Confusion

copiouslooking · 2020-10-05T12:34:05+00:00

I split from my wife 18 months ago.

We were superb roommates. We just had nothing in common besides our mutual Life experiences.

I just wanted to have a chance for something more.

I have spent a year being more independent. I have met someone else and am about 9 months into that relationship.

I have chemistry with her. It's remarkable. Having this now makes me so sad for all the time I spent with someone that was just a roommate.

I saw a quote a couple of days ago that said "First be concerned about whether you like them. Not trying to get them to like you."

20 years ago me could reeeeeeeaally use that information.

Good luck with any decision you make (doing nothing is a decision).

MartyMcFly7 · 2020-10-05T17:49:46+00:00

I'd say my wife was a fairly good person and mother, but it was clear that she didn't value me. I don't think it's too much to ask that your spouse actually like you, lol. We'd just grown apart over the years (religiously, politically, ideologically, sexually, etc.).

I've had one relationship since then and holy fuck! While it didn't work out, I will say this: if it's the only one I have for the rest of my life, it was worth it! Just to feel loved and desirable again was incredible. To be with someone you actually enjoy spending time with instead of someone who is always looking down at you with disapproval. It gave me hope that better things are possible.

I don't think there's anything wrong my wife, but from where we both stand, it makes it difficult to value the other person as much as we should.

2020-10-12T19:43:27+00:00

My STBXW is exactly this, best mother for my kids, awesome wife, but I felt like we were roommates and not an actual married couple. We just got into this rut of routine as our kids got older. We stopped being affectionate, she did most of the childcare so she was always tired (I don't blame her). We were bad at communicating to each other, me not wanting to hurt her with my feelings and thoughts and her being afraid of me leaving her (she's a child of divorce). It came to a head during quarantine, I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was angry all the time and it was messing with my kids. We've been separated a few months it it hurts like hell. She's already trying to throw herself into dating to get over me and I'm here alone telling myself how pathetic I am daily. I think we both have issues we should've worked out before we had kids but now here we are trying to be as friendly as we can. While I hate myself for leaving and giving up so easily (her words and I agree), I couldn't be like my father and stay together just for the sake of our kids

spadamaz · 2020-10-05T19:12:55+00:00

Yeah, my STBXW is a good mom, when she is sober. But when she wasn't sober she would hit me. So.....

4agreements · 2020-10-05T15:24:23+00:00

Marriage is just for Facebook pictures. When you find someone better dump her. She’s not your problem anymore. Kids get over it. You only get one life King

Mandrivantian · 2020-10-05T18:41:18+00:00

That's what happened in my case.

She was cheating/cheated, but was happy to hold on me.

Came out after few years.

She got depressed either because of what happened [unlikely] or that she can't have it both ways as other guy evaporated.

Symptoms: projecting [you don't hug me anymore, she didn't], anti-anxiety meds, became religious.

How is it possible I didn't know earlier, you ask now.

Yes there was a reason that excused all this behaviors very well.

Only with display of lack of respect I caught the trail.

This is how well meds were working.

Curiouslywastingtime · 2020-10-05T18:05:30+00:00

It’s best to set your life on a course for happiness.

Your children should know that you care for their Mom and you love them. Do everything possible to be with your kids and be apart of their daily activities

Best wishes

Title	Confusion
Author	KissMyConverse-
Upvotes	10
Comments	10
Date	October 5, 2020 11:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/j5hf15/confusion/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/confusion.817841 https://theredarchive.com/post/817841

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