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DivorceTA1988 Archive

View 2 posts and 316 comments by DivorceTA1988 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
59

DivorceTA1988/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:58 PM
36

DivorceTA1988/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:01 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

My ex wife didn’t pull anything to that level but she certainly left me. But my ex-MIL is still friendly with me because she knows her daughter is the crazy one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 01:21 AM
10

I agree you shouldn’t stress, but it’s not rocket surgery either. My kids aren’t old enough to go get her a present. I encouraged them to make cards and I asked what they wanted to give her. “A flower and a balloon” Went to the store, got those things and gave them to my daughter to give to her mother. No stress, no worry, happy kids and if the ex wife is happy about it (or not) that’s fine - I didn’t do it for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:31 PM
3

Lol, mine didn’t explicitly say that but I know that’s why she tried to come crawling back. And she’d act like I didn’t do anything which was insane. Now her house is a disaster and the kids report eating nothing but take out or maybe hot dogs at best. The kids and I made pizza from scratch last night and my house is clean as a whistle.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:41 AM
1

This is something you can’t really control and I wouldn’t try or worry about unless your daughter makes it an issue. Simply open a new bank account and let your daughter know she has a “horse fund” and “everything else fund” Don’t fight it, look like the sane one, your ex won’t be able to control this forever so just shrug your shoulders about it. You kid will know who to trust in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:30 AM
15

Do not go backwards. You didn’t break your vows she did. She doesn’t miss you, she misses your work. She isn’t truly regretful, the guy she was banging dumped her. Telling our kids (9&6 at the time) was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do and a vowed to never put them through that again. Reconciling would only eventually lead to them reliving all the trauma again. My ex wife tried again and again but I stayed firm and now our divorce is final and the kids are doing well. I pushed through by know…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:17 PM
2

I know we frown upon woman around here but this made me lol. I would call but I’m too busy with my kids. Good luck out there though!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 11:11 AM
2

I am in a similar place with my ex wife but only two years out. I decided I was going to do everything I could for my kids to make this go as smoothly as possible. Now my ex did not go nuclear or try a silver bullet or anything like that so I understand a lot of guys out there don’t have this option, but if you can get here it’s better for everyone
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 11:59 PM
21

Don’t forget the emotional and or sexual bread-crumbing. They feel they’re losing you they’ll give you a little taste of that sugar to keep you happy and then go right back to sharpening their knives.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:14 AM
4

This is why Ricky never let Lucy be in the show.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:06 AM
24

“Man the guy I was fucking left me and did you know doing all this work by myself is hard?!?”
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 09:02 PM
2

Yeah I have a similar situation - I see my kids almost every single day because I have the flexible job. I know some guys advocate for rigid schedules but I don’t care, oldest will be out of the house in 7 years (and I’m sure will be blowing off dear old Dad long before that as a teen) so I’m taking every minute I can get right now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:21 PM
4

Did you send along your ex wife’s arrest record and ask about her status?
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:24 PM
1

Mine did exactly that but guess what, it was too late And the video game thing isn’t really the reason, could be anything. God forbid you anything you enjoy doing
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:04 AM
1

Just be smart and careful- my ex and I were able to do everything with a mediator but mine kept her head about money, she lost her leverage though because she moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:01 PM
2

By turning her feelings about her emoticon affair onto me and when that didn’t work treating me like absolute garbage. The realization that the period I thought things were turning around were just feelings meant for somebody else was the most painful part of this whole process.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 12:47 PM
6

This is basically where my ex and are now after two years but tread very cautiously. You haven’t speed run anything, you had a hypothetical discussion. When the ink is dry then you are done.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 07:23 PM
3

Another angle might be at school - does she do drop off or pick up? Give someone at the school a heads up and they are bound to report it
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 11:27 PM
4

It’s nuts how we all have the same story. Learn how to appreciate what you’ve got FFS!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:27 PM
4

I almost guarantee it. Now mine didn’t technically physically cheat, we were separated when she started dating someone- she did have an emotional affair with someone else who was unavailable to fuck because he has checks notes morals. Anyway with the way she is acting she’s bare minimum strongly interested in someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:30 AM
14

It’s no fun, we all get it, mine moved out “for space” and then we actually started couples counseling shortly thereafter. Yeah, it turns out she was seeing someone the entire time so shocking therapy didn’t work. And I read all these posts saying not to do XYZ and guess what I still did it all because you can’t help it. But once whatever was going on with Mr wonderful blew up and my ex tried to come crawling back I was strong enough to say “no.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:11 AM
7

My ex wasn’t half as crazy but we did have a disagreement with my Mom and she wanted me to cut her off. Now my Mom was not correct in that disagreement but it wasn’t worth cutting her off for! Otherwise my parents were very hands off and did not interfere in our marriage. Looking back I think this is when she started disengaging - it’s all just revisionist history man.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:14 PM
2

Don’t bargain away child support, court won’t let you. So keep some assets now
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 01:13 PM
7

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 09:19 PM
6

Yeah I hit the gym pretty hard so I got a lot of “Damn you look good.” Well when you try and solve you existential life crisis at the gym this is what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:13 PM
2

I wouldn’t fight the over nights (assuming your ex wife won’t go after you for more money). What do teens do after dinner anyway? If she’s willing to spend time with you under these conditions just roll with it, making it a fight won’t help.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 09:53 PM
2

Yes don’t worry definitely doing therapy. I’m focusing on my kids right now and getting MY house the way I want it. My divorce will be final by the end of the year, I’ll be ready at some point. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement brother, it’s why we’re all here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:07 PM
4

The regrets and reconciliation attempts are a form of abuse and manipulation themselves. I don’t need to be dating someone else to know I will never be with her again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 11:15 AM
10

I didn’t even find someone new. I just found my self respect
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 05:25 PM
1

I highly recommend buying some freezer meal prep containers. Make large meals and freeze some for later. The nights I just microwave those meals (after thawing) and then throw everything in the dishwasher are so great.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 12:14 PM
1

I honestly think in my case no. I think it was more the old “Buried childhood trauma reared its ugly head after we had kids”. We were together 10 years before kids and everything was pretty good then. Kids + unresolved trauma + turning 40 threw her off the deep end. Part of her brain remained sane though, so she didn’t go scorched Earth, I am thankful for that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:52 PM
2

I guess my point is no one can tell you what you want to spend on. I am frugal over all and do stuff like save all my ketchup packets and only make coffee at home. But when I was offered playoff hockey and basketball tickets last year (had to pay for my ticket to be clear) I went. I had an awesome time and it made all my saving worthwhile.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:20 PM
1

Yes I get the math but asking strangers seems crazy to me. I’m not a spender, I am saver and that’s what brings me joy. So that’s how I would handle it. But I do get your angle - if there something you truly want to do, do it! Think she’ll get mad about it? Lol, let us know if she does!
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:46 PM
2

Why spend the money if you don’t want to? Hold onto it and keep 50% of it down the line. Heck she might even agree for you all to just keep your accounts since that’s how you’ve been doing it all along. Or if something shows up that you really want to do, do it! But don’t spend just to match hers for no reason, that won’t bring you any joy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:09 PM
1

Incorrect- I was unwilling to try again because of the kids. I vowed to never put them through the pain of their parents separating a second time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 12:00 AM
3

Mine didn’t vocalize it exactly as your did but I knew the reason why she wanted back in “You made my life a lot easier, I’d really like that back” Hard pass
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 11:58 PM
1

“Nothing”
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:25 AM
6

I’m in the same boat. Mine has repeatedly tried to come back. I told her if she moved out that was it and I’ve been true to my word.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:00 PM
2

I think they’ll remember who was there for them when it mattered. Yep doing fun things is fun but who could they rely on when things got tough? Who came to pick them up? Who sat down and helped them figure out that math problem? Who had the “Full House” life lesson chat after a breakup? They’ll know who to turn to when they truly need help later in life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 10:27 AM
4

The heavy lifting is the much more rewarding position - and eventually they’ll understand what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:04 PM
1

Look up the lyrics to Phil Collins “I cannot believe it’s true” and then put that up as your automatic response. Fantastic divorce songs on “Hello I must be going” including “I don’t care anymore” and “Do you know and do you care”
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:52 PM
1

Here’s a crazy idea - stop worrying so much about it. JFC just do what needs to get done and then stop thinking about it, they seem incapable of doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:14 AM
3

They also convince her you are one of those worthless do nothing husbands when nothing could be further from the truth. She was convinced I didn’t know anything about the kids when I knew everything. She would have told you she did “all the emotional labor” when I did plenty of that stuff. Don’t get me started on that phrase but I thought about, planned, and executed plenty of that family stuff. Somehow decided I didn’t do enough housework when it always 50/50 AT WORST. When she moved out she go…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 10:47 AM
2

