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Decon_SaintJohn Archive

View 5 posts and 373 comments by Decon_SaintJohn on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Turning to mush about dogs is not even remotely the same as turning to mush about a baby.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:28 PM
3

"He doesn't say much," is your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:26 PM
3

Aside from your husbands lackadaisical attidude, you also need to be 100% sure you want kids. The fact you said: "if my husband wants them, then I do," is the wrong attitude to have about bringing another human being into existence.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:12 PM
1

Not sure what you want to hear here OP. Other than sorry to hear you're going through this, if you knew she had issues bwfore the marriage the onus is on you. Be prepared to give her half of your wealth, because thats how the family court system works.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 11:34 PM
2

She probably has a personaliry disorder, or she now has a permanent green card and can take half your wealth and live in a 1st world country. Don't ask how I know this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 11:25 PM
8

I'd also add save every financial document you have during the marriage. Anything that can prove your sole non marital financial interest. My ex and her lawyer tried to take 2/3 of a large sum inheritence I had received from my father's passing during our marriage. I had to provide the burden of proof that the inherited investment accounts were in fact inherited and therefore could not be touched. The inheritence occured more than eight years prior and unfortunately the investment firm account r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 07:13 PM
1

Just go for it man, what do you have to lose?
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 10:14 PM
13

I had a girlfriend who was similar. Never initiated. It was very hard to get her aroused. I broke up with her and later found out she was in a full on lesbian relationship. When we were together, I guess she was still confused about sexuality. Not saying this is your wife, but all of the straight women Ive been with were easy to get going and initiated sex.
/r/MensRights05/07/26 09:31 PM
3

My ex was a complete c**t towards me for three months at the beginning of our divorce. I told her if she can't be kind to me she has to find her own place and move out of the marital home. So she did and the new found peace for me was glorious. Dont recommend cohabitating while going through a divorce, especially if your stbex is a high conflict individual.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 09:53 PM
3

A legal trial seperation is not in the best interests of your father. That starts the legal process for a future divorce. Also, he should not leave the marital home. It will make things very difficult for him during the divorce proceedings. If the wife wants the seperation she should move out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:48 PM
16

You're free of all of her issues, don't ever get yourself tangled up in them again!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 05:26 PM
4

I found that my ex would immediately leave the room when I pulled out my phone and started recording. Narcs don't like any proof of their bad behaviors that could be shown to others backing up how she treats you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 08:46 PM
2

Better, but my thought was the stbex found the mediator which is probably biased.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:15 PM
1

Who found the mediator?
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:10 PM
15

You need representation. A lawyer will advocate for a fair deal. Drop the mediation because clearly it isn't fair on your behalf.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:43 PM
2

Depending on the circumstances with your divorce, you may have ended up in a depressed state. That's what happened to me, ended up with Sptsd and depression. Had no interest in anything or anyone. I had to go to the doctor to prescribe something so I could sleep. I eventually got my head back on straight and that's when I started having a few FWB on an ongoing basis.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:54 PM
7

I wasn't mentally able to date anyone after my divorce. However, I was able to have sex with women without commitment and expected emotional ties. Doing so was very liberating and actually boosted my self esteem. I also needed it after having a dead bedroom in marriage, I was sex and affection starved. Two years later I'm now more in a position mentally to date. So no, you don't have to date and I wouldn't recommend it if you're not emotionally ready. But at the very least, you could find a FWB …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:14 PM
3

Lots of married women in open relationships and into ENM.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:04 AM
1

I fired my lawyer after numerous occasions where she didn't advocate for me against my ex's demands and her a**hole litigious lawyer. If you're not happy with how your lawyer is treating your case, it's time to find another one that will be better suited for your expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 05:19 AM
2

The biggest lie you'll face is finding out your relationship was a big fat lie and you never really even knew who dhe was be abuse she hid the truth (basically a lie).
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 05:05 AM
6

You're not ready for something real. In the meantime, you can take your shot without worrying about having to deal with any emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 03:27 AM
13

You turned down willing pussy? Yeah, I get it, you're not ready. After my divorce, I was confused and in an emotional turmoil, that is, until I had sex with a woman that was in it just for the pleasure. I'll tell you what, it was better than all of my therapy sessions in turning my low self esteem around. If I may, next time you're gifted a willing woman, take it. And I bet you'll learn something about yourself and take your head out of the dark clouds of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:59 AM
2

I had this same issue....I was content being a husband and in a long term relationship. After the divorce, I also had a lot of psychological baggage to deal with, along with with being single again. Prior to my 15 year marriage, I had been single all through my twenties and thirties. I realized that my life is now back to a single lifestyle again. I was also very content being single and free from a commited relationship. Older but wiser, I started living my life as a single dude. Dating, sex wi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:40 AM
8

It's the price for freedom.....and to no longer having to deal with her issues.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 09:08 PM
6

I'm almost 100% sure my ex was a covert narc. She hired a shark lawyer, just like her, a narcissistic asshole who enjoys running up the legal fees for no good reason other than to be a vindictive c**t.....just like my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 12:40 AM
9

It's pointless to participate in any sub that has a majority of women's perspectives. After my first foray doing so, I said never again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:26 AM
16

She would tell me that such and such person gave her some "really good advice." It was the exact same advice I had given her days prior to the advice the other person provided. eyeroll
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:53 PM
19

Sorry to hear about your situation. The majority of us have been through this. You're definitely not alone. As others have said, do not let her know you know of the affair. Start with protecting yourself as much as possible. If you have any major finances start with transfering those to a new personal account that she's not aware of. If you both have a large amount of funds in a joint bank account, transfer 50% to a bank check and deposit it to a new unknown personal account or investment accoun…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:21 PM
10

I'd add those tits and the $7,000 to the divorce decree. Those were a marital asset enjoyed by both parties!
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 12:09 AM
12

Deleted all. They're in the past now, and I dont live in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 03:10 AM
3

How long have you been dating? Knowing what you know about her, why would you get engaged to be married again? You could have just continued to date. For her, the marriage will be a major benefit, mostly financial. For you, it's a huge liability financially.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:47 PM
2

That's all of the preparations they're making for the future divorce. My ex was working on it at least a couple years before we went that route.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:24 PM
1

Yes, have zero interest in a monogamous relationship.
/r/MensRights11/04/26 11:11 PM
21

Question for you. Who's dying in all of the ongoing wars? Or rather, I should rephrase that as: Who's expected to be expendable in all of the ongoing wars? So yes, men are killers, hyper-masculine, and hired hitmen because that's what they have to be and what the society expects from them in times of war (or hunting a Predator).
/r/MensRights11/04/26 10:58 PM
1

No, but probably about 15 to 20 of them I did. Meeting in person is no guarantee you'll still have a sexual connection after talking online, texting, even talking by the phone. Everyone has their individual opinions about what they find attractive. I was able to find a few to take it all the way.
/r/MensRights11/04/26 10:19 PM
3

Yes, seriously. I'm in decent shape, somewhat handsome, financially independent (not wealthy), but most importantly I create a strong profile with good pictures and communicate well online and in person.
/r/MensRights11/04/26 10:08 PM
1

Around 75 to 90.
/r/MensRights11/04/26 09:53 PM
3

Feeld
/r/MensRights11/04/26 09:45 PM
13

I was once called a "slut" by a woman on a first date. I was shocked because I met her through an app specifically for casual hookups and kinks. I asked her to explain. She then said, "Oh, I meant it in a good way." I don't have a hard time with landing women for sex, and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I actually found the comment to be derogatory especially when we met on a sex positive app.
/r/MensRights11/04/26 08:13 PM
1

Only time will tell. It's highly possible you may not even have a choice. So just accept whatever the outcome is and either be single for life or work on yourself to improve. In regards to the latter, you may not be able to change who you're as a person. Accept it and don't ever let another person suffer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:46 AM
8

Boo hoo, the divorce is finalized and she has no recourse at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:37 AM
7

OP, it's probably a bit early to be jumping into another relationship, even if it's casual, but doing so may give you a good perspective on the differences of what another woman can bring to the table compared to your stbexw. It will also sort out some of your psychological challenges you've acquired while in your marriage. My experience with a few women after my divorce was mainly how much better the sex can be! My ex had an extensive list of issues surrounding her sexuality. We were not compat…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 06:21 PM
8

My Ex had the Jekyll and Hyde personality. Fun sweet bubbly personality towards everyone else, a mean-spirited, vindictive, dishonest and unkind ct to me when no one else was around. She is 100% a covert narc having been fued up by her grandiose narcissistic father.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 01:55 AM
5

During the divorce and a year or two prior to the divorce, my ex was the most unkind, vindictive, *unt towards me. I mean at a level where I would not wish her treatment of me even to my worst enemies. After the divorce, and with some therapy, I realized that I truly never really knew who this person was throughout our 16 years together. Like you say, in the end the truth raised its ugly head.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 03:16 AM
2

