge is I’m also interested in getting a dog. Looking at boat for a year or two, and then more “normal” accommodations and finally getting my own dog. Yolo.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:38 AM
5

Damn, I’m guessing she didn’t think getting pregnant at 45 would be easy, but f around and find out. Karma. Good luck to you brother. I hope to get the point where I don’t give a shit about my ex. Now I just hate her
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:36 AM
2

I had one just today. It was my birthday this week, and she didn’t send a greeting. I didn’t really expect one, but then there was a small part of me wondering how I’d respond if she did reach out. But then she didn’t. And then my mind went into overdrive about how she’s crushing it in her new job, how her surgeon AP is probably taking her to some fancy ski resort, how she hasn’t thought twice about me and has zero regrets about leaving, and here I am, in a cramped condo with the flu trying to g…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:12 PM
13

Don’t even factor your new ex-wife into this. Think about you. First or second is irrelevant (although her finding someone first might lead to jealousy / resentment) Long-term, your kids will want you to be happy. Find your happiness, whatever that entails.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 11:43 AM
1

This. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. When you hear people on here (myself included) hating on their exes, it’s because they haven’t fully let them (or the past) go yet. The goal is to get to a point of indifference. It’s not easy to achieve, but it’s worth achieving. I hope to get to high state of indifference in the near future.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:57 AM
8

Doing everything I couldn’t do when I was married. Junk food, high cholesterol food, lobster and steak, video games, not having to dress up or buy gifts for aunts / uncles / cousins I don’t care about. Top it off with a van damme or Steven seagal movie from the 90s while smoking a hookah indoors.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:13 PM
10

You have oneitis. For nearly two years, I did, too. Your wife wasn’t one in a billion. It’s the memories you formed that were one in a billion. And not being able to separate the two is what makes it seem like you’ll never find happiness again. You have to accept that she’s gone, but also realize that you can still cherish those memories (or discard them. It’s your choice). You can cherish them, you can erase them, but what you must realize is the woman you married and loved is NOT the same woma…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:07 PM
1

Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 02:01 PM
2

That’s awesome man. I’m assuming you’re from the US? Mind if I ask what country your new gf is from? My ex and I loved the outdoors, so the outdoors has been one of the worst triggers for me (anything involving camping, kayaking, etc.) The great outdoors were always my escape prior to my ex, and I kinda feel like I lost that escape. I’ve replaced it with rock climbing gyms though, but not the same. Maybe one day. Ashamed to admit it, but I nearly lost it on a college reunion outdoor guys trip la…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 05:33 AM
5

Nice. On which subreddit?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:56 AM
20

Online is effective if you have a good profile and aren’t looking for a single late 20s / early 30s not divorced, no kids, no drama woman. Many divorced men want to do “better” than their ex, and end up pursuing women they would have a tough time dating even when they were 10-20 yrs younger. These types of women get hit up by men hourly, so it’s no wonder it can be demoralizing for a guy getting poor response rates. If you’re fine with single moms, multiple divorcees, women older than you, some …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:52 AM
3

Yeah, maybe it’s a good thing. But while I’m jealous / resentful of my ex for the betrayal, being taken advantage of, being taken granted of, and wasting my time a decade of my life where I did more for her than she did for me . . . I find that I’ve NEVER been jealous of the new guy she’s with. He just inherited a bunch of problems and sloppy seconds / thirds / who knows. All of the sudden, I’m feeling better about my day. Haha
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 06:48 AM
18

I blocked on ig, fb, email, phone, WhatsApp, viber. I even unfriended (didn’t block) all mutual friends to avoid accidental “suggested posts” on the algorithm. Only time I’m reminded of her now is when I’m at the store and I see a wife yelling at her husband that he picked the less-than-optimal item from the shelf.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:03 AM
1

Haha got it
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:16 AM
2

Great advice. Curious why you recommend local gym or YMCA over monthly membership?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 11:41 PM
7

My ex left me for a wealthy surgeon when my business shut down, I lost a brother, and mental health was awful from pandemic lockdown. I’m not even halfway to where I need to be, but it’s crazy to thing how low I was when she left, and where I am today. I almost didn’t survive. This sub helped a ton and continues to help. Haven’t spoken to her in ages, but I do feel that at the rate I’m going, she’ll be “below my pay grade” in the next 2-3 yrs. This is what keeps me in the gym, working on my new …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 05:10 PM
1

Get a dog. It’s satisfied my need for companionship without all the drama, unfaithfulness, and expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 05:00 PM
4

Developed closer relationship with parents, siblings, cousins. Was able to resalvage business that closed due to Covid and then sell it for a nice chunk of change a short while back. Able to spend time I used to spend going to Kohl’s or her parents working out, improving the guitar, and reading sci fi. If i weren’t traveling so much, I’d get a dog by now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:26 PM
2

You may feel like there is no hope OP, but there is. 50 might not seem young, but it is if you can take care of your health. While I wouldn’t wish to have an ex like yours, I do wish I had kids at your age. I’m 46 and childless. You’ll be 50 with adult children who you love, and at 50, you can move to thailand, Mexico, Eastern Europe and never deal with the US or family court again. It might not seem like it, but 50 is still young for a guy in terms of what you can still do / enjoy in life. I’d …
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:24 PM
12

4. #4. #4.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:09 AM
1

You’re not doing too bad actually. It’s online dating itself that’s generally awful for men. Women can be selective because men aren’t. Pareto principle is heavily in play. If you don’t think you can put together a profile that puts you in the top 20% of men in your area online, it’s almost not worth it nowadays unless you’re willing to really lower your standards (or date older. Most men tend to want to date younger or close to their age range. Even older women get hit up by younger 25 yo men n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:22 PM
1

Do you have an easy time meeting people in this age group? Are you getting dates mostly from apps?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:14 AM
1

30? Maybe late 30s
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 10:16 PM
0

It could still be played on you even if they already have kids though
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 08:50 PM
2

So I just spent 10 min on there. My goodness! I went from feeling lonely to being happy I’m free during that short time. Reminded me of all the gaslighting, simping, hypergamy, and covert narcissism I was dealing with. Probably time to buy that sex doll I keep seeing google ads for.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:58 PM
2

Mind if I ask how old you are? I’m 46m, no kids. I’d prefer to date someone in my age range for conversation / similar background sake, but finding someone in my age range without kids or drama is tough AF.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:49 PM
3

The best thing I can recommend to everyone is to start working out. Whether it’s 10,000 steps, hitting the gym hard, riding a bike, building a shed. You don’t need to do it to impress women or improve your profile pics. You need to do it because it’s a natural cure / mitigator for depression, and when you’re huffing and puffing, you don’t have time to reflect on the past. You’re focused on the present. Good luck out there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:37 PM
2

Book a flight to Tijuana for this week. Clear your head there. Return home and tell her hell no. Don’t let her have power over you anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:14 AM
3

Great point
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 04:57 AM
7

Three words you should learn and understand very quickly: hypergamy, gaslighting, and monkey branching. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 03:00 AM
3

Been two years for me brother. Doing better, but still feel pain when I encounter triggers in my day to day life. Could be as simple as eating a meal we used to enjoy, seeing a commercial for a travel destination we had visited, or Halloween, which was my ex favorite holiday. What helps me the most is realizing the woman that you loved, that you shared those important moments with, is DEAD. She no longer exists. She changed either consciously or unconsciously, and she isn’t coming back. If she’s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 03:38 PM
5

46m. Been seriously considering this. Actually froze my sperm when my ex (didn’t want kids) left me two years ago. I recently sold my business, and quite frankly, don’t like the idea of my wealth just going to the state and distant relatives I don’t agree with politically, religiously, etc. Always wanted kids (ex future faked adoption one day), and I also loved assistant coaching little league and pop Warner back in the day. (Unfortunately, I don’t think my dog will be a good steward of my wealt…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 04:14 AM
1

You’re a wise man. I have a divorced uncle in this situation. He bought his post-divorce SO a ring, a small condo he put in her name (after 10 years together), and had a religious ceremony, but never got married under the government (but they tell people they’re married). They’re still together 15 years later and neither wants kids. My uncle is loaded, but he said if she left him (she’s 10 yrs younger), it would hurt emotionally, but at least it would be over in an instant and he wouldn’t be fin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:58 PM
2

Loneliness makes people do crazy and illogical things. You think the guy who adopts a 100 cats does it just because he like cats?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:50 PM
11

“Destroyer of worlds” 💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:54 AM
1

