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techrmd3 Archive

View 12 posts and 1,099 comments by techrmd3 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

eh, probably was a long shot that at a temp orders hearing you would have time to present all witnesses Also I question your lawyer saying that your mom and dad would provide unimpeachable testimony I think you should probably take your negotiation in the courthouse rather than do a full hour hearing before a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:00 AM
1

a youtuber I follow who is a psychologist says he has seen men with all kinds of disreputable people. What makes these men forget logic and forget sane analysis is the sex is stupendous with certain types. If you think about it... a man wants dream like fantasy sex... but a man never really considers where his freak in the sheets got all those skillz a wiser man with more experience and more notches knows that sometimes crazy is not worth the bedroom fun. But as a young man... it is hard to get …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:26 AM
1

the lawyer is lying (fun fact lawyers lie if it furthers their clients case, some would even say it's an occupational requirement) If wifey has money or makes money to get the house out of foreclosure then I see no reason you need to sign anything. and it does not matter if this is a gender flip and you are woman asking as a man... curiously in a divorce_men forum... whoever has money in the marriage will likely fund the home to keep it afloat while divorce is ongoing. you both will need to sign…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:41 PM
1

waste of time, ask your lawyer for their take but most likely it's a fishing expedition As in what the "mediator" and "wife" want is evidence that you CAN be employed but are actively choosing not to type result as evidence that can be used against man. As a litigant I would be pretty negative towards anyone doing any activity that the outcome could hurt my case. I have no idea why a mediator would say this. If they "mentioned" it sure whatever. But if they indicated that this would be a great i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:32 PM
4

Man don't feel bad this is just an excuse for today. She likely will re-evaluate her preferences later. I speak from experience had multiple guys who broke up with girlfriend who suddenly later decided dudes were A-OK again. Seen two divorces where this was the excuse... only for the woman to end up with a man later. I'm pretty convinced that all initial divorce reasons are BS
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:20 PM
4

funny but does not matter if you go for initial hearing and she does not know what is in your petition it will be an awkward hearing. It's all public record so when she hires an attorney they will pull it from the court records
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:07 PM
5

NONE! I would have had a regret if I had not had a tight time limit on spousal support. Had I continued to pay for "my poor under funded ex" while she became married to another man It would have been a mental and financial disaster. As it was support ended and "miraculously" ex got married a day after... such a coincidence I have friends that had their exes live with a man, and refer to themselves as "married" to friends meanwhile to ex - paying thousands... "no not married, not living" "oh he's…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:05 PM
2

all you are going to have at stake is all your assets, future of your kids, support for your kids... probably NOT the time to worry about "fees" worry about if you don't get representation to navigate this
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:52 PM
1

it appears that you just accepted your ex-wifes filing if so you pretty much are her female dog and should pay whatever she says. If you signed an agreement reading "defendant" then you have bigger problems than paying out of pocket
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:29 AM
1

meet with lawyer and they will have advice on what to ask for default is 50/50 of marital assets so just follow your lawyers advice meet with your lawyer TOMORROW not this "week" meet ASAP you usually have a narrow window in the initial legal maneuvers so get on it NOW do not wait take off work and get a meeting with lawyer get him on retainer
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:20 AM
1

depends what is in your decree for divorce if it says you pay what you have been paying... then yes you have to pay that. Most decrees simply say you provide health insurance. To most courts paying the top line policy meets that criteria. if there is something in there like you split health care costs 75/25 or 50/50 that is probably why you are getting asked about copays
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:18 AM
1

DO YOU HAVE A LAWYER and did he already file a COUNTER PETITION? since you are talking "can't afford rent" I would get answer is not. You are going to get hurt if you don't have a lawyer... no two ways about it
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:16 AM
3

you NEED an attorney... remember all that is on the line in divorce is your future income, kids lives and half or more of your assets... DO NOT DO THIS AS AMATEUR HOUR a lot of time women will blurt out they want a divorce to win a argument, without considering the consequences. saying "divorce" is a bell that can't be unrung, divorce is a matter of when not if just be prepared for "honey I made a mistake" and attempt at reconciliation so that she can have HER own attorney and file when it is mo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:11 AM
1

you NEED to figure out a way to live elsewhere while the divorce is in process you have a future ex wife's MOM living with you ... who do you think she will side with if there are any issues or altercations? Hmmm? You are living in a house with a 2 to 1 witness disadvantage, always leave. If you stay you have the very good possibility that "something" will happen and you end up in jail... which will affect the divorce. Always move
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:08 AM
3

I dismiss moms with kids still at home out of my potential dating pool. Unfair... nah I'm basically dating who my ex wife is. Why go there again. I'm sure the ex-dude was terrible never did XYZ but the fact is the woman is divorced probably for similar reasons that my ex cited... and then when she began to date... those reason suddenly were not that important to getting a new meal ticket. So yeah I dismiss single moms.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 11:47 PM
4

It's the eternal gamble of women. Do they gamble that a man (who is seemingly perfect) is going to go forward with commitment. OR do they interpret his resistance is due to his decision NOT to be in a committed relationship? I would suggest you watch the youtube channel for Orion Taraban for further information. One thing he does is explain to women how men think of dating and mating. In general a Man marries when everything is going GREAT. He has his life on track and has ample resources to tak…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:30 AM
11

er... so a man goes through the meat grinder of divorce (after his previous wife said I do and forever and ever, but then divorced him after a few years NOT actually loving him forever) THEN you expect this same man to believe that you are different type of woman? Here's a Tip... how about trying to be DIFFERENT from every other woman?... you know quit playing every romance like it's the 2 minute drill and we have to go fast fast fast because... well this woman is not getting any younger or othe…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:14 AM
6

Yes mine is having a Mid Life crisis But this is just the latest in a long series of crises. First it was "fear of being 'just a mom'", then it was "fear of getting a degree", then it was "fear of career and job", then it was "fear of getting old", then it was "fear of health", then it was "fear of losing fertility" so if you were to blame a divorce event on a crisis you are basically saying that women divorce because their default state is Crisis rather than stability I certainly think that my …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:31 AM
1

the best thing to do is talk with senior NCO or chaplain they usually know where you can go for help both on the legal process and the emotional/psychological side Being in the military while a divorce is ongoing is bad. But it happens so much that there are lots of resources and people to talk to about going about it the right way. So start with them and get a lawyer in the area where the divorce/court is going to be adjudicated.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:58 PM
3

via your LAWYER with an official service of filing for divorce There is no "think about" no "talk about" divorce there is ONLY filing we don't live in the 1950s anymore you don't have to "ask" anyone now
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:47 PM
12

well comparing yourself to your ex and her apparent "stable" relationship post divorce is not really fair to you. Here's the statistics - 83% of us divorced people will remarry within 3 years of divorce, upon re-marring 75% of THOSE re-marriages END in divorce average life of re-marry time? 7 years With these stats firmly in place you have to realize that it's likely that your ex jumped to the first pole she could get serious with and had she didn't think about the long term implications or she …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:46 PM
2

everything can be litigated or re-litigated until you have a final decree and even then a new suit can be filed to re-litigate the settlement what I'm getting at is... litigation and threat of litigation is it's own thing driven by it's own dynamics. Do not comport yourself like you are afraid of litigation, or reopening new litigation. It just is it's own thing. With that said being "reasonable" about your ex/stbx requests/demands can yield a better outcome than daring someone to sue you. In my…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:38 PM
9

I have hear a few and by a few I mean like maybe 1 in 10? Divorced women say something to the effect "If I knew he could look-act-be like that... I wouldn't have divorced him" I roll my eyes at this. Granted steel has to go through forging to gain strength and there is something to say for bad experiences bringing out the best in people. But I think I speak for the vast majority of men. There are WAYS to bring out the best in men... and Divorce has to be at the bottom of the barrel of those ways…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:20 PM
3

you may not think you have the "finances" to live separately but do you have the mental headspace to deal with her boinking another man in your marital bed? While you are there? I know this is hard but get one crystal clear fact into your head. That woman is a new person now, all that you have done for her is gone poof like magic. She does not care about you and suddenly realizes that she is alone in this cruel world and will seek company from other men to feel better. She will be advised by an …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:30 AM
1

pretty much right after she served me
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:22 AM
3

actually it is silly scary of the number of times I hear new re-married men say that they are buddies with the ex-husbands It's very common across the board no matter if the man divorced the woman or the woman divorced the man... the man cheated or the woman cheated New husbands seem to get along with ex-husbands Some might speculate as to the dynamic. (as in are the women marrying the same type of men?) But to my thinking with a friend getting re-married to another friend... I think the dynamic…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 11:35 PM
1

It is interesting in the US that there is always another dude around right? terrible but true
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 08:53 PM
5

nope, "abuse" never impacts divorce settlements you can invest all the emotions you want... it never changes dollars and cents
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:49 PM
2

don't date in ME, DON'T DATE IN ME and don't talk about fight club if you want to date this woman I suggest you go to another country to romance her Malaysia is always nice
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:46 PM
12

positives? one main one for me is not being responsible for a boat anchor wife's retirement Now in my plans for how retirement goes... I really only have to worry about myself. My financial affairs are better now that I don't have a spender spending money as fast as I make it. There are a lot of negatives for a man post divorce. Statistics show that divorced men have more mental issues, more substance abuse issues, more loneliness etc etc But frankly it IS ultimately a very good thing for men to…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:35 PM
1

I'm speculating given only what I know of bad lawyer behavior You did not actually get a final hearing from the Judge. What you got was theater that only looked like a hearing. (again I am speculating here you need an ATTORNEY you have hired to verify this ... and the Attorney that did the theater puppet show will likely NOT come clean on what happened) You said that you "settled" which is a COMPLETELY different thing that Judge rendered a judgement (at that hearing you had or whatever happened)…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 02:12 AM
1

what did I just say? you HAVE AN UNCLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR CASE... (read that again) You don't appear to have legal training... you will need an ATTORNEY to explain what your status is and your options are given that your current Attorney has not educated you on what the heck is going on... you need new Attorney to educate you I assume you have a large amount of equity in the house right? Well this is in the process of going up in smoke if you don't get engaged
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:56 AM
2

just press for a final hearing, I don't think you two ex-lovebirds will settle (oh I know the lawyers will try but don't let them divert you) just go to final hearing and have the Judge decide you will get the best deal from him
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:53 AM
1

as I said... you seem to have an unclear understanding of your case I would strongly recommend that you get new counsel... I would also recommend that you ask your new attorney about the mechanics of dismissal, and you refiling on HER asap Also start keeping very precise records of money you are paying in on the mortgage, I believe you have a decent claim for these funds back from the marital asset division. I also think that your new attorney should be prepared for hearings not negotiations. On…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:50 AM
2

you were not advised very well There is no "refi and pay you" your wife soon to be X has problems paying the mortgage NOW... what do you think her credit looks like? hmmm? well you need to probably get another attorney on this stat. It sounds to me you have a very unclear understanding of your case status and what that means in practical terms with the house. I have no idea why you are trying to "sell the house" while you have a purported final decree in with the Judge's clerks to get signed... …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:40 AM
2

since you are keeping house usually the person with possession of the house keeps all the unclaimed stuff Have her take her listed items with her and the rest stay with you... if she gets mouthy about it just tell her to take what she thinks is fair or whatever no reason to overthink this
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:35 AM
1

whoops I'm sorry there is no "agree before judge" either you have agreed and presented your final settled petition for divorce OR you had a hearing BEFORE the judge so which is it? It appears that you have settled already and you have agreed to a joint petition for divorce where wife refi but wait she does not pay the mortgage yeah good luck with that
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:33 AM
4

omg!!! you mean not selling the house during divorce came back to bite you! who would have thought it? sorry venting because I have been on this forum for a long time ALWAYS advising selling the house before final decree, no refi no change name no deed games SELL THE HOUSE You are in Texas my friend. You cannot sell the house without the missus signing on the dotted line if she is either on the mortgage or title. (simple as that) - FYI you ALSO have to sign an affidavit saying you are still MARR…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:30 AM
4

I have seen a lot. I have heard more. One thing that constantly surprises me is people who divorce/breakup with someone for X reason turn around and shack up with someone else with X still being an issue it might be lack of money, it might be public affection, it might be gifts whatever the reason it does not seem to be a factor when they get with someone else... maybe on a long enough timeline X is an issue but certainly not in the first few years for divorced people This is one reason I always…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:22 AM
1

the decree says you need to get health insurance once you no longer have employer insurance you are in violation of the decree (so [pay attention please] you are in effect in contempt of FAMILY COURT where your decree was signed off on) In a practical sense this is somewhat bad. In most decrees the boilerplate is "health insurance" which means that YES if you no longer have health insurance you should go on the health insurance gov site and buy "health insurance for your kids" you can get the ch…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:13 PM
1

well then this is a petition for modification not really a child support issue yes in your counter petition you can request lower child support... you won't get it but you can put it in the petition and see if that gets her attention (most likely her counsel will advise her to ignore it since you won't be getting a reduction)
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:07 PM
-1

no this is wrong in Texas... you should be familiar with the Law and nominal Judge discretion in these matters before commenting does not matter if it's 1 hour or 100 hours. the Law is very VERY clear
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:05 PM
2

In TEXAS you will not get any credit or debit for seeking to adjust your child support. If you made say 100k in year 1,2 and pay stubs showed that at time of hearing... THAT'S the number (no wiggle room no discretion) In TEXAS it is within the judges discretion to take into account a massive change in earning circumstance. But these cases are reserved for - disability, loss of business, bankruptcy or other massive changes in life circumstance This "might" be different depending on county in Texa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:02 PM
1

nope temp orders are just usually for the children and the least earning spouse and their collective welfare while the divorce proceedings are ongoing. Final decree is usually a more equal determination NOW with that said if you have temp orders that are overly generous for one party... why would they need to settle for less? This sets up a very difficult negotiation for final resolution. I wondered why my lawyer litigated the initial hearing (the one to determine temp orders) like it was a fina…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:54 PM
2

I think what you say and what I say are compatible
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:47 PM
5

final divorce separates liability for incurred bills get to final decree THEN you don't have to pay a thing she is all by her "onsie" then
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:46 PM
2

one does not "minimize" the impact to kids one does not "simply" walk into mordor
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:44 PM
3

yeah.. the other party should have really considered the potential of them "coming back" BEFORE divorce... it's a constant theme when I talk to women who divorced... they say "oh some day we may be together again" which is absurd to a male point of view but it's a recurring theme on the woman side
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:42 PM
3

brother we are all going through this... it is the same story from multiple men in my divorce groups
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:40 PM
9

I think the "she will regret it" fantasy is overrated Granted I am new at this it's been 4 or so years post final divorce, but regret at least overtly advertised is not evident, I think the feeling of regret only starts like 10 years after what you do see is at around year 3 a great divergence of the arc of their lives in income and living situations. It has been stated that women's standard of living goes down around 30% post divorce while the man's goes up. At year 3 you definitely see that. J…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:31 PM
1

more than one... sigh
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:23 PM
3

It's not just a narc issue it's a divorced spouse issue, some spouses are in the mode that all mistakes by others are amplified and their mistakes are just forgotten If you call them out on it you will get raged at for "picking on them". If you make mistakes you will be derided. The only winning move is not to play. Don't engage in the back and forth just try to do the best for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:15 AM
2

no and if you compel your kids SCHOOL TEACHER you may well have a hostile witness not bring the teacher into this... the Judge does not care
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 11:37 PM
1

ummm the forum is Divorced Men... I don't think these are the droids you are looking for why not have your sweetums post the ask?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:38 PM
-1

curious and curiouser well hope it all works out for you I'm sure that the post divorce trauma with it's coincident trauma bonding and distortion of romantic relationships is not something your superhuman self needs to worry about You are describing a human unicorn... that just happened to wander into your life RIGHT when you are first dating after a divorce... what ARE the chances? and in this dating of the human forensic Unicorn... you POST your maybe "subconscious"? concerns to an internet fo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:36 PM
0

sure she does... probably time for a background check I mean what are the odds that rando CSI person is dating... you? Large cities what have say 10 of those? right? and of the 10 how many are single? Again if it's too good to be true... probably is
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:51 PM
-3

listen to you gut man... listen to it - if it's too good to be true it probably is odd shifts either means - Entertainer or Nurse neither of which is a good prospect for a long term relationship The problem is that Womanly attention to Manly parts causes most men's cognitive ability to decline... it's normal but you are now OLDER and with a lot more on the line than when you were a teenager Don't start planning a life with someone who is Missus right now not Missus Right
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:20 PM
2

lol there is no "right" with teenage daughters... there is merely survival
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 03:00 PM
11

you will recover... be sure of that Find a Divorce support group in your area. There are usually many. Sometimes (as I did) in the first few days after being filed on you need to go every day to a support group. In large areas there are places that meet different days... just go to a few. Also take time off of work and get a Lawyer ASAP. You will need to get a lawyer to respond to your wife's (soon to be ex) petition. This MUST be done ASAP you need to get your response to the petition before th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 03:00 PM
1

just guy with legal training, not enrolled anywhere you would care about But this is not a legal issue. This is a Judge's discretion issue. Pro se is a very tricky area in law, by all rights a judge upon having one party representing pro se might decide against the pro se litigant at the first error in filing or courtroom procedure. As in one error and you are done thank you for playing! Some Judges are like that and mostly can't be appealed because the litigant went amateur hour in his court. M…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 11:03 PM
3

yes get a lawyer for goodness sakes there is a difference in separation and divorce if your state has laws governing it, in the US I don't think there is any state that has a "separation" part of their divorce laws. Legal separation is normally a UK British law thing in my experience - In the US you are either divorced or married no middle ground separation is a handshake type thing between two married people, not a legal situation. Not legal and not recommended. My advice is the same advice any…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:03 PM
1

filing for a divorce is a bell that can't be unrung... you are GOING to be divorced best get your head wrapped around that can you reconcile post divorce? sure people do it all the time, some re-marry their exspouses after a trip to Thailand of course... anyway you are divorcing. Unless your soon to be ex wife has come to you begging to reconsider... you are getting divorced. Seen this a million times one party suddenly does not want a divorce and the other party to the divorce says... nope let'…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:58 PM
3

nothing... you can do nothing many lawyers recommend practical solutions, as in your SHOULD take out half of money in all joint accounts prior to filing and many lawyers for women clients advise to drain every account they have access to so that the man has no funds to mount a successful defense of divorce petitions.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:55 PM
4

Do or do not divorce. Do not say you want a divorce. Do not hint. Only go to an attorney and FILE or shut the hell up! I have no idea why there is this theme with internet people that they need to "ask for a Divorce" This is not the 1940s... you can file for divorce at any time for any reason... don't talk DO
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:51 PM
3

it looks like you have resolved to divorce therefore you need to file for divorce ASAP, now that your wife has some information that you are considering divorce... it's just a matter of time to see who files first you need to get with lawyer finalize petition, file petition and get her served you also need to move ASAP, find another place to live likely do that before getting her served you say that she is cluster B, it is time for you to realize that there is little if anything you can do besid…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:46 PM
9

It's a common phrase amongst Clinical Psychologists... if you want to see a divorce happen all you have to do is for one of the spouses to start therapy it's an old story that is often replayed
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:30 PM
1

no you misunderstand the arrest for AGGRAVATED would have come AFTER the hospital reported injuries in line with attempted MURDER... as in the Hospital believed that the care they provided prevented the DEATH of the victim AGGRAVATED ASSAULT is so serious and so specific... when someone is arrested and the words "Aggravated Assault" are said... it does not come up in casual conversation ... it has a legal meaning and it has a practical "OMG someone almost killed someone!" connotation violence ru…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:28 PM
1

I'm responding like I am because you purport to relate a story that you have heard from a person about another person Most time this is a bit of a telephone game and the real truth is usually not contained in the 3 person removed story... plus this is the internet you mentioned AGGRAVATED ASSAULT or what I like to call it "A Trauma Hospital intervened in a Murder" - AGGRAVATED ASSAULT is not a casual charge and it is likely that this is not a situation where "both were drunk and lol he hit her" …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:35 AM
1

so a bit of order of operation here your "friend" "brother" "friend brother second cousin" needs a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY his first call should have been to an ATTORNEY not random friend/family in another freaking state Advise friend/brother/whoever that they need to help dude get a REAL REAL ATTORNEY Because AGGRAVATED ASSAULT is a felony everywhere including Jowsey and your "friend/bro/dude" needs CRIMINAL HELP NOW Also a good criminal attorney can get his client out on bail so that the sai…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:41 AM
1

DO NOT ask r / legal advice... this is very location dependent and your advice will be all over the map and none of it should be followed. Ask your lawyer if you want. Your lawyer will bill you and happily provide an answer that will be fairly obvious in most cases. If your soon to be ex is making many random statements and requests like this you can safely ignore these. If the STBXW REALLY wants an answer she can have her attorney contact your attorney and they can be happily billing both of yo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:45 PM
1

most men who are in your situation find "emotional support" in the arms of another woman who wants to be wife 2.0 Not recommended but its so common it needs to be stated. Some men "heading for divorce" suddenly return the interest of women in the world and "suddenly as if by magic" a woman appears who acts demonstratively better than the wife, and divorce follows soon thereafter As I said it's very common and frankly the downsides don't seem as big as one would think. Kids blame dad running off …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:33 PM
2

nope not worth going to court, you won't win, you won't even get any admonishment for mom not obeying the decree These clauses are mostly unenforceable, good lawyers who are smart make sure there is a monetary incentive via alimony/spousal support that requires the mom to not have a boyfriend live with her and the kids. Money ends and mom decides that boyfriend can live somewhere else... a real reflection of the ex wife's view of true love I say. I think it's a true failing of the Family Court s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:25 PM
2

yes and also "if and buts were cake and nuts we would all have a Merry Christmas" You could get a court order for your soon to be ex to do "No bad words, no talking bad" and yeah you would get her to change her words and questions to make it seem like you are an A-hole while not "saying" you are an A-hole Don't bother going there bro. Womenfolk have tons of ways to be letter of the law compliant while making sure you are being described as an A-hole. There is no way to litigate these things. In …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 01:20 AM
1

Normal and Divorce and Kids - rarely intersect, it is what it is. It is normal for Mom to be VERY VERY curious as to what Dad is up to. They want to know what Dad does with kids, if Dad is dating, if a woman lives with Dad and her kids. Kids will be used as informers and spies to keep tabs on Dad's private life If you think this is bad wait until you remarry or have a live in girlfriend... THEN you will have Mom all up in your hinny I advise patience and understanding these behaviors will lessen…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 01:03 AM
8

sounds like Massachusetts These numbers are not out of line with many settlements. In high alimony states there is a trend for Lawyers to "buy off" the non-working spouse with a very generous settlement in asset division, retirement etc etc instead of going before the judge and rolling the dice on alimony award This "sounds" like one of these types of cases. AND... even though I only know your and the BIL side it appears that the BIL was NOT well represented. For the amounts above I think I woul…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 12:54 AM
1

It is rare but not unheard of for a mom to abandon her children and dump them with Dad. The times I have heard of it, if a Dad did not make the custody situation explicit by court order and divorce decree. The Dad is in for a world of hurt later when the Mom "miraculously" remembers she's a mom and can come back and assert custody to THEN get child support. From what I have seen with this playing out a few years down the road. I think it's advisable to look to monetary incentives in the form of …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 11:01 PM
3

you are in a legal process - there is no more "come up in discussion" most people should really talk with their future exes only through counsel... I urge you to do this starting now
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 08:37 PM
8

So I know this is tough. But you need to stop talking to your STBXW. Especially stop talking to her about any mental issues, mental health plans ANYTHING. AND YES seeking treatment for mental health WHILE BLABBING it to a woman who no longer wants to be your wife is not smart. Not smart at all. If you want to be with your kids in any way... you need to stop talking to your wife who is divorcing you. A spouse seeking divorce is in effect STATING publicly they don't want you in their life anymore.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 07:49 PM
15

DONT TELL ANYONE ANYTHING! I am very proud of the fact that no one in my workplace knew I was going through a divorce. I literally had no productivity drop, I had no personal days, I was the same on the day I got filed on to the day the final decree came out. No change. I did tell my close family - but don't worry your soon to be ex likely has already blabbed about that to them. Side note: The reason why I was so tight lipped about divorce to my subordinates etc is that I personally have seen ho…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 07:42 PM
1

you say it's "clear" but you know nothing about me - that's projection look it up also you read my past posts and comments... stalker much? you seem awfully invested in finding out what you can about me... I know this sexiness is too much to handle sometimes oh anytime someone says "get help" I do x... my seems to me you are VERY interested in little ol' me? why is that are you an ex? getting big time stalker vibes from you now. Finding "true love" is kind of like the other story like "til death…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 07:37 PM
-1

project much? well you definitely telegraphed your mental point of origin with that comment You don't know me. The very idea that you "think" you know me from my words is classic projection. Many psychological professionals have observed projection to the sign of serious mental difficulty. I suggest you seek a mental healthcare professional in your area to address this projection issue you have.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 02:07 PM
1

stand by what I said drive by commenter... do you always butt into conversations you are not a part of? Yes I think you do... perhaps you need a puppy or something to occupy your time so you don't feel the need to butt in? of course this is probably just sock puppet time... truly strange that some people have different people in their head
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 02:05 PM
19

First thing to understand about divorce logic is that there are NO CONSIDERATIONS for past services and favors you provided to the Soon To Be Ex. Soon To Be Ex Spouses DO NOT CARE about past: payments, vacations, favors, housing, health care etc etc Why? because they already GOT ALL OF THOSE THINGS. Don't for one second think that you will get any appreciation for anything done in the past. NOW with that firmly in your mind. Realize that all your soon to be ex wants or CARES ABOUT is what you WI…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 01:37 PM
2

the "right thing to do" ship already left port when both parties forgot their marital vows no? If ex wanted to have access to her mementos then divorce should have not been explored... I wonder if this "right thing" you naively state is observed by all parties? I would say that on this forum named "Divorce men" fellow men should advocate for outcomes that enhance not detract a man's mental health... I think it's appropriate for the "right thing" to be what helps men. This woman is no longer fami…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 01:32 PM
-1

Just label them and keep them. Decide later to throw away. Decisions like this should not be made lightly and you will likely look at the decision with different eyes 5-10 years post divorce These kinds on "memories" discussions are not good to have close to divorce or recently divorced. Finding memories of a shared past is kind of like unearthing an emotional land mine. Nothing is gained by stepping into an emotional land mine. So keep the stuff and decide years later or throw it out when you m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 09:46 PM
3

I think the lady doth protest too much
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 08:58 PM
8

yes cut ties with your wife, file as soon as you can literally the day you have 6 months residency don't bother to fight for "full custody" you are a man you will never get full custody unless wifey wants to sign over custody... which is a non-starter for 99% of cases you will spend 10s of thousands for "custody fight" and get 50/50 just like you would if you didn't fight don't think CPS or any other nonsense will make any difference unless mom is in mental hospital and committed, has been convi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 07:10 PM
1

you are not a lawyer "fighting back" as a civilian is not a good plan think about it like this... do you go out and make "citizens arrest" of someone doing something you "believe" is illegal? of course you don't people are not allowed to practice medicine without a medical degree going into court and being pro se is like walking into a hospital saying you want to do surgery on yourself. fyi the "few thousand you save" by going pro se WILL NOT be saved if you have a prejudicial ruling against you…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:59 PM
1

firstly - I already attracted a "mistake woman" so all this "attracting the right kind of woman" attitude is pretty much a waste of time secondly - already attracted a woman who "played games" and exited with cash and prizes It's cute you think you know me, it's classic projection which is not in keeping with you being a divorced man... are you not reading the name of the subreddit?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 06:56 PM
3

Well it's pretty obvious you have no legal training, or court experience so... I'm going to give you a bit of advice that I think you should really really pay attention to. It is not a good idea for you to (as a non lawyer) to seek to sanction a real live credentialed lawyer ESPECIALLY talking about legal malpractice. You are not a lawyer, you have no legal training and you are not enrolled in the state bar... you basically have no standing before the bar to say anything about a legal profession…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 09:44 AM
28

It is a curious thing that ex-wives seem to do. I have experienced the "let's move on" messages. Tons of my friends have also had versions of this. It's just a strange thing that ex-wives seem to do after a few years they seem to have completely forgotten the pain they have caused and now "want to 'forgive' and 'move on'" When I ask my women friends they are somewhat puzzled why "moving on" or "forgive" should be an issue. As a man I just kind of freeze a bit and just become confused I mean OF C…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 07:38 PM
4

there is no fair, especially in Oregon I know that they say Oregon is a different type of law that is not straight community property but in actual practice you have assets which it is likely due to the length of your marriage you both have equal claim to. If you kept VERY precise accounting of that 75k as in have tax records and accounting documentation stating that the 75k came from your sole money source X (inheritance) then sure you might... "might" have a case but not likely Pro Tip - your …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 11:03 PM
8

yes the ask for the MOON is standard tactic for negotiation YOU need a properly drafted counter petition to refute the Wifey's claims Get an attorney get a filing together file it with the Judge way before the initial hearing do initial hearing and go into negotiations do not fumble the ball on the opening kickoff you have FOUR LONG QUARTERS ahead of you
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 10:17 PM
3

yes you are paying too much. I would go ahead and get a lawyer. The problem with doing "child support" yourself according to a "calculator" is that the Judge seeing you two ex lovebirds who couldn't make their marriage work but somehow SOMEHOW were able to make a proper divorce filing without the mistakes one makes without legal training... he is going to laugh and deny and dismiss the petition... until you make a proper filing.... with an attorney or attorney's names attached. Let me put it to …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 10:14 PM
4

dang.... beat me to it
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 10:02 PM
3

eh could be worse you could be the one getting served and scrambling for an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 09:56 PM
2

ok fair enough I suppose If it were that easy in the US. Typically the man would have to PROVE that the amount claimed by mom is not owed. Absent any specific language in the final decree as to child support that silence WILL be enforceable. Does not matter if Dad has kids 75/25 possession is assumed to go to Mom. Therefore Mom has claim for child support. Does not matter if you have 50/50 or if any legal document says that. I would not be very surprised if Mom does this again, and your and pote…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:39 PM
2

If it helps I heard a very similar story to your post I had a guy join the group. 30s guy married a woman, she had a past with at least 3 "abusive" ex boyfriends, this guy married her early thirties and she got pregnant. She also had a 'miscarriage' before meeting this poor man. Anyway like your story woman became pregnant and the said she miscarried. Kind of same story she came back and said she miscarried and everyone was sad. Turns out this man got a letter from his insurance explanation of b…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:15 PM
1

well apparently Child Maintenance Service (UK) seems to have a different opinion And given how whole bureaucracies have been established in Western nations to enforce child support collection... it seems that they will have the legal ability to FORCE collection on OP. So yeah I think OP should disregard your apparent advice to ignore this notice. As I indicated above the OP should contact a local solicitor familiar with Crown Law
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:02 PM
2

WELCOME to do it yourself divorces! You too can be billed by the local nation or state if you do this one slick trick Husbands hate! Contact a solicitor and have them un-fooo your life NEVER EVER do a legal process WITHOUT representation again! EVER And yes likely you WILL have to pay this
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 05:44 PM
9

standard tactic your Lawyer should be able to advise you how you navigate this in practice there is a denial under oath by you and that's the end of it I doubt if her counsel will even bring it up in court, but it would be funny because it opens up your attorney to ask her about it under oath... funny lawyer stories usually have this setup
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:26 PM
5

Well in my experience the stbxw will make it EXTREMELY uncomfortable for you to stay Tactics women deploy: Picking a fight every hour of the day Bringing a love interest in to the marital home for sleepovers Bringing family over to tell you "you are not welcome here" Starting home improvement projects that use belt sanders right next to your bedroom at 2am Always dressing up for dates and making sure they primp right in front of you I could go on and on dopender... most men don't make it but for…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:24 PM
3

thanks for posting your wife and stbx wifes birthday dude Goodness sakes have a little bit of decorum and quit posting personal dates on a PUBLIC internet site Does she have a big chest? to go along with that November birthday? asking for a friend. No you should not go Mr "I post EXTREMELY SPECIFIC personal details"
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:20 PM
2

THERE IS NO WAY YOU FINALIZE IN 60 IN TEXAS WITH KIDS (read this again) the 60 day thing is for 20 somethings with an apartment and a cat. Heck it will take 60 days for the Judge to review and sign the FINAL DECREE man... get real Move out when you want the location of Dad normally does not matter in Texas unless there is an abandonment issue. KIDS slow down everything and the Judge will triple check any settlement. Divorce is divorce, living in a separate place is it's own thing With Kids I rea…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:17 PM
2

ok to get the language where you alternate weeks and get "close" to 50/50 you need to go to a lawyer and get that language put into the decree Every state is different where they get you close to 50/50 and it's best if you use that language you both can go to the lawyer and pay them a fee to help you, but since you are not agreeing NOW... the lawyer will likely say that you both need separate counsel I just think you are on the road to contested over the issue of 50/50 and you need to ask soon t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:07 PM
3

box of condoms
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:54 PM
3

likely the reason for going away from 50/50 visitation is that in your area she gets more child support if it is not 50/50 If possession of the kids is your goal, I would craft a schedule that has you having the kids friday after school to monday morning every week except for Week of Thanksgiving and 21st to 27 of december (even years you get christmas, even years you get thanksgiving - reverse for odd years) every summer you get 2 weeks in late June for vacation. This works out to like 45/55 or…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:54 PM
3

this is a good point, In practice this would be the "get utilities in your name and pay them" then cancel service but in reality this is a crap show, enforcement of family court orders are problematic and no one is going to come down hard on mom and kids not paying their half of the mortgage But at some point single mom needs to realize that bills will need to be paid by her, somehow
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 03:44 PM
13

It's pretty common actually, interesting that she is saying this out loud though. Most stbx or exspouses don't say the quiet part out loud. The idea is if she monkey branches and the new branch breaks she has you as "old reliable" to take her back in. As in she has less risk if you let her come back after gambling chad will wife her up. All spouses who leave for greener pastures think this... most never say it out loud. Or even do what your stbx says which "lets be on good terms" I was having a …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 01:32 PM
2

yeah well the wayward "wife" either was dumped by dude 2.0 or is pregnant and wants you to be the baby daddy of another man's child I don't think you were thinking all of the consequences through there ... New Dad... btw, she will NOW say any kid that pops out is yours. And DNA test won't help you... Testimony will be sought from you "Mr silly did you have sex with Mrs silly on and around the Wednesday? that you in a silly manner posted about on Reddit?" "Yes... I did but wait!" Judge: "Summary …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 10:16 PM
6

everyone who is "normal" will likely be neutral at the outset, I would not take this too seriously from your own blood family. In time your neutral family will realize that the ex wife will not be very neutral and probably then your family will move more towards you and not be "neutral" I know it hurts. What you want family to say to the ex is... "whelp you ain't family anymore sorry"... but they never do that because they "think" being nice to mom will keep access to grand children etc etc does…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 10:11 PM
3

I was just having a bit of fun. I say that "we both decided as adults we could raise our kids separately she didn't like that I moved on pretty quickly and seems pretty jealous about it. What about you does your ex get super jealous?" It's a curious thing if you subtly indicate the marriage ended due to you having too much attention by the opposite sex... well the gals get super curious why women would be so interested in you. Women make no sense, the really don't
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 10:03 PM
5

I don't recommend making a statement about your divorce that is embarrassing. Think like this... as some point you may meet a lady you desire a relationship with. You will be talking about your pasts, marriage and divorce will be mentioned... how do YOU want to characterize your divorce? Let's do a thought experiment. Men have a frequent complaint about dead bedrooms. This frequently ends in divorce for the bedroom not being live. So do you really think ALL of those ex-wives out there dating new…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 07:37 PM
10

yeah stop walking on eggshells (there is actually a book on this... I recommend you read it... the title is 'Stop Walking on Eggshells") I think you need to read that book and related books write down your interactions with Ex and Daughter. Likely you will discover that you have an unhealthy relationship and likely need to disengage, tend to your psychological needs and then consider reconnecting I think reading about these dynamics are critical to navigating difficult relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 03:44 PM
7

eh happens all the time. I think you are over estimating your OC's chances before a Judge. Judges DO NOT want to have final hearings and will punish BOTH parties for wasting his time. So don't be so sure that OC is going to have a good hearing or outcome. Nominally unless one party is CLEARLY out of line the Judge makes sure the lawyers and clients both have an equally bad day in court. It sounds on the surface that this is the proverbial "settlement on the courthouse steps" type of thing (which…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 03:34 PM
2

time for paternity test STAT!
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:43 AM
3

