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jkw118 Archive

View 18 posts and 476 comments by jkw118 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

So I totally get that, the thing is several times throughout the 6 years she had her own insurance. Id messaged them... and nothing... i mean most of the time she'd loose the job in 3 months.. but to a certain extent thats past the 2 weeks... and granted it usually took more then a month to get ahold of her lawyers if they even responded...
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 10:24 AM
8

In my state it's basically lifetime after 20yrs of marriage.. assuming you make more than her. But once the ex marries again.. it's stops.. As it was I was very lucky 15yr marriage I paid the ex for 3 yrs (would have been I think 10yrs) and then she reneged on every agreement that we had made. Courts agreed I didn't need to pay her the rest, especially since I had the kids primarily.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:21 PM
2

so 1st off, the Q is can she afford it on her own without your income? If not, and you don't need the home then sell it. and split it 50/50...
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:21 AM
1

Yeah i get that... you could ask what it says it's about.. I've got 3 of my own.. The ex has several times had the kids around people she shouldn't have
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 03:08 AM
1

Maybe he'll go to jail.. but in any case, not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 06:54 PM
1

Yeah your lawyer wouldn't know if the banks or someone else sent them something... Or if the guy got a dui... lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:45 AM
3

So here's my only thought.. respond with "papers for what".... simple.. Reality here, if she did drain accounts, and their fraud division got involved. If they found for ie.. him using the cards... thatd be fraud... I had a friend who's ex basically had her bf pretend to be him.. they got another card.. and bought a bunch of stuff... The banks went after him and her..
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 03:00 PM
1

So my divorce was very high-conflict.. At first she wanted mediation, we even came to several agreements.. And everything seemed like neither one of us would end up entirely fd. Que fn... I followed through with what was agreed upon, waited for her to sign over house.. --as I was paying off her credit debt. I kept reminding her, even brought the ppwk.. fyi I was also giving her spousal support, at the time. I also bugged our mediator about it, and was told to keep paying off her debt. As otherwi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:23 AM
12

Yeah, my ex's perspective was yeah you were useful to support me for my masters degree.. and to deal with all her medical issues. She wasn't happy with having to take care of the kids (her own choice, and refused to get a job) As nobody is good enough to take care of the kids except her, and oh yeah all the jobs previous to our kids she hated working at all. Then it was yeah, I got you to do most of the work taking care of the kids.. She went out and would party, drink.. and refuse to be respons…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:58 PM
2

So im 49... I dated some.. I found a gf.. whom we get along great someday we will move in together.. I was very upfront about not wanting to get married again.and she has accepted that. We have even talked about that if we ever did, it would be when we were in our 70s/80s for medical/financial reasons...
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 01:59 PM
2

Very true, I mean i did enjoy myself with several ladies... but i took my time.. and figured myself out..
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:23 AM
4

Grieve a little bit, wish I could have celebrated... Wish I could have gone on a week long trip, by myself /find myself again.. take time etc.. I felt a huge weight lifted.. but my 3 kids relied on me daily.. So that wasn't an option.. And I could rely on my ex or her parents.. Mine were further away..
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 11:46 PM
9

So my ex did this kind of stuff repeatedly. My ex is BP2 and very narcissistic.. It's a standard tactic with some ex's. Part of this is meeting in person instead of on the phone it is easier to manipulate and "handle" any arguments you have. At least my ex is very good at manipulating a conversation. With her I'm sure the conversation would be either her attempting to get us back together, attempt to get me to reconsider the divorce all together.. Or to attempt to make some kind of agreement out…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 07:34 PM
7

So 1st off, yeah your ex probably wants you out of the picture, it's easier for her.. Your kids are worth the trouble to be with them, and spend time with them.. Once they get to 18/20+ they won't be around they'll be too busy. And if your not around them now they won't want you around them then.. It's best to make time for them, and enjoy them when you can, if you can't get custody. (Which you should have) Even if they don't want to be around you much (and if they don't figure out why, and see …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 08:26 PM
3

well that or if I was a woman.. In my county I was flat out told that it was rare to get as much as I did. And that some ladies who are going to jail win more then descent dads. I flat out was told by a female lawyer who wouldn't take my case, that she was offended that I would more than likely win in court if I decided to take full custody. If what I had told her was true, and that it wouldn't sit well with her to be part of taking kids from their mother.. But taking them from their father was …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:40 PM
11

explain the truth, my ex attempted similar things.. Their are many things I will never tell my kids, and things that I will when they are 18/21 when they can make all the decisions on their own. You are way past that point.. More then likely it wasn't just that document, it was many other things that may have happened.. potentially ones the ex purposely miss presented. When I divorced my ex, and I have 100% custody of the kids, and paid her alimony for 3 years.. above the amount required. As it …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:21 PM
5

So all I'm going to say, is next time she does this call the cops and escort her off the property. My ex did stuff like this. Had her lawyers and court saying she could stay in the house.. Meanwhile she was getting drunk, and at times being abusive to me and the kids.. It was fd up. I'd record things, and tell her in the video I was recording it. She'd do stuff and the courts would say it's inadmissible. I can't count how many times I called the cops to the house.. She is inducing trauma and tox…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 05:28 PM
1

So basically this comes down to the following: --No she can't force you to sell the house.. If you purchased the house when you were married The math is ((the value of the house - currently owned)/2) when you settle with her.. So if you have a 300K house but owe 200K on it (300-200)/2 -- you both walk away with 50K --subtract taxes and other BS. But if you bought it before the marriage, she gets alot less.. Courts do not care at all about unequal contributions to the home.. at all.. So 1st off d…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 03:06 AM
2

So when I split with my ex.. I specifically kept the house, as I couldn't afford a house with enough space otherwise.. Any available homes in my area that have 4 bedrooms (I have 3 kids) are like over 800K development ones. So I kept my 6br -old house tho.. at 1/2 the price.. My ex moved out of the school district.. and has the choice to either drive them to school, or drop them off and pick them up from my house every day she has them. Which is a huge mess, so is she.. and she can't do it. So b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:12 AM
1

So two things here.. 1st off you did the right thing.. to a point.. 1st get your kid into regular counseling.. in the long run it will help your daughter.. Yes the other parents probably never heard about the incident on the bus, and are offended that it even happened.. and more then likely with your ex knowing them.. They are probably being fed a constant stream of negative things.. A decent counselor will pick up what the ex is saying vs what is reality.. My ex does very similar things, When m…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 10:56 PM
1

So my ex did a very similar setup.. but then put off telling me she had already decided for 2 years.. --Literally did a reno on the house... added a room for one of the kids.. and a bath... went form 2.5% to a 5.9% apr... Ex ran up three credit cards that were under my name, claiming multiple times that it was for family stuff.. paid off her own.. walked out the door leaving me with 30K of debt on my cards.. Once it had hit 15K, I was flipping out every few months, asking when she was going to h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:04 PM
3

So 1st off, you wanting to work it out is admirable.. But reality check assuming she even really is dedicated to working it out (which is highly unlikely) Even if she says she is. She has now for over a year repeatedly not only chatted with others. Has been meeting up with at least 1 guy, if not multiple... It's not a she was drunk and it happened, at some weird off the wall girls night/work thing.. This now has been a conscious decision, that she made, knowing that it could end in divorce. Know…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 12:54 AM
2

So I'm going to throw this out there.. it may be time to break up and give him a descent amount of space.. -He is not dealing with his Trauma (he's burrying it), if he isn't seeing a counselor/ and won't then it's time to walk away and don't go back. It's also a question of how long after the divorce was he single before you two met up? I had a good year before I dated anyone.. gave myself perspective and time to sort things out (and went to a counselor) So here's the thing.. I married my ex, be…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:30 PM
3

So legally, you could call the cops, make sure big stink. At least if your on the mortgage/deed as yes its partly her house its also yours... Sort of like if an ex of yours showed up, and you let her sleep on the couch. Your now ex could demand she be kicked out.. It may make your divorce case messier.. so if talk to a lawyer 1st since you already intend to leave. But really id just suck it up, as this guy shes likely expects to help cover her bills.. legally my stuff only really started progres…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 11:36 AM
2

Yeah it was a combination of her being hospitalized, and being on my medical (like suicidal stuff) (don't exactly want the relatives telling the kids that I killed her because I pulled the medical, and FYI these guys would, and her fam has millions, I work 9-5, and OT to afford things) Then it was during covid (2 of her lawyers died) and she was in and out of medical places.. As she would repeatedly state... "praying for covid to take her to God" as she "discovered God" Courts wouldn't proceed w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 07:28 PM
10

Sign off on whatever you can to separate you two.. and make sure that she has a will that any $$$ goes to your children. My ex did similar stuff.. except in her case it was a major mental issues. --like honestly she should be in adult daycare.. I ended up freaking out for months thinking she'd do something stupid, that would cost me and the kids our home. Her lawyer dragged it out for almost 6 years..
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 06:46 PM
3

At the moment I've already accepted that retiring all together may be impossible.. The more then likely choice is that when I turn 70 I'll find a different job that allows me to travel more, take my gf with me. And basically have a job where I work getting paid ideally 150K+ as a contractor and as I turn 80 maybe less work.. and a little less pay.. and hopefully not die at my desk... ideally whatever company it's for will send me to some nice places.. and I can rent my house out to my kids or ot…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:53 PM
1

It took me a year before I dated anyone.. And even then I had 3 kids with me most of the time.. The 1st few times it was a little tough.. I mean got hard but like it messed with my head.. It really took me a bit to get back into being able to fully be able to enjoy it.. And for everything to be okay, it took months.. I made sure the ladies fully enjoyed it.. but yeah.. It was kinda funny one even offered to be having sex on the dining room table when the ex showed up at the door.. (didn't do it)…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 08:29 PM
2

I'd get a lawyer tomorrow/today and get stuff into court.. Also let her know asap it needs to be put back. My ex took 30k spent it on trips for herself. And I was basically told since she didn't get any material goods.. And she can barely hold a job (she has an MBA) by the court that I was SOL and then had to pay her 50K to get her off the house.. Get a good lawyer ASAP..
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:52 AM
8

So I didn't go about telling everyone... But she went around telling everyone that I was cheating on her... And I hadn't, later on she told all our friends and her family that I wasn't but the truth is none of them believed her anyway... At least not for long.. As I was always working, or at home taking care of the kids... Meanwhile she spent every second sleeping around within the 1st week of telling me she wanted a divorce, including trying to hook up with a friend.. In the end most of her fam…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 02:30 AM
1

so 1st off don't leave the house.. Stick to it.. My ex is BP2, and has a ton of other issues.. and we split when the kids were younger.. As to custody and spousal support it becomes a question of what happens with the kids.. I'm assuming you can handle doing the mortgage payments - without her.. But the question is can she? Also who currently takes care of the kids and the house? --when my ex left.. I did all of it, and had been for 4 or 5 years.. she barely had worked.. and would make maybe 45-…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 04:03 AM
2

So 1st off in my state that's an issue.. Not the 15yo.. but for the 11 year old it definitely is.. Some would say that the 15year old could technically be baby sitting. For an 11 and 15yo I wouldn't leave the 11 year old alone with the 15 yo for more then an hour maybe 2 tops.. Past that from my perspective it can be dangerous.. I mean my ex did crap like this. In my states it's a court can decided on a case by case basis.. primarily on how mature the kids are.. In some states (and you'd need to…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 02:12 AM
3

Well in someways I almost wish she was physical abusive in some way.. shes borderline on everything.. so cps won't step in, but they know shes not healthy for the kids. Isn't bad enough for the courts to require her to get evaluated.. but they recognize that their are serious issues.. but not enough for them to step on her privacy rights..or require her to do any kind of eval.. I mean aside from pushing one of the kids or nuggies, or a few other things.. and occurances weren't very often.. their…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:29 AM
5

When I first met her, she showed as more of a Type A personality. So I excused a bunch of red flags.. As some of the red flags were part of type-a personalities.. ie.. always thinking their right, everything was rush..rush.. Sometimes yelling at her mom for simple things that weren't her mom's fault. She'd do the same to me as well. As the marriage progressed she went to gaslighting, and manipulating me more, and others, eventually to doing it to our children as well.. I'm much more of a type B.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:51 PM
18

So ex is still burning.. She kicked it off.. has her MBA was going to be some high end big business exec..hasn't been able to hold ajob for more then 4 months.. has gotten 3 duis.. engaged twice.. mental ward 6x?+? And im not kidding. Any 8hr job stresses her out so much she has to take 2 days off after working 1 day.. She's begged to come back so many times... it's such a train wreck
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 03:46 AM
1

So 1st off I'd suggest that any expenses from kids missing appointments is the responsibility of the parent who the kid is with.. and be added to the court order. I got mine changed so the ex doesn't have a say in therapy. The 16yo should be arranging stuff in coordination with what the therapist thinks is best..(it's what my kids do, but I get to approve it..) and as long as the therapist thinks it's a good idea.. I usually go with it,. But my kids are actually seeing the usefulness of it.. so …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 04:02 PM
2

lol.. dude you had to go there.. seriously tho.. My parents are 80.. love each other.. are very active and agile.. They help each other out with things every day.. I'm sure sexual stuff happens as they've been together for 50+ years.. If I'm falling apart / need a caretaker I'll get one. But till that point having a SO to live through life and share things with can be very enjoyable.. As you help each other.. If I go on a vacation/trip I don't want to go alone.. I want to enjoy it with a compani…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 01:46 PM
3

I get it, it was around 20yrs for me, and almost 10 of it, was essentially her falling apart and blaming me. For her own behavior and decisions.. It was fd up, and I should've left her when it started.. I stuck with it, then she left.. Which is why the kids r with me primarily. At this point I could be super biter, but I'm trying to avoid her as much as I can. And enjoy my own life, gf is nice kids love her. Who knows maybe we'll move in together.. But as I told her only reason for us to get mar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:08 AM
5

So 1st off.. I'm 48.. Divorce started a 10 years ago, took 8 to finalize it.. And I am dating now.. But I've flat out told my gf their's no guarantee we'll marry ever.. Maybe we'll live together.. As to another woman... the question is what do you want? you don't want baggage.. fine most ladies don't either.. And you were more then likely burned a bit from the now "ex" That all being said, the question ends up being what do you really need and what do you want? And if you do a dating app, be upf…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 10:47 PM
1

So she doesn't want the money, and she doesn't have alot of time for 50/50... it happens and it's life.. Assuming you two are really amicable what I suggest is that legally you say it'll be 50/50... that way in 2-10 years it's already established legally and you not going back and forth. Assuming you can handle having the kids ie 80% or above 50%.. I'd just leave it at hey I'll take my 50% and whenever you are busy I'll have them.. And when I need to do work stuff late/work trip you'll have them…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 01:40 PM
1

Oh so make in the 80s maybe 90s now.. she constantly quit jobs, still does.. i know the 1st yr or two of the divorce she made maybe 38k but kept calling out sick/ switching jobs.. then she really went down hill... barely made 20-30/yr since..her parents honestly cover most of her housing expenses. She got it written in the settlement that she has no financial obligations for any of our 3 kids. Ie even if she were to buy kids clothes about 50% of the time she sends me a bill for it. That ended tw…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:26 PM
1

I had the kids almost 100% so their wasn't alimony, ex has never paid a penny. I paid her almost 400/month for almost 2 yrs.. while taking care of the kids.. It got better in that I stopped paying her.. she tried to then get more alimony and child support when she didn't even have the kids.. Now I don't pay her crap, and she sometimes sees the kids..
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 12:38 AM
1

Yeah someone is more then likely adding the two together, my ex tried that.. get a lawyer meet a few and ask before you even start.. she makes 80, I make 110, x# of kids . What's just my child support? My lawyer and my exs agreed to several things that were a hand and a shake and were not in the settlement. I'd call/email stop in the office demand for us to move forward with finalizing the divorce. I got a, yes ill file it but I need to verify some details.. my ex sat on my health insurance for …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 02:18 PM
1

So u make close to what I do, but I got the kids like 75-85% of the time.. but in my state assuming I had 50/50 and my ex makes almost nothing.. it's 250-350/kid. I agree with you, 1500 on your salary would basically mean your living in a small apartment if your lucky.. that's almost a mortgage.. The question also is, are they counting spousal support in that? Which I'm sure their trying not to.. That can essentially your combined salaries (110+80)/2=95k so you'd have to give her 15k every year …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:31 PM
3

So im going to share my experience with cps. And it's fd up.. and I am not blaming them, but I am also saying the laws/rules they have to follow is fd. My ex kicked it off with saying she'd claim abuse, (I never touched her. But after she told me she wanted a divorce, went for a bar hopping week and a half bailing on me and the kids, showed up with bruises.. saying she'd been abused by some guy she'd met at a bar.. , and yeah if I didn't allow her into the house..she threatened to call the cops,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:08 PM
4

So here's the combination of things, she took care of the kids while you were away (granted they were her kid/s?) or I'm guessing over the several years you had a child with her? and their's one shared kid, and one "adopted/her" kid? So the reality here is she resents the 1st ex dumping her, and leaving her with a kid. Reality here is unless she had given that child up, she would of had to give up the deployments/ (basically any job where she would not of had time to take care of kids) If it was…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 08:13 PM
3

So I never cheated on my ex till after we were legally separated and 1 yr after that. My ex dragged the divorce out for over 8 years. My ex I could tell was looking before she told me she wanted a divorce that she was looking for an excuse to divorce me (espescially now looking back on it) I mean 1 thing is we both knew I have the sexual appetite at like 9, and hers was like 1 (like once per year was probably more then she wanted) meanwhile I'd have loved it everyday. yeah we were at the once pe…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:45 PM
4

So in the beginning my ex was all over it.. Actually would frequently tell me I was incapable of doing many things right, her words for basically not her way. But would frequently quit jobs, and other things in the name of needing to be there for the kids. Which wasn't the best for the family or her. But she wouldn't listen to me, as I didn't know anything from her perspective. And it is interesting that the kids tell her she can't cook, and that I can. But yeah, it a common thing.. most of the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 05:30 PM
4

So I never left the marital home, my ex eventually did. I've got 3 kids with my ex. She right after she told me she wanted a divorce within a week was bringing guys into the house.. Most of whom she'd met at a bar, or her job. And this is while the kids and I were in the house. I'm assuming your kids don't know about the swinging, but probably do know about the divorce. At least this dude isn't a complete stranger, and likely the kids know the person is there (even when adults think the kids don…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 05:15 PM
2

About 6 months to a year.. 1st dates.. then took a break for another 6 months or so..
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 09:53 PM
2

It's been less of a kick in a gut after the 1st 3 months.. me and the kids were thrilled she barely had access during the 1st few years.. it's more now.. I'm not worried about her sleeping around it's not my problem.. my only issue is when she brings guys around the kids.. I'm assuming the ex has many stds.. ex has been ashamed for years since the divorce started.. has tried getting me back a few dozen times..
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:40 AM
3

So the reality here is she will move in 90 days it gets agreed to.. the q is can you find a job and follow if she did. Say your in texas.. what if she moved to NY? Or california? Or Europe? What are your options for getting a descent paying job say in NY city? With the expenses probably worse then we're your at.. and realistically you'd be demoted to summers.. Unless she only got summers.. and you became primary? You've got/getting closer to 50/50 only reason you prob don't have it is her manipu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:52 AM
2

So 1st time at first I felt angry.. similar to you. Now I'm just like please fn take her out of state so I barely have to deal with her.. lol Yes my ex did everything she could to project me as a bad father/dad.. Then everyone realized she's a ridiculously bad person/parent... Kids are mainly with me. I feel bad for the ex's fiance, I mean damn he should be running.. But not my problem now..
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 11:34 PM
9

So my ex... it was a roller coaster.. She left, moved in with a guy where she paid mainly for the apartment.. and was paying his bills.. a relative died, gave him a farm down south, and alot of money.. ex thought she'd go with him.. I was hoping that she would she was a nut case.. he leaves.. he apparently laughed in her face told her she was crazy and he was using her. She's had 6 bfs and 3 fiancée in 8 yrs.. and is moving in with the current...
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 12:09 AM
1

All I said was I want to finalize divorce.. he had all the docs needed.. more then likely only thing he'd have needed me for was possibly a signature.. I talked to a friend whos a lawyer (works in another state) and the problem is as she put it.. was showing I was damaged, financially since I wasn't. The lawyer could argue in court that they believed they were doing their clients wishes. As I wanted to avoid court fights, and a bunch addl costs for minimum gains. Which is true, and it's not like…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 03:32 PM
1

So I considering this.. thing is I'd explicitly told him a dozen times I didn't want to waste time/ money.. Keeping the ex on my insurance was like an extra $10/ month. Considering I keep the kids on it. And her parents were reimbursing me for her part. So technically, I wasn't losing money. Everything else was already separated, and a settlement had already been done. And at one point in the beginning it had been mentioned to keep the ex on my insurance for awhile as she was having serious medi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 01:04 PM
1

So from my understanding, and I wasn't at any of her jobs.. most of them had no problems with her.. she had problems with them or didn't like people.. she became very judgy of others looks poor behaviors.. some of it always assuming everyone was out to get her.. reality was nobody was.. One time they had a guy spend a month shadowing her, he lived near another site, would be doing the same things. She freaked out the whole time that he was taking her job.. he went to the other site.. then quit..…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:06 AM
2

Not usually, but she used buying stuff as a coping mechanism.. usually stuff that wasn't needed at all..
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:36 AM
2

It was less of a choice.. more of a came home.. Her sitting there with 2 kids on her lap. Told me she got me a 2nd job at a retail store.. and I had to go over at 7.. And oh I can't get a job because I have to be home with the kids.. She didn't they would've been alot better off at a daycare/preschool.. But that was unacceptable.. So it was a ton of guilt tripping.. And she spent the 4 yrs before she told me about divorce running up 30k of debt on credit cards.. Then xfered the debt to my cards,…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:16 AM
0

