TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

No-Tomorrow8150 Archive

View 0 posts and 486 comments by No-Tomorrow8150 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

High quality successful woman also don’t want marriage, mostly. The woman that are in our age group wanting marriage are a red flag. They are very smart to get security through marriage. An iron clad prenup for sure but they can still get security by the accumulation post marriage and social security or other benefits after 10 years. They are very wise. I watch out. You want to avoid them. I found there are quality successful woman that want monogamous relationship and not marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:28 PM
1

Take your time and just date multiple people to learn about yourself and what is out there nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:05 PM
9

She is looking for fun and maybe someone that can spend on a good night out. Have your fun. Or she wants a sperm donor.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:47 AM
2

Starting over at 40 is easier than at 50 on all fronts. Neither is easy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 01:15 AM
2

Yes, kids tend to side with one parent and that could cause lots of issues.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 01:13 AM
2

It is not. If you have a good devoted wife, you may regret going single in your late 30s. If truly unhappy with wife and family, and see her changing the equation, I would always recommend divorce. But based on what you stated, I don’t think you will find it as you think being single again. It is real hard to find a devoted wife. If you really think the marriage won’t last. Yes divorce now. I waited and regret waiting but my ex was only in the marriage for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 12:49 AM
6

Same as you 20 year marriage, 2 kids, great job, good health and fit. Divorced now 2 years. Now 55. I have been on dates with 8 woman. 4 more than one date. 2 relationships with 1 continuing but long distance. Not looking for marriage ever again. I find most woman I meet are not worth my time. So being selective. Priorities are working, free time, traveling and a steady monogamous relationship that is stress free and purpose to enjoy life. Freedom is great and I will never give that up or put th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 04:14 PM
1

I don’t know all your particulars but a couple possibilities were get the divorced settled quick before starting the business. Another is have a trusted family member be the founder and hire you as an employee with limited salary understanding down the road you equalize money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 11:59 AM
1

Similar experience with mediation. Mediation is a joke. I refused to sign because my gut told me not to do it. Mediator a former judge was real idiot and I tore it up told them all see you in court on my way out the door. Best move which resulted in me getting a better deal a day before trial without mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 02:36 AM
1

Why would any sane person increase their income before divorce is final. Makes zero sense.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 02:31 AM
1

Strategy they have is to ask for the moon and at the hearing for temporary orders try to get you to sign an agreement that is not as bad as the current ask making you think to accept it and not go in front of the judge. Don’t do it. What state are you in? The numbers they are asking for are not real. My x and her attorney tried to pull the same crap. You can actually move back in the family home. You should have never moved out. The biggest problem you have is she does not work. Can she work? If…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 02:27 AM
4

I had a similar marriage and stayed together until finally she became evil. Could have divorced in year six. No drama or fights. But in year 15 she became evil. Filed in year 18 and wish I did it in year 6. For a few reasons, can’t get time back, more expensive divorce, less time to build back life and wealth, and she has just turned into a nasty person with entitlement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 07:00 PM
1

Attach in Claude or ChatGPT and have AI review for any risks to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 08:58 PM
4

Mine tried and was unsuccessful. But what she was able to do over time is alienate the kids from me. It took her a long time but the kids just checked out but need a parent so they pick one. Best advice is stay calm don’t react to anything and don’t respond or communicate except for necessary things about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 08:51 PM
1

Anyone that gave the advice is not a good friend. Although never involve the kids you should have made it known to all adults and courts involved and used it to negotiate a better deal. It may not have gotten you much in the courts but outing her would be worth to have a clean break.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:14 PM
0

You have your kids full time and some of us lose them due to alienating parent. Quit crying until you see how it is if you lost your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:49 PM
2

Yeah that is common as you described. But 80% of the time it is not a problem but a blessing. But the other 20% it sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:46 PM
3

Missing places will fade. Especially if you create new places.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:45 PM
3

I would never go to my ex in laws house for anything. Set up your own special day before or after. Public events like graduation you can be on opposite ends of the place and avoid them. Moving in is where I would rather show up after they move in. No easy fix on that type of event. Good thing is these things are once and done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:43 PM
3

Just keep in mind divorce at 49 is better than divorce at 55 or at 60. Woman rarely change and if anything get worse. Is this the type of person you want to retire with. When I got divorced at 50 I sat in on a hearing between a guy 69 and wife 65 getting divorced. He seemed like a good hearted guy and his wife of 38 years was sticking it to him and the judge did not care that he was 69. He was basically going to live his remaining years in servitude to an ex wife. The judge actually told him I g…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 06:28 PM
1

Be certain as you can about her income and run the calls first to see how much money you can save.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:09 PM
2

Gives you something to do and practice for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:07 PM
1

