~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Taxes QuestionI recently fought my ex on this. Interestingly, the IRS doesn't care much about custody, they care who was caring for the child. In your case, since there's a good chance she's not going to file, I'd claim the child. Worst case, your ex files and the IRS sends you a letter asking if you want to plead your case. If that happens, the IRS will then want to know who had the child the majority of days. If that was with you, be ready to prove it. If your child spent more days with your ex, and she fil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/26 08:35 PM |
| 2 | First time with other womanI don't think you need to visit your doctor just yet. It's very common and goes away once the pressure is off. Just get plenty of exercise and don't touch the thing for as long as possible before the main event. Once you've had a few successes, it will take the pressure off because you both know you can perform. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 06:39 PM |
| 3 | What does it mean?Translation: "I'm angry, hurt, and afraid; but I don't want to appear weak, lest you take advantage. I had hopes and expectations -- realistic or not -- and those have not been met. I'm disappointed in myself. I invested time in something and feel stupid it didn't pay off. I'm afraid of what this means for my future and what people will think. If I hurt you, maybe it will make me feel better. Maybe it will make the situation feel less unfair." | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 09:51 PM |
| 2 | How long does it take to your financial future back on track?I'm about 3 years out of my divorce (no alimony or CS). I also bought our home and took over a much larger mortgage (after having to refi). Things were tight at first, but got much easier after I started a new relationship and the new GF moved in. My work retirement is now back to about 95% of what it was. (I got to keep all the contributions made during the divorce, along with all the related gains. The recent stock market increases have also helped.) I also ended up receiving an inheritence so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/24 06:31 PM |
| 3 | I've been divorced for 3+ years, and still feel as lost as I did since day one. When and how did things start getting better for you all?A former work friend who knew I was getting divorced asked me if I was dating yet. She'd met someone who told her that the only thing missing from her life was a companion. She was the same age and in a similar life situation. I called her, it was awkward, we met, hit it off, dated, and moved in together about a year ago. I guess the moral of the story is to let people know you're looking. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/24 02:12 PM |
| 7 | I've been divorced for 3+ years, and still feel as lost as I did since day one. When and how did things start getting better for you all?TBH, things started getting better about 3 months after she moved out, when I met someone better suited for me. I didn't feel the need to do too much work on myself, because it was mostly a separation based on different values; we were just 2 different people. Once I had found a better partner, I moved on pretty quickly. The year's preceeding the divorce and the divorce itself was the hellish part. But it's amazing what finding the right person can do. I immediately stopped thinking about my ex … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/24 06:27 AM |
| 5 | Is your new girlfriend way better than your ex wife?As many others have said, definately, in every way possible. She has her own issues, of course, but she's also not my wife, which makes a HUGE difference. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 05:38 PM |
| 3 | Need a father's advice- Is love worth it?Love, yes! Marriage, no. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/24 07:16 PM |
| 1 | direct deposits, joint accounts, before divorce is settledWe both opened our own checking accounts and used what was left in the joint account to pay joint bills. Once that was gone, we each started contributing to the joint account to pay any shared bills (like the mortage). But I'd do what your lawyer suggested, take 50% and then tell her to do likewise. Then both pay into it for shared expenses. This prevents her from draining the account (and you from having to seek reimbursement). Alternatively, just close the joint account and each write checks f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 11:03 PM |
| 2 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?"Like attracts like." | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/24 09:48 PM |
| 2 | Just discovered long affair while on vacationYou're a better man than I am. I made it clear to my current GF that if she ever cheated, it would signal the end of the relationship. No matter how much I love her or how long we've been together, I'd never be able to get over it. Just don't stay together because you don't think you can find someone else or because of what you've poured into the relationship already (sunk cost fallacy). I'd say only stay together if she had one hell of a good reason, but I can't even come up with one (unless yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/24 06:18 PM |
| 9 | Just discovered long affair while on vacationI read a similar story here where the couple went to therapy, worked things out, and things were great for another 10 years... until she she did it again. I know you don't want to "throw everything away" that you've put into this relationship, but you also don't want to be kicking yourself in 10 years for wasting your life on someone who clearly doesn't deserve to be trusted. I know the future is unknown and scary, you don't want this person. Unless you've been horrible to her, I'd say move on t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/24 06:01 PM |
| 8 | Did you date during your divorce? How did it go?I dated a woman for about 9 months at the start of my divorce. I had a great time, but it didn't make things any easier with my ex. The breakup was also extra-painful due to the fact that I was going through a breakup AND divorce. Blech. I met someone else about 9 months before my 2.5-year-long divorce was over and we've been together almost 3 years. I found that older women didn't seem to have a problem dating divorced men, as long as it was 100% over and for a valid reason. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/24 03:40 PM |
| 1 | Alimony forever if she claims disability?My understanding is it's 60-70% of your wages, but there may also be supplemental stuff. I think my ex was hoping to retire early on a combination of both Disability and alimony. But about 50% of claims are denied and it can take some time to get approved. And I believe you also may have to meet with one or more of their doctors, but I'm no expert. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/24 10:15 PM |
| 2 | Alimony forever if she claims disability?I believe it's state-specific, but it's true in my state (California). My ex tried to file for disability during our divorce. She was already asking for alimony, but I assume she wanted to file for disability so she could be paid for life. It might also get her an increase in alimony. (Though I believe remarriage would cancel out those alimony payments.) It happens quite often, when women (and sometimes men) realize they're going to have to make a living. They may not don't claim it during marri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/24 11:28 PM |
| 2 | God’s willWomen don't just leave, she's divorcing you for a reason. What's her reason? With all due respect (and I say this as a man), you talk a lot about how much you're suffering, but don't even touch on why she's suffering (enough to "abandon" the family). It may not be a GOOD reason, but that's where you need to start, because that's what's triggering the desire to divorce. If it's something about YOU, you can either agree to change, work out some other arrangement, or agree to divorce. If it's somet… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/24 08:36 PM |
| 10 | Wife wants a divorce.Well, you've owned up to your mistakes, so the self-awareness is a good start. Sometimes divorce is the wake-up call we need to make changes. There are a lot of things I learned from my divorce. But don't be too hard on yourself, the first marriage is just for practice anyway. It shouldn't really count, lol. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/24 03:48 PM |
| 9 | Real life NarcissistsSounds rough. The nose piercing and tanning are probably "peacocking" for some other potential mate. Sounds like she's trying to keep both of you on the line. And odds are, this guy is playing "white knight" until he gets to hit it, then will split as soon as shit gets real. It always amazes me how women think some other guy is just going to be willing to swoop in and take over as the father of some other man's kids. Many men refuse to even date women with children because they know what a shitu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/24 10:09 PM |
| 3 | Spent $40K on defending in mediation back and forth. Finally went to court and her motion was dismissed in less than 1 hour.Oh, it's nuts. With lawyers charging $350 an hour, that's only about 14 full-days worth of work. And when it takes 2-3 years, that's not that much (roughly 7 days a year). Plus, there's a massive amount of documentation they can request and have to research, possible depositions, negotiations, settlement offers and agreements, and things like fighting/filing emergency requests, restraing orders, dealing with custody battles, and answering all your questions as things arise. I've seen some guys h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/24 11:38 PM |
| 7 | Spent $40K on defending in mediation back and forth. Finally went to court and her motion was dismissed in less than 1 hour.Amen. If I had to do it all over again, I'd ask for a court date at the first sign of trouble. It took me a year to get one AFTER a year of negotiations failed. Once we got to court, she was suddenly willing to listen to reason. I too wasted about $40K just getting to that point. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/24 06:19 PM |
| 6 | 65 and seriously contemplating divorce, looking for men similar in age doing the sameTotally silly. I couldn't talk any sense into her. It finally took a judge to set her straight. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/24 08:36 PM |
| 10 | 65 and seriously contemplating divorce, looking for men similar in age doing the sameI was about 50 when I got divorced after about 30 years together with 2 children who were almost adults. My ex and I were both very religious when we were married, but I parted ways with that about 15 years into the relationship. After that, we never really saw eye-to-eye and things began to go seriously downhill from there. I wanted to do things civilly and just split everything 50/50. We hired a mediator and it looked like things were going to be easy, considering our incomes were not that dif… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/24 07:39 PM |
| 2 | Is it normal for a law office to ask for a fee for the first hour consultation? This is regarding Divorce.Yes. And it's just the first in a long line of expensive payments. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/24 10:05 PM |
| 2 | Medical insurance after divorce?No, but in some states you're not allowed to make any changes to your insurance until the divorce is final. I ended up having to request a reimbursement for all of the insurance I paid for during our 2.5 year-long divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 06:44 AM |
| 8 | WTF am I doing?This guy talks to women. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 07:08 PM |
| 5 | 3 Kids, different dads, divorced twice, does OF, on alphabet soup of Meds. BTW NO MEN UNDER 6 FEET TALL. I HAVE STANDARDS. MODS Link does not work https://www.forums.red/p/whereareallthegoodmen/322678/3_kids_different_dads_divorced_twice_does_of_on_alphabet_souShe's going to lose a fortune in child support if she ever gets remarried. | /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen | 02/05/24 09:27 PM |
| 1 | Post divorce dating adviceThat's been my experience as well. I eventually had to conclude that my league had changed as I've matured (I've had women tell me I look more attractive at 50 than at 20). I've also read that in online dating, women get the most messages at 18 and men at 50. But older women also look for different qualities than they did at 20. Things like looks and height can start to matter less and they're often happy just to find someone who is well groomed, somewhat fit, actually single (not cheating), sta… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/04/24 05:36 PM |
| 13 | What was your next relationship like?The first relationship during the divorce lasted 9 months. It helped me to realize that I was still worth loving, but she had mental health issues (was chronically miserable) and I didn't want to trade one unhappy relationship for another. But it was still a very difficult breakup. Despite her issues, we had A LOT of fun together. The next relationship started as the divorce was wrapping up and we've been together for 2.5 years (and have moved in together). I can honestly say it's far better in … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/04/24 11:07 PM |
| 4 | California and life time alimonyI read alimony in California was intended to be "restorative" in nature, that is, giving the receiving spouse the time and resources necessary to get back on their feet (but not for a lifetime). While there are lifetime exceptions, such as if the spouse is too old or disabled to work, there should be an end to it. Unless the decree specifically states "lifetime," I believe it's more "open-ended" until you return to ask the court for it to be adjusted or elimiated. If you can prove she's gone yea… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/24 10:31 PM |
| 12 | How do you cope with the lack of affection?I read in a book on divorce that you have to ask for what you need. If your SO say no, then you get to decide if it's something you can live without. My marriage had gotten to the point where I had to ask my ex to touch me and try to say at least one nice thing about me each day. (There was zero affection.) Her answer? "I don't want you to think I'm trying to initiate anything." Long story short, I couldn't live without affection, so we got divorced and I discovered there are lots of lonely wome… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/24 01:40 AM |
| 1 | Getting divorce but still living togetherI lived with my ex for about 2 years during our extended divorce. We lived in separate rooms and with our two older kids. It was extremely difficult at times, but we kept things polite, mostly because the kids were there watching. It was a hotly contested divorce and my ex tried to have me evicted on several occasions. I'd done nothing wrong and was always aloud to stay, but it got expensive trying to fight her. (My lawyer even said it might be cheaper to move out.) But it was just as much my ho… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/24 08:51 PM |
| 11 | Immediately after she left, my income doubled.Nice! My ex and I were always frugal as well. Towards the end, she wanted to start spending our life savings and complained I never earned enough. During our divorce, my father passed and I inherited a good sum of money. She tried to take half in the divorce and failed. She also tried to have me kicked out during the divorce (also failed), so I bought her out and ended up kicking her out. A couple months later, I met an amazing woman (who earns 3x what my ex did). After a year of dating, she mov… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/24 05:57 PM |
| 16 | Is your ex-wife better off after divorce?tl;dr: No. After 30 years together, she's now worse off both financially and romantically. I feel bad for her, but she made her bed. My (52) ex (52) were together for 30 years. She fell out of love and no longer wanted anything to do with me. She wanted her freedom and to spend our life-savings however she wanted. We owned a nice home where she had a small daycare and I worked full-time. Little did she know, I was about to inherit enough money to pay off the home and she'd never have to work aga… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 06:08 PM |
| 6 | What are they thinking?We were in a smiliar situation. We didn't have much and the kids were about year from being adults. That didn't stop her from engaging in a huge custody battle and trying to have me evicted. She was being completely unreasonable with her demands and wouldn't budge. She didn't care about the cost, because she was trying to hurt me and assumed the judge would make me pay for it all. In the end, I think it cost us upwards of $80K to get a simple divorce. She ended up having to pay for her own lawye… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 04:39 PM |
| 2 | Where did you move out to?I did. It definitely didn't help the situation (just made her more jealous and angry, so she tried to have me kicked out). But I don't think I would change anything. It was nice to have someone to turn to during that time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/03/24 07:28 PM |
| 5 | Where did you move out to?We lived in the same house for 2 years while the divorce went through. Why should I leave? It's my house too! Eventually bought her out and she moved. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/03/24 03:38 PM |
| 6 | LuckyDitto. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 12:15 AM |
| 5 | Struggling 3.5 months in.Once you get divorced and move on to someone else, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. It also sounds like there are a lot of things you can look forward to getting back to and you have some great future career prospects. Looking back, I often wonder why I invested so much time in someone who didn't care as much as I did. I'm so much happier now with someone else! I now read stories like yours and wonder why people try so hard to fix something that clearly isn't working. Life is short! Be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/24 05:11 PM |
| 2 | Advice as to social media?I'd recommend deactivating and never going back on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/24 08:08 PM |
| 5 | Leaving the houseI was in the same situation. I felt it was just as much my house as hers and I had every right to stay (and if she wasn't comfortable, she was free to move). At one point, she was about to move when a new lawyer suggested she file emergency orders to have me evicted. They spent 6 months drafting an "emergency order" containing greatly twisted and exaggerated deails about how my presence was "emotionally damaging" to her and our teenage children (my kids told me they were fine it and far more str… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/24 05:12 PM |
| 11 | Do you want to find a new partner?My ex also made me out to be a villain. I think women do that to rationalize and justify divorce. But if you asked both my ex and my gf to describe me, I would sound like completely opposite people. If I had assumed all women were like my ex, I would've missed out on a pretty great life. Very happy now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/24 05:01 PM |
| 1 | Send it?Sorry, that's rough. I'd ask to make arrangements to see them when you're ready. For example, "Is it okay with you if I pick up <Child 3> this Saturnday from noon to 5?" Hopefully, you'll at least get a response. If not, your only option is to work through the courts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/24 06:27 PM |
| 2 | Send it?Nope. Say as few words as possible and stick to times, dates, and other logistics. Assume that if the kids were in trouble, she'd be blowing up your phone. It's natural to worry, but your kids are fine. When it's your turn to see them, by whatever agreement you work up, you probably don't want her asking how they're doing (or telling you about how her life is going). It just seems like there's an ulterior motive there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/24 06:15 PM |
| 3 | How long have you guys stayed single?Not long. I had two long-term relationships that both started while I was waiting for my divorce to go through (took 2.5 years). I've been in the second one for over 2 years now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/03/24 05:49 PM |
| 7 | Going thought a divorcetl;dr Stop loving her so much. The most important thing I've learned about keeping a women happy is that it doesn't matter how much you love them, but how much they love you. In other words, you will never make a woman love you more by smothering her with more love. This has the opposite effect. When you chase a woman, she instinctively runs way. Her brain doesn't ask, "Can I get and keep this man?" Instead, it only asks, "Do I want this man?" And since you're chasing her -- which suggests you'r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/24 06:50 PM |
| 5 | Trouble in the bedroom with other womenWeird things can happen with someone new. It can take some time to adjust but things will return to normal. Maybe try it in the dark? You need to be able to relax. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 05:24 PM |
| 22 | Divorce is done, lesson learned. Moving forward, how do I protect myself such a house, cars, assets in the future?I'd say don't remarry. Statistically, the odds of a second divorce are 60%! You might think it will all work out fine, but 60% of guys thought the same thing, and look where they are now. Do you really want to be the guy who is kicking himself for making the same mistake twice? I like to keep my life simple. I have a girlfriend that I love, she lives with me, and if something goes wrong, all I have to do is break up with her. No lawyers, no waiting on the courts, no having to tell dates that I'm… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 11:39 PM |
| 3 | After divorce, did you take the time to go through your entire photo album and social media accounts to delete pictures of your ex?Same. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 10:48 PM |
| 1 | Who normally reaches out to negotiate the QDRO conditions?The retirement funds were in my name, so my lawyer suggested someone and my ex agreed. The split happened following the decree and I believe the person who handled it was named in the settlement agreement. Where it got interesting (and a word of warning) was the market took a huge dump during our divorce, so my ex decided she wanted the value as of the date of separation. (I'm sure if it had shot up, it would've been an non-issue.) If she got her way, I'd only be getting about 1/3 of the retirem… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 06:00 PM |
| 3 | What should I do?My ex also tried to have me evicted. It's scary when you have no place to go and short-term housing costs can be ridiculously expensive. I fought my ex and won, but that too was expensive. My lawyer even suggested it might be cheaper to move than to keep fighting her (plus less risk of being accused of something), but it was a matter of principle for me. I'd done absolutely NOTHING wrong and the home was just as much mine as hers. I shouldn't have to leave just because I have a penis. She can al… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/24 05:37 PM |
| 3 | Please send thoughts and prayers.....struggle is real.Thoughts and prayers. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/24 12:54 AM |
| 2 | Do I remove STBX from my health insurance immediately?May depend on your state. I really wanted to, because it was costing me hundreds every month, but in CA you are forbidden from making any insurance changes after someone files for divorce (until things are finalized). Since my divorce took 2.5 years, I requested a reimbursement as part of the settlement agreement and received it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/24 05:02 PM |
| 8 | Last post I made here was about going on a date with a woman... she just dumped methe first and second breakups after divorce is tough. Came here to say this. My first breakup after divorce was one of the worst I've ever experienced. Possibly because you're questioning your self-worth after having gone through divorce. But they say "like attracts like," so I worked on becoming the type of person I wanted to meet. I'm over 50 and still managed to meet someone else, but my attitude has definately changed. I'm not interested in getting married and any woman I date is always free… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/24 11:18 PM |
| 1 | Divorce Songs List RecommendationsOne OK Rock - Start Again | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/24 09:09 PM |
| 6 | Is there an advantage to filling first?My ex asked to file, so I allowed it. One advantage to HER filing first was that I got to see all her paperwork before I had to respond. I could see the property she was reporting, how she valued it, etc. (So, for example, if she valued my vehicle, tools, or other property at half their actual value, I didn't have to contest it.) But there were several disadvantage. For one, she took 3 months to find a laywer and file. She had her choice of any lawyer in town and could take her time. Once she fi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/24 05:54 PM |
| 2 | What role did religion play in your divorce/marriage?It's unfortunate that religion should be a source of division, but it often can be. I'm convinced my ex came to see me as the devil (even though I was the same guy with most of the same morals). But her relationship with God was always going to be more important than her relationship with me. I just became an annoyance and a potential source of deception that she felt she needed to battle against. Anyway, I wish you the best on your journey and I hope it all works out for the best. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/24 09:22 PM |
| 3 | What role did religion play in your divorce/marriage?tl;dr I believe it was the primary contributing factor in our divorce. My ex and I were both raised Pentecostals. After marriage, I investigated my beliefs over the next decade or so and I ended up becoming a non-believer. After that, I think it was more difficult for us to connect on the same level and to have mutual respect for each other's beliefs. I read that evangelical/atheist marriages have about a 66% failure rate, so the cards were already stacked against us. I'd hoped that things could… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/24 05:58 PM |
| 2 | Need adviceI wanted to file separately, but the problem I ran into was we needed to exchange information on our earnings (though this may have been because we lived in CA, a community property state). | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/24 09:13 PM |
| 6 | Grey divorce, teen children and retirementWow, with that big of an income difference, my primary concern would be alimony. She will likely want 50% of any retirement accounts as well. You might want to speak to a lawyer privately, just to protect yourself. Plus, it's nice to have someone to call when you have questions, or to look over your settlement agreement. I thought I could mediate with my wife as well, but as soon as she realized how far apart we were, she hired a lawyer and fired the mediator. It was an expensive uphill battle a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/24 05:48 AM |
| 6 | Dating during divorce?I did, while still living with the ex, even though most people advised against it. We'd been married about 25 years and she'd lost all interest. I think I was starved for emotional and physical intimacy by that point, so I jumped at the opportunity. In my experience, it did make things more difficult. Understandably, the ex was upset. Even though we were getting divorced, there's still some jealousy. I'd come home late at night and she'd do things like chainlock the door just to piss me off (cla… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 06:32 PM |
| 10 | Wife cheated on me with my fatherTalk about a toxic family. Your dad straight up sucks, bro. I'd move far away and never look back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/24 05:23 PM |
| 5 | Vacation with new partnerWell, it's never wrong to feel how you feel; feelings are just natural, emotional response to external stimuli. It's what's you do with those feelings that makes you wrong (e.g. killing the new boyfriend, etc.). I don't know if you were ever the child of divorce like I was, but my dad was always "my dad," no matter how many other men my mom married or how "cool" they were. And I think there is always some sense of loss -- loss of the family unit, loss of what could/should have been, but that's l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/24 01:03 AM |
| 8 | Vacation with new partnerAs difficult as it may be to accept, she's her own person and can pretty much do whatever she wants to now (good or bad). Eventually, you'll probably move on to someone else too, and won't really care what she's up to; it's just painful now because it's still fresh and you still feel a connection. It's best not to dwell on it if you can avoid thinking about it. Just focus on your life, your goals with the kids, what you want to do next, etc. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/24 12:00 AM |
| 1 | How much money did you lose in your divorce?About $40K or so in legal fees (2.5 years without a trial). If you add half the home value, savings, retirement account, etc., roughly 4 years salary. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 11:20 PM |
| 5 | Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202312/8-new-scientific-insights-on-love-and-how-it-fades-away | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/24 06:18 PM |
| 2 | A Small WinWow, that is amazing. What a win! When the markets tanked a few years ago, my ex she said she wanted the value of my work retirement account as it was valued on the date of our separation. I claimed it should be whatever the value is on the date of the final divorce decree. Our lawyers couldn't seem to agree on which date was correct. Hers claimed that, because I had a choice of investments, it was my fault for chosing to invest in the S&P 500. (Apparently, you should always move to conservative… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/24 07:05 PM |
| 15 | Finally, Finally done. The last hang over piece of the divorce - 4 1/2 years later.Same. My ex recently wrote me about how expensive it was to have our (now adult) child living at home and asked me to send more money! Don't get me wrong, I'll support my child when they're out on their own (or if they want to move back in with me), but I'll be damned if I send my ex one more dime; not after all the (expensive) crap she pulled during the divorce. It's difficult when children involved, but I regularly ask mine if there's anything they need. I don't mind giving my child money, but… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/23 07:11 PM |
| 8 | Sad Post. No need to respond. I'm just venting.I'm about the same age. A couple of years ago, my 26-year-long marriage ended. But right now, I'm sitting in my livingroom next to a warmly-lit Christmas tree. Under that tree is a bunch of gifts from my new girlfriend. We've been living together for about 6 months and she still seems thrilled to death to have met me. And she's gorgeous! My divorce was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the end result was better than I could have ever expected. Divorce isn't the end, it's just a new b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/23 05:35 AM |
| 8 | Wife trying to come back after leaving me for affair partnerThis is a little unconventional, but perhaps tell her that the affair has sealed the deal on your decision to divorce, BUT you're willing to consider continuing to date afterwards. This accomplishes a couple things: First, it motivates her to go easy on you (e.g. not ask for alimony, etc.) if she really does want you back. If you were to just divorce with no hope of reconciliation, she'd likely try to take you for all she can. But if she thinks you might be staying together, she won't have as mu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/23 11:16 PM |
| 7 | 35 year marriage with long term dead bedroom, contemplating divorce, I have some questions for those who pulled the plug.I suggested a mediator to help keep the costs down and she agreed. I wanted a fair, 50/50 split. At our first meeting, everything unraveled. She asked for far more than she was legally entitled to. When I didn't budge, she fought me for 2.5 years and the cost grew to about $85,000 for both of us, even without a trial. As you said, the only winners were the lawyers. But you can't force someone to be reasonable. I try to never speak to her unless I have to, which is a shame. In the beginning, I'd … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/23 06:59 PM |
| 12 | Oh, The Schadenfruede....My girlfriend admitted that, when she divorced (a struggling artist and drug addict), she thought it "would be easy" to meet a rich, successful guy in the Bay Area. After all, she was in her mid-30s, thin, successful, and attractive (but with 2 kids). And there were plenty of successful guys in the city. She now admits it was hell. Dating was fun, at first, but got old quickly. And at her age, all the good men were either married, taken, or looking for someone younger or with no kids. There was … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/23 06:19 PM |
| 1 | Is marrying a God-fearing woman the answer?Best of luck to you! I was hopeful we could make it work, but the situation degraded over time. You can't make someone love you, so we divorced and I found someone else and we're very happy together. Sometimes two good people are just a bad fit for each other. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/23 01:38 AM |
| 3 | Is marrying a God-fearing woman the answer?According to the Pew Research Center (link below), evangelical Christians divorce/separate at about 14%. Non-affiliated's were at about 11%, suggesting Christianity actually makes women more prone to divorce. My ex was an evangelical and fell out of love with me after I stopped believing as she did. I became an "outsider" and would never be "right" with her unless I believed as she did. Interestingly, because the Bible says not to leave your husband, she didn't. She just made it utterly obvious … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/23 06:16 PM |
| 6 | 21K Subscribers!Meanwhile, Divorce_Women hasn't seen a post in years. Weird. Maybe they're all on r/divorce? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/23 12:38 AM |