I have some experience with this. Your 'wife' has no intention of going to the US with your kid. (full stop. Read. This. Again.) NOW... with this firmly in mind how do you want to play this? bottom line (as you may have noticed US and Russia are not on best of terms now)... so it is nearly certain that a Russian Boy will not be released to visit, spend time with US Dad. You are basically looking at divorce in a hostile legal environment ... I think you should talk to an international lawyer and/…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:42 AM
1

kid stuff is separate just realize that step back = she has a new man in her life a man she will introduce as "new daddy" to your kid very soon (does that help center your thoughts on 'amicable'?) it really really should Kid visitation is likely 50/50 and there is a normal calculation for that - your lawyer SHOULD have the boilerplate language on what that means for your state/locality. ASK ABOUT THAT! Talk about pinning her to the 50/50 kid time BEFORE actual asset division is discussed. FUN FA…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:36 AM
1

Yes I got a financial advisor to "advise me" Mostly a waste of time (they advised) 1 for 1 dollar valuation of retirement accounts... which is WRONG. I ended up paying a bit more than I wished to. And I got no actual "kindness" from the ex recognizing my "gift". If I had it to do all over again I would have paid for an Attorney that was more financially savvy. I would have paid for a no kidding audit (outside counsel attorney to review and provide numbers to me) and have them value retirement at…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:28 AM
8

SELL THE HOUSE!!!! I'm sure Mrs Thing wants the house to live her oh so normal life sans YOU. There is no amicable here. You have assets, I'm sure Mrs Thing did NOTHING to earn that 50% so why work "with her" to steal from you??? Serious question mate. Here's the deal ALL tax defered accounts are at LEAST 80 cents on the dollar since they are not taxed at deposit but taxed at withdrawal. Hint Hint... lawyers know NOTHING of valuation of retirement assets and do dollar for dollar splits... which …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:18 AM
7

pay the mortgage, inform her that you are disconnecting the utilities and she needs to get new utilites stop the Broadband immediately stop the other utilities at end of month. she pays utilities you pay mortgage, inform her in person, if she communicates this over electronic means just ignore and do not reply. you will keep paying mortgage
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:39 AM
13

dude... ATTEND ALL HEARINGS IN PERSON make sure your NEW attorney will attend in person I have no idea what happened but this initial hearing was a disaster and get a new attorney pronto SIDE NOTE TO ALL LURKERS - outside of another pandemic NEVER EVER ATTEND A HEARING BY VIDEO ever ever ever!
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:35 AM
9

ok so "hol up" when a Judge is "considering" that in no way means he will decide one way or the other. FYI - when you ever hear the words reported as "the court is considering", "the judge is considering" it simply means that evidence usually by sworn testimony was introduced (that's it) in Divorce cases usually by the language of the petition backed up by an initial hearing where mom says "my house" dad says "my house" 3 - yes adultery does not matter so his lawyer doing that is likely to appea…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 09:24 PM
3

nope nothing you can do, in any way shape or form if the people have the permission of the mom to be around they are around. And yes it's worse than you think multiple DUIs will not have the state getting involved. The only way this goes in your favor if the kids are young and Mom goes for an extended time of incarceration. In practice Mom has to commit multiple felonies to get even a 6 month lock up so if your ex has no criminal record she has to be exceedingly careless to manage getting locked…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:49 PM
3

I don't think there is any way filing for divorce can be explained to make another person realize they are in the wrong. It's a curious bit of psychology that the only women who I have observed to blame themselves in a divorce is when the man is cheating and ends up leaving for his mistress. Which shatters my preconceptions of gender dynamics but there it is.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:46 PM
1

I know there have been "stories" of that. I have yet to see this in practical application. I've read like 5 or so on reddit. In real life with police reports and formal documentation (granted in my area, so not all US or even world) Not one situation has resolved as the woman being taken into custody for anything. Even assault. (oh and as a bonus I have seen like 4? situations where there was evidence of DV from woman to man... guess how many women were convicted of said offense that had recordi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:45 PM
4

apps are ok, somewhat a good place to start except Tinder (young crowd app) In my circle it seems some people like Bumble, some OK Cupid some Hinge it seems somewhat random to meet someone. In person is a hit or miss thing. Sure you meet someone but it's random they are not with someone or in the frame of mind to date. This is why apps are good... people on there at least are interested in meeting people. Meetup and getting into clubs and activities has been another good source of prospects. Sin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:31 AM
1

This is a very nice sentiment and one I mostly agreed with until recently (minus the Maldives, more a Pacific guy myself) James Sexton (NY divorce lawyer) wrote a book, "How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together " He cites a statistic that just floored me, (I may write a post about this) "83% of divorced people get re-married within 5 years" This just stunned me. I also do not want to be married again. But 4/5 ratio is really long odds I will be able to be betting against…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 01:23 AM
1

cool story bro, just think I actually make money doing things like this while you... kinda don't make that much I'm sure
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:53 PM
1

whatever you say this buds not for you
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:49 PM
4

I am no longer happy in my marriage probably why I no longer have one
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:43 PM
1

>A lawyer will never tell an individual to “hide assets” that goes against every basic law in the book. This is common sense. I have no idea what you are talking about. I was counseling the OP to go to a lawyer and ask him what the exposure would be in a hypothetical case of crypto assets valued in 6 or 5 figures. (whatever it was) I said nothing about "hiding" assets. I also informed the OP that if he has filed taxes since 23 or 24 it is likely that HE DID disclose that he had crypto assets and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:41 PM
2

ok so how do you claim a "false DV" exactly? Hmmm? - the accusation alone will walk the Dad out of the house... so what is there to "prove exactly"? proof is the woman calling about dad... that's the only proof that is needed. How do you prove that your spouse who no longer wants you around is "mentally ill or violent"? Judges eyeroll heavily on these kinds of things. I mean if she was committed multiple times prior to divorce it's one thing. But to claim that a woman suddenly realizing that she…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:25 PM
1

so it's "terrible advice" to seek legal counsel about a "5 figure" asset disclosure? I don't know "why" anyone would seek professional counsel on anything. People should do their own surgeries, their own accounting, their own wills right? I think you are the end of being terrible in advice. But I think you already know that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 10:19 PM
2

staying in the home "normally" has advantages. It looks good to the Judge. It looks good for custody negotiation. BUT... this is contingent on what wifey does. Literally he can feel threatened by 'ANYTHING' and she can have you escorted from the house by Law Enforcement. THE FACT that you can be taken away from your home at any moment for any reason is why I personally recommend men going to a new place. Finding a place to stay if "mommy is threatened by your presence" is a bad thing to discover…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:01 PM
4

well... now (and I'm sure you noticed if you did your taxes last year) you were supposed to disclose if you had crypto assets If you did not... you are in trouble with the gov not the soon to be ex. Since it's "six figures" I would hire another family law attorney on your own dime (with separated funds, go to wifey and say let's split 20k or whatever so you have 10k and I have 10k now whatever you need to do) Hire a lawyer (not your current lawyer/ or whatever you are using) and get an opinion, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 04:25 PM
1

Sorry this happened. Sorry for your sadness. I think it's best to realize that you were in love with the image the exspouse presented to you. The image of marital bliss and life together. If it helps (since it's easy to see you are person of means)... You really have TWO tests for any future partner. One of course if they will sleep with you. Second will they have your child. The likely issue is that Mrs EX certainly had no problem with ONE but had a big problem with TWO apparently. It's a terri…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 04:14 PM
23

It's interesting to see events unfold from afar isn't it? some people realize that to conquer the mountain of life it's best to tie oneself to the best mountain climber they can find I completely underestimated my ex's propensity to find a way through life via hitchin' a wagon to a new cowboy It's just so confusing to have someone say to you XYZ are reasons they are leaving. They leave. THEN after about a year join up with someone else where XYZ are AGAIN issues! This is why I counsel men NEVER …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 03:55 PM
1

Yeah well I am (no offense) on this board because I believed the last girl I knew and supported from a ZERO state to well off was one of those mythical "girls of good intentions" you speak of Not saying that there is a possibility of their being unicorns of which you speak but carrying on in one's life expecting to find unicorns everywhere is silly stupid given the reality of marriages failing 50%+ If marriage were a product the manufacturer would be sued out of existence It literally FAILS more…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 08:04 PM
3

It's the great game really. If it helps ALL women MR RP... ALL women have their fingers crossed when they make long term promises of loyalty. So why shouldn't men (cross fingers) when giving promises of faithfulness and relationship security? Besides women's ability to produce children ages like milk as women get older. So having any "gallant" or "ethical" thoughts is bargaining for a rapidly depreciating asset no?
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:50 PM
0

Yeah well the "something" you are not aware of is the PROXIMATE cause of you two past lovebirds not being in the same house-nest now. It is very rare for BOTH parties in a divorce not to have a new lover waiting in the wings FYI - the marital community must pay for BOTH spouses divorce attorneys. So contact a divorce attorney explain your situation and you have 0 dollars, but rich rich spouse does have money and a HOUSE ... likely that attorney will sign you on a contingency basis. More expensiv…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:26 PM
4

I know this may feel or seem strange. But you can just "date" and "have a girlfriend". YES all women who date and become girlfriends desire to be a wife. And will pressure you to be a husband. But you don't "have to" be this way. In my experience you don't even have to bother "disclosing" your desire to remain single. If a girl has her hooks into you and is steady with you she will NEVER EVER fully believe that you will NEVER EVER marry her. She will always delude herself into believing you are …
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:20 PM
13

2 jobs. That really accelerated my recover frankly It takes about 3 years for most of the men I've talked to, to see the up turn in finances. It's 1 year to have half your money taken, then 2 years to dig out of paying off debt incurred during the first year of setting up a new household and all the nickle and dime costs the ex is hitting you with Then by year 3 it seems all that is settled and you are on the upward trend Unfortunately many men have met a new woman by this time and the cycle sta…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 07:16 PM
26

so here's the thing Your marriage is not ending due to political climate in the US. This is merely the EXCUSE. Ask any man here they some will tell you Wife had Good reasons, Wife had no reasons, Wife had some reasons. Whatever, it does not matter what words come out her mouth to explain the end of a Marraige End of Marriage by Divorce is now at 56% to 52% depending on study. It's a lock that MOST of those marriages did not end due to the election of a President. But ended they did. Be FACT base…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:03 PM
5

yeah hire a lawyer, get a filing together, file for divorce there is only legal tragedy if you delay at this point, sorry man something like this happens to all of us it is what it is. I personally don't think it's fair but it's reality
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 01:36 AM
3

you need to talk with a lawyer, and get a filing together - do it now, don't wait, take off work now Wandering wives sometimes come back with another man's child in them, in some states you (because you are married) still may be liable to support the new child. Only FILING for divorce can avert this. Get a Divorce going ASAP
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 07:14 PM
3

"I haven't posted here in years because my ex's lawyer doxxed me and started using it against me in court." (side note - paging DR u/SGTwonk paging DR proctologist to the emergency room... DR SGT... your professional expertise is needed...) These kinds of things are EXACTLY why people should be very very obscure as to what they say here or any reddit forum. or anything online for that matter. Also why they Should in ALL CASES talk to an attorney BEFORE doing anything like recording or posting on…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 07:01 PM
3

this is an EXCELLENT idea, (sorry but this whole thing looks too pat, and obvious like it's an advertisement maybe?) BUT! it underscores a very great potential use of AI Agents providing feedback. If you use the AI to give an unbiased opinion of your decisions, situation, life. Well the AI will give you that AND it will be in neutral terms that would provide new perspective. I have often commented that people who are "IN" their life situation cannot see the bigger picture because they have lost …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 02:27 PM
1

I understand the quandary the issue is if Mom approves care with the Devil himself... the courts will defer to her judgement (no matter how flawed) Courts don't tend to second guess child care decisions EXCEPT in cases where the person caring for the child has in the past been convicted of a serious offense. Short of that... Mom can let anyone care for a child - and no one can say anything.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 02:20 PM
1

it's best to consult with an attorney about that clause For this I would consult a new attorney have them review your decree and your situation. Inform HIM of your desire to retire and your judgement that this changes your circumstances therefore valid case. They will provide feedback. Might even be good to shop this around to a few Lawyers come to think of it. Key questions to ask: Have they tried a case like this? What was result? Was it in the court you will be at? Which Judge? Can you get a …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:56 AM
8

sorry to say welcome, these situations are TERRIBLE I know you will survive this, you will be the Dad when this dude is history in a few months or years. focus on that. one thing to look forward to... in 3 years your standard of living will go up 30% and her's will go down 30% THEN you will feel a little bit of justice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:39 AM
3

Talk to attorney, get attorney on retainer costs 5k, have them get a petition ready to file. you need to get on the divorce journey and then start worrying about this that and the other. I would go to the bank tomorrow and make a cashiers check out to yourself for HALF the joint checking account. Open an account with a major bank in your name only. Deposit this cashiers check in that account. (maybe run by the bank you are depositing funds and ask how to make the check out) DO NOT make out a per…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:36 AM
3

remove yourself from all potential violent confrontations. Live at a friends house. Do what you need to do to make this happen NOW, Do not even sleep there. The problem is that NOW you have two (TWO) adults that can testify against your ONE person... you HAVE TO LEAVE. The next time you call the police or they call the police will probably end up with you being escorted from the home, likely in handcuffs. This event will complicate your DIVORCE and complicate your retaining any custody/possessio…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 12:28 AM
–

oh geez ok so here's the deal, in most states whether title theory or lien theory you will need to sell the house as a "couple". The problem is EVERY SINGLE CLOSING will require you to sign over the house at sale stating (under sworn document that you are MARRIED) see the problem? One way to get around this is for one person to file a quit claim to get them off of the title/deed so that the house can be sold by ONE party. (that would be you I guess)(hopefully this is already done via your decree…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 11:30 PM
2

not divorced, you are simply single
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:07 PM
0

DONT DO THIS IN TEXAS
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:52 PM
3

not a good idea in texas don't bother with recordings just get lawyer TALK to lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:52 PM
2

if Lawyer good and is a HIM, get HIM on retainer tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:51 PM
4

do not do this in Texas get your filing together for divorce THEN discuss how living arrangements should be setup TALK TO LAWYER FIRST not to spouse DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING LIKE "GET OUT" "KICKED OUT" etc TALK TO LAWYER FIRST - FIRST MAN! do not talk to her about ANYTHING before seeking a lawyer getting HIM (GET A HIM!) and getting HIM on retainer for your case.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:51 PM
2

the passive "disclosure" is typical admitting "some kind of affair but net minimizing is normal" be silent and don't say anything, just tell her a pat answer like "I am processing this shock, I want this to work, let me get past the shock and we can talk more" THEN get a lawyer NOW, don't wait get a filing together NOW In TEXAS you have 2 weeks 10 working days to get ready for an initial hearing if kids are involved. No matter what you do get a divorce petition ready to file. Again going from gr…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:48 PM
2

no friends part is great advice
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:44 PM
2

yeah remember this "told bunch of her friends about it" when the inevitable stories to make you feel better start "I thought you knew", "I was sworn to secrecy", "I didn't know about it", "what a surprise" yes you were plan B, the other man was plan A - best explain to her you want to be plan A for someone else
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:43 PM
5

yeah exactly don't do counseling fun fact about counseling the "relationship" is the patient not either of you... if you roll over and do everything counselor says "great job" no middle ground it's just who ever desperately wants the relationship to continue if you want an open relationship - maybe otherwise in these situations it's divorce at some point just a matter of time FYI - family court in Texas does not care about infidelity either party in any way
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:42 PM
3

yep like dawn follows night your ex will find a new man to be living with your kids It's interesting because I have seen a few stellar mothers who do not date because they DON'T want to expose their kids to a new random man... but these mothers are rare Mentally this is a very BIG issue for Dad's but otherwise than that, it seems to be something tolerable Many new boyfriends/husbands know how to goose their new gf/wives by stoking the fires of ex animosity. If you get a bf game player it's hell …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 06:10 PM
1

yeah I think you have a good way to no pay her health insurance if she is employed (she gets her own) if she is not employed then it's dicey This is a very court, state, locality type edge case. And unfortunately lawyers are NO help here. Some men "cheat" the system to keep their exspouse on as a dependent just like children and the Dad pays for the "family", this is a stop gap measure which gets complicated when mom remarries. If you go this route you save a large chunk of money BUT you are pre…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 05:18 PM
1

3 years + is where you should worry 2 years is still fresh depending on circumstances IF you want to accelerate this find a new person to get on top of. Or go through therapy
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:16 PM
1

oh YEAH that will do it! lol the number of times a woman leaves one man to jump to another, and new man drops her like yesterday's garbage... revenge is sweet
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:54 PM
2

There is no F-ing way you can agree to THAT kind of alimony for THAT term you need another lawyer, unless you are very wealthy and 2k is a drop in the bucket for you per month THERE is no way you subsidize her life for 13 years NO F-ing WAY, He!! no! I have no idea why a lawyer would recommend such an alimony! That kind of deal begs for second and third lawyer review ANY agreement should be reviewed by multiple lawyers. For that kind of money for THAT long... I would say you should definitely re…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:51 PM
1

yeah never seems to buy you any kindness right?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:45 PM
7

well you can try to not throw her reputation under the bus... but it does not matter It's completely ODD how this works but one spouse can be absolutely satan like and people won't believe it. I had a friend that had documented terrible things (I'm talking killed his dog deliberately, assaulted him, went to jail, had parental rights stripped to supervised visits only) AND STILL the majority of the couple's friends took the woman's side This guy had legal public record documentation of his exes m…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 07:44 PM
4

Dude, listen to your attorney - kid time is not to be traded for money and the courts DO NOT WORK THIS WAY the issues are separate regardless of how much money you give her! listen to lawyer, counter with a strong near "you get nothing" type offer and get some of that crap negotiated away Kid time has nothing to do with money transferred its a separate negotiation track do not trade money for this
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 03:17 PM
2

now maybe you can look back on the behavior of your father with a kinder more forgiving eye? I know this hurts. I know this is like a burning fire in your core. But in reality THIS IS LIFE. We all get upset, we ALL honk at people. And we all have the beginning embers of anger sometimes. NOW close people in our lives either help us and calm us, being a safe place to be human or they STOMP on our buttons and make the anger worse. Much worse because those close intimate people know EXACTLY how to d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 09:31 PM
3

it's fairly common in contested cases which the parties for whatever reason do not agree. In my area there are several hoops or "diversions" prior to seeking a final court hearing for the Judge to determine merits of competing claims. So 1 - be aware (as your lawyer should be) of local court procedures prior to final hearing (likely you will need to go through adjudication or arbitration maybe both depending, before even being able to schedule a final hearing) 2 - be aware that your divorce is n…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:07 PM
2

Actually this situation is pretty rare to go all the way to divorce. It is normal around pregnancy for the hormones to go crazy and therefore minor issues become big issues. You appear to be in what UK? not US I think. As to the mechanics if you are in UK, I would grant her wish and go for a legal separation. (but don't be too surprised that after the emotional/hormonal tide turns she seeks reconciliation) I'm not saying this to defend the marriage. (if you decide to go.... then go) but this on …
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 03:28 PM
2

simply say you are single if the dating turns into a relationship I would keep it private UNTIL you have the conversation that Defines the Relationship (exclusivity) or the old "Where are we going?" "What is this between us" At that point you can state Been Married and I may be interested being married again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 03:15 PM
9

This kind of behavior is pretty common. In most cases assuming your wife is mentally healthy... it gets better. Of course mentally healthy mom's don't scream over allowance. So she might have some mental issues exacerbated by new stress of being single. The way it works is married women are "insulated" from financial pressures due to the income of the husband. Every time they use a credit card, or check the bank account money is just "there"... so they take it for granted. Newly single women sud…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 03:13 PM
2

DUDE you have 3 cars and can't fork over a few bucks to get a lawyer... are you kidding me? do you also do heart surgery on yourself first THEN contact a doctor to see how its going? GET A LAWYER. In your state there may be no requirement for Alimony for a 5 year marriage. If not required don't pay alimony. If you want to be generous a pay out at Asset division. and Mr 3 car person... what's to say that you don't have to consider asset division? Hmmm? If she has been in school (obviously you pai…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:20 AM
7

so contact your lawyer and review your states paternity laws - I don't hear this is an Exwife, I hear "you moved out" "moved out" and "divorced" are two very different legal unions. In some states if you are the Husband you end up on the birth certificate.... MAKE SURE, you consult a lawyer about this TOMORROW That little ultrasound reveal.. (I don't think was an accident fyi) could easily be construed as knowledge of the baby, therefore culpable for being the Dad... GET WITH A LAWYER TOMORROW
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 11:30 PM
1

Both spouses when they become ex-spouses will have a story as to the demise of the relationship. And the stories will be only slightly in line with objective truth. As to how kids take the divorce and any stories you may tell or are told against you. What normally happens is the cheating parent portrays the cheated on as the actually cheater. That way when the innocent parent says well the reason why I divorced is because your other parent cheated. ... Well who gets to the kids first and tells t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 11:26 PM
-2

I think you miss the point OP, it is silly to "do a throwaway" and then give enough personal information that makes the "throwaway" moot You wrote "Im Using a throwaway account because my wife uses Reddit and knows my username. We’ve been together nearly 12 years and married for 7 with one child (3yo)." seems to me you are not keeping with your goal of anonymity... but hey the keep "scrolling" comment identifies you as a person using the phone to "scroll" It's not like you are giving away person…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 11:02 PM
0

your wife uses reddit you post specific personal details on a divorce forum... and think using a "throwaway" then blabbing about "using throwaway" is a good idea? I think you have more problems than divorce. I think posting to a Divorce forum is pretty indicative it's time, in your case for sure... you have dropped enough that anyone would be able to spot it a singular identifiable person Aunt Uncle stealing... really? good use of the anonymity of the internet bro Given that you posted this migh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:55 PM
1

yes from what you are describing you are overreacting men in general value their word and vows so I mostly never see a divorce filed "just because it's not working for the man". Which is ironic because I never see the other side pause and consider that they might be "overreacting"... no they just file and THEN have second thoughts it seems On the surface you are describing the normal ebb and flow of a long term relationship. Sure it "might be" that your spouse is gaslighting you into filing for …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:36 PM
1

I think this is a different situation where the he's and she's are transposed to get advice on this forum. Don't know if that changes but you can tell this was written from a certain perspective just FYI
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 10:22 PM
6

some people are always looking for a better deal in life I find it interesting the mental gymnastics people do to excuse being unfaithful. I imagine that if the person were going to "be stronger, funnier and brighter but get zero money exiting with all that 'brightness'... I think the decision would be different" There are few monetary penalties for ending a marriage for the silliest of reasons for certain people... until those penalties are balanced I think we will continue to see bad outcomes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 02:10 AM
3

don't believe it, there is certainly a physical relationship and the man is also likely married the cell phone was left in the car so you don't realize where the man's home is, but people are sloppy and they will keep that phone at least a few times, so check the history on google in that town and if you see her stopping at an address a few times in the past few months... that's where he lives. You can look up the name and do a background check on the dude. Usually bringing up a lot of demograph…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:25 PM
-3

face melting good sex will cause even the best of us to make mistakes I think you dodged a bullet bro. I have personally experienced the type that seek out wounded divorced people to manipulate into a new long term commitment. The big tell that your ex might be one is the "I vented the inadequacy feelings to her" and she did not do the prudent thing and withdraw a bit to allow you space AND to establish that she is a healthy person who is seeking other healthy people. Sure she could be a pure so…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 04:23 AM
3

No you are not a bad person for realizing that the spouse that you had a pledge with ENDED that pledge and after becoming sicker and poorer now needs help. After ending the pledge of lifetime fealty of course. The best way I have heard to navigate this is to help the son. (or children) and NOT directly help the exspouse. It is certain your son will NOT understand why you consider his mom a stranger to you now. If the roles were reversed and it was the dad that needed help I can tell you from per…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:37 AM
2

it's a typical spousal dodge, "you need to get a job, stuff is more expensive dear spouse" And they go out and get the most silly job just to say 'got a job' but it's easy and does not pay anything my experience is this behavior NEVER changes, so do with that knowledge what you will
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 10:03 PM
5

what an oddly specific question, I would gather from your question that the divorcing spouse's therapist wishes to talk to your couples therapist The motive appears suspect The thing to realize is the couple's therapist is not your therapist nor is it your STBX's therapist. The couple's therapist's patient is the RELATIONSHIP. Which means that if therapist for STBX talks to the RELATIONSHIP therapist... not much good for you can come of this The therapist for STBX is firmly in the STBX's corner …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 07:09 PM
1

I had a family self end and a divorce in close proximity too. I also became an avid reader of psychological books and information going as far as getting my own copy of DSM to refer to. as far as the question "there has got to be more" I have explored that but have come to view the pursuit of knowledge and reasons why to be fruitless. To me now that I have learned more about psychology, particularly aberrant psychology, I find myself as a normie thinking that average psychologically stable peopl…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 06:59 PM
3

quite a few have said here "asked" for a divorce and they are misunderstanding how modern divorce works I'm not going to read the rest but you should realize. Like "one does not simply walk into Mordor", "one does not simply ask for divorce" You file a petition with a family court in your area for a Judge to eventually sign to say you and Missus ain't married anymore. You don't "ask", "ask is like 1950s" today you file a petition with a civil authority to seek dissolution of the marriage.... the…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 02:27 PM
7

yes there is a great way not to take the tax hit NEVER EVER cash out tax deferred investments in a divorce unless you are dire straits In the decree you have it stated that you will transfer 27k to ex spouse. Then you go to a lawyer in NY who specializes in QDRO (do a google for one in NY) they take the decree craft a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to tell the trustee of the IRA/401k that due to decree cited you are transferring 27k to exspouse, and the trustee will create a new account for …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 02:14 PM
2

no... you need 120k remember because this is IMPORTANT, you can only "pay or have control of HALF any asset" during divorce the default is to split down the middle EVERYTHING so if you have 50k in a bank account, you only have 25k for YOU YOU single you control. AND if you decide hey I will give the Ex ALL my cash and she should take that for these other assets... well she HAS TO AGREE to that exchange (not likely) FYI - if it goes to a Judge in 2 years HE will tell you to split every asset 50/5…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 01:51 PM
1

Complement Complement Complement like is he nice or kind? Does he seem to care about other people? Does he think about things uniquely? Does he watch certain media to learn more? Be a fan no matter what. Also try to entice him on long trips like camping trips or hiking outings. Sometimes late teens early adults just need a pause in talking, then after about 30 minutes or so they start talking about something. Remember when you were his age, for me it was video games and girls (or vice versa) Tel…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 11:25 PM
3

unfortunately you get no points for airing this dirty laundry you just go public that you had unprotected sex with a sexual disease carrier... not necessarily a good thing Judges don't care unless it's the woman who is infected by the man and the woman becomes infertile THEN you will get the book thrown at you
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 11:19 PM
6

Just go through a trial (do not negotiate do not settle no matter what the offer) just sit and wait your turn before judge it is important to get all of her employment and adjustment denials in the evidence record, you will need to testify (or someone else) to these and then your lawyer can hand these to the Judge for review. (or the other agency attorney can provide evidence) IF you settle all this evidence goes bye bye unless you have ANOTHER trial to introduce it then. Believe me the other la…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:34 PM
5

say you are not going to the event show up 30 minutes late, she will come notice you are not there and then leave - I mean you ARE the only reason why she is showing up. If you dropped off the daughter she would not stay. She wants contact with you. The point of her involvement is to get your attention and your emotional reaction. Sometimes people are wired that ANY attention is better than NO attention. Most men post divorce go no contact with their exes because well men move on. Some people ju…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:25 PM
3

eh do what the GAL says go completely sober and have the GAL require a full Alcohol and Drug screen both blood and hair for BOTH parents (only agree if the GAL requires the test)... see how much the ex likes them apples... I think you will have a sudden lack of curiosity in your drinking after that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:09 PM
6

you care because the marriage was serious to you. To the other party it was not serious. Typically one spouse moves on to another lover too quickly after divorce... it does not go well usually. Patience and all will be revealed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:03 PM
7

So what made you decide to get married again? Will never ever marry in a western country again. The downside is too great so how do some of you take the jump again? Change in laws that woman does not get half my assets by default? That might help. Do you feel completely different from your first wife ? I have a long term girlfriend and yes I feel very differently to this woman. 1 - I don't fear that this woman will kick me out of my house if she feels 'threatened' 2 - I don't lose half my stuff …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:00 PM
1

Unless you have 2x to 3x in CASH to pay out the equity portion of the house you cannot "keep the house". let's say you have 100k in cash and 100k in equity in the house. You have to pay 50k in cash to ex, 50k in equity plus court costs that will likely cost you ~10-15k... can you swing that? you have to pay for all expenses AND pay out the EX equity? Unless you have 3 times the equity in cash prior to filing for divorce the numbers never work out. AND your ex is still on the mortgage, they do ri…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 07:25 PM
3

Pretty normal for the party filing divorce to say the other "made them do it" In psychological terms this is called "projection". The interesting thing is that people who do these deeds will state things like this person was doing XYZ therefore bad, therefore divorcing. And people that have known the couple for years fall into 2 camps, those that actually believe the new XYZ saying "they never knew" or people who say 'wait a minute' I never saw XYZ. It all comes down to a psychological coping me…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 07:18 PM
3

ok so take a deep breath, family court is not CRIMINAL normally unless you are found in contempt you don't end up in jail. (so be polite to the Judge and court officials and you don't go to jail get it) Family Court Judges realize that the two parties that are in front of them DONT LIKE EACH OTHER. So a fair bit of hyperbolic statements saying "other party is Satan like" is pretty much understood. Your lawyer should have a plan for how they will question you and cross examine your soon to be ex …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 07:05 PM
1

as per my comment please read more about Cognitive Behavioral Psychology and be more informed before trying to rebut my statements. saying everyone's logical operations are similar is not in keeping with present research This field has been heavily influenced by Linguistics and fMRI Imaging research. Not only do we all think differently in our physical brains "under the hood", but the symbolic manipulation can be shown differently between genders via fMRI To say that males and females in general…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 04:18 PM
1

There is a bit of selection bias to thoughts about yourself due to number people... For example Wife says X is different from Wife + MIL + Friend saying X. As humans we take data from multiple sources much more seriously than from 1 person (it's a studied psych phenomenon) This will take time and psychological counseling might be a way to process this. Essentially you have been gaslighted or shown an unrealistic point of view that probably is a skewed version of reality that served your wife/ex-…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:21 PM
9

People when asked for "reasons" as to their behavior or decisions will "spin the wheel of excuses" and bam... and excuse falls out It's actually a psychological studied phenomenon. Some people make decisions based on feelings, and when logically asked to justify decisions, random words pop out. The hell of it is that many times in traumatic situations other people sometimes take the literal "random excuses popping out" far more seriously that they should really be taken. The reality is that the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:09 PM
-7

Eh your choice. I think it's a moot point you will likely get divorced no matter what your wishes on the matter are. Likely when someone realizes that they can extract maximum money from you. For you Bankster it's really a matter of minimizing risk. A visit with a Legal professional in your area familiar with state law and outcomes of someone in your situation should tell you if divorcing NOW is a must. OR if it does not matter when you divorce. Frankly many men in your situation often decide no…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:15 PM
3

sometimes people get married because they "think" this will make them happy this is usually very immature thinking but it is what it is. Happiness and fulfillment comes from within not by what you make or what kind of relationship you have. Sometimes people finding that they are not happy go crazy and decide to have kids thinking KIDS must be the path to happiness and fulfillment. Count your blessings that this woman did not have a child with you, and therefore take 2 or more people on her Eat, …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:04 PM
10

just ignore the messages If you think about this practically she is using the messaging to YOU as free therapy, either start charging her to read it like a therapist would or ignore It's funny how people file for divorce sure that this will solve their problems... then wonder why problems are getting worse... paragraph messages are her processing the getting worse part just smile and wave boys smile and wave
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:00 PM
3

dude YES she is entitled! If you bought the house free and clear BEFORE marriage sure maybe it's yours but if you financed it... yes half the equity is HERS you can fight it all you want but a Judge will ALWAYS ALWAYS give her half, ALWAYS FYI - it's a good interview question for a prospective Lawyer to see what his answer to this is... if he says "oh the Judge will take into consideration that you paid down payment and earned all the money..." NOPE the Judge will not the BEST you can hope for i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 06:50 PM
3

you need to consult with your lawyer how to lower the drama in this situation depending on state laws you could be in mortal danger just by coming by "your house" (but now it is not your house.... get it?) It is very important in these situations to ENGAGE with a lawyer to get this situation calmed down. These things have an arc and one way they end is someone getting shot and someone in prison. Check your attitude at the door and PLEASE for the love of God stop your end of the confrontation. I …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 03:58 PM
3

What is your ex expecting? For the Court to completely agree with her of course! That won't happen not even close but people go to court expecting all kinds of things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 03:36 PM
2

not strange at all imagine a person so into their own headspace that they cannot even have a thought about someone else's feelings. that is the mind set of a spouse who is divorcing, if they paused to actually think about someone else they might well not be filing unilaterally for divorce. To the divorce filer this is just paperwork and busy work because they mentally 'moved on' from the marriage WAY BEFORE they decided to tell the other spouse via a divorce filing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 12:24 AM
1

this is a good answer I have had a parent pass and all you need is death certificate to make things happen it really is relatively straightforward
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 09:55 PM
1

these "some" mortgage don't really do anything exiting the deed in a title theory state is straightforward you surrender your interest in the property yes in states that are lien theory states you will have to negotiate with the title/deed holder which is the lending institution. Which would require some paperwork if allowed. but it is the loan owner NOT the loan servicer (the 'mortgage' company you list who is in contact with the customer) that would authorize any deed changes. Anyway the best …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 09:28 PM
7

yep the idea of your wife getting it on with another man is a kick in the nether region... no two ways about it. What's even MORE kicking is the near certainty that she is with another man already or at least has an emotional affair with some man. People typically don't pull the whole "I want out of this situation" without a solid plan B to move to when the "situation" ends. The best advice I can give about this is. When a spouse says "divorce" they have immediately transformed into a stranger. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:46 PM
2

you should be scared, modern women are not reasonable the best equivalent I can come up to is imagine a Used Car Lot... where all the salesmen are smarmy and come up to you and ask "How much will you give for one of my wonderful Premium Used Cars TODAY? And by the way I have tons of other men BEGGING to even be let on this lot to look at these Beauties!" And truth be told all of the women we might date as older men will have the "been there done that" attitude so you have to bring something "out…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:40 PM
2

no Tinder is in it's own class granted this is mostly understood at by the younger set but it's just what it is
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:31 PM
1

you will most likely need to sell the home, you both are on deed you both are on loan the only way to get that de-tangled is selling get divorce AND THEN worry about little ones schooling... get divorce and a lot of these decisions are straightforward
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:48 AM
1

First off - do not tie financial decisions to "What ifs" and "possibles" concerning the kids. Secondly - if your ex has a boyfriend and they move together then your kids "school and friends" will be like a DISTANT concern.. and nothing you can do about it Third - Making a house buying decision based on "being close to a school district" is not the way to go about this AT ALL. Fourth - your lawyer (200 an hour indicates cheap lawyer btw) IS NOT the person to ask about these things. A lawyer knows…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:34 AM
1

suddenly wants to be alone... there is a man named Alone somewhere... bet on it loans at this point are awkward, (technically half will be owed by the other spouse) I would use credit cards if you don't have kids then this should be about 5k to you in legal costs.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:28 AM
7

Tinder is not a dating app it is a Hookup app. If you want instant bedroom time I suppose it's an option but in reality I is not worth using for dating.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:26 AM
1

