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Brokenbyher2019 Archive

View 15 posts and 308 comments by Brokenbyher2019 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Say your part, which you did in your OP. Walk away, don't worry what others say- it doesn't matter. A response is not needed to anyone, including me.
/r/TheRedPill10/03/21 12:44 AM
83

Women only ever truly live through men. That is why you never make them your purpose or focus.
/r/TheRedPill19/01/21 07:31 PM
19

it was noble when they received something of "actual" and not "perceived value in return. I have no problem sacrificing myself for the lesser of the species, but only if I receive the respect and or tangible value in return for it. Since that is not possible, nor may have it ever been, I stand by now. Focused on me.
/r/TheRedPill04/12/20 03:06 AM
3

Right here! I work for an attorney, not in family law but yes. This is just to bill hours. Have your lawyer do his part. But don't worry too much
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/20 08:00 PM
1

It WILL fall on uncertainty. But how much and when I dont know
/r/TheRedPill30/11/20 10:39 PM
3

Most people are grossly under educated with how shorting works. I was, and now that I know how it works I choose not to use that method. Too risky for my taste. Just not my cup of tea
/r/TheRedPill30/11/20 10:32 PM
17

Right here! The only truth that is real.
/r/TheRedPill30/11/20 10:31 PM
6

If the tables were turned she would have done the same and worse. Never forget that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/20 10:19 PM
3

Right here. Depends
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/20 04:16 PM
2

Certain judges have agendas M.e.2 movement Men have been on the brunt end of things for decades... decades
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/20 03:51 AM
5

They got tired of pretending is all. I used to get hung up on trying to find an exterior variable that caused her to change. Then I discovered it was never an external issue. It was always her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/20 03:13 AM
1

People take my post however they will... everyone has a lense on how they view the world. And by default one side has to be wrong or in error in their thinking. I have learned it is wasted time to debate or discuss with those with opposing views, its a waste of my energy, most adults are set in their ways. Only traumatic life changing events pull people out of their bubble of thinking. Not sure if you noticed but I, in my post even declare I don't hate women, and men have faults too. But you see…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 05:24 AM
1

I can understand where your coming from. You dont want face the facts of life, so rather than face it you push it away and attack those who expose it how it is. Your loss
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 01:25 AM
0

And on queue- we have the next white knight enter stage left. Given that a recent 2017 UK poll shows the cause of divorce being 44% for cause seperation due to infidelity, I see for that logic alone my post is justified enough to help men here. You are just a pawn for one side and not a free thinker, nor do you care of a man's individual agency.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 12:35 AM
-1

Well sure, truth be told, a man can only bond two ways. To the mother of his children and his children. He bonds because they are means by which allows his DNA to survive. This shouldn't even be debatable. To his community. Men have adapted to follow a leader and other men who can help himself and his off spring survive. Men developing strong bonds between other men are real because it maintains a healthy, protected tribe. Furthermore a man cares little of his mates personal desires beyond what …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/20 11:17 PM
-5

Reading comprehension isn't your thing it seems. Thats ok, everyone has their struggles. I don't hate women (anymore) i use to have alot of anger towards them. But now, no more anger just acceptance. I dont have to explain any further, because, there are always people - like yourself- who want to continue to live in fantasy land and pedestalize one gender over others out of an old sense of white knighting. Its just easier to ignore you than continue a conversation with you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/20 11:04 PM
-3

One, this was about women. Two, im not covering the why- but rather how can women move on and cheat so easily as compared to men. Truthfully I covered just the biological perspective. I don't necessarily disagree with you. Just pointing out my intent
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/20 10:29 PM
1

Sure if the reason for the hearing was for one or two purposes. But this sounds like you need a lawyer and not to go ex parte
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/20 12:44 AM
1

Yes, when one side has made a case/argument that stands on its merit alone and therefore cannot be argued against and no need to be argued against. That's a decision made by the judge. What you probably haven't told us is what exactly did she, your child and therapist say...
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/20 10:01 PM
4

Never leave the house. FIND a way to get the money. Lie, buy something then return it for cash. You only need enough for a retainer fee. Divorce is always expensive. Dont think its gonna be cheap. Read up on your states divorce laws. Don't trust commentary. Once the process is underway its not that bad and is manageable on a day to day basis. Most men make 1 mistake above all else. They fail to treat their stbx as the enemy. Never trust her. Limit talk time to kids only Don't fall for false atte…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/20 01:49 AM
5

Good for you! Here in the states my attorney like the courts are inundated with divorces. Not really because courts shut down... covid forced some to face their relationship demons and they could handle it. My attorney says she hasn't seen this amount of divorce runs since 2008 economy crash
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/20 09:13 PM
2

Lols
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/20 06:36 PM
3

Good advice - just wanted to come and say that
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/20 09:30 PM
3

OP this!!!! Your situation doesn't sound like you should ex parte this. The amount of money involved here is too big not to get an attorney. Now, like today, stop everything and call up three attorneys and ask them if they know real estate too or know of good cocounsel. Do this NOW!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/20 06:45 PM
2

I used to wonder the same about women. Do men and women cheat differently yes. Do they desire things differently, yes. Are the differences substantial not really. Cheating transcends genders... its a total lack of respect for the betrayed. Healthy relationships are more about respect than love. True love comes after years of consistent respecting one another. The love modern people search for now is not love, its not respect, its simply infatuation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/20 03:46 AM
2

Not trying to women bash But women think, behave, and act emotionally. Men do it logically. Are there exceptions yes. Both ways. Imagine if you would, your whole concept of reality is based on how you feel. Its no wonder women are confused all the time. They live in chaos. Chaos is there norm. That's why you never argue with them, you'll never win.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 08:26 PM
27

A man can be content sitting alone for hours thinking about a problem and its solution. A women needs to share with everyone the problem, telling all she is trying to solve it and can't progress forward until she knows others care. A man can watch a sunrise or take in a majestic view in silence. A women must share it, with her always being the focal point. Remember mommy who always wanted pictures of the family on trips and told daddy to take them. That way she could show it off- showing off has…
/r/TheRedPill26/10/20 08:54 PM
1

Good advice! Really
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/20 03:50 PM
1

Pay someone to find a good attorney, referral Explain all the unwritten rules about divorce that aren't explained right away.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 04:54 AM
3

The one who doesn't see you as just a number However, take note that all attorneys just want business. Its a hard decision but go with your gut
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 08:14 PM
1

Lol thanks- shows I don't read read it
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/20 06:31 PM
3

Hmmm, you may not have a choice. You might still have to divorce the marriage license in from the state you married in regardless of where you moved too. But im no lawyer - better to ask them
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/20 09:46 PM
5

psalms 24:25 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. From the Bible, two thousand years ago! You already know the answer, don't talk yourself out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/20 09:43 PM
1

Thats my new pet name for her too... changed it in my phone to CUNT
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/20 08:43 PM
9

In N. America not as much as Europe. The change started long before the 60s... even before America's founding. Though most don't recognize it. Turning feminist started when Western Countries adopted the concept of romanticized love = good marriage
/r/TheRedPill06/10/20 10:29 PM
2

Short answer: no And why would they want too? Long answer: maybe, but it would have to be only for the betterment of the child, (minor) in this case. It would have to be a court ordered mandate. But if that were the case its likely the offending parent is a danger to the kid or their wellbeing and records are probably going to be secondary to the grater issues going on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/20 07:33 PM
2

You put it in a nicer way than I did. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/20 06:18 PM
20

Listen up and listen well.. you are already behind in a War with a capitol W. You have to treat her and your situation like your life depends on it. You may be telling yourself that, she would never go so low as to do x or claim y. But my friend you don't know the half of it. Sorry, but you better start treating her as the enemy and prepare for the end game. Total all out war.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 02:37 AM
2

You didn't fail the relationship You failed to pick the right person Now you know, I dont blame you for the first mistake Only have regrets if you make the same mistake twice
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 06:59 PM
2

Here's another pattern. Women cheat, divorce and get board in the marriage right around 33 to 39 years old. If there was an accurate bell curve out there, that's the top
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 06:58 PM
0

Courts aren't dumb dumb they know crazy shit like this happens. Sometimes, not all, the court will adjust a date of seperation prior to any big money, location changes to be at a state of normalcy. The better question you should be asking is, how can I make myself look like the nice guy in the eyes of the court --- as that pays waaay better dividends that spatting over date of separation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 04:59 PM
0

You in your replies you state you've achieved the correct version of love, then offer no further advice or offer no constructive input beyond putting me down and the assumption that I dont subscribe to the correct way of love... you offer nothing further to me or this discussion- good day sir.
/r/TheRedPill25/09/20 12:23 AM
2

Procreation is not a want it is a need for humans to survive. Therefore nearly all rationale men, i desire an outcome that works. I desire to problem solve logically for the tribe and not just myself. Why can the need to procreate be also a want and healthy all at the same time? To argue otherwise is accepting less than the best possible outcome for all.
/r/TheRedPill24/09/20 11:58 PM
8

Hmm... thank you for you comment. However my point was that I (like nearly all men) were lied to about how i should behave so that women behave the way that is conditionally beneficial to both her (a woman) and me (a man). In short I was taught wrongly about women's and men's roles. Maybe I should have been more clear that men need to be taught at an early stage the "real" way women love and of course the real or rather "healthier" way to have expectations about relationships. I'm gonna be hones…
/r/TheRedPill24/09/20 11:47 PM
22

