Dad Guilt

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-03-12T17:08:27+00:00

I don't know how old your kids are but I'm honest with my teenage son. Last night after a shitty day at work, and having to cook dinner for us he kept trying to talk to me about his video game and I was very short with him.

30ish minutes later I went to see him, asked him to tell me what he wanted to say and apologized for being short...explained my day and how tired i was. He was like "it's fine, I knew you weren't mad at me and were just frustrated". It's because I level with him when things are hard and make sure he always knows it's never about him.

JimSevere0271 · 2024-03-11T01:05:43+00:00

I used to operate under a spirit of anger.

I had a pretty good relationship with my kids before but now that the anger is gone (Thanks to God) our relationship is 10 times better.

Ask God to help you so you can be more patient and loving towards them.

I'm sure you're going through an incredibly stressful time right now.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-10T16:24:48+00:00

Realizing what you doing to your kids is the first step of correcting it. Being a divorced single dad with multiple kids when coparenting is hard as fuck. Don't get on yourself too hard. Just strive to be a better dad every time you have them. Make everlasting memories too. Do the best you can. Like there is no guide for raising kids as a family, there is no guide for divorced father raising kids too. Learn from your mistakes and keep it moving. Do better each time.

deathanddebauchery · 2024-03-10T14:17:01+00:00

my dude… change your perspective.

Your home is their home too. Referring to it any other way diminishes your role as a dad.
You are doing better than a large portion of us. You recognize when you messed up, your last words were “I WILL BE BETTER” … I believe you will be, do you?

Internet strangers know you’re doing your best. Don’t you think it’s time you give yourself a little pat on the back too?

Chance-Muscle-9556 · 2024-03-10T12:46:11+00:00

Just own it with the kids, apologize, and put effort into doing better. You are a human and flawed and that is ok. I apologize to my kids every time that I am wrong even if I realize it days after the fact. I tell them that I will put effort into doing better. Kids just want parents to be real with them and they will love you even more when you apologize and tell them that you were wrong

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-10T11:38:11+00:00

I’ve cracked a few times myself and immediately felt terrible. Just give them a hug and tell them you love them they will forget all about it. Then try to keep your cool next time.

When I really think about it, I used to get the belt pretty bad from my dad back in the day. But thats never is what I remember when I think of him. I remember him showing me how to fix things, taking me fishing, showing up at every single one of my games and cheering me on etc. He was a great dad.

We are human it’s ok. You can still be a great dad.

Edited to add so there’s no confusion: Obviously don’t use a belt on your kids or you’ll get in huge trouble. I was born in the 80’s it was a different time.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-03-10T11:05:30+00:00

Just apologize to them when necessary and tell them what you said here. We can’t change the past but we can try and do better next time.

And give yourself grace on changeover days it’s hard on all of you. Sometimes I’m like “why are they acting like this…oh yeah”

MagnusRexus · 2024-03-10T09:10:25+00:00

I beat myself up a lot over this. Two things got me to stop: 1. Looking at things from their point of view when I start getting short with them. They don't understand what's going on and they're not equipped to deal with it. That extended my patience with them. 2. Recognizing in the moment that I don't get to see them every day and they won't be young forever - I should be cherishing every moment with them, not making things more difficult for them.

The guilt won't help them, only understanding their position will. So not guilting yourself is an important part of the process too.

HalfTheMan611 · 2024-03-10T09:02:54+00:00

It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it but learn from this. It's exceptionally hard for all of us. "Going home"? How can you make your place "home" too?

Famous-Ad147 · 2024-03-10T08:40:37+00:00

Hey bro, it's okay. They will always love you. Times are tough but I promise it will get better. I did the same. My boy is my world but we all have days. You'll get where you wanna be. Like ^ said. Forgive yourself. It's ok to stumble. We all do. Believe it or not they get it too. My son was 5 at the beginning of our split. He's 7 now. He witnessed alot. And sometimes has even was the one to bounce me back.. hang in bro. We are all here for you... me included

Simple-Captain3421 · 2024-03-10T07:59:08+00:00

You need to learn to forgive yourself. Everyone goes through this phase. You are evolving as a parent too. Find your triggers and work out how you will deal with them differently next time. One step at a time. It also helps to speak to your kids and helping them understand the boundaries. They do respond if you are consistent in your messaging.

Parenting is not easy but worth every bit. You will be fine.

huggsnkisses · 2024-03-10T07:18:17+00:00

Nobody is perfect treat them to a good breakfast tomorrow and forget it. Let them know you're privileged to be with them

Title	Dad Guilt
Author	KCWilli182
Upvotes	32
Comments	14
Date	March 10, 2024 7:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bb4az8/dad_guilt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dad-guilt.1426100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426100

Comments