Forget about modifications EVER... the number you make around divorce IS the income that is assumed. Many in the entertainment industry have noticed that Filing for divorce of a very successful Star or Producer seems to time the peak of earnings for that Actor or Producer really well. (lol) pegged at a certain income is my opinion. (as per Judge determination at a final hearing or mutual agreement) Judges would prefer for the parties to come up with a number jointly to suggest. But if there are …
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:36 PM
15

yep we all want the nightmare to be over initially but in time... in time... you will wake up one day and realize that without this person of questionable character in your life you are feeling much better it takes awhile but it happens trust me
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:51 PM
1

Look... you have to do things by the agreement, THEN you can look for ways to move forward NOTE: The DHS issues only compound your legal jeopardy. Most likely Mom is setting up a document trail to really bend you over in court. (I would really really get a lawyers advice NOW) IF you go to court and you are not in compliance with the existing agreement, you will be ASKED why. If mom does not back you up, (and why would she?) you will be in violation of the EXISTING agreement Now think about this.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:32 PM
2

No the REAL reason is you are violating the court orders concerning your kids. (fixed it for you) You are lucky that your ex wife has not done an enforcement action on you FORCING you to pay penalties AND legal costs for both sides. You are dangerously close to gross contempt of court which could end up with you in JAIL. Man. (THINK CAREFULLY) Do you love your children enough to go to Jail, end up jobless and therefore unable to pay for their financial needs??? STOP THE MADNESS! do what the cour…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 09:08 PM
8

Why it be like this? I'll do you one BETTER WHY? do Dad's keep doing things NOT DOCUMENTED IN THE DIVORCE DECREE OR IN CUSTODY AGREEMENT... and THEN wonder why the courts and lawyers run them over with the Legal bus backup and then run the legal bus over them again???? I GET IT! (I really do, I was once like you 'do things for kids... make handshake agreements with ex' etc etc) AND my ex's lawyer and judge ran me over with the legal bus OVER AND OVER again. Here is what you do - DO WHAT THE DECR…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 08:27 PM
4

People don't change, and people talk more than they actually do If you have issues with your spouse's behavior that you find to be unacceptable, realize that the behavior will not change. They will "say" they will change... but actually no, no change will occur. If you truly believe that the issues are irreconcilable... then divorce is an option and most likely from a financial standpoint I think you will be better off without the boat anchor weighing you down. For a man (given that men file far…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:10 PM
3

Well contentious is right, this will be WAY WAY contentious I have no idea how to 'impute' things but more or less what is key to realize is Judges are not financial experts they will most likely rule on your last 2 full year tax returns and your last 2-4 pay stubs. If those documents imply that you make (or can be expected to make) around 250k then that will be what is determined. So a court date in 2024 showing 2 full years of 500k... not good So a court date in Q2 2025 showing 1 year of 500k …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:01 PM
1

why did you hire a "she"? I think this is an object lesson in hiring the RIGHT Attorney, go around and find a new attorney that's a HE and tell HIM you want movement on this case many attorneys will sit there if you let them. Get them to send over documents with DEADLINES, deadlines missed assume they agreed and on to the next step EASY
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:07 PM
1

to estimate child support do a google search for Mich state child support amounts. That will give you an estimate of what it costs since she works and she is only 5 years in alimony is not normally awarded but who knows Now for the love of GOD stop "saying we quits" "calling it quits" The only way to be divorced is to petition a family court for DIVORCE quit talking about it and do the legal things to make it happen. You don't like the idea of alimony? Well the only way to make the divorce happe…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:05 PM
2

if you attorney is saying that then it is rare for Judges in your area to award any alimony, you are probably ok So yes I don't think you have to worry about that. Just make sure you stay the course and get fully divorced. Many women will come up with interesting stunts to rope a man back into continuing with the marriage dropping current suit THEN filing when it is advantageous to them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 01:23 AM
3

there is no way short of a final hearing to get a Judge to agree with the need to sell the house I think any Judge will be sympathetic and order the sale, Just tell your attorney point blank Schedule A FINAL hearing date (assuming you have done the arbitration try and all the other steps required to schedule the hearing) When one party will not move on a particular item you have no choice but to go to a Judge for relief. Then with order in hand you can put more and more pressure until she signs …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:54 PM
15

yes this is common and from all the stories I have heard from men post divorce... it's a no win situation When a spouse says "I want a divorce" or "I don't want to be married anymore" It's a bell that can't be un-rung. (sorry you are getting a divorce, no matter what you do or say) When a spouse says divorce, the logical thing is to ask why... and if you ask why you WILL get an answer an answer that logically fits some behavior that your spouse has issue with. BUT (and this is BIG), the change i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 06:38 PM
9

I think you are giving away too much myself. You have a great deal of assets and money. I would probably play the delay game if I was you. You can be amicable "now" and play act and just chip away at the months you will be paying Child support. once kid is 18 you will be in a MUCH better divorce situation than with a kid around. I would wait until kid is 17+ one month. THEN YOU file for divorce. key points to consider: ONCE kid is 18 you get out of the default "protect the kids, bend over the Da…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:46 PM
1

This is the one time an attorney would not be a good idea (I mean sure consult, but they are going to tell you it is what it is... or suggest expensive litigation for the court to tell you 'it is what it is') This is a government thing. It's a wait until the cogs of government determine your bill. Then pay the bill. Save up brother. Yeah, it's funny how a few years after divorce the ex husbands hear the stories that the arc of their ex-wife's life is not so good. This is why I tell guys, mentall…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 01:58 PM
4

this is classic parental alienation and your ex's behavior (as you describe) is pretty classic cluster B, And boyfriends behavior either is codependent passive aggressive or covert narcissist. FYI - If your Cluster B Ex has found herself a covert narcissist then it's a match made in hell that seems to go on for longer than you would think... around 7 years I think is the average. There are a couple of books about parental alienation out look them up and get them. Read them they help. First piece…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 11:34 PM
2

I realize what you are saying as to "Tell them when to pick up" that is standard lawyer talk in normal situations... HOWEVER you are not talking to the party in your litigation... (get it?) Grandma does not understand the law, and only is doing things based off of what daughter is saying. In practical terms just try to be polite to Grandma. State the time you want to pick up the kids. If it's a move of a few hours document it. Remember you have to make things legally painful for Mom so that Mom …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:23 PM
6

yes Grandma or any designated adult by custodial parent can "keep" your kids temporarily away from you. (not sure exact legalities in Canada) In general if it is the difference in a few hours... It's not really a big deal to any court AND NO you should not "alert the police" for goodness sakes, that can and will make you look very bad in any future litigation anywhere on the planet. Seriously think about how that comes across "Dad called the police on Grandma" not a good line of questions will f…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:01 PM
12

here is what I recommend (it's worked out well for men who have taken this advice) after a divorce you have your assets cut in half (most men being wise about such things give the more liquid assets to their ex and keep retirement funds mostly intact) So even if a man has a great deal in tax advantaged funds... he does not have that much "cash cash" Plus he has to pay a portion of his income directly to ex usually for child support and/or alimony. ALL of this compounds early right after divorce.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:53 PM
1

sometimes (rarely in my experience) it works out most of the time it's not - it's hard enough making things work as a couple forcing your kids on that ride is bad
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:40 PM
2

OMG yet another reason never to get married This is a plausible deniability thing, she didn't "ask for" child support but because she signed up for gov benefits child support will be sought from you... and you now have to pay the state so they in turn can pay the mom. (see how that works?) All of this NOW is pretty automatic and you will get assessed whatever the state rate is for child support. And mom gets paid by the state to sit on her hindquarters and you pay the state for the privilege. YO…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:57 PM
3

yep you are on the long road, you will need a final hearing and a judge to give 50/50 and appropriate child support etc just wait it out she will find some boy toy and suddenly get in gear and settle so she can move on with boy toy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 02:48 AM
16

Making it official as girlfriend boyfriend is cool, you can ride that out for awhile moving fast is getting married less than 2 years after a divorce is final. So you are not "moving fast" you are talking about it fast. General Advice I have seen work for multiple people marring again after divorce or being widowed: 1 - DO NOT consider moving in together until 1 year of full dating (4 seasons) 2 - DO NOT set a date to marry until at least 1 1/2 years since first date 3 - Take at least one vacati…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 02:24 AM
3

allegations are serious but unless you wish to go into politics this is mostly of no concern So many people say silly things like "stay in the house" when in reality the best defense against unfounded accusations IS TO NOT BE IN THE HOME! Pretty hard to claim you are being violent from 2 miles away! Anyway I'm glad it worked out for you
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:00 PM
10

wants to be alone forever = she found a new person to be married to Just translating for you... and most likely she is not bipolar, most people that are diagnosed like this and can't maintain long relationships are actually misdiagnosed ... the way to tell is if she is on prescription meds from a Psychiatrist and... well they don't help. That's the tell.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 03:49 PM
4

ah yes the introduction of the spring winter (in reverse) relationship on queue from the mass media talking this point up just in time for lonely Christmas time for cat ladies I mean suspicious cat is suspicious as to timing... you go bot
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 03:37 PM
2

Orion Taraban
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 03:33 PM
1

tell her to get mom to pay her mortgage, no "assuming" eh this will be mostly over at some point
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 10:05 PM
2

"we agreed" absent a final divorce decree can easily change and in your case should change golden retrievers are great dogs, good choice make sure the missus is off the deed Mr Big bucks, talk to your Attorney and Financial planner early and often
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 09:46 PM
1

likely in a full bench trial all the supposed allegations discussed in the petition will be aired. You will be asked if you agree with her saying you are abusive, you say no. Judge determines its He said / She said. There might be a bit of lawyer theater, such as "Mr Carpenter when did you stop beating your wife?" type crap. Some Judges allow this some stop it... depends on the Judge. All legal fees should be paid out of shared marital income and assets. So if you make more than her you should p…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 09:41 PM
1

loneliness is common, I suggest getting a dog (seriously, a dog for yourself) Many Many divorced men have recommended a dog. I inherited dogs and I would have to agree frankly. Also I would seriously look at selling the house. No matter what the stbx wifey says she will want to live in that house that is comfortable for the kids... and have a nice area for her to play house with her new man that eventually shows up. You want to subsidize house and child care so that ex wife and new boyfriend can…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 09:32 PM
11

The song remains the same. I am stunned at the number of dudes here that at first say "wife divorcing I believe her when she says no infidelity no one else... we just drifted" or whatever. followed closely by "wife divorcing because I (spin wheel of blame... Video Gamed) to much... no infidelity no one else... she just got tired of watching chic flicks alone..." or whatever AND the chaser?... every SINGLE TIME... yeah now I see pics with her and a new man that suspiciously showed up REALLY QUICK…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 05:52 PM
1

so your 1 (one event) counter example is statistically relevant... how? This isn't social media where "feelz" means it all. Over many studies and numerous research on this subject, being a child of divorced parents markedly increase chances of children divorcing spouses saying "not true" because I'm the rare counterexample! or I made it up! ... does not countervail existing well established research. So No.. it is true, by research and by everyone else except your bizarre (statistically speaking…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 05:44 PM
2

copy all filings for your review take paperwork to attorney for review other party does not need to know... unless you need them to know because your attorney saves you
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 03:50 AM
2

if it's your residence no they do not, consult a tax attorney or financial planner 401k funds are TAX DEFERRED not tax exempt like ROTH. Anyway I'm sure you have it all under control given that you have made your decision to offer 1 for 1. Hope it works out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:59 PM
2

If kids are involved YES, yes they will. If kids are not involved, no most likely not. Get an attorney to vet everything you are doing in your "amicable" divorce. It's more than worth the few thousand you would spend
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:56 PM
6

best way to vet potential wife material is "are your parents still married" IF you don't want to be the single dad... yep her mom and dad need to be together No bonus points for answer: "My parents are divorced but I would never do that..." sure you wouldn't sweetums... sure you wouldn't
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:31 PM
2

REMEMBER - in actual value the price on your 401k is -20% + applicable taxes So in actuality a 401k is not worth 1-1 of home equity In any case you should sell the house. IF you keep it you have a house on your credit until she inevitably defaults on the loan and you get hit with a foreclosure on your credit sell house - divide money, work on 401k separately
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:27 PM
8

offer HER an option for her and kids to vacate by 11/1 and see how she takes this... and offer her oh say 1-2k to make it easier for her to find appropriate housing. "sometimes" this kind of exercise makes the other party realize that GET OUT OF HERE I DONT WANT YOU AROUND ... is a whole lot more complex than "Wifey don't want you around anymore" The reason why I say this is, it's important to get the soon to be EX realizing the full implications of what she's doing with a divorce. If you think …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:25 PM
2

I'm going to commend you for having the understanding of what is going on in inter-gender dynamics. you use terms like deadbed, lovebombing in a way that indicates learning about the concepts and recognizing in your own relationship. These kind of stories make me really happy. When I started my journey that ultimately ended in divorce. I wanted to learn more about women and try to rekindle my marriage. I found that reading certain ideas worked and some that did not. Mostly delineated by which ge…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:18 PM
1

NO I am not really talking about "common law practice" look you are in the middle of a VERY odd arrangement. There is no law that governs "Ex wives that still live with ex husbands" So if the ex-wife asserts "Hey Judge! We are actually still married!" and you say "No Judge we are not married!"... what's the truth? Depends on legal interpretation. And the Judge's ruling really. Sorry (and your ATTORNEY should be telling you this!!!) And this would likely default to a really gray area in ALL STATE…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 02:26 PM
2

lol yeah might be in order, I would also talk to a personal attorney that likely setup your will and/or trusts and ask about how your heirs would go about ejecting a co-habitating exwife from a home they now own Or an exwife who suddenly takes (steals) all your personal property should you fall ill and are in the hospital. Think a bit about how this plays out if you are not around and others have to come in to this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 02:00 PM
3

I think this is the really big lesson of modern relationships I really believe the "I don't know..." is very real in people There is this barrier with some people that until they are pushed by external forces they "don't know" what they can do. If you think about it people are by default rather non motivated. We don't want to work, but we have to for survival. If you take away the survival part and the job becomes just something "to do" or "to make life easier" or "to have nice vacations"... wel…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:53 PM
1

egads... it never stops so here's the deal, mom/exwifey will not be able to refiance that loan. So... I would explain it to her that she needs to figure out what works for this car Options - you keep car and pay on it - if you feel generous give her some money for "equity" to basically go away you keep your name on the title - she pays payments - pays insurance etc - this is a risk but.. sometimes it works if the loan for the car is relatively low and easy for her to pay you take the ex wifey ca…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:50 AM
3

ok so here's the deal you ARE responsible for the terms of the final decree if you signed that your spouse gets 50% (or whatever) you WILL ultimately be compelled to do that Easy way - you realize this is a paperwork issue and you need to sign and pay for a QDRO attorney (300 to 500 dollars) to do the paperwork then get it signed by the court etc etc (her lawyer should help with that)... and get this done eventually - it takes like 6 months plus Hard way - you get served a summons to appear for …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:42 AM
6

it's easy realize that after she gets you to NOT divorce her original behavior will return at a higher level. Men only file 25% of divorce petitions if you take out the dudes that decided their secretary was a better deal for wife 2.0... you have only a few divorce filings that are dudes with reasons. Usually the reasons are very compelling. Also I have had a fair number of cases where the man was ready to file and was stopped by wifey tears... only for the wife to later file divorce HERSELF at …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:33 AM
1

worrying about your exspouse is normal and healthy heck you were connected to this person and maybe even loved this person. Anyone with a brain and a heart would feel for the ex in spite of what they did during and after divorce. The looking at a picture and feeling about that person who now does not exist is normal too. And it does pass with time. (if you don't re-aggravate the emotional injury) so don't go get wounded again remember the person you knew but realize that person no longer exists …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:17 AM
1

yes you are at risk. I would move away I have no idea why you are living with an exwife These kinds of things confuse judges and if someone comes into court saying "I'm so not married to this woman I "was" married to... but now I still live with so we should be treated as single people" any overworked confused judge would ask ... ok so how did you act differently after being married from when you were married... did you separate physically? (no we still live together) Ok you are married then... …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:00 AM
22

don't worry once she is divorced she will miraculously discover a job that she "likes" and seemingly have steady employment near a 100% occurrence in my circle of over 100 divorced men... it's just amazing how motivational being on ones own is. and yes many times this is taken into account if you don't have kids. If you do you will have a hard time proving an ability to work... it is what it is
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:48 PM
6

look water is wet and all parties in a divorce will paint the picture that makes them look good, it happens As I said water is still wet Let me "clue you in" on what REALLY happened. Your spouse had a potential sweetums. She decided to move in/get serious with sweetums and sweetums said "whoa there, we just play'n here not all play house"... spouse who just a few days ago said "I don't think I'll change my mind" REALIZES... Oh CRAP! I just sabotaged my "sure thing steady spouse marriage" for pla…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:45 PM
1

so edit here... everyone meets someone on tinder quickly... everyone she met a farmer who is in to ploughing fields. It's why people download Tinder. Tinder downloading is the universal sign to a partner that their partner is MOVING ON tonight. so get tested, and make sure you have FILED for divorce or have a legal separation valid in your local area LEGALLY. Women on Tinder can come home with other men's children.. in some areas some states in the US is a child is conceived during the marriage …
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:36 PM
2

any situation you can set up where you can afford and host your kids with reasonable comfort is the way to go
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:40 PM
3

mostly what you are feeling is normal, I suggest group therapy for divorced people group do a google search in your area and you will find one, I suggest in person not virtual. At first you are dealing with TWO traumas 1 - your spouse does not like you anymore 2 - normally some spouses band-aid their own separation trauma by finding someone else to trauma bond with, so they jump into bed with someone else like you (past love) are nothing. the ol' to get over someone get under someone else thing …
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:34 PM
1

The answer in any western country and Scotland (even Aberdeen is still western).... the answer is no. I would get with a solicitor hopefully your missus lives in UK. If not you may have to file where she is since there is at least one minor child it complicates things. I would wait until JR leaves the nest too then divorce to make it easier. When minor children are involved Judges the world over go mother hen on them and gum up the works even if the couple is amicable AND has ample funds for eac…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 02:17 AM
-1

you are coming across as someone who is overly naive... are you ok? Do you need further education in how the world works or do you need to go back to a special care facility? I'm worried about your overly trusting manner especially after you JUST found out promises like "death do us part" are not valid. Do you need another life lesson in people saying one thing and IT CHANGING? Hmmm? You want the house and it will be your undoing. Plenty of posters here (one just this week even) have stated this…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:28 PM
0

so we are clear... how you going to do that? exactly? So we are clear? You will need her signature at refinance time?.... hmmm did you realize that? if you SELL THE HOME and your ex is on any of the paperwork she will be required to sign at closing too. did you realize that? This quit claim and we done thing is going to bite you in the hind quarters. What happens if she does not sign the quit claim until you refinance... she still has interest in the home! that's what happens! Which means you ha…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:18 PM
2

as one post said you won't get arrested for a civil proceeding I have no idea how you can consider to be married while you both are in two different states. If you want to be divorced read over the petition and see if you are ok with it. If you don't have kids you can just not contest it and it becomes a default judgement. If you have kids then all bets are off. Especially if you were the one that moved.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:10 PM
3

I think it is worth getting married in most places in the world actually. But strangely it seems very very bad to get married in Aus, US, Canada and UK these days. In most places in the world there is not a community concept of shared Marital Assets. So if a woman wants a divorce she cannot by default have claim to a man's assets. I'm fine with marrying a woman in an area of the world where there is severe penalties to a woman exiting a Marriage. In the US for example if your state mandates Alim…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:04 PM
6

Best things to realize is this Custody kid time is a separate issue from Asset/Debt negotiations "usually" your attorney and mediator will catch this and not agree to kid time vs money horse trading. DO NOT DO QUIT CLAIM AND REFINANCE... stipulate the home needs to be sold - just today we got a guy who's ex-wife was "supposed to refinance last Nov" didn't happen so what's the guy to do? HE HAS NO RECOURSE... the only way you can get that house sold and that mortgage OFF your credit is to SELL th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 08:59 PM
6

lol ah the transparent head fakes of "I'm not into you but... I'm inviting you to stuff with our kids only to cancel like I just want you jealous into you" Let me translate this for you. The WHOLE reason your Ex pulled this is to tell you the Dad that she has a male friend who she wants to do Dad things with. THAT'S IT, as in there is no other goal except to fluff her ego and get an emotional reaction. To some people emotional reactions and the magnitude of the reaction IS the currency they valu…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 07:42 PM
6

welcome to the REWARDS for bad divorce advice! Congrats! The short answer is there is NOTHING you can do... NOTHING... read that again You signed an agreement that you "thought" would make something happen... And it did not! (imagine that?) Here is what happened. No court in the land can MAKE a person enter into a contract (a refinance). All they can do is assess monetary PENALTIES if there is non-compliance. So a court can't make your ex refinance, to pay off the loan that you are still on! (I …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 02:49 PM
1

probably not a good play, this will at least be reviewed by a judge with a temp hearing and not granted by default since this is a man. You spend 2k to get this done and Miss Thing can still come by flash her ID and have the man removed by the Police. OP needs to move
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:34 PM
1

you normally have to move, it's a pain but you need to set up separate living arraignments that she does not have any claim in that lease cannot be changed normally by one party in most states (maybe all) If you don't get away from this lease, Miss thing can file another Protective Order (which in your area is OBVIOUSLY granted easily) and eject you from your own home!!! read that again Move and get a new lease with JUST your NAME on it, change your address on your ID and don't tell Mrs Protecti…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:31 PM
3

this is a big big s-show I hope it helped to write this out sometime organizing this is best. First thing is obviously is the kids who are grieving their mom dying ARE the first priority. I know it's tough because it's obvious new wife wants you to drop everything for 11son... which you can't do because you have kids where you are the ONLY parent. You have one crisis with another parallel crisis. First realize you are thoroughly screwed. Accept it. You have TWO emergencies and ONE you. And to to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:25 PM
2

yeah nurses tend to find someone on night shift (oh honey I do better on night shift, it's better for me and how I like to work...) Anyway I would not "start the process" I would hire a lawyer and get a filing together, don't talk, file and file quickly, stop "talking" and do divorce. Any attorney will tell you if you are the spouse making less you should move to secure funds for the benefit of your shared children soonest. The only way to guarantee that is filing for divorce. Don't be surprised…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:07 PM
2

in round figures 3 years factors: how much you paid lawyers during the divorce proceedings amount of temp spousal support/alimony amount of spousal/alimony after divorce finalized expense of alternate living accommodations expense of reallocation of any assets like 401k pension ect and the killer the amount of debt you take on early in divorce proceedings and post divorce best advice is clamp down on spending until year 3 when you get to a steady state, then do the travel and get the sports car …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:03 PM
13

sell house - only answer that works
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 02:42 PM
1

you do not agree, but obviously you have little legal experience Any lawyer will recommend timing a filing for divorce as to be advantageous to his client The opposing side of any litigation does the same... why should a Dad's decision making be any different? I think you are being short sighted and if you had perspective and training from the perspective of a Legal Professional you would not have the opinion you have. Frankly I am confused as to the mental point of origin of this reply.... A co…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 02:42 PM
-1

this is an EASY one get a lawyer get a filing together and have it ready If you get an offer that is stupendous, simply file for divorce BEFORE start date. Easy Peasy. BTW for everyone watching in the home game. Your status AT THE MOMENT of filing is what matters to the court. Not good if you lose your job (bad) or even if you get a new job (good). If you have a 100k job on date of filing you will get ASSESSED at that rate! Which is bad if you lose your job right? But great in your case if you g…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:16 AM
6

you are misleading the woman you are dating... but it is what it is. No woman dating a quality man will say to herself "this has no future" if she really thought that... she would not be with you Every one of them wants to be cinderella every single one It's not in your control to not hurt a woman who is in a relationship with you because of a fantasy. It is in your control to be a good boyfriend and treat this woman the best she has ever been treated. But it is also in your control to not let y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:07 AM
1

this is tough VERY tough. I would get a very good lawyer or solicitor (since you don't appear to be in US) There is a legal way to do this and then there is the practical real world way. You are wrong that moving will affect the kid. But it's just one more consequence of parents NOT getting along and making the marriage work. Changes in a child's situation will always cause problems get used to the idea. You most likely will need a full separation agreement in place. I would propose you define t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 07:22 PM
5

yep it's like they have a metaphorical crossed fingers when they pledge With some people it's always 'We are good until something changes not to my liking, then the deals off"
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:15 PM
9

Asking for Divorce is a bell that can't be un-rung you two will get divorced, it's only a determination of WHEN not if Go ahead and file get it over with. FYI - either way the other party WILL BLAME you. So that does not matter. Some people are just unhappy with life and take it out on people around them. Allow them the gift of your absence.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:35 PM
2

Nope, ZERO stars would not recommend
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:33 PM
17

Because men usually take the "til death do us part" statement very seriously To a man when a pledge is made, He normally feels duty bound to fulfill that pledge. This is likely a very deep division between genders in how they view such pledges. Marital vows typically do not give clauses like. Married "until you drive me crazy". Married "until I ask for divorce" Married "until you go bald" Married "until you lose your job" you get the idea, most divorce filings are by women, so it's easy to see t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:32 PM
1

refer this to lawyer. Get lawyer to craft a letter to her lawyer stating the next pickup for custody and the expectation to overnight. If you don't hear objections her lawyer likely explained the law to their client. It's important to do the following - Communicate on this matter via ATTORNEYS don't email, don't complain. Talk to your lawyer your desire for overnight as likely spelled out in your temp orders. Also, do not fight the wifey on the overnight issue until the letter has been sent from…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:57 PM
1

nah most likely you are done. Simply remind her you are now divorced and legally separated not joined in marriage. Given that she should consider all funds that were provided outside of wording in the decree as gifts and no further support should be expected. She can (and may) take you to court but without there being wording in the decree that would support her case she has slim chances. She may find a lawyer that will take this case and file on you. If she does you hire a lawyer and have him (…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:41 PM
2

True Dat!
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:25 PM
3

check out the forum going all Literary!
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:12 PM
1

oh it gets worse tell a family judge "mom got arrested" judge will ask "was dad involved"... answer under oath would be "yes... but" Judge will say "I'm not going to listen to anymore arguments on this matter." I know this is tough medicine but Judges hear this crap every day. He gets it... mom dad don't like each other anymore. The only way that any argument compels a judge to action is endangerment to the children. Which means mom has to be a Convicted Felon, In a Mental hospital or CPS has vi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:07 PM
5

lol this is VERY VERY real. I think this is an object lesson for ANY MAN to realize how the other half thinks and acts. If you ever ever want to know if a woman is into you, ask a woman about it. It's like a paranormal ability women have to detect when another woman is potentially interested in a particular man. I always vet my romantic interactions with my woman friends. It's uncanny how accurate they are.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:31 PM
1

you heard wrong, no judge will EVER sign such an order unless mom has committed herself for a long term hospital, or been committed by the state (which rarely happens since year 2000). If your ex has NEVER EVER BEEN IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL... you have ZERO (read that again dude) ZERO chance of being "granted any custody" Your only path really forward is to learn to deescalate this. (seriously) If you are unethical you could roll the dice and setup a situation where you get her to commit a felony as…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:22 PM
1

yeah not, you can't get someone else "evaluated", you cant tell stories to anyone and have them "evaluate" her What you can do is relate stories to a psych person. Have them give you pointers on how to navigate a high conflict post divorce situation with drama. They should be able to give you frequent tips you can try to de-escalate the conflict with Ex wifey. go to different psych people until they start giving you workable strategies to help deescalate this powder keg.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:04 PM
13

yeah this is tough If it helps she is just going through these stunts to try and salvage a plan B if the AP situation does not work out. As in this stunt was ALL because her situation with new person is uncertain and she is pulling all the stops to get an emotional reaction out of you (you likely have gone into "man just business mode") and that starves her emotional context sensing of how you are feeling towards her. Check with a professional how to navigate this, but in general if you continue…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 02:52 PM
5

no scenario leads to "winning" your wife back it's a on/off switch that has gone to OFF. All that you can do now is mentally deal with this new reality
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:17 PM
4

many have been where you are, and many have made choices that I don't understand. The only thing that seems to help is the understanding there is a little human that needs you to keep it together and provide for them, it's a duty you owe to the future regardless of rewards and present pain. please chose the future, chose duty
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:00 PM
2

everyone is a mess, is decent thinking now Mostly it's just if the mess is something you can tolerate or not. I had a wise person say to me one time. "In relationships you get what you deserve not what you wish you would get. Which can be good and can be really bad."
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 02:55 PM
1

get a lawyer, familiar with your local courts and Texas state law you have to FILE for divorce in your county before you even begin to talk about "rights" as a dad. Get Lawyer, Get a filing together get her served AND then you can negotiate any moving your soon to be ex wants to do. FYI - it is not uncommon for a wife to consider divorcing in a BETTER legal venue than Texas. If you know divorce is a certainty you cannot file for divorce soon enough to make sure that wife stays in Texas for the d…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 01:20 AM
2

yes it is rough out there and many men have commented (all age groups) how online dating seems to be dying I think it's a function of the other side of the dating dynamic. I have had the other side players say and I quote "I am only going out with men who are perfect and have a potential for long term relationship" Which means that while they may have dated 4-5 in a row... now they are dating 1-2 And they get frustrated about it and wonder where have all the good matches gone? I just laugh, I fe…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:43 AM
2

both parties in a human relationship are "humans" , humans lie don't they? I know this may be a shock to you but I have yet to have someone I date give me the complete truthful story on the first few meetings. You are lucky to get a story that at least is "close" to the truth. Think about it this way, your ex is now in the dating pool. Do you think her story about what went down and YOUR story about what went down match? Hmmm? just kind of extrapolate that idea to the whole dating pool you are w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:39 AM
1

to my understanding in Texas there is a max that Child support can be assessed at so if you make 1 million you still get max child care for state which is... based on someone making 150k I think??? So if you are a high earner your stbx does not get the child support retirement plan
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:29 AM
5

yeah getting laid has to happen sometime... but frankly finding a potential who is not talking crazy would be a good thing right? Find a more sane woman who does not spew redflags talking about her "open relationship" which may indeed not be "open" if you asked the dude about it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:22 AM
7

Ok I know it's a brand new dating world... but people lie, both people at your date were people Yes she came on a bit heavy but, if you ignore the bs commentary... she was saying that she wanted bedroom time BADLY. Now that could be good, as in she has needs and you are a man to fulfill those needs. OR bad she is thinking of using bedroom gymnastics to hook you into a more tied down relationship. I'm going (in this case) with the second bad. As a newly divorced man you have to realize you are VE…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:14 AM
2

yeah get a lawyer, any lawyer at this point would be a help.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:06 AM
3

umm sounds like you need a lawyer stat the "facilitator" could easily be paid for by other party and therefore is obviously not neutral get an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney then you can seek support in your area and at least have an attorney review your Pro Se filings and court records.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:47 AM
9

nope don't marry obviously she is money centric and feels that a prenup will limit her exit with cash and prizes at divorce time. You could remind her that this "alimony clause would only get activated in divorce"... "hence if she has no plans of ever divorcing... she need not fear this clause" I'm kidding, a woman will negotiate very very hard to guarantee her cash windfall at divorce. It's reasonable she is bringing beauty and youth and will birth small vulnerable humans, so a high income earn…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:34 AM
4

Then after divorce trial, but before divorce decree, she demanded $100 for doc visits. I told her, "Call your lawyer and ask him to make a formal request to the court." She didn't and I didn't pay. this is the correct answer
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 06:44 PM
1

I do not think you know what this means
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 06:25 PM
2

In my experience the "Divorce" announcement has already been disclosed by the Missus way before you "break" the news. So just tell everyone... they already know
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:13 AM
2

ummm why are you going to a mediator? IF you both file a joint petition for divorce and you agree to everything, (oh and the child support is within state law) then this should not need mediation mediation is to MEDIATE any disagreements, there should be NONE if you only have Debts... Mediation, Arbitration is for people who have actually Assets like CASH MONEY to argue about ... not for people who are broke. agree with soon to be ex wifey on everything and get the divorce done (within reason) i…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:06 AM
1

of course you can, marriages are reported count those (public record ya know?).... then count the divorces filed and ages and reported marriage duration easy peasy, you need to use that area behind your eyes a bit. As I said 52 or 56% is a widely reported statistic which is actually INCREASING... (again tracking those reported divorces... divorces ARE public record... you realize that right?) I like how statistical reasoning shows up and everyone is all "you can't calculate that... because 'reas…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 11:54 PM
3

depends and I would consult with a lawyer for specifics If we are talking a few percentages of an overall legit reported assets probably not an issue. So if you are thinking of secreting some cash (and you want cash cash, not in an account cash) so that your transition to singleness is more comfortable that is one thing which probably acceptable I always recommend to men who are getting divorced to have some cash in a secure location not at home so they can get access to it in an emergency, Divo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 05:37 AM
1

I would challenge your numbers it is important to state apples to apples, when you say moldova has X rate you have to make sure it's the right stat. Most of the statements that say Country Y has a higher rate are cherry picking a population demographic to demonstrate this say 18 to 30 year olds. The US overall has a divorce rate twice what any other country has - and it is specific in it's formulation of this "overall" - as I stated clearly that has been pretty much re-stated in EVERY SINGLE DIV…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 05:24 AM
2

well no offense "we all have a hard time imagining"... but it happens far more than it does not and quite frankly it happens after certain events that have not much to do with actual marriage For example: It is well known in psych therapy circles that all it takes for divorce to be nearly certain is for a spouse to start therapy. There is a new trend that they are calling the "gray divorce" when senior citizens get divorced. I mean these marriages are 30+ years... if you don't know a person in 3…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 09:24 PM
4

yep I feel you. This is the worst part of getting divorced. But having an ex-spouse effectively undermine your relationship with your kids... is the worst. And I have heard all the excuses ... I don't care. the Woman most likely made the decision to divorce, now it's "no accident" that she is seeking a new meal ticket or bedwarmer. It's not an accident it's a consequence of the woman's decisions. If it helps though advice I have been given is to keep your relationship with your son intact. And i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 05:13 PM
11

lol - you are in your mind participating in a statistical fallacy Over a couple's LIFETIME there is a 52% or 56% chance (depending on which study you cite) the marriage ends in divorce before death. And that rate appears to be increasing at 1-2% per YEAR in the US. Fun fact the US has a divorce rate TWICE the level of the next highest country which is South Korea. Because you have a limited time frame (when you have been 'noticing' divorces in your life) and the fact that outside of extended fam…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 05:09 PM
1

and let me guess no Appellate experience either there mr 50... seriously...
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:07 PM
1

50? you are kidding... what's your billable hours 2 per week? get real nice try there poser
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:06 PM
9

grant the little ladies wish and have her served with papers this usually goes one of two ways. 1 - she wants you to be the bad guy and divorce her (won't work by the way... no one believes a man files is bad unless you are moving to your mistresses place) 2 - she's bluffing with divorce and only wants you to roll over and show your belly in arguments or disagreements... she uses "I want a divorce" as argument nuclear weapon either way... it's just best to file. By her saying the D word she put …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 07:40 PM
1

that is nice I will look forward to that... my ex would probably act the same way
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 07:22 PM
0

and how much "evidence" beyond documentary evidence of assets do you see introduced in Family Court?? see that a lot skippy? Granted I don't know all states but in my state and via friends in neighboring states... pretty much NONE. None that drives a Judges decision You are completely wrong about the "how" division of assets. Judges can do 60/40 either way, 55/45 either way or 50/50... vast majority end up at 50/50 if a Judge sees it (and spoiler less than 3 percent cases make it to a judge) swi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 07:20 PM
7

IF experience is any guide your daughter feels like many children of divorced parents feel. They want their old life they had when their parents were together in the same house. Your daughter is not talking with you because you replaced mommy. and perhaps mommy encouraged this thinking. It is what it is... do not discount how much your kids secretly fantasize that Mommy and Daddy will reconcile. It is a powerful fantasy that one parent kind of kills when they get serious with someone NOT Mommy o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 08:26 PM
2