Where I live Child Support and post secondary education support are two different things.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:21 PM
5

Actually it is smart to do counseling separately especially to start. Very wise move by her. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:18 PM
3

Keep in mind second marriage failure rate is higher around 65%
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:09 PM
2

What is serious to you? Marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:59 PM
2

Totally understand. Think of the divorce as a business transaction. You can deal with the loss as a separate thing that will take time and go through stages. Focus on your kids and treat the divorce as a financial contract. Think logically now. You will process the divorce over time and afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:31 AM
2

Yeah just laugh in your head!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:59 AM
1

I give you a ton credit!!! You are the man!!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:55 AM
6

I found out she consulted with lawyers and started amping up fake arguments. I said enough, let’s get a divorce and she filed two weeks later.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:53 AM
4

You are the man! I did the same with accounts from pre marriage! She tried and did not succeed. Now I have a ton of money that otherwise would have had to split 50/50!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:49 AM
3

If your name is on the title I would just laugh at that threat. Go ahead and try I do not consent end of conversation. Mic drop.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:47 AM
1

A couple things to consider, all the back forth prior to a trial date just cost you money. A good attorney knows 95% are settled days before trial. But your attorney should have a trial date set and be ready for it. Also the attorney needs to show you they understand your case and a strategy. But constantly communicating with opposing party is pointless until trial date comes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:03 PM
3

Fired my first lawyer as you say more interested in dragging things out for billable hours and she couldn’t understand finances. Second was better but had no interest taking the other attorney to the carpet. After I got some things accomplished I let her go. Now post divorce, represented myself against 12 different contempt filings post judgment. My ex has a divorce law firm and i beat her attorneys every time. We’ve had 4 hearings all judgements in my favor except one which was BS. But no conte…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:58 AM
2

It will calm and go back and forth in stages. Based on what you described it may take 5 years but will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 10:55 PM
2

Yes most definitely sadly she was pushing your buttons and she is probably a control freak and now you are taking control. Don’t try but do not let her any satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 08:59 PM
3

Good luck bro she is a piece of work. Hopefully it will work against her. Stay calm always.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 08:06 PM
5

You need to cut off contact and communication with her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 05:51 PM
1

Spot on!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 12:54 PM
2

Excuses. Btw hooking up is not magically solve your issues. But it will help with some of them. And open your mind. Do it safely and do not overthink.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 12:53 PM
6

Missed opportunity. It would be good for you to move on. Not sure how old you are but I had about a 5 opportunities soon after my divorce. Decent woman. I did as you did. Now I rarely get the same opportunity. What I learned was those woman were looking for a nice chill relationship and open to hooking up. No long term commitment needed but preferred. Fast forward can’t seem to connect with anyone decent. Luckily I did find someone for a short bit that was very nice and we had but decided not lo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 12:47 PM
3

Court system is fundamentally flawed when it comes to kids and divorce. Society is paying the price and it only gets worse because the system is a dirty swamp!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:22 PM
1

Sell the vehicle, buy/lease a cheaper vehicle, spend the money on things that have no value in divorce or go on some adventures but don’t make it obvious. Yes assets acquired during divorce are pretty much 50:50. Suck it up and move on. You don’t really have a ton of assets and are 33. You are worrying about 50% of equity in a vehicle when if she were to get alimony it would cost you big time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:19 PM
1

You need to move on the divorce and don’t fight over table scraps. Just get what you can and stick to your demands . They will fight tooth and nail and nail but go silent and just stay the course to minimize legal fees. Once settled you will accumulate wealth. But if you put it off then it will not be so easy the older you are. I did not pay alimony but did pay child support and I’ve increased my net worth post divorce. Living comfortable now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:12 PM
2

You really need to start dating. Not even hook up but dates. It would be good for you to find someone quality to have sex with and you will be fine. Seems like you communicate too much with your x partner.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:05 PM
7

It is a tough situation. I deal with an ex similar to yours with constant demands for money. I recommend you do not speak to her and limit all communication via email or an app like APPClose. Let her post or send her requests but do not respond or explain yourself to her. Just pay the expenses you are required to pay and any you want to pay for your kids. If you don’t cut off communication she is emboldened to continue. She will probably anyway but you choose to check messages once a month or wh…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 11:50 AM
1

The judges are a holes and the system is broken. Nobody cares.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:03 AM
1

The fact you are not paying CS or alimony the insurance is a drop in the bucket. It seems since you are the high earner you got off east. It is typical for one person to pay the insurance which usually counts as a reduction albeit small reduction in CS as an offset. Since you don’t pay CS and are the high earner it is fair. Hopefully you split the copay or uncovered portion after insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 02:55 AM
0