Well sorry about the gf, Yeah it was I think when she hit 35 she'd decided but didn't tell me till she was 38.. yeah my ex was the more educated could have been making over 6 figures.. instead she routinely quit jobs before she'd get very far.. then quit jobs all together as she decided to be a sahm and forced me to get 2nd job, and take care of the kids when I wasn't working and she'd go out with friends.. I threw my everything into making things work, and doing what she declared I had to provi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:44 AM
5

Yeah, I'm sure with most divorces, assuming it's not abusive or similar, its because one party feels they have been restrained by the divorce and that is why they didn't yet reach certain goals. And see divorce as the method to remove those restraints.. For ie, my ex is moving into her bfs.. but is freaking out because of loss of independence. So one thing I take from this is unlike me, the ex saw the marriage as having to do most if not everything together. (She did this when we were together..…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:08 AM
5

I believe it was part of it, but my ex also had some mental issues that she hid from me. Didn't come out till the end. But yes, all the back and forth, the flirting, attempting to get me back. Also the expectation/plan that she'd get a job making 6 figures after not working up to it. Mine asked for forgiveness, acknowledges parts, but now a days denies any of it happened and that it's all my fault.. FYI she left me and the kids.. Part of her mental issue is when she has episodes (which basically…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:23 AM
2

So only other thing I can say to this, is that I added some cameras on the outside of the home.. ie pointing at my driveway, back door.. and front door. Double use here, 1st off if the ex shows up their's documentation. And yes I have a few recordings of the ex showing up at my house and taking things before the settlement. I asked my lawyer about it, and aside from the one time where what she took was definitely and obviously not hers. It's a gray area. In general the courts do not want anythin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:19 PM
1

In my area it's usually 20 for the guy/80 for years.. till ya eventually get 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:33 AM
1

So I went and visited my parents for a week with the kids. Came back found the ex living in the finished basement, Her parents helped her move back in, she told them I told her she could. (Which I didn't) And it was a nice nightmare the ex put me and the kids through. She has a fair amount of mental issues (that were "discovered") during the divorce.. So yeah.. got woken up to their are witches in the house.. or the time she thought their were gangsters in the house.. And yes called the cops.. i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:32 AM
3

So I (the dad) have been the primary care giver for me and the ex's kids. Realistically for you to do 50/50 you both need to live near if not next to each other. My kids school district will only pickup/drop off at one address. My ex wants 50/50 and honestly not sure if she can handle it. As she's had many instances where she can't.. I also work FT. If you go to court the court will want 50/50 and push for that, it won't be easy. And this can also depend on ages/school of the kids. For some thei…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 08:29 PM
3

So here's my 2 cents because I've lived through hell with an Ex. So 1st off if you change the locks you'll be required to give her a key. (I'm in PA and that's per my lawyer, but ask your's if it becomes and issue) That being said, the simple answer is you didn't change them. period. Her being inept or loosing/damaging her key isn't your problem. If she needs another key, she can borrow one of the kids key's and go make a copy.. (and I'd explain it as that if she confronts you on it) it's not yo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 08:23 PM
7

So at least in my state 20yrs basically means that your probably in your 40/50's, and that spousal support at that point can essentially mean you paying it for the rest of yours/their life. Assuming you make a crap ton more then the rest of us. Yeah it's possible especially if the ex wasn't working. The court assumes, and you can't change the perspective. If one spouse is not working, that you jointly decided that person would not work, to take care of the kids. My ex basically purposely got job…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 12:13 PM
4

So she'd like a separation because she's been pondering it for 2-3 years. More then likely she sees the separation/divorce as a way to fix whatever she's upset about. It could be you, could be work, could be stress of kids (yep I said it) My ex, truthfully we'd probably be together still if we'd never had the kids. I honestly decided a long time ago, I'd rather have the kids (which I do mostly). The ex was a bitch, and honestly It would have been just a more dragged out nightmare.. Where basical…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 10:01 PM
3

Finalize the divorce.. get the ppwk done.. and in.. she is no longer your responsibility if you've both signed a srttlement..
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 11:52 PM
1

So this can be a weird/odd issue.. I honestly talked to one or two friends.. And nobody else other then my parents. Your lawyer will probably tell you to not talk to anyone, and especially don't post anything online.. As they can both be used against you (regardless of whether it's a highly contested divorce or not). I mean my ex was suicidal, verbally said it to me, family, kids, and a few friends.. But I was told if I spoke any of it to anyone other then a lawyer/da that she could sue me. And/…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 07:22 PM
1

Fyi it was crazy for 4 whole years before the divorce, she ran into alot of mental and medical stuff.. I was sticking through it all.. trying to keep her, kids and everything else going.. as she basically was bed ridden off and on.. super depressed etc.. Then told me she wanted a divorce, and bailed within 4 weeks.. which she didn't help with the kids during that time either.. I worked ft, raised our 3 kids.. and she had been planning it for 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 01:39 AM
2

In mine it is.. well knowingly tracking her..ex also stole my car.. and yeah I did track that...and picked the car up with my spare key.. it was at a bar.. I assumed she took it, glanced through the window.. she was inside.. took my car with my spare key and left.. She was pissed, called me screaming.at 2am. I was like what? She was like where's my car? I'm like I guess at your place..she didn't live with me, and we have completely different cars. I was like how would I know.. and she was way dr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 02:55 AM
3

So I don't know about your state, but tracking your wife/ex is a crime.. That being said, for ie. my ex would regularly take my keys. I got a airtag as I constantly lost my keys. Is it my fault she kept taking my keys? But my ex also posted on facebook her meeting with guys at bars.. so I didn't need to prove much.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 09:44 PM
1

Yeah, well the other 2 she did herself... I mean she had a psychotic episode in front of the guy, myself and the kids.. basically didn't know where she was, thought it was xmas instead of june... I got the kids walked out the door, and said good luck.. he gave this expression of wtf.. I was like... its normal for her.. lol... she's gotten better.. so it hasn't happened in awhile... but yeah.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 12:03 PM
4

Lol..yeah.. after our 1st, she was upset we wait 5yrs to have a 2nd did have sex then... then had our son.. and then she was upset it wasn't twins or one right after the other. She had alot of postpartum and other physical issues she developed..refused to get help.. and when she was getting better was like why am I not pregnant yet.. I was getting up every 2 hrs with the kids because of collic and working... fn nightmare.. and she was mad the kids wouldn't let her rest more during the 6 hrs I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 10:02 PM
8

So I stuck with the ex till she walked out the door.. it was a dead bedroom.. she only saw activity in the bedroom as a way to have a kid.. otherwise it had become a never.. but I stuck with it.. She decided she wasn't happy, after making my and the kids lives hell.. after she left. Several points she tried to come back.. I will not lie, it is the middle reasons of the 15 major reasons I never took her back. And she just so enjoys it when I point them out to her.. And she so adores it when I rec…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 09:44 PM
3

So 1st off they can withdraw at any point, till it's signed. Most of the time, people are trying to avoid the courtroom, and will try and agree to something beforehand. alot of times up to the day of, from what I read. My ex dragged ours out for almost 5 years.. (covid didn't help) Once it's in the courtroom the dragging it out, and petty stuff gets exposed. Some courts do not like this, and realize that the past tricks may not look good in court, and will put them at a disadvantage in the court…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:03 PM
-2

So first off I think she's over reacting ( at the moment..) He isn't in charge yet.. he will be which fn sucks.. And I wish I was outside of the country myself.. but I totally realize it's not within my means. That being said I don't know what relationship she has with your parents. And yes people want the SO to console them during funerals etc.. if anything I've never found much solace in having a gf or the ex wife with me at any funeral. Yes at the after party whatever having her there to talk…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:47 AM
2

So I'm going to say this, and I don't really know if it's true. It's just been my experience.. I did my ex's classes for her MBA courses (all online) for 4 weeks when she was pregnant.. 99% of it was all these terms they used for useless crap. That even the teacher admitted they made these complicated long names for stupid things specifically so they could both have a name, and make an MBA worth something. Out of the 4 weeks they covered two ideas/philosophies on how to manage people.. And the w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 12:22 AM
1

I've worked with alot of people with their Masters and PHds lol.. more degrees.. the less their common sense brain works lol.. FYI ex has an MBA but she's never used it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 06:02 PM
2

Yeah this stuff can be all over.. and I've got very limited knowledge.. in some ways my only luck was my ex is/was has alot of problems (mental and medical) some of it has caused me and the kids trauma just from having to deal with her.. and the divorce was her idea..but after a month and I'd finally had a moment to see what was going on.. I never allowed her back.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 05:33 PM
2

It's not that it can't happen.. but its a thing of you waited this long.. and their essential out of the system by the time it gets to court.. If you show you helped where asked, he was at your place (keep the video recording of kid going in and out..) And any receipts.. Then it's that she's seeking money now because she's hunting for money.. and you have a shot of getting her to pay your legal fees.. Id see what your lawyer says.. but alot of times the lawyers will talk.. and be like this is th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 04:43 PM
3

So here's the way I handle it, yes you may not care.. but I found that if I lie for her.. it makes me feel like shit. My ex by many perspectives is not a good mother, and likely is the source of a lot of trauma for our kids. So when anyone asks, I tell them it didn't work out. And many ask for more info.. and or questions.. I don't deflect.. I answer, honestly.. I mean it takes two to tango.. but it's also about realizing how things really were. I put up and allowed alot of crap because I was wo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 02:35 PM
2

So from what I know about it in my state..if child support is not claimed before 18. It doesn't happen, courts don't want bs. My ex has at several points as she's gotten more custody threatened me with child support payments.. we have 3 kids..in my state she should have paid 300+ per kid per month. She has paid $0 in 12 years.. I simply told her if she'd like support from me, I will be filing to have all the back pay.. I pay for everything for the kids,clothes, her place and mine. When ex finall…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 01:55 PM
-2

So don't have another kid unless you have good reasons for them.. Your ex like many ladies, rush from one relationship to another.. usually baby trapping the next guy.. My ex since she's likely not able to get pregnant has been through 3 engagements so far.. withing 3-6months of meeting each one.. She's looking to "tie" herself to someone before they realize how fd up some of her issues are..and how barely she does what she needs to.. to take care of herself... she's not suicidal..but as she put…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:18 AM
3

I'm sure it does.. all 3 of my kids prefer to be around me instead of the ex. You just do the best ya can for them
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 02:18 AM
1

So here's the thing.. and I totally have the exact same with my ex.. The lawer is trying to save you money.. the only way she gets held accountable is contempt of court..possibly actual charges.. but that's a misdemeanor in most ppaces.. and even where it's a felony it's such a low one it's the same as a misdemeanor.. basically a fine of 700-20k or more depending on what the DA thinks the damages are.. and that's only if it can be shown in court that she lied to them irrefutably.. and more then …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 12:57 AM
1

In mine it's 10-20 it's basically 2/3 of the time after 20 it's essentially life.. or until it's no longer needed/they have a job that provides more then the alimony or they get married again.. some milk it and tell courts their paying rent to roommate even though their dating for years.. I was lucky as I'd had an agreement with the ex.. she renigged on it and it was more then she should have gotten..( (she was supposed to sign over certain things as part of getting the alimony) and move out, wh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 09:35 PM
3

It depends, in my state under 10 yrs it's like 1/2 of how many years you were married.. ie for 4yr itd be 2.. As to the amount they usually take both your incomes divide in half.. and the difference is what you pay.. with some give and take for kids and or if for ie she's living in the house.. it could be 0. As the alimony is primarily for them to have a roof over their head and bare minimal...granted she will likely abuse this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:53 PM
3

So 1st off.. I have three kids.. ex told me about wanting a divorce a week after my bday.. her parents were freaked out. She regrets it, and has asked me back a dozen times.. (after she slept with a bunch of guys, and did alot of fd up bad stuff, including endangering our kids several times) That all being said.. ex told her mom.. then her mom talked to me... and yeah the few weeks in the beginning were surreal.. at first the ex said it was all her decision.. after a month I realized as I finall…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:07 PM
4

So 1st off be honest.. they may not believe you.. and that's fine.. but you'll have a clear conscious.. plus if you ever talk to them again.. if you get the well she said this or that.. you don't have to keep lieing..
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:46 PM
7

I barely escaped this crap. She'd gone to a bar (pretty sure she'd had rough sex with some guy/gotten roofied) gotten roughed up. Showed up expecting me to clean her up, as she sat on the deck drinking another 2 liter of wine. (and yes she was living at the house still, less then a week after she told me she wanted a divorce) She went off on how she was being nice and wanted to F, give it another try. I politely said no. As she was out of it, and I knew I couldn't trust her. And really didn't wa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 08:49 PM
1

So the debt and money in general is split 50/50, debt with my ex was fd up. In our non official agreement I took on her debt.. she signed over the house. I took on the debt (xfered to my credit cards (with lower rates) and a bunch of other reasons.. then I got the ppwk to sign the deed.. and she said no. Courts deemed our previous agreement didn't exist..she claimed all the debt since it was under my name now. Was all mine.. not her prob.. and dragged it out for 7 yrs.. finally got it sorted and…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 10:29 PM
3

So whether their's a custody agreement or not (unless it specifically says you need permission to bring them there. You can do whatever you'd like. As others have said she could try and present this as some negative thing, and your taking them away from her.. Document.. and let her know their going to visit. And if she has a problem why? Any court would encourage family connections/visits etc.. So unless the cousins are a problem. Or something else.. Their's no legitimate reason to stop the visi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:07 PM
2

So 1st off, since your not posting any of it. And your deleting everything you find. Their isn't much the courts will ask you to do if anything.. Aside from wasting yours and hers time. The Q is what kind of assurance does she want? I mean reality wise their's almost none you can give.. (ie her old phone sitting in some drawer she left somewhere) And you find it 5 years from now. I will say if your stuff is in the cloud or a desktop. You can use it's search stuff to find all pics of her and move…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:01 PM
1

So 1st see what your lawyer says.. And question how she can demand more then you have. 2ndly Divorce will F your finances no matter what you do. (assuming you don't have kids, it won't be as bad) So since she has a job, it's your job + her job /2 kinda.. unless she makes a ton less then you. If your about even (hopefully) then your in luck.. and she's SOL. MY ex ran up 30K in debt.. I ended up paying the debt, and buying her half of the house. when she left it was 1K in equity, when I finally go…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 12:10 AM
2

So the one q is did she have the asset before you guys married? Were you on the deed or mortgage? If you weren't you might get the value change from when you were married till it was sold.. If you were on either of those it's fraud, unless you signed it unknowingly with a shit load of other docs and didn't notice.. As to all your belongings.. you should be able to get their value.. or at least half of it.. most courts will completely fuck ya over..talk to a lawyer.. get some real info.. its also…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:24 AM
16

Sympathy no.. but the ability to skip a shitload of court BS is gold. Unless you have some shit storm of crap on her.. ie duis or her endangering the kids you'll end up at 50/50.. and she may be realizing working FT and kids is a shitlpad to deal with., and that childsupport won't make the difference. Their is no extra cash.. If you go to court showing your looking for revenge they'll take it out on you. If you go in looking for fair you'll get it.. just voice concerns etc..mandated covering bas…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 09:49 PM
3

So I'd go.. not sure of the age of your kids.. But honestly they don't need to be stuck in a room with a dead body for an hour or more.. which is what my ex wanted to subjugate our kids to. My kids have major issues with their mother as well. (when the great grandmother died, and a few aunts) I hate all of em. But I've shown up for 2 funerals because the ex wanted the kids there. And both times after 15min I was taking the kids home. As to how do you interact with the ex and her fam.. you don't.…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 08:28 PM
1

Yeah he's had it rough.. my oldest babysits for him sometimes.. and I pay her..
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 02:55 AM
5

Yes you'd be a fool. Might she come back? Possibly.. if she does, she won't stay forever. A friend separated, wife came back after getting pregnant. He couldn't have kids... she had the baby. Got to the 2yr mark.. she met up with the baby dad, and left.. guy now has 80% custody of someone else's kid. The baby dad is in jail... she's mia.. he is on his own raising someone else's kid.. with her sending a postcard every so often saying she may come back. Or not.. if she does I wouldn't be surprised…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:25 AM
2

So my ex is polish/Caucasian and not seriously into religion (I'm not either) For her it played 0% part.. for myself (I'm American..german(and a few other things)/Caucasian) to me Ethinicities don't really matter. Culture/religion does I've met several people have stayed and worked on the relationships and made them into long term ones (I'm not counting the abusive ones) In marriage I've found that assuming you like the person/get along with them. A marriage can work well, if the two people can …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 08:18 PM
9

I was/am thrilled.. wished I had kicked it off 10 yrs before it happened.. similar to yours belittled, treated like both the wallet and her slave.. I mean we have 3 kids and I did more then my share of house work.. half the time she'd sleep the day away, then yell at me to cleanup and take care of the kids when they weren't at school. She was a very absent mother. And she'd have to go meet some friend or family who were all great.. ( Most were drunks and a step away from jail ( her saying)) but …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 01:58 AM
3

So im a guy, in the beginning I went for 80/20.. and their were legit reasons for it. The ex didn't want them brought up in court as likely they'd have seen that she had endangered them. (Granted legally I don't think they'd do anything as it was just mine and the kids words, and it took 6 months of cps.. and even then they didn't open a case.. last mtg they saw it too.. and by then I had a court date.. they were like kids stay with you till your court date next week.) In any case it stayed 80/2…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 03:58 AM
2

Wanna date her? lol... (and yes as of now she does have some mental issues (I discovered only after the divorce, she knew about some of them in HighSchool.) I'll send a DM..
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:37 PM
3

For my kids, on their school stuff I put my exs mom, as she's the one who physically lives closest. For my own, I put my oldest whos 19
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:57 AM
3

So my ex planned the divorce for 5 years, told me. Then started sleeping around a week later ( I don't think she was sleeping around before then, but she had checked out of the marriage. --and their are alot of reasons that I should have initiated the divorce.. her starting it, made me not question it anymore.) That being said, within the 1st week, she was out sleeping around, their were pics on her FB of her at bars drinking it up. She met a guy, shared an apartment for a few months. On/off aga…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:56 AM
2

That it was it was just us growing apart, or that their was some huge blow up. No, it was her lieing,manipulations, gaslighting, and her essentially becoming an increasingly toxic person. When she endangered the kids from my perspective their is never a going back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 01:26 PM
3

My one friend he got one of those inflatables, has snoopy and a tree inside abig snow globe takes a big section by the window.. Every xmas he pulls it out of the box, plugs it in and xmas done.. 😆 Big snoopy globe swirling snow and it's nice.. Unplug 5 min later it's back in the box.. lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:49 PM
2

honestly the whole divorce was a slap in the face to me.. I'd been running ragged trying to pay bills, and take care of her and kids. She was bedridden depression --and spending money regularly. So stuff I'd bought for the garage/fixing stuff, was "given/gifted" to relatives who needed to borrow them. After I got her out of my finances, I worked on paying down debt. And used "extra" money that she potentially could have claimed before legal stuff started. Using it for the kids (extra money into …
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:23 PM
1

So I kinda 2nd this.. My ex literally told.me to sleep around (I didn't as I knew her dad and her were looking for a excuse to blame me.) (And marriage is a thing you work on together, my ex didn't want to and had stopped a decade before the divorce) If I could have trusted my ex with the kids. I would've done this. (She had some issues, taking care of the kids when i wasn't there was one) So downgrade life.. put money aside.. ( I actually helped my bro pay for a few things..its all in his name.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:05 PM
1

So one thing.. did you buy the house before you married? And is it in your name only? So reason I ask, is this. You have to split martial assets.. something you bought ie house before you were legally married. Doesn't count (at least in Pa) Just read the her name on there.. The only thing you may be able to show is your assets/money you paid into it from before marriage as that isn't hers.. but increase in value and 1/2 of mortgage payments basically are counted as hers. Don't leave no matter wh…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:49 PM
2

So I get this, I had an gf decades ago, we were kinky but monogamous. She constantly got offers, eventhough everyone knew we were together. Then one summer rolls around, a guy we both knew was having a cabin party. Next I heard it was a guys only party, and my gf had decided she was going to be the sexual entertainment. (And not teasing, full use) we broke up, now we weren't married or anything.. And we had this conversation where she was like if 10 hot girls asked you to go to a cabin, and have…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:44 AM
2

My ex tried this crap. A 100 times over a month. I did everything from locking the door. If she's in there, she can't stay in there forever. Sleep on the couch.. if she tries to come out.. fine she doesn't want the bedroom, you go in and lock the door. Also this is when my ex started taking things.. found out later she sold 4 watches, my 1809 trombone, and a few other things of mine.. I rarely wore them.. and hadn't used the trombone in years.. but It was my grandfather's, and I played it too. I…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 10:17 PM
3

So all together with all the debt she dumped.. close to 50k settlement +30k debt she ran up and put on my cards + the 10k on lawyers.., so 90k+
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:59 AM
4

So 1st off, I totally get you. Secondly after my ex said she wanted a divorce, (then cheated on me 3x before the paperwork was even filed) and FYI (I'm not super muscled, but am fairly fit.) I was like okay, she had been almost bed ridden with depression for 7 years (and our youngest was 5 at the time, and didn't consider her mother, a mother) At least she's getting off her ass, maybe she'll become a half descent mother. And maybe it'll work out. (and fyi she essentially refused to have sex 90% …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:19 AM
2

So 1st off talk to your lawyer, mine flat out said their is no way that my ex's mental health can be called in. The only way is if she did stuff that was mentally unstable that she was caught for ie.. DUI's, if she harmed you or the kids (which is a whole other legal issue).. my ex never physically harmed the kids or myself but mentally traumatized all of us. verbal berating/mental harm barely counts for anything as they don't have physical evidence. My ex has bipolar 2, anxiety, depression.. Wi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 11:36 AM
3

