TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Old-Macaroon8148 Archive

View 16 posts and 1,420 comments by Old-Macaroon8148 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,420 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Hang in there man. I was a depressed basket case for a few months. Took over a year to finally be able to fall asleep without laying in bed thinking about it till 2am. It does take effort you’ll need to force yourself to get out and do things. If you sit around the house marinating in your own misery you’ll drive yourself crazy. It’ll happen with effort and time. Good luck man you got this. Edited to add: My ex came out guns blazing after I called her out on her affair. The usual “he was abusive…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 12:13 PM
2

Technically my confidence but yes. I always had confidence I just couldn’t stand up to her towards the end. Then I did.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:40 PM
2

No. Two reasons: first one was a honeymoon baby and the second was conceived during Covid lockdown and she hadn’t really left the house during that period. They also look exactly like me. The relationship soured when the second turned one. I can tell exactly when the guy from work got involved looking back all the signs were there I was just in denial.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:31 PM
12

Haha nope, never legally again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:30 PM
19

No, she’s on guy 2 or 3 now. I don’t look nor do I care but I know he didn’t last.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:29 PM
15

Not to completely generalize, but it sure seems like unless there’s extreme cases of abuse or substance abuse there’s almost ALWAYS another man in the picture. Sorry this happened to you, happened to me too. I was in total denial and disbelief for months. Glad to see you’re bouncing back strong imo that’s the only way to survive this kind of thing. Keep going!
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 01:19 AM
6

Hard stop listening to anything she says. Your head is in the right place, do not trade your time with your children for $50k per year, which probably won’t even cover your alimony and child support if you don’t secure 50/50 custody. Of course she wants you gone, to take the job and pay her more support! Pretty sweet deal for her while you live alone somewhere new not even seeing the kids half your new paycheck will be supposedly going to support. Forget all of that and get a lawyer. Do not leav…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:02 PM
9

Fair. Sorry about the affair man, been there it sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:50 PM
7

I’m sorry, did you say 6’1” 300lbs?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:45 PM
13

No. Keep being a great dad. She’s pissed you’re making her look bad but she doesn’t want to put in the effort so she’s attacking you instead.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 07:42 PM
2

/thread
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 12:19 AM
3

Haha just on the TV
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 09:19 PM
8

Online dating is awful, it’s literally just women choosing from a large pool of men who are all simping for her. It might seem like things are going well, but the second a man who’s more handsome / richer slides into her DM’s she will ghost. What you are looking for is serendipity. Serendipity: the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. Ya know, kind of like we used to find love before Tinder. Be social, volunteer, join coed sports leagues, whatever. You’re …
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:03 PM
11

You’d be amazed just how expensive women are. Did she significantly out earn you? If you made more or roughly equal, split custody so you don’t get killed on child support you should be ok. Be frugal and you’ll watch the cash pile up. I probably save $4k per month simple not being married and supporting her lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 06:57 PM
1

This is the second divorce because of the election post today. I cannot believe people are destroying friendships, relationships and marriages because of people on TV. Some folks have truly lost their minds and ability to function as adults. Sorry sir, she’s apparently insane.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:40 AM
6

Blaming a guy on TV is downright nuts though. She might be too insane to cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:05 PM
22

This is probably the weakest excuse for a divorce I’ve ever seen on here. She’s either nuts or just wants out. The people in Washington don’t care about us, never have never will it doesn’t matter who’s in power. Get a grip folks.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:03 PM
2

Great add. This will tell you her true intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 06:00 PM
2

Think about it this way. For every dollar you currently earn 50 cents is legally hers. You divide things now which will hurt, but moving forward it’ll be more like keeping 80-85 cents on the dollar and you’re in your prime earning years. From a financial standpoint it makes zero sense to wait which is why she’s pushing for it under the guise of its best for the kids. Maybe that’s true, but it’s also good for her since you’re just stacking more money on her half of the split.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 02:11 AM
9

Don’t give her a dime, if you do she will keep coming back to the well. Full stop.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:03 AM
2

I definitely think a lot of people give up.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:54 PM
3

Have 50/50 week on week off. Zero issues. I feel like If you’re a decent man there’s no reason you cannot get 50/50 I kind of question the guys to claim they’re getting screwed over by the system.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 11:38 PM
5

Had one of you filed this would be dissipation and it’s illegal. Since nobody’s filed and you’re just sitting there it’s going to be tougher. You could tell her no. Alternatively you could file now and “lock in” what values would be used in an asset split.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 05:07 PM
4

You’d be amazed how common this is. My ex blew through over $200k in about 8 months during our divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 11:01 PM
2

I suppose it doesn’t matter. If one party is financially abusing the other and trying to bully the other into an unfair deal my advice is exactly the same regardless of sex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 10:39 PM
4

She’s essentially just trying to bleed you and make you cave since she knows you are broke. My advice is this: Stand your ground no matter what. Her entire play depends on you cracking and frankly at this point why would you do that? You’re already broke. I don’t know how old your kid is but don’t sacrifice what she owes you and 10+ years (just guessing) of alimony and child support just to make this temporary pain go away. You stand your ground. Your problems are financial and can be solved as …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 07:56 PM
3

Time to move on
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 08:23 PM
1

No that’s not therapy that’s being a nut job
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 02:24 PM
3

This will probably be really unpopular but imo you do whatever you have to do to save that child’s life. Then you need to plan your exit. This woman is batshit insane. You’ll need to wait it out till your son is no longer breastfeeding or you won’t get 50/50. So you need to play the long game here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 04:35 PM
5

A marriage is a union, two become one. You didn’t make the payments the two of you did. 😂 Sucks eh? Don’t get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 11:04 PM
11

If you’re really pulling $300k than you’re going to bounce back just fine man. Pay her off, get her out. Some of that money isn’t gone, it’s equity in a house which is a lot more than she’s got.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 09:34 PM
8

This is extremely disrespectful. She’s telling you she doesn’t care and will do what she wants. You’re taking care of the kids and she’s having an affair. Google DARVO. My recommendation is to not even bother trying to figure out the affair and then confront her although I know you will. I did. It made things twice as bad since it became high conflict once she knew she was caught.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 11:47 AM
2

The amount doesn’t matter the point is half is yours and refusing to let you access it to try to bully you via financial distress is abuse and people try it all the time. Your lawyer can fix that quickly
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 01:16 AM
2

Yep. Do yourself a favor and try to do the majority of the work yourself. $400/hr adds up quick! Google and this sub are your best friends for now. Also I saw you say something elsewhere that you’re worried about the cost. Well, whatever assets are currently available are half yours i.e. if you have a savings account with $100k in it $50k is yours. If she won’t let you access that then that’s financial abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:05 PM
2

Find a decent enough divorce lawyer, this scenario is probably really common and they’ll know exactly how it’s supposed to work.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 07:07 PM
2

At least in the states I’ve lived, Kindergarten doesn’t start till age 5 so there’s going to a cost one way or another for at least 3.5 years. Maybe I’m wrong. Yep good luck! Mine was super amicable till I said no to something then all hell broke lose haha.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 06:35 PM
5

First of all I’m sorry. Second of all you need to understand what you’re entitled to. 50% of all assets accrued during the marriage are technically yours and since she makes twice your income this is where it could go from amicable to ugly in a heartbeat. Doesn’t matter if one spouse sat around for years doing nothing, that’s the law. Not saying that’s you just explaining how it works. I would pursue 50/50 custody, she will owe you child support. Depending on the state & length of marriage she w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:35 PM
2

My ex blew through $207k cash in 8 months last year, separated in Feb settlement reached in October that’s how I knew because I saw every bank statement. Vacations, clothes, fine dining etc so I can relate to how quickly they can spend money. That’s why I mentioned grocery delivery if you’re concerned. If your ex is anything like mine and you gave her cash, she would take care of herself first at the kids expense. She can’t buy plane tickets with 10 bags of groceries but you will know your kids …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:56 PM
0

I had specific verbiage written into our separation agreement that we could never audit eachother in the future / modify the terms. We have 50/50, same situation both high earners and there is no child support. My guess is since she’s applying for benefits the state is looking for you to support your kid before they do. While that sucks for you it’s mildly refreshing they are actually looking at this stuff. I would try to stall, the government works slow and hopefully she will get back on her fe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:30 PM
17

She’s actively doing things she knows hurt you. Is it petty? You bet. It’s also a huge red flag that screams she’s not your friend anymore. She doesn’t want to discuss problems with you and find solutions, she wants to discuss things in front of the councilor so the councilor will tell you she’s right and you’re wrong. The point of this is to validate her position that the marriage isn’t fixable while letting her off the hook for any and all responsibility for ending the marriage in the first pl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:59 PM
2

You can have a ring, ceremony, kids, call each other husband and wife without legally marrying. That would be my path if I could do it all over again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:38 PM
19

So he’s recovering from surgery and you’re looking for a way out while still maintaining the legal status he’s provided for you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 10:37 AM
4

I’m 40 and have had luck on Facebook dating. Hinge was just “I love traveling, wine and labradoodles and I like work as a hair stylist” and I just couldn’t deal with it at this stage in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:51 PM
11

This is when amicable turns south quickly. Her ask is unrealistic and is basically just asking you to give her the house while pretending you have equity that you’ll have zero control over ever tapping. You need to nip that in the bud immediately or the demands will just pile up from there. If she cannot afford to buy you out and live there on her own guess what? She can’t do it. I’d love a yacht and Ferrari but it’s not in the cards.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 02:19 PM
14

You were supposed to just know. Here’s the deal - When a woman is in love she will overlook pretty much any flaw. Video games, back hair, snoring at night, whatever. When she falls out of love the slightest imperfection will drive her nuts. She fell out of love with you and the video games are her excuse. Even if you didn’t play games and she fell out of love she would find something else to blame it on. Sorry man, when they lose the feelings there’s no fixing it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:41 PM
14

She thought she could change you and since that didn’t work it’s your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:27 PM
1

That’s not a fair way to spin things and you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:38 AM
6

This OP. Minimal responses, the more you say the more they will find something to poke holes in. When possible, use single word responses. I didn’t get anything like this but did get a “Statement of admissions” with 8 things all financially related that they wanted me to admit to. I denied all 8 of them and gave super short “this is false” answers which put the burden of proof back on her. She couldn’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:16 AM
3

Got it. I’m going to see if the school has any resources for this type of thing if not I will look outside of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:43 PM
2

Well I didn’t leave, when I confronted her about her affair she stormed off and left me with two little kids for the weekend. Then she booked a trip to Panama for her and the AP 😂 She was a real piece of work haha
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:42 PM
5

Primarily because I wasn’t given a choice and neither were my kids. This was forced on all of us and now she’s upset the kids don’t like her and wants my help. I do want what’s best for my kids, I could care less about her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:40 PM
1

Good advice thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:38 PM
3

I don’t suspect abuse i think she just ignores him and plays on her phone when it’s her week. That’s how she was when we were still living together.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:36 PM
11

I believe you are correct. I know my ex loves the kids but she doesn’t love being a mother and could give hundreds of examples how she would rather be doing something else besides spending time with them. Just last week (my week) we had an after school fundraiser race at his school. She told me she would be there early to spend time with him so I told him she would be there. Poor kid sat at a picnic table for half an hour looking around for her. Finally they announced the start of the race so we…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:34 PM
20

Don’t move out. There’s another guy and you just won the lottery. Stand your ground, half is yours and she’s going to owe you alimony most likely. No question there’s another guy now. Hold your ground and get the money you’re entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 08:27 PM
7

I’ll be officially divorced exactly 1 year next month. Last night I had a dream I met Warren Buffet and I made fun of the socks he was wearing. Anyway my point is that even though it feels hopeless right now believe me I know, it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 12:03 PM
3

Well you’re entitled to 50/50 custody if you’re just a normal guy and entitled to 50% of all assets accrued during the marriage. So, whatever she says is pretty meaningless. If she wants to lose half her 401k in addition to legal fees that’s up to her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:11 PM
7

Do not leave. She’s trying to scare you out of the house and you legally have every right to stay there. Time to get a lawyer and start documenting everything!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:06 PM
3

Just tell her you deleted them. A judge isn’t going to order your phone searched just because she “has regrets”. She’s going to try this with pretty much everything btw. I want this or else. Stop talking to her and communicate through a lawyer so the scare tactics don’t work and you can get a fair deal done as quickly and cheaply as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 10:52 AM
5

The basics are that anything you had prior to the marriage is pre-marital and solely yours. So you’ll need documentation to prove the dollar amount of your bank accounts and if you have a 401k / retirement account what the value was when you got married. Half of anything accrued during the marriage including retirement accounts is technically hers and vice versa if she worked / saved. If the house was yours that’s fine, but if you two lived there she can likely argue that any equity growth durin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 11:28 AM
7

A mix of Scottish & Irish with a heavy dose of confrontation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:34 PM
11

If you’re in a no fault state it won’t make a bit of difference. Further, you were separated at the time of these texts so even in at at fault state it wouldn’t really matter. Here’s the problem - you just poked the bear and now she may be vindictive. Part of the reason it’s recommended you don’t date during divorce is if the STBX finds out she may chose to make the divorce as expensive and painful as possible just out of spite. So, did you do anything wrong in the eyes of the law? No, but you m…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 06:23 PM
14

If you’re even remotely put together physically, can dress and groom yourself, have a car, own house and a decent paying job with disposable income the single mom scene is pretty wild. They will be planning how to move their kids into your house on the second date. Obviously, don’t do this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:00 AM
8

Stop talking to her. Do not make a deal with her. Get a lawyer and get what you’re entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:45 AM
2

Yeah it’s location dependent for sure. I live in a large metro so there’s a lot of activity on it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 04:43 PM
8

If you don’t have kids there is absolutely zero reason you should go the single mom route. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:25 PM
21

In my experience on Hinge it seemed like most of the young attractive ones were seeking more of a sugar daddy type of arrangement. I’ve had much better luck on FaceBook Dating. You need to get out and into groups of people if you’re not willing to play the numbers game online and that’s exactly what it is. You’ll go through 25 conversations before finding one that clicks and could be a good option. Try volunteer events, active singles groups, coed sports leagues or church if you’re into that sor…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:17 PM
1

You won’t be the first or last guy on here who got fast tracked to the alter only to get dropped shortly afterwards. They’ll do that, especially if they have friends or sisters who are getting married. 29 is super young, you’ll recover quickly. Whatever you do don’t get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:36 PM
2

My guess with such a short marriage and the miscarriage is there is a mixture of “buyer remorse” and trauma from the miscarriage. She thought she wanted to get married and have a baby. Now she wants to start completely over and just needed one reason to exit. I know this hurts now and feels hopeless but you’ll look back on this one day and realize what a huge mistake marrying her was. For her to do a total 180 in less than a year is a huge red flag. Be happy this isn’t 5 years from now after you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 12:41 PM
2

Sir, she was dying to get out and this is just her excuse. You looked at one porn film? This didn’t have a prayer of lasting.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 12:19 PM
2

This OP. You have the right to see your child but if you dilly daly around for a long time it’s going to be a very bad look to any judge. You need to do this yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:28 PM
0

Not arguing that, just saying there’s a lot of gray area. The solution is to simply not legally marry. Exchange rings, have a wedding, have kids if you want but do not legally marry.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:07 PM
-1

This will get downvoted but there are plenty of examples of men being the foolish ones and burying the family in mountains of debt. Particularly with gambling and sports betting. So it’s not just a male vs female thing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:34 PM
2

Big W. Way to never give up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:31 PM
3

lol dude get a life
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:45 PM
1

Last year I would have agreed with you but I have leveled up. I’m saving a ton of money not trying to sustain her ridiculous lifestyle. New guy can pay those bills now I’m busy dating younger women who actually appreciate me. Couldn’t care less about the ex’s love life now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:36 PM
16

Sorry man. In my experience they tend to rewrite history and every good thing you did will have never happened. Mine told me she never loved me after I confronted her about her affair. Word of caution: Amicable almost always means she gets everything she wants and you get smoked. If you start saying no and go for a true 50/50 split of assets they often turn nasty. Another thing is the 50/50 custody. They will often push for an unfair split like 90/10 which will obviously put you on the hook for …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:50 PM
3

This OP. I’m sure you had faults we all did but it’s pretty common for them to rewrite your entire history together to the point where you did absolutely nothing correctly the entire time. Her only mistake was marrying you and the only lie she ever told was that she loved you. I literally got those exact words told to me. You need to quit this snap streak stuff, she’s doing it to punish you and mess with your head. If you don’t have kids I would go zero contact if I were you. Nothing, nada. Talk…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:55 PM
7

Indeed but that definitely wouldn’t be appropriate at my kids birthday party.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:35 AM
3

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:43 AM
3

I suppose it would really depend on why you got divorced in the first place. Mine isn’t redeemable, but I do know of couples that have gotten back together. Sometimes it works but usually it’s a disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:48 AM
2

I started getting ultimatums and threats when she was 2 months pregnant with our first. Dozens more times over the following 4 years… Every time she was mad or I said no to something it was an ultimatum / divorce threat. So, when I finally called her out on her affair she said it wasn’t an affair because she told me she wanted a divorce. I had heard that at least 30 times by then so apparently that was the one time she was serious haha
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:03 AM
4

This is kind of my stance. I want to be present for everything I possibly can be and there is no way I’m going to let this guy replace me as “dad” at all of these activities. Much to her dismay I am sure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:47 AM
6

No we’re past the high conflict part, divorce finalized last year and we’re both seeing other people. The difference is I haven’t introduced any women to my kids but she has introduced this guy. He’s not the affair guy so as long as he’s a decent guy I have nothing against him and frankly can’t stop it if I wanted to. I fully expect her to make a lot of passive aggressive comments but I will just ignore it. Maybe me and this guy can be buddies after she cheats on him haha
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:35 AM
2

Send a revised proposal that’s 10% less. My ex turned down an offer last summer then ended up settling for less 4 months later in mediation. She threw a fit in front on three lawyers, it was glorious.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:44 PM
9

Having two birthday parties and inviting all his friends from school twice seems rather silly and trivial. This guy is not my enemy, he’s not the AP. Frankly if I met the AP I’d give him a hug and a kiss on top of his bald head for removing that garbage from my life. Trust me the actual divorce was pretty nasty but I’m so over her and indifferent to her life now I couldn’t care less. I’m not looking to be buddies with him and frankly I don’t see any way she will even let me interact with him “un…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:39 PM
1

If you don’t have kids there are no unexpected consequences other than you’re going to rack up more legal fees. I’d put her affair front and center and tell her she gets a big fat zero.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:37 PM
6

It’s not her party, it’s my sons and I’m not going to be absent from his events just because mommy wanted to sleep around the office. I’m over her, have moved on. It’s important I be present for my son regardless of whatever doofus is currently banging her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:27 PM
5

My son must be under a gag order. I’ve tried a few times to extract more information other than his name and he freezes. A few months ago he told me his name, the kids names and that he’s good at spinning a basketball on his finger. After that he clammed up. Edit to add that’s really all I care about. If he treats my kids well nothing else is my business. Actually if is a great guy I have genuine concern for him haha
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 08:09 PM
4

Oh I’m sure he has no clue. It hasn’t been long so I’m sure it’s still all great, I liked her a lot at first too obviously. No alimony, at the time of divorce we made similar salaries to offset any financial obligations to eachother.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 08:07 PM
5

Not all women, but a large portion of them are apparently carbon copies of each other. I’ve read my story on here hundreds of times all written by different men.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 07:11 AM
19

Well if she’s anything like mine, when you locate your balls again and start to standup up for yourself she’s going to really lose it. Find a good lawyer. Any communication with your wife should be done in writing so there is a paper trail. YOU need to be the adult here, she won’t be. No matter what batshit things she says or accuses you of your responses should be treated like a business email at work. Pretend your boss, the judge and Jesus Christ himself is cc’d. All business no emotion. She’s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 07:00 AM
3

It’s all the same, only the names will change.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:39 AM
7

That’s a trap sir. Stop talking to her, any deal she offers or tries to guilt you into will be totally unfair to you. Get a lawyer if you don’t already have one and do this the correct way.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:36 AM
14

Her phone was automatically syncing with our Amazon digital photo frame. Amongst about 10 other things.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:52 AM
2

It’s a control thing. I don’t know your backstory but many of us essentially became employees in an effort to try to appease a wife that just couldn’t be made happy. Now that the control is gone they tend to react poorly when you say no to something.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:31 PM
5

If you have kids how about both of you put $100k each in a 529 for your kids, split everything else 50/50 and call it a day.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 05:51 PM
9

Why should you leave, she’s the one having an affair. Don’t leave the house and get a lawyer. Sorry man, mine did the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:06 AM
3

The problem is whatever you save will technically be half hers. There are some people with questionable morals who do things like shop a lot with a debit card and do cash back on the purchases, go to a casino and buy chips etc. With your timeframe the likelihood of getting caught is high and if a judge sees that it could blow up in your face. Two years of financial records is pretty standard for discovery, so it would probably stand out as a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 08:52 PM
5

I mean did she file for divorce because you had an affair? If not then this is pretty bizarre.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 08:12 PM
3

I understand. For your kids sake, you need to get yourself put together.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:56 AM
14

She doesn’t make the rules anymore and she’s not getting it. Stand your ground and watch her lose her mind. 50/50 custody is the hill you die on. I do mon-mon every-other week and it works great.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 10:28 PM
2

I think you need to get some therapy and figure out a way to get back to work and pay the bills. I realize a divorce is traumatic, believe me but that isn’t a card you can play to just mail it in. That trick has been tried too many times and the judge is calling BS on you. Whether or not it’s true I have no clue, but guys have tried this many times and it doesn’t work anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 10:24 PM
3

😂
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:43 PM
24

They don’t give a shit about us man. Mine begged me to switch our kids into new schools this year which would result in an easier commute for her and a longer one for me. I agreed, mostly because they are slightly nicer schools but we’re talking about a 3 & 5 year old so this isn’t exactly Big 10 vs Ivy League. Anyways, prior to me agreeing to the school change she had asked us to swap weeks so she could go on vacation next week. I agreed, not knowing we were changing schools at the time. Anyway…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 10:30 PM
3

No problem. FYI since she made false claims, gloves off don’t worry about being petty. If your council is free then burry her. With that said you need to consider when to take the foot off the gas as well. She is the mother of your children and she will very likely end up with 50% custody - you don’t want her to be poor since it will impact your kids. Maybe go shock and awe for a bit then tone it down once she realizes you aren’t going to just roll over and die.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:40 PM
18

Do not believe a single word out of your wife’s mouth from this moment forward. She’s shown her cards and anything she says is likely meant to deceive you. Dont worry about the abuse allegations, they all say that and unless the cops have arrested you for battery then it will not make a bit of difference. It is scary though, nobody wants to be called an abuser. 50/50 custody is the hill you die on, fight for your kids and good luck getting this garbage human being out of your life sir.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:36 PM
10

Hence why I said lesson learned. I can tell why you’re divorced 😆
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 07:33 PM
4

“Let’s be friendly about this and focus on what’s best for the kids” -my ex after getting caught having an affair. Promptly spends the next 6 months smearing me to family and friends, faking her financial disclosure and using every trick in the book to steal money. Good news, it didn’t work and good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 06:01 PM
14

My advice is to do as much of the work as possible yourself. Google is your friend. If you’re fighting over money tell them you’ll look through the statements yourself etc. Don’t ask her a single question you can’t figure out for yourself. Lesson learned after getting billed $15 for my lawyer to respond “you too” to a “have a good evening” email. $400/hr goes quick I blew through my $5k retainer before we even finished discovery.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:59 PM
13

Amicable to a woman means she gets whatever she wants. A true 50/50 split of everything almost always leads to a battle. Your choice as a man is to figure out how close to 50/50 is worth the money you’ll spend on legal fees. It’s not that she only cares about herself, it’s that she no longer cares about YOU. Guys, if your wife files for divorce that means she filed a LAWSUIT against you. Quit thinking she’s going to be fair or honest about anything, 90% of the time she won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:02 AM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:53 PM
3

Tell her to start selling all her stuff and give you half the cash, see how that goes. How’s her shoe and clothing collection looking? The answer is no. I’m sure there are plenty of physical assets she expects to keep after separation. Don’t go down the road of itemizing all of your stuff, attaching a dollar value and then paying her to keep your stuff. Just say no.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:42 PM
0

Yeah I could see that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 01:50 PM
5

It sounds like she’s actually a good wife and mother you’re just missing the spark you used to have and may be panicking a bit in your mid-life. Do you think it’s possible to reconnect with your wife on an emotional level? Maybe try dating her again, go out and do some fun stuff. A vacation without the kids. Maybe some therapy. I don’t know man, this sounds way better than most of the marriages you hear about on here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 02:51 PM
1

If that’s what you’re happy with then try to get that done as quickly as possible. You could start at 50/50 and then make a deal for a bit less. I can’t emphasize enough how quickly $400/hr to a lawyer can snowball into huge monthly bills. At one point last year I was paying $3k per month in legal fees so your goal is to get an acceptable deal done ASAP. DO NOT mention the cheating. Do not engage in any discussions about your relationship and do not get baited into any fights. Just tell her you’…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 03:41 PM
3

If cheating mattered at all there wouldn’t be a bunch of guys on here in disbelief they have to pay their stay at home ex-wife alimony after she catches butterflies for the bartender. My suggestion is don’t focus on it. It doesn’t matter in a no-fault state. She’s not going to hire a PI etc if you ask for a divorce and even if she did it’s not going to make a single bit of difference when it comes to the financial settlement. A lot of us got cheated on and then they still went for the throat fin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 03:34 PM
8

I don’t believe they are all that deceitful, cunning yes haha. Deep down they know what they are doing is wrong hence the well orchestrated public relations campaign to make you look terrible so everyone will support her decision to totally fuck you over. Mine was also having an affair so she had that going too. There are good women, I picked wrong. There are a lot of bad ones for sure, just like there are bad men.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:11 PM
12

Sorry this happened to you. Similar thing happened to me - She had been planning her move for over a year then when everything was in place she acted. It was really amazing stuff, the entire last year or so of our marriage was completely faked. The kisses, I love yous, the sex. Then like a light switch she flipped off. Hang in there man, you’re in the right place for support. I got through it and even though I know you feel hopeless right now you will get through it too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 05:51 PM
9

Nope. Don’t be like me. I literally got on my knees and begged my ex wife to do counseling with me and work on things. She agreed after a lot of push back and spend 2 one hour sessions tearing me to pieces. I barely got a word in. In fact a lot of the “stories” she was sitting next to me telling about me were either dramatically changed from what actually happened or made up entirely from scratch. I sat there, shellshocked and in disbelief. Turns out she was having an affair. Not saying yours is…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:24 PM
1

She’s six weeks pregnant and you had a dead bedroom? I assume you believe this child is not yours correct?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 12:48 PM
11

Tell her to get a job. Then tell her to calm down.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 06:31 PM
5

You didn’t mention kids. Do you guys have also what state do you live in? Men tend to assume since they are male that automatically means they are going to get crushed. If she out earns you she could very likely owe YOU child support / alimony. Get a lawyer, do not believe or listen to a single word out of your wife’s mouth. Have the lawyer file and start the financial discovery process. 50% of every penny & item gained during the marriage is rightfully yours. It doesn’t matter if you made more,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 03:23 PM
7

All good stuff. I just wanted to add that wives can and will cheat / bail even if you’re in shape during the marriage. I’ve been an avid cyclist / weightlifter for almost 6 years. Was in way better shape than our wedding day when she cheated on me with a bald nerdy tech guy from work. So I guess my point is they can cheat no-matter what, doesn’t matter if your Tom Brady or Al Bundy. But the good news is you’ll feel way better about yourself, have more confidence and will likely have a better cha…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 12:56 AM
13

My ex cheated on me with a colleague. My lawyer said something profound.. he said “I don’t know why men want to stay in terrible relationships”. Some of us are loyal to a fault and will put up with a lot of shit especially if there are kids. Whereas women seem to have no issue bolting, kids or not if they think they found a better option. Look man I don’t know what your marriage is like but you’re obviously concerned and can apparently tell she’s “unhappy”. If the marriage sucks, know she will i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:19 PM
2

I would. It will reduce your support payments even more and also give you peace of mind that your money is actually being spent on your children as intended. Plus it’ll piss her off 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:20 PM
6

50/50 is the hill you die on. If you only make 18% more then your monthly payments to her will be minimal especially if the kids are on your insurance plan. Stand your ground sir.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:15 AM
3

Similar experience. I still get invited to things if it’s my week with the kids and she won’t be present. We don’t discuss her or what happened at all, not a word. But it’s pretty clear they know who messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:19 PM
5

There is nothing to be ashamed of - becoming self aware and owning that you’ve lived your life as a doormat for women is 1000% better than coming up with an endless list of excuses and shifting the blame elsewhere. Look, not all women are evil. They really aren’t. You’ve just made yourself into a perfect target for people that can manipulate and use you. This new girl is nothing but trouble. Stop getting involved with women that are hopping from man to man using them until she finds a new victim…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:29 PM
2

This is so typical and I was in this guys shoes almost 2 years ago now. She came out guns blazing with threats and demands I was scared to death. I was ready to take a huge loss and offered her an amazing settlement offer WHICH THE DUMMY TURNED DOWN LOL. After I gathered myself and my lawyer did a fantastic job going through everything with me over several months things were quite different. Turned out since we make the same money I didn’t owe her any payments and despite all the fits she threw …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 08:43 PM
8

If your wife earns the same or more than you and you have 50/50 custody you wouldn’t owe her anything. In fact, if she out earns you she will owe you child support.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:43 PM
14