This is a frequent situation "Evidence" in family court is pretty much a non factor. The Judge gets it... the two people in his court don't like each other. Proof of "abuse" by either party does not impact a Judge's decision unless it is in the vein of criminal which might lead to a referral to the DA... and what lawyer is going to let his client admit to criminal acts?... so non factor. If your "friend" thinks that Family court is where justice is served then yes he will "lose" that lofty goal.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 08:22 PM
3

this is why Dads normally agree to things they should not get a lawyer to at least advise you properly
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 07:24 PM
0

no assumption needed, if you actually had domain expertise you would likely agree with me you did not, you flippantly dismissed my statement as if you were an expert... but you are not So... I have to assume that you have a tiny cranial area along side a very small physiology below the belt as well good day tiny sir
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 07:24 PM
4

all things are up for negotiation, EVERYTHING except things that are mandated by law in the US Child support nominally paid for by the larger income earner by a state mandated calculation IS non-non-negotiable. Almost everything else is. Given this dynamic many spouses when asked to part with cash or other asset will toss Kid time (aka custody) on the negotiating table to try to get concessions. Here's the deal in most states the division of Custody time IS not normally negotiable EXCEPT if one …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:16 PM
0

It's a special very tiny world you live in to say almost never It's hard to contemplate a metric for this narrow a thinking... So how many Attorneys do you talk to in your area? Hmmm... none? That means you have how much practical experience in these matters?
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:59 PM
1

I feel this so much. I too am looking at "paying off" the child support burdens before my children are fully adult. I like the idea of not having to deal with the EX. She's a special person. And I especially don't like my credit report showing this as an "account" I have to pay on. I want that off my credit so bad. I also am wondering what the future holds for my kids and their relationship with Dad. Right now (after litigation with Mom) they are actually communicating with me and appear to have…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:52 PM
0

bad advice see my reply in the other thread... again there is "possible may work out" and there is prudent If you have ever seen a Dad escorted from a home by a "threatened" mom, then see how the Dad gets asked about this event in Family Court you would realize how BAD BAD BAD your "never leave the home" idea is Might want to confer with Attorney's in your area before saying "never" on anything you are not a domain expert on
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:05 PM
1

A wise man prepares for the eventual certainty. In my area when a woman initially talks with a lawyer, the FIRST question the lawyer asks the mom is does the Dad still live in the house? Answer yes, Lawyer advises mom to change that, provides "resources" for the woman about Domestic violence associated with Divorce litigation. The literature and "resources" are for victims of Domestic abuse and state that "if the woman IN ANY WAY feels unsafe, she can contact the Local Police and have the man es…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:56 PM
0

get a place to stay, divert your paycheck to an account you control you can withdraw money from joint accounts for living expenses (document with a lawyer when you get HIM - always get a HIM) the look for an attorney QUICKLY most likely you will need to respond to her petition like YESTERDAY. Get an attorney, get that filing together
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:43 PM
3

budgeting is spending money until it's gone
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:03 PM
9

well different people approach problem solving differently. Certain people have never had to solve problems on their own. These people simply tell their friends or passing strangers about their problem and if they are pretty enough or smexy enough to prompt action poof! their problems go away. I have had several women that are friends or potential partners say to me they want to date a man so that "things get fixed when they break" or "heavy stuff is moved". And they say these two criterion like…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:00 PM
7

This is probably unlikely. However very inventive attorneys for moms have found ways to re-litigate the divorce. Wait until you are served with papers. Luckily for you as long as child support or a division of assets was agreed to there is no urgency (in the courts mind) to litigate this issue. wait until she files (if she ever does) then hire lawyer (or re-hire if you liked the first one) then simply have lawyer file a continuance or two ask for depositions etc etc. This will cost you but her a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 09:59 PM
-1

You don't tell your spouse you are divorcing. Your Attorney tells your spouse via a serving of court papers that you are divorcing. (talk with an attorney and ask a professional opinion on you "telling verbally you want to divorce" and the legal, criminal and family court outcomes to verify that you should ONLY inform a spouse of divorce via court papers. The reasons you list above are not really relevant to the divorce process. You want to divorce. All states in the US are no-fault divorces. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:52 PM
5

hire a lawyer and find out If you were still married while the sale went through you do have a claim Also if there was property that she sold that was in fact purchased by you, you have that claim Get an attorney and get a filing for divorce set and see about getting the funds back. I would urge you to settle on a decent money amount without too much litigation. the 560k that the missus has now pays for a lot of lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:47 PM
5

it sounds like you need to counter file and start a contested divorce look man, all the divorce attorneys in Texas will say this, until you take the power away from the divorce terrorist and give it to the judge you will always be held at knife point. Don't play games get a counter petition, do contested and just resign yourself to a final hearing in 1 1/2 years or so depending on county
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:40 AM
4

anybody can make any claim in court they want, however claims that are criminal accusations will be followed up by the judge VERY FORCEFULLY (as in immediate questioning to the mom, asking if dad admits to this behavior... if she keeps accusing, and you keep denying Judge will remind you that you both are under oath... and ask you again) Typically the accuser looks to tone down the accusation (possibly while conferring with counsel) and the Judge lets them off with a brief reminder about sworn t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:34 AM
4

it's simple you have to translate this from Man think to Woman think. Imagine a person who does not for ONE MOMENT think about anyone else besides themselves. Why would such a person want to send you a book about "self help" to deal wit "big life changes"? The ANSWER IS... SHE has a big life change. To her (again only thinking about herself and what she feels) an ex spouse who is getting married maybe moving in with a partner IS a big life change... and why wouldn't the EX need that help... so s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 04:21 PM
4

FIRST thing you need to do is get your daughters genetic tested to make sure they are YOURS. Your wife has admitted an affair. It is likely at least a 3 to 1 or even 5 to 1 ratio of disclosed affair to real numbers of affairs. ALSO, don't beat yourself up about your cheating. She cheated too you are both "morally even" I suppose. While I know there is probably a heavy amount of guilt. At the end of the day divorce is on the table and you have to deal with that very likely outcome. I know you wis…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 02:10 PM
7

yeah well welcome to modern life, having to work is a burden some people handle burdens better than others. Weak ones always flounder like fish out of water. I always say that "asking for divorce" or even saying the word "divorce" is a bell that can't be un-rung. there is no way that the marriage survives if one partner says they want to end it. You have at max 2 years even if you beg plead and start giving daily foot washing and foot massages. The best course of action is to start getting menta…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:54 PM
8

They call it the Gray Divorce phenomenon. But I see a lot of men initiating these divorces. My advice is to go to a divorce therapy group. That group will help you deal with and process the emotional, psychological aspects of this change. On the plus side (like you) most men seeking a Gray divorce are desiring peace. I think you will get that and discover a whole new future life frankly. FYI your ex wifey WILL use the kids against you. Your ex wifey will pack everyone's bags for monthly guilt tr…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:28 PM
2

look man there is no "gamble" there is no "worry" about kids Courts everywhere realize that kids prosper when they have a Mom and Dad who care for them. Your "custody" will pretty much be state mandated UNLESS there are extremely unusual circumstances. (as in your wife is a convicted felon in Prison at time of divorce... short of that, you get default). So if you get weekends and 1 month a year. THAT IS WHAT YOU GET. no matter how much assets you give up or don't give up... GET IT? Custody, poss…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:18 PM
1

good catch on the daycare expenses, some states/localities write it in but you are correct child support "traditionally" is meant to be used for daycare
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 10:10 PM
1

you are being taken advantage of tell her verbally that you are not paying for cat care and other frivolous expenses if she has issues she can seek recourse with a court. I believe any judge in the country will be sympathetic to your case. And mom will not get the result she requests. longer explanation--- On the legal side you should get a Lawyer who will be up to speed on your case (final decree, your current expenses you are paying etc etc) But beyond finding an attorney in your area that pra…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 10:07 PM
16

it ebbs and flows man I have had reasonable ex (who kinda is feeling me out to make sure she can scoot back to me if things get 'too tough') I've had hellion ex in the blossoming of a fresh new boy toy good luvin who thinks I'm dirt again (rinse and repeat like... 2-3times? I lost count) I also want to have sympathy for the woman... buuuuuttt... she's strong and independent and can deal with the consequences of her own decisions... right?... I mean she's so strong! and independent! I have tried …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 07:51 PM
3

the max child support in Texas is capped at mid 100k I think It's (according to google) 1840 for one kid 2300 for two kids per month so NOT 20% talk with a lawyer about the step kid situation but most likely you are only looking at 1840 you may have married a repeat offender and if she is getting 1840 form DAD 1 then you as Dad 2 probably pay difference of 2300 - 1840 to Mom. Until Step kid 1 ages out then you pay 1840 adjusted. The calculation will go differently if Mom is being paid less than …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:14 PM
1

yes happier now and my ex seems to be doing well too I suppose it's for the best. But knowing my ex they will find some way to screw up their future. Annnd. I look forward to hearing that EX news... suddenly realizing NOT MY PROBLEM! and grinning to myself the rest of the day!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:06 PM
5

ALL assets will be divided 50/50 so you just got 75k in a 401k for exiting your marriage I would say you agree not "take anything from kids bedrooms" if she agrees to split the 401k. If she balks at the 401k (try to get ALL of the info about the 401k, company statements of value everything) and make sure you FILE IMMEDIATELY... she can drain that 401k or move it if she does it before the filing. FILE QUICKLY with your own attorney. Look man you are getting a 75k+ portion of that 401k if she's no…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 06:03 PM
3

best advice I give to people in your situation is start preparing for Divorce start saving cash you can get to in an emergency (remember joint accounts will be frozen initially by a court in the initial stages of divorce) start considering banking, credit card and other accounts that you may start day after filing. etc. start interviewing lawyers and getting one on retainer (this will be 5-10k in itself) start orienting your life in a way that makes divorce a little less traumatic. STOP reading …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:56 PM
7

THIS is classic bad bad news DO NOT DO THIS Yes of course ex-Mrs wants to "keep the home" after all you paid for it, paid the mortgage and she on her onesie can't buy/finance such a house! Of course she wants THAT deal. DO NOT GO ALONG with this!!! Trust me - let me paint a picture of what happened to 3 men I know personally. Wifey wants to divorce OK, great couple divorces (but they have kids) and whaaa whaaa the Kids really really want to stay in the family home Sappy Hubby.... we don't get al…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:44 PM
4

Read the Value of Others by Orion Taraban All will be revealed, his thesis is that an Economic Model for human relationships is a good proxy for how intersexual dynamics work. One thing that tilts your head is that Where there is no Value being gained there exists no relationship. So the implication is that when the perceived Value of a Relationship ends... the Relationship ends and the actual words said are irrelevant. The words are irrelevant because the True reason for the ending of the relat…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:30 PM
4

its normal to feel this way, most men are very confused by women's actions and messages post filing for divorce and final decree I am see how some can divorce their husbands and put any animosity aside and continue to work with the husband and coparent well. But some can just continually make that very difficult. I think some women realize that they will never be completely separated from their exhusband and that they might as well make the best of it. But some mystify me, the seem to not get pa…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:40 AM
5

many people have keeping up with the Jones' problems It might be selfishness. But there is something very strange going on in the Western world that is not going on other places. There is a very big focus on not settling, not taking a steady situation for a hope of a fantastic windfall. To get the spouse that makes all the dreams come true and if spouse does not do that leave and find new spouse. I've seen recent videos (granted one person) that claimed to be a stay at home spouse the other spou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 03:14 AM
14

It is a bit of a mystery. The only theory I have remotely considered valid is this one: Some people are very NOW focused. That is what are you doing for them right this moment. If you give the person some money. (well they have that... so what now?) If you give them a house to live in. (well they have that... so what now?) If you give them great trips and vacations. (well they have that... so what now?) If you give them X. (well... what now?) Some people will not look at past gifts, benefits or …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:14 PM
2

It's even more sad that you think you understand people without meeting them It's called projection, and people who project negativity on others without really knowing them... are stunted in their emotional development and likely under care of a psychological professional due to their inability to deal with reality
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:05 PM
7

close all joint accounts, only open accounts in your name pretty simple
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:49 AM
7

so here's the deal (btw do not publish this work here) your exwife just got a Golden Gift. Every little girl who grows up to be a wee princess in her daddy's eyes hopes and prays that one day she will have such an impact on a man that he writes poetry or songs professing deep emotions (does not matter if you refer to her as a garden implement used to remove weeds... SHE HAS POETRY WRITTEN ABOUT HER!!! SQUEEE!. You have just nuked your ex with an unbelievable amount of validation... I mean you co…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:45 AM
16

a soccer star had this arrangement worked out well But this basically assumes the man is planning for the eventual divorce. While I think all women in the back of their head plan for this eventuality. Most men do not... unless they have been divorced before.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:44 AM
6

Hey a Garden Implement used for weeds is going to Garden Implement... it's just how it is. Some one will use that tool. It always happens. We have all been there, the feral nature of people is very harsh to see when we have these predispositions to think otherwise. And you are not stupid you are merely normal. Most people do not think in the way it normally works in divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:40 AM
1

sorry man spoiler alert, you will need to sell that house (broken home is a thing) You will likely need to help your miss ex get her first home away from said house because little miss has not got a credit history worth a flip We all say "don't want to move the kids" but in reality it is highly UNLIKELY either of you have 400k in cash sitting around (because all accounts are 50% off due to marital split you see) also if you don't sell she will likely not be able to refinance which means YOU will…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:19 AM
2

you want to rent, there are several reasons for this 1- you want to be able to move to a new locale if your current area (likely close to ex) is not good for your mental health 2- if you buy you are more rooted to your area and like as not since you are recently single you will buy a home that is not meant for single living but more family living. 3- you may decide you don't even want to live in a home or similar situation to what you were living in (e.g. a lot of divorced people live in high ri…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 10:04 PM
4

sounds like someone is flipping genders but anyway a pension is an asset like anything else if a divorce happens then it is up for grabs like any asset the first thing is to do an asset split you can do 50/50 55/45 or 60/40 since you are the lower wage earner you can seek to get a greater percentage of the community assets (including pension) since you (presumably) would not be able to keep your same standard of living since spouse makes the greater income As ALWAYS talk with your attorney! Thes…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 09:17 PM
4

Is female dog a race or ethnicity? I thought it was just a trait
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:13 PM
3

no one knows man, depending on who the wifey is it could be 2x retainer or 5x or even 10x not contested 1x retainer minor contested (just want to end marriage and arguing about minor money) 2x retainer Cannot agree post initial hearing and required to go to arbitration/mediation 4x retainer STILL cannot agree? (you poor man) will need to go to final hearing 2 year+ divorce 6x to 10x retainer
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:26 AM
3

It's more or less normal Retainer is expected by any reputable lawyer, get the money together or use a credit card
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:04 PM
3

In your situation I think you need to hire a GOOD lawyer, as in pick one that charges above average per hour... and GET THAT DUDE ON RETAINER ASAP. Since she has been 'having lunch' with lawyers you can bet she is already getting legal advice. I would ask your attorney specific questions about valuation and outline her assets as you state above. Your business could easily be THE point of contention (it's reasonable for there to be some kind of forensic audit that would probably find out you real…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 03:36 PM
6

I feel you man. I also gave my ex everything. I mean EVERYTHING, just like you. From Objective reality there could be no complaints to the life I provided. There is just a feral nature to some people. Give them a bit of freedom and agency and they will spin out to fantasies of Eat Pray Love and burn the whole shared life experience up in a self destructive fit. Just so you know. There are tons of men who have stories just like yours. It's not you, it's the zeitgeist of our times. There is a theo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 03:24 PM
3

amen
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 06:53 PM
-2

nope you are sane A woman without kids may very well want you to be sperm donor A woman with kids may want you to be daddy A woman without kids and can't have kids may be crazy cat lady I wonder how many women going full speed for divorce considered this outcome in their decision? Yeah... probably none
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:37 PM
15

yes it is VERY interesting that ex spouses who said during divorce terrible things like the other spouse is terrible person seem to WANT to engage with said terrible ex-spouse and interact to show off I was talking with an old flame last night about how women and men think about things her statement was women can't help but think about exes and how they feel about the ex, how the ex-lover feels about new woman etc etc this ex-flame was a knowledgeable wise woman and she still was out of sorts be…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:34 PM
5

we have all been there and absent any true crisis a marriage can last quite awhile this way. I don't think it's a bad thing to stay married if it "works" in some manner. The only true lesson from this forum is you have to prepare for the seemingly Eventual Divorce when Wifey feels like it. Get some supplies, money, and sketched out plan if the wifey says one day "I'm not happy or I'm not in love with you anymore, or I can do better" or whatever reason du jour she comes up with It's highly likely…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 12:30 PM
2

In your final decree there will be language about notification of spouse on employment change. some say immediately some say differently so read your decree. As to your alimony and payments stuff, you are paying Alimony + Child Support. You have no choice in paying child support. I have no idea on the Alimony, in a few states child support and spousal support are BOTH debited by the State AG system. In practice this is basically a debt "account" that the AG collects on behalf of the spouse. You …
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 11:11 PM
10

what I consider the truly compelling behavior is how, when a woman indicates she wishes to leave ALL the women you consult will immediately ask, "is she seeing someone", women know women well. There is no way a woman will leave a nice safe marriage unless there is someone else involved. EVEN if it's not a physical person your soon to be ex wife has a good idea she can get another man or woman. If it helps OP 90% of the men who later found out their ex spouse was playing patty cake with someone e…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 09:09 PM
2

if you both agree you can have one lawyer draft the paperwork. You will both HAVE TO AGREE though When kids are involved you will be REQUIRED to appear in court and make under oath claims of support of said children with a temporary court order for the terms of said support Now that she has a boyfriend she wants to move it along as much as you should in the past (I have no idea now btw) if you are married to the woman and the Boyfriend gets her preggers YOU not Boyfriend will be on the hook to s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:34 AM
3

yeah I feel you, Court wins in Divorce court are not really wins, they are just less painful losses It seems to be a frequent divorce tactic to make outlandish money claims only to have them settle for pennies on the dollar right before a hearing or after the Judge says no to their stupid demands It's a win for the home team though, like as not initial hearings set the groundwork for final settlement. You will be paying low 100s not thousands in spousal/alimony to the garden implement used to re…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:30 AM
1

what he means is as a S Corp profits normally devolve to your taxes. But this is after you claim expenses... you can claim a lot of expenses no?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 01:25 AM
2

division of assets (401k is an asset) is by the agreed split percentage What most people do is a declaration of assets and inventory of assets and both parties exchange and combine the data and start splitting. This will be due or agreed to be sent right after initial hearings or grant of consideration of divorce before the court. In my case there were enough assets both in tax deferred-retirement (401k, IRA, pension) and taxable accounts that I could split tax deferred and taxable assets in a 1…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:33 AM
6

It's the law it's not supposed to be 'fair' depending on your frame of referece Would you like it to be the law you HAD to support a very immoderate spender for life? no matter what your issues with the spouses spending? It's fair that you get a division of assets and debts. It's ALSO fair you no longer will have to directly support the financial boat anchor. The law in general (in areas of Civil and Family Law) to be equitable not fair. Equitable distribution of assets/debts, And the decree tha…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:07 AM
3

many people are given to hyperbole likely this is all this is just do the legal required things and ignore the random messages By the way: when she says "we" are doomed, she really means "she" is doomed as in she finally realizes what she is losing. (welp that's what happens when you divorce)
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 02:02 PM
4

get an apartment in the county/locality where you will be getting your divorce outside of that everything else is secondary
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 02:00 PM
1

cash that only man has access to is king
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 01:58 PM
-2

there are many posts here and steps to take I have written the list 3 times just on this forum The big thing is to get a lawyer ASAP and get them all the information they will need for a filing. YOU will NEED a petition to the court, bad things happen if the wife petitions the court for divorce and YOU DONT HAVE ONE AT THE COURT well in advance of your initial hearing. If you have kids 14 days from when they file is your date to appear in court (and the judge needs that counter petition or other…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 01:58 PM
3

if you can't turn your feelings off just start the process and have a lawyer talk to her lawyer If your wife wanted to continue with the marriage you would get serious messages frequently stating that and wanting to continue (near panic like). Short of that behavior it's pretty much over on her end. No typically spouses in this mindset do not know what they are getting into... but this does not matter. It will be painful and difficult but it does not need to be your personal tragedy, it does not…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 12:44 AM
5

many times people for reasons (various issues, hangups etc) will accuse another of "gaslighting" gaslighting has a very specific definition, it is defined as the process of a person or persons introducing another reality view point that is not objective reality (usually introducing this alternate reality viewpoint for unethical reasons - as per the movie "gaslight" where the term originated) Disagreeing with someones version of reality or shared experiences IS NOT gaslighting. People can disagre…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:42 PM
3

yeah why another wife? kinda rode that ride already
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:08 PM
8

I have zero patience for bs from anyone some people are very entitled these days, I just sip my beverage and wave now
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 11:02 PM
0

you have not been to Iceland, anyone who has does not recommend Iceland think about it
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:43 PM
1

obv not someone who has been to Iceland
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:31 PM
3

whaaaa spouses want you to unconditionally love them... but they have XYZ... conditions to love you back? say it ain't so! in other news water is wet... I know it's hard to realize the person (your soon to be previous 'person') does not really value you or want to stay with you for that matter. There is a guy I listen to that says the only way to make someone stay is to be their "best available option". Today with social media there is this ever present incentive for people to exit their current…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:22 PM
1

was she surprised when you said OK! lets do this!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:20 AM
3

Say you know you are right the "Fiancee" and you should go up and have a beer and discuss the woman you both now know... See how she reacts to THAT! HA! These drama plays are just that Drama. Some types of people only wants to stir up drama for drama sake. Say that you just don't know the "Fiancee" that well and you both should have alone man time to discuss these "treatment issues" tell her you could relate exactly what worked well in the bedroom to please your ex to her new beau and give expli…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:05 AM
1

yes indeed do what the ex/soon ex wants you to do. "See your kids" Look all guys here have been where you are and seen your road already. You want to go full speed ahead and hit that brick wall... more power to you. We know how this ends, but hey if we are wrong and you being Daddy simp works out really well come back and post. If this works out you would be the First. So I guess you have that for motivation By The WAY... did doing "what Jesus would Do" and marrying being a father and now having…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:54 AM
13

so she was unhappy? so you spent time doing video games was she a saint? I don't think so. It's really a double mind F. Women these days think that their petty reasons for divorce are acceptable from objective criticism. I think the lame excuses for divorce by all parties these days is not compelling. And in time I think history will judge "at will" divorces harshly. Anyway what I'm getting at is "playing video games" is not a sin. Playing too much video games is not a sin either. And the hell o…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:37 PM
3

I have to start it with “for my protection and yours I am recording this interaction” what kind of socialist state do you live in? So all CC Cameras state wide are illegal? the notification signs must be full of legalese Obviously your soon to be ex is setting up pretense for you to be removed from your house. I would change your locks NOW. (don't listen to family law attorney on this, contact a CIVIL or Criminal lawyer to verify) [fyi this is not legal counsel, merely an observation that an att…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:20 PM
2

most likely that will change over time, but it's ok to wait and not rush into it ALSO I highly recommend the first "girlfriend long term situation" you DO NOT allow to progress to shack up or marriage stage. The 1st or 2nd long term relationship you are still raw and not really thinking with the right head.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 08:54 PM
2

oh yeah it will pass just imagine finding a new someone who treats you well... it will be so new it will feel like you are virgin all over again
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 03:32 AM
5

welcome to 21st century marriages women don't need no man and will show that to any husband pretty much on a whim. I would easily say that 20% of the divorce stories I come across (on the man's side) are like yours, 2 income or SAHM, Kids out of house or last 1-2 late teens, couple is Late 30s early 40s, around 20 year marriage, no major issues, man calls the marriage "working and stable", oh and the man says he loves the divorcing wife and would say "BEFORE DIVORCE" - wife loved husband It's co…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:29 AM
2

I just have not seen it be a benefit for anyone overall (both parties better off etc) I mean I'm fine and I will continue with my stellar improvement. But my children have suffered, I think my exes life trajectory will be tragic. I am not a fan of Divorce zero stars as they say. I get that there are situations where the other partner is not invested in the marriage and makes it untenable to stay. But I will always say Divorce should be the LAST option after everything has been tried, and all acc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 07:29 PM
2

I don't think it is EVER worth the price. Unfortunately today there are NO voices on one side even counseling caution. No today a decision to divorce is a "feelz" decision that has no exit ramp to sanity. If one party wants to exit a marriage the other party must go along with this delusion. But Karma is a female dog as they say. I know that my EX (who could not plan to save their life) is making lifetime decisions without planning as they always did. I know that I will not be around to provide …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 03:09 PM
1

not a mystery at all She went off with a man, man got cold feet, now she has 'oh crap' moment realizing that she was performing a trapeze hand off without a net. She wants to see if you would take her back. Obviously the answer should be "No you garden implement used to remove weeds, I will not take you back" oh and she only realizes 'what a shitty person she's been' in direct relation to how much she now might need you, had new man situation been going better she would have continued to "treat …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 02:54 PM
1

I would say that you may a VERY GENEROUS offer say 55-60% in asset split so you give the soon to be ex the better deal. Then go silent. (mostly a deal so good they should take it offer) (including a nice appraisal of business I guess) make the offer and prepare for Arbitration, final court hearing etc etc... that will likely yield 50/50 to the soon to be ex with the 5-10% she would have gotten for settling goes to lawyers. For someone with assets, there is a time value of money and an incentive …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:15 AM
8

threats by a person (not an attorney) costs nothing threats by an attorney have a price tag I would get in the habit of acknowledging any message, with 'I received your message', 'I got your email' or whatever and just filing it away until she actually engages a lawyer Until she has a lawyer inform you or your counsel what the problem is it's not worth any attention to whatever she is threatening about Most people who are divorced or divorcing seem to have odd ideas about what really happens in …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:37 PM
5

it sucks the worst right after you filed or have papers served the signing of the final decree is more a relief
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:24 AM
7

I have heard it from several single mom's that I take this statement strongly - the daughters will always take the mom's side, and the son's will 'apparently take the dad's side' your daughter is getting older and she now understands that mommy and daddy are not together anymore... they also don't do adult things together I'm a bit confused about this too. I just know that my kids do not like the idea of mom and dad having a potential (or in reality hearing it) intimate life. Your daughter does …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 09:15 PM
1

its easy go to a clinic get a test probably help you a lot
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 09:05 PM
0

I think you need to check your T levels
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:45 PM
2

It is one of the true gifts of this situation to discover that I don't mind being alone now. I like companionship, I like having someone around but I do not need it. I do not "have to have" it. very liberating
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:11 PM
1

good thoughts, I agree that wanting more kids moves the needle on wanting to get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:52 PM
1

this is a very interesting line of thinking I have been wondering for awhile how dating and mating figure into a future relationship with no kids in the picture. I'm pretty stumped as to what that looks like too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:50 PM
5

oh and another thing, you can bet ANY woman family member or woman friend will say the EXACTLY WORST thing to you if you open up to them. They will assume that you displaying any emotionalism about ex means "still not over", "you are not healed" blah blah blah only tell your problems concerning ex to another man, only men understand what you are going through
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:05 PM
5

ah the coded "I'm seeing someone" let me translate that for you: She is sleeping with someone and since there will be a man at the breakfast table when the boys get up she's telling you now that's she's getting nightly entertainment. I don't know why women go about this why they minimize the new love as "I'm seeing someone". If it was a fling (just seeing) then no need for introductions no? Oh and the normal, act weird until dad asks "what's going on" then "oh I'm seeing someone's crotch now I d…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:03 PM
6

don't be guilty pretend you don't know what the F she wants at all... do you want a kid? If you do maybe reconsider. If you DONT do not fall for her suddent FOMO over motherhood on HER stinkin' bio timeline. But you have time you can have a kid into your 80s. Little miss married you saying "no kids" and miraculously decides at the 11 hour (oh I want a kid and I want YOU stud to subsidize me while I have this mommy experience) yeah... no way babe
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 09:11 PM
8

pretty normal, get lawyer on retainer, ask lawyer about this, and usually the law is very clear and it does not matter what 'mom says', you will not need an 'emergency hearing' or anything (but lawyer will know how to go about this) AND PLEASE PLEASE MAKE SURE TO DO AND COMMUNICATE EXACTLY AS LAWYER SAYS. At times like these it is IMPORTANT not to do anything to harm your case. Do as Attorney tells you to the letter.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 09:00 PM
6

That... THAT is my working theory I must admit that I have been very motivated to potentially find a "better, smarter, sexier" partner and then have the "I showed you! smug feeling" But in reality YOU are STILL being driven by your EX!!!! I have said this to a few men I have counseled, I told them make sure this is NOT to "get back" or do something that is transparently motivated by your desire for revenge against an EX. It's like a double mind F! This is why I have decided the first couple of s…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 08:56 PM
2

easy to solve, just call around the time of pickup and say you are in the area can she get the little one ready then go get a coffee or tea and show up about 15 minutes later, It is what it is. You are VERY lucky your ex gives you updates as the situation progresses. Most exes seem to be in the mode of silence and then kid pops out 'whenever' no explanation given. This is a go along to get along thing. And as I say here... this is a good interaction that is only mildly annoying exes can be much …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 05:19 PM
3

yeah but check with a lawyer in detail about what a prenup actually does at least in my area specific documented ways of handling money are mandated to enforce a non commingling in a community property state with that being said in my area Judges are far more understanding of second marriage dynamics especially if the marriage has no children. Again this is my area many states if you put one stinking dollar of money you earned during marriage into an asset or an account that has assets before yo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 05:11 PM
3

OMG, kindness is on my list of have to haves now when I date.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:46 PM
2

thank you
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:44 PM
5

Not getting divorced isn’t the only marker of success .. what if you remarry have a great relationship but grow apart ? this is a decent point, but given my situation the price of going through another western marriage is just too steep. I don't want to 'grow apart' to anymore of my assets that I have spent a lifetime building.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:42 PM
8

yes it's her decision and being a human she desires you to be "worse off without her" it is what it is I would strongly urge you to just split completely if she want "a" dog in the settlement sure. But there is no reason to have a person who has LEGALLY rejected you in her life a free pass to come around and remind you by her presence.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 01:33 AM
2

maybe overview but I respect and value your input please contribute more! when you have desire to here in the forum.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:20 PM
2

I think a generic set of interview Lawyer question would better suit the forum putting out names of Lawyers and Law Offices would be problematic and need to be constantly curated Teach the users how to fish rather than give them a fish is my thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 07:00 PM
2

and that request would be and SHOULD be shot down, Lawyers are not the people you want to piss off, they can sue people for free, get it no lists of lawyers should be posted
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:49 PM
5

If these complaints are made via a call or a message or in person you can ignore it. In a normal course of a hand off or situation you have to deal with ex only talk to kids for getting in car or out, do not talk to ex when you communicate with ex do it via email (best because it documents what was stated and time date), if you are messaged simply say you would prefer to have this discussed via email (do NOT say this in person, simply message and email the same) email is a wonderful medium for y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:50 PM
7

Actually it's not "she doesn't give an f--- about anyone but herself" it's more like the woman sees things clearly as dollars and cents type transactions devoid of sentimentality. I understand that maybe her actions in the past did so an amount of caring. But in a divorce the woman is in the situation of separating from a man who provided past support. Take away the future support promise and typically a woman gets VERY concerned about dollars and cents suddenly. The idea that whatever the ex-wi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:49 PM
2

these are really good points the 5-8 month thinking ahead is very true
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:43 PM
17

This is terrible and I do feel for you. I know the betrayal of all you have given and sacrificed for this woman is a terrible thing to recall. All I can say is you are not alone and stories similar to yours are shared frequently here. AND the frequency of the soon to be exwife or exwife's family questioning what happened is also common. The only way I can get my head wrapped around behavior like this is to note that at least in cases I have seen there seems to be a "mind virus" or "meme virus" t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:49 PM
2

I now put one of my parents, I don't suggest an elder kid unless they are mid 20s or older because frankly kids these days are not really "tuned into" the possibility of an emergency message Why are kids and kidults under 30 tuned out so much that contacting them in an Emergency would be difficult? Well, all the kids are on like 10 different social media platforms that have their number and SELL that info to tons of advertisers, email full of spam (so they don't read email), random numbers calli…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 02:29 PM
2

great! I'm glad you were able to get on top of this
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 09:04 PM
3

dude... file for divorce in your AREA NOW! she is living in an area to establish local residency to file for divorce THERE if you are in the military you can contact your senior NCO or staff officer for resources. This happens all the time and they can direct you to Lawyers and resources to get this going. FILE NOW do not wait. If you want any say in your kids lives you have to file in the state of your residency otherwise she will live where she is and FILE THERE... you want to defend yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 01:52 PM
1

sure thing
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 01:44 PM
7

So here's the deal you don't ask your spouse for a divorce. You don't talk to your spouse about a divorce. Saying "divorce" in a marriage is a bell you can't un ring. Don't do it. Talk with your close friend about divorce. Talk you your spiritual advisor about divorce. Talk to a LAWYER about divorce. NEVER EVER talk to spouse about divorce. Only a Family Court in your jurisdiction can dissolve a marriage via divorce... you ask a COURT OF LAW not your spouse. get it? First thing is I can tell you…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 04:01 PM
3

you can't get her back, it is what it is Does not matter if she didn't pay. It only matters if you were married.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:21 PM
-9

yep she can do that welcome to western democracy at it's finest
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:19 PM
–

well this is a disguised I live in X area and my spouse... my Wife makes so much more than me how do I divorce them? If your "wife" makes so much more than you do... why you getting a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 04:41 PM
1

First off just break the lease and move to a new apt complex, there is easier ways to deal with "we need to talk to your ex/divorcing woman to "make sure" she's moved out" Move to new place ONLY you on the lease. easy peasy Just inform the lawyer that it's obvious she wont be cooperative so you need to get this going and get a judgement if she shows to court or not. This costs but trust me you want this divorce final given that she's bangin' other dudes. She could get pregnant and since you are …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 12:09 AM
7

NPD is closely associated with BPD, given gender tendencies your ex is BPD if anything. Oh and "diagnosed" is a common tactic with BPDs. Narcs never seek treatment they are awesome and if they don't run the world it's because of the stupid people around them, definitely not them. The reason you are having such a hard time letting go is because people with personality disorders any Cluster B disorder cause mental distress in all their close relations (family, spouse, kids). You are dealing with t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 12:03 AM
1

Good to start thinking about it and planning now rather than have it "surprise" you are served I would save save save income in some place that you can later utilize to support yourself, if you have joint accounts start depositing your real money into the account you solely control. Then make deposits into the joint account... skim a little do extra work to get more money into your account Also get at least 1-3k of cash cash in some place you solely control, family / storage place, but not safet…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:52 PM
2

google is your friend there are landmark studies on grades for kids of married vs single parent households, drug use, mental issues, depression you name it Someone invented this large repository of data... called the internet, you may have heard of it. You have to get out of the "evening news is the true state of reality" vs actually looking up and READING the research One thing to note... have you seen news, TikTok, Youtube or other media CROWING about how divorced kids are CRUSHING it? Hmmm? I…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 01:05 PM
1

yes men are realizing that marriage is NOT a good deal for them AND I would say the downturn in wedding services (jewelry stories specializing in wedding jewelry, wedding planning services) has indicated that marriage is on it's way out Too much risk for no gain.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:54 PM
1

google is your friend it is a oft quoted statistic you have to see rates by countries, many people who "think" they know the rate for their country are surprised by how the numbers sort out when this stat is done by country they are usually talking about ALL marriages, not a specific subset so it's hard to do apples / oranges when people say in country X rate is super high they usually are restricting the population to like 20-30 year olds or some other contrivance to artificially inflate the ra…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:53 PM
11

divorcing couples are signing up their children for worse outcomes across the spectrum of human experience But that reality will not be heard by certain people who are convinced they are doing the best thing the right thing, and are being forced to do divorce to right some imagined wrong the smart people across the board are shocked that 1 in 3 men below 18-30 have not had sex in the last 12 months, that in surveys of 18-30 adults 25% can't name a single friend, Single mothers now outnumber marr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:03 AM
3

for me spousal support has expired, you want to make sure it ENDS no more that 2-3 years post final TRUST me, otherwise you will have the joy of supporting both ex and ex's boy toy for years you don't want to. A useful tactic is to look at normal guidelines of spousal support in your area (local courts past awards, something your attorney should be able to give to a paralegal or jr partner to come up with a report) with that amount per month and length total it for average of past awards, then u…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:25 PM
6

actually no I do not This is an inference from the statement by many people "the standard of living for single mom's goes down 30%" - just look that up likely it has some research basis, frankly I have heard it and read it so many times it's either a research reality or some mass psychosis When I say men's standard of living goes up 30% I am inferring the opposite of the above In my case (which is why I give credibility to the above 30% statement) I no longer have to support someone who does not…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 06:02 PM
7

yeah what's not to like from the other side right? They are "getting divorced" so they can play the field They live in your house so they have a roof They get monetary support for kids and maybe them! whoo! free money! They are not "divorced" or a "divorced woman" or a "single mom" yet so Yahoo! party time AND as a kicker you have to AGREE with them (or go through a massively expensive final hearing) to resolve the divorce. OH AND!!! BONUS ROUND! They get to flaunt a new Boy Toy in front of you …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 05:22 PM
10

spoiler alert we all die alone, who can die with us after all? mortality is not a group sport I get it we all have fantasies of lying on our death bed with all our children and grandchildren looking on... weepy eyes all around. Spend some time in a nursing home, or a hospice and you will see true passing away When one parent died, I was in the hospice (the parent never became conscious). As I was exiting the last time I saw a middle aged lady watching television seemingly bored. I could tell by …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:05 PM
3