| 1 | Discovery and interrogatoriesI did 3 years. I don't keep receipts, so I just said I didn't have any. My life is pretty simple, so I'm not sure why they asked for so much documentation, but we asked for all the same stuff and the ex was pissed, lol. Most records are digital these days anyway, which can make it easier. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/23 03:44 PM |
| 3 | Home loanThe primary reason to take someone's name off a loan is so they're free to buy another home without having the old debt still in their name (affecting their credit). But since you're each taking a home, can't you come to some sort of agreement? You'd both still be on the hook if the other stopped paying, BUT you could draft a contract saying you're liable to repay the other person should they ever have to make a payment on your behalf (and all equity henceforth belongs to you, you remove them fr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/23 05:35 AM |
| 2 | We reached a dealNice! I asked for 50/50 from the beginning and had to fight for 2.5 years to get it. But it's so nice when it's finally over and you can move on with your life! | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/11/23 06:15 PM |
| 6 | Double standard?Personally, I didn't have much of a problem (and I'm pretty average). It seems like, as long as you have a reasonable reason for getting divorced, some women are more than happy to snap you up before you go "back on the market." But getting dates has always been easier for women (at least when they're young). | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/23 06:37 PM |
| 3 | Divorced but ex is considering going on disabilityIt takes some time to get approved for long-term disability and she could get denied. Even assuming it goes through, your divorce has been settled, so I can't imagine it affecting the settlement agreement that you both signed off on. You might check the wording, but lawyers are usually pretty careful with the language to make sure everything is final. The only exception I can think if would be a "status only" divorce, where you're legally divorced but still haven't settled all your financial aff… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/23 08:00 PM |
| 9 | Self respectOnce she's lost interest, there's not much you can besides finding someone who IS interested. The good news is, there are millions of women who have also dumped their husbands only to discover single life isn't what it's cracked up to be. She'll slowly grow tired of meeting all the men on dating sites who are there for a reason (each time, discovering new problems she never even knew existed), only to end up missing the simple stability she once had. Of course, rather than ever admitting she was… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/23 12:57 AM |
| 17 | Sex while separated, do *you* consider it cheating?If you've already 100% decided to divorce, I wouldn't consider it cheating. The government just takes awhile to update your relationship status. If it's a trial separation or you may still get back together, then possibly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 06:43 AM |
| 15 | It´s incredible how all this changes youI definately became more pragmatic. I'm living with someone now with no intention of marraige. It's great! My money is mine and hers is hers. I wish I'd done that with my ex 30 years ago. I would've been able to keep all of my work retirement and saved a fortune on the divorce. Live and learn. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/23 10:09 PM |
| 3 | Separated for a 5 daysShe was probably wondering if you met someone else, lol. Don't let on either way, don't share too much, don't play the sad victim (looking to win her back with sympathy -- it's not sexy), just be polite/positive/friendly and self-secure (like other girls are beating down your door and you'll be fine with or without her), but not cocky. You want the best for her (and yourself), so if she thinks she would be happier with someone else, wish her all the best (i.e. you're not trying to trap her; she … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 10:46 PM |
| 9 | Why do stbex’s memory of the past differ so much from reality?Exactly. I like how we're not married and she's free to go at any time (if she no longer appreciates what she has). | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 09:11 PM |
| 27 | Why do stbex’s memory of the past differ so much from reality?I think it's easy to take things for granted when you've been together for a long time. My ex had it pretty good, but couldn't see it. All she could see was what she didn't have and it was all my fault. Now she's out there on her own, realizing how hard it is to make ends meet (she survives off of what she received in the settement, but that won't last forever). My new GF has been single for years and I've noticed she seems to appreciate having me around and every little thing I do for her. I gu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 08:38 PM |
| 2 | Separated for a 5 daysAs everyone else is saying, don't text her so much. If you chase her, it'll only make her run. You've got to know you'll be okay either with or without her (and you will, it just takes time). When you stop chasing, she stops running, and starts to feel what she's lost. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 03:43 PM |
| 11 | Planning on divorcing my wife... horrified by the fact that I will be single for a long timeMy biggest fear was being all alone. But when being alone seems preferable to being married, you know you're ready for divorce. Even if I had to live the rest of my life alone, I was willing to accept that fate. I had no idea how I'd ever meet someone else, but 2 months after my ex moved out, someone asked me if I was dating and introduced to someone new. A year-and-a-half later, we were living together, and I've never been happier. Maybe it was super easy, maybe I just got lucky. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/23 10:28 PM |
| 10 | What triggered your settlement?The two things that helped me: 1) Asking for a trial. You don't have to actually go to trial, but having a "deadline" forces everyone to get things done. And if it does end in a trial, odds are you were never going to settle anyway. Asking for one ASAP also gets you into the queue. Otherwise, when mediation fails, you're stuck waiting another year for a trial date. (Note: the courts may order their own medation before allowing you to go to trial. Having a judge mediate our case helped move thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/23 07:38 PM |
| 5 | How effed am I?Giving it a Google, it looks like alimony in NY is (with minor children): 40% of the sum of both parties' incomes, minus the payee's income. They will probably impute her income at minimum wage, or $15 an hour. Since you're at about $21, it doesn't look like she qualifies. My ex wanted $1500 but ended up with nothing. Wives tend to ask for the moon and negotiate down from there. Mediation is still the best option IF she can be reasonable. If not, it can get very expensive very quickly. I thought… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/23 04:46 PM |
| 18 | I want to do a buy-out, ex doesn't agree, what nowI went through this. It got pretty nasty. Our home was in my family for over 40+ years and I wanted to keep it (especially since my father had just passed away). At first, my ex wanted to buy me out; I told her she wouldn't qualify, and I finally had to let her try before she believed me. On THREE separate occasions over the next year or so, we would get an appraisal, write up all the paperwork, and she would back out at the last minute. We were constantly getting new appraisals, and each time s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/10/23 09:12 PM |
| 2 | Alimony: Help w/ calculation in CASorry you're going through all this, I know it sucks. Note that if you had any of that 401K or other assets before you were married, that portion should still be considered separate asset (it doesn't matter than you've been married for 10 years). A judge will likely impute a full-time income for your spouse. It doesn't matter than she doesn't want to work full time, it's what she's capable of earning full-time. If she went to college and is qualified to earn more, you can also make that argument… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/23 12:27 AM |
| 4 | She fucked another man"Soulmate," lol. She's got the new-relationship tingles (still in the "honeymoon phase"). That will fade and she'll eventually cheat on him too. Just wish her the best and move on with your own life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/23 05:40 PM |
| 3 | Experiences with cohabitingBeen there. We both hated it and she tried several times to have me evicted (for no good reason). At one point, her attorney talked her in to filing an emergency order and that failed too. It's so odd to be living with someone who is literally suing you and trying to have you kicked out. You'll be at the courthouse in the afternoon and then spending the evening together with your kids. Talk about awkward. It all happened during covid, so it took 2 years of living together until we finally got it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/23 05:37 PM |
| 3 | Legal FeesMy ex asked for this as well. In fact, she asked for everything under the sun, including things she had no legal right to (so she could negotiate down from there). I think it's just a tactic. In my case, I earned slightly more, but only because she enjoyed the luxury of under-employment due to marriage. But her lawyer told her that because I had a recent inheritance, the judge would take that into account and ask me to pay 80%-100% of her legal fees. Unfortunately, as a result, she ran up a huge… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 11:39 PM |
| 2 | What was the cost of your divorce?$40K in legal fees over 2.5 years. She also wanted me to pay for her attorney (around $45K), but gave up on that request. That's not counting splitting my retirement fund, buying out her half of the house, etc. But how can you put a price on freedom? | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/10/23 04:46 PM |
| 35 | The worst part was…The initial consultations where you realize the more money you make and the more you’ve sacrificed is all ammunition for your own destruction. Yep. Like how I thought I was being a great husband by allowing my ex to quit her job and stay home with the kids. When it came time to divorce, suddenly I owe her because she hasn't worked and wasn't able to "advance her carreer." Lady... if you wanted to advance your career, you shouldn't have begged me to stay home! I worked for 25 years to keep us fed… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/23 07:19 PM |
| 2 | Need help! Divorce without lawyer?Unfortunately, high-conflict personalities tend to lead to high-conflict (expensive) divorces. My divorce should've been simple: we both earned similar incomes, so I figured there would be no alimony and we'd split everything 50/50 and share custody. Easy, right? Her lawyer convinced her she wouldn't have to pay for the divorce as a judge would likely take my recent inheritance into consideration, so she tried every legal tactic she could to get more money and make my life miserable. She made to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/23 05:36 PM |
| 3 | Tell me the good things about getting divorcedWell... I got to keep the house, so I suddenly found myself with TONS of closet space and I had the garage all to myself (which was awesome!). I also had total control over the finances and many of the household bills decreased (turns out wives are expensive). The house became very peaceful after she was gone (no more mindless bickering), and the time I spent with the kids was much more meaningful and one-on-one. There was a lot more "me" time to play games, work on hobbies, work out, watch the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/23 04:35 PM |
| 29 | It’s doneI'm about the same age and we were together for about 30 years. It's a weird feeling, having spent the majority of your life with someone who is now your ex. My ex was pretty cruel towards the end, so I suppose that made it easier to part ways. She'd fallen out of love and it was obvious. I met someone else soon afterwards and have been with them ever since. In many ways, she is a much better fit for me. While I respect your willingness to honor your commitments, it's no fun being stuck in a rel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/09/23 05:47 PM |
| 1 | How to deal with the fact that my stbxw is going to be sleeping with other peopleI know it doesn't feel like it, but those feelings will pass. And he's right, the more you're with someone else, the less you will care about your ex. I'm sure there's some deeply-buried evolutionary force that drives men to feel jealous whenever "their" woman sleeps with another man (possibly because she's now more likely to pass along his genes). Maybe this is felt even stronger with she's a "perfect candidate" for reproduction. (If she was ugly, would you care?) Focusing your energy on someon… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/23 11:02 PM |
| 3 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?Amen, brother. :) I'm committed to my new GF and I don't think marraige would change that. I think two people who are good for each other will stay together regardless of marraige (and conversely, two people who are wrong for each other will break up regardless). But I don't feel like I'm punishing my GF by not getting married. To the contrary, I tell her I want her to be happy and to live her best life, and if she ever feels like she can find greater happiness somewhere else, then I want her to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 07:32 PM |
| 9 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?Problem is, even though the data confirms that feelings change and people remarry, it ALSO confirms that 60% of those people will go on to feel differently and get divorced again. As much as I love my GF, we've chosen just to live together (non-common-law state). We're both realists and realize that feelings can change. I still get all my needs met, just like when I was married, but there's no hassle if/when things don't work out. No divorce, no lawyers, no discovery process, AND I get to keep 1… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 05:57 PM |
| 0 | Wife is divorcing me, what now?1) Just keep shopping until you find one you like. It helps if they have good reviews. 2) Cost is difficult to estimate; Google says $14K-21K (if kids are involved). Mine was pretty straightforward, but my ex was being completely unreasonable and so it ended up costing me around $35K. The more you fight, the more it costs. 3) The one nice thing about having a lawyer is they (usually) tell you everything you need to do. You'll probably be asked to provide tons of financial information, then you m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/23 05:55 PM |
| 2 | Going through itSo many people getting divorced right now have a mortgage in BOTH names. They're being forced to refi in order to get their spouse's name off the mortgage (like I did). So as bad as your situation is, in that respect, you're quite fortunate. You may be able to get away with a second mortgage for just what you owe her and keep your lower interest rate. Do you have something you can offer her in exchange? Such as retirement funds? (In cases of divorce, she can cash out retirement funds without the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/23 10:05 PM |
| 9 | I feel like my life is ruined forever and I just want to stop living.I think a lot of us have been there; I know I was. I thought my life was over at the end of my 25 year marraige. Turns out, my ex was a pretty shitty person and I'm much happier now. Maybe try journaling about it; get it all out. In a few years, you'll look back and think, "Man, I can't believe I was that depressed!" You're just at an emotional rock-bottom right now, it will take time to move on, but you're growing and learning. Don't let a woman ruin your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/23 07:17 PM |
| 1 | Don't bury your head in the sandI'd need more information, as common law marriages ended over 100 years ago in CA. (I researched the issue before moving in with my GF.) That said, if your date was common-law married in another state before moving to CA, she might be entitled to some assets (as CA does recognize common law marraiges that occur in other states). Or if they purchased those assets together. Otherwise, CA should never consider you married, no matter how long you live together. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/23 04:35 PM |
| 3 | Don't bury your head in the sandTrue, everyone should check their state laws. In CA, the only (rare) exceptions I could find were if one person made promises of financial support or if a partner was somehow led to believe you were legally married. But no Common Law here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/23 12:23 AM |
| 2 | While separated, did anyone shifted their paycheck to their own separate account and just sent portions to the joint account through the month?We did that while we still lived together. We both had separate accounts, but kept our joint account for paying community bills. Since her pay varried, we each paid a percentage based on our individual earnings. This worked, until she stopped paying her share. Since her share was based on her income, she should've been able to afford it, but she chose to prioritize paying her lawyer over the house payment. After that, things got messy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 09:21 PM |
| 9 | Don't bury your head in the sandThis is why I now prefer to live together but not be married. I just assume that, at some point, she will get bored or quit. If not, great! But if/when she wants out, she doesn't have to hide her feelings and there's no nasty divorce. She's free to move on and so am I. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 08:48 PM |
| 3 | If you need to get your ex name off the mortgage but refi is unaffordable, look into an assumption.Congrats, you got lucky! The majority of mortgages don't allow for assumptions. I asked my own mortgage lender and they also refused (maybe I should've asked for the assumption department). | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 06:45 PM |
| 4 | Woman I met said we have to be exclusive to have sexI don't think it's manipulation; personally, I'm not interested if it's not going somewhere. The fact that she wants to be exclusive just means she's into you. She's also agreeing to not be with anyone else, so it's mutually beneficial; you can both get tested and then go to town without having to worry about either of you picking up something from someone else. But if you're not ready to settle down again with one person, then it's your right to not go exclusive (at the risk of her moving on to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/23 06:11 PM |
| 1 | Keeping the houseUnfortunately, current rates just hit a 21-year high today. I see a lot of divorced folks going through this same situation: being forced to refi at crazy-high rates just to get a name off a loan. But that 4% rate increase between 2020 and 2023 makes a HUGE difference. For example, a $350K loan goes from $1500 a month to about $2300; over a 50% increase! That's why many people aren't moving right now, and a lot of divorced folks are trying to figure out a way around having to refi. You could off… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/23 04:55 PM |
| 1 | Keeping the houseYes, a judge can order the house to be sold, but probably won't bother unless your ex files a complaint. If she's already been paid, she probably won't care unless she's trying to buy another home or you're making late payments and ruining her credit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/23 03:58 PM |
| 18 | How to have less divorcesThis is the way. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/23 11:56 PM |
| 1 | Let's Talk Personal Finances, PleaseYep. I searched on Bankrate and got a pretty good deal. Good luck! | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/23 03:20 AM |
| 1 | Let's Talk Personal Finances, PleaseUnfortunately, it's a common problem with divorce in this market -- lots of people are realizing they will have to give up their 2.5% loan for a 7% loan just to get their ex off the mortgage. Unless the loan is assumable (most are not), you will have to refi. The lender doesn't care if you're married or divorced, friends or lovers, gay or straight -- you're just both signers and they don't want to take one person off (because it increases the risk of default). Plus, banks are now losing money on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/23 10:43 PM |
| 4 | Making rational decision about dating after divorce is fucked upHm. That is a tough one. The high earner would provide better financial security, but only if you were married. But it's also true that women who are higher earners and college educated are more likely to walk away if they're ever unhappy. Beauty is nice, but fades. But I gotta say, my current GF is much better looking than my ex, out of my league, and I never tire of looking at her. But she's also my age and earns more than me, so it's a double win. :) Ethically speaking, I think the younger wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/23 02:49 AM |
| 6 | Second marriage ending after only 2.5 years.3rd marriage the odds of divorce go waaaay up, so just enjoy living with the next one. Sooo much easier when/if things don't work out. I love it compared to being married: I get to keep all my money, I don't care what she does with hers, and I think we both try harder (knowing it would be easy for the other to walk away). | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/23 12:33 AM |
| 3 | Q for divorced men who kept the house: can you get past sentimentality with time?Unfortunately, it's a common problem with divorce in this market; lots of people realizing they have to give up their 2.5% loan for a 6.5% loan. (I went through the same thing.) But unless the loan is assumable (most are not) you typically have to refi to get a spouse off a loan. The lender doesn't really care if your married or divorced, you are both signers and they don't want to take one person off (because it increases the risk of default). Plus, banks are now losing money on those 2.5% loan… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 05:00 AM |
| 3 | Q for divorced men who kept the house: can you get past sentimentality with time?I bought out my ex about 1 year ago. Currently sitting on my sofa reading your post to my new girlfriend who just moved in. So... ya, I got over it pretty quickly. The new girlfriend loves and appreciates me and the home way more than the ex did. Making new memories here. BTW, interest rates will be higher if you have to refi (you most likely will, if both names are on the mortgage), but what you have going for you is the high rates probably kept the overall value down (and you can always refi l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/23 03:38 AM |
| 2 | Need advice on what my options are dividing the marital home.It'll take some time to get it all sorted out. Roommate is a great idea, until the dust settles. Or Airbnb a spare room. Personally, I ended up meeting someone else and she just moved in, so who knows what the future holds. If you have a Roth IRA, you can withdraw money without a penalty after 5 years. A regular IRA will have a 10% penalty on top of taxes, so you end up with roughly .75 on the dollar. If you borrow against it and pay it back, you don't have to pay the penalty and the rate may be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 05:05 PM |
| 2 | Need advice on what my options are dividing the marital home.A lot of people would kill to be the only person on the mortgage because refinancing is such an expensive proposition right now. I had to refi at a much higher rate just to get my ex's name off the loan. So the good news is, you might be able to keep a better rate. The bad news is, you'll have to figure out how to buy out her share of the equity. You could do that by taking out a 2nd mortgage, offering her a greater share of retirement funds or other assets, or develop some other form of creativ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 04:12 PM |
| 2 | Genuinely worried my ex will try and have me murdered after trial.Statistically speaking, there's roughly an 82% chance you'll kill her vs. an 18% chance she'll kill you. And women are twice as likely to kill their partners while they're still partners. (So if she wanted to kill you, she probably would've done it already, when there was a financial benefit). If she kills you, she runs the risk of going to jail. She may hate you, but does she hate you enough to ruin her own life? If she has a partner kill you, he has to ask himself, "Is this women worth spendin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 07:45 PM |
| 2 | Am I screwed financially?Alimony and child support are entirely separate items. Once the kids are 18, you won't have to worry about child support, but you may still be on the hook for alimony. But by waiting, you'll avoid all the nasty accusations and mud-slinging that goes on with custody battles (along with the related expense, trials, lawyers, expert witnesses, asking the kids who they want to live with, etc.). There's no point in putting yourselves and your kids through that mess for what amounts to 1 year of custod… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/23 07:30 PM |
| 4 | Anyone’s STBX filed for disability amid divorce?Mine did. She tried working a "real job" during our divorce, quit after 3 days, and claimed she had too much anxiety and fibromyalgia to work (both can be difficult to prove). She got a doctor's note, applied for short-term disability, and was rejected. She then applied for long-term disability (thinking her odds would be better). My lawyer wanted to wait until the results came in, but by this time the divorce had dragged on for over 2 years (while we lived together) and I wanted out. I insisted… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/23 06:56 PM |
| 5 | Am I screwed financially?Do you think you could hold out until the kids are both 18? It might save you a lot of hassle. We spent a lot of time and money arguing over custody for what amounted to less than a year by the time we were done with the divorce. If your wife has zero skills but is able to work, the court will likely impute a minimum-wage salary for her and use that to calculate alimony, but a lot will depend on your state. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/23 05:47 PM |
| 11 | What the fear of abuse that does not exist called?OMG, same thing happened to me! I never laid a hand on my ex in 30 years and I always thought I was a A-/B+ husband (until she became unhappy). But during the divorce, we were stuck living together and I was stunned to overhear her calling a battered women's shelter! Like, WTF?! The conversation went something like this: "Has he hit you?" "No. He's not physicaly abusive. Just emotionally abusive." "Ok. Like what kinds of names has he called you?" "Well, he's never actually called me any names, e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/23 08:27 PM |
| 4 | Divorce papers came in todayThe Universe seems to have a dark sense of humor. Anyway, the end of one chapter but not the end of the book. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/23 04:35 AM |
| 14 | Happy story from the other sideLove hearing these success stories. Divorce isn't the end and you write your own story. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/23 07:09 PM |
| 2 | Divorce decree delayed...disability?I'm no lawyer, but I'd assume that if you've already both signed the settlement, then you have an agreement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/23 07:18 PM |
| 42 | Divorcing Wife VocabularyAll in fun... "He's gaslighting me!" He's using logic and reason to explain something I disagree with! "He's a narcissist!" Sometimes he thinks about his own needs! "He's financially abusive!" He doesn't allow me to spend money however I want! "He's emotionally abusive!" He's never laid a hand on me physically, but I still want to claim he's abusive! "He had an emotional affair!" Sometimes he converses with other women. "He had an affair!" I haven't touched his penis in 17 years and I'll be damn… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 10:04 PM |
| 1 | Did you ever get tempted to remarryThanks for the tip, looking into it. We're not in a common-law state, but we are working on a cohabitation agreement to avoid any possible future issues. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 05:03 PM |
| 10 | Great support groupSame. Nearly 30 years together. Suddenly she's unhappy. I thought we could remain civil and go to a mediator to settle the divorce. Fast forward 2 years later, we're "lawyered up" and she's trying to have me evicted for being an "emotionally abusive narcissist" (which is code for "He didn't really do anything wrong, I'm just unhappy with life and need smart-sounding words to convince people I was right to leave"). But fast forward 2 more years and she's now sick, unemployed, alone, and hemorrhag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/23 04:17 PM |
| 3 | Did you ever get tempted to remarryI wasn't single for long. We just moved in together. I have no intention of getting married and she's fine with it, but we'd still like to live out the rest of our lives together (if all goes well). Inviting the government into your relationship creates too many legal hassles should things not work out. Breaking up is hard enough, without all the lawyers and legal expenses. And these days, no one thinks twice about unmarried couples living together. But I LOVE it this way. There's not all the dr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/23 10:22 PM |
| 2 | Ex-Wife stole $3K…what recourse do I have?I was in a similar situation. I had a state stimulus check made out to both of us that I couldn't deposit without her signature, but my ex was now in another state. I was told to contact the state and ask them to reissue checks in both of our names. (Could you have asked for separate checks from your loan servicer?) After many months of waiting, I finally got another check... made out to both of us. Again. Ugh. Frustrated, I went to my bank and explained the situation. My ex and I happened to bo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/23 09:57 PM |
| 1 | Need some lawyer advice.In theory, you should be able to file and handle everything yourself; the system just makes it overly complicated. I'm not rich, but my divorce was incredibly expensive (and it wasn't all that complicated). My ex just kept fighting me at every turn and being unreasonable, so I had to pay to keep fighting her. In the end, we spent around $85,000 and it didn't even go to trial! It's almost like getting a divorce is now a luxury that not everyone can afford. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/23 06:02 PM |
| 1 | Those in community property state, how was the outcome of your divorce?I wonder what happens when a home goes down in value during the marriage? Would she owe him for the lost in value? (Seems like a great way to hedge in a down market!) Anyway, I second this. It's the increase in value during the marriage that should be split. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/23 05:39 PM |
| 2 | Need urgent adviceIt sucks, but probably better to find out now than 10 years from now, or after you have kids. Hang in there. We're here for you if you need support during the process. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/23 03:29 AM |
| 14 | Not a cry for attention but serious question. What is the point of living?What sucks about life is no one ever asks us if we want to be born, and some of us are thrown into some pretty shitty situations. I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much and that it's made you lose hope. I know I was never been more suicidal than at the end of my own marriage. I wished I'd never been born. I guess I just figured none of us are here for very long, so I might as well just stick around and enjoy whatever there is to enjoy while it lasts. It's an exceptionally rare opportunity to exi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/23 12:19 AM |
| 2 | Ex is ordering an appraisal on my home but won't give me access to the appraiser. It will probably not happen before court. What will happen?I'm not sure why they don't normally include the sale price; possibly because -- if you stay there for life -- there is no sale. If you bought the house together and own equal shares, it sounds like it would sell at a loss (meaning you'd split the debt if forced to sell). You could offer her the options of: Sell at a loss and split the debt. You buy her out at a set price. She buys you out at the same set price. When you're willing to buy or sell at the same price, it show's you're likely making… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 10:54 PM |
| 4 | Ex is ordering an appraisal on my home but won't give me access to the appraiser. It will probably not happen before court. What will happen?It may depend on your state. I'm in CA; here's what happened in my case (where I wanted to buy out my ex). My ex got an appraisal soon before our court date as well. Her lawyer was required to notify my lawyer that she would be using the appraiser as an expert witness. Because she failed to do this in time, my lawyer refused to allow him to appear and we questioned his appraisal in court. My lawyer gave MY estimation of what the home was worth (based on current listings, as the market was changi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 06:41 PM |
| 5 | Question for menOf course she doesn't want to sign a prenup! You're the high earner and she'll get paid whether it works out or not. If you spend all the money while married and simply assume you'll divorce one day, then you won't be able to save for retirement. Also, she could still receive alimony based on your earnings, so that's not really a solution. If she won't sign the prenup, but still insists she loves you, just cohabitate long term. If she truly loves you and it works out, you'll stay together! If sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/23 10:28 PM |
| 7 | Florida got rid of permanent alimony!Nice win! I fought my ex for 2.5 years over the issue of alimony. First, it was because I allowed her to stay at home with the kids (which prevented her from advancing a non-existent career). Next, I "owed her alimony" because I earned twice as much at my full-time job than she did working the equivalent of a part-time job. When that failed, she suddenly became "disabled" due to "anxiety and fibromyalgia." Both were difficult to disprove but could've entitled her to lifetime support. She eventua… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/23 06:15 PM |