Once she starts actively turning her family against you it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:18 PM
5

You just wrote the first chapter of single mom 101
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:55 AM
2

I don’t believe my ex entered the marriage as a plot to ding me for money. She didn’t need to, has an MBA, wealthy daddy, made great money. I’m sure some women do but that wasn’t my case.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 03:34 PM
4

I still have no clue why this is so common. The “we had kids now my wife hates me” thing is so bizarre. Same thing happened to me, had two kids and the woman couldn’t stand me anymore. I worked, I cooked, I cleaned, I shared kiddo duties with her. She just turned and next thing I knew she was having an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:55 PM
7

They’ll base her income off of her historical income. Quitting your job to try to maximize alimony doesn’t work the way they think it will. Get a lawyer, stop talking to your wife about this stuff it’s only going to scare you into thinking she can just take everything. Hint: she can’t.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 02:16 PM
15

Assuming you’re both contributing, the answer is still maybe. A lot of women have a lifestyle that they want regardless of if you can afford it or not. My ex was very intelligent, had an MBA and an earned great money. Now that she’s gone, I am saving more money than ever simply because the cost of her lifestyle was so extreme.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 10:59 PM
6

Hope you get the help you need sir. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 06:56 PM
2

I think when you face somebody who is hellbent on destroying your character, finances, friendships, relationship with your children etc. and you take the shots and emerge from it intact the rest of the challenges in life become rather trivial. Things that used to stress me out at work no longer do. What would probably seem difficult seems easy now. I’m motivated, I have a plan and this time it’s my decision not a bunch of hair brain things done on a whim based on her current emotional state.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 04:54 PM
3

I’m just saying just because she pulls up in her new BMW doesn’t mean she’s doing well. Most of them completely fake a lifestyle and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 02:10 PM
2

May I ask how you even know this and also why are you watching? With all due respect you’re going to have a hard time moving on if you’re concerned about her. Is it possible what you think is some fabulous life is really just the typical mirage almost all of them display after a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:19 AM
2

If you think she’s crazy enough to borrow a bunch of money in an effort to bleed your money then you need ask for a trial date as soon as possible. My state requires you try mediation before going to trial and we settled in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:04 AM
3

It’s something like 3% go to trial. If you go to trial you either: A) Have $100M to fight over and throwing $200k to a lawyer means nothing B) There is real documented criminal activity like fraud or one party is just insane and has no problem destroying themselves with legal fees if it means ruining the other party in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:48 PM
11

She doesn’t want you back she just wants your new relationship to fail. She won’t like any success you have from this point forward and if she can throw and monkey wrench into it she will.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:56 PM
17

First, you need to take some deep breaths. This is very common - Typically when a wife gets caught cheating the first thing they do is go scorched earth and the threats fly. Commonly known as DARVO, cheaters will do anything to shift the blame from themselves to you. Get a lawyer and stop talking to your wife Immediately. She’s going to try to bait you into an argument and if you’re dumb enough to fall for it she might actually get something to pin on you. She can’t kick you out of the house She…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:28 AM
2

Well like you said, you weren’t a good husband but with that aside, what she did isn’t exactly sunshine and roses either. What she did is very common, which is check out and get something new lined up prior to fully separating from you. This is called monkey branching. In my case something similar happened, she started bonding with an older guy from work about running marathons and traveling the world etc. Shortly after she began taking an unusual amount of “business trips” which you can probabl…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:34 PM
9

Supposedly the 7-Year Itch is a real thing
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 08:44 PM
7

“I hope this has humbled you you aren’t as good as you think you are” Wow, thanks for the support hun.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 08:38 AM
5

Get a custody agreement set and stick to it. You give her an inch she will take a mile.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 03:42 PM
4

LOSING A WHOLE YEAR. Listen to the lyrics. Quit being the nice guy, say no. Spend time with your daughter and get your trash wife out of your life. You’re the decision maker now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 03:20 PM
1

She’s trying to trick you. You’re entitled to 50% of anything accrued during the marriage. She’s trying to skirt the whole equity thing, which in reality is just wealth on paper. You need a lawyer and wise up asap.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:56 PM
1

I’m not sure about financial resources but I completed a divorce in MI last year so if you have questions I’d be happy to try to answer them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:16 PM
2

Just say no. In family law you can ask for anything you want, doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Unless you’re making $500k and she’s making $15k per year the likelihood of you having to cover her legal fees are next to zero. If you both earn the same amount of money the likelihood of you paying her maintenance is also zero.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:00 PM
1

Tell him you can have a wedding ceremony, wear wedding bands and call her his wife without signing a legal contract. I’ve seen several couples go this route and at least offers some protection. It’s going to be a tough sell - He’s in love and she’s going to leverage him into a legal marriage most likely anyway. “Won’t happen to me” every guy on this sub thought the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:56 AM
2

This OP. Amicable is just code for you give her everything. Tell her you want half the assets and she’s going to owe you spousal support since she out earns you and watch the fireworks start.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:52 AM
3

We all missed the red flags which is why we are here haha. Oh well live and learn.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:06 AM
2

Jeez. Really sorry you got played that card in life and I obviously feel terrible for your kids. She sounds horribly selfish. Keep your head up you’re going to be all they’ve got.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 10:19 AM
3

Out of curiosity how did she manage to lose all custody of her kids? That is a feat.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 09:22 AM
7

Any of those places in Asia are great just be careful and make sure you’re actually dealing with a biological female
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 09:16 AM
2

NJ is equitable distribution so you are in luck there. In theory her having substantial assets would mean you would pay a bit less. But, that doesn’t stop her from making it very expensive to arrive at that point. If she is going to be vindictive and awful then prepare yourself for some major legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:13 PM
1

What state are you in? If it’s equitable distribution they will factor in her assets even though if she inherited it it will all go to her as it should.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:17 PM
2

I spent about $17k total, no clue what she spent but likely more. I believe he was $375/hr this was in MI.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:27 PM
5

Stupid is as stupid does
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:00 PM
9

“Trial separation” it’s the same story every time. Stop sending her money time to move on sir.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 11:29 AM
6

Actually I did a very scientific study on this. Odds are if you were born a male you are probably a narcissist. You can read more details here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/VtBRskxusa
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 08:31 PM
6

And we only hear about the ones that get caught
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 01:50 PM
2

Love the attitude. Nobody watches you closer than somebody that hopes you fail. Let her watch and give her a great show my man.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:09 PM
5

Lie, deny, accuse. It’s the same pattern every time. Yes, she’s cheating. No, she will never admit it. Further, if you confront her about this prepare to be accused of abuse etc. she will do and say anything to shift all fault from herself to you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:08 PM
5

It’s 2024 if she out earns you then take the child support. Let her chew on some equality.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:24 PM
11

lol. Mine had her photos automatically syncing to our Amazon photo frame. Real genius way to get busted 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:51 PM
13

This OP. Mine was faking business trips to sleep with one of her superiors. If you want to send an anonymous tip in you have to wait until after the divorce is finalized. The reason is once things go sideways for her the only thing on her mind will be revenge and you do NOT want to get caught up in a 2-3 year divorce where you bleed to death paying legal fees because she wants to be vindictive. It sucks but right now you need to be the logical one. Your wife is a cheater, cut this garbage out of…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:59 AM
5

This guy is a walking cash register for women lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 11:29 AM
15

These are the best stories. Mine did the same but the second the divorce was finalized he was taillights. Turns out he didn’t really want to settle down with a single mom and two kids under 5 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:16 PM
3

It’s considered a gift. Pick a different battle to fight this one isn’t it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:31 PM
3

My apologies, I was speaking for myself. 2 years is about the time women turn from “I love your high libido” to “not now I’m tired” So now that I’ve done the marriage and kids thing I’ll be exiting future relationships around that time. No need to wear out my welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:31 AM
11

I’m not sure how as men we can believe we’ll be anything special to a woman who’s already had 40 other guys inside her. No ability to bond. Sorry sir, I made a similar mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 11:52 PM
6

2 year shelf life max.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 09:22 PM
9

This is when you know you’re making true progress. It took me about a year but I’m at a point she almost seems diseased to me. I know she’s physically attractive, but in the rare instances we are together in person I find her repulsive. Like an apple that looks delicious on the outside but you know is filled with maggots. It’s tough to explain I am just so grossed out by her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 11:17 AM
2

I’ve heard the opposite and that most people will settle prior to trial. Dont only something like 2% of divorce cases go to trial? I suppose if you get there you’re dealing with either a an odd / criminal situation or a completely vindictive unhinged spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 10:17 AM
2

So this is a baby momma that you’re concerned will go after more CS once you inherit assets?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 10:14 AM
2

You’re pain shopping. What’s the difference between a one night stand and her getting a train run on her anyway? Either way she cheated on you once and will do it again the second she’s NoT HaPpY :( Screw her, move on. You’ll never get the truth only lies.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:36 PM
6

Nope, totally normal. I’ve been with a few women now and at the end of each date I’ll just lay there wanting to leave or hoping she will leave. Why am I still here Why are you still here Can I start your car for you? Haha But in all seriousness if you can’t wait to bail once you hit post nut clarity she’s probably not your long term person which is totally ok.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 10:54 AM
3

100%. It’s fantastic. I miss my kids on my week off but ready to hit it hard with them come Monday.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:45 PM
21

I’ll second this. When I was married I was a very involved father but was often short fused. Now I have 50/50 custody week on week off and I find myself in situations where I’m totally calm and soothing to my kids when I know previously I would have probably lost my cool. Not being nitpicked and constantly corrected / ridiculed has definitely made me a better and more loving father to my two little ones.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 08:32 PM
3

Got it. Stick to your guns. You’re entitled to 50/50 she’s probably just being vindictive many of them make it as difficult as possible just to waste your money and time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:11 PM
0

Those aren’t men they are boys.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:03 PM
1

Why didn’t you get 50/50 time?
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:12 PM
7

Momma says stupid is as stupid does.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:46 AM
15

“Call a plumber”
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:58 AM
10

Personally I’d show up and start working out right next to them and make it as uncomfortable as possible for them both. Why are you letting her dictate things? Thank him for taking her off your hands. Give him a hug. Tell him you appreciate him 😂
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 04:01 PM
1

Gotta snap out of that man. It’s really tough believe me I was really depressed for a while. Couldn’t function had to get a prescription for Concerta just so I could do my job and not get fired. Make the effort, force it no matter what your brain tells you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:01 PM
7

Over the last year I’ve watched my ex wife bounce from guy to guy. The AP bailed out right after the divorce was finalized. Then there was the neighbor guy, then a couple guys she knew from her past. At this point in my mind I view her as almost “diseased” in a way. I know she’s physically attractive but when I see her I am just disgusted. I am kind in exchanges with the kids but I’d honestly rather put my dick in a wood chipper than ever touch her again. You’ll get there. Took me about a year.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:59 PM
12

Realize a lot of this is a show purely to stick it to you. Put yourself in that guys shoes for a moment as well. How long can is he going to dedicate his time and money to kids that aren’t even his to impress mommy? It’s fake and frankly unsustainable. You have genuine love for your children he does not. Imagine the frustration level we experience with our own children at times when they test our patience. Now imagine if they aren’t even your kids and the puppy dog faze with the woman you’re fak…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:50 PM
2

Guys didn’t seem to like the “pick your battles line” haha. Thats fair. I would circle back to my first point of choose your partner wisely obviously a person with BPD isn’t somebody you could ever have a reasonable discussion with at all. I think I should rephrase my meaning to “pick the timing of your battles wisely” because we all know the reaction is going to depend on their current mood which could be completely different 5 minutes from now. In my experience had I just let things cool off f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:07 AM
18

So my ex cheated and was overall a poor spouse and really quite nasty during the divorce process. Initially I found myself quit jaded and definitely looked at women as basically the enemy. Now, I have moved on and for the most part healed. My ex doesn’t represent all women any different than an abusive drunk represents you or me as men. There are bad people in the world regardless of sex my ex was definitely one of them. With that said women are going to act like women. None of its going to make…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:33 PM
5

I’m going to give you some tough love here. You are both caught in an endless loop of mudslinging, none of which has anything to do with a financial settlement or doing what’s right for the children. The lawyers are NOT going to stop you because you’re going to end up buying them both new BMW’s. Stop the bullshit immediately. Demand a trial date and send her a final offer. You need to be the one to stop this, nobody else is going to do it for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:51 PM
4

Yep, mine was the same. Reputation and herself were her top 10 priorities, the dog was 11, kids were number 12. I was down a few places maybe number 80 or so. I’m not suggesting this is the right course of action you need to keep in mind if you nuke her with this co-parenting for the rest of your life will become nearly impossible. It MAY knock some sense into her and get her to quit wasting everyone’s time and money and get a fair deal done. I’m sure your lawyer has told you it’s possible to us…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:45 AM
5

Got it. In that case I would view this as more of a strategy shift. Women will typically avoid embarrassment at all costs so you could try playing this card in the hopes she will shift to wanting to get a deal done prior to a trial and her affair becoming a topic. AKA if she’s dragging her heels and being difficult, here’s how you get her to be reasonable. Just don’t get your hopes up that this would mean anything at all to a judge because it won’t, it’ll only matter to her which is all you need…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:31 AM
7

It sounds like a divorce has already been filed prior to this incident? If so then none of this really matters.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:07 AM
1

What were your total costs in legal fees? This deal isn’t terrible man, we’ve seen much worse on here. She definitely got on the 401k vs cash part. Did you factor the tax implications into your calculations at all?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 11:17 PM
3

If she cheated on you than there is zero chance this will be amicable even if you’re the one that wants it to be. How does that make sense? Well it doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:13 PM
2

It sounds like she’s self destructing and doesn’t realize she’s only damaging her case. Showing your children a nude image seems like a big no no
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:00 PM
6

My guess is she is screwing with him and telling him she’s showing everyone and will even display it in court to embarrass him. He’s panicking and not realizing how completely bogus it all is. Just a total guess.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:28 PM
1

I’m not sure I understand your statement. If you’re talking about financial and physical assets it should all be divided up as equally as possible. Depending on how your STBX is, that can be easier said than done. Mine fought me for every penny and every glass in the cupboard but ultimately I came out of it with a deal I was comfortable with.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:03 PM
4

That’s one of the strangest things I’ve ever heard. Why would she show the lawyers? What on earth could that have to do with anything?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:39 PM
5

It’s a difficult pill to swallow. I can’t put myself fully in your shoes because my ex had a good job and our financial contributions were fairly equal. I can tell you this: Life after divorce is incredibly inexpensive. Maintaining their lifestyle is incredibly expensive - the vacations, the clothes, the cars, fancy dinners etc. the list goes on. It’s a setback for sure but you can catch back up quickly if you don’t let this defeat you and try.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:07 PM
19

I have a high libido which women seem to really like for about 2 years then get tired of it. So I figure I’m like a box of Triscuits: 2 year shelf life. But also I value my freedom. I had dreams of sailing and exploring before I settled down and tried to do the family thing. I suppose I should thank her for giving me my dream back because now when the kids are grown and gone I can go do that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:54 AM
1

Just keep it all, don’t respond with anything at all and keep it strictly professional. When your kids are 25 and ask your side of the story just say “hey check these messages out”
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:29 PM
4

Same story. You don’t have to have a long term partner to be happy in life. Frankly I’ve completely pivoted in my life goals after the number she did on me. Now, the moment I get these kids off to college I’m taillights to the coast getting a sailboat and exploring port to port the rest of my life. I’m sure there will be women that come and go but I’ll never commit to one again. Dedicate years of my life hoping I don’t get stabbed in the back? Pass.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:00 PM
3

I’m not sure how the laws work in your country but I will say that women will behave exactly the same way regardless of where you’re located on the planet. She’s going to make it as difficult and expensive for you as possible. Thats why she’s saying if you want something have your lawyer ask since she knows you’ll get billed for it. Personally I got tired of the dribble of information and had my lawyer demand 2 years of every single monthly financial statement in existence. She printed it all ou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 10:25 AM
2

This OP. Don’t leave you’ll be putting yourself at a major disadvantage. Do not engage with her about anything, fully shut off communication. No response, no nothing. Your children are smarter than you think and they will recognize she’s the aggressor. Be a great dad and love on your children let your actions do the talking. So sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone sir there are plenty of men dealing with the abuse and vindictiveness. Now we know where all those sayings like “hell ha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:50 PM
8

I knew it was a lemon and bought it anyway. Definitely my biggest regret is not trusting my gut and letting her tears manipulate me. Live and learn.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:13 PM
10

Right there with you. I flipped two 3000 sqft houses top to bottom full guts & remodels by myself in 4 years while working a full time job. We had two children in that timespan and moved 4 times all while I did the majority of the cleaning, laundry and cooked dinner every night. I was also a very involved father, still am. For that I got cheated on and smeared. Her family is still really friendly to me and invites me to things to get the kiddo cousins together I’ve never said a word about my sid…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:05 PM
15

This is standard practice. I got accused of abuse too and never even raised my voice at her once during our 5 year marriage. Just deny it, it’s scary but the lawyers and judges have heard it a million times it’s just how it goes and won’t matter at all for a financial settlement. Funny story - I had actually called our wedding off initially and when I did that she was texting all of her friends and family that I called it off because I was insane and I’m abusive. At the exact same time she was t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:47 AM
6

I can’t answer that question, I’d love to know the answer. You’re much younger, I’m 40 and I won’t ever dedicate what’s left of my life to trying to make a woman happy. Call me jaded that’s fine. For me, I want to stack my money, retire early get my kids off to college then I’m headed to the coast to buy a sailboat and explore port to port. Will there be women? Sure. But they can get on board or jump off the side I could care less.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:16 AM
8

None of us thought in a million years they would turn out that way but they did. You’re luck sir, get this annulled and don’t get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:44 PM
5

Gods speed man. My ex wife’s “bulldog” lawyer ended up costing her big time. I made her a sweetheart deal last summer which she turned down to my amazement and then her lawyer came out guns blazing. The goal was obviously to scare me into an even better deal. By then and thanks in large part to the advice on this sub I said ok bitch, let’s do this by the books and she eventually settled in mediation for about 30% less money than I originally offered.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:52 PM
9

Some are aggressive just to add fuel to the fire so both sides dig their heels in which equals more billable hours. Hopefully you get a fair deal done as quickly and cheaply as possible!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 08:13 PM
3

I do mon-mon which works well. Lets the kids establish a routine and settle in and allows me to travel for work on my off weeks. If she’s giving you 50/50 without a fight I think you’re crazy to fight her on it. Aside from the time with your kids it’ll reduce or possibly eliminate child support. The other angle here is if you push back on 50/50 I can guarantee she will use it against you with your kids “look kids daddy didn’t want to spend time with you” I get you’re busy and work a lot but your…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 04:04 PM
1

This is only a good strategy if she’s employed and paying for her own lawyer. If she’s a SAHM he will just bleed himself twice with legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:26 PM
11

You’re really young and she sounds really flakey if she’s already threatening you 10 months in. Do not have children with this women it only complicates everything 10x more. Sorry man, I know it’s tough to let go but the good news is you’re really young with your whole life ahead of you. A lot of guys go through this in their 50’s and 60’s after dedicating their entire life trying to make their wife happy. For some, it’s an impossible task to win at no-matter what you do. Those guys bounced back…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:55 PM
3

Ah so she wasn’t married just seeing if she could do better. My wife told her AP that we were fully separated and going through the divorce process which wasn’t even close to being accurate. Pretty disgusted that she was sleeping with both of us but such is life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:18 PM
3

Is it possible she told the stories about her husband in a way that would make you feel like he was a jerk and it’s ok for the two of you to have a “thing” because that’s what she wanted?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 03:24 PM
2

Refer to my other response.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:36 PM
2

For sure. Your wealth wouldn’t matter to a 21 year old woman if you’re a 21 year old bartender. If you’re a 40 year old bartender that’s a different story. Bartenders and chefs are notorious, I worked in the restaurant industry two decades ago when I was in school I know exactly how that goes haha. A handsome charismatic pre-med student would also have a lot of success with women for the obvious reasons. My description is more of a broad brush example of men who are able to sleep with a large nu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:33 PM
5

Not really, totally missed the whole point. You also added “points” to your summary which I never touched on in my post. Edit: Quick glance at your post history tells me you’re a bizarre individual whom I’d never associate with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 12:13 PM
11

No and she probably spent hours telling him what a loser you were prior to having sex with him.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 11:26 AM
14

Somehow this topic always gets spun into men shaming women and how it’s some kind of double standard. I really don’t think it’s an apples to apples comparison. First of all if a guy had 100+ partners the only way to pull that off without paying dozens of hookers is for him to be a mega Chad. Rich, charming, very attractive, likely on vacation constantly etc. A true top 1% type of guy who would naturally draw a ton of female attention and for good reason because he’s the king of the jungle. It ta…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 11:20 AM
2

All good man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 12:59 AM
3

I’m not sure you have much experience in OLD. People are flakey about first dates and your weekend plans can get screwed up pretty quickly. For those of us with 50/50 that means I have 2 weekends a month to work with so I don’t want my time wasted. For a second date yeah, no calendar invite is necessary since you should be able to tell if there is mutual interest or not.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 12:47 AM
1

Saves everyone from mutual mystification.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 09:57 PM
12

Just send a calendar invite for the time of your date that way you don’t need to babysit their emotions for the 4 days prior
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 08:42 PM
5

If you’re watching your ex hoping she fails you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. She will always project an image that everything is great since after all, you were the problem. Rest assured she’s watching you too hoping you fail. So your best bet is to make sure she’s disappointed by being happy and successful. After all, she wasn’t that special anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 11:49 PM
2

It is very difficult to wrap your mind around what’s happening. I was in shock and disbelief for about 6 weeks when I got hit with it. That was over a year ago and believe me when I tell you they will take anything you will give and then come back for more. You will eventually learn to set rock solid boundaries and stand your ground. They’ll use the usual weapons: tears, lies, guilt etc to try to get what they want. Eventually when you realize you’re giving everything and some other guy is sleep…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 07:59 PM
11

Perplexing is a great way to describe it. I used to tell people the whole thing was bewildering. It is odd to see somebody break all forms of human decency to not only smear your name but take every last item and penny they could possibly get. We have two little kids together, how is it even possible to behave like that towards me? Anyway, same boat. My divorce finalized in December but it was over last Feb when I told her I knew she was having an affair. Looking back the signs were all there I …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 07:55 PM
2

I edited and added some comments especially about guilt regarding the children. Not trying to be mean man but she’s playing with your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 06:01 PM
3

She wants to divorce you purely for financial reasons. This translates directly to you’re a financial burden for her which she doesn’t like. What happens next time you guys take a family vacation and she has to pay for most of it because you cannot? Another fight, more threats. I’m not even going to delve into the obvious hypocrisy women show when it comes to finance we all know if you were making the big bucks what she would do. The point is that these relationships can hardly ever work out. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:56 PM
12

The “let’s work things out” is her trying to dupe you into taking 20% less than what your entitled to. I bet if you said no, 50% is firm her attitude would change pretty quickly. It’s ultimately your decision but my guess is you’ll take the lowball offer and then she will move on like nothing happened. You’ll regret that decision later on once you realize it was a trick.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:15 PM
1

$17k.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:22 AM
7

Yes, doing quite well. I am one of the fortunate ones that escaped without child support or alimony payments since she had an MBA and we earned basically the same amount of money. The real eye opener is just how expensive it was to maintain her lifestyle. The vacations, the clothes, the dinners etc. I’m just stacking money until I feel like dating again, will never remarry though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:41 PM
24

This. Big eye opener how inexpensive life is now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:39 PM
13

You don’t it’s as simple as that. A woman’s reality is viewed through the lens of whatever emotional state she’s currently in. If she likes you everything you say is funny, everything you do is great and even your mistakes are “cute”. If she doesn’t like you it’s the complete opposite. So, your reality isn’t going to align with hers if she no longer likes you. You can say women lie and that’s true but to them it’s justified because everything you did was bad because that’s what their emotions te…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 04:51 PM
3

Ah so no lump sum. It’s critical especially if you have kids to have verbiage written into the decree that she can’t audit you in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:48 PM
6

But you have your business and can still crush it and this time you get 100% of the profits. You also wont have her on the “payroll” any longer.. I couldn’t believe how much cheaper life is as a single dad. Don’t pay attention to her social media. I can almost guarantee she’s going to go on some wild vacations & spending sprees and slather her social media with how amazing her life is now. Mine blew through $200k in a 10 month span in 2023. I know this because she did it while we were still in d…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:42 PM
13

She’s had sex with 118 guys did I read that right? Personally I would be too disgusted to ever be intimate with her again. I’m no red pill find a virgin guy but that seems really high and I would question her morals and judgement. I get it, people date people have sex but holy smokes she literally didn’t say no to a single guy apparently. If she’s that loose with sex I put the chances of her cheating on you at about 99.9%
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:35 PM
7

The your a good father but a bad husband tale gets told on here constantly. It’s an excuse for poor behavior and infidelity nothing more. Sorry man. Your wife is cheating regardless of how anyone slices it. It’s not fixable and you need to file and begin the process. This was her choice, don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:08 PM
14

She’s not loyal, she’s already hiding things and being shady with him. You said it right in your post.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:45 PM
3

$17k in legal fees, my guess is she spent about $25k. 50/50 custody. No child support or alimony, we both had roughly the same income. Financially I walked away in great shape, half of everything we had accrued during the 5 year marriage. My cash flow is excellent now that there aren’t 6 Amazon packages on my doorstep on a daily basis and I don’t need to travel overseas on vacation whenever she has a bout of depression.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:11 PM
12

I’m 40 and will never remarry. There is absolutely zero value to a man other than shutting up a squawking hen that keeps pressuring you to get married. Gee I wonder why she wants to so badly. Forget it, never again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:32 PM
13

Hey man you’ve come to the right place, many of us can relate to what you are going through. I vividly remember how unbelievably crushed I felt after confronting my wife about her affair. The reaction and cruelty she showed I still cannot believe to this day. I spent many weeks in a complete daze, could barely sleep, couldn’t eat. I’ve never had depression, never had a single suicidal thought but during the tiny amount of time I did fall asleep I had reoccurring dreams where I was hanging myself…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:49 PM
2

I had been a bit of a gym rat prior to the divorce so I stayed the course with that. As far as supplements go the majority of them are complete waste of money and don’t actually do anything. If you’re looking to add muscle a balanced diet, whey protein is all you need and if you want to add creatine that is proven to help. Depending on your age you could look into TRT, I’m 40 and highly recommend at least getting your bloodwork checked. Other than that I can gotten quite addicted to investments …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:24 PM
8

The stripper doesn’t really like you. Neither does the bartender flirting for tips, nor does this “companion” You can test out this theory by asking them to pay for the expenses on one of your dates. I’m not saying this to be mean, this is how guys with low self esteem get used by women. I can’t even say it’s their fault because men literally go looking for it when we’re lonely. Look if this helps you get by then go for it just watch yourself when it inevitably ends badly. Keep working on your s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:04 AM
1

In most states the custody deck is not stacked against us we are just lead to believe that. Your ex can throw a fit, threaten, stomp her foot, call you abusive, whatever. If you are a halfway decent man without a criminal history or documented history of being unsafe to your kids your legal right is 50% custody. If you are a halfway decent man you should fight for that right and have your kids 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:25 PM
12

It’s a trap. Absolutely do not let her move your kids out of state. She’s going to completely screw you over if you let her. Absolutely guarantee she will ding you for child support once she’s established in the new state and you’ll be paying the max because now you’re seeing your kids 0% of the time. Why are you even considering letting her steal your own children? They’re going to think you abandoned them. Get a lawyer, 50/50 custody is the hill you die on. Don’t let her guilt you at all. She …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 01:41 PM
9

You poor thing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:09 PM
3

They’ll certainly fake it till the timing is right. Mine convinced me to sell our house and relocate out of state to be closer to her family. She filed exactly 120 days after moving, which is when you legally establish residency. Found out she was having an affair too, all planned out for months if not years. Not a care in the world how it impacts our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:49 PM
12

It’s amazing how many will use a guy to hit their goals and then try to upgrade. Seen this story on here a bunch of times.. “paid for everything while she got her masters” then dropped like a hot potato.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:21 PM
2

I know the feeling. NyQuil and a novel helped - not medical advice. It does get better, pretty sure I had insomnia for about 6 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:35 PM
2

Her plan A fell through and now she’s hoping to hang on to you until what she thinks is a better option presents itself. The version of you she wanted? Jesus Christ man.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 06:06 PM
9

Sorry man. I too discovered an affair but did the wrong thing and confronted her prior to securing a lawyer. It definitely made the process more contentious because she went into full attack mode once I called her out. You’re doing the right thing by not saying anything, I wish I could go back and do it differently. The most important thing right now is your kids and getting this unfaithful piece of garbage out of your life. Hang in there. I know I was in shock and disbelief at first which turne…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:26 PM
9

It’s a business deal sir. I know it’s difficult to have your commitments, hard work and sacrifices thrown in the trash and have your life treated like numbers in an excel spreadsheet but that’s how it goes. It’s tough to watch, I know I’ve been there. Hang in there man, it does get better in time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 06:17 PM
31

Imagine how much you’ll save on your groceries
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 11:48 AM
13

We all want our family back. I want nothing more than to provide my kids the nuclear family they deserve. My biggest regret in life (and I have many) is marrying the woman I had two kids with. They don’t deserve this. My ex cheated as well. I know if she ever wanted to come back and I accepted, things would be fine for 6-12 months and then she would do it again. I’ll get downvoted for this but to me there are different kinds of cheating. There is the kind where you get an unsolicited full confes…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:13 PM
2