1st thing to understand - it will NEVER get better and can get a whole lot worse. 2nd thing to understand - life is short, if you want to have a life that starts after marriage, you need to be young enough to understand. 3rd thing... You only think you understand the monetary impacts of a divorce. The only way you will know the impact of divorce is talking to a lawyer/solicitor or whatever legal expert you can hire for .75 USD in Ontario and see what you are looking at. Look at it this way you w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:56 PM
2

agreed the tell is how he goes into the various cover stories of the BOYFRIEND but then again this post almost smells like maybe its the ex wifey trying to game plan her "poor me act" who knows
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:02 PM
11

not your set of monkeys not your circus A side note since you appear a bit clueless - Women don't randomly "need a friend to disclose their boyfriend is cheating". Obviously the real purpose was to test the waters to see if you and her could get back together. If you think back to times when she treated you badly, because boyfriend was all that, well now you see the other side. The very calculating other side. Just be a coparent with your kids. Let your ex's drama go the way all drama goes. And …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:19 PM
28

when a woman says she want's space, there is always a Mr Space waiting in the wings Normally it goes like this. Wife finds a new Rooster, sparks fly then Wife decides she wants to get with new Rooster. But wait! Wife discovers that Rooster just wants a side thing an maybe not even a formal relationship. What to do? Wife decides to "put on hold" (use of the term "separation" is common) one relationship (the provisioning relationship) while wife sorts out (aka manipulates) new Rooster into a long …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 06:05 PM
4

this is very much a LAWYER question a lawyer that familiar with local laws and local courts If you are not the custodial parent (the parent with possession/custody of minor children) then, at least in my area, the courts take a dim view of your potential for Alimony (spousal support). So with that as a background I would talk with your LAWYER and develop a strategy to get the opposing side to concede that via your negotiations (outside of mediation, where most likely you will be told forcefully …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 05:00 PM
3

I recently heard that the divorce rate in the US went from 52 to 56% Marriage is not a good bet these days. If it were a product the manufacturer would be sued out of existence and the executives brought up on criminal liability charges. Sorry this happened but I am not surprised. I am also not surprised about the Bi thing either. I've seen your story about like 3 times. Wifey gets a little strange experience wants more. The two love birds throw caution to the wind and play house quickly. One da…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 01:56 AM
3

women are hardwired to seek attention and validation, it's the air they breathe As a married man and an ex married man, and having seen tons of office romances, affairs and aftermaths... It is reasonable for a married man to look at a new rooster eyeing his wife to respond with doubt and concern. Options are keep her at home in a rural area preferably in a tower with frequent hair appointments OR keep her preggers so that she keep bound to you All I have really
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:03 PM
1

I considered it but I decided I like taco too much The modern term is "Monk Mode" and I think that is a fine thing to do if you feel the need or the inclination. But basically you are "putting on hold" your interpersonal struggles and growth towards another partner. It's like the Rocky fight prep cut scene, Rocky goes off and struggles, trains hard and comes out for his fight a new man. Great as long as you have an end date that is outside of any woman's control, I think it's a great thing. Reme…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:59 PM
8

most likely your marriage can't be repaired like you would have it be I think when a man (especially a man) comes to the cold realization that divorce is a certainty then it really is a certainty. Don't wait to file, get in contact with a lawyer there are posts on here with all the things you need to do, start getting some money, get a separate account have paycheck sent to that account, get an apartment (due to them threatening police/assault it's certain you can't stay there). While you are do…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 07:23 PM
2

you need to let things like this go... its a minor thing, you have the tropical storm and daycarething Just agree and get your kid the next time. Stuff happens in life you need to be a bit flexible. And take any snark from the ex in stride
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 07:02 PM
9

First off HIRE a Lawyer. NOW, get a petition for divorce ready because you will likely need it Second, wives normally do not randomly start saying Split up or Divorce unless they are actively thinking about it... which means you may be getting served soon. Get Legally and Mentally Prepared now. Do It. As in take off work TOMORROW to get a Lawyer on Retainer get consults with 3 attorneys pay the 5k retainer to one. don't have money? use a credit card or borrow it. Third, you need to get some stuf…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 08:38 PM
1

It's a retainer fee not a "container" fee Good on you that you are not letting her spend your money directly for her legal counsel issues. you are getting the "stick fingers in ears and yell" tantrum from mom the reason why she fired lawyers (or they quit) was likely because she did not want to settle. I would consider your costs of going 1 more year in limbo vs cutting a deal. Make a sweet offer directly to her since she is currently un represented, wait for her to get a lawyer have HER explain…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 02:52 PM
1

simply talk a bit about subjects she finds interesting popular culture is something that usually gets teens chatty ask her who her favorite artist is, who she follows for makeup advice, what tiktoks she likes stuff like this. get an account on social media and check in on what these social media types talk about... discuss with daughter take her to her favorite restaurant ask her what places she likes to go to but does not often go due to travel time or distance or whatever
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:02 AM
1

Eh try to be an interested friend, being any kind of father until she's late in her 20s is a pipe dream in my experience
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:59 PM
4

first off this is not really outside the bounds of normal bosses of "those type" even when bosses of "those type" will manage "those type" of people these bosses will still bust the chops of people taking time for kid stuff (seen it a lot) This is a two fold problem round the "those type" boss types and your problem in particular. 1 is, they want you to do what they want when they want it, if you don't they will be all "catty" about it. 2 is, there is some reason WHY this "type" of boss is doing…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:52 PM
5

likely your ex talked to an attorney and she met residency requirements in her new area while you are now outside of that area and have to hire an attorney in the non SAC place. Also let me guess... Mr Separation no agreement man... your 'marriage' passed the 10 year mark recently right? right? God I'm good!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:00 AM
1

nope not ever and we had a really great relationship If she wanted to continue to the MIL she should have advised her daughter to stay married
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:22 AM
3

This is a correct answer in most ways. Even US courts have difficulty discovering and bringing legal claim to assets outside of US. This is why most Jurisdictions to my knowledge have a residency requirement to have standings to file in Divorce court's jurisdiction. So it's impossible to file for divorce in a US court if you reside in a foreign country right from the outset.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 08:19 PM
1

So here is the deal. It's normally standing orders for both parties to present paystubs for last 3 months, and 2 years taxes (at least in my area) for filing with the court You will need to show what you have been paid. If you work overtime it does count in calculations depending on Jurisdiction. Most of the time the average of the last 2 years of reported income is used in determining your Earnings that go into calculations for Child Support HIRE A LAWYER and ask HIM (needs to be a him) that qu…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:36 AM
-1

sounds similar to stories the other way around, Dude checking out chicks You don't know each other after 7 years? who else you going to live with for 8 years and know better? No offense when people say at these times "I don't know this person I have lived with for X years" I wonder if the other spouse is saying well... "I DO know you really well after X years, and I stopped caring about fake playing nice" In general I really REALLY advise people to do a bit of reality checking. I mean after YEAR…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 01:52 AM
2

I took the "I want a Divorce" disclosure as putting the egg timer on the Marriage. We lasted for quite awhile post her saying this. But I knew there was a strong possibility she would file on me one day. I was right. You can't unring the "I want a Divorce" bell. Granted some people are emotional and say things they should not. But once this is said it's pretty much a WHEN not IF question. The other side will always try to say... "well if you were more emotionally available...." "If you made me f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:55 PM
1

I took the "I want a Divorce" disclosure as putting the egg timer on the Marriage. We lasted for quite awhile post her saying this. But I knew there was a strong possibility she would file on me one day. I was right. You can't unring the "I want a Divorce" bell. Granted some people are emotional and say things they should not. But once this is said it's pretty much a WHEN not IF question. The other side will always try to say... "well if you were more emotionally available...." "If you made me f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:55 PM
4

you are right to approach marriage with hesitancy, these days there is so many things that argue against getting married (as a young man) it makes sense NOT to marry This would be my advice to a young man looking at options for life and saying YES/NO to marriage The ONLY reason to be married in the west is to have kids under the auspices of Marriage (legal partnership) This is the ONLY reason you should want to marry. Want a friend? - get a dog Want a companion? - get a roommate Want someone by …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:51 PM
2

don't dwell on it much think of the downside to most spouses in divorce, if they get more assets, extract an ongoing income and have you under their power via visitation to your own children... It's not too hard to figure out
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:41 PM
2

Oh I trust people to the point where our mutual motivations are aligned. My motivation now is to never EVER put myself in a position where someone has default claim to half or more of my assets. Even if I marry someone with wealth in excess of mine I will still pre-nup, or partnership establish that I keep my wealth and the other party keeps theirs. When someone can divorce and use courts to claim assets, in a very one sided legal process. I call that an incentive that is counter to my interests…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:37 PM
1

I was going to tell him to believe that he WILL find that person he can trust again your statement is the Disney Princess story version of reality, I think most men post divorce realize that vows like "death do us part" are not the surefire way to gain "happily ever after" like a fairy tale I think it's ok to not "trust" like one would on the eve before a man's first marriage trusting or "you will find the one meant for you, just wish upon a star" etc etc is pretty naive given current REAL STATI…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:32 PM
1

loneliness is a thing What did I do? made good positive friends that I do things with. I also got a dog (highly recommended). I also joined up on the App Meetup some single groups that do outings in my area. I have tried the dating apps recently - would not recommend I basically gave up on finding a long term person given my situation (single dad juggling career, weekends with kids etc) So as far as "trusting" anyone I would just date but not ever trust it to last that long (a good assumption gi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:48 PM
1

reading reviews is one way, but the problem is that they could be fake or inaccurate a firm that has multiple attorneys and thus loads of good reviews is normally a good choice. How I would interview an attorney if I were to do it again? (I would still hire the attorney I used he was great, except for dealing with ex after divorce, I had to hire a new firm for that) I would call 10 or so firms that are WITHIN easy driving distance of my home AND the courthouse where my case will be litigated. I …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:39 PM
1

women are people, some people constantly want the next thing
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:22 PM
8

you became a financial taxi cab for your wife taking her everywhere she wanted to go now at a later date, as a very tired taxi driver you want to do things YOU want to do your wife (to her mind correctly) is freaked out that the financial taxi is not taking her to her destinations anymore. To her mind that is NOT how financial Taxi's work, and you Taxi Driver need to get YOUR role straight. You have told your spouse about your desire to quit your Financial Taxi Driver job and no longer drive a T…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:08 AM
4

In cases where you are deployed, I would think that might be advantageous to fight the divorce petition and go contested My reasoning? By fighting the actual filing you give yourself time to actually return from deployment and plead directly in court over what you may want settled in the divorce decree. Talk to an NCO or Officer at command level to help navigate to get resources for divorce where the wife is. (actual state and county/locality) For all you know she has not established residency w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:19 PM
20

A guy I follow has an explanation I like - When you marry a spouse sometimes it's like - ok let's date, they say good now what? ok, I guess we could get engaged, they say great now what? ok, let's have a wedding, they say wow great now what? ok, let's get a house, they say wow great now what? ok, let's have kids, they say great now what? ok... (you are at a loss for what to give them next), they say now what? they say now what? (you are stumped) they say now what? now what? now what? they say no…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:09 PM
10

Acting like a toddler and not thinking things through is seemingly common in the early breakup phase. Lots of stories like that. This is the first step in a long painful process. Unfortunately you can't logic this one. The emotions she is projecting are very real to her. And while sometimes rash "I want a Divorce" statements are recanted and forgiven. You can't "unring" that bell. There is now an egg timer on your marriage ending. Divorce is a matter of when not if now. And that's my best advice…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:10 AM
1

Yeah your option is to trash credit stop paying on house quit job plead poverty all of that to have 50% discount on all your income and assets talk to lawyer and explore malicious compliance tactics I guess. Most don’t go there.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:16 PM
1

you seem to easily triggerly by simple words you need more reality to put simple words in perspective, otherwise your immature responses to simple words will be outsized and your apparent emotional dis-regulation will consume you, that is a sad outcome
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:42 PM
2

Hire slowly, fire quickly
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:27 PM
3

I really recommend you view - The most common MALE SEXUAL STRATEGY: most men are taxi cabs on YouTube The idea is that most Men have played Taxi Cabs for their Girlfriends and Wives. They basically subordinate ALL the men's goals and objectives to serve their women and become Taxi Drivers. The problem is the Taxi Driver gets tired of doing everything the woman wants and one day he asks "hey can I get in the back and YOU do the work for awhile?" To quote Orion, the woman will get the F--- out of …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:01 PM
2

Dr Orion Teraban the channel is Psychacks
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 07:27 PM
1

I believe you are looking for toxicity in everything... good luck with that and you seem triggerly due to the implication of no enjoyment in bed... God help you
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 07:23 PM
13

It's easy to think you are jaded or have a post divorce tendency. What I see in myself and "most" men I know after divorce. They look at every relationship as 'when is the 'please support me' discussion going to come up?'. Prior to marriage I did not realize the number of times that relationships were centered around this topic. The 'can we move in'? convo. The 'can spend the weekend' convo. The 'hey where did this toothbrush come from'? convo. The leaving clothes at my place convo. on and on. N…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:49 PM
1

well women will never understand
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 05:38 PM
1

Pretty normal story man, don't feel too bad It's like a Divorce Attorney once said... you (talking to wife) didn't give your husband any sexual contact... what did you expect he was going to do? I've had a couple of friends do the stray and come back "work on marriage thing"... both are divorced and probably better off. So here's the deal most likely the disconnect you felt 6 months ago was probably 1 of 2 things. Either she had/has an affair. Or she is going through mental issues that have litt…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:16 AM
1

I sense that this is not making sense because you are not conveying the true state of affairs
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:08 AM
29

>My friends and family are all so worried about me. and they should be OP, you are describing severe depression. As in please go to a psychiatrist and get anti-depressants before end of week. (I'm that serious) do what you need to do. Say it's an emergency, but get into a Doctor and get meds at least through Holidays. And when your friends and family say come over or travel to them... DO IT! It's very important let people who care for you CARE FOR YOU. Most men going through divorce all deal wit…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:24 PM
1

you are at home doing this work and it's child care and housekeeping? Yeah try to sell 90 hours a week to the judge as a man. If you are a woman (which I'm suspecting)... on a mens forum for diff advice than the sisterhood YOU STILL don't get credit for what most people do for free or daycare wages. It is what it is but hey for a good Judge belly laugh tell him about all your "emotional labor!"
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:11 PM
1

you are not married your options are limited talk to an attorney you case is rather off of normal type divorce advice and law
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:08 PM
2

I think HE and SHE is mixed up here. You can get a lawyer but basically if you are on the deed you do have interest in the property (ies?) and should probably insist on sale for all property you have interest in. Then you both split the proceeds. If you are also on the mortgages then YES sell all properties. Get a lawyer have them verify WHAT your actual legal situation is (on Deed, on Mortgage what is it) THEN offer a deal to the engaged and say you will relinquish claim on deeds via sale or re…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:13 PM
-1

You are a man, men should work. Simple as that YOU DO live in Georgia. The Judge will expect you to be able to make what you made BEFORE you were fired by the boss you could not get along with. Sorry but dems the breaks and how it is for Men. >My parents were a bigger shit show than me and my wife so I don't think it'll be as bad probably will be a "shit show" both parties are fighting over a very small set of assets and child concerns all of this WILL IMPACT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE If you…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:00 PM
1

Judge in first trial was very fair and seemed sympathetic to men in general who were willing to support their kids, but drew the line at outrageous monetary support requests. Judge in second trial for amendment to Final Decree (concerning children and coparenting) was less sympathetic to my case. But frankly he seemed frazzled due to overwork. In my experience it is not the JUDGE you need to fear but the law and associated guidelines for support, kid custody, and logistics. In my state there are…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 04:43 PM
10

It's an OLD saying but if one partner goes to therapy a divorce is not far behind. The way I read this ... I would have to recommend NOT divorcing. Divorce should always be the LAST stop and LAST option tried. You are in therapy. You now know that a lot of what makes your feelings, life and marriage work are completely in your own headspace. I would work on you. I would work with wife to see about bridging the gaps in what you are not getting from the marriage. With that said, I think every man …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:04 AM
1

CIR (Committed Intimate Relationship) I "know" there is separate filing (in many states) but if you were representing a client and they said "married" then you do the standard filing If there were different filing category that would not help my client in ANY way... I don't think I would even mention it. Let the Opposing Counsel litigate it if they want but if filer gains a lot with a "standard" divorce filing... yep that's the way it will go.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 01:58 AM
1

yep it's a huge thing when the exes break loose in open loop all kinds of bad things happen.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 11:35 PM
3

eh I keep it. and I tolerate the "on this day last year or years ago" prompts from oh so helpful technology
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 11:32 PM
2

Most likely because filing party never mentions common law marriage… just marriage
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 10:55 PM
1

Not really all states would not agree no sig on cert = no marriage if kids are involved and you acted like married u b married to family court you could appeal and get a narrow victory in 5-10 years
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 10:51 PM
3

Doing well right now not equal always karma comes for all count on it
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 10:41 PM
1

Ah the married but "not married" clause most family court judges would dismiss that argument if you behaved like a married couple then you are married in the eyes of the law... and you would have to appeal several levels with some precendent making quirk of law to get any hearing. Good luck with that
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 07:48 PM
6

that stick you thought you got the stinky end to yeah in a few years (3-5) she will be MUCH worse off than you. I think women sense that they have a limited window to put up good numbers and a good post divorce show. They all end up poor and alone eventually. You will have your revenge just wait.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 07:00 PM
10

I say to guys coming on this forum and in the pre-file, early file situations They are fighting for "the rest of their lives", I don't mean to exaggerate it really is if you are tied to a VERY ONEROUS montly payout... that really is equal to being poor the "rest of your life" at least until it ends My stbex played the "poor woman off on her own" card really well and I agreed to Spouse Support for a limited time (luckily I had it set short) And wouldn't you know she hooked up with some live in bo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 06:56 PM
8

>what boils down to the legal kidnapping of my children I so feel you... I got a visitor the other day. (I didn't know it before) but he said he was in a men's rights non profit group. He said to me "keep fighting for your kids" it matters That feedback and encouragement will keep me going well into 2024... keep trying
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 06:37 PM
1

talk to the lawyer, listen to lawyer and start the process. Yes you will divide the community property as per law and agreement you are the man and even though you do not make X now if you made it in the recent past (last 2-5 years) a judge will assume you can make that again. It's painful but it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:08 PM
4

depends on how many happy endings and drinks I got during play :)
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:04 PM
3

Really good write up. And your lessons learned are very valuable. Thanks for posting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:49 PM
3

>Just because one woman has been bad to you it doesn't mean all the women whom you are going to meet in future are going to be the same. I know I know Not All Women Are Like That (NAWALT) but... what if All Women Are Like That? Women DO file 80% of the Divorces in the US... 56%+ marriages in the US end in divorce If you were going to take a Flight and were told that the plain will crash 56% of the time AND that the person sitting next to you would CAUSE that crash 80% of the time... Would you st…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:35 AM
2

good answer filing first from a man's position as likely non-custodial parent does nothing but let you set the dates Otherwise you are in the position of responding to the wife's filing. In my state, If kids are involved there is a temp orders hearing in 14 or so days to basically make sure the kiddos (and mom) are funding while the divorce proceeding is going on. IF the man does not have an attorney getting an attorney onboard and getting a counter petition to wife filing IS very tough. So by d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:29 AM
1

good for you
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 12:13 AM
1

Online mostly, I have a network of female friends who "set me up" with a few introductions that never went anywhere. The problem you have in life is meeting people "organically" is like the lottery. Is the woman single and OPEN to meeting a man? Don't know but I have really low percentage success with this "meet at the supermarket" type approaches. So yeah online - get a good set of pics, get a good bio going, hit all the buttons and you will get your share Yes go to networking events and chat, …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:47 PM
2

Our Family Wizard OFW
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 11:28 PM
1

it is enough of a burden to have them listen to your issues don't add to that by asking for a couch or a place to stay. Just make arrangements for either a hotel temp or an apartment in the area (remember you will need space so you can host your kids). otherwise just ask them for emotional support
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:13 PM
1

Your attorney is a bad one. You just signed up for open ended liability.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 03:27 PM
1

don't go cheap on a lawyer... you are in court for your life! future payouts for child and spouse are on the line you will pay for a mistake for YEARS... don't go cheap
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:52 AM
1

Yeah well it's an interesting problem. The value of divorce advice is really just... free or a beer While plenty of people SAY they need a divorce coach And some people SAY they may indeed pay for a divorce coach... the simple truth is no one pays for anybody but Attorney and Therapists
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:16 AM
2

I would contact another lawyer pronto... see if that is the one who you might want to pitch hit this. THEN With the new attorney on retainer. Try one last time to contact the lawyer (email and phone message). If you don't hear back in two days then inform the new lawyer he's on it (and get a HE this time for God's sake) Typically notice of new counsel is sent to old counsel and opposing counsel. You may lose money you have paid old attorney on retainer btw. But you can't play games with court ap…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:12 AM
3

Actually reading your post. You are doing the right thing by filing, you are getting your ducks in a row with medical, attorney and therapist Frankly it's like you read this form for awhile and noted all best practices. I really recommend DivorceCare to you it really REALLY helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:09 AM
5

sell or refinance the house while you are married it's easier and you get your money and name off the house immediately FYI outside of refinance or selling of the home there is NO way to get you off the note.. yes you can quit claim and not be on the deed but then you have all the liability of home mortgage without asset interest (not good) get mom and daughter to refinance NOW or sell - only way
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:06 AM
1

my advice as a 3rd party is stay out of it be sympathetic but realize you are most likely not getting the whole story from all parties and following the ebb and flow of this drama will drive YOU crazy
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:04 AM
1

meh you may not keep going to Gym. you go to a membership gym they give you the hard sell take you on a tour with gym cuties who never seem to be around when you are REALLY there... you know the deal
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 01:02 AM
2

LOOOK this has been said on this board again and again and again No Court however powerful can break contract law. ALL it can do is award or not award damages if contract terms are not fulfilled. The decree can say "take X off deed" or even "take Y off Mortgage" which will break the terms of the Note which you BOTH apparently signed. If the note goes into non payment the Bank/Finance Entity WILL go after ALL people on the NOTE for repayment and it doesn't matter if you have a Judge somewhere say…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 09:57 PM
20

My suggestions are: DivorceCare (go to as many meetings as you can, one week I went to 6) Get a very intensive Learning Goal started - I chose to learn a new language Reach out to friends to talk through your experiences with divorcing, it helps you process the feelings, thoughts and possible actions Thought about AI enabled therapy? try jung-gpt.com I have not used this one but I did use a similar one that is no longer online (maybe this is it's 2.0?) anyway try it go to the gym, don't buy a me…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 09:36 PM
2

I agree as to the wisdom we have allowed to fade because "it's not the way people are now!(tm)!" welp it turns out All People Are Like That after all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 05:17 PM
3

It's really from reading stories like you. In books I have read about it like what 30 or so times (real life stories related in relationship books). Then on this forum what I would say 15 so far. Happened to two of my friends in the last 10 years. It's just a pattern. Woman says she "talked" "flirted" or otherwise met a man who is not her husband. One of two things happen One the hubs probes for more info and THEN it spills out that she knows this other man A WHOLE LOT MORE than casually meeting…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 11:34 PM
4

Just so you know.. apparently when a woman "mentions" interacting with another man to her husband... they are actually lovers. I know it's counter intuitive (many people are like this) but my "mentioning" meeting said man... she in the future can say she "told" you about this man. So she has no guilt going forward after "telling" you about a man she "met", "exchanged info" with. I'm mystified why women do this, it this very particular way. But this is a pattern. A man who is never mentioned is N…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 08:05 PM
1

I agree good and informative post
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 12:04 AM
3

You ARE the man. Ever since D day I want to be more grateful. And today your post reminded me of my promise. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 11:45 PM
2

all the more reason to DIVORCE NOW
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 11:30 PM
3

I'm not saying that this is the case in your situation. But it's a common theme even perhaps in my own exes actions post divorce. The women seem very motivated to find a nice male provider type and THAT is the real reason she is with said male provider. Once the providing has run it's course seems the little women don't stick around much after that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 11:30 PM
3

>My only hang-up is that she has never once told me why she had the affair instead of coming to me to end things amicably. you need to get off of that hang up quick. I know everyone wants closure and all that. But at the end of the day people lie. People who cheat typically lie more than others. So there is a GOOD chance any answer you get will be BS anyway. So... best to move on and just mentally insert excuse "X". It is way worse for the soon to be Ex wifey to say... something very psychologic…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:07 PM
8

>She says she's always walking on eggshells around me very LOADED projection statement, get ready for her to claim abuse make sure to have other living arrangements ready
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 04:03 AM
8

dude you PAY for all of this... of course she will milk it. Get a better lawyer that can perform some administrative justice back at her. She is "engaged" and pregnant the boytoy is probably living with her. It's reasonable to assume this is a "marriage in fact" and ooops she is STILL married there is PLENTY of leverage you can use. For example you should go to court today and injunct her to NOT put your name on the birth certificate (normally it would be the husband duh)... ALL of these things …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:58 AM
6

>Am I really this person she says I am? to her you are, it's over she binary switched to off, she was disrespectful and disrespect is the hallmark of her being done. Go ahead a file. Of course it will impact the kids but the outcome is set.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:52 AM
1

>My point is she deliberately did not send these two items on purpose. I can't prove it. Yep women in general and women who have animosity for past men in their life are the MASTERS of subtle communication. I'm going through this right now. My ex is goading me with situations where I look like the bad guy no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:37 AM
46

exwife = someone else's problem
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:38 PM
1

don't know I would have to read the law upside down I think... maybe discuss it with a solicitor?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:09 PM
80

>Lawyer told me if it goes over 7 that's where the courts start to tip towards lifetime alimony payments. ​ OK so here's the DEAL man. Your Lawyer is saying DIVORCE NOW don't wait. WHY? Is the Lawyer saying that? BECAUSE your LAWYER (who you should pay more money btw they appear to be GOOD), your Lawyer is stressing to you to the timeliness of Divorcing now. To keep on good terms with his client your Lawyer (pay him more btw) is politely telling you in LEGAL terms DIVORCE NOW! He is too polite a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:44 PM
6

ah another "sudda had a pre nup" story nobody will tell you any story of how they walked away with "their share" concept does not exist in family court. Seriously you split assets either 40/60 45/55 50/50 - that is it if you are a man and make much more than wifey you get hit with spousal support depending on length of marriage and state and local laws no you can't claim poverty - that's it if you are a man and somehow make LESS than the woman you DONT get spousal support regardless of length of…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:36 PM
-4

why are you divorcing then? pride? pride don't pay the bills honey no offense if "she" "makes more" and you at least are near medicare age... it seems pretty stupid to divorce ON divorcing it's pretty certain NO Judge will give YOU the "man" any spousal support (if you were in NY and CA maybe... but you said SC so doh!) so you lose access to that "she makes a lot more than I do" income Why not have her "makes more than you" income subsidize your "traveling trips" to see where you want to "retire…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:27 PM
1

50 50 will be difficult if you don’t offer spouse support, 30+ year marriages ending gets a judge’s attention… btw it will not be amicable most likely too easy for wifey to use kids for guilt im happier. But plenty on here are not happier. Sex is great for me now… not so much for some. Don’t divorce for lack of sex man. the kids will flip they will blame you, especially if you replace mom real quick you need to consider overseas to find the women you seek. good luck
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 07:45 PM
4

No one would be able to provide an objective answer given your post. without objective facts that are logically stated and coherently related via writing complete sentences... All we get is that you have the sads about some divorce issue. So feelings stated with no facts usually gets you sympathy in a general human sense.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 07:34 PM
4

I made a decision to NOT involve my work in my personal divorce tragedy. I never missed any major meetings or deliverables and my bosses to this day probably don't realize I had a Divorce. In my opinion letting your work know you are getting a divorce is a double edged sword. Usually most bosses are initially sympathetic but after a month or two will expect similar performance to before... you know the TIME divorces really crunch you mentally. I worked for a tech company once who had a couple of…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:47 PM
1

I think this is fair for this post. Good Mod
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:12 PM
3

We are not getting the whole story. ya think? I'm sorry my sympathy abilities are stretched with this one... yes something does not add up and most likely we are dealing with someone who has addled cognition
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:11 PM
13

I'm doing well. My ex says and posts she's doing well with her new fiancee so I guess she's ok too. I am paying a significant amount of money via child support and spousal support. While she is shacked up with a dude. But even me paying out I am noticing I have MORE left over every month than when I was with her. And now I don't have to fund HER retirement! So yeah I'm doing well. :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 01:33 AM
21

>“I see how Much you have changed but it will never be enough for me” If it's any consolation... at least she stated the real female truth to you. Most men get the "jump doggy jump" act and change to fit whatever whim the woman has for her to be "happy". Strange thing is... the man's change is never enough and it's never good enough. Which means the "You need to change" was all a smokescreen. AND the statement “I would of grown old with you if you had changed sooner” is ALSO a smokescreen. Both …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:21 PM
2

This is an interesting problem. Yeah you really need to hire another lawyer to help your current lawyer navigate the non local wife situation. You need a lawyer that is familiar with how to perform what I call "administrative justice". That is using the process of legal case management, filing of motions, etc ALL to force her to be in person for certain processes. Granted Cali may be different but usually the petitioner (initial divorce filer) MUST reside in the locality of the divorce court for…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 06:46 PM
9

what is this "sex declining" troll day?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 05:23 PM
5

It's the weapon of passive-aggressive narcissists to keep you under control fully agree
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:11 PM
6

I'm not trying to be a dick, you failed
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:05 PM
3

Only been divorced a year and a half ... your 2 things hold up well
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:02 PM
5

There is a lot of discussion online about "gayness" being an explanation for some women's marital unhappiness. It's chic to try out women to see if bi or gay lifestyle fits. Women in my experience have a much more malleable sexual orientation than men. To many women it's harmless experimentation, after all they can't get "pregnant". But funny thing. Many women who are bi have frequent FWB or f buddies who ARE male and often join said "experimenting" women. And then experimenters ... plot twist g…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:58 PM
4

get the license plate off the other vehicle. get owner data, then do a background check on owner all will be revealed if it's a dude it's obvious what is going on For revenge I would not let on you know. Just find out about the dude and casually mention you "just met" dude name seems a cool guy and all similar interests and tastes in women. THAT reaction will be fun. ALSO has a chance of her thinking other dude is lying to her and "messing up her life". Good chance to bust up her relationship wi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 07:07 PM
1

WOW WOW WOW I feel for you brother. Biaches be crazy no? So look at it from a woman's (bizzarro world that it is) view. Here's a man who is seeing a sex therapist, getting in shape, is going on dates and the man is in GENERAL making himself attractive to the opposite sex. Woman observes him getting sex, finding receptive women and says to herself "what am I missing?"... so she decides to dip a toe in the pool and find out. Now I don't know how you want to play this because sex fuck buddy or more…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:58 PM
2

This is completely normal. After a relationship like marriage it's pretty normal to have the past bonding make you uneasy concerning a new love/sex partner. You cared and maybe still care for you wife. It's human to have emotional turbulence when taking a new lover. These feelings do pass in time and you will find yourself after more sexual encounters not feeling this unease. It's all a part of a mentally healthy person uncoupling. The only caution I would give is to not go "full bore" in gettin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:43 PM
4

>What am I missing here? It can't be that simple, can it? Nope, my ex is/was a Christian God fearing woman and all that. Didn't stop her from mentally projecting evils on me as an excuse to divorce. The Catholic faith has serious proscriptions about divorce and even Catholic women in the US seem to divorce at nearly the same rate as Protestant. In reality the west has set up a strange set of incentives for women to Divorce rather than stay married to men. I don't think any religious convictions …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:35 PM
25

have my sincere upvote! for the word "Schadenfruede"
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:22 PM
1

Wow I feel for you man. I really do. All I can say is it's a very human for her to be lazy if you do so much. Most likely she will miss all of the benefits she is currently getting once you have divorced. I give you kudos for trying to make it work with counseling. This is very good thing to tell your kids btw. Let them know that you fought for the marriage and while it's not working out now you did try. As to the communication thing. Women think weird and her poking at you about gifts and desir…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:20 PM
1

its a good sub thanks for hosting!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:08 PM
3

no you do not have basis you as a high wage earner will get ZERO attention or sympathy from a Judge on reduction of your alimony or child support. The only way you could make this happen is if the EX agreed to forego alimony for some like exchange. If you have assets that she may want, a nice car a nice house you both used to own. She might be inclined to negotiate a trade. The house for no alimony as an example. outside of that reduction of your support is a non-starter no woman will willingly …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 07:32 AM
7

>can reconcile, or lawyer up. AND THE ANSWER IS: DO BOTH Divorce (if you have any options available) "should" be the last recourse. I always say try again because one day you may have to answer to children and grandchildren about how much you tried. BUT... and this is a BIG BUT. Once the D word is stated it's pretty much a bell that can't be unrung. A woman typically is very binary in her feelings she's either ON or OFF in the love/caring towards a Hubs. If she's saying Divorce she is highly lik…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:19 PM
3

>>>Girl I’m talking to wants to run a background check on me. It's a red flag and since most commercial databases are NOT updated it will still show you married... This is now a "hit the ejection button" on a woman for me personally. I have had a couple of women run background checks on me... all didn't get to a date. And I know my background is spotless thanks to 10 government background checks through my employment. So.... what gives? My guess is the "background check" is likely just a dodge. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:02 PM
1

live with your payments unless your ex is exceedingly generous and nice and would AGREE to an adjustment... this CANNOT be done Any Judge will look at a father saying I could pay X in past but X-Y now as probably lying (seriously they get so many of these they will usually reject out of reflex) Without agreement by opposing party and the reduction STILL being within guidelines ... there is no hope you are stuck until kids age out. A lawyer will always say "it's possible" but it never happens. Ha…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:47 PM
5

In 96% of cases, there is some conflict as you are actually suing your spouse and asking them to respond to a court notice. Therefore even if you agree to terms, its a hostile process threatening judicial proceedings. good stats that matches my experience... It is AMAZING how naive men are going into divorce and thinking it will be "settled amicably"... almost never is AND the more naive the man the more he gets taken to the cleaners
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:15 PM
2

LPT: If incomes are unequal, an amicable outcome is unlikely. YES! THIS!
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:13 PM
2

Why is it a blessing to get divorced in Texas? state limits on child support awards regardless of income Judges almost never award Spousal Support regardless of time in marriage. (in many states 20+ year marriages require husband to pay half income for REST OF WIFE LIFE or 20years usually at half the present income... bad deal huh) Asset division is ALWAYS between 40 to 60 percent never beyond that. So there is none of the Wifey gets 80 percent + support crap you see in some states
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:00 PM
3

open online account
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 07:03 PM
4