| 8 | Florida got rid of permanent alimony!Frankly, I don't even think temporary alimony should exist! Once divorced, all marital obligations should end, including any further financial support (with the possible exception of care for children). | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/23 05:11 PM |
| 6 | CancerI was thinking the same. Maybe one for when they turn 18, one for when they get married, etc. It's something you can still do from a hospital bed. If the kids have email addresses, there are also services that will delay sending an email until a set date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/23 09:34 PM |
| 3 | I cannot believe this is my reality.I think you know you shouldn't miss someone who was unfaithful (you deserve better). You need to look deeper and figure out why you still care so much about someone who mistreated you. (Maybe rejection or abandonment issues with your parents?) There are 4 billion other women on the planet, forget about the crappy ones and find a better one. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/23 06:16 PM |
| 2 | ex wife compiled a 10 page list of everything remotely close to bad i've done since 2020.My ex wrote HUNDREDS of pages, recording my every move: when I left and came home, when I took a shower, what I had for dinner, when I spent time with the kids, etc. I never did anything wrong, but she was hoping her attorney could make something of it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/23 04:10 PM |
| 4 | Divorce adviceIf it's amicable, see about hiring a mediator to help you file and develop a settlement agreement. (You can still have a lawyer advise you during your mediation or have one look over the final settlement.) If it not amicable, make an appointment to visit a divorce lawyer. They will help you get started and walk you through the entire process. This will likely be far more costly than mediation. If you're broke, some courts will assist you with filing the paperwork, but it can get pretty complicat… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/23 07:47 AM |
| 3 | Spousal Support in older ageSign on her behalf, So... forgery? Reminds me of the case where a wife won the lottery, didn't tell her husband, and tried to divorce him. In response, the judge awarded her husband 100% of the winnings. I imagine this will end badly too. Eventually, the ex will find out you forged her name and will likely sue (if the forgery itself doesn't totally negate the filing, entitling her to half of everything you earned beyond that date). I imagine the judge wouldn't look too kindly on you in this case… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 04:14 PM |
| 18 | Kevin Costner's STBXW says $248,000 in monthly child support isn't enough. Men, here's yet another shipwreck on the rocks whose only purpose now is to warn others.Imagine if Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and so many others never got married; they would still have ALL their wealth and I bet their exes would've probably stuck around (because if they left, they'd lose everything). | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 12:23 AM |
| 1 | Looking for wisdom/encouragementI was with the same person for almost 30 years, we drifted apart, went through an (unnecessarily) ugly divorce, and 1 year later, my life is much better. The divorce was one of the most grueling things I've ever had to endure. It can be especially difficult for men, who often don't have the social support structures that women do. It's frustrating, lonely, and difficult, but it's also a good learning experience. In my case, it really didn't take long to meet someone else, and she actually wants … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 11:49 PM |
| 6 | Tiny Success StorySounds like you're on the right track. They say "like attracts like," so you have to work on becoming the type of person you want to attract. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 06:41 PM |
| 4 | OLDThat's been my experience. I used to wonder how difficult it would be to find someone new, being a 50+ year-old guy. I'm not hot, not tall, not very social, but still ended up in two long-term relationships before my divorce was final (still in the second relationship @ 1.5 years). And I never even had to go online! It seemed like once word got around, there were plenty of lonely, single 40-50 year-olds looking to snatch up any new guys before they "hit the market." OLD is REALLY tough for older… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/23 05:22 PM |
| 1 | Is my house a premarital asset?Well, he's not wrong, I believe it's technically both a premarital and a community asset. It's a premarital asset in that you are entitled to: 1) all the equity growth during those first 4 years and 2) to keep the home as your own after the divorce. But it's also a community asset in that it increased in value during the 12 years you were married. It would be the same as if you started a business before you were married. The business would belong to you after the divorce, but any growth, pay or … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 10:15 PM |
| 5 | Buy out/sale of marital homeTL;DR: Yes, and depending on where you live, the judge could order the sale of the house if you two don't agree. I was in a similar situation. Both of us wanted the house. My ex argued she needed it for her business (child care) and I argued she couldn't afford it and it was my family home (and came with my father's old property tax rate). It got pretty nasty (and we both refused to move for over 2 years while we duked it out). I basically had to offer her the opportunity to buy the home so she … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 11:31 PM |
| 0 | What you wish you knewIf the settlement includes you paying spousal support (alimony), see about having it terminated upon cohabitation with a significant other (and not just upon remarriage). | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 09:33 PM |
| 2 | For those that are divorcedI bought her out of the marital home (3/2). We fought over who would get the house, but she ultimately couldn't afford it. I have to admit, the day she packed up all her shit and left was pretty glorious. Things are pretty tight, but I've managed to stay living within my means without a roommate. My new GF will be moving in soon, so that should make things easier. At least this time, if things don't work out, there won't be any argument over who gets the house. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 07:37 PM |
| 2 | Haven't seen my ex in over a year. I just saw her Facebook photo."Age shame"? My current girlfriend is even older than my ex. I don't care about age, I do care about a woman's willingness to take care of herself. My ex neglected her health and I feel I dodged a bullet in that I'm not stuck caring for her as she pays the consequences. I now get to be with someone who actually cares about how she looks and wants to eat right and exercise with me. While things did not end the way I would've preferred, it wasn't the life-ending event that I thought it would be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/23 10:16 PM |
| 2 | I'm losing the only family I have. I can't afford therapy and don't have anyone, while she has a great family to support her. Honestly, thinking of ending it.So many men (and sometimes women) feel this way while going through a divorce. I remember Googling "suicide methods" myself at one point. It was definitely the darkest time of my life, but now that I've gone through it, my life is so much better. I'm now with someone who actually wants to be with me, my kids enjoy spending time at my house (as much as mom tried to make me out to be the bad guy), and I learned a lot from the experience. Divorce tests the limits of who you are and I believe that, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/05/23 03:47 PM |
| 2 | In a weird spot regarding relationships, does anyone relate?The best solution (if you want to date) is simply not to marry. You can't stop a woman from changing, but you can prepare for it and make it easier on yourself if/when it happens. Just enjoy each relationship for however long it lasts. If that's forever, great! If not, great! | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 10:36 PM |
| 2 | Alimony + Child Support HelpIf she can't afford the house payment between her job and child support, it might be too much house for her. Also, bear in mind she will need to refinance in order to have your name removed from the loan (which can suck with the current interest rates). | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 10:11 PM |
| 3 | Alimony + Child Support HelpI wish I were your wife! $90,000 a year for sitting on my ass? That's more than most people make with a full-time job. Alimony is such a scam. Anyway, make sure there is an end date with that offer. And that alimony also ends if she chooses to go cohabitate. Or you could possibly offer her the house and the equity in exchange for no alimony. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 05:32 PM |
| 6 | Does anyone else think alimony is BS?It's just welfare that former spouses are forced to pay. The government should just treat everyone like individuals. Marriage and divorce should be as easy as updating your Facebook status on some government page. If you want any other legal rights or privileges beyond that, draw up a contract. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 11:48 PM |
| 9 | The NET costs of DivorceThe plan is to survive one day at a time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 11:36 PM |
| 21 | The NET costs of DivorceTry 50! Bye, bye retirement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 10:50 PM |
| 3 | Brothers, I need feedback. I'm 90% there, but I'm scared.I was with the same woman for nearly 30 years before things fell apart. Not knowing what life was going to be like after divorce was the scariest part. How lonely would I be? What if I lost my job? Every situation is different, but I (50M) ended up dating a couple of different people before the divorce was even final! I'm still with the second one and (other than losing half my net worth) life is much better now. I read Too Good To Leave To Bad To Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum when I was on the fence… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/05/23 11:15 PM |
| 5 | Divorce is coming. Question...I hate to say it, but if you have to put the retainer on a credit card... you're going to need more credit cards. Shit gets expensive quickly and is never as straightforward as you might think. My lawyer told me my case was fairly simple, but because my ex couldn't be reasonable, we ran up a total bill of over $80,000 (and didn't even go to trial!) The divorce took 2.5 years, which really only amounts to about 15 days of work on each side. If you can manage with a mediator, I'd recommend it. Bes… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/05/23 10:11 PM |
| 4 | Kevin Costner’s wife files for divorce after 18 yrs of marriage.The trick is to be more like Will Smith and give your wife everything she asks for, then she'll be happy and you can stay married! /s I'm sure he'll be much happier as a single man. Instead of always trying to please an unhappy wife, he'll have hordes of women trying to please him. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/05/23 04:04 PM |
| 9 | You guys are the fucking problemOnce people found out I was getting divorced, it seemed like a lot of friends, family, and co-workers suddenly all had "this single friend." One of those referrals was a blind date. I thought she was waaaay out of my league, but she was into me for some reason and still counts herself lucky. Apparently, guys fresh out of long-term relationships (especially those with kids), have value. I think wives get too complacent, not realizing there are 1000s of lonely, aging, financially insecure women wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/23 12:47 AM |
| 5 | You guys are the fucking problemTwo. One went off to college and the other decided to live with mom (was almost 18). I was worried about how lonely I'd be, but that didn't last long. Between the new GF staying 5-6 days a week and my kids regularly visiting, I rarely have time to myself. So not as bad as I'd feared. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/23 11:38 PM |
| 35 | You guys are the fucking problemMen have an easier time remarrying, and often to younger, more beautiful, and more successful women, even when they are in their 50s. That's been my experience. My ex and I were in our early 50s when we got divorced. I seriously upgraded after the divorce while my ex can't even find a date. While my ex couldn't seem to appreciate me or our relationship, the new girlfriend knows how difficult dating is (especially after 50) and is constantly showing appreciation. I don't plan to remarry. There ar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/23 05:40 PM |
| 17 | Looking for adviceThe best thing you can do is to be okay with it. Don't cry, don't beg, don't get angry; just show her that you know you have value and that you'll be okay if she chooses to bail. Why? Because only low-value males resort to crying, begging, and chasing (which is the complete opposite of sexy). Being willing to walk away says that you have value and self-worth. I'd say, "I love you, but I really don't care to be with someone who isn't able to appreciate what I have to offer or meet my needs. So if… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/04/23 09:01 PM |
| 4 | I owe taxes this year. Ex technically owes half. Any advice?It depends on your state. I can't speak to other states, but if you're in a community property state (like California) you are both equally on the hook, even if you file separately. If that's the case, when your ex files, she will need to report 50% of your income (and you hers), and you each will have to pay half of the taxes on any income. In your case, this would be a good deal for you, as she would be on the hook for half of that "large sum" that you earned while still married. This happened… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/23 10:43 PM |
| 4 | Am i just being emotional?Ohhh, well then screw her! Cancel it and make her stay in the house with you. I lived with my ex for 2.5 years while we worked through our divorce. She hated it and tried to have me evicted at every turn, but was never successful. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/23 06:25 PM |
| 8 | Am i just being emotional?It hurts, but giving her the benefit of the doubt for a minute, she didn't exactly throw it in your face, you happened upon evidence in the trash. You're not funding her sexcapades, you're paying for the Airbnb so you don't have to live with her. This benefits you as much as it does her. So honestly, it hurts, but it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. She's not yours anymore and she's free to do whatever she wants. But so are you! So maybe leave some lube or panties somewhere next time.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/23 11:31 PM |
| 16 | How do you guys deal with the fact your ex-wives could pick anyone up in a week, but it might take you YEARS (or never)?tl;dr dating gets easier for men as they age (and harder for women). I was 50 when I was divorced and had the opposite experience. I was worried I wouldn't meet anyone, especially not being very social, but word got around I was getting divorced and I had two long-term relationships (still in the second one) before the divorce decree was even signed! I never even had to go on the apps. I ended up dating someone I still consider to be out of my league. She's much better looking than my ex, thinne… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/23 04:26 PM |
| 3 | She wants the house!I got to keep my home. My crazy ex couldn't afford it, but insisted she wanted to buy it during the divorce. I couldn't reason with her, so I let her go through the process of applying for a loan and making me an offer. That helped her realize the numbers didn't add up. If your STBXW wants the house, she will likely need to repay the $40K down payment in addition to buying out your half of the equity. She'll also need to qualify for a new loan on her own. If she can't afford that house payment, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/04/23 04:24 PM |
| 1 | Big expenses during divorce processWill an HSA even cover purely cosmetic stuff? If not, just tell her it's not covered. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/03/23 11:35 PM |
| 3 | After divorce what awaits:Yep. My life is 1000% improved. Even my kids say I seem much happier now. I love having my own place, doing whatever I want with it, tooling around in my own garage, and being able to spend (or save, or invest) my money however I like. The new GF is half the weight, twice the sexy, and earns 2-3 times what the ex did. While I traded up, the ex has traded down. The only guys showing interest are 10+ years older or bottom-feeders with their own issues. She's living beyond her means and it won't be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/23 10:33 PM |
| 7 | The BEST parts about being divorcedFool me once... | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/23 07:47 PM |
| 31 | The BEST parts about being divorced1-year post-divorce. Nothing I did was ever good enough. She was quick to criticize and slow to show appreciation (if ever). I MUCH prefer the dating relationship I have now. The GF is happy to have me and constantly shows love and appreciation. And she remains on her best behavior because she knows if she doesn't, I can easily walk away. (Not being sexist, the reverse is also true.) I think wives just get complacent and bored. The familiarity breeds contempt. It seems to me that some women need… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/23 05:42 PM |
| 4 | can my ex take half my inheritance?I had the same thing happen (my father passed during the divorce) and my ex tried everything to get her hands on half (here in CA). She tried asking for 50% in her initial filing (hoping I wouldn't notice?), tried to claim I comingled property (not true), tried to claim we made plans for the inheritance while married (to pay off our house) which meant I had some kind of oral obligation -- all sorts of crazy shit. She was livid that she wasn't entitled to any of it. Luckily, my father's will name… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/03/23 05:50 PM |
| 6 | GaslightingGaslighting was the word of the year%20%E2%80%94%20%E2%80%9C,But%20something%20else%20happened) last year. Just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you're gaslighting them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/02/23 08:04 PM |
| 1 | Would this be deemed as community property/commingling in a divorce?USA, but laws vary from state to state. Here in California, you can ask for reimbursement even after being comingled. As an example, my GF had a case where her ex's parents provided them with a $30,000 gift as a down payment for their first home. During the divorce proceedings, there was some debate as to whether the gift was meant for him or for them. Because the check was written out to him alone, he successfully argued that the money was intended as a gift solely to him and the judge ordered … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/02/23 05:46 PM |
| 5 | If you think your spouse is cheating, and she already insisted on a divorce, should you give a crap?She could be happy. Could be all those love hormones from the "honeymoon phase" of a new relationship (but she'll probably tire of him too, eventually). If she's not seeing anyone, it could just be the "relief phase" that comes after you end it with someone. Either way, it doesn't really matter. What matters is what you do now. When things got tough, I used to tell myself, "This is a test of my character." It was difficult, but things are much better now, and they'll get better for you too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/23 09:33 PM |
| 2 | If you think your spouse is cheating, and she already insisted on a divorce, should you give a crap?As difficult as it might be, I wouldn't give a crap. You're getting divorced, so you need to detach. As much as possible, focus on your future and building a better life for yourself (mentally, physically, whatever). Think about where you want to go and what you want to do. Looking for confirmation of another partner is just looking backward and digging through old trash. You tried it with this person, it failed, take your licks and the lessons you've learned and move on with someone new. If she… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/23 08:50 PM |
| 3 | Home refinance questionIf you can assume the loan that's the way to go. You're not going to get that rate anywhere else. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/23 08:38 PM |
| 1 | Every "single mom" in OLDI've actually learned a lot from r/datingoverforty and r/datingoverfifty. Mostly, why I don't want to date, but it's good for gaining insights into what people that age are actually thinking. That said, there are often times when I'll read something and think, "Oh... that's why this person is single." | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/02/23 05:27 PM |
| 1 | Is this a bad idea? Using retirement to move out.It's awful that states require separation. People should have a right to divorce regardless of their living situation. Anyway, you're looking at a pretty big hit, so I'd take out as little as possible, or see if you can get a loan (or maybe sell something). You might be able to file for temporary spousal support, but your incomes are not all that far apart. Something else you can look into is renting a room until the divorce settles. Or look on Airbnb or Craigslist. Sometimes listers offer deals… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/23 07:06 PM |
| 1 | Is this a bad idea? Using retirement to move out.Is it a regular IRA or a Roth IRA? A Roth you can take out after 5 years without any penalty. If it's a regular IRA, you'll only be getting pennies on the dollar. My ex did this and after income taxes and early withdrawal penalties (both fed AND state), she was only getting about 75 cents on the dollar. You might be better off getting a personal loan of some sort, which is not taxed. I lived with my ex for 2 years during our divorce. I wanted to move out, but couldn't figure out a way to make it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/23 06:51 PM |
| 2 | Would this be deemed as community property/commingling in a divorce?Gifts and inheritance are considered separate property, and I don't see where you've comingled the money (everything appears to have remained in your name). Even in cases where you purchase something with that money (such as a car or a home) it's possible (even in a community property state) to request that share of funds be returned to you (as long as you can document where the money came from). In other words, you should be entitled to the entire amount. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/23 08:29 PM |
| 6 | I'm so scared of the unknown, what the other side looks like.Loneliness was my biggest fear in getting divorced. I'd been with my wife longer than not (about 30 years). I dreaded what life would be like without her and the kids in the house, how quiet and lonely it would be. But alas, we were no longer a good fit for each other. In the end, I bought her out of the the family home; one kid went off to college and the other moved to a new state with mom. And... things were quiet but peaceful. Eventually, I even came to like the peace and quiet. There are wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/23 06:18 PM |
| 8 | Happy Valentine’s Day BrothersYou too! Last night the GF got me some flowers, balloons, and showered me with love (and then some!). Life is better now. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/23 05:38 PM |
| 6 | How do you get started?I was married 25+ years in California. Also first marriage, also 2 kids about to become adults. We lived together for about 2 years during that time (arguing over who would get the house). It's difficult to uncouple everything after so many years together. We started with mediation, which I strongly recommend if you're both agreeable to it. But your wife sounds a lot like my ex, which is unfortunate. We had one session before she got angry and called a lawyer. From that point on, things moved st… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/23 10:34 PM |
| 1 | How much will she get?She'll probably get quite a bit for child support (depending on your custody arrangement), but she's still in for a MAJOR lifestyle change (you both are). The court can only demand so much from you, so after child support, there probably won't be anything left for spousal support. But with four kids, man, that's going to be a struggle for both of you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/23 05:58 PM |
| 2 | Help, I am lost and don’t know what to do.If this was a date, would you ask her out again? She's gotten too spoiled and comfortable. Familiarity breeds contempt and you've become far too familiar. I was in a similar situation. I was always the one reaching out to touch her and show affection; never the other way around. For whatever reason, she didn't want to be there and it was obvious. I finally made the call to get a divorce. I don't know why I waited so long. Maybe because we'd been married for over 20 years. It was a difficult deci… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/23 04:01 AM |
| 2 | My wife wants a divorceWomen (more so than men) make decisions based on emotions. Whatever the reason, be it an affair, hormones, mid-life crisis, etc., she feels trapped and is in emotional turmoil. She may not even know why. I suggest you take the deal before she comes to her senses. There are other, less crazy, women out there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/01/23 04:48 PM |
| 2 | Living alone for first time in 20 years.That was my biggest fear about getting divorced: being alone. I'd lived with a wife and then a wife and kids for some 30 years and I was afraid of what it would be like to be left alone. Eventually actually came to enjoy it, even prefer it at times. Only when you're alone can be the real you. If you're happy, you'll be happy. If you're miserable, you'll be miserable. But there's no one judging you; you don't have to worry about what someone else is needing or thinking. You just do you; whatever … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/23 07:09 PM |
| 8 | Anyone elses ex or stbxw really hot?5'7", dating someone who is 5'4. There's someone for everyone. :P | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/23 05:13 PM |
| 4 | Anyone elses ex or stbxw really hot?This is so true. I'm in my 50's, isolated, short, balding, middle-class... and I had 2 great relationships before my divorce was even final (still in the second relationship!). Not only that, I went from dating a 5 to a 9! Meanwhile, the ex can't even find a date! Not even using dating apps. Crazy thing is, both women actually pursued me. Such a reversal from when I was young. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/23 05:07 PM |
| 2 | Anyone elses ex or stbxw really hot?What's that saying? Something like, "Show me an attractive woman and I'll show you a man who is sick of her shit." | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/23 04:46 PM |
| 3 | How to move your money secretly?If you take out $100-$200 a week for misc expenses (nothing too unreasonable), you'd have over $10,000-$20,000 in cash by the end of year two. Just claim it was for coffee, drinks, work lunches, nights out, gambling, tips, gas, etc. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/23 05:01 PM |
| 1 | What can I do if Opposing lawyer continuously cancelling mediation appointments ?My ex's attorney also never showed and was slow to respond, so we threatened to ask for sanctions. Apparently, if a lawyer (or their client) tries to drag out the process, you can ask the court to impose a fee for wasting your time and money. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/23 06:16 PM |
| 3 | I need support and help please.Absolutely, bro! I had the worst time going through it, but now life is better than ever! Don't waste time with someone who doesn't want to be there. There are a lot of women who DO want to be there. (As my current GF says, my ex-wife's loss is her gain!) Just know that you're going to face a lot of challenges that will test your character, but things will eventually turn around. Like most here, my only regret was not doing it sooner! I love all the peace and quiet, the lack of drama, I love the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/23 05:59 PM |
| 3 | Pretty sure STBXW ran out of moneyWorst case, a judge orders you to pay for some or all of her attorney fees. Mine dragged on until my ex ran out of money, but that turned out to be a good thing, she became really motivated to settle. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/23 05:44 PM |
| 9 | Woke up in an empty house...First time in 25+ Years.Yep. Had to keep reminding myself that the silence is what peace and quiet sounds like. Now I love it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/23 07:15 PM |
| 1 | any of you men in here reading this forum just mulling over whether to divorce or not?Apparently so! Their laws make it so they don't have to disclose any information to other states about your trust holdings. Worth looking into. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/23 12:28 AM |
| 7 | The Luckiest man aliveThat's great that you got off easy, though I seriously question the wisdom in continuing to remain friends. You both shared something very special and then you were demoted -- against your will -- back into the friend-zone. You're better than that! I think the best move in this situation is to wish her success and happiness with her decision and then go no contact. Not only does it help YOU to move on, it also drives her nuts wondering why you were so cavalier with it and what you're up to. And … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/23 09:18 PM |
| 1 | any of you men in here reading this forum just mulling over whether to divorce or not?wake up alone in a hotel ...with an STD. One of the perks of being married is you (usually) don't have to worry about catching anything. Every woman is going to have issues; none will be perfect mates 100% of the time. But when she's cheating, or it's clear she no longer loves or appreciates you, or she creates more misery and drama than good times... then it's time to leave. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/23 05:51 PM |
| 2 | any of you men in here reading this forum just mulling over whether to divorce or not?If Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates are any indications, she'll probably leave you. You might want to take some cues from this billionaire and move your assets to a South Dakota trust where she can't touch them, even in divorce, apparently. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/23 05:35 PM |
| 2 | I want a long term relationship with a great girl some day, but I don’t want to be married.Ditto. I'm in a LTR at the moment, but we haven't moved in together. I've seen many warnings about cohabitation but few good explanations. There was a famous case in Canada where an unmarried man was made to pay support, but I haven't heard of too many cases in the US, other than those in common-law states (Colorado, DC, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas and Utah). There are also a few palimony-friendly states where cohabitating couples have seen awards (Califo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/23 05:17 PM |
| 53 | Female Nature: Never take responsibilitySame. I once asked my ex, "Do you believe you are responsible for any part of this marriage failing?" She answered, "The only thing I did wrong was not divorcing you 10 years ago!" So now she's out there making mistakes and paying for them and I'm having the time of my life. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 09:45 PM |
| 2 | HELP: Did You File Taxes Together or Separate? (Divorce Not Finalized Yet)Probably for the best. As long as your divorce is finalized before Dec 31, 2023, you can go solo next year. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 09:42 PM |
| 2 | HELP: Did You File Taxes Together or Separate? (Divorce Not Finalized Yet)IIRC, our tax issues may have been made more complicated by fact that we lived in a community property state (CA). It may be easier in other states. But in CA, even when you file separately, you still end up reporting on both your incomes and then splitting it, so there really is no benefit. (And this was for the Federal Return, not just the state.) I believe the only benefit is if you think your partner is doing something shady with their taxes and you don't want to get dragged down with them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 09:12 PM |
| 2 | HELP: Did You File Taxes Together or Separate? (Divorce Not Finalized Yet)I wanted so badly to file separately, but it was just easier to file jointly. Partly because my ex-wife had a business and neglected to pay her taxes all year. I didn't feel it was fair that I should have to pay them, but we were still legally married. Anyway, I would've needed to report on all of her earnings, anyway, in order to claim half that income (and she'd likewise need to do the same for mine). It would've been a bigger hassle and we both would've ended up paying more. In the end, we ju… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 06:47 PM |
| 2 | Temporarily Living With Your Ex-Wife or Soon-To-Be Your Ex-WfeCA has a 6 month waiting period but our divorce still took 2.5 years. We were arguing over who would get the house, so we ended up living together during that time. We kept it civil most of the time because of the kids, but there was a lot of tension. We both had separate rooms, like you. Our divorce wasn't amicable and there were definitely times I wanted to leave, but it can be done. I just treated it like a professional work relationship. I ended up buying her out and now live on my own... an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/23 06:06 PM |
| 5 | Men, Marriage and Michelle ObamaAmen, sister. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/22 03:34 AM |
| 1 | DivorceSorry, meant "sanction," not "stipend." I hear ya. My ex and her attorney tried tons of crazy stuff. She didn't believe she'd have to pay any legal costs so she threatened to (and did) run up a high bill, trying everything she could. She made crazy requests, asked for a ridiculous amount of paperwork, filed emergency orders to have me evicted (failed), tried to claim she was disabled and entitled to spousal support for life (failed), etc. Unfortunately, I had to fight it and it cost me a fortune… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/22 11:08 PM |