Here is what a woman would do. Make peace and pretend everything is good. Start to get things in both your names. Go to counseling etc. It won’t work but you can at least have time to prepare. Based on what you said it is over but pick your time and terms to end it. That is what woman do all the time. But don’t put it off much because you are accruing alimony for every year. At 10 years you could end up paying forever. She may also be playing that game knowing you are weak.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 02:47 AM
21

Book - No More Mr Nice Guy
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 02:13 AM
5

Freedoms priceless if you don’t waste time pining on the past. Make a plan and do things.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:10 PM
1

It is actually crazy and highway robbery that you spent $45k before meditating and trial. Your attorney is robbing you blind or you are a horrible client or your worst own enemy!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 02:11 AM
1

You will probably be surprised how fair the judge will be on splitting things. The risky part is alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:31 PM
2

He is billing her. My ex had a lawyer that sold her a bill of goods and then when I went the trial route he caved like I never saw anyone cave. It was comical but he still made a bunch of money from her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:29 PM
1

Her lawyer knows the trust money exists. And even if she cannot access now her lawyer is leading her to make ridiculous demands so he can bill her. He will ultimately tell her to settle before trial. And don’t be afraid of a trial. It is not bad if you have an attorney that is comfortable in the courtroom. Mine was great at it and that makes a huge difference.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:26 PM
7

Yes and don’t be surprised for them to try a negotiation right around the date of trial. Stop trying for a settlement and go completely quiet. Don’t make unsolicited offers. Btw the house if marital property is 50/50. What you need to work on is reducing or eliminating alimony. Do not go back to mediation because it just will cost you more money. You can negotiate directly between lawyers. The mediation was a waste of money and time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:18 PM
1

You mentioned vows and covenants so that is religious or at least spiritual meaning. Also, you do not need to forget her but do need to move on with your life regardless of previous vows or covenants (your words). Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:28 PM
6

Woman rationalize things, flip a switch to self protect and to not be accountable. Many woman view the relationship as transactional and will string you along for their benefit. Once that equation changes they can discard you. It is ruthless but necessary from their perspective. If you are weak they will use that advantage against you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 08:14 PM
4

All normal feelings. Refocus on your kids and not her. Pick yourself up and thrive. That is good for you and kids and f her. She is not worthy of you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 08:10 PM
2

Depending on the circumstances and what she is doing a protective order which basically warns her what she is doing and further protects in case she files later against you. Basically will allow you to ignore her without worrying about consequences if you get granted the protective order.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 07:52 PM
3

Matches come randomly. Different apps work better in different geographic areas. Many are just looking for texting. Don’t be bashful. After a few texts ask to meet for a drink. Don’t bother the whole dinner until after you meet. Many post flattering pics from years ago. Don’t get expectations up from just texting.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 06:58 PM
0

You seem like duxx one because you care what she thinks or even tell her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 03:28 PM
1

Yeah family attorneys are scum of the earth. So you need to manage the process yourself. You should have learned this after you burned through the first 100k.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 03:25 PM
1

Can’t redo but move forward. Exit fast and get the divorce settled. Rebuild from ground zero.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 03:23 PM
3

Time can change things. Reassess your values over time. Work on your health.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 03:20 PM
2

That is a fairly simple divorce. You are right that 6 years is a drop in the bucket. I wish my marriage ended sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 07:48 PM
1

To have vows you need two people and God. Things have changed and she no longer wants you. You don’t own her. You need to decide on how to live your life. The vows were serious but did not work out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 05:03 PM
5

Follow your agreement. She will keep trying to get you to pay more. Don’t do it!!!!! Keep the agreement. If you decide to pay something do it directly and not to her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:50 PM
2

Move on and be responsible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:47 PM
3

It was easy for me. You are foolish to still feel loyal.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:45 PM
2

Best not to offer up unless they ask especially on a first date
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 11:06 PM
6

Don’t overthink. Look at it as your opportunity to practice your skills and don’t talk about your ex much if at all. Just make it casual and fun.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 07:01 PM
11

Money tied to control and probably hormones or psychological disorders
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:24 PM
1

Happy to say in the world of divorce you got off east. Count your blessings. And start to look at the opportunity around you. You have learned (hopefully) life lessons which can lead to find a person that will be good for you. But you need to put her in the past. Most of us on this thread have long marriage with kids and a deal with a crazy woman.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 09:55 PM
3

Right on. You will thrive without her as long you keep your wits about you. Moving on is the best!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:43 PM
1

Don’t be afraid to fire your lawyer before you are out money. If he is charging you for bullshit work fire him. If he is being patient and waiting without billing you he may be waiting as most divorces can drag on and he knows it is all bullshit until it comes to a head with a trial date. That is when negotiating happens.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 04:57 PM
2