Good, take a screen shot of this and save it and look back on it when she does come crawling back. Mine had her branch snap and has spent the last year trying to come back, even texted me “are you sure?” before the zoom divorce hearing. It has been hellish but I just keep telling her “no”
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:43 AM
2

The point is if someone is coming between you and your daughters you cut that person out of your life
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:46 PM
1

One million percent brother, this won’t be forever but right now my kids need me. And I have the more flexible job so I see them almost every day.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:45 PM
4

Not that I am planning on ever getting married again but there’s plenty of women with high paying jobs/ assets out there. I’d happily sign a document that says what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours if that’s what was offered. It’s a legal document- if we want to own real estate or something else together we can address that in an amendment. It’s clear WHY she wants to get married so it’s time for her to hit the bricks
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:26 PM
5

The kids have a lot of events ahead of them and if you can do it together it’s just easier. I get some guys can’t for very legit reasons, I am not judging
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:44 AM
2

If you’re not in a crazy high conflict situation then just go and don’t make a big deal out of anything. My ex and I have been able to throw one party without issue.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:31 AM
2

I know my ex wife will do the same thing. I’m not dating anyone now but if I do I’m not going to tell her until I tell the kids. Because lord knows I’m not going to make them lie. So six months minimum. I am not looking forward to that part, the hypocrisy alone will drive me up the wall, let alone whatever crazy stunts she will pull.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:57 PM
4

Do not move away from your children- this is it. Not even 10 years ahead of you where they will spend this much time with you and WANT to be with you. They will be teenagers with jobs, school, cars and they’ll only want to be with their friends. And then they’ll be off to start their lives and won’t need you hardly at all. Enjoy this time while it lasts once it’s over it’s over forever
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:02 AM
8

Just manipulation regret. Don’t fall for it. I’ve been dealing it for the last year. Yep, I was a pretty damn good husband and you fucked it up. I tried to tell you but you didn’t want to listen, so no we’re not getting back together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:26 AM
8

We need more context, why would you start off trying to hide? Is your STBXW causing trouble for you before this? If you have nothing to hide, act like it. How old is your daughter- doesn’t she know her parents are divorcing? Like this doesn’t add up as is.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:44 PM
14

She doesn’t want you but she ALSO doesn’t want anyone else to have you. Fuck all the way off with this nonsense
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:53 PM
4

All the times you decided to forgo time with family, friends or activities you enjoyed to keep the peace with her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 02:45 PM
3

First thing I did when I wife moved out is buy those nice freezer meal prep containers. I make my large batch meals and freeze portions for later. They make great lunches or dinners when I’m alone. I also like to make large batches of things like soup, pasta sauce or chili and freeze them in mason jars.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 08:57 PM
2

Lol, how did you know? Although I guess not completely she would let me watch come playoff time which always made me feel like “that guy.” But I watch at least 2 games a week now and I reconnected with an old friend who has season tickets so I’ve been to a few games as well. Go B’s indeed!
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 08:16 PM
2

Seriously why is something always “wrong.” Like freaking roll with it. I went out with a friend for one of those speed trivia nights where you play on your phone. At first it was working and then neither of us could get our phone to connect. I was like “Eh let’s just answer questions for fun.” And he was like “Yeah, cool!” She would have lost her goddamn mind
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 06:31 PM
1

Yep, I gave up hockey at first and then eventually I was down to just my once a week football game which I refused to give up. And GOD FORBID I wanted to watch a good match up that didn’t involve one of my teams. Now I watch all the damn hockey I want!
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 11:46 PM
28

I watched every minute of the men’s Olympic golf tournament and no one came into the room and said “Ugh why are you watching THIS?!?”
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 01:27 AM
2

I think frame it as “Telling the truth is important and they will be able to help Mommy stop hurting you and your sister.” Also if you haven’t started a journal documenting what they say start one today. Simple notebook, write down the date and everything they tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:12 PM
2

Nope, both sets of Grandparents married over 50 years, my parent were over the 25 year mark at the time. Divorce was not something I was ever going to consider. She did the one thing that made me want to go through with it which was tell me she didn’t love me anymore, physically leave and break our marriage vows. I don’t think she physically cheated before she told me she wanted a divorce but there was no chance of reconciliation once she started dating other people.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:52 PM
2

Yes. I was answering that. Sorry I wasn’t clear. She would not be ok with the lawn being overgrown. But she refused to see the fact that I had to put an hour or so of labor in to make that happen. This was true of a lot of things I would get done. I put time and effort into making sure they were done and she just refused to acknowledge that. While at the same time upping the importance of any of her efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 02:35 PM
2

Don’t be silly, if you want it it’s bad. If she’s wants it it’s completely justified!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:35 AM
1

Then what would be the plan? Still own it together post divorce- you don’t want that either way. All financial ties need to be severed or she’ll use those strings to screw with you forever.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:28 AM
2

Sweating like a pig and she acts like you were in the sauna
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:07 PM
2

Yep. 2am She snores, wakes me up Honey, roll over you’re snoring YOU WOKE ME UP! No, YOU woke ME up
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:06 PM
2

I don’t know either way - I only know my state’s laws. But yeah if your lawyer comes back and says it’s rock solid then go for it
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 03:17 PM
2

What are the state laws around alimony? In MA you are signing it away forever once the agreement is signed by a judge and finalized. We have a four month window here post the judge signing off on it but after that you are good. She can’t come back and try to get any unlike child support which is always modifiable - not easily but it is. Anyway to answer your question - yes I would do that as long as she can’t come back for alimony once the agreement is finalized. Almost certainly easier and chea…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 03:01 PM
2

My guess is if we could actually read her mind we would have run far, far away
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:50 PM
1

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, of course the lawn had to be mowed but when I did it might as well have been magic elves. But seriously his was her mind set. I actually come from a line of male budget grocery shoppers. My father and his father both did all the shopping, planning, coupon cutting, etc. I did the same and I ALWAYS asked her if she needed anything and would buy it no questions asked though I tried to buy as much as I could on sale. This was brought up as a negative.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:31 PM
10

Bro, if I could explain her thought process I wouldn’t be here. I would guess. Anything she did = useful work Anything I did = waste of time
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:56 PM
3

I feel like they also get mad at you for literally saying what you mean. You just can’t win man
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:29 PM
6

The mind reading expectations are bonkers dude.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:06 PM
6

I don’t miss her acting like I didn’t do anything when in reality we were pretty 50/50. For instance any yard work just did not count. We had this huge hickory tree at one house, it would drop almost fist sized nuts that simply could not be mowed over so I’d go out there with a bucket and pick them up and then mow. According to her this was the biggest waste of time. Well my ex just bought a house and allllllll that yard work is her responsibility now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:05 PM
3

That is EXACTLY what happened- it’s awful. They get something in their head and decide nothing else matters. All three of us cried while she sat there with an expressionless face. My son was 6 at the time and was literally trying to physically pull us towards each other while yelling “I want you to stay together TOGETHER!” But that was 18 months ago, we are all doing much better now - hang in there man. Just make the kids your priority even when no one else does. She tried to come crawling back …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:44 AM
5

Yep, mine acted like this when her shiny new toy lost its luster. I’ve had to reject her like 5,6 times. It’s awful but it must be done.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:03 AM
7

Don’t do it, remember all those times she treated you like crap. That’s what you’d be going back to. But for me the real bright line in the sand is my kids. Telling them we were breaking up was the worst thing I’ve ever done and I swore I would never put them through that again. Because you’ll just end up back here because none of your underlying problems have been fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:02 AM
5

I just had dinner with my Ex MIL and my kids. I am fairly certain her entire family thinks she is bat shit crazy for leaving me for no reason.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:58 AM
2

He did not remarry - but they did get back together. Bear in mind they had two kids together and at this point he was in his 60s. They broke up again and she tried to get more money out of him but was unsuccessful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:56 PM
2

That’s “In the air tonight”
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:55 AM
2

Although that song was released in 1984, he started writing 5 years before when his divorce was just beginning. If you want to hear what you need to hear now go pick up “Hello I must be going” which he wrote once the anger set in. And do yourself a favor and watch the live version of “I don’t care anymore” from 1982 where he is screaming the lyrics.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:53 AM
2

I am lucky in that my wife worked and while I am paying some child support, no alimony. She did try to act like she wasn’t out there getting pumped and dumped and gee can she come back home now? Yeah, no, I knew better (at least by then).
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 12:02 PM
2

Yes my parents are still married - 47 years. Both sets of Grandparents went past 50. That was 100% my plan and it kills me that I’ve lost that. But now that my rose colored glasses are off I’ve gained a lot too because I was putting up with way too much crap.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 02:12 AM
1