| 32 | Men, Marriage and Michelle ObamaWell said! My ex turned on me 25 years into the marriage. Just... fell out of love. Now that I'm divorced, I refuse to go down that road again. My new motto is, "If you're not happy, you're free to go!" I'm not holding anyone hostage. And things are sooo much better now. It's nice to know that if things aren't working, I can just walk away. In fact, I think both partners try harder when the other can easily walk away. Maybe that's why so many women change after marriage. They don't have to EARN … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/22 09:58 PM |
| 2 | DivorceWow, this sounds a lot like my case. It took 2.5 years here in CA (partly due to Covid, but mostly because my ex was unreasonable). I hated getting those huge legal bills every month, and I too had to continue paying for her insurance (which seems insane). As much as I begged my attorney, there's not much you can do to make the courts move faster (short of an emergency order). I even went so far as to ask if it was possible to sue the court system for delaying my trial! I was literally forced to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/22 07:50 PM |
| 1 | Temporary Orders Hearing (CO)To have someone evicted from their own home you generally need a serious threat of immediate harm. I wouldn't hurt a fly, but my ex didn't want me living with her and stretched the truth beyond all recognition. She stopped short of making any DV claims (I've never touched her or the kids) and made claims about extreme mental stress. The judge tossed it out. (I now own the home and very much appreciate her absence and the peace and quiet it brings.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/22 06:15 PM |
| 1 | Very nasty divorce. I’ll try to get to the point . My stbxw has exclusive use of my premarital home bs. I owned the home a full decade before the marriage. Married in 2018 . The appraisal they submitted to court . Seems to be fake. So many problems with it. The insurance they showed is fake .Fun fact, I was actually allowed to do my own appraisal in CA! My ex got an appraisal that was much higher than I felt the home was worth (I was trying to buy her out and the market was in a steep decline). In court, my lawyer argued that my ex was cozy with the appraiser and he raised the price at her request (we had both appraisals). I gave my own estimate without an appraiser (based on current listing prices). Her lawyer balked, "He can't provide his own appraisal!" My lawyer fired back, "Acc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/22 05:28 PM |
| 10 | STBXW claims I ruined her life, career and any chance of us being friendsHonestly, you should've just dumped her right after the affair, no one would've blamed you. Every couple is different, but in my book, when someone cheats, the trust is gone and can't be restored. You're better off starting over with someone else. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/22 05:51 PM |
| 4 | ConfusedAs others have said, this is very common. My ex did it too. It confused me, until I read a research article that said women tend to focus on all the negatives and rewrite history because -- theory goes -- it makes it easier for them to disconnect. Men, on the other hand, like to return to past mates for sex, so we tend to not focus on the negatives as much. But rest assured, you are not the caricature of a person she's making you out to be. She just wants to feel justified in leaving and have a … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/22 05:36 PM |
| 2 | How do I not be selfish during a divorce and not be emotional. My emotions are high and I can’t seem to think logically.What helped me a bit were meditation videos on YouTube. You can search for specific topics (like divorce) to help you to relax while getting a little reassurance. And understand that emotions are nature's shortcut to rational thought. Research indicates that emotions are predictions. They're a "call to action" to fix whatever your mind is predicting (which may or may not be obvious). If you experience a strong emotion, ask yourself, "What is my mind predicting?" Is it accurate? If not, try overr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/22 05:34 PM |
| 2 | I’m ready to do it. What’s going to happen to us?Agreed, if you can stomach it. We had two kids that were nearly 18. Divorce took 2.5 years and there was a lot of back-and-forth about custody and child support that could've been avoided had we just waited. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/22 04:49 PM |
| 21 | How many of you lovely lot have actually found a genuinely nice and kind woman who makes you happy ?I met someone about a year ago that I'm pretty happy with. It's hard not to make comparison's to the ex, but she's thinner, more attractive, more active, we see eye-to-eye on more issues, she earns twice what I do, our libidos seem to match, and she insists I'm the perfect man. Hard not to be happier with that. Still don't know if I'll ever get married. Giving up the ability to walk away seems to change the dynamic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/22 04:44 PM |
| 3 | It’s doneCongrats! I got to keep the house as well. She fought for alimony, lawyer's fees, the house, half of a recent inheritance, etc. Stood my ground and got just about everything I asked for. Life is much better now. At least for me. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/22 07:03 PM |
| 33 | She is struggling.After 25 years of providing for my ex, slaving away at the same job so we could afford a modest home, food, health insurance, and the occasional vacation, she says to me, "You should've quit your job and made more money elsewhere." No, "Thank you for all your years of hard work. For getting up every morning while I stayed home." Just... "You should've made more." At that point, I realized I was just a wallet. So to see her now, applying for disability, getting denied, driving for Uber, donating … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/22 05:23 PM |
| 1 | Need adviceThis behavior is not only disrespectful, she betrayed your trust. She knows it's wrong to be talking to another guy and having this external emotional affair. She might be begging now (because she fears the unknown and enjoys the security of marriage), but when she gets bored in a couple of years, what happens then? The leading indicator that a relationship will fail is the lack of trust, so this is a HUGE red flag. Once you realize you can't trust your wife, staying together is like building a … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/22 04:55 PM |
| 11 | do they ever change back?they know their options are drying up. Can confirm. I'm (51M) fairly socially isolated. I had no idea where I'd meet someone following my divorce, but I ended up having two long-term relationships before it was even finalized (still in the 2nd one)! Maybe I just got lucky, but man, I wasn't even trying. As women age, they start to worry about security, retirement, and dying alone. I've watched my sister and many other women go through it. All the good guys are taken, older men now want younger w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/22 06:04 PM |
| 3 | Too soon to start dating?I dated during my divorce (met someone at work). When it didn't work out, the breakup was harder on me than the end of my 26-year marriage (because now I was dealing with TWO rejections!). Also, I think dating made my divorce more difficult because it made the ex jealous and she was in a position to make my life miserable. Would I do it again? Hellz ya! Even though it didn't last, I had some amazing times and it was a great chapter in my life. I also learned a lot about myself and what I wanted … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/22 06:17 PM |
| 1 | fuck bitches get moneyThat's why I started dating someone without a uterus. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/22 04:58 PM |
| 18 | Georgia man accused of killing wife’s divorce lawyer and setting office on fireMy wife's lawyer was awful. She had this way about her that just got under your skin. She would make negative assumptions, be passive-aggressive, file pointless orders, never show up for court, miss deadlines, get upset about every little thing, and always had an excuse. She drove me and my lawyer crazy! While I would never wish this on anyone, after our divorce was final, she was beaten up by her (second) husband who broke two of her ribs. Knowing her, she probably threatened to rake him over t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/22 10:27 PM |
| 1 | Men who filed, what pushed you over the edge to finally do it?I just didn't feel loved. We'd changed so much over 25 years that we really didn't enjoy hanging around each other and had become more like roommates or coworkers. Having gone through it, I can say I now much prefer dating to marriage. I feel much more love and I don't have to worry about divorce, money, sex, or other marital issues. As it is now, she has to put forth an effort because there exists the possibility of me walking. And it's nice to know if there ever is an issue, I can walk, with z… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/22 08:07 PM |
| 5 | Peace after divorceDitto. Ex made my life hell towards the end, and I was stuck living with her for about 2.5 years during the divorce process (which was held up due to Covid). Met someone else about this time last year and it has been one of the best years of my life. But even if I hadn't met someone, I knew that even being alone would be better than being stuck with someone who didn't want me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/12/22 05:39 PM |
| 17 | Does she think you're a sucker?Unfortunately, the older you get, the more this becomes an issue. Women in their 30s are usually looking for someone to give them a child and a home. Women in their 50s are looking for someone with whom they can retire comfortably. That's not to say they don't also love you, it's just they probably wouldn't choose you if you were sick, disabled, and homeless. But to be fair... the opposite is probably also true. The only way to really be sure is to find someone who is about as financially secure… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/22 08:50 PM |
| 2 | My attorney wants to depose STBXWMy ex was depoed after she suddenly claimed to be disabled during our divorce (with the goal of retiring off disability and a lifetime of spousal support). I did suggest a few questions he might want to ask. Interestingly, her attorney then requested to depo me, but my attorney pointed out she'd missed the deadline and she was not able to. It was via Zoom, so I got to watch as my lawyer peppered her with questions. It was expensive, but I believe it made her rethink her odds of winning and she c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/22 07:22 PM |
| 1 | Do people still have long lasting happy marriageI've seen similar studies that suggest married men are happier and healthier, but this may have more to do with correlation than causation. Men who are healthy and happy to begin with are probably more likely to find partners than men who are sick and miserable. That's why I found this study more insightful, because it considers the same individual's level of happiness before and after marriage, rather than comparing a married man's happiness to a married women's, or a single men's. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/22 06:07 PM |
| 4 | Do people still have long lasting happy marriageFrom the studies I've seen, after a few years of marriage, most people rank their overall happiness at about the same or lower compared to when they were unmarried. So at best, you'll find an equal level of happiness. At worst, you'll regret your decision for a variety of possible reasons. But hope springs eternal. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 09:36 PM |
| 2 | Date of separation and financialsSex, for one, can sometimes be used to reset the separation date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 05:02 AM |
| 3 | Has anyone’s ‘bad conduct’ during a divorce resulted in having to pay opposing attorney fees?We threatened to ask for sanctions (I believe they call it). My wife and her attorney seemed to be intentionally dragging things out and driving up costs (missing court appearances, not responding to requests, filing bogus emergency requests, etc.). | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/22 03:21 AM |
| 2 | [US, IL - Living in house]Half the guys on here have gone through their wife's phone (women admit to doing it too). Peeking at it is nothing. Looking inside her purse is nothing. While she might be annoyed, it's not assault. Unless you've harmed her or threatened to, you're fine. Edit: My ex also said my being in the house was causing her mental anguish (and tried to say it was also causing the kids to stress). Judged didn't care. You're getting divorced, of course you're stressed by your ex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/22 02:32 AM |
| 0 | Today my wife finally admitted that she doesn’t want to work on the relationship anymore. Started planning a divorce. I’m heartbroken.I believe your thinking spot-on. You both deserve to be happy. If she's not happy with you, she needs to find someone else and let you do likewise. In fact, I now tell my GF, "My desire is for you to be happy, so if you think you'll be happier alone or with someone else, that's what you should do." I love this line, because it shows that 1) I care about her happiness (which I do), 2) I have self-confidence and self-worth (which women find attractive), 3) while she makes me happy, I'm not depende… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/22 06:51 PM |
| 4 | [US, IL - Living in house]I went through something very similar here in CA. My ex wanted me out while we debated who would get the house. I too thought things were amicable (we kept things respectful because of the kids) but after about a year, she tried to claim I was "toxic" and "abusive" and needed to be evicted "for the sake of the children." The idea of filing an emergency order was cooked up by her new attorney. It took them about 5 months to draft up this "emergency order" where she twisted all of my words and act… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/22 06:16 PM |
| 12 | Today my wife finally admitted that she doesn’t want to work on the relationship anymore. Started planning a divorce. I’m heartbroken.tl;dr It's going to feel like the end of the world, but it's probably just the beginning. My ex fell out of love with me after 25+ years; wouldn't touch me, didn't appreciate me, and never apologized (no matter how in-the-wrong she was). Still, I wanted to die when it was ending. We'd spent most of our lives together, we were almost debt free, and the future now looked bleak. As the divorce dragged out over 2.5 years, things only got worse. Then... it was over. I took some time to lick my wounds… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/22 05:26 PM |
| 15 | Why do Women give up on their marriage more than men do?On the same note, women are also more than twice as likely as men to use antidepressants. I think the cause of this dissatisfaction might be too multifaceted and difficult to pinpoint (could be nature or nurture, or some combination), but it's clear there is a trend. If it could be rooted out and changed, who knows, maybe women would be less likely to file. For now, I just assume it's part of their nature, just as men are more likely to be serial killers or sex offenders; it's just part of our n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/22 08:57 PM |
| 62 | Why do Women give up on their marriage more than men do?Usually, when women are asked this question, they blame men for making them ask for a divorce. What's interesting is when you look at the stats coming out of same-sex marriages. When men are taken out of the equation, divorce rates between two women are some of the highest. When women are taken out of the equation, men have some of the lowest rates of divorce. It's not that women are unhappy with men, it's that women are either less happy in general or, at least, less happy in marriage. When wom… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/22 08:16 PM |
| 1 | Do you regret your divorce?Ditto. I'm assuming these are from men who didn't want the divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 04:25 PM |
| 4 | Do you regret your divorce?While I regret that things didn't work out, I'd say my life is much better now. Life is too short to be stuck with someone who doesn't love you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/22 04:58 AM |
| 2 | Marriage DurationJeff Bezos used to be the richest man in the world. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/22 04:59 PM |
| 2 | Money during/after divorceI've heard about judges imposing stiff penalties on spouses hiding money (as in awarding 100% to the other spouse). That said, if you have A LOT of money you want to keep from a spouse, apparently South Dakota is the place to look. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/22 04:02 PM |
| 4 | anyone got experience winning a share of spouse's inherited propertyWent through something similar in CA. I received an inheritance just as we were headed into divorce. She asked for half but received nothing. In CA, inheritance is considered a separate asset unless you can prove some kind of comingling. My wife went crazy trying to prove some kind of comingling, but I was careful to keep it all separate. Because you maintained the land and assisted with the business, you may be entitled to something, but it's not likely to be 50%. It really just depends on your… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/22 10:36 PM |
| 1 | I am angry and brokenExactly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/22 02:59 PM |
| 1 | I am angry and brokenIt's like they say, men age like wine and women age like milk. It's just a matter of time before it catches up to her. I don't think my ex knew how good she had it; she just blamed me for all her problems. I worked for 25 years to provide her with a home, kids, food, a car, vacations, healthcare -- everything she needed. I even let her stay home and raise the kids for the first 10 years of their lives. In the end, instead of a "Thank you," all I got was, "You should've quit your job and made mor… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/22 09:12 PM |
| 6 | Just saw my ex's tiktoks... feeling down asf.It's all for show. You can't tell how miserable people are from their social media. But it doesn't matter, that's no longer your circus. You have to focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Your ex is trying to prove to herself and the world that her life is great, but you have no idea what's really going on. Women who get boob jobs are generally not happy with themselves. I'll take a happy, secure woman with small boobs over an insecure woman with fake ones any day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/22 04:04 PM |
| 9 | I am angry and brokenWould you rather be the cheater or the one who got cheated on? Yes, it sucks, but she will always be the cheater. She will always have to live with the fact that she was the one responsible for destroying what could've been a family and a life. And odds are, her boss will dump her as soon as she tells him she's divorced. The thrill was in winning her over, not spending the rest of his life raising some other dude's children. Nooo. He'll bail as soon as that shit gets real. And why would he want … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/22 04:47 PM |
| 2 | What are some green flags for picking a future wife?Ouch, that was hard to read, but glad you got out and you're happier now. I'm afraid to ever tie the not again just because I NEVER want to be stuck with a woman who doesn't want to be there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/22 06:04 PM |
| 4 | What are some green flags for picking a future wife?Ditto. There's a reason single people now outnumber married people in the US. There's a common saying in the manosphere, "She's not yours, she's yours for now." No matter what she says, she can always flip a switch and suddenly and without warning, she's done. So now, I just tell myself, "I'm going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts." I can't control other people, I just try to be a great boyfriend and not give her any reason to leave. If it never ends, great! If it does end, great! On to the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/22 05:56 PM |
| 1 | What are some green flags for picking a future wife?I believe divorce rates are highest among evangelicals, but give it a Google. I believe college grads were actually LESS likely to get divorced. My ex was a Christian but fell out of love with me. She was true to the Bible in that she refused to ask for a divorce. But the Bible also says if your husband asks for one, to grant him one. So her "loophole" was to be a miserable wife until I finally asked. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/22 04:44 PM |
| 11 | Why ?It's like they say, you don't really know a woman until you divorce her. After nearly 30 years together, my wife totally tried to make me out to be the bad guy. She tried to get me kicked out, tried to turn my kids against me; it was awful! It's crazy how you can know someone for so long and then suddenly you're their worst enemy. I don't know if I'll ever truly trust another woman again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/22 06:57 PM |
| 12 | Second DivorceThe odds were always stacked against you. 60 out of every 100 men who get remarried will end up divorced. I'd wager that half of the remaining 40 are miserable but avoiding divorce for various reasons. Out of the remaining 20, I bet half would be equally happy being single or in a LTR (i.e. remarriage was a lateral move). So my guesstimate is that 90% of men don't find any greater happiness in remarriage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/22 06:32 PM |
| 3 | Who Should Leave the HouseShe wants me to be the one to move out and find a place to stay until the divorce is finalized. Ugh, of course she does! Why should she be inconvenienced by the divorce? I went through a similar situation, living in the same house for almost 2 years with my ex during our divorce. It was hell, but I stuck it out. My ex had fallen out of love with me after 30 years together and wanted me to leave (in CA, physical separation is not required for divorce). Even though I'd never done anything wrong, I… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/22 05:08 PM |
| 2 | Wife basically told me she never intends on changing.Getting divorced has definitely made me more cynical when it comes to women. Having someone love you for 25 years and then just stop makes you question the reality of love. So, while I'm loving the new girlfriend, there's still a part of me that wonders if she'll grow bored and move on. I'm still skeptical about marriage because, if that does happen, I don't want all the hassle of going through another divorce. I want to just be able to say, "Ok, sorry it didn't work out," and move on to the nex… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/22 03:59 PM |
| 20 | Wife basically told me she never intends on changing.(Sorry for the long rant, but just went through it all and thought I'd share my experience.) My ex also used to criticize me about everything. If I did 1000 things right, she'd find the one thing to complain about. (And if there wasn't anything, she'd make something up.) She was miserable, clearly didn't love me, and blamed me for everything (though others have said I was a near-model husband). I really didn't know if I was to blame, but she clearly wasn't happy with who I was. At some point, I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/22 04:53 PM |
| 37 | Lawyer hit me with a bombshell before mediation tomorrowA judge is going to see any demotion or loss of income during divorce as suspicious. How do we know she's not just collaborating with her boss? Who gives her a promotion as soon as the divorce is over? You may be able to have her income imputed based on her prior earnings. My own ex tried something similar. 2 years into the divorce, she was suddenly claiming she was disabled and entitled to alimony for life! It was expensive, but we had to depose her in preparation to fight her claim. It was pre… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/22 08:24 PM |
| 2 | Need Exit VelocityI feel the same way. Having a great time. And it's nice to know that if things start going south, I can just walk away and be happier alone or with someone new. It's amazing how much more girlfriends try harder than wives to keep you happy. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/09/22 12:25 AM |
| 3 | Need Exit VelocityI gotta be honest, if my wife was killing herself to trying to keep me... I wouldn't have left. I left because she no longer loved me. She would rarely touch me, she was always upset at me, and we'd grown apart (she was extremely religious and I was extremely not). In short, she no longer loved me. If your wife is "controlling, judgmental and wants a life that's completely different," then maybe divorce is a good call. But if she's trying to make it work by going to therapy, exercising, and tryi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/22 05:58 PM |
| 1 | 55yr old DAD Against the Wall.I beg them to return the love I give them but they don't give a damn. Don't beg, you only come off as needy and that has the opposite effect. People with self-worth don't beg for attention, and it's hard to love someone who doesn't have any self-respect. But you're on the right track with giving them some space. I have a similar thing going on with one of my two kids. One communicates with me all the time, and with the other, it's like pulling teeth. The bottom line is: you can't make people lov… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/22 05:26 PM |
| 21 | Need Exit VelocitySame boat, but I'm divorced now and on the other side. Together 30 years, divorced at 50, 2 college-age kids. When I asked my wife for a divorce she just said, "Okay." She didn't even flinch. Usually, women want it more than men do, and men are often surprised when women make the request. If she's ever brought it up, she's been thinking about it too. If not, you might ask her if she's ever thought about it. Maybe she'll give you an opening. But let me tell ya... just last night I was resting in … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/22 08:40 PM |
| 8 | I so very much don't want to be here.Sorry, friend. That's difficult when you're not the one who wants to end it. I was married for about that long when my wife also just seemed to fall out of love. All you can do is offer to work on things and be the best you that you know how to be, then just give her the space to figure out what she wants. In the end, if you really love her and want her to be happy, if she thinks divorce will make her happier, you should want that for her. Not only because she's not happy, but also because you d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/22 08:29 PM |
| 1 | Guy who got divorce, is life better?For me, yes. OMG yes. Was with my ex for almost 30 years. No more arguments. A house that's peaceful and quiet. I have a new partner that I actually enjoy spending time with (and she wants to spend time with me). The divorce was horrible, but this last year was one of my best. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/22 04:39 PM |
| 7 | Overwhelmed by DivorceThis past week has been more than I can handle after finding out that my wife is cheating on me with one of my best friends... Jesus, man. That's gotta hurt like a mother-fucker. I would ask how you're holding up, but it looks like not all that well. That would be difficult for any man to deal with. All I can say is I promise that these feelings DO fade. Your mental fortitude is being tested now like never before and you have a right to feel like everything is falling apart. It only feels like i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/22 09:51 PM |
| 1 | I asked a questionI didn't feel loved or appreciated, either. Sometimes, my divorce feels like just a big argument that got out of control (and neither of us wanted to back down). Like, at some point, she is going to call and say, "I apologize, it was my fault, please take me back!" Of course, my answer would be, "No way, Jose! My life has gotten so much better since we got divorced! Why would I ever want to go back?" When a divorce is primarily the "fault" of one party, I think it shows after the divorce. One th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/22 07:33 PM |
| 1 | retainer fee gone?I've never seen so much money go out the window than when I got divorced. Over $80,000 between the ex and I over 2.5 years. But $4000 for 2 weeks does seem high. But depending on his rate, it may only represent a couple of days' worth of work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/08/22 03:49 PM |
| 1 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalAt least you gave counseling a shot, but you can't negotiate attraction. I'd have to say that my sex life has definitely improved since the divorce. After being with my wife for so long, it was strange to even think that other women would find me attractive. But single women crave intimacy as much (or more than) men do. I ended up with someone much more attractive than my ex. So much so that I thought she was out of my league, but I guess my league has changed since high school. I see my ex now … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/22 01:31 AM |
| 1 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalKids do make things more complicated. You may end up with half the time with them, but it will be twice as meaningful. I think the right attitude to have is that you want your wife to be happy. If she thinks she'll be happier alone or with someone else, then you should support her in that! If she thinks she'll be happier if you two work on things, you should work on that. Likewise, you deserve to be happy, and you can't be happy without her cooperation. So she either needs to divorce you, start … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 10:13 PM |
| 1 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalMy kids were around 18 by the time the divorce was finalized. One went to college and the other moved with his mother to another city (which was better for him). | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 09:20 PM |
| 1 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalI loved the family time too, and it's a loss to be grieved, for sure. It was a good time. But at the end of the day, you just can't control or change people. You can only choose who you want to be around in your spare time. I got to the point where I knew I could be happier alone than with this person, and so far that's been true. And I've decided for myself I want to be around positive, happy, people (or be alone). It's my life, I'm the author, and I'm not going to allow someone else to ruin my… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 08:51 PM |
| 2 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalMy ex was also a control freak and nothing was ever good enough. For example, I'd try to surprise her by cleaning the entire kitchen and she'd come home and point out something I'd missed. Then I'd say, "But... I cleaned the entire kitchen!? Can't you at least say 'Thank you'?" And she'd say, "You should be doing that anyway. I shouldn't have to thank you!" There was just no appreciation for any of my efforts. I'd mow the lawn and say, "Doesn't the lawn look great?" and she'd say, "No one cares … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 07:40 PM |
| 3 | What helped you most in achieving good outcome in your divorce ?All of the above with the exception of a cooperative ex. The support from family helped me emotionally, separate money helped me keep the house, my lawyer cost a fortune but he pretty much paid for himself, and I did a lot of research to help maintain my own mental health and get my questions answered. Glad it's all over. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 06:23 PM |
| 4 | Awaiting Mediation next month, and everything just feels so normalHelps to vent. I lived with my ex for over 2 years during the divorce. It started off amicable enough but got less harmonious as time wore on. She would claim I was toxic and needed to be expelled from the home, though I'd done nothing wrong. I too had several videos showing her laughing and hanging out with me and the kids. WTF? People are truly complicated creatures. Who knows what's really going on in her mind or what her needs and motives are. But it sounds like she enjoys being in control o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/22 06:14 PM |
| 1 | Ready to file but wife has threats over my headSearch your texting/email history. Do you have anything to that effect? If not, next time she implies something, you could try texting her something along the lines of: "When you said '____,' it deeply upset me. Were you implying you'd falsely accuse me of ____?" As long as she doesn't deny it, you might be able to use it. Also... assume anything you text her will be read by a judge, so remain calm and remain polite. Anytime she does something clearly wrong or cruel, text her and ask her about i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/22 04:39 PM |
| 10 | It’s going on two years and very little has been decided in my divorce. My lawyer is telling me that we can’t go to trial and everything needs to be done little by little. Is he lying?After 2 years we I finally got a trial date. When it drew close, my lawyer suggested putting things off another few months to gather more information, it was the first time I disagreed with him. I didn't see any point and I was more than done with waiting. I told him we'd need to just go in with what we had. In the end, we ended up settling in the settlement conference. I don't think waiting would've made any difference and I suspect it may have even made things worse. So I'd think long and hard… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/22 05:56 AM |
| 11 | Marriage questionAs a society, we could definitely do better. Our society is changing and we need to change with the times. If you were going to build a society from scratch, you'd probably want to help people live happy, content, fulfilling lives. For many people, marriage is a part of that, as it gives them a greater sense of connection. However, when things go bad, being married makes the separation process much too difficult (especially here in the US). Again, if you were designing a society, you wouldn't de… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/22 05:47 PM |