She is dissipating assets and will count against her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:04 AM
7

Both.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:56 AM
1

If you filed for divorce. Just say, “we filed for divorce it’s over” full stop. Nothing more and not “none of your business “
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:53 AM
1

It sounds like you spent $170k to get 50/50 which is very standard. And $8500. Hmmm something about this is obscene. Broken system!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:22 PM
4

Yes. Much more prevalent in society in general and younger generations.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:17 PM
0

Mine was a 7.5. But now I see the flaws in woman which makes most woman unattractive. It is kinda weird because most woman over 40 are not looking very good these days. Many in the 30s don’t take care of themselves. Slim pickings. You might be better off your ex was a 5 as the bar is not so high. It’s also hard to find someone who is not demented! Self absorbed. Lucky I have become happier with my freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:32 AM
2

Same exact situation. And btw same income as you and your princess. Any money made during marriage that is in a known account goes into the pot. The thing that you need to figure out is any hidden accounts or cash. My ex transferred money to her father via cash. She also spent money on things and hid the stuff. But money she had in her individual accounts earned during the marriage is going to be split between the two of you. That goes for your accounts too. But if you had acquired assets before…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:11 AM
1

Woman do it all the time. And many are ruthless about how they do it. The grass may not be greener on the other side so be sure. Be true to yourself and if it is inevitable then barring any specific circumstances do it now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 01:01 PM
2

Higher earning spouse pays CS in 50/50 custody
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:20 PM
1

No alimony. Paid a small amount as lump sum up front. CS with one kid based on formula is $1600 per month.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:18 PM
5

Realize and accept if someone does not want you that you are responsible for your happiness. She is just one person in a large world and you lived before her and need to find the person that will love you if you need it. Don’t let another person or image of the life you thought you had lose the time you have now in this life. You will never get time back. Be grateful for the time you had if it was good. And yeah it sucks but move on bro! Part of the answer you are looking for is within yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 09:12 PM
2

Same boat here. 20 years married and kids. Two years out from divorce. It gets easier. If you accept it and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 02:50 PM
14

Run. Don’t turn back. Get your share of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:23 AM
2

You need to stop thinking what she thinks or says matters. Anyone that knows you will understand if she says crap about you, they know you are going through a divorce. Trust me that you do not need to defend yourself to these people because they know an ex will say stupid shit and try tear you down. Don’t have these conversations with her about who she talks to or what she says. You cannot control it nor should you try. Get confidence!, both to show the people around you that matter and self res…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:24 AM
2

Tried and failed miserably. My ex sounds like your wife. Complete disaster to coordinate or cooperate. Always looking for an angle to alienate. Tell tale sign is the can’t take criticism and controlling. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she would put the best interest of the kids first but she thought her interest were the best interest for the kids. So she would say or do anything to manipulate. Awful situation. When you write up the custody agreement be explicit on what everyt…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:06 AM
1

You can and should do it that way. There is something called a collaborative divorce. If you can go that route I would recommend it. Most become vindictive and waste a bunch of assets arguing about 50/50 or 45/55. Or a schedule. If you can both avoid that, you will be better off financially and be better cooperative parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:00 AM
7

In my situation, the moment, we got divorce papers filed (meaning decided to file for divorce not the actual divorce agreement) my mind switched to this is a person that no longer wants me so I’m moving on and this is a business deal now. I am responsible for my happiness and will not let another person dictate my happiness. Life is short and she is only one person in a world of many where I can be with someone that enjoys being with me. Not even talking about marriage or anything like that. I d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 03:54 AM
3

Gotta move forward and chart your path. Make a plan. Sure it has a feeling of finality like a loss or death. Convince yourself that only you have responsibilities for what you make of life going forward and do not give someone influence, especially someone that does not want to be with you. Look on the positive side of things and look forward not back. I took a vacation after it was finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:10 PM
2

It is not much about having her start paying half the mortgage. It is about her establishing an income and determination if it is enough to support herself. The other thing important is how long you have been married to limit duration of alimony. Also, don’t take overtime or increase your income.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:37 AM
1

Most people either can’t relate to what you are going through, they feel it is very personal so don’t ask, don’t care or sometimes want to disassociate from you, but mostly don’t know how this situation affects you as it is very personal. Having said that, it is good to have one friend to talk with and it will probably not be a family member but most likely a person you have known a long time. My suggestion is if you find that person try to avoid talking about the personal stuff with all other p…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:11 PM
2

My advice is treat the financial split like a business transaction and get what you are entitled to get. Continue with cooperation regarding the child. But don’t walk away from your share of the assets. You will regret it later down the road when she spoils the kid and possibly uses the financial advantage with her new partner to alienate you from your daughter. Think long term. Things can change.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:28 PM
1