Damn. Didn’t realize that
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:52 AM
3

Imagine taking half your life savings, half your retirement pension, half of your home, half of your total hours worked, and half of your most important life experiences and betting it all on either red or black at a casino table. That’s basically what marriage in the US is. I’m not opposed to marriage in the US, the same way I’m not opposed to someone betting everything on red or black. But that’s the risk you choose to take. I for one am never taking it in the US again. I don’t like to gamble …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:48 AM
4

Thanks man, appreciate this breakdown!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:02 PM
2

Is injury risk high? I’ve finally recovered from a bad back. BJJ has been highly recommended to me by several people, but i fear reinjury since it limited my ability to lift weights (which was my best form of antidepressant).
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:38 AM
4

That’s true brother
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:04 PM
6

Sorry to hear this bro. Read no more mr nice guy and four agreements. I’m rereading these books as we speak.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 02:45 PM
3

That’s partly due to the proliferation of dating apps. But I will say that divorce laws are better in some countries than in others. The US unfortunately has problems with both. There are def countries I’ve been to where dating is much better. Unfortunately, these are countries where I wouldn’t be able to earn a decent wage to maintain my current lifestyle. Having said that, these countries will prob become similar to the US over time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:48 PM
9

Yeah. Friendly / healthy reminder to never get married again. And if you do, don’t marry in the US where divorce laws hurt the breadwinner and incentivizes selfish people to give up on marriage. Easier said than done of course. Got some relatives who married women from overseas, moved back to the US, and BOOM - divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:08 PM
4

Or letting her hang around new “guy friends” from work. Whenever they drop the misogyny line on you, ask yourself, would you be comfortable hanging around new “girl friends from work”? Or would you feel comfortable having a new female trainer. Because I wouldn’t ever want to put my ex through that. But she had no problems with it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:07 PM
6

I was in denial about this in my situation, until it became clear that’s exactly what it was. Now that I’m two years removed, the forest view makes it so obvious. More likely than not, this is the case for her. And more likely than not, the next guy will pump and dump her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:03 PM
16

“What the fuck just happened” feeling. I’m over two years since we divorced, and while things have gotten better for me financially and physically, when old friends ask me what happened, I still have a tough time explaining. Some nights I’ll dream about her like we were still together, and then I wake up at 4am alone and ask myself “am I dreaming now? Or was that the dream? What the f just happened” Not sure if that feeling will ever go away, esp if you didn’t get proper closure (like me). She t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:00 PM
1

Yeah. Even just a weekend part-time job. You can quit if it’s sucks, it takes little effort in terms of applying, and it just gives you new experiences so that you don’t dwell on the past.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:06 AM
5

Lost my house in a divorce. Last thing you want to do after losing your house is look for a new house (esp in this market). Don’t even think about long-term housing at this point. It’s too overwhelming. What do you have now that you didn’t have before? Freedom. You can sit in your underwear all day tomorrow and play a video game. You can go to a local casino and bet on sports. You can go to Southeast Asia or LATAM and live it up for a fraction of what it would cost in the US, and have much bette…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:03 AM
5

Same here. I had a friend going through a rough divorce who I didn’t down enough time with because I was in the the honeymoon stage of my own relationship. After I got divorced, he was one of the first friends I reached out to who I felt understood me (my married friends empathized, but just didn’t understand what I was going through).
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:05 AM
15

It happens. Depending on how old you are, they may come back to the fold once they’re at a dead end in their careers and or their kids move out of the house. Admittedly, when I was married, I didn’t prioritize spending time with my single / divorced guy friends. It was usually talking about married life with other married guys or doing couples outings together for actual in-person get together. Your priorities as a single or divorced guy are sometimes just really different than those of a marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:03 AM
2

F. This is awesome. Except that song. I don’t have the emotional strength to deal with a song like that right now. Maybe in time. Thank you brother. Mind if I ask how you met your 27 yo gf? Do you use online dating?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:42 PM
2

Great advice right here. Thank you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:08 AM
1

Thanks brother. Makes total sense.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:06 AM
1

Like investing, I think there’s nothing wrong with taking risks when you’re young. But as you get older, you have to realize that you have less time to recover from losses. I lost my house in my divorce, that I purchased with my VA loan. I put countless hours and backbreaking work into that home while my ex just chose colors and patterns. And I lost the home right before prices and then interest rates skyrocketed. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:03 AM
1

Thanks, man
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:58 AM
1

Thanks, I appreciate this. Will check out these books.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:53 AM
6

What do I want for me? I’ll be spending this Sunday focused on truthfully answering that question. Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:57 AM
8

Thanks brother. Good point about not dwelling on the fact you’ll never get your time back.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:54 AM
7

As much as I miss having a stable relationship and woman in my life, the risk of another divorce isn’t worth it. Feeling for ya man. Don’t even know what to say. Divorce laws in the US are archaic and unfair.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:23 AM
3

Go to LATAM or Southeast Asia for a month or two and just have fun. Nothing serious, just fun. Pick up some books like No More Mr. Nice Guy. Get a massage every day. Hit the gym at a nice hotel or Airbnb there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 03:35 AM
1

This is why if I ever get married again, it’s probably going to be in my native country in Southeast Asia. And I won’t plan on / be able to move back to the US again because divorce law in the US vs other countries is night and day. A partner is financially incentivized to not work and then file for divorce in the US with the way the rules are written. I got lucky once. Ex wife was a high earner. Won’t trust luck if there’s ever a second time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 03:13 AM
8

Similar to me. Your wife’s friend got bored of Netflix, and wanted to see some real life drama by supporting the breaking up your marriage. It’s always interesting to me how all my buddies just wanted peace and calm and seeing my ex and I happy, while all of her friends seemed bored with their lives and were always looking to stir up drama, gossip, become conflict referees. Just toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 09:43 PM
26

This. Or anyone for that matter. And realize that even if your wife is / was your best friend, the opinions of her closest girlfriends / confidantes will always count for more when times get tough.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 02:47 PM
1

Damn. Respect.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 12:31 AM
7

Yeah no amount of money is worth 3 years of misery. And during this time, she could be planning the same thing (quitting her job, creating evidence to make false abuse charges). If you wait 3 years, that’s 3 years you won’t have to date, enjoy being single, grow as a solo individual, move on to your next chapter. 9 isn’t a red flag. That’s a red billboard. F that. Divorce soon.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 06:38 AM
1

My challenge is that I just had genuine fun with my significant other. I just enjoyed things (biking, skiing, traveling) more knowing I was doing it with another human being. While I still have my hobbies now, it’s not as fun doing them alone. And yeah, you can do things with friends, but when your mid-40s, it’s hard to find other guys who are going to want to to fly to Hawaii for the weekend. And obviously you don’t have the sexual intimacy aspect. On the flip side, I have very little trust in …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:53 AM
1

Thanks for this info. I like your balanced approach. Actually might be moving to Houston or San Antonio in spring of next year.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:24 AM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:24 AM
1

Thanks for sharing this info. Mind if I ask if you live in a big city or suburbs? Or what region of the country? I recently moved to a male-dominated area because most of the industry around here is mining and military (and extreme outdoor sports). I’ll probably only be here for six months to one year. Good chance to save up again and just get in better shape. But already planning where to move next when this job is over.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:45 AM
1

Thanks for the insight. Were you mostly meeting these women online?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:38 AM
1

Mind if I ask how you met you current gf? Glad to hear you’re living your best life
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:34 AM
2

That’s like a movie script. Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:24 PM
1

Thanks, look forward to listening to this Chris rock clip this weekend. I think there are a lot of lurkers / trolls in this forum nowadays. It’s like some people just want conflict and others not to find their peace / happiness because they can’t find their own.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:23 PM
2

Friends who’ve married women from overseas said the key is to stay overseas. You can prob guess the reasons why.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:14 PM
3

Thanks for this info!
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 01:07 PM
16

I think that’s the challenge for me and maybe a lot of us. Finding someone in their late 30s / early 40s who you can mesh with culturally but also doesn’t have kids / hasn’t gotten out of shape / isn’t full of drama is tough.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 12:51 PM
8

Great insights. Mind if I ask how you met IRL? Part of my issue is most / all of my activities are heavily male-dominated. By the same token, I’m not gonna take up certain new hobbies just to meet women. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 12:45 PM
9

There’s a lot of societal pressure on men and women to get married. But with divorce rates at 50% and divorce / alimony / cs laws being extremely unfair to the breadwinner (who in most cases is the male), you’ll probably see more people (esp men) care less about having a ring on their finger when they go to dinner parties and business events. You’re already seeing drastically declining marriage rates throughout the world. If it weren’t for lack of affordable housing in many places, I think the m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:47 AM
1