| 7 | Will the judge request the spouse return to work in a divorceThe courts can impute (estimate) an income based on her employment history and education. If you could get her to work, I think it could only be helpful. My wife didn't want to work after we had kids, so I worked while she stayed home. When we went to divorce many years later, she claimed I'd "advanced my career" while she stayed home (poor thing) and thus she claimed she was entitled to compensation and spousal support. If I'd been a jerk and insisted she return to work, it wouldn't have been a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/22 04:29 PM |
| 2 | Really looking for some advice…No doubt, that's a really difficult thing to have to go through, my heart goes out to you. You're really letting this woman run your life. I think everyone here can see that. You want this too much and you're trying too hard. She has way too much control over your life and is being very disrespectful with your emotions. She needs to get her shit together and you need to grow a pair (no offense, we've all been there). I would tell her that you want to be with someone who is happy to be with you a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/22 09:21 PM |
| 1 | Days from making final decision after 30 years of marriageIf I had to do it all over again, I may have tried to tough it out until the kids were 18, just so we could avoid all the custody/child support issues. My daughter mostly aligned with my wife, but the two of them have always been close. We've had a lot more one-on-one time since the separation and now she sees how each of us operates independently. Kids are smart, they observe and figure out who has their shit together and who doesn't. As for savage arguments, all I can say is many women just ne… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 10:13 PM |
| 1 | Days from making final decision after 30 years of marriageMy kids were almost 18 and lived with us while we worked through the divorce. It was a little weird doing things without mom at first, but I've taken them to various events and on trips so we could bond a bit without mom. They've now adapted to the new normal and will spend time with each of us. I think, for me, it became more and more obvious that my ex wasn't in love with me. It started with not initiating sex, then not touching me, then all she ever wanted to do was argue or belittle me. Ther… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 06:41 PM |
| 1 | Days from making final decision after 30 years of marriageEarly 50s, together 30 years, grown kids, recently divorced. It was a difficult and expensive endeavor, but I'd do it again (knowing what I know now). I'd recommend Too good to leave, too bad to stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's a big decision, and the book tries to help you figure out if you'd ultimately be happier staying married or getting divorced. There are no guarantees, and results may vary, but I'm much happier now. I've had two exciting relationships since the divorce, and I feel as if I'v… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 05:12 PM |
| 1 | Hiding money during a divorceI agree. My ex did something similar. Her lawyer advised her to take a few thousand out of our joint account to open her own account. My lawyer just advised me to keep track of it. The crazy thing is, if you know you're headed for divorce, you can actually get away with some pretty frivolous spending. Part of the marital contract is agreeing to be financially liable for someone else. So if they want to secretly rack up $100K in credit card debt while married, guess what? | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/22 04:28 PM |
| 20 | Hiding money during a divorceI was warned about a case where a wife had won the lottery and decided to divorce her husband. She didn't disclose that she'd won, but after it was discovered, the judge awarded her husband 100% of the winnings. 50% is better than nothing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/22 08:48 PM |
| 2 | Advice on how to be ok with the lonely quiet times?My biggest fear was being alone after the divorce; now I enjoy it! After my divorce, my time was mostly spent doing chores, reading, exercising, movies, playing games, catching up with family and friends, doing things for the kids, etc. You have to find ways to occupy your mind; it can feel lonely when you're so used to being with someone. Once I had another girlfriend, any feelings of loneliness subsided. We don't live together, but I feel like I've found a perfect balance between her, the kids… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/22 08:35 PM |
| 41 | Divorced and singleWhether or not you need counseling is up to you, but if your marriage survived 21 years, I'd call that a success. Congratulations on not having to pay child support or alimony (and on achieving a good income!). Next step is to enjoy some peace and quiet, with no one having any expectations or making demands (at least at home). Learn to just be happy by yourself, at least for a few months. Maybe even take a solo trip somewhere. But where you go next and what you do is completely up to you! Enjoy! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/22 09:53 PM |
| 3 | Any good storiesI think my ex has too much pride to ever admit she was wrong (she's never apologized in 30 years). Maybe I'm just lucky, and I wish her all the best, but in every area of life, things seem to have gotten significantly better for me while they've only gotten worse for her. I'm in relatively good health, she says it's hard to get out of bed and claims to have "severe depression and fibromyalgia." I continue to work at a good job, she was denied disability and now drives for Uber. I got the house, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/22 08:09 PM |
| 22 | Cheaper to keep her?So... your plan is to just remain married until you die? If you decide not to file, you may at least want to file for a legal separation. Otherwise, you may end up having to split everything you accumulate between now and the time you do divorce (i.e. if you make retirement contributions or win the lottery, she could ask for half). Also, if she runs up a lot of debt or gets into any legal trouble, you could end up on the hook for paying for it. Also, the longer you're legally married, the more l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/22 04:18 PM |
| 7 | Ex Wife Can Barely FunctionAgreed. She's totally using you. You need to set up some new healthy boundaries. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/22 05:27 PM |
| 3 | STBEXW is dumb.Sounds like my case. I'm convinced my ex's ignorance drastically increased the amount of time and money it took to get a divorce. It should've been a simple mediation. Instead, it was an $80K divorce. While married, we used to argue over whose way of doing things was better/wiser (e.g. I was a saver who wanted to live within our means; she was a spender and wanted to live life to the fullest). Post-divorce, I now have the house, a steady job, and a loving relationship with a like-minded professi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/22 05:17 PM |
| 6 | Suggestions to speed up this divorce?Agreed. My divorce took 3 years. If I had to do it all over again, I'd ask for a trial immediately. I wasted a year going back and forth with settlement agreements (document requests, her changing lawyers, depositions etc.) and then another year waiting on the CA courts to just give us a court date. I'm not rich and our divorce should have been simple, but it still cost us a combined $80k or so. In the end, we settled in a settlement conference with a judge. It's true that trials are expensive, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/06/22 02:36 PM |
| 6 | In desperate need of adviceIf you love someone -- and I mean really love someone -- you want what's best for them, even if that means letting go. You should have the attitude of: "I want to stay together, but if you think you'll be happier somewhere else, then I support your decision. I want you to be happy, but I also deserve to be with someone who wants to be here." She probably has fantasies about how much better things will be with someone else, and how much more they will desire her than you do. But the reality is, e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/22 05:02 PM |
| 3 | Fixing your marriage, what did you try to do?You sound like a catch! With women, I've discovered it's all about confidence, keeping it light, and letting them do some of the work. (We appreciate those things we have to work for.) I'm 50ish, average-looking, average income, balding, have no friends, and have never tried online dating. Even still, I was in TWO serious relationships before my divorce was even decreed! You'll do fine. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/22 10:09 PM |
| 6 | Fixing your marriage, what did you try to do?I was married for almost 30 years and we had two kids together. While I'd done nothing seriously wrong, she eventually fell out of love with me. We'd built a life together, and I wanted to hang on to that, but we just couldn't make it work. I've now been with someone new for 6 months and I'm surprised by just how easy it is to move on. I'm much happier with this person and sometimes wonder why I wasted so many years trying to breathe life into a dead marriage. Life is short. If she doesn't want … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/22 05:24 PM |
| 4 | Advice on child supportSince we're talking about reframing: How much are your kids worth to you? If they were kidnapped, and the kidnappers were going to rape, torture, and kill them; how much would you be willing to pay to prevent that from happening? If everything, then all that matters is that they're safe now, and anything you have left is a bonus. If you have to pay $1000 a month for 18 years, isn't it worth $216,000 for the privilege of having kids? (And if not, maybe you shouldn't have had them.) Not saying chi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/22 11:11 PM |
| 3 | Is there something wrong with women?Found it! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202001/why-some-people-cant-stop-thinking-about-their-exes | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/22 03:47 AM |
| 1 | She left yesterday.Months, if necessary, but I doubt it will take that long. Maybe check out Coach Craig Kenneth on YouTube for some reassurance while you go no contact. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/22 12:36 AM |
| 2 | She left yesterday.That's rough; sorry you're going through that right now but it will get better. Any chance she panicked at the thought of becoming even more tied down? Women sometimes act on emotion and need space (both to feel autonomous/independent and to have time to miss you). If she changed her mind that quickly, she's likely acting on emotion. The best advice I could give you is to just give her the gift of missing you (and her son). When someone is asking for space, you have to give it to them. She's goi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/22 11:07 PM |
| 5 | How long does it take to stop loving your ex wife?I'm sorry that happened to you, what a shitty way for things to end. Frankly, I'm not even sure why you still love her. If my wife ever cheated, I think I'd immediately STOP loving her. If she showed such little respect for our relationship, it's not one I'd want to continue. I understand it's difficult to let go, but sometimes the easiest way to do that is to focus on the future and finding someone who won't cheat. I'm not saying to rush into another relationship (as now is the time to "embrace… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/22 07:18 PM |
| 1 | she's a year older, I just hit 40... she's my dental hygenistIf a woman is into you, she will make herself available. She's not working for tips, so she doesn't have to be "work flirty." And a kiss face emoji? She's totally into you, man. But let her chase you. I'd give her a week or three to respond. If she's interested, I guarantee she will get back to you. Failing that, I'd call and ask her what her schedule is like "this weekend." Again, if she's interested, she will make herself available. If she says just really busy, just ask her to let you know wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/22 05:06 PM |
| 1 | A QuandaryMy divorce should've been simple. We both earned about the same and our kids were almost adults. Our mediator even said we seemed to get along well. And we did, in the beginning. But then she asked for 100% custody, 50% of a recent inheritance (that she wasn't legally entitled to), a lifetime of alimony (due to her "new" disability), and 100% of her legal fees. She also ended up filing multiple emergency orders in an attempt to have me removed from the house and to strip me of 60% of my income. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/22 06:25 PM |
| 1 | A QuandaryIf you're talking about that much money, it's worth consulting with one or more lawyers. They will almost certainly have some advice on how to prepare before you file (should you choose to). There are a ton of plays her lawyer could make that go beyond alimony and child support. For example, she could argue that she supported your education or career at the expense of her own, and so she is entitled to reimbursement. Or she could claim (as mine did) that she's now suddenly disabled and needs a l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/22 05:10 PM |
| 7 | What are the essential "Husband Habits" to break? Which ones did/do you struggle with or didn't recognize until it was "too late".Getting married in the first place, and not recognizing that most women are impossible to please (and won't be happy with anyone, no matter how well off they are). It's best just to date for as long as she keeps up her end of things. You will always be in a better position when you are willing and able to walk away; you'll have more leverage and an easy out. If/when things change, you wish her all the best and make a quick exit; no waiting period, no mediators or lawyers, no loss of income, and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/22 04:37 PM |
| 3 | A QuandaryI was in a similar situation. Our kids were just three years from being adults, but custody and alimony became such contested issues that the divorce ended up taking three years. We spent all that time (and money) arguing over custody for nothing. If I could've stomached it, I would've waited three years and then asked for a divorce. And in the meantime, I would've encouraged her to start earning more money (maybe tell her it's a final push to help with retirement). If you divorce here before yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/22 06:50 PM |
| 6 | Is there something wrong with women?I read about a study (I can find the source if anyone is interested) that said women are more likely to remember only the negatives after a breakup. They tend to "blackwash" their memories to make it easier to disconnect and move on to the next guy. Researchers theorized that this may be due to the evolutionary need to disconnect men who aren't going to stick around and help raise their children. I've also found it interesting that lesbian couples have one of the highest divorce rates and gay me… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/22 04:01 PM |
| 12 | I gotta ask, does it ever get better? The hate for your ex wife?Honestly, there were days I wanted to slash my ex's tires, but never did. We had to share the same house for 2 years during our divorce and I'd flip her the bird every time I walked past her door (granted, it was always closed, but still...grrrrr). But I'm a determinist, so I have to accept that if I were born with her brain and experienced her experiences, I would make the same decisions. So being mad at her would be like... being mad at gravity. And by holding on to that anger, I was only puni… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/22 08:18 PM |
| 7 | Did you guys take the ring you gave her back?In most cases, the law considers it "a gift" (especially if the marriage has taken place). Fun NSFW fact: sperm was also once legally defined as "a gift"! A woman relocated a man's "gift" of sperm from her oral cavity to her vaginal one and became pregnant. He sued, arguing he wasn't responsible, and the court ruled that the sperm was "a gift" and it was up to her what she wanted to do with it. I guess the moral of the story is, be careful what you give women. :-/ | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/22 09:47 PM |
| 1 | My GF is very hot and cold. Sometimes she is very sweet...but other times controlling. I've been with her for 10+ years and she wants to get married and have kids. Was anyone else in a similar situation before they got married?Only if she's rich. And even then... geesh. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/22 10:28 PM |
| 9 | What are the things that can reduce or eliminate alimony?If we're strictly talking alimony: Encourage her to get a job before you file. Have her income imputed based on what she could be earning (if she's unemployed). If she's working part-time, have her income imputed as full-time. Offer to pay her a reduced lump sum. Offer her something else she wants in exchange for no alimony. Become disabled. Pray she gets remarried. (The younger and more social she is, the more likely she is to ger remarried.) Move to a foreign country that doesn't enforce forei… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/22 11:06 PM |
| 1 | Where do women even get the money to fund divorce shenanigans?My STBXW and I split our savings, which she used to fund her legal fees until she went broke. She then spent what she had in her personal IRA (paying all the taxes and penalties for early withdrawal). After that, her lawyer opened up a tab knowing she still had a fair sum coming from the home sale. It reminds me of the joke: How do divorce lawyers know when it's time to settle? When the money runs out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/22 05:21 PM |
| 1 | Divorce that won't endI tried mediation as well. Same thing happened. And lots of false accusations (in order to gain custody and get me kicked out of the house). You may want to check your texting history and her social media posts to see if you can catch her in a lie. If she is lying about anything, it will only make her look bad. Also, assume anything you text will be read by a judge. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/22 05:54 PM |
| 8 | Divorce that won't endMy divorce just wrapped up today, nearly 3 years after we decided to divorce. It should've been easy, but because my STBXW was so unrealistic, things kept getting dragged out. The monthly bills from my attorney were almost as bad as the divorce itself. I was living beyond my means and I wanted to beg my STBXW to come to her senses, but she never did. The whole process is such a scam it should be outlawed. If I had to do it all over again, I'd ask for a hearing/trial ASAP. You don't have to actua… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/22 04:13 AM |
| 1 | does it ever get better?Like others have said, it's hard but it does get better. Every case is different, but I thought my life was over and I'm doing much better. I'm dating someone much more attractive and successful who actually WANTS to be with me. It took some time to adjust to living alone, which was my biggest fear, but now I actually prefer it. Living alone while dating rocks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/04/22 04:04 AM |
| 1 | How to trust again?I would not remarry, knowing what I know now. On a subconscious level, most men want the unconditional love they received (or were supposed to receive) from their mothers. But our wives are not our mothers (and they will usually love their children more than you). Men desire love, women desire security and love; usually both and usually in that order. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/22 12:05 AM |
| 2 | How to trust again?Same. I'm no longer a believer, but my ex is. It hasn't made her any more forgiving, only more self-righteous. God is on her side, after all, and I'm just the "dirty, wayward sinner" she is divorcing. In spite of all the horrible things she's said and done, I still wish her health and happiness. She's just not for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/04/22 11:23 PM |
| 3 | Not sure what's happening...A few random thoughts on my lunch hour... :) Menopause? (Not joking, those hormonal changes can make some women act out.) She may be bored or going through a mid-life crisis. Sometimes people are just unhappy. If she is (or has become) a miserable person, it may be that she will be miserable with you without you (and you just have to choose whether or not you want to stay). There is a good reason for the sayings "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "familiarity breeds contempt." Time apart … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/04/22 07:51 PM |
| 5 | How do y’all feel about ever getting married again?Why would I? After what I now know?! I feel like I've stumbled upon the perfect scenario: living alone and only having a girlfriend around when I want one. No compromising, no bad spending habits, no dead bedrooms, no divorcing, no lawyers, no losing half my stuff, etc. A wife can behave disrespectfully and get away with it, because WTF are you going to do? Divorce her? A girlfriend has to tread much more lightly; if not, you can just take your business elsewhere. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/22 09:56 PM |
| 4 | So, my turnSmart man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/22 09:28 PM |
| 1 | So, my turnMy STBXW stopped expressing appreciation towards the end as well. It was easy for her to point out everything I did wrong, and next to impossible to show appreciation for anything I did right (it would just get ignored). Nothing but contempt in the end. If she's unhappy with herself, she'll never be happy with you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/22 09:27 PM |
| 2 | Message from the other side5-stars. Highly recommend it, would get divorced again! My divorce was hell and isn't over yet, but it's been about 2.5 years since we decided to pull the plug (after almost 30 years together) and I'm already 1000% happier. My biggest fear was how alone I would feel after her and the kids were gone. But now I friggin' love living alone! I don't have to deal with anyone else's issues/problems and can do whatever I want, when I want, with whomever I want. I don't have to worry about what someone e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/22 11:29 PM |
| 6 | Single and ready to Kringle!!!I'm with ya. :) Just decorated my tree with my son. First time with just the two of us. I thought it would be weird without mom there, but we had fun picking out decorations and I put him to work on lighting things up. We had a good time admiring our own decorative choices. So far so good. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/21 08:23 PM |
| 7 | The wasted timeIt wasn't a waste, because I enjoyed that chapter (26 years) while it was happening. (If I didn't, I would've been motivated to get divorced a long time ago). I also got 2 great kids out of the deal (and a lot of sex, housekeeping services, child care, etc.). What can be difficult is losing that connection you spent your life building, but you don't get divorced because things are great, you do it because you hope that there is something better waiting for you on the other side. Speaking of, jus… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/21 10:18 PM |
| 13 | Grabbed my food and kept it moving…Don't forget about all the free therapy, attention, and advice. And next time something breaks, guess who gets to provide free maintenance? I'm still not 100% opposed to dating, but I would want for her to have her own place and remain independent. If something changes, I want an easy out. So no marriage, no cohabitation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/21 07:10 PM |
| 13 | I was cleaning up and the bitch said to meExactly. Whenever I feel a little lonely sitting in my quiet house, I have to remind myself: "That silence is the sound of no one nagging, complaining, or trying to manipulate your emotions." | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/21 08:27 PM |
| 1 | Amazing Resource For Those Dealing With Narcissists. (So Pretty Much Everyone Here)Agreed. I'd rather people describe the offending behavior(s). This armchair diagnosis doesn't help me to understand, because everyone thinks their ex is a narcissist. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/21 04:17 PM |
| 5 | Why do we have to be enemies?Research into breakups indicates that women (more than men) tend to remember the bad and forget the good, as a way of coping and decoupling. A lot of what happens will just depend on who your wife is. But there's a reason men say, "You don't really know a woman until you divorce her." If there's a bright spot here, it's that the opposite of love isn't anger, it's indifference. If she's angry, it's because it meant something to her. She may not want you back, but it did mean something. She's avoi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/21 05:43 PM |
| 1 | Finally done!What a relief. Congrats! | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/21 07:17 PM |
| 9 | What to do now?After she passed the scanning I was about to ask her about what’s going on with our marriage. You're right in thinking it's not a good idea to work at the same place. Following a breakup, you should no longer discuss relationship matters at work, as it could become an HR issue. Jobs and women are easy to replace. I would swallow your pride, learn what lessons there are to take from it, and just move on. Life is too short. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/21 10:58 PM |
| 5 | What do you do about food... bills, etc... while still in the house...We did it a couple of different ways over two years. At first, when things were amicable, we had a shared bank account (in addition to our own personal accounts). We also had a shared credit card that was paid out of that account. In Excel, we'd calculate how much we each made for the month and prorate the bills by that percentage. We'd both make monthly contributions to the shared account to cover our share. It was a bit cumbersome but fair. When her spending got out of control and she stopped … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/21 09:35 PM |
| 3 | What do you do about food... bills, etc... while still in the house...Just downloaded it. Thanks for the tip. I think a lot of men don't do the cooking, so it's something a lot of us have to learn. Luckily, with YouTube and the internet, it's much easier. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/21 09:21 PM |
| 5 | A very serious question about second wives...The older you get, the more important it is to have a partner who can recognize the signs of stroke and heart attack, lol. But ya, it's definitely not all about looks. Looks will always fade, so a good connection is a must. One concern should be the statistical odds of success: there's a 60% chance of failure with second marriages. Also, if it really is a priority for you to have all the things you mentioned, why get married? If things change, as they often do, you're stuck. If she decides she n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/21 09:33 PM |
| 8 | A very serious question about second wives...I'd recommend the Book of Numbers as well. (Spoiler: women are expensive!) | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/21 09:24 PM |
| 1 | Preparing for first holidays alone.Agreed. The holidays suck, but drinking will just make things worse. Pour your energy into something more productive and positive, like preparing for when your kid does come to visit, whenever that is. Even it's next year, go buy decorations, or make some, and plan for next year or the next time you see them. Seek out ways to make the holidays fun for yourself. Carve a pumpkin to look like your ex, dress up as Santa and wander the neighborhood on Christmas eve, volunteer, deliver gifts to poor f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/10/21 04:39 PM |
| 1 | Posting again….My understanding is that 90% or of divorces don't go before a judge. Even though CA has a 6-month waiting period, I think the only way to actually get divorced in 6 months is to reach a settlement in that time. If you did, you could just pass that on to a judge to get rubber-stamped. There's also a status-only divorce, where you are legally divorced even though you haven't settled all the details yet. These can be handy for tax reasons, or if you want to get remarried right away. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 11:25 PM |
| 1 | Posting again….I think some lawyers make big promises just to keep things going. My STBXW's lawyer has promised her a lot of things she couldn't deliver on. (Like filing an emergency order to get me removed from our house, complete with an elaborate story about how my presence was a detriment to her and the kids. Denied.) Income can be imputed. If you're both working part-time, they may calculate what you could be making if working full-time. My STBXW was running her business at about 50% capacity, so she had … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 07:55 PM |
| 1 | Posting again….I'm also in California (married 26 years) looking at alimony. My STBXW and I have agreements on just about everything else, but she has been pushing for 2 years to go to court over alimony and legal fees, despite the fact that I only make about 10% more than her (and she could've easily been making more than I did, but we didn't need the money at the time). What's interesting is that she owned her own business and would write off a large portion of her income. While she pocketed 98% of what she … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/21 04:38 PM |
| 5 | Newly SeperatedYa, I know the feeling. It's like you're divorcing half your brain. With any luck, when the dust settles, maybe you two can still talk in the future. And by then, you could be making new memories with someone else. It sucks right now, but it does get better. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/10/21 12:05 AM |
| 6 | Newly SeperatedI'm also recently separated after 28 years together. It takes a lot of adjustment, education, and some time to grieve the loss, but you will (eventually) get out of it whatever you put into it. For example, my wife always did the cooking, so I've taken to picking out recipes once a week, going to the store, and teaching myself how to cook. I also now have a lot more free time to do a number of other things I'd like to do. I can do anything I want, when I want, and spend my money how I want. It's… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/21 08:43 PM |
| 2 | I’m a good husband, but she has unrealistically high expectations of me.There's a sexist joke that goes, "What do women want? More." The point being, some women are just miserable and unhappy and there's nothing you can do to fix them. It's something she will have to fix on he own, and she would be doing it with any partner. We men tell ourselves, "If I just do what she's asking, she'll be happy!" It seems logical, but that never works. She will always find something more to complain about because that gives her some sense of power or control. I was in a somewhat si… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/21 08:04 PM |
| 1 | Is this a reason to get divorced?If the situation were reversed, what would you want her to do for you? There's obviously something more to her spending, but she's behaving like an addict and needs help. If she doesn't get help, you may have to take steps to secure your own financial future. But you're right, it's not the spending, it's the lying. You can't have a healthy marriage build on mistrust. As much as it sucks, you also have to consider the difficulty that comes with divorce, meeting someone new (who doesn't have her o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/21 10:09 PM |
| 1 | When she divorces you after many years together Husbands:Lol. And then she walks away with half of everything. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/21 03:48 PM |
| 4 | 6 Common Mistakes Men Make After DivorceI hear ya. I spent 2 years living with my STBXW (fighting over the house), and she finally moved out recently. But we had no desire to reconcile. I try not to look at the empty house as lonely, but as "more peaceful." No one nagging me or judging me anymore. It's not "bad," just different. A new chapter that I now get to explore. And I wouldn't bet on your best days being behind you. When I started my new relationship, I was happier than I'd been in a long time. A 10 out of 10! For months, I was… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/21 06:24 PM |
| 6 | 6 Common Mistakes Men Make After DivorceTL;DR: It gets easier, but does take time and effort I'm kinda going through that right now. My life for the past 25 years was centered around my wife and kids. She had a large extended family, so we were always hanging around them. Now it's... just me. Never thought I'd turn 50 and be alone, but here I am! I did make the mistake of dating early on, but she had far too many mental health problems. There are worse things than being alone. It is hard to meet new people at this age, especially when… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/21 05:02 PM |
| 13 | 6 Common Mistakes Men Make After Divorce"According to studies, divorced men are twice as likely tо commit suicide as married men." Oof. I can believe that. Men don't have the same emotional support systems that women do. Often times, their wife was their sole source of emotional support. And no matter who is at fault, men always seem to get the blame. Luckily, more men are warming up to the idea of getting therapy during/after divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/21 05:51 AM |
| 6 | Financial strategies or precautions for the unmarried men who browse here?I would ask yourself exactly why you want want to get married. Do a cost/benefit analysis. Ask yourself: How will I benefit by inviting the government and lawyers into this relationship? Why do I want to make it much more costly and difficult for me to leave this relationship? Why do I want to surrender my ability to walk away? Why do I want to make it easier for my spouse to mistreat me, now that it's more difficult for me to walk away? How will I feel if my spouse decides to stop having sex wi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/21 07:59 PM |
| 6 | Divorce CandidateBoth options are going to be difficult, especially with 3 children. I can't tell you what to do, but I can empathize. Nagging wives are the worst! You can never do anything right, they always want "more," they don't appreciate your efforts, and they're never happy. But you're trapped in a marriage with kids, so what can you do? I got tired of my wife doing similar things (after 28 years together) and called it quits. But before I did, I sat her down, I told her what my needs were (pretty basic s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/21 11:00 PM |