If it makes you feel any better mine wanted kids, got kids, but was also constantly negative. And god forbid I ever mention that. Before my wife left my daughter was constantly defending me from her attacks because my daughter at age 9 could see it was all bullshit. It’s not a good environment for a kid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 11:42 PM
3

You gotta strike a balance, personally like I said I err on the side of more restraint with media. That’s my choice and as I said above I am not judging you. But I give my kids a lot more freedom to be independent then most parents these days. They walked to school alone this year at 10 and 7 and every time it was mentioned people said “Really?!?” Yes really, it’s been very good for them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:00 PM
2

You get slow boiled like a frog. I am convinced my ex wife finally had someone that wouldn’t abandon her like so many others had. But she couldn’t handle that fact so she had to do it herself. Took almost 20 years but she managed it
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:19 AM
3

Yes I am 50/50 on paper but at least 60/40 me maybe more. I’m on vacation with the extended family now which my ex always hated, now I can just enjoy the time with my parents without her bitching about it the entire time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:16 AM
2

Yeah some deserve that R rating too but man a lot of them are rated R because they show boobs for 30 seconds and say the F word once.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:02 AM
5

Yea my kid just turned 11 and there is no way she could watch that movie, and personally I err on the side of caution with that stuff, but guess what- I’m Not judging cuz I ain’t your wife!
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 01:21 AM
10

Yeah I get it - I think most people agree that a 10 year old isn’t old enough for “The Purge” or any other of todays R rated movies. 80’s R rated are a joke compared to todays flicks. And there’s a lot of people that don’t think a 10 year old is ready for a gun either. BUT I think OP’s point remains. He decided his kid was ready and they enjoyed these activities together. I bet if mid way through the movie the kid changed her mind he would have shut it off. At the end of the day we get to parent…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 12:20 AM
11

They want your efforts, your loyalty and your money while they control you and do whatever the fuck they want. It’s unbelievable even though it happened to me and I read about a new identical case every damn day
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:46 AM
4

Better yet send some hottie after the AF because he’s down to F.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:35 PM
2

Don’t worry brother I have repeatedly told her to pound sand. I know the woman I love is gone, she WAS my best friend, but after what she did that’s all over. Just fucking sucks
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 08:28 PM
1

Thank you you are so right, god what a freaking joke. I know she just wants my support, labor and money while going off to fuck whoever else but that part of your brain that just wants your family back together is strong.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:00 PM
6

Mine just sent me a text a few days ago saying “it was our last chance or I’m going to put an offer in on this house….” Uh yeah go ahead and do that, for the last time you’re not moving back in here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:53 AM
2

Right but whatever you put out there she is going to counter for more. So even if you are trying to amicable figure out where you want to land(say your exact scenario) and then offer less than that. Then when she counters right around where you want it be act like you hate it but “regretfully accept” Then you’ll really get what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:11 AM
3

It’s not dramatic at all, this shit can literally kill you. Fortunately I have genuine friends and family that truly love me which helped tremendously as soon as I told them what was going on. But this forum and seeing everyone married the same woman is very helpful too. Nothing I could have done unless she looked at herself which we all know is never going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:02 PM
3

I have little doubt my children would have been better off if my STBXW had pulled her head out of her ass and kept the family unit together. Unfortunately that was not a choice I had.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:46 AM
2

Pick up Phil Collins “Hello I must be going” he’s divorced and he’s angry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 09:18 PM
2

Oh hell no, I am coaching my sons Little League team and you’re damn right I got the guns popping out when I’m up there pitching. Musta thrown 200 pitches in practice the other day, I need an ice tub. But no, no you can’t keep the Boyfriend from showing up at his games. No way to enforce that. But you sure as hell can keep him off the coaching staff.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 01:29 AM
1

That is not even emotionally cheating, that’s when you have another woman you are taking with and getting emotional support from and whom if given the chance you’d want to fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 06:46 PM
4

I would let your children know it’s not true since they are older.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:08 PM
8

Yes to an extent and I dutifully chose my wife as everyone says you should. But you know who still loves me today? MY MOTHER I’m going to see my parents this weekend with the kids because I can. See them much more often now and I am very happy about that as they aren’t getting any younger.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 06:02 PM
1

You need to call a lawyer and talk to your Dad. Tell him what’s going on and what you’re worried might happen
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 04:35 PM
3

Just keep saying things “status quo” and “thriving in his current school” Does he have a good friend? Bring that kid up, just keep talking about how this is where he lives and this is where is support system is.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 09:37 PM
3

It wasn’t a divorce situation but I had a lawyer tell me the same thing. Record it, write it down no later than a day or two. Date it, keep switching pens that sort of stuff. Never mention the recording aspect, just the journal based on written memory. And stick to the facts, that’s the real key, the recording just helps you keep your facts straight. I didn’t really have to utilize this too much, I mostly actually wrote stuff down right after it happened. But I have an excellent memory, not ever…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 09:14 PM
7

I’m friends with a woman going through a divorce and she does not want to have to explain why she has a different last name than the kids. Plus personally I’d do anything to avoid one additional trip to the DMV. No thank you. I honestly don’t know what my STBXW plan is nor do I care. Keep or don’t, not my problem
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 05:52 PM
1

For sure. There’s drawbacks to every kind of schedule. I’m on 5-5-2-2 so there are set days. Fortunately I don’t have custody issues. But I’ve heard enough horror stories to know you are not crazy for thinking the way you are. If she had just communicated about the Chess thing and then maybe ASKED you if it would be ok to do football (soccer as us ignorant Americans would say) and she would provide transportation then this all might be a different story.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 10:50 PM
0

You need to send a message that says you will not be taking him anywhere without prior agreement. No extra circulars without both parents approval. Also WTF is going on with custodial days? You are working extra on Mondays so it sounds like that’s her time. Why the hell are you being asked to bring him? Now would you be opposed to another person taking him if that could be arranged? I know there are no easy answers and you want to put your kid first but you have a prior commitment. So I think in…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:40 PM
5

I love being active with my kids and I am coaching my sons baseball team which is fun. But I also make sure to have quit moments with them reading or just talking about the day.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 12:29 PM
1

Nowhere and no it cannot
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 01:35 PM
7

My kids are too young to navigate by themselves so I help them. I knew they wanted to get her a flower last year so I bought one that morning and left it in the doorstep. The kids were so happy, that’s what matters
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:46 AM
8

Get cameras for your car is the only thing you can do. Document all this and get a report from the mechanic so if it happens again you have proof of a pattern. I’d do it soon since your day in court is coming up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 10:46 AM
2

Over no but make sure you get the dollar amount you are expecting after all the fees are paid and that you are off the mortgage. I’m not sure what you’ve told the kids but the adults you should be consistently truthful with. Tell them the sale was court ordered because your mother wouldn’t agree. Uncle so and so offered to complete the sale so your mother can stay after all
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 01:26 AM
6

Are you daughters still living there? How old are they? At the end of the day you want your cash. Come up with the number you expect in your pocket and proceed accordingly. The house still needs to be sold though, he’s buying it if he wants to buy you out or co signing with her, whatever. The real prize at the end of the day is your freedom your peace and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 06:24 PM
3

Don’t be silly it doesn’t mean anything anywhere because it’s Bullshit. The only thing you can control is yourself- no one else can give you “closure” Also see: Understanding the irrational is not possible
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:59 PM
3

I am fortunate I did not have to deal with false allegations and I haven’t had custody issues. However if you are already thinking she’s willing to go there I would go talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and file without saying a word. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to save anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 04:01 PM
7

Should she, of course. But for many of these women “my precious baaaaaaabies” are just a life accessory they claim to care about but just for Instagram pictures.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 03:03 PM
3

But you have to look at reality is my point. You should be resentful of someone treating you that way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 05:45 PM
5

Bro, the reason my wife isn’t moving out again is because I wouldn’t let her move back in
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 05:44 PM
3

Have you written out your list? Rose colored glasses of how things used to be make you THINK you want her back. But write down those traumas. Write down her actions, write down how she actually treated you and what you were putting up with. I found extremely helpful to see I didn’t want her back at all. I was slow boiled like a frog and now I am never going to put up with that crap again. Now I do stuff I want to do like hang out with people that actually enjoy my company and don’t treat me like…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 04:04 PM
3

100%. I watched all of the Masters last week. Ok I was a work for a bunch of it but when I was at home it was on the entire time and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:27 PM
12

They all have some desire to go off and do whatever the F they want while still controlling you. When they can’t that’s when behavior escalates.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 10:01 PM
3