Damn. Did she cheat?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:53 PM
5

You’re not alone bro. This is the new reality many men face now. And fwiw, women care too much about their reputation that they’re willing to lie. Women might say it’s just an emotional connection, but that emotional connection might mean banging in someone’s backseat if we’re being honest. It’s gonna be a struggle but start working on yourself and forgetting about her. To borrow the words of jocko: MOVE ON. File immediately. Take this from a guy who wouldn’t give up on an ex who had an “emotion…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:41 AM
1

What is IC?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:41 AM
4

It ebbs and flows. I’m 2.5 yrs in. Was feeling great, than experienced some bad triggers this week. Due to an accident, I can’t hit the gym, which has been my escape. Rereading some books has helped me: no more mr nice guy. Extreme ownership. The four agreements. Hang in there and just know you’re not alone. 27,000 is severely undercounting the number of walkaway wifes out there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:14 PM
3

I don’t have kids. After nearly two years of living in the same town as my ex, decided to travel abroad (east Asia and LATAM) to focus on a career pivot (taking online classes, language classes), pursue some bucket list goals, and just clear my head. If you have the chance to leave the country and not just your city, I recommend it. While it can get even lonelier being abroad (certain travel experiences deeply trigger memories of my ex), the highs are really high and the lows are really low, whi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:44 AM
1

The “pain is the point” insight is really valuable. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:07 PM
5

Thanks brudda. Hard truths right here
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 04:55 AM
2

Yeah, I’m either moving to a new city or staying overseas longer
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:12 AM
5

I hope / will work to get to this point. Been two years, so gotta give this third year absolutely everything I have. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:10 AM
2

Thanks man I appreciate it. Yeah, but I made the mistake of marrying a Cambodian-American from the same area, so we have lots of mutual acquaintances. Long story short, I stay close with close relatives there, but don’t like to be seen in the area due to gossip, etc. i know I shouldn’t care, but sometimes I feel like it’s high school back there. Everyone keeping tabs. But there are obviously bigger problems and the country’s been through a lot, so gossip is one of life’s simple pleasures for som…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:35 AM
4

Thanks for sharing this. I’m glad you can relate. How are you doing now?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:49 AM
4

Yeah, I blocked her on email, text, phone apps. I hope to never talk to / see her again, so rebound in year 5 is not possible haha.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:48 AM
3

Thanks man. We didn’t have any kids, so some guys tell me I dodged a bullet in a way, even though I understand parenthood is a priceless and wonderful thing in and of itself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:43 AM
2

Thank you. You’re right
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:41 AM
2

Thank you. You’re right.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:39 AM
1

Yeah good point
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:38 AM
3

Yeah. Planning to do this either soon or after I get back from another trip overseas.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:37 AM
3

Yeah, this makes sense. Times have def changed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:34 AM
7

Your point about making myself marketable over the next 15/20 yrs is great. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 03:44 PM
9

Thanks man. I admit I dwell on the past too much. Good point about realizing she morphed and created this situation, not me. I appreciate this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 03:05 PM
3

I recommend traveling to Asia for half a year if you can. It will change your perspective and help you realize how skewed things have gotten in the US (divorce laws, alimony guidelines, feminist extremists, gender roles). I’ve been out here post-divorce. Feel more confident about dating in the US again. Like one commenter said, this isn’t a fun experience for many women either, but unlike for guys, women tend to be in denial because they carry this false assumption that a guy wanting to sleep wi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 12:36 PM
-1

Do you mean after guys turn 40 or after women turn 40?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 12:34 PM
1

Oh I didn’t realize that. Would it affect alimony though or just child support
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 04:41 PM
0

Yeah. And if it’s not too late don’t accept new job. Continue same job or find a temp job that doesn’t pay more than current one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 05:15 AM
15

This guy fucks
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 12:45 PM
2

Or have kids overseas and become a digital nomad / remote worker. These kind of laws / terms only exit in the US and to a lesser extent Europe. It’s unheard of in SEAsia or LATAM.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:20 AM
1

She’ll move her and the kids to NY where he’ll be required to cover child support past college.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:19 AM
3

At least in this case, from what I understand, it was bezos that wanted out so he could chase what I consider to be inferior tail. The woman he dumped was with him from the beginning, successful professional, and ended up / plans on donating most of her wealth. Honestly, I have no idea how Lauren Sanchez (bezos new love) pulls it off. She isn’t the prettiest woman, and she was with HOF footballer Dave Gonzales prior to bezos. And she even made bezos go to his HOF induction. She has the power to …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:14 AM
2

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:13 AM
1

Hang in their brother. A life well lived is the best revenge. If she got tired of you and you had your shit together, she’ll get tired of the next guy, too, but will have too much pride to admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:12 AM
3

Haha yeah. For some guys, they don’t get many shots at an attractive women. But like you said, Kevin freakin Costner.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:10 AM
2

The woman was with Kevin Costner, but she probably wanted someone younger (20 yr age gap). He did many things right in terms of prenup, hiring good lawyer, deniability regarding assets and income. His mistake was not calling a quits the second he got wind of his wife having an emotional support “friend” who happened to be closer in age to his wife.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:07 AM
1

If you get married, don’t get married in the US unless the woman is richer than you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:04 AM
1

Wow, a foundation of knowledge. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 02:47 AM
1

My question is: how many women (assuming they don’t own or make make than you) would actually be open to this?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 03:39 AM
1

This is so true. I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:56 PM
4

Thanks. Actually been planning to move to Mexico for a few months in Jan 2024. No kids or house, so why not?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:33 AM
5

Thank you. Great advice right here. Some of his I did when we first split, but I need to be more proactive in continuing on this path. I definitely backslid.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:03 AM
1

Yup, let the monkeybranching and gaslighting begin.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:45 AM
1

Great perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 05:23 AM
3

I’m in the same boat brother. Traveled the past week, made some new friends (tougher to do in your late 40s), got back home, woke up in the middle of the night to a dog barking non-stop, then started thinking about the dog I had with me ex, and was up from 2am to 6am tossing and turning thinking about the past and how I might wake-up and realize her leaving me was just a big nightmare or something practical joke from the universe. And then to realize it’s reality when alarm goes off and you don’…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 05:20 AM
2

Wow, this is great info. I was living in California before moving to Nevada, and the horror stories there in CA for men whose wives left them are truly horrific. Coworker of mine married someone from the Philippines, got her green card / citizenship, then she filed for divorce. My coworker stopped showing up to work, got fired, and is now in rehab since he said the alimony was going to be brutal even though she was 100% planning this from the beginning he came to find out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 01:50 AM
1

Does alimony in Florida and Texas kick in immediately? Or do you have to be married for a minimum number of years first?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 12:45 AM
1

Thanks great advice here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 04:13 AM
1

My issue has been more with online dating than dating in general. I know it’s tough in general for men, but in the US women are generally taller (than in Asia) and nearly all women don’t want to date men who are shorter than them. Profile photos, age, and height are the easiest / quickest filters, and keep in mind women get hounded daily by men esp in the US. The odds are stacked against you if you’re short in online dating. Fwiw, I created a fake profile with exact same info and said I’m 6’3”, …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 12:22 AM
4

Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 10:34 PM
5

Yeah that’s what I was thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 06:46 PM
22

Thank you for this. I’m a combat veteran, lost a brother to suicide, saw my business go bankrupt during the pandemic. And my divorce from two years ago is still the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I was planning our next vacation one week thinking everything is grand, and the next week find out she wants out. Two years later, still in shock, and I’ve avg’d 4-5 hrs of sleep for the past year (after I saw the new person she was with). Hard to function as a normal human being these days, and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 05:48 PM
1

This is great man. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 07:46 AM
30

10 years of my happiness. The financial losses are almost irrelevant compared to the time and opportunity cost of 10 years
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 03:20 PM
2

This is true
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 08:03 PM
3

Because for many people (esp men), being lonely in old age is a fate worse than alimony, child support, losing the house, etc. There’s alot of childless divorced men who say they’re happy they didn’t have kids with their ex. I’m not actually sure which is better. On the one hand, not having kids with your ex means you can completely cut yourself off from her. On the other, as you get older, it does increase the tendency to be extremely lonely when you’re single and childless for some men. I also…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:10 PM
5

