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View 3 posts and 56 comments by sierrajon on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

sierrajon/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 05:04 PM
5

sierrajon/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 04:31 AM
2

sierrajon/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 06:06 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Advice: right your mantras in present tense, as if they already are. "You are over her." Not "you will get over her". Aneay. I don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff. I am happy and grateful, now. Today is the best day of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/21 02:16 AM
2

This is exactly my case. I proposed divorce in march, right before covid. I've been the stay at home dad through this, so leaving right niw hasn't been the best idea for everyone (mostly kids). She hasn't cheated (that I know of), doesn't hit me, isn't a drug or alcohol user, etc. She doesn't want to be around me and hasn't had sex with me in nearly 6 years, and says it will never happen. To be honest, I don't want to n.v have sex with her either at this point, or even at the point of deciding t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/20 07:11 PM
1

Ah, ok. Yeah, having a support group is critical for you if you expect to then support your son. I can relate to filling time with work but it doesn't help the issue. Make sure to meditate as well.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/20 06:23 PM
1

No such thing as a functioning alcoholic. Let go of those who are against you. Resisting them gives them strength. I am an alcoholic, recovering for over 3 years now, and I would name it "not enoughism". Your wife, daughter, and MIL are all demonstrating this. They are sick, ignore them. My advice be patient and focus in the kids. Sounds like you or oldest boy needs the attention; a father and a friend. Give him your mental real estate, not the wife and MIL. Do you go to AA?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/20 04:13 PM
7

This has helped me thanks. ​ I like the last two concepts but I hate the concept of "deserve". In my mind I have changed the definition to "become a slave to" which is the etymology/root of the word. When you feel you deserve something you become a slave to that thing. So what I do is try and say the same thing without the word "deserve". So "I deserve a wife that actually shows her love to me" becomes "I feel that a wife who loves me would show her love to me in X ways." Or "I deserve a raise" …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/20 04:38 PM
2

Unless she has cause for the divorce this should be pretty clear cut and fast. Get an attorney and file... and stop talking to her, she will bait you and that will give her cause.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 08:27 PM
2

Does she work? How long have you been married?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 08:01 PM
3

If she is not claiming it as income on her tax returns this is tax fraud, there is a lifetime and yearly regulation on how much money can be given without being tax. So all gifts of cash must be recorded to account for this, per the IRS ( https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/frequently-asked-questions-on-gift-taxes ). Regardless, it is not a salary as it is not in exchange for services. Here parents can do this. However, this dose sound like she does not require the alim…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 06:20 PM
4

Man, that's me. Except I didn't write stop talking, though I should have... so many reasons, this should have been on there. Things she said, "I only see you as a paycheck", "sex will never happen again (5 year db), "if you don't like who I am you can gon fuck yourself"... that last one sealed it. She was unwilling to change for me. I have her in therapy now and she will change for herself, and if it will keep me here for her, but not for me. I need her healthy enough to not treat the kids badly…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/20 04:12 PM
5

THIS is what should happen. When it's said in so few words it's "I found someone else." However, they found someone else because THIS happened without being voiced. I think it takes a brave person who still really does respect and love their STBX to have this discussion before going out and finding someone else to "love". In fact, the type of person who bounces from one victim to the next really doesn't know what love is enough to even be able to say "I love you, but I am not in love with out".
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/20 11:14 PM
2

Amends isn't apologies, it's taking responsibility for their wrongs. Many times infidelity isn't amendable so not worth trying to fix, especially early after a divorce. Also, its not to fix you but the addict. Forgive her and move on and let her deal with her resentments. Not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/20 04:40 PM
1

You need meds for the depression, whether you think you donor not. Look into meditation, self-inquiry. I would recommend exercise, even if you don't want to, and stop drinking if you have been. Much of what you need to do to get through the depression will be things you don't want to and will take weeks to start having an impact. Including medication, therapy, exercise, and meditation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/20 04:12 PM
7

Don't compare other people to your ex. Try and see them as completely distinct individuals, and respect them for such.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/20 07:02 PM
1

I am doing this, thank you. Luckily I have a sponsor and AA support group to help me. I asked her to get a therapist because she has no one. No real friends, family are duds, she judges everyone to a point of them not wanting to be around.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 11:22 PM
1

Thank you that's a great question. I haven't moved as quickly as I should have in the last month. I have a cheaper lawyer now, and a better one I think. Yet, my extended family has been in town the past 2 weeks and they stress me out, and are occupying the bed I would sleep in when I leave.. Waiting until they leave then I'm moving out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 11:09 PM
2

Thanks, very helpful. We had the talk a month ago and I have been looking for a lawyer since before the quarantine. She is pressing me to "shit or get off the pot" and I don't really feel rushed or the need to be. I got another contract from a lawyer the beginning of last week. Between work, family stuff, and other commitments I don't have a lot of time to push to get the divorce. A year seems like a long time, but when I look at what I've taken it's been over 3 months. So I could see a year to …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/20 08:48 PM
4

