do they ever change back?

1Cobbler · 2022-12-20T03:51:42+00:00

I hear they often crawl back after a while when the realise that they can't do better.

It's not them changing, it's just them settling. Don't let them come back.

CRobinsFly · 2022-12-20T04:30:01+00:00

No. Limerance and the honeymoon period with a singular person can never be restored, it's one of mother nature's little tricks to get you to procreate...

I think the better question is, why would you want them back? Don't bathe in dirty water. As dday would say: these women are one of a million, not one in a million. If you're a decent looking guy with a bit going for you, trust me, you have tons of options.

I have had 3/3 of the postwall women I seriously dated in my early 30s reach out to me in the last 6mo, one of them hadnt spoken to me for over 3yr. They aren't doing it because they necessarily thought I was really special, they're doing it because there's a level of desperation amongst the postwalls, they know their options are drying up. Two of them left me thinking they could do better, and from the moderate information I do know about who they got with after, they definitely didnt. That ship has sailed for them though, the more time that passes, the lower probability of me accepting them back in any capacity beyond a pipedown and that includes my daughter's mother. As someone's significant other or children's father, you're likely the best she'll ever get.

644pacf · 2022-12-20T06:45:08+00:00

My ex-wife was beautiful, kind, sweet and loving. She became angry, hateful, bitter and cold. So fucking cold.

She might as well be a stranger, because that's not the person I was in love with.

ciphrr · 2022-12-20T03:24:27+00:00

Nope, people stop changing at a certain age. They get good at hiding/suppressing, but never change

Time-Cardiologist618 · 2022-12-20T11:42:37+00:00

Oh yea my ex wife tried to come back around a year after separating with me. Told me she misses me so much.

Her mum tried to put in a good word for her. Told me her daughter knew she made a mistake, that life out there isn’t as exciting and glamorous as with me. Lol. I said no thanks

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-20T11:51:00+00:00

It's who they've always been.

jkw118 · 2022-12-20T13:00:46+00:00

My ex repeatedly tried to come back after she left. With her and her parents staying she had changed whatever.. The reality here is this isn't them changing back, as they had these issues and reasons for leaving even then.. the question is whether they've changed to not have those issues.. My ex in one of her drunk stupors the only time she was honest. Confessed she had been planning leaving for over 5 years possibly 8 out of a 12 year marriage, and 3 kids. This went from making sure as much debt was only in my name, and doing everything to make sure when she left id be buried in debt. Her plan was for me to move out, but to get the kids up every am for school, and take.care of them every night. While she went out and partied. Thats not what happened, she moved out. Tried to come back. I said no way.. Many of her behaviors and traits, she saw as what attracted me. Were things i absolutely hated and were toxic, and had repeatedly asked her to stop... Our relationship was a messed up POS and thats when it was good. As it consisted mainly of her having all the say, ignoring me, as she berrated me for everything. The reality is regardless of whatever happens.. their will be parts of them that will be the same.. Sometimes they can adjust themselves some. Or learn to catch themselves building a fisod. But its not really them, and someday itll break..

Existing-Command2122 · 2022-12-20T12:16:23+00:00

Sorry for posting the title and not much else last night. It just seems like these women transform into the same monster. Their behavior and tactics are the same. It's eerie how they all become so similar.

I thought my wife was a good woman and a good mother. She would never take what wasn't hers. I trusted her with my life, and I'd give mine defending her. I had no doubt about any of that.

I just can't believe that this is her and not some psychotic episode. I find myself waiting for her to become herself again, but she doesn't. She had a hysterectomy a few years back, so I don't have to deal with the sexual infidelity like many here do.

I'm a year out on the separation. I got screwed, as it seems most of you here did. I've dated a few women, and even found one that I care for very much and who I don't think just wants to use me. I find myself wondering when she will become that monster.

wisstinks4 · 2022-12-20T14:51:53+00:00

I’ve heard from a handful or divorced men who said stupid ex wife traded down for the sheer “thrill” of getting away with a tawdry affair. All of them Got caught, begging, turned out and living solo. Trashing families, kids, friends forever. All of these guys said the person tried to come back and they all said no then said, was it worth it? A resounding answer, Nope

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2022-12-20T03:43:50+00:00

They can change the dock but the place is still the same, keep sailing

Cryptologic1114 · 2022-12-20T16:01:57+00:00

Mine asked for a Divorce, started banging her co-worker the same week. Claimed he made her happier then anyone ever has. The day I sent a notary to her house so we could sign the papers, she was very upset that she ruined our family and wanted me back.

Renee9485 · 2022-12-20T02:58:17+00:00

Not that I’ve ever seen buddy, especially if they got a fresh sausage. Totally taints them..

bigtallblacknbald · 2022-12-20T06:18:16+00:00

Maybe. I’m sure some do but the possibility of future change, isn’t something you can base your present decisions around.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-20T06:52:20+00:00

We give them plenty of chances to change and they push more instead of getting better. So yeah the answer they don't because they would have

Crazy-Championship-4 · 2022-12-20T16:05:33+00:00

Fuck no snake

treborcj · 2022-12-20T17:06:09+00:00

Change? She always was.

MortarGoBoom · 2022-12-20T18:55:01+00:00

If they come back, it's because the stake missed the heart the first time. May want to center up a bit more, and just to the left of center the second time around.

Hope this helps!

kyushuben76 · 2022-12-21T11:24:16+00:00

Divorced three years ago. It was a mess. My story is around here somewhere. Still having drama when it comes to the kids. She’s living in our old office with our younger ones. She sleeps during the day, drinks in the evening and has played around here and there it looks like.

I’m healed and getting my finances back on track. I’m 46. Had a date last night with a cute little 35 year old dentist and some other dates lined up for the holidays.

Getting back on track and there is life post-divorce. Keep looking forward.

Title	do they ever change back?
Author	Existing-Command2122
Upvotes	10
Comments	41
Date	December 20, 2022 2:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zqc6tt/do_they_ever_change_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-they-ever-change-back.1144770 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144770

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