The pervasiveness of online dating apps has been such a game changer and taken things from hard to harder. Old dating websites had a different social dynamic and back in the day, not everyone was on them. These days, almost everyone is, and some people spend more time on it than their actual selves. Women generally have unlimited choices 24-7, and most men have just become thirsty beta simps competing thirsty beta simps. If you’re not a Chad, dating apps are such a waste of time, or you’re punch…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:04 PM
1

Haha thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 05:41 PM
14

Man, that’s the red flag of red flags. Glad you were thinking with your brain and not your brains.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 04:53 AM
2

Damn. How are you meeting these ladies? Youngest I’ve dated has been over 26 to 35.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 03:52 AM
2

Great idea. Thank you. Do you use a language learning app?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 03:02 PM
1

Yeah I know
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:09 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 02:29 AM
1

No but I watched the series on hbo. Really enjoyed it
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:44 AM
3

Is this referencing a specific video?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:02 AM
2

Ah really cool. I loved building model airplanes and ships as a kid
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 12:08 AM
2

Thank you. Great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 11:24 PM
1

Wow this looks great! I like how they have a wide variety of fitness games too
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 07:29 PM
44

Well, this is what MY ex probably meant by it: ❤️ = fantasy. Ocean = 🐈. Secrets = new 🍆
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 06:26 PM
1

Oh interesting! Do I need to get a console with that or is that it’s own thing?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 05:54 PM
1

Yeah, I tried again this morning and it just felt lonely. I need to find some multiplayer games for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:49 PM
1

Great advice. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:19 PM
1

Hiking just makes me feel extremely Ionely since it’s something I did all the time with my ex. I injured my shoulder getting back into weightlifting, and it took over a year to recover (prob should have just gotten surgery in the beginning), so I’m really careful now. Not being able to lift heavy weights really took its toll. I’m just starting to lift again and don’t want to risk injury.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:17 PM
1

Cool thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:14 PM
2

Great points. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:13 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:12 PM
3

This gives me a lot to think about. I know I’m trying to get reacquainted with being alone again, and trying to disassociate being alone with loneliness. The outdoors especially make me feel lonelier than normal, which is why I stick to gyms more than outdoor hikes these days. But depression is a real possibility. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 06:13 AM
1

Great idea
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 06:12 AM
1

Oh really interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 06:12 AM
2

I’m thinking of getting MW2
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 06:06 AM
1

Haha yeah. I picked up a preowned FIFA and NBA game today but i couldn’t get into it. Maybe just need a few beers.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:10 AM
1

Oh nice. I think I’m looking for a social component in gaming.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:07 AM
1

Rookie question, but can you make friends on the Fortnite game itself? None of my friends are into gaming these days that I know of (they’d laugh if I told them I was playing video games. They all are envious and think I’m crushing it with supermodels every weekend or something).
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:26 AM
1

Haha cool. Can you recommend a couple of games? Fwiw, I’m retired military, and pivoting to a new career. Admittedly taking my time since I plan to move to a new city in a few months, but can’t leave yet because I’m helping my parents with some stuff. Considering working part-time just to stay busy. Idle time can be the worst, but I’m also trying to enjoy it since I know things will get crazy hectic for me again in a few months. I also just started dating again, which has been fun and easier tha…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:19 AM
1

Yeah, my ex and I shared a lot of hobbies. We became very codependent as a result. Actually love the outdoors (used to backcountry camp for 1-2 weeks a year together), but trying to mix it up now with more “city” activities.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:16 AM
5

This
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 05:24 PM
3

F. Take steroids if you need to. Arnold did. Just kidding. Kind of. Fwiw, I recommend watching the Arnold documentary on Netflix. If you can find your higher purpose and pursue big dreams, your ex and all that went along with it will seem trivial in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 12:09 PM
2

Yeah esp in today’s world, the whole ex-wife coming back thing is a pipe dream for most and creates false hopium. Best to rip off that bandaid asap and accept she’s gone forever. Add to that social media. If she left you, her coming back to you makes her look like she was “wrong” and the “perpetrator”. Just not happening in most cases. I hate a lot of these YouTube “no contact to get your ex back” influencers
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 12:07 PM
1

Something you have going for you is you’re really young still. I’m in a similar boat but 20 yrs older, have health issues, also really short. I know I’ll never find someone like my ex (who cheated on me, and I’ve accepted that.) I prob need to move overseas since dating as a 46m 5’4” Cambodian in the USA is rough. I guess my point is, you have plenty of time and resources to find someone better than her. I have no doubts about this. Just be clear in what you’d do differently, and don’t repeat th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 12:01 PM
2

Don’t think dm went through
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:48 AM
7

That’s impressive. Do you mind if I ask what city or state you’re in? (Feel free to dm) I just started dating again after two years a few weeks ago. Online has sucked for me, but I’ve had minor success IRL. Unfortunately, I’m really short (5’4”) and Cambodian, but I also have a MBA (not sure if any women care about that).
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:11 AM
6

My gosh. Where there any signs when you were dating? Even subtle ones? Mine changed after 12 years, but there were some yellow / orange flags during the marriage. If it’s any consolation, be thankful she showed her true colors asap rather than 5 yrs down the road. Still awful and terrible man. Good luck on regaining your freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 11:49 PM
3

Glad to hear it. My divorce was rough but nowhere near as awful as the some of the divorces i witnessed when I was in the military. Partly because no kids and my ex had a good salary. Lost my house, but i never liked it anyway. But when I was in the military, I knew a couple guys who deleted themselves as a result of their divorces / cheating wives. One guy didn’t even even wait for the divorce to be finalized. Took his life after being downrange for over a year a week after getting back to the …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:08 PM
1

Yeah, I’ve heard even prenups are 100%
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 03:45 PM
1

Are you entitled to joint custody if you have a child with someone out of wedlock?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:39 AM
1

Oh thanks for the info regarding #2.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:10 AM
6

Man this makes my blood boil. I can relate.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:00 AM
2

Yeah, I’m glad you can relate. None of our mutual friends really believed me, so I gave up on them. It’s clear she was “prepping the battlefield” the entire time
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:54 AM
6

You don’t know, because people change, especially when put in new environments. This is why divorce and adultery are so common in the military and among pilots / flight attendants, people in careers where they move / travel a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:15 PM
45

My ex of 12 years changed seemingly overnight. All was fine and then she got a new job and pay raise and bam, cheats on me within 3 months of her new job. People are emotional. Women especially. Loyalty isn’t what it used to be. Hypergamy is real esp in a world of social media and abundance and unfair divorce laws. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Women initiate 80% of divorces. If you’re gonna get married: Get a prenup and use a good lawyer. Have your parents sign over assets you will eventuall…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:00 PM
9

Yup. I don’t regret the actual act since it was great (esp compared to the last time we hooked up when we were still together). I do regret that I kind of got my hopes back up after it happened and then had to reheal from step 1 all over again after she said it was a mistake a few days later. It was admittedly the most enjoyable sex I’d had with her in years since I kind of knew there was a real possibility it would be the very last time it would happen with someone I had been intimate with for …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:51 PM
4

Yeah, take as much time as you need. For me, it’s the saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results”. After almost two years, I was still reading the same therapy notes, the same books, the same breakup videos, expanding the hobby thing (golf, kitesurfing, bouldering, fishing, gaming, biking, cooking) and still felt like crap and very alone / jealous on weekend nights. I had regained all the weight I lost post-separation and didn’t think I’d survive try…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:03 PM
5

I don’t really have a script. It’s more about being in the zone where I’m equally open to talking to another guy, a senior citizen, a teen, a cashier, or a potentially single woman at a particular time. The attitude I’ve taken recently is one of “I’m just going to be kind and conversant to everyone I meet today.” A good warm up for me is to chat up the bartender, waiter/waitress, Uber driver, store cashier whenever i’m out. Like try to have an extended conversation. It just kind of gets you in t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 06:29 PM
4

Yup. In the long-run, we’re all goners anyway. Time on earth is too short to worry so much about other people’s opinions (which often come from their own insecurity and jealousy). I’m only starting to realize that now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 06:05 PM
6

Thanks. Hope it’s helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 03:33 PM
3

Pareto principle. Women that want FWB generally want it with the most sexually attractive guys (unless it’s someone they know through work, play, etc.) Good looking or really charismatic friends of mine who have had FWB have had multiple and can easily find them. Then there’s guys like me (5’4” Cambodian) and some of my more avg friends who have never had one. I have enjoyed ONS (or one weekend stands), but thats a lot different than an ongoing FWB situation. ONS is generally right time, right p…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:51 PM
8