I can love a dog and dog can love me back. But can't do that with a b!tch. Not no more.
/r/TheRedPill24/09/20 11:32 PM
1

Yes, its not true everywhere. But I pointed to that in my comment. Each state is slightly different but most states have a very standardized dissolution method and date of seperation is very much common but not universal on the forms to file
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 11:17 PM
2

Its the date in which was established at the time of filing for dissolution of marriage. On some form, somewhere someone must have written in a date. Her, you or a clerk. It falls to the Plaintiff of the dissolution documents in your state to decide on the date. If your state does not have a "fill in the date" requirement and instead asks the two parties to decide between each other... well... best to ask a lawyer So did you file or her? Edit: if lawyers involved ask yourz. If this is pro se or …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 09:54 PM
3

Covert narcs are that good at hiding it... rationale eludes them
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 11:56 PM
2

So your kids are kids or adults. Do they see thing exactly as you do? Have they experienced the world the way you have- or are you projecting? I'm not being argumentative but kids are kids until they aren't and become adults. Enjoy the kids, let them enjoy being kids... keep the focus on their enjoyment and not the lack of a whole family. Let them see you be a man that can be kicked in the teeth, stand up and ready to face the world with a smile.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 10:47 AM
1

I hear ya OP. But also, remember they your kids don't see things the same way you do. In fact if they see you feeling down or sad because of it that's gonna hurt them more. Their context is this is normal for them. Life moves on. Where the real damage lies from divorce is that your kids DO see it as normal and are likely to repeat it as well. She caused this, but dont make it worse for them. When your kids get old enough the smart ones will know who wsd the f up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 10:38 AM
3

Attorney attorney attorney... can't say this enough. However that said. Most states have a limit to how far a parent can move away from a school district. Additionally you also have limited time frame to open a legal dispute against her moving. So act now dont wait. You need to fight for what you want- do not care for her needs. Its the single biggest reason men get screwed over in courts. We stop fighting for us.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 05:19 PM
20

Obviously I know your question was rhetorical but there has been a systematic concentrated effort to supress mens rights for decades this is bad but not surprising
/r/TheRedPill12/09/20 02:27 AM
16

If you honestly want to know, call talk to and pay for an attonerys time in your area/state... thats the only way
/r/TheRedPill11/09/20 07:04 PM
4

I dont need to, im correct.
/r/TheRedPill11/09/20 06:50 PM
37

Clearly you lack the understanding of law and how court precedent works. The plaintiff (the female and her attorneys) clearly, yes, made an argument that the judge - then appeal court- upheld (mostly). But, their argument had to get to a judge which means that their was no clear precedence to fall back on. 95% of family law cases in the US ( i know this case is not US) dont go to trial. They are ruled by precedence. The rest of those cases only a small fraction ever create new precedence. Yes, t…
/r/TheRedPill11/09/20 06:40 PM
226

He did make a lot of mistakes, however, the legal precedent issue here is the Ontario courts "expanded" the interpretation of what it mean to "live together." Now means. If you gift If you vacation If you pay for xyz If you sleep over at each others seperate houses Now: In Ontario at least. Gifting a gf, vacationing with gf, paying for xyz for gf, and sleeping over at said gf house means you are now in cohabitation and therefore she is entitled to your support. That precedence is dangerous. Anyo…
/r/TheRedPill11/09/20 05:15 PM
4

Your kids will thank you too. I too was stuck in an emotional tar pit from my ex for the last 5 years of my marriage. Its was passive aggressive attacks daily. And towards the end lies and full on character attacks so my extended family would hate me. I had no idea narcs existed like that. Turns out I found out a year ago she was cheating on me for atleast three years of our 10 year marriage. Probably more, but i no longer care. Im moving on
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/20 05:35 PM
3

Agreed if the genders were reversed theyd have probono help literally getting PD on your doorstep the next day and putting you in handcuffs. Its unfair- always has been and always will be. Society is set up to support them
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/20 05:06 PM
2

Hey, check out the r3d pill stuff. I cant spell red correctly cuz it's banned..but also m.g.t.o.w. will answer the why she did it. But it takes a lot of courage to accept reality... i promise give it a try and explore it for a while. Google it above..
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/20 05:01 AM
-1

These words won't make sense right now. But to achieve the life you want you gave to purge your feminine traits and build up your masculine traits. There are ton of good books and self help videos out there but it all boils dow to this; Focus on yourself and never make anyone else the center of your life, but you. Get and stay physically healthy True love, the kind you think you know does not exist. It wasnt your fault you believed that. Hell I did too. But now you know dont fall for that trick …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 03:20 PM
3

I'm much the same... i look back and I see that the majority of my frustration was because my ex didn't really wanna play ball so to speak. I was a calm cool guy before I met her and wow did i change. I was too naive to know that my marriage was over looong before I knew. It amazes me how quick and underhanded they get when they don't want ya anymore. To them vows, promises are just a recommendation...
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/20 03:50 PM
2

It means you are correct and a leader amongst the sheep. It means you're doing something right and those that are wrong try to supress it.
/r/TheRedPill20/08/20 09:50 PM
4

I'm 37 now, found out 11 months ago. 1 year dday anniversary coming up but... i don't want another relationship, they aren't worth it anymore. Im not the chad or Tyrone in looks but im not ugly either. My focus as should be yours is to be happy with yourself and accept that no relationship is the stars for you. If a women comes along cool, but no point in searching for one. Someone told me its best to work on yourslef and allow the healthy ones to find you instead.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/20 11:26 PM
4

There are some injuries that just never heal right, no matter the care, no matter the amount of time. Its ok to accept the way things are. I do. Long term relationships are no longer in the stars for me. I could never trust anyone the way I did before. When someone is cheated on in a relationship that developed over a long time, some say to treat the wayward partner as though they died... mourn them, feel the feels. Now thats good and all, do this- except... Except they missed one important thin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 06:20 AM
9

X3 .. yeah agree with above
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 07:22 PM
15

You might have achieved a yes- but later on that yes can turn into a retrospective no and she-a-coming for you, along with popo and big daddy gov.
/r/TheRedPill12/08/20 11:49 PM
2

From UK to USA it doesn't matter anymore. The whamen get what they want- I'd argue that its always been that way in fact- just different circumstances. Even attorneys know that the courts and society don't want to see a women lose in the system as it would destroy their credibility and judges and attorneys would still have to deal with the aftermath of giving a man a fair shot. Its not like if they allowed the man a fair shot that man would come back and defend the judge or attorney no, they are…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 03:18 PM
3

Really like that- very motivating
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/20 10:07 PM
2

Its a haaaard pill to swallow. But in fact the hardest one for me by far is coming to terms with the fact they can't love you the way you love them. I do mental double takes trying yo ask myself, maybe, could she, maybe this one can... alas... it just doesn't work that way... and i get really sad.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/20 08:53 PM
2

Brother take solice in knowing it'll become a distant memory eventually. 7, 8, 10 years from now... you will struggle to remember at times. At least that's what i dream will happen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/20 12:33 AM
1

This won't make sense to you now. But you'll recover, just not in the way you want right now. Youre forever changed and the anger phase lasts a looong time. The slow agonizing pain you feel is the you letting go of your innocense. You're not the blame, its not your fault and yet it is. Im so sorry brother... its just not fair, it really isn't.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:32 PM
4

Your post made total sense to me. The only the thing I would add for me is that looking back i purposely over looked her bad qualities even though my gut told me otherwise. I didn't know what I was doing in that sense. I wasn't mature enough to see the end long term consequences. I place blame on me for being weak, not standing up for myself, and not taking charge in the relationship- its weird but I don't blame her for losing attraction in me.. i do blame her for cheating and not working it out…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 06:46 PM
5

I cant say I have a secret- I hit rock bottom and something snapped- Call it coopping or ptsd, anger ... whatever it is but I wont let this fire out now. I also don't mention religion much as I usually get a basher on me but I also become closer to God, closer than I have ever been. He was a spot light for me in the dark. A focal point for me to walk towards. Real or not - the concept worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 05:33 AM
8

Its gets easier to manage the pain and sadness with time. I got back my burning desire to get revenge on her by being the best me. Its what's keeping my focus. Im 37, lost my high paying job, have 3 kids and I'm getting 5050 custody. I have to move back in with my parents or else I'd be broken by alimony and child support. Im sad at times, depressed at other times. Most others exaggerate about suicide but I downed 750ml with a loaded 12 guage to my chin. It was at that moment I was too scared to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/20 05:20 AM
6

For me it was cheating, caught her cheating. Long story short I found out with proof it went back three years of our 10 year marriage. 3 kids under 10 too. After doing alot of research and listening to others stories... it seems most relationships don't last forever. In fact very rarely do relationships of any kind last a lifetime. Sadly this includes marriages too. We want to believe they can so we try to hold them together but it makes things worse in the end. Its a weird one man, but I don't …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 06:22 PM
0

Hi Troll- Read some of your garbage comments... Lol
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/20 06:52 PM
2

Brother im right there with ya. I've sworn off women until I know I will never "need" a women to fulfill me. One thing I've always sworn off forever is marriage and LTR. It was a promise I made to myself to not put the 12 guage through my brain. I will never be taken advantage of again. A women can join me in my journey but I wont make her a priority. Since ALL women are inherently greedy for their own desires and cant love unconditionally its the only way I will ever weed out the bad and possib…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/20 05:47 AM
3