| 2 | Template preparations for getting freedomCA, 25 years, kids are also pretty much grown (17/18). Your best bet is to try a mediator, it's MUCH less expensive. If it doesn't work out, agree to try and find another mediator. I thought our divorce would be easy. We both make about the same, so I figured we'd just split everything and be done. 2 years and $35,000 in legal fees later, we're still fighting over it. It's nuts! We haven't even gone to court yet! It seems like lawyers always find a way to make things more complicated. We argued … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/21 04:12 PM |
| 3 | Is dating men going through a divorce really a deal-breaker?Datings sites are loaded with married men who say they are getting divorced. I've known women who have gotten screwed over by them (these men either had no intention of getting divorced, or reunited with their spouse, or their spouse was actually okay with them sleeping around). So be honest, but be prepared for some skepticism. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/08/21 10:26 PM |
| 1 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)Ahh, so you're one of the 20% that get all the attention. Must be nice, lol. Glad to hear you found someone who makes you happy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/21 04:30 PM |
| 1 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)I like the way you look at it. As much as online dating might suck, I'd rather have one fun date a year (and go my own way the rest of the time) than be stuck with someone who didn't appreciate me. Since our separation, I've only dated one person, but they were far more into me than my wife has been in years. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/21 04:26 PM |
| 2 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)Thanks. I want her to be happy, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that wants her to realize what a good man she lost. But mostly, I just want us both to be happy. My sister has been on the apps for over a decade and says, "Trust me, you're a catch. She has no idea what's out there." | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/21 04:00 PM |
| 6 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)Yeaaa... that just sounds like too much work, lol. My lifestyle isn't that exciting, but it works for me. Maybe I'll just focus on making myself happy. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 11:40 PM |
| 6 | Is online dating even worth it for men? (Rant)Shhh... you could get kicked off of Reddit for suggesting that! ;-) | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 08:46 PM |
| 2 | Afraid of the moneyYa, nothing had really changed in 25 years. She just hit some kind of mid-life crisis, wasn't happy, and I was suddenly the cause of all her unhappiness. But good on your step-dad, lol. Sounds like he understood how women work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 06:47 PM |
| 2 | Afraid of the moneyIf you have 50/50 custody (and have similar incomes) you may not have to pay anything. But even if the child stays with her 100% of the time, you'll probably save as much as you spend in child support. By the time you add up how much it costs to support a wife and child, you might even come out ahead. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 04:52 PM |
| 2 | Afraid of the moneyMe too! After 25 years together, she started using the A-word to describe how I treated her (emotionally and financially). That was the deal-breaker for me, and my reason for asking for a divorce. I remember when the A-word used to mean something. These days, you can't even have a disagreement (or say "No") without becoming guilty. The inflationary language waters down the term for people with more serious problems. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 04:47 PM |
| 2 | Sock day!Harry Potter reference. A slave is freed when he gets a sock from his master. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 04:35 PM |
| 1 | Budgeting for seperated life feels... underwhelming. Alimony will only last until the divorce though so there's that to look forward toIf it's only until the divorce is over, then I'd say you're pretty lucky. Does your wife work? | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 04:32 PM |
| 2 | Budgeting for seperated life feels... underwhelming. Alimony will only last until the divorce though so there's that to look forward toSeriously. It's 2021. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own financial independence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/08/21 04:30 PM |
| 2 | Seeking adviceYou'd have to work out a parenting plan that works for both of you. If she refuses, then you'd have to file for an emergency order ("ex parte" order) to force the issue. If she's not going to allow you to see him at any time, you'll need to ask for a set schedule that she needs to routinely abide by (e.g. you will pick up the kid from 8-5 on Sat and Wed). Otherwise, the court will need to decide. But hopefully, you can work it out on your own. Also, keep in mind that, in many states, once you fi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 05:59 PM |
| 3 | Seeking adviceSince you're in a community property state, you are entitled to 50% of the appreciation since the date you were married (50K). If your home improvements increased the value of the property, that will be reflected in the appraisal. If you were truly forced out of the home, you could request reimbursement for lodging as part of the settlement (but it might cost more to fight for than it's worth). You may be able to just move back in, but you might want to ask your attorney first. She cannot limit … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/21 05:00 PM |
| 1 | How to communicate when angry?Side note: I read a great tip recently for people who have difficulty communicating (maybe for your next relationship): When things start to get heated, take turns talking. When you speak, she has to repeat back what you said to your satisfaction, indicating that she has heard and understood you. Then you do likewise. A big part of communication is just feeling understood and validated. So if you can further identify the feelings behind the statement, you can validate them (i.e., "I hear you say… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/07/21 08:55 PM |
| 1 | Purchased house before marriage-CaliforniaDo you have the loan broker's info? He might be able to testify to the fact that you were purchasing the home together and that's what he advised you to do. But if you split the down payment, I'd say that's pretty good evidence you weren't just paying rent. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/21 07:19 PM |
| 3 | Am I getting my fair share?I'd be happy with that deal. My wife makes almost as much as I do (and can easily make more than I do), but still insists on $1500 a month alimony, full custody of the kids, $40K more than the home appraised for, 100% of her legal fees paid, etc. I finally had to ask for a court date after 1.5 years of her not budging on anything. So ya, if I had that deal, I'd take it in a heartbeat! | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/21 03:58 PM |
| 1 | Purchased house before marriage-CaliforniaFrom your marriage date forward, ALL appreciation in community property is shared, so there's no argument there. The only thing that would be in question is the first couple of years. I think it's pretty evident that you were co-investors with an oral contract, and you have the evidence to back that up (unless she's claiming your payments were gifts or rent). | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/21 04:49 AM |
| 9 | Remember: YOU'RE the prize.I can hire someone to change a tire. Cut the grass and fix stuff. So ya you are also replaceable. Thanks for your comment. I believe you've proved my point. As a man, I can change a tire, cut the grass, and fix stuff. I don't need to hire someone to do it for me (though when I do, it's usually a man who shows up). So whether you marry one, date one, or hire one, a man still seems to remain a necessity for you to get by. I don't know that the opposite is as true. Ergo, men are the prize. ;) | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/21 08:04 PM |
| 1 | 1 year post divorce ventI agreed to buy out my spouse's share of the house, but the divorce has taken so long it will cost me another $50,000 to do so. I don't get any more house, it just costs $50K more than it would have a year ago. It's crazy. So do count yourself lucky in that department. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/21 05:56 PM |
| 5 | Do not move out2 years and holding. Spent about $9000 fighting for my right to live in my own home, but still here. What happened when you moved out? | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/21 09:53 PM |
| 1 | It finally happenedDepends on soooo many factors: your state, date of separation, children, contested issues, court calendars, fact-finding missions, how long your spouse takes to respond to various requests, the phases of the moon, etc. You'd think you'd have the right to divorce someone within a reasonable amount of time, but nope! There seem to be minimum wait times, but no maximums. Accused criminals may have the right to a speedy trial, but not you! I know a woman whose husband literally tried to kill her and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 09:25 PM |
| 2 | It finally happenedGod, so looking forward to that. And dropping my ex from my health insurance. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 05:39 PM |
| 4 | It finally happened"Only" 11.5 months? Jealous. But congrats! What's the first thing you're going to do as a single man? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/21 04:52 PM |
| 8 | Not legally married, still have to pay alimonyI had a marriage ceremony but did not go to a court or any municipal building or sign any paperwork to validate a marriage legally. Did your non-wife believe you were married? Based on your description of a putative marriage, and the fact that you exchanged vows (likely in front of witnesses), I could understand why she might think so. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/21 06:40 PM |
| 1 | How did you do it if you have fallen out of love..but still care...I get ya. The issue with kids is custody agreements, child support, etc. It just adds a lot of extra hassle that won't be a problem once they reach 18. If your wife were to disappear tomorrow and you wouldn't miss her, I think that's a good enough reason for divorce. Unless you feel morally obligated to stay. And I'm sure she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't really care for her (unless you're just a paycheck). | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/21 09:45 PM |
| 5 | Wife on the fenceI'm in California. I was hoping to be divorced in 6 months. That was 2 years ago. :-( | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/21 07:52 PM |
| 6 | How did you do it if you have fallen out of love..but still care...My STBXW and I grew apart over 25 years. Towards the end, it was pretty clear she'd fallen out of love with me, and I wasn't so fond of her, either. I found my emotional needs were being met more and more by other women. I realized this was a problem, and attempted to fix the issue with my spouse. I figured out what my needs were that weren't being met and came up with some practical ideas on how she could help meet them. I also asked her to think about what her needs were and how I could help a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/21 05:38 PM |
| 10 | Momentary lapse of judgementFun fact: sex can sometimes be used to reset the clock on your separation date! If you happen to come into some money post-separation, it could be used as evidence that you were still together. Just something to keep in mind. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/21 06:39 PM |
| 4 | When do you just surrender?Right there with you. 2 years and still in the same house. It's driving me nuts. After a year and a half of her refusing to budge, I asked for a court date. It's been 6 months and we still don't have a date. We've continued negotiating, but every time she comes back she seems to be asking for more, not less. (I'm not sure she knows how negotiation works.) She earns about the same as I do but is asking for $40K more than our house appraised for, 100% of her legal fees ($24,000 so far), and 2/3rds… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/21 07:29 PM |
| 3 | Has anyone ever hired a "professional cuddler?"We all crave a little contact now and then, nothing unusual about that. Maybe a dog? | /r/MGTOW2 | 11/07/21 01:48 AM |
| 2 | (29M) - I make 100k a year, no kids, no assets.. I’m unhappy and undervalued with my spouse (29F).. I feel weight leaving my shoulders whenever she’s away. Is this enough to divorce?"Undervalued" is a good way to put it. Marriage just keeps people locked in bad relationships. My STBXW is friends with someone who has a successful husband. She sees how she doesn't have to work, or budget, and how they have a vacation home... and then she looks at me. Instead of saying, "Thank you for working the same job for 25 years to provide for me and the kids," I hear "You should've quit your job and found a better one!" You just can't win. Rich or poor, women always want more. I've come… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 08:31 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone had to deal with a covert NPD?OMG, so... much.... this! If you read enough breakup posts on Reddit, you'll realize that every ex is either toxic, emotionally abusive, or a narcissist/covert narcissist (or some combination thereof). These seem to be the modern-day buzzwords we use to justify our breakups, villainize our exes, and make ourselves the victim. You can bet 90% of our exes are saying the same things about us. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/21 06:03 PM |
| 1 | Change of Religion Leads To Divorceu/brother1957 You just had to ask, lol. He's too far gone. But let's not get off track. You've obviously developed some significant religious differences with your wife that aren't going to be easily resolved. I think, in this case, it's probably best if you both go your separate ways. The Lord be with you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/21 06:27 PM |
| 5 | Change of Religion Leads To DivorceSorry mate, gotta side with your wife on this one. I'm on the opposite end. I was raised Pentecostal and married the same. I later realized the whole thing was bullocks (after many years of research and questioning) and became an atheist. I say, good on your wife for having the courage to question her cherished beliefs in search of greater truths. It's not an easy transition (see "religious trauma syndrome"). And it's not easy to come out to your spouse (I knew it would ruin my marriage, and so … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 10:54 PM |
| 18 | Man posted wife's actions, reported to police, they also ignored him. Obviously post got removed/locked on all SubredditsCan't imagine she thought this would fix the problem. A man would stage it to look like a burglary, so he could sell her stuff and pretend to feel sorry for her. smh amateurs. | /r/MGTOW2 | 06/07/21 05:18 PM |
| 2 | Honestly, I need help with this.That's a common complaint. There's this fantasy that many women have about taming the beast. They want the rich, powerful, bad-boy that they tame into a good husband. But after he caves to her demands, and starts opening up and about his hurts, feelings, and needs... she no longer finds him attractive. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 03:47 PM |
| 1 | Honestly, I need help with this.Seems to happen to a lot of women. They either just aren't content or want more. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 05:26 AM |
| 1 | Honestly, I need help with this.That's a big part of it. And people can also change over time, like my ex and I did. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/21 05:06 AM |
| 1 | Honestly, I need help with this.Sorry to hear that, man. Relationships are tough. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/21 09:08 PM |
| 3 | What if there actually was a Female-only country ?Great read; thanks! | /r/MGTOW | 03/07/21 05:00 AM |
| 3 | Permanent supportI can see why you fired her. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/21 01:48 AM |
| 3 | Stbx hasn't worked for 10yrs, what career could she get into to support herself and kids?Home Child Care Provider. My STBXW does it and rakes in over $10K a year per kid. I work in IT and she actually makes as much as I do (and could make more) with zero education. Training usually involves a CPR class and an orientation in most states. Pretty cheap to get started, and she can write off the home on her taxes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/21 10:53 PM |
| 4 | The End of My Rope.Sorry man, that's rough. But, hopefully, this is about as rough as it will get. Over time, more and more issues will get resolved, and eventually, you'll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Just about any guy can be made out to look like a psycho with a EPO, so you're certainly not alone. It's almost standard operating procedure these days. Take some time to walk in nature if you can, meditate, and try to stay calm. When you can, search through your messages and emails and try to esta… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/21 08:55 PM |
| 3 | Permanent supportThat's a great way to look at it. I liken it to having paid $1000 a month for a full-time housekeeper, babysitter, personal chef and shopper, and professional escort. Plus, I'd easily pay that much for either of my children. So, all in all, a great deal. (In fact, I'm starting to think maybe she was the one who got screwed!) | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/21 08:12 PM |
| 3 | Permanent supportI wish I could take a 20-year vacation, and then be entitled to compensation for not working. Sorry, but that shit is backwards. She should be grateful for the privilege of not having to work for 20 years. Just call it even. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/21 07:50 PM |
| 4 | Need someone divorced and older to talk toYa, she was serious. She also told me she secretly wished I would die, so she could take our money, find someone else, and finally be happy. That was after we'd agreed to divorce, but still. It's better to fly solo than be with someone who doesn't appreciate you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/21 05:42 AM |
| 2 | I beat her in courtDitto. 28 years together. She tried to use an emergency order to try to get me out of the house as well. No violence. The judge denied all her requests. Was a neat little $10,000 legal exercise that didn't make any difference. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/21 09:41 PM |
| 7 | Need someone divorced and older to talk toSimilar age, length of marriage, and age of kids. Currently still living with my STBXW (soon to be ex-wife) and kids, and (hopefully) reaching the end of a 2-year divorce. One thing I would advise is waiting until your youngest is 18 (if you can). It could save you a lot of custody hassles. Like you, my STBXW's libido started to wane as we aged. I tried to be understanding (it wasn't her choice), but we'd grown apart and it was one of the few strings still binding us together. She went from occa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/21 08:30 PM |
| 2 | I (28M) feel my life and happiness being sucked out of me when my spouse (28F) is around (no kids or assets together). There’s been no infidelity.. i’ve outgrown the marriage and the incompatibilities we have.. I’m afraid if I divorce, that I’ll never be able to find a quality woman though..As you can tell from these posts, modern males are figuring out that marriage does not provide a good return on investment; that's why the majority of the US is now single! Women change. Men change. Needs change. No one can predict the future, and marriage can lock you into a myriad of shitty situations. Having the power to walk away is what keeps people (both men and women) in line and putting forth a greater effort. The fact is, the majority of people who marry will either end up divorced or u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/21 05:30 PM |
| 1 | Need sex advice…Ya, no fun, but at least it works solo. Bonus tip: lay off the self-care for a week or so before your next date. Also, if you can, avoid spending too much time making out before getting down to business. Both things can affect responsiveness. Good luck! | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/21 10:36 PM |
| 3 | Need sex advice…Do you have any problems when you're performing "self-care"? If not, then there's nothing wrong with your penis, it's in your head. There is a lot of pressure to perform with someone new and you can easily psyche yourself out. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. (It can also keep you from finishing the deed; as you need to be relaxed for that, too.) The good news is, the more you're with each other, the easier it will come (no pun). But don't plan to have sex, that will only make you more anxious. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/21 05:39 PM |
| 3 | A meme I wish I had seen in my early twenties.That happened so often they made laws against it! Too many vulnerable women seeing their lawyers as protectors and saviors led to a lot of lawyers taking advantage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/21 05:21 PM |
| 0 | I'm losing my life (36)It really sounds like you need a therapist in addition to a lawyer. Nothing to be ashamed of, the process is extremely difficult and sometimes you need an independent third party to tell you where you're right and wrong. Divorce teaches you a lot about yourself and gives you lots of opportunities to practice self-control, patience, and stoicism. Your daughter is also watching, so set a good example of what it is to be a responsible adult. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/21 05:02 PM |
| 8 | A meme I wish I had seen in my early twenties.Ya, I think he's about the only winner in this situation. And maybe their lawyers (not pictured). | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/21 04:39 PM |
| 8 | She belongs to the streets - it’s just your turn …Wow, this one kinda got away from me, but I had a similar experience recently. I'm pretty old-fashioned, so I was troubled when my ex started revealing details about her sexual past. She told me about one guy she worked with who was getting divorced (just like I was). They hit it off (just like we did) and he took her to a hotel where they had sex. So far, nothing too unusual. She was falling for this guy until he told her that he wasn't really getting divorced. He then added that his wife actua… | /r/MGTOW2 | 22/06/21 04:59 PM |
| 5 | My son just never wants to be with meMy son and I have spent many hours bonding over Mario Brothers and Little Big Planet games, to name a couple. 4 might be a little young, but he will be there soon. Once separated, I would also suggest implementing some routines or traditions that he can look forward to. Movie nights, "Fast Food Fridays," "ice cream Mondays," game nights, Pokemon Go, sports stuff, etc. Figure out what he likes and make it a thing you do together. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/21 06:28 PM |
| 12 | (infidelity) Stop beating yourself up over their softwareWas just watching a film about infidelity -- Crazy Stupid Love -- what a horrible film! [Spoiler Alert] The husband (Steve Carell) is a stand-up guy who provides everything his family needs. Big house, loyal husband, great father, etc. But his wife gets bored and fucks Chad. Why? Because she got bored. In the end, it's his fault, and he forgives her because she's "the one" (as if such a thing exists). Holy... fuck... what kind of message does this send? What should've happened is he should've ki… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/21 06:15 PM |
| 3 | Another one ...It's definitely a delicate and difficult situation. I've experienced this with my older kids. Mothers are often the primary caregivers, and when you separate, they can sometimes take on a more protective role and try to force you out (possibly ensuring they get more custody). First of all, consult your attorney. But you might try sending a text (so you have it in writing) requesting time with your son independent from her, and ask what kind of schedule would work best for her. Be understanding, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/21 04:53 PM |
| 9 | Well , it finally happenedThe odd thing about divorce is that people who'd never be investigated under normal circumstances can suddenly find themselves having their lives thrust under the microscope. Anything you've ever said or done is now being spun and used against you, even if you've done nothing wrong. Personally, I thought I was a good/great father and I knew I'd done nothing wrong. Still, my STBXW wanted me out of the house. She talked to several people about a restraining order, but all of them refused to help b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/21 05:26 PM |
| 3 | I feel the world is closing on me...Or a dog. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/21 05:14 AM |
| 8 | Don't marry without a PrenupThis is just wrong. Just like Gates and Bezos, their wives did NOT build corporate empires that made them billions, they were just lucky enough to marry the right guy. All they did was win the "husband lottery." They didn't create anything, they just milked the system. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/21 05:43 AM |
| 4 | The high cost of divorceJust be careful. The more you earn, the more it may weigh into calculations for support and her share of legal fees. It may be better to make less now, take on debt during the divorce, and then work your butt off afterwards. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 07:01 PM |
| 2 | The high cost of divorceFrustrating, but true. There is often more benefit in dragging out temporary orders than finalizing the divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:52 PM |
| 2 | The high cost of divorceOuch. We're going on 2 years since we agreed to divorce. I asked for a court date back in January and still haven't heard anything from the courts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:44 PM |
| 3 | The high cost of divorceI also feel like divorce AND marriage are rackets at this point. Life got tough so she left…not any other bs happened. Just wasn’t happy….why not just say that and split things in a fair way? If we handled divorce here as they do in Scandinavia, I don't think I would be as opposed to marriage. Everyone should be treated as an equal, divorce should be free, there should be no monetary benefit for greater custody of children, and no alimony. Divorce should be only slightly more difficult than a br… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:40 PM |
| 5 | The high cost of divorceThe only winning move is not to play. You might still have to deal with family courts (if you have kids), but at least you won't lose half of everything you've ever worked for (and have to make alimony payments on top of that). | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:27 PM |
| 5 | The high cost of divorceMy STBXW isn't the brightest bulb in the bunch. This detail was easy enough to gloss over when we were married because I could help her with difficult decisions. But in a divorce, I'm having to put up with a lot of ridiculousness and her attornies taking advantage of her ignorance. I think I'd be more upset if I thought she actually knew what she was doing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:22 PM |
| 2 | The high cost of divorceAre there any points of leverage you can use to incentivize a settlement ... This question wasn't directed at me, but if I may interject: you often hear in men's divorce forums about the importance of not leaving the marital home. I've questioned this wisdom as I've desperately wanted to move out, and my attorney has even suggested it would be cheaper than fighting her over it. But honestly, right now, I think this is her primary incentive to settle. While it may be costing me to fight it (she's… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/21 04:14 PM |
| 3 | I just got servedWelcome to the club. It sucks. I think it's fairly common to ask for everything in a petition, in the off chance you don't reply and it gets granted. It might also be a tactic to start at a high point and settle from there. It's also common to toss in a restraining order to try and get the house or gain some leverage. If you've ever had an argument with your wife in 23 years, you're now a "verbally abusive narcissist." Don't take it personally, it's just the way women "disconnect," and it gives … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/21 10:03 PM |
| 1 | The worst comes outNice! All I ever wanted was an equal split. She now makes more than me but still wants alimony (because I made a little more during our marriage). Can't wait for this to be over. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/21 01:50 AM |
| 2 | The worst comes out6 months? I've waited for her to settle for almost 2 years... while living together... while she tries to get me evicted. It sucks. But be careful what you text as she may use it against you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/21 06:37 PM |
| 5 | Remember "The older men get, the more they look like Sean Connery. The older women get, the more they look like Sean Connery."You're here too, eh? Lol. Learn from us guys who made the mistake of getting married: don't do it! Odds are it won't last or it won't make you any happier. Keep that hard earned money and enjoy your life. | /r/MGTOW | 23/05/21 02:15 AM |
| 15 | What’s the dating pool like for a man in his mid 30s?The older men get, the more they look like Sean Connery. The older women get, the more they look like Sean Connery. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/21 09:38 PM |
| 6 | Just got served divorced papers today. Any advice would be helpful.Now is one of the most stressful times. In addition to what others have said, be on your best behavior. She may be gathering evidence and anything you say or do could be used against you. Do not text or email her anything you would not want read by a judge. Being a jerk won't help, anyway. It will only convince her she was right to leave. Keeping your cool and being polite keeps you out of trouble and may even make her doubt her own decision. And your kids are watching, so set a good example. Do… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/21 04:56 AM |
| 1 | Post-Divorce HappinessTrue. My dad lost one wife to divorce and one to death. I asked him which was worse and he answered "death." I assume because it's easier to let go of someone you're fighting with than someone you still care about. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/21 10:07 PM |
| 4 | Post-Divorce HappinessI really enjoyed After Life with Rick Gervais on Netflix. His wife dies, but the grieving process is similar and still relatable. There's also a lot of talk about "reasons to keep going," so they sprinkle a bit of therapy in there. You can't really skip the grieving process, you just have to feel the feels for a while. I also found Marriage Story to be pretty relatable. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/21 07:37 PM |
| 60 | This gentleman explains the dark truth about being a male and why men should focus on their purpose. #MGTOWJust read this on MSN.com today... "So far, a total of 122 people, including 31 children and 20 women, have died in the Gaza Strip since tensions escalated Monday." Not to take away from the tradgedy of this particular story, but why is it always reported this way? How many men died? Who knows, who really cares? If you want to know, you'll have to do the math for yourself. It doesn't even matter that 3 times as many men died. The loss of female lives is what's important. Men are disposable. They… | /r/MGTOW2 | 14/05/21 08:53 PM |
| 5 | Honestly, I need help with this.This is so common. In the beginning, you can do no wrong. In the end, you can do no right. You're married for years, suddenly nothing you do (or have ever done) is good enough for her. She starts complaining about everything, creating false narratives about how horrible you are, tries to turn the kids and others against you, etc. There's no appreciation for anything you've ever done or the memories you share; there is only contempt. It seems to be the modus operandi for how women emotionally det… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/21 06:41 PM |
| 1 | Questions for lawyersCheck Yelp and other websites for reviews. Stick to lawyers who only do divorce. Aggressive lawyers aren't necessarily better and may just end up costing you more. Keep in mind that any lawyer you interview, your wife can't use. One of the biggest issues we've experienced is with communication. My lawywer usually responds fairly promptly, but my STBX has had 2 laywers and has had a lot of trouble getting either of them to respond. (One of them had a lot of negative reviews to this effect.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/05/21 05:48 PM |
| 3 | Bad Bill of GoodsAmen, brother. Same experience here (minus the affair... maybe that was coming next?). | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/21 10:01 PM |
| -1 | Anybody divorced in a marriage of more than 10 years and successfully got back with their ex?6% of people remarry their former spouse, so it's pretty common (1 in every 17 remarriages). My dad remarried my mom after they'd both been remarried and divorced. The first time lasted 13 years, second lasted 2 years. I'm sure they were both kicking themselves in the divorce for making the same mistake twice. Lawyers were happy, though. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/21 01:46 AM |
| 4 | Trouble with relationships after divorceAlong those same lines, I once overheard a female co-worker (who was leaving her husband for another man) say, "The first time is for love, the second time is for money." | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/21 01:38 AM |
| 16 | Only been divorced a few weeks and just got remarried. Honey do lists are amazing!One of the best things about divorce is no longer having to compromise or ask for permission. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/21 09:18 PM |
| 3 | From love to contemptIt's been said that when a woman wants to be with you, you can do nothing wrong, but when a woman turns against you, you can do nothing right. My wife also rewrote our history, and I've seen so many men say the same. I read some research that said women were more likely to remember all the negatives and forget all the positives when breaking up. It's theorized that they may have evolved the ability to detach quicker in order to avoid men who don't stick around to help them raise the children the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/21 10:02 PM |