Glad to hear it. Again, key thing is not to go on dates desperately searching for sex or meeting “the one.” If it happens, it happens. Not being with a woman for a long period of time after a divorce can make you start imagining things about women (how they’re unattainable, how they’re all like your ex, how they all don’t like you, how they’re 100% incredible, how they’re 100% awful, etc.) that simply aren’t true. Also, when you’re on a really boring date, you appreciate your “alone time” more. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:03 PM
31

Two years for me man. Honestly? Despite everything you read here, dating HAS helped me. I literally just started dating again after two years being separated / divorced. 90% of people said to fix yourself, get fit, pick up new hobbies, see therapist, read mr. Nice guy, etc. before dating again. Other 10% said just get out there asap. I listened to the 90% and after a year and 11 months, still felt like crap. (Lost a ton of weight post-separation, saw a therapist, read the books, picked up hobbie…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:37 PM
2

Wow great info. I’m assuming most dating is done via apps these days? Will try these fitness apps and hit up a gnc. Have a good weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 03:01 AM
1

Thanks, I really appreciate this. I was making progress on getting myself together, then had a huge setback and regressed. I’m trying to get back into shape again. Basically lost 30 lbs post breakup, then gained 40 in much less time. Need to stay disciplined and not backslide this time around. Have you started dating again?
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:51 AM
2

Did hobbies alone help? Dating? It’s been two years, and I still feel like crap. And the longer I feel like this, the more helpless and embarrassed I feel.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:33 AM
1

Thank you. Hope to get there at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:12 AM
10

“If you decide that you’ll persevere, then you will.” Needed to hear that today. Felt like giving up. Really giving up. (12 yrs married, 15 yrs together, cheated on me).
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 02:26 AM
2

What is an AP? Trying to find hobbies that I didn’t enjoy with my ex. Kind of tough because after being married for 12 years, most of my hobbies remind me of her. Even the ones she didn’t participate in, I always looked forward to getting back home and telling her how it went. I’m lonely and bored AF right now, too. Considering taking up drinking again, but I know that’ll just make me unhealthier in the end. Not sure what the heck to do.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:51 AM
3

So true.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 11:47 AM
16

Two years since my divorce, and i’m still hurting, although feeling a little better month by month. I’m an introvert, my ex was an extrovert, so it’s tough for me to make friends and meet new people. She has a huge network / support system. She also makes a lot of money, is hot, young-looking Cambodian-American with great body. (She cheated on me after 12 yrs). Long story short, I don’t believe she’s in a bad place without me. I know she’s fine. And this makes me really jealous and resentful. Ho…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 02:23 PM
1

What is SA?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 06:35 AM
4

Yeah, man, I’m an introvert, which makes getting out there tough
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:49 AM
2

Def did the opposite. Thanks for the response. Have you met anyone during this time that you’d consider being in a LTR with? Or has that ship sailed for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:22 AM
3

Great advice. Do you mind if I ask how old are you? And what age range do you date?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:19 AM
5

Best thing you can do is stay incredibly busy while on a path toward self-improvement. Idle time is the worst when you’re single after an ex leaves you (at least it’s been for me), esp when she wanted the divorce, not you. Just fill up your calendar as much as you can so that you’re exhausted by the time you go to bed. I actually don’t think about her sleeping with someone else intimately (she was a selfish lover). I actually thought about that more when we were together (her exes) What I think …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:14 PM
5

Congrats man. I’m not there yet, but hope to get there this time next year
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:20 AM
2

I got out of the military and then sunk a lot of money into a restaurant supply business before the pandemic. The business was in Cambodia (I’m Cambodian-American), and it was great until Covid hit and let’s just say I lost nearly my entire savings (no ppp or stimulus in cambodia). I’m doing better than someone in their 20s, but a lot of people at my age are much more financially secure than me at this stage in life. I lost my home in the divorce, and the timing was terrible since I continued to…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 06:03 AM
2

Haha. Yeah, they’ve seen it all. The worst breakups, but also the strongest relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 11:56 PM
2

Yeah, I think you and I (and our married friends) have had completely different personal experiences, and that’s a reflection of different personalities/characters and simply different circumstances/luck in life. Key is just finding what works for you during our short time on this earth. Sounds like you’ve found it, so that’s great. (Was married for 12 years. Happily married for 11.75). 🍻
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 09:03 PM
2

Well, I think you’re describing a completely different type of person. I’m saying that as someone who knew and worked with this guy. Or maybe you and I just have different definitions of a simp. I’m increasingly getting the sense that you assume anyone who isn’t a part of MGTOW to be a simp. Being your best self isn’t being a SIMP. That’s like viewing someone who wants to do a great job at work to advance their career as a brown noser. There’s a big difference between doing the work to advance y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 08:45 PM
2

The thing is I was really happy in my marriage. I was def not lonely in it or miserable. I know guys recommend hobbies, etc. and I’ve got more than I know what to do with (golf, fishing, snowboarding, scuba diving, chess). I even started learning kite surfing (suck at it) and started racing rc cars again haha. I was just happiest in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to date someone who is not physically healthy, has daddy issues, etc. But I also realize that I’m probably not gonn…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 08:33 PM
6

Actually quite the opposite. He was a total alpha, and you’d agree if you knew / saw him. He really believed in the saying “she’s not yours. It’s just your turn.” before it became common on these types of forums. He probably wouldn’t be emotionally phased if she left him (she never did). A simp is someone who will do anything to please a person. He did this to be the best man he could be with the knowledge he could get another women if she did decide to leave him. (His big concern was always the…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 08:25 PM
8

20 yrs ago, when I was a junior officer in the army, i had an NCO who was always well-dressed outside of work, reading self-help books, hitting the gym beyond the norm, learning about food history, new languages. I once asked him why he was always working on himself. Why not relax a little more after work or on the weekends. He had a beautiful wife / family, good career, near retirement. He told me “sir, because if the right man comes along at the right time and says the right thing, any woman i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 07:41 PM
3

Everything has its downsides, but all things being equal, better to be attractive and wealthy than unattractive and poor. At least you get to have more options at that point and can actually play the game. Whether you can screen appropriately or not comes down to a combination of experience, natural discernment, and luck. If you’re on the varsity team, you can always play in the jv league. Not vice versa. I was financially well off until my business went bankrupt during the pandemic. Business wa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 06:18 PM
3

You’re right. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 05:28 PM
2

Yeah. For me it’s not really general standards, but it was me trying to replace my ex with a carbon copy, which was silly. I’ve finally realized that’s never going to happen, so being more flexible should help. Having said that, the Pareto principle is still heavily at play in online dating. Avg looking women will still get contacted by the top 10% of guys (who just want to get laid or have a bench of women to choose from), which creates a weird dynamic where some feel like they’re dating down i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:54 PM
5

For my really attractive divorced friends (usually the ones who initiated it), it’s a Coachella fuckfest regardless of their income. If you don’t have attractive profile pics though (like me), it’s an old porta potty at a rodeo.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:21 PM
4

Had to check username because for a second I thought I wrote this. The challenge for me is just being patient in meeting someone. I didn’t meet my ex until I was 30, and that was after lots of dating in my 20s. She was the only woman who didn’t have red flags, and I was skeptical of marriage until I met her. Then after 12 yrs, she cheated and left me. This really effed me up. I’m 46 now, and more and more, I’m coming to the realization that I have to either choose between being single or being w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:14 PM
10

This. When my ex left me, I held onto hope for almost two years despite her being with someone else. What took me two years to realize was that i wasn’t in love with her. I was in love with the her that no longer existed, and was never coming back. Jocko was exactly right in his breakup YouTube video. When someone dumps you, “move on!” It won’t be easy, but the sooner you can do this, the better you’ll be. The longer it takes you to do this, the more miserable you’ll be.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 09:31 PM
6

Yup. What sucks more is not improving your life and still not having anyone that cares about you. Get so lost / focused on self-improvement that you don’t have time to be lonely. This is the only thing that’s keeping me sane. Also, find a daily vice that isn’t too unhealthy. For me, it’s going to a live band that plays in my area every single night. I’ll go for about 15-30 max, have a glass of wine, and that’s it. It’s my mini escape. But the rest of the day, I just grind. I don’t know what the …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 10:01 PM
2

Strong relationships aren’t brittle. If she was truly for you, she’d forgive you provided you changed. If you changed and she didn’t want to get back to you, she was looking for a reason to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 09:58 PM
9