20k is probably about average for my state and area (I'm talking about kids and assets divorces, if you don't have kids and assets it can be done for a few hundred)
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 05:23 AM
3

Once you process the shock and numbness you transition into thinking about the divorce more freely AND this brings Anger hot and heavy Yes it's part of the process. Yes it can lead to some Bitterness. But overall it's healthy to let your thoughts process how the marriage could end and leave these feelings. Like many men you probably have every right to be Angry about this. I have found writing about my thoughts concerning my Ex was really helpful for me to process these feelings. Remember to als…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:51 AM
4

things I wish I did - Get a cash fund together that only I knew about and was secure Plan for not being able to live in your own home, scope out apartments in an area you want to live in. Start thinking about logistics of work, hobbies, life etc of you not living where you are right now. Make sure you have a vehicle that you can rely on that is in your name gather up important documents (birth cert, passport, bank docs, will, SSN card, drivers license info etc) put them in a place that is secure…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 12:42 AM
6

Your soon to be EX wife (who you may still care for) is now your adversary. Your adversary will be trying to get the most money from you with little remorse, she will used kids, friends, family, guilt and history as tactics to gain as much of the community property as she can. You should NEVER lose sight that you are in an adversarial negotiation for ALL the assets in your life including future income stream going to her. She is NOT a loved one any more and all decisions should be made based on …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:55 PM
2

You are blessed to get divorced in Texas determine which county you are in. Talk to an attorney who practices in that county [God help you if it's Harris] Get a lawyer on retainer, follow lawyer's advice. Start planning on where you will live now. Set aside a cash fund only you have access to. Start putting automatic payroll into an account only you control.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:53 AM
2

I would REALLY talk to a Lawyer about this. 1 - you are heading for divorce might as well get your legal stuff in order 2 - your talk of exposing your wifes affair could lead to liability that would impact your divorce case. This varies by state. Also your Lawyer may have suggestions on how to proceed or tell you the downside if you do it. In general the issues you have are with your Wife not a 3rd party. Since she has had (having) an affair you now are in a predicament. In some states the paren…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:49 AM
4

oh you would not believe Parties will agree to make no disparaging messages or posts on Facebook. Parties agree to take down offensive content in exhibit ab Mr Smith will unfriend the following people Exhibit X is the Facebook message from Mr Smith to Miss Doe who he had an affair of 10 months with The parties agree that the joint Facebook account called "Couple of Cakes" be transferred to Judy Smith for her sole possession and continued control even a couples pet may have a facebook account and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:34 AM
5

Use this time to prepare. and Prepare well. number one prep is to hire a LAWYER and follow his advice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:06 AM
2

It is in many respects "contagious". Obviously we all know the anecdotal. One neighbor gets divorced then like weeds growing 2 more then it's a dozen... much like the spread of an infectious disease. How the "neighborhood" is Facebook. Neat fact Facebook as a "word" comes up in a third of all divorce decrees. It's mind blowing. I would warn any dude who has a wife who is spending "a lot of time" with a recently divorced woman... they are not exchanging recopies. Somebody is taking notes on how d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:05 AM
0

Both are official numbers from the most reliable official US statistics which "statistics" not google top response the ones you know "cited" in other research papers you can do THAT lookup on scholar.google.com or similar You see google is well a capitalist company... they more or less RANK the responses to your normal search based on who pays them the most or associated sites that use google ads. I know "mind blown" the world of numbers is NOT what you think it is, is it? Get off Cosmo, get off…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:00 AM
4

Why make it difficult if you asked? to stop you asking of course. Think of a modern woman as a bratty teenager who has been pampered and not forced to work for her whole life. Then the behavior becomes more clear.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:13 PM
0

>>>Except divorce rates have been dropping steadily since the 1980s... So yeah social media is not the cause of your divorce. i would challenge your numbers - since the 80s sounds like a highly selective timeframe to manipulate statistics. Stats like these are quoted in cosmo or similar scientific journals. >>> Suicide rates have been consistently between 20 and 30 per 100000 population over the last decades, declining for certain age groups. another cosmo quote that only says “certain groups “ …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:08 PM
1

Paris with a new love
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:08 AM
-2

Or maybe you are wrong declining birth rate more single women never married more cat ladies than ever before self delete rate at record ​ some would say we are going the wrong way in society today… maybe women should just wear red dresses and white bonnets now? Hmmm? Wouldn’t that be a mark on the wall?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:54 AM
3

OMG! I think you hit them all! good show good show!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:12 AM
31

>>>I have no compassion but wondering why she is doing this. Imagine you are not an adult but a child in an adult body. You left to join the circus one day because hey "circuses are fun right!". THEN you find out that circus clowns don't make that much money they live in a tent and have to travel with smelly animals. You have the sads... Circus life is NOT as fun as you thought. You think "HEY! there was a guy who took care of me once, granted he was boring but I wasn't poor didn't live in a ten…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:26 AM
4

the thing is do I really believe she is happy right now? Yes absolutely because it's her ex that apparently she never truly got over Not is all what it seems. Women who go back with exes are the types that will say to the new bf / ex Oh I always loved you! then her next relationship will have the story "I don't know why I got back with such a narcissist!" women are very situational on these things. They think great things about who they are with AT THAT MOMENT... then later they act as if the ex…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:00 AM
5

>>>My wife told me for years what she needed and I just never was able to figure out how to change to be the man she needed lots here in that boat man. Women be women their expectations are driven by a pop culture idealism that can't be shaken... YOU or any man is never going to be enough like a bottomless hole of neediness >If I just made the right choice Yeah I can tell you I made the "right choice" multiple times... after awhile you get tired of being the only adult in the relationship. IT is…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 12:31 AM
2

busy work?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:28 PM
6

Or tired of hearing misogyny dog whistles… yep I know I am
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 02:50 PM
7

>>>Wife and I are separated and going through the divorce motions. She initiated everything and I would very much like to work through this instead of going through with the divorce. Looook you may well want to do as you say. And Wifey MIGHT just might be sincere and want to get back with you. You are separated (which indicates you don't know what she does or who she's been seeing)... and MANY times a party in a divorce will WAIT until some issue clears, new boyfriend returns or more money is av…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 10:58 PM
3

solid advice written up nicely
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 10:27 PM
3

Every legal advisor will counsel you to be nice polite to your EX. AND... nice guys who do that get cheated on as you already found out. I think as you go forward in time you will have as much contact (outside of kid related things) which should be minimal contact. But if you want to go all Dark Side, there are plenty of ways to do it. Women always communicate to other women in subtle ways aka "throwing shade". It's usually a bit of fun actually. "Hey you gaining weight or something?" "whoa you …
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 10:23 PM
1

Ditto that, most people I talk to say the girls take the mom's side and the son's take the Dad's side. At least with my own Daughters it appears to be the case
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:59 PM
7

you seem to be overly defensive yourself there
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:47 PM
10

good riddance
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:46 PM
1

ditto this kind of question is very dependent on local law
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 08:38 PM
4

Yeah feel you… the only option is to take her to court…I mean court court… no negotiations no anything straight to court before a judge. That experience lasts 1-2 years these chics have never had accountability for anything. You create that with a court hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 08:11 PM
5

I put I’m single. When I put divorced I get asked EARLY and OFTEN about my divorce and my ex. this conversation early never seems to have a positive outcome and I have my script tight … it seems disclosure and discussion of exes best happens in person on text or app it seems to be a minefield
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:29 PM
1

idk… some men don’t want to be monks?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:43 PM
1

my advice is to minimize your costs. For example she files ok, you file a counter claim. Brief counter claim no reason to write a novel. TELL your attorney that. Then miraculously you can't make court dates for the next 3-4 months. do administrative warfare and slow slow slow the court system down to your benefit. Another thing... don't think that Doctor or whoever is nearly as well off as they are. Most likely there will be a limit to how much your ex can do this. just delay until the bills sta…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 12:03 AM
2

it's good to prepare, mental preparation is probably the best to start doing
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:56 PM
11

I was initiated on. But I began preparing for Divorce a few years before my eventual legal divorce. I knew the egg timer had started when the then wife started really bringing up Divorce in nearly every argument. I tried to get her to stop and she did once right at the point of me walking she was good for about a year. Then after that year she said divorce again... and when I looked at her I knew it was only a matter of time. If you have decided it's time. DON'T just go out and do it. PREPARE. G…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:54 PM
13

To a woman it's a complement and a bit shocking that a past lover would jilt them. I have talked with many women after divorce. I have SEEN their behavior and how hurtful certain things they do post divorce are. BUT all of them ALL of THESE women never ever acknowledged the hurt they caused. In one case I had a gal be completely oblivious about her ex husbands psychological breakdown after discovering her having a MULTI-YEAR affair with a mutual friend. She asked me to get in touch with her ex s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:48 PM
6

actually women are not "on" anything. Women by default let their emotions rule their judgement. They make snap emotion based decisions and run with them like squirrel chasing a nut. This woman is feeling lonely and "has needs in the male part department". Instead of going out to random brand X of male part. She female logically decided to hit up a past provider of male part. It's actually a bit of a complement. The problem is men are nominally empirically logical and realize that the last time t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:38 PM
0

>I’ve done the things she’s asked for to meet her needs, but she hasn’t tried to do the things I’ve asked for to meet my needs. THIS is mostly why reconciliation or couples counseling is a waste of time. Women will say "let's work on us" but what that really means is ... you hubs do everything to for wifey and 'try' to make happy while wifey tolerates you until she decides to file for divorce herself. Women have two dynamics to be aware of here. First dynamic, women are very binary about their i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:33 PM
0

yeah those numbers are seriously flawed maybe a million I would be surprised at that. What is most likely driving the numbers is women reporting fathers that don't actually exist. This only is a factor if the woman later requests public assistance then the states try to track down Dads... But it's amazing how many father names of certain public assistance moms never resolve to a real person.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:45 PM
3

> My profession (IT) would allow me to work anywhere. If you are cloud maybe, remember VPN rules though, might be tough >Has anyone done it? All of the people I have heard do this have moved 1-2 time zones away. Be aware it's difficult to do work +/- 8 or more timezones from where you would be working remotely >Leaving all behind, including their children (they don't get to see growing up anyway)? this is the risk at least in the US you WILL eventually pay that child support. If it takes 50 year…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 06:14 PM
0

It’s gross and very scary to a lot of women. yeah well if kissing is very scary I can't imagine what sex would be a horror movie? Who wants to be on a date with such a woman. Please very scared... go become a nun if you think this way really
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:44 AM
0

Kissing is still intimate, only a nun would say such absurd things... goodness you don't really think that well do you. >This is why I know tons of gorgeous, kind, stable women who have left the apps entirely leaving women like me with a smorgasbord of options. They would rather be alone, or meet someone organically than deal with volume daters expecting a kiss on the first date and sex on date three. you are the very definition of delusional, but hey if it's nice in your delusion you do you... …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:43 AM
-1

but I also believe him when he talks about how men think and act at their most carnal level. so the man has a lifestyle you abhor but you believe what he says... Could it be that what he is saying (in his womanizing way) is in line with your preconceived notions? as in bias? You do you but If "I" were taking advice from someone I would make sure that they model behaviors and attitudes I actually WANT vs some playa gonna play stereotype.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:41 AM
3

shout out to "No More Mr Nice Guy" - Robert Glover I'm rereading that one right now
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 03:49 AM
1

Plenty of men have done the long term girlfriend thing, some it worked out for some did not I think the REAL issue is ... forget about pre- briefing no marriage this is just a strictly girlfriend thing and so on. Once a woman moves in she will be thinking (even unconsciously) that this is "serious" with "marriage" being a possibility. She will not be able to vary from female programing. Despite whatever she tells you. So with that said are you ENTIRELY ready for the reality that the woman you ar…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 03:46 AM
1

I think your black and white mentality here could be hurting you. eh maybe. I know there is a "story" behind every missed connection. But here's the deal. I have to have my dating goals met. My dating goal involves getting to meet as many high quality women I can and court them well enough to evolve into a physical long term relationship. I'm not dating for "good conversation" "to find myself" or any other nonsense. I can either go full bore and pursue my dating goals. Or I can wait for "choosy …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:58 PM
-1

Disagree on the physical intimacy, plenty of great, attractive women want to keep it platonic the first few dates. not my cup of tea and not in interests of my time. I need to ascertain if there is a possibility for physical intimacy from the jump. Short of attempting to take a woman to bed upon first meeting (which I don't do)... the only method I have come up with is to kiss and caress on early dating. If the woman is feeling it... she's game. If she's not feeling it... well she will never be …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:43 PM
3

Volume daters like yourself are why women’s dating coaches advise not doing coffee and walk dates anymore, though. I very seriously doubt that is true. Even if it is... dating coaches for women are centered around upping their chances with men out of their league. I've listened to several, I've read a couple of dating coaches for women books it's all the same - get that guy you are pining for! He's got 10 girls in his rotation! but you could be the one to get the ring! buy my new sure fire date …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:31 PM
17

hey man it's rough, but understand this because it's very important, THIS DIVORCE IS HAPPENING Women are very binary about intimate partners they are either ON or OFF. Filing divorce is an OFF announcement. She's done with you. But she's human and has doubts, fears and uncertainties... so she says she loves you still cares for your or whatever. But inside there is a deep seated switch that went to OFF. For a man all these mixed signals will be confusing. Especially if you are emotionally raw fro…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 08:04 PM
1

The ONLY thing you are doing wrong is no enough volume. My numbers go like this around 200 swipes/likes etc => 10-20 initial virtual conversations => 7-10 text numbers exchanged => 4 serious first date discussions => 2 actual first coffee dates => 0-1 2nd dates/dinner dates => 25% chance or comparability for long term girlfriend. do the math you need to interact on app with about 1000 women to get to ONE serious girlfriend possibility. It's a top funnel problem... you need to get on more apps an…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 07:04 PM
1

well... step 11 and 12 man do it
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:06 AM
3

Dude... if this is true. Get in AA and get clean the 11 step is to make amends.. MAKE Amends to her. Maybe it will work out. Maybe not but get clean
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 01:38 AM
0

go assume a loan and report back ​ I DARE YOU... no joke this is an internet rumor that NEEDS TO DIE RIGHT NOW. PEOPLE ARE GOING INTO THIS WITH MISINFORMATION From not so smart people LIKE YOURSELF! Go assume such a loan you espouse to be able to report back... I TRIPLE DARE YOU
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 01:35 AM
1

I personally think women have about a 2-3 year mating cycle before they get bored with you. the cynical me agrees with you actually I have been toying with this idea a bit. Is it best for a man to engineer his life around "honeymoon" phase relationships with women for his entire life? I myself have had the "where is this going" conversations with like what... 10 or so women since my divorce? I'm a good "catch" and all that. But, ya know I thought my multi decade marriage was my "forever girl" si…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 01:32 AM
0

Sure there is a way to do this. It’s called a “loan assumption” and only some loans allow it. you are wrong go do this assumption you speak of in theoretical terms and get back to us BTW CONFORMING Loans (you know the BIGGEST type of loans being written) specifically CANNOT have assumption clauses. But yeah go out there and get a loan from the 80s man report back to us...
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 08:24 PM
1

you can't afford NOT to man. seriously you want to be screwed for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? Get a Lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:03 AM
1

I don't know how about delaying until kids are older... convince soon to be ex you can't afford to divorce I guess
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:02 AM
1

you are only looking for miss right NOW not Mrs Right anymore lighten up
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:01 AM
2

but you can recover or get treatment for codependency history does not "have" to repeat
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:44 AM
2

ha can always smell the troll with the question marks after well established truths... nice try
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:43 AM
1

Thanks for the info. I am considering removing each others names from the deed but keep the loan as is. rethink that, she can't payoff loan and get new one sell house easy you stay on that note and IT WILL BE ON YOUR CREDIT no matter what she does. A foreclosure is pretty much like a bankruptcy... btw
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:40 AM
1

AND seems like a good thing to do at THIS TIME too see?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 11:04 PM
5

eh it's her trying to do some kind of inventory I don't think you need to worry too much If she tags something... like the dog or something else... then worry :)
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 11:03 PM
2

THE ONLY way to truly STOP it is to get FINAL DECREE DONE! I know I have harped on this but it IS true. How does the arguing about household goods, pets or support feel right now? Time well spent? Every day you delay is another day she can saddle you with 50% of something. Don't wait don't pass go.... get final decree signed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 11:00 PM
2

There is NO WAY to do this. Ok it's been asked a million times and Lawyers and other people WHO ARE NOT BANKERS will even state they have had X Y Z or a cousins uncle do it. YOU CAN'T DO IT... you both signed at origination and you will BOTH be on the loan until it is paid off. Period end of story.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 10:49 PM
1

ok ok but there was one point in time that you thought getting married "was" a good idea. Around that time it probably if you remember objectively it probably was not "horrible" then. I'm sure you are stowed away and locked down and don't need any guidance. But for me (and my situation) getting "she's wonderful great in all the ways my ex is not ... yada yada..." AND "oh she's DIVORCED so put some other shmoe through the divorce wringer TOO".... It's hard to deal with that cognitive dissonance. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 10:33 PM
5

depending on state and court the answer is YES. But I in no way think it is very common. A good example of where it would be a foregone conclusion to include College Tuition in a divorce decree would be in cases of Private Schools. If a husband is paying for Private School in the amount close to college tuition well... it makes sense that requiring paying of College tuition "could" be very much mandated. AND... if you are financially responsible for the kids say until 23... then yep you could AL…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 10:29 PM
2

I agree all of those things ARE in fact better with my girlfriend than my ex TOO. small world right? Objectively I know I'm in a "good" relationship. Subjectively I realize I thought at one time I was in a "good" marriage too. You probably can see my dilemma.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 10:14 PM
1

good tip I will.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 09:32 PM
3

indeed, and if they break things in YOUR house... still can't discipline them what a deal right?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 09:31 PM
3

Yeah had that happen my EX went major sideways on me in coparenting come to find out she "had discovered" my current girlfriend and our relationship. She was pissed that I never consulted her. Meanwhile SHE HERSELF was getting serious with a man who was a complete mystery to everyone friends, family nobody knew who this guy was... but we all sure knew he was sleeping over for weeks at a time. My girlfriend didn't sleep over for many months. But no.... my ex didn't seem to think it was important …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 09:29 PM
4

all exes are insufferable. ALL exes who get divorce attorneys will make grandiose claims and LARGE initial requests for support Obviously you get an attorney to argue your side so you don't give up 60+%
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 05:47 PM
5

The whole notion of "Blended Family" is a woman's concept that is a fantasy in every single mom's head. What the GF wants is for you to love care and fund her kids just like you do your own. (please ignore that her ex-hubs is still sending child support for purposes of "funding calculations") So if you are GAME (or sucker enough) to basically take on funding/supporting 4 kids who you didn't father. Sure go for it you sap... sucker... er GENEROUS DUDE! AND I MEAN THIS LITERALLY - If you are not w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 05:38 PM
2

too true
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 05:30 PM
4

not a playbook! But think about it. She NOW realizes that EVERY SINGLE THING her Hubs said NOT TO DO... is now OK TO DO!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 04:49 PM
10

Everyone at this age has fully packed bags lol I'm borrowing this phrase... yep but I will tell you "I thought" it would be a nightmare and really feared dating post Divorce. It's really not that bad, BUT... and here's the BUT long term dating is VERY VERY scary because you can see the same dynamics playing out AGAIN. Granted you have learned you will probably patch things together keep it going... but still after divorce is ending almost per-ordaned with these women?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 04:39 PM
7

agreed and I have read some of this book will revisit it
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 04:37 PM
3

>>>sort of trap, since I get Christmas with the kids. Was thinking accepting this invite would lead to her nudging in on my time at Christmas. THAT is exactly how you should read such "invitations", or opportunities for her to show off her low life new bf so drama will ensue. >>>she says "oh, well I told him I invited you so he must have just assumed you were coming. He also told (my parents) the grandparents you were coming." OF COURSE SHE DID! Look man women need to manufacture drama like they…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:44 PM
6

kind of shows you that talking to a woman about how to remain in a marriage with a woman is not useful right? I mean it IS like ask a Deer how to better hunt other Deer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:34 PM
6

Nope. Not trolling. well if you say so. I mean the whole comment stream is all based on your original post whose theme was to merely ASK women what they want and give it to them. In most human's I would suspect ill intent and deception. But since you purport to be a woman you are special and must be assumed completely truthful in all asked responses. >>sincerely shaming the men who cheered a man ah sincerity! you sincerely wish to help us poor men from the error of our ways. So good of you Saint…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:32 PM
1

It's good to have abundant documentation This is likely within the discretion of the judge about the down payment. And since you moved funds from the inheritance into community property then the inheritance can also be community property. I would consult an attorney who knows about inheritance will issues and family law (perhaps a divorce lawyer who has a wills/inheritance expert in the firm or similar). Depending on size of inheritance you should engage a lawyer to protect those funds.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:28 PM
11

This is 1 of 2 sincere comments that were left under my post. perhaps because your premise in the original post was intentionally... trollish?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:20 PM
8

Oh boy ANOTHER woman to tell us all about how men should listen to Women above all to stay married! Lady please preach on! Tells oh fount of wisdom! What is the one thing besides Doing EVERYTHING a woman requests of us to stay married? Tells o' wise one!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:18 PM
7

You are so STUNNING AND BRAVE I can't speak! Bravo, your retort is both so educated, nuanced and well thought out. I just want to bask in your wisdom about how men should act in a marriage with a woman...
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:10 PM
14

Yes Yes that's what men need ANOTHER woman telling them what to do! My God I think she's got it! The secret to all is just listening to EVERY SINGLE THING a woman wants! Who would have thought it would be that SIMPLE! It's like asking a Deer how to better hunt Deer! So obvious! Women are such GREAT and TRUTHFUL paragons of their intentions, desires and needs! Just ASK them what they want! Stunning and Brave I say... STUNNING AND BRAVE! Bravo!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:03 PM
2

sorry you are going through this man One thing I think many men have noticed is that when a woman starts disrespecting you... the end of the relationship is almost certain. I'm unsure of the exact mechanism. I'm unsure of WHY women do this. But the result is the same if they start calling you names it's over. It's terrible, it's gut wrenching but the reality is she has mentally moved on from being with you. You need to move on from her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 08:55 PM
3

The Main Area for me was my Career, related skills, and productivity. My EX and Kids are accustomed to a certain lifestyle. MOST of these expenses are hidden from them. Example: It would SHOCK my kids to NOT be able to go to the doctor have them immediately see them and write a prescription to be filled. My employment in a very good company with outstanding benefits makes all that possible. NO ONE (well maybe my ex now) realizes that simple things like healthcare DO COST money and are quite expe…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 07:55 PM
8

It is tough. as men we don't understand a woman's penchant to basically be binary in marriages. Either she's IN or she's OUT. In this case the binary switch went OUT and she's exiting. Very difficult to accept even if you KNOW women are like this. Move on, get past the relationship because your soon to be ex wife is already past caring.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 03:08 AM
1

good answer
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 07:18 PM
2

yes nothing you can do It's a strange dynamic the court system believes the mom so much that any and I mean ANY man she shacks up with is AOK to any Judge in the land. The only exception is sex offender. Literally your ex can move in with an Ex felon with a multitude of past offenses. Judge does nothing... asks the ex if she will protect children... she says yes. Case closed Meanwhile you are providing support which is "supposed" to go to the kids welfare and housing. Now new live in Boyfriend o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 07:15 PM
4

just calm down I know that YOU think this drama is a big deal. But in reality it's just not a big deal. confess any big issues to the people you need to but otherwise just move on man
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 01:21 AM
2

I act like a woman because I shared a fuckin situation that happened in my family? no you are acting like a woman because that is what you are I get it because women are normally so self involved and can't self actualize that THEY do think fundamentally different than a man does. Modern marriage is a perfectly good example of this. I know of no woman who having assets has not insisted on a prenup (even if she got those assets NOT from her work but inheritance or divorce). Go gurl stunning and br…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:27 PM
1

Only a woman would consider the inability to steal from her partner's family a consequence. This is how I know you are a woman. yeah I was going to say that it's pretty obvious how they think isn't it?
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:23 PM
1

mom really does if your kid is school age and is not homeschooled oh she gets bored and finds a man to entertain her for the off hours... seems to be how it progresses
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:21 PM
2

have all assets transferred to a trusted 3rd party. Have 3rd party pay for maintenance of homes, cars etc, pay 3rd party "rent, lease" payments of 1 dollar for each entity. When wifey decides to become ex wifey she get's nothing. MOM is a good 3rd party btw
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 04:26 AM
27

she wanted "Space" and went to Mr. Space and verified luv suff for a month then came back to you and said she doesn't want to be married now that she's a Spacewoman. Yes File first. Get Lawyer tell him particulars get him the info he needs. Get a filing together and FILE get her served... even if it's at Mr Space's address. She wants to be a part of Space Force... let her do her duty to Space and Time and all that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 04:21 AM
2

obviously it DEPENDS on the STATE and local COURT where you are seeking divorce man... Ask an attorney who KNOWS what the local courts and laws will normally do. And don't ask legal advice on the internet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:04 PM
1

>>>She promised an easy “non toxic” divorce. she said whhhhaaaat! go ahead tell me another one! >>>I basically was forced to move out because we were fighting so much it was taking a massive toll on me and my kids. her not being her toxic avenger self? I suppose? >>>Because of what’s now going on I need to find a lawyer who will take my case pro bono. not going to happen. you need to pay your lawyer. if you absolutely cannot you need to represent yourself >>>I live near Salt Lake City. What reso…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:00 PM
4

>>>we've recently experienced a gradual shift in our relationship. I don't believe there's another person involved, RETHINK that assumption Quick bud. >>>I'm torn between staying in a loveless marriage and walking away from the family I've built over the years. Don't worry about being "torn" your wifey IS NOT. A woman only brings up Divorce if she's actively considering it and has her exit plan mostly figured out. As in SHES TALKING TO A LAWYER. Do you have your exit plan figured out? If not it'…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 07:06 PM
-1

I see this again and again. There was a divorce attorney on YouTube once that said she knew the number 1 Wife profession that seemed to guarantee you a divorce. And it was Stay at Home Wife. I think what happened is that in olden days keeping house WAS a full time job. Doing laundry manually, doing dishes manually, cooking from raw ingredients WAS an all day every day thing. With the advent of home appliances, modern supermarkets... well there is not much for the Stay at Home Mom to do but compl…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 06:25 PM
2

well that's a lot of legal filing. When you find out the limits of what the court can do on your behalf do come back and tell us.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 01:18 AM
3

>Why do I feel guilty or sad? because as a man you take commitment seriously and do not want to see a commitment to the marriage end. But you are not the only party and your soon to be ex wifey wants to eject. In no fault bizaroo land of modern family court... her "feelz" are enough to blow up your marriage. >Is it because I do still care about her and don't want to see her hurt? somewhat, you care because you do. You took care of wifey best you knew how and all that, to reward you she will take…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 11:48 PM
7

on average about 3 years depending on settlement and the support you on hook for
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 11:03 PM
2

takes a year to get divorced normally unless you give a monetary incentive and are aggressive with the stbew. As far as "getting over it" it will take about a year after that
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 10:52 PM
6

Dump that garden implement look 2 years being so so unwappy means she has had ample opportunity to bond with new men. (read that again) Your soon to be ex only brought up unhappy/separation BECAUSE she has mentally exited the marriage and is most likely carrying on like a single woman with her new "unsavory group of new friends" REMEMBER you are STILL MARRIED to this trainwreck! If she gets preggers by "unsavory group of new friends" that kid (depending on state law) may be on YOU to support via…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 10:40 PM
3

I think Bumble is best although OKC might be ok still ALL normal cautions about online dating. No she didn't just have her granny/dog/best friend die. No she didn't just have a tragedy. Don't date any girl that indicates she can't meet physically because she's "out of town" for two week/years/decades. No amazon gift cards are not the way to "her" heart. If she won't give a real phone number probably a scammer. Always press for a meet quick only do coffee or a cheap drink. If she won't meet after…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 02:58 AM
2

1st thing to do - realize your marriage is OVER, it's tough but if you realize another adult just falsely accused you to a court (which requires a sworn statement) and to friends... this adult no matter what prior or past relationship or feelings this is NOT someone you want in your life. do what YOU mentally need to do (she's confused, mental, has bad advisors) whatever you need to do to get it through your head... this marriage is over and there is a new adult in your life urgently trying to u…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 12:37 AM
1

any recommendation would need a COUNTY just go out there and look at reviews Good attorneys for men are MALE, require a 3-5k retainer and in general have a professional office and staff
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 11:51 PM
7

YES had this exact thing happen last year. last summer final. last year almost spent Thanksgiving and Christmas alone Get this - last year I got Covid right before Christmas. Got from kid, kid got it from exes new BOYFRIEND she neglected to tell me was living with her who gave Covid to her. No issues but was positive till Christmas eve... had plans with GF... almost ruined due to Ex and her issues. It's tough I know it is but believe me one year later I am literally Relationship, Financial, and …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 11:49 PM
1

seems pretty normal to feel these feelings. I felt them. They will pass as all things in this process pass.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 11:28 PM
3

>First of all, do you guys think I'm dealing with an over spender, or this is the natural course for wives? Yes she is an over spender but given your level of income not really stressing your means correct? >but sometimes I feel she should be taking care of most of this discretionary shit. you need to get over THAT. She knows you make more money. She just does not know HOW MUCH if she did 10k for boob fix would have been like 50k >Should I cancel the credit card and go under the microscope with …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 09:50 PM
1

get lawyer NOW use credit cards beg from family get an Attorney to be able to respond in 20 days. this is a no kidding date, no you cannot delay it probably due to minors Because of kids you will have to litigate the majority of your case at that 20 day mark. YES it's that important! Get an attorney get together a counter claim. To get a counter claim before the court you have to get it to them many days before that 20 days is up. read the above AGAIN... you don't have time to waste.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 11:38 PM
4

one way to see if YOU are on the right path is to make sure you maintain your commitments to your Job and earn enough to support your kids. Job number 1 is to support the kids. The wifey may well go sideways not planning for the future...you don't have that luxury. Worry about all those "flaws" AFTER making sure you are bringing home a paycheck
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:24 PM
5

yes marriage counseling is a waste of money. But, it does offer certainty that the marriage is over after trying it. I would inquire to the wifey what does she seek to accomplish in marriage counseling. If the answer is about you, you, you and not her issues then it is a waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:05 PM
6

>I'm now doubting if I in my unconscious behavior have created this whole situation, and was unable to see if I was actually to blame. Probably normal to reflect and reconsider things with a separation. Maybe it is your fault in some way. But wifey was not exactly communicating and/or facilitating the change she sought was she? You can blame yourself and say "I was bad at XYZ and that caused my marriage to end". Fair enough learn and overcome those flaws and be a better man going forward. BUT ge…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 08:58 PM
10

eh don't bother he's "in love!" he will not listen to you after he get's a 50% haircut then he may listen to you
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 05:47 PM
1

I’m a lawyer by trade and have developed a keen sense of smelling bullshit. don't be injecting logic and consistency into gender relationships now! /s I also have a fine sense of detecting bullshit. Right now I have a wonderful girlfriend. She's great appreciates me and is very affectionate inside and outside the bedroom. Buuuuttttt... she divorced her steady eddie. She believed she could do better (and yeeeaaahhh I get that I am target number 1 to be that better). I don't know how to ethically …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 05:29 PM
10

This is actually normal. Most men after divorce go one of two ways. They either blindly jump into another serious relationship too quickly (like another marriage). OR they don't trust women and shy away from long term relationships. It's ok not to trust women. In general women should NOT be trusted. The commitment of marriage is taken fairly seriously by men. But women (especially in the west these days) DO NOT take marriage very seriously at all. I used to go over to Divorce and Divorce advice …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:30 AM
11

yes NO with no explanation once divorce goes through she can figure out that on her sweet own
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 11:48 PM
37

>My only concern about my decision to not get married is aging, and not having someone to take care of you when you get older and sick. Welp don't worry about missing out. Plenty on here will tell you marrying for that end of life care is a fantasy. The wifey will eject before that or you won't be happy in the marriage anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 08:53 PM
17

when a woman says she needs "space" there is a Mr Space in her phone contacts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 02:14 AM
2

get the kids in your possession THEN take legal action... sheesh what kind of lawyer is advising you? Certainly not one that is conversant in multi state issues. GET A BETTER LAWYER and DO NOT SERVE HER BEFORE KIDS ARE HERE
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:10 PM
1

I'm glad you took my comment well, it was not meant as anything more than a lighthearted take. I'm glad you are just having fun.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:08 PM
2

>How could someone have such little integrity? ack Women right? I don't get it either. I think it has something to do with their instinctive knowledge that if they want a man out of their thoughts they need to find a new man to bed them. (maybe?) In many many ways I am confused by women's behavior around modern divorce. It's literally like watching a child play with dynamite and occasionally throwing a stick in my face while laughing maniacally.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:07 PM
23

It's normal to have some libido issues or even decide you don't want a woman's company for awhile. It's also not uncommon for men to shrug and move on with life. We as men know that unlike our ex wives, bills need to be paid, work needs to be done. There is a stoic resilience in men that women don't seem to have. It does not mean you don't care. It just means you are mature enough to GET SHIT DONE while others would fall into drama land of blaming others. So I'm saying that you are actually well…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:04 PM
1

clinical depression IS something you will need help with to process. Go seek a psychologist that specializes in depression treatment. Go and work though this, normally good therapy coupled with medication will help you immediately! Please do this now. Sometimes it just takes more to process a divorce trauma, and it's actually normal to need help many times. Please seek help soon.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:01 PM
13

you have gotten good comments here I will just add one more Women make decisions by feelings. These feelings run hot and cold and while they run hot during divorce proceedings... they cool a bit. Then reality sets in. Women usually take a rather dramatic step down in lifestyle post divorce. How do they logically deal with what on the surface appears to be a massive life altering BLUNDER? Easy they creatively make up a new reality to justify their no doubt EXTREMELY STUPID decision to end a marri…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 10:58 PM
3

This is a stellar comment - bravo I'm taking notes
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 10:47 PM
4

Geez count the red flags >talked to a woman who I could just tell I had instant chemistry with. DING! >We exchanged snaps and I spent this weekend with her. DING! DING! we have a two fer ! No sane man who wishes to meet SANE women would have a Snap account. >Now I feel instantly cured from the previous pain of separation and divorce DING! >I don't understand how some husbands hold out, DING! (because some husbands DONT want to be with Wife 2.0 and be Husband 2.0 or 5.0) Not to harsh on you man y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 10:42 PM
2

>So she booked their flight for 10pm Friday night. I will get them around 2 pm on Saturday. Just to send them back Tuesday at 7am. I think it's reasonable to deem her 10 pm stunt as breech of the decree. Keep the kids as long as you want. I'm serious. She has located herself in an inconvenient area of the country for you to enforce your rights. And you would like to litigate the visitation etc in PA not in HI. Simple. btw Hire a better attorney. Also make sure you get her to produce a marriage c…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 10:37 PM
1

And getting in this program does WHAT exactly? the OP was talking about treaty countries then in turn going to a non treaty country how is “abduction program going to help,with that exactly?” sure flags the passports and you can’t fly ok take ferry across med and then fly wherever you want … and state department is going to stop that how?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:42 PM
2

Internet forum is not legal advice either we are only saying where you should go. Not to take our advice above a lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:37 PM
4

I was told by a family member that I won't be able to finalize a divorce until the child is born. Is your family member a lawyer??? I don't think you should be taking legal advice from "family" that probably knows nothing about the legal situation. > I was also told they consider whoever signs the birth certificate to be the legal guardians. But I gotta seek legal help as you've mentioned. I have no idea what that means. Probably someone who had a kid or is a nurse thinking they "know" about pat…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:52 AM
1

don't do that... make a monetary offer to get the last sticky points off the table then get the deal done You need to get this woman to agree and outside your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:46 AM
5

I am not familiar with Cali law NOW but in the past they by LAW they were the poster child for ANY child born during a marriage WAS considered the child of the father regardless of information to the contrary so yeah ask who she thinks the father is... let her BF know he's not considered the father if she says you. A woman in your wife's situation is monetarily incentivized to say you be the father if BP is not very say... commitment oriented.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:47 AM
1