As others have said finish the divorce ASAP.. my ex did similar stuff and a lot of stuff that really fd me and the kids up. For me to an extent my kids gave me a reason to avoid the "bad thoughts" I may of had them with her, but they were with me. And I knew not matter what happened I needed to be there for them.. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't be there for the kids. My ex drank alot, to deal with her daemons, anxiety etc.. then mixed in drugs. It's best to just divorce. And who k…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:19 AM
4

So unless you have kids who would be with her sometimes. I wouldnt.. If their are kids involved its you watching out for your kids. I usually insist on a background check if shes going to have the guy over when the kids are staying with her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 09:46 PM
3

Lol.. If she was id probably go for child support for the past 7 years. She is constantly jumping from one job to another. Works for 3-6months then quits or gets fired. Then not at all for several months.. barely functioning half the time.. After she left she decided to do admin stuff, then teach ( yeah she got a job at one of the schools that wants anyone they can get to baby sit the kids) no requirements.. Just switched to another one, and is bitching she has to do 12 hrs of training before st…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 11:27 PM
4

So ill throw my 2 cents in here.. my ex planned the divorce for 4-5 years..purposely not working. And running up every credit card in both of our names. She intended to have me move out, pay the mortgage and utilities, and give her the house. She had a lawyer who shed ratained ahead of time and hid the payments.. Luckily i refused to just leave, she has her MBA, could make more then me easily.. did the whole ocupation comparison stuff showed shed be making 3x my salary, take home. Started the pr…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:53 PM
5

So I interviewed two lady attorney's, and one male.. Both ladies refused taking my case, as it was likely that my ex wouldn't get 50/50 custody like she wanted.. I wanted 75/25 for me, if not more. Lots of mental issues etc.. endangered kids etc.. One of the female lawyers literally told me, that it was unacceptable for a woman to get less then 50% custody. And I'm lucky that I wasn't the one with the issues as she'd have gotten me put in jail... Yeah didn't go with either lady.. Went with a guy…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:01 AM
6

So here's how I went, I told them anything should be in writing. If I said anything even if I verbally agreed to it, that I'd need to go over it with my lawyer before signing anything. Assume anything they propose is leaning towards their interests not yours. Doing this can cut alot of the BS out of the way. The lawyers can drag out alot of it, having 10 - conversations and each charging each of you over $300 for an hour on the phone for that 5 min. (mine said it was 1K but he was giving me a ma…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:18 PM
0

It really depends i think on how much money/things you have, how much you fight about stuff. I've paid off thousands for the ex. She got more then her 50%of what we had which wasnt much. My lawyer got maybe 14k, ex honestly has gotten over 80k out of me all said and done. I got 45k, but she didnt touch my retirement..
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:24 AM
3

So my ex did this crap and has BP2 (She'd known about it since college, had never told me. " I found out when she started taking meds that made her hallucinate, so that was fun" , constant back and forth etc.. Don't loose confidence.) I had to greyrock. Essentially consider any kind of communication you get from her, as like talking to a teen kid. You get what they want, but it's really not the healthiest for you and the kids. And keep thinking of it as, this is healthiest for yourself and for t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:10 PM
3

Ex essentially got most of my retirement from my 401k old jobs (id been putting money in since i was 18) but my job in 2007 i got a pension. I was able to get her to not touch it..
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:17 PM
4

So I've got 3 kids.. similar stuff.. but mine are older now. And I got this alot and still do, at first I was a bit sensitive about it. But my ex constantly bails on things, health issues.. so if a parent asks where she is, I'm honest about it.. usually it's she couldn't get out of bed. Usually stemming from not taking care of herself and not sleeping right or constantly being sick. not around the kids of course. The kids are mostly with me, so people have gotten used to it.. and recognize I do …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 02:45 PM
4

So i never tell my ex even when we were separated about any of my relationships. Her meanwhile tries to make me jealous, and is a complete idiot with appropriate relationships around the kids.. Within 3 weeks of ex telling me she wanted a divorce , she was out going to bars.. the 2nd night out. She didnt come back till the am that happened often... then she brought guys into the house with me and the kids sleeping... I did call the cops on her and the guy more then once.. and she knew i didnt wa…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:19 AM
1

Yeah id dump her.. i literally had a convo with a friend the other daya where she wanted to do swapping with me and my gf. (All of us together) Id consider it with a different couple possibly, but those two are constantly trying to get anyone in bed with them.. And cheating on each other.. And i do know for a fact im not marrying anyone again.. and as much as i like my gf.. i know im not in love with her...
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 09:55 PM
2

Yeah which is why when people are like oh its an open marriage. And then get angry about one cheating on the other its confusing as hell to me.. is in many ways an open marriage is a your okay with each other sleeping around/cheating marriage.. I get theirs a difference with emotions etc... but most of the time i see them, its an excuse for both to cheat on each other and having a safe spot to land..
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:34 PM
0

So usually assets pre-marriage are not shared. Talk to a lawyer, and get an idea of what's at stake. After that confront her and ask about that night again and that google said she was somewhere else. Here's the schtick here, You both discussed opening the marriage, I don't know if it was you/her pushing for it. Legally doesn't matter, and they don't care. But on the peronal layer etc.. She could have just been hanging with him and watching a movie, stayed in (maybe it's his place) technically t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 02:43 PM
2

So my ex got a dui, luckily kids weren't with her.. hell it was funny as shit because she called me at 10pm to get her cigarettes. And she was drunk off her rocker on the phone.. i refused, she didnt live with us, and it was a week night/morning.. had to get up at 6 am.. and i hated cigarettes... Any case 445am i get her baging on my bedroom door.. (she wasnt the ex yet and still had a key) storms in and starts yelling at me.. She drove her car through some bushes at a wawa, where a cop was sitt…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:20 AM
2

Until it was settled that the kids were going to be primarily with me. Its not potential future income, it is what your current experience and degree should be able to earn you. And it doesnt go up if the job goes up. Its like if a guy making 200k a year decides hes going to divorce. He takes 3/4 of their money puts it in bitcoin, gives to his brother.. quits his job and takes a job flipping burgers. They will tell him he can have whatever job he wants but they are expecting x/per month based of…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 05:52 PM
2

So yes you could do this. The courts probably would be pissed. I've heard of courts saying that's fine, it's your problem. We have the value at X of property, and X of checking/saving accounts. You owe her blank amount. They don't care where it's stored. Depends on how good her lawyer is. My ex essentially left holding all the debt, quit her jobs. Then tried to get alimony from me, (and she would have if I didn't have the kids as well) Your actual income doesn't matter. It's the potential income…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:27 PM
5

So my ex did similar kind of stuff, I need to take x out of the savings and or other money/valuable items.. Then once she had taken them, it was I never took them. And the courts take things only where they sit when they decide to look at them. So unless you could prove it was taken out by her, and then put in her own account. You'd be screwed.. And at any point she can claim you decided to gift it to her (my ex did this repeatedly) In court I refuted it, courts response was well you can't prove…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:45 AM
1

So a mentor i had decades ago.. he had gotten divorced from his wife a decade before.. He had a apartment in house with 2 other ladies.. (his ex and his gf) they sometimes hang out.. So i asked him how/why tf.. Any case he and his wife had a really messed up relationship.. till they got divorced.. they both had to have full control among other issues.. Any case he was like marriage isnt about love its a legal contract or a religious one. Love is an agreement between two people to help each other…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:03 AM
1

So as others have suggested, get a lawyer. But if you get her to agree to things first. Then go to a lawyer with it, and be like what else do I need to add here. So the smart phone (I give my kids a phone when they hit middle school (12) as that's when all the after school programs and stuff start to happen in my area. And that way they can get ahold of me (my ex is a bit of a deadbeat. ) So for me, I have every 4th of july (it's a special holiday for my family, we're weird) - The kids are also …
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 10:41 PM
1

Ya know what the most fd up things these days is. That she has literally smacked her head from falling between drinking, prescription drugs (from after she moved out). She doesnt do that anymore... she literally has brain damage. Anything that happened, never happened, she would never..etc.. i have audio.recordings... i must have made them up, with someone.. So in court that doesn't matter until she does something illegal. Im pretty sure id be in jail or a mental ward if this was reversed...
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:56 AM
3

My ex planned the divorce for 5 years... put this in perspective as of today it's a 18 year marriage (technically). 7.5 years ago we seperated and she has dragged it out all 8~ years. And 5 years before that she had completely decided that she would divorce me (she confessed during one of her drunken tirades). So 5 years into the marriage, she'd decided. Then spend the next 13 years running up credit cards, manipulating and arguing with me daily. Everything from everyone in my family hates her, …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:23 PM
1

Not getting a different lawyer after the custody was done. For ie, I've sent him 3 emails and a call about the finalization ppwk.. in the past two weeks.. Haven't heard back at all. This is how it's been for 7 years. -- It's not all his fault. I should be pushing more, exs lawyers died 3x... And she's done everything she could to drag it out, and to extend it as much as possible. I've been way too nice, and she's constantly tried to get me and the kids to pitty her. (I gave her a chance in the v…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:13 PM
1

So the thing here is if you were cheating your wife wouldn't give you the same decency. Also in court/custody etc if you bad mouth your ex/ give the kids specific reasons to alienate them from her. They can use that against you, and a woman will more easily get away with it then a man would. --court sexism So what do you do, You leave it as vague as possible but give them an inkling. My kids know why me and their mom split, they didn't need me to say a thing. "Kids I love you, I can't go into th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:34 PM
3

So i get it. My ex left 7 years ago..it was important for me to stay here, my kids r a little older..and all in school. So last thing i wanted was to take them out of school.. the area im in. I cant/couldnt afford to buy a house in the school district. Its expensive. Couldn't afford new mortgage till recently.. and even then buying a new house, ehich id have preferred. Id loose square footage and bedrooms.. That being said.. i stayed. I removed the 86 pineapple decor things. The kids helped me r…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 09:51 PM
1

So my ex once asked for me to go to her counselor. It was a pip. Apparently she had convinced the therapist that I wanted to repair the relationship. (This was after major cheating, and her repeatedly endangering the kids and me, suicide attempts, and a ton of other things) so it was interesting. That being said, she's either looking to see if she can fix the relationship. Or if you have kids to maybe make coparenting more workable. The other side is she has something she thinks will piss ya off…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:57 AM
1

Ahh.. yeah that does seem shady. But its also a q of how is the rest of the relationship going? If everything is good..or really good.. id try and chalk it off to beginning stumble but keep an eye out.. My ex and i, yeah she cheated, but their were alot of other things that were alot worse. Yes cheating is terrible, but endangering kids and you. Constant lying, manipulation etc.. are all issues. And tons of other things im sure.. the q is she doing any or multiple ones.. and is it something you …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:23 PM
0

Yes, gaslighting is that, and ive been gaslit before.. in your initial description. It seemed that the exclusivity start date was in question. You believe its one date she thought it was another. I could easily see someone instead of arguing, a battle which you wouldnt give up on. Saying okay, and taking the hit and say it was a date earlier that you became exclusive. Whether its gaslighting in either direction. In an attempt to keep the relationship, as it seems you wouldnt have accepted any an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:40 AM
-2

So your not being gaslit.. And honestly if it was the beginning of the relationship. Had you both said you were exclusive at that point? Or had you just gone on a few dates? Many ladies ive met have 5 to 8 guys courting them or trying to. And most of the ladies ive met will go on a few dates with more then one guy. To see who they click with and who really they match with. Some may see it as cheating, simply because they are seeing that initial relationship as a combo of friendship and possibly …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 10:22 AM
1

I get it, and not offended.. your overly stressed.. Im a little curious how it went with you not there.. My ex literally told me that she expected me to live in my car or get a tiny apartment. Then to take care of the kids ie put em to bed and get em ip for school.. essentially do everything.. didnt help her case that she didnt do much with the kids. And hadnt for awhile.. At least she has a job.. i think you should be able to get 50/50..think positively.. don't sell youself short.. and unless a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 09:45 PM
2

So first off I didn't say wait 6 years. I said in 6 years they will have a choice. I also asked what is going on between her and the kids? Is it all happy go lucky? aside from you not being there? or is it that they don't want to be around her in general? I was basically asking about their relationship with her? My ex had and has a terrible relationship with my kids. And most of it's how she talks and handles situations.. Also unless your told by a court never leave the house. I literally had to…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:50 PM
2

So in many states it doesn't matter.. I'm in a no fault state which most are. Which means here they don't care.. The reason for divorce doesn't matter.. Some states used to want to know, to explain.. now a days none of them want to know.. Any anger revenge etc has nothing to do with it.. don't worry it'll get more fd up when she gets pregnant, and you have a brother.. That someday you can explain how much of a pos they are..
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 02:49 AM
2

So their are a few qs here.. and a few things to say in general.. Are things tense in the house because of you are their or because your she is doing her best to.make it tense. When my ex tried to make things uncomfortable i ignored her.. kids ignored her. Its also a question of what is she saying to the kids, etc.. Take a step back, im assuming you two havent filed for divorce. And you werent expecting it. This is a standard tactic, get you out of the house.. she'll get it extended, and extende…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:47 PM
1

It was a total of 6k in alimony across 6 years (technically it should have been 10 years), that I paid so it was like 400 a month.. no I'm not rich.. and truthfully the 400 was worth it to get her out of the house. She got a job for a bit had her own place then ended up at her parents. 50/50 state.. I ended up paying her 50k for her part of the house, just to finalize it.. We'd just refinanced 2 years before she left.. had like 5k in equity.. but she got 50 because she dragged it out.. and I als…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:38 PM
3

So the ex got 6k in alimony, and 0 child support.. The kids are primarily with me, so child support FYI would have been cheaper. Settlement agreement explicitly states she is not now or ever to be financially responsible for kids... isn't that peachy? Could probably get child support anyway.. but her parents pay most of her bills.. she doesn't make much...
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:00 AM
1

So first thing to point out to the lawyers, she didnt seek to get kids from your parents.. didnt seek to get back home.. went somewhere else.. and is now demanding Bs
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 09:04 PM
5

So my ex has bp2.. so this is a standard way she functions...wasnt when i met her.. but aparently shed had the same issues when she was younger. But had purposely kept it under control till she landedme and wed had a kid.. Didnt tell me then, just couldnt hide it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:23 AM
4

Yep said it directly to all 3 kids with me stabding there.. i was like really. And she walked out 2 days later she brought a guy into the house..with me and the kids there..didnt flip out.. but as soon as he left. I had a short 2 min conversation where i told her. Not to bring people to the house or anywhere near the kids or me unless shes known them for 6+ months. Not that she stuck with it.. but i did tell her next time. Ill be calling the cops.. and you'll be disturbed by the cops knocking on…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:18 AM
3

So first off the trust is gone - think about it really.. You'll be wondering if she's cheating till she does. My ex I hoped she'd change her mind.. then 2 months after she'd been screwing around. Walked by me and the kids all dressed up, "Bye kids, I'm going out to get you a new daddy." Yep at that point I was done.. She'd been disrespecting me for over a decade, absolutely zero respect. -of course when anyone else was around I was the person she cherished and respected the most. So first off, i…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 12:30 AM
1

So if you dont pay eventually bank will take it back.. credit score will be absolutely to shit. So the kicker here is that depending on the state laws etc.. and who's primary for the kids. You can be required to maintain the house that they live in till stuff gets sorted. Its partly why i kept my house, and im the primary.. but im also the main one who took care of the kids as well as work FT..while she refused to work. My suggestion is to tell her to go find a job.. no matter what happens shes …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 09:05 PM
1

I told my ex, her lawyer and mine.. as she'd tried to do this crap to me. (My lawyer was pissed about it too, in part because hers charged more then him.. but also because she was wasting his time constantly. I created a few proposals, sent them to ex and her lawyer.. the only responses were required to the whole document signed. Any changes they could ask me, and if it was needed I'd ask my lawyer..
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 01:32 AM
1

So first off in court she could come after you for invasion of privacy.. and a bunch of other stuff.. For the divorce it doesn't matter at all. If anything it could harm your case. For revenge etc, she could sue you. Unless she put it online, ie my ex posted it on Facebook.. her with the guy.. kissing.. Didn't make a difference, she even deleted the pic later and told her family that I cheated on her... so their is no morality here
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:48 PM
1

So one thing is to get an airtag throw it in the trunk of her car. Or her purse... side note I use life 360 to track my kids.. my ex would use it too.. she cheated all over. But as others have said it doesn't make a difference. Legally it doesn't matter. It'd only matter if she was dealing drugs or running around killing people...
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:04 PM
1

So 1st off have you slept with others since you were born? Ie before ya met her? Im assuming yes. Youll meet others, she'll meet others its all good.. Theres a good chance she slept with others during the marriage..only difference is now its obvious.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:44 AM
0

So 16.. i wouldnt bother nesting.. My ex was crazy.. it sounds like yours is trying to make it look like shes having a great time etc.. and having sex all over the place.. As to the art... hmm take a pic.. see if anyone wpuld buy the art.. maybe youll get an offer. If you do, tell your ex you expect 25% cut.. lol I mean posting it on here could be fun too. Just see if there were any art critics interested.. If the art is shown in the hallway, its in common space.. so no legal issues taking a pic…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:34 AM
2

So you don't mention what she did.. but the q is will/could she do it or similar again? My ex did several things which were illegal, ie getting a card in my name.. as she had my social security nunber. She claimed it was an accident, and it got canceled. After she xfered the 20k she ran up to a card in her name only.. And stop thinking of this as your ex. If a friend/ business associate had done the same thing where would you be? In court. I'd check with your lawyer, contact her and make sure sh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 01:49 AM
4

So I've got two daughters and one son. While I want my kids to find loving partners in life. I've told them I may never marry again, and if I did it would be after living with the person for 5-10 years. And even then it would only be if it made financial/medical sense. I mean I'm 47, no GF right this minute.. Say I find a woman and I'm 65 we are both retired. Enjoying ourselves etc.. I could see marrying her to make sure she can continue to live in the home, or that financially she'd be okay. Or…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 03:55 PM
6

So I like you feel a bit fd by the situation, you want the best for the kids. So I've been dealing with my ex for 7 years.. I have defended my ex dozens and dozens of times, as I'm not supposed to speak ill of her.. and meanwhile my ex is a toxic person.. speaks ill of the kids friends, and of the kids themselves.. makes fun of them. For whatever reason she can. For the most part barely behaves like a mother. They live with me most of the time.. I encourage them to see and spend time with her.. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 06:07 PM
1

Unless your making major money on it, I wouldn't bother. If they ask/find out, It's a bad habbit/addiction you've been trying to break. I mean if your bringing in millions, just report it as hobby income. In general they don't care if it's a few hundred here and their.. I mean I tutor, didn't report it at all. Lawyer flat out told me it's not a FT/salary job, I never filled out a W4. And for ie, if you got a FT salary job tomorrow you probably wouldn't do it. This is considered a "hobby" / side …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:24 PM
2

Most of the ones I met with in PA were free for the 30 min consultation. I'm more out in the sticks though. One of the lawyers wanted to charge me, I skipped them. One almost kicked me out of her office, as my ex had been borderline endangering the kids.. and she didn't want anything to do with a case where the woman may not get 50%or more custody. I ended up settling on a lawyer who primarily dealt with custody cases for 30 years. But he wasn't the best divorce lawyer, as things dragged on way …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 10:04 PM
1

So let's assume you went to Ukraine with kids, became some mercenary... or journalist there.. you would at some point in your life end up back in the USA.. and you would be jailed. You'd be better off going to some jihadist country, essentially sell yourself and kids to them to avoid the ex.. guess what you and the kids would more then likely be dead.. Yes their are those who have taken the kids and left the country, some are somewhat successful, for many years.. but that's primarily because the…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 01:43 PM
3

So they dont at all in the US.. my ex pushed and argued to lie and say it was longer then it was... But really the only thing that matters as the courts dont want you to rush into it.. Then she wanted to argue it was shorter as she wanted us to get back together...after her bf dumped her..and she realized the longer the marriage was the more she could try and get out of me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 12:45 AM
1

If settlement is done, and our she's not on the deed. No way.. And even if she is, id get others to be there as well
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 06:47 PM
3

So you can ask, be like your happy it's changed.. More then likely her gf told her how fd it is dating, and how lucky she has it. And that your a descent guy..
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:45 PM
3

So one thing is, talk to her about if she found herself in another "hoe" phase how she'd handle it? As you are looking for monogamous (I'm assuming) And as a side note the one solution to this is "hot wifing" which doesn't mean she is intimate with anyone, just shows off, how sexy she is etc.. (So their are solutions... (Chastity belt..lol) But is she willing to restrain herself to them. As with most things in life it's not a question of if, it's when. I mean it may be 40 years from now, and you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 11:06 PM
2

I thought female.. lol..
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:15 PM
3

So pet me clarify this.. as i dont know which state your in. In my state its illegal for you to have cameras inside house. Unless you have approval from all adults in the house. Thats being said, i have a camera on my deck recording. Whenever ex would try and argue when she was here.. id have her go outside..as she didnt want to do anything in front of the kids..it worked. My ex told me i had to move out, i refused. Told her the lawyers can sprt it out.. and that they could have us get psych eva…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:08 PM
1

So my ex told me she was divorcing on her bday.. a week after my bday.. and shed gotten me weird gifts at the time.. ie. A new dresser, night stand... (Fyi the cheapest ones you could get from kmart) Fyi we were sleeping in separate rooms, as she had been like seriously ill for almost 2 years... and was just getting better... So it was a bit of a slap in the face.. considering we had talked about her being better.. and me moving back into the bedroom. To let it be said i was more then pissed..
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:06 PM
2

So i didnt know half of my now exs APs...its not worth it. Its not worth messing. Ive also been dating for a few years. Twice the ladies had husbands who didnt know about it.. i found out after we had sex. and i kicked em out.. im not into messing up someone elses marriage. Granted a bit late..but its life.. The only other time was with one lady who, was contemplating divorce.. her husband had been repeatedly cheating on her for years. But still didnt know in the beginning. So i get both sides o…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 03:41 PM
2