Depends what your goals are and what kind of beliefs you have which can inform and influence your decisions. Drinking and bars are not your thing (or mine for that matter) but travel is fun and interesting so I find friends that can join me and I is fun and something to look forward to and plan.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:14 AM
5

Don’t expect a happy new year wish. If you get one hmmm
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:05 AM
1

If you were to reply which you should not…Glad you are practicing you seemed to need it
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 09:28 PM
3

I wish you a lot of luck. This is going to be messy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 06:22 AM
1

This is good advice but it depends on who you are dealing with on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 06:18 AM
4

I hope can process this and turn towards realization that this is now a business relationship and you need to strategize, plan, and exit with little to no emotions on the business side. So grieving when the time is right for you but keep your wits about you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 06:17 AM
1

I’m going through it now using CHATGpt. So far so good.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:39 AM
1

Sounds like it is costing you a fortune but hope you get over goal line soon!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:37 AM
1

Did you have hearings or trial? Did you do all right in court representing yourself? Meaning did the judge treat you fairly even though you are not a lawyer? Any bias against you?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:36 AM
3

Similar scenario. Now 2 years post divorce. I’ve been on dates and it is not about finding the love of your life at this age unless you are lucky like hitting the lottery. So expect to be alone and be okay with it. Not saying you can’t find a girl friend but there are lot of woman who are either crazy or think they’re just so wonderful and expect a one sided relationship. In rare instances find someone that is successful and less baggage. But make no mistake that anyone in your age group has the…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:30 AM
2

All good thoughts except if it is not resolved or addressed in 6 months don’t delay divorce if that’s where you are headed because the financial hit and recovery is much harder the longer he waits. His fault for not being smarter after the first divorce to at least get a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 09:50 PM
4

Correct on all points. Especially like the part about her brain cannot compute or accept that she was wrong or that we are doing just fine without her. So true. Unfortunately many men wallow in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:00 PM
6

That’s great. Good that you moved on. Hopefully as your kids get older you totally disconnect from your ex. Like she doesn’t even exist.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 01:10 AM
10

Get a part time monogamous girl friend. Stay separate but date.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 01:42 PM
7

A big part of my purpose was the family. When that changed I had to reset (and still do that sometimes) my own life based on the changes. I have free time which I need to fill. I need to keep motivated on certain days to be active. Purpose nowadays is very different which is some adjustment. Setting short and long term goals to achieve something or to do fun stuff even if alone. Work serves a purpose but that can’t be all so I start dating once in a while (not really purpose to it as I don’t wan…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 12:42 AM
1

Sounds like you both will be better off going your separate ways. Short term pain to longer term happiness hopefully.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:15 PM
1

Without knowing your specifics it is generally better to cap the alimony negotiate to a lower amount and cut ties. Details matter. But most would negotiate alimony away.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 06:56 PM
1

There is no 110% not even close to a 100%. At best 50/50. Would risk a 1000 dollars with that net but you risk your life which is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:08 AM
2

Yeah me too. Worst mistake I’ve made in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:06 AM
3

This difference is huge and count your blessings and move on. Early 30s a prenup is a must down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:02 AM
2

You need to split from her emotionally. She is a grown asx adult. She is who she chooses to be. None of your freaking business. Sry
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:58 AM
1

She realized getting more than 50 really does not get her anything financially. That is it. Move on. She also may have hatched a plan to alienate kids from you. When they are 16 no matter your agreement the kids will decide where they want to be. No court will be able to enforce something if a 16 yo says I’m not going.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:52 AM
2

Depends on a lot of important facts you left out. But generally 50/50 and being primary should be good enough. The percentages are not all that helpful as you will not get much more than 50% unless she is a drug addiction.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:50 AM
1

Divorce will exchange one set of problems for another. My wife experience is daughters in the 15+ tend to side with the mother. That being said the sooner you do this and the younger your daughter is the better chance you have to not have her go no contact. It’s sad. Long road either way. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:30 AM
1

Sadly two possibilities I come up with. 1 you are right 2 you are wrong about her cheating but the behavior yours and hers confirms the path to divorce. Get your affairs in order. Figure out what you want and try for an amicable split. If it makes sense just 50/50 on everything without spousal support or alimony. Try for a clean break. If you two decide to battle factor the cost in money and time. Sry.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:25 AM
1

Teaching your kid life lessons would help and living in a bubble never turns out good.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 08:29 PM
2

I’m thinking of opening a Sofi account. What are pluses and minuses to consider with Sofi compared to others? Just for savings or good for trading stocks?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 06:07 PM
6