I went that way once. Still too many games and jumping through hoops to get laid. A pro is the best route to take. Have you heard the saying: "You don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay them to leave afterwards?"
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 04:11 AM
3

Actually, from my understanding the pros get tested regularly for STDs and in some places it's mandatory so they're probably less of a risk compared to a bar skank. Also most pros enforce the rule of no condom no sex, whereas a bar skank will have no issues going bareback.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 04:06 AM
4

Curious where do you live where prostitution is legal? Somewhere in Europe, maybe Mexico? Mexico served my needs after my divorce from a dead bedroom marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 01:59 AM
2

Yes you should let the affair partner know. I had a good friend tell me after we were divorced about her talk of an ongoing romantic partner. I would have really appreciated if he had told me this information during the marriage so I could have prepared for the divorce to protect myself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 09:11 PM
13

I agree, she's probably been planning this for a long period of time, possibly even years. That was the case with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 08:50 PM
3

She can ask, but you have no legal obligation to leave the marital home. I'd also highly recommend not leaving the home because once you're out it will be very difficult to obtain anything within it that you're awarded. Also, more than likely, if you do move out you will be financially obligated to pay the home mortgage AND the new living situation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 01:58 AM
18

I truly hope that the young men of today are scrutinizing the downsides of marriage and their possible future wife. Marriage is a literal crap shoot and shouldn't be taken lightly. Your future psyche, bodily and financial heath could be in major jeopardy if you go that route. After being burned by two women in a combined 20 years of marriage (infidelity, financial and verbal abuse), I've learned my lesson. Either I can't pick em, or there is something fundamentally wrong with how women view rela…
/r/MensRights07/02/26 06:44 PM
12

Inheritances are not a marital asset. I had a similar situation with my divorce with a large sum inheritance from my father who passed away during the marriage. In my state, inheritances are not marital assets, unless you comingle the funds into a joint account marital account. You need to find a lawyer that fights for you and knows the law.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 09:20 PM
2

If the debt was accumulated on a joint credit card or a loan or whatever with both of your names on it, it will be considered a marital debt and you'll be responsible for half of it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:07 PM
1

I highly recommend this book for dealing with a high conflict spouse during divorce: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy There's also a podcast by the author called: It's All Your Fault: High Conflict People Great resource for your situation (and mine when I went through a similar divorce).
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:06 PM
1

You must be able to show documented proof of any assets garnered through inheritance. This means you'll need to provide the death certificate, will, transfer of accounts, financial accounts of the deceased as well as all financial documentation of the beneficiary. If you're unable to provide the proof, the opposing lawyer will go after the inheritance as a marital asset. I would start today with finding and securing the paper trail because it may take some time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:56 PM
17

Come to your own conclusions by reading some of the posts on r/divorce_men. Marriage is not worth the effort you have to put into it.
/r/MensRights08/01/26 10:44 PM
1

Of course, everything in a divorce is up for negotiation, but you have to weigh the costs of pursuing it with the legal costs it will end up costing you. Some things are not worth it. Any marital mutual purchases on her personal credit cards more than likely will be looked at as a marital debt split 50-50. Anything not related will be on her which will put you in a better financial situation after the divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 08:08 PM
1

Legally separation isn't recognized by the court until a Decree of Legal Seperation has been filed. In my experience, filing for legal separation instead of divorce has drawbacks: you remain legally married (preventing remarriage, potentially affecting Social Security/immigration, & keeping financial ties), it's often just as costly/complex as divorce but not a final end, and if you eventually divorce, you go through two legal processes, potentially prolonging stress and costing you more money. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 07:28 PM
2

Is the credit card debt on a joint credit card, or is it only in her name? If it's in both names it's a marital debt and the balance will typically be split 50-50 unless you can negotiate a different percentage split. If it's in her name, it's her debt to deal with and won't play a factor for you in the divorce. Not optimal but you should wait to divorce until after she finds a new job. You should also wait to retire until after the divorce because your financial situation may look completely di…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 07:16 PM
3

While the majority of the list was valid, all I had to read in your list was how she said her mom is a narcissist. Having been married to a covert narcissist who on numerous times throughout our marriage said her Father was a narcissist. I can confirm that when a parent is a narc the child more than likely ends up with the same personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 09:33 PM
1

You'll get yourself through this and you'll find another woman, and probably a better one than your stbexw. You got this brother!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:02 AM
4

Been where you are right now during my divorce. I couldn't sleep, was depressed, suffered S-PTSD from an abusive spouse. I went to the doctor and told him the story. He prescribed a sleep aid and an anti depressant. Those two things really helped me during the divorce. Get some support, any way you're able, to help you get through this trying time. And you will get through it.....most all of us on this sub have seen the darkness and have come out the other side a better man, with a better life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 12:48 AM
2

Feeld, Tinder, and Bumble.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:00 AM
3

Same situation for me. The dating pool for a male with no kids, doesn't want kids and/or to be a step father and has a vasectomy is definitely limited. It's even the case if you've got everything going for you aka you're marriage material. One thing I will tell you is a benefit with our traits is the high interest in women wanting you for sex. I found the hookup scene on the apps easier to meet a lot of women for a fwb situation than those looking for a monogamous relationship. That got old afte…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 11:05 PM
2

Similar for me as well. I'm not religious so I don't celebrate or recognize the traditional Christmas holiday, even with my own family who do. The holidays are just another day in the life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 10:08 PM
9

I came to the realization after fifteen years of marriage that my spouse wasn't capable of being in a healthy relationship. I was tired and resentful of making all of the effort and divorced her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 08:24 PM
51

These men will think of themselves only as an asset or liability, with the majority thinking of themselves as the latter. More than likely this won't end well for that generation and society as a whole.
/r/MensRights16/12/25 07:19 PM
2

Do not leave the marital home. Repeat, do not leave the marital home.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:28 AM
2

The signs are pointing to the fact that she may not get any better in her treatment of you and the kids. If you can convince her to go through mediation for the divorce you'll be much better off. You'll want to avoid a contested divorce because with her state of mind she may end up being very vindictive and self-centered/serving with not making the divorce outcome fair.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:22 PM
6

Motorcycle camping, 3D printing, and sex with a lot of women.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:14 PM
5

My ex wife was similar. She had to set the narrative with friends and acquaintances that I was the problem when that was not the case whatsoever. She became an extremely unkind, vindictive and mean-spirited person towards me. So much so I was left with no other recourse but to divorce her after 15 years of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:11 PM
2

Curious OP, is your wife also in her late 30's to mid 40s? Everything you mentioned about her and her behaviors, were exactly what I experienced with my ex when she started periomenopause. I no longer knew this person. They became a devil in disguise of a person who was once loving and kind to me in the past. For my own mental and physical health I had to divorce her. Her presence was literally killing me. I hope for your sake it's not the case, but I'm sorry to say this may also be your outcome…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:02 PM
2

I was feeling the same way after my divorce - sexually starved in the marriage and wanting physical touch. So I jumped on the dating apps, the one's more specific to hookups. I went crazy and met and hooked up with a lot of women. It was very gratifying because during my marriage it was a dead bedroom with my ex and yet I was being told by the women I was sexually involved with that I was an excellent lover. That's something my ex would never say, let alone just being able to talk about sex in g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 09:17 PM
3

I agree, after owning my own home outright for decades and losing it in the divorce, I have been less than thrilled about renting. Luckily, I was able to move in with a friend after the home sale. When that went south, another friend's dad who owned a four plex had an available unit. I jumped on it stat. But I'm annoyed at the amount of rent I'm paying without eventually owning something and because one of the other tenants has no respect for the rest of us. I want to move to another state soon.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 12:18 AM
1

Your lawyer is doing you a disservice by not pressuring opposing counsel to cough up your spouses financials along with the other things you mentioned. In the meantime, opposing counsel is strong arming your lawyer and you to provide all the discovery they need to railroad you in court. This is not going to go well for you. I had a similar situation with my first divorce lawyer. I'm not sure what was going on at the firm, but my lawyer who was one of the partners, wasn't able to represent me to …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:28 PM
5

Sorry to hear this snd I feel you. It's going to be tough. If I were you, I would start shielding your finances ASAP, before your stbex knows about your interest in wanting to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 08:38 PM
19

I'm all by myself on TG in an apartment with my dog. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 12:36 AM
10

I absolutely do not regret having mine 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:06 AM
4

Agree. Nothing like going through the divorce process to make it abundantly clear that the Family Law courts are stacked against the men in every way shape and form.
/r/MensRights02/11/25 07:42 PM
2

Social Media is dumbing down a large portion of the population, especially our youth. I assume you're a witness to this predicament on a daily basis as a high school teacher.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 05:42 PM
7

My ex was similar. So she got what she kept asking for. I'm so much happier and my life is stress free.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 05:16 PM
24

So much for kids in Elementary school making Valentines Day cards in their classroom to give to eachother. Those days are long gone.
/r/MensRights07/10/25 11:24 PM
5