I think even if he had an iron clad prenup during his first marriage, a lot of his wealth was made during that period, so those additional assets were split 50/50. Assuming he has a prenup now, I believe she would still be entitled to half of what they earn together as a married couple. If nothing else, alimony will be significant, and if they have kids, CS. But like others have said, I don’t think he cares. I don’t think he’s chasing the worlds richest person contest anymore. If he lost 90% of …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 10:13 PM
1

What is the grey rock and 180?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:12 PM
2

Don’t go anywhere or to any type of place that you’ve been with her. For example, if you honeymooned in Mexico, don’t go to Mexico. If the both of you loved forests, don’t go to a forest destination. Try to do something completely different. Or go somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go to. If still in doubt, Tijuana or Thailand. My ex loved the mountains but hated the beach. My next big destination will be to a beach spot. I went on a solo mountain trip a few weeks back because I didn’t want …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 03:29 AM
2

Wow cool. I now have plans for this Saturday. Haha
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 09:59 PM
2

Haha I’ll try!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 09:57 PM
2

Ok, I’m def doing this. I introduced my ex to a lot of hobbies (skiing, scuba diving, tennis camping), so it’s painful for me to enjoy these hobbies now. It just reminds me of her. RC racing is something I always wanted to do as a kid but couldn’t afford it and the only track was too far from where I lived. It’s time haha.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 09:30 PM
1

Great point. I do need to challenge myself more.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 09:03 PM
2

RC park? Like a remote control car park?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 09:03 PM
3

So true. I needed this myself Friday. Still miss my ex-wife / cheater of 12 years who left me two years ago as of yesterday to the day. I need to love myself more. Only someone who didn’t love themself enough would take back a cheater. This comment has totally changed my frame. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:52 PM
3

33 is still young my guy. I’m 46. Wife of 12 years left me for a coworker when she got a new job. I thought our marriage was perfect prior to that. It’s going to suck being solo again for awhile, but you’re still so young and can get on your feet again. I’ve been a train wreck for two years and starting to heal now, but I would give Almost ANYTHING to be at this place in life at age 33 instead of 46. You’re still young and your life is just getting started. Hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:51 PM
2

This is awesome. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 06:22 PM
–

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:27 PM
2

Yeah I’m totally with you. I always wanted a shiba, but it wouldn’t fit with my lifestyle. I plan on getting a maltipoo or other small breed that lives longer, hopefully has fewer health issues, and is safer around young children and other small dogs. I backcountry camp and road trip lot (or at least used to), and while a small breed isn’t going to scare away a large animal, I also don’t have to worry about it not wanting to go further (I can just pick him up). This is a problem with shibas as I…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:27 PM
1

Thanks I appreciate it
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:43 AM
1

Yeah, but I feel like ghosts at least get to interact with other ghosts haha
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:42 AM
1

Thanks. I appreciate this. As I’m looking for new jobs, there’s part of me that wants to take a lesser job just to be closer to family, and there’s a part of me that want to get the most challenging job I can get just to disorient myself and keep my focus on work.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:02 AM
1

Yeah, it sucks when you lose your best friend, especially when it’s your only friend. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, but they’re just at different places in life and can’t just fly out for the weekend or vice versa. I’ve actually considered adopting (my ex and I were planning on it), but I’ve heard it’s extremely difficult for a single man to adopt a child in the US for reasons you could probably guess. I don’t need a social worker calling my high school teachers, former employees, ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:57 AM
6

Haven’t had a ton of success meeting someone who isn’t crazy, a scammer, or a professional. And my profile doesn’t resonate well online, I’ll be honest. I guess I’m the opposite of photogenic? I’m also pretty short. Had a full head of hair when we separate, but went bald within a couple years. Maybe coincidence, maybe stress. Either way, I don’t pass a lot of the initial filters for many women. I met my ex through mutual friends. She was only my second girlfriend. I’m Cambodian-American, so we h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:51 AM
3

Yeah I’m planning to get a dog before the end of the year. Thanks for the volunteer link
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:47 AM
1

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:46 AM
3

In my ex’s case, I’m confident her divorced friends and lonely single colleagues had a lot to do with it
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:46 AM
1

Thanks, I appreciate all this insight from your personal experiences
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 10:08 PM
2

Yeah so true. I think you’re right about just getting / staying out of the house and staying busy / occupied.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 10:02 PM
2

Great advice here. I was definitely codependent. We both were. But she got a new executive level job, her pay more than doubled, and all of a sudden she wanted to hire someone to do things around the house I would normally do (and enjoyed doing). But I’m sure in the end, someone caught her eye, and that’s what did it. But learning to be happy alone is what I’ve been working with for the last two years, and that’s been the struggle quite frankly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 10:00 PM
2

I feel for you too man Yeah, I have to imagine meeting someone new helps the pain go away, but that’s just a lot harder at this age, and I’ve only had a few gf my entire life. My ex was a catch, I hate to admit it. The kind of women I’m vibing with these and aren’t women I see any LT potential with. Quite frankly, I’m not even that physically attractive to them. I’m a short Cambodian guy with avg salary and balding (and I don’t have a face that looks good bald), so online dating is brutal for me…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:57 PM
1

I’m not that religious, but I am spiritual. Will look into it
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:53 PM
1

Yeah I want to get dog once I’m decided on where I’ll be living before the end of the year
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:53 PM
2

Thanks man. Not a bad idea. I’m back to renting
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:17 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:10 PM
2

Good idea
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:53 PM
5

Good idea. I need to look into this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:52 PM
3

Thanks man. Nevada unfortunately. Hoping to move before the end of the year to help with the healing / growth process. Two years here post divorce has been awful.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:51 PM
0

Yeah, I know wouldn’t be as lonely if I had kids. That’s the thing, I always wanted kids, and my ex always said we could adopt at some future date. So now that we’re divorced, im 46 and childless. But I understand there are pros and cons. But it does seem like a lot of divorced men in their 40s and up feel less lonely because of their kids
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:49 PM
12

Unfortunately not Kentucky. Yeah, I know I’m not alone and there are a lot of guys going through the same thing. I think what sucks is that I thought two years later I’d be over it (or at least not an emotional train wreck) and fine being without someone (or have met someone new). I think it’s a mix of jealousy, resentment, anger, confusion, regret, and then having no one to share this with at this point. (Therapy, confiding in friends, self-help books were all great during the first year of div…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:47 PM
2

Yeah. The worst is when I have dreams of her and we’re getting back together living happily ever after. And then I wake up alone. Total mindfuk It’s been nearly two years for me. Best thing to do is workout, work on a project before bed so that you’re just exhausted. When I was idle, i tended to dream about her more
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:36 PM
1

What’s a fleshlight?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 11:22 PM
2

That’s a smart move. It’s incredible how the northwest can feel so different than the southeast, even though it’s only 30 min away. I mean, it’s not that different, but considering many people think driving 30 min in Las Vegas is a long drive, it might as well be Utah or California. I’ve considered the same. Moving from Henderson to Aliante or summerlin just to be further away. But her new man lives in skye canyon, so it’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul. I just need to get out of here this year.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:57 PM
2

I’ve driven through there and always thought it was a nice looking city. I wonder how the job market is though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 11:44 AM
3

Thank you. I agree.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 05:04 AM
3

Wow. Thanks for the info. I’m still determined to get out of la Vegas, but I also know I just need to get out there again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:33 AM
2

Never been but friends have said I’d like Chiang Mai. I’m more of a mountain / hiking guy than a beach / surfing / snorkeling guy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:07 AM
2

Thanks I appreciate it. Really valuable info.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:06 AM
2

Yeah, that’s what a couple relatives have told me. I guess not having kids makes me a bit more lonely, but I’m sure it’s different when you don’t have full custody and you don’t know how she’s spending the money you’re forced to give her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:05 AM
2

Oh good to know. All the layoffs have me worried.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:03 AM
2

What do you mean by 3 a week? Have you exclusively been having Tinder? Or do you also got to meetups, use hinge/bumble/eharmony/match. Really appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:01 AM
1

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I think my age (46m) and being cheated on has created alot of self limiting beliefs.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 12:44 AM
3

I guess I’m not looking for deep red either. Austin sounds interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 12:43 AM
4

Oddly enough, I always assumed there were a lot more single women than single men in Las Vegas, but when you factor in the tourists, the bachelor parties, the construction jobs, the blue collar trades, the remote tech workers, the bouncers / bartenders / cooks / promoters, the sports industry professionals, i guess you’re right.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:58 PM
4

