How long do you keep a pissing match going?

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-29T02:35:50+00:00

Even when you handle everything you’re supposed to do with skill and grace and grant the occasional favor, they will cause drama.

It’s the nature of the beast. Rather than fight it, make peace with it. Accept that she will not reciprocate your good will. If she surprises you, great. In my experience, ex wives share one thing in common: a firm belief they are right about everything, entitled to everything, and any problems are your fault.

I fought this paradigm for years believing that my grace would have a long term benefit.

What I found was my better health, wealth, and happiness was just another reason for her to create drama, problems, and arguments out of thin air.

I’ve blocked her after four years of trying to be a kind co-parent. I regret making her life easier. There was no upside for me.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2024-02-24T21:28:16+00:00

Don't worry, the divorce lawyers will ensure the pissing match continues far beyond what your patience, and finances, will endure.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-24T15:13:27+00:00

Been there done that. Our communication was text and email only. I was moving one weekend and she didn't let the teenage boys help me. I finally had to set boundaries with our parenting time to the letter. Everyone is grown now and I am a better man for sticking to the plan eventually. It never stops, just decreases over time.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-24T15:01:45+00:00

She will never stop. You have to figure out how to stop feeding her whatever she is looking for to feed off of. 4 kids unfortunately feed her a lot of info.

If you can afford to, maybe hire someone to help you with the kids weekly and step in when you have to go to an appt. Then you don’t have to ask her.

insanityisinherit · 2024-02-24T14:43:54+00:00

Until the kids are 18, at least.

Set your mind for a much longer game than this and reconsider what are your true goals. Then decide what is worth the squeeze and when to apply it.

wisstinks4 · 2024-02-24T14:16:17+00:00

OP, I love GFY. Congrats on repaying the favor. It seems like in your case you’re going to have to take the L every once in a while. Stay strong and fight for your position in this battle.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-02-24T12:55:06+00:00

It’s going to be a long long long co-parenting journey if you two can’t share some common decency.

If she wants to be the asshole you can’t stop her. Doesn’t mean you have to be one too.

randomly421 · 2024-02-24T12:48:46+00:00

Has she found a new man yet? My ex chilled out a good bit once she found someone else to abuse. Shit deal for him but worked out great for me.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-24T11:57:17+00:00

Personally it was very important to me to get to an arrangement with her to show flexibility with the schedule when it is possible. I travel quite a bit for work and it would be silly to assume work functions would magically only fall on weeks I didn’t have my kids for the next 16 years. So, the first few times she asked me to switched dates so she could go on vacation (I knew it was with AP) I sucked it up and did it. The marriage was over, I hated her with all my heart BUT flexibility was more important to me than being spiteful.

A ridged schedule will hurt her as much as it hurts you.

I think you made a mistake not being the bigger person, now she’s not going to help you next time you need it and this stupid cycle continues. You two need to figure out how to be adults or it’s going to damage both of your lives personally and professionally until your kids are grown.

MidniteOG · 2024-02-24T11:53:06+00:00

It needs to stop sooner so the kids care is consistent. I know it’s hard, painful, whatever. But that’s the important factor

Intimacy4u · 2024-02-24T09:43:17+00:00

‘I don’t negotiate with Terrorists’ 👀

codbatter · 2024-02-24T09:25:43+00:00

it stops when you stick to a schedule on a calendar that you both have on your phones shared between you, and you stop all forms of text or verbal contact with her.

you turn up when its your day, bit early or on time, get the kid, say absolutely nothing to her, and drive off. drop the kid back when its time to do so, say nothing except bye to the kid, drive off.

if she calls you its only for emergencies to do with the kid, like the kid ended up in hospital. thats literally it. no calls or texts for anything else. you're dead to her and she's dead to you.

thats when it stops.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-02-24T09:24:24+00:00

It basically doesn't. Her will to harm you will never subside, in ways either petty or grand. All you can do is avoid her. Next time, just hire a babysitter and don't even let her know what you're doing.

Title	How long do you keep a pissing match going?
Author	KCWilli182
Upvotes	9
Comments	30
Date	February 24, 2024 9:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ayqd9x/how_long_do_you_keep_a_pissing_match_going/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-do-you-keep-a-pissing-match-going.1246290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246290

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