Nah, like I said, I'm a free and single man now and planning on staying that way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 10:06 PM
3

Thanks. The answer is I've given up on dating. Besides, I enjoy my own and my dogs company.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 10:02 PM
5

And seriously, you can have all of the traits women want, but for a large portion of women, not all, but a large percentage, will still look at you as non-dateable if you're not tall enough. I've experienced this firsthand throughout my dating life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 09:49 PM
3

Unfortunately, some things are as-is, like height, and no manner of effort will change you. Well, unless you want to have your legs broken and be in pain for a year to gain a couple of inches while paying an exorbitant amount of money.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 09:42 PM
5

You are just now figuring this out OP?
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 09:38 PM
3

I had the same feeling of resentment during and after my divorce. I started dating and realized that I was really a catch, unlike how my ex made me feel. Even so, I've just had a few women through out my life destroy my faith in the female species. I think I've finally learned my lesson and won't be taking chances any longer. Regardless, maybe over time the resentment will fade for you, as it did for me, and you can make a decision to take your chances again with a committed relationship. And if…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:39 PM
3

Right there with you OP. My contested divorce costs were a fraction of what yours is, but the freedom gained was really worth it. I'm now on the road to being single the rest of my life. I dont need companionship, but I do need sex here and there and that's not hard to find in a noncommittal way these days. It's going to be a tough road for you OP, but one day you'll wake up from the nightmare and feel contentment that it's over and done with and in the past. Just think about the future without …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:25 PM
4

Yep. Save it in your drafts and then years later see if you still feel the same. Probably not, then delete it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:23 PM
14

Are you currently in divorce proceedings? If so, the legal term for a spouse transferring money out of joint accounts during a divorce is dissipation of marital assets. This action is considered a misuse or waste of marital property and can occur before or after divorce proceedings have officially begun, negatively impacting the division of assets and potentially resulting in financial penalties for the spouse who transferred the funds. My ex did the same thing and I was able to negotiate the am…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 09:50 PM
1

That'd solve that problem here in the US.
/r/MensRights08/09/25 08:58 PM
6

When opening a door, have you ever had the eye roll from a woman and a comment of: "you don't need to do that, I am fully capable of opening my own doors!" I have and honestly it's almost made me stop doing it for fear of that type of reaction, but it's ingrained into me to be courteous so I figure I'll just keep doing it.
/r/MensRights08/09/25 06:50 PM
3

Here's example of how it might be if we played together as if we were playing with the ex's, it'd be something like: "What the f bro, I went head on to eliminate that 50 cal gunner and you got me killed!!!" "Wait what, how is that my fault!?!" "You were supposed to provide suppressive fire and then run up and flank them!!" "Huh, you didn't tell me that!!!" "Well, you were supposed to read my mind!!! Duh!"
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 06:43 PM
9

If your wife is preparing for divorce, she probably has been thinking about it for awhile and has been getting prepared. It could be years in the making. You may not know about other financial accounts in her name, on purpose to shield assets. She may have been socking away money specifically just for this purpose. My advice is start getting prepared without her knowing so. Get a few free consults from different lawyers. If and when she serves you for divorce, you'll be prepared. Don't lay down …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 05:38 AM
11

She is baiting you, don't fall for it. Avoid having any conversations with her that might get out of control and become highly emotional. If she's recording, she will most likely use this against you, not only in a divorce but to sway friends to her side showing how crazy you're when she is the one purposefully instigating to get a negative reaction out of you. I would also start recording her as well when a conversation must be made. Also, if a topic must be discussed, tell her it must be made …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 10:21 PM
2

The home has to be sold by the finalization date of the divorce. Once the funds are received, they must be distributed immediately to both parties.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:33 PM
6

Right, and what about male children? Shouldn't they be expendable just based on their gender right out of the womb? I suppose not because they haven't been given the opportunity to become expendable just yet. They have to reach a legal age for that situation.
/r/MensRights16/08/25 11:38 PM
4

And you can never, ever exploit me!
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 08:46 PM
5

"A miserable ending is better than misery without end." Keep that in mind now that the misery is no more.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 10:30 PM
19

I'm sure you've heard the research that says ad nauseum: "Men live longer and are happier when they're married to a woman." There's probably some truth to this but I've come to realize that this only holds true if the woman you're in a marriage with is reasonable, loving, giving, able to compromise and has a heart of gold. If not, that research doesn't hold true for the rest of us and can even kill us.
/r/MensRights20/07/25 08:25 PM
8

I've been in many types of relationships with women over the years; serious ones, sexual ones and platonic friendships. I'm now at a point where I've realized the benefits of having a woman in my life 100% are not worth the effort. Honestly, I am just tired and unmotivated after all these years of making women happy. If I need sex, I have a few women I meet up with regularly who are into the open relationship and ENM scene. Other than that, I get to keep all my money to myself, I don't have to m…
/r/MensRights20/07/25 08:18 PM
2

Lawyers definitely pull a bait and switch with you saying the costs will only be X amounts of dollars, but it ends up being XXX amounts of dollars. If you have a high conflict spouse, the amount is even higher. Lawyers love it when one or both spouses are high conflict individuals they know they're going to buy another vacation home after that divorce wraps up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 05:58 PM
2

It was three years of past income for the divorce in my state. You're pretty much screwed either way you go.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 05:51 PM
1

No need for a weight filter. From my experience, if a woman only has face pics in their profile, that's a 100% guarantee they're overweight.
/r/MensRights03/06/25 03:30 AM
1

How's that working out for you? I would only assume it would be good if you're the Top.
/r/MensRights25/05/25 05:21 PM
2

Sorry to hear that brother. At the end of the day, I had to justify the financial hit, however large it had to be, to just be free from my ex. I'm screwed financially. But at least I have my mental and physical health intact! ..
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:40 PM
1

I didn't have any, so I don't need to worry about fucking up another generation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 09:13 AM
3

To be clear, my phone was never locked. My ex always had full access because I was 100% transparent and honest. This was the opposite case for her. She had things to hide and was not honest with me. This also included her finances, social media etc.
/r/MensRights06/01/25 06:00 AM
27

My ex wife always made sure she had full security lock down on her phone. That's one of many of reasons why she's an ex.
/r/MensRights05/01/25 02:46 AM
2

Forget about the ex, and just be the strong, confident and amazing man you were before the ex drained that out of you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:50 AM
1

My ex had a majority of these traits. I think she has Covert Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:18 AM
5

r/FoundTheFeministAI
/r/MensRights04/12/24 12:08 AM
4

Here's what my EX did with her credit card statements. She just refused to provide them, probably because they showed all the money spent on her infidelity. Her lawyer ignored all of the requests for production. The only way to force her to provide them, and it still isn't a guarantee, is through the following means: Discovery Interrogatories: Written questions that the other spouse must answer under oath. Requests for Production of Documents: A formal demand for specific documents, such as bank…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 11:27 PM
3

Lawyer estimate is 9K? Lmfao! Discovery alone will be minimum $15K. Trial? To the moon!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 10:37 PM
1

My thought is the future for men is becoming a full on Monk living in a remote location, being self sufficient, meditating, working out, reading lots of books,/learning, doing hobbies like beer making, socializing and building solid lifelong friendships with the other men at the monastery?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 06:03 PM
2

Thank you! Best of luck to you as well! I will be sure to check out those books you mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 01:03 AM
3

I'm finding the older I get, the more I need healthy loving companionship with a woman. I'm roughly 5 months post divorce and I've dated two women so far. Both had major issues and probably a personality disorder. Having been through a very long marriage with a covert narcissist, this time I was dialed in to the red flags and knew how to respond appropriately. One of them provided the affection I had been yearning for and missing for so long in my marriage. I learned a lot from that relationship…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 04:10 PM
6

That brings up a good point. What about women that dress up as anime characters in revealing costumes, which of course are created by men?
/r/MensRights20/11/24 01:05 AM
7

I would think extreme feminists will eventually argue that the female face that is AI generated is a likeness of a real woman/women somewhere in the world, and therefore is still perpetuating systemic oppression.
/r/MensRights20/11/24 01:02 AM
4

The law is described in Article I, Section 8 of the United States Constitution and 10 U.S. Code § 246. Such conscription would apply to able-bodied men between the ages of 17 and 44 who are, or who have made a declaration of intention to become, U.S. citizens, as well as women in certain health care occupations.
/r/MensRights11/11/24 06:30 AM
2

Ended in divorce due to your choice or hers?
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:46 PM
1

Agree. It's very easy to get married, and very difficult and expensive to get divorced in the USA. The Family Court system and the laws behind it are based from a time when the nuclear family was the norm. The court system and laws have not caught up to the current culture with women being the bread winner in the family. Until this is equalized fairly, it's not an advantage for a man to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:26 PM
12

