How long did you stay?

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-10-06T23:51:32+00:00

My case ended up being a lot more cut and dry than most.

Marriage was struggling for a year and I was doing everything I could to fix it.

Up until I found out she'd been having an affair for the last 10 months, siphoning money to her AP and doing a lot of harmful shit behind the scenes. Found out on Saturday and filed on monday

Gattsama · 2023-10-06T23:59:09+00:00

In my case, no kids, together 17 years and married 12 years. Things were never good. Aug 2019, I moved out for 5 days. That should have been the end of it. But I was totally fucked up. And totally wiped out. Spend the first 3 days essentially just sleeping. I was so tired and had been pushing myself for so long. We also went dead bed then too. But I didn't care. She stopped sex and most physical intimacy, but I just had nearly no desire to have sex with her. I'm a guy and got horny, but thinking about the actual act with her, we were to emotionally distant.

So I did 2 more years before she told me to move out, which I did. I'll skip the full details, but with 2020 hidesight we had no kids and I should have terminated year 2. I don't try to understand her thought processes anymore but I think withholding sex and telling me to leave were suppose to be manipulation tactics to get me to comply.

Bottom line, do NOT stay one more month if you know it's over. Nothing good comes from it. You have kids. So talk to an attorney, plan your finances, and once you have a workable plan in place just file. Do this only IF things are truly not workable and you have with 100% open, vulnerable honesty attempted to work on your issues. Divorce is no minor thing. But unfortunately in today's world, it's sometimes the only viable solution to an unworkable marriage.

overarmur · 2023-10-07T02:14:23+00:00

I stayed at least more than 5 years after it had all turned to shit. Divorce took another 4+ years. So almost a decade wasted. Don't be me.

If it's bad and both parties are willing to work on it, by all means give it everything you can. If not, get out.

Ever-learning271 · 2023-10-07T01:49:55+00:00

Married in 2000, son in 2010 and we began to fall apart around 2017 when her demands & ultimatums kept coming…I suspect emotional infidelity began about that time..she moved out in mid 2021 & we were Divorced by Nov ‘22. I was crushed because we’ve been together 27yrs…but the freedom and peace now, priceless! Good Luck to you all❤️‍🩹

techrmd3 · 2023-10-07T00:10:13+00:00

I stayed until the wife did out of control things.

I'm ok with roommates if the roommate pulls her weight and is nice and all.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-10-07T01:20:54+00:00

Until I told her an one of the APs I knew what was up and that both should respect the sanctity of family. She quickly hit me with the silver-est bullet this side of the Mississippi.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-10-07T16:20:38+00:00

Married for 15 years; abused emotionally, financially and by infidelity on her part (found out later). I had a good counsellor confirm what I already knew, but was too scared to say it out loud.

I blame bad family counsellors, bad church influence, and above all, lack of self love. I was also worried I would never see my boys again, now I have full custody and decision making, 100% of the eldest parenting time, and 50% parenting time of the youngest.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-10-07T02:26:02+00:00

5 years.

Realistic-Gazelle545 · 2023-10-07T13:16:52+00:00

So far, its been over a year. I checked out awhile back after a big argument. Something just clicked in my brain 'off'. No kids together other than my daughter 19 and step daughter 15. Shes catching on to my disconnectedness, I imagine it will come to a head eventually as my communication lacks. If we wouldve had kids together it would probably be different. In your case, with kids, Divorce does affect children, so theres alot to think about op.

Electronic-Guava-573 · 2023-10-07T17:52:18+00:00

To long honestly

soontobesolo · 2023-10-07T19:30:50+00:00

One year. I set a deadline to turn it around. It didn't work. I'm glad I tried and never had to think about regrets. And I'm glad I didn't wait any longer.

suwifiescubana · 2023-10-08T23:09:53+00:00

i stayed 22 years, the nonsense started with her literally the day we were married.

i stayed with her entirely for financial reasons, she was the main contributor financially for almost the first ten years of the marriage. she also made it possible for me to checkout of the work force at age 33, i'm 57 now. i spent literally the entire marriage alone and ignored, but i at least got something out of it.

dnbndnb · 2023-10-07T07:34:42+00:00

Should have been out in 2000. Divorced in 2021.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-10-09T12:31:29+00:00

Luckily mine was a quickie, only married less than two years, if my daughter wasn't in the picture I would have bounced after that first year and said send me a check.

Wrong_Okra9736 · 2023-10-10T21:42:26+00:00

Sad thing for me is I don’t really know when I started being unhappy. It all blurred together. My biggest takeaway from my divorce is that we were both broken people who got together out of loneliness and overstayed our welcome

Title	How long did you stay?
Author	Interesting_Stress28
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	October 6, 2023 11:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/171ril1/how_long_did_you_stay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-did-you-stay.1234254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234254

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