| 6 | (Not the best quality) Divorce Corp. - In 2014 Divorce was a 50 Billion dollar racket. Imagine 2021.I've often wondered what the consequences would be if the government just got out of the marriage business. It would certainly save us all this hassle. Couples could still register as "married" if they want to, but as far as the government is concerned, it's no different than dating. There are no legal benefits or consequences. No longer married? No big deal, it's just like a breakup. His stuff is his, and hers is hers. Anything else you want to work out between yourselves you can draw up your o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/21 09:40 PM |
| 10 | Some good advice if you have to live with your soon to be ex.My STBX has tried several times to seek help getting a restraining order, each time they told her I didn't do anything worthy of one. Even her old lawyer told her this. Her new lawyer helped her file an emergency "ex parte" order for exclusive rights of the house. It was denied, but we still have an upcoming hearing to review the request. I knew I'd done nothing wrong, so I was very curious what she and her new lawyer dreamt up to hold against me (having 28 years of material to draw from). I was… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/05/21 03:56 PM |
| 3 | Getting prepared - need recommendations for lawyer in SF Bay AreaHave you tried Yelp? Might help weed out some of the bad ones. Also, I'd recommend sticking with lawyers who only do divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/05/21 06:58 PM |
| 8 | Regrets?She seems to be making an effort, which I think is all one can do. If you try again and it doesn't work, what have you lost? You were going to get divorced, anyway. But you should definitely set some clear and reasonable boundaries before returning (e.g. if x happens again, then y). Because you're right. Things will eventually get comfortable again, and if you're not working on it, you could fall back into the same trap. But do praise the changes that you notice. Changing behavior is difficult. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/05/21 05:31 PM |
| 2 | If women aren't allowed to post please delete, but I wanted to thank youThanks for your post. One thing I learned while going through the divorce process is that, oftentimes, women are actively encouraged (by their lawyers or others) to file for a restraining order and/or emergency orders upon filing for divorce. It gets the husband kicked out and gets the wife sympathy, possession of the home, the kids, child support, and possibly spousal support. It can also set the wife up to be favored in the divorce. There is little risk for lying (it's rarely punished, just di… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/04/21 04:58 PM |
| 1 | The Power of Silence"If it’s within your power to change a situation, do so. If it isn’t, change your perspective." Serious question: What if, say, one were a German in Nazi Germany who didn't like what he saw. It's not in your power to change anything (assume you'd be killed for trying) and you don't want to compromise your principles by going along with it. I'm trying to imagine how one might find peace in such a situation. What perspective could one take? | /r/MGTOW2 | 30/04/21 12:43 AM |
| 1 | It does get better!It's also a good idea to ask your next SO, "Have you ever cheated on anyone?" If the answer is "Yes, but..." (there is always a but), it's probably best to nope your way out. If someone else wouldn't take you back after what you did to them, why should I take you in? | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/21 07:46 PM |
| 7 | Just remember folks, this is how the mainstream media portrays single men with no kidsFunny you should say that. When I was a kid, we had an adult neighbor who was single who made a big impression on me. Thing is, I never said a word to him and he has no idea. But he had his shit together. I noticed as a kid that his house was well maintained, the lawn was always neatly mowed, the garage was clean and organized, etc. Nice car. Girls and friends coming and going. But never any wife. Now that I'm in the midst of a messy divorce, and wondering what my future will bring, I think abou… | /r/MGTOW2 | 29/04/21 04:25 PM |
| 8 | I (62M) am so lost; she wants to throw me outI'm fighting this battle now. It's been nearly 2 years occupying the same house. She has made various attempts to get me thrown out and they've all failed (I've done nothing to deserve it). But it has gotten costly. Even my lawyer suggested it might be cheaper to move out, lol. She once told a judge I "stubbornly refused" to move out. The entitled, implicit supposition here was that it's the man's obligation to leave. Can you imagine if I had said "She stubbornly refuses to leave!"? Sorry, woman… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/04/21 10:01 PM |
| 6 | When she divorces you and have even more failed marriages after you and thinks y’all should work things out :Upvote for Coach Greg Adams! | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/21 10:05 PM |
| 1 | AdviceJust about every study on this subject shows that kids do better when fathers share custody. That's why courts are moving more towards shared custody, because it's been proven to be "what's best for the children" (in all but the most extreme cases). You don't have to be a perfect dad, you just have to be there as best you can. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/21 04:00 PM |
| 3 | Alienated Dad here. Could use some advice with my 11-year-old daughter.We thought about divorcing ourselves from SoCal, but decided to stay together for the tourists. ;) | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/21 08:25 PM |
| 3 | Alienated Dad here. Could use some advice with my 11-year-old daughter.A female friend of mine gave me some advice, based on when she was a teenager. She said, "As much as your teenage daughter acts like she wants nothing to do with you, she still wants you to keep asking. You might ask her to do something 1000 times and she might not say yes until the thousandth time, but you still need to keep asking." I figure as long as I'm asking, she knows I care, and that's all I can do. I just keep telling her, "I'm not going to force you to do anything, but I do enjoy spen… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/21 07:54 PM |
| 3 | Alienated Dad here. Could use some advice with my 11-year-old daughter.Somewhat similar situation with my son and daughter. I can't offer much advice, but I can relate. My son is super down-to-earth and seems to be navigating the divorce situation well. I ask him if he wants to go places and do things, and he's almost always on board. We've had a lot of great adventures as a result and he makes me feel like a good dad. My daughter is a completely different story. I can't seem to connect with her over anything, even the things she enjoys. I'm always asking her if sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/21 07:37 PM |
| 3 | How to split things evenly if one person thinks differently about value of things...I'm in CA and in almost an identical situation, here's what I've learned so far. As for the cars, you are correct. You each have a 50% stake, so add it up and divide by 2. The person who gets the more expensive car must (somehow) buy out the other. As for the house, you have a couple of options: According to my lawyer, even though the bank sees you as being legally obligated to keep up the mortgage payments, often one person moves out and starts covering their own rent, while the other takes ove… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/04/21 10:30 PM |
| 2 | A Couple Thoughts on Dating - PostDivorcefor me its been like fish in a barrel By this, do you mean it's been easy to find dates? I haven't dated in almost 30 years, and from what I've heard, average-looking men don't get a lot of attention on dating apps. Maybe you're just one of the lucky ones? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/03/21 04:39 PM |
| 3 | First date ...and ok with it?I moved on pretty quickly. After being with someone else for 25 years, it was hard for me to shake the feeling that it was somehow "wrong." While it didn't work out (lasted 9 months), it was nice to know that some women were still interested and it was great to spend time with someone who actually wanted to be with me (and vice versa). It was a bright spot during a very difficult time, and I actually think my divorce would've been a lot more difficult without it. But there were a few downsides. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/03/21 04:39 PM |
| 8 | Saving money on divorceThings are amicable until they're not. It sucks, but you have to stop thinking of this person as someone you love and start thinking of them as someone who is likely to sue you for as much as she can get. It's amazing how quickly marriage can turn from being about love to being about money. If you have time, you should check out the film Marriage Story (it's on Netflix). It takes you through all the horribleness that men can go through in a divorce; from starting off amicably to spending tens of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/03/21 10:58 PM |
| 5 | STBXWife attorney filed to withdraw?When my STBXW's attorney retired and she was unable to find a replacement. She was essentially forced to sign something saying she was now representing herself until she could find a replacement. Your ex will likely still need to show up on Wednesday (if she doesn't, the judge may make a decision without her), but it could delay things if she has no representation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/03/21 06:59 PM |
| 6 | Lost and BrokenI'm sorry that happened to you. Either she's cheating, thinking of cheating, or has opened an OnlyFans account to try and make money. That just sounds like a lot of material to create for some affair partner. And the baths? Maybe some kind of live streaming where she chats with customers? Are you in a no-fault state? If so, adultery doesn't matter to the courts, only to you. If she's falsely accusing you, record any future conversations. The relationship is really up to her at this point. If she… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/21 09:54 PM |
| 2 | Reactive abuse and gaslightingI guess don't ever live with a woman and don't ever never get married. This seems to be the conclusion a lot of modern men are coming to. And probably why the majority of Americans are now single. Why give up your freedom to walk away if things turn bad? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/21 03:46 PM |
| 2 | Deleting chatYou don't have to delete them, but you probably shouldn't look at them (unless you're in a good place... and if you were... you probably wouldn't want to look at them). You can't detach if you keep looking back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/21 11:05 PM |
| 3 | I Think it's Happening"A woman never throws away her only pair of shoes." | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/21 08:34 PM |
| 5 | Finally got a girlfriend!Congrats! I don't see any mention of ED, just a lack of energy and inability to finish the job. The latter can be caused by not feeling comfortable and relaxed. When you're with the same person for many years, it can be awkward and different to start off with someone new. You don't know each other's likes, dislikes, and expectations and there are a lot of nerves. Things may take longer than usual, but this will pass as you become more comfortable with each other. Also... you might try going with… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/21 04:30 PM |
| 12 | Chid Support - Ex wife quit job to become unemployedAgreed. Her income should be imputed based on her earnings potential. If necessary, you can hire a vocational expert to assess how much she could be earning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/21 04:54 PM |
| 3 | How long did the process take? What did you do to get through it?Mine has taken 18 months so far, and we're still living together. I asked for a court date to help move things along, but it's been a month-and-a-half and no word yet. I don't want to go to court, but it was the only way to force a settlement. Some days are hell and I think about moving out. But then I think about how happy that would make her, and I know I have to stay. ;) But seriously, I meditate. I put on some headphones, listen to some relaxing tunes, "step outside myself," analyze my curre… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/03/21 09:48 PM |
| 2 | Alimony Guesstimate-OhioYa, 3 years sounds doable. It still sucks, but keep in mind you'll be saving money by not paying for her health insurance, medical, food, car, gas, phone, clothes, etc. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/03/21 05:50 PM |
| 6 | Alimony Guesstimate-OhioYou can usually have a judge "impute" an income estimate (i.e. how much she might earn if working at her full potential). Child support payments will also depend on custody arrangements. Child support is usually calculated first. Alimony (spousal support) may be capped at a certain percentage of your income (so you still have something left to live on). But depending on your state and circumstances, this can sometimes be roughly half your paycheck. On the plus side, since you were only married 9… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/03/21 05:32 PM |
| 4 | Initial consultations are so expensiveWe're polite to each other most days (we still live together) but we are in total disagreement over the house, spousal maintenance, child custody, and lawyer's fees. I have no problem splitting everything 50/50, but she wants far more than what's reasonable. I finally had to request a court date because it was dragging on forever. Her lawyer has been much more aggressive and has billed her accordingly (2-3 times more than mine). Divorce is a multi-billion dollar industry. Ordinary people are som… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/21 09:51 PM |
| 1 | My lawyer resigned, what should I do?If your case is complicated, your new lawyer may have to spend some time going through your documentation and getting up to speed. At $300-$400 an hour, this can quickly add up (though your old lawyer may be able to fill them in). If you're happy with her, I'd say move to the new firm. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/21 08:07 PM |
| 4 | Initial consultations are so expensiveI paid a $3500 retainer, my wife paid $5000. We quickly burned through about $15,000 just having our lawyers draw up documents and email each other our proposed settlement agreements. If you're going to court, some lawyers will ask for retainers in the tens-of-thousands. It's cheaper if you can mediate, and cheapest to avoid marriage altogether. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/03/21 07:58 PM |
| 36 | Can You Cashapp Me.....???I had a female friend who used to play online games. She said she was often shocked how men would sometimes shower her with gifts inside the game. She wouldn't even ask, they would just starting throwing money at her. | /r/MGTOW | 15/03/21 05:08 PM |
| 1 | "I wouldn't talk to you ever again if I didn't have to"My wife is trying to make me the bad guy as well, and has said the same thing. When you can't take responsibility for your own failings, you blame others to cope with what's happening. She's obviously hurt, and "hurt people hurt people." If she were in a good place, she would be wishing you peace and happiness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/21 05:37 PM |
| 2 | What have you found time to rediscover?And not having to put the toilet seat down. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/21 05:31 PM |
| 3 | What have you found time to rediscover?*Opens browser in incognito mode... | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/21 05:24 PM |
| 41 | Conditional LoveTo be fair, I think men can be loved by friends and family without providing something. But when it comes to wives and divorce, it's often all about money. After working hard for 25 years to provide for my family (and making more than most of my friends and co-workers), my wife said this to me yesterday: "You should've left your job and found another one where you made more." I couldn't believe it. No "Thank you for working so hard all these years so I could stay home with the kids." No "I appre… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/03/21 07:16 PM |
| 3 | Pain the Ass Child SupportWell... I heard about one guy who found someone better, married her, took pictures of them being happy on their wedding day, had those pictures printed on his checks, and used them to pay his ex-wife each month. :) https://imgur.com/jkuqf7X | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/03/21 04:51 PM |
| 12 | Career-woman froze her eggs but failed to have children in the end - you can’t make this shit upI watched my sister age out as well. She always wanted to get married and have kids, but now she's 50 and still single and can't figure out why. When she was young and beautiful (but snobbish), she had her choice of good-looking rich guys and even turned down a couple of proposals. Eventually, all the good guys were scooped up and she hit the wall. Rather than settle down with "Joe the plumber," she "compromised" by chasing after unavailable men, addicts, or men with children (as long as they we… | /r/MGTOW | 04/03/21 07:48 PM |
| 3 | Career-woman froze her eggs but failed to have children in the end - you can’t make this shit upYep. No one was ever harmed by not existing. | /r/MGTOW | 04/03/21 06:17 PM |
| 1 | Unresponsive AttorneyIt sounds like you may need a new attorney, but you could leave a message saying you'd like a callback or an explanation by a certain date or you'll need to move on. My wife has had a couple of divorce attornies so far and both have been painfully slow to respond (which has led to the divorce dragging out while we live together). But mine always gets back to me the same day. I think it comes down to how busy they are and their priorities. Like any business, some places just provide better custom… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/03/21 06:00 PM |
| 2 | I could use a little encouragement to take the first step.I wish my wife was begging me to stay. It's a real blow to the ego to be married for 25+ years and have them fall out of love with you. But I can understand why she did (we've really grown apart over the years and it's difficult to appreciate each other). If you haven't tried couples therapy, you could give it a go just to see if it changes anything. If not, you can easily walk away knowing you tried. But every situation is different, so you have to judge for yourself whether or not you think th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/21 06:52 PM |
| 4 | I’m newGreetings. Congrats on having a son! At least something good came out of it. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/21 10:08 PM |
| 6 | Gender roles in divorceShe's going to have one hell of a time finding a replacement. The majority of women want their spouses to earn more than they do (they want equality in the workplace, but not so much at home). They want to be desired by someone successful. Literally <1% of males earn over 300K a year, and her money isn't going to mean anything to them. (They would rather date their 26-year-old receptionist.) She will have to settle for someone who earns less, and will eventually look down on them as well. But it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/21 05:37 PM |
| 1 | Wonder if this is an early celebration of freedom from their female attachments..They're likely competing for the top spot on the branch. They all want to be the alpha male so all the females will mate with them. Silly monkeys. Glad we evolved beyond such nonsense. /s | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/21 05:04 PM |
| 2 | Will I have to split the home 50% with my STBX ?Any separate monies put into the home prior to the marriage (i.e. your down payment) should be refunded to you. It doesn't matter if you refinanced in your name only. If you can prove your contribution came from a clearly separate asset, you might be able to get some of that returned (depending on Indiana's laws). For example, if you inherited $40K (separate asset) and then plunked it into the house, you might be able to get that refunded. But if it came from a separate bank account, which was f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/21 10:29 PM |
| 12 | My LTR is starting to push for marriage, should I tell her I have no interest in getting married again?If you're in a LTR and this hasn't come up yet, then ya, she deserves to know. It's fine if you don't want to remarry (and I don't blame you), but she may have other goals for her life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/21 10:31 PM |
| 1 | Questions about dividing Inheritances and Retirement accounts.My father passed away just before we filed for divorce. My wife was livid when she found out it was considered separate property. She felt entitled to it and tried everything she could think of to get her hands on it. Luckily, it's considered separate property and my dad didn't include her name in his will. So, ya, you're unlikely to see any of your wife's inheritance, but likewise, she won't see any of yours. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/21 10:00 PM |
| 7 | wife is ruining me financially. i need adviceYa, I was under the impression that alimony and child support were supposed to help her cover her bills, including rent. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/21 05:46 PM |
| 3 | Does it matter who files first?If you didn't already have a lawyer, I'd say file first. If she files first, you only have 30 days to find an attorney and respond. You're also stuck picking a lawyer that she hasn't already visited. When you file first, you have more time and your choices aren't as limited. Psychologically, it's hard to say if it makes any difference. It shouldn't, but bias exists. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/21 08:43 PM |
| 3 | California 50/50 Child custody and financesOn the plus side, you're getting divorced after 8 years. Had it been 10, you may have been on the hook for more alimony. As it is, at most you'll have to pay for about 4 years (if she asks for it). | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/21 07:47 PM |
| 1 | 1 year separated and still no divorceWeird that they won't get one set. But sure, if you're not happy with him. Lawyers seem to have different motives. Some really want to help you get your divorce behind you, while others don't care if it drags on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/21 04:45 AM |
| 1 | 1 year separated and still no divorceYou can ask your lawyer to request a court date. Depending on your state, they may require a settlement conference (about 1 month before the court date) to see if you can settle things without a judge. You can still negotiate before then (e.g. have your lawyer send hers a Settlement Agreement). | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/21 11:12 PM |
| 4 | Relevant.Tru dat. If you ask my ex, no one should date me either, lol. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/21 06:17 PM |
| 8 | Relevant.Especially at my age! Not to be too cynical, but once you reach your late 40s you're left with: women who must be lying about their age women who cheated on their last husband (I wouldn't trust them) women whose husbands' left them and for good reason(s) women who left their husbands/partners for questionable reasons and are likely to leave you as well "leftover" women no one else wanted (sometimes for obvious reasons, sometimes it takes a while to figure it out) widows with late-great husbands … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/21 06:02 PM |
| 1 | 1 year separated and still no divorceMy STBXW and I have been going back and forth for over a year (while we still cohabitate). A couple of weeks ago I asked for a trial date. Not because I want a trial, but because I'm tired of her and the lawyers dragging things out. I figure, if we can't settle things by the time we go to court, we probably weren't going to be able to settle them anyway. It's usually best to mediate or try to reach a settlement, but when things start to drag out, asking for a trial seems to be the only other opt… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/21 05:30 PM |
| 1 | Venting a bitIt's a power struggle. She's angry she has none. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/21 05:20 PM |
| 5 | Venting a bitYep. Overheard my STBXW say to someone, "Why does he insist on splitting everything 50/50?" She asked for the house, the car, all the furniture, 100% custody, 100% of her lawyer's fees, child support, 50% of my recent inheritance, and alimony (even though she makes as much as I do). Because I've always held to a 50/50 split, things have dragged on for over a year. I finally just asked for a trial. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/21 05:03 PM |
| 4 | What Stands in the Way Becomes the WayDivorce is a 50 billion dollar industry that no one wants to seriously challenge. One thing I've learned from this whole process is to just ask for a trial if it looks like things are going to drag out. Not because you want a trial (you probably don't), but because it puts pressure on your partner (and the lawyers) to settle. Try mediation first, but if that's going nowhere or lawyers get involved, move quickly for a trial. Yes, trials are expensive, but so is paying for multiple years of legal … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/21 05:24 PM |
| 7 | Positive thoughts thread.So... you're saying the grass is greener? (I'll show myself out.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/21 09:26 PM |
| 2 | When you get married, it's about love. When you get divorced, you're told its about money, basically a business transactionI recommend skipping marriage and just giving her half your stuff now. She'll see how much you love her AND you'll save the cost of the wedding and lawyer's fees! But seriously, there's a reason the majority of the US is now made of single people. People have figured out that the benefits don't outweigh the costs (in most cases). Personally, I think people try harder when either partner can just walk away. Commitment should be demonstrated by actions over time, not words on a wedding day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/21 08:17 PM |
| 4 | When you get married, it's about love. When you get divorced, you're told its about money, basically a business transactionMy X took me for over $700K Ouch. You could buy a lot of happiness for $700K. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/21 08:00 PM |
| 3 | Getting blamed for everythingHere's a reference to the study I found in in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202001/why-some-people-cant-stop-thinking-about-their-exes | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/21 08:16 PM |
| 6 | Getting blamed for everythingI wouldn't take it too personally. There was a study of 900 couples that had broken up, and one of the outcomes was that women always blamed the men for causing the breakup. (Imagine that! It's always men's fault!) Women also tended to remember all the negative things and forget the positives to help them cope with the breakup. So don't let her define you, she's in no place to do that. Also consider how women request 70-80% of divorces, and how data on same-sex marriages (from multiple countries… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/21 06:13 PM |
| 2 | Be rich, act poorPracticing gratitude is the key to feeling fulfilled. Example: Assume you're legs don't work. Spend some time thinking about how much more difficult your life would be without legs. Not being able to go for hikes or climb stairs. Not being able to reach things at the store. Not being able to run or jump. Having to buy all that specialized equipment just to get around. How much would you pay to have them back? Now imagine you suddenly have the gift of your legs back! Now go enjoy them! Or imagine… | /r/MGTOW2 | 25/01/21 10:05 PM |
| 5 | Poor guy! Hopefully things turn out well for him! Let’s hope he finds this community! Love you guys ❤️If you're ever lonely or tempted to get married, head on over to r/Divorce or r/Divorce_Men and read some posts. Then consider that this happens in nearly 50% of cases (and even those who stay married aren't necessarily any happier than those who remain single). The odds are against you. Stay single. That way, if and when things change, you can just walk away. No spending tens of thousands on lawyers, no arguing over who gets what, no losing half your stuff, no alimony, and no ex ranting to all … | /r/MGTOW2 | 14/01/21 06:52 PM |
| 10 | Pay attention. She will tell you all you need to know.When my wife of 25 years first told someone I was being "emotionally abusive," I asked for a divorce. I knew we weren't getting along, but I was NOT abusive. We continued to cohabitate while we sorted out the details of the divorce. During that time, she tried to get a restraining order to get me kicked out. The person helping her asked if I'd ever hit her or threatened her in any way. "No." They asked what kind of names I called her. "None." They asked for recent evidence of abuse, and she list… | /r/MGTOW2 | 09/01/21 06:45 AM |
| 2 | Modern youngish women and their very very strange expectations"The juice isn't worth the squeeze," as Joker says. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/21 06:37 PM |
| 2 | Modern youngish women and their very very strange expectationsCame here to say this. Better Batchelor talks about this problem regularly. Good women are out there, but it's like "finding a needle in a needle stack." | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/21 04:44 PM |
| 2 | What do I do?Sorry, you're going through this. This is why so many young men are not getting married - it's a shitty deal for men. At this point, don't worry about doing things amicably. That would be nice, and you should shoot for that, but it rarely happens. But you are entitled to 50% of your property if you live in a community property state. It doesn't always work out that way, but don't give in. I've been living with my STBXW for a year and a half since we agreed to divorce. It's been hell, but I see i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/21 05:08 PM |
| 8 | That’s it?Forgot that now starts the painful process of removing her from my insurance, medical, dental, etc. Painful? I'm looking forward to it! I've paid over $100,000 for my wife's insurance over the past 25 years (my work only covers half of her policy). So I'm looking forward to a nice bump in my paycheck, and to saving all that money I used to spend on keeping her happy. Not to mention being able to buy things without having to compromise or ask permission. Divorce is unfortunate, but it's not entir… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/21 04:53 PM |
| 6 | I think I need some relationship adviceOof. At 35 her clock is ticking. I'd say if you're not absolutely sure, give it more time. It's better to have to break it off in a couple of years with no kids, then have to break it off with kids. The harsh reality is, YOU can still have kids in 2, 5, 10 years if and when you decide you want them. This may sound selfish, but she has a time limit, you do not. You can be 45 and still find another 35-year-old desperate to have kids. If she's proposing breaking up during the honeymoon phase, this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/21 09:29 PM |
| 2 | Do Men generally live better in Solitude than Women?Lol. I heard a similar story about an all-female film production company. I believe it lasted about 2 years before going bankrupt. The owner stated that if she had to do it all over again, she would make it all-male. She complained that women spent far too much time talking about clothes and gossiping, judging and criticizing for superficial reasons, trailed in productivity, and lacked accuracy in some critical cases. They had to hire a couple of men to direct and run camera equipment (apparentl… | /r/MGTOW2 | 04/01/21 05:57 PM |
| 2 | Millions Of Men No Longer Want To Get Married, And You Can Thank The Government For ThatDitto. Handing over half of everything. From now on, if I'm working for money, I'm keeping that money. No more free rides. | /r/MGTOW2 | 30/12/20 11:16 PM |
| 3 | Pain?Not likely. Research suggests that women -- nearly 100% of the time -- blame the man for the breakup. Women are also more likely to remember all the negatives and forget the positives. This feeling grows even stronger when they enter into another relationship. So... maybe you can take some comfort in knowing her biology is basically forcing her to adopt a false narrative about how much you suck, so she can uncouple more easily. But her opinion of you shouldn't matter anyway. Just go on being the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/20 10:02 PM |
| 7 | LonelySorry for your situation. Perhaps you meant to post to r/divorce? (As this sub is usually for men posting about how to divorce or get over their wives, lol.) You might also want to check out r/lonely or r/heartbreak. Look at some of the top posts. Lots of advice there on how to cope. YouTube also has a lot of great videos. But most of the advice is the same: acknowledge the feels, distract yourself with friends and hobbies, exercise, give it time, find someone new. Repeat. :-/ | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/20 06:20 PM |
| 5 | Does anyone else read r/divorce and see a ton of toxic women?Ya, I think this kind of inflationary language takes away from actual cases of emotional abuse and narcissism. It does happen, but not nearly as often as men are diagnosed by their former SOs. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/20 11:47 PM |
| 9 | Does anyone else read r/divorce and see a ton of toxic women?You probably are a mild-mannered dude! A study of 900+ former-couples showed that women tended to remember all the negatives and forget the positives post-breakup. Ergo, you're now the anti-Christ and she's able to uncouple from your "toxic-ass" with less trauma than if you were, well, a mild-mattered dude. Men, on the other hand, tend to remember the relationship more positively. Soooo... you're probably not the caricature of a person your ex is making you out to be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/20 11:34 PM |
| 9 | Does anyone else read r/divorce and see a ton of toxic women?I'm convinced every husband is an "emotionally abusive narcissist." | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/20 10:37 PM |
| 3 | The ConundrumMine too, mate. Seems like there are huge pros and cons to either side. (BTW, love the basement idea!! Would love to do that.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/12/20 01:20 AM |