I don't think that's totally accurate. I'm finding the older you get after 40 the more available single women you can find in the same age bracket. This is due to divorces, husband's passing, been single all their lives, etc. All I can say is there's a lot of them who don't want to settle down and just want fwb's or a companion when they need it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 02:28 AM
7

Don't assume a woman who doesn't have kids, wanted it that way. They could have had some type of issue with their reproductive organs that affected their ability to have them. You may be missing out on a wonderful woman.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:53 PM
5

You're making the right decision. Stick to it. You're not the one to blame in all of this. She's playing the victim and sounds like a high conflict individual. The sooner you're free of her, the better off you'll be in the long run. I've been through this myself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:43 AM
4

If that's your viewpoint, the stroke you had due to the loss would have probably resulted in the same, had you stayed from the ongoing abuse. The day to day abuse from my ex was literally killing me. I put an end to it and I couldn't be happier, even after losing everything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:25 AM
5

You have to change that mindset from not wanting the divorce to, she's 100% incapable of being in a healthy, loving relationship, and I have to part ways for my own physical and mental health!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:35 PM
1

Leaving quietly says more than words can say.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:15 PM
7

To each their own. Personally speaking, my strong inclination towards and love of pussy is much too strong to ever go the other way. This is a curse and a gift depending how you view it. It was definitely a curse with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 09:16 PM
0

You sound like an A.I. bot.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 05:48 PM
2

No worries! Thanks for letting me know!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:49 PM
3

No, sorry it's not. Not even remotely close. I met my ex here in the USA. She had immigrated at 13 and was a US citizen. I met her when she was 30 yo. This wasn't a mail order bride type of thing. Please stop assuming this is the case with all men in relationships with foreign women. I think I'm actually more offended that you associated me with The orange Goblin!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:58 PM
5

Hmmm, guess I married a modern Eastern European woman. My ex wife started out having the same values that you mentioned. Later on she gravitated to a Western cultural viewpoint and decided marriage to an American male was like winning the lottery, as in money and taking assets and took full advantage of it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:41 PM
1

As offensive as the one about a man should be
/r/MensRights05/08/24 01:44 AM
6

Could you imagine if you wore a shirt that said: "WARNING: Angry dude here. I'm married to a woman" and the crap you'd experience?
/r/MensRights04/08/24 02:13 AM
7

The spouse already destroyed the marriage. Sounds like she has psychological issues. The fact she backtracked bigtime and started lovebombing him after finding out OP was seeing someone new is a key take on this fact. OP would be taking a huge risk to reconcile. Once he comes back, the spouse may discard him once again. There's no reconciliation with a person who can't see or comprehend the damage they've already done.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:46 PM
3

I can relate. I went through a similar situation with the divorce from my high conflict, vindictive spouse. I still suffer from betrayal and injustice trauma. I found that constantly dwelling on the negative aspects of the past was not mentally healthy. I started to think less and less about the past, and more about the future and the positives of finally being free to live my life focused strictly on positive outcomes. Doing so helped drag me out of that pit of daily despair and depression. I k…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 06:04 PM
3

There's no luck involved. You're screwed. Tough love here man. She wants to cut contact because that's all she saw you as, a sperm donor and financial provider for the child. Man up and stop being a SIMP.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:59 AM
3

And she used you...
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:47 AM
8

It's the reality of the situation. You're young and have good, strong sperm. Your wife is at the end of her biological clock and is running out of eggs. Plus, she's on a mission to have a child, with anyone she can to get the job done. Tag, you're it! You should have thought this one through a bit more. You're now financially obligated to a child for 18 years.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:46 AM
5

You're basically a sperm donor. There's your enlightenment.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:40 AM
3

I'd find a mediator that is a retired judge who can guide you on what the typical ruling outcome would be on the specific award. A lawyer, while experienced in divorce cases, doesn't have the extensive knowledge of a retired judge on exactly how something would most likely be ruled. They will provide a perspective based on percentages and/or the rule of law so you can make an informed decision on the likelihood of something being in your favor, or not. And I should add, do not go into mediation …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 07:02 PM
21

I have this up on a post it note on my bathroom mirror: "A miserable ending is better than misery without end." "Forget the past and only focus on your future. If you don't, you probably won't have one."
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 06:45 PM
1

If there's anything you don't want to share, just tell OC it "doesn't exist." OC will have to get a court order and hire a forensic account to find whatever it is. That will be a very expensive thing for your wife to pursue and will more than likely nix it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:20 PM
1

I assume you viewed your current stbexw as an angel early on in your marriage? In my opinion, it seems you have a strong need for validation from women, or at the very least, you're OK with being treated as a doormat. Let that go ASAP, or the new girlfriend will most likely take advantage of you too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:13 PM
1

Seriously? They're being honest with that comment. This has nothing to do about hurting one's feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:06 PM
3

I agree, forcing their hand by letting a judge decide and the legal costs involved might change their mind about pushing that unfavorable deal. When my stbexw tried something similar, I said nope, that's not going to happen, and she backed down.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 04:03 PM
3

I went through this exact same thing with my stbexw. The good thing is, since I have a bad memory, it was easy to have her finally fade from my existence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 04:19 AM
4

Exhausting mentally and physically.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:31 AM
5

Same situation with my stbexw. You're not alone!!
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:37 PM
2

Curious, who initiated the separation?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:10 PM
3

Yep, there's probably some truth in that. My stbxw was a science researcher in her younger days. As she aged, logic and rationality went out the window. When she reached her 40's, you never knew what her emotional state would be from day to day. She also became severely delusional with an inability to see any issues on her part, complete denial and played the victim.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:51 PM
3

Funny how the mantra is all men "think with their dicks," and yet the same thing doesn't apply when women "think with the tingles in their Va-jay-jay."
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 04:44 PM
0

He could use the affair as leverage?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:42 AM
2

Yep, this is one of those rare cases where the husband will be able to benefit more than the wife!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:41 AM
2

Good advice. OP, your stbexw wants you to go through mediation because it will benefit her, especially since she makes 3X more than you. She knows this, she isn't playing dumb. As Special-Profit4509 mentioned, you need to lawyer up to be better informed so you can make sure you make an informed decision in the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:39 AM
4

Briffault's Law. Learn something new everyday in the sub. Thanks for sharing!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:28 AM
10

O.P. here's what I tell myself whenever I feel the frustration, anger, and injustice of this whole process with my self-serving, vindictive, delusional spouse: ***A miserable ending, is better than misery without end.*** Is she taking advantage of the Family Law process by benefiting financially at my expense? Absolutely 100%. Will my life be 100% better after she is permanently out of it? Absof'inglutely 1,000%!% Also, focus on your future, and not on the past. But yeah, I would rather be desti…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:12 AM
1

Ed is that you?!?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 10:09 PM
1

I like being of my own agency, where I make the decisions and deal with the outcomes. No more being told what to do from someone who just wants to control and manipulate my life for their own self serving justification.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 10:05 PM
8

OP, I too have emotional fatigue. During the marriage, you gave your all, just for it to be ground down, demolished and disregarded by your spouse. The abuse, dishonesty, manipulation, control and infidelity took a major toll on me in so many ways. It's been a year and a half since I served my NPD wife divorce papers, and the time has healed me to some extent. Since then, I've recently felt a tinge of the possibility of dating again someday. But I am broken, and I have to be realistic about wher…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:16 PM
4

Don't worry about it, go buy a boat! It's more than possible she may have some other guys besides you she's interacting with. Or perhaps it could be possible she has an Anxious Attachment Disorder and needs constant communication to feel wanted. Either way, I'd be concerned and dare I say it, her behaviour and actions may be a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:58 PM
2

So true!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:24 PM
1

Yep, same here! At some point you become resentful.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 02:42 AM
2

I agree. The issue with my stbexw is when I set boundaries and stayed firm on them, she couldn't handle it. She also couldn't compromise on anything, which makes a relationship even harder.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:40 PM
5

I can so relate to this!!! When you feel like you're walking on eggshells on a daily basis around her, it's definitely over! And in my case, it's for the best!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:43 PM
2

Damn! You definitely dodged a bullet there!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:36 PM
6

My stbexw just started this career with me being the first "mark." I wised up but it was too late. She's already moved on to another gullible man who thinks he's won the lottery. If only he knew the truth. My wife got the idea from her friends who divorced and took everything from their husband's, and from the movie "I Care a Lot."
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:20 AM
2

It'll be sloppy fifths, or possibly higher, at this point. Personally, I'd never even allow my dick the thought of ever going back into that vagina, let alone actually doing it!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:40 PM
3

Exactly! Those are the four dudes that actually went all the way with her. Probably tens more that went as far as possible without slipping the dick.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:37 PM
5

Yep, it's always that. It would never be "because I'm a cold, heartless, selfish, controlling bitch."
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:32 PM
6

"Ass from the past." That's a good saying!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:18 PM
8

Exactly! Probably because she's incapable of true intimacy with one partner.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:16 PM
4

