What is your biggest regret?

johnxdoughy · 2023-11-17T04:32:51+00:00

Just posted this in another thread:

My biggest regret from the end of my marriage is that I wasn't stronger in dealing with my wife's affair. I desperately wish I had the strength to end the relationship decisively and immediately, but instead I sought emotional support from the very person that betrayed me.

lifelesswriter69 · 2023-11-17T05:10:11+00:00

regrets: not standing up for myself sooner. not pulling the trigger on deal breakers before it got harder.

what would i change? see regrets....

in the end, i was proud of what we accomplished. i am proud of how i hung in there, provided and protected through some major shit....

in the end, all i can say is the dog in me died. the soldier left the war. and its an excruciating journey - it sucks

ThunderFan462 · 2023-11-17T04:50:39+00:00

I wish I didn’t do the pick me dance so hard. I didn’t know what to do. I was distraught at first. Now, I don’t give a shit what she thinks. And I think that bothers her more. But now, I don’t even care if it bothers her. If I could have just not cared that much back then I feel like I’d be in a better spot.

aquatic-dreams · 2023-11-17T05:28:28+00:00

I have a long list... but early on she said something fucked up to me and I replied, 'that's a hell of a fuck you. ' and I thought that was the end of us. I bumped into her about a week later, just said hi and asked how she was doing. Then went about my day. That night she knocked on my window and things continued like nothing happened. That fucked up shit she said became a theme. And I wound up becoming codependent and putting her life and career before mine, so now I'm fucked. I knew better. What the fuck? I shouldn't have opened the door for her that night.

lifeisallihave · 2023-11-17T07:30:08+00:00

My only regret is not putting myself first and taking care of me. I was more occupied with taking care of the home and kids while she pursued a career. I work the same hours as she does and yet doing all the stuff that comes with the home and kids eventually almost cost me everything including my mental and physical health.

cactuscharlie · 2023-11-17T04:42:24+00:00

I often question if I had said or done something different, would I be here now?

She rejected couples therapy. That was my first play. She rejected talking. I don't know.

I thought about just saying "your problems are yours. We're married and there's really nothing much beyond that".

But that's not how life works.

Gattsama · 2023-11-17T08:31:21+00:00

I wasn't capable at the time, but I regret choosing yo tolerate some much emotional and mental abuse. I don't blame her for anything. I see her more like a river that flooded or a hurricane. I chose to live in the flood plane or in he keys. I regret making that choice. And more specifically, staying after the first flood season.

warrior_up · 2023-11-17T16:07:01+00:00

Being a huge emotional SIMP. Not enforcing boundaries and attempting reconciliation - I should have told the bitch to kick rocks years before she started her onslaught of disrespect, I was too naive, I lived based on fear - there was never anything to fear. My entire life changed for the better after those early 2-3 years of picking myself back up.....I put myself through 10X the pain by believing in happily ever after and till death do us part, sickness and in health, richer or poorer BS.

Its always just your turn and those vows should have "for now" written into them, till death do us part "for now"

Pretend-Ad-3814 · 2023-11-17T10:59:01+00:00

Not playing Pokemon GO when I wanted to.

Heddlo · 2023-11-17T12:01:12+00:00

I kept getting accused of cheating. My biggest regret is not doing so.

soontobesolo · 2023-11-17T09:03:02+00:00

My biggest regret is not ending it earlier.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-11-17T14:48:10+00:00

None whatsoever. Life is about things you can control and a whole lot of things you can’t control. Like you, I thought about situations and decisions that I may or should have handled differently.

I can recall a lengthy conversation I had with my ex and I still feel a little humiliated. Rather than pouring my guts out, I should have just left. I could have controlled that. However, maybe leaving early would have resulted in a drunk driver hitting me and losing my life. That was out of my control. Need to think in that context. Changing things you could have controlled may have led you down a path of exposure to things you couldn’t have controlled.

Same goes with behavior. You could say that wish you were the person (back then) that you are today. Well, if you were magically reverse time then, your path would be different. You would be exposed to different things. Therefore, your experiences would be different and logically you wouldn’t be who you are today.

All of this leads to one simple concept. Focus on today and try to make the best decisions and be the best person. You can control that.

capnjackstation · 2023-11-17T17:55:28+00:00

I regret not walking out an never looking back the day I found out about the affair. Should’ve ghosted her and let her be a single mother. Problem is I love my kids.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2023-11-17T15:06:33+00:00

My biggest regret was not dating longer. We got married after only 5 months and I didn't really know her.

Jbr74 · 2023-11-17T14:22:02+00:00

Going on a first date with my ex.

throwingit_all_away · 2023-11-17T15:36:35+00:00

I regret not going 100% nuclear from day 1 of the divorce proceedings. Anything in the direction of trying to be amicable or to look like I was agreeable to anything she suggested.

No quarter.

Special_Profit4509 · 2023-11-17T16:59:53+00:00

Not pressing charges on her.

Attentionless · 2023-11-17T18:29:13+00:00

That I didn't divorce her after her affair! I just wish Zi had know about Reddit and all the cheating stories and how to react. I was a Simp and even did the pick me dance. Eight years later I finally found these subs and initiated proceedings.