Sliced ham and cheese and whatever is inside I don't know
/r/MensRights30/07/20 11:47 PM
-34

I'm trying to be grammatically incorrect to be funny is all... My grammar trigger went off too.
/r/MensRights30/07/20 11:36 PM
-59

You are triggered, a lot?
/r/MensRights30/07/20 11:31 PM
6

Right here. Don't get married to the house and unduly burden yourself. It's a new life for all now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/20 06:28 AM
6

Right fn there! Summed it up... "its working"
/r/MensRights29/07/20 09:08 PM
5

Anyone can ask for anything. Whether you're legally obligated is for an attorney to give you advice. This sounds like not so much a matter of family court as it is for contract of renters dispute
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 07:04 PM
1

Work on making you the better person. Wanting revenge, wanting the children to pick you over her is all normal. Anyone who says other is lying. Young boys hardly listen to advice. However, planting the seeds now means they have something to point to when their relationships inevitably soar. Its a hard one... but maybe and I will be trying to show through my actions rather than through words.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:44 PM
6

Bingo! Its really all biological. I make peace internally relating to what she did to me and the kids as she came down with a common disorder women face and i was just unlucky. I have mourned the death of my wife. What inhabits her body now is not her at all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:31 PM
5

All the facts a man needs to know right here. Its really not worth it to try.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:29 PM
9

Men have mid life crisises (we all know) Women have it too (not excusing her behavior) but good girls right around 31-38 change and the little itch in the back of their head that they suppressed comes out in full force. They do change and they are not the person you knew. This "change" happens in the majority of women. Women think emotionally and will always think and reason emotionally. If their emotions say that happiness is with Chad and Tyrone then off they go. Logic, reason, history of good…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:28 PM
7

Brothers, OP we men have been shafted. We've been taught and led to believe the relationship rules of our parents in the 50s and 60s. The rules have change and no one bothered to tell us. We are shafted, screwed, boned, abused and taken advantage of not because we failed to follow the rules... no, its because we failed to recognise and learn the new rules of relationships... modern relationships. Raise your boys, your friends sons, and any young man you can find to teach them how it really is...…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/20 10:50 PM
4

While I wish i was at your point - I'm still stuck in the divorce process- my comment is to help you. Its normal to feel the way you do right now But if after another 6 months you're still feeling the same, promise yourself too; Exercise until it makes you puke. Scream or cry or both into your pillow or car when you're alone. Swear to yourself that if, if you find someone else later that you wont ever let it get this far again... that means you have to be healthy enough both physically and menta…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/20 09:42 PM
6

Please don't nail a penis- that hurts
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/20 11:53 PM
2

No, stop with the logic! /s
/r/MensRights23/07/20 03:29 AM
1

Don't feed the troll!
/r/MensRights23/07/20 03:25 AM
5

Always seek a lawyers full answer yo your question above But Usually, all states vary to some degree but courts will factor support, alimony, etc usually using an algorithm. Usually. So, will you be paying her more than you make. No... but if you lose your job make sure to let court know so they don't continue to demand support from you. TL;DR only a lawyer can truly tell you what you need to know
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 11:17 PM
3

I paid for my stbx to take a 3 day weekend in the hills to clear her head and make a decision me or him. I dropped her off and knew she didn't know the destination to tell AP where. I later got into her phone and they sent nudes the whole weekend. I played dumb and filed a day after Christmas got the papers to give her on new years day and thr look on her face was priceless- I should have videotaped it... she thought I didn't have the courage... Well I did and I do. I am happy to say that I've p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 09:56 PM
3

With ya man. I so want to go back to ignorance but my eyes won't be closed now. I see the double standard, the underhanded tactics, narcs, lies and cheating everywhere I go. Sadly this includes my own mother and other female family friends. The double edge sword of mgtow and redz pill is they don't tell you the pain you feel after swallowing the pill... the pain of truth it scares me how prolific the lies we were told as boys and men... But I can see their grasp weakening. Its subtle, but it is …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 09:49 PM
4

Urine for a treat when you hear what they have planned next.
/r/MensRights20/07/20 10:45 PM
6

Mark my words! There will be more if not already, laws soon to force men to marry or pay up in one way or another.
/r/MensRights20/07/20 09:58 PM
5

Some people are still stuck wishing to have the life they once did. The fantasy- of it is so alluring some never leave the phase of reminiscing. Some like to pain shop for all eternity.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 06:31 PM
5

Same here. Sex is just sex. My ex ruined me but also allowed me to stand up for myself against the unfair gender dynamics. I am truly and fully a brand new man.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 06:26 PM
6

All, and im sorry to say- even my mother.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 06:23 PM
2

I'm so sorry. I spent the last 9 years paying off my stbx debt, student loans and just 6 months after they are all paid off i find out she was cheating on my for the last 3 years. Everything went downhill from there.... youre not alone. Im 10 months out from dday and I only just now have a few days go by where it doesn't hurt too bad.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/20 12:52 AM
2

Right!? The first 3 months I felt like I was living outside my body and was watching myself drudge through it. Then I started to become me again, still in a lot of pain and dealing with anger... but my days are mostly mine to enjoy when I'm not thinking about it
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/20 12:20 AM
2

Your not alone- mine pretends to have a good time with kids. But I know what she said in counseling pre divorce decision... the kids burdened her and she hated it when they wanted hugs all the time. When a women changes or lets out her cheating ways, they truly die inside and are totally different people... never forget that. Your old wife/ex is long dead. Mourn that, not the disease that she is now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 11:06 PM
2

Yep... guranteed
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 11:04 PM
2

With you on that my man. I just need more time to get over the pain first.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 11:01 PM
2

I can be downvoted but my hope is my comments reached at least one person. I feel it did. I hope you become wiser and eventually have a fuller understanding of how the world works.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 10:34 PM
-6

Its funny I see the same exact response as yours when a women comes over to a man's redpill forum and a man jumps on touting as tho the newcomer has no clue as to what they are talking about. Its so eerie similar how little the each side knows or acknowledges from the other side. So divided. insert movement name has achieved what they so desired to happen.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 10:30 PM
-11

You're missing the point- the damage is done- caused by both sides... and i think my response was fully in line with OP blanket statements about men... its just NOT convenient for your narrative. If i can honestly step back from it all and look at it objectively. We have two genders each with what they believe is most important to them not fully understanding the other side and both are picking sides. When in reality- each should be working together to bring their strengths to the others no-so-s…
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 07:36 PM
-12

I'm hoping to give her perspective and know that its not all as she sees and thinks. Perhaps she can appreciate her boyfriend more and observe his action to judge if he's like the good men in this world. Edit: you have no reason to believe me but I can assure you there are good men in this world who aren't cheaters, who don't objectify women. The problem though is we aren't alphas and we aren't always the top 10% of society so to a large degree those men are seen as trash scum. Those men try to …
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 07:10 PM
2

I thought i married my friend. Together for 17 years. She just up and decided she wasn't happy anymore. Found a band groupie who did drugs and lived a free style life and said it was her calling. Pffft.
/r/MensRights16/07/20 04:37 PM
0

Any books on the subject you'd recommend?
/r/MensRights16/07/20 04:36 PM
6

Oh im done and haven't even desired to be around women. From work, home and fun they all as i see it are 16 year olds in adult bodies. Emotionally stunted. Emotional thinkers who lack the ability to think rationally. No, im done and I see them for what they really are. Providers of sex in exchange for resources and security... thats how and what they are... we are just a transaction to them.
/r/MensRights16/07/20 04:59 AM
9

I wish i could have your optimism- but I just cant see it. Maybe one day as my healing continues forward. P.s. I've read constant stories of men swearing they're happy only to be surprised when their wife or girl was cheating the whole time...
/r/MensRights16/07/20 04:51 AM
2

First talk with your Miltarty counsel, maybe get some direction and learn how the military effects how divorce happens. Being in the military changes alot. Stop ALL communication with your wife, all! Do not leave the home, like do not move out for any reason. Find a lawyer quick, but shop one you feel comfortable with. Yes you'll have to pay a consultation fee sometimes and set up a retainer fee too. 3k or 4k is very common. Find a way to get the money. Study up on all family law in California. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 06:43 PM
15

Red pill Start your journey to a better you.
/r/MensRights15/07/20 06:26 PM
3

In many ways its guilty until proven guilty
/r/MensRights15/07/20 12:44 AM
3

No one wants to be the villain in their lifes stories. The level of rewriting history is shockingly void of rationale and facts every time. Not the betrayeds fault but we have to learn to be indifferent to them. I continue to struggle hard with that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/20 07:45 PM
8

You (we) didn't know better. We don't blame you here. But now you know what to look for. As soon as the Sht testing happens DROP em and never look back
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 11:41 PM
3

You're not alone. She's mooching off the house and will financially destroy me when she's finally gone. But I do want her gone. All the money in the world isn't enough for the peace of mind ill have when the cheaters is finally gone.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 02:19 AM
0

Yes, its funny that the good portions of both parties are looking for the same thing. Except both parties have bad elements to them that need purging.
/r/MensRights03/07/20 11:09 PM
1