Man this sounds like exactly what I need to do. I’m planning on pivoting careers, and working on my resume and interview prep in a place like Chiang makes a lot more sense than doing it in a city I’m miserable in. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:53 PM
2

I’d say I’m pretty moderate. I hated living in SF because the politics were too far left for me. Most of my friends are moderate left or moderate right. I didn’t mind living in DC in my 20s, but you could have civil disagreements on political issues back then. These days, you’re either a libtard or a fascist it seems. I guess I don’t want to be with someone who’s identity is rooted in her politics (most of my exes have been uninterested in politics except around election time). That seems to be …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:47 PM
1

Great breakdown. Thank you so much. If I was married, I think I’d be happy in Seattle. (I actually like overcast weather, but hate the hot summers in LV. I think summer started yesterday and will last until Oct 1.) But as a single guy again, I think I’d rather shoot my shot elsewhere. Seattle sounds tough for LTR. I need to work for another 5 years minimum before I can leave for another country. If I could leave tomorrow, I prob would.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:43 PM
4

Thanks and great point. Traffic in northern VA can be brutal (not LA level, but still bad), but that’s the least of my concerns now. Def considering northern VA. I also have some older friends (former bosses) in that area who are retired, kids moved out, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:55 PM
2

Good to know it’s not just me. I would love to be able to VISIT Vegas again as a tourist, not live here haha.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:53 PM
5

Yeah, I’ve heard similar from others. My issue is I just have a filter on because of history with me ex in this city. I will say I’ve never lived in a city where cheating was so accepted and widespread, but that’s just my experience. I’m sure it’s not the case for all circles, or at least I hope not. If I moved here in my 20s alone, I’d probably love it. Come to think about it, when I first moved here, my brothers friend stayed with us because his brother had committed suicide. He found out his …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:47 PM
1

Interesting. Those are some small towns. Would you say dating and or making friends is easier or harder in those kinds of places? My take is that everyone gives everyone a chance in smaller towns, but the selection is a lot more limited as expected.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:37 PM
1

You mean move overseas to Mexico or something?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:29 PM
2

Has this method worked for you? Just curious. I always assumed Tinder was a bloodbath for older guys.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:28 PM
3

🤔 You mentioned a lot of dating success in Austin. Are you primarily meeting women online?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:26 PM
3

This is what I need. Just that piece of mind that I never have to see or run into her again, or any of her toxic friends. You know what I mean when I say Vegas is like a small town once you get outside of the strip. Just thinking about her reaction makes me cringe. Being nice in person, then talking shit about me the moment I’m gone, even though she’s the one that cheated and bailed. I need that piece of mind again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:07 PM
3

Oh good to know. I’ve been considering San Antonio. Not sure how diff it is from Austin culturally.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:58 PM
3

I’d move overseas in general just to not have to deal as much with things like crime and expensive housing, but work opportunities abroad would be limited for me. I’ve also heard a lot of companies don’t let their employees work remotely overseas. They have to be in the US. Even though I have military retirement, I still need to do some work if I want to live comfortably.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:58 PM
2

Interesting. I always figured Houston would have alot of single women and decent ratios.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:56 PM
5

Yeah I have a love-hate with San Diego. Like too much military there now that I’m a single guy again plus California is one of the few states where i couldn’t afford to own a proper home again, but you’re right about the weather and outdoor activities.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:55 PM
2

Oh man, that’s awful. Did you move far from NYC?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:54 PM
3

You make such a great point about moving somewhere where you’ll be able to establish a network, and then going from there. Oddly enough, I’ve recently considered most of the cities on this list (but San Antonio instead of Austin, and northern Virginia instead of NC). Also considered Tampa in addition to Miami. I do know that San Diego and Reno are pretty male heavy (know some guys who swear dating is awful there due to the abundance of male-dominated jobs there like military and trucking), but y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:40 PM
2

Cool. Why’d you leave? Are you in your 40s?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:43 PM
3

That makes sense re COL
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:36 PM
2

Thanks. A few have mentioned Bellingham. Is that remarkably different of a place than Seattle? Do they also have a Seattle freeze there?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:24 PM
4

I always thought NYC was ultra competitive for dating. I’m comfortable, but I don’t make a ton of money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:23 PM
6

Yeah I can see that. I don’t have any meaningful relationships in LV at this point since she was “building her case” before the actual divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:23 PM
5

Have you lived in either of these cities? I’ve heard they were heavily male dominated, but could be wrong. “Menver”
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:22 PM
1

The car wreck analogy is spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 06:49 PM
1

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 06:47 PM
1

Shit. This is what I needed to read two years ago. I’m thankful I was able to read it today.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 06:44 PM
2

What ended up happening?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 05:03 PM
2

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 05:01 PM
22

Mine was. But my ex has too much pride, and she was egged on to follow through with it from her new colleagues (who were also divorced and wanted another woman to go out with at night) and her therapist
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 03:19 AM
7

I plan to date once I get healthy again. I’ll give it maybe three years. If I win the lottery and meet someone who I believe to be loyal (things like looks, wealth, independence are actually negatives for me now, not positives), great, I’ll give it one more chance since I’m happiest in a relationship as much as I’ve tried to enjoy being single. If it doesn’t work out and I turn 50. . . I’m selling all my worldly possessions, buying a motorhome, rescuing a small dog, ordering a beautiful sex doll…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 09:41 PM
8

I’m in the same boat. Sadly I crashed. Got my shit together, then saw the two of them walking together at one of the local casinos while I was drinking alone at the sportsbook. Tore me up, and still trying to recover. After losing 30 lbs, I gained 40 lbs. I’m just as lost as you guys, but two years later, I’ve managed to get more than 3 hrs of sleep a night. My body is realizing that the brain can’t keep it up for 20+ hrs a day without some rest.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:59 PM
1

It’s trite to say these days, but time is a healer. What’s helped me is new experiences and disorienting myself as much as possible. Traveling, doing things, meeting up with friends. I even drove Uber and delivered dominos for a few weeks just so I could put more pages in between the chapters of “us” and “me”. But different strokes for different folks. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 07:58 PM
2

Do NOT backslide on your growth. Really similar thing happened to me at the 1 yr point, and after losing 30 lbs, getting healthier, and landing better job post-separation, I crashed when I saw my ex with her new man. I spiraled out of control and quit my job (job market was red hot back then so figured I could easily get a new one in a few months. Wrong!), gained 40 lbs eating at Vegas buffets and fast food combo meals every day for dinner, quit working out (without even cancelling my expensive …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 06:09 PM
2

Same here. Feminist therapist and two feminist friends (both divorced) advised my ex, so I also didn’t stand a chance once my ex decided to become hypergamous.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:57 PM
1

Two years divorced. The thing is that these days, with online dating and the 3:1 male:female ratio on many apps, women can always get a date and someone to blow their back out within a week (or day) So even if they say there isn’t anyone, there could easily be someone on short notice. It’s simply not the same for 90% of men despite all the “men age like fine wine” motivation we see out there. A big factor leading to divorce these days is not just hypergamy, but perceived hypergamy. In many cases…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:50 PM
13

If things don’t pan out for me dating wise in the next few years, I’m buying a motorhome, rescuing a dog, and buying the highest end sex robot on the market.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:51 AM
7

Kind of in the same boat. I have nothing specifically against women (I’ve become equally distrustful of men and women), but I’ve learned from bad experiences, and know that the odds of a woman divorcing me going forward are greater than 50%. Which sucks, because I’m happiest when I’m in a relationship, but hypergamy is a real thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:48 AM
1

True
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 07:24 PM
2

I hope I can get to this point one day, but two years later, it’s still bitterness and resentment. I lose it when I see old pictures of “us”. I bought a new laptop and just put the old one with most of our old photos in a box. Sorting the photos of “us” from other photos would just be too painful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 10:49 AM
8

It’s gonna be tough no matter what, but you’re only 30 and have no kids, which is something to be really really really thankful for. I’m 46. When I met my wife, i was older than you, had a full head of hair, no medical issues, and a thriving business. Now, I look and feel like a 55 yr old in a 46 yr old body, and the dating pool changes a lot when you’re in you’re late 40s vs early 30s. Looks and income matter more, and I admittedly have neither. It’ll be tough for you no doubt, but you can rest…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 11:17 PM
2

Yeah, I lived next to a lake as a kid (in an inner city park mind you), so I’m def in that same category.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 06:19 PM
6