| 3 | The ConundrumMarriage rates are now lower than ever, and there are now more single adults than married adults. I don't know why this wasn't bigger news, but at some point in the past 10 years, we became a nation of singles. I'll leave you to speculate as to why. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/20 09:55 PM |
| 5 | Mediation or litigation?My STBXW and I have now spent over $15,000 in lawyers fees, mostly so they could email each other back and forth over the past year and a half. I wish she was reasonable enough that we could've worked things out via mediation, but it is what it is. Best of luck to you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/20 09:43 PM |
| 7 | Mediation or litigation?Mediation is almost always the better option if both parties are willing to participate. It usually costs less and results in a better outcome. If you need to, you can have a lawyer look over your settlement agreement, or even have them sit with you during mediation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/20 08:57 PM |
| 1 | Need a place to shareIt's for the best. I had to tell my STBXW that I was no longer a believer about 10 years into our marriage, and I wondered if it would end things. Our faith, along with our kids, and sex, were the three main things keeping us together. We didn't share a lot of other interests. Over time, we grew more and more apart, religiously, politically, and ideologically. It became harder and harder to appreciate and respect each other's perspectives and feel understood, connected, and appreciated. (Imagine… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/12/20 05:59 AM |
| 2 | LostI kinda know the feeling. I work with an ex-gf and have conflicting feelings whenever I hear laughing. It feels like... a bit of jealousy mixed with rejection. It especially sucks when she's laughing with other guys. Grrr. I have to remind myself that I want her to be happy. Well, my ego wants her to be friggin' miserable for at least a decade, lol, but I shouldn't allow my self-worth to be defined by how others think, act, or feel. It helps to remember that most breakups occur because of compat… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/20 09:31 PM |
| 9 | LostSorry. You're not alone. It sucks. Unfortunately, there's no quick fix. You just have to feel the pain and learn to process all those feelings and "what if" thoughts. But it will pass and you will have another life on the other side of this. Promise. Your job right now is to be kind to yourself and not give into self-destructive behaviors. A lot of men recommend hitting the gym or exercising and finding a therapist, even if you've never contacted one before. Friends and family can also help, if … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/20 07:28 PM |
| 2 | I am ready to be free again. Just trying to avoid regret.I have similar goals with regards to keeping the home. (Also still living with my STBX and 2 kids.) My wife works and we both want the house (for different reasons). Rather than go back and forth on it, I told her she could have it, knowing she was unlikely to qualify. When she tried to get a loan, she came up short and offered me most of our retirement funds in exchange. I refused (citing the cost to liquidate them), which left her with two options: sell to me or ask to sell it on the market. W… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/20 11:07 PM |
| 4 | XW (36) reached out to meMy dad also remarried my mom. They too got divorced (again) after about a year. I think the take-away lesson is this: if you do get back together, don't remarry. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/12/20 07:36 PM |
| 3 | Divorce ImminentLike others have said, it starts out bad, but will get better with time. But it's a marathon, not a sprint. A few thoughts: Be prepared for a few more shocks. It's said that you don't really know a woman until you divorce her. She will likely ask for everything she can, possibly even full custody. (Now that she doesn't have you for security, she'll need to take from the marriage whatever she can.) It's entirely normal for men to end up feeling alone. Research indicates that men have a much harde… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/11/20 04:18 AM |
| 3 | Refinancing/ MortgageIt's also my understanding that if she's in violation of a court-ordered settlement, there should be some legal recourse (not sure why the judge said he couldn't force her). This is why it's important to have language that sets a time limit (e.g. "120 days to refi") and outlines a contingency plan (e.g. "or the home will be put up for sale"). I would try to settle it with her amicably, as it's in both your best interest to settle out of court. But if she can't afford the mortgage, she really nee… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/20 06:42 PM |
| 5 | Single mum at 44 who doesn’t take sh*t. WAATGM? Oh, I act like a man and curse all the time. But I an a softie really.Remember when "abuse" used to actually mean something? It used to be, when someone abused their wife or girlfriend, it was a serious matter. Now the word gets attached to anything that makes someone feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. There's a difference between having a disagreement and being abused. | /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen | 16/11/20 09:14 PM |
| 5 | In desperate need of helpSorry to hear that. Unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. "Purgery is the new 30." There are few repercussions for lying and judges tend to err on the side of caution. The best you can do is maintain your good behavior (don't seek revenge or send any messages that can later be used against you) and seek out a good lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing. Also, check through your old texts and emails to see if there is any evidence you can use in your favor. If you can prove she's ly… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/20 08:15 PM |
| 5 | Need advice for dating app timing.Speaking from experience, it's generally not a good idea to rush into anything, as tempting as it might be. I dated during the divorce process, and it definitely made things more complicated. Mine is a no-fault state, but it still made the STBXW more upset and less willing to negotiate. The girlfriend also got unintentionally dragged into the divorce because that's just was what I was dealing with at the time. She was jealous of the STBXW (and our having kids together) and the STBXW was upset ab… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/20 06:00 PM |
| 2 | ReconciliationFrom what I've read, about 6% of couples who get divorced actually end up remarrying each other. Surprisingly, they have a pretty good track record, with roughly 75% of them staying together. I wouldn't do it, but people can change and every case is unique. My parents did it but got divorced again a couple of years later. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/20 05:00 PM |
| 1 | How’d you meet your next partner?We met through work during the early stages of my divorce. Lasted about 9 months and was a roller-coaster of great highs and lows. I've since decided to take a break from dating and focus on getting my life together before re-entering the dating world. I'd really like to learn to be content on my own, so that I don't need someone else for validation. My biggest fear is being alone/lonely, so I'd like to face that fear and overcome it. I'm hoping a better/stronger person will emerge out the other… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/20 05:58 AM |
| 26 | What's your favorite saying that men have?Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9 This verse is over 2000 years old. Some things never change. Also similar: It is better to eat soup with someone you love than steak with someone you hate. Proverbs 15:17 | /r/MGTOW2 | 27/10/20 10:39 PM |
| 29 | What's your favorite saying that men have?I've also heard, "You don't really know a woman until you divorce her." | /r/MGTOW2 | 27/10/20 10:33 PM |
| 3 | So much harder for me than herSorry man, it hurts. Especially at first. I was one of those (guys) who moved on pretty quickly. I hadn't felt loved or valued in a long time, so when someone else came along and showed interest, it was hard to resist. But everyone's reasons are different. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/20 03:55 PM |
| 2 | Help me understand being MGTOW and "fear of loneliness" when you're olderTL;DR: If you're old and lonely, remember to protect yourself and your kids' inheritance from golddiggers as you age. When you're older, if you've enjoyed any success, you still have to watch out for golddiggers looking to strike it rich when you pass. Young women may get 50% in a divorce, but older women get 100% when you pass (unless you've made other arrangements). There are many stories of children getting screwed out of inheritance because dad decided to have one last fling. My dad was one … | /r/MGTOW2 | 26/10/20 10:45 PM |
| 1 | Hired the biggest ballbuster in town - but don't want a warAs for strategies, I heard from a divorce lawyer that it's usually best to make the initial settlement offer (which you seem to be planning). Apparently, it gives you an opportunity to "anchor" the agreement. She can then choose to sign off on it, ignore it, or respond with a counter-offer. That said, a judge still has to approve it. Some people go with the ball-buster attorney, spend a lot of money fighting, and then a judge just splits everything 50/50. An equal split should be your goal. If e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/20 04:21 PM |
| 2 | Was about to file but heard wife wants toIt's pretty much the same. There is a filing fee (I think mine was $450). Other than that, the biggest expense will be the lawyers. Who pays the lawyer's fees will depend on what you negotiate or what a judge determines you should pay. My wife has already racked up over $11,000 in lawyers fees; I'm at about $4000. They've both provided the same basic services, she just uses hers instead of using Google, and she doesn't know how to prepare paperwork so she has them do everything. I'll probably en… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/20 04:46 PM |
| 2 | Was about to file but heard wife wants toNormally I'd recommend filing first. You'll have your pick of all the best local lawyers, and after you consult with them, your spouse can't use them. (Some people will even go around and consult with all of them for this reason.) Also, if she files first, you will have about 30 days to respond. If you already have a lawyer this might be no big deal, but when you don't, you can find yourself running around in a panic trying to find one (like I did). When you file first, you can take your time an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/20 04:32 PM |
| 2 | Reasons why I lack motivation/desire to pursue a relationshipI've considered that, thanks! | /r/MGTOW2 | 16/10/20 06:54 PM |
| 2 | Reasons why I lack motivation/desire to pursue a relationshipThanks. My biggest fear has been the reorientation process, that and feeling more isolated without the wife and kids around. My father just died from cirrhosis of the liver, so I've been looking for healthier alternatives. So far, I found that meditation helps, along with reading, exercise, and focusing on other projects. Don't know if I'll go MGTOW for life, but for now, it does seem like the most sensible and peaceful option. Everything has its trade-offs. | /r/MGTOW2 | 16/10/20 04:52 PM |
| 8 | Reasons why I lack motivation/desire to pursue a relationshipI appreciate seeing so many older guys commenting here. I'm pushing 50 and in the midst of losing half of everything due to divorce. I thought I was a great husband and provider... correction... I WAS a great husband and provider, but that gets you nothing (no matter how rich you are). Women are notoriously impossible to please, especially these days. This is likely why lesbians have the highest divorce rates in every country where these data are tracked. It turns out, they can't make each other… | /r/MGTOW2 | 16/10/20 01:19 AM |
| 1 | Alimony proposalI believe, if you can convince a judge to impute her income (and she didn't support your schooling, is still physically able to work, etc.), you could be off the hook. But you might have to call in a vocational expert to prove it. As always, consult your attorney. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/20 09:40 PM |
| 3 | I just want my wife back :(Don't be too hard on yourself, you're perfectly within your right to be feeling what you're feeling. (Might want to check out r/BreakUps -- you're definitely not alone in this.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/10/20 09:56 PM |
| 10 | Seeking helpI think your eyes were just opened to the bitter truth that most who marry will end up unhappy and divorced or unhappily married, but there are rare exceptions. That said, it's rarely ever ALL bad. There are good days, weeks, years, and bad ones. All one can do is enter into a relationship assuming it will have an expiration date, and plan accordingly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/20 08:26 PM |
| 1 | Research article on how men handle breakups differently than women.I think that's true. There's something about hitting those 40s and 50s. It's as if a male is initially required for providing children, but once they're grown, his value diminishes. Couple that with menopause, a waning libido, and women being able to provide for themselves in this modern era, and if a partner isn't perfect and/or providing in other ways, he's easily at risk of becoming obsolete. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/20 05:28 PM |
| 6 | ConfusionI'd say my wife was a fairly good person and mother, but it was clear that she didn't value me. I don't think it's too much to ask that your spouse actually like you, lol. We'd just grown apart over the years (religiously, politically, ideologically, sexually, etc.). I've had one relationship since then and holy fuck! While it didn't work out, I will say this: if it's the only one I have for the rest of my life, it was worth it! Just to feel loved and desirable again was incredible. To be with s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/20 05:49 PM |
| 2 | Research article on how men handle breakups differently than women.I found it somewhat reassuring that this is actually the norm. As in, "Ok, you're probably not the horrible person she now thinks you are, that's just how women cope with the end of a relationship." And, "You're not a total loser just because you don't have any male support, that's also the norm for many men." If you really need it, there are therapists that can provide emotional support. I don't know if I'm quite there yet, but I know it's an option. Hang in there! hugs | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/10/20 09:24 AM |
| 1 | Story of UsMarriage Story (on Netflix) was also a good one. Shows just how insane the whole business of divorce can be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/20 05:07 PM |
| 3 | Why do men hate being rejected by women if most marriages end in divorce?If we REALLY wanted someone with whom we share a lot in common, we would date other men! We usually have less in common with women, but there are both biological urges and subconscious psychological needs (e.g. replacing that love and affection you got from mom) that seems to make us prefer women over men. | /r/MGTOW2 | 27/09/20 08:49 PM |
| 5 | What happens if you can't agree on a separation dateIt mostly comes down to the evidence. Do you have any evidence you were separated (e.g. proof that someone moved out)? Also -- as if it's anyone's business -- did you sleep together after that date? It could reset the timer on the separation date. If you're talking about a large sum, a judge may have to decide. In my case, my father passed away during our separation but before our divorce, and left me a good sum of money. My stbxw naturally wanted half and even asked for it in her petition. I ar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/09/20 10:16 PM |
| 2 | One sided marriage adviceI was in a similar situation. We were both from pretty conservative evangelical families. About 10 years into the marriage, I deconverted (agnostic/atheist). It definitely "created a rift" and we never again had the close connection that we once shared. We held it together for another 15 years for the sake of the kids, but we are presently getting divorced. The way I see it, the things couples share in common are like the "strings" that bind them together and make them feel close. The more of th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/20 09:50 PM |
| 3 | Do we ALL get f@#&ed?My lawyer told me this about my wife's laywer. He said, "In my experience, his MO is to milk them for a lot of money, then settle out of court." My wife was SHOCKED to find out I've "only" spent about $3500 on my attorney to date, while she's spent in excess of $10,000 for the same basic services. Anyway, she too asked for full physical and legal custody with me having visitation. Fighting it now. I think, sometimes, women hear how much more they can receive in child support and they think, "I c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/20 04:32 PM |
| 2 | How not to have to pay unnecessary child support*and they graduate from high school (at least in CA). | /r/MGTOW2 | 15/09/20 09:17 PM |
| 2 | Moving forward - how should this look?Recommend: https://mensdivorce.com/divorce-101/ | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/20 07:27 PM |
| 3 | Man Ordered To Pay Spousal Support Even Though He Wasn’t Married, Had No House Or ChildrenIn other words, Ontario law discourages men from having relationships beyond 3 years. I wonder how many times men there will say, "I like you, I just don't want to become financially responsible for you. It's not you, it's the government..." | /r/MGTOW2 | 14/09/20 07:14 PM |
| 4 | Wife's definitely going to divorce me after quarantine... it seems that she needs to be single to understand everything I do for her everyday. I feel ya there. I felt so unloved and unappreciated. I would thank her for every meal she prepared, but when I asked her why she never thanked me for my contributions, she said it was because they were "things I was supposed to do." How difficult is it to just say, "Thank you" or "I appreciate all you do for us!"? She just couldn't do it. After we agreed to divorce we continued living together. She wanted t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/20 07:40 PM |
| 2 | Dr. Dre's STBXW seeking 2M a month spousal support. WTF!!!Dr. Dre is worth around $800 million, so she should be set for life, just like Bezos's ex-wife. The government needs to get out of the marriage business. Everyone should just be seen as an individual with their own money and possessions. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/20 11:06 PM |
| 6 | Need adviceShe told me AFTER the therapy that if that is my need then she is sorry, but she is not going to satisfy it. Well, hate to say it, but there's your answer. You said "This is what I need out of a marriage," and she said, "No." She's clearly not willing to put in the effort and now she's calling your bluff. You either walk away, or she'll be holding you over a barrel for the rest of your life. Seeing that you have enough self-respect to walk away might be the only thing that makes her rethink her … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/20 09:55 PM |
| 6 | Need adviceYou might want to check out the book "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's a big decision, you owe it to yourself to think about it. The book talks about how the decision to leave or stay is sometimes like a scale. There are many good and bad things tipping it one way or the other, which can make it difficult to decide. Sometimes it's easier to look at individual things (e.g. "Does she physically abuse me?", "Would I miss anything about her if we were no longer married,"… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/20 07:19 PM |
| 4 | Dirty John season 2 is an eye opener"Marriage Story" is also pretty relatable. Written more from the man's perspective (I believe it's loosely based on the writer/director's own experience). I saw a lot of the same things occurring with my divorce, how things start out amicable and get worse, and all the awkwardness and craziness. I also found "After Life" to be somewhat comforting. It's more about the death of his wife, but loss is loss. The show laments the pain of loss, but sprinkles in some good advice on why you should keep g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/20 05:45 PM |
| 1 | STBX has been sleeping with his/her lawyer throughout our divorce process. What are my options?It happens often enough that there are usually laws against it (people in the midst of a divorce are often easily taken advantage of). I would report it to the powers that be, as it's unprofessional conduct for a lawyer. But on a personal level, I don't think it will affect your case any more than if he/she were sleeping with someone else. If nothing else, maybe post a negative review online after the divorce. Just make sure you're not liable (this is a lawyer, after all). | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/20 03:58 PM |
| 4 | Opinion neededI've read about half of divorced people still question whether or not they made the right decision, so I'd say it's pretty normal to have nagging doubts and lingering thoughts. You had literally millions of experiences with this person, and it's impossible for your brain to wrap your head around ALL of them and figure out exactly how much each one mattered and why. It's a lot of data to sort through. You can still question these thoughts to see if there's anything there to learn that you missed,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/20 05:42 PM |
| 2 | Inflating costs on budget worksheetIn a similar situation. My wife is a daycare provider and has always limited the number of children in her care because we didn't need the money. (She watches 4, but can watch up to 8.) If she just watched 2 more, she could easily earn as much as I do. Still, she's seeking child support and alimony based on our past income and not considering her potential income. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/20 04:44 PM |
| 9 | For men who left their wives, what was the final straw? Event or action that made you say "its over"Started telling others I was "emotionally and financially abusive." Utter bullocks. Before that, I'd read "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum". There were a lot of things wrong with our marriage anyway, but this pushed me over the edge. It's one thing to no longer love me, it's another to claim I'm abusive. I knew I had to get out before things got worse. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/20 06:55 PM |
| 1 | This is about how I feel!Needed to hear this. My wife's lawyer (according to my lawyer) is just milking her for money. He hasn't responded to our settlement agreement OR requests to mediate. He just keeps stalling and asking for more useless documentation (I have nothing to hide). She already dropped 10K and he's done nothing. I didn't want an expensive trial, but I might have to just ask for a court date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/20 04:52 PM |
| 1 | This is about how I feel!Same deal! Married 23 years. We weren't getting along too well towards the end (had grown apart in many ways), but when she started telling people I was emotionally and financially abusive, I knew it was over and I asked for a divorce. It's one thing not to be getting along, to not feel appreciated, it's another to start making claims of abuse. We have very different perceptions of reality, her and I. I think I'm a great husband and father, she thinks I'm a abusive. We'll have to agree to disagr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/20 04:44 PM |
| 4 | This is about how I feel!Coping mechanism. It's easier than accepting any personal responsibility. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/20 08:02 PM |
| 1 | Dealing with Parental Alienation and looking for some support/ideas during CovidMy wife also tries to project her bizarre opinions about me onto our two teenagers. We still live in the same house and my wife has always been the default caregiver (I suspect that's true of a lot of families), so I've had to create my own "unique brand" to separate myself apart from my STBXW. I started by taking each of the kids out by themselves once a week. We've gone out for a lot of drinks (McDonalds, Starbucks, Icees, etc.), frozen yogurt, dinner, walks, bike rides in different parts of t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/20 05:41 PM |
| 5 | Alimony guesstimate helpIt can even vary from judge to judge, so you just don't know. A few thoughts... 1) Let her make the first offer. There's always a chance it will be less than what you were willing to offer. Or she may want some asset in exchange that might be a better deal for you. If you're going to make the first offer, lowball it. She'll probably refuse, but it may anchor her counter-offer to a lower number. 2) Don't rush for the cash buy-out option, you might be better off making monthly payments. Everyone w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/20 06:42 PM |
| 1 | Refuse MediationSounds cheap! My attorney told me the mediator he likes charges $5000 a day. And that's not counting having both our attornies present (another $6000 a day). | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/20 10:21 PM |
| 3 | Is it possible to stay married, but live apart in the same house?It's somewhat like having a roommate. We each have our own rooms, as do our 2 kids. Everyone does their own laundry. Since she was always the primary caregiver, she still prepares most meals for the kids, but I've moved towards doing my own shopping and taking care of my own meals. Financially, we each have our own separate accounts, but we still have our shared account for shared expenses that we both contribute to. I do have a new SO, but have never brought her over to the house (would be way … | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/20 05:07 AM |
| 1 | Dang it! Another SETBACKThere is a 6 month waiting period, but the average divorce in CA takes 12 months without children, and 18 months with children (assuming lawyers are involved). It's been 7 months since my wife filed, and I'm still waiting for her to respond to the initial Settlement Agreement. All the while, we are still living under the same roof. It's complicated. Moral of the story: never get married. :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/20 12:33 AM |
| 2 | Is it possible to stay married, but live apart in the same house?Legally? Yes. You can be separated while living under the same roof (if that's what you're asking, but it may vary by state). My wife and I decided to divorce a year ago, but we still live under the same roof. It's not ideal, but things are complicated. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/20 12:16 AM |
| 0 | Married 24 years and getting readyWowza. Mind if I ask what you do for a living? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/20 10:55 PM |
| 4 | Mother's Day from the kids during separationI took my teenagers out yesterday and helped them pick something out. As much as my wife and I are at odds, this is about their relationship and not ours. Can you get them alone and have them pick out something? So it's a little less about you? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/20 07:55 PM |
| 12 | What should a pre nuptial agreement havePrenups often get tossed out when it comes time to divorce, so you'll want to consult an attorney on this one. That said, I'd definitely spell out what's yours going into the marriage. And once married, avoid comingling those assets. Don't put her name on anything if you don't want her to have half of it should you divorce. Anything you purchase or earn together, she'll probably end up with half of it -- even if you paid for most of it. Houses and pensions are usually the biggest targets. See if… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/05/20 10:07 PM |
| 1 | Haven’t had a relationship in 3 yearsAs a bit of a side: there's a growing number of couples who want to retain their independence while still enjoying the occasional perks of a relationship. They live in their own homes, often remain monogamous, and only see each other on occasion. Like you, they don't really need or desire a full-time relationship. These days, anything goes, so just do what works best for you. If you're dating online, just be upfront about what you want. There are all sorts of unusual relationship requests out th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/05/20 05:25 PM |
| 6 | Moving on and DatingIt just makes wonder if I will stay lonely the rest of my life. When you're going through it, it feels like it's going to last forever. It won't. I promise you. Not to invalidate your feelings by throwing a bunch of logic and numbers at you, but statistically speaking, 80% of divorced people remarry. 80%! And the other 20%? Those are the men who -- like most of us -- have sworn off marriage forever following their last divorce, lol. What's more, statistically speaking, you'll probably be remarri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/20 09:35 PM |
| 2 | UPDATE: Is there something wrong with me[46m]?Ug. I hate to admit it, but I'm the same way. I WISH I didn't need someone else to make me feel loved and special; I WISH all that just came from within, but I know exactly how you feel. It just... doesn't. Not yet, anyway. I was married for over 20 years, but over the last decade the love and appreciation I used to feel from my spouse slowly dried up. She wouldn't reach out to hold my hand, she didn't want to cuddle on the couch, her libido waned, etc. I can't tell you how many nights I would l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/04/20 09:44 PM |
| 4 | What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About FatherhoodNice video. It's nice to know it's normal for fathers to question their value in their children's lives. The statistics bear it out. Just about every study ever done on the subject shows that fathers make a difference. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/20 07:00 PM |
| 3 | Custody negotiations advice?My wife asked for the same thing, which came as a total surprise. I assumed we'd do 50/50, but she asked for full physical and legal custody (with me getting the kids every other weekend). Luckily, my kids are almost adults so they have a say in what they want, but still fighting her on it. Just about every study and meta-study on the subject concludes that children do better in almost every respect when they spend more time with BOTH parents. Now that it's been proven that this is in "the best … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/20 03:36 PM |
| 6 | Red FlagsIf I had to do it all over again, I'd do everything the same... except for getting that stupid piece of paper. That legally binding contract is now going to cost me a ton of money. It's also made it far more complicated to walk away. Never again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/20 10:00 PM |
| 1 | Suicidal thoughtsStatistically speaking, 80% of people remarry after getting divorced. On average, after just 4 years following the divorce. That's why some lawyers advise against doing a large pay-out. Just make sure your settlement agreement includes co-habitation as a reason to stop paying alimony. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/20 05:23 PM |
| 1 | End of the tunnel?My wife wanted to stop working and stay home with the kids. I thought I was being a great husband when I agreed to it. When it came time to divorce, she asked for spousal support (for life) and claimed, "But YOU had time to advance your career!" Um... I would've gladly taken a 10 year vacation to spend time with the kids while you "advanced your career." Now I feel like I'm paying for being the nice guy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/20 11:28 PM |
| 1 | How do you find an attorney that isn’t in it just for money.Mediation is almost always faster, less expensive, and yields a better result (if you two can agree to it). You can look for lawyers online and check out their reviews. Or you can ask around, or interview a few. Here in CA, once they've met with you, your spouse can't hire them (conflict of interest)... so meet with all the best ones, lol. (My lawyer told me some people will actually meet with every lawyer in our small town, just so their spouse can't use any of them). | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/20 08:33 PM |
| 3 | It’s the same everywhereSorry, man. You're right in saying it can't be undone. If you stay, she will either do it again or it will always be in the back of your mind. For me, it would be an absolute deal-breaker. Hell, even my gf understands that if she sleeps with another guy, it's 100% over between us. But to each his own. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/20 04:36 PM |
| 12 | Perks of being single, I get to spend my money on whatever I like. Had 2 couples staring at me as I took the picture, was wrong with a man wanting to take a photo of his car?In the process of getting divorced. I'm really looking forward to no longer having to ask permission. | /r/MGTOW | 26/12/19 10:51 PM |
| 1 | Married 23 Years: A Warning about Marriage and MenopauseHonestly, I rarely spent more than $20 without running it by her first. Never hid a dime. It was just about me being a saver/investor and her being a spender. Fuck me for wanting to save for our kids' college and retirement, right? Now it's all being spent on lawyers because she refused mediation. Looking forward to having my own money again... whatever's left of it, anyway. | /r/MGTOW | 24/12/19 06:48 PM |
| 2 | Married 23 Years: A Warning about Marriage and MenopauseThanks for the support, I appreciate it. :) | /r/MGTOW | 24/12/19 07:02 AM |
| 18 | Married 23 Years: A Warning about Marriage and MenopauseInteresting. My sister says the same thing. She has met/dated a lot of older guys who were unexpectedly kicked to the curb after their wives hit menopause. She's convinced the whole thing is hormonal. Irritable wife + husband who has outlived usefulness = divorce | /r/MGTOW | 24/12/19 12:08 AM |
| 18 | Married 23 Years: A Warning about Marriage and MenopauseSon? OMG, how embarrassing. ;) I do have a son. How selfless of you to think about how to help your dad. Honestly, I've spent so much time worrying about how this might affect him that I never considered what he could do for me. Every dad is different, but I suppose I'd probably turn into a sobbing mess if he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "You know, dad, everything is going to be okay. We're all going to be okay. You didn't do anything wrong." | /r/MGTOW | 23/12/19 11:00 PM |
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