The answer is yes they can easily do that. There will be no prevention of their travel outside of US unless the State Dept does something extraordinary (good luck with that) I would not allow the clause if you are worried about her taking off with kid. (if there is past bad activity then you know it already an issue) The kids passport should probably be destroyed or placed in escrow with a lawyer (both parties have to agree for travel etc).
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:11 AM
6

get a LAWYER. Casually ask wife WHO she will put as father. Inform your LAWYER of her answer. You NEED to get legal help now or you will be on the hook to take care of FOUR kids with one not being yours. BTW while I'm thinking about it do DNA testing on all your "kids".
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:06 AM
2

she would be foolish to do so. Getting disability via SSA is pretty straight forward. If she sought to increase child support via family court she would need to demonstrate a great need, AND offer up medical evidence of said, not being able to work. What works in your favor is that Judges are typically very reluctant to open up final decrees except in extraordinary circumstances. Example wife don't want to work not extraordinary, wife becomes quadriplegic can't work at the factory she was superv…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:36 PM
14

Yeah well your outlook is pretty much covered by nihilism. Look at it THIS way. Ultimately your ex decided to hit the eject button because she a) thought she could do better b) thought that being alone with cats was better than being with you. Pretty bad. I don't really like how women these days decide to deal with their desires to "change" and blow up marriages. BUT it literally IS WHAT IT IS. Post divorce realities for women is that on average their standard of living will DECREASE by 30%. Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:24 PM
8

Report your youngest missing and put out an amber alert
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 11:26 PM
5

Start concentrating on what you can do today. Today you can learn more about how women think and sharpen up on your social skills towards women (because, yep you may be dating again) Today you can continue to self improve and be the best version of yourself. Today you can explore other parts of life to have something to fall back on if this goes south. TODAY you can realize that if female nature is any guide. Just thinking your wife was in "only emotional affair" is probably very naive. Women do…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 11:02 PM
1

it was taken from Seneca so might be... just a book on quotes mostly
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:50 PM
12

because women love drama more than they love themselves or men Women instinctively know that their path to getting what they want is through a man. If they CANT get what they want they will go scorched earth like a WW2 dictator. We, as men, can think that women should be "strong independent women(TM)" and do their own damn lives... but unfortunately they can't face that truth that they are in fact agents of their own destruction. They would rather blame a man (you) or men collectively (us) to ex…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:51 PM
1

seems odd in any case unless wifey poo ALSO makes stupendous money that tax credit will be useful in her case. So again talk with an accountant or financial planner. My accountant was invaluable for my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:09 AM
2

This is confusing IF you don't understand a woman's mindset. First off she does not care that you cheated. (I know mind blown) She WOULD care if you had spent any money or transferred assets to said affair woman. The relationship is over and in the past so to a woman it's old news. (btw the reason for this is to be discussed in the advanced class) So WHY is she making a federal case out of it NOW? Because SHE KNOWS it will get to you. By admitting an affair in the past you have given a loaded gu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 02:43 AM
2

talk to a financial advisor they can best answer your question. In general all your tax deferred splits will happen in 2024 due to QDRO... so probably best to wait for bookkeeping purposes. oh and if you didn't rig your deductions for SINGLE... you will have an issue with taxes as she will obviously claim the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 02:24 AM
2

YES it's a big weight. It is a relief for about a day until the now EX contacts you again :)
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 11:29 PM
10

No idea what has gone thru his head. Insanity?? he like a lot of us... thought it was nice to get his pee pee touched
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 11:12 PM
7

It's interesting how the 15-20ish mark is the new 7 year itch right?
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 11:11 PM
2

Get ready for the 'who hurt you', 'you made a bad 1st choice', 'woman hater' comments. Lol. hey that's my line! I love this forum good comment
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 11:10 PM
8

There is a serious undercurrent in society where people honestly believe Women are Men's equals in all things. BUT... Men bust the curve in business, industry and technology. All high growth areas with great wealth creation. One dynamic of the boss b!tch wife type is that when they try and bust the curve somehow they come up short. THEN they want to somehow prove their accomplishments are just as good or at least minimize other's accomplishments. This minimization (aka shade) behavior goes right…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 04:01 AM
0

NO your appeal will only fund your lawyer's summer cottage not help you AT ALL
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 10:59 PM
1

It's a gray area AND one that has been litigated extensively in many states So here's he deal. Your wife is STILL your wife until final decree. In many states California being one I'm familiar with YOU the husband are considered the father of ANY child born during the marriage. READ that again if you need to because this concept is VERY important. If your wife is screwing around on you... you HAVE to end the marriage very very quick. Because there is a chance that YOU! yes you lucky estranged hu…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 03:54 PM
1

You will never find a more wrenched hive of scum and villainy Our Adversary's Narrative Dominance is not to be taken lightly We must be cautious.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 09:19 PM
10

That’s really insightful. What is your description of the male definition? I love that you touched my pee pee! (kidding!) A man's definition if also complex. But in many ways it's almost the mirror opposite of a woman's. Men saying they love a woman... usually implies support and continued caring well past the expression of the "Love" word. Most men I think realize when they say the "L" word they are in many ways committing to that woman past the present time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 07:18 PM
1

>What I’m hoping to do is to somehow use this against her in the mediation you will not be able to directly. You can threaten to have boytoy come testify at court if she gets uppity about certain things in settlement. Sometimes that works other times not. I assume you know the name of the dude. Run a full background on him. During mediation drop hints of all the things in his past (things she probably does not know) and say you will force him to testify. etc etc. BTW a good lawyer on her side wi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 05:03 PM
10

You have to re-calibrate what you THINK Love is to a Woman. One of the greatest misconceptions in the Modern World is that Men and Women express and feel Love the same way. Women do NOT Love men the same way men Love women. When a woman says she "Loves You" she generally means it, RIGHT THEN, as in THAT MOMENT she is feeling Love for you. This is a neat event and all. But all men who have gone through divorce know... women who once say they Loved a man dearly have no problem divorcing your ass l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:53 PM
3

I think the reasons for marriage have dwindled to nil for men now. Granted you get some say in your kids future with a marriage, but in reality you don't need to have marriage just your name on the birth certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 12:35 AM
7

sorry this happened man. Your story is very common. Guy does nothing but provide for his family, stand up guy no real issues. Just solid steady. STILL divorce. (as I said several of my friends had this happen, if it's any help) My ex did the "jumping complaint" game. First it was golf, then video games, then football. I had the literal epiphany when I realized it's not WHAT I am doing specifically. My wife WILL find something ANYTHING to complain about. I used to call her out on it, then I just …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 11:57 PM
3

everyone has been in the situation where the Judge doesn't care sorry, they don't I read 200k and pretty much stopped reading. Judges deal with cases where there are multiple kids, with different mixed parents and NO MONEY... those cases keep Judges up at night Cases where rich divorcing people are arguing over who gets 100k is small potatoes. The Judge is not going to be a forensic accountant for you. I would start negotiating and find leverage to get some money you believe the other party is h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:35 PM
5

Interesting. I'm wondering why she opened up to you about this? yes women never do anything "accidentally" in front of a man... she's fishing to see if she can monkey branch back of course
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:10 PM
1

Reality is “men hold the key to relationships, women hold the key to sex”. true dat
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:09 PM
2

you are a Man, men do things. Also Women do things like spend too much time on tictok looking at lives of rich and famous pron too much I don't think apologizing for main stream male behavior gets you anywhere. If you apologize for your browsing habits. Might as well apologize for putting food on the table, and roof over her head. Apologize for working to make sure she's not out on the street corner. Apologize for being a provider and probably decent man that here in the states actually CHECKS w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:25 PM
7

divorce should be the LAST option to resolve marital problems. Try everything first. I would recommend reading a few marriage advice books, get a kindle or other reader so you can just read the book but the wifey does not see the title. Again I don't recommend Divorce in any case except when it is forced on you in a no fault being sought by the other spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 11:55 AM
2

It's not these days. No Fault divorce pretty much ended this. I think this is just one of those old statistics or old bits of wisdom that has not been updated to the current reality
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 11:34 AM
1

too bad Facebook ain't court right?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 10:41 PM
0

to introduce evidence you need witnesses talk to attorney
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 10:16 PM
2

don't bother you won't clog anything up. The Family court Judge will never hear it. I know it's rough but Judges just don't care about these things in Family Court. Be polite. Be calm and there will be no "assault" talk. If you are being CHARGED by a DA and it's Criminal Court that is a different matter. In that case this is evidence you will need for your defense. (but you are probably confusing these two courts)
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 09:48 PM
1

Can't say that I am to blame really. I married and old school European non-westernized chick I vetted her, I certainly courted her, I made sure she was not materialistic, I was the sole breadwinner, She already spoke English, she knew how to raise kids (nanny), she was almost required to stay married to me for about 7 years while immigration cleared I DID everything guys. And her response was see ya I want to hit the eject button. WHAT I think IS the deal is if you merely take a gander at the da…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:51 PM
9

lol the right answer and when the ex later turns into a lidless eye tower no one will wonder why
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:26 PM
5

It's totally normal. Women go through the death of the marriage months/years before you find out. true dat
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 06:50 PM
2

I smell troll in this comment
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 05:49 PM
1

eh let him say what he wants... remember teenagers rebel.... who do you think he will be the rebel to?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 12:35 AM
1

>Married for 10y. No kids. end it immediately. The only reason you should be married is to provide stable situation for raising kids. If she's not popping kiddos out she's really of no utility to you. AND this is probably why you are in the bad for 3 years crowd right now. Go find a nice sane woman to have babies with.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 12:15 AM
2

should have had a prenup
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:37 PM
5

what to do? Take the lessons this experience has taught you. 1 - "you can't have the rest of your life" tied to one person anymore. Today relationships are shorter and more transactional than ever before. 2 - You can't expect to be "married for life" anymore 3 - need a reason outside of a woman "to get up in the morning"... I suggest a Dog. More loyal and less nagging 4 - Find a mission in life you believe in. I suggest career development. or big education goal like learning a new language (you …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 08:41 PM
2

You have agreed recently (may 2023) so I don't think a judge will really do anything. The question they will ask pointedly you agreed to all this in MAY... why are you coming back now. The answer has to be compelling or he will make a minor change and bye bye 10k in legal fees. for a one sentence change. This also depends on County and Court of course. In Texas a woman has to be literally convicted of a felony and sent to do years in Jail/Prison to have kids sent to the father. So you will never…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:13 PM
6

Dude you are breaking and broke the rule >However, the chemistry between us was the strongest I’ve felt with any other women, says every guy ever when a new woman touches his pee pee post divorce... it's cliche because it IS SO TRUE. WAKE UP. So now you have moved in with a woman, and describe it as comfortable and no passion... which means the sex sux. So you are what 3 years from ANOTHER sexless relationship? You want that? IF you go through this cycle with TWO women will it dawn on you that Y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:55 PM
0

oh look another "wife makes all the money" troll this is so new / not
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:25 PM
2

no way to really prove this... I went through the "roommate" to house mate full time live in ... of course with no separate bedroom. you have to really tighten up the terms, and then have a Private Investigator document unless you are trying to get out of years of Spouse support it's usually not worth it
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 04:28 PM
2

>The question I'm searching to find an answer on, what does it take to find bad faith in negotiations? and the answer is NOTHING. I know you don't like that answer but in reality Family court is not civil litigation. There is a desire to protect and provide for kids. So assets need to be divided and child support established to make that happen. No Judge is going to find against mother in "bad faith" or "false information" especially during divorce proceedings. So it's ultimately a dog that won'…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 01:15 PM
5

You get over a woman by getting over a few other willing women in the bedroom. only sure cure
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 11:05 PM
8

FIRST Rule! if you are a divorced man... quit posting to r/divorce waste of f-ing time if you have a sack. It's normal to be in a rough spot post divorce. ONE THING you CAN DO is stop posting reading, commenting on forums that aren't man positive. Let me tell you divorce is not the forum you want to be posting to. psst over there men are ALWAYS the problem /s
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:58 AM
2

A spy A spy! I detect trollish woman kind in here!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:52 AM
2

She also had the gall to tell me that I "never contributed anything" to our lives/marriage. this grinds my gears too
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:50 AM
7

I know talking about Red Pill is a dog whistle these days but I agree. Hypergamy amd Red Pill philosophy making it's way to more men will be the only way we turn this around.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 03:08 PM
19

all you can do is talk talk talk. You ever mention family court law reform to a politician? they run from you women vote and they vote as a block. No way family law is changing until MEN completely boycott marriage in large numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 12:02 PM
3

us search look for one that is highly rated
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 05:23 PM
5

do a background check on all her aliases find last known addresses then look up county records at last known addresses
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 04:24 PM
21

don't be friends just be coparents, take a coparenting online class Also don't be afraid to threaten the soon to be ex with a subpoena for boytoys testimony... THAT usually get's the pressure up to 11 for a quick settlement
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:13 PM
5

Have a mental mission like - I'm going through this to be a good Father or Good Person for my future. Have a long term education goal - for me it was learning a new language, eats up hours and help distract you from sitting around lonely Enjoy that it is Football season, Basketball or Baseball season... get out of your apartment even if it's just to sit in a bar watch some sports with one beer READ up on relationships, dating, and other topics, you will have to date again soon. Start working on …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:09 PM
1

It's tough. I would tolerate it and think good thoughts like - oh gee a perfect stranger wants to be Santa to my kids! wheee He may be doing it deliberately. But he may also be doing it out of genuine desire to get along with kids. who knows run a background check on him see if he's a sex offender
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:02 PM
1

Dude fix that broke part. Have her pay a little more so you can squirrel away funds
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:57 PM
4

It's like a horse kick in the gut. Early on you have to decide if you think and act like it is TRULY over. It will go easier for you if you just mentally adjust to over early (I was blessed with this realization early on). If you try to reconcile, you mostly are trying to turn a switch on, that the soon to be ex turned off permanently. One thing you need to prepare for is the soon to be ex WILL not let that grass grow under her feet. Oh no she will move on quickly and may get a man shacking up w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:56 PM
1

So I would actually prefer to get kicked out, get my own place, and have the kids come to my place during my custody, rather than do nesting with her. And the thing is, she's so against having the kids rotate out of the home that this would actually disincentivize her against kicking me out in the first place. look man you will REALLY like the after affects of nesting. Sure it's a pain. But this is ONE way to get pressure on the missus for a quick resolution. Nothing like her sitting by herself …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 02:46 AM
1

>. If I am ordered to leave during the pendency of divorce proceedings, would the temporary orders hearing still give me some custody over the kids, like they would have to rotate to my place according to some sort of schedule? YES in Texas this is normal. One option that you should explore with your attorney is a Nesting arrangement. With that the kids stay in house and the parents alternate living in home every other week. Tactically I would get your attorney to get an amended filing that requ…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 02:09 AM
2

eh it's made up or Happening in Florida! Bada Bing!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:21 AM
2

It's according to the whims of the judge no matter the merits. AND THAT is what a JUDGE is FOR!!!! (read it again) Divorce, family, civil litigation IS ALL placing your fate and your family's fate into the hands of another human who you don't know and does not know you What did you think would happen Solomon himself would come back and render verdict? As I said this human who you don't know made a tough call. And probably forefront in his mind is the fear that if he decides your all angelic and …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:19 AM
4

Robots! bring em on! all we need is a robot to clean house and give us a happy ending and Women are DONE I'm telling you
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:14 AM
1

I think it's psychosomatic. probably not that not in the classic sense have you tried hot herbal tea or other? when I have this problem... it's usually due to some kid/ex thing so I understand the sleeping bit I also have a doggo who wakes me up at 3 to go pee a lot What's helped me is, herbal tea in evening, setting up a white noise or fan, taking otc sleep pills, 15 mg melatonin, reading in bed until my eyes droop, turn off light roll over close eyes. Seems to work for me
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 11:03 PM
1

not supposed to be "ladies" here
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 08:34 PM
10

This can’t be anything other than a troll post, right? yep true troll sign in this post. think of how this plays for maximum drama/chaos/trigger "Christian" "Gamer" "Wife move in" "Move into trailer" "trying to be a good christian" oh and the terrible gramar and non capital i's It's like Troll Bingo
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 08:34 PM
3

lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 07:39 PM
5

Starting to think it was a lack of time management on their part yep and make the boss think they are busy with busy work
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:47 PM
11

>The way I was able to get over my ex is by asking myself what is the kind of relationship I was imagining when I was 18 or so. THAT is really good framing. I like it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:08 PM
19

emotional labor yep good point that is something that came into vogue When anyone would bring it up. I stop them and say... "so what's the emotional labor for putting up with you?" That usually shuts the little dears up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:06 PM
27

SHIT JUST GETS DONE. OMG that totally
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 06:05 PM
7

Personally, the hardest part of housework is trying to think of daily meals to keep them interesting, nutritious, and mostly in everyone's area of likes. you got that right, different spices and other mixes work well I have been cooking some Indian and Thai dishes. mix in americana a little mexican that's enough variety
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:55 PM
27

NOW THAT is a great joke
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:53 PM
1

Wow a lot like me hope you get the CFI on Sleep - go to a doctor, I have tried Melatonin, Sleep Rituals, and over the counter sleep pills I sleep better these days using a combination but a doc can help guide you. Right after the divorce I had to use NiQuil often.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:52 PM
5

Hey now I recognize that light switch part :)
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:43 PM
1

sure if you want to simplify mostly it was to underscore the ONE thing you will be asked BY EVERY WOMAN YOU MEET who is interested in you "So what happened in your past relationship and/or divorce?" (TM) Might as well start thinking about it. Practicing it. Because you will be amazed the first few times you talk with a woman you will no be smooth and unemotional when talking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:38 PM
3

turn off the phone have her get her own service
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:06 AM
2

I sort of do know what I'm talking about. NO you know your area and local laws and judges I get you got a raw deal. Read up and realized you got a REAL Raw Deal. It's natural for you to go hyperbolic. But it's not like that in most areas of the US. It's just not. As I said when I get stories like this. "Judge slammed me with PO without even listening to me." There is more to the story. And usually the man made a grave mistake. Like calling the cops with the result "they left". Events like this g…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:05 AM
1

yes and they can be the proud step kids of Chad ThunderMember sex offender too If you want to keep your kids on an upward trajectory you have to have some say in which man is in their immediate vicinity. Yes you can do the concubine thing. Not a bad way to go in most parts of the world but in the west there is NO pause for sweetums to hookup and move in with Chad The only pause is what people/mom/dad will think if she divorces you. Granted its not a lock but it typically slows their monkey branc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:57 AM
5

1st rule of divorce club is don't talk about divorce club 2nd rule always remember 1st rule 3rd rule have a positive story of WHY you are divorced So here's the deal you may think being "fully transparent" is the way to a woman's heart (WRONG). Initially any statement about your divorce should be minimal and about the positives you took from it. It gets you NOWHERE to talk about your cheating 304 of an ex. Oh no you say that and a woman will read "RED FLAG not over EX!!!!" So 1st come up with a …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 09:08 PM
4

I was successful before during and so far after marriage my decision was all about having kids. In my opinion kids is the ONLY reason to get married. Which will be awkward going forward. But... I'm pretty set that the only way I get married will be if the chick has a quite a few healthy eggs left
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 08:59 PM
1

A woman is binary because she already has someone else lined up. you would normally think so. But I believe the decision to go OFF/Exit predates the affair or boyfriend. I don't think they are tied, and at least in my experience are not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 08:55 PM
8

sure don't help her AND WELCOME TO EVERY BITTER WOMAN'S FAVORITE GAME SHOW! "anything that now goes wrong is dad's fault!" Anyway just Divorce don't give ultimatums, just file and file now Yes don't help her get to her train don't mow the lawn or whatever else you do... she a big enough girl to kick you to the curb a find empowered woman like herself can now do it ALL. Finalize divorce then you do things based on what you want to do, you have clear conscience about leaving things for her to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 05:45 PM
4

not BS in most areas, perhaps in yours it's a bit more complicated when I hear "that's BS comments" it most likely from a position of not understanding how the law works and how Judges think The cops did "nothing" no they did not "do nothing" they responded to you as the reporting party and ascertained how much physical risk you were in... deeming that you were not in mortal danger they departed. (way beyond the scope of this comment... there were words and actions YOU could have said to have th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:59 PM
8

>We contacted out real estate agent and they advised us to wait until spring time because the market is very bad right now. yeah well it could get awful by spring if the FED increases interest rates like they have stated directly they are planning to. If you guys are willing sell house as a couple. Price the house to MOVE and move on with your life. Depending on your missus she may very well make staying in the home impossible so It's best to just get separate places now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:01 AM
6

eh consult with attorney, see what your options are. I would seek a hearing as to your ability to see children within DAYS. If Judge does not agree, appeal! Female judge does something else you don't like make moves to request new Judge ( in my area this does not work btw, but it might in your area)
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 10:30 PM
9

not a good sign typical squeeze by overzealous divorce attorney representing hyper active woman. Go to hearing if she does not have evidence, as in police called and she was found bloody then she won't get a Protective Order. (normally) FYI though some Judges just take the word of the helpless damsel. An event I would suggest you appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 10:15 PM
3

not a scam. Dad in law is on the hook for the mortgage. He wants to be able to exit from this house if things go sideways divorce of his kid and kids SO is by definition going sideways net net you and hubs getting no equity. Hope that does not change your calculus for exiting the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 06:42 PM
1

This is not true. Lots of personality disordered people are self aware. sure they are. That's why all psychologist in the US usually assume anyone claiming to be a Narcissist is actually a Psychologically Traumatized Codependent
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 06:35 PM
1

First step is to have your diagnosis confirmed by a clinical Psychiatrist short of that you thinking you are a Narc is all theoretical. Normally a Narcissist WILL NEVER EVER admit even online they are a Narcissist. A true Narc never performs the self reflection to even think it's a possibility. And Narcs don't take tests normally either. It is possible you are actually not a Narc. I would talk to a clinical Psychiatrist.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 06:26 PM
28

now you see it though your ex wife's eyes pre divorce SO MANY men! So much attention! I must be way way hotter than my husband thinks! Look man a large percentage of ANY women out in the wild ARE just attention and validation seeking NOT interested in dating. Which is why you get contact info. BRIEF call, ask for in person date. Don't make the mistake of thinking you "have a potential girlfriend" UNLESS you go out on in person date.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:34 PM
6

>This evening during the conversation she was clearly mourning or feeling guility over the end of our relationship and kept saying that this wouldn't have happened if I had changed. Translation from her mind: This is ME ruminating about how I can convince myself it's my Husband's fault FYI... she's NOT feeling guilty >She kept asking for me to leave, which I did start heading for the door but she would start crying more. Translation: she does not want to have you around to remind her of her mist…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:19 PM
3

>Does this have cheating written all over it? Am I crazy? Ding Ding we have a winner ​ >“I know it sounds fast and the timing is odd, but nothing happened during the marriage or even the divorce” is what she told me. I tell you it is AMAZING that all exes who "find someone real quick" immediately claim oh I met him AFTER we were final! really! every woman has this story, what are the odds all of them are truthful? >I know I’m looking too far into the future but having someone else around my chil…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 04:59 AM
18

I would get a background check done on live in Romeo Chances are there is a reason why he needs to "move in"
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 11:56 PM
3

if you know it's time. Don't wait for kid. I would advise you start preparing slowly for Divorce. You should have a separate account and have your paycheck deposited there. You should hire an attorney and get all the data to file with him (and you want a him) also pay retainer via credit card YOU only see statements Research apartments in your area. It's a good idea to get one close but not too close and 1 bed, or studio. that is safe and clean secure documents that you will need like passport a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 11:51 PM
6

Yeah I call it the Binary Light switch effect. When they want to exit they are Done Done. No deliberation, no try to work things out... etc. Happens in Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 11:43 PM
3

just so you know... "only leaves country for X reason" sounds very similar to having to return home to his FAMILY I know it's hard to be skeptical the feels MAKE you not want to examine this too closely. But with any international love interest you HAVE to know ground truth about travel back home and why. Here's a neat experiment. Say "hey I was going to travel to Europe for vacation and will be IN GERMANY (or wherever) while you are back. How about we see each other lover!" See what he says... …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:07 PM
4

it's normal for people to fall in love with the unattainable I have worked internationally and worked with international people most of my career. Every 6 months there is a common drama that happens at any office I'm in with international people. Nevel (the European with an exciting accent) is in country for a few months. He goes out alone a few times gets tired of that and gets on dating apps, or meets a local woman at a bar, restaurant or park. Nevel and woman hit it off! I mean Nevel is exoti…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:52 PM
1

ok so here's the deal you ask a woman do you want Spouse support OR equity in home She will reply BOTH (think about the implications carefully) My suggestion to EVERYONE is always negotiate Apples to Apples. Split Cash, Split Equity, split 401ks SEPARATELY into separate piles This way you are not trying to convince someone who knows NOTHING of finance to make a value judgement. Once you ask to "trade" X for Y normally they get confused and assume that you are taking advantage of them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:34 PM
2

indeed! I find it very illuminating. Like what she wanted is for me to beg for her to "save the marriage" what she didn't realize is I knew I could do better so why even bother. My ex used divorce talk as the trump card in arguments. After years of this I pretty much resigned myself to the reality this crazy lady might actually do it. So yeah when she said it the last time and then doubled down by personally threatening me. I was mentally prepared for what followed. It's not pretty but if someon…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:28 PM
3

My ex said she wanted a divorce. Did some things that made me leave. Later as it appeared I was very ready to get court proceedings moving she appeared surprised by me taking her seriously. She surprised served me during a kid exchange so I was not very cordial after that. Later she claimed "I didn't want this divorce"... to which I said "well we are going to have one, either way." Sometimes women really don't get that THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES to certain things they do.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:45 PM
8

OMG!!!!! this is GOLD - have my upvote and thanks >Tell her the truth. It's not the ex you miss, it is the lifestyle, security, sense of family, etc. I don't miss her. I mourn the loss of innocence. I miss how I felt back then. very very good way to handle this!
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:50 PM
14

How do I stop doing this? This is normal, but yes you need to stop it. I would just start writing out what you want to say to ex/stbex and just not send it. It's a tough realization. One that frankly I was blessed knowing before my EX said the D word. Women are binary about relationships. Either they are on/into it or they are off/exiting. When a woman decides she's off, there is NO WAY she will go back on that. (at least for some time) From a man's point of view this is hard to understand and a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:45 PM
2

a good lawyer will require a retainer to take you on. 5k is normal in my area a good lawyer will tell you (and probably have a list of) the documents you need to provide him (and you want a him btw) to get your filing together. a good lawyer knows the court your divorce will be heard in, will know Judges name and standing orders. He will outline the process of divorce in your state and local - example: Temp Orders Trial, Mediation, Final Hearing, Final Decree etc. a good lawyer will have a recom…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:38 AM
11

and that got you where exactly... another person paid to tell you she's crazy
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 03:37 AM
3

>My wife and I plan to get divorced due to major issues, and my wife has told me she plans to file for divorce in California, even though she lives in Jordan and has never been to America. this made me laugh, I don't think this is possible yeah because of the residency issue. >I asked her why not in Jordan and she doesn't want to respond to me, but it seems she's trying to get a better deal by filing in California even though she has never stepped foot in the United States. yeah because under Is…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:31 AM
2

>TL:DR - Sour ex-wife not keeping schedule to exchange possessions, and now not answering requests, can I go on my own accord? new rooster in the hen house probably so the answer is no unless your want your tombstone to read shot by Chad picking up his old records
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:06 AM
2

I went this route didn't affect anything
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:55 AM
2

you are very screwed what the HECK were you thinking doing 60k private while being unemployed?????? two years man? seriously? first thought - you will have a BIG problem explaining to the Judge you made 500k once but can't do it again... oh and your "convenient" 2 years now from layoff will appear suspicious to a Judge given that 2 years of taxes are standard in most courts to establish means. So be prepared your child support and any alimony (Cali yay! yay?) will be calculated like you can make…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:28 AM
7

>My stbxw wants to have an amicable divorce without getting lawyers or mediators involved. yeah don't do that file and but in petition you want marital home sold and proceeds divided as per agreed percentage. 5050 she comes back "not fair" say sure 55 you then. Sell the home best way to resolve the marital home issue.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 12:28 AM
0

No sell home and have stexwife find her own place. I know it may be tough in this market. But the reality of a CLEAN BREAK from the past, as well as joint ownership on the deed mortgage etc is worth it's weight in gold Good Luck
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 12:24 AM
16

I personally think marriage counseling (for the man) is a waste of time. Women have issues in marriage like: he doesn't show he loves me, he's too involved in work, he watches football too much, he isn't good in bed Men have issues like: she's lazy and does not keep house, she is not having sex with her husband, she is not working Men have OBJECTIVE complaints about marriage that usually get negotiated 1 for 1 with subjective woman complaints. Then the man does the subjective 10 things wife said…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 12:00 AM
2

I do not and will not ever say I picked the wrong person. I probably would say wrong if divorce was in year 1-5 etc... I got a good run from my ex. It's sad that in the era of no fault divorce it's just a process of divorce not something you can contest. But hey given the man I was at that time I picked ok I suppose.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:32 PM
1

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. I’m not sure why people have such a hard time understanding this. Yeah and Prince Charles and Diana divorced after a 200 million dollar wedding too. I personally agree with this statement and if we lived in the time BEFORE no fault divorces she would have to stay married. But we are in the 21st century now. So you kinda need get with the times? >Which means when she leaves, she leaves with what she came with. None of his retirement none of his money, none of hi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:24 PM
3

you got married to quick and picked up a potential psycho I would go to therapy, state what is happening for further guidance. Also if the spouse agrees marriage counseling with you both going is a good idea. Chances are if she IS psycho she will not go to counseling and blame all issues on YOU... Don't get married again ... for the love of God
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:15 PM
1

don't do that. YOU may make a different decision depending on who you meet in the future. But the answer is you don't want children "with her" But the future answer may be you WANT to have kids with the Billionaire Super Model. So don't do anything rash and also DONT f--k her unprotected and police up those condoms if you do. (use the hot sauce trick) It would be easy for the soon to be ex missus to have an oopsie and make sure you are paying for the next 18 years.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:09 PM
1

He was upfront from the beginning so? things change over time. Like a woman discovering that she has 10 years to have kids or not... this concentrates the mind and I wish more women did this frankly I make excuses for her because if she wants kids, and the man in her life does not... whelp she needs to find a new man. easy peasy >If anything, she’s the one who lied before marriage. I disagree completely. It is normal and natural for a woman to realize she wants kids AND she has a limited time to…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 11:05 PM
5

LOOOKK Quit looking on the internet, quit posting to foums or you will go 5 more years and no action Go to an Attorney HIRE an Attorney. Get a petition file petition, try to serve if your runaway wife can't be served then there are public notice or courthouse notice type routes to get this going and be fully divorced from her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 10:52 PM
1

eh it's not nice but in the end you did not want to have kids "with her" in the future you will have time to review this decision Unfortunately, women's fertility does end as the age. She is probably correct in making this front and center of her thinking of the future. She made it plain her thinking was "kid now" and you are either onboard with that or you are not. This is probably for the best. Because if you thought she was special or wanted to have kids with this woman... you would have knoc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 09:58 PM
3

or.. love is not what you think it is.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:28 PM
1

30+ countries with quite a few ungoverned areas mixed in Been to every continent but Antarctica
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:21 PM
2

happens a lot actually Most men find some woman who WILL have kids and has a mess of kids in a short amount of time usually. The EX is usually not married and a cat lady at age 40.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 08:17 PM
5

sounds EXACTLY like a mental health issue... Specifically a Cluster B personality disorder Tactically I would go along with the divorce and part as amicably as you can. Don't be surprised if this sudden "very spiritual" person forgets EVERYTHING about you and your prior relationship and moves in with a new dude quickly. Strategically your marriage is over, your wife has had a mental shock with dear ol dad dying. Perhaps he was a BIG BIG part of her life and that Big part is something she hid fro…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:46 PM
1

yeah... I get that... but in the majority of the world women live in constant fear of a man physically assaulting her
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:23 PM
13

YES I just read up on Kramer vs Kramer the original script had Meryl Streep's character come across as a hot tart just wanting to bail on her responsibilities and abandon her husband and kid. But after Meryl Streep got the part (her FIRST major role btw) she campaigned endlessly to make her character come across more sympathetic to audiences. Oh and NOW years later Meryl Streep of course says Dustin made inappropriate advances and gestures to her during filming... Me Too Anyone? Very Iconic Film…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:41 AM
0

God stop with the voice/video recordings NO ONE CARES and it's normally not admissible in court... STAP the MADNESS Reconcile? Maybe As she says "work on yourself" ask her WHAT specifically you should work on FIRST (this should be good). Say to her If I work on myself THERE, what will YOU work on to help the marriage work? (that should be an even better answer /s) The reason I say this is most men get into the "Ok I'll do X to make wifey happy"... she still unhappy... "Ok I'll do Y to make wifey…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:27 AM
5

This is rough man... When a woman says "I need space" there is a Man in her life Named "Space". Yeah thinking reconciliation would be an option was overly hopeful. When a woman leaves a man it's pretty certain there's another she's floating to. So now that you know it's over, time to start getting over her by getting over someone new in the bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:12 PM
1

probably a head fake Any lawyer once he gets a signature will put it out for a servicer immediately. So she hasn't signed. Most likely because she hasn't actually put a petition together. or even talked to a lawyer And let me guess MOM is divorced right? probably advising her daughter on how to put the pressure on you?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:52 AM
1

OK so you need to go no contact with EVERY SINGLE PERSON associated with your EX (the swinger ex, sorry hard to follow all this) and your EX if possible (or as much as possible) Head Up - those messages are likely from the THIS EX. 2nd Heads Up - I would definitely do Paternity tests on all children associated with Swinger Ex. Do it discretely, get results and don't be surprised if 1 is not yours. 3rd Heads Up - Go to therapy (I know again, just do it) explain you have an odd conflict type relat…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:13 AM
8

In the end? 50/50 custody and $0 alimony. I kept my house and my car. The only thing she got was half of my 401k. this warms my heart obviously you had a complex asset situation and it does not appear that kids were involved to any great extent I am really happy for you finding a Judge to rule this way. It seems to be the exception.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 02:57 AM
3

good post I agree with the "We all took an L" and adjust and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 02:52 AM
6

That is like the ONLY time I have heard this. Was the court order REALLY that bad for her. Or did you ex just get a talking to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:47 AM
5

really? REALLY? I am sick of these women judges are harder on women type statements. Truth is yes women judges can tell when another women is talking BS. But these "Women Judges" seem to not actually DO anything to women who do BS or defy court orders. All women judges do is talk a good game in court making you "think" justice is being served. Meanwhile when the time for contempt of court rulings come up... strangely the Judge goes soft. I wonder why.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:46 AM
25

fair warning words matter MGTOW, Incel, Red Pill are fighting words in most areas of Reddit and Internets in general I understand MGTOW very well. And I have a few friends are are firmly MGTOW... they also don't date women, the come across as rough and gruff to women and generally have bad interactions with women. with that said I am completely blown away by women's reaction to MGTOW ideas At it's core MGTOW means not making Women(and women's genitalia) the central focus of a mans life. Men go i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:16 AM
3

>I think rebuilding with a new wife is out. YEAH can't take that chance now can we? I would skip the under the table talk and just get another job. You will not believe how much that helps with breathing room.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 11:16 PM
2

3 year old? and worried about school? seems suspect to me (or sus in modern parlance) Normally the Judge/Court you file in can put a stipulation that she remain in the county of divorce filing or contiguous counties. I would put that in the decree.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 11:03 PM
1

ack no no no no no Look this person will soon be your EX WIFE. Exwives are same as "just another woman you don't directly take care of". It's for the "strong independent woman" to figure out life without your input or advice. In the future as income is nil and expenses are high she may indeed figure out she needs to work. But you don't need to baby her anymore. Get the divorce done and have the ex figure out her own financial affairs without you. ALSO - get her OFF your credit card and have her …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 08:26 PM
7

wait you signed a prenup... where a major asset is "hers" and incomes are not used equally? Jeez talk to a lawyer immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 08:08 PM
2

yep divorce - don't be surprised if "soulmate" is just an f**kboy and leaves her. THEN she decides steady you is a better deal!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 03:26 PM
2

women send CLEAR signals to men they are interested if you are getting mixed signals you are not paying attention to the real message which usually means there is Another Man who she is sending CLEAR signals to. Move on, if you meet a good one hop on. If your ex decides f boy deserving of Clear Signals is not a good option she will start sending signals you can't mistake your way
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:56 PM
1