I would do as little as possible to pay down any marriage debt while I am incurring divorce debt (lawyers). Pay minimum, consolidate, or get deferrals until it's all done, then certainly consolidate with divorce debt. If it's bad enough to declare bankruptcy it would be a waste of money to throw it at the debt now only to file later.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 05:05 PM
2

Perfect. And stop calling her and block her number on your phone. Alcoholic or not, she sounds like she is best left where she is.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/20 10:55 PM
10

Did I write this? Everything, except the infidelity, though had the opportunity presented itself... and I am an alcoholic, my mistress was the bottle. Anyway, I saved this and will read again, I relate and sympathize. There is no order of sins or miracles. We all error and miss the mark and course correct. You think your sin is bigger because the consequences were bigger? Man, I envy you right now. I have to constantly remind my stbxw of all the pain I feel everyday and keep explaining that this…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 03:53 PM
2

Nope, no opinions or onions I guess. Maybe go camping until Sunday.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/20 07:35 PM
6

If you hate yourself and you are the only person you spend time with then it's a really horribly world. Learning to love yourself opens up a world of self that means never being alone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/20 08:37 PM
1

About 3 weeks ago she was out somewhere and came in and was mad because she was late for a zoom meeting. She blamed me. I calmly told her I was not responsible for her schedule. She got madder. I stood my ground calmly. I didnt even know she had a meeting or where she went.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 03:41 AM
1

Strange right? I do the same. Any time I try and address her behavior the conversation ends with me apologizing. Wtf?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 03:34 AM
2

That's what I think, and my sponsor thinks and my AA buddies think.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 12:33 AM
1

I'm in CA. I think it's wrong to leave before the paper work is done. At least so far as custody and support agreements have been made. They need to be supported.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 11:28 PM
2

Therapy 3 times for a year each. She says she never gave it 100%. I did, even quit drinking and now work for home. She works away from home. I do most of the house work and cooking. She does the homework with the kids. Therapy always results with me wanting more intimacy and her wanting more chores from me (she says her love language is acts of service, conveniently). I take more on, get a vasectomy, go to AA to help stop drinking all at her request. I get ignored and told she's to busy with wor…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 10:13 PM
1

Exactly. Thanks. I do not think it is conscious.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 10:09 PM
4

Oh, and I have empathy. Though if I give an inch she takes the whole yard. I try to be cordial and she takes that as us getting back together. I am nice to her and care for her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 07:53 PM
3

I'm a grey rock
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 07:51 PM
6

Me too. That's the manipulation though. Have you ever been rejected by your SO and then quickly fall asleep? She has rejected me for 5 years. Calls me a paycheck, says having sex with me would make her feel like a prostitute, manhandles the kids in anger, refuses therapy, yells at me and the kids all the time for not doing chores quick enough or the right way, calls me a failure... I have journals full of her cruelty that i review with my therapist and aa sponsor who agree that this is a toxic e…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 07:51 PM
7

I am be emotionally abused. I just didnt go into all that here. Check post history if you want the full story. You are right, I am having a hard time with her grief. I have been kind. When I show kindness she think that means we I changed my mind though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 07:45 PM
0

Well, that's going to be 6+ months. I cannot take the emotional abuse that long. I will fall back into addiction I fear. She "says" she will sign whatever. Is there any way to get something in shorter order to be able to leave? 6 months once filed is timeline in CA to finalizing the divorce. That's without the backlog they are going to have to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 06:21 PM
5

I'm fine with couch. I'm not fine with waking up to her waiting for me to wake up to confront me right as I awake.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/20 06:05 PM
3

It is ok to not be ok. Live the pain and through it, it is the touchstone of spiritual growth. Ignoring it or rationalizing it prolongs it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/20 02:44 AM
1

Yeah, there has to be a reason for lifetime support not just 10 years. Granted that the 10 year mark indicates that it could be longer then 1/2 the length of the marriage. But that is all the law states.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 05:19 PM
2

It's not the "only" way. I think forgetting is harder than forgiving. Maybe work on that. She's a sick, selfish woman. Find your way to sympathy, she will never know real love or happiness because she is such the polar opposite of these things. Everyone should know love, and yet she keeps herself from it because of her upbringing, her ego, her, devils... poor thing. Maybe one day she'll look back on her life and wonder what the fuck happened... Maybe not, probably not. You? You will look back an…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 08:54 PM
1

Nice. I like it. Pretty sure she will be miserable. Cheaters cheat because they love being miserable. So in a way, they get what they want but not what they like. May you get both (what you want and like).
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 08:49 PM
3