The best way to handle this is to tell the mom he's visiting family.. or old school mate.. have him pack anything small and easily fits into a bag.. With my sister, she "gave" certain things to family, before she served her ex... ie an antique side table that had been in the family. Swapped things with other family members.. taking the more valuable/heirlooms with older stuff.. Then went on a trip to see a family member her ex didn't like out of state.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:15 PM
8

Yeah so did mine.. and my ex flat out said that the sex was great.. but she only had sex to have kids, and to keep me till we were married. It was too much of a bother otherwise... so she purposely refused sex soon after we had our first kid.. and unless she wanted another child. At which point she wouldnt tell.me she was off her pill.. it wouldnt be a discussion.. it might be brought up here and there.. we wouldn't agree, because of money.. or hell at different points she wasnt physically or me…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 11:14 AM
2

Well id see what you can find out about the contempt... and reason for it. That should be something anyone at the court or a lawyer could look up.. Meet a new lawyer, see if theyll tell you and see if you can file harassement and seek her paying for stuff.. and for the lawyer to do probono
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 01:00 AM
3

So first off kids 16 and 17... essentially are adults... Im curious what she filed a contempt thing for.. since thats usually from a judge in my area..and id think they have to state a reason.. It may be best to talk to a lawyer or even just stop by the court house.. in my area you can look it up online what the case is etc... She may have just found a sympathetic judge to side with her BS.. but heres the kicker if you dont handle it right.. and show up for court without knowing whats going on..…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:31 AM
12

So I've got 3 kids.. apparently my ex had decided during the 2nd one that she was going to divorce me.. she waited 2 years after the third, to even tell me. The next week she was out the door.. My ex was negative at different points before our first.. but they were tiny things.. as the kids came she just found ways to do more and more... Her defense for these actions, was that at the time it was what /how she needed to be. Because it's what she decided was needed, as per her words.. i at most wa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 11:33 PM
2

So my ex dragged out my divorce for 7 years.. i had to pay her half of the value of my mortgage payments.. plus youd prob have to pay her half the rent you make. Thats besides the point that the value may go down. And the current interest rates are ridiculously high.. you be better off likely selling. Not sure about if you could pull it off.. but maybe you can guilt her into being responsible for more of the debt.. if you sell...or maybe just signing over the house... then doing rent...
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 11:07 AM
5

So only thing I can say is to tell the ex not to rush it.. my ex.. told me and the kids they were engaged.. before the divorce was final.. and shed only known the guy for a month.. So 1 month till the divorce is final now.. everything is settled.. the guy bailed.. he saw so,e of the crap we've been dealing with.. and didn't even bother picking his stuff up from her place. Clothes, a few tools, and a bunch of other things left behind.. he didn't even stop back for them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 10:52 PM
0

So my ex has a lot of mental issues.. Her parents, have money and covered up her 2 DUI's and got them counted as medical DUI's (essentially saying it was the meds she was taking, not the 2 liters of wine she drank that night before she jumped into the car) Along with verbal and mental abuse to me and the kids. I got my ex to sign off on 85/15 custody, as she wasn't doing well. And they weren't sure how much the court would really side with. (Ex had sent me texts of her cutting her wrists and ask…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 03:16 PM
2

So first off don't move out first. Talk to a lawyer before you agree to anything. Legally at least in my state your required to keep paying the mortgage - and utilities. I made my ex leave. But I have kids.. Since your on both the mortgage and deed.. I'd stay, make her find a place. Otherwise your on the hook for that mortgage not her, (whether your living there or not) She wants it, fine then she buys you out, till then it's yours. Yes it's 50/50, etc.. But till that point where it's split any …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 03:03 PM
3

Easy way, take some cash out a few times.. Tell her it's for dinner/food etc.. Secondly, plan out when your going to tell her.. If your sure about this, get a new bank account. And have your income go into that. xfer some money into the account to pay your fair share of the bills. She watches every penny.. You had better get an idea of where all of the money is. My ex controlled all the money, left me with 30k of debt.. And had hidden/xfered money off to foreign bank accounts (they were in her r…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:04 PM
1

So I don't live alone, I've got our 3 kids pretty much all the time. That being said I'm extremely miss my time with other adults/someone to share life with(not like I can just bring a lady home) My ex has caused major trauma to all 3 kids. And not just normal divorce trauma. So anyone I date I've gotta vet before hand.. And in 7 years, my oldest met one of my gf's. I can't wait till I can have someone to share my days with. But I also do get to spend time with my kids and interact. I suggest yo…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 06:37 PM
2

Yes she isnt either right now.. and who knows if she ever was.. doesnt mean he shpuld hunt her down and purposely destroy any chances of her career... Then she is more likely to become what my ex is.. where she dragged the divprce out for 7 yrs because she wpuld switch lawyers, refused to compromise or even consider any settlement. Till very recently..
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:08 PM
0

So first off stop the revenge crap.. your angry fine.. Shes still the mother of your child. And realistically, create a stable environment for your kid. Show that you can be and are the stable one.. I dont know what custody your looking for expect 50/50.. the cheating counts as nothing in your divorce.. in most states cheating is not a ground for divorce. It doesnt matter. No amount of evidence makes a difference.. The only thing where it would is if ie she left your kid in the car, to go have s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 03:53 PM
7

So it all depends on both of you, and what happened. Im a fairly intellectual guy, at a few dozen points i had to set aside my feelings.. to deal with the situations, from the divorce and just being around my ex.. If im around my ex more then 2 to hours i feel physically off and then ill. Its less about hatred and more more from the trauma and manipulation she did to both me and the kids.. i mean our kids basically have ptsd from her. So part of it is anger at myself for not seeing it, and part …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 01:05 AM
2

CPS does works differently for each state/county.. and certain ways to do complaints. The best option is to ask your lawyer. In my area (not CA) they keep track of this stuff, and they see it as wasting resources.. but stuff gets missed, and not always fast. and they always lean on the side of caution so they like to have alot of evidence. In my area you can also send in a complaint, but really it should be co,I guess from the judge.. and your lawyer can ask them if it may be appropriate.. but m…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 04:41 AM
1

And the reason i promote this idea is you have a kid together.. For whatever reason your splitting up.. you want her to be ok, and your kids..ya give her a percent to make sure theyll be okay.. Plus it helps to not completely screw her over.. and be like this isnt just for you/them now.. its about future etc.. so i dont know if one of those trust things would be best for some of it.. But also dont forget to save some for yourself longterm
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 03:26 PM
2

So i was a ke to get primary custody and the court and everyone essentially thought i was making shit up.. the tune only changed when my ex had to show up for a meeting.. and it happened to be when she was falling apart (wouldnt take care of herself to the extent she was a danger to the kids).. which happened irregularly but all i had was my word against hers.. The pics of her cutting her wrists, the letters the kid had written about what a mess her mom was and just wanted her to be better.. det…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 12:27 AM
6

So since we are talking big bucks here.. my thought here is a cut for her say 20% then 10-25% to go to the kids.. ie via college savings and other things..maybe something where some percentage gets put into some kind of savings bonds or other till their 21/30 ish.. Dont lump the kids in with her.. as some future day they'll be grown up.. have their own lives and depending on how she managed her money their may be nothing... Not that you may not give them something in the future or when ya kick t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 08:29 PM
0

So I agree with you most of us good guys do nothing but compromise.. and get screwed.. I'll also they their are plenty off asses out there who think their compromising, but really arent.. ie oh can't go get drunk at a bar instead of watching kids or going on a date with wife.. I've met plenty of guys who see having to give up or adjust as unacceptable. Their are some who say they need a break etc.. and that's necessary, but ie my sister's ex essentially bailed on the family and his career so he …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 02:25 PM
0

So the one thing that many people dont get is marriage.. ie sticking with one person the rest of your life is very doable. The challenge is that you both have to be willing to compromise, and stick it out. If your unhappy being able to recognize and communicate with your partner how to resolve that issue.. My ex never wanted to do any of that.. mentalnstability and willingness are really critical...
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 01:21 AM
1

So my perspective, and i did this with my ex. Was dont go around telling people, follow your moral compass. You running around telling people is essentially bad mouthing them, attempting to mess with their relationships.. That being said. With my ex and her friends, i never talked about it, except when they asked. She had been going around telling people i was cheating on her. And that thats why we split, along with her saying that id been abusing her.. i corrected them that it wasnt me abusing …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:43 PM
5

Ahh.. yep, it's all about getting a reaction.. My ex has done this several points.. I just gave my ex her settlement check from the house 50k... technically theirs extra equity in the house she didn't get part of.. (and it's how I was able to get the mortgage for the house to buy her out. ) So tonight she suggest that 50k (my half be put into the kids college fund) side note I've been putting money in their accounts for years.. and each will have 20k.. she hasn't contributed a penny... And yes i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:13 AM
-1

So I mean I don't quite get this she has the house.. okay doky hers now.. Why would you bulldoze the house? And only 6 months of payments? Economically on her side it seems ludicrous.. but hey it's her mess. 2ndly don't think of it as yours anymore .. She's grasping for attention/reaction.. Best response... "goodluck, watch out for sinkholes"
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:52 AM
7

So I've got 3 kids, boys and girls.., their 11,13, 18 now.. they were 3, 5, and 11 when the divorce started. So the answer is different for each kid..and their age.. 2-8 or so it's - that we both love you.. but we aren't in love with each other. 9-14 - we love you.. we aren't in love... people have challenges, different thoughts, and opinions. And they change.. sometimes they grow together and sometimes apart. 15-21 .. it's mainly that we love you, and we are doing the best for you and ourselves…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:28 AM
1

Truthfully my at several points had hallucinations. Around the kids, then when I'd 302 her.. she'd get out by switching it to voluntary instead of involuntary by working the system. Her parents would put her back at my place.. when I wasn't there.. I'd come home and be like wtf.. Within a week I'd end up 302ing her again (cops were here) I recorded the whole interaction.. her going around the basement talking to people who weren't there.. then she started yelling at my oldest who had been watchi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 02:57 AM
1

Still in the bottom of a drawer.. not sure if its vudo to keep it there.. and sell it off when one of the kids gets married and use the money as part of the gift... No idea what its worth but i doubt that much..my ex was a cheap.mofo for anything for me..meanwhile her stuff was 20x more expensive..
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:27 PM
2

Yeah i know i get what your saying.. So from my understanding. Say your stbx starts screaming.. and yelling.. i believe in PA (2party consent) at least you can record them as long as your obvious about it. And say you are.. in the house.. when the incident is happening. Now that recording may not be used as evidence, depending on situation.. but it depends on the court.. and for most legal ones where the DA would go after someone theyd see the video and determine. What happened, and if they coul…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:11 PM
1

So the q here is, i proved my ex wife was the unstable one. And is actually mentally and verbally abusing the children. Luckily the kids are primarily with me.. but even with the knowledge of all this.. the court has essentially said their motherwith all.of her issues.. still gets the kids every other weekend and half the summer. Because she may prove more beneficial to their well being then the pain and ptsd that she still does. If this was reversed, I'd have been blocked completely. And id hav…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 07:06 PM
1

So i didn't need to use the video i had.. but in most states any video inside of the house... is off limits.. and actually illegal. If it's on your deck.. outside.. public you can record.. So whenever my ex would argue.. we'd go outside.. as we have kids and id record it. Second thing, so I'm not sure about if it's admissible in court. But say there's an altercation.. cps/ cops get called they will look at the video.. it may not be used but their response to it is..ie having other person leave o…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 03:10 PM
1

Yeah so now ots a q of where are ypu guys going to raise them? There still or aomewhere else.. which means you all move.. or you or the ex doesnt...
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 07:52 PM
1

So aside from that I have 2 girls and 1 boy, pretty similar in some ways (we didn't have many of the ups and downs as you did.) I'm a little curious as to who's idea it was to move that far away? As my ex pushed us to live closer to her parents, but an hour away from mine. And in general pushed us to be as disconnected from everyone except her. Assuming it's ending for you and your SO. It sounds like your SO is mostly stable and able to function. (mine barely can) And at this point works 2-3 day…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 06:03 PM
3

I talked to mine a week after she wanted the divorce.. as in the beginning I was a bit in shock.. I was far from perfect, but my ex was essentially bed ridden, I worked ft, took care of the kids with her parents help. She didn't want me or the kids to be around her, and I tried daily she'd send us out of the bedroom.. usually yelling how she had migraines or was sick.. I mean we a 3yo who'd barely ever see. Her mom.. as she wouldn't let the kids near her, and wouldn't even attempt to be around t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 12:17 AM
1

So if she got caught and depending on then drugs and the laws broken.. that could be used as a reason to change custody and get them away from the drugs. Your ex having someone live with her, nothing you can do about it.. Unless their endangering the kids.. The whole part of not cohabitation is mainly for kids and adults to get a break between the past and future relationships. And really for many, kids especially its best to date someone 6 months before introducing them to the kids..
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:35 PM
2

Because they figure that in general whether one or both saved in 401k its an asset.. only thing that you may get is if you had some of it before you met. That part she wouldn't get. The idea is say your wife saved 150k and you made 60k.. the idea is to make things equal.. doesn't matter whether most of the time guys are the hire earning or saving more.. Level playing field... etc.. True some of the ladies plan their divorce for years, (my ex) for ie.. but she planned the divorce for 5 yrs spent …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:32 AM
3

It's standard legal, technically they can get in trouble if one doesn't have representation and the deal is later questioned.. and they are questioned as to why they didn't tell one of them to have representation knowing one of them was getting screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 10:28 PM
2

I was going to say die.. but yeah.. I mean one option is to grab a few moments, grab all the cash ya can.. then leave the country.. never come back... change identity..
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 10:21 PM
3

Ive seen several ladies do this, specifically in divorces.. Some are looking for a moral excuse for themselves. Or revenge.. Others assuming you have kids, or spousal support or other.. are looking for a way to f you over.. get younin legal trouble so they either get more money or more custody. Ive heard of guys denying stuff like this, best solution is if anyone randomly contacted you.. assume their a scammer.. if asking for pics..never send any to anyone unless your engaged to get married. If …
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 06:39 PM
1

So just as an FYI my electric company keeps the stats for 2 years of usage you can login and download and they compare this year to lasts on the report..
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 07:34 PM
1

Any more context? Or does she want a flight back to russia? Jk
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 06:24 PM
1

So years ago, my ex told me i should sleep around i didnt. As she had been jealous of everyone the whole relationship.. i mean hell i let a lady id met under my umbrella. It was a sudden down pour, 90 degree and clear sky 10 min before. My ex (who had her own umbrella) flipped out at the lady mid storm screaming and yelling. Pushed the lady away from me, it was a mess.. Truthfully i think she figured especially looking back.. that if i cheated on her, itd give her an excuse for a divorce to feed…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 12:28 AM
1

It depends on state etc, I have some stocks.. I had bought them as part of our kids college fund. But truthfully they've done crappy.. 3k -5 years ago is 2.8k today.. lol Lawyer said don't even bother.. Their are pa529 accounts as well so kids will be set for college.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 08:53 PM
0

Very true, i honestly dont make enough to be able to do any of this.. and i wouldn't. To me, it's not moral. I make enough to barely pay the bills and take care of myself and the 3 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 06:06 PM
3

So a combo of it's what's theirs vs what's the company's. Yes they may own the company, but if it was around before. Or depending on where the actual money is, splitting it isn't an option.. ie say you have company Xtwitter worth 4 billion? what's the 50/50? 2 billion ? but what if the company has never actually made a profit? and is usually in the debt? That's essentially what people investing think it's worth, not what it's actually making. Alot of the time they'll consider it like a stock, it…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 05:25 PM
1

Counseling for the kids and yourself. I spent about a week trying to convince my ex to stay/not divorce (and she was bed ridden) and I ran myself ragged taking care of her and the kids. By the 2nd week, she was up and actually moving (I'd been starting to think she'd die in the bed) And was well at least hopefully this will be better for the kids, and myself. By the end of that 2nd week she was sneaking guys into the house. So yeah slippery slope. My ex has alot of issues. By the 2nd week she'd …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 03:14 PM
1

Yeah she signed the settlement and I don't have 50k sitting around. Can't wait.. life sucks especially when ya consider the current interest rates.. Either way it'll still be less then my original mortgage and it'll be done.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 12:47 PM
1

Within 5% can mean above or below... Or considering he knows the other guy it could be $500 difference... You want it low she wants it high. Some will just take the other guys number and go a grand under... Truthfully its worth getting it.. I had an appraisal, ex didnt agree.. so i was like get your own..she never did.. just kept telling me i needed to pay for her appraisal of the house.. as she didnt want to get off my insurance.. anything to drag it out.. Any case thats done.. Just do it,its n…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 10:42 PM
1

Bank should be taking care of it. I made sure with my bank that I wouldn't need her signature when I sell. Back in the day if you did a quit claim deed, you'd still need their signature in the future.. my coworker had to pay 15k for his exs signature. And when I looked into it 6 years ago, id have to jump through hoops.. I'm actually doing mine now, and have to do a full refinance for other reasons, but also to make sure I don't have issues with the ex later. She's got issues and regularly f's m…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 06:29 PM
3

Im in pa the amounts can vary alot.. Ie i have my kids primarily, ex doesnt pay a dime to me pr the kids never has.. never will. For those in my area who are the wife, and kids.. child support is usually 300 and up per kid.. if you for ie made 200k a year, that number could go up to 700 or more.. its basically based on how much you can afford to give.. some weird calculation of your income, hers, and how much she can prove is required to maintain the kids std of living. Spousal support is simila…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 01:22 AM
2

So disabled child no.. the spousal support is based on your income and hers add together and cut in half.. you give her the difference... Depends on the county etc..sometimes its based on other things..and if its really necessary.. Spousal support has nothing to do with the kids. Child support depending on the area could be 500/kid or more depending on income difference as well. And the custody of the kids ie if she has them mainly it could be 500+each.. if you split 50/50 it could be less... Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 01:03 AM
1

So when my ex wanted the divorce and i was lawyer shopping. I spent an hour with 2 different lawyers both ladies. I explained the whole thing, neither would take my case as they knew my ex was royally screwed. She cheated repeatedly, left the house, abandoned 3 kids we had etc.. forced herself back in. Then repeatedly brought random guys into the house. I had video recordings, of this, as well as several vids of her verbally abusing me and or the kids..and me putting myself in front of them to p…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 07:07 PM
2

So my ex and I separated 7 yes ago, she refused to finalize and wouldn't settle. So 2 months ago stbx found a bf, was told they were getting married and they were together maybe a month before I'd heard. So whatever she finally agreed to a settlement. So everything is set, she's going to get married.. had me meet him a few times.. Kids and I are like okay nice guy why is he doing it? But okay.. So 2 weeks ago everything is signed..just working it's way through courts and .. Guy bailed.. no weddi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 09:14 PM
4

So for me their are a bunch of different answers. I let her quit her jobs (her dad has flat out told me I should have yelled and screamed at her/ beaten her) - She became a stay at home mom and purposely avoided a career. I'd argue sometimes with her and it fell on deaf ears. She insisted I work more, get more money. So I wasn't as home much 8-6 everyday, I didn't see the things going wrong. Her and the kids would say everything was fine. Their were many red flags, one of the biggest was the onl…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 02:30 PM
1

Only thought is to maybe take turns driving the distance. And to crash at the persons house for the night.. other pays/makes breakfast.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 03:16 PM
2

So my one concern with kids being with their when she moves. And it depends on your ex. My ex was highly manipulative to both me and the kids. She still does things like, this is all your dad's fault. I'd be at home with you, but he forced me out. They've been here when she decides to look for something that she forgot. And it's a trip down memory lane and her wanting all of us to feel bad for her. ​ But on the opposite side of this, it could, I mean could be a learning/educational experience. I…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 06:12 PM
2

So you can have a separate bank account, 1st thing I did in my divorce get my own account and have my paychecks go there. You still need to pay necessary utilities, ie water, rent, electricity. If the car is in your name only, I'd almost suggest selling it before you file/ taking the keys.. (not sure if that's legal, and technically she could demand half of the value? maybe) I think you may be able to take the key/ use it etc.. And make the other care unavailable/ in the shop... And be like it's…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:50 PM
3

So assuming your in the US, 13yo won't have a choice in going to th exs assuming you go to court.. 16yo it's whatever she wants basically. I have 3 kids, when the oldest was 16 she rarely went over.. now she never does.. my ex does have some issues... The younger 2 can't wait to be 16 so they don't need to. Second thing no court will split them up.. they'll want them together.. ie 1 week with and one without... it'd be your 16yos choice if she went or not.. mine now 18 stops over for events and …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 03:59 PM
2

So one thing is to wait till the court/legal stuff is done. Second thing, and this is what I told my ex. (she's starting to follow it now) You find someone you date for at least 6 months - 1yr. If your both sure your going to stay together. Then you have "play dates" ie hey go to an amusement park with my friend. Or just going to a regular park where she can play and GF can be there. The idea here is to introduce the woman as another person in their lives. Not to replace the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:26 PM
2

So first off sex all the time.. damn i wish.. my ex was essentially a ice cube 6 months after we married. Unless she wanted a kid..then it was sex, get her pregnant.. then nothing.. no real love, no real trust.. it was all lipservice. But reality here, your kids will grow up fine, when you have them make sure you spend time with them.. like actually spend time with them.. when you don't you take care of the house, and have a little bit of a life and work...
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:40 AM
1

You probably won't hear this from too many guys here. She feels guilty, but she's moved on. Thinks its a better pasture for her, it probably isn't and she's hearing that in the back of her head. But will continue to ignore it till she's in a mess and thinks maybe I shouldn't have bailed. But you can't do anything about that, all you can control is you. If you aren't healthy and together you can't take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself you can't take care of your kids. Regardle…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:41 AM
5

