Opinion needed

JohnnyMnemo · 2020-08-10T17:50:32+00:00

OFC you think of her. She was a part of your life. I think it'd be much more worrisome not to think of her.

I think of my ex often. Sometimes even positively--she had positive traits, it's why I married her, had kids with her, and stayed with her for as long as I did. I sometimes even have sexy dreams about her, which are even stranger to me--but if you're habituated to sex with one person for 25 years, it's normal to have that inertia.

I also learned a lot about her negative characteristics through the end-of-marriage and divorce process. I think she's a child that has never needed to act like an adult, and simply popping out two kids does not necessarily entail adult responsibility.

But you can hold both thoughts in your head simultaneously. I also have no regrets--I don't miss her at all, I miss my money, and I wish I did this 10 years ago while I was still young. Or never gotten married in the first place. But I don't regret removing her from as much of my life as legally possible, at all, even a little. She has positive qualities but there are people with many more positive qualities than she has.

jimsmythee · 2020-08-10T17:34:17+00:00

Same experience here, 11 years married. Final 5 were 100% toxic. I have 0 regrets about divorcing her. It needed to be done.

Sometimes I think of her and I remember the good times we had (before Pills).

Sometimes I think of her and the really bad times (while she was on pills and the daily disasters).

But when you're with someone for 11 years (like me), so many memories involved her.

MartyMcFly7 · 2020-08-10T17:42:04+00:00

I've read about half of divorced people still question whether or not they made the right decision, so I'd say it's pretty normal to have nagging doubts and lingering thoughts.

You had literally millions of experiences with this person, and it's impossible for your brain to wrap your head around ALL of them and figure out exactly how much each one mattered and why. It's a lot of data to sort through. You can still question these thoughts to see if there's anything there to learn that you missed, but if you have no regrets, I would just assume this is residual background noise that will continue to fade over time.

warrior_up · 2020-08-10T18:30:40+00:00

You're thinking more about her as part of your family unit - that essentially feels like its been robbed from you. Youre still thinking bout it/her because it seems that just yesterday you were sitting down at your family dinner table eating, playing with the kids etc.

Divorce is a traumatic experience, simply put its a mind f&^& - and your brain wants to go back to the familiarity - like drug detox. Just keep reminding yourself why there's no going back, why you cant go back - start writing that stuff down, it helps. Divorce is a trip man, sometimes the only answer is time, it'll just take more time for you to distance yourself from a life you lived that you thought was the final chapter.

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-08-10T19:22:29+00:00

Reconstruction takes time. Read this, focusing on the latter part: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=81647

jhonnyv3 · 2020-08-11T05:09:58+00:00

25y/o. 1 year divorce and some pocket change...all of the comments felt like everything ive been hearing and some of what i needed to hear. Ive never regretted my ex. I thought marriage was the idea of one and done. Thru thick and thin. No matter what. To tough it out knowing the other person committed the rest of their lifes to making you happy. 2 people constantly trying. Boy was i wrong. I was probably naive to think i hit jackpot giving bad strain of luck that i tend to have in life. I wish time machines were real. Man. O. Man. TAKE MY MONEY!!

TheAware4 · 2020-08-10T16:42:26+00:00

Look for the red pill for men and start your self-discovery.

jjholt0147 · 2020-08-11T00:11:54+00:00

I've been divorced for almost two years and there are still moments where I'll think I have to tell her about this when I get home or turn to say something to her and for a moment I don't know why her and the kids aren't there and part me breaks all over again

Title	Opinion needed
Author	bigtony199077
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	August 10, 2020 4:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/i786ck/opinion_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/opinion-needed.817982 https://theredarchive.com/post/817982

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