Yeah, and new guy probably thinks he "hit the jackpot" with OP. The damage continues unabated....
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:34 PM
11

That's not what No Fault divorce represents. No fault completely removes any blame for a spouses indiscrepancies such as infidelity, abuse, etc. Those things are not recognized in divorce court. In fact, NFD actually makes it easier for a spouse in a divorce because they're not held accountable for their behaviors that ended the marriage. Also, the family court system is leveraged in favor of women, regardless if they're the high earners, cheaters, abusive.....etc.
/r/MensRights31/05/24 12:52 AM
2

Funny thing is, the moron is probably thinking he "hit the jackpot" with OP's ex. If I'm feeling down in my current divorce depression, thinking about the moron my stbexw is running around with, brings me happiness knowing they don't even have one iota of what they really scored!
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 02:32 AM
0

You mean a platonic guy friend?
/r/MensRights06/05/24 03:24 AM
13

All men are used and eventually discarded, regardless of stature and appearance.
/r/MensRights06/05/24 03:21 AM
12

Question is: How exactly do you make more guy friends? Hard to find other guys that aren't in a relationship or marriage at my age >40.
/r/MensRights06/05/24 03:13 AM
1

It becomes obvious to anyone paying attention that family court lawyers are just playing a game to keep their clients at odds and to extract as much $ as possible. So utterly true! First hand experience here. If you're a lawyer, you should develop a ChatGPT service as a less expensive means to get through the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:52 PM
1

I've realized that law grads who decide to go into family law to become a divorce lawyer, are on par with doctors fresh out of residency who decide to become cosmetic plastic surgeons. All narcissistic, greedy, blood sucking individuals who care more about the money than the people they're serving.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:48 PM
3

For all future divorcees, I truly hope in the near future that A.I. overtakes the need for greedy, blood sucking, divorce lawyers in family court. For all I care, that's one livelihood that can crash and burn into oblivion because of A.I. technology.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:38 PM
3

Seriously! My stbexw took all of our mutual marital savings after I found out she had been cheating on me. I recouped 10% of the amount during the divorce. If OP and spouse have zero assets, it wouldn't even be worth the cost in legal fees to go through a contested divorce. Take it all and exit the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:31 PM
1

The Casino of Love. The house always wins!
/r/MensRights20/04/24 12:47 AM
2

Bro, sorry you're having to go through this. It sucks big time. You see this time and again on this sub aka a high value guy with low self-esteem and self respect that caters to women as a personal doormat. Many of us have been there, so you're not alone. I suggest reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover See if it applies to you. Best of luck to you in this trying time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 11:04 PM
2

Yes, but make sure OP that you tell them your spouses negative behaviors and back it up with text messages, emails, paper documents, recordings etc. This provides legitimacy to the behaviors you're providing. Some things that I was telling mutual friends about my stbexw narc were so unbelievable and/or were just incomprehensible that as soon as I followed up with: "I have documented proof, what would you like to see?" The friends would immediately say: "No need, thanks!."
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 09:52 PM
3

Not just subservient, but also masculine when it suits them.
/r/MensRights15/04/24 04:23 PM
6

Exactly, because if a man were to say these things.....
/r/MensRights15/04/24 04:22 PM
1

Your wife's forced 50/50 split on living expenses is financial abuse. To be fair, it should be based on a percentage basis on each spouse's income. She should be paying more than you. I wouldn't be surprised if she's taking that extra money and hiding it in a personal bank and/or investment account without your knowledge. If this is how she is, it's going to end up being a contested divorce with a high conflict spouse that will be very expensive for the both of you, but moreso for you because yo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 07:08 PM
2

Your situation sucks man, sorry to hear it. Going through something similar. Initially, I had extreme anger towards my spouse and what she did to me. Then, going through everything in the divorce, the anxiety, stress, etc., made me question life. Then I became angry again. Really angry. And I realized, the anger I was feeling was actually a positive motivator to force me to overcome all of it and move on. It sure beats the alternative of being in a depressed state of being with no hope.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 04:01 PM
3

💯% In my case, my spouse is a covert narcissist. Going through a relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality is the worst, and you will end up deeply traumatized.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 03:50 PM
1

How exactly did you calculate the ROI?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 03:11 AM
1

Appreciate it!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:53 PM
2

Perhaps I could add the hot banya to my cold plunge. Thanks for the advice!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:43 PM
1

Yeah, right now I'm basically in survival mode and can't find the motivation to do the basics like workout and such. I know I will get there at some point down the road like you mentioned. Trying to find a therapist that has experience in Narcissistic Trauma is hard to find. Thanks for the positive thoughts!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:41 PM
3

Been doing that since separation over a year ago. Prior to that, any verbal in person communication I had with her she would just demean and ridicule me, be the nastiest person I've ever dealt with in my life. Told her I wouldn't except that type of treatment and we would only be communicating through email. She did the same thing to me in ever email exchange. Then I went full Grey Rock, and only communicate with her through my lawyer and dealing with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:38 PM
1

I think I am feeling it. It is visceral.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:34 PM
3

Sorry to hear you had to go through that ordeal, happy to hear it finally came to a conclusion. I'm curious, how much did you end up spending in lawyers fees? Did you have to go to court? Was it contested? I'm roughly at $30,000. Mediation was a complete waste of time, because of her wanting to take more even after I made all the concessions in her favor. Court date is next. Probably end up around $45,000 all said and done.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:07 PM
3

So, it looks like more than likely we will have to go to court. For no other reason than she just wants to take as much as she can and to see me burn, and her lawyer, who is also a narc, likes to destroy the opposing client and rack up huge legal billings on both sides. Yes, she's living rent free in my head, but only when this type of crap happens. Otherwise, I am as chill as a Hindu cow. I have no motivation right now to do all of those typical things like exercise and such. I know they are va…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:58 PM
1

Thanks, I am leaning towards using this as a first motivator. It is the strongest feeling I have right now to turn into positive change.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:52 PM
1

Unfortunately, because of the head state I am in, the typical things I just can't get motivated to do. I'm sure once this divorce comes to a final resolution, I will get back into those things. As much as I miss feeling a woman next to me, I'm emotionally not ready to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:50 PM
2

I agree, and have kept myself in an icy control state during the divorce proceedings. I know better than to act out during any of our interactions, because like you said, it's a means to bait me. It's one of their tricks to make you look bad. My issue is dealing with the anger I feel from having to deal with her and her irrational rage behind closed doors and in my own head.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:47 PM
3

All of my discovery was downloaded from the web as pdf. documents and then uploaded to my attorney's shared drive. You don't have to print everything!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 02:04 AM
1

That's completely BS. Prove me wrong.
/r/MensRights19/03/24 04:09 AM
3

Yep, back in the day, those would have been fighting words, and possibly even a daul to the death with deadly weapons. In retrospect, knowing what I know now about my stbexw, if a guy said that to me, I'd reply: "Please do, and while you're at it, take her out of my life completely! Good luck!"
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:57 PM
8

Yep, and better known as Crocodile Tears. My stbexw could do those on queue.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:11 PM
2

Tough love here but you need to get some balls and move on. While you're at it, lose the fantasy that she's going to come groveling back to you saying she made a "big mistake." In her twisted mind, you were the mistake, and from the sounds of it, she'll never change that perspective. You sound like a solid guy, but you definitely lost your self esteem and self respect being with this woman. I should know, I went through the same situation with a very similar woman.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:52 PM
2

This is sage advice and dives right into the truth of the matter. My circumstances were similar to you and the O.P. Great comment!
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:44 PM
1

OK, so then if you try to close the distance through intimacy, open communication, etc., and that doesn't work, what's the next step? Divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:39 PM
3

Yep. This guy has everything going for him. He'll have no problem meeting a great woman that respects him and herself. Now he just needs to respect himself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:36 PM
2

The IRS is the least of your worries. Find a new lawyer stat that is going to protect you from a deal that is not in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 02:21 AM
4

Think about what your relatuonship expectations are from a partner. If the person is not meeting them, then perhaps it is time to find someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 02:03 AM
1

Trust me, based on what you said about the "flipping switches," you will be at your wits end sooner than later. My stbexw was the same way, along with many of the other negative behaviors related to a cluster b personality. It will not end well for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:49 AM
2

I would add the wife probably has a personality disorder, like BPD. O.P. you should also look into that as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 04:17 PM
2

Curious, but why isn’t any action taken? Clearly, if there's evidence the allegations were patently false, and the court rules in favor of the defendant, why shouldn't the accuser be taken to court?
/r/MensRights25/02/24 01:28 AM
12

Don't worry, the divorce lawyers will ensure the pissing match continues far beyond what your patience, and finances, will endure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 09:28 PM
1

Show what proof you have of the asset to your lawyer. This will come up during the Discovery phase of your contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:38 PM
2

...and an accountant.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:29 PM
1

OK, sure go ahead and lurk, but please don't comment. They come off as patronizing and the equivalent to mansplaining.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:22 PM
3