Yep, hell I was like then go get a job/career. She had her bachelors, masters degrees in business. I only have my bachelors. Got get a job. Only thing I got from her was I'll go back to school to be a kindergarten teacher (FYI she could barely handle our 3 kids) and most of the time didn't. So instead she treated me and the kids like shit, then told me she wanted a divorce. A week later was sleeping around, and within a month sneaking guys into the house with me and the kids there. She's lucky I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:51 PM
8

So my ex has said several times to both me and the kids and apologized for the divorce and what she did to me and the kids. FYI this felt hollow, and never made me feel any better. 3-6 months later it's because of her mental issues, another 1 year later it was her anemia. Another 6 months and she's telling the kids it's all my fault. That being said, it takes two to tango. According to her dad, it's majorly my fault for not slapping her upside her head and essentially beating her till she stayed…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:59 PM
2

It can also affect how long spousal support is required.. For ie most states it's spousal support for 1/2 of length of marriage. But I believe a few states (California used to.. not sure now) after 10 years of marriage, can impose permanent spousal support. And also for other reasons.. I've saw one post of someone being married 9 1/2 years, wife temporarily moved to CA - to take care of a sick mother for a few months. Came back to her home state for a few months - to show they were together stil…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:36 PM
3

So sex makes it so she can say you were back together, and Made up in court/legally. so that year doesn't exist. So im assuming she's saying your date of separation was more recent..extending the marriage. Depending on how long you were married that can put you over thresholds depending on the state, to dramatically extend spousal support. So one way to deal with this is to ask her if she really wants to get back together for the long term.. and set an actual commitment. I mean it's a possibilit…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 05:19 AM
2

So far my exs life is alot worse. So 3 kids, descent size house.. okay life.. she caused most of the drama and essentially was queen.. and treated me and the kids crappy more then good. But it was manageable. She was like 300lbs, because she wouldnt take care of herself.. got gastric bypass Good times and bad. She had a bunch of medical issues, i stood by her.. then she left. Was better for half a year... but still lota issues. Now she borderlines 90lbs and for the past month is existing off of …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:25 PM
1

So settlement has been signed.. pnly thing to complete that is buying her out of the house which is in progress.. and her paying her student loan...
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 10:48 PM
1

Yeah well as it is I'm working on my budget as my mortgage is going up by almost 1k/month.. that's enough of a challenge while taking care of myself and kids,,
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 09:30 PM
3

Yep, she was damaged before I met her.. I didn't see the signs.. I did my best.. even dealt with a period where she was a danger to myself and our kids. Then she bailed...
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 09:29 PM
1

So my w2 is set for joint married, and 3 kids...and $10 a paycheck. Final decree will be in 2 to 3 months.. If i understand it i have to file as head of household next year..i have the kids 90% pay everything for the kids and house.. Im thinking i need to change my w2 to hoh, asap. To hopefully not have to pay as much? Anny input is appreciated
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 06:34 PM
3

I dont hate my ex, but i dont want to be anywhere near her.. the kids dont either.. and its because of how she is in general and acts around them.. Shes a mess.. and will likely be a mess till she passes away. Mainly from not taking care of herself.. I dont wish her harm but shes a literal danger to my health if im around her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 06:07 PM
2

So dude, cut the drugs and alcohol . Go on a trip or something get out of your box.. Imagine another life, where things are different and better.. and some of that can be yours..
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 06:46 PM
2

So truthfully, yes they hold a sentimental value.. She's moved on and see's it as if she had a ton of space she'd put them in some corner (that she didn't need to look at often). She's moving on with her life, and objects that hold memories from the past while nice/good to keep. It's also important to have space with them, and realize you need to move forward. It seems like you may be dwelling on it too much. I'm a sentimental guy, but truthfully my ex took most of anything valuable then randoml…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:18 PM
1

So aside from my ex actually having mental issues. In the beginning my ex went out partying before she left the house. Supposedly got raped by someone at a bar. (this happened several times) Would come home, tell me she got raped and that she's going to tell the cops I did it. Threatened restraining orders, and taking the kids away. Alot of it was self preservation. Luckily the one time she did try a restraining order, I caught her on tape saying yeah none of it's true but that didn't matter as …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:46 PM
4

Ya know what the most annoying thing was.. When I met my ex she made more then me (financial advisor) made over 60. We were doing okay, we had a child. 1st thing she does is quit, even after having several arguments that it doesn't save money in the long run. We'd agreed she'd keep working, she realized I couldn't force her to have a job. So she quit, without discussing further. I had to take a 2nd job to pay the bills with her insisting it's required, she bitched at me for not being around. The…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 03:40 PM
5

I'm not sure what to tell you my ex dragged out the whole final settlement for almost 7 years.. covid, an assortment of excuses,some legit medical issues.. really boiled down to she needed someone else to take over providing medical and financial support.. couldn't maintain or get a decent enough job to provide for herself... And she has her masters degree..
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 11:49 PM
3

Yeah i thought about it, they've been involved before.m (as everything with the ex is borderline and intermittent) But considering, grandma was there when ex wasnt well. And they had me come get my youngest. Cps will say its been handled.. Now with the whole me bringing the youngest back tonight, they'd only possibly do something if i did bring her over there.. then id probably be the one in trouble.. Cps in my area if they actually open a case after initial investigation, step 1 take kids away …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 02:22 AM
5

So I still have my ring, in a drawer. That being said my ex "lost" a few rings I know she pawned a ton of stuff.. I didn't get a penny.. he'll she'd gotten me watches ..she pawned them too.. Now she's getting married again.. wouldn't be surprised if she sells the wedding band to buy the guys...
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:57 PM
2

So for me,my kids are in a better spot, my ex was and is toxic to me as well as the kids.. alot of bad stuff.. So for me and my kids the divorce is a positive.. And yes no matter what it affects kids. What alot of people who, decide to stay together for the sake of the kids. It becomes a question of what the problem with the relationship is.. if its fights, even quiet ones..the kids will know.. and their will be high anxiety and stress for everyone. To thenpoint where usually this is wprse then …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 03:57 PM
15

Its a somewhat normal for a teen girl.to alienate both parents.. Id write a letter and hand it to her.. let he know you love her.. and want to be there however you can. Make sure it has your contact info etc.. As a teen and right after the divorce, some kids feel like they have to pick a side.. some parents push for that too.. my ex does. It hurts but attempting to force her wont help.. Leaving the country to a child means your abandoning them and then its really done. Even if it feels like thei…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 09:56 PM
3

So yes you can do all the legal shit. But find out what the root of the issue is. When you can talk to the kids, without ex around. "Kids need to cool off" from what? If they'd been with her for the week it isnt likely from you. My ex did this shit when she wanted more time to get the kids not to tell me something. I dont know you or your kids.. when my oldest had her 1st period. She didnt want to go to the exs.. i was upfront with the ex as to why.. but some are not as open as i am.. Or is this…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 06:24 PM
8

So mine has been giving me an attitude off and on for a long time. It's usually from her own choices, or a choice she made at one point isn't as convenient or beneficial to her. And yes I've gotten the everything is my fault. (She cheated, she chose to leave, she filed divorce against me, kids stayed with me since she was all about becoming a corporate exec (didn't happen) ) It does get hilarious. I still get my kids telling me Mom was complaining again, "Your the reason she's not at the house",…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 04:12 AM
1

Fd up, either dump the weed in the trash. You can call 911/local PD (non emergency #).. Tell them your gf just dumped ya and apparently, she was hiding a bag of weed. And provide her contact info..lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:57 PM
2

It's taken me 7 years.. mainly because my ex has been changing her mind on different assets. First it's okay, then not. - Pretty sure she did this since she's barely been able to work a FT job - and wouldn't have health insurance without being on mine, even though I have the kids primarily (like 85% of the time their with me) She's more the qualified has her MBA (I've only got my Bachelors) I only had 1 hearing in the beginning where supposedly everything was agreed to. I let her take/have whate…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:01 AM
1

So I was kidding about the closet, but I will admit that my one child lived in a closet, id taken the door off. For almost her first year.. And for a baby it's something many do, as it's a small area.. and the baby doesn't need much. Especially for sleepy time.. it makes life manageable... I meant more for like a 3 or older even 2 probably it's time to figure out where to move them to.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 10:49 PM
1

So reality check as others have said, their's nothing you can do. Even if you were technically still married, but separated their isn't much you could do. She gets money from you.. when she gets it, it's up to her how she wants to spend it. The only possible spot you have for anything would be the child support/custody.. And if she had them ie actually living in a closet, and wasn't taking care of them. Aside from that their is nothing you can do. even with child support she'll need to get a job…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 01:38 PM
3

From my understanding any debt you pay of hers while married and with no agreement is essentially not counted doesn't matter if she doesn't put her money in the joint account. I ended up paying 30k of debt my ex sdoesn't would count, and now it doesnt. As it's convenient for her not to.. I'd get yourself a new account, change your direct deposit to that. Anything that's under only your name pay directly from that. Anything that's in her name only and your not on is her issue.. if your an extra u…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 08:54 PM
1

So a month ago, ex introduced kids to her bf of 1 month now fiance. And has told them to start calling him stepdad. Side note ive been trying to finalize divorce for 7 years... she finally wants it done.. as soon as it's final next day she's marrying him.. Good riddance. I'm not happy shes rushing this on the kids.. but they live primarily with me, and are a little older..
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:56 PM
4

The ocean full of secrets she has from the marriage...ie she cheated alot
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 08:28 PM
1

So first off, my ex has issues. Primarily that she was suicidal, depression, anxiety, BP2 etc.. I've spent a total of maybe 4K over 7 years. Mainly with her asking for more time with the kids and the courts batting her down. And honestly they even said it they've said that we're one of the better couples to deal with as we aren't fighting constantly and going to court for every BS thing. It's also a thing of she realized she had issues, and thought she'd loose all access. I gave her everyother w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 05:55 PM
2

It's getting better, she finally wants to finalize stuff. And kids are primarily with me, and getting counseling..
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:18 PM
2

At least yours did this quickly, mine did it slowly over years. Each stage was a slowly crushing my life. After we had 3 kids, and it'd gotten ridiculous and I was completely cut off from family and friends. And I was dealing with working and kids all the time. She did work for awhile was all about career's etc.. till we had the 1st kid, then she quit jobs at the drop of a hat. Even though we needed the money. Wouldn't care for the kids during the day (her mom had to come over) . Your lucky you …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:38 PM
1

So I was married, still working on getting divorced. And I can say I would get married again. But, you need to really know the person your marrying. My ex rushed us to marriage, and I allowed it. Yes we lived together at first, but many of the things that caused problems in the marriage were their before hand. ie we were in our 20's and she drank alot (more then me) and smoked.. not the worst thing as we were in our 20's and young. The reality is, she drank to ignore things in her life. I didn't…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:02 PM
1

So I'd stick with the 1hr for u and 2.5 for her... I'd get them signed up in daycare/prek or similar.. establish a school/community. Then she gets every other weekend and half the summer..
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 11:56 PM
1

They live with me 80%of the time ex is 10 min away
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 11:53 PM
1

So my ex moved out, forced herself back into the house. Then for a month tried to have sex with me, to "repair" things. And FYI she'd also said a month or two after she left again when she showed up drunk, that I was lucky I didn't have sex with her as then she'd have claimed rape. The legality side too is that she can then go to court and say we made up (had sex), after the break up and she'd moved out (ie 1 year). Therefore she could have claimed we were back together and that 1 year didn't co…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 09:53 PM
2

So here's the 1st thing, assuming you follow through with divorce. Who will be staying at the house, and who will have the kids primarily or 50/50 assuming you can handle that? You need time to think, go visit your parents for a weekend, or go on a short solo vacay. If your moving to another place, you've decided. It's only a question of whether you emotionally have accepted it, and loosing some of the time with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 07:19 PM
7

Schedule a mtg with a lawyer first, keep all info away from her. Talk to him about the situation and how to get out of this. My ex did this several times at one point. Hell at one point she threatened to hurt herself and blame me... another point she was going to kill herself, and make it look like I did it.. and FYI we have young kids. Thankfully I'd video recorded it. So report it to the cops, and let them know it's repeatedly been happening. And you want her 302d basically mental check etc at…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 05:20 PM
1

So for me alot of it was #2, - And some of it was not so easily overlooked. And if anything I'd say: I wanted to make it work - I felt that leaving the wife was giving up on her. 90%+ of the things she did/behaved changed gradually in how she dealt with situations. To the extent that I didn't notice them at the time. And I'd let one small thing go, then another, and another.. I also dealt with alot of gaslighting, my ex profused respect, constantly demanded it. And said verbally she respected me…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 02:38 PM
1

So first off I wouldn't pay for anything for her till the courts order it. My ex screwed me over for years, and then reneged on everything we'd agreed to. Then proceeded to drag it out for 7 years. Luckily she's out of the house,and off on her own now. But it's a nightmare.. goodluck
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:43 PM
2

So my ex would bring guys back, she did that a few times. With me and the kids at the house. Since the in-laws own the house and live next door. I'm guessing the ex will probably get to stay with kids. But it's all about finding a balance, where you can have your time with the kids and they can as well (my ex essentially just essentially mentally bailed on the kids)
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 05:07 PM
1

So my bday is a week before the stbx's she got me a new dresser, and I was like wtf? but ok I'll be gracious.. on her bday she told me after having to help her up the steps because she's so fd up. And doing everything I can for her bday. "Hey we are getting a divorce. Go sleep downstairs."
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 02:06 PM
1

Yeah, so I am saving them.. pondering on scanning them in, I do have an adf scanner..
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 09:48 PM
3

She has bp2 and some other issues.. bit she has the bf and say she's not manic.. I'm like fine I just want the settlement done. Which she's already verbally agreed to the terms...
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 05:01 PM
6

Ita a good question.. i have a tub or two of hundreds of pics.. with the ex and the kids and me.. Im still not sure what to do.. the ex after seven years has finally decided she'll agree to terms after dragging it out forever... Shes now literally planning on marrying someone else the day after divorce is settled.. to a guy that shes known for a month.. I dont care, aside from how itll affect the 3 kids..whom are primarily with me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:38 PM
2

So most states/counties want 50/50 the only real reason to go to something else is because one parent has "issues" that causes them not to have 50%.. Or if one parent doesn't want it, or they are unable to because of work. But it's all about compromises etc. my ex left I could have taken a job paying 2-3x what I make but I can leave work whenever and take care of anything the kids need time wise. Including working from home when needed. My ex has issues and she gets like 25% that being said, you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 06:37 PM
1

more taxes back? and someone to help with the chores if your lucky. And hopefully some enjoyable bed time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 04:07 PM
3

If your buying her out, it should be in the settlement.. she may want you to rent it to her, but you dont have to. If their was a stipulation for renting it to her, their needs to be a time limit set..
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 11:27 AM
2

Their are free options, hget some help as othrrsnhave mentioned.. And your family/kids are still there.. they need you to pick yourself up and get your life back together..so you can be there as they grow older have gfs/bfs and married etc...
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 11:21 AM
1

Oh and a 2nd thing, she's BP2, anxiety, depression (probably psychotic as well), has been since highschool, her and her parents knew. Their perspective was they yelled at her to fix herself and she did. Therefore it's fixed and no one needed to know. So she apparently had up and downs in college.. and some at work. But it wasn't anything major and she kept it together. (It's not like a college kid makes any real decisions, and once you get a job it's pretty easy to float by) So I went 12 years i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:36 PM
2

So their's a few things, in the very begginning, I chalked up some of the random stuff to being young.. I mean I was like 25, she was 23 and still acting like she was in college.. Drinking a little too much, and smoking which I didn't like.. (but she kinda sprang that on me after we were dating for a few months and I was really into her) Then we got hitched, probably too fast but it was 2 years after we'd started dating. And reality here is we had mostly the same goals, so their was little confl…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 02:40 AM
1

We filed a year and a half before covid.. she went in and out of hospitals, and a bunch of other medical stuff.. she left me, i have the kids most of the time. We had been going through the steps. Then she constantly delayed, argued. Would be like i am a good person take me back, i cant trust her among other things. Then its you can trust me i keep my word, as long as it doesnt involve actually following through... Ive had several agreements with the ex.. i do my part she avoids, then says she c…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:21 PM
2

I'm in the same situation, me and the kids live in the house. She's never paid for any of it. And barely helped with the kids or house when she did, heck her mom did more then she did.. I am now on almost year 5 of arguing with trying to settle on the house. This is after several other "requirments" be fixed before shed consider settling, and after i took on all the 30k of debt..as shes been a complete deadbeat. At this point i dont want child support for the 3 kids, i just want the house in my …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 10:44 PM
1

So listen, I'm a very easy going guy.. My ex walked all over me, and honestly she's given me and the kids PTSD... from all the stuff that's happened. You emotionally left her and then she did. Yeah you both regret it.. You attempted to work it out, and barely tried... She signed the divorce, as she realized this wasn't a situation that was okay to keep going forward with. You both have done things you shouldn't have. My ex cheated on me, within 2 weeks of telling me she wanted a divorce. And I'm…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 09:56 PM
1

So my ex told me on her birthday that she wanted the divorce. And FYI this is after months of her bugging me, telling me that I replace a ring she'd lost. and wanted one that was like 1K, I got her one that was like ~$600 ish. And yes we were having issues. I was beside myself with anger etc.. (And I have kids with her) So since that, I haven't gotten her a thing. The kids will pick stuff out for her, and stuff like that, but nothing from me. I will say, I've gotten a few things for her over the…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 12:23 PM
2

So essentially here you've been married for 12-14+ years. Wait another 8 to 10 and itll be 20... Every cent you put into the house she will get half of.. your under the assumption that your the one who has to leave.. maybe she is? It sounds like your well off, the longer she can coast and keep you two attached the more money/resources she will get out of you.. My ex still refuses to finalize so she can drag it out and get more money from when the house is sold. Its been 5 years going on 6. Her p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 01:44 PM
1

So here's my two cents usually their's a reason behind the male's and female's perspective. It's one person behaving one way, and the others response. My ex (F) was randomly emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive. In general it was a combination of her believing that she always knew what was right. It was also that she stopped respecting me as a person. In some ways this is because I stopped arguing and fighting her. I got into a complacent position, as any and all explanations ended with he…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 04:01 PM
1

So it all depends on you, and your schedule / life.. I've got 3 kids, and seriously considered it a dozen times. But I have my kids 80-90% of the time. So handling 3 kids and a dog, I realized it'd be a bit much.. I could do it, but then the added expense of arranging stuff when I'm not around. Fighting with the kids to get them to help. Plus whatever damage the pet does. And my family is like an hour away, so it's not like I can call any of them to check on the animals daily. I mean I could rel…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 04:02 PM
3

Listen dude, I have 3 kids, and we are living in the house. The ex has held the mortgage and deed over my head constantly as an excuse to do whatever she wants. Refuses to sign stuff, when I offer fair market value, it get's dragged on for months. Till it's no longer valid, and needs a new appraisal. We had a deal, she broke the deal as soon as the value went up on the house. At this point she wants to keep it in limbo for the next 10-20+ years. As whenever it gets sold she'll get half, as I pay…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 05:33 PM
3

I actually gave some of my expensive items as gifts to my brothers. (Granted they weren't worth that much) And in about 10 years I'll get it back as a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 04:30 PM
1

So here's the nightmare. My ex hasn't had cancer (yet?) but she's had multiple major issues that caused problems for me and the kids. You can divorce her while she's sick, and as an FYI and not everyone's health issues are the same. My ex's health, and mental issues along with her behavior made it a ridiculously bad environment for the children. She was bedridden for 3 years along with health issues, tells me she wanted a divorce, started sleeping around. Go to another lawyer, I don't know the c…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 05:34 PM
1

So I'm not sure what health issues and how serious it is. But from your other posts, it looks like your lady is with other guys, your a bit of a cuck. And may have ED issues. All of that does and doesn't matter. You need to step back and think about what the marriage is, and what it isn't. What things will make you happier, etc... My ex for ie, is Bipolar2, anxiety, depression, and has many of the same work related issues as yours. (I have ADHD, and know alot of people who do, and were never dia…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 05:08 PM
1

Contact the lawyer. Keep attempting to contact for 2 days. Also contact any family, and notify them. I mean it's possible that her phone and other contacts got hacked.. (but then she should have attempted to contact you.) The thing here is to show you've tried. My ex for ie, once or twice attempted suicide. Only reason she didn't succeed is her parents showed up in time. like 2 min later she'd have been dead. (And I'd called them earlier as she hadn't responded to getting the kids) So you need t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 10:55 PM
1

Yeah, id rather get it over with. I mean she's not the healthiest.. she's bp2, anemia, major stomach issues.. and rarely takes care of herself.. half the time the kids are with her she's passed out or not feeling well... she has brain damage, and some other stuff as well.. But wouldn't be surprised if she keeps kicking for another 20 years or more... granted the other day she mentioned she doesn't know how long she has left. Part of her reason to be at the home is so she could be with them more.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 04:24 AM
1

Yeah, id rather get it over with. I mean she's not the healthiest.. she's bp2, anemia, major stomach issues.. and rarely takes care of herself.. half the time the kids are with her she's passed out or not feeling well... she has brain damage, and some other stuff as well.. But wouldn't be surprised if she keeps kicking for another 20 years or more... granted the other day she mentioned she doesn't know how long she has left. Part of her reason to be at the home is so she could be with them more.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 04:24 AM
2

So here's my thoughts. It could be fun, and life is about experiencing things. (get condoms) But find other things to do without her, ie hit a spa take in a show. Also be realistic here, it may just be some fun, but you also may be getting taken. It's surprising the number of ladies I've met at conferences who are either married or just play on the strip. They get free rooms, as they get guys to spend money on them, as they hook up and screw around at the resorts and casinos. Then go home to the…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 05:03 PM
3

