Before the virus I told her I was miserable with our relationship and that we needed to go to counseling. She said we had done that and it never worked but that she was miserable too. I said we needed to separate then, and she said if I was going to leave then it was divorce. I said I guess that is what it would be then. She asked what that would like with the kids and house and started crying... then added, whatever, it's not like you are going to do anything.

A couple of weeks later the virus hit and I pressed pause on the attorney. During the virus she kept talking about coparenting issues, and how i was a horrible dad. Last week I called the attorney to set up mediation. Then, I told her and she broke down begging that I stay and to go to counseling. She is blaming me for not talking to her about my issues and for changing and not loving her or giving her another chance (2 year long counseling sessions in the past 8 years), and how I owe it to her. She is threatening self harm, has taken all the crosses down in the house, calls the bible bullshit, and tells me I should start drinking again (3 years sobriety).

I feel horrible for making her feel this way, but I know I will suffer if I stay. She always has another hoop for me to jump through. We havent had sex in over 5 years, we only really ever talk about the kids or finances, or what chore I need to do (she says her love language is "acts of service"). I am trying to stay the course, but worry that I care more about keeping the peace than my own sanity.

This sucks.