There's degrees to MGTOW. Sadly some bad parts high jacked it to run off the fame. True MGTOW doesnt hate women, it just makes them not a man's priority. True MGTOW brings men and women back to equal terms, its striving for equality. Women have been placed on a pedestal and we've been taught they are flawless and need everything. It's turned them into ego maniacs, self centered et al. MGTOW peels back that way of thinking and seeing women as another human being and not better or not worse
/r/MensRights03/07/20 08:50 PM
2

Sadly when it does implode, they are going to look to us to fix it... so we are left with only two options Fix it Let it fail and reset the power dynamics
/r/MensRights03/07/20 08:45 PM
2

I agree, but I really believe that men are smarting up and many are just silent, waiting for the right conditions to join the cause... kinda sucky that its that way- but if all good men just stood up feminism wouldn't even be a thing.
/r/MensRights03/07/20 08:43 PM
8

That last part about men being tools is hurtfully accurate... like to the core.
/r/MensRights03/07/20 08:36 PM
3

God bless.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 06:15 PM
10

The healthier and happier one is with themselves, the less time they have for others. The vast majority of people alive are unhealthy and unhappy. They constantly seek the attention and energy from others to fill the void within. Biologically males were designed to only be around a select few others. We do not need others to make us happy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 06:14 PM
1

I've been around and seen too much... i agree. Once you understand women, they all say the same thing. It's like they all read a secret playbook at 16 on what to say.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 09:00 PM
1

My normal was 1996. The sun just seemed to shine brighter back then.
/r/MensRights01/07/20 03:39 PM
1

Not every man or women should reproduce. I dont advocate locking them up I do believe women should NOT have the right to vote until after menopause is finished. But on that same token, I dont think men should have the right to vote until after finishing a graduate degree and or serving in the forces for at least 4 years. As a society we should help the disabled as always and anyone that my above doesn't cover - or I get the inevitable "what about..." again we should help and support those types …
/r/MensRights01/07/20 03:37 PM
1

When she didn't get her way, she slapped or open palmer struck my arm or shoulder. I cant nor don't feel like sharing all the details ... in short she was and still is intellectually an adult but emotionally a 13 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/20 07:19 AM
1

But how?
/r/MensRights30/06/20 10:28 PM
3

Why can't we just form the Humanist movement and exclude ever FN arsehole we find? Why does it have to be defined by gender. Being nice, I know, is a universal shared thing. So too is arsiness
/r/MensRights30/06/20 10:08 PM
1

Same. See the problem with their logic is they are drawing ever closer to the reality of making enemies with the gender that is literally designed to be a better fighter, better wartime strategist by mf nature and they think they can win that fight? No. Because it's in our biology and life or death conflict will bring it out in us. What I'm more afraid of is, when or if we can't turn it off. We might end up swinging the pendelum back too far and end up oppressing a new generation of women who ha…
/r/MensRights30/06/20 04:38 PM
6

Right! Why change what's worked for nearly all of humanity. The Fnism is but a few seconds in the 24 hours of our existence as humans and its destroyed so much. A matriarchal society by its own right isn't the problem. Its that females run off emotions and don't use logic. A society doesn't survive off emotional decision making.
/r/MensRights29/06/20 07:27 PM
2

There's the translation we needed to hear. I couldn't translate the whamsplaining words
/r/MensRights27/06/20 10:40 PM
4

Right?! I just didn't understand why they are alwayd late. They know 10am is when we're leaving, they know how long it takes to get ready. Oh, I will smile everything I see my car clock and it says :59am and I'm in the car, shifting to drive. Oh the feels of freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 10:44 PM
11

I'm getting closer to the final judge sign off. The one thing I'm soooooo happy about, when I want to leave for a vacation, or event or trip I can leave on my time. Not hers, which was always late... oh the arguments, looking back it was a huge narc move and red flag on her part
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 10:38 PM
11

I dont know all the details of what happened. But the court never likes it when someone takes action prior to them. Its really dumb actually, the best way to behave is say nothing to her and just do it. No warning, nothing. The court, cps, and cops are set up to reward the machinations of a hands off person. Let them act on your behalf fully. The process is slower and feels like nothing is happening... but its a process that has to have patterns of behavior show up over and over, not a one time …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 06:04 PM
3

I want to be and stay in that mindset, after I heal. Im done with marriage for good. There is literally nothing positive in marriage for men. Nothing, everything a man wants he can get better outside marriage
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 04:07 PM
3

Its going to be a challange; there is no easy way out from the ties we inadvertently make when we marry. Most rationale men won't blame you for having to start over and live in lesser means. But we will Josh you for giving up. You're not allowed to give up. Be better for yourself and for us men who have less drive to aspire too. Im in Cali the other fd up state that where women can get away with absolutely everything
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 03:44 PM
7

A man, not all, has an amazing ability called logic and reason. However we severely lack, or in many cases are completely unable to pick up on emotional hints and most type of body language. When someone says I think we need a trial separation. The man doesn't hear, please give me more attention. He hears, well that's over- time to logically assess my life. Its the curse of Man v. Women., Women v. Men. We are downright horrible at communicating to each other. Even when we are good it doesn't las…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 09:30 PM
5

At 14 yeah. She's likely coming into age where she understands what her mom is and what she did. Your kids are older than mine and I only hope that one day my two daughters realise who their mother really is... liar, c#nt, wh@re. And that's saying it nicely. Right now, I have to be happy daddy and hide the fact that one their parents is a adulterous
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 03:55 AM
4

Right, women will lose jobs over "him" deciding to force a man into a role simply because of him being a man! Gawd men are so privileged /s.
/r/MensRights23/06/20 07:32 PM
10

Lawyer up. Treat her as the enemy Move on
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/20 10:35 PM
2

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:56 AM
2

I'm not on my focus. I let my emotions run me over. I feel better when I come back to this sub to share and receive good vibes from this community. We are all brothers and sisters here who share in the same plight.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:55 AM
2

Yeah, you're right. I come back here to this sub for this very reason. To hear from the group and get the encouragement I need.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:54 AM
3

That plan idea is good one. I'll make a poster of it so can see it when I wake each day. Also, im gonna do my best to prepare my son early for what real life is... it ain't disney happily ever after that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:53 AM
2

Thanks. As mentally fd as I am right now. Im in the best shape physically than I've been in the last 9 years. All my extra time, not with kids, goes to me now. No longer will I feed the narc my energy and life
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:52 AM
4

My youngest will be 18 when I'm 55. I'll never marry again... i got kids. No need for drama anymore
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:50 AM
3

Thanks. Im going plan a budget. PB&J for days until I stack enough $
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 04:49 AM
2

You do what you feel is right. Just remember you can have and awesome lawyer who's the best in the state, but if her attorney wants to make life hard, they will and youll be paying your awesome attorney for their time the whole way... possibly hers too. Family Law rules are set up to make money off conflict, NOT to actually resolve disputes fairly or in a timely manner
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 10:15 PM
7

Family law et al., depending on your state is very cookie cutter. Problem is, if your wife has her attorney whispering in here ear sweat promises of getting more $ if she only asks for x. Sadly, that is also cookie cutter too. If your attorney is responsive to you and doesn't treat you like another number you're gonna be OK. Sucks, but that's the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 08:33 PM
2

Yeah... im rationalizing it as my real wife died, and something else came back as a zombie swut
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 05:46 AM
4

I second this--- for your own sanity you have to push really hard to stop loving her. Holding on to what you logically know is the end will only hurt you, not her. Soon, eventually, whether for good or bad you will find that your feelings for her will go away... eventually, she the once wife becomes a memory... one that itches and hurts from time to time but becomes fully manageable. Take solace and pride that you were able to love someone so dearly. Never regret that part. Very few people can d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 05:43 PM
1

Almost feels like a troll post...
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 05:15 PM
1

Kudos 4 u then.
/r/MensRights10/06/20 05:13 AM
5

Nooo--- you will explode their heads with logic... careful
/r/MensRights10/06/20 04:49 AM
0

With ya brother... taking the red pill daily to keep my vitamin R at healthy levels
/r/MensRights10/06/20 04:04 AM
1

Lol, ... sigh
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 04:11 AM
3

Its similar because its the cowards playbook. Our exs were cowards and gluttons... have and eat their cake, you know.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 04:09 AM
1

Did you date my ex?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 04:07 AM
2

Great philosophical and legal analysis questions... usually, not always, there is an implied contract or real contract when vitro is involved, thus linking some ownership to the outcome of birth. Test tube baby's I don't have a clue, as I don't think ones been grown to full gestation outside a womb to my knowledge
/r/MensRights07/06/20 09:41 PM
3

I was broken by her. Utterly destroyed: financially, religiously, emotionally and physically. I stewed in my self pitty for about 3 months... now, Now that I've been broken, i can build myself back up in a healthy way. A way that will never again allow another to take so much from me. A way that I will never again focus on another person the way I did... i was blind, whipped and thought if you give more and more-then that's all one needs. Now, no way in hell will I ever be that way again... a wh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/20 05:13 AM
10

A good mediation will result in the feeling of...meh. Decide beforehand on the top 3 things/results you want and hold your ground on them, never cave. Also beforehand, decide on the 4-6 things you want but can lose. Those 4 to 6 are your bargainig chips to keep 1-3. Then when mediation happens demand of her/him the top 6 things you want right away and as things go on cave on 4-6, it makes her/him thinks they won. But really its your give ups, and you KNOW beforehand that your willing to give the…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/20 01:43 AM
11