Probably would have used that but I'm self employed and my insurance was very limited, especially for men only type services.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 11:33 PM
4

I think you may have a really great non profit idea here. I could have used all of these resources going through my divorce. I found there to be very little in support for men going through divorce, or otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 11:08 PM
5

Asking for everything upfront is a negotiating tactic. Pushback and never split the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 07:28 AM
2

Yep, most likely scenario. Thing is, I'm so happy and relieved to not be the one at the receiving end of all of her issues! The other guy(s) can deal with it, and I wish them the best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 06:05 AM
6

Seriously. My neighbor recently told me my stbexw was telling his wife how she "wondered when she'd find her forever soul mate." This conversation occurred four years ago after 11 years of marriage. I had no clue, and thought naively that I was that person.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 05:55 AM
2

Probably wayyyyyy more than that!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:43 AM
6

Valentines Day? Was that yesterday?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:31 AM
7

"As my ex wife did, tells people who know me 'she was thinking of it for years' and people who don't know me 'he was abusive' to get the best of both words." 1,000% true! For my stbexw, it all depended on who she was talking to. Close friends who knew I was an upstanding guy: "I was thinking about this for years." LOL, well that's news to me! To acquaintances it was: "He's been abusing me this whole time!" Funny, since that was the exact opposite of what really happened. The delusion to fit the …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:40 AM
1

Guess its time to make a decision to stay or go. In my case, it was to go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:28 PM
1

Wow, she has brain lesions but the doctor's took her off the meds?!? Maybe it's too late now, but she probably needs a second opinion! Being on the right medication may save your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 11:26 PM
1

Curious, did she get a SPECT brain scan completed with results based on a concentration test and relaxed state? I'm thinking she was given the incorrect medication for her brain dysfunction.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:20 PM
5

Your wife may have a brain dysfunction issue. I say this because in my own research, I have come to realize many behavioral issues similar to what you mention about your wife (and my stbexw), occur because regions of the brain are not interacting correctly. This would probably be shown in a brain scan. The results could provide the need for medication to allow proper function.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:14 PM
12

As the saying goes, the sooner you stop letting your ex live rent free in your brain and thoughts, the sooner you will move on and thrive.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:47 AM
10

the circular conversations for hours about fucking nothing. The technical name for that is:Blatherskite [noun] p. blath-er-skahyt - A person given to empty talk. One who speaks at length, without saying much. Foolish talk or nonsense. We've all experienced it at one point or another.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:50 AM
3

Agree and same. My stbexw kept me isolated from friends and family. This was by design. Add nonstop verbal, emotional, and financial abuse, constant walking on eggshells, non communication, etc., and the loneliness just multiplied. I think I was in a much worse place being married, compared to my previous years of being single.
/r/MensRights07/01/24 03:54 AM
3

Exactly 💯 %. While I provided all of my financials in discovery, being the always transparent spouse during the marriage, my stbexw withheld all of the important financials, such as tax returns, bank accounts, even investment accounts I knew she had but never told me about. My lawyer sent a request to opposing cancel for these things, and received no response, knowing you'd have to take them to court on contempt charges. Doing so would double or triple the lawyers fees. And because of this, my l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 02:46 AM
26

Seriously, is nothing sacred enough that they can't just leave it alone and let men enjoy something that's been predominately male centered without adding a feminist anti men spin on it? I mean, if a major male director said a similar thing in regards to a woman's film genre, there'd be a major uproar over his alleged misogyny!
/r/MensRights04/01/24 09:46 PM
2

Take therapy with a grain of salt. I'm not downplaying it, but personally I've found self contemplation, looking inward, answering your own questions worked best for me. A good therapist should be asking you these questions, so you can know yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:59 AM
2

Yep, and depending on your age, it may not be your last. Proud of you staying strong and making a positive choice in your life. It's going to be a hard transition, but you'll be better in the long run. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:52 AM
18

Look my man, you didn't break her, and you can't fix her. She has to lose the weight for herself, not to keep you in a marriage. At minimum, you should stay separated, living separately, and work on you. In one year you can assess what was accomplished, or not, on her end. I hope it works out, but I'm not entirely sure she has the ability to make that much of a change.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:41 AM
3

I will die alone, and on my own terms. Momento Mori!!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:54 AM
2

Seriously my friend, you're in the initial psychologically fk'd up place at the beginning of the end of a toxic relationship. You're going to go through all kinds of self doubts, conflicts, and anxiety and stress. And that's OK!!! Feel it. Self reflect. Figure out why you're in this place. Grow. You'll make it out alive and a better, happier person!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:34 AM
3

It's a shitty situation you've been in. I feel ya, and I was there at one point with thinking it was pointless to go on. Went through a similar situation, but with an attractive but narcissistic woman. She was literally killing me, physically and mentally. After almost a year of separation and being on my own, I realized how much more positive in general I became. No more stress, anxiety, pain, walking on eggshells, etc., etc., etc. It will be so much better once you clear yourself of that toxic…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:28 AM
2

Yep, so true! Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 01:12 AM
9

Yep, and if for some reason life throws a wrench in your career and/or earnings (and future earnings potential), it'll be buh bye for you!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:10 PM
1

And yet, even if he did, he'd still be insecure and talk about his ex and who she's seeing now, taller, younger, more muscular.....etc.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:07 PM
9

I gained back my sanity, physical health, and a calm and stress-free environment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 12:46 AM
1

Hmmmm, shes driving a Vagina Clown Car or has a new Baby Daddy? Nightmares for her maybe, freedom for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:15 AM
5

You sound like you're a nice guy, empathic, compassionate, giving, dedicated, etc. All great qualities in a person. At the same time, you may also be the type of person that allows yourself to be treated like a doormat. Check out the book: "No More Mr Nice Guy." I think it may resonate with you.....like it did with me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:59 AM
5

Sounds like she had Borderline Personality Disorder. Sorry you had to go through that experience. My stbexw was similar, so I know exactly how you're feeling and what you experienced.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:54 AM
2

Fair enough. Thank you for making an effort in the real world for men's rights.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:57 AM
1

That's honorable and greatly appreciated. I'm curious, how far have you pressed this issue with the college administration? I assume it's not that far as to risk your losing tenure?
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:51 AM
0

I don't disagree, and it should be the same for all. At this time, it's not, and instead of complaining about it on a sub reddit, what're you doing about it personally in the real world to make the change?
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:36 AM
1

I'm getting it more than you think I am. I'm in agreement with you, but like I said, there's much larger "core" issues that have to be dealt with first.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:22 AM
-2

Sexual Harassment? A woman in the men's bathroom, with no overt verbal sexual innuendo directed towards the men, you deem as sexual harassment? I'm dumbfounded. Yes, I agree, there's a double standard and they take advantage of it, that's just the modern culture we live in, and they should be called out. But please, you're taking your viewpoint to an unnecessary extreme that isn't warranted in this case.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:19 AM
1

Like I said my friend, there's larger issues here that have to be dealt with. Girls in the men's restroom, while it's disrespectful, isn't something to be overtly angry about. Look at the bigger picture, and count to ten.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:07 AM
-2

Look, I get it, the reality is, this society protects women over men, and rightfully so because, let's be real, there's more men who will take advantage of women than the other way around. There's more pertinent issues to deal with than whining about women being in a men's restroom.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 04:01 AM
2

Because there's a double standard. What don't you understand here?
/r/MensRights20/12/23 03:54 AM
-2

Obviously. And I'm sorry to hear that. But having a dick isn't something to be ashamed of.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 03:51 AM
-3

Perverts? Jeez, women actually being outright interested in men and their natural body functions and sexual organs? I'd love to meet those women now!
/r/MensRights20/12/23 03:48 AM
-4

Seriously? If a women is in the men's restroom, just go about your business as usual. If that offends you, you have bigger issues to deal with.
/r/MensRights20/12/23 03:37 AM
1

I don't recall exactly, but I think it was a woman that made that comment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 06:01 AM
2

Don't tell them anything. You have that option. At the very least you can just say "Unfortunately, she couldn't make it. She had to work, or is seeing friends, or....." Your personal life is private, even from your family. You can tell them later, when you feel comfortable with it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 03:37 AM
1

I was listening to a podcast the other day where the guest was implying that "women are evolving to not need men any longer. Men are becoming obsolete and irrelevant in every way except as sperm donors." Perhaps there's some odd truth to that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:50 AM
4

In my opinion and experience, they have a number of underlying psychological pathologies that they haven't dealt with yet, one of which is their sexuality. That one gets amplified when in a relationship with the opposite sex. It's just a matter of time when the thought of desiring the same sex are too strong and bubbles up to the surface of constant thought loops and can no longer be ignored.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:45 AM
1

Make sure you get a post-nup in the divorce so she can't go after your increases in salary and/or any other "windfalls" you come across post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 07:16 PM
3

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 03:39 PM
11

LOL, seriously! The marriage certificates we signed probably had "you're being robbed!" in fine print somewhere on it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:27 AM
10