Sounds similar to my experience but a 20 year marriage with kids. Offered her 50:50 and she refused and ended up getting less and no alimony!Had to fight it out and prove her income. We both made 6 figures but she decided part time better suited her needs before filing. I avoided alimony by the grace of god. Kept a larger share of financial assets while she took a higher share of equity in the house and refied it to keep it. Which I did not want anyway but played it like I wanted do she thought …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:59 PM
4

That is obscene but not uncommon. The bar association is self serving to create a for profit system using the government and court system to profit off societal inequalities. The politicians appoint judges and the chief state attorney office is MIA in policing the state judicial system. And explain to me how these same attorneys like you reference are qualified to represent the best interest of kids well being. The whole system needs to be blown up. With a 50% divorce rate it impacts everything …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:44 PM
4

Seems like you will learn. I think you need to reassess your plan to refinance until you understand how divorce works.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:35 PM
1

Same here and paying price now. At that age you cannot criticize, argue, parent or really enforce any rules as it can trigger a reaction that she cuts contact which seems to be encouraged these days. In my case I wanted her to split time on her 16th birthday or just pick a time before or after to celebrate and that somehow triggered her emotions and her mother and some friends told her she would be better off cutting ties with one parent. Total manipulation by her mother. She would constantly sa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:24 AM
1

Same here. I can’t understand or explain it. We had so many good years and I was an involved dad. My ex encouraged her to cut contact and had her circle and family shower my kid with gifts and digs against me. I am so disappointed in my daughter for choosing sides. She will be 18 soon but I’ve lost hope with no contact in 9 months. She won’t even reply to text wishing her well and asking how she is doing. My ex is a master manipulator. I was fooled so I can see how my daughter is also being mani…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:15 AM
–

Your best scenario is you both live in the house while the divorce in pending. Even if you pay. Risk is moving you are assuming she will be required to pay for the house which may not be the case. You can file and workout an agreement it may only take 6 months. But it sounds like she will drag this out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:04 AM
1

File for divorce and stay in the house until you can get agreement on who pays what if you move out. You are in a weak position because the courts will keep status quo on who pays what while divorce is pending unless you can prove her income. So if you file and move out you will potentially be paying for your apartment and the house. So stay in the house. Play nice and sSTOP arguing about expenses because you will find out lawyer fees add up fast and will make your monthly house expenses seem in…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 03:59 AM
1

All this is good advice. I’ll add don’t increase your income, don’t work OT, buy gift cards for yourself for future use, buy a new car if you need one well in advance of filing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 02:11 AM
1

I think the date you had sensed your depression and until you get a handle on it things don’t change. A four year marriage is not a lifetime. You need to accept reality of it and prioritize changes in your life to improve it. It sounds like the first priority is your job and income to make it easier. Put dating to the side while you figure this out to get a job that works for you. Check your attitude and your sister may want to spend some time with you. And you can invite her over and make it a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 09:16 PM
7

You are good man and deserve better. Don’t let her influence your thoughts to question yourself. Don’t give her any power over you. You are not stuck at home with your 3 kids. That is a gift to be there no matter her decisions. Btw if the guy dumps her, don’t take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 07:51 PM
4

You need to find a different kind of relationship with different expectations. Explore finding someone that would have similar expectations. I started dating but quickly used my lessons learned to ditch people fast that did it fit my wants and needs. Good skill to find. These were not necessarily bad people but not what I wanted. I don’t ever plan to get married or even live with someone. After going on dates I found a like minded woman who is fun and successful. We both want part time monogamou…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 01:15 PM
4

Good job. Too bad that guy wasn’t smart and he gives men a bad reputation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 12:30 PM
1

Are you having a mid life crisis? Does she treat you badly? Did you find someone? Depending on the answers you will know. Ask yourself the right questions and write it down. Also write down what is important to you. And what you are trading. And the set of problems you are trading in for. Divorce does no T solve problems but creates other problems. So health and happiness has to drive the decision making and not fantasies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 05:08 AM
4

In my opinion and experience is if she is decided do not fight or try to save what was but put your energy to separate with being quick and fair lowering the temp if possible. Focus on setting up the new life for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 03:55 AM
2

Some people just don’t get it. Hilariously making light of a ridiculous woman who is a control freak! lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:50 AM
1

Lawyers and judges are some of the most stupid people on earth with big egos. Just smarter than the average dumb person but not anything more than book smart.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:45 AM
1

Put it on the next space x flight. It may never come back and the evidence would be destroyed or the aliens took him.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:43 AM
2

I would think the judge and police would blame the tracker and not the innocent person being tracked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 04:41 AM
2

Very normal feelings. Kids are easy to influence. I hope your kid starts to understand he only has one dad. It may take a little time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:18 AM
1