Yep, which is why I'll wait and see. Many others I've run into on here, have told me to cut her off and if she dies her problem. .. that's not the person I am. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. And the kids, wouldn't be okay with it regardless of how bad she has treated them. So im kinda sitting and waiting, really in the longterm even if I did get her off the insurance, she could use the over 100k she'll probably get from her cut of the house to get insurance.. or a job that has it..
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 09:17 PM
1

So it kind of depends on the asset. So in general premarital assets are not. But here's the rub, say you bought a 10K watch / thingy before marriage. But didn't have the receipt. She could say, I gave you that, or no that was something we bought together. Unless you can prove that it was purchased/ invested/whatever before the marriage. All she needs to do is cast doubt that it was pre-marriage and the courts are likely to agree. If it's a stock, or property there's external records etc.. but an…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 07:28 PM
2

So essentially everything is split 50/50 unless you have a prenup. If you came into it with a million, she'll get half of it, including your 401k. My ex had a job, argued with me about wanting to be a SAHM (we couldn't really afford it) She quit her job, and became a SAHM. Refused to get a job for about 8 years. During which she got her masters degree, and a few years later. Still no job, filed for divorce. As she wanted to become a high powered executive.. (Didn't work out) she's barely kept ev…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 06:20 PM
3

So here's my thoughts, my ex was/is the same. Just further along then you. So first off, I'm a good guy, I always will be my ex has screwed me over repeatedly. Only reason I communicate with her is because we have kids together. She went from being bed-ridden depression, asked for divorce.. Then moving out a month later, she's been a complete fd up mess for the past 5 years dragging on the divorce as long as possible. Tons of medical stuff off and on. Now just as her and her lawyers are finally …
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 05:23 PM
4

My ex still asks why she cant come back.. she doesnt see anything she did as a real problem. And whether its true or not she doesn't remember anything from that time period.. its possible as shes banged her head, and mentally she did unthinkable things.. and people tend to block that stuff out similar to ptsd.. That doesnt change what me and the kids had to deal with.. all i get told is shes a good person. I should take her back, by her parents.. who btw got fed up dealing with her at their plac…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 03:10 PM
8

My ex repeatedly tried to come back after she left. With her and her parents staying she had changed whatever.. The reality here is this isn't them changing back, as they had these issues and reasons for leaving even then.. the question is whether they've changed to not have those issues.. My ex in one of her drunk stupors the only time she was honest. Confessed she had been planning leaving for over 5 years possibly 8 out of a 12 year marriage, and 3 kids. This went from making sure as much deb…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 01:00 PM
1

Well from my understanding, any debt after we filed is hers. That includes medical. So im not worried about being on the hook for it. So I'm not too worried about any debt that comes from it. And my work has a coinsurance that could cover stuff if that needed to be tapped granted. I'd have to see how that works. Yes, debt collectors could harrass me, but from my understanding, they can't touch me or my credit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 01:58 AM
1

Yeah it's less agonizing, more worried about the 3 kids their mainly with me anyway like 85% of the time. And I do all the decisions for them. The ex has had major issues for 2 decades, including bowel and stomach stuff, besides a bunch of mental stuff. Her dad had colon issues.. and she's never taken care of herself. As of earlier today talked to her for a few min.. she's got a dozen major tests in the next week. And apparently what ever one's have happened aren't good.. No details.. butnshes f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 01:29 AM
1

Yeah, so financially. Aside from us having separate bank accounts.. and before she left she made sure all debt/credit was either just in my name or in both our names.. primarily.just mine.. Alot of manipulation etc, refused to let me.handle any of the budget.. would frequently bounce things around.. so.after she left aside from one credit card which was paid off, in her name. She left 30k on my creditcards.. with some of them having her as a person who could use the cards.. So yes she fd me over…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 08:51 PM
2

Yep, really the only way to hide it. Is to essentially grab the money, change your name. And go to some foreign country, dont tell anyone and never speak to anyone again.. basically drop and ghost everything. Start a new life.. ideally ina. Country thay has few if any ties to.your home.country.truthfully if you pulled it off.. itd only be worth it if, you had millions hidden away somehow.. and found your doppelganger, take their identity. And go from there.. not recommended at all.. Only way you…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 06:55 PM
-1

So to an extent, assuming you had, lets say a year to 6 months before you filed. Start taking money out in cash, buy your sibling a house, in their name. Have them live there.. buy a few other expensive things for others.. but always make sure its in that persons name.. Then get it down to a few K and divorce.. Realistically.money will be gone, ex will.get part of your income and house.. Alternative is to take out, send to a foreign bank or something say iran or some/majorly bad repoir with the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:25 PM
1

So my insurance is a cadilac plan, cost per month on cobra from what i was told years ago was 650/month.. she cant afford that..
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 03:00 PM
0

Usually you would pay 250-400 /month per kid.. depending on the cost of living etc.. their are other factors as well..
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:52 PM
3

It tends to depend on the area ya live in. If a guy screws the lady over, they give her more.. of the lady screws the guy over it doesnt matter. So if you both made the same amount really it should be even and neither pay any.. assuming you dont have any dependents. They should take into account her normal income. And assuming her income will go back up. You may be required to pay some for a bit. But you should be able to minimize it.. talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:24 PM
1

Ive already come to that conclusion.. and i think they've been expecting it for years for her to kick the bucket at least the older two. Reality is shes never been a very good.mom to any of them. And shes had medical issues for over 10 years.. stomach, bowel, anxiety depression, bp2, brain damage.. and other things. Some could be related to the gastric bypass and not -taking care of herself. Aparently her dad had some issues with his colon a year or so ago.. got it taken out, and it was cancer..…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:16 PM
3

Could be cancer, could be the gastric bypass she did a decade ago id told her not to. She was supposed to take irpn pills... Im kinda taking it as lets see what happens.. im not going to.tell my lawyer to.hold.off..but if it turns out she has cancer. Ill sot down with her and her parents and see what we can work out.. If it means being married for another 6 months to a year, while she gets treated fine.. but then i expect the divorce to be finalized..and get something in writing..with lawyers.. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 05:50 PM
5

My company's policy is simple, if your married, separated whatever. If their employer offers insurance, then they are required to get it. And get off of my work's insurance otherwise I'm required to include her on mine (truthfully I cover the kids too, and it's like a $5 difference if I got her taken off) . So from that perspective I don't really care. The day the divorce is finalized they remove her from the insurance. I do care about getting the divorce finalized, as I want to move on in my li…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:58 PM
3

So the reality here is, i wouldnt just kick her off..at the way the courts have been going. Itll be another 6 months minimum before i get this sorted out.. My area wont let ya finalize if you dont separate your financials.. shes still on the deed. And has fought every proposal, her reasons until recently has been custody as she doesnt have the kids much. For the past 5 years off and on in hospitals for mental and some physical stuff..covid and three of her lawyers dieing.. Its an fn soap opera..…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:33 PM
5

So im sure she has the anemia, and she said shes getting tested for thhe cancer and other stuff.. As to whether its real, im pretty sure it is since her parents know about it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:22 PM
1

So a few things: figure out if you want kids, If so think about how she'd handle them. (I've had a few gf's who should have never been mothers) make sure their mentally stable, It's a fn mess of how many people aren't or major issues they hide and lie about. A major part of a marriage is the commitment, I stuck with my marriage till she left. Then stuck with it for another 6 months.. Through tons of things with friends/family and others telling me I should have left her years before hand as she …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:26 PM
1

So this is something I'd check with your lawyer about. But essentially if she has unlimited funds. She will F you over. The only question is what can you do. One idea, which may not be taken well by many, and it's not really my idea either: So since she has the funds who pays the mortgage? do you both still live in the same house? If so, accept it. One idea is to take any major money in your name, and give it as a gift to your parents, relatives (buy a car and give it to one of them) Get money i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 03:25 AM
2

If these are kids under 3 or 4 (which I'm guessing they are) then let her know that you don't appreciate her poisoning the kids with paint since whenever your around them. They sit their and eat it. Which of course you tell them no. But 1 or 2 year olds don't exactly listen.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 12:26 AM
2

I totally get it. My ex was like one of us needed to move out, and that it was me. I refused, for a multitude of reasons. Mainly because I took care of the kids primarily as well as worked ft (her mom watched the kid otherwise) and she didn't work. So divorce starts, and she's like you need to move out. Oh and stop by every day take care of the kids when ya get out of work and put them to bed. Crash at your apartment and get them out the door in the AM. I'm like wtf, that's nuts (fyi she has men…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 03:42 AM
1

So my wife filed... but truthfully i should have filed years beforehand... from the mental abuse and manipulation. Many even in her family wondered how i stuck it out... Truth is i was in triage mode, with kids and her sick... meanwhile eventhrough her illnesses she planned on divorce...as she believed she didnt want it anymore..
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 10:41 PM
0

So I get it, this is about revenge nothing else. So first don't get her fired, that is what probably would happen.. Then guess what, she'll go to court stating you caused her to get fired alimony goes up. Doesn't matter company policy etc.. you are causing her to loose income. If she gets married to this guy your alimony goes away mostly. Check with your lawyer, but it's also a question of whether you'll ever have to deal with them again? (kids etc?) Anything you do to the ex, will affect your k…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 01:01 PM
3

So I'd talk to a lawyer first, this is harassment, especially if this could cause a issue at work. Whether it's with a project or a possible future promotion, your boss more then likely was told by your ex that you cheated on her and can't be trusted. She has essentially endangered your livelihood. I'm not sure if you should talk to your boss. It depends on your situation/relationship with them. The reality here is you did cheat on your ex, thus you've to an extant shown you have made a (possibl…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 06:56 PM
6

And depending on the state etc you may get a bill for all the months you missed. And go after you till it's all paid. regardless if it's spousal or child support. The other side of things is, and I don't know. Assuming you have no family/anyone you'd contact. Most things are not automatic. Ie if you left the U.S. if your ex didn't go to their lawyer about not getting payments. I don't know if they'd flag/realize you were back. Ie if you flew into another part of the US. As long as they don't kno…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 06:03 PM
2

So this is divorce land, just accept it. (She's decided she's leaving, to be a vagrant/living in car traveler) That's fine, her choice. Get a new bank account, have all your checks deposited there, and half of the savings in your joint. Only put money into the joint account to pay bills, if event that. Use whatever is in the checking/savings in the joint account to pay for utilities. If she isn't siphoning the money off already. If she does the bills, just change it to a new bank. Tell her it's …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 08:07 PM
1

So I do think your kid should know, but I'd wait till the child was 18 or 21. And little white lie, tell them that you never knew who it really was. But the guy you thought it was, had passed away. (which if he's in jail, it's possible)
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 02:00 PM
1

So the reality here, is she still doesn't know what she wants. She's basically attempting, because she needs a rock. She realizes your pulling the rug of stability. These actions aren't exactly the most stable of ones. Instead of telling friends she was unhappy or unsure, she blamed you for the issues in the relationship. This first off this isn't "adulting", and not fair to you essentially she's alienated you from all of those friends. Assuming you were back together and happy go lucky, now you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 01:21 PM
1

And just as an fyi as far as I understood it, any medical/mental issues etc.. Are not admissible for custody or legal stuff unless they essentially fuck up. ie if they loose it at a mall and think everyone is a zombie, it's not admissible. If she beats a bunch of people up, then it is, as then she's physically assaulted someone. A dozen times my ex came close to hitting me, once in front of her parents. It would have been so much easier, if it'd happened. As then I could of had a restraining ord…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 02:42 PM
0

Yes divorce sucks. When you get to adulthood just realize you aren't your parents. And that really your parent's are just people who mess up (kids in adult pants just like the rest of us, most of us no knowing what the hell we are doing, or what red flags their might be, ie fiance who would sometimes drink a whole bottle of wine a night. Or not realizing a bad habit would become a huge one.) Alot of relationship issues are when the two people aren't willing to listen to each other and work on th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 02:26 PM
1

So my ex is Bipolar2, anxiety, depression.. etc none of it's really admissible in legal stuff. In custody in only becomes relevant in how she treats the kids. And if she's able to take care of herself. I mean really my ex should be in assisted living. Half the time she doesn't sleep or eat. Barely takes care of herself. She wants 50/50 but she realized she wasn't going to get it. And if anything I could have possibly gotten full custody. Because of some stuff the kids told the school, child serv…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 02:02 PM
1

So first thing no matter what, don't move out. Go meet with a lawyer or two and get a plan together. Custody wise is something to get sorted out, I have my kids 85% of the time, but my ex is a mess and I'd question their safety with much more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 01:42 PM
0

So my ex threatened a TRO, but never did it. She knew the kids and even her parents would back me up. As well as she'd called the cops herself (claiming witches were in the house once or twice) So I'm not sure what to say, other then hang in there. In general my thought is to stay in the house but with a TRO. If you even come close to breaking any of it, it'll be used automatically to block all access and remove all of your rights. Contacting her to see the kids I can see as being okay, just if …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 04:03 PM
1

At the moment, honestly If I can get her to sign off on the house. I don't care... If they tell me I need to pay spousal support or some other BS.. Then I may, granted she has Anxiety, depression, Bipolar 2, And some psychotic stuff that's currently being held together via her meds.. And her eating /sleeping correctly (which she doesn't/can't? always do) So if they throw the spousal support I may go down that route... especially if it isn't canceled out by child support. Last I heard it worse ca…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 10:53 PM
1

So I've been told it's based on the potential income, etc.. So I have a bachelors in compsci, and make close to 90K my stbx has a bachelors, and a minor, as well as a masters in business... She barely kept a job before the divorce, and now is basically going between admin jobs and substitute teaching (and I feel bad for the kids) I'm still expecting to get completely screwed, and I have our 3 kids 95% of the time and pay for everything for them... Clothes etc.. ex doesn't chip in at all or buy t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 05:39 PM
3

So avoid this, first of all your better off collecting your head.. Their are plenty of women in similar situations, they don't want an absolute commitment to deal with. But their human, need to get their rocks off, and enjoy life.. Put a thing up on tinder or similar, FWB basic looking for a friend to chill do stuff with.., in and out of the sheets. Maybe something will work out, maybe not, but not rushing into anything big in the next year or two. I mean if you want an escort go ahead, but real…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 02:14 PM
2

So first off staying together for the kid/kids isn't a good idea.. If not already you end up with being toxic to each other. Which even if you attempt to hide it, the kids see.. It's honestly best to split, but make sure that your both there for the kids. And to do your best to not have the divorce affect the kids life as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 06:35 PM
1

So here's my 2 cents.. My ex literally told me about the divorce (was essentially bedridden with depression) within 2 weeks she was up. Running out the door, going to bars, got a job.. And was screwing everything and anything. Literally at one point brought guys into the house, with me and the kids there (that happened a few months later) We filed like a month or two later, and she's dragged out finalizing the divorce for almost 5 years now. So if you have kids, my recommendation is if you go ou…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 12:11 AM
1

So on one side lawyer wise I've paid about 2K... which probably isn't bad at this point since custody and everything other then the house is settled. I should have pushed the guy a bit more to get it done faster... I also had several months of dealing with the ex basically being in and out of the hospitals several times borderline dead (like if they were 3-5 min later...).. With her parents pleading for me not to finalize so she could stay on the medical. Then once she was over the "bad" issues.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 08:27 PM
1

I did reach out to them.. its a weird thing of if they have a stance they cant legally say it unless they open a case. If they open a case kids get taken away while it gets figured out minimum 2 weeks..their policy.. If they were to make a stance without opening a case then their legally stuck in jeopardy as they have kids where their leaving them in danger... fd up way to do things.. If i wanted i could request from the court some sort of parent investigation thing...then they look at both her …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 08:22 PM
1

So CPS did get involved at one point. To an extent. But in my area they only submit a opinion if they start a case. (which they never officially did.) If they officially start a case, they take the kids away for a week or two, foster home. During which they decide who the kids stay with. During the preliminary they realized I was the good parent, my stbx was the questionable one. But since she wasn't living with us. It was basically this, keep her contact to weekends, and 2 weeks for vacay.. Ide…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 07:06 PM
1

I think my lawyer just wants to find a middle ground.. Honestly I don't think she cares as much about the money, her parents do. I just want it all done. Truthfully when her parents pass away likely in the next decade. Their leaving her 3-5 million just for her.. (The house is less then 350K) and at best we'll each get 100K out of it most likely close to 50K... So in the grand scheme It's not much.. Every proposal, has been responded with that she wants more time with kids.. Meanwhile she has we…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 06:57 PM
2

So that's a thing in California, not in PA. Their is a 10 year mark in PA of being married after 10 years of marriage, it's considered a long term marriage. (which we were married for 13 years before the divorce so whatever) Once it's longterm the lower income person is more then likely to get spousal support from the one earning more money (or the person capable of earning more money). FYI my ex has her masters in business, and a second degree. so technically she should be making more then me. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 06:52 PM
1

So she's got a bunch of medical mental issues. So far she has never done anything that has physically harmed the children. Aside from basically being drunk several times and rough housing with them. Mentally she's been super abusive and toxic to the children, and that's not a valid legal reason. (You can be as shitty as you want to others and your children, as long as you don't physically harm them) Their were dozens of occurrences of her barely being able to take care of herself let alone the k…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 03:58 PM
1

So here's the thing, how stable has she been? If she mentioned this woman is dangerous. It makes me question the safety of the kids. My ex never intends to hurt the kids, but emotional she does because of her mental issues. But if it was brought up in her last divorce that she was dangerous, unless you can't you need to look at being the primary custody of the children. Put your family/kids first realize where they are, your responsibilities. If your stbx has been dangerous or acts weird sometim…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 01:44 PM
2

So reality here is, until your divorced legally your somewhat together. If she does certain things it could come back to hit you. So for ie, if she hits somebody they sue. Depending on the laws and what's going on you may be on the hook for it, doesn't matter about anything else. She kills someone or permanently disables, she goes to jail the kids sue her. Then since your tied still, they can go after household/maritial finances. Whether she has access to them or not. (hey but what if she's real…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 07:48 PM
2

So if divorce is one of the options she's brought up. It's simple, the question is how long have you been planning this. And decided now that this is the reason that she's choosing to split on. She's angry/upset about alot of stuff, more then likely. It sounds like she knew about the fishing ahead of time or at the same time as the last minute concert. You don't break up over leaving early at a concert when you have 3 kids together. My ex had preplanned the divorce for 5 years out of a 10 year m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 08:22 PM
1

If it works go for it. Granted you may want to see what your state says about polygamy.. lol.. But at least for now go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 02:07 PM
1

Listen unless you've got 4-5 kids that your taking care of 100% your paying alimony unless their's something else not mentioned... Divorce means 50/50 split the only time the higher earner doesn't pay alimony is if they make close to the same. Or it is offset by costs of taking care of kids. Pay $200/month for 2 years and walk away...
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 01:14 PM
1

I hope so, so far I've been told I may have to accept it as a loss. And that I may have to accept that they go by today's value vs when we filed. And for me at the moment that's almost 80K that it's gone up by.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 08:46 PM
2

So for ie, say I make 100K, my ex makes 0 or 20K (she barely works) and should be on disability. But isnt. If I have 2-3 kids with her, and she's the one taking care of them. The court can and have in some cases basically said, hey dad your out. Keep paying for the house for your kids to live there, and your ex gets to live there. Depending on the state that happens alot. It also depends on what happens, say the guy/girl is cheating.. depending on the state that throws all sorts of things. Doesn…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 03:48 PM
5

So it all depends, for ie if one is earning double or more then the other. That can really mess up the 50/50. Also say one of them is hiding income/cash? (or like in my case I'm making more and have a bachelors, but she has a Masters degree but barely working technically she should be able to make more then me) Truthfully in my area it's well known the men get shafted. In my area most of the time if their are kids involved they automatically pass everything to the mother. Assuming that's the bes…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 05:54 AM
1

So stepping back, part of the reason for her to bring her parents here. Reality check of life, is it's alot cheaper to share the house. And you couldn't get an apartment and live on $500 unless it was in a really really bad part of town. Them living with her, would ideally lower costs (although reality is) once they are in the US. You end up paying for food, health, living costs etc (even if they do live with you) it's alot. I'll be honest I'm ignorant of what their medical care is in other coun…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 06:49 PM
1

So my thought here is, and discuss it with her. They all want to make sure she's safe, and okay. And they've had a bad experience where the ex wasn't treating their daughter well. They want to protect her. I'd suggest 1, if they want to move to the US. Peachy, but not in the house. Next door, or some other option.. Truthfully after a month or two, they probably would want their space too. Be upfront with them / her. They want their princess to be okay, it's a matter of finding a way to make that…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 05:31 PM
1

So one q would be, are her parents living with her in the current marriage? If they are, their's a reason they are breaking up.. If not they or she may be seeing their involvement as a way to protect her. Good or bad. So I wouldn't talk to her about it in a negative way. I'd put it more as a this is a you and me relationship, you both are dealing with new things. As well as rediscovering yourselves, involving others makes it a whole other issue. As assuming it's a 3 or 4 bedroom house, your all …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 04:13 PM
1

So first I'll say this in Indian cultures taking care of your parents is brainwashed into them from birth. And in their culture it's normal for you to have the parents, grandparents, children and possibly grand children all in the same house. I know of a few indian couples where they were arranged marriages, and all get along great. But they've also gotten along great since they were born, and basically lived in each others homes growing up. I've also got a few indian couples who've had complete…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 04:38 AM
1

I understand, and I didn't mean to say anything out of line. I'd try and set something up where at least once/a few times a week you do a video call..
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:59 PM
2

So first thing is kids, even adults don't want to give bad news. And especially 10-18 or so they are still unsure of your what your reaction will be. They didn't want to hurt you. I can also say that no offense their girls. especially in that 14-18 age theirs alot of things that they will relate to with their mother better. Or at least that's what they believe. So going along with all of this. First thing your reaction from your description wasn't really good. And it's possible you've been doing…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:51 PM
1