Yeah I get you’re probably bristling at “best friends” but this is a good age appropriate answer. Your kid is 4. If you haven’t written back yet I think something like “Honestly he hasn’t brought it up so I haven’t said anything but I will reinforce this message if he does.” You definitely don’t want to bad mouth her and since your kid is so young they are a long way off from any sort of adult understanding of the situation. Maybe he’ll get the details someday, maybe he won’t but don’t worry abo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 01:52 AM
2

You want her to stay away. She is capable of this, that’s all you need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:03 PM
10

My STBXW ran into MY old friend when she was away right when we began our separation. He had the AUDACITY to write her a note saying “how brave” she was for leaving her loving spouse and family. It’s pure insanity. Fortunately we had lost touch after he moved and finding that note let me know where his head was at. And this guy was divorced and didn’t have any kids and WTF does he know. It’s garbage, fuck that guy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 11:49 AM
7

I always say yes. I have my kids more like 60% of the time because of this. It is not to help her it’s because it’s what I want.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:43 AM
1

This might sound counter intuitive but try and learn big meals. Like a whole chicken or a pork roast. They are fairly simple and then I freeze portions for future meals. Helps me eat healthier and saves me money.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:45 PM
2

Mine would nag me too EVEN THOUGH I TOOK THE KIDS WITH ME 95% OF THE TIME. Can’t freaking win.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 12:36 PM
3

I was going but between the kids and my wife I didn’t always have the time to put in my full effort at least 3 times a week. Once she left 3 times a week minimum for at least an hour and I am pushing it harder and definitely more cut. I called it rage lifting for a while but the rage has lifted and now I just go and enjoy the hell out of it. But I 100% advocate for you doing whatever physical activity you enjoy and you will consistently do, that’s really the key.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:43 AM
1

Yep, mine wants to take my parents money into account! You should have heard my mother’s response when I told her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 09:21 PM
5

Mine keeps inviting me to things like a Family Valentine’s Day dinner. Uh fuck no. Also I don’t know if you’ve noticed you don’t seem to enjoy being in my company - she still likes to snap at me or get me to act some certain way when no one else GAF. Their insatiable need to do whatever the fuck they want while still controlling you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:49 PM
2

That and hey please don’t spend all our money on garbage we don’t need. Not that you cut off access to the money or wouldn’t let her leave the house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 08:30 PM
16

Dollars to donuts - you “made her feel caged” by you know, expecting her to be your wife and act like a mother. THE HORROR
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 06:35 PM
3

Why would it work out long term, they’ve spent a quarter of their married life getting divorced! He can finish this now or go through ALL of it again later starting from square one and with the possibility of alimony on the table depending on time/location. I know which option I prefer
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:32 PM
8

“Oh taking care of myself is hard, can you do it for me again? I’ll definitely get bored and cheat on you in a year or too, but let’s worry about that later”
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:30 PM
3

Wow I think this might be the lowest thing I’ve read on here. All I care about is MY CHILDREN- except that one he can rot in jail for all I care.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 11:59 AM
1

This is why these women advocating that a 50/50 split isn’t a bad deal really grind my gears. It’s years of time with kids. Years Fortunately my STBXW is always off “living her best life” so it’s more time for me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:17 AM
3

Just take the dog and don’t agree to anything in writing anywhere. Odds are she’ll just keep blowing smoke about coming to get the dog but never will.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:14 AM
2

Mine said “I’m not ready for this” after our first mediation session when 6 months prior she had invited me out to breakfast to tell me it was time to get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 10:57 PM
8

What gets me are the elderly couple stories. I was reading an article about a couple on their 60th wedding anniversary and I could take it and had to stop reading.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 10:57 AM
2

I love making large meals so I usually make a couple things on a Sunday and then freeze potions for later. For instance I just made a large batch of meatballs and I froze them with some pasta that’ll have for lunch or a dinner when I don’t have the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:58 PM
1

Great news. BTW I have been living in the martial home alone for over a year now. Yep sometimes you get sad but it’s very worth it for the kids and I live on a desirable area - my homes value is only looking up. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 10:25 AM
2

Stay! Your daughter will appreciate it and it will pay off in the long run
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 08:25 PM
2

I feel for you brother, my nine year old at the time would defend me against my STBXW’s unhinged rants at me. Because she could see I hadn’t done anything wrong and if I did I would apologize for it. It’s not a good environment for the kids. I know that there’s no easy answers though
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:33 PM
1

You get boiled like a frog, for most of us how the relationship began and how it ended is night and day. Like a lot of guys here I would have put up with my wife’s behavior forever, her leaving to go “find herself” AKA sleep with a bunch of randos was basically the only thing that made me end my marriage. Now I would never put up with what I was the last few years. I don’t deserve that, no one does.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 10:08 PM
2

Ha I posted my comment before I read this
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 09:54 PM
2

Kinda reminds me of lifting. You start out at the gym and you start thinking it’ll get easier. But it can’t get easier because if it’s easy you aren’t working hard enough. But in some ways it does get easier because you learn how to lift properly, how to listen to your body and how to get around in the gym. We don’t do things because they are easy. We do them because they are hard.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 09:54 PM
1

“I want to spend more of your money you don’t have”
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:22 AM
5

I get “wow you look amazing” and I tell them “Yeah when you try and solve your existential life crisis at the gym this is what happens”
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:05 PM
8

Sorry man “only” 19 years for me. Married for 15 but I moved in almost immediately and we were inseparable those years when we were just dating. That line about things they don’t appreciate hit hard. You try and you try and you try and you try even harder and they just laugh in your face. The light switch effect is real and it is devastating. I was fortunate to be a gym rat already but the divorce process made me kick it up a notch and I’ve got some sweet guns going, keep it up my man. And get g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 11:30 AM
17

Sounds like my STBXW to a T. I also heard all that crap about it wasn’t cheating and oh BTW all of this was your fault! Even though she never asked for therapy and I would have gone if she did. Move forward with divorce, you have too much self respect to go back to this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 11:09 AM
2

I just started sleeping fairly normally again. Took almost 18 months
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 11:15 PM
8

Go, don’t stop going! Even if you just screw around on the treadmill for an hour just go on your gym day. If you miss a day try to go the next day. Work your way into a good heavy lifting routine but don’t skip a day! I go three days a week and I’m pretty jacked. I’m not the biggest guy but I definitely have visible muscles and people definitely notice these days. And I feel so much better too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 06:52 PM
6

If you cry and beg and plead they are disgusted and turn away. If you show you’re doing just fine without her she can’t have that and acts accordingly. It’s like clockwork, we’ve all been through it. If you try and stay together you will later deeply regret it. Get out while you don’t have kids
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 04:54 PM
3

This won’t get better, you should absolutely divorce without the complication of kids involved. It’s a whole additional level of hell.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 11:19 AM
3

Babies never make your relationship better. Not that I think is happening here but it’s still a strong point. You are unhappy with your wife and having a child exponentially increases work and stress involved. Divorce now and find a woman that wants to and is able to have children.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:10 AM
6

Just apologize to them when necessary and tell them what you said here. We can’t change the past but we can try and do better next time. And give yourself grace on changeover days it’s hard on all of you. Sometimes I’m like “why are they acting like this…oh yeah”
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 11:05 AM
15

She’s beating the crap out of you because she hates herself and you remind her of this fact every second she looks at you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 04:28 PM
3

Same brother same, drove me up the goddamn wall. Come in sweating like a pig and she acts like you were laying in the sauna
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:24 AM
5

Yep any disagreement became “I am Invalidating her feelings” Like I’m not a person with my own set of opinions and feelings. And she’d say stuff like “you always disagree with me! Even if I said something first! I’d be like “No I just stated something and YOU disagreed with ME.”
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 03:26 PM
4

I read an article with a woman (who wrote a pro divorce book) describing men not doing a chore as “violence” I do not think you know what that word means
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:01 AM
5

Can’t run away from yourself it turns out -All our ex wives
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:58 AM
2

Resuming where you left off isn’t possible because this woman is capable of leaving you. She always was but you just didn’t know it. Now you do
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 03:32 PM
3

Remember in The Office when Micheal was having financial problems and he gets up and yells “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!” That’s how I describe my wife’s actions “I WANT A DIVORCE!” And that made anything she did afterwards A-ok! Sure buddy sure. What’s that? You want to get back together? Hard pass.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 12:28 PM
1

Yep, anything you have to think/ worry about doesn’t count. Or god forbid you enjoy it! I am good at budget grocery shopping- my Dad actually taught me. So I did all that work the entire time. Made the lists, checked the pantry, planned or jointly planned meals. Checked the ads, bought on sale, did the actual physical work of buying the stuff and putting it away - Even took the kids every week! This was brought up as a negative FFS
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:38 PM
2

Yeah I didn’t know it at the time, I found out a bunch of stuff afterwards and pieced everything together
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:17 PM
3