My bet is she only wants to do it is because she wants every Xmas with her and if that means you are around so be it. Do what you feel works for your kids and you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:31 AM
14

It pains me to say it but she is right. And it will probably be easier at 3 than at 6 for your daughter to deal with it and adjust. Sry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:26 AM
6

It may be hard to do at first but is necessary for you to move on and process the situation. Otherwise you will be programming yourself that there is still hope. You will also put yourself at risk because she can claim you assaulted her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:28 PM
3

That makes just delay it. Blood is thicker than water.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 10:13 PM
2

Good luck, bro. Been there and cards are stacked against you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 10:10 PM
3

Bro wake up!! 5 months silent treatment means it is over. Inevitable. My ex used to do silent treatment for 3 days at most. I wish that I ended the relationship way before and your situation seems 10x. The longer you wait the worse it will get. And you will have wasted precious time and energy and money. Face up to reality. Woman don’t change when they are that stub and with age more resentment will come and if you think it is bad now you just wait. Your life will become a living hell! Sry.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 09:29 PM
2

I’m in the same situation kids have gone no contact overnight and now over six months with no end in sight. My ex manipulated them against me. The system will not help. It is set up so parents have no rights and lawyers can make their money. They just blame the parents. There should be mandatory immediate intervention by trained professionals not lawyers and courts to stem this abuse in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 09:15 PM
1

You and me both. Mine was a self centered liar from the get go but overlooked it. Not as obvious early days but was still signs of it. Stupid me for not having enough experience or smarts to call it out and avoid the whole situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 08:20 PM
2

Have her sign a post nuptial agreement while she feels guilty. Then see if you can or cannot work it out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 01:18 PM
2

Who cares what she is working on or not bro! Move on and enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:53 AM
6

Great post! No more holidays with those in laws!! lol I agree!
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:51 AM
1

Yeah most of my dates post divorce are freeloaders looking to get financial security. Could be access to healthcare benefits, retirement, material things with very little reciprocity. They have a high or dare inflated net worth in terms of looks, sex or personality that is sharped to reality. Some are clever but most are easy to see through.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 07:00 PM
2

Do you think woman have the same issues you noted in your original post? It seems like they deal with the emotions and move on but maybe not? The legal and financial stuff has to be dealt with and resolved so people can treat the relationship as a business transaction to a certain extent but still need to process the relationship and life changes which can take time and some people tend to live in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:09 PM
3

I agree. I tend to be like you but sometimes on holidays or just a random day it doesn’t feel great to be alone. Most days it’s a good busy day and I remind myself I can take a day off to relax. The hardest part is finding a partner for vacations!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 12:33 PM
5

To answer the question, woman have choices post divorce but having 3 kids at those ages will limit your chances. Probably a divorced dad with kids is your best bet. Dating for fun only, you will find candidates but don’t expect commitment from most guys. Post divorce dating is not the greatest.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 12:22 PM
1

Don’t know your state so won’t comment on your split. In my case I was able to prove and separate assets from before marriage not commingled or contributed to from income during the marriage. In one account I had contributions pre and post marriage and was able to negotiate a percentage split. All that aside you have to assess your risk going forward if you stay in the marriage and then divorce years later. Highly likely. Also, the sooner you do it the more time you have to rebuild financially a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 12:18 PM
2

Parental alienation is real thing and in my case with two teenage girls it worked for my ex. You are right also sometimes kids themselves just decide to checkout to simplify things especially when the family was intact things were real good.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:07 PM
3

I represented pro se after divorce was finalized for 3 hearings on several motions and 12 counts. I won 10 of 12. She has a law firm. I think it depends on what the issues are and how smart you are to research and present in court. I fired my first attorney during divorce and hired another but dictated the terms of everything which pissed them off. But if I had not done that my second attorney would have settled for a bad deal. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:02 PM
2

Number 3 is a big one for a lot of people.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:56 AM
5

Yeah in a hearing like that one it can happen that way. But as the process goes on and if you get to a trial it may help you in the long run. I don’t know all the specifics of your case but in a trial imputed income does matter. During the PL phase it sucks!! Get a trial on the docket. This will help two ways. Get a real negotiation just before trial date and start the clock on getting out of PL hell hole. Her lawyers will even do fake negotiations to drag out since you are paying. Get the court…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:51 AM
4

Get your settlement first if you are getting what you want. Get that done fast if in your favor. Because she may figure out in a no fault state she does not have to give you as much as she may think.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:44 AM
1

Thank goodness for Reddit. What a great resource to vent, and bounce ideas. But beware most people here have not done enough research on laws.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:33 AM
2

Very good advice! Real offers really do not get made until you have a trial date set and within 2 days of trial.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:30 AM
1