Good bot
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:44 PM
2

Well I didn’t assume a hippo was bouncing from marriage to marriage. The hot ones can be the worst since they know they can sleep their way out of pretty much anything.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:43 PM
6

She didn’t love you she loved the way you made her feel at one point. Maybe she loved the lifestyle you provided. Maybe she loved having you as a distraction from something else, like depression. Either way she loves something else now and you’re worthless garbage to her. Sorry man. Don’t try to make sense of it or find closure you won’t either of them. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 08:46 PM
5

I really wish we could post pictures on this sub I would love to see what this hot mess looks like
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 03:21 PM
5

I got divorced in MI and have 50/50 custody of 2 young children. If your youngest is not breastfeeding there is literally nothing she can provide that you cannot. 50/50 custody is the hill you die on in my opinion. You’ll want the maximum time possible with your kids plus it will greatly reduce child support if you out earn your stbx. 50/50 is the standard in MI, she would need to prove you are unfit (issues with the law, substance abuse etc.) or the court will likely grant 50/50. If you take on…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 11:54 AM
6

You vent on here and then go act like an adult. Your kid needs an adult leader and that’s going to have to be you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 06:08 PM
8

Look everything is going to be criticized and somehow your fault from this day forward. You need to figure out a way to stop engaging with her, she’s going to bait you into arguments and if you fall for it it’ll be trouble. If you’re installing cameras for your safety from a false claim, you already know you’re dealing this an unhinged individual. Why assume anything out of their mouth will be based or logical.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 01:10 PM
17

Huge mistake. You’re about to find out how expensive lawyers can be once she finds out your dating. Despite her having an affair she’s going to go full vindictive mode and try to wreck you once she finds out. My advice is to focus on getting a settlement agreement done as quickly and painlessly as possible. What you’re doing is 100% going to distract you from your mission and turn it into a big circus.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:41 PM
4

Nothing wrong with an “arrangement” frankly it’s probably a lot cheaper 😂
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:16 PM
10

She’s trying to bait you into responding and then go full victim mode. Keep your cool and don’t respond. If she’s not adult enough be civil for the children’s sake you may need to find an alternative exchange method.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 02:02 PM
7

Step one is to not look at it. If you have to block her do it. Then all you really need to do is be a great guy and the rest will take care of itself. People can read the tea leaves. She will only make herself look childish and insane the longer she does this. Take the high road. Let her have the public temper tantrum.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:31 PM
10

The best option is to simply not get legally married. You can give her a ring, the wedding she wants and have kids without involving a legal contract. More and more people are doing this. She will pressure you and say if you really loved her you would get legally married etc. Guess what? Every guy on this sub had a wife that “really loved us” at one point too before trying to destroy us with lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 02:02 PM
5

If you’re a guy getting divorced then yes. This is really the only place to get an honest picture of what it’s like from a man’s perspective. The false claims, accusations, demands, general insane behavior from stbx etc. Thankfully mine was smoother than a lot of guys on here but she definitely tried every trick in the book to grab as many dollars as possible. Initially I was scared to death - this sub gave me the balls to defend myself and I came out of it way better than I ever thought was pos…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:13 AM
2

Just friends aka waiting for your turn. The moment she starts complaining about her man to you is your opportunity. My ex had a lot of guy friends, several were at our wedding. I found out over the years how many she had slept with at one point or another. Over the course of 4 years I probably shook hands with at least 9 guys she had slept with. And yeah, she definitely lied about her body count prior to us getting engaged. If a woman has guy friends it’s buyer beware. I’m not talking about male…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:36 PM
10

She’s a train wreck
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:06 PM
3

If you’re expecting an apology you won’t get one. Time to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 12:26 PM
4

A lot of us have gotten the “you’re a good dad but a bad husband” line. I got it as well, which I guess was code for “I’m having an affair” since she was actually sleeping with a guy from the office. It is a shame and yes, I 100% social media has ruined a lot of people both men and women. Women seem particularly impacted and a lot of them are so addicted they can’t put their phones down. Sorry man, this is a difficult time in history to try to have a traditional nuclear family. There are simply …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 11:46 AM
2

This is trashy behavior they should be ashamed of themselves. Straight up Jerry Springer the audience is laughing at you type stuff. You need to pursue this to the maximum you can. Draw a firm line that they cannot behave like this and make it painful (legally) or they will feel bold enough to do something similar in the future. I’m sorry you are dealing with this and I feel awful for these children. Adults acting like this in front of them, idiot animals.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 11:22 AM
12

They’re your kids so don’t take this as dad shaming but in my opinion they, or at least the youngest has way too much screen time. At that age they should be exploring, taking stuff apart, breaking things and getting hurt falling off their bike. Thats how their little brains develop creative thinking and problem solving. Regardless I think the easiest solution is to simply create situations where he just doesn’t want to be on his phone. Come up with activities for the older siblings that have no…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 10:58 AM
5

If you’re taking your kids to a little pond then no, she’s being ridiculous. In a boat 100%, I would also put a vest on them if you were on a dock or pier if the kids are little just to be safe. Since this is via text assume whatever your response is will be used against you to show what a danger you are to your children. Frankly I wouldn’t even answer yes or no I would simply tell her that you fish from shore in a tiny pond and it’s all very safe. Far less dangerous than letting your kids play …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 09:12 PM
4

Rent a 2br 2bth and get a roommate, that will save at least $1k per month I’d imagine. I’m pretty sure there are websites that help pair people up with folks that could stand living in the same place. Just find somebody that is quiet and keeps to themselves. That is a really rough ticket man. Hang in there and get that debt off your shoulders and you’ll feel like a new man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 08:20 PM
3

She set it up to make it look like she tried but you failed. 6 months? Buddy if you don’t have kids change that to ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 05:36 PM
1

I’m unhappy = new guy almost 100% of the time
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 03:57 PM
2

Lie, deny, accuse. The pattern repeats over and over doesn’t matter who it is. Sorry man - Mine was faking business trips to sleep with her coworker. It’s awful. That was over a year ago and I can only tell you it will get better if you try. 50/50 custody of your son, split all assets 50/50. Don’t let her manipulate you into thinking you deserve a drop less than half. You’ll heal in time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 01:25 PM
22

This 100%. Men fall for this all the time thinking if they are nice the wife will eventually change their minds and come back. In reality you’re just covering the bills for her and the new guy to go on vacation. If she wants out fine, but at least keep half your shit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:15 PM
2

Try to talk some sense into him but I’m guessing it will fall on deaf ears. It is amazing how emotions can destroy your entire ability to think logically. Women’s emotions are far stronger so when you think about it, the insane stories you hear about on the sub make perfect sense.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:12 PM
4

Because women think about their role in a relationship the same way men thing about our role at a company: we are irreplaceable and the place would fall apart without us. Nobody watched you closer than somebody who hopes you fail. So, piss them off by doing amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:26 PM
1

He’s in Iowa which is equitable distribution. I tend to assume the men on here at minimum equally contributed in their marriages (financially or otherwise) although if he was just a deadbeat you’re right he might get wrecked. I know this is a sub to support other men but I really have a hard time being sympathetic to those types.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 11:01 AM
1

The worst that can happen is she takes half of everything and she gets the kids half the time. That also means you get half of everything and get your kids half the time. Depending on who makes more there may be some child support payments involved. So, time to find some hobbies because you just got half your time to spend on something else. For what it’s worth - I got the exact same line: Your a great father but a shitty husband. In my case she was sleeping with a guy from work so I guess that …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 03:02 PM
13

Because being vindictive isn’t illegal and they are able to justify being a bad human being by convincing themselves you deserve it for wronging them somehow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 03:51 PM
6

She might end up owing you alimony but Im not familiar with Cali laws. You’ll need to check with a lawyer. Does she have any savings / retirement? If so, half of what was accrued during the marriage is yours. It sounds like you think you’re not entitled to anything because you have a penis. This is not the case at all - if the roles were reversed she would go after every penny she possibly could. Take what you’re entitled to it’s 2024 sir everyone is equal now 😎
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:08 PM
1

You need to ask for the maximum amount you’re entitled to. If that means she pays you alimony and child support then so be it. You’re entering into a negotiation - even if you don’t truly want it you need to ask for it then give it in exchange for something else. Thats the bottom line. In a negotiation you don’t start with your lowest offer that’s just setting yourself up to get taken advantage of.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:27 PM
3

Mine is using her maiden name on social media but her current legal name is still mine. I think it’s fitting she has two names now. Actually I think 3-4 names would be more appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:28 PM
1

I agree but it’s better than this guy thinking his wife will ever have sex with him again 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:14 PM
-4

Get a girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:21 PM
3

Don’t rush into another relationship. You need to learn from this instead of rushing head on into another disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:50 PM
2

Why engage with her at all? Once you’ve reached this point you can safely assume anything out of her mouth is some form of description. If she’s gone the vindictive route then you absolutely should discontinue any dialogue with her. Look, it sucks but you’re in a lawsuit. Your STBX is looking out for her own self interest I suggest you do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:19 PM
8

Listen OP - If you have any shot whatsoever of getting more than 50/50 custody you need to get her to agree to that now while she’s still in the affair fog with Mr wonderful. Sell her on the idea of extra time with her new man, they can travel, live life etc. She’s in fantasyland, take advantage and get to agree to stuff before she wakes up and turns vindictive. They can turn in a second so get that portion in writing asap. Once she figures out the fantasy is BS, her new man doesn’t want to repl…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:17 PM
8

I wouldn’t make any life changing decisions while dealing with a divorce. You’re not in a position to think clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:27 PM
3

I got it. I would still encourage you to reframe your point of view. You’re looking at it as being advantageous for her to leave you which apparently she seems to think as well. Get a deal done and level yourself up, prove her wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 01:43 PM
16

She’s his problem now. If she cheated on you she will likely do it to him. Dont engage in any of this immature stupidity. Posting about your relationship is trashy so take the high road. Certainly don’t do anything until your divorce is finalized. Get a deal done while she’s still distracted by Mr Wonderful who’s also cheating on his wife. If your dead set on getting your side of the story out find the gossip queen mom at the school and let her extract the story from you. She will want to know a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 01:32 PM
7

She’s his problem now. If she cheated on you she will likely do it to him. Dont engage in any of this immature stupidity. Posting about your relationship is trashy so take the high road. Certainly don’t do anything until your divorce is finalized. Get a deal done while she’s still distracted by Mr Wonderful who’s also cheating on his wife. If your dead set on getting your side of the story out find the gossip queen mom at the school and let her extract the story from you. She will want to know a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 01:32 PM
5

I think you’re looking at this backwards. Your assets are going to get split 50/50 whether you two decide to just go there willingly or fight it. If you fight it the lawyers will end up with a large portion of what would have just been equally divided in the first place. If you live in a no fault state and don’t sign you will get a default judgement against you. Family law is big business and they rack up huge legal fees because typically one or both parties is being vindictive. If I’m understan…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 01:22 PM
1

You don’t have kids, don’t have assets and both make about the same amount of money. A 6 month marriage won’t get her any alimony I would just get this filed and you both can move on with your lives.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 11:14 PM
0

Athletes insure their legs and surgeons insure their hands. I’d be curious to hear from insurance guys why this isn’t a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 12:43 PM
14

Google Female Delusion Calculator and play around with the numbers. It’s kind of entertaining.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 12:41 PM
4

This was me last February. I leaned on family & friends for support plus hit the gym hard. Honestly nothing is going to make it go away right now but you have to stay out and active or you can spiral quickly. I was basically paralyzed by disbelief and sadness for about 6 weeks. The good news is I am amazed how far I’ve come since those dark times. Stick with it, totally normal to feel a pit in your stomach for a while. With effort you will overcome these feelings as well just give it time and do…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 12:50 PM
2

She’s trying to scare you, you didn’t break the law so it doesn’t matter. Tell her to suck it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:06 AM
2

Yes bad choice. How did this even occur to you as an option? You divorce the woman you’re married to not your child.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:04 AM
23

Mine sat in marriage counseling and told stories about things I did that never happened. I’m not talking about stretching the truth or changing a few facts, like literally made up stories from scratch. I sat there in shellshocked disbelief. Turns out she was having an affair and needed a way out so just invented one. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:44 AM
6

Be well groomed and dressed nicely. Sit at the bar at a piano lounge and they will come to you. Watch out, some of them want to be paid for the night 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 12:02 AM
2

Is weed illegal in your state? If not, it’s the same as saying you drank a beer. Big deal you’re over 21. If it’s illegal deny it, don’t smoke and then pass a piss test. The mental health thing is due to the stress of your divorce. Quit giving her ammo to shoot at you haha.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 05:27 PM
1

I am not sure where you can go for money but I would suggest asking for your ex to cover your attorney fees. I’ve heard that’s a long shot but the threat of it getting approved can be enough to discourage future fake claims. I am sorry you’re dealing with this clearly insane woman. Marriage is such a sham.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 05:24 PM
4

How is she stopping you from having 50/50? I know the pain, it sucks. Mine had an affair and the empty pit in my stomach took months to go away. My advice is to hang in there and come to grips with the fact that she is gone forever. Next, realize that you have a lawsuit filed against you and she will try to take as much as she possibly can. You need to fight back. 50/50 custody is the hill you die on. Split half of all financial assets including home equity etc. 50/50. If she significantly out e…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 05:16 PM
7

You may be forced to pay I don’t know but the whole concept is baffling to me. College is optional and there are plenty of student loan options available. Kids from poor families get student loans. Kids from broken homes with parents with means sue them to pay for their school. Crazy world. Edited to add: if you were still married you could simply choose not to pay for college. Since you’re divorced you are forced to pay for it. To me that’s insane.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 04:01 PM
13

Maybe but act like nothing happened. If you make a big deal about it she knows it worked and will do it again. Act like it didn’t work and she won’t try it again. Assuming she did it in the first place of course.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 03:58 PM
2

The engines are designed and tuned to run on a specific octane. If you use what the manufacturer doesn’t recommend it can cause issues and no it will not give you better milage that’s a myth.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 03:57 PM
3

You’re handing this correctly. Mine was very similar, “I want to be amicable” and then promptly proceeded to go full bulldozer on everything. Initially this scared the shit out of me and I offered her a totally lopsided agreement. For some bewildering reason she didn’t take it, then I found my balls and fought back. Ultimately ended up with 50/50 custody no child support and basically half of our assets. She went ballistic which I still smile about. Point is that they will attack and try to scar…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 12:53 PM
30

She’s divorcing you over grocery shopping? Sorry man, the divorce ultimatum almost never works since she will find the next excuse even if you hit the target. Don’t leave the house. They think they can throw you out, they can’t. File, accept nothing less than 50/50 custody if you have kids. Split assets 50/50. It’s more complex than that but there are the basics. Take control of your life and in the future she can shop for all the groceries herself and shove them up her ass.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:26 AM
2

Correct answer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 12:09 AM
2

Don’t marry single moms unless you are ready to sacrifice your whole life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 01:13 PM
1

You are never going to start to heal until you stop engaging in this crap with your ex. She’s literally just keeping your heart on a string in case the next 15 guys don’t work out, which they probably won’t and then you’ll be there to save the day. Forget it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 12:01 PM
2

I get it. Doing gestures like this will only reinforce her opinion that she is right and boost her ego since she will know you’re still thinking of her. It doesn’t matter if the poem is sweet or mean, the fact you’re still reaching out tells her she’s the prize and you are upset you lost something you want. Just move on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 11:00 AM
8

That means absolutely nothing. Quick glance at your post history suggests she’s already filed and she’s been telling you for like a year she wants a divorce. Time to start accepting she’s gone, and start focusing on getting the best possible settlement outcome. 50/50 custody is the hill you die on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:52 AM
3

Ask yourself if you’re making a logical or an emotional decision. If a perfect stranger was offering you this deal and it had nothing to do with your ex would you think it was acceptable? If not make a counter but keep any thoughts of your ex out of it. Write the numbers down on paper and leave all the labels off. What do you see?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:45 AM
10

Because it has to be all your fault and that’s their display to you and the world to prove it. Otherwise they would have to acknowledge some responsibility for the marriage failing. I wouldn’t worry about it. Unless you were an abusive drunk, felon, cheated or abused your kids everyone in the world including other women will know she’s full of shit. And I mean actual abuse not “FRANK DIDNT WANT ME TO GO TO VEGAS WITH MY SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS HES SO INSECURE AND CONTROLLING IM BEING ABUSED”
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:39 AM
10

Glad you’re doing better but I have a feeling you’re really not if you’re writing poems and wanting to send it to her. Want to know what she will do it? She will show it to her friends and they will all laugh at how pathetic you are.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 10:17 PM
9

Don’t respond. Your job isn’t going to fire you because your wife is a nutcase. Calling your family will only make her look more insane. Frankly all this is good, she’s making herself look totally nuts which will be great evidence. Obviously keep your composure and let her self destruct.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 01:04 AM
2

The doorknob thing aside from being psycho is downright dangerous. What if the house was on fire?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 04:33 PM
23

I wouldn’t worry about it. I knew a guy who threw a divorce party when his got finalized and promptly spent the next 3 years in deep depression because he couldn’t get over her. Ignore. She’s free to pay her own bills now. Also step kids? Red flag city.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:56 PM
9

You can but I’m not sure why you’d want to pay a lawyer $400/hr to watch you punch a bees nest. Look, it sucks. Take half of what your entitled to and if that means part of the business have her buy you out. All business no drama. Calm, cool, collected.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:13 PM
3

I’m in a commercial role and part of my comp is bonuses based off personal and company performance. At least in my state the calculations were done based off 2021 & 2022 earnings, divorce finalized in 2023. Hypothetical future earnings are just that, hypothetical. This is pretty typical, demand the whole farm in the hopes you panic and settle for an unfair deal. For the house you may need to look into a HELOC to buy her out if your intention is to stay which will suck because you’ll be paying 7%…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:11 PM
2

I wouldn’t stress about the furniture costs. You can furnish a whole house for next to nothing by being strategic on FB Marketplace. You’ll keep half of all of it anyway don’t let her take it all. Watch the kitchen stuff they tend to think that’s all theirs by default but you need pots and silverware too. Now that I don’t have to have everything brand new from Pottery Barn I’m saving a ton of money.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:33 AM
3

I don’t know how they treat military pensions. Perhaps he could give her a lump sum in exchange for her waiving any rights to the pension? Dangle a carrot and hope she takes it and goes away.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:26 AM
1

Well in theory she would and should and I’ll do my best to guide her in that direction. Obviously people chose to take different paths in terms of careers etc. I think in your case your calculations should have been based on her earning potential. Having an MBA and choosing to work at McDonald’s so you can milk money from your ex spouse doesn’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 12:58 AM
5

Yes pretty much. Unfortunately there’s nothing illegal about being a trophy wife, wealth built during the marriage is considered marital property and gets divided up as evenly as possible. If she goes for 50% that’s basically what she’ll get. You could try to offer her deal and see if she will go for it before lawyers get involved. If she gets a halfway competent attorney they’ll tell her exactly what she’s entitled to and I’d be shocked if she accepted a penny less not many people walk away fro…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 12:51 AM
6

By large portion do you mean more than 50%? Because she’s going to end up with 50% of everything you two accrued during the time you were married. The good news is you probably won’t owe her any alimony if she’s employed now and earning a similar amount.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 12:08 AM
1

I’m not suggesting people don’t take advantage of the rules I’m just saying they are there for a reason and aren’t going to change. Look most of the guys on here are decent men looking for support and answers. There are plenty of men who were horrible to their wives, those guys aren’t on here because they know exactly why they got left. I have two daughters, if one of them got married to a guy who turned out to be a complete POS she should be able to exit the relationship and not be forced to st…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 10:17 PM
3

Yep, that’s what I did. My ex went on a crazy spending spree in 2023, bought a house she couldn’t afford, full remodel, furnished it, about 15 expensive vacations, clothes etc. The look on her face when it dawned on her that she had already spent her half of our cash was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:20 PM
1

Ah, well she’s not going to enjoy reality once she comes back to it. Mine had similar ideas and then threw a fit in front of three lawyers during mediation when she realized she wrecked herself. Enjoy it!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 06:54 PM
2

A year minimum. You should be 100% laser focused on self improvement and a cute cupcake will only distract you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:45 PM
8

The big mistake with feminism is the promotion of hookup culture. They think it’s hypocritical that men are praised for being “players” but if a woman does the same thing she’s shamed. What they completely miss is they aren’t even remotely the same thing. It takes absolutely zero effort for a woman to get laid. They just have to be available and some guy will volunteer. It takes far more effort for a man to get laid. One is difficult, the other is easy. Big difference. Not saying either is corre…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:15 PM
5

It’s possible she’s intentionally making it difficult to sell and or diminishing its value. Is her intention to keep it and buy you out of it?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:10 PM
5

All normal. Word of advice - stop trying to take to the new woman. I know you think that will help you get over your ex and somehow improve your life but it’s going to have the opposite effect.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 12:48 PM
2

Anyway the point is don’t get caught up in the details. Get a deal done and move on. Time & details = legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:03 PM
4

Take the 50/50. If it goes to trial that’s how it will settle anyway. There is nothing illegal about cheating on your spouse or being a bad person. You’re in a lawsuit, they will follow the law. play with the cards you’ve been dealt and take the 50/50. Sorry man, it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:19 PM
4

If you love her and she wants a ring and a ceremony give it to her. You can do that without a legal contract.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:15 PM
1

What you need is time, effort and consistency. The combination is undefeated when you stick to it. Look man, it hurts. 3 months is a blip on the radar, 3 months after I busted my ex cheating I was still a basket case. This is normal, what you need to do is recognize that it’s normal, you aren’t alone and face it. This will pass if you put in the effort and are willing to be patient. In a year from now you will look back at where you were and be proud of yourself for all the progress you’ve made.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 10:56 AM
1

Oh I wasn’t joking at all. I’m 40, have made three wonderful children whom I adore and my job for humanity is done. My commitment is to myself and my dreams now, and obviously my kids. I will never let another woman get comfortable enough to weaponize sex against me this isn’t my first rodeo. 2 year shelf life max, which from my experience is about when woman’s ability to keep up with my libido expires.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 10:45 AM
3

My libido calls for 1-2 times daily so another marriage is obviously out of the question for me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 11:57 PM
1

I’m shocked you two ended up divorcing
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 11:56 PM
4

Go at a different time if it bothers you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 01:10 PM
3

No argument there, it 100% does.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 09:47 PM
19

That’ll never happen. In fairness you chose to marry somebody who earned less, in fact that’s likely what made her attracted to you. Our problem is we didn’t understand the rules and assumed vows meant something to them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 11:19 AM
3

I’m not buying it either something is missing here
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 01:51 AM
2

Have your lawyer write up an agreement ending your current nesting arrangement and have her move out. You’re so caught up in who’s she’s cooking food for and asking her questions that you don’t even realize you’re being walked all over. She’s having an affair, who gives a shit about food?!? Legally get her out of your home and start dictating what happens instead of asking the woman who’s using you for a free ride to do the right thing. She won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 10:04 AM
3

Yes. Last year when it hit the fan I dropped about 18lbs in one month. I was in pretty good shape to begin with but just had no urge to eat.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 01:07 PM
5

So if you start paying more attention to her she will stop having affairs with guys from work? Maybe I’m old school but when I said for better or worse it was a lifetime promise to face life together good or bad. Bad happens, you had to study and she was lonely. I’m just a guy on the internet but I don’t think this is salvageable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:18 AM
2

Right now. Nothing good can come of it and if you two start airing your laundry out there it may seem like you’re defending yourself but believe me it’s trashy as hell and everyone will be laughing at you. Change your last name? Did you take hers haha
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:09 AM
1

For the inheritance part she cannot claim that as separate property since she spent it and the money is gone. Mine inherited about $60k and used it to buy a car, clothes etc. During the settlement she wanted $60k as separate, the car and half the Kelly blue book value of the vehicle in addition to half of everything else we had accrued during the marriage. Obviously it didn’t go the way she thought it would. Stand your ground. She will threaten, throw a fit etc. At first it scared the shit out o…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:03 AM
8

There are legitimately bad people in this world. You married one.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 10:57 AM
20

Wow, what a deal for her. Please don’t fall for this, you get half of the equity too. Tell her nice try.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 06:01 PM
4

Ignore it. Mine had an affair and then had such an aggressive smear campaign going she should have just hired a PR Firm to handle it for her. Let your actions do the talking, people can read the tea leaves. Eventually you can open up a bit to people but let them bring it up. All it takes is one gossip queen to extract your side of the story from you and she will spread it like Covid. Problem solved.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 11:29 AM
2

Well we know how they work now 😂
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 02:34 AM
6

This is actually the best way to tell your side of the story. You don’t talk about it publicly. Find the social butterfly, she’ll want to know anyway because she loves drama. She’ll take care of the rest for you and it’ll have a lot more credibility since it’s not coming from you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 12:36 AM
1

This 100%. If you’re only talking to one, especially right after a divorce you’re setting yourself up for a big mistake. Literally dating a sea otter would seem amazing compared to the woman you just got rid of and you won’t be watching for red flags. I’m not saying be a jerk and string 5 girls along, just make sure you get a variety before jumping with both feet into another future disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 10:45 PM
12

What makes her a great woman? You listed a lot of baggage, what’s the upside?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:53 AM
1

If you’re a decade younger than him, hot and he isn’t chasing you around the house then he’s either gay or you’re a massive bitch. Anyway this is a space for men, bye bye.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:14 AM
12

This boyfriend sounds like a complete chump. Why is he doing all these errands with her doesn’t he have things to do? Guess not. If I ever meet my ex wife’s AP I will kiss him on the top of his bald head and thank him.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:07 AM
3

Yes, do the daycare route and avoid all this. Maybe for holidays etc find some other neutral person / place so you don’t need to see or speak to her. She’s insane and I don’t blame you for protecting yourself. Is she against just doing drop offs at daycare? If so it’s only because she wants the opportunity to cause conflict. Sorry you have to deal with this garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:33 PM
5

This is really pathetic but if she’s taken it here I suppose you have no choice but to protect yourself. Is there another option for exchanges where the two of you don’t need to interact at all? School, a friends house, family etc? I don’t know how old your kids are but eventually seeing the two of you act like this couldn’t possibly be good for them.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:00 PM
9

Give yourself some slack here, until 2 weeks ago it wasn’t real. Now, you’re going to need to put in some effort besides talking to a therapist. Youre stuck in a safe space of despair and until you force yourself out of it you’re always going to feel down. Go do something you’re currently terrified of doing. Go to a bar by yourself, go hit balls at the range, go sing karaoke, go on a date, sign up and attend a dance class, go do whatever it doesn’t really matter. Bottom line is if you’re frozen …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 12:18 PM
2

Initially I thought the same thing. Then it occurred to me that my ex had never been in a situation that she couldn’t lie, cry or sleep her way out of or get her way. I think it came as quite a surprise to her that I wasn’t going to just give in which resulted in her throwing a tantrum in front of three lawyers. In my case I was fighting a personal totally disconnected from reality and the court system agreed that she was unreasonable. I think men and society in general have gotten ourselves int…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 10:36 AM
11

Poor kid. Has two kids for parents.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 12:30 AM
5

Very nice gesture and agree with everything you said. This sub was unbelievably helpful navigating all parts of the divorce. I was ready to bend over and let her demolish me 2 months after she filed. Thanks to the guys here I grew a spine, fought back (legally) got 50% custody and kept roughly half of my assets. What an amazing resource for any guy dealing with a completely illogical vindictive ex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 12:25 AM
7

No, she can’t. Every cent the two of you gained during the marriage is 50% yours. The “take him to the cleaners” thing doesn’t work since it’s just going to come down to math. Whose money was used for the down payment? Can you show proof that you helped pay the mortgage? Luckily banks keep records of all this stuff so it’s pretty easy to prove what really happened. Just stand your ground and watch her throw a fit like a toddler. Mine did in front of 3 lawyers it was a glorious moment.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 12:57 AM
2

Why is she out getting high instead of getting a job so you can pay down the debt?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:41 PM
8

File and have your lawyer draw up a separation agreement. You’ll want 50/50 custody obviously. Your lawyer should be able to quickly calculate if you’ll be on the hook for child & spousal support so you can have a good idea for budgeting purposes. If you’re waiting for her to drive this fairly you’re going to be in for a surprise. Of course she’s making her own plans and you’re going to find yourself scrambling to respond to her moves instead of dictating your own. Typically anything she offers …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:52 PM
2

You just have to wonder about some people.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 08:37 AM
4

Dude take control of your life. Why on earth have you been dragging your feet for 5 years of course she’s going to take advantage of you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 08:30 AM
2

You don’t need to call her out on anything. Remember you’re not speaking with a logical person here…. If it’s your time with the kid and there isn’t a real reason to switch JUST SAY NO. A real reason would be a death in the family, a broken limb, a schedule change that works for you etc. You’re being a big pussy, stop. She wanted a divorce you don’t owe her anything anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 11:44 PM
2

The Bible also says no premarital sex, which she doesn’t seem to have a problem doing with her boyfriend. This is very simple. If it’s your time with your kids and there isn’t a good reason to change dates tell her to fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 09:25 PM
2

When she hears about your date she’ll act hurt and try to give you hope that she might want you back. The reality is she just wants to screw up whatever relationships make you happy. One word answers to everything. Dont engage in any banter. If she asks something that is unrelated to your kids or getting a settlement deal done tell her it’s none of her business.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 06:05 PM
4