OK, your 2 cents has been deposited. Feel free to head over to r/divorce_women now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:14 AM
1

I lack the stability I used to have, coming to a warm home, a loving partner and having someone around with my kids and share a bed with makes me miss that life and structure. I get it, I really do. Currently going through a divorce and I too miss those same things, just not with the stbexw. But did you think of the opposite side of that coin? Eventually, it may be the case that you'll have to deal with all of the negative aspects of being in a relationship with a woman. Because, they will event…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:08 AM
2

Exactly, so it really doesn't make logical sense to add more baggage to your baggage? Unless you're a glutton for punishment?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 02:25 AM
3

No joke!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 10:46 PM
2

They also turn it around and play full-on victim mode.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 07:27 AM
4

My stbexw did the exact same thing. I told my lawyer and they told me to change the locks. Reasoning was that she had her own place, and she doesn't have the right to enter the home at her leisure and remove marital property without us agreeing to it. Her lawyer agreed. So she could only come over with a scheduled visit, and with a third party present, that went through both lawyers for approval.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 07:23 AM
5

So true!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 07:18 AM
3

Make sure you keep a record of those purchases. They can be used in court! And immediately cancel any joint credit cards!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 07:18 AM
7

Wow, sounds like you're dealing with a woman that's out of control, bordering on psycho. Nice job handling that in the appropriate manner.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:28 AM
5

All men should be as introspective and aware as you. If that were the case, this sub probably wouldn't exist. Protect yourself, at all costs. Prenup, post nup, all assets non commingled. Better yet, don't get married!!!
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 04:28 AM
5

I'm right there with you brother! From one vet to another.....if you need someone to vent to, talk it out, I'd be happy to lend an ear.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 04:28 PM
7

"I guess the moral of the story is that you only have yourself and you should always be on the lookout." Yes, and if men went into marriages knowing and living by this insight, the outcome would be more likely in their favor, or at the very least, they wouldn't end up being taken advantage of.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:22 PM
2

Simply put, she used any excuse she could find or come up with to justify her infidelity. You're headed for more of the same, and a life of misery, if you let that type of behavior continue. You really need to put down some strict boundaries as soon as possible, and let her know her comfortable life will be no longer if she continues with the BS. Alternatively, your next step is divorce. I hope you shielded all of your financial assets. She'll be after those too, probably using the "no chores" e…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:12 PM
5

A common tactic of any negotiation, and that's exactly what a divorce is, is to ask for everything and more upfront. Nothing is set in stone until a judge signs the papers. Negotiate for everything. Never split the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:35 AM
3

Thanks for sharing! I'm in the middle of a similar experience with my spouse. It's good to know there's hope things will turn out for the better on the other side. I hope your post divorce life continues to provide you with positive dividends.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 03:09 PM
12

I can 110% relate! Knowing what I now know to be the case, if I could go back in time, I would have never gotten married. Long term relationships? Absolutely! But I would have kept all finances and assets protected. I tell every guy I know who's thinking of getting married to not do it, but if they must, get a prenup, post nup, and keep all finances and assets separated. I was delusional thinking this person was my soul mate til death do us part.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 10:19 PM
1

It's a trauma response, specifically named Betrayal Trauma. I'm having to deal with it as well. There's therapists that specialize in this issue.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:11 PM
1

OK cool. I'm a vet as well and since you brought up the "can't sell veteran thing" it got me wondering. So what's the law in your state making it illegal to force a vet to sell their home?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:43 AM
1

What state do you live in? Are you active duty?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:37 AM
3

Hearing about this just pisses me off so much! I'm truly sorry you're going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:34 AM
2

Then unfortunately you have literally no recourse with her or your father in regards to the infidelity. My advice is to find legal counsel and move forward with a divorce. The fact that your wife has no conscious with sleeping with your own father, let alone a stranger, tells me the marriage and your wife are not a salvageable situation. Protect yourself, because more than likely you will experiencing aggressive behavior towards you after you serve her divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 08:49 PM
3

Is the state you live in an At-Fault or No-Fault state? If it's No-Fault, the fact your wife cheated on you with your father or anyone else, won't make any difference in the divorce. Seek legal counsel immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:13 PM
1

Good advice! Wish I had read this at Day 0!
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:29 PM
3

No kidding with #9! Early on in our marriage, one time my stbexw during sex pulled my hands to her throat as a way to get me to choke her. I didn't do it, felt uncomfortable to me, but it was definitely a sign to come with other big red flags rearing their heads in the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:25 PM
2

Yes, and pulling the trigger now will also limit the amount of physical and mental anguish he and the kids are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:15 PM
1

Yep, like I said, complete BS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:05 AM
1

A grammar and spelling nazi bot, how quaint!
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:05 AM
-1

Supposedly, even if you paid for half of it, and you didn't buy a ring of matching value for yourself, it still goes to the ex. Complete BS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:03 AM
5

I feel you! My stbexw did the same, blamed me for everything she didn't like, and typically would lose her marbles, even over inconsequential things. Walking on eggshells was not an enjoyable forte of mine. It also destroyed my physical and mental health. With luck, that will be coming to an end in the near future.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:27 AM
5

I would add, you no longer have to deal with THEIR issues! Such a relief!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:19 AM
1

Is she on the title? If not, report it stolen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 12:32 AM
15

Former combat vet here. Going through a similar situation as you. I have my OK days, and then I have my really bad days. Medication helps. Also, just keeping myself rediculously busy has made the biggest difference with maintaining my sanity. Being around people, even strangers, that I can strike up a conversation with for a couple of minutes helps too. I realized when I am alone with only my thoughts, that's when it can get worse. Oh, and a dog. If you dont have one, get a dog to take care of, …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 12:36 AM
2

You should have never married her, based on her family dynamics. But you did, and you should have divorced her shortly thereafter. But you didnt. Now you're thinking about it, that there's no choice? Sigh, the writing was on the wall long ago. Get a move on STAT.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 12:21 AM
6

I hear ya! Just know that as every day passes it gets easier. Stay really busy. That's what I did and it made things better for me mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 09:55 PM
5

You did it for the illusion of love. When it was really just a business transaction where one profits and the other takes a loss.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:09 AM
1

Go for it. You shouldn't have to pay for her bad decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 02:03 AM
0

Here's my take on it. Misery that comes to an end, is better than never ending misery. And that's what you'll be in if you stay with your toxic spouse. Also, you sound resourceful. You'll make up for your financial losses. Start the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 04:13 PM
1

Surprising! Typically they're pretty much monsters in every aspect. Maybe in this one she's just being manipulative?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:39 AM
1

My experience exactly! By the way, if you really want an amazing experience, go to a Yoga Retreat!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:38 AM
2

Yoga.....especially if you're back in the dating scene.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 07:57 PM
3

It's so odd... My stbexw verbally, emotionally, and financially abused me. To top it all off, she cheated on me, and said she didn't regret it. Afterwards, she threatened me, if I didn't go into mediation immediately, she would get a lawyer and divorce me in 30 days. In the meantime, I found a divorce lawyer and served her. She now has this " I'm the victim complex," and has started angrily wanting everything, so she can sell it. I mean, stuff like an old, greasy toaster oven, worth nothing. My …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:15 AM
3

Your ex actually sounds like a reasonable person!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:06 AM
1

At one point, after years of verbal and emotional abuse, she cheated on me, and that completely crossed the line for me. For the sake of self preservation, I secured a lawyer, and had her served. This was completed after she moved out of our home, since she could not be kind to me whatsoever. No kids. There's more to this, but she is a high conflict individual, and is making the divorce more complicated and expensive than it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 04:14 PM
2

I will tell you from my own experience with my stbexw, that if they correlate you with their father in an unhealthy way, nothing will ever change. My experience was similar, dead bedroom, having to always initiate, sexual and emotional needs not being met, and she just wouldn't communicate with me. Her narcissistic father really did a number on her psychology. I have compassion and empathy for her, but I also have needs. I refuse to waste more of my life not having those met by a romantic partne…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 04:01 PM
4

Do you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells around her?
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 02:43 PM
3

Any relationship, where personal boundaries aren't respected, will 100% end at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 03:53 PM
2

Same experience and I would provide very similar advice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:32 AM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 02:38 AM
1

Good to hear it, congrats! Could you provide more details regarding the marital home? Will you have to pay her out a share of the equity? How was the equity split determined? Was the Home Assessment value even used in determining the split? Will you be paying her with a HELOC, or with other means? Sorry for all the questions...
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 07:18 PM
4

Sounds like my stbexw. Even as a grown up women, she acts like a childish spoiled brat.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 04:09 PM
8

All you have to do is ask a lot of questions that relate to issues they may have. Such as: "Why did you and you spouse divorce?" If they bad mouth their spouse nonstop, but dont take any accountability, that's probably a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 11:40 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. That's a lot of info to process.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 04:38 PM
1