Oh she wants to but that ship has sailed. Shockingly she can’t do better than me. Not gonna ghost her when it comes to the kids but I ain’t responding to this crap
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:15 PM
4

Thanks fellas. I promise you I did not respond- just needed the reminder that it all complete BS. My brain knows but the heart has a hard time understanding the message. None of it matters now, just gotta let it bounce off me when it happens (and it will keep happening since I appear to be you know, functioning without her and I no longer GAF about her POV). I keep my focus where it matters, me and the kids. Don’t worry, when I get back out there and she finds out I will update you with the insa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:14 PM
3

Thanks brother- I know you do. I knew I needed a little slap across the face and you all delivered.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 11:37 PM
6

No can do on the blocking, we factually have a good coparenting thing going on - I’m very grateful for my custody situation so I put up with more of this garbage than I should. But one guy hit the nail on the head, every time we get closer to divorce she pulls this crap. I’ll be ready to get back in the saddle soon. She’ll freak out about that if she finds out too.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 10:46 PM
6

I’m actually good at reading that, freaks people out
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:20 PM
6

Check check check check check
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:12 PM
6

“A bit insane” seriously anyone I tell details too (and this is few and far between most people don’t need to know) end up saying “Uh, is she ok?” Probably not but it’s not my problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:58 PM
4

No response- don’t worry I’m strong on that end.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:56 PM
6

Lol she’s tried to get me back a bunch of times but that ain’t happening. She’s a piece of work for sure. We tried therapy last year but that’s not gonna work when you’re banging some other guy at the sane time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:45 PM
3

Oh don’t worry that’s in the works, should be done by the summer. But that’s a great point. Every time we get a step closer she pulls this crap. Man they want to do whatever they want and keep you at their beck and call don’t they?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:42 PM
9

I just saw my Aunt who lives across country, turns out my cousin was just given his walking papers. She said “Do you think there’s someone else?” I said almost certainly - but he shouldn’t focus on that. Focus on 50/50 split of everything. I’m going to reach out soon, wish I wasn’t 3,000 miles away
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:23 PM
20

Bingo. When the monkey branch snaps they try to swing back to you. It’s all so predictable - she thinks she can do better than you but the opposite is true! F around and find out!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:05 PM
5

No - she’s upset that you’ll bring ANYONE. It could be Mother Teressa herself and she’d be flipping out about it. Remember - logic and reason have gone out the window. Stop using it when it comes to your ex because it no longer applies. She’s perfect in very way and has done no wrong and you are evil and everything is your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:46 PM
6

Yep. My daughter causally dropped “Why won’t you let Mama move back in?” One morning at breakfast. The freaking audacity. And then I had to answer without throwing her back under the bus. They aren’t stupid though, they know. I am sure I’m going to get a lot of questions in 10 years I better formulate some answers to.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:26 PM
6

I know this is my future, as I said last week I don’t even want my Ex to THINK I am dating because this is the drama it will bring. It’s garbage nonsense- they get to do whatever they want and have sex with whoever they want but you’re supposed to sit at home waiting for them like a celibate priest. It sounds like you have a good plan, definitely keep that up for the next few months. And I’d hold off on your son meeting her too, let the insanity die down a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:17 PM
1

You don’t have to worry about me brother, I’m on the straight and narrow. Not ready quite yet but yes I will meet another woman in the future. Never looking back
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:46 PM
4

It’s hard, you don’t love her, you love who she used to be. And giving that up is very difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 07:37 PM
11

Bingo. Mine had her monkey branch snap and it’s been and endless barrage of manipulation trying to get back in my life. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining but it absolutely NOT HAPPENING
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:48 PM
1

This is basically EXACTLY what my STBXW did a year ago (except we have two kids) and claimed she wanted to reconcile while she “worked on herself during our separation” We even did therapy for a few months. Buuuuuut it’s hard to reconcile when you’re seeing another dude the entire time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 12:59 PM
2

I realized early on that hurting her doesn’t help me. All I can do is focus on the kids and myself. Got a couple buddies coming out to my favorite dive bar tonight and we can all shake our heads in disbelief at how she’s acting.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 05:29 PM
5

Just make it special when you do have her. I don’t have the kids today, I gave them their stuff on Monday. I do know I have it better than a lot of guys on here custody wise.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 04:14 PM
2

Honestly I don’t think that’s unreasonable- there’s always that guy willing to date his daughters friends. That’s a no dawg
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:24 AM
1

Congrats! I’m getting 50/50 on paper but she’s out living her best life so I’m definitely getting more. Like I said I put up with a bunch of nonsense so I get more time with my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:41 PM
3

No it’s her night, more like worm her way back into my life
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:40 PM
6

Glad I could help brother
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:39 PM
6

Mine STBXW behavior has been a trip that’s for sure. Her monkey branch snapped mid swing and she’s been trying to get her way back in ever since. Thanks but no thanks
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:40 PM
7

As tempting as that is (and I actually have a friend who fits the bill perfectly - she’s happily dating someone but the sight of her would drive my STBXW up the bend) I would never do that to my kids. The kids the kids the kids. My laser focus has gotten me though the last year. Once the divorce is final I’ll think about dating but not ready for the drama of dating and the drama of my ex wife finding out I’m dating. It’s gonna be a doozy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 07:00 PM
4

Nah not divorced yet and my eyes on the prize of wrapping that up and having as much time with my kids as possible. Right now if she wants to go out in her time I get the call which I greatly prefer. Once everything is settled I’ll think about dating but not there yet. I don’t even want the drama of her thinking I’m dating because I’m fairly certain she’ll flip the F out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:00 PM
8

Of course you don’t need to, but you should do something because THEY don’t think of it that way. Like I said I spent literally $5 on two cards and two donuts and the kids were so happy last night. As far as they are concerned it’s an actual holiday about love and they are about to get Valentines from everyone else in their life, one should be from Dad
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 04:36 PM
6

Oh that’s a yes anytime she asks. IDGAF all I want is to spend time with my kids But not tomorrow because now I DO have plans with my buddies to go to my favorite dive bar.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:27 PM
2

Mine would occasionally act like that but not half as bad as some of the Moms at school I see.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:12 PM
6

Good luck brother. Another reason I put up with some of this behavior is we’ve been doing everything with a mediator and she’s level headed with they money so definitely want to keep that aspect going. Should be officially divorced by summer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:05 PM
14

I can and I do, we actually spent Christmas together. But Valentine’s Day is a big HELL NO. Our engagement anniversary is 2/11 and it would have been our 20 year anniversary of being together on 2/16. I might have some feelings about this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:03 PM
6

Actually no, she moved out last February. Her monkey branching snapped off and she tried to swing back to me several times since. She’s learning a hard lesson about throwing away your loving devoted spouse. And honestly she knows I’m not seeing anyone, she keeps throwing these half assed attempts at coming back. It’s a fun one, but things are very much in my favor custody wise so I mostly just deal with it. But don’t worry I shut crap like this down.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:02 PM
2

I sure did I’m not dating yet and I don’t want the drama of her even thinking I am so I said with friends. I am literally texting buddies right now to make this reality. JFC I cannot even with this woman, if you look back at my posts she regrets it, but that ship has sailed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:41 PM
4

Absolutely we need to normalize it. And I was also going to point out it doesn’t need to be over the top. My STBXW wasn’t too bad but we all know “that Mom” who goes insane over every damn detail and spends way too much time and money on every holiday when the kids just need a simple reminder they are loved. I spent literally $5 altogether and the kids were delighted.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:28 PM
6

Can’t argue with this
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:01 PM
8

This was me last year. I understand everything you are saying. She can’t be happy and she’s decided you are the reason. Newsflash it’s not, but by the time she figures that out it will be far too late. I would not hold out hope
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 08:22 PM
7

Out of all her apology/ come back attempts not once did she say “I love you”
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 03:16 PM
14

She did but it was more like “I’m sorry I lost the guy who turns out WAS doing a bunch of stuff”
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:19 PM
0

That’s why therapy and swimming are two different things.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:02 AM
1

A lot of people can’t believe the truth unless they discover it for themselves. Sure the therapist could have told him, but OP wasn’t ready to believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:49 PM
1

He came here to ask advice from strangers and we gave it because we’re living it. My wife left, I never did anything to doubt my love and devotion to her and our kids. But life got too boring and the guy down the street seemed exciting. When that and online dating didn’t work out guess who came crawling back? But I didn’t take her back and I am continuing my divorce because it’s the right thing to do. I’m far from bitter, I’m holding this boundary for myself and my kids because we don’t deserve …
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:35 AM
1

Yep, I’m sorry I didn’t worry about every single thing that might go wrong. But I don’t and you do so…🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:31 AM
2