You're fighting to keep above water. You're fighting against a very personal life expectation that isn't reality for you. Your emotional side is battling your logical side and as a result you are exhausted, depressed, dreading the continuous slaught of dealing with it. This battle resides in the back of your mind, and occasionally surfaces to the forefront of your mind. The battle has very real effects on your mind regardless. There is a beautiful catharsis in accepting you're at your lowest, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 07:23 PM
1

With internet, apps and social media its no surprise we essentially have a 1 way ticket to infidelity. Even before I joined reddit here... i wrote off marriage as a viable option anymore. Maybe I'm just negative and feeling hurt
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 03:39 PM
12

When or if you dig deeper you WILL find out there IS another man. You just don't know it... yet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/20 04:40 AM
3

Find a way to trust yourself to find trust in other. Teach yourself the signs that you need to look out for. Actions are always more truthful than words. Watch their actions
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 04:22 AM
3

Times have changed You're doing the smart thing Still be careful, you still can't be locked down depending on your state and if she gets the prego
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 04:19 AM
31

I was young and ignorant to whamins ways. When I first met her I had rose colored glasses of love. I willfully, ignorantly ignored the red flags that are oh so obvious now. Hindsight a B. As a teen she had a messy room, couldn't see the floor. Maxed credit cards by age 22, which I used my savings to pay off. When logic prevailed and we did have an argument she would slap or strike my arm or shoulder She always waited for me to initiate make ups after issues When bringing up the past she made me …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 05:35 PM
7

Mid life. Emotional thinkers. Hypergamy. They don't care, its always about them
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 04:20 PM
1

When a man realizes that whamen were always that way, just hiding it. It becomes alot easier to rationalize. They are chameleons and never think logically. DAMAGED goods, fight!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 08:32 PM
1

Like in everything a man faces; the constant struggle to fight, survive and try to thrive. Face this, like everything else we do- with conviction, pride, strength and the i can attitude. Its ok to recognize the unfair hypocrisy, its ok the vent to a brother- but don't let it define you as a man. Define yourself! That is a man's true strength, to break the mold of what is expected of him and YES travel upstream, face the wind, stand when others run. There is no greater thing than a man willpower,…
/r/MensRights12/05/20 05:57 PM
2

This^ they always do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/20 02:40 PM
3

I'm a paralegal in med mal and personal injury. But I still had to review and spend hours brushing up on family law. I hired an attorney as they can navigate the law much better than doing pro se. That said, most dissolution of marriage end up, eh... both sides win and lose. Alot of what people do online is embellish their story... usually people omit certain facts that would justify one way or another... That said, marriage as a license is one of the dumbest things anyone can do today... no bod…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/20 12:45 AM
2

Bam! Right there... it was the unintended consequences of the women's movement that caused this.
/r/MensRights10/05/20 07:40 PM
1

Make you're own movie. Life it up! Be the guy who wins in the end
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 06:35 PM
1

Me from 19-36 I thought my life was complete by getting a women i loved. Im now, at 37 only understanding that my life was never complete and I can only ever be happy with myself for myself... I have days ans sometimes whole weeks where I am excited for just me. Then come days sometimes only a few hours of the scar itching and pain coming back. Certainly I have way more days of good feelings than bad now. 10 months out
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 10:37 PM
3

Mine had three boyfriends at a time. A 7 year old and a 4 year couldnt possibly process that information like an adult... they are screwed up for life because of her inner deamons. Somewhere around mid 30s they W just change and if they don't control it- their lives are just destroyed. Some come to regret it, others pride doesn't let them and they just keep going diludding themselves. My children cry each time they have to leave my house to go to moms, all they have is her mother to take care of…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 10:35 PM
6

They are emotional, chaotic creatures - with little to no forethought of the future. The single biggest thing that has helped me cope with the anger is truly coming to terms with the fact that men and women are so fundamentally different in how they process thought, emotions and facts that its impossible for us to ever really relate on any long term level. Why be angry at the weather for brining you rain? Why be frustrated at a lion or tiger for killing and eating your dog- its their nature. The…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 10:31 PM
3

Same. We are confused because the natural order of things has been obliterated. Whamens inner desires are fully unrestrained and fully encouraged in what i believe a very long time, if ever. The level by which their inner desires are encouraged externally, i.e. sexual desires is unprecedented. We are living in strange times... a time in which relations for children is a hindrance by whamen, where self pleasure is all that matters, where it is socially acceptable and encouraged to cheat. Your ass…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 02:14 AM
3

Then you haven't hit your lowest yet. The pain will become unbearable to the point your motivated to get out of the rut or you end it all... don't do the later... I'd venture to say you need some tough love from yourself and others... man up! My prayers are out for you. Be the man you want to be, not wish to be.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 04:42 AM
8

Feel your pain brother... check out the red pill stuff. It'll help you to understand that she was broken up with you for a longer time then you think or she'd admit. Disney love is false. Hard work, being together in the ups and downs and trusting is the best we can ever hope for. Im teaching myself to truly accept, true love is a dream to never come true and to face reality.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 04:40 AM
3

Then you'll need professional help. As the answer is simple, you'll need medical or therapeutic assistance. For me I got the tools from the professional help and although I'm hurting bad right now, I know I will come out the other end...
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 04:37 AM
3

It might even be Nickle plated and not silver.. even cheaper.. but oh man whamen get dirty in divorce- absolute monsters
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 02:41 AM
1

Whats the "feels" 5 years out like? Is it a sad melancholy or gut stumping sad?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 01:55 AM
2

What's the national divorce rate? I'll save you the trouble, its 65%... marriages don't work with the current expectations
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/20 03:02 AM
2

Good theory and its been proven that as a women gets close to menopause their body screams to have a baby with a different father and not knowing how to deal with it, most women interpret it as to find a new partner. So why? Well, biological forced diversity. It benefits the species to have diverse DNA. So from a survival point of view, women sleeping around is not a bad thing... problem is, we don't approve of that as a society. ...yet, men are the ones blamed for sleeping around... huh?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 04:47 PM
3

Really, I didnt know he said that
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 02:52 AM
4

There, you and I 100 % agree on. Marriage and families are not worth it in today's settings
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 02:24 AM
1

Actually yes I can. Prior the women's movement and adoption of biased laws in the early to middle 1900s divorces favored men. THAT is unarguable. The pendulum swung too far in favor of women as a way to placate to the women's movement... what needed to happen was instead a meet in the middle. You see more men getting custody today, and alimony and child support today NOT because of the family laws changing but economics of the genders changing. MARK my words when whamen figure this out- you bet …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 01:33 AM
2

It's easy to say that- I dont disagree with you. But for now, we need to encourage men now. We need to educate and plant the seeds of change. Let's steal the playbook of those that won their unfair laws in the past. The pendulum must swing back
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 11:16 PM
1

Word
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 06:46 PM
3

Brother it's no coincidence that we see the same patterns. Some will call us sexist and over generalizing... but it's really just us voicing what we see as consistent. Stay strong, my prayers are with ALL who are hurt by infidelity
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 06:45 PM
5

You're not ready to accept the reality. Call back when your Disney land ticket expires
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 05:34 PM
2

Not my original idea, just voicing it to others I'm sorry you've never experienced giving someone unconditional love. I truly pity you. I could care less who or what you subscribe too. You're just not ready for truth is all. I take full responsibility for my part in the failed marriage yes. But cheating is never my fault nor is it ever the betrayed fault. As long as a whamen keeps control of her urges, just like men, they can be faithful. My point was that nothing encourages that control anymore…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 05:33 PM
3

99% of me understands this, the 1% won't let go of the hope. That 1% is getting much smaller day by day
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 05:04 PM
1

When some agree and others disagree, THAT is when you know you've touched the truth. A truth that is too hard for some to accept.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 05:01 PM
1

Love ya
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 04:35 PM
0

Your name = automatic arguement invalid Good day
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 04:09 PM
1

You go back further than ancient society it was the women grouping together with one man. He still had to love and cherish his women and children and be loyal. But leaders came and went... women had to bend, literally and figuratively to the new leader... Sorry you're arguement is invalid.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 04:06 PM
2

Listen to these words carefully... you WILL feel horrible and lost for hope for some time. That exact time spent feeling that way is different for everyone. BUT you WILL eventually feel normal again and you WILL be happy again. You must come to realize that breakups of marriages or relationships like yours by whatever means is trauma. The trauma is no less fair or easier than losing a leg in a car accident. Or going blind from an accident. Life hits some people harder than others. It sucks, but …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 05:38 AM
3

Not a flaw. As for your kids... while they won't likely ever see it from any other angle than their own interpretation of things- your kids inadvertently suffered / are suffering from a similar trauma. That being of their biological parents seperation. Now, will your kids be forever changed from this experience- yes. Will it ruin their lives forever, unlikely. If it makes them spiral out of control then you as a parent have an obligation to get them help, but know- and this isnt really any comfo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 09:29 PM
8

Maybe a little more of a gentle answer is needed for you. You're a person who wants an answer to an almost infinitely variable problem. That said, there biological, sociological, and psychological "norms" that point to why cheaters cheat. As to whether or not they feel remorse or guilt or whatever, yes and no. They feel it sure, but is it the remorse, guilt and whatever you want them to feel as a form or means of retribution, the answer is very likely no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with y…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 07:54 PM
2