Yup. And once the people throwing wonder bread to the ducks leave the lake, do you think they ever think about those ducks again or any of the potentially lasting damage they caused? Absolutely not. They had their quick emotional high and are on to the next thrill or adventure.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 02:40 PM
7

The best friend of Tyrone
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 12:50 PM
14

“The crumbs she is throwing at you are for her” Truer words were never spoken. It’s like throwing white wonder bread at ducks in a lake. Actually not good for their long term health, but brings a lot of joy to the people throwing the bread.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 12:46 PM
5

Yeah. I was too nice / a pushover in my divorce as well. But even I would draw the line well before this stage. When my ex brought her new man around, I cut all communication 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 03:43 AM
7

Learned this the hard way
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 03:41 AM
2

Like you, I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d be in this situation. The twenty year old me would actually feel sorry for the current me. I know what you mean about wanting to die. I’m a pretty logical person, and when I play out all of life’s scenarios, I have a really difficult time seeing myself ever being as happy as I was during my marriage pre-pandemic. I don’t believe i have a scarcity mindset, but i am a realist. I’ll never have my 20s and 30s back, and I’ll never be able enjoy the …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 09:29 PM
3

She was going to do the same thing to anyone she was with. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. You just got “unlucky” that you ended up with the lemon from the car lot, even though everything looked normal at signing. People can work on communication, compatibility, compromise, and commitment. But if the character is flawed, it doesn’t matter, and the 4 Cs above become irrelevant. She sounds like someone with flawed character, just like my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 09:01 PM
3

That second paragraph is key. Sadly, two years later, I dream about my ex and I getting back together regularly, and it crushes me when I wake up and realize it was all a dream.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:55 PM
6

I feel your pain man. I lost my brother, and the pain from my ex-wife cheating on me (I suspect she wanted to be with someone who was wealthier and could take her on fancy shopping trips; I was a middle class business owner until my business shut down and now I’m back to an entry level job), was 10x more painful than losing my brother. My best friend became my worst enemy in the span of a week. Put all your love into your child and yourself. That’s the only advice I can give right now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 08:50 PM
2

It’ll be interesting to see if he marries a third time. Honestly, I think once you’ve reached this level of wealth (similar to Murdoch, bezos, etc.), you almost don’t care as much if your wife leaves you (financially speaking), since you can never spend it all anyway. At the end of the day, it just means less inheritance for each child, some of whom probably secretly hate you anyway because of what your ex tells them about you. It’s probably the children from previous wives that hate the idea of…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 04:12 PM
2

What’s cga?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 04:01 PM
2

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:27 AM
13

Yeah they will.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:13 AM
10

Yeah, I think the writer doesn’t fully understand what a prenup is limited to. She’s def going to get her fair share of his Yellowstone earnings among other things
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:12 AM
3

Thanks, I really appreciate this and needed this today. I’m actually embarrassed to reach out to some friends at this point because it’s been two years already. I work in restaurant supplies / procurement. Unfortunately a lot of the hospitality companies in Las Vegas (where I live) have been doing silent layoffs (a few dozen corporate jobs at a time) so as not to make the news. Will keep grinding though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:11 AM
2

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:08 AM
3

Thanks for this. I spent a year last year trying to fix things rather than focusing on getting a new job during the hottest job market in decades. I was just too frazzled by my wife cheating on me to be networking, job hunting. Trying to move forward at 46 too. Married for 12 years. Things were perfectly fine, then spiraled in the course of 3 weeks. I’m still in disbelief and feel like I’m going to wake up from this nightmare with her right next to me. Surreal. Everything is just surreal. Job ma…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:24 AM
1

My ex posted post-divorce about how only her mother was there for her through thick and thin. But when she’d get into violent screaming matches with her mom (which should have been the early red flag for me pre-marriage), I’d have to leave work to pick her up, calm the both of them down, be the mediator, etc. The dumper / cheater / monkey branched is just trying to justify their actions so they don’t look like a slut and we look like the assholes. Hypergamy baby
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:47 PM
1

Same. I was in absolute denial since we slept together for about a week months after she wanted to split, but come to find out I was getting monkey branched the entire time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:44 PM
3

Yes, for women who are a bit older (forty plus) and have good jobs, I’ve seen this to be the case. They don’t want to compromise what they want, but they think they’re making their friends / exes jealous by being with the pool boy, personal trainer, grad student type
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:36 PM
1

Same
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:34 PM
2

I’ve been alone for two years. Business shut down during the pandemic and my wife of 12 years left me for a man who could provide her better financial “stability”. Just crushed me. The guy she’s with is older, uglier, but significantly wealthier (plastic surgeon). Won’t lie. My ex is a fox and I thought we had incredible chemistry and loved the same extreme sports. We’re also both Cambodian-American which is rare where I live in the US. I’m severely depressed, and plan to move to a new city this…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:27 PM
2

Great insight as well. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:50 PM
1

Makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:47 PM
1

Thanks. Backwards in what sense?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:02 PM
1

Are you able to meet women at the hotel bar pretty easily? What age do they usually? I imagine you’re a fairly good looking guy if you have this much success both OLD and IRL
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:27 PM
1

You mean it’s easier to have casual with younger women? I would have thought the opposite. But I’m kind of new to this
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:13 PM
1

Thanks. Did you filter out anyone outside those age ranges?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 09:57 PM
2

Yeah, you’re right. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:59 PM
1

Wow this is really good to know. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:58 PM
2

Thanks. What age range were you dating?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:57 PM
1

Wow, good to know. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:28 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:25 PM
2

Preferably traditional or someone with just a normal job. My ex was a high level executive. Not going that route again. Thanks for sharing this info with me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:03 AM
1

Great info. Thanks for sharing!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:27 AM
1

Did they meet them in China / Vietnam or in the US?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:23 AM
1

Did you look for them in the US or did you travel abroad? Any recommendations on countries?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:44 AM
1

Damn, that second to last paragraph. Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:12 AM
1

Yeah I trying OLD has gotten worse for men. There are a lot of professional pick ups artists on it now who are striving to get 1,000 body counts.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:27 AM
1

Gosh I love your attitude. I hope to get their one day, and hopefully sooner than later. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:26 AM
2

Yeah I can see myself moving overseas in the next few years if nothing pans out dating wise in the US. I’ve always wanted to live abroad.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:11 AM
1

Interesting. Always considered learning how to ride a motorcycle. Have you done anything else differently post-divorce that’s helped supercharge your life? How’s you meet your new partners
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:03 AM
1

Do you use OLD?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 03:00 AM
3

Great advice and insightful breakdown. Really appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 02:06 AM
5

Thanks. Yeah it’s like I have bipolar disorder. Some days I have abundance mindset, and days like today a scarcity mindset. Need to be more consistent and develop a sustainable abundance mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:26 AM
2

Thanks. Needed to hear this. Just one of ‘em days where I’m feeling an unhealthy mix of resentment, regret, and frustration.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:24 AM
3

STDs freak me out. I’ve managed to stay clean up until age 46 somehow, despite playing the field heavily before I got married
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 10:58 PM
1

My main concern is STDs
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 10:57 PM
1

Not gonna lie. I worry about STDs with prostitutes
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 10:57 PM
2

How to meet?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 08:54 PM
2

Yeah I’ll try it for a month and see where it leads. Will report back.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 07:05 PM
4

I hear ya
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 06:17 PM
2

Yeah, I believe in karma. I also don’t like having to avoid someone I run into the supermarket because I “played” that person
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 06:14 PM
4

Can you elaborate? Like party at a dance club? Or take up hobbies that are co-ed
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 04:14 PM
5

Were they escorts? Gold diggers? Just full of drama? Yeah, I’m a 6 so I’d be happy with the 4s and 5s if I’m just looking for something casual
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 02:56 AM
3

Any advice for success on Tinder. I also heard Tinder was mostly for really young people. I’m in my 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 11:58 PM
5

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 10:28 PM
2

No we were both high earners at the time. What hurt me is that i turned down a lot of incredible career opportunities so she could pursue hers. Biggest thing for me is dealing with the betrayal, shock, sadness of her leaving me. I was really happy. But as she moved up in her career, I guess she wanted to “level up”. She also made some terrible friends during our last year together (single women in their 40s with lots of red flags, divorcees, widows) who I feel gave her terrible advice. But that’…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 04:24 PM
1

Yeah. I really like the regular companionship, and it’s tough for me to get dates in general.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:28 PM
1

Would child support / alimony be the same amount compared to if she was In the US or less in this case?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 09:45 AM
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