That would really burn by butter. And I did plenty inside the house too, don’t get me wrong. But I’d come in sweating like a pig from mowing on a summer day and she’d act like I had been playing video games for hours or something
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:21 AM
6

The other reason may be so your kids don’t find out themselves taking a test on a whim. I would seriously consider it for that reason alone.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:27 AM
1

Ugh gottchya. Well it sounds like you have an uphill climb. Keep calm and do what your attorney recommends and as always document document document. Stay strong for your kids brother
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 04:53 PM
3

It sounds like you don’t even have a temporary agreement in place so no. Now once you do if she is just having her Mom babysit for short periods time (say after school for a few hours) I would say no. If Grandma is doing overnights/ or if the kids are getting dropped off there for days at a time maybe. But assuming your kids love their Grandma and she’s a kind and loving care taker - I wouldn’t push this too much. WHEN you get your 50/50 squared away just worry about your time. If the kids are w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 12:39 PM
1

Yes I understand I’m lucky. I don’t think mine is a narcissist - just good old fashioned unresolved childhood trauma rearing its head into a spectacular mid life crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:30 AM
3

That’s what I got. Before o got all the stuff you currently have. But they do seem to split here 50/50. Some come crawling back, some just go scorched Earth But keep this thought in your back pocket, it might be coming. Not because she loves you, because gee, this is hard and it turns out maybe you DID do a few things to help out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:43 PM
3

This was all a mistake let’s reconcile! Is coming up next!
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:18 PM
4

This woman imitated divorce and is 8 months down the road with processing it. That’s not a mistake, that’s not a recoverable relationship moment - it’s a relationship ending deal breaker. If you want to believe otherwise be my guest but if you move out and start legal divorce proceedings we aren’t going to be together anymore, it’s the opposite of the vows we made.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:20 PM
5

Eh, our custody is informal - still not divorced all the way and is going well. I have it a lot better than a lot of guys here. She’s level headed with the kids and with money. Using a mediator and it’s gonna maximize her payout since when it’s all said and done mediation will run us a little over a grand. Anyway we mostly just switch at school pick up, no contact but we are at each other’s place a few times a month. My number one goal has been to keep our relationship in a decent place for the …
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 10:32 PM
16

Happens to all of us, she was over to pick up the kids, she was about to leave and I noticed she left her coffee. Oh do you want your coffee? Yes please! She called from the other room I used to do this for her all the time, this exchange was like a stab on the heart and it’s been a year. I handed it to her and got myself together. Tomorrow is another day
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:45 PM
13

You can finalize it now and move on or go through all of this again however many months/years down the line and start from square one. The choice is yours!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:35 PM
1

I don’t care anymore - Phil Collins Funny “In the air tonight” is also about his divorce but if you want to really hear the pain look up the live version of “I don’t care anymore” he’s practically screaming the lyrics
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:13 PM
1

Boiled like a frog. Next thing you know it’s too late and you’re cooked
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 07:18 PM
1

And we put up with way too much before that. But I drew a hard line and I won’t go back from it. For both myself and my children. Because she would undoubtedly do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:10 PM
12

Did my wife later regret it! You bet. Are we still getting divorced- also yes. Because I won’t let anyone treat me that way. If you are willing to do this to me once then that’s enough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 07:55 PM
5

Mine believed she snored but she’d get mad at me waking her up. If she rolled over she’d stop. So I’d wake up from her snoring, get her to roll over and then she’d be mad I woke her up! Ok but YOU woke ME up first. Are you gonna do anything about that snoring? No, ok cool cool.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:18 PM
7

Avoiding trail is ALWAYS less expensive
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:59 PM
2

If you start with offering more than 50/50 she’ll ask for even more!
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:00 PM
5

Yep, she’s tried multiple times - but it feels awful because I guarantee you if she did she’ll say she’s sorry but not act sorry, she’ll say she sees you love her but not I love you. She’ll mention the financial advantages of living together and she’ll have spent all her money. The woman you miss is dead. Trust me I get it and I still miss my wife, but my wife is gone so all I can do is focus on my kids and myself. I’m still not all the way over it because it’s a devastating, tremendous loss - b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 11:53 AM
1

Thanks man I’ve stayed strong don’t worry. I wish my kids didn’t have to suffer but they keep things crystal clear for me, I’ll never make them go through this AGAIN so their mother and I are never getting back together. And I have a 10 year old daughter so I will sing all the Taylor Swift songs to remind me too, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:26 AM
5

Ask me how I know! Laughs, cries, laugh/cries
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:11 AM
9

Trust me, you don’t want her to. If she does it’s because the other guy left and she knows you’ll take care of her, not because she loves you and is genuinely sorry
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:03 AM
1

Oh yeah she’s tried to come back multiple times - nope rather be alone and celibate the rest of my life. Not that I think I will be but if given those options…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 11:54 PM
5

Don’t do it! I didn’t figure it out until the end but mine was seeing someone else during our reconciliation attempt and it made me feel absolutely awful. What do you need to know after 16 months? You can live without her, move forward with divorce and move on with your life. It’s the end result either way, stop wasting your time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 11:49 AM
8

Mine asked me AGAIN tonight about co habituating. Jesus Christ woman what part of “No” do you not understand. Yes I want to build a tiny house in the back yard so I can have my dates end 5 minutes in. “Did I mention my ex wife lives in the back yard?” Oh uh…let me just go get something from my car….
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 03:19 AM
1

Yes they all seem to be under the illusion that we are one of those sad sack husbands that plays video games all day and actually does nothing. When it becomes apparent THEY need you and not the other way around they can’t handle it and this is the result.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:27 PM
3

I love making egg scrambles for an easy meal when I don’t have the kids. I’ve also been known to just add my sides in there if I made some chicken or what not. Why dirty a plate?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:21 PM
8

I’m grateful for making a meal, eating it out of the pan I made it in and not hearing a goddamn word about it
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:02 PM
3

You can’t make sense of something that makes no sense.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 11:17 PM
2

Absolutely helps with recovery post lifting. I’ve been a gym rat for a while but some rage lifting and sauna time has helped me take it to another level. Since I’m there off hours I can usually lay down and totally relax which is great.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 11:01 PM
3

Pop in right after lifting, it’s great!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 10:58 PM
3

I immediately added sauna time to my routine post separation. Never had time for it before, now I can get a nice sweat in 3 times a week!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:27 PM
3

Yeah I get the physical cheating is absolutely a bright line but for me it’s both. And for many women they aren’t going to commit a physical act without the emotional part in play. Knowing she stopped loving me and was feeling that for someone else after almost 20 years was absolutely devastating.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:27 PM
2

I’d see if she’s open to taking a a slightly higher split say 55/45 in order to sign away alimony. But look up your laws/maybe consult with a lawyer on the side and get legal advice about the alimony situation in your state. I am fully intending on having a lawyer look over the agreement before signing it. I will say my STBXW went off the deep end in some ways but has been very level headed with the kids/ money, it’s going to maximize her payout. We both came in with nothing and we both contribu…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:09 PM
3

No easy answers there. If you have a signed agreement and she’s got money that’s not a party of it you’d have to open up a whole new case. See if you can find out anything concrete before you decide. But you could plausibly use it to get her to sign it away. Anyway, ask your lawyer!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:06 PM
3

Do you have kids? Generally you permanently waive alimony but child support can be modified later. I’m going through mediation and the mediator is clear - we are both permanently and irrevocably waiving alimony, at least once the agreement is signed, not there yet but hopefully in the next month or so.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:47 PM
4

Even if it’s not…. This is still enough for it to be over. I’m fairly certain mine did not physically cheat before she told me she wanted a divorce. The emotional affair she had was one sided with an unavailable dude who is happily married. They’d only see each other at my daughter’s soccer games. My STBXW all of a sudden threw herself into youth soccer and became the assistant coach but they really didn’t have opportunity to be alone. But when she realized that was never going to happen she dec…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 11:52 AM
3

I understand- I wish more than anything I could have spared my kids from going through this. But ultimately it was out of my hands. I was able to spare them from going through this twice by refusing to let my STBXW come back after reality came crashing down. From now on you care about the kids needs and put them first, it’s all you can do. But know this, she will leave you the second she thinks she could go run off with this other guy. Don’t feel guilt, she did this not you even though she’ll tr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 11:43 AM
3

Yep that’s what I did after decades of having it be a special nickname
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:35 AM
2

Bro, I was in the exact same situation- don’t do it. I have zero doubt I’d be in the same situation I am now except with another child I resented because I didn’t want to have another baby. My STBXW was just repeating her childhood trauma - one of 5 and never got any attention. I just have a younger sister and my parents were able to be there for both us basically all the time. I explained this to her multiple times but she did not want to hear it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:50 PM
1