It's okay, for the most part we are cordial. No fights. I've already accepted that I'll probably loose alot more money. Just because she's dragging it out. Lawyers are taking their sweet time. And trust me their were alot of fd up things she did, which if I'd done, I'd be in jail or a mental ward. No question. But in a majority of areas it's a pro mother world. whether they should really be.. Well ya know..
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 04:19 PM
1

So my ex, who's the one who wanted the divorce, her parents have millions.. I make ok money (but nowhere near what they have sitting around), and I've paid for the house and pretty much everything. At the beginning she wanted me out of the house, and for me to stop by and take care of the kids daily. As well as continue to pay for everything. I refused to leave, primarily because she barely took care of the kids (I did primarily).. And the one who leaves is the one who's abandoning the relations…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 03:44 PM
1

My ex talked about doing similar stuff, she didn't follow through. She left, got raped and abused from a few guys, then several times would send texts/calls. Telling me what happened, and then that she'd lie and tell everyone that I'd done it. I've got 3 kids I'm the primary parent, Only reason she didn't. Was because she sent me the texts and calls when she was drunk, and I kept them all. So if she did go to the cops, I can point to it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 01:09 PM
2

My ex did a similar thing, I ended up adding her last name to mine. on some legal stuff. Not many, and truthfully I never should have. I'm sure my ex won't change hers back, really wish she would. But it's their choice, you don't have a say, kinda sucks.. but whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 05:55 PM
2

When she has two of the kids.. and is unreliable? I mean she's had hallucinations, gets confused. And all sorts of crap. If she isn't taking care of herself.. if anything is weird I don't drop them off.. but reality here is she doesn't tell me shit. And I don't want to know. But she's had them from a Friday night to Sunday not slept or eaten most of it..I go get them, she gets out of bed when im heading over . And find out she's laying in bed most of the weekend. Or a few times where she's gotte…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 12:18 PM
1

So my phone was pinging from a few things..family sending mothers day stuff.. ex about my daughter and lunch..and ex had my other two kids.. I didnt snap for every message but I was supposed to leave in like 10 min to go get my oldest from the test.. and apparently she was annoyed that I was checking the pings.. it could have been my oldest msging me..and I was trying to figure out if I even needed to leave. I'd have rather stayed with her. I'd just gotten the phone the day before and hadn't got…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 11:12 AM
2

Yeah, I think she's not giving me as much understanding as I give her.. she also has been suspicious.. and saying she has this feeling that I'm hiding stuff.. not cheating but in different ways saying I still want my ex which is ridiculous.. I've been doing my best the past 5 years to never have to deal with the ex. I get so stressed i physically get sick from being around her for too long. I can say my ex in different ways has tried getting back together with me. Pretty much every way ya can in…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 04:37 AM
1

The on call is supposed to be floated between 3 of us.. I'm salary.. but it feels like a lot of the time it's left to me.. and my phone will give off alerts for automated stuff..normally it doesn't make noises for it but I literally got a new phone on Friday.. and haven't had time to change all the settings. The exs stuff has caused issues in that if she doesn't sleep/eat/meds right then she can get confused. And be like let's go to the mall at 3am. And has attempted stuff like that.. or thought…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 04:22 AM
1

At this point it's just the house.. everything else has been divided.. She is essentially claiming that nothing can be agreed to till she has more custody, she gets every other weekend now. She wants more of the weekends, and half the summer.. so I'd essentially have less free time with them then her. Kids don't want it either. I've already told her I'm willing to meet part way, but no to the extra weekends, and that's only if the 3 kids want to go. Ages are 9,12,16 But that we need this done..s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:18 AM
1

Their still working on it.. 5 years.. three of her lawyers have died + covid... Finally getting some traction on it now.. it's fun ridiculous.. she's been in the hospital a few times and God knows what else. And the gf has only been separated for about a year.. and is still working on hers.. And has repeatedly seen lots of red flags as she put it. Texts from the ex. Me having to deal with getting the kids back whenever the ex isn't doing well.. Things I try and deal with because of my ex, ie a m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:04 AM
1

Daughter has a phone, ex was checking with me since I was taking my daughter back and forth.. And financially, I'm assuming she'll still get thousands from the house and they'll ignore all I've done.. so their isn't any financial gain for me.. I fully expect to get completely screwed. And I do think it'd be good to have less contact with my ex.. just not sure how to swing it .. since she shows up at most appointments.. and kids stuff throughout the week.. counseling etc..
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:48 AM
3

Well one thing is my ex is a pos, she's gone back on her word dozens of times about getting certain things dealt with.. after I've paid off tons of crap.. and yet she still hasn't signed over the deed for the house.. May be heading to court soon to force it.. as she demands more... Is been 5 years of being stabbed..14 years of being treated like shit. But I keep it together..
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:33 AM
1

So it is my exs weekend.. she was only with me because of the SAT she's 16 so to an extent it's whatever she wants to do.. In general my work stuff doesn't involve the ex getting more time. I'm usually able to do whatever from home. So is the answer after 5 years of splitting and being single.. finally having someone I'm OK with meeting my kids (hasn't fully yet) and what? I need to wait 8 years for my youngest to be 16 and not bother dating anyone? I'm already 46 ugh..wtf And I set firm boundar…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 11:34 PM
2

So the issue is, I'm on call 24/7 for work. Tons of alerts and crap are from work. Us laying in bed, I had to either go get my oldest or not if the ex was going to.. I didn't know if their was a message from my kid who should have been finishing her test or not. Their have been many times where I end up getting the kids early. Primarily because she has alot of mental and medical issues..and is borderline on many things especially when she doesn't always take care of herself. Boundaries are set, …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 11:13 PM
1

Here's the texts from earlier today. https://imgur.com/a/s7PMRz8 And I'm sure all the gf heard was my phone repeatedly Binging between exs texts, and family ones as they were talking about mothers day and other stuff...
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 09:50 PM
3

Yep, no problem. And as an kicker, I was married for almost 10 years. before she told me she wanted a divorce. We have 3 kids, she also told me that she had wanted a divorce since before either of our last 2 kids were conceived. Aside from the kids, she spent the last 5 years of the divorce in a constant manic depressive, bed ridden spot. I'd done everything I could to get her to be part of the family. Hell we even renewed our vows. Other then our first child she never got up at night or took ca…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:09 AM
15

So here's the reality, she may have wanted the marriage in the beginning.. But halfway through those 4 years she realized she didn't. She only stuck around with the thinking she'd get most of your business. When your business went to crap, you were no longer valuable. She may have a new bf, or as my ex did, never saw the marriage as a partnership. She saw it as method for her to essentially be the one in charge. She saw it as a way for to her to get whatever she currently desired. Dresses, shoes…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 07:27 PM
1

So record everything.. if she becomes physically abusive, call the cops. Possibly get a restraining order. I'm assuming the kids would prefer to be with you. Get a lawyer.. talk with them. Depending on the state leaving the house, means you abandon it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 02:15 AM
2

So as an idea/suggestion see if your daughter wanted to emancipate from the mother.. and help take care of her. .
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 06:52 PM
1

Don't make any noise about it. Just sit and say nothing. Ask your kids to tell you whenever she does anything that hurts their feelings, and document it to the minute. Write down what your kids are saying, or record them telling you their story and transcribe it later. If this happens again, take this instance (which you will go transcribe into a word document with dates and times, right?) And the next and go to a lawyer and ask about what can be done and your next steps. Be smart, take control …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 08:18 PM
8

So I've dated, from 27 to 48, I'm 45.. I may not get married again, not sure. But I probably won't have anymore kids, and regardless I'm not in a rush for any of it. Which I've told everyone I've dated.. The 27 & 32 yo, were like no we don't want to get hitched right away, 6 months later it was why aren't we engaged.. And when can we have kids (I already have 3 that are primarily with me) Most of those 35+ have been more realistic and more aware that after a divorce, and with kids speeding into …
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 07:07 PM
1

So I have primary custody, and my ex has every other weekend. The reality here is first, don't leave the martial home where the kids are living. Whomever has that will more then likely have them predominantly. As the other will need to probably get a place almost on the same block in order to keep school and courts happy. My ex has some issues.. and at different points was endangering them, all sorts of bad stuff primarily emotionally. My kids were more afraid of her then strangers. Wasn't good,…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/22 01:15 AM
1

Just be careful, my ex did similar stuff.. She got drunk around the kids who are primarily with me now. I refused to leave the house. Just be careful, the important thing is your child.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 04:32 AM
1

So first off is best to wait till it's final. I'm still trying to finalize mine and it's been almost 5 years, my ex has done tons of stuff to drag it out. I will say I've been careful, but I've dated, and found friends.. having no social life for 5 years wouldn't be healthy. No one I've dated has ever met my kids. My guideline with my ex was ya should be dating the person 6_12 months before the kids should meet them and that's only if you think your getting married again. My stbx,, had abf 2 wee…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 06:53 AM
1

That's what I thought... And this is why we need a lot better mental health stuff... So those with issues can get help, away from the kids.. (and me) Not that if she did, it'd be all better.. that'll never happen.. But it'd be better for me :D
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 08:19 PM
1

I've got one of the better ones in my area. The best he can suggest is to document everything. Both my older kids have cell phones.. so they can contact me, and or record/video.. And I can track both phones.. And granted in my area it's "questionable" I record all calls from my ex. And regularly archive all my texts with her.. It's one of those you shouldn't (for the phone calls) and it's not necessarily allowed in a courtroom.. But it is in a custody hearing if it's pertinent/ shows evidence of…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 06:26 PM
2

What sucks too is because mental health is so fd up in the US.. unless they get caught doing something dangerous, or it ends badly nothing happens. And I can't get any of her mental issues admitted into court/custody. As her parents have done a fairly descent job of making sure any incidents have not been documented. The hospital's look at her and because her and her parents minimize the issues the hospital/wards perspective is hey if it's not bad it can be handled at home. They have also done a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 04:04 PM
1

She does or is supposed to...
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:05 PM
1

So schizophrenic episodes has been mentioned at one point or another.. I've never been given a clear answer on it from her or her parents.. I'm sure as they'd see it as a danger to having the custody she has now (every other weekend) most of her mental issues are treated as that's in the past there's nothing to see.. if she has an issue its played down as a one off. She'd had suicide attempts in the past.. She in general avoids any counseling, she does go to a psychiatrist, so she can get her me…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:04 PM
1

Nope, she used to along with taking the prescription drugs for her bp2, anxiety, depression..but it's been 2 years since that stuff.. This is from what I can tell not being able to sleep at night probably from anxiety, depression, and fretting over all the shit she's put people through. The food is a combo of having stomach issues, ibs, most food doesn't taste right.. or from her perspective is inedible. After a bit this turns into her being confused.. and thinking stuff happened when it didn't.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 01:12 PM
3

Yeah I've made it clear but as with many things with her. Throughout the relationship she rarely respected boundaries, and in general plays dumb about it. Or will say she forgot because of her mental issues.. which she doesn have..does have...
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 03:04 AM
1

So here's the thing, as others have mentioned she's checked out of the relationship. And is currently going into more then likely polygamy or just jumping around. Assuming your more into monogamy etc.. The healthiest thing for you is to finalize separating yourself from her. If she wants to hang/chat/etc don't. You need to realize this relationship is over, unless you want to be one of 5 or 6 other guys that she's having a relationship with. I've met several women who've gone this route and they…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 02:02 PM
2

Attend is probably not the right word.. It's usually sitting in the sitting area.. Not going in... The problem was the one time the ex went in and talked to the counselor and essentially flipped out.. I was there. It was a bit of a parent review/convo... Stbx blew up, as their were alot of things the ex didn't like.. I was half expecting the cops to show up..
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 12:13 PM
1

Oh I completely agree, it sounds like this guy is totally using the lady/ex. And really if she was doing drugs etc presumably before she left.. She's been involved in some shady stuff for awhile.. That may be how she was paying for the drugs.. I mean I'm no expert but I wouldn't think you from trying a little pot, to doing tons of it, and snorting stuff overnight. Which is what I'd deal with if I was him.. The bdsm, whatever, as long as its kept in the bedroom..
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 10:32 PM
2

So anyone walking any walk of life can be a bad dude. Most of the BDSM people I've met are actually better and more conscious of interactions, then many other people. I have done BDSM, mostly because ladies I've been with have asked for parts. And real bdsm isn't abuse, granted their are plenty of people out there who do abuse others and claim it's bdsm, (It's not) BDSM isn't about spanking/hitting or anything else it's a mind set, I've seen some of your posts, yes you've even admitted to basica…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 06:08 PM
1

With the dr. Appointments it's kind of a vague, legally she's entitled to be at the appointments since that is 50/50, and it involves the health of the kids. Things legally get fudgy when the ex was the abuse. (But was never brought to court/legally) Since legally the court doesn't acknowledge that she essentially caused emotional abuse/neglect. I can't use that as a reason. Even if we all know it's true. Her response is she's doing better, and attempting to be fully involved in all parts of the…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 06:04 PM
5

So BDSM isn't illegal, and as long as their isn't evidence she's involving the kids in it, I wouldn't even bring it up. Now the drugs, I'd mention it to your lawyer, and see what they say. Truthfully I'm sure her and her lawyer could claim that you planted it, etc.. And Yes your being highly prudish, and more then likely she's leaving because she needs the bdsm to fulfill her. And she realizes your not going to give her what she's looking for in life. Lack of judgement/poor decisions wise, fyi B…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 01:56 AM
3

So essentially what's happening is the the ex may just trying to fit kid stuff in the kid schedule and coordinating it with her mom. Not considering whether it's yours or her time. It took me two years to get my ex to respect my time with the kids. ( and I do have them primarily) In she beginning it was odd things of oh my parents want to do this or that....several days after it had been paid for and scheduled. Only finding out about things when the kids told me, and then it was oh I didn't real…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 04:56 AM
1

So as to my safety concerns.. The problem is that she at times had been unpredictable with issues (which are primarily her getting confused or disoriented) .. Now a days it's when she hasn't slept or eaten right.. As per my lawyer and the fd up courts.. As I did have a angry argument with them. If when she is to get the kids she's fine, I have to allow her the kids. If I don't she can and has called the cops.. If she isn't I can block her, but if I do. I need to be able to have a reason.. It isn…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 03:11 AM
1

Sorry for the confusion. Yes married for 14 years, approximately the last 10 of them were hell. She got up one day said she wanted a divorce, a month later she moved out. (after threatening me several times, for me to leave till I told her we'd have lawyers /counselors figure out who was best for the kids and she ran off) At that point she'd barely been involved with the kids. Her mom came over daily to take care of them, while I went to work. The STBX layed in bed, combo anxiety/depression, ref…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 05:34 PM
1

So at the moment she has officially two weeks during the summer. Considering it's I think 10 weeks for summer break anyway. I don't think it's too much to give her another two weeks so she'd have 4 and I'd have 6 or something like that.. As long as it's not back to back. I myself don't have too many objections to her request.. Other then safety concerns. And the my middle child (11) getting really angry about it. My oldest (16) I'm thinking this wouldn't have much of an impact on, as regardless …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 04:17 PM
2

Yes they did, and are worn out and tired of dealing with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 11:44 AM
1

I will say this past summer she only took them for a week was unplanned.. so I didn't get a chance to really take a break for myself.. most times when she does have them her parents aren't around as much. So it becomes an egg shell game of where I get a message from the kids to come home early.. or if she having an issue... so I've gotten into being available even when I don't have them simply as a safety. Her parents on a few occasions stopped by when the kids said there was a problem. Ex was c…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 03:00 AM
1

So in general I try not to share things with the kids until it's agreed..I do know she has on several occasions she's done everything she could to make the kids feel bad about the current situation/ custody agreement. She is seeking this as a modification. If she doesn't get what she wants, to me and the kids she will yell, argue, attempt to manipulate. If we were still together it would be her harassing me daily until I caved (for the one thing it was two years of harassment). Every so often as…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 01:32 AM
2

That's where I'm a bit muddled.. ex has bp2, psychotic episodes sometimes.. usually only if she doesn't eat or sleep right... which doesn't always happen... but it can happen other times. Nothing dangerous has happened but dozens of not 100s of times of her not knowing what is going on, thinking something else is happening..ie once during a birthday(mid June) party for the kids this year. She hasn't really slept part way through the day she zoned out for a few minutes.. then thought she needed t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 12:59 AM
2

So my ex did similar stuff. I'd make up a reason for the BirthCert etc.. Hey I need to get my license redone this week.. I need it ASAP. I luckily had grabbed all of that stuff. I don't know what she'd do with your birth certificate other then make it more of a pain in the long run to get any other legal docs.. (I've had to order a new one it takes awhile and is a pain) The reality here is, just like my ex she's second guessing. Not sure, possibly starting to realize how much harder it is on you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 09:28 PM
3

So I was ignorant to a large extent of the progression of BS that my ex did before she announced she wanted a divorce. She had major depression issues, never helped with the kids. Came up with excuses of all sorts of why we shouldn't be in the same bedroom. Primarily that she would get better if she had more alone time, and rest. Which is why I took care of my three kids every second I wasn't at work, when I was my ex's mom did most of it. (it was bad) It went from me crashing in the large walk …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 02:37 PM
5

So my thought here is that if I do ever get married again it'll be a few years of dating, then living together.. Then if it makes economical sense... Consider it. I mean part of the reason people get married or divorced at 80/90 is because they can get different government benefits. Ie if I was making 100K+ and have a okay retirement plan.. For myself I'm fine, but say I had married again. Depending on the situation, ie if she didn't save much for retirement / medical issues etc.. It may be chea…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 06:24 PM
1

So my ex filled against me. I actually dropped the paperwork off.. One thing that my lawyer said was good in her filing, was that she changed her mind after it was filed, after she'd moved out, and basically left the kids with me 85% if not more. Since she filled against me, an then changed her mind after alot of guys, and fd up stuff. It removed alot of the ridiculous stuff she'd made up... Ie she got raped by a guy she met then tried to say I did it... (I was with the kids a hour away, and it …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/21 01:39 AM
1

So one Q here is why are you married.. And I think that's what your questioning. The other question and I'd ask this directly of her. Why is she married to you? It appears she wants little to do with you directly. Aside from apparently your paying for everything, and she's living off of you.. I'm assuming she does something all day, whether it's cleaning some, or something. I'd encourage you to ask her straight out, what happened, and why she wants so little to do with you. She is critiquing you…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 03:33 PM
2

FYI, my ex literally did this same crap to me. I have three kids.. whom when I was at work, my ex would lay in bed all day. Have her mom come over and take care of the kids. My ex would leave her room for her dr appointments, and when she felt like doing something for herself. Not for me or the kids. She didn't grocery shop, she cooked for me or the kids once a week at max. And paid the bills only so she could control the purse, (basically stating I couldn't comprehend how to do a budget, FYI I …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 02:42 PM
2

So in general this sounds like a crap load of money, my ex did this kind of stuff.. Reality is she's doing it because it's more then likely a way she's handling being unhappy with her life. This could be depression or other stuff. I know my ex ran up 30K then left, and ended up leaving me on the hook for all 30K of credit debt. Plus expecting me to pay her another 30-40K just to buy her out of the house. (the lawyers all suck) In general you both get 50/50, most of the time the lady/mother gets …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 11:53 AM
2

Sorry.. I mean probable cause for wondering if something was going on.. Not a legal probable cause.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 03:26 PM
3

So first off, there's no "clear"/court acceptable evidence that she's cheating.. Yes, she made sure a guy she used to date would be at x location. (probable cause for wonder) (not a legal probable cause) I wouldn't confront her at all, If your going to split, then split. The reality here is even if she is cheating (depending on the state) that's not a legal reason for divorce (depending on where you are) Besides the point of the questionable way your gathering info. I mean heck my ex posted pics…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 02:15 PM
3

So first of all I'd suggest getting ahold of her family. And letting them know you have serious concerns about her health.. (and whenever you do leave make sure they know that your leaving.) My ex and I had similar issues, the reality is that the split was the thing that got her up and out.. Otherwise I think she'd have died in bed by now (this was 5 years ago) my ex was basically depressed, anxious (apparently BP2, among other things) I do have three kids with my ex, and it's been a nightmare, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 08:23 AM
3

In PA it doesn't matter really other then in custody.. And then it's usually only if the father is doing it.. For ladies it doesn't matter..really.. And primarily the question is whether it's affecting the kids. Ie if the ex brought a guy into the house with the kids there, or had them meet the person. Then it becomes a question of whether she is putting the kids first.. For ie, if you are living seperately, and you have the kids. And she is with someone else.. There's no affect to the kid, as l…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 01:06 AM
2

No problem, like I said just try and maintain being reasonable (middle of the road) and calm. And talk to a lawyer before you do anything.. My ex has dragged out my divorce for 4 years so far.. At least she's out of my house.. But oh god this drives me nuts.. I will say it's partly my fault, she kept going into hospitals and my lawyer wasn't the fastest. I didn't want to cut off health benefits for her, while she was trying to get on her own two feet etc.. But it's allowed my crap to get too dra…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 03:14 PM
6

So here's my thoughts.. My ex is BP2, Anxiety, Depression.. my youngest was 4 when we filed.. She told me about the divorce and I was able to come out on top (for the most part)..She went from barely able to get out of bed, (literally had to help her walk up the steps the day she told me about the divorce) Within 2 weeks of her telling me, she had gotten herself up out of bed almost daily, started going out to clubs/bars.. Within 3 weeks had updated her facebook page with a pic of herself and so…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 11:14 PM
1

So I'm assuming she got denied, make sure you get custody sorted out asap. Second seek counseling for both you and the kids, You will probably need to ask her permission to do this for the kids, ask your lawyer to verify.. I did, then my ex pulled them out of it, (It doesn't look good if they do that or block the kids from getting counseling) basically you want to show. From my understanding, of your situation, I'd suggest doing your best to avoid the stbx and xmotherinlaw.. That being said, I'd…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 12:19 PM
4