More money, more freedom, nobody is belittling and criticizing my every move, when I speak in a group of people nobody is googling reasons why I’m wrong on their phone. I don’t need to listen to somebody bashing me to their friends and family loud and clear through the air ducts. The dishes are clean, the laundry is done. If I want to hop on a plane and go to Arizona for the weekend I just do it. When I have my kids my time with them is special. When I need attention from females I simply go to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:00 PM
7

There are services and shelters available for women who are actually abused and unfortunately there are many of them. It’s kind of gross that women will diminish those that have experienced real abuse in an effort to try to squeeze more money or sympathy out of a situation. Just ignore it, plenty of flawed but overall decent men get dragged through the mud because their wives want to bang a guy from work. Ignore and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:09 PM
2

Then she’s somebody else’s problem now. Dodged a bullet not having kids with that one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 12:46 PM
22

40 yo with two kids. Make good money, in shape and would consider myself handsome (I realize this makes me a narcissist for thinking I have self worth) I will never remarry. If a met a nice girl who really wanted a ring and a ceremony I would give her that but I would not legally marry again. If I ever get into a serious relationship where things like living together happens I would have a very firm policy of splitting all joint expenses 50/50 no exceptions. Somehow as men we have gotten ourselv…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 12:44 PM
9

Good luck man. In my experience with infidelity she did an amazing job smearing me a to justify her relationship with a coworker. My advise is to take no mercy, set a trial date and nuke the shit out of her. Keep it within the rules of law.. I wouldn’t recommend outing her publicly until after things have finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:26 AM
3

It’s difficult to grasp that you’ve been used. Take comfort in knowing it wasn’t you, it was thousands of guys on this sub and millions that never found this place.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:22 AM
7

I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this but time will truly heal you if you let it. Not sure how long it’s been but this takes longer than a few weeks / months.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:10 PM
2

Hopefully that separation date 2 years ago is documented. I’m guessing she’s having second thoughts and wants to go after whatever assets you may have accrued since separation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:48 PM
5

Don’t leave the home and secure 50/50 parenting schedule immediately. Once you have the home and kids secured she’ll basically be disarmed and the rest will be an argument over money and assets which imo is easy street compared to arguing over kids. Typically they think they can throw you out, she can’t but she may try to bait you into an argument so she can call the cops and get you removed. Dont fall for it and record everything. Also don’t think she’s not capable of it, when mine snapped it w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 12:30 PM
3

Mine are roughly the same age. Why do you feel it wouldn’t work? I think you need to challenge yourself a bit here, there is absolutely nothing your stbx can do for them right now that you aren’t capable of doing yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 12:11 PM
3

Oakland as well. We do week on week off which lets the kids establish a routine and works well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 10:53 AM
5

I finalized my divorce in MI last December. Came out with 50/50 custody and right around 50% of the financial assets. Stick to 50/50 and don’t give an inch. She’s not in charge anymore, fathers are just as important as mothers once breastfeeding is done.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 02:20 AM
1

Many will give you a free 1 hour consultation which is basically a sales pitch. I did two and picked the one that seemed more concerned with my well being.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 12:30 AM
16

“When you are bitten by a snake, you don’t follow the snake to ask why” Hadn’t heard it phrased that way before but that’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 11:42 AM
3

Pretty good. I still attend their family events because of the kids. My brother in law, I guess I’ll still call him invites me to all sorts of things and we get together with him and his wife so our kids can play. I’ve never brought up her, or her infidelity. They can read the tea leaves like everyone else can. Edited to add: She’s not present at any of these events I attend she’s typically off with whatever guy she’s currently after. Her family knows who she is. Her mother did the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:51 AM
4

Because she ran out of money.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:44 AM
1

What’s the choice? 50/50 custody of your children is the hill you die on. Thats it, not a day less. If she’s the big earner she owes you child support. Quit being scared and trying to make her happy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 08:15 PM
3

For real. Just awful.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 04:43 PM
2

You’d need to share how long you’ve been married and what state your in to get any kind of accurate feedback. Most states are no fault now, so you likely don’t need any grounds for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 04:40 PM
4

Well, they can’t. She’s going to throw a temper tantrum when she finds out what she really ends up with, mine did. There are online calculators that you can play with and get ballpark figures so you can get an idea ahead of your meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 10:27 AM
1

No I am just making a joke. Wear it at home.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:21 AM
8

Wear the headset in public to avoid the possibility of dating until your divorce is finalized. It’s important to stay focused and not get distracted by some cupcake with nice cans.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:17 AM
2

Go back to 50/50 and if she doesn’t take that ask for more. Flip it around on her and her head will explode. I think our big issue is we offer a really fair deal thinking they are going to be reasonable when in reality they want to inflict pain. In my case I offered my ex an unbelievably generous offer last summer which the idiot didn’t take. I took it off the table, went back to 50/50 and scheduled mediation. She settled in mediation for about 40% less $ than my original offer to avoid a trial …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:15 AM
8

It’s tough to maintain a relationship with only 4 days a month to work with especially if the mom is actively trying to drive a wedge between you two. It’s water under the bridge at this point but this is one of the countless reasons 50/50 custody as a father is the hill you die on during divorce. What is your boy interested in? Find whatever he is passionate about and make an honest effort to learn all about it and make it something you can bond over. Example: Your boy likes StarWars and you th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 11:43 AM
4

Just wait till she’s done with school and gets a job around other men. She’ll do the favor for you within a year or two.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:07 PM
4

If you have two kids you each claim one, if it’s an odd number of kids then you alternate years claiming the oddball. Honestly you probably should have filed separately, I would have made her do her own taxes too. Why are you still doing favors for her? Anything and everything you do for her will be wrong, so don’t do jack shit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:02 PM
3

Her mission is to get under your skin and try to force a one-sided deal. Trust me, I found it truly surreal that the woman who stood up there in front of all our friends and family and took vows would turn into such a vindictive monster. Common decency as you put it is completely off the table when they get like this. They are seeing red so to speak. It is how it is.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 11:27 AM
9

Stand your ground. Picture her as the toddler having a fit she’s acting like. I was shellshocked for the first 4 months of my divorce process, the demands and threats scared me shitless. Then, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. We would receive some stupid demand and I would literally laugh out loud at it. In the end she got wrecked and threw a temper tantrum in front of three lawyers. It was a beautiful moment. Ignore the abuse allegations, tons of perfectly decent men get accused o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 01:06 AM
6

Haha exactly
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 11:24 PM
0

If you’re concerned about a reaction do it via text. In person can result in some bizarre behavior and can quickly get out of hand. Sounds like yours has been dead for a while. If so in person is probably fine since she’s just waiting for you to do it so she can say it’s your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:49 PM
6

Posting your problems on social media is a guaranteed way to put a big smile on your ex’s face. Dont give her that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 08:17 PM
2

I interpreted it as he’s already divorced and is worried his ex wife will manipulate the child into giving her the money intended for the child.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 08:16 PM
4

Because they aren’t able to see anything past their own selfish desires and create an entire reality in their head where it’s justified. They basically mindfuck themselves. I’m not a lawyer but I don’t think there’s really anything you’ll be able to do about this. Just do your best to teach your boys morals and ethics. If mommy wants to sleep around unfortunately that’s what she’s going to do regardless of the impact it can have on your boys. We were all in highschool once and we know the jokes …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 01:22 PM
3

This. I do this through Fidelity. I believe there are 4 different levels of access you can grant them, the bottom two don’t allow any kind of withdrawals except from you. 529 is another option if your intention is to provide for their higher education.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 10:26 AM
7

If you do anything, wait until the divorce is finalized. Your instinct is correct, bringing this up now will turn it into a nasty, lengthy and expensive battle. Further, I doubt you’d actually win since unfortunately there’s nothing illegal about having an affair and the court system doesn’t really care. Sorry man, that’s a really tough pill to swallow. If I were you I would keep focused and get a settlement deal done and this finalized. If it’s any consolation, affairs almost never work out. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 10:21 AM
18

I wish they allowed pictures to be posted on this sub because my net worth growth since my divorce was finalized is insane. Congrats man. Mine had me completely convinced I was stupid and the problem, turns out she was the anchor keeping me down. Full steam ahead!
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 06:12 PM
8

Buddy she’s not trying to be friendly. She’s trying to rub your nose in how “happy” she is now that you’re gone. After all, you were the problem all along according to her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:07 PM
1

Don’t dwell on it too long. These are the cards your dealt and be thankful you kept your retirement accounts - when the time comes you will be in a much better position than she will be if all she kept was the house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 06:03 PM
15

I’ll never have a long term relationship again. Women come and go and I’m totally fine with that. My goal is to get the kids safely away to college then I’m tail lights to the gulf coast where I’ll take my sailboat port to port up and down the East coast and Caribbean till I die. I’ll visit, they’ll visit me. But have a woman as a life partner again? No thanks. I’m 40, I’ve spent the first half of my life trying to help other people, for the second half unless it’s about my kids I am the priorit…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 05:59 PM
2

What is LL?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 03:13 PM
11

I caught my wife cheating and my dad died less than 3 months later. It can and will get better man - trust me my mind has been where yours is. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 01:00 AM
1

Yes it does. By far the worst 3-6 months of my life. Aside from her affair and hostile behavior, my dad passed away 2.5 months after the big blow up. Needless to say 2023 was not my best year. I will say this - If you put forth the effort it will get better. I went from absolute rock bottom to feeling better about myself than I ever have since my 20’s. So, if it’s any consolation this is probably the absolute worst part of life you will ever experience. So, there’s comfort in knowing you faced t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 08:08 PM
1

Bring a minimum of 2 years of all financial statements including retirement accounts, credit cards, mortgage etc. If you have as assets that you would consider premarital then make sure you have documentation on that as well. The super simple math is you add up all assets, subtract premarital assets and divide by half. Obviously it can get quite a bit more complicated especially if there are kids involved.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 06:40 PM
3

Yes sir. The stress and lack of sleep etc. will do that. The month after I told her I knew about her affair and things hit the fan I could literally feel hair falling down the front of my face throughout the day. In my case it looks like some not all has filled back in but it’s been nearly a year since things went sideways. Similar story, I’m 40 as well. None of the men in my family are bald and I still have a pretty solid head of hair but the hairline definitely has moved back since my mid-30’s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 06:36 PM
4

She’s dangling your assets in your face sir. Half of everything accrued during marriage is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 11:04 PM
14

Fast track, do not slow down. She’s in an affair fog and not focused on the divorce you need to take advantage of that. The emotions will not simmer down, if anything she will grow more vindictive as time passes and find more ways to nickel & dime you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 11:00 PM
2

Good for you. As difficult as it is, I would recommend not touching on the cheating and don’t contact AP’s partner at least until your divorce is finalized. You want to get a fair deal done as quickly and cheaply as possible - Accusing her of cheating and causing issues with AP’s is a sure fire way to a highly contested and extremely costly divorce. You’ll find out just like I did how quickly you can blow through a retainer and start paying $400/hr which hurts. This is a business deal now, take …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 05:53 PM
3

You need to take all of your “really generous offers” off the table immediately. 50/50 split on everything and stand your ground. Mine rejected an unbelievable offer I made her last summer only to settle for about 40% less in mediation. She had a complete meltdown in front of 3 lawyers which was a thing of beauty but she did it to herself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 04:42 PM
9

I wouldn’t. Thats a clear sign of weakness and since she’s in full vindictive mode it’ll only make her squeeze you more since she knows it’s working. Set a trial date and stand your ground. I know the wasted money hurts unfortunately it’s how it goes. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it’ll end eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 01:54 PM
10

Yes sir, I felt completely paralyzed for about 2 months. Couldn’t function. I would say I was clinically depressed for at least 6 months but didn’t seek professional help aside from getting a prescription for Concerta so I could at least perform at work. I got off that 4 months ago… There’s a lot of good advice on here but what worked for me was channeling her words into motivation. So my ex cheated on me, there’s a lot more to the story I won’t get into. Basically when I confronted her about he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:10 PM
1

Wouldn’t it be simpler to just to diagnose the ones with no mental issues as sane?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:29 PM
5

Because they need to crowd source validation from everyone to justify their decisions. Women are never their own entity.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 09:58 AM
9

This is extremely common. Mine basically had a whole PR campaign and should have just hired a firm to do it for her. The groundwork was laid at least a year in advance before I uncovered the whole plot.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 09:16 AM
17

Women will ruin their lives, their kids and their husbands simply out of boredom. I don’t believe for a second my ex is better off but quite honestly I don’t really give a shit. She wanted to lie down in shit, now she can eat it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:23 AM
28

You’re plan B sir.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:39 AM
1

There are plenty of mom & pop landlords that will rent you a house without pulling your credit report. If you try through a large company you’ll get denied since they will pull your credit. Try looking around for a 3 bed 2 bath in a safe area that would work. On Zillow they will list who owns the property, it’s relatively easy to figure out who’s just renting out their 2nd home and who’s a big property management company.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:32 AM
15

Vacation vacation vacation. Overseas works best but in the states works fine too. Make yourself available in restaurants / bars / piano bars & what few clubs for the “older” crowd that are available. You’re looking for a group of women on a “girls trip” later in the night when they’ve got their own liquid courage. One of them will either approach you for themselves or send a courier over to ask you to talk to their friend. You know it’s going to happen when you glance over there and all 4 of the…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 04:55 AM
17

You can’t fully trust someone whose entire reality is based on their current emotional state. It’s not necessarily a negative thing because when a woman in love they can make your life absolutely wonderful. The opposite can be quite true if things go sideways, so there’s a lesson there in risk management and exposure. I disagree that they aren’t hurting. A lot of them bail for “greener pastures” only to realize later on those pastures didn’t actually want a single mom with tons of baggage, just …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 03:38 AM
9

If she’s dumping water on your kids and you’re not at a pool you sir have a major problem on your hands. Thats not normal “we grew apart” behavior if she’s targeting the children. Kids are tough, we all snap at some point. The fact that she didn’t immediately recognize she screwed up is pretty concerning. Good luck man, defend and protect your kids at all costs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 06:02 AM
14

Sue her for harassment. What a psychopath jeez.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 09:01 PM
5

Do this OP. Cash out refi and you’ll end up either a 7% rate.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:31 PM
18

I wouldn’t concern yourself too much, he’s just there for the sex anyway. Do you know a lot of really great guys with the world by the balls that settle down with single moms? Nope, he’s not the catch she thinks he is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 04:58 PM
7

The affair fog is a beautiful thing!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:06 PM
4

Just. Say. No.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:34 PM
3

If she got it through illegal methods than none of it would be permissible evidence in court. NAL but I think something as simple as breaking into somebody’s phone is illegal. If there’s nothing to hide go to court and let her embarrass herself. PS she’s probably been planning this for years most of them do.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:06 AM
2

At the same time?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:20 PM
2

Set a trial date for as soon as possible. Free lawyer or not you have the option to set a date to stop the bleeding.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 07:39 PM
8

That I’m far smarter, make more money and have way more value to women than my wife ever gave me credit for. In fact she did her best to make me think the opposite. “You’re a fucking loser!” while throwing water in my face after I told her I knew of her affair. That was my 911 never forget moment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 01:29 PM
8

The fact that the kid chose to go live with grandma instead of her own mom says a lot. Now she’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re abusing her by not allowing her free rein over the money. I bet if you peek under the hood there might be some credit card debt you don’t know about yet. Anyway the writing is on the wall, she’s already building a case against you by claiming financial abuse. You might as well start the process and get it over with instead of wasting anymore of your life with this…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 12:29 PM
23

You’re spiraling. Stay away from women. Stay away from booze. Both are instant gratification and will likely lead you straight into disaster if your mind is in shambles like it is right after a divorce. Fix yourself first then have yourself a whiskey and a blonde.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:50 AM
1

Yes, pretty likely. I’m going to copy and paste this from a previous post so I don’t have to type it all out again but mine was planning for at least a year. All this while also carrying out an affair with a guy from work: Bank records showed mine was funneling cash to a separate account, maxing out her 401k while asking me to help her pay her credit cards for over a year. All this while I was working my ass off to remodel our home so we could sell it at a nice profit and move out of state to be…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:01 AM
9

Hate to break it to you but you were being manipulated. Happened to many of us myself included. If you’re sleeping in two separate beds on an exotic voyage through Latin America and she’s not all over you like your first HS girlfriend I have news for you buddy: Your just there to pay for stuff. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:04 PM
3

Take whatever she lets you take without argument. If you don’t want your $5k table then sell it on FB Marketplace for $1k. Her loss.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:55 PM
1

Ok well either way you’re still in a lawsuit. Amicable can get ugly really quickly, I wouldn’t chit chat with her about anything.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:50 PM
2

Why’d you answer? She literally has a lawsuit filed against you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:15 PM
10

This is going to sound really harsh but why have the two of you basically gone broke pursuing all of her “passions”? Trips to Latin America, freelance writing etc. you two just can’t afford it. She’s an adult not a child, reality doesn’t care what she’s passionate about. If YOU wanted to pursue some hobby that made you $300/mo. I hardly believe you’d find a woman to support you financially in your endeavor. Why do men fall for this shit?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 07:09 PM
5

And what’s she going to do if she doesn’t get said promotion or even worse gets laid off? Don’t make deals based on hypothetical future solutions. I mean it’s really up to you but I wouldn’t expect to see a penny given back if you loan her anything. It’s tough with the kids involved
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:39 PM
11

She can’t throw you man. They think they can but they can’t don’t let them fool you. In fact you’re going to realize 90% of the divorce process is ridiculous idle threats that only serve the purpose of trying to scare you into a bad deal.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:37 PM
3

I’ll second that. The gut knows.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:13 AM
8

It sucks but I’m glad I saw. An affair was probably the only thing that would have made me quit on the marriage. If she just dropped me like a sack of potatoes and I had no clue why I’d still be on my knees begging for her (which I initially did) Now that I have my dignity back, I will never make that mistake again. Absolutely pathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:26 PM
5

See if you can befriend a bartender that will feed you tonic water with a lime or something so it looks like you’re having a drink. That way you can blend in and don’t automatically look like the oddball. Nothing wrong with not drinking don’t get me wrong. I do this sometimes at corporate events if I don’t feel like drinking.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 07:48 PM
3

You didn’t mention your custody arrangement. Typically more time = less child support. Do you have 50/50 and still pay that much?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 06:17 PM
2

Force it. Mind over matter. Another option is an accountability partner - Find a friend or family member and ask them to hold you accountable. If all else fails I can ridicule and shame you via DM every day until you consistently go but that might not help with your depression.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:13 PM
10

I could have written this, although mine was only 5 years and we have two very young children. The denial is real. I was staring at the messages, clear as day and I thought to myself no way this is impossible. Then I let it go for 5 months, knowing exactly what was happening and just hoping it would go away mostly for the kids sake. By the end she had gotten downright hostile towards me and I finally confronted her about what I knew. I regret doing that, I should have just filed because as you m…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 04:51 PM
1

That’s so pathetic it’s funny.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:53 PM
2

If it’s not related to your kids why would you tell her anything at all?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:52 PM
3

Nope, I don’t engage in any mud-slinging whatsoever. Most of our mutual friends / acquaintances think she’s insane anyway so she’s done the job for me. If people ask me what happened I joke that she fired me and tell them I won’t discuss details. She’s a good mom and that’s all that matters to me at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:44 PM
8

It’s difficult at first. You will be sore for the first month or so.. However once you get a few months into it your energy levels and mood will noticeably increase and you’ll start seeing changes in your body. It’ll become an addiction to see how much you can improve week to week. The eye candy is also very nice. Some of these girls think they are at the beach and are apparently competing to see who can get as close to naked without breaking the law. Just don’t be a weirdo.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 04:33 PM
6

Time and effort will heal you. I made it to 11am today without thinking of her and the only reason I thought of her was that it occurred to me that I hadn’t thought of her at all today. Step by step, brick by brick.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:21 PM
4

Pretty normal I think. Personally I spent about 6 weeks in a similar situation, basically felt paralyzed. I’d try to work and would just sit at my desk staring off into space. I got on a low dose of Concerta which really helped and I stopped taking it after 4 months. What really helped me was having a dream. What would I do if I didn’t have a wife and kids and could do whatever I wanted to? The answer was to buy a boat and sail from port to port, exploring the coast and the Caribbean.. I guess b…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 02:55 PM
7

It’s not about letting her off the hook for what she did. Thats not forgivable. You can forgive her for what she did to gain acceptance and move on. Once you do that you can heal.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:44 AM
2

I deleted my FB simply because it’s a huge waste of time. I’d recommend blocking her, she may try a public smear campaign and you don’t need to see it for your own mental health. Dont engage in any online banter, you can’t win it. Let your actions do the talking for you and eventually people will read the tea leaves. Remember what she says about you says a lot more about her than it does about you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:21 PM
7

Well that’s exactly it. She’s not able to see past her own desires and will go through a series of mental gymnastics to justify it. This typically includes vilifying you, going full victim mode and making you look at bad as possible to everyone so when she’s crowdsourcing support and validation she will get it in spades. That won’t end after the divorce is finished. Example: One of the moms from daycare said she went to my ex’s house for a play date but asked her not to share the location with m…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:16 PM
1

This is my backup plan for retirement. Option A is similar - buy a boat and just sail port to port. I have 25 years to make it happen and no more wife spending all my money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:20 PM
3

Don’t leave but watch out for a fake DV claim to get you out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 11:35 AM
6

Ditto.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:21 PM
5

Anything is possible although for most of us them doing counseling was more of a “see I tried” type of thing. They already fully intended to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:13 AM
25

I just stick around to try to help the newer guys 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:10 AM
10

Two paths? Sounds more like you have two pieces of garbage to remove from your life. Sorry man, one betrayal is bad enough but two is brutal. If it makes you feel better somebody once posted about their own dad hooking up with their wife. I have no clue how things like this even happen it’s just despicable.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:42 AM
7

This right here. You need to accept that she views you as a nuisance now - you’re bothering her with all your “let’s talk and I need closure” stuff. It’s annoying her and she just wants you to go away. Sorry man, it’s cold. It’s unbelievable how they can do it after all those years but it’s how it goes. Just like a room instantly turns dark when you flip a switch, her feelings for you changed as soon as somebody else caught her fancy. Stop simping, it’s just going to turn her off even more.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 11:24 PM
6

Tell her to light it on fire and shove it up her ass. Joking, don’t do that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 08:18 PM
5

My guess is the OP is referring to all the guys dating while going through the divorce process which to me is very foolish. I will admit a had a few random romps on business trips but refused to “date” anyone local. Glad you got your confidence back my man. Mine did everything in her power to belittle me as much as possible at the end. It sucks but we bounce back.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:22 PM
9

The same reason some people go back to prison over and over. I had a boss once tell me to think of somebody I would consider as average intelligence and then consider the fact that half of everyone else was dumber than that person. Gave me perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:11 PM
10

If you’re not legally divorced with an agreement signed then what are you doing dating? You’re going to cost yourself a lot of time and money riling her up. At bare minimum keep it top secret how does your stbx even know? Go punch a hornets nest it would be cheaper and less painful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 12:03 PM
6

I’ve cracked a few times myself and immediately felt terrible. Just give them a hug and tell them you love them they will forget all about it. Then try to keep your cool next time. When I really think about it, I used to get the belt pretty bad from my dad back in the day. But thats never is what I remember when I think of him. I remember him showing me how to fix things, taking me fishing, showing up at every single one of my games and cheering me on etc. He was a great dad. We are human it’s o…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 11:38 AM
3

Get the paperwork done and then seal it in a gallon ziplock freezer bag. Have a local bakery make a cake and instruct them to place the bag underneath the cake. Put it on your kitchen table. Then wait. Recommend having a safe place to go. Good luck man. In all seriousness that is pretty significant abuse and you need to take action.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 02:08 PM
13

She’s ruthless. Also, somehow the victim 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 08:47 PM
22

We all fell for it. Bank records showed mine was funneling cash to a separate account, maxing out her 401k while asking me to help her pay her credit cards for over a year. All this while I was working my ass off to remodel our home so we could sell it at a nice profit and move out of state to be near her family. She filed the exact day we established residency in the new state. It was quite the setup and I had no clue.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 08:25 PM
1

“I miss them, I’d like to pick them up Friday” leave no grey area.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:25 PM
2

She doesn’t get to tell you anything. Take control of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:40 AM
1

Sounds like you need to get a parenting plan in place with a more structured plan. A free for all won’t work for either of you and is really bad for children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:14 AM
2

Michigan or Alabama?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 09:12 PM
5

Wow you made almost every mistake possible. Not your fault, it’s VERY difficult to think clearly when you’ve discovered an affair. Been there. You are holding out hope that the “right thing” will be done. She told you flat out “do whatever you want” when you confronted her about her affair. This literally directly translates to “I don’t give a shit” You get your dignity back by accepting what’s happened and moving on. It certainly won’t come from her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:53 PM
4

The child support is not going away so don’t focus on it. You made a kid and you have to support it. Focus on what you can control, income and expenses. You’ve already reduced your expenses so focus on increasing income. In the meantime see if you can get some assistance with food, shelter etc. until you can earn more. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:29 PM
3

Please don’t take offense, I don’t know how minimum wage works in your country but your income seems incredibly low. In the US you would be eligible for all kinds of subsidies, food stamps etc to help you get by. Are any of those kind programs available there? There’s no shame in accepting help until you’re able to earn more. At least eat decent food.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:42 PM
2

This is exactly why marriage as defined by current laws is not a good idea. What you’re describing is simply long term dating with a contract attached to it which doesn’t make sense either. In fact putting an expiration date on something would probably make it even worse.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:35 PM
1

She’s a selfish bitch but if you’d like to call it a personality disorder be my guest. I’m sorry you’re going through this, keep fighting for your kids and do the best you can with the cards you’ve been dealt. We are here to support you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 12:24 AM
2

If your family is an option and you’re not going to be a jerk and stiff them I might look at piecemealing the cash together from multiple sources. Maybe you get $25k ea. from two different family members and then HELOC on the rest. I wouldn’t touch your 401k.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:49 PM
3

The crazy thing is she’s actually doing a lot of damage to your kids in her efforts to hurt you. You’ll be fine. It doesn’t feel like that right now believe me I know but you will be ok in time. Kids need their fathers. The statistics about boys who grow up without them are pretty glaring. She should get over her own vindictive BS and think about what she’s doing to her children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:46 PM
3

Absolutely. My point was don’t be like me and not have anything to look forward to lined up ahead of time. Aside from your career and kids if you have them of course.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:27 PM
2

Luckily only 5, the benefits at that job weren’t very good.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 07:31 PM
3

That’ll work!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 07:25 PM
2

This entire sub is one big reminder of why marriage is a terrible idea.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 07:12 PM
7

Congrats man. Not sure if you’ll have a similar experience but when mine wrapped up 4 months ago I was thrilled for the first week then it hit me. Not necessarily sadness about her, but my main sense of purpose, getting a fair deal in the divorce was gone. I was like ok, so now what do I do? Make sure you have some hobbies or trips lined up to look forward to.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 07:11 PM
7

I tell people she fired me 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 02:07 PM
7

I mean both of those reasons seem REALLY easy to disprove. Have you tried showing them a map and maybe a note from your employer stating it’s ok for you to pick your kids up from school? You nailed it in the last sentence, this is about money. Get what you want now or you’ll be swimming upstream and paying more legal fees later.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 12:19 AM
10

Same thing here, bailed on me and two kids under 5. Naturally everything was all my fault. Now, over a year later she’s broke because she didn’t realize saying I was a big meanie head didn’t entitle her to 100% of our money. Oops. I think the whole train wreck is comical at this point except the part where my two beautiful kids have a broken home because mommy wanted to sleep with her coworkers.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 12:14 AM
8

To be fair your wife cheating on you technically counts as an issue. Kind of a big one though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:04 PM
1

This is the second “AI will replace women” post I’ve seen today. Wtf is happening 😂
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:00 PM
3

It’s different for everyone, personally I prefer some distance. That way I’m under no obligation for weekly dinner dates etc. I would never suggest misleading or using anyone. If they are totally cool with a purely sexual relationship then that’s obviously ideal. In my experience that’s how it always starts out and then somebody catches feelings and everything gets more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:00 PM
8

A year. I’ve been with a few women and have zero interest in an actual relationship. If you can find a women out of state I think that’s the sweet spot since it keeps the pressure to move the relationship forward to a minimum. In fact I’m purposely avoiding local women simply because I don’t want to accidentally meet one I’ll fall for. I figure I’ll be the guy at Baskin Robbin’s that samples a bunch of different ice creams and then walks out without buying anything.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:17 PM
3

In many cases one party has a completely unrealistic view of what a fair asset division & support payments look like. At some point reality sets in and they may drop the case and string you along especially if you are responsible for paying the bills. You’d have to start the process all over again to get out of that situation which would be costly. Counter petition means you also have a lawsuit against her, so even if that happens the case will continue moving forward towards a resolution.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:53 PM
2

Don’t skip the counter-petition.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:43 PM
6

No, she doesn’t get to just throw you out. As others have said she can file a false claim and get you legally removed which happens quite a bit apparently. Wear a recording device and stop talking to her. Don’t buy another house right now. Get a lawyer so you can control the process through the proper legal channels. Assume every word out of her mouth is a lie or a trick at this point. Sorry my man, your marriage is over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:16 PM
3

I can’t stop laughing about this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:10 PM
1

No matter how you slice it even with a prenup there’s still a lot of risk to legal marriage. Prenup, keep all finances separate and don’t commingle anything ever. For example if you have a $200k brokerage account prior to marriage don’t continue adding to it once you’re married because you’ll be blending marital income with premarital assets. Start a brand new one and assume she will take half regardless of the prenup. Real estate & businesses are where you’re going to see the most exposure - if…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:25 AM
4