It did snap me out of it. And she doesn’t have to be “evil” She’s still willing to do this to you, and why would you want to be with someone who’s willing to do that. We’re all flawed humans - no one’s perfect - but in this case it means your marriage is over. And I am truly sorry it is bar far the worst thing I have ever experienced
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 10:18 PM
3

Kinda, like I would envision this scenario before I’d see her but then not get sick. Your body is telling you she’s bad news for you. When we were supposedly seriously trying to reconcile I was an anxious mess basically always on the edge of a panic attack (and I had a few) for weeks on end. Turns out she was seeing someone the entire time. My brain wouldn’t accept it was over but my body was desperately trying to tell me. Letting go has given me a lot of peace.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 10:02 PM
2

Wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. But I think big events like Christmas are worth going through it if you can. My alternative this year was not being with my kids so I’m glad I did it. I’m also glad she’s out of my house now!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 09:43 PM
3

Don’t beat yourself up, I too have put myself In these situations for the sake of my kids. I am going to minimize it. Our mental health is just as important as our kids happiness
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 08:27 PM
2

My STBXW is Permanently no longer the woman I married. Once you break your vows they can never become unbroken. Look man we’ve all been where you are. It is the worst thing you can experience outside losing a child. You must get through and acceptance is the last stage of grief. I wouldn’t even say I am all the way there but I am getting there. But I do accept my old life is over and never coming back. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s what I’ve got - and now I have to make the best of it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 04:19 PM
2

Remember- if she comes back it’s because it didn’t work out with the other guy. If she tries to come back you open this post up and read all these replies
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 04:12 PM
9

Don’t worry man it honestly doesn’t feel that great. Yes I was right all along but now what’s done is done and I will never go backwards. I wish my children didn’t have to pay the price.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 04:09 PM
2

Toddlers man, don’t miss that stage! My oldest is 10 and she’s had regression in her behavior due to her Mother’s decisions and it hurts my heart but I know eventually she’ll be ok because I will be the stability she needs in her life no matter what else happens.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 04:06 PM
4

Then stay the course! It’s all the more important so you don’t restart the clock. Telling my children we were separating was by far the worst thing that I have ever had to do and I vowed I would never put them through that again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:15 PM
3

We don’t find it easy, but we do find it necessary and it does help. Your old life is over - gotta find a new one or you’ll just destroy your mental health
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 01:28 PM
5

Just calmly correct and move on every time - a big reaction will just reinforce the behavior. Attention is the name of the game. “Well I don’t hate her” and then redirect You can’t control what goes on in the other house, it sucks but quite frankly you don’t want it to escalate to something actionable because that just screws up your kid. Stay calm, don’t speak badly of her and be the best Dad you can be. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but they will know.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 01:27 PM
15

No “if” no “when” go file. Your relationship is over. You really want to risk putting yourself and your daughter through this AGAIN. Nah brah, she left you. If she can do it once she can do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 12:46 PM
11

You’re not wrong but it is almost impossible to see at the moment. I read this advice many times when I was in the thick of it and I still did it all. Couldn’t help it. Denial is a hell of a drug. But hooooo boy I was ready when she tried to come crawling back. Oh, this is all hard, expensive and it turns out you DO need all my help? Yes well I told you all that months ago, you can go ahead and fuck off now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 12:43 PM
0

People write in and and ask if they are the asshole in any given situation. A common one is “My parent remarried and the new spouse wants me to treat them like a parent and I don’t want to, AITA?”
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 05:20 PM
4

Sorry man - treat yourself a bit if you can. I’m going to order a whole bunch of take out and watch Star Wars/sports all day.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:55 PM
2

Setbacks are normal and to be expected. Christmas has been a doozy for me, but I think things will calm down once it’s over. Almost through all my “firsts” She moved out February 2023.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:10 PM
2

I have made friends with a Mom in my neighborhood who is divorced and her kid is in my kids class. I am definitely aware that alone makes dating a fraught idea and I also know she is seeing someone causally. I need a friend- so I’m keeping her mentally in the friend zone. And I would quite literally NEVER do anything like what my ex did to me so it’s pretty easy to keep that bright line. I 100% agree with everyone else - it’s fine as long as you communicate and you hold yourself to the proper st…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:42 PM
2

I hear you but I feel similar to OP and although the first AP didn’t work out I think my ex wife will be jumping into something new ASAP and will have the kids exposed to a new partner first. I don’t think they are going to like this and will prefer being at my place. I do think if there any lessons to be learned from wasting hours on AITA is don’t rush it, don’t force it and DEFINITELY don’t act like your new partner is their parent. I do think I’ll be ready eventually but for now the kids come…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:27 PM
2

Don’t be too hard on yourself if something turns out bad, you gotta learn, you’ll get there. Cooking large portions of meats can honestly be the easiest thing. One of those marinaded pork roast is literally put in oven, take out after 45 minutes. Oh when you’re ready for meat get a meat thermometer- cheap digital one is fine. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:35 PM
2

Take it slow and build yourself up. Basics, salt and pepper, go somewhere like Walmart and pick out anything that you recognize/ like when it comes to spices or condiments. Don’t feel like you have to buy it all at once! And buy the smallest ones to start. You need a few pots and pans, a few utensils and you can start cooking. Once again don’t feel like you have to get it all at once! But I definitely agree with the air fryer idea. I love mine and you can cook a lot of stuff in it! Look up cooki…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:56 PM
4

Planning on Chinese food and all the Star Wars. Only the good ones
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 11:16 PM
4

I’m not ecstatic but I am trying to find the positives in my situation. Living with another person requires compromise and sacrifices I no longer have to make.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 07:50 PM
1

I never wanted to see my wife as someone willing to stab me in the back after almost 20 years but here we are. But seriously don’t be too hard on yourself it’s what these guys do, they are VERY good at convincing you they are someone they’re not
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:21 AM
11

Most of us here aren’t in this type of situation- we were loyal to our spouse for years or even decades and she betrayed us. Often over nothing but boredom. We’ve got houses kids and entire lives entwined to the hilt. This guy you’ve got just sounds like your garden variety lying POS who will just do this to any woman who falls for whatever he’s selling. I’m sorry that happened to be you, these guys are very convincing - they get quite good at it until it blows up in their face and it’s onto the…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:25 PM
4

Yeah I hear you, I’m over a year out from her initial “I love you but I’m not in love with you” garbage we all hear. But this is my first Christmas really alone and it sucks not doing the traditional things you always do. She took some of the ornaments like we discussed and I came home and cried like a baby again. It’s all so hard. At least my Mom hand made the kids’ stockings so those are staying with me!
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 03:30 PM
1

Part of my self care was getting a FUBO subscription so I can watch almost any sporting event I want to. But an added bonus to this is FUBO has a literal Bob Ross channel so anytime I want I can put Bob on and get some happy little trees in my life. Soothing AF and the kids love it too now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 02:40 PM
1

Now when it comes to the kids mine seems to be more sane than a lot of ex wives here so take this with a grain of salt. I say that because we have no custody issues, no false allegations, nothing of that nature, I get my kids more than half the time because she’s out “living her dream life” Anyway if the kids want it and you can stand it then put up with it. As long as she doesn’t pull any BS. I absolutely agree, I don’t like spending time with my ex but I love my kids more than I hate her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 12:31 PM
3

Don’t worry mine left me for an emotional affair she couldn’t pursue because they were you know happily married and not a cheating POS. So instead of just working through that and asking for therapy with me she decided chasing that feeling with ANYONE else was a better move. But first she had to act like we were working on our marriage. I had to figure all this out which I did over time via friends info and a few moments when my STBXW was careless with her phone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 12:21 PM
1

Just watch, when you act interested in her and you try and work on it, she’ll push you away. When you act like you’re just fine and you don’t need her she puts out the football again and says come on! You can kick it this time! I promise! Nothing gets em off harder than doing whatever the F they want while keeping you on the back burner.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 01:49 PM
9

My situation wasn’t was as explicit. I had to piece it together but it was at its core the very similar. Mine tried to spin it more like it was just a separation and we were working on our marriage. Counseling and everything. She said in session she still didn’t have romantic feelings for me so I cut it off. A few months later it’s all sorts of reconciliation attempts. Yep, the break up with the AF hit and gee can’t I just waltz back into my old life?! Nope, don’t do it. For you and your kids. T…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:07 PM
3

Do it for you, because hurting her doesn’t help you. I say this about my STBXW as well. My guess is mine didn’t quite go to the extreme yours did but she absolutely betrayed me and left me over what boils down to boredom. But focusing on that doesn’t help me. Revenge doesn’t help me. I focus on me and my kids - she’s not my problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:56 AM
6

Forgiveness is about letting go of anger and moving on. It’s not about absolving them or being their friend.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:20 AM
3