And realize this, her business, as it's her asset that was part of the marriage, and you supported. Is partially yours. More then likely the reason for the BS stuff in her petition is, that at least in my state. If you Ex can prove that you've abused etc, them it essentially lets them keep most if not all of their assets. So it becomes less of a 50/50 and more of a 80/20, with that 20 being what's already in your name if your lucky. My ex for ie, planned it for 2 years, only reason I have the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 01:22 PM
1

Yep... It's just difficult.. Especially with the kids.. And still having to deal with her..
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 12:45 AM
1

Yeah the ladies I've dated... All have known they wouldn't meet the kids for a long time... I'm sure my ex will go off the deep end when and if I had them meet a gf.. Truthfully it wouldn't be for a few years... She really fd them up (kids are with me over 80%of the time) ... So bringing another lady in isn't really an option for another year or two... Then my youngest would be 11/12... But dating seeing where it goes works.. My Perspective is I date someone for a year, then they can meet the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 11:54 PM
2

And for the most part I don't.. To which I constantly get told why aren't you responding to me.. And it's very annoying that she will mix her shit in with a conversation/texts about the kids.. The most annoying part she doesn't respect boundaries. And she has said only reason she doesn't force herself into the house, is that more then likely I'd call the cops. I've dealt with her for years where the answer of ignoring/saying no is her constantly arguing/yelling and not adhearing to anything.. I …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 10:29 PM
1

So there's a few things.. A marriage/Parenting counselor can be useful if you both want it to work, and you both want to go. And if your both honest about it.. My ex wanted it at first, I was like okay I'll go. She'd tell her side, I'd tell mine.. I felt like it helped, she hated it as many of the things she'd point out even the counselor would tell her were fd up what she was expecting.. ie one thing: she essentially wanted me to find another job (working from home, and she stopped and refused …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 05:09 PM
1

So I'm not finalized on divorce but I can say I've had a girlfriend.. And followed obligations for that.. with my timetable to ladies I've dated. I never got to the point of any of them meeting any of my kids, so they were not involved with anything that had to do with my kids or my parents. My youngest is 8, and oldest is 15.. Now I don't plan to necessarily marry anytime soon. It may be before, my youngest is 18.. (10 years is a long way to wait) But I can say once my youngest is in the 12-14 …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:20 PM
1

I'd also say, if she's divorced.. She should get the idea of not doing marriage right away.. And of working together to become one unit.. I mean I'm guessing your not living together, I have no idea about kids etc.. But I've heard of plenty of people remarrying and not taking time for kids, and others to get used to/work with each other.. Just like a kid/ divorce doesn't fix an issue neither does marriage. Marriage only helps with things like medical coverage, retirement and a few other things..…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 03:51 PM
1

So first of all I'd say 6 months is way too soon.. I've been seperated for 4 years, finalizing the divorce.. I dated a girl for 8 months.. I'm pretty sure I wasn't in love with her.. but she was totally over the top for me.. Wanted to be moved in, within a year and married the next.. I cut it off.. Whomever your with needs to recognize that the last thing you need is another marriage right away.. If they want a commitment, and your head over heals with her.. Consider moving in together. With any…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 01:30 PM
1

Yep, we'll. Judge and kids counselors saw alot of her outbursts..
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 12:53 AM
1

Yep.. Just be as good as your can for the kids.. Since the divorce started.. I did everything we'd agreed I'd do.. I've paid for everything for the kids.. I've even reimbursed the ex for paying for clothes for the kids.. Which I'm. Not thrilled with.. But their our kids and so I cover everything for them. Their also with me almost all of the time.. The ex already tried telling the custody judge that she bought the clothes.. Then I explained and showed the receipts, and that I'd paid for all of t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 12:16 AM
1

So basically it sounds like alot of BS. My ex threatened alot, and still does constantly. I stayed in the house with my kids, she left (and cheated within a week) I would say most of these conversations you should record. I record most conversations with my ex, over phone or otherwise. Most of the time they can't be used in court, or otherwise. But in my case, my ex kept, and still does emotionally/psychologically threaten me. Her and I can't live in the same house, it seriously is bad for both …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/21 07:11 PM
2

So one thing, is if you find yourself talking about the ex, stop. It's okay, if the lady asks about specific things, but do your best to keep it short and to the point. This is a new relationship, not a bitching event about your ex. Some ladies will want to know what killed the last relationship, and you need to think about it. It's almost always some stuff from both you, and the ex. Which just about any new relationship the SO will want to know what happened. Did you go nuts, did she? LOL (my e…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/21 03:13 PM
1

Yep, but really the ignoring my opinions/ideas/knowledge. It wasn't to get a rise out of me. It was the truth. She let it out when she was drunk, (one of the few times she was truthful) Their were dozens of instances where I'd suggest things, and she would give lip service at best. It was primarily that she didn't respect me. The only people she tended to listen to half the time where her parents. And that was primarily because she saw her dad as a "god" to business/life and so she respected him…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 08:18 PM
2

Yep, I get you.. I for the most part let things roll off me. When D-Day happened.. I argued a bit (maybe 10min), quietly as the kids where in bed a room away. Went outside into the yard yelled into the wind for a few minutes.. I'd dealt with gaslighting, her basically calling my whole family names. Calling them the scum of the earth alot of things, no one should have to deal with. To the point where I avoided letting her know I talked to them at all. As if she found out, it was every and any bad…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 06:00 PM
2

Yeah, well apparently she'd been diagnosed when a frosh in college, her nor her parents did anything. Other then her parents telling her to suck it up, I didn't know till after she was on her way to the bottom of a bottle after the divorce was started. Apparently she told her mom about her plans, who completely flipped, as my ex was nearly bed ridden most of the time. And when she wasn't, she was treating me like shit, her mom came over to take care of the kids most of the time when I worked. I'…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 05:00 PM
2

yeah, well she's the one who asked for the divorce. And apparently had been planning it for 2+ years, a ex friend of hers emailed me copies of letters(the friend liked me more then her) where she detailed out that she was going to divorce me. Keep the kids, and have me pay for the house and all her bills. Ran up credit cards, and all sorts to make sure I would be loaded with debt. And she even went into detail, that if I fought her on anything she planned on going to the cops and telling them I …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 03:03 PM
2

I never cheated. I didn't date anyone till 6 months after the paperwork was filed (amicably) she told me she wanted the divorce and a week later she was hitting bars up.. A week after that she brought a guy into my house with me and the kids here.. In PA infidelity doesn't affect things other then a little with custody. I know the guy met the kids a few times (within a month of it being filed, had updated her Facebook with a Pic of him and her) . The kids for 4 years don't know when /who I date …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 01:24 PM
2

Yeah.. Well she's keeping 12k of debt she ran up since she left.. I have 12 I'm still paying off from when she left.. I haven't run up anything.. I expect I'll get stuck with her student loans... And I've already been told she's going to go for whatever she can retirement wise from me...as she refused to work for years... But has her MBA I only have my bachelors..
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 02:54 AM
4

Congrats dude, my divorce has taken 4 years so far going onto the 5th.. Similar shit from my ex.. still trying to get her to sign the house over to me. After she reneged on what we'd agreed to and I'd paid off her credit debt.. Yeah me for trusting.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 07:19 PM
1

So first thing, if the only reason your staying together is your kids that's a problem. If it's because you think she'll get better, and you'll be able to be together.. grow old together etc.. Thats something else.. My ex's grandparents, had major issues. To the extent that they lived across the street from each other, didn't say a word to each other for a few decades. And they only saw each other when the grandfather was in a casket. But refused to divorce, and would basically scream at the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/21 01:58 AM
1

I'd say it sounds like she realized how she acted wasn't okay.. I'd use that as a spot to say hey we are in this together.. But the safety of the kids is first..and hopefully it would never get to as bad as it was for my kids.. It may not be physically harming them, but it can emotionally and mentally. My.oldest confided in me she doesn't want kids/marriage because of her mom.. She's afraid she'll do the same.. Now she's leaning towards being a lesbianism, which whatever.. But it's also so she w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 10:05 PM
1

Yeah thankfully it's just like once or twice a week I hear from her or have to deal with her.. Otherwise I ignore her.. Kids spend every other weekend with her... Which they aren't thrilled with...
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 04:17 AM
1

Yeah I know.. Only reason I deal with her is because of the kids.. Otherwise I'd have not bothered.. I'd have quit my job. Left the city.. Moved back with my parent's and told her to send me a check with my cut.. I literally told her towards the beginning, and I've reiterated it to her. "If we didn't have children I would walk to my parents (1hr drive so it'd been a day of walking), leave everything except the clothes on my back. And not want a damn thing from it all." The amount of basic fear/i…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 03:24 AM
0

I've considered selling.. Which honestly is probably as much of a nightmare if not more as trying to buy her out... I can already see her turning down buyers because it's not as much as she wants... She's flat out said her preference was to keep. It in both our names till the kids are all in college (~10+ more years then sell) so she can then get 50% of the value then.. It'll probably go up another 20-30k plus me paying the mortgage would make her cut probably 100-150k+ by then.. And she wouldn'…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 03:06 AM
0

She hasn't given me a number, I've given her one. Her response is I need several appraisals.. I was like I am approved for the house for this.. That's it.. If she wants more, I'd be crossing my fingers, and trying to see what I can sell to get the money..(or the small savings I've slowly Accumulated since she left.. ) If we are within 10, hell 15 I'd make it work for the hell. To be over.. I put 300 into college savings for the kids every month, paying all the credit cards from when we were toge…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 02:06 AM
1

Yeah, I mean part of me stuck to it, because of pride. I'm very easy going, and I took things one day at a time. I didn't see how bad it really was, as I was constantly dealing with "today", if it had been just been me and her. It would have been one thing, but we have 3 kids together.. And I recall as a kid wanting to find one person and being with them till I was old. You learn as you grow.. Someday I'll find my one or at least someone i can enjoy growing old with, she just wasn't it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 07:00 PM
1

I mean as a stand back, and having dealt with it for 14 years, of basic abuse. So first I'd suggest you need counseling any which way, for yourself. Maybe they can help you learn to communicate better with her. Part of why in some ways I wish I could have saved it.. Was that it wasn't all her fault. Her parents never helped her deal with her mental issues as a child, their answer was suck it up, WTF is wrong with you. Fix yourself and get to it. So being diagnosed with Bipolar2, along with other…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 06:36 PM
1

Well it's more of a question of not with just her, but also you. Your trying to be healthier for her and the kids. I am assuming she's working out as well. You should start working out together, have some real workouts, and have some sex work outs. I don't know what kind of trip was planned, ie I go to my parents with the kids every few weeks.. It's a trip and we pack, but it's no big deal.. We get to go on a vaca/trip maybe two times a year if we are lucky.. So if there was a trip when I was wi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 04:54 PM
1

Ok, so I'm a divorced guy. Just to put in my two cents.. My ex did this repeatedly, where things would seem okay, but then she'd blow up. End of the world, everyone on egg shells because she wasn't happy. Then a few days later she'd be "okay". So one thing is that extreme mood swings can be indicative of other issues, that should be looked into. Canceling a vacation with the kids, because she didn't get sex that day? is her being pissed about more then the sex. So one Q, is think about how often…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 03:46 PM
4

So first don't move out, it's you abandoning the kids/the house.. And you'll basically loose access to your kids. Second get a lawyer, and file the papers against her. I'd also see about counseling for yourself and the kids (it helps, plus courts like it) Plus as a side thing my ex was Highly Manipulative and controlling of both me and the kids, to the point where she intimidated my kids, manipulated them.. I was flat out told I couldn't handle the budget/money (I handled a 2million dollar budge…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 02:21 AM
3

So I've heard plenty of people defending the school/church, when truthfully their afraid they'll get into some trouble from the school/church.. via kicking kids out, or some kind of retribution religiously. I've met many ladies/guys who do it, they to a certain extent treat religion as if it's above/more important then the law and or their own/family safety (It isn't). I've had some choice words with my ex. Not many, and in general I was very civil, a lot more then she ever was. That being said,…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/21 07:23 PM
2

So my ex threatened for years for a divorce (14 years of marriage and the last 6-7 where huge medical/mental issues for her), no huge verbal arguments. The last few years it seemed to intensify, ended up having three kids with her, under her constant pressure. And apparently she saw the kids as some fix for our relationship. Reality was, I spent all my non work time taking care of the kids, while she spent money constantly, mostly on herself, while refusing to work. Wouldn't let me see the budge…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/21 07:23 PM
2

So first lawyer, if you don't have one, talk to them about these issues. First thing is to get the kid into counseling and yourself (I have my 3 in, as well as myself) it looks good in court. If she refuses to let him go, the court will force it, and block her from stopping it. Really what you need is a 3rd party defending the kid, don't go at it as ex is doing this. Go at it as these are what I'm hearing from our son. This really concerns me, he needs his own advocate. 3years old is a hard age …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/21 02:57 AM
1

Yeah she's constantly trying to intimidate me... Doesn't work anymore... But she'll do it to the kids as well... Lots of stress that she causes for them
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 07:19 PM
1

At least you had the good years.. many, many of mine if not all consisted of being berated. Belittled, gaslight, she basically cut off my family completely.. Then berated me whenever I spoke to them.. Constantly said my family was trash (none of them have ever been in jail/had any problems, meanwhile most of hers have been in jail and most are dead by 30 because of drinking and driving.. It was a nightmare.. I never realized how much till after she walked out the door.. I never realized how much…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 05:40 PM
2

I have about 85% time with my kids.. In my area most of the time ladies get most of the custody.. Only reason I have so much is because my ex was really messed up.. I've heard of people in my area where the mom is a druggy, dad's okay and the mom still gets custody because she claims he beat her or the kids. (I've even heard of some ladies beating or having the kids beat themselves, and claiming the dad's did it.) It's messed up.. My ex has threatened several times to get 50/50 (truth is she can…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 04:16 PM
3

Ahh.. Sort of like the 1 date I went on with a Trump supporter.. Who then wanted to take my kids as she didn't believe I was raising my children correctly. Doesn't help that I informed her I thought many of the Trump supporters had become almost cult like... Aparently she was afraid I wasn't teaching the kids to be super conservative.. Yeah I never talked to her again.. My ex she'd killed the bedroom after maybe 2 years I stuck with it another 12...id been sleeping in another room after 6... (in…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 01:37 AM
2

Yeah my ex did that,(actually it's required for all divorce parents in my area). I think she got a video(more expensive) , and signed a paper... I went to the class.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 10:07 PM
2

Also make sure you've got all of this stuff documented I've heard of Judges / CPS using this as a pattern of attempted alienation of the kids from one parent. Which is considered really bad. And in some cases can lead the judge to decide in your favor. I would question as to what the reason for the divorce is? did one of you cheat? just can't get along? My ex basically told me she wanted a different life, after she'd already bailed on me and the kids basically just stayed in bed/separated hersel…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 07:41 PM
3

If you don't have a lawyer get one, plus contact past child's doctors.. My ex repeatedly switched Psych Dr's (for herself) every time they didn't agree with her, or they discovered too much of what was wrong with her. ie if they think she should be committed, but she drops them as her dr before they've finalized their decision. Then they couldn't commit her. It was a mess, luckily CPS did get somewhat involved at one point. And basically hinted that if I didn't get her out they'd take the kids. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 07:26 PM
2

So if your really amicable it can work.. I will say this lawyers are there for a reason.. My ex and I filed amicably 4 years ago.. Had an agreement between the two of us.. I took money out of my retirement paid off 20K+ of debt she'd run up on clothes, and other BS that she took with her. She in turn was supposed to sign over the house.. I paid off the debt, she didn't sign. And basically laughed at me. I meanwhile have taken care of the house, kids and dealt with all of it. She fell apart, dema…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 06:52 PM
2

I try.. My perspective is kids first... My ex keeps getting her wants ahead of the kids, then says it's for the kids.. Any case.. I'd wished she'd gotten herself together sooner, between dragging it out because she was in /out of hospitals, psych wards, and alot of medical issues, needed medical insurance etc.. And I didn't want the kids to. Loose their mom.. (which could have happened, she almost died 3-4x) But I'm just trying to get things sorted out and done..
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 05:58 PM
4

So I've been separated for 4 years (Guy here) trying to finalize the divorce for 4 years.. (UGH!!!) I have 3 kids, their all with me 85% of the time. (That's what the payments are based on, how much time they are with you vs the ex (In most places) this may depend on hours / days they slept at your place vs ex.. My ex left between mental issues, and she wanted the divorce. I told her fine, we go to lawyers get psych evals, and lawyers/counselors tell us who should stay with the kids.. She told m…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 03:42 AM
2

So I'll say this, I met a lady similar situation. I fell into feeling for her more, etc.. we dated for almost 9 months.. When really I think I just wanted/needed a FWB and some kinky sex. She was getting into hey I need a major commitment and I was like this is as far as it goes, and broke it off. I will say this much, when my ex and I split (14 years) and I have 3 kids who live with me. I didn't date or do much of anything for the first 6-10 months. And even then it was just a few dates. I've f…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/20 03:41 PM
3

So first of all it becomes a question of the PFA validity/evidence.. My ex had at one point threatened me with a PFA, as a way to get everything. Only reason she didn't was she knew that her parents, and all three of my kids would have never gone along with it. And that of the two of us she was the unstable one, and there was documentation of that. My ex went crazy a few times .. and I had several times 302'd her. Hell she even hallucinated some crap and called the cops at least twice. I hear a …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/20 03:07 PM
1

I appreciate and the best to you... Reality is they want a fair share.. But have high expectations.. Considering she doesn't contribute to Kids expenses etc.. If there were no kids.. I'd have just left, sold the house, and never talked to her again. If she had a problem I'd say talk to my lawyer.. As to the frivolous legal stuff it's a simple question of what does she really want how much.. Reality is you can't afford it, and it's unreasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/20 03:08 PM
3

My ex has kept my divorce in limbo for 4 years. I can say some of it may be my fault for allowing some of it... Ie she lost jobs, fallen apart.. Hospitals etc.. . Is still on my medical coverage... And still hasn't gotten a ft job and honestly I don't think she ever will. Now my ex is trying to get me to let her put a trailer in my backyard. At least I got custody of my 3 kids. Which she's constantly pushing for more. The truth here is that I'm sure she will be constantly pushing for. Money and …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/20 12:54 AM
2

First I suggest counseling I've got all three of my kids in Counseling. My ex (wife) left me and the kids, and when she was here she caused alot of issues, while they were growing up. Some borderline endangerment (and probably were if it weren't for myself discovering the crap she did when I wasn't here) My oldest saw and dealt with alot of it. She saw and had to interact with the ex when my ex was basically a lump on the couch.. And would get yelled at for things (stuff I didn't even know about…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 05:00 PM
2

Do not have kids to fix a bad relationship it's a terrible thing to do to the kids and yourselves. So basically I was married for 13 years, my ex was a NC, BP2, anxiety, depression, and more which she'd hidden from me pretty much the whole relationship. By the end we'd had three kids, she'd been bedridden off and on for almost 5 years because of the depression. She told me she wanted a divorce, I was floored. And yeah I knew the relationship wasn't doing great but with 3 kids and dealing with ot…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 07:33 PM
2

Truthfully I found someone I felt I could trust. I'm sure their are better ones, and worse ones. Go for the middle of the road. I have kids so I made sure that the guy I got had experience with custody, and kids. I met with a few of whom were ladies , one lady wouldn't take my case, simply because I was a guy and she saw it as I was trying to take the kids away from their mother. I did/do have pictures/video of her hallucinating, and I mentioned these two them as well as other lawyers. And was b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 06:46 PM
2

Listen it will get better. Take your time, get your balance on life back together. I'm still getting over a 14yr marriage (3kids) and it's been almost 3yrs.. It's hard... Some people think marriage/kids are what they need to fix the relationship. It's not. And there's many who've been single, and the idea that they are now tied to someone freaks them out. Whatever the reasons no matter what take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 01:23 PM
1

I think it's more then that... So ended up talking to her for a bit... For the most part it was fine... The "concerning part" was that she'd like to come to the house more often when I'm not here.. So that she can clean, and that she wants to do this as it basically makes her feel like she's made an impression /impact on the kids environment... Now I'm far from great at cleaning especially with 3 kids, and a decent sized house.. So. I give. Myself like a 5 or 6/10 on keeping things clean... Thin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/19 09:31 PM
1

In some ways I don't mind, but she is constantly re-arranging things in the house. And I think part of it all is that she doesn't want to give up control of the house. For years she basically dictated what was where, narcist, and OCD on a bunch of things. So for ie, if I have just gone to the store and there's a few extra apple juice bottles or cereal boxes that don't fit in the pantry neatly then I'll put them off to the side, or on top of the fridge. (Hey my 2 kids love apple juice so when the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 06:28 PM
1

The custody was done last week.. So haven received my official copy etc.. Neither has she... I had mentioned this to my lawyer, and he'd said it should be in the custody order and if for some reason it isn't that he'd get it done.. Ita like so many other things where she doesn't respect/listen to anything i say. And every time it's well think of what's best for the kids... I guess what I'm looking for is some good arguments to defend my position. As I'm finding it hard to put it into words as to…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 02:30 PM
1

I'll look into the stay-away order... Luckily I changed all. My credit cards, got a new bank account when it all started.. Pension and medical I can't change till the divorce... As to the medical bills/co-pays I may double check with my lawyer first. Just to make sure it doesn't bite me in the ass. As it is with my kids I may end up getting a restraining order because of the damage she's done...
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 08:33 PM
1

Never really answered... The basic response that I got was. That it would get sorted out, which doesn't help at the moment. And didn't answer the question.. Other then saying that in general the ex has manipulated me and fd me and the kids over repeatedly...
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 04:55 PM
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