Gym/Exercise, Better Diet, also quick drinking and as a result I've lost 40 pounds. Funny thing, when I started feeling better about myself, despite what she did, I started performing better at work, making new friends who encourage me and make me feel better, and have made progress on my hobby (which I haven't done much for in years) Law of Attraction works. I am initiating divorce, because despite all my self improvement, I'm still not enough for her. I am finally happy with who I am and she k…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 08:46 PM
1

Here's what I see: Lot's about her, little about you. We are not responsible for their feelings, behaviors, or background. We marry for their best but we stay despite their worse. If their worse is making it impossible for you to stay, then leave. Her going to therapy is great, but it will benefit her. If you want to save the marriage go to couples counseling. I also think you need to go to therapy. Not that you have any glaring issues, but you should learn about yourself and what you require fr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 05:14 PM
1

I feel that if you get through life with zero regrets then you probably didn't live very well. My personal belief is that we are to push the boundary to the point that we require God's help to get through. When we do this, sometimes we push to hard or in the wrong direction (not pushing hard enough) and the help He gives is what we call failure. F.A.I.L. = First Attempt In Learning. The hard part is forgiving ourselves for failure. If we could realize that there is nothing to forgive, that the f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 04:37 PM
5

The Big Book would say that to relieve yourself of the resentment you have for her you should pray for her to have that which you want for yourself. (Paraphrased). You are supposed to do this for 2 weeks or until the resentment leaves. I think if you practice the "Christian forgiveness" for her that you seek from her you will find that once you have forgiven her you will no longer require it from her... Forgiveness is fickle like that; it's not for the one requiring forgiveness but for the one h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/20 10:10 PM
1

Just recommended "changeland" in another thread. On hulu right now. Its a seth green movie, I liked it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/20 10:14 PM
2

I recommend "changeland" it's on hulu right now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/20 10:08 PM
1

I've been reading a lot here and on /divorce to get ready. We had the discussion but haven't made any moves thanks to quarantine. Things on my list Items I want to keep, mostly sentimental to me only Custody issues like who is to get them to and from school and what days, where handoffs should take place, long distance travel approval requirements. Especially if she gets involved with someone else and I don't approve of them. How we are to communicate to each other about custody issues, apps tha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 12:52 AM
1

I would just make of list of what needs to be discussed, not a list of how you want to see it. Compromise means concessions will be made. By indicating your preference before the discussion you make be making concessions on items you dont need too. You will end up fucking yourself. The questions should be "what is best" not "what is best for me". You should be asking "what do you think?" Not volunteering what you think.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 11:38 PM
1

Thanks. After she said we should get divorce she added that it's up to ke so whatever, I would get lazy and wouldn't do anything. I just fired off the email to the attorney to get it going.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 10:52 PM
2

Thanks. I agree.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 04:02 AM
1

If I file first where the still be the option to do mediation? Or does filing send the message that she needs to lawyer up. Chances are she will anyway, but I'd like to keep that option open as long as possible. This is really a tactic for dealing with a narc; they fight more when backed into a corner.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 03:26 PM
1

That's what it feels like, just before you do! When you're going through hell, keeping going.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 03:45 AM
3

We had the talk over a month ago, can't leave without being accused of abandonment. Talked to attorney last week. STBXW is being "nice" for the kids, but as soon as the go to bed she doesn't say anything. I guess that's better than anything. I can't wait for this to be over. Really allows me to understand why we need to split though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 05:21 PM
5

The planning can't be done without her. If you do it all alone you would alienate her. I would recommend you have the discussion when she has an opportunity to have alone time; you take the kid or let her go somewhere to process for a few days or week(s). After that plan with her. Fear of the unknown is a solid fear. The only way over it is through it. Perhaps ask your counselor for a 1 on 1 session to discuss, and maybe ask them to facilitate this discussion in a session. Really, at this point …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 09:28 PM
2

Same here.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 05:09 AM
5

"But I am coming out of the fog a little and starting to see clearer and feel like that was all to make herself feel less guilty about her own actions. " That, and she doesn't want to be the cause she wants to be the victim. Of course it takes 2 to make a marriage work, but it only takes 1 not willing to work on it to have it fall apart. Focus on being a good person and a good dad. Dont try and understand her right now, it's a fools errand. Maybe she will figure herself out on her personal thera…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 05:17 PM
4

It's not a big deal. What is a big deal is that you care enough to be concerned about it. But don't stress over it, you are the only one who is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 03:41 PM
3

Are you not in love with life or her? Maybe some therapy to figure that out and if she will go on the adventure with you?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 05:44 AM
2

Check out coparenting. If the kids are happy and you two can handle it then this may be an option. There are alternatives to divorce that dobt involve reconciliation, though seeing a marriage councilor may help talk these concepts out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 06:47 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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