7 year iche is a real thing. Times, expectations and the fantasy expectations of whamen have changed and heavily influenced from the crud they see on TV Even a happy marriage just takes one bad fmale friend to implant a seed of infidelity in her. That said, menz have their issues too. But, marriage as a contract is NO longer worth it. LTR that's debatable.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 01:06 AM
1

Yes. But even then, pastors, community church leaders, close friends who I've seen do horrible sinful things... and I'm to believe they truly want redemption but then go back to being sinful 6 days out of 7. Rationally I know not all are truly irredeemable but my feeling and thoughts of hopelessness for humanity are currently outweighing my logic. Your input is greatly appreciated. I think I just need to hear from all sorts of people right now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:36 PM
1

Oh I've been red pilled, mgtow level 2 for me right now You're right, before dday I had no idea what hypergamy was. But I do now. I am rewriting the years of indoctrination of the disney lifestyle and the false lie that is women behavior. My concern right now is, I dont feel anyone, including men are capable of overcoming their baser urges... but I know that at least some can, it just doesnt feel that way. It's ok to look and have thoughts but never to act on them or let them control you. Maybe …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:32 PM
3

I tried for 2 months We did counseling but I found out she was still having affair during counseling She was checked out but didn't bother telling me I demanded of her a real answer if she wanted to reconcile. She said no. So I got an attorney and filed within three days
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:27 PM
2

While not necessarily lucky, you're kids are older, so the logistics are a bit easier. Mine are soo young and their whole childhood will be affected.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:04 AM
2

Yeah, I'm feeling that way too. But as someone pointed out to me in this thread... if I feel that way, someone else, somewhere has to feel the way I do and want to be a good person overall, especially when it comes to fidelity. I, we, you cant just be the only ones Edit: maybe love isnt real, but maybe I can find someone that sees a relation should be the way I do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 11:16 PM
1

Obviously I want to get over whatever it is I'm under. I'll take your sugg. Into consideration. To me, it feels that way, and it's the feeling I want to get over.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 10:52 PM
3

Thanks That's a really nice, real, way of looking at what I need to accept as my new reality.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 09:08 PM
1

She had affair and I found out by luck. She lied about it until I showed proof
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 08:12 PM
2

Thanks Your words and the responses I'm getting feel good and relieve some of the feelings I have
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 08:11 PM
1

I feel like now I cant say for sure. I feel that when you (i) know someone really get to know them, each has an irredeemable sin. A big bad kind of sin. Beyond the normal kind Edit: at least that's how it feels
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 08:10 PM
2

Thanks your words gave me relief I wasnt the only one thinking the same
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 08:05 PM
1

History is a funny thing. If you google hard enough you always get the answer you want. But in days old, you could only divorce in western civilization if it was constant adultery, among other things like abuse and other things. But know too, that marriage in old days was also less about love and more about convenience and expected.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 05:36 AM
4

I chose divorce. She chose the affair. I took back a little bit of my pride.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 05:33 AM
2

Think of it this way, you're doing the homework now so that hopefully you won't need later. But you'll be thankful later if you do need it. Oz. Of prevention is better than a pound of cure
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 08:20 PM
9

A relationship benefits men Marriage license does not Family laws does not Times are different it's the other s#x that is now manipulating the laws to their benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 09:01 PM
0

You may not see this reply. She wants to spoit 5050 now and then go back and take your 50% and take 5050 from that with a lawyer.. To Sum it up buddy: she is the enemy dont mistake that and you'll be better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 07:43 PM
11

Good for you My stbx hated it when I smoked cigarettes Her new man, smoked pot and cigs - huh, funny how that works...
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 07:39 PM
1

Yeah, maybe I'm just here for reassurance from the community. I'm fine with 5050 but 5 days away from both of us is petty
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 07:23 PM
3

To OP, time will help, only time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 11:15 PM
3

It is and sadly in most situations we have little to no control over their household... only ours. What I was recommended to do by another dad in similar situation. Spend the angry energy you have and study up on family laws in your state, become an amateur expert so that if her "partner" or she herself does something stupid you can file with the courts (evidence of course) and attempt to get primary custody or more. Also read up on parental alienation as it's taken very serious by the courts. I…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 04:44 PM
1

Feel ya. My stbxw will be introducing her band groupie lover to my kids once the divorce is finalized. I have 2 girls and boy all below 9 yrs. This guy has tats up the neck, never married, doesnt have kids and I'm to believe that this healthy or ok for my girls. If he lays one wrong hand on my girls, i guess its life for me, if you catch my drift.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 04:28 PM
3

I can tell you from experience and being on here for a while.. it eventually goes away, and it doesnt make sense now or you might be thinking it won't for you, but it does. The pain of loss, like losing a loved one to death, comes over you from time to time after. Unexplainable moments where you tear up for almost no reason does happen. But you will have days if not weeks in between those
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 03:10 PM
2

Some answers for you that makes sense to me. I had the same questions and pondered it too. Kids change the women's hormones and thus effects brain chemistry. It's a cold paralysis I know, but sometimes truth is cold and hard. Just before menopause women's bodies change and make sure they strive to procreate. Think of it like an animal in heat. It's a big change and that too changes how they think. I also believe that women dont mentally mature as an adult (not talking about as a mom, as person s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/20 10:35 PM
3

Honestly, you should be dating until healed and that could another year from now, or more. There is a subtle difference between men narcs and women narcs; but largely the behavior and bad habits are very similar. The short version. Something that's helped me is; cheaters and cheating narcs, especially, are just incapable of empathy towards others. They make it seem they can be, but they truly are not able too. Also, cheaters are just a different breed of humans, sure their humans, but different …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:56 AM
2

I've been encouraged numerous times by other people who are farther along than you and me, that when the children grow up they see through each parents actions which is/was the better person. Mothers tend to be the child's focus through adolescents (not always) but as the child grows they look to the father for the harder more philosophical lessons in life and the relationship grows more there. Again, not always but more than not. Be there for your children/child and they will remember. I do rem…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/20 02:20 AM
3

I can't speak to mgtow a 100% but I can say that understanding women's nature, motivation, vulnerability, human-ish is important to not fall for cheaters and liars again, at least for me. Being a man, it interests me to inform myself. But to hate on women simply to hate is childish and ignorant. Same goes for women, to simply hate on men is childish and ignorant.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/20 02:09 AM
5

Not sure what you imply by the subs been negative lately but... when two partners seperate/divorce what have you... it's very common for one or both to rewrite the marriage/relationships history. In fact, its textbook behavior for the cheater. It's how they psychologically protect their ego and make believe their actions were justified. Turning their once loved partner into an enemy is a whole lot easier than seeing them as a good person and leaving a good person. Think of it as a form of mental…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 10:52 PM
3

Prays out for you brother. Truly, each night I pray for peace from those ravaged by infidelity
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 10:19 PM
4

Not alone brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 07:50 PM
1

20/20 right I saw the signs too, but in the beginning i believed she was still on my team. Little did i know, she was being a double agent for 3 years. Takes a special kind of sick to lie for 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 03:17 PM
3

20/20 right I saw the signs too, but in the beginning i believed she was still on my team. Little did i know, she was being a double agent for 3 years. Takes a special kind of sick to lie for 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 03:17 PM
2

Probably But try to see if a lawyer will look over your paperwork if your doing pro se that is
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 06:10 PM
7

She put on the petition and you agreed in meditation not to introduce romantic partners ? Or She has filed a petition asking you not to introduce romantic partners? Edit: based on what I think I'm reading, this requirement is not enforceable unless you agree to some prerequisites in mediation. A judge would not entertain this idea from her. Example: each spouse must notify the other 30 days prior, in writing, before that spouse is allowed to introduce a romantic partner of theirs to the children…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 03:57 PM
2

If you had the mental health issues during marriage and she never had an issue then... then any judge worth their salt would throw out the motion. Unless she can prove your mental state is worse or actually danger to children now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 05:01 AM
3

It will help yes. But not if you're further along in the healing. My advice; therapy, internet reading, videos on your questions, and good old friends... you'll get to a point in therapy that you'll feel like it's not benefiting anymore and that's ok... you're strong enough then. You might be strong enough in the begining. But it really helped me to just talk it all and listen to myself speak and hear my own words
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 06:40 AM
5

An acceptable mediation = both parties going away saying "meh, I guess I got what I wanted"... both. If the new proposal makes you feel indifferent then take it. Otherwise trial
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 06:47 PM
9

This
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 06:14 AM
2

Yes it is and tantrum. The courts are designed to allow one spouse to exteeeend out the divorce as they see fit, and rack up $$$$. Yep, sucks donkey balls
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 04:10 AM
3

Ooof
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 07:23 AM
1

Agreed. People who are capable of hurting another like that were never good people. They just hid it really well until they couldnt. It sucks, we because we WERE lied to. Losing someone over cheating is a dirty jagged pain. I'd rather my ex have died and I mourn her death, it would have been much easier. But it didn't happen that way. I just accept it, and live the rest of my life dealing with it. It does get easier, but dont kid yourself, the memory and pain will always be there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 07:21 AM
9

I second this, a hundred years from now, historians and those analyze society will footnote that the last 100 years was filled with entitled, hypergamic, self centered women. More so, society allowed women to open up to the baser instincts without the repercussions that society had before. Its would be as if society allowed men to do the same, but we've kept that in check for many hundreds of years. Now, it's all ruined. Women are not women anymore, it's just hedonism run rampant. My father, mys…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 06:06 AM
2