Correct. Realistically the best path is to have a ceremony but not legally marry. Depending on your state you’ll want to watch out for common law marriage laws.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 10:34 PM
4

What she says about you says a lot more about her than it does about you. Brush it off, take the high road and let your actions do the talking. Eventually everyone reads the tea leaves and tbh nobody actually gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:46 PM
2

Apparently they’re paying for your kid and the drugs without your child support. In other words it’s a non-factor from a purely financial standpoint. You’re CHOOSING to create a reason to not pay support and as a result not see your kid. In other words you’re inventing reasons to not be with your child. You sir are a piece of shit and kuddos to your ex for finding somebody better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:26 PM
3

Your ex is dating a guy with a drug problem and your response is to completely abandon your child which you’ve sold to yourself as a good idea thinking this somehow protects your child. Your logic is deeply flawed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:12 PM
3

Well you do you but I feel like you need to step back and reevaluate the situation. He’s raising your child. If he’s employed he can also say he’s supporting your child. You are currently doing neither. Drugs or not I’m not sure how you arrived at the conclusion that he’s the bad guy in this story because frankly he’s doing a lot more than you are 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 03:17 PM
6

That really doesn’t matter. If you’re concerned for the safety of your child you need to go through the proper legal channels and get full custody. Right now you aren’t seeing your kid nor are you paying child support which is the literal definition of a dead beat dad. You’re using her boyfriend as an excuse to justify being one. Sorry man, hope you get this turned around I know it sucks. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 02:38 PM
3

My man you don’t get to decide to follow the law or not because you think your ex’s boyfriend is a drug addict. Pay your support and follow your visitation schedule. You cannot control her you can only control yourself. Snap out of it. Your kid needs a stable good example in their life and right now you are all failing this child badly.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:58 PM
2

Yep, but keep in mind she knows that and will use it as leverage to try to squeeze you for an unfair deal. Stick to your guns and remember you’re making a deal you’ll have to live with for life. How come you left home?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:03 PM
4

I suppose “got my confidence and swagger back” would have been a more mature way of stating it 😎
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:54 PM
8

Well you already screwed this one up. Forget about her, you can’t start a relationship off with a lie like that. Try again and next time don’t be an idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:52 PM
13

I’m 40 and hooked up with a 24 year old does that count?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:48 PM
5

Stop talking to her. You need a lawyer to help you through the process. These things often start out amicably and then quickly deteriorate, yours has already deteriorated. If you’re worried about false allegations get a personal recording device and have it on you whenever she’s around. Dont drink alcohol, grey rock and do not get baited into any arguments with her. Basically act like a judge is standing in the room with you at all times. Have your ducks in a row prior to her getting papers beca…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:45 PM
1

If you don’t get 50/50 now it’s going to be very difficult to get it changed later. You can spend the money and time now or spend it later fighting an uphill battle. You need to stick to 50/50 and die on that hill.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:26 PM
8

Are we as men ever going to learn that we will actually get more blowjobs if we don’t get married?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 11:04 AM
9

Exactly why it’s encouraged to not date for a year or so post divorce. You’re vulnerable and will attach yourself to a women simply for comfort without properly vetting her. Sorry you married a drunk OP but I still think you need to adjust your mindset. You stated you couldn’t even afford to get your own place and moved into a place her mom paid for. Not sure how her drinking habit drained all your money when you didn’t have any to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:28 PM
14

I think you’re reading way too deep into this. You met her while she was vulnerable and you were a distraction she misinterpreted as love. You’re broke and apparently never made progress towards not being broke. Most women will give you a pass for a certain time but ultimately if you fail to be a provider you’re going to lose their respect and love. I think you’re misguided thinking society has anything to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:49 PM
2

Still just an act they do. Her life is SO perfect now because you were the problem. It won’t last. Anyway good luck man, fingers crossed things get finalized smoothly. When they’re wrapped up in fantasy land is the best time to get a favorable deal done. Mine botched the whole thing because she spent all her time and money traveling with Mr 16 years older than her. Turns out he’s not actually going to relocate from his place on the lake to go play house with her and two little kids. Oopsie.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:15 PM
1

Meds have a cloud 9 effect. Don’t worry about it, it’s partially an act and won’t last.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:49 AM
1

Assuming you’re going for 50/50 custody most states in the US tend to “equalize” both parents financially which impacts the higher earner more. If she’s significantly out earning you and you have 50/50 custody she’s going to owe you child support and alimony. My guess is she’s realized this and is trying to scare you into a bad deal prior to the trial actually happening. If you do go to trial, ask for 50/50 and are/have been a generally decent man and father she’s going to get wrecked big time. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:45 AM
2

I think it’s fantastic you are doing something you love. You’ll be outdoors, getting sunshine and exercise and bonding with your kids. Time really is our most valuable currency so spend it doing something you enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:30 AM
22

The crash can be hard when the free ride fantasy ends. Congrats man, you know if the roles were reversed she wouldn’t show you an ounce of mercy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 02:53 AM
4

That’s awful. I consider myself very fortunate that she didn’t fight me at all on custody. In fact she offered 50/50 right up front because she wanted the time to travel with her AP who is no longer in the picture apparently. All she was focused on was money which at the end of the day, at least in my case finally settled pretty close to even. I would have bankrupted myself and her in the process before giving up more than 50% custody and she knew that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:21 PM
2

Totally normal, i get those feelings all the time. Example: I take my kids to the zoo and I’m surrounded by intact families and i have to split my attention between my son and daughter rather then them having two parents present. That pisses me off. Example: My son cries at daycare because he knows mommy is picking him up and I won’t see him again for a week. It takes 10 minutes to try to calm him down and finally the teacher has to physically pry his arms from my neck just so I can leave and go…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:15 PM
1

Maybe your car crash is a sign? You should have died but you didn’t. If a truck can’t kill you then you certainly shouldn’t let your vindictive ex kill you. Keep going man.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 12:03 PM
1

Don’t stress about this too much. I assume you are going for 50/50 custody? Unless you have a documented history alcohol related issues i.e. fired for drinking on the job, DUI, public intoxication, a DV charge where you were drunk etc. her accusations aren’t going to hold much weight they are just scary and waste time and money. Almost every ex wife says their ex is either abusive, a drunk or an asshole. Usually a combination of all three it’s just how it goes. The judge has heard it all a milli…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:55 AM
6

Maybe it’s just me but everything about this post seems completely backwards from typical gender role behavior. It kind of seems like you were the one pushing to get married, planning a wedding etc and she just wasn’t that interested in any of it. It seems like the signs were everywhere and you somehow missed every single one of them. You don’t need to take revenge on a girl that broke up with you 3 years ago you need to move the fuck on and stop being a psycho. Not all women are like her, in fa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:47 AM
10

50/50 custody is the hill you die on. You can’t change her mind or her actions, believe me most of us tried. I even got on my knees and begged like a pathetic worm. So, your only choice is to do the absolute best you can with the cards you and your son have been dealt. Take care of yourself, in time you will heal. Be the best at your career, be the best in the gym and be super dad for your son.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 11:36 AM
5

Thank you for sharing and glad to see you decided to thrive instead of fall apart. Similar story myself without the health issues.. I was an absolute basket case for about 6 months and literally felt like I was paralyzed. I’m a year removed from confronting her about her affair, 3 months fully divorced. Life is absolutely terrific now. My house is clean, my money is piling up, my kids are great and it turns out a lot of women think I’m really great. It takes effort to pull the plane out of a nos…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:20 PM
5

Well she’s not going to actually get you to lose your job, your bosses don’t care what she says or thinks she would only embarrass herself. Regardless, she would end up paying you child support and possibly alimony - tell her to go ahead and get you fired and while she pays all your bills you can enjoy your summer 😎
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:24 PM
1

Not a clue. I just know that here in the US any evidence that is obtained illegally will get thrown out immediately in court.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 04:59 PM
6

So what did you do to him? An affair? Withhold sex? Constant nagging and abuse? Refuse to get a job and contribute? This is a men’s divorce sub, most of us got screwed over somehow by our wives. Most of us wanted nothing more in the world than keep our marriages and families intact so the fact that he’s pushing for it tells us you screwed up big time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 02:03 PM
2

This should be said louder and more often on here. Time = money for lawyers. Get it over with asap.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:59 AM
4

Sounds like a good deal. Since you have nothing to lose but the truck it will be easier for you to rebuild (or just build). Get the 50/50 custody in writing asap or you risk her changing her mind and then it will get expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:50 AM
6

I’m with you two unless there’s more to the story. We should point out that if the genders were reversed nobody would bat an eye. Women leave sinking ships all the time and nobody gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:47 AM
5

You don’t need any other reason to live other than your kid. Thats it. Be daddy bear now, your primal instinct is to ensure that child is protected, loved and cared for. Don’t look for or expect a woman to be your savior, they are usually the complete opposite if you let them. save yourself and become desirable. Once you are desirable new women tend to show up. Thats how it works.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:23 AM
1

Carriers don’t display the actual text messages, only the date and time the message happened. It may have been different in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:09 AM
2

So this is a bad idea. If you “hack” info and try to present it as evidence in a legal setting they are probably going to investigate how you got it, it’s going to get thrown out and you may end up with criminal charges for the hacking. You need to figure out a legal way to obtain the information you need and if you can’t then that is life. Sorry for your bad position hopefully you can get it over with quickly and begin to rebuild your life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 03:12 PM
2

She did after I let her know she was sleeping with a guy from work.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 01:21 AM
15

“You’re a great dad but a bad husband”. I got the exact same line word for word. Mine was having an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 12:25 AM
6

I regret confronting mine, it just made everything worse. My advice if you do is to record it - I had my cell phone taking video with the top peaking out of my pant pocket. As I suspected she went absolutely nuclear and threatened to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair. I never had to use the tape but her knowing I recorded it (I told her days later) saved me from any and all false accusations. In hindsight it would have been better if I just filed and gotten a deal done. She fou…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 10:48 PM
2

Tinder is for sex haha. I’m just saying, and maybe I’m just jaded after my experience but I really don’t see any value a woman adds to my life aside from sex. I see a lot of downside they bring. So I call a spade a spade.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 04:25 PM
3

The next time you see a girl in a bikini you’ll be back for more haha. Remember you can sample without buying and you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:40 PM
3

That’s so messed up. What a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:34 PM
2

I mean I get it…. Some people are just going to be awful no matter what. I’m just suggesting it’s possible for flexibility to be shown by both parents I know because I’m currently doing it and my ex is reciprocating so far. In fact she agreed to take my kids for 10 days next month while I go to Europe (she doesn’t know I’m going on vacation she just agreed to the dates) If he would like that type of arrangement he’s going to be the one to start it even if it means sucking it up the first couple …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:32 PM
7

“I was feeling it” haha
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 12:11 PM
3

Personally it was very important to me to get to an arrangement with her to show flexibility with the schedule when it is possible. I travel quite a bit for work and it would be silly to assume work functions would magically only fall on weeks I didn’t have my kids for the next 16 years. So, the first few times she asked me to switched dates so she could go on vacation (I knew it was with AP) I sucked it up and did it. The marriage was over, I hated her with all my heart BUT flexibility was more…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 11:57 AM
26

Mine did it! She blew through several hundred thousand last year not realizing that our assets are divided equally. That ended up being most of her half of our cash reserves, then we trued up retirement accounts. She’s now cashflow negative, lives in a house she cannot afford nor can she finish the remodel she started since she’s basically out of money. Oh and I think her AP must have dumped her because word is she’s hooking up with one of the other dads in the neighborhood. I went from complete…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:53 AM
1

They are basically bankrupt, retirement is drained, credit is wrecked and she won’t get a job. He needs to get her out of his life asap or he will die a Walmart greeter.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:36 AM
7

Yep. Dont take the bait. In a few months she’ll have a new boyfriend named Bob which gets charged with a USB cable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 12:43 AM
2

If you have a home with equity you could do a HELOC. Sounds like you already burned through your 401k so that’s out. Most law firms will take payment via credit card. Somebody else mentioned on here that some employers offer employee assistance programs which might cover legal fees to an extent. You could also ask your HR / boss if the company could issue you a loan.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:01 PM
3

You need to find a new job, that’s all there is to it. You might as well hang up all your engagement & wedding photos in your house it’s basically the same thing. I’d even take a salary cut to move on. Who gives a shit about money if you’re miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:54 PM
6

Yes. You have to understand that her current reality is entirely based on her emotional state. Therefore she’s not lying, in her reality she’s telling the truth. This is why it’s recommended to grey rock or end communication all together. There is nothing to gain and a lot to lose by continuing to talk to your wife during divorce. If you want to have an argument you cannot win go try taking to a wall, or a rock, maybe a tree?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 09:47 PM
1

I sent you a DM.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:35 PM
2

The lawyer from ADAM? I don’t remember his name. I paid for the initial consult which was fine. Called twice shortly after with what should have been a 30 second question & answer while I was still pondering what to do next and got what I felt was a pretty rude answer about them not doing unpaid consulting and they need payment immediately.. I get it, it’s a business at the time I was shellshocked and panicked a bit. Completely different experience with the second firm. Consult was free, they go…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 12:08 PM
3

Oh yes it does. What bothered me was being purposefully coerced into a move I was pretty open about not wanting to do by somebody I trusted. I had also figured out there was another guy involved at that point. Looking back it was pretty obvious - The second I finished the last of the remodel work and the house got listed her whole demeanor towards me changed. Then when it went under contract she didn’t even fake being nice anymore it was open hostility at that point. Never underestimate her abil…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 11:54 AM
1

Are you in MI? I started off with ADAM and I got a very bad impression that they were far more concerned about collecting fees than helping me. I ditched them after the 3rd interaction and went with a different firm.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:27 AM
3

Tough love: You’re too nice and an enabler. Having your ex move in as a roommate as long as they don’t talk to their AP was a setup for disaster. I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but what would have happened if she brought some other dude over to spend the night? She is after all your roommate now. You’re being used and played, plain and simple. She’s in full self preservation mode, no money and nowhere to go. She’s going to say anything she needs to in order for you to keep ba…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 09:44 PM
5

My ex wife literally planned vacations while on vacation. How do you keep somebody like that happy for a lifetime? I apparently don’t know and wasn’t capable of it haha.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:01 PM
9

I’m older and have kids but I can relate a bit because my ex waiting until we sold our house and relocated out of state before hitting me with a divorce. It seems shocking and out of the blue but I assure you this was a calculated move on her part to get the house secured before kicking you to the curb. Probably been planned for quite some time. “Amicably and without lawyers” directly translates to “I want to rip you off badly while guilting you into it”. A lawyer, although expensive will ensure…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:58 PM
4

This has got to be one of the worst takes I’ve ever seen. You’re waiting around hoping somebody’s marriage fails because you think you’re better than the current husband? Sounds like you already have a married woman in mind and you’re on the slippery slope to becoming an AP home wrecker. There are tons of single women that are perfectly normal quit being a weirdo.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:49 PM
5

Everyone loves to travel. A person who needs to be on an exotic trip every other month to be happy will only bleed you dry and move on to the next victim.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:43 PM
19

Yep. Keep that completely separate until you are legally divorced. Your wife will stall, cry, manipulate, beg etc but don’t be fooled. Congrats on your new house and new life - just be smart and don’t let your balls do any of the thinking for you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:04 PM
9

Sorry that happened to you man. I’m going to be a downer here and say this: Hope you’ve prepared yourself for the current girlfriend to leave once the world traveler fantasy ends. $50k per year is a big T&E budget number and neither of you are going to be happy when real life sets back in. This is usually why extensive frequent traveling is called a red flag - normal life simply isn’t good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:58 AM
1

I’m kidding. She sounds like a real piece of work sorry this is happening to you. Don’t give up on your kids though.. represent yourself if necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:07 AM
6

She’s playing both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:03 AM
1

Call her dad and ask him why your 5 & 7 year old shouldn’t have a father in their lives. I think her tactic is just to bleed you. Look for alternatives… Hell I’d represent myself in court before giving up my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:46 PM
1

I personally wouldn’t give up any of my parenting time if I were you for a variety of reasons. Not seeing your kids, paying more in child support and your kids might hold it against you in the future.. Maybe your ex wants to relocate too? Not sure where you live but if you’re near a large metro maybe just moving to a different burb would give you some fresh air.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:38 PM
6

When this “condition” gets resolved a new one will develop prior to her being able to work what you are watching is called a downward spiral most people don’t get happier and healthier as they age. You don’t have kids and unless you’re sitting on $50M you’re going to fight over this isn’t the type of thing that would ever see trial. I get it, you feel guilty. If she were sickly and pleasant I would say it’s your duty to help her but the reality is women abandon sinking ships all the time and nob…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:34 PM
27

She doesn’t actually want you back she just can’t stand to see you happy. It’s possible she will continue to tug at your heartstrings with the intention of wrecking whatever relationship(s) you develop with other women. Beware.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:21 PM
2

What’s your custody agreement say you can and cannot do? I have 50/50 and neither one of us is allowed to move more than 100 miles away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:10 PM
2

It may be smart to wait until you’re both employed since you already know there will be an argument over assets. That pie you two will be fighting over will shrink rapidly with two lawyers billing you and no income. Assume it could take a year or more to get to a resolution.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 07:22 AM
1

It kind of sounds like she has depression? If so has she tried addressing it?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 07:07 AM
2

How much money is she considering marital assets? Narc or not she’s entitled to half of all marital property. If for example you have $1M in marital assets she’s not going to settle for $60k.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:18 AM
2

What’s the question here? If you’re worried about money don’t - having a drinking problem doesn’t impact the fact that half of everything you two accrued during the marriage is yours. How is another man between you and your kids? This makes no sense. It sounds like you left the house when you shouldn’t have and aren’t seeing your kids like you should be.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:57 PM
12

Her baby is technically your son’s sibling, they share the same mother. Her family is going to support her no-matter what, that’s what families do. It’s really difficult sometimes, it’s been a year for me and I still catch myself thinking about why she would throw herself at another guy when we had a good life, great income and a 2 & 4 year old. Hang in there man - We will never get an apology, a reason, closure, nothing. It’s the unfortunate consequence of our own actions leading up to divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 05:03 PM
5

She’s gaslighting you. Also don’t have these discussions with her - you’re getting divorced keep it 100% business. She cheated which means absolutely nothing that comes out of her mouth can be trusted as truth.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:32 AM
4

Unless your kids are younger and he’s a potential threat to them I’m not sure anything good will come of this. She will likely get mad and think you’re stalking her life, which you basically are. Also if he’s a loose cannon (3 convictions would indicate he is) the last thing you want is him after you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:27 PM
3

Imagine feeling that amount of entitlement. Speechless.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:06 PM
7

How’d she manage to lose that much custody? She must really be a piece of work.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:11 PM
4

I’m not a red pill guy and truly believe there are plenty of wonderful women in this world despite my awful experience with my ex. With that said nothing good has ever come of showing a women weakness. A good one would show kindness but let’s face it none of them like or ever want to see weakness from their man. If you need to cry or something call your mom or a therapist, really anyone but your girl.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:09 PM
1

With all due respect you are saying you cannot afford to move and are up to your eyeballs in debt. In my experience girlfriends are expensive, meaning your money is going towards activities, dinners and dates rather than your debt and seeing your kids which should be your priority. Maybe yours pays for everything, I haven’t found one like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:04 PM
7

Ditch the girlfriend until you have your life pieced back together. You have way too much to fix right now she’s only going to complicate things further. Imagine your frame of mind if she decides to dump you tomorrow? If your kids are in Hawaii your one and only mission is to move there. It may take a few years but that’s the goal. At least that’s what I would do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:39 PM
1

Sales is a pretty broad term and most people think of slick talking car salesmen. I think commercial role is a more appropriate term for those of us who are in sales but aren’t necessarily “pitching” products to customers that walk in the door. There’s also a huge salary & comp range. I know people in medical device sales clearing $400k per year. I’m in the chemical industry and make a bit less than half of that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:03 PM
8

Stay strong man. Happened to me too. Why? I have no clue, I thought I did everything right. She got bored, raising a 2 & 4 year old is tough so now she’s got half her time back to travel with her boss who’s 16 years older. Thats ok. I’m moving on and focused on my future and my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:21 PM
13

Light switch effect - google it. Don’t expect an apology ever either, she’s already justified it by making you a villain. Sorry man, happened to me too, guy from work got in her head (and more obviously). We have a 2 and a 4 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 01:17 AM
7

Is she employed, what’s her income look like and willing to pick up some of the costs of your travel and entertainment? I got on Hinge today for the first time to browse. The 6th girl I looked at was a hair stylist with kids whose dream house would have “heated floors and a sauna because she’s always cold”. Then I exited the app.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:57 PM
5

Congrats on your alimony payments!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 08:17 PM
7

No good deed goes unpunished. Giving somebody whatever they want never ends well. Doesn’t matter if it’s a man, woman or child. Somehow it will end poorly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:31 PM
2

All good. Not only did it protect me but I’ve gone back and watched it a few times when I was feeling lonely and missing her. Quick reminder of the person she had become.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:27 PM
4

When I confronted my wife about her affair she flat out said she would accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair. I had my phone in my pocket with the camera peaking out the top recording the entire thing on video. All 16 minutes of her going nuclear, throwing water in my face etc. That recording probably saved my life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:54 PM
11

Marriage: Where absolutely everything is your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:46 PM
1

Have you considered simply having a conversation with him instead of crowdsourcing information from people who have no clue what’s really going on with him? Thats exactly the behavior that landed a lot of us in divorce. Our wives didn’t communicate with us directly and instead got the opinions of a pack of hens that had no clue what was actually happening.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:25 PM
3

How come you keep changing your age in your posts? Sound like you have an honesty issue and should leave this poor man alone.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:42 PM
6

Jesus Christ how many husbands did my ex have???
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:39 PM
1

I’ve read some of his history, I’m not going to argue that he’s not a piece of garbage. He clearly is. That doesn’t mean he cannot get his priorities in order and focus on his kids although I will admit that’s unlikely. With that said, this is a forum for men. You’re stalking him online trying to “set the record straight” with a bunch of internet strangers. You’re a weirdo and a woman, get the fuck out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:20 PM
1

5’1 290lbs has got to be a nearly perfect sphere.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:14 PM
7

If you can both be reasonable and come to a fair agreement on your own than you don’t need to pay a ton of money to a lawyer. Unfortunately usually at least one of the spouses can’t seem to act like an adult and either tries to take just about everything and / or wreck the other spouse. This is where the lawyer protects you. Also the settlement agreement needs to be well written, especially when it comes to custody & financial support otherwise it could lead to future legal battles when somebody…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:56 AM
2

Agree about getting a lawyer but most states are no fault now, so an affair likely means nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:07 AM
4

This OP. The affair means nothing in a divorce, she will try to use it as leverage but it’s just idle threats. 80% of the guys on here had wives that cheated, doesn’t make a bit of difference to the law since it’s not illegal to cheat it just makes you a shitty person. Focus on getting 50/50 custody of your kids and work on yourself to become a good role model and father for your children.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:05 PM
3

“For better or till I’m bored”
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 03:15 AM
9

Nice! Guys need to stop worrying about the mudslinging - it makes her look bad to everyone except her stupid circle of clucking hens. What she says about you says a lot more about her than it does about you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 12:13 AM
4

Why does it not occur to men that they’ll do the same thing to them eventually? What a dumbass. Also sorry that happened to you. Mine cheated too, no clue if they’re still together. She told him we were separated (I had no clue) so I consider him a victim tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 12:00 AM
2

“I packed your bags, now get out” Totally kidding.. Don’t do that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:23 PM
1

Sounds like the typical BS a lot of guys go through trying to simply get time with their kids. Sorry man. Obviously deny it - it’s going to be basically impossible for her to prove unless she’s got something bad on video. If you have proof of you being at the appointments like receipts etc produce them. Again, family law is basically just a big he said / she said circus and there’s rarely punishment for lying. Personally I think it’s actually encouraged (unspoken of course) to prolong the proces…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:21 PM
1

Be more specific. If it’s not relevant to the asset split like committing fraud / hiding money or false accusations to limit custody it’s likely not relevant and a waste of time. Unfortunately family law usually doesn’t punish dishonesty unless it’s actually illegal, like stealing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:35 PM
17

This 100%. Unless there’s actual real abuse taking place most women have their next guy lined up way before the divorce gets initiated. Everything else they say is just trying to find justification for monkey branching to a different guy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:39 PM
2

You don’t have to legally marry. You can still have a ceremony & such if it’s a religious thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:36 PM
9

I’d recommend just getting a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 04:35 PM
1

Until the divorce is finalized it doesn’t matter whose name is on what account etc. it’s still all legally marital property. So just understand until that’s done she could change her mind and fight you and budget yourself accordingly. You need to get that done as quickly as possible - she may be nice now and hopefully stays that way but for most of us amicable turned bitter and ugly really fast. Dont assume you’ll be any different.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:49 PM
16

I commend you for taking a hard look at yourself and acknowledging your mistakes. Taking accountability for your actions can be incredibly difficult - most people don’t have the guts to do that and instead shift the blame to somebody or something else. I truly mean that. It’s difficult to say you screwed up. BUT it is a victory. You lost your wife. She’s not coming back and that sucks. Now that you know your faults you can address them instead of continuing your ways and dumping excuses all over…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:36 AM
11

It’s the same cycle over and over. Spouses in a loving, trusting and healthy marriage do not: Hide / protect their phones Hide / protect their computers / iPads Aren’t responsive to communication when away Often go out with their friends without their spouse Often take shady trips, business or personal without inviting their spouse Are often late coming home from work with little or no communication. their social media posts never include their spouse They speak poorly about their spouse to frie…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:28 AM
18

Lie, deny, accuse. This is the process nearly all cheaters follow. They will lie about what they are doing. Once you are suspicious they will deny it. Then they will often try to flip the heat onto you by accusing you of cheating / wrongdoing. You can read countless examples of this process happening in real life. Happened to me to a T. Realistically if you’re a normal guy and not one of the psycho controlling types if you suspect your wife is cheating she probably is.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 12:32 AM
0

This was my thought as well. If the kids are in it stays. They may want to see it someday. If it’s just her and I then bye bye. I kept all the nudes 😄
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 10:41 PM
3

Ah well at least she didn’t try to smoke you financially. I only had to do one 4 hour session and she finally conceded instead of going to court. By then she had already changed her story 5+ times, committed fraud and knew I had proof of her affair which she 100% wanted to avoid discussing in a legal setting. I got a 50/50 split of everything including custody minus a bit of my cash half going to the kids 529 accounts - of course that had to come out of my money not hers but whatever in 15 years…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:29 PM
24

Because literally anything you say they will turn against you. So, you basically say nothing and it disarms them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:21 PM
6

Congrats, I got 50/50 too. Mine also didn’t budge for about 4 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 01:06 PM
3

Assuming you are both fit parents, your top priority should be securing 50/50 custody of your kids. First, obviously you will want to be an equal part of their life with your stbx. Second, it will dramatically reduce or eliminate your child support payments. You didn’t give any details on employment & income - in my case both the ex and I earned similar income, with 50/50 there is no child support or spousal support. With that said don’t give her ammo to use against you when it comes to custody.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:17 PM
4

It’s interesting, I find myself in a similar mindset. I work hard, workout and love the time I have with my kids. Outside of that my mind is almost entirely focused on building wealth - I’m incredibly cheap now, pinching every penny possible just to watch the numbers in my accounts go up. It’s not necessary at all, l’m well compensated and I should have a decent retirement in 25 years regardless but it’s the only thing besides my kids I seem interested in now. I guess I am interested in sex, jus…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:11 PM
18

Therapists don’t make more money unless a client (customer) returns for ongoing sessions. Happy customers return, unhappy ones do not. There isn’t a lot of money to be made pissing off your customers, which is easily done by telling them a hard truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:46 PM
3

Yeah that seems right. I haven’t jumped into the single mom dating pool yet but I’m guessing the stories are all the same. When I think back at all the divorced women I’ve had as coworkers etc I’m pretty sure all but one either described her ex as an asshole or an alcoholic. Usually a combo of both. One woman I worked with for 6 years started off bashing her ex but years later expressed regret for not giving him a chance when he begged her to make it work. I found out later through another cowor…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:40 PM
6

You’re missing a critical component for any hope of reconciliation: Her genuinely accepting her own role in the marriage breaking down. This is a sub for men so I take it with a grain of salt but I read all the time about men understanding and acknowledging their mistakes, what they could have or should have done differently etc yet we see basically no examples of women taking a hard look in the mirror and saying “you know what, I screwed some stuff up too” and then follow through with a genuine…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:01 PM
0

Ok.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:50 AM
2

I think you’re digging way too much into this. Regardless of her actions there is no excuse to ever threaten to kill anyone, her, boyfriend whoever. You crossed a line most people never get close to. Time to do some self reflection and therapy, get your mind right because right now it’s not.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:43 PM
5

It’s amazing how some women have no issue destroying somebody else to protect their own stupid image. Mine threatened to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair when I confronted her. I got it on video. Also I bet her nudes don’t look like they did in 2007 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:40 PM
2

The crab mentality phenomenon is something more people should learn about. Really explains some people’s behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:33 PM
4

My ex wife’s mom bailed on her and her brother when she was 14 - Divorced the dad and moved across the country to pursue a degree and medical career. She came back to “reconcile” a decade later after she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. My ex was her caregiver for about 4 years until she died since in-home nursing is super expensive. Looking back the signs were all there. Who abandons their kids to career chase and then only comes back when they need something like full time care? At first…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:27 PM
1

Pull the 60/40 offer, go back to 50/50 and set a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:03 PM
6