Anything that was commingled is up for a 50/50 asset split. Don't let him fool you into saying it's his now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 12:07 AM
2

Mind talking about the two contempt charges? How did those happen?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 11:31 PM
11

"But if you get married she will have the government on her side, and that's a fight in which the men rarely break even, much less win." So true, and I'd like to add....the lawyers, judges, the family court system, the mainstream culture, their friends, your mutual friends, the neighbors, etc., etc., etc. By all means, it's your choice. However, when you really weigh your options here, it's a crapshoot. And the odds are not in your favor!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:31 PM
2

WOW! I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this. It must be a very hard situation for you. I feel you. I'm going through something similar, but not at the same level of overall awfulness! In case you're not aware of it, I highly recommend the book: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger FYI - I am not diagnosing your wife with a personality disorder, but just a few things you mentioned reek…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 04:02 PM
2

I absolutely dont engage with them until the following day, and in the morning. Dealing with their vitriol at night gives me anxiety and I can't sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 10:27 PM
1

This too shall pass.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 02:02 AM
2

Gents, we should gather up all our rings, melt them down, and create a new "None Ring!" Its magical power consists of an impervious armor to protect us from witches, making us "none the wiser" to their control and manipulation! I am off, to ignite the fire in the metal kiln! See you soooon!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 04:56 AM
3

Absolutely Not!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 03:12 PM
10

Personally, I didn't feel obligated or responsible to wish her a happy birthday. She had no remorse for her infidelity, dishonesty, abuse, manipulation, and control towards me. Sorry, not sorry! No happy birthday for you!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 01:46 AM
5

Thanks for confirming. I've had a few chances for sex but I'm just not emotionally available for it, and rebuffed the advances.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:58 AM
3

Same experience. When the verbal abuse and her outbursts/rages became so intense it made me breakdown and cry, I begged her to do something about it. She started getting therapy. The literal first day of therapy, she came home with what she learned and weaponized it, using it against me. She would say things like: "You're not capable of showing emotions because you're a man." "You trigger me, because you're like my father, that's why I act like this." Etc, etc, etc. The verbal abuse was ongoing …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 06:20 PM
2

Probably codependency. Or it could also be that your self esteen has been demolished so bad, that she's the one holding you up by a thread. Whatever the case, run away and dont look back!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 12:55 AM
3

Sounds exactly like my STBEXW. You should check out the subs r/narcissisticspouses and/or r/BPDlovedones to see if you/your wife relates to any of the posts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:00 PM
1

Total double standard. No matter the situation, men are f'd in the current cultural climate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 01:26 AM
1

Hmmm, OK I will look into that, although I doubt my spouse and her lawyer would go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 09:55 PM
2

True, different states have different laws on the asset splits. I'm not sure how you can show a low home value when its standard practice that the home value is being assessed by a third party. Are you making the assumption that the spouse is bringing in a private party to assess the value, in their own favor?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 08:57 PM
2

My lawyer told me that the extent of your contributions to the mortgage payments, downpayment, and even remodeling costs, etc., would go towards increasing the split of equity in the home in my favor.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 08:40 PM
5

The only true winners in a divorce are the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 09:31 PM
2

Trust me, you haven't lost your mind, your stbexw did awhile ago. The sooner you realize this fact of her biology, i.e. personality disorder, the sooner you'll start dealing with her like a business transaction and take the emotions out of it. Tell your lawyer about her unwanted texts. They should make it right with her lawyer, or a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:36 PM
7

And she'll just repeat the cycle all over again with you. Rinse and repeat
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 12:41 AM
1

Yep, same here. She would argue about the most inconsequential things that most reasonable people would be like: "whatever," and/or it just wouldn't even be an issue. It was like dealing with a child that just had to have their way. You just give up because it's not worth continuing the fight, and the subsequent tirade.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 12:15 AM
2

Sounds like my stbexw. I've concluded she probably has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. It's interesting because, whenever she would say something about me that was untrue, it was actually her negative trait or behavior! It was mind boggling!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:08 PM
3

Good info. From my experience thus far, I think it's clear the real winners in a contested divorce, regardless of state, are both of the lawyers. It's a complete racket, and everything from the Family Law Court system, to the laws surrounding getting divorce, or even married for that matter, should be thrown out with the trash and revamped.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 09:32 PM
9

So true and sound advice!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 05:30 PM
3

You didn't break her, and therefore, you shouldn't be the one to fix her!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 01:57 AM
4

Good to hear you have no regrets. Sadly I don't think this is the case for most of the guys on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 05:46 PM
10

Ha, yep, for sure!
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 05:45 PM
4

Yep, same here. No more!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:54 PM
2

Grandmother and grandfather raised you?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:53 PM
2

OP, curious but what was life like for you growing up? Were your parents happily married?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:15 PM
8

My thought is, I take some time to just being on my own. Focusing solely on me now. Maybe at some point I'll meet someone. If I do, I'll know what red flags to look for in a potential partner. I was screwed over twice by women with their own personal agendas, and who also probably had personality disorders. On my part, I've figured out why that is. Not any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:13 PM
26

Right there with ya, buddy!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:05 PM
1

Good stuff! Tell me more! By PM of course!
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:41 AM
1

Oh, I'd really like to know what the couple of clever tactics that lawyer mentioned?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:07 AM
2

Are you open to talking with others going through the same situation?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:06 AM
1

She used you, and all the while disrespected you at the same time. Take everything, even the cash you spent on her vacations with the other man. Save every receipt, and find proof she was on a trip with him and record it. Gather everything you can to show a judge this women was a complete manipulator, controller, and probably a covert narc. May luck be with you!
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:10 AM
1

How so exactly? Im in a no-fault state. My lawyer hasn't mentioned that my spouses Infidelity would play any part in the divorce negotiations.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:04 AM
0

It seems, what we're all lacking in, is an education and training in the means of seeing psychological red flags at the start of a relationship, be it friendship or romantic. Unfortunately, it seems you're going to come across more people with psychological issues than not. Therefore, the chances that you'll find someone who isn't screwed up are very slim indeed. Or better said, its all just a crapshoot! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 02:59 PM
1

Tell your friend to lawyer up, divorce her, and in the petition, take the house, the furniture, full custody of the kids (if any), and anything else that could be possibly shared like a retirement account, etc. Divorce is all about negotiations, and asking for everything starts the negotiations in your friends favor. Also, your friends wife sounds like a nut job. She will not want to have to go in front of a judge to prove that she deserves what she didn't contribute to in the marriage. Finally,…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 01:53 AM
3

I agree, and I am going trough this right now with my stbexw. She blatantly told me she "used me" for the financial aspects of our marriage. Basically, to take 50% of my 401K, equity in the house, I paid off, etc., etc., etc. Knowing this, I lawyered up to protect myself. I will not just let her take everything she thinks she can have through the family law court system. I'd rather lose everything then let her take advantage of me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:50 PM
4

Good advice, except for #8.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:42 PM
6

The issue is the court system is still based on a paradigm from the 1950's forward with the nuclear family dynamic. Stay at home mother raises the kids, father works and supports the family financially. Fast forward to today, and the roles are completely reversed, or just on an equal playing field. The Family Law courts, laws, and judges, have not updated to the new era of women's rights and men's suffrage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 09:39 PM
1

That sucks, sorry to hear you're going through this. Almost my exact scenario but not as bad as your experience, as of yet. In one of her drunken stupors she blurted out how she has been using me all this time, essentially for a payout on the house. She doesn't care one bit about displacing me and my livelihood (my business is home based). At the same time, she now has her own luxury apartment, and has owned a seperate home for about 5 years. She's a parasite, in more ways than one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 07:15 PM
1

Thank you for sharing your experience. Sorry to hear you'r having to go through this hellscape.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 03:17 PM
1

Good to know, thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:58 AM
1

Thanks! This has been my same viewpoint all along.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:27 AM
3

Sorry to hear you're having to go through that BS. I'm hoping by being assertive and having a good lawyer, my life won't become too much of a cluster fuck!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 03:25 AM
2

Funny you should say that. In one instance, during yet another of her abusive rampages, she wouldn't leave my room when asked nicely numerous times. So I picked up my phone and I have the record button on the home page, specifically for these instances, telling her I'm recording this now! She immediately bolted out of the room!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 03:23 AM
1

PFA?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 03:19 AM
2

Excellent, thank you for the advice!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 03:17 AM
1

How did you deal with it?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 02:14 AM
1

Im sorry to hear you're experiencing this pain from your relationship, mate. I'm sure there's some deeper things going on here. Ten years with no sex and sleeping in another room, and you're questioning if you should leave or not? My opinion, you should have started the separation process after a year or two of no sex and intimacy, and with no accomplishment in trying to work out these issues with your spouse. Definitely start an exit strategy, but do not leave in a manner that will traumatize y…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:09 PM
3

Good to hear! Your post gives me hope!
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 02:24 AM
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