It's like shopping for anything, reviews online and your gut. You want someone who keeps you updated, treats you not like another number, and isn't shady
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 03:30 PM
2

Then the best advice is suck it up. Feel pessimistic after. This is war, condition yourself. I wish I was told how war like it was when I was going through it. Keep venting here, or with friends or therapist. We are all in a similar boat. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 03:21 PM
2

You have to fight to get 50 50 especially if your dad. Fight and brush up on laws in ur state. Attorneys help you navigate the system, they dont decide what's right for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 07:18 AM
1

It is unfair but that is the way the rules were set up. It would require a complete overhaul.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 07:24 PM
1

This really depends on your state. A lawyer is best to answer it all but... Communal property sorry. You're gonna pay out the nose. You've probably been served papers, so gotta freeze all actions except for maintenance. But here's my advice, agree to sell before the actual divorce... not to punish her or get her out but for the married tax right off... use that as the primary reasoning. Unless she agrees to nothing in mediation, unlikely if your the primary bread winner. Welcome to family law. H…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 06:03 AM
1

Simply the word daddy makes me cringe inside. Yep, she called him daddy in a sexual connotation of course. But for the longest time I had to fight myself from blowing up whenever my kids called me daddy. Not their fault. But the mind f*ckery is very real to those betrayed. Took me about 4 sessions of counseling to get over just that one issue alone. It will forever change you. We are told to not fight it and accept things the way they are... but 99% of us will fight it one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 03:48 PM
2

Let me tell you this, in the early stages of me finding out about her cheating. I had little to no proof. I found that the more truth I got and the more details I got never helped me. And I regret seeing the pictures and video and hearing from her what they did. Not knowing is just as bad I'm sure, but imagine knowing for sure and it haunting you. The images and words, the words haunt me to this day even. It just all around sucks... just sucks bad no way to get around it but through it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 06:22 AM
1

Good luck. Your not the first and sadly not the last. Prepare, its gonna get ugly and keep your cool. Yeah, women in ALL cases decide and act on anything through emotion only. Even when they are thinking logically they have to be in the mindset emotionally. Lol, venting a little. I was taught it was me who was crazy by her, boy was she wrong. I now know it was her pushing my buttons on purpose. Praying for you man
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 04:33 AM
7

There are degrees to it. Most see MGTOW as women hating men. But it's really more than that. True MGTOW is about self actualization, not requiring a women to make himself happy but perhaps have one to compliment his already happy life. The bad side of mgtow are those men who are filled with so much hurt and anger that they hate women for their ways. MGTOW adopts the truth about how women see relationships as conditional and are incapable of concepts such as loyalty or unconditional love to anyon…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 03:03 AM
1

Thanks, I have been to counseling for myself. I've gotten to a point in therapy that both the counselor and I feel i just need to experience the remaining grief and that I'm strong enough to tackle it as it comes. Even as I think about it now, there may be a little part of me that doesn't want to let that old identity go. I've become comfortable grieving the past. Not even sure what the last 10% is. I suppose its different for everyone. Guess there's no rushing and I'll continue to explore it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 02:52 AM
2

Fair enough
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 01:52 AM
2

What about relationships where it's never meant for longterm? As long as the other partner knows?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 01:04 AM
2

Yeah, I fight constantly to keep myself reminded to stay true to my convictions and never use what happened to me as an excuse to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 01:02 AM
2

She thought the judge cared about her sad made up story about how I was the most emotionless husband and forgot her bday and anneversry. Judge reminded her it's a no fault state and told her to wrap it up unless she had hard evidence I was a bad father... she got a lawyer the next day, had to reschedule alot.. ended up 5050, could have been worse. It was funny to watch her get put in her place. Her face was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/20 09:07 PM
2

Muuuuuuuch worse with kids. Wahmen use them as tools to bilk us.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/20 08:58 PM
7

When I got to spend time with my kids and no ex around to criticize me. I had that moment where it all made sense- she, over time, made my hate myself, feel inadequate playing with the kids, and generally have a good time, that I could parent them without having her nag or criticize me for how I handled it. It was like an instant weight lifted off me. And from then on I enjoyed being around my kids and they enjoyed being around me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 11:34 PM
1

Not a suggestion, but yeah it sounds like her age... was she this way before the divorce or if you talked with her alot before. Teens get really weird
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 09:51 PM
4

What's even worse is your letting her get to you. She's still in control of your well being. Not saying dont vent, vent. Get her out of your mind for your own sanity God bless
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 07:52 AM
2

Fully agree. Once the D word gets out never look back just go ahead with it. They turn into monsters and this is just the "watch this hand" while the magic is being done somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 12:50 AM
1

Honestly your a better man. I'd grab the closest object and beat both. Lol When I was younger I never could understand why someone would take a wifes life, someone they loved. Then I got cheated on, yeah now I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/20 04:34 AM
2

Yeah, so far it hasn't happened. Her AP broke it off with her as soon as we divorced. My ex was devastated: gained 20 lbs. Still hasn't asked to come back... secretly I want her to so I can blow her off like the trash she is... so far she hasn't given me that dream. A man can dream tho cant he?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/20 04:31 AM
3

Last bit of advice. Divorce changes people. Once you decide to divorce, she is the enemy. Dont confide in her, dont talk (except about kids). Get a lawyer damb straight away, even if it's just for one time advice. There is a high chance she will claim DV or sexual abuse once she sees the divorce is coming. Start keeping a journal about everything. About her affair, her shortcomings, your time with the kids, document your budget and just about everything. Itll be hardwork that you'll be thankful …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 11:44 PM
3

Mine were young when I told them, so it really didn't register with them until they witnessed the actual divorce. Your kids are old enough to at least comprehend the bigger picture of what it means. The finality of divorce I mean. Advice that I've seen for and from older kids. Dont ever give them hope it can work out. If one or both parents are committed to divorce, then keep it that way. It forces both or one parent to really decide is it really over. So before you tell them anything. Say mommy…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 11:07 PM
2

I understand the op frustration, it's not fair but It's not indentured servitude either. That would be the equivalent of saying my taxes are spent on abortions, sex changes for prisoners, and illegal immigrants is paying for another person's benefit with little or no return to me. That said, I agree that the laws are outdated and need a complete overhaul to deincentivise the ease by which the lesser earner can fleece the greater earner. Honestly it's a hot mess and there is no easy fix. One thin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 09:23 PM
0

Another point- traditionally women are the gate keepers to prodginy. Meaning they control who gets to pass on their DNA and who doesnt. Men are gate keepers of security and resources and the ability for said prodginy to survive. Both women and men want kids and want them to survive. For centuries we had a working system that took both sexes roles into account. Today those roles are blurring, men aren't needed so much for resources and security anymore. Therefore the incentive for a women to stay…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 04:08 PM
0

The custom and more importantly the law dates back to the time when dowries were a thing. The dowry was brought to the husband by the bride's family as a means to sweeten the deal for the man to take care of the wife. Women were largely seen as property for many a century. Only in the last century have women become more equal to men. IMHO there was a reason women were put under such controls, but I'll leave that for you to decide. Their hypergamy was put in check by the rules and customs of soci…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 03:56 PM
3

Agreed, therapy helps. For me it wasn't so much what the therapist says- it's more that I get to say my thoughts out loud to another human being that make them more real than just thinking them inside my head. That's a kind of therapy a friend can give you too. Something magical happens when you say it out loud to someone listening. Your mind gets to processes it totally differently. Also for me, it forced me to see where I was right and also and maybe more importantly where I was wrong. When th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 03:38 PM
3

Not much more to say that others haven't already. It's normal, your mind, habits and bonding are still connected to her. Biologically we have to bond with our sex partner and be proud that this proof you did, so the feelings you have weren't false. It will take time to recondition yourself to not have that partner. Logically you know it's over, but emotionally your mind and body haven't caught up to that... that's totally normal. This may also help, cheaters and those who never bonded with their…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 02:51 PM
1

Yes, for some , me even, that it was hard to seperate the wife I had before with the beast that was there in front of me. The sooner you can seperate the concept of spouse turns enemy, the better you'll be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 02:27 AM
1

Unless you have a disability, real one. Yes you should get a job anyways for your own sanity. Men need a purpose in life. Try counseling for yourself If your marriage is salvageable, then counseling for you and her. If your marriage is not salvageable, see an attorney to know your options. Then dig down deep and decide what it is you really want. Asking what you asked in OP sounds very subjective, it's really only something you can answer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 01:08 AM
1

You have some underhanded options. But see lawyer first. You lose job, file to reduce spousal support. Force her to work, then get job later after she's comfortable working. She would have to file motion again to see if your working again. Good luck. Come back to vent anytime. It's an unfair system.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 11:31 PM
1

Another big tip, that others have touched on. You HAVE to set your mind to battle mode ​ She is no longer a friend or ally- she is the enemy. Play smart, stay calm, think 10 steps ahead of her, otherwise she will get you right where she wants you. If she has already filed, then chances are you are going to play catch up and somehow will need to spin the narrative in your favor. ​ Also, Attorneys will help you navigate the waters of the legal system, but they WON'T do everything for you unless yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 11:08 PM
1