Good job. I did the same. It worked out for me. She and her lawyers thought they would wear me out or intimidate me. I was playing 3D chess the whole time and maintained my composer every step of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:28 AM
1

I hope one day all the men complaining here start to complain to the politicians that appointment judges. Start referendums to modernize laws and give judges grades for when they f up. There should be civilian oversight boards to audit cases.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:25 AM
1

You can say you tried mediation…big deal. The fact is anything in mediation is usually not admissible so just the fact you had mediation is not going to sway things in trial.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:22 AM
2

I disagree. Lawyers want to avoid trial at all cost. It bogs them down for billable hours on other frivolous cases they have, look bad in front of the judge, and a trial is actual work. They get paid the same per hour to talk to clients and file prefilled templates by their paralegal staff. In a trial they need to do real work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:19 AM
2

Worthless in my case and complete waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:16 AM
2

Like people say it must be done in advance and not for divorce reasons. My ex cut her hours 2 years before divorce. I proved in court she can work full time and imputed her income to show she can support herself and limited alimony. Courts seem to be bias against a man with income potential. I had to go hard at it to make my point.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:46 PM
4

My ex and kid 20 are trying every trick in the book to get me to pay living expenses for my daughter since she moved off campus into an apartment with a boyfriend claiming it is college related expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:37 PM
7

Be very careful on wording in general. If you end up in court they can say “it was ambiguous “. The other thing is on who covers medical insurance, especially for 18+ through college, how to share copayments or uncovered medical expenses(this a big one), and although you can decide to keep your kids on your health insurance until 26 you are only required (depending on state) by the divorce to cover until college is done or 23. You can always choose to keep kids on your insurance longer but do no…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:32 PM
2

Similar experiences in first few years but not even as bad as you described. It only gets worse and the longer you wait the harder it will be to get over. Many reasons not to put it off (financial, social, etc). And the reason you are delaying is something you need to solve both now and post divorce. Can you imagine waiting another 5 years? Wasted years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 07:05 PM
3

Well written. Can’t wait for the next chapter. Rise from the ashes (hit rock bottom only to thrive again).It is days like these scattered among the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:22 AM
3

Yes, make your plan. Learn the pertinent laws in your state regardless even if you hire a lawyer. Buy some gift cards for personal use later (small amounts).
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 09:08 PM
1

The truth did not win in my case. She never won in courts but managed to alienate kids from me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:41 PM
1

That’s what they do is dig stuff up from the past and make it into something that it never was. Kids keep hearing it over and over then finally the alienation happens as they stop communicating with you for any reason even just trying to be a normal parent as any action will be perceived as being negative.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:40 PM
1

You are so right. Even if kids are teens and girls they try to rewrite history convince them you are the bad guy, cause for all problems, love bomb them to get them to disconnect or completely cut you out of their life. A mom has an advantage with teen girls. I’ve been told alienation can last for years or a lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:37 PM
1

Once you or her file for divorce it is a business transaction. You were smart not to react. Hopefully you recorded it or have witnesses to it. She’s a crazy x!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:31 PM
1

Seems like you may have given her ammunition. Smarten up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:29 PM
5

Reply Damn right I was ! Haha avoid her like the plague!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:25 PM
1

If the goal is to save a marriage via couples only therapy the likelihood is nil. Slightly better chance if you also have a separate therapist. No matter if either party is there to lay blame only and use it to foster a narrative it won’t help. I bet success rate is very low to save a marriage because divorce rate is high and the good marriages probably figure out their problems.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:18 AM
1

You should set a court date for trial to get negotiations going now. If you don’t have a court date for a trial she and her attorney will drag this out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 08:27 PM
2

Most attorneys will want to settle because it goes on their record. The ones I’ve seen they made attorneys pay back for things like even bill for administrative tasks that should only take 10 min at full rate for hour
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:06 PM
11

Dude you need to read up on the divorce laws. If her dad is on the mortgage and it defaults he has more risk than you. And don’t move out. Go silent and start researching your state divorce laws.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 12:34 PM
2

Every state has a grievance committee that reviews ethical and rules of conduct claims. CT has 3 non lawyers on it. They also can include unethical billing practices. You can file yourself but have to follow strict protocol and fill out the forms.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 11:35 AM
1

Do you mean if the husband paid the legal fees for the wife? You can see the filing for legal fees and the amount requested and how much the judge granted or allows.Or just the legal fees for either side? You can pretty much figure it out (estimate). You can go by average hourly rate based on how much and what kind of filings and activity on the case. What you don’t know is how one party used their attorney as a sounding board. But no the fees are not listed but it is not hard to guess ballpark.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:08 AM
2

Do you think grok 4 is better than ChatGPT 5 for this subject?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:02