Eh not filing first
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 06:21 PM
2

document document document what she said document day she left document day she was supposed to be back, document how many days you sat there I can't tell if you are divorced or not if not divorced talk to lawyer about putting abandonment as reason on divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:07 AM
1

withdraw funds faster yourself
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:04 AM
1

>She really thinks she has 100% of the power. This is terrifying, actually. actually, it's mostly true women do have the power, and yes women lawyers DO actually advise their clients sometimes to exaggerate threaten and otherwise intimidate men to get better outcomes. as another commenter said here you can have all the recordings, testimony and all you want but actually having any consequences roll to the dear poor little lady... will NOT BE HAPPENING. no judge I have seen will EVER EVER do anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:03 AM
2

it's useless to appeal does not matter what you do or what you did (the appeal rate is like 0% why? because all the appeal will get you is remanded back to your family court judge with vague guidance - pssst appeals courts do NOT want to deal with these cases get it?) if you have the ability to earn a living overseas in a non-European or 1st world country. sure do it I suppose Just to let you know your child support is an international treaty issue. In many countries there are mechanisms to make…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:52 AM
2

most women have a superpower to make money disappear it's obvious that she thought you would just let her be a sahm while you go out and make the big bucks you try to restrict her money disappear ling and bad things happen. Either give the adult child the money she wants or divorce her. If you divorce she will use the child support money to be HER money and blame you for any neglect. Welcome to the club btw
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 12:53 AM
48

Wives do not want a new Bachelor to tell stories of freedom and loose women to their men. They don't want you to talk about Fight Club. It's VERY VERY hurtful. But it's the way it is. Rare is the situation where the man says heck with that I'm supporting my friend. Going through this I will be better a better friend to anyone needing support going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:44 PM
3

Jeez TALK to an attorney - spouses living in different STATES with different state law on divorce is the very definition of a complex divorce BTW - don't bother stating where you got married does not matter now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:24 PM
9

This is rough. I went to kid drop offs at neutral location so I don't have to see the new dude. This was mostly because my ex is not mentally stable and wanted to flaunt him to me. Er that would be a no dear, I don't want to see you make out with some dude
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:21 PM
1

civil suits transfer money or assets mostly or perhaps enforce contractual stipulations with monetary damamges in any case a Civil suit is one venue to discover evidence of bad deeds. Bad deeds that may be criminal in nature (who knows) you started this asking about a PI. Discovery process during litigation is ALSO a means of uncovering facts and evidence. I would recommend consulting with an attorney familiar with the law and procedures in your area. For example if PI discovers something he mig…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:15 PM
1

People say this, but I think most flakes are obvious from the start I don't agree flakes (especially scammers posing) are pretty on about messaging.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 05:15 PM
8

ok she has money to burn just go to court and the Judge will... amazingly not do anything to substantively alter the prior agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:53 PM
3

it will be "badder" timing over Christmas... drop price sell in next month
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:47 PM
5

eh women are human beings that don't know what they want sometimes one moment they want to divorce you next moment they remember that you did XYZ great things for them Shrug - You need to get focused on if you want to leave this woman. There are always going to be "mixed signals" from exes, they always will want to "try" to keep a thread of connection with a decent man to keep their options open. I personally draw the line at divorce talk, which is why I said NO to any silly "lets be friends" th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:34 PM
6

new house and new job indicates new resources which can continue this litigation. This is a standard she does not like what you are doing. So she wants to amend agreement. The contempt this is a side show, most likely filed by her new lawyer to show off. Eh go to court and see if you guys can negotiate something outside the courtroom would be my advice. Usually you getting a lawyer to talk to her lawyer means the trial will not be a slam dunk so the other lawyer may negotiate with you. work out …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:28 PM
1

tell them that mommy found a new boyfriend and wants to have kids with new boyfriend I know the psych professionals clutch pearls at the mere suggestion of mommy being the bad guy and maybe not very ethical during a divorce. But ya know these things WILL come out. The kids WILL see her with a new man who "just happened to show up!" right when daddy wanted divorce. strange coincidence right? Ignore what wifey stbexw wants. Tell your kids what you want to tell them. Usually letting them know that …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:21 PM
3

eh write her a letter say it's easier and more cost effective for both of you to converse about the particulars of the settlement say you understand her wanting to split, you want to go along with that, all that needs to happen now is come up with a division, custody and support agreement that lawyers can assist with but if you both agree between yourselves you are better off than running this through attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:14 PM
1

para hour rates should be less than lawyers is why doing paper work for filings is not necessarily something a lawyer should be doing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:11 PM
1

Because they deny this man’s existence/relationship the lazy, incompetent CPS has not removed kids from the home. as normal procedure, you have allegations that have not been proved. Until evidence emerges that there is something the CPS needs to take action on ... they are mere allegations. > The judge when we presented a lB emergency custody order said since CPS hasn’t removed them, then they stay with the mom who has tried to cover this up. Which is due to your allegations not being evidence.…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:01 PM
6

taking stuff to the lawyers means 2 billable hour entries. So costs you both. Try to get things settled in broad terms between you and the stbxw. It's easier and faster.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:46 AM
4

get an attorney especially about your pension issues The pension will normally get split and there usually is a formula that can be applied. get an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 11:16 PM
1

read Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing Baker, Amy J.L., Fine, LCSW, Paul R. It ain't pretty but will let you know what you are in for. The courts will be no help on this. So don't bother. One thing to do immediately is do background check on stepdad. The are in fact married right? I would validate that they are actually married. Many times women say they are re-married and strangely no marriage certificate ever appears. good luck
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 11:07 PM
1

Do they know the JUDGE and the Standing Orders for the Court you will be going to. Do they have a list of documents that you will need for filing and for any court appearance. Do they typically script out their witness questions and cross? (the good ones in my opinion do) Give them hypothetical questions like I have X kids, what am I looking at for child support? how much room do I have? I have been married for Y years any alimony or spouse support exposure. My wifey makes X but she has been tak…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 10:53 PM
8

my best advice is don't count a date a date until they are sitting in front of you there is so much flaking there are so many scams from gals not in area/ dudes / international crypto sellers... you just can't believe a date is actually a date until it is actually happening live remember it's numbers numbers numbers - ya gotta contact 100 or so to get to 10 decent online convos, 10 online convos leading to 1-2 dates irl
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 07:57 PM
3

I depends (I know I know let me explain) If EVERYTHING (assets, children, parental rights etc etc) are determined by the court not the Hubs and Wifey... 300k is probably not too far off the mark if you and wifey poo can agree on a few things then it's easier My advice is to offer wifey a higher percentage and spouse support for quick resolution assets and spouse support In general if the woman has competent counsel and is not crazy, a great deal can get a quick resolution To me it's worth 5 % ex…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 07:38 PM
3

eh just a back of the napkin calculation would be a few days in a busy county if you are in a low pop county could be more. Dedicated Family Court Judges in Texas seem to make decisions quickly unless they are waiting for reports about kids, other things. It's a shared marital asset question really. And frankly I would have gotten a verbal with the stbex on these things before writing down division. Is it a taxed vs untaxed asset issue. with mine I just split the reg assets and tax deferred asse…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:48 PM
2

wow an authoritative response! you go
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:45 PM
1

you have a great outlook and I liked this post
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:43 PM
1

some bridges must have fallen to get all the trolls to come out
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:45 AM
13

I smell a bit of troll in this post
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:43 AM
6

ok everyone armchair quarterbacking saying go to police, go to judge etc etc needs to shut the hell up. This crap advice is NOT going to help OP at all in any jurisdiction. ​ Here is my advice OP - The reality of the situation is that somehow CPS was not involved with the rape nurse thing (never heard of a rape nurse btw, I assume you are referring to a nurse who does rape kits). THIS is odd, any sexual injury to a minor is mandatory report so I don't know what is going on there. And you most li…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:28 AM
2

oh well if it's in iowa then it's nationwide then lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:56 AM
9

this is generally not true the court will try to provide for the welfare of the child(ren) at all times that usually means going to the most asset or income rich party and making them subsidize the kid(s) via he mother. I don't know where this rumor of "give up custody no child support" started but it is just a rumor. Prior to this rumor, it was supposedly possible for a father (unwed) to claim not to be able to support kids and have kids go on welfare via mother. Then welfare agencies started t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:07 PM
2

ALWAYS ALWAYS talk to your attorney BEFORE you do anything. I would also have them have a criminal attorney to do a consult on your case. These can get dicey real quick. There are legal ways to do it but intersection of family law, criminal law and civil tenant law are sometimes WHOLLY within the discretion of a Judge. A Judge who may not like your arm twisting tactics. Best to play it safe
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 09:07 PM
1

I understand there are always edge cases Women claim more men start divorces because the "feel" it to be so... but the filing is a fact (legal effort to end a marriage) While their statements are opinions.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 09:02 PM
2

documentation is good, having a good relationship with LE is good just get the divorce done then you are free of any cohabitation laws or spousal laws. Then it's just a tenant issue
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:11 AM
8

you filed get divorced I too thought hey maybe "filing will knock some sense into her" THAT is not how women think about divorce. They will immediately go into securing remaining meal ticket mode. Which means realizing she has 2 small kids and no man to be meal ticket. In short she will freak. And maybe "say anything" to get back. Don't take bait.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:55 AM
10

nope since only less than 20% of men file first if you are thinking about it most likely its a reality for you I hope not and hope any marriage can survive. But if the man is really contemplating it normally things are dire.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:46 AM
0

you are married right? If you are married you normally cannot evict your SPOUSE from the marital home. If you were female you could do the old "he assaulted or threatened me" call police and you are taken away. you are a man so that is no go. Divorce your wife. Follow your attorney's advice. But end the marital entanglement THEN worry about who is living where.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:12 AM
2

>>My wife was absolutely my other half and I don't really know who I am without her. ​ might want to fix that since obviously the stbEX does not feel the same way. The primary hobby I recommend for you to take up is BEDDING other women. Seriously, you will need to get on the glide slope to be single and dating. Might be a GOOD OPPORTUNITY to read up on dating in the modern world. Might be a good idea to bring your book during meetings with stbEX about division of assets (mediation, custody heari…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:50 PM
3

your wife wants to go to "your" therapist? Meh why not I don't think this is any indication of anything besides her just wanting to know what you have said... which the counselor won't divulge if she's wanting to divorce I can think of only downsides for her wanting to do this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:42 PM
10

go through the steps, arbitration, negotiation and then have the judge order the sale of the house probably the only way to go now. Ex is probably money simple minded and does not get it until the Judge orders it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:10 PM
3

you are welcome I'm here all week
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 09:27 PM
1

It's pretty clear from the FORUM that this is a Divorced Men's forum Assuming gender is pretty much a lock until now. - why not go and help your "friend" elsewhere... the Men part of the forum is called a "clue" reading is fundamental
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:17 PM
11

>>How in the world do women change so fast? They don't change all women are opportunistic, Via dear old dad and mom she gets the opportunity to live her life in your house without you! The best way to think about it is that for women love is conditional. You do X Y Z I love you. The hell of it is that sometimes XYZ change and they don't bother to update the hubby on the new life requirements. Women don't wake up one day and say "I'm done". No they make this decision privately with no outward sig…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 04:51 PM
2

The intensity is a drug man. No doubt about it. And like a drug you have to go through rehab to recover get centered and THEN move on with life. It will be hard dating normal people after a stay at Crazy Passion Disneyland... but after all she divorcing you means you never can really live in Disney forever.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 04:19 PM
10

get a LAWYER. don't believe she only wants "800" or whatever It's an old joke in Psych circles "How do you know when a couple will get a divorce?" "when one of them starts therapy"
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:37 PM
3

Just give a version of your new date briefing story. We grew apart, it seemed we were going in different directions in life and your mom decided it was time to end the marriage and file. I didn't want it but I understood her choice to end it and in a no fault state I could not stop her if I wanted to. I also (depending on my mood) well my ex decided to join the French Foreign Legion. I mean it was ok at first because she learned to speak French and made the most amazing Crêpes. I had to put my f…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:25 PM
3

First step of Divorce Club - Get a new "safe" lover as soon as possible. Second step of Divorce Club - repeat step one until the ex is no longer on your mind day to day. --- It takes time to get past your ex and frankly 2 years is not too far outside the normal recover for you to be concerned. But you HAVE to get out there and get exposed to others intimately to get past your ex. That is after all what she is doing or did. Women instinctively know they need new bed warmer to get over an ex. So t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:02 PM
3

eh just date and no marriage, that's the option I'm on right now seems fun actually
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:53 PM
1

I know mom is not held to the same standards in family court AND water is STILL wet Look Judges are human and mostly just administrators, they are basically a conduit of money/resources for the welfare of the children Of course a Judge is going to scrutinize a man's financials more. Because (gasp) usually the dear independent woman usually has not assets and income. They aren't hard on you to be mean, you are just the one with the money that will insure the welfare of the kids. This is ALL the c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:48 PM
1

this is a legal question, tell "John" who you are so asking for as a "friend" to get a Lawyer to answer the other Lawyer's question. Unless John/you know or are related to the Judge certain inability to produce requested documents could go bad really quickly in a self represented situation. Get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 11:28 PM
3

I’m not trying to be discouraging but have an exit plan where the court sides with your wife and ignores all laws. I'm glad you mentioned this. Please don't think any evidence is a "lock" to disprove anything.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 10:16 PM
5

Actually this is a WIN my brother It will be difficult for the stbex to claim any sharing of assets, or need for any support. You got off luck man. Count your blessings
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 10:00 PM
2

its ok to be a wreck... we all go thought this sometimes Just make sure you don't go through this ALONE. It's important to bounce ideas and organize ideas with a trusted listener. Please continue to do this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 09:40 PM
2

>>I didn't think one simple sentence could destroy me like this, from above you need to limit contact to trusted friends and family. cease contact with stbex or ex to stop emotional issues. I would consult with a threapist asap follow their advice. Many companies have EAP use these services NOW. If you don't have that at your work a suicide help line can provide resource tips in your area. Please do this pronto. Do not wait. Get someone ANYONE neutral at least that will listen to you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 06:14 PM
42

It's tough but it is what it is. I think that laws need to get modernized. To have divorced women who FILED on husbands get rewarded for not working is obviously one sided. The courts do not protect kids after divorce at all. A woman can divorce a man. Claim she can't work. Get child support and alimony. Then shack up with some rando who keeps her bed warm maybe takes her out gives her a few bucks for "rent". And the mom creates an f'ed up environment for a mans kids. You know the KIDS he is pay…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 06:04 PM
9

eh it's normal post divorce you have a hole in your life. As you heal there will be ups and downs AND sometimes those downs will come for no reason at all. Only worry if it persists but it sounds like you are doing fine OP.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:38 AM
1

can you live in prison until she "draws from that trust fund"? A woman could easily live in a man's prison if he's going to inherit a few bucks. OH AND ANOTHER THOUGHT OP - maybe her acting like she is IS ACTUALLY DUE TO HER GETTING SOME Cash soon. Hmmm? Get rid of hubby don't have to split inheritance is a common play.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:16 AM
3

I stayed until the wife did out of control things. I'm ok with roommates if the roommate pulls her weight and is nice and all.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:10 AM
1

You are a good friend. Try what you can while you are downrange. Talking does help keep trying to talk to him as much as you can. There is a YouTube Channel called redonkulas regiment done by a retired Ex Army Sarg. that's good to listen to and he discusses a lot of men wanting to hit delete. Might give you ideas and they talk about resources too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 10:43 PM
1

If it helps in my area Mediation seems to blow up 50% of the time and always on the woman side. In my personal observation... the little dears can't quite get their head around how big the pie (assets - liabilities) actually is vs what they think they should get. Turns out Divorce proceedings are NOT a good venue for people to take a crash course in personal finance. go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 10:22 PM
2

Of course try to make it work. But don't expect others to change. Realize you are only in charge really of your own self. Be a better person. Learn the things you will likely HAVE TO KNOW post divorce (hint hint modern dating). And hey if the improvements re-kindle the marriage. GREAT! If not you have wasted valuable time in a somewhat steady situation. And then suddenly when all of life is chaos THEN you try to learn all these things? Not a good plan
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 10:19 PM
4

I would talk with a lawyer, and then talk with ANOTHER lawyer two opinions on this type of thing might be best. Can be within the same firm if large enough. Also talk to a financial planner probably via a lawyer. You DONT talk about fight club (what you are considering) ever on any forum or to anyone else except an attorney, or via an attorney Don't talk about FIGHT CLUB. In general terms anyone going into family court for divorce will be assessed at an income level according to recent taxes and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 09:47 PM
1

You spoke but did not file File for divorce and do not speak Do as men do. Do things, don't talk about doing things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 06:58 PM
5

you find out who your friends are real quick either they believe her or they don't strangely in my case the ex lost all her old friends probably because she's crazy tho
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:34 PM
6

you are welcome I'm here all week
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:24 PM
34

>so I’m ready to pull the plug and take the financial hit. I’d rather be poor than unhappy. Careful about this Post divorce you can EASILY be POOR AND UNHAPPY What I have suggested to many of my male friends is this: If you are trending to being single. What type of single life do you wish to have? Most say something like "I want to travel", "I want to date lots of women", " I want to live in X cool area" I then say do you currently make enough money to make that happen? The answer is usually no…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:58 PM
9

Bill Maher says on getting married "why would I invite the government into my life to tell me what to do?" I think it makes sense to not get re-married soon after divorce. There is always a chance you are getting married due to the loss, loneliness or other factors getting over your ex. Getting married while you are still dealing with the divorce from ex is kinda like marrying the same bad woman twice. I'm ok with living with a +1 or even sharing a few things. But I don't think getting married t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 12:47 AM
3

I understand your fears but it was probably a "Duty to Report" issue and their hands are tied. I hope and pray this works out to your kids benefit and safety.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:56 PM
4

THIS IS TOUGH man. I recovered by coming up with big goals I have control over. Like learning a new language (which may come in handy if you want a different kind of woman) There will be a day when you don't have to pay anymore. You will have a retirement she will be living in a trailer on hubs number 3.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 01:39 AM
30

>>My lawyer responded that it was a gift returned at high velocity. And that stuck. wow did he put on sun glasses as he said that?
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:27 PM
2

doing a contentious divorce without an attorney is NOT the way to go. You can search around for free legal help. Usually there is some attorney that will take your basic case (divorce only) and get you filed remember YOU need to agree with soon to be ex for a settlement usually a judge will only decide for you after 2 years + of making you both pay for mediation and other diversions.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:32 PM
3

that thing came off right at separation for me!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:57 PM
5

I wish that I had paid more attention to financial maneuvers my ex did before divorce I wish I had set aside a personal emergency fund just in case of divorce I wish I had realized my ex was crazy sooner I wish there were some way to help kids of divorce understand dynamics a bit better
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:52 PM
0

as in all things a fair amount of politeness will go a long way
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 01:07 AM
17

I did the following made a big education goal of learning new language read a lot of stoic philosophy read religious books went to DivorceCare took sleeping pills and melatonin at night
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 12:10 AM
1

probably not an issue women judges like to throw the book at bad boy types who smirk a lot in their courtroom If you do what you do in professional manner let lawyer do talking probably get same same treatment as a male judge
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 09:37 PM
2

In my experience it’s a non issue… unless you play games around child support or hide assets. Then it’s pit pull time judges are human but in a run of the mill divorce it usually is not an issue if you have not had brushes with LE you are likely ok
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 08:00 PM
9

A man lied to get you intimately involved with him? I’m shocked! shocked there is gambling going on in this establishment!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:25 PM
9

Sorry man this is a complete s show I can't believe another human being would perpetrate fraud at this level and then coldly say "you are a big boy figure it out" Also I have had a couple of friends who had brushes with facial cellulitis. Both were well off both had "new girlfriends". The last situation I had a good friend with is "GF" at his side casually say "I'm so upset this is just how my husband died". Yeeeeaaaah Got a doc I know from a big city hospital to do a consult real quick. Friend …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:06 PM
1

Yep… it should NOT matter. But it does because you are healing. when it doesn’t matter if she texts you or not, when you evaluate a woman on her merits as a partner not on how she makes you feel in the pants or the heart… well then you are healed and ready not before
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 06:33 PM
15

There is a chance probably not one you want to take back She's going to sow her oats out getting some f boy to give it to her. After she finds out f boy is not "serious boy" she may grovel back... after entertaining a few f boys and a train or two. You want that? But most times women who end it have ended the relationship "in their minds" like months ago. So it really is over unless she gets some cold reality on what it's like to be single. Most of the gals find SOMEONE to shack up with them and…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:02 PM
0

yes you should leave I think it's reasonable to assume the worst of male/female proximity under ALL circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:45 PM
2

Ex filed and forced us to prepare for temp orders hearing in 5 days
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 08:31 AM
13

yeah I think it's best for the man to serve first you will know when any prelim hearings will be, you will control the pace of the initial appearances. Also don't mistake the psychological effect of filing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 09:49 PM
3

talk to attorney there is usually a time in most courts for them to think a spouse can make x income 6 months was normal for my county
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:33 PM
3

I have been to West Virginia and Arkansas While WV was always called backwards in the past... they are more advanced that Arkansas believe me
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:24 PM
4

She doesn’t care about money she just wants me to suffer. She is due an inheritance soon and I’m estimating close to $500k. I am not dealing with a logical person. sounds like a perfect time to inform your lawyer to slow roll then. An additional few months, with repeated calls for discovery of possible new assets should help her get over the need to "make you suffer" and encourage her to settle more quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:22 PM
5

>>I FINALLY have statements from someone who was a mutual friend and it makes me feel MUCH worse and now I realize she most likely hates me due to a total mix-up and confusion. Ok First realize that your ex was probably a certified POS and deserves all the ire you feel for her. Second even the Devil himself has "reasons" for doing reprehensible things. You ex has "reasons" I would say really untrue "excuses" to be the evil person she is acting as. People don't want to be thought of as the bad gu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:47 PM
10

Imagine your own father doing this to you. so first off, on Reddit alone I have read about exes shacking up with brothers, cousins, and fathers (this is the second post like this) In my own life I had a friend get cheated on by his wife and brother. And I don't live in Arkansas ... it happens in the full scope of human experience humans can do some pretty astonishing things. You can be shocked into non-functioning or you can shrug and go on in life. I prefer to Keep Calm and Carry On
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:29 PM
4

I would not get another lawyer just ride herd on this one look you want to get a SETTLEMENT There is plenty of money and assets for the two of you to play with. Yes you will lose cash but believe me you want to settle quick and move on. Offer to pay debts, offer 5050 split whatever, she has a funded 401k you have funded 401k there is a good chance you can keep those intact and just divide the cash. Do it. be on attorney daily if needed to get settlement offer and agreed terms. I would talk with …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:19 PM
22

divorce quickly, don't be surprised if ex wifey decides to shackup with dad don't be surprised by ANY behavior no matter how scandalous the two er love birds exhibit If it helps very few people read divorce court proceedings while you may be embarrassed unless you run for public office it does not matter. Get the marriage over as quickly as possible. Get a safe distance from their shared drama. And start to heal with minimal or Zero contact
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:05 PM
4

there are always advantages in the man filing first I should have listened to my lawyer on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:59 PM
0

She literally has more money than he does. you keep saying that and I would beg to differ. You have read stories that says she has more assets. or whatnot that may or may not actually be true, court filings may disclose some things but there is likely a lot of the assets that are difficult to value. And those "difficult" to value might be in Tom column thus equaling the 5050 between parties, and yet she has more cash at the end. and past tense they are divorced and divorced under Florida law. no…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:01 AM
3

all I'm saying is that Tom had a solid relationship apparently, he is handsome and has money AND HE could not leverage that into long term commitment It was a smooth move to get to Florida tho... Mass is probably a nightmare to divorce in
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:34 AM
16

I'm becoming skeptical there are ride or die types
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:31 AM
2

yes you should move out. And get ready for your stbx doing a running battle about your access to your boys You will probably be subject to a parental alienation campaign. This will get ugly VERY FAST. I know you don't want to do it. But vacating the family home is the BEST strategy to fight for your boys right now. ONE TINY mistake on your part will lead to a Criminal Court issue that WILL impact custody. Vacate the home. Tell the boys you love them. Work with stbx (female dog) for neutral locat…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:27 PM
83

"She's not yours, its just your turn" not the first time I have heard this... I'm shocked by the negative connotations, but I accept it as valid. Think of Tom Brady too. Marriage is not a crapshoot. Marriage is NOT any kind of promise to a man in any way. So... why get married?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:18 PM
2

How do you feel about a long term relationship that does not require marriage? it's great if the lady you are dating goes along. I have no idea if any woman I long term date will be ok with this situation. I know for me it's just not in the cards for a number of reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 07:22 PM
4

you were all over the place but let me talk about miss 48 First rule of single mom date club is NEVER EVER believe the story single mom tells. Second rule of single mom date club re-read rule 1 again Never take a woman's story at face value. For all you know the Hubs travels for work and would be surprised the missus is claiming she's "separated" Safety Dance Rule One - never have sex at the woman's location EVER Don't do it. Arrange for son to be away, get a hotel if you have to never ever slee…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 07:00 PM
9

meh OLD and IRL does not matter, if you get your rap and your game solid the little honeys of all ages take a snif It's harder to date gals in their 30s than 20s frankly. The 30 year olds ARE ON THE CLOCK! to lock down a man provider it might as well be tattooed on their foreheads. They really want to find out if you will get serious quick. I'm an ethical person but I have heard from friends you get a lot of kitty if you play along with the 30 year old wanna be wives of SAHM land. You know the d…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:10 PM
2

yep and realize it's Normal to be this way. You were in a serious relationship. You ARE the You are like a flashbulb in the the dark room of online dating. Very attractive to ALL of the girls on the block. Just don't take their attention seriously for a couple of years.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:04 PM
1

>I often find myself falling very quickly for new girls. This is normal, accept it. Mentally realize that there is NO WAY you are ready for a serious relationship and YOU sir should be intelligent enough to NOT step in that bear trap of serious relationship/marriage for a good 2 years... RIGHT? right? Beware, the little darlings who prey on divorced men KNOW this and want to Push you into that trap... beware. >How do you guys keep your head cool and calm when dating and talking to new girls? I w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 04:53 PM
1

work from "home" or work out of another office is pretty effective servers want to get you alone and verifiable identity on sight. that's why just work off site from another building, and don't take bait of "come to reception to sign for a package"
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 02:37 AM
4

pretty standard for the "high conflict" one to ask for flexibility happens to me a lot, on and off meds I just go along with it. In my opinion you are likely dealing with a child like person who does not realize the damage the conflict/tantrum is doing to those around them. It's really all about them, they exist in their world other are props So they will NEVER EVER recall the past of how terrible they were. Nope it's all about now. And now they are asking politely for flexibility. If you refuse…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 10:07 PM
4

I understand about not leaving the house but if you change the locks and put ring cameras up I don't think there is too much worry about missues "showing back up and squatting" but yes vet that with an attorney see what they say. The reason why "I" say play dodge the serving is that the stbx probably has no money except what she basically stole. If 2-3 months go by before any court date for temp orders or other assistance to the poor little waif... that may get her in a bind on cash. In which ca…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 09:58 PM
19

All I can say is I too have a great relationship of about a year. She also is a successful, beautiful, intelligent, and deeply caring woman. I'm thinking a lot of good things about this woman... ya know just like I did about my ex wife several years ago! deja vu! NOW I don't really get caught up in this or that woman being super beautiful or deeply caring. Eh she's there I even love her BUT NO OFFENSE TO ALL THE ROMEOS OUT THERE!!!! I WILL NEVER EVER TRUST A WOMAN WITH MARRIAGE AGAIN.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:08 PM
9

open solo account, make sure deposits go there. Dividing the house interest will be the main battlefield. Get tax assessment records for the years you were married. Get the equity, mortgage balance the month before you were married. get current equity records. declare the credit card stolen, close account don't put any money in joint accounts for everything. Get all the bills put in your name. I personally would just go get an AirBnB or live in other non logical place for awhile. Work out of a d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 06:05 PM
1

if you have possession of the ring I would just keep it it's one of the things the little dears don't want for "feelingz" but is valuable monetarily AND having a new engagement WITH THAT RING perhaps zoomed in is oh so good revenge on social media would a woman even care... OH YES SHE WILL CARE A LOT
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:30 PM
5

Yeah I kind of resigned myself to the strong possibility that my ex would alienate my kids against me. If I wanted kids to not be that way... well I would have to make new ones. It's a DONT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB thing I have personally seen how a Dad's new kids are seen by EX and Ex's kids. It aint pretty. But I have come to realize that I had kids with likely the wrong type of woman for long term interaction with kids. And to twist the knife a bit I am not above naming the new kids similarly to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:39 PM
1

It has nothing to do with her stuff, really. She is desperate for anything she can do or say to make me look bad in the eyes of the judge. put her stuff on lawn on agreed day and let her have at it. If she claims damage or some property not there have her estimate monetary value and you will directly reimburse her. It's really simple. You gotta think like a businessman or lawyer. The property has some value it is "hers" make the property available to her. She can claim damage and missing propert…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:25 PM
5

eh talk with lawyer, work it through him personally if I had to temp move all my stuff out of house so that she could pick up her crap supervised or unsupervised I would do it no reason to get petty about stuff like this
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 09:40 PM
2

there are tons of scammers of various stripes Just make a rule like I do. Until I meet a woman in person in my area... she's just and internet figment of my imagination. There are just too many profiles out there that lead to online people who are not in the right country, right marital status, right relationship status, right gender to be playing games I see them irl or I just think they are a bot.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:38 PM
4

exactly why the recommendation is in place man now you know
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:27 PM
1

divorce is a shock to your fiscal self, don't scrimp do the match thats it prepare to say bye bye to half
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 03:21 AM
1

this is a GREAT time to consult a financial planner but even above that it is an EVEN BETTER time to keep money in your separate bank account and pile up that cash a bit. Your lawyer is telling you to stop 401k stuff to conserve cash (probably to pay him lol) but it is not a bad idea to pile cash right now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:51 PM
9

the opposite of love is indifference I would go to marriage counseling alone for a few weeks. Get input then invite her to join you. See where it goes but if she's checked out, she's checked out
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:23 PM
2

I would recommend going but only 1=2 hours at most, you could extend this by offering to help out host before party. But the duration of actual party attendance should be limited. Seems like you have a decent friends group that really wants to keep you as a friend and minimize drama. However, women (especially ex/stbx women) Luv Luv Luvs them some drama You are not allowed to bring a +1, hmm I wonder if the stbx missus got the same ask? Most likely not, maybe benignly 'she wasn't dating anyone w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:32 PM
3

make her a full ex and then any disrespect is not really a concern do the deal provide monetary incentive if you have to. Get the little dear off on her own to be disrespectful elsewhere. Best plan moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:32 PM
2

my advice is keep the house in limbo if you are not selling selling is best but not optimal now in current market talk with attorney about how to make this happen. If she has the funds to buy you out you would not be debating this, or posting on reddit. ask your lawyer opinion, then do it
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:15 PM
7

you will split both retirement and equity 50 50 you will of course pay child support and your fight will be over alimony/spouse support talk with lawyer, realize that the only battle ground is the last item. Fight there negotiate there. Remember that it's usually worth 500-1000 a month for 2 years in alimony... vs delaying divorce for 1 year with you paying both counsels. settle quickly on last item, move on
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:12 PM
1

this is really great advice
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:08 PM
43

a woman not taking accountability for what she did in the past and her own poor life choices??? say it isn't so. And in other news water is wet Women have a mental ability to deny accountability for their actions. They will ALWAYS by default blame the closest man. Trust me they never take responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 11:55 PM
1

lawyer question impossible for anyone on an internet forum to give you decent advice for
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:38 AM
0

I would say that you have a crappy chance of getting custody from Arizona Short of her getting incarcerated she will never lose custody to you. Deal with this reality
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:20 AM
13

cheap dates and sane women
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:15 AM
3

nope, I don't think so imagine if the little lady brings back a dude from the bar one night... how that gonna go over?
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:30 PM
5

not worth it, cheating sometimes is due to mental issues your ex could be mental, and your kid has it from her Look to your OWN mental health primarily. That usually means getting he hell out of any psych drama. You are probably the only sane one in the situation. And the one who is likely to keep his job and provide income to support psych visits. Don't get pulled into psych visits.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:21 PM
3

reddit is odd, but this is hard over odd comment
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:00 PM
1

finders keepers
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:06 AM
1

if it's shitty about kid time it's probably best to just take it (within reason) I'm assuming you get every other weekend and some summer, some holiday you don't have the income/assets to fight this, she won't budge, you will have to go to a judge, but wait you will need to go through arbitration/mediation (you pay), THEN you schedule a hearing a year from now... it's a nightmare if it's over kids not money I would try to get some time for her to agree sneak in a clause about her moving in with …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:56 PM
1

its a crap show where there are some fundamental debates in psych circles right now I would read a few books and see if you get good techniques and rules.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:47 PM
1

realize that sometimes people are PUSHED to crazy never underestimate the ability of an ex to cause drama
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:16 PM
1

I am talking about settlement negotiations between the lawyers or at mediation and all correspondence can be presented and litigated too. >50-50 or close to it. depends on state and county so I don't know and I suspect you don't know either >>If you start out offering 60% she will have high expectations that you will pay even more as you approach trial. no one is talking absurd 60%+ offers, but I have seen similar just to get quick resolution. Usually an ex will get decent counsel who will recog…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:05 PM
1

quick takes first she's not nearly as disabled as she says - she probably will get a nice job post divorce and work just find with you not paying all the bills second, if the woman's family is a train wreck she's a train wreck... you know this third, divorce should be something you plan, orchestrate and then after all said and done realize your ex missus will use the kids and the kids mental health as a weapon to screw you over great future right? and yes there is more to the dog story much more…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:44 PM
3

look man there is reality and then there is Reddit silliness Do YOU realize how a LOW BALL offer goes over with a Judge? Hmm What do you think he hears. "This dude feels so much contempt for his kids/ex that he proposes 10 dollars a month. Oh I'll fix you Mr Cheapskate" Please for the love of internet advice TALK with your attorney discuss the advantages of filing first and making offers first. And yes make it within range of your accepted values. Geez, I really think people should just GO to a …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:36 PM
1

I disagree women and attorney's representing women tend to give outlandish first offers MAKE offer first
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:18 PM
2

in most states it is based on a percentage with 50 50 being default it does not matter if you contributed 100 percent unless we are talking vast wealth (above 100 mil) in which case you would not be posting here Just talk with attorney offer her 55 or 60 to get her to end the process and move on. Trust me you want to get this done quickly not worry about 5 percent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 06:38 PM
2

first off it's never an emotional affair with a woman he f'ed him which is why she thinks it's ok to blow up the marriage. She pretended she loves you, because she told office Romeo she's leaving you and he said "whoa girl, I'm just a hookup" Then She Thought "oh shit I don't have a surefire man supporting me, need to warm up hubbs until I get Romeo ok with taking care of me" so really it's over, she's moved on, she plays like it's an option just to string you along since Romeo showed cold feet.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 06:33 PM
8

yeah pretty common I would say you need to limit contact with EX. If she is sharing just walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 04:46 PM
4

yeah and my friends who are divorced realize it too But ya know... pride cometh before the fall right? NONE of our exes will ever admit they made a huge mistake. Maybe when they are in a trailerhome at 60 maybe then.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 04:40 PM
4

look up online what to say there are several sources of what to say. Realize that it probably won't help at all. You are leaving. That is ALL they will remember
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 04:02 PM
8

she's subtly telling you that she has been "released in" so you need not worry about cheating in the relationship because she has mind game. I would ignore and bang as you want to bang.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:30 PM
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