My son, I didn't want him to go thru what I went thru as a divorced child, but damn if he isn't 16 and I hope he doesn't get damaged from this.

Internal-Wolverine13 · 2023-11-17T23:58:50+00:00

I regret agreeing to $1800/mo in child support in mediation when the 50/50 guideline was something like $1100/mo. Having that 50/50 parenting time on the table at that point (in Texas where 50/50 is for the most part by agreement only) made me give up a little more than I should have as my attorney advised countering down to $1500 but I didn't want to risk it as the $1800 was already down from their $2100 starting point (standard Texas 2 kids CS as if she was primary). I've gotten significant raises since then that have taken the financial sting away but it still chafes to watch that $1800 disappear from my account every month and know she did nothing to earn it but pump out a couple kids from a good-earning dude and I have the children as much as she does.

dnbndnb · 2023-11-18T05:47:01+00:00

My biggest regret was allowing some blatant lies to pass when we were still dating, and never being good at setting boundaries. Turns out “happy wife happy life” is total bullshit and when you bend over backwards to accommodate “crazy” they only get crazier.

NewSunnEarth · 2023-11-18T11:42:12+00:00

I regret not getting a divorce first and hanging in there for my child. In the end she didn't care about me being a good father.

PuzzleheadedFault305 · 2023-11-17T10:58:51+00:00

Having a kid.

It will tether us to each other preventing a clean and "forever" cut. It's likely we'll end up loving far from each other, and the burden of that will be on me.

I grew up without a dad and seen I'm doing that to a kid is truly killing me.

used2befast · 2023-11-17T17:10:18+00:00

Selling the marital house before the divorce was finalized. Heck we sold it before she filed which gave her a war chest of cash to fight me with

pharmd718 · 2023-11-17T17:14:32+00:00

I was hoping I’d be able to save my marriage mostly because of the kids. I knew how devastating it would be for their future development. However, she checked out and did not give a damn about the consequences and hardships our kids would have being raised in two different households. My regret is not ending things right there and then! Should have been a surgical cut and just kicked her out of my life as soon as possible!

studley1337 · 2023-11-17T18:12:37+00:00

When my wife dumped me she hit me with a massive list of things she didn’t like about me. Some were completely crazy, some were things I had zero clue she felt, and some were fair criticisms I never got a chance to fix.

Self blame has been a huge thing I’ve had to battle. I know I wasn’t a terrible irredeemable husband but I tend to accept criticisms to improve so some things I really regret.

The ones that really stick out are not doing enough dishes, not throwing her any birthday parties (I’d have loved to do this if she told me she wanted one), and being emotionally stupid during our infertility issues. Oh well, all I can do is improve and move forward.

woundedsurfer · 2023-11-17T19:16:19+00:00

For those that constantly question or regret something they did in their relationship or feel something they did may has caused the split. please watch this.

https://youtu.be/Sc18E8coV8s?si=ok9LQN-gfwtkNlpW

CaliDude75 · 2023-11-18T00:53:19+00:00

Wish we both would have worked on issues earlier on, rather than kicking the can down the road or avoiding. That said, we both “went through the motions” of couples’ therapy, I even went to a sex specialist, took injections for Low T, ED (which sent me to the ER for a priapism). I was kind of avoidant and emotionally unavailable, but her critical, nit-picky nature didn’t help my motivation.

There’s a lot I could say about her flaws and contributing factors to the divorce, but it’s water under the bridge at this point.

It may have been doomed from the start. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-11-18T12:23:22+00:00

Biggest regret was ignoring all red flags, and ignoring my own basic needs

As well, ignoring the maturity and responsibility criteria’s i require from others. And, she was not a good person, but hided that with clever manipulation

Basically, for her made 1million of excuses. Where for others, and myself i put a bar high

Vet, vet and vet your wife. Its is investment,might be heart breaking - but you might get what you need long term

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2023-11-19T02:01:34+00:00

Towards the end I should have left much much sooner but as we all know it’s not that easy when you have kids and they threaten to take all the shut you own in court

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-11-17T15:01:24+00:00

Not reading the book no more mr.nice guy, setting boundaries in the marriage. But my marriage was doomed in the beginning anyways so basically getting married lol

HerbEverstanks · 2023-11-17T13:37:42+00:00

Divorce in illinois. I'm sure Ca and ny is the same. Orher states would have made spousal support less than 63k a year.

olivertwister23 · 2023-11-17T21:00:22+00:00

Biggest regrest is I didnt leave a lot longer ago, and connect up with my "true love" from 25 years ago who we are now in contact and hoping to spend the rest of our lives together. We've not dated/cheated.. just talking (so I guess one might try to say emotional cheating?). We just are both in horrible marriages. And no, neither of us want to remarry.. just be bf/gf. Been talking for years too through wickr app to keep things encrypted. Crazy right?

Title	What is your biggest regret?
Author	Interesting_Stress28
Upvotes	16
Comments	69
Date	November 17, 2023 4:19 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17x6scp/what_is_your_biggest_regret/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-your-biggest-regret.1238635 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238635

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