Not a lawyer- but if it goes to trial then yes. If you can work something out with her in mediation then that is up to you. Likely you will pay it. Now, if later she re marrys then you have to file a motion to reassess spousal support. If you lose your job, do the same so you can reduce your obligations. Lastly if she gets a good paying job, you can motion also to show courts she is fine... and no longer needs support, unlikely but possible. Best advice really become familiar with ca family laws…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 09:52 PM
9

First- get your money together to get lawyer. This is the only way you'll know what your real options are. Second - stay calm, cut off all contact with her except if it's about kids (no more relationship talk) Third - no alcohol or drugs at all. Trust us. Fourth - give yourself time to think. There is NO fast cure or answer to solve you problem You are right at the beginning of the craziest most painful thing that will likely happen to you. You won't see hope or an end for a while. But know it w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 07:38 PM
2

You can fight sure. Its gonna cost you in fees. Ask yourself how long to keep wanting to deal with this demon? Losing nearly half of your assets might be better for you mentally and physically in the long run. Only you can decide. Its reall true what some say, the anger and hate and animosity you feel is only draining you. For women it's like ambrosia to see their ex suffer. Do you really want her to smirk at you knowing she's getting under your skin. The big secret to healing mentally from this…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 05:15 AM
1

It depends on your state but yeah she's gonna get a big chunk of the marital assets. Is it fair, no. Be thankful your state doesnt have alimony for life after 10 years of marriage. Learn to accept the following and make the best of your life after it. Til death do us part, was only words to her- barely registers with women. Marriage is never guaranteed to last, despite how one party feels. This is the biggest lie we've been fed growing up. Your life will go on, it will take a year or more most l…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 05:09 AM
1

It almost makes me feel sorry their slaves to their emotions and so needy for attention that they break apart families to get their fix... ....almost feel sorry- but I really dont.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 02:22 AM
6

Not giving you some half baked Token Sorry- but instead I am utterly feeling for you Bro, seriously. Its not right she did that. A warning to ALL MEN ready for or thinking about Divorce-- -FILE FIRST. KEEP YOUR CALM. JOURNAL OR RECORD EVERYTHING. Just because you don't think "she" will go crazy on you is not a good enough excuse to not prepare for battle. Make no mistake its battle from the moment you think about divorce or its mentioned. They WILL pull out all the stops if necessary. Prepare fo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 06:44 AM
4

Yeah imagine being 36 and having to move in with your parents so I can afford a place while I work to make back the money I've lost. Imagine being 36 and starting off financially and employment from square one... big ego hit. But I won't fall apart- cuz then she would win, ain't gonna let that happen
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 04:52 AM
3

Yep, the moment I realized my divorce was going to be a crazy fight was when she said to me. "Don't worry i'll allow you to see the kids" - she made that comment acting like it was all in her power to decide if I do or don't. yeah... no... Then she started to record me with video camera as we spoke and I stayed cool, calm and collected the whole time. I was also recording her as well, but with a camera I installed in the house. The whole time she is conducting parental alienation on my kids, esp…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 01:58 AM
2

Separation can mean many things for many different people. Separation could = never speak to one another (in the same house) unless its about the child. Separation could = see other people Separation could = find a family member who could watch the child when your not available and have your wife leave for a while. Just tell her to go to a friends house or another family members house. ​ Drastic situations require drastic measures. All in all she needs a wake up call from what I see.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 01:47 AM
1

good. stay calm, collected and think clearly. Courts will rip men a new one if we "try" to hard. Stay strong brother- know that you aren't the only one going through it, however, sadly you will have to do it alone day to day. come back here routinely and find a good friend to talk with to help hold the "load" for a while for you to rest.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 01:23 AM
6

Just from what you wrote, not knowing anything else. Your wife is unhappy and wants out. She just doesn't have the mindset to tell you. Give counseling a break, give her a break. Tell her you want to be separated for a while (2-3 months) to give each other space to think. Don't explain what separation means, just allow it to happen. She will then give you an answer; if she returns to you and wants to be better that is also an answer. If things fall back to the same routine as before, file for di…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 12:40 AM
1

My counselor and friends and even people i've met online say to be the best dad you can be and the children will learn (in time) who was the parent at fault. So urging you to do the same. People who have weak character don't easily change and its likely she won't either. One of the hardest things I have done (to be honest still am learning how), is to emotionally let go of the ex - each "level" of letting go you achieve allows you greater freedom to yourself and moving on. Will all of the baggag…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 12:28 AM
7

One of the harshest realities that I was forced to face was... til death do us part is not guaranteed simply because both swear it. In many cases, the spouse who was most insecure about the other cheating is usually the one who ends up cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 10:24 PM
3

This right here. You can analyze it all you want, but one or both change and one decides to cheat but doesnt end the relationship for any number of reasons. Fear Kids Money Sadly we are less in control of our bodies and mind than one would like to believe. I've found in many cases the cheater justifies their actions through rewriting the relationship history as a means to protect their psyche from the horrible mistake they made.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 10:21 PM
4

Not sure how long you are into the separation or divorce but I've learned to accept alot of what happened... as human nature, etc. (See others posts) the only thing left that I feel bitter about is that I was forced to face reality in such a way that I wasn't ready for it. Reality = it's really never til death do you part. Reality = a promise is never a guarantee things will work Reality = I, like many people, were fed the Disney fantasy scenario of marriage and it just isn't the case. That's wh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 08:49 PM
2

Yes, and to be fair cheating men do the re-write of history thing too. Women just do it more often as a means to protect their identity and justify their actions. Brother believe me, my marriage wasn't bad... sure we had our ups and downs. But once she was caught cheating ALL of a sudden I was horrible husband, never loved her enough, never gave her attention enough, that i was lazy and never helped enough with the kids. My brain was like- ok- not sure what world your living in right now. And th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 01:36 AM
2

Take what you know now and apply the lesson you learned to her. Dont give away your whole heart ever again, as it breeds codependency. I dont mean to treat her as lesser of a partner, but to adapt how you treat her to fit the new you. I learned this the hard way, I lived a way that if my wife was happy, then I was happy... when she wasn't happy neither was I. I didn't realize how wrong this is. I have to be happy with me first. Also for any new relationships just know, that one day she can chang…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 01:29 AM
4

Well perhaps, and I know you're just trolling - but she's all of a sudden super liberal, wants tattoos, got one just recently and hates just about every tradition we used to hold dear. If she was this way the whole time, she's had plenty of time to tell me and the open opportunity too. If she suppressed herself to please me she has done me and herself an injustice lying too me for 10+ years. It shows her flawed character and makes me wonder what the hell.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 10:45 PM
2

Similar story about my career, I chose the work to make money to support her college debts, my college debts and a family. Her career took off for her finally around 32 years old. I was staying at my job, high stress level, for years to fund her spending habits and our kids. I get to finally reinvent myself. I always wanted to get into Law and I'm taking classes and just this week offering my resume for volunteer/ experience work as a paralegal. Going from 100k to maybe over 45k a year. But now …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 08:21 PM
1

Agreed, especially on the last part. It just shows cowardice and no empathy for the others feelings. But that's just me trying to explain what's in a cheaters head- when I clearly will never fully understand.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 04:38 AM
1

Thank you. Already so many better explanations from others that put it more succinct. Mine from 35 to 36 did the whole rewrite of our marriage thing. I was like, what world were you living in the last 10 years?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 04:36 AM
0

Thanks, and yes. In case it wasn't obvious in my OP, not all women act on desires and some feel so happy that the small uptick in "desire" is inconsequential that they may just superimpose that desire onto their husband or not at all. Its complicated and unless I write a huge paper covering all my basis it won't get out correctly. Doing this reddit thing is also part of the process for me to make sense BTW. ​ Stay strong all.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 03:38 AM
2

Irrespective of my theory- let's take yours. Exceptions always exist, just like anywhere with anything. A person can have an urge to screw another person but not act on it. Which would be from the outside as though they are being 100% faithful. Let's be reasonable, no one is without temptation. I'm talking about the urge, a biological, chemical urge, that promotes a women's libido and desire for more affection from men. If they act on that's on them, my theory is about the urge not the action th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 03:21 AM
2

This- another way to put it. It's like an urge that pushes them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 03:13 AM
2

I knew I'd get one like you. One who didn't read the whole thing or stopped at one point to post their comment. Not all cheat, but they do have the desire (my theory). Anyways, thanks for your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 02:10 AM
2

She changed, lost her passion for you, and this is women's way of dealing with it. She is gas-lighting you. Women have to emotionally set themselves up to justify what they have already left inside (you). They need you to get mad at her and yell and criticize back, making you feel like the bad guy. They also need to re-write history of the marriage to justify their actions as well. Remember women NEVER think rationally or logically, only emotionally.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 02:08 AM
3

Oh I am, I just filed last week. The only pain I have left is the fact my kids will have to be shuttled back and forth between us. I will fight for 50/50. I vowed to myself to bring up my three kids to be better than she was.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 01:55 AM
2

didn't know at the time, but we still had sex while she was cheating. Maybe... not sure.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 01:43 AM
2

Offering some experience. You might be able to get to a stable point with her, but take it from me you will, NEVER, be able to trust her or give her all your heart the way you did. Only you can decide if that is worth it. You will always wonder, is she doing it again... it will consume you... it never goes away. Go for peace of mind is my recommendation. I was miserable for months until i decided to divorce ....and when people say its better after divorce, it is! The kids will survive as long as…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 01:21 AM
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