Same brother same. Not ready to get back out there and I am skeptical of having another serious relationship. Especially with my kids involved. God forbid someone actually put their needs first!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 12:28 PM
18

Can confirm it is NOT good to hear. My wife was like this. All the other women in her ear telling her all sorts of crap. When fantasy met reality she tried to come back and it did not feel good. And people celebrate this crap! Oh you are SO BRAVE to break up your family! Makes me wanna puke
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:40 AM
1

I’d err on the side of a few miles. My STBXW is about 8 minutes away and I can easily stop at her place as it’s on the way home from my gym. Makes it easy enough to get the kids/ get any of their stuff they forgot - but also keeps that sweet sweet distance in place.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:00 PM
5

“XYZ” face Oh… Proceeds to eat it and say it’s good. I do not miss that crap
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:37 PM
0

How did you know mine had a garden? She did do a lot of work but I was definitely background grunt guy. Move her seedling, prepare the raised beds, that kinda stuff. But man it would really burn my butter when I’d be sweating like a pig on a summer day from working on the lawn and she’d act like I had done Jack shit all morning.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:11 PM
9

And don’t forget yard work doesn’t count!
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 08:23 PM
4

I went through similar stuff, we even tried therapy while separated. I completely understand not wanting divorce and wanting to keep your family together but my experience was she wanted my stability, familiarity and my support. But she also wanted to go see other people. And that’s a no dawg on my end. To be clear I did get hard evidence she was screwing around. Pretty sure only after we separated BUT STILL HELL NAW. Good times. The more you show you’re ok without her the more she’ll try and st…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:49 PM
9

Absolutely- I come here daily to remind myself I have it pretty good. And it’s still hard AF and by far the worst thing I have ever experienced!
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:29 PM
2

Yes you are right IF both parties are acting in good faith. I am going through mediation and my STBXW is agreeing on 50/50 custody and 50/50 assets. We need to drill down on some details but everything is being split. We are in a similar situation to yours in that no one had assets coming into the marriage - 50/50 is absolutely fair and right. She’s arguing against that already so you don’t have a choice. Call a lawyer, ask for her to pay your legal fees. Get someone on your side that will fight…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 12:00 PM
2

Thanks man, pretty sure she was dating someone for 6 months and then yes came back around when that didn’t pan out. Lol, nope not happening. I’m not ready to date yet but I bet when another woman is around she’s gonna flip out even if she’s seeing someone. Brace yourself lads, incoming!
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 01:19 PM
4

Hearing that in black and white must have been eye open to say the least
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 11:39 PM
6

100%. My STBXW would say all this garbage and then do the exact opposite. Do you think I’m an idiot….no wait I know her answer
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 11:37 PM
5

Yeah no, that’s not how this works, that’s not how ANY of this works. Mine did the same thing - basically wanted to go out and date people after being together almost 20 years, 2 kids yada yada yada. And keep me around waiting for her if none of that panned out. Surprise pikachu face - I turned her down when she tried to come crawling back 6 months later. I don’t deserve this and you don’t deserve this. No matter how she acts mentally draw that line in the sand.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 11:33 PM
1

None of us are perfect. I did things that contributed to the end of our relationship. Own what you should own, no more no less. Use therapy to help figure out what those things are.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 11:48 PM
2

First thing I did was buy those freezer containers that are designed to hold one meals worth. Now I make huge meals still and then I freeze positions and dinner/lunch is set!
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:00 PM
4

Yes, right off the bat once she moved out I drew a mental line for my kids. Under no circumstances would I let her do this to them AGAIN. So when she tired to come crawling back but it was clear nothing had really changed - the answer was no. And it continues to be no. I wouldn’t let her F up the holidays last year so this is my first set officially alone. Yes it stings but the future is looking up.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 07:13 PM
10

Don’t beat yourself up we all do this at some level. The person who you love the most is the person that betrayed you the most and that cognitive dissonance is enough to drive anyone around the bend. While I didn’t right off the bat - I was able to say “No” when she tried to come crawling back and I am proud of that
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:09 PM
6

Pretty sure both my daughter and my son prefer me (she's only 10 but she ain’t no fool, she knows Mom blew up the family without me saying a word)
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 09:43 PM
11

Due to Mom flaking out, kids choosing you or a combo? I’m 50/50 but in reality it’s at least 60/40 me as she gives up her time sometimes and I never do. In public they always merrily skip about claiming nothing is more important than MY BABIES
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 06:29 PM
5

There’s nothing to understand because it doesn’t make any sense. All the logic in the world doesn’t matter but acceptance and moving on will come. It’s not what you wanted, but it’s what you’ve got.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:28 AM
1

Same man, same. Mine get roughly an hour of TV a day (maybe a tad more on NFL Sunday). We actually gasp spend time together playing games or reading, going outside! I just make the most of my time. My STBXW isn’t is extreme- she’s still a decent Mom and we have 50/50 that ends up being more 60/40 me as if she wants to go out on her time I will take them. But yeah my older kiddo has a clue and I think she knows Mom blew up the family - not that’d I’d ever explicitly say it, but I do have to prepa…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:15 PM
1

Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. You are doing amazing - yep you could Always do “more” and it feels like you aren’t doing enough sometimes but you are enough. As the kids get older they will know who cared about them and their needs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 06:21 PM
2

She’s getting your money either way. Staying with you for support and stability while checking out, not participating in intimacy (and I mean most forms of physical affection) and living off in fantasy land where some other man is price charming. They want to have their cake and eat it too. My wife left me for someone unavailable but she decided chasing that new relationship energy was more important than me and her two kids. She moved out to pursue other relationships but tried to come crawling…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 08:36 PM
1

14 maybe…4 no way! Your husband is already gone half the time so doesn’t even seem like it will impact your child that much. Make a plan and get out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:42 PM
2

No there is no value in making her the bad guy and she will simply flip the script on you if you do. Think about it this way, the kids already know she mistreats you and are likely wondering why you put up with this. My daughter absolutely knew my wife’s outbursts at me the last year of our marriage were bullshit and she would call her out on it! (Which is not good I know but I’m saying she knew). When she moved out I was the bigger person and did not verbally blame her. Although again my kids a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 10:38 AM
2

AKA everything he says about her is true. My favorite is when my kids bring up something unprompted and I say “Oh really?” And then they tell me everything. I will never understand this midlife crisis bullshit. Fortunately while I don’t love everything that’s happening at Mom’s house it’s overall harmless and I keep it to myself to keep the info coming.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 08:28 PM
2

God these Moms that caterwaul about their babies and then DGAF about their actual wants and needs is astounding. I’m not saying I’m going to be celibate or anything but I’m not running around getting another woman in my kids’ lives anytime soon. If all the stars aligned down the road sure but for now one of us actually has to care about their needs.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 07:07 PM
2

Trust me I get it. I have every reason to hate my STBXW and curse her name out to anyone that would listen - but I don’t because it won’t help me or our kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:34 PM
4

You’ve got to learn to let it go because it doesn’t help YOU. Yep it’s dumb my family got torn apart over her insane midlife crisis. But I can only control what I can control. My goal is calm peaceful time with my children and anger doesn’t facilitate that. Do I still get angry at her from time to time when she pulls stupid s***? Sure, but I work through it and let it go. I’ve learned from this space that I’m quite fortunate not to have any custody issues and thanks to her running around “findin…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 01:27 PM
5

Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the GAL recommendation that you are the resident parent for their school a practical guarantee she can’t take them away? I am assuming this is keeping them in their school they’ve always been in and judges love “the status quo.” Now I’m not saying she can’t try to get some holiday/summer deal where they spend time with her that way…but flat out taking them with her seems like a non starter.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 12:44 PM
18

Am I friends with my STBXW? No, am I friendly and spend time with her and the kids sometimes, yes. I am in a better situation than most, she seems to have kept her head about the kids, zero custody issues. 50/50 that in reality is more 60/40 me. She betrayed me we’ll never be together again and I doubt we’ll even truly be friends but I just let all that s*** go and I do what I can for the kids. Mine are 10 and 7 and I explicitly asked them if they like spending time together as the 4 of us and t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:30 PM
3

I felt like I was punished for not worrying about it. Like sorry I’m not gonna stress about this stuff and I can’t seem to stop you from doing so🤷‍♂️ And she would seem stuff I did unnecessary - like I had to pick up these golf-ball sized hickory nuts all over the lawn before mowing. Sure mowing over a few is fine but hundreds of them is too much. She said that was wasting time…ok why don’t you get out here and take care of this half acre lawn.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:29 PM
7

I somehow managed to take care of a baby and toddler for two years, do all the laundry, shopping, yard work, most of the cleaning and I’d have a hot meal ready for her when she got home from work. Here’s the secret, don’t worry about it, just do it
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 07:14 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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