Yeah OP it might be fun and games now but once those legal fees start piling up it will be a lot less funny. Based on the TRO thing and her history of claiming you abuse alcohol I wouldn’t push any buttons here. You’re going to want to look like a saint and get this over with as quickly as possible. Pretend like the judge is in the room with you at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:57 PM
5

She’s going to milk it for as long as you let her. Why wouldn’t she?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:41 PM
9

Mine booked a vacation to Panama for her and her AP two days after I told her I knew she was having an affair. They have zero shame haha.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:24 PM
3

SAHM is still heavily embedded in our culture and if you come from a religious conservative family like I do the pressure to work while your wife stays home is pretty intense. It’s basically like a social status thing to “retire your wife” That works fine if she’s going to honor her vows. I don’t know the stats but it seems like more and more prefer to cash in and travel so they can take pics for their Instagram.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:09 PM
22

Plan A fell through, you’re the safety net until she can find another option.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 01:53 PM
2

Ex is taking care of 4 kids on welfare + $600 per month from him. His kids are living in poverty and he wants to know how he can get out of helping or seeing them more. My blood is boiling right now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:55 PM
9

I know this is a men’s support group but I’ll be the bad guy here and just point out you’re 100% in the wrong. IMO You’ve dumped your kids onto your ex and the state and somehow arrived to the conclusion the current arrangement was fair to her or them, when in reality it’s not even close. Pay more or see your kids more. As a guy who would have bankrupted myself to get 50/50 I’m really failing to see why this is a tough choice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:48 PM
19

Taken down by a podcast. Thats a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:54 PM
4

This isn’t complicated. You add up all of your assets, subtract what assets are premarital and then divide it by half. Whose name is on what account means absolutely nothing - if the assets were earned during marriage it is half yours and half hers. This applies to all accounts, 401k included. “I’m going to be fair” is woman speak for she wants to keep 75% of everything. If the shoe were on the other foot you know exactly what would happen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:53 PM
14

I miss dual income streams and seeing my kids everyday. I can’t think of anything else positive about her, at least not who she became.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:41 PM
12

Topics to not discuss with your wife: Conspiracy Theories Other women Anything negative about Taylor Swift I don’t make the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:47 PM
1

So how’s that lifestyle working out now for her?
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:30 AM
19

She’s got an abuse gun pointed at you saying support me through school or else. Thats all this is. You’re totally headfucked and getting abused while being gaslit into thinking you’re the bad guy. Boy she did a number on you. Get her out of there or you’ll never heal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:28 AM
22

This is it guys. She’s bored and some other guy caught her eye. Everything she says about you is just to justify her infidelity. Sorry man, happened to me too and it’s horrible.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:45 PM
3

That’s fine but I’m asking why you’re sharing anything with your STBX right now. Filing a divorce is literally filing a lawsuit against another person. Why would you give the person you are suing a single shred of detail if it’s not required by law?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 08:27 PM
3

She’s a train wreck and will look for anything and everything to use against you. Dont give her any bullets to fire by simply not being around her or talking to her. She will try to bait you into a fight so she can go full victim mode, don’t let her. What’s with the breathalyzer? If you’re doing that just to prove her wrong I think you’re wasting your time. You’ll have better luck arguing with a brick wall.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 05:05 PM
1

Mine thought I was her employee as well.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 12:19 AM
8

If she’s smearing you behind your back it’s over my man. Shes painting the picture that you are a horrible spouse so everyone supports her decision to divorce you. Textbook.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:05 PM
3

I’m not sure how the laws work in your state but my guess is her push for full custody is financially motivated. If she earns double what you do and you do 50/50 custody she will almost certainly owe you child support. 50/50 is the hill you die on. FYI I was in almost an identical dispute regarding money from family. My ex’s brother tried to hide inheritance money from his wife 5 years ago by having the full inheritance deposited to my ex’s bank account. At the time he and his wife were rocky. L…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:58 PM
32

She married you and took vows,divorced you, took the same vows with a new guy and is now bailing on him. This woman is chaos. Do not touch.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:38 PM
4

What is her reasoning for not wanting to give you equal parenting time? Do you have a safe home for your kids? Are you able bodied and capable of caring for them? Do you have transportation and are capable of taking them to and from school, doctors appointments etc? If the answer is yes then it should be 50/50. What she “wants” has nothing to do with your children seeing their father on an equal time basis. Edit: typically what they want is more time because that = more child support $
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:00 PM
-2

How old is your baby? Postpartum depression is real and makes a lot of women seem unhinged- this is not their fault and it usually goes away. If you’re struggling with a “crazy” wife and a 6 month old I’d step up and try to get through this difficult time together. The fact she’s seeking counseling on her own is encouraging. Just a thought I don’t know your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 12:55 PM
8

She cheated and then asked “why are you doing this?” Hahaha the nerve.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:02 AM
2

They do have morals they are just experts at finding ways to justify bad behavior. They know it’s wrong that’s why they lie about it - kind of like their body counts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:49 PM
1

The 529’s should be carved out and not factored in the financial settlement, that money is for your children. How me and the ex did it is one of us as the account owner and the other is an authorized user. So, either of us can make a contribution or login and check the status at anytime, we both have full control. We did this through Fidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:17 PM
2

Is this woman your mom because she’s treating you like a kid and your actions indicate you deserve it. I’d encourage you to mature and do it quickly or none of this is going to go how you think it will.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:11 PM
8

You’re pain shopping big time. What is meeting the new boyfriend going to do? If you don’t approve you think she’s going to just say oh okay I’ll break up with him? Dude… She’s going to date. She’s going to bring guys around your kids. Unless they have some felony or history of sex crimes there is not a damn thing you can do. Stop this madness, ignore it and accept it. I know it’s tough. Your reactions satisfy her because she knows she’s still got you wrapped around her finger. Quit it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 02:59 PM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:20 AM
4

There’s always a dude that’s hornier than a woman is ugly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 03:48 PM
6

Not true at all. Family law bills by the hour, this isn’t a class action lawsuit settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:29 PM
11

Expect any word out of your wife’s mouth to be a lie, trick or some other form of manipulation once she knows you’ve filed for divorce. They turn in an instant. Dont fall for any of it and get 50/50 custody and a fair financial deal.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:28 PM
1

They are baiting him into engaging in back and forth mud slinging. You’re 100% correct, less is more. Zero details, just deny it with no explanation . Everything you do and say can be used against you so say as little as possible. Bonus: The fact that you won’t engage and play their game will possibly her off more.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:32 PM
8

I would literally copy and paste that list and my response to each one would be one word: “false” If you simply deny it the burden of proof is on her to prove it which they usually can’t. If you get sucked into long winded explanations they will find ways to poke holes in your response and use it against you. It’s a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 11:56 AM
5

Ah the “I can’t handle I’m not in charge anymore” meltdown. Love it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:09 PM
4

If you read his post history his wife has been trying to get him to agree to incredibly lopsided deals in her favor and wants to get it done quickly. When we stand up for ourselves and ask for a fair split they will often switch to a bulldog tactic where accusations and mudslinging gets used in an attempt to bully you into a bad deal. Hang in there man. None of that matters in a financial split it’s just a mental game. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:09 PM
8

If you’re fine with her keeping the house she’s going to have to buy you out and pay half the equity which is rightfully yours. I’ve skimmed your post history and would recommend getting a good divorce attorney. She apparently doesn’t think you’re entitled to anything and thinks you should just walk away with nothing. Do not under any circumstances fall for this and when she figures out that’s not happening it will probably get very ugly very quickly. 50/50 split of everything. Custody, home equ…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:01 PM
28

Men that get involved with married women typically don’t have better options. You can draw your own conclusions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 10:04 PM
2

You two have a baby, it’s pretty common for postpartum to last a year or so. She’s probably exhausted which doesn’t help. I’d strongly encourage you to do your best to get through this difficult time together. Perhaps you should see a therapist too? Showing her you want to do better can go a long way to forgiveness. Marriage is tough, kids are tough there is nothing that prepares you for just how difficult it can be. Don’t skip straight to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 01:09 PM
3

Congrats man and smart of you not to reproduce with her. As difficult as it is to rebuild you have the right attitude about it - sooner you start the sooner you’ll get there. It’s difficult to watch some guys frozen and stuck in neutral but totally understandable why it happens. Glad to see you quickly snap out of it and plan your future.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 01:04 PM
2

Not Bitcoin I don’t believe in crypto.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:51 AM
2

That’s the game. She wants to wear you down and is counting on you breaking. Don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:01 PM
2

You should be able to look up court records on your county website and see if they’ve been granted an extension for additional discovery. This way you can stay in the loop without asking your lawyer which they’ll bill you for. They can play this game for a while and realistically she’s just trying to bleed you at this point. Eventually she will realize that these tactics aren’t working and you aren’t going to cave. If she doesn’t you’ll get to witness her having a meltdown in court when everythi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 01:45 PM
5

Buddy if you don’t have an amicable divorce then the chances of her using the kids as pawns and being dishonest are right around 100%. Many of us have faced it and succeeded. Here’s the deal - she has zero respect for you since you keep letting her off the hook. She thinks you’re a spineless worm who is too afraid to ever stand up to her. How do you change that? Get a lawyer, file and nuke the hell out of her. She will be totally dumbfounded that you stood up for yourself. Stop being scared. Fin…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:10 PM
7

This OP. You’re totally codependent and need to figure out how to cut this toxic person off and learn to stand on your own. There is no fixing this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:05 PM
3

Kids aren’t a trump card that gets you out of every mistake you make. This is the third time you’ve caught her sleeping with other guys? Buddy I don’t know what to tell you. Stand up for yourself and part ways with this toxic woman or just lay there and be a doormat. No clue why you haven’t filed and filed a motion to get her the hell out of your house.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:33 PM
4

Time for your ex to return home from fantasyland and face reality. Pursue this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:22 AM
2

Are any of your assets from before you got married? If so, those are separate and not factored in the split. I’m not a lawyer but perhaps you could put a chunk of that cash in a 529 account for your child so it’s for her and protected. Sitting in half a mil in cash with with an unhappy wife is like sticking a target on your back. She’s going to go hard after the money. If you bought a house it would actually slow her down - cash is liquid a house is much more complex.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 08:02 PM
3

I’m sure you gladly listened to all of it at $400/hr haha
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 03:45 PM
9

Trauma bonds are powerful and often lead people to stay in a toxic situation far longer than they reasonably should. It’s ok to have empathy for your ex, that just means you’re human. Mine did everything in her power to destroy me after her affair and divorce was filed. I do feel sorry for her - she’s chasing happiness im not sure is possible for her. I feel sad for my children who had their family ripped apart. With that said I have accepted the cards in life that have been dealt and am laser f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:34 PM
5

You do you buddy but I think your head is in the wrong place here. Being vindictive and unreasonable is how you rack up massive legal fee and could cost you additional losses in the long run. I know you are hurt and want revenge. Come to terms with the fact that you won’t get it through the court. Women often learn this lesson the hard way. Did she cheat? Did she leach money off you? Was she a horrible drag on your life for years? The judge doesn’t care, neither do the lawyers. Only you and your…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:26 PM
10

Calm down, 50/50 custody is the norm unless you’re dangerous which is sounds like you’re not. You both make 60k, with 50/50 custody that means no child support or alimony. If she buys you out at $220k that comes out of her “half” meaning you will have a nice chunk of money in your pocket plus whatever cash is left / half of all marital retirement assets. Personally when my divorce finalized I put the substantial amount of cash I received and threw it straight into 6 month CD’s. I am renting a ho…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 11:33 PM
6

The story never changes, only the names do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 09:13 PM
4

The last thing she wants is to see you happy. Always keep that in mind and her actions will make more sense. Eventually it will become comical, I just laugh at my ex’s bs now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 09:12 PM
8

Mmhmm. So she’s not taking it well that she’s not in charge anymore. Mine was the same way and has been really vindictive even after our divorce finalized. Kind of weird since I wasn’t the one who had an affair. I know you’re not looking for advice but if I were you I would just take the high road, do what you feel like in addition to caring for your kids and just ignore the bitch. She’s going to have a tantrum about everything treat her like the toddler she is and just ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 08:26 PM
3

I think the gym suggestion is more of a live a healthy lifestyle suggestion. Get out of the house, take care of yourself and eat well. This is a lot more productive than drinking a bottle of whiskey and then putting a bullet in your head which seems more unhealthy than throwing your back out. Of course there are people who cannot lift weights due to health issues. Thats ok. I’m certain you could find something else to do at the gym like walk on the treadmill or swim some laps.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 08:17 PM
3

It's all the same, only the names will change Every day, it seems we're wastin' away -Bon Jovi
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 12:27 PM
3

It’s all going to come down to what can and cannot be proven. Mine settled finally in mediation, hopefully you can do the same. In my case it was less about her wanting the money and more about her being vindictive and simply not wanting me to have it. I ended up offering to put a chunk of my half in 529’s for our kids and she went for it and we finally settled. If you do go to trial and can show she’s been making a huge list of false claims and basically being completely unreasonable in general…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 03:16 AM
5

I went through the exact same thing. My ex was apparently living in financial fantasy land and then went the steamroller route with her 3rd lawyer. None of it was mudslinging about personal things, no crazy accusations. Just a really bizarre interpretation on how math works and financial gymnastics - She changed her financial disclosure 8 times before we finally got to mediation. How did I deal with it? Keep your head down and stick to the facts. That’s it, just black and white bank statement / …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 09:50 PM
6

Guys just get a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:35 PM
12

Out earning their man can certainly lead to them losing respect over time. It’s not all women but career driven women out earning their husbands has a pretty solid track record of relationship failure. If you have other issues and are currently separated my guess this isn’t exactly going to help. Here’s how I see this playing out: She’s going to start working at this new job and be surrounded by peers and superiors that will earn more than you. Mix in some marital issues and she will begin envis…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:33 PM
1

This right here OP. Divorce is a zero sum game, meaning whatever she wins you lose and vice versa. It would be smart to figure out compromises before you spend tens of thousands of dollars to have a judge tell you the compromise. Are you going for 50/50 custody I assume? If not you’re going to fight an uphill battle keeping the house since family law will want the kids to have the stability of staying in their primary residence.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:25 PM
1

Got it. Yeah, these things can really mess you up. What is your current custody agreement?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:21 PM
2

I would get 50/50 and look into an Au Pair to help you during the crazy hours you’ll be facing. If you go that route not under any circumstances reveal that’s your plan during the divorce. Obviously if divorce is your path get this done prior to you exiting residency and start making the big bucks. Also when you’re through this watch out for predatory women looking to hitch a ride on the MD money train. In fact I wouldn’t even disclose that you’re a doctor while dating for several months so you …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:07 PM
1

Be in your child’s life but do not take this woman back. She’s doing the typical single mom thing where they use whatever guy is a dumb simp enough to help her. It almost always ends in disaster. Are you from NC? Why not move back and get partial or half custody of your kid? Why did you give up seeing your kid in the first place who gives a shit if she cheated what’s that got to do with your kid?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:58 PM
2

She took vows and then was sleeping with somebody else a month later? That alone is all you need to know - the rest should just cement the fact that it’s not worth it in your mind. Bud, I say this with love: Snap out of it and stop the bleeding now. You’re 31, have 2/3rd of your life ahead of you do not waste another minute of it on this disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:26 PM
29

So every time you two argue she sleeps with somebody?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:26 PM
5

What you are describing is called dissipation and it’s illegal. Spending large amounts of joint assets should come out of her “half” when the financial settlement gets finalized. FYI my ex wife did this.. she blew through north of $200k in 8 months this year. When reality hit in October during mediation she threw a fit in front of three lawyers. I’m still laughing about that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:59 PM
10

Same! 16lbs in one month and I was in good shape to begin with. I remember sitting in my office and could literally feel the hair falling out of my head and down my face. Luckily I think most of it grew back. Unreal what we went through I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:15 AM
6

Yeah I don’t blame you. I too wanted to beat the hell out of the piece of shit that was screwing my wife. The reality is these guys are simps and don’t owe us anything. Our wives promised us loyalty and didn’t deliver. They are at fault, the guys are just pieces of garbage that should be left alone. Neither your cheating ex wife of this dude are worth going to prison over. You know what is worth it? Healing, working on yourself and someday getting a nice BJ from a blonde 10 years younger than yo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 07:38 PM
24

Bud I am so sorry this happened to you. My wife cheated as well and the range of emotions are terrifying and devastating. I know right now it doesn’t feel like it but I speak from experience when I tell you it does get better. 2 weeks isn’t a long time, hell I couldn’t even sleep for 6 weeks at least. I am now 10 months out from confronting my wife about her affair, fully divorced and am doing quite well. I didn’t have to deal with a child not being mine so I don’t even know how to cope with tha…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 07:15 PM
19

Be real with yourself man. You don’t want her as a friend you want your wife back and you think if you are friends with her you could someday win her back. Put those thoughts into a bag and throw them in the trash where they belong. The only kindness you will get from her in the future is when she needs to use you to get something - a favor, a babysitter, an emotional safety net when one of her boyfriends dumps her etc. Do not be fooled, make no mistake it can never go back to what it was.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 06:04 PM
13

She’s cheating. Her behavior with the phone, the texts and the “Confide” app means she’s blatantly hiding things and nothing she says can be trusted. Of course she is doing the “I need time to figure things out” thing except it’s not to figure out how to fix things with you. She needs to figure out how to effectively monkey branch from you to the new guy so she can continue to have a home and support herself somehow. She’s done with you, you’re just in denial and are being used. Source: I went t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 05:57 PM
1

Forensic accountant - will be well worth the cost in your situation. She may have been siphoning off money for a decade for all you know. Cash back ATM withdrawals on credit cards are another popular way to scam your spouse. Unfortunately I found myself in a similar situation with my ex. I truly wanted a peaceful and equal split of our assets but she chose dishonestly and tricks instead. We had to cast a wide net after her financial disclosure came back faked. She threw a fit and things spiraled…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 01:27 PM
8

“Don’t do anything stupid” Probably the best advice any guy can get. That includes sitting by yourself getting shitfaced and marinating in your own misery. Good luck all!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 05:01 PM
19

Here look. You just admitted you found another guy and he swept you off your feet. You aren’t going to want to hear this but you’re already having an emotional affair, not sure if it’s physical yet. Bottom line is just get divorced. The sooner you bite the bullet the sooner you will recover financially. You want your shot at happiness but it will cost money and 50% of the time with your kids. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Thats the reality in black and white without sugar coating or m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:20 AM
6

Get over her by betting under somebody younger and hotter than her. Buddy if you’re pulling $400k per year and can’t figure out how to get laid I don’t know what to tell you. I say this with love.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 09:06 PM
4

He’s exactly right. Bouncing back after giving your life to somebody for x amount of years doesn’t happen in days or weeks. We need to be realistic with ourselves. There will be bad days and it’s ok to have them. Just don’t stay there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:42 PM
2

Got it. Well then there is light at the end of the tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:50 AM
2

You know you can sell and rent a house right?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:47 AM
1

Don’t be surprised. Conflict = profit to a family law attorney. All the best to you man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:44 AM
7

The disparity between sympathy and support for men vs women is pretty large. Some of that is our fault because most of us are too proud to ask for help. Thats pretty true in most aspects of life though. Women typically always have a safety net of some sort, their father, another man, friends etc. When a man falls down our dad might catch us if he can and if we can stomach telling him we need help - many of us can’t even do that. It’s important to not fall into a depression and downward spiral.. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 05:55 PM
25

She’s keeping you on a leash as a backup plan. Would you put somebody through what she’s put you through if you genuinely cared about them? She knows what she’s done has caused enormous pain yet she still wants to finish it off. Think about that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 09:14 PM
9

It’s possible especially for older folks, but the odds are heavily in favor of something bad happening. Somebody will always develop feelings / attraction at some point. If your girl is confiding in a male friend about your relationship the relationship is over. That guy is there waiting for his opportunity and will steer the conversation towards demonizing you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 06:11 PM
1

Yep. Mine itemized all the physical possessions and attached brand new MSRP or way over to all of the used 5 year old furniture I was keeping including the dining room chairs my parents gave us as a wedding gift. Let me get this straight you want me to pay you $2k for chairs MY parents gave us? Our sofas magically appreciated 30% despite being dinged up from multiple house moves. Hun can you explain why a mattress we bought off Amazon for $269 that our son slept, thru-up and peed in the last two…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 06:07 PM
1

Is she asking for half the cash value of the guns? If so that’s a flat out no. If you entertain that type of discussion she will start itemizing the silverware next.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 04:49 PM
3

Agreed. If your a guy that’s a decent father with a spotless criminal, credit, financial history (meaning you didn’t go to Vegas and blow $50k on hookers and gambling) then the horror stories you read aren’t applicable to you. I think some of the stories we read where the guy just gets demolished either have some sketchy details left out or they just want to complain about giving away half the money they earned to somebody they now hate. I get it, it sucks but that’s what a marriage is and how a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 03:28 PM
11

Mine didn’t go to trial, we finally settled in mediation. I will say this.. All of the threats, claims, bullying etc are simply a tactic to try to scare you / bleed you until you agree to a settlement is not fair. If her claims of hiding money aren’t true then simply prove it with bank statements. Take the element of emotion out of the equation immediately and look at this as a purely business standpoint. Add up all of your marital assets including the equity, bank and retirement accounts and di…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 02:18 PM
1

No, financially you could settle for whatever you both agree to. When you cannot agree that’s when a judge steps in and makes the decision for you. At that point the legal fees become enormous. Child support is mandatory and set by the state for the most part. I would try to locate the winning lottery ticket she has before divorcing her. No clue why she would just walk away with nothing unless you are trying to coerce her into that decision with some dirt on her or worse. What’s the background? …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 09:15 PM
5

Oh yes, it’s basically just an indoor electric grill. Google air fryer recipes you’ll get thousands of them. I also recommend an InstaPot.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:38 PM
3

This. I do steaks, chicken, veggies and even seafood on mine. Highly recommend this investment - If you live in the north like me it’s awesome because you can still grill a great steak and not be outside in January. I also did a lot of Korean beef bbq bowls during my divorce because they are high nutrition and super cheap meals but require a stove. I like lifting weights and eating healthy can be costly when you’re also paying a lawyer $2k a month these were a perfect solution. 1lb ground beef s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:01 PM
7

Yep. While I fully support a united co-parenting front there is way too much communication going on here and most of it is unrelated to solving any issues with the child.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:54 PM
5

I do 50/50 Monday-Monday every other week. This works well for the kids because they have a full week with each parent and we each get weekends so our own social activities if we chose to do them. It’s also nice if I want to do a vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 11:22 AM
2

The down payments on the homes - was that using premarital money or did you guys save that up while married?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:31 PM
1

Sorry to hear that man and I hope your treatment goes well. If you’re physically able to care for your son then I’m not sure how they could use that. Let us know how it goes with your meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:29 PM
0

Your top priority should be securing 50/50 custody of your kids immediately. Unless you’re a convicted felon or she can show evidence that you aren’t safe for your kids to be around there is zero reason a man shouldn’t receive 50/50 custody. Fathers are important. It will also significantly reduce child support payments or in some cases eliminate them all together. This is the hill you die on. Once you start your process keep communication with your lawyer to a minimum. You’ll be paying around $…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:55 AM
2

Agree. My ex went through 3 lawyers, the first two seemed reasonable then the final one really threw gas all over everything and tossed in a match. Cost us both a chunk of change.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:22 AM
2

It’s over. Signed and finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:16 AM
6

In my case I haven’t even started dating yet and have no desire to anytime soon although I’ve had some fun hookups (post separation) with women far younger than my ex. I just turned 40 and have a lot of goals for myself next year the last thing I need is some cupcake distracting me. I could absolutely care less about my ex wife, she’s a disgusting human being good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:16 AM
11

Count your blessings that it ended quickly - it’s obviously not a loving relationship between two people. People can be scumbags regardless of sex. Sure there is a lot of hostility towards unfaithful wives on this sub that’s to be expected. A lot of us just married the wrong person and acknowledge that as a personal mistake, myself included. My advice if there is cheating involved is this: there is no hope or future for 100% trusting that person again. Since a marriage is supposed to be a lifelo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:27 PM
9

Jesus Christ shut the fuck up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:14 PM
4

It’s really sad when adults become so vindictive and hellbent on destroying the other person they completely lose sight of what’s best for the kids. Guys no-matter what be a rock solid source of stability, love and guidance for your children. The woman in this video is clearly insane but the guy is doing some childish things as well. If your ex is being ridiculous do not reciprocate and be ridiculous back. Set an example for how you want you want your kids to act. They are watching you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 01:25 PM
57

Hating and trusting are two completely different things. Do I hate women because of my experience with my ex? Absolutely not, I think I’m a catch and am excited to meet women when I feel like getting back into the dating pool. Would I ever fully open myself and my life up to one again with zero protection, walls and blind trust? Absolutely not. I believe I can find a supportive partner in life without exposing myself to the risks of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:22 AM
1

If that’s your only option try to get 5% interest plus an adjustment for inflation. $50k is a lot different than $50k 5 years from now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:13 PM
2

Does she have a 401k she can take the loan from to pay her half? I assume you discussed this with a lawyer but explore all options to be made whole immediately. That’s a tough situation to be in man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:50 PM
3

You don’t have to use a lawyer, there are plenty of people that don’t. It really depends on if your STBX is going to be reasonable (or if you will). If your stbx is perfectly fine with 50/50 custody if you have kids and a 50/50 split of assets then you may be able to skip most of the legal fees. Unfortunately for many of us it starts this way and then quickly changes. Things like real estate and kids tend to complicate things quite a bit. If you rent and don’t have kids if both parties are reaso…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 12:37 AM
35

Don’t try to apply logic when dealing with her. She’s so dug into her position even a month in a straight jacket at the psychiatric ward wouldn’t budge her. Realize and accept the cards you have to play with. Do the best you can to be a great father to your kids, the mom is lost. She is never going to come around so stop wasting time and energy trying to get her to - just focus 100% on your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 10:06 AM
6

No problem. My ex tried the same bullshit.. Intimidation, fraud, etc. If you need support DM me. I lost sleep for months scared to death about her lawyers threats and accusations. Eventually it got so rediculous I would just laugh at them. It gets better man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:40 PM
6

Most of what you will receive from her council is designed to scare and intimidate you. It is terrifying and paralyzing at first but if you recognize it’s just a bunch of empty threats you will begin to feel better and can function appropriately. Her affair, your porn usage, being sloppy with money etc. - None of that matters at all to the court and at the end of the day after you’ve both blown tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers it’ll still come back to a 50/50 split of assets or very close…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:16 PM
4

If you get caught up in the weeds yeah there is a lot of venting on here for sure. There is a lot of great content too and I utilized the search feature. Probably my biggest takeaways were: Your lawyer isn’t your therapist and details cost money. The goal is to get an acceptable deal done as quickly as possible to minimize legal fees. Keep the communication to a minimum and do most of the research yourself just use the lawyer to confirm. I actually gave my ex an unbelievably low offer back in Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:53 PM
16

Bizarre. Oh well her loss. Maybe she’s just got a big heart and can’t wait to push him around in a wheelchair.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:46 PM
23

Don’t fuck it up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:49 PM
9

Let me guess he’s got some money
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:17 PM
2

Agreed. We addressed that in the comments.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:10 PM
14

There are people that get caught up in the emotions and end up losing their shirt in legal fees with petty arguments and stupid details. Lawyers love this and I’m convinced my ex’s lawyer fanned the flames just to get more billable hours. Then there are guys that face the reality of the situation and approach it from a business deal standpoint which and the end of the day is exactly what it is. This sub was a huge life (and money) saver for me. Hearing others stories let me know exactly what to …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:06 PM
45

The mental gymnastics they go through to deny any wrongdoing is truly amazing. At least old man wasn’t in the photo with your kids that probably would have been something else.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:14 PM
9

This is a good point. It sounds like they rent it out, so the rental income would be considered marital income and the equity in the house would be split. I was referring to his down payment being his.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:11 PM
62

Don’t confront her until you have everything arranged and lined up. She will go full scorched earth when you accuse her of cheating and file divorce. Do you guys have kids? The house is a premarital asset and she can’t touch it - make sure you have all the bank docs etc to prove it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 02:31 PM
15

Congratulations man. A 50% split is considered a win for a man and a loss for a woman - I took an unfair split myself just to get it over with and move on. I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. The victory is in being able to finally move on from a horrible spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 02:11 AM
12

File immediately and make sure that is protected
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:47 PM
1

She’s for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 09:12 PM
1

You should be made whole on your premarital assets and then you split what you two accrued during the marriage. Who made what money etc doesn’t matter. For example if you had $100k to your name and she had zero $100k of combined total assets should be carved out separate and returned to you, then you two split the rest. Same deal with retirement accounts, 401k etc. If you can show that the down payment was only possible because of what you came to the marriage with you will be in good shape.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 08:04 PM
5

No problem man. It’s a tough pill to swallow at first for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 04:24 PM
2

Did you buy the house before or after you got married? If you can show traceability back to your premarital assets and prove the down payment was from premarital money you have an excellent shot at keeping that as separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 04:21 PM
11

The first thing you need to realize is this woman literally wants to destroy you. Stop texting / contacting her thinking you’re going to get a drop of sympathy because you won’t get it. If you didn’t have to pay her child support she would want you to just die. Realize it, accept it. She is not the woman you married she is your enemy. She’s in your head big time and you’re self destructing. Stop that right now. This is a business deal, be professional and treat it like a business deal. She keeps…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:58 PM
2

This. She’s going to make wild threats, accusations etc in the hopes she can bully you into a bad deal. Don’t leave the house and wear a recorder. Don’t talk to her, she will try to bait you into an argument and then go full victim mode. Get 50/50 custody of your kids, nothing less. After custody you will quickly find out that a divorce is nothing more than a financial business deal. She’s going to be a lot more screwed than you are since child support is temporary - You may have some tight year…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:21 PM
4

For the first few months I was in a really bad place mentally. She had an affair and was downright hostile towards me which really hurt. It’s now been 10 months, the divorce is finalized and I have no feelings left for her. I suppose objectifying her sounds bad on my part but I see it as a positive that I could look at it and feel nothing. FYI I don’t actively look at them, I just know they are there and don’t care anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:44 PM
1

I get you want to do things peacefully for the sake of the kids but I think this approach will lead to massive amounts of conflict. You’re asking too many questions and giving her all of the power hoping she will be reasonable. Spoiler alert: They start out reasonable but almost always get unreasonable in the blink of an eye. If she wants a divorce give it to her. The sooner it’s over with the sooner you can start to heal. I would simply formulate your plan for what life looks like post-divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:39 PM
7

I’ve been there brother. I vividly remember wanting to hang myself with an extension cord in the garage back in February. I have never had a suicidal thought in my life but her affair and cruelty just crushed me. If you have kids picture their faces. This is rock bottom. Find comfort in the fact that this is as bad as it can possibly get and things will get better from this moment forward if you try. There are thousands of men on this sub that have been in your exact situation. We got better and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:27 PM
25

She’s continuing to use you as a safety net. I know it must be very difficult, part of you probably still loves her but she doesn’t love or respect you. She’s using you for comfort and once she’s through this difficult time she will be back in bed with another man. Keep on the path you are on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:20 PM
13

Yep. It’s exactly the same story for all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:14 PM
3

I dunno man, the “naughty” pics and videos are the only ones I kept haha
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:11 PM
4

Your top priority needs to be your kid, if that means playing the game with your unreasonable & manipulative wife than that’s what you need to do. It’s temporary until you get a real agreement in place. Stop trying to win every little battle it’s not going to make anything easier and will only cost you time with your kid and legal fees. Play the game, your time will come.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:09 PM
27

You’re probably never going to get an explanation or an apology - That is extremely rare. In her mind it was justified and everything is your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:26 PM
9

“My new rental”. So you moved out and realized you can’t make it on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 01:54 PM
6

This 100%. There isn’t a single person that is totally innocent of all wrongdoing in marriage or a divorce because we are all human. You should proceed as kindly and amicably as possible regardless of who did what after all a divorce is nothing more than a business deal to divide up assets. My ex did a fantastic job trying to convince me and everyone else that every action or word from me the last 6 years was somehow a mistake. When I step back and look at the big picture yeah I wasn’t perfect a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 12:44 PM
1

You aren’t ready to date if you’re doing all of those things. It’s one thing to notice a red flag and investigate it’s another thing entirely to actively search for a problem that doesn’t exist. Keep doing the therapy and work on your trust issues. I’m not judging at all btw - my wife cheated on me and right now there is zero chance I would fully trust a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 12:22 PM
1

Yeah I agree, this man needs to snap out of it and needs some tough love / truth. Complaining on Reddit constantly about being taken advantage of and doing nothing makes me want to take the wife’s side here. OP you’re being a spineless worm. I’m not saying you are one, I’m saying you’re currently being one. Put your hands down the front of your pants and locate your balls. Did you find them? Ok good, now get a lawyer and fight back.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:52 AM
0

I’m sure her father is really proud.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:43 AM
6

Unpopular opinion: You’re both trying to stick it to each other using your children as pawns. Set a real schedule and plan your dates around when you won’t have your kids. If you think she’s going to stick to a schedule so you can be on time for your date you’re a doofus. Why are you two discussing your dating lives with eachother anyway? You’re begging for a problem and complaining when you get one. Sorry bud.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:09 PM
1

This. Also remember details cost money. Ask yourself if it’s worth paying a lawyer $400/hr to argue over who keeps the sofa. Pick and chose your battles. It’s a zero sum game meaning for every win you have she loses and vice versa. Chose wisely or the person with all your assets will be the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:47 PM
2

The incentives have been around forever and in some cases are actually getting better (fairer to men) What’s changed in my opinion is Covid and social media.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:10 PM
10

It’s always fun to hear the stories when their schemes backfire in their face. Mine carefully planned her exit for nearly two years. This consisted of bullying me into moving out of state to “be closer to her family” in reality she just wanted to cash out on our house sale. The rest of her scheme included taking six figure sums of cash out of our joint accounts and figured if she claimed abuse she could keep it all. Mind you we had our fair share of arguments but never any physical aggression on…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:05 PM
1

Look at comps that have sold near you, preferably in the same neighborhood within the last few months. Also look at what’s currently listed and see if they’ve been sitting on the market for 30+ days and have price cuts. If the comps are in the 400k range and you see a bunch of inventory sitting with price cuts take the money and run, let her get bagged. If the houses are flying off the market at asking or higher than she’s probably betting she can buy you out now and then sell in the summer for …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 02:49 AM
5

Amicable means the wife keeps 80% of everything and you get left in the worst possible financial condition. There are exceptions where people act like adults and fairly divide assets but that is not the norm. Mine cost me $17k, unsure what she spent. On a funny note - I actually gave her a super low offer back in June because I just wanted it over with. She ended up settling this Oct for an almost equal split in mediation which was 40% more than my June offer. Plus legal fees. She threw a fit in…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 11:28 AM
6

I have to feel like Covid had something to do with this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 02:06 AM
4

They pop up on my “moments” iPhone reel, I just delete them as I see them come up. The only ones I actively sought out and deleted was our honeymoon, couldn’t stand to look at it. I’m leaving the family ones with the kids intact but all the ones of her or just us are going bye bye. If you can’t stomach to do it now you could always ask a friend or family to do it. That wasn’t an option for me since some of the photos / vids were let’s just say “private” haha. Good luck man, it gets easier.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 04:28 PM
7

If she cheated on you she didn’t love you to begin with. Some say women aren’t capable of unconditionally loving a man, they love the lifestyle and value he brings until they’re bored of it. I’m not totally sure I buy that theory but for those of us who got cheated on it seems to fit our situation at least. It almost seems like you’re needing comfort and companionship from a woman but aren’t willing to open yourself up again / yet. Maybe you need to work on a compromise in your approach. You don…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 08:18 AM
1

Yeesh. That’s terrible. Good luck man that’s some bad luck right there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:11 AM
1

I don’t buy that man, something is off with your case. Most states the judge will require mandatory mediation prior to trial. If you’re in a state that doesn’t require it you can request it and the judge will almost certainly agree. I have a hard time believing your judge simply ignores reasonable requests from your attorney that’s not how this works. Judges don’t want to dictate a settlement. They want to approve a settlement both parties have agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 02:23 AM
21

Men don’t have a massive support network when it comes to divorce like women do and frankly we don’t really like talking about our problems to our friends. This is a great and safe space for us to anonymously share our unfiltered thoughts and ask for advice. I’ve posted details about my failed marriage on here that I would never share with even my closest family. It’s great.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:04 PM
15

Depending on your financial circumstances and your morals here’s an option to boost your confidence and put your worries to rest: Don’t buy an escort. Make a profile on SugarDaddy. There are girls that will put out just for a cheap vacation to Florida. Find a 21 year old that just wants a few days on the beach for her instagram, next thing you know you’re getting a BJ and your ex-wife will look like a wrinkled sack of potatoes in comparison. Obviously be smart and watch out for scammers. Your co…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:32 AM
8

Less than 3% of divorces go to trial, just about everyone settles before or through mediation because the costs are astronomical. Why do you think it will go to trial? I’m honestly not sure if the gender really matters. There are good judges and bad ones and a lot of it depends on how you present your case. I had a female judge and personally I was relieved because women understand women and my ex was so fake it was comical.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:21 AM
28

Amicable means the wife gets to keep 80% of everything and you get left in the worst situation possible. There are exceptions where people act like adults but it’s not how this commonly goes. An equal division of assets is almost always contested. My advice is get your custody agreement in writing immediately. There is no reason you should walk away from retirement or other assets, they aren’t “hers” they are marital. If the shoes were on the other feet you know exactly how it would go.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 05:42 AM
6

Buddy you need to snap out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 05:31 AM
3

Happened to me too. Relocated last year to be closer to her family. Divorce filed 3 months later. She was also having an affair. Brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 06:13 PM
14

If she’s asking for a divorce I’m not really sure what decision you’re asking about since she’s made it for you. Has she filed or are you aware that she’s planning to? If so you need to snap out of denial asap and start figuring out who’s going to live where, custody, shore up finances etc. if she asks you to leave the home do not under any circumstances do that. If she can’t stand you being there then she can leave. Get 50/50 custody of your children secured and don’t let her make any huge purc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 12:46 PM
2

Settlement just means you two have worked out a deal that you both agree to. Ideally you two would have agreed on some things prior to mediation and use that time to focus 100% on things you don’t agree on. Keep in mind mediation is you paying your lawyer and half of the mediation lawyer, so it’s 1.5X more expensive for you and also her. In my example we had agreed to 50/50 custody, split of all of the physical property and also how we would balance / divide our retirement accounts. What was in …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 07:26 PM
3

If you can reach a settlement without mediation then you don’t have to do it. If you cannot then mediation is the next step. If you cannot reach an agreement in mediation then trial is the next step. Each step gets exponentially more expensive. Basically what happens is the legal fees keep adding up until both parties come to their senses and agree to a somewhat equal split. It’s best to get there before you’re both $20k into legal fees since an equal split is where it’s going to end up anyway. …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 02:39 PM
10

No, a trial would be a waste of time and money. My advice would be to secure 50/50 custody as your top priority. The financial portion really just boils down to numbers - secure your children first and the rest will fall into place even if it takes multiple sessions. Don’t get caught up in details, details cost money. Your goal should be to get a deal done even if that means taking a small L to get it over with when it comes to the money. I successfully completed mediation last month and came ou…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 02:00 PM
2

Yep. The second you let her know you know her secrets she’s going to go into full damage control mode and that means shifting all of the blame to you. I confronted mine about her affair and in hindsight I wish I didn’t - she went full nuclear. Best to have everything in order prior to telling her if that’s the route you choose. Don’t expect an apology though, expect her to be combative.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 03:42 PM
4

This. It’s no secret it’s really easy for a woman to get laid. Just about any guy will take if a women offers. However, a high quality man will have options and typically is not going to settle down with a single mom - sex yes but not a true relationship. Guys will go for this because their goal is not a relationship it’s just the sex. Women on the other hand are more interested in the relationship. You aren’t done with your current relationship until the judge signs off on it which to a woman i…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 06:43 PM
3

The dating apps are area dependent unless you live in a huge metro like LA. For example Hinge might be really popular in one area and Bumble the top app in another. Figure out what’s best for your area. Also consider what your end goal is. If you go young that’s a lot of fun but expect them to want to be spoiled and keeping her entertained will be expensive. Women your own age are probably going to have the same background as you - divorced. Watch for red flags i.e. broke single mom looking for …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 12:14 PM
2

It can if you are both truly committed to finding solutions. Typically one party spends the whole time blaming everything on the other party and simply wants the therapist to agree with them and validate their position.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 12:52 AM
4

It’s absolutely shocking. I know, I spent almost 2 months in complete denial. Sorry man, this is how it goes. Stand up for yourself it’s your future at stake now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 07:49 PM
12

You’re getting steamrolled because you’re trusting somebody who has filed a LAWSUIT against you. Get a lawyer and do this fairly. You need to factor in her own income, 401k and government pension into all of this which they are conveniently leaving out. Also she’s employed, why are you paying all of the debt which is also half hers? Please don’t do this man, you’re going to need to be in the best place possible financially after this for your own mental health and this ain’t it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 11:32 AM
3

I was promoted the month I figured out my wife was having an affair and waited a whole extra month to confront her and oh boy when I did she went nuts. So basically I’m 2 months into a great new position and my world (at the time) ends suddenly. I was useless and aside from the affair / divorce I was terrified I was going to get fired because I couldn’t focus on anything. I told my boss what was happening and also got prescribed a low dose of Concerta which helped tremendously. 8 months later al…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 01:16 AM
1

You’re a animal
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 07:22 AM
2

This OP. This is a business deal now - get her to agree to 50/50 custody immediately because once she realizes you aren’t going to pay for her whole new life while you live in a cardboard box by the train tracks it gets ugly quick. Get the custody thing wrapped up while she’s still somewhat reasonable. Don’t worry about the story for your kids they are way too young to understand and a United front is best right now for their sake. When they are in their 20’s feel free to tell them the truth. Ri…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 12:08 PM
3

If you paid the bills and her salary went to savings that’s likely where the argument will be. All of the money she saved during the marriage, including retirement (401k, Roth, etc) is half yours. Lots of couples do this and from a legal standpoint this is is pretty basic but the saver usually fights it. I’m a good example - ex wife and I both made roughly $130k ea, my money went to our bills, hers went to savings. She fought, she lost.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 12:56 PM
8

First that guy isn’t new. Second don’t expect her to follow any of the rules. Third she will have a new soulmate in 2 years, then another one in 4 and so on. Fourth this guy has zero options where he lives so he’s getting his jollies with a single mom - this should tell you a lot about the quality of guy she’s found. Fifth stop caring about things you cannot control. Personally I would background check these men and make sure they aren’t weirdos but other than that if they look clean there’s not…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 12:59 PM
4

My hunch is an affair. Was she protective of her phone I.e. face down or always in her pocket?
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 12:30 PM
3

That’s why you need to move it along swiftly. There’s a limit to how much she can drag things out. Set a mediation date. After that the judge isn’t going to grant unlimited extensions. Deep breath man. Again she’s just trying to scare you. Does she significantly out earn you? If not there’s going to be a limit to her pockets as well. Eventually she may get tired of eating Raman noodles just to mess with you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 11:36 AM
8

Some do and actually admit it, most won’t. Some have shitty lives and instead of regrets they just blame the ex husband more and the hate strengthens. Some move on and have happy lives. Does it really matter? It would honestly be better if they didn’t since we cannot be their plan B and take them back. Our goal is complete indifference to them. Kind of like a girl you had a crush on in high school - you see she got married but it means nothing because she means nothing anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 12:57 AM
14

Walk away wife syndrome. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just bored, doesn’t like her life and fixated that into anger against you. You will soon discover how literally everything is your fault. Good luck man. Right now you’re in shock, you’ll likely experience denial in a bit. I was in that stage for about 6 weeks. It gets better. She’s going to say and threaten a lot of things. Get a good lawyer and go for 50/50 custody of your kids. Always put them first.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 12:02 AM
5

I think you’re overthinking this. She’s throwing a temper tantrum and the only person who cares is you. Kids are where things can get messy in an ugly custody battle. This is just a simple split of assets. What’s she going to drag out a fight over? A sofa? Give her the fucking sofa and move on. She’s threatening you and trying to get in your head and you’re letting her. It doesn’t sound like she even has a lawyer yet… Look man I know you’re probably in a bit of shock and a bit scared. I was too.…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 10:42 PM
7

Because its what society and our still married parents said was what we should do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 10:33 PM
5

Then give her an offer and don’t fight over small stuff. Take a small L early - woman want to feel they “won” so give it to her and move on. The reality is the win is getting this garbage human out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:35 PM
9

This seems like a really unhealthy relationship man. I need to get drunk to fuck you is probably one of the cruelest things you could say to a guy. That’s right up there with you’re a loser and will never amount to anything etc. You do you but Jesus that’s mean.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:34 PM
1

I laughed, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:27 PM
1

Hard truth: You’re still a mess and shouldn’t be dating. Second hard truth: She isn’t relationship material for any man, much less a vulnerable guy like you. That’s fun zone behavior, not commitment zone behavior. Immediate pass.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:25 PM
2

What? How does she throw it in your face?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:21 PM
2

Right. Well I stand by my statement that the system is broken. I truly believe that there are people with crushing anxiety, mental health and physical issues which prevent them from climbing the corporate ladder to the C suite. I also truly believe 80% of the people milking the disability card are just lazy. When I see a kid with severe Down’s syndrome collecting shopping carts at Kroger it makes my blood boil hearing about people like your wife. That kid was probably terrified the first few day…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:16 PM
5

Staying married will preserve your wealth. The actual marriage, aside from some tax benefits will wreck one or both spouses in a divorce. It’s still a small portion of the population but I’ve met two couples recently that refer to each other as husband and wife, have kids etc but aren’t legally married. In both cases the woman dramatically out earned the man. The guys weren’t bums, had six figure jobs but the women were higher up in tech and were pulling $600k+. I think this is a much better ave…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 10:47 AM
4

Ah their true colors really shine haha. Yep mine gave 50/50 from day one so she could vacation with the AP. Fought tooth and nail for 8 months about money. Didn’t help, fair split in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 01:21 AM
3

Yep. Stand your ground - yours sounds like mine and is just trying to steamroll / bully you into a bad deal. I stood mine, ex threw a temper tantrum in front of three lawyers at mediation but guess what? Got a fair split and joint 50/50 of the kids. She can suck it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 01:19 AM
6

They can calculate her income based on education level and major. Her refusing to work doesn’t mean she gets to milk you for more cash.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:08 PM
14

Sorry man. This is exactly why it’s encouraged to record and document everything if you still live together after the divorce bomb gets dropped. Very often the “let’s do this amicably” is code for give me some time figure out how to screw you over. Once divorce is filed you are literally either the plaintiff or defendant in a lawsuit, your wife is not your friend anymore so stop trying be a nice guy. I certainly hope you are going for 50/50 and nothing less. A few supervised hours on the weekend…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:06 PM
8

I think it’s different in every circumstance. In my personal experience I blame myself. I knew it was not a good fit, in fact I called off the wedding 3 weeks before the date. I let myself get talked and pressured into it. 5 years and 2 kids later she had an affair and we’re divorcing. That’s on me - I knew it would happen and I let it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 07:36 PM
1

You don’t have kids. Enough said.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 12:44 PM
1

Why don’t you just rent a house? You don’t have to buy them…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 12:32 PM
7

Exactly. It’s always the guys fault otherwise gasp there might be something wrong with HER.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 10:15 PM
6

Why the fuck are you doing this to yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 10:14 PM
1

You need to think about your kids. They need their father a lot more than you need your ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 02:44 PM
3

Judges are government employees this seems like an area to focus. How could a judge say that the organization they work for has deemed this man fit for employment and he’s perfectly safe to be around other employees and the general public but he’s somehow unfit to see his children. I get there’s a difference between state, local, federal etc but they are all tied together. I would love to see a judge answer that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 03:14 PM
7

I do 50/50 week on week off. I drop them off at daycare Monday AM, she picks them up for the week and drops them off the following Monday AM then I pick them up PM for the week. This way we never see each other which I’m totally fine with. Personally I think doing in person drop offs only leads to conflict - if you’re 30 seconds late expect to hear about etc.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 01:01 PM
4

There’s your answer, your honor the government believes I’m decent enough to work for them therefore I am good enough to see my children. So in other words you’re a decent guy that has every right to see his children. Stop letting her bully you with bullshit. You should be laughing at how absurd her claims are and show how dumb she’s being. Why don’t you just counter and say you wan full custody? Maybe that’ll snap her out of her current ridiculous warpath.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:29 PM
17

Because in her mind it was 98% bad. She’s rewritten history in her mind and it can never go back. Time will heal us all. It’s a horrible experience and sometimes feels hopeless I know - never lose hope and never stop trying to improve yourself. When you are in a good place again in life, out and available love will find you when you don’t expect it. It won’t find you at home alone on your sofa having a beer. Nobody’s ever met a woman there.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:26 PM
5

You lost your sense of purpose. Same boat - The last 8 months haven’t been too bad because I was so focused on the divorce process. Well, earlier this month we finished mediation with an agreement so it’s basically over just waiting on the judge to sign off. The first few days after mediation I was riding the high, the settlement was good and the stress was gone. The next week the boredom hit me like a train - wtf do I do now? Anyway I’m forcing myself to get back out. Gym, travel, etc. luckily …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:32 AM
1

Not obligated legally but you might as well write “I’m hiding something” on your forehead before trial. Any judge is going to rule that you have the right to view any financial document that is within the time period of the marriage after all wether it’s an asset or a debt it’s legally half yours.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:25 AM
1

Why subpoena? Is she refusing to turn over requested documents? It’s a divorce, your lawyer can submit a formal request for any financial document you want to see. Refusal is a very bad look - her lawyer would encourage her not to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:22 AM
11

What’s the battle? Do you have a criminal history or any proof of child abuse against you? If not, than 50/50 is the hill you die on. She doesn’t get to keep your children from you fathers have the exact same rights mothers do. She’s just trying to bully and intimidate you. Women think they have all the power and control when it comes to the children, I assure you they do not. If you truly are just a normal decent guy who wants to see his kids than just go prove it and let your ex throw her temp…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:18 AM
5

This pretty much sums it up. OP my only added advice is to focus 100% as the financial business deal it is. All of her lying, cheating etc do not matter at all. A divorce attorney will beat around the bush and listen to you while nodding their head because they get paid $400/hr to do so. Save the personal gripes for a therapist they are 50% cheaper. You will quickly learn how fast legal fees add up, details cost money so try to get to a fair deal that she will accept ASAP and don’t sweat the sma…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:00 AM
3

Sheesh. I actually credit this sub for saving me from a similar fate. The stories and advice on here gave me the courage and knowledge to brush off all of the threats and bullying from her lawyer and stand up for myself. The majority of guys going through the divorce ringer have no clue this community exists - no wonder women go for it all I bet most men just roll over.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 10:02 AM
4

You could do a post-nuptial agreement effectively making you two roommates and co-parents for your child. Then you can tell her you are opening up the marriage. The downside is the second she sniffs out that you’ve been with another woman she’s probably going to get with another man. You should expect that and be ok with it if you go that route. I have no experience in this but from what I’ve heard it rarely works out and somebody’s feelings always get hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 11:26 AM
4

Good point. Good caregiver, not role model.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 02:47 AM
1

It can depend on separation date. Debt post separation could be 100% hers and if she’s been draining the accounts you might have an argument for dissipation of assets which your not supposed to do. Also get at least two years of all financial records - look for signs of transfers to accounts she didn’t disclose. Check the credit cards too - cash back on credit cards is a popular way to hoard cash and dump half the debt on your spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:10 PM
21

Your wife is having an affair and you’ve filed for divorce. Listen, this means you can’t believe a single word out of her mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:58 PM
8

100% true. Get 50/50 custody of your child, fathers are just as important as mothers. As far as the pain - it fades over time but 1 month is not nearly enough time especially if you haven’t seen your kid. I’m 8 months into this and have 50/50 week on / week off with my kids. The weeks I don’t have them are getting better but I still have down days. Give it time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:39 PM
3

Well if you’re still living in the same house it’s possible you may find out just how quickly things can escalate both with your wife and in legal fees. The more you can figure out for yourself the less you have to pay lawyers $400/hr to figure out for you. One night in Feb within a span of an hour my life went from us eating dinner together with our kids to her threatening to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair, throwing water in my face and demanding I leave immediately. I didn…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:33 PM
5

Dude it kind of sounds like your wife abducted your daughter which is illegal. Do you have a lawyer involved? She can’t just take your daughter away from you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:18 PM
25

Oh definitively. Somehow over the course of 5 years a fairly even 50/50 split of household chores gradually got transferred primarily to me. I cooked dinner, dishes, laundry, vacuumed and did bedtime stories with our son. One thing that sticks out is she did not like how I put her clothes away, so I would leave them folded on her side of the bed. She eventually couldn’t even put those away and most nights would just shove them on the floor / my side meaning everything would need to be re-folded.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:12 PM
2

Why are you trading money for time with your kids? 50/50 custody, thats the hill you die on. Your mistake is allowing her to use the kids as a bargaining chip for money. 50/50, lock that in and then deal with the money. Kids aren’t assets to be traded. You’re a father and unless you have a newborn that’s breastfeeding you are every bit as important to your kids lives as their mother.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:14 PM
2

What she’s done is illegal, you have residency in that home it doesn’t matter who’s name is on the lease. Get a lawyer and document all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:41 PM
8

Hmm. Well my advice is to stop engaging in any discussions that might be even the slightest bit confrontational. Ignore all the noise and focus on this as the 100% business deal it is. Set firm trial date - Your lawyer has an interest in this thing dragging out too most of us don’t realize that till it’s over. If she’s a bad mom? Tough, there is absolutely nothing you can do about her screaming at your kids since that isn’t illegal to do. Ignore it, be the rock and stability figure your kids des…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 01:18 PM
3

Are you paying her any type of support?
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:48 PM
36

You’re going to get a range of responses on this topic. My wife also had an affair, we have two small kids together and 50/50 custody split. I know her family well, still hang out with her brother etc. My choice has been to not bring up her infidelity, in fact we avoid the subject of her all together currently. As much as I want to tell my side of the story the reality is that I have to co-parent with this woman for the next decade + the marriage is dead and all I care about is what’s best for t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:09 AM
5

I understand. Right now she’s got all the leverage and they’re just going to bully the hell out of you hoping you lay down and give up. Not a lawyer but I would have a demand to reinstate your visitations sent over like yesterday. If nothing else it gives you a paper trail to show a judge that you just want to see your son and she’s denying your right to do that. Don’t let the name calling and psychological warfare get to you brother. She’s going to play dirty but guess what? None of that matter…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:17 AM
6

She’s using your son as leverage against you and for some reason you won’t get a lawyer and fight back. That’s really cool that she came up with a list of 50 things she doesn’t like about you but guess what nobody gives a shit. You’re getting steamrolled because you won’t get a lawyer to put an end to it. Quit being cheap, realize you’re in a lawsuit and act like it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:41 AM
13

Yes, absolutely feel the same way. Actually for me that’s the worst part of this whole process.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 09:35 AM
8

You’re not an outlier. There are a thousand examples on this sub of men sacrificing for years and decades only to be discarded once their wife didn’t need anything more from them. You need to realize closure is never going to happen and accept that. Her actions on the way out were a purposeful attempt to destroy you and she is never going to apologize. Man you’re in a tough spot, I genuinely feel for you and your situation. You really only have one option and that’s to rebuild. Start with the jo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:35 AM
6

Her parents must be super proud of this fine young lady.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:25 AM
10

You expect her to tell you the truth about when this relationship started? That’s never going to happen man. Also this new guy sounds like a disaster. If he’s going to move to a new state to play house with a single mom with a 1 & 6 yo it tells you a lot about his options in his current state. Hint: He doesn’t have any. It sucks but it’s inevitable that she is going to bring guys around your children. This is probably the first of many. I have small kids too, I know it’ll happen eventually and a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:21 AM
1

I assume your kids are on your insurance plan? If so, that gets factored into the child support. She will have to get a job which will further eat into the child support. If you’re going for 50/50 I’m not really sure why you’re agreeing to pay for all this stuff upfront. If your kid needs cleats for football just buy him a pair when you have him. Details cost money, keep it as simple as possible. The more garbage you pile into a separation agreement the more stuff she will nitpick and complain a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 07:50 AM
1

Yeah that new guy was around way before November. Anyway that doesn’t matter anymore, good luck it sounds like she’s a real mess. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 07:33 AM
2

This is all great advice. You need to keep in mind that you’re trying to negotiate with somebody that wants to destroy you even if it means destroying herself in the process. I’m not sure what CA laws are like, but in my state you have to do mediation prior to trial. Fortunately we were able to reach an agreement, her demands were so outrageous the only way we reached an agreement is she simply bled out on legal fees and couldn’t take it anymore. As for your job - Defend that at all costs. I cou…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 07:22 AM
11

It’s a new guy. Same thing happened to a lot of us, once they fall for somebody new you instantly become the enemy since you’re the problem and what’s keeping her from her new perfect life with Mr wonderful. Light switch effect - google it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 07:08 AM
2

This is the way. Congrats on the plane too btw, that’s really cool.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 07:04 AM
6

Most everyone that gets married thinks it’s “the one” at the time. I actually called my wedding off 3 weeks prior to the date because I knew it was a mistake. Got talked into going through with it and 5 years and 2 kids later she has an affair. Don’t be like me. Yeah you dodged a bullet. In fact don’t ever get married. Have a ceremony if you find a nice girl and she wants it but don’t legally get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:19 PM
3

I think the sudden change to full blown enemy is the most startling part of this whole process. It’s crazy how quickly years of building a life, having kids etc all gets thrown out the window and instead now your targeted for elimination. As far as the dating - yeah women will replace you in a heartbeat. It’s easy for them and frankly half of it is to get back at you and half is them just distracting themselves from reality with another relationship. You stay focused, calm cool collected and don…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:52 PM
8

Haha - congrats sir. I just went through the same thing in mediation…. No sweetie, you don’t just get to keep everything. Oh and that $300k you blew through this year? Oopsie, that comes out of your half and now you’re pretty much broke. I quietly watched this spending spree all year knowing that my time was coming. She threw a fit in front of 3 lawyers. Reality hits them hard. Congrats again man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:29 PM
4

She can’t kick you out, that’s your home you have residency. Get your ass back home and stay there. Why do guys fall for this shit?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:21 PM
1

Respectfully disagree, commingling isn’t that simple given how recent it happened. She inherited it last year so it’s probably pretty easy to trace the transactions. It would be a lot different if it happened 10 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:45 PM
3

This OP. Forget her, she’s going to be vindictive and try to make your life as difficult as possible no matter what you do. Let her actions roll off you like water off a ducks back. You have children. Focus on them 100%. Be a great dad, let them know they are loved and make the time you spend with them be meaningful. Your wife is gone, love on your kids and show them what a great dad you are. It’s tough I know. Make reminders for yourself and look at them. We cannot undo the past but we can shap…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:45 PM
1

Nobody on this sub is innocent, I’m sure there is a mix of generally decent guys and guys who treated their wives like crap and deserved what they got but we all screwed things up at one point or another because that’s what humans do. Take everything here with a grain of salt. Just like when women post about their husbands being narcissistic abusive alcoholics there are two sides to every story and the truth is usually neither of them. I do agree than many women will cheat on decent husbands onc…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:20 AM
1

I do 50/50 every other week Monday-Monday. So far it has worked nicely. I personally think large blocks of time are better for the kids since they can settle into a routine rather than bouncing around a few days here a few days there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:53 AM
2

Yep. She’s not getting that she isn’t in charge anymore. OP let her say whatever she wants and eventually you’ll learn to just laugh at it. You have every right to buy her out of your own family home where your kids are comfortable. No judge is going to go against that she’s just trying to bully you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:47 AM
9

I saw my wife for the first time in 6 months at mediation last week. I kept telling myself not to even look at her because I’m in a good place emotionally now and was worried seeing her would make me sad. She was an awful person but I found her quite attractive hence why I married her. Well I looked and holy hell, she looked so OLD. 34 going on 50. I definitely had her in her best years good luck to the poor schmuck she’s dating now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:39 AM
4

I married a girl with an MBA, she was awful before we got married but I let myself get pressured into it. Our divorce gets finalized in next month thank god. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:33 AM
3

This is 100% correct OP. Right from the start she was using you - she didn’t want to label you as her boyfriend because she was also seeing somebody else at the same time. It’s possible that child isn’t biologically yours. As for the internet searches.. Yep, standard playbook for women looking for reasons to justify leaving. This is especially true amongst churchgoers since divorce is viewed poorly in those circles so she has to make you look as bad as possible. If you guys have a small group or…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:17 AM
3

So you two decided to just ban the word Dad?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:40 AM
6

This.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 01:21 AM
1

It depends. My wife’s idea of a split was me getting like 20% and she’s pretty stubborn. Ours was also complex with multiple real estate deals, inheritance mingled in etc. We were in total agreement on 50/50 child custody and we make the same money so there’s no child or spousal support so that was the easy part. She absolutely wanted me to walk away with as little money as possible but she finally gave in after about 3 hours. I’m very relieved it worked out. I took less than I wanted but I’m st…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:51 PM
7

She’s dropping breadcrumbs because she likes feeling wanted and likes the attention. Sorry man, I know it’s difficult and you miss her but it’s time to move on. My divorce finalizes in two weeks, mediation, deal reached etc. This woman wanted to ruin me, had an affair etc. yet last night I was daydreaming about us getting back together so I get where you’re coming from. The bond is strong but it’s not realistic or a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 07:03 PM
3

So I just finished mediation today. Got an agreement which I’m fine with but holy shit. Anyway we agreed to completing the QDRO by the end of November, did yours not have a timeline attached to it?
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:04 AM
10

If you’re married you’re going to be on the hook for the cost of that vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:37 PM
9

No, do not compare yourself to this man. It’s not about who is more successful, better looking, funnier, better in bed etc. Women will blow up their marriage for no other reason other than they are bored. My guess is you two fell into a routine especially during Covid lockdowns. She wanted drama which is fun and this guy and his divorce provides that in spades.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:20 AM
3

Great information thank you sir. OP my other thought is perhaps her boyfriend or a family member her can co-sign with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 11:22 AM
6

Ah, I must be married to her sister. That affair was your fault, in fact it wasn’t an affair at all because in her mind she broke up with you years ago and you should have just known that. The mental gymnastics are pretty entertaining to watch. Good luck man give us an update next year with the result.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 10:15 AM
5

My guess is she knows she won’t be able to secure a mortgage and is just burying her head in the sand. In three more months she’ll still be hiding from reality in your trailer and this will bleed pretty far into next year. Alternatively she may just have no clue how to start or where to go to start the application process. Is she open to a friendly status update request from you? Is there a mutual acquaintance you can speak to that could help her and guide her? If she knows your waiting on this …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:41 AM
4

File. Get that 50/50 custody drafted by a lawyer and agreed to while she’s still distracted by her boyfriend. Verbal agreements are completely worthless and things can very quickly go from amicable to war. I’m not a lawyer but I think if you formed an LLC or similar prior to legally filing she can claim the biz is half hers. Again, file. Right now she could be racking up $50k in credit card debt and guess what buddy half of that debt would be yours to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:32 AM
3

This. Take the time to strategize and remove all emotion from the equation. If the divorce process has taught me anything is that a marriage to the government is simply a business arrangement. Treat the divorce as such: it’s a business deal and nobody cares who slept with their co-worker, who called who names, who got drunk one night back in 2015 etc. That is all a complete waste of time and you’ll be paying a lawyer $400/hr to talk about it. Take the high road but if your stbx goes low don’t be…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:20 AM
2

Yeah, when your wife and her family are in charge it makes it basically impossible for a marriage to work. I know how it goes. My stbx would take any major decision and discuss it with various family members and typically what we jointly decided would get overruled and acted on without my knowledge. It got to the point where I would jokingly tell her to take the matter to her board of directors (her family) and let me know their final decision. You need to realize you’re no longer in a marriage …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:07 AM
1

Yep, your sister let you drive her car and you let her stay at your house. Ignore this baseless threat.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:57 AM
2

Who gave her 180 days, is that a court order? You’re only 50% into the 180 days so no need to panic yet but she’s really stupid for waiting since rates continue to go up and likely will remain high through 2024. Is there any concern she won’t be eligible for a mortgage due to her credit & income? Any concern she will miss payments and damage your credit? You may want to see if it’s eligible for FHA that might be her only route if her credit sucks. Otherwise you may be looking at taking an L on a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:53 AM
1

So I read through the post in r/custody and OP you sort of shot your self in the foot. 50/50 is the hill you die on and you allowed yourself to be bullied into 40/60 by her threatening to sling mud from your marriage 4 years ago. Why do guys do this? Shockingly, many ex-wives don’t have a lot of nice things to say about the men they divorce. Her thinking you’re a big meany head and maybe drink beer on Saturday which made her angry really has absolutely nothing to do with your ability to be a goo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:41 AM
2

This. You don’t know the depth a woman will go to lie and destroy you until you’re in a divorce. It’s unreal. If you don’t think it’s possible and she would never do that think again. Protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 12:32 AM
3

Yeah man. I know what it’s like…. The first 4-6 weeks after I confronted her were absolutely awful. Could barely sleep, couldn’t eat. She threatened to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair so I was scared out of my mind. Now, I’m thinking clearly and the emotion is completely gone. If you have hard evidence you may be able to have your lawyer send her a “statement of admissions” where she will legally have to admit to the affair. Personally I’d send that admission to the guys wife…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 08:02 PM
2

So, I have proof that my wife’s superior coached her how to fake business trips so they could hook up. The temptation to give it to HR and his boss is huge but I’m sitting on my hands. My advice to you is to not rock the boat with her job until the divorce is finalized. Get 50/50 custody agreed on immediately. You’ll quickly learn just how expensive this can get with legal fees and you want her happy and excited for her new life with Mr Wonderful so she settles quickly. I cannot stress this enou…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 07:50 PM
7

This. She can’t evict you, she can’t kick you out either. You have residency, legally you have every right to stay and you should. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. I’m not sure why you believe a single thing coming out of her mouth right now. She’s literally planning your demise. If you don’t have any criminal charges you can seek 50/50 and will get it. All assets 50/50 split. Don’t let her bully you, she doesn’t run the show. I will caution you to watch for false DV claims, the longer you two cohabitate…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 07:25 PM
3

She’s having an affair man, so sorry. I was in your shoes 8 months ago and I’m sure you feel like you’re in a bad dream. Same shit, guy from work. She’s going to lie about everything and then once shit hits the fan she’s going to portray you as a horrible husband. Consider everything that comes out of her mouth from this point forward to be untrue. Do you guys have kids? If not, consider yourself lucky. Protect your assets and file for divorce. Ideally serve her the papers at work in front of Mr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 06:27 PM
3

$9k in so far. Fully prepared for that number to double or triple.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 05:08 PM
3

If I ever meet my wife’s AP I plan on giving him an big hug, kissing his bald head and sincerely thanking him for taking her off my hands.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 02:12 PM
4

What are you in contempt of? The original agreement doesn’t state that you can’t take your kid on weekends.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:09 PM
3

100%. All of my communication with her is short and to the point. No buddy buddy shit, all business. By friendly I mean I won’t be hostile, not that I am now or was. I have no issue being flexible regarding the schedule with the kids etc.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:07 PM
2

Are they days you have your son documented? So basically you have 50/50 plus 4 extra nights per month which you regularly use because your a good dad. Unless I’m missing something her complaint sounds really stupid, I wouldn’t even involve my lawyer I’d simply tell her to fuck off. Edit: involve your lawyer and don’t tell her to fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:04 PM
8

There are plenty of guys on here that get baited into an argument and the next thing they know the police are there and she’s telling them the guy attacked her. You’re living with an emotional train wreck, add in some alcohol you’ve got the potential for things to go downhill in the blink of an eye. Look maybe nothing will happen but you’re swimming with a shark hoping you don’t get bit. Get the shark out of your pool before something shitty happens.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 01:58 PM
3

I should have phrased that differently. I have no intention of being friends or helping my stbx in anyway. I will be friendly for the sake of the children once the divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 01:53 PM
12

You cant save somebody from self destructing they can only save themselves. You two need to separate asap. Stop talking to her, it’s over. The next argument could easily turn into a false domestic violence claim and as the police are putting you into handcuffs in front of your kids you’ll wonder how the fuck you ended up there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 01:48 PM
20

She’s monkey branching and using you as a safety net. Bottom line is she’s going to date other men and wants you to be alone, miserable and missing her. That gives her joy. You need to realize and accept this. It’s difficult at first, I wanted so badly to save my marriage despite my wife’s affair for months. Then one day you’ll realize you’re being used and the clarity hits you. It’s over. You’re never going to begin the healing process while you’re living together and watching this stuff happen…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 01:06 PM
14

Adult decisions have adult consequences
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:56 PM
3

When I was at my worst point earlier this year I didn’t want to hear how it would get better. My advice is don’t say that to him, in fact don’t give any words of encouragement they won’t help. For me, I just wanted somebody to shut up and listen to me without interrupting or telling me it would be fine. It sucks. Tell him you know it sucks, and let him talk without the “it’ll get better” bullshit. It will get better, he knows that already. Just listen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:40 PM
49

Imo they are old enough to know. Be careful how you have the discussion if you choose to tell them the truth. Something along the lines of “your mother made the decision to date outside of our marriage” certainly do not call names etc. Remember you aren’t defending her, you’re defending your children’s feelings. She’s still their mother despite being a hoe.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:23 PM
3

Kids being out of the equation is a huge plus. You can likely get this done cheap (under $10k) if she’s ok with a 50/50 split. Stay away from arguing over physical assets like arguing over the value of a car or a sofa and you should be fine. Take the L early on physical stuff and hold your ground on financial assets.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 09:35 PM
6

No problem man and good luck to you. Personally, I can’t be friendly or friends with my stbx, at least not until the divorce process is finalized. I’m not bitter anymore and feel pretty indifferent the issue is after years of lies I just don’t trust a single thing she says. Once we’re fully separated I feel confident I can be friendly, her spell over me is totally gone so no worries about being manipulated. Till then I just treat this as a pure business transaction. Plus she looks horrible despi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 09:12 PM
8

This 100%. When you wake up and realize you’ve been used at first it seems unbelievable, then you’re depressed, then you get angry. The final step is laughing about it. I got chewed out by my stbx (had an affair) because I took my 2 year old daughter for her first haircut over the weekend. She looks fucking adorable and loves not having hair in her eyes. Did I get a thank you? No sir, walls of text about how I should have consulted with her first, it’s unacceptable etc. mind you this woman has p…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 09:01 PM
10

You can avoid all your responsibility if you just go commit a felony and end up in jail. Might need to blow your cell mate though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 12:04 AM
10

This hit me too. She’s not in charge bro, everything is half yours she’s not doing you a favor “letting” you stay on the property she legally has to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 06:20 PM
4

Your option is to increase your income. Work, side gig, investments. Don’t give up
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 11:24 PM
3

The bacon is why you’re getting divorced. Seems like broke couples stay together more because they actually need each other.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 11:08 PM
1

Man just take the L. This is such a small amount of money to fight over in the long run it’s basically nothing. Also if the money was the only problem in your relationship I probably would have tried everything possible to save the marriage. Losing your kids over 30k? Insane.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 10:27 AM
1

It’s my understanding that the judge will consider “standard of living” as a factor in their decision. You will need a home and means to provide a safe environment for your child to be when you have your parenting time. Your stbx and her boyfriend don’t have the lottery ticket they think they have. Will it suck for a few years and be tight financially? Yep, get used to red beans and rice but you’ll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:23 PM
0

That boyfriend was around a lot longer than you think. Just trace back when she suddenly became impossible to deal with and that’s when Mr Wonderful entered the picture. Who do you think is coaching her to go for all that alimony? Is it possible for you to get 50/50 custody and still do your career? Do you have any family around that could help with your child? That’ll eliminate most or all of the child support. Is she employed currently?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:10 PM
1

So are you debating if he’s single or are you debating the amount of kids he has? Do this guy a favor and forget about him. In fact forget about men and adopt some cats. Nobody needs this amount of scrutiny in their life especially after two dates holy smokes. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 09:29 PM
2

Oh she’s never deleting those videos man. Was it just an argument and you said some mean things? If so that doesn’t mean shit. People fight, people say things. Let your future actions show everyone you’re not the person portrayed in those videos.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 08:14 PM
4

Sounds like she’s got a lot more to worry about than you do. No judge is going to like hearing about children being harmed. Keep your head up, cool head and be strong for your kids none of this is their fault. Your stbx is going to throw fits, lie, accuse and threaten. None of it means a damn thing. It’s tough but you’ll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 08:11 PM
4

Over what? One of your previous posts mentioned not having a lot of money to pay lawyers so it can’t be assets. A judge isn’t going to listen to you squabble over $10k female or not. If it’s custody then realistically unless you have a criminal history or she can prove your dangerous to kids then the custom is 50/50 now. Give us some details brother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:59 PM
3

If her goal is more money, It would be pretty stupid of her to try to get you fired with her blackmail videos. It’s tough to pay child support and alimony if you’re unemployed. I know you’ve learned your lesson but this is always why you keep your head cool, they try to bait you into saying or doing dumb shit while recording it. Best of luck man try to get it filed and settled before it gets nasty.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:56 PM
5

Do you think you’re going to have a high stakes divorce that goes to trial? Less than 3% go to trial - Unless you two are arguing over a ridiculous sum of money or she’s just being horrible regarding custody the chances of it getting settled in trial are super low. It’s just hot air designed to scare you into just getting a settlement over with and get back to what’s important and that’s your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:51 PM
1

You’re in a mess. She can argue you moved willingly, which you did. She’s also unemployed and you have a child so she’s going to try to take you to the cleaners. Luckily mine gave up 50/50 custody right away so she could travel with her new boyfriend and we both have similar income levels so at least I’m not wrecked financially. It does suck living where I don’t know anyone especially knowing it was a setup. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 01:27 PM
3

100% anything you say and do can be used against you people screw themselves over on social media all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:54 PM
4

Separated can be interpreted as single by many people. Why don’t you just ask him instead of jumping to conclusions.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:53 PM
2

Hey man this exact same thing happened to me. Wife convinced me to sell and relocate out of state last year in a planned scheme. Her whole family was in on it + she was having an affair with superior at work. We have two small kids, now I’m stuck here for the next 16 years due to custody. I was told that since I sold the property in the old state I was basically screwed and had to file in the new state. If you go 50/50 custody you’re basically screwed. If you get 100% custody you can probably mo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:29 PM
10

Could be separated or deep into the divorce process. I’m 8 months into mine and haven’t updated a single thing on social media. I don’t need to rock the boat nor do I need cupcakes from my past reaching out until I have this thing finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:24 PM
27

You have residency, she can’t legally kick you out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 01:47 AM
16

This could be a movie. What a con-artist. Look bottom line is you’re going to have to go into debt to fight this but depending on how much fraud you can prove I think a reasonable judge would have her cover your damages. If she removed you from a deed without your knowledge or authorization that part probably belongs in criminal court. My guess is she’s also been stashing cash in accounts you don’t know about so you may need to do a full audit of her finances. You have options, personal loans, 4…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:01 AM
1

Like a Viking haha. Love it man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 10:39 PM
1

This is called monkey branching. She’s securing her new future / guy prior to letting go of you completely. You’re being used and you take it because you still have hope that the marriage won’t end. It already ended my man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 10:37 PM
3

Again, admitting that your daughter is acting out would be to admit that the current situation is having an impact on the children. You’re not going to get that from your ex. My guess is your daughter is testing her boundaries with you, especially if mom showers her with gifts and you are more practical. Pretty normal behavior for all kids, play mommy against daddy and vice versa. It’s tough, I get it. My son asks for mommy when he’s being disciplined which sucks and breaks my heart but rules ar…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 07:22 PM
4

You don’t honestly expect your ex to post on social media that the kids are impacted by the divorce and are acting out do you? That would mean, gasp her own selfish actions are having a negative impact on the children. No, no no it’s all sunshine and rainbows and her decision to blow up your family and have an affair was the correct one. Block her social media. It’s completely artificial and the only thing it could ever possibly do is cause you pain. Realize that every problem your experiencing …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 06:06 PM
24

The dating site thing on your birthday was by design and specifically meant to hurt you. Believe me when I say once they cross over into divorce the woman you love no longer exists, she’s gone and in her place is somebody out to get you. It’s really awful, so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m guessing the market for 41 year old stay at home moms with no cash and 3 autistic kids isn’t what she thinks it is. Men will have sex with her but that’s about it. Afte…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:19 PM
3

Your percentage is off. This has a 0% chance of not ending in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 11:00 AM
12

Their commitments don’t mean the same as ours. Lessons learned. Don’t get married, have a ceremony if she wants it but don’t legally get married.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:02 PM
1

Yeah you won’t be able to keep hers unless she offers to give it back. It’s considered a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:55 AM
1

Learned that the hard way. Stbx & I had a nesting arrangement while she moved into her new place. Lied to me about the date she got possession of her new house and used two months to spend $130k remodeling the place while I couch surfed with family or stayed in hotels on the weeks I didn’t have the kids. Her last day she used to completely trash the house and I came home to an enormous mess I had to clean up. Lawyer ended the nesting agreement the following day.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 10:34 PM
3

Don’t give up man. I just shake my head whenever a guy posts on here that their wife wants to do it amicably only to get completely stabbed in the back later on. She’s trying to destroy you, don’t let her and don’t let her bully you with these ridiculous claims and demands. Stand up and fight back. Fight for your kids, 50/50 is the hill you die on. 42 is young, you have half your life ahead of you once you get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 10:12 PM
2

Did you not file to have exclusive use of the home? If not she may argue she has residency, and you not allowing her in the house would be illegal. I wouldn’t allow her to enter unsupervised for exactly the reasons mentioned and your lawyer should be able to take care of that rather easily.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 10:05 PM
11

Emotional goggles + beer goggles = problems
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 08:06 PM
2

Google volunteer events near your zip code. It’s fun, you meet people and sometimes get a free T-shirt.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:36 AM
0

I stopped reading after you said BMW
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 09:20 AM
2

“Her demand”. Calm down, focus, organize. The split is 50/50, nothing more, nothing less.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 09:17 PM
7

Either take your new girl or if you can’t do that and you care about the new girl don’t go at all. She’s going to say she doesn’t care but she does. Personally since your divorce isn’t finalized I would not go. The last thing you need is the ex throwing a fit and delaying the legal process.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:24 PM
2

“Going to find you a new daddy”. Wow. Unreal some people.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 01:31 AM
41

She won’t wake up and realize her mistake. She will convince herself it was all your fault, otherwise she would have to take responsibility for cheating and blowing up her family. So sorry man. I’m going through this as well, I just wanted it to go away. It didn’t and here I am. It does get better, give it time and keep your head up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 09:55 PM
7

Hey bud, hang in there. Sounds like you’re at rock bottom, been there. The good thing about rock bottom is that that’s it, you’ve lost everything you can lose and that’s it. Don’t give up, things can and will improve if you try.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 05:12 PM
4

Good for you man. Thus far I haven’t experienced any double standards but the stories are plentiful, im curious to see how our mediation goes in a month. The lesson here is don’t get bullied into a bad deal and don’t let your pride make you take an L just because your a man. Our time of self sacrifice for our wife is over, get what you’re entitled to and always do what’s best for the kids. I love how the story went from Bible School to BULLSHIT really fast haha.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 11:09 AM
13

You’re a fucking animal
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:20 PM
2

This is a great perspective. It’s like selling a house, anytime there is a large financial transaction everybody and their dog lines up to get a piece of the pie. With divorce you can control a bit of it. My lawyer sent me a “just checking in” email last week. My response was “I’m fine and don’t bill me for this email”
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:55 PM
5

Complete indifference to the situation. Accept what it is, know where you need to go and take it day by day, hour by hour.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 12:48 PM
2

Yeah in that case I would fight back. I thought he was just saying she’s acting like she didn’t have an affair - that doesn’t damage anything but his ego. If she was slandering him that would be a different story.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 12:12 PM
1

Then get your spousal support brah
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:23 AM
0

Well don’t smother him and pester him with questions, give him a little space. Maybe he just needs a moment to collect himself. Maybe he’s overwhelmed or there’s something stressing him out that he’s afraid to share with you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 12:33 AM
1

2 & 4 year old is a lot of work, despite you being the sahm it’s still exhausting for men and many of us felt completely ignored by our wives no matter how much housework / kid stuff we try to take off their plates. Intimacy completely tanks.. not sure if he’s not feeling satisfied or not since you seem really shocked as if he hasn’t complained about lack of sex. There’s got to me more to the story here. If not it’s possible he’s just a big pussy who wants to bail on his responsibilities for a c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 11:36 PM
2

Tell them this isn’t their fault.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:39 PM
2

Good for you. I bet your confidence got a nice boost. I laughed at the 30 pack thing haha.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 02:37 PM
1

OP don’t do this. 50/50 every other week she’s just trying to use you as her weekend babysitter and get more CP.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 12:31 PM
5

If you’re doing 50/50 you basically have half of the time you’d otherwise be cleaning up after your wife while being berated to yourself. Describe your schedule please. I’m on an every other week 50/50 schedule and it works beautifully.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:07 AM
3

This is the second wife had affair with cousin post this week. Wtf is going on out there?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 02:42 AM
3

No.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:53 PM
8

The divorce and marriage subs are female dominated. Your opinion as a male is not welcome there even when they ask for it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:52 PM
1

Been there man. I confronted my wife about her affair back in Feb and didn’t really sleep for 4-6 weeks. I wouldn’t wish the feeling in anybody. Stay strong, talk to family if you are comfortable doing that.. Try to get out of the house and don’t forget to eat. I dropped almost 16lbs in one month I just couldn’t do it. It gets better trust me although I know right now it feels hopeless.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 12:06 PM
1

Speak to a family law attorney and I’m guessing a paternity test will be needed. She will likely guilt you on that and say “I’m going to tell him when he’s older” etc but you need to know. Who fronted the money for the down payment who is on the deed / mortgage and can either of you afford it on your own? What a mess, your own fucking cousin! Also the stupidity of cheating when you know there are cameras blows my mind. At least you two weren’t married so you’ll save a bunch by not paying a divor…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 11:06 AM
2

I don’t understand ultimatums like this at all or why they focus on the 1-2 things you forgot to do or did wrong instead of the 100 things you did to contribute. Ok, so she would rather throw the entire cake in the trash because it didn’t have sprinkles on one tiny corner of it? Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 10:55 AM
3

Defamation is a waste of time unless your a celebrity or public figure.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:21 PM
3

This is a fine example of just how low a person can stoop to justify her own actions. When I confronted my wife about her affair she threatened to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about it. I was stunned and terrified, never imagined I would ever hear those words come out of somebody’s mouth. Some people are just awful human beings. Good luck man, this sounds like a brutal battle. Perhaps set boundaries on when it’s appropriate for her to reach out to you regarding the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 04:28 PM
14

What’s the point? Her side, meaning her family and friends are going to support her no-matter what. That’s a battle that’s impossible to win. I get wanting justice. Play the long game, improve yourself and be better than the guy she was screwing around with. Let fate deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 04:23 PM
1

Thanks for the perspective. The option of having babies and then just living off somebody else, anyone else hadn’t occurred to me. Hopefully her parents push her to have some accountability. I agree that everyone should have the children’s best interest in mind. If OP isn’t a criminal or danger I strongly believe fathers play a very important role in their child’s lives and there is plenty of data to support that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 02:42 PM
1

It depends on your area, so do some searches for the dating app scene in your locale.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:45 PM
2

You speak of lack of affection but don’t mention any hostility. I agree that divorce is brutal on kids despite everyone that gets divorced convincing themselves they didn’t just do their children a massive disservice for their own selfish reasons. If she’s checked out then you’re screwed but If you two are simply lacking the spark and can still tolerate each-other I would personally try everything under the sun to try to bring the love back and keep the family intact. If you did an act of kindne…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:38 AM
3

I believe he’s trying to confirm his suspicions prior to making any decisions regarding his future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:32 AM
6

Can she afford to live on her own? By having sex with him but still “in love” with you typically means she wants to continue splitting bills with you. Also don’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:28 AM
2

For starters any lawyer or judge is going to ask what you’ve been doing for the last month. Did she abduct them? Do you have a paper trail of you demanding to see your children? You need to get 50/50 custody because your children need a father and also if you don’t you’re going to be totally broke for the next 17 years. There’s no alimony in MI, it’s spousal support and it’ll likely get calculated off what her earning potential is. She’s going to have to go back to work since $4k isn’t nearly en…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:23 AM
5

Right there with you brother. You’re in a battle that will soon end and once it does the relief will be great. To me this is a challenge and I’m facing it from all vantage points. Kids? I’m going to be the best father in the world every other week. Lawyer fees? Don’t care, I’ll stay cash flow positive every month regardless, go ahead and try to bleed me. I’ve literally eaten a pound of ground beef, cup of instance rice and three eggs every day for the last 6 months. Less than $4 a day and I eat …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:08 PM
2

Is her name on the mortgage or deed? File and then ask her to leave and have an attorney send her a letter ending your nesting arrangement. House - get her to approve of the appraiser before getting that done some guys have to do it twice since they fight the first one. For your pay it can depend but an average of your last two W2’s is usually a pretty fair way to go. Google Texas alimony / spousal support calculator and play around with the numbers. Best advice I can give you is to ignore the n…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:56 PM
2

Yep. I actually called my wedding off 3 weeks prior to the wedding day because I knew it was a mistake. Got talked into it by my dad and here I am 6 years later. A big issue is our mentors like fathers and grandfathers are oblivious to modern issues that influence marriages. Perhaps I will sing a different tune by then but if in 20 years my son is dating seriously I would advise him to have a ceremony and have kids if he wants them but don’t ever legally bind yourself to somebody that can stab y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:49 PM
4

Lol. That’s pretty funny - mine looked like she slept in a dumpster almost every day for the last 4 years and only dressed nice and wore makeup when we saw friends or family although she gave almost no effort for mine. Last year all of a sudden new clothes, hair extensions, makeup, nails done etc. and started going on lots of “business trips” phone always face down or in her pocket didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Is it worse now? I have no clue and wonder if there’s some researc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:00 PM
2

Hey bud sorry you’re going through this. The first thing you need to do is wrap your head around the fact that a divorce is purely a financial business deal - none of your or your wife’s complaints about neglect, emotional abuse, drinking too much etc matter at all. If you have no criminal history nobody is going to give a shit what she says about you. BUT as others have mentioned you need to protect yourself against false claims right now. Don’t get baited into any arguments, don’t say anything…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:46 PM
3

I interpret this as her “talking right through you” as if you don’t even exist i.e. the digital version of talking and pretending like you’re not even in the room. I would document but ignore these messages, do not respond. How old is the child? If they are old enough to read and write get them one of those phones designed for children which basically just allows them to text / call their parents.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:39 AM
8

If I didn’t have kids a new city, new home, new friends circle etc is exactly what I would pursue. An affair is traumatic and distancing yourself from anything related to it is a luxury I wish I had. Hell there are a few places in the burbs here I avoid just because I don’t want to cross paths with her 🤷🏼‍♂️ You have a great opportunity to start fresh I encourage you to pursue it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:34 AM
4

You entered into a financial business contract for emotional reasons. The terms and conditions on a marriage license don’t even explain what you’re entering into which should be illegal - not that they would have stopped most of us since “we were in love” and likely getting pressured to walk down the aisle. Many states make you take a class before getting divorced if you have kids about co-parenting. Personally I think they should make you take a class prior to getting married which actually goe…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:17 AM
22

Men’s avenue to feeling appreciated / loved /bonding is heavily physical based and women’s avenue is heavily emotional based via kind gestures, romantic non-sexual acts, compliments etc. Women aren’t capable of relating to how men are wired which is why you get so much grief for being a horny pig if you want frequent sex. Its easy to fall into the chicken or the egg paradox / complacency when married especially for guys since most of us actually thought the till death do us part section of our v…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 09:52 AM
5

Adult decisions have adult consequences. She’s a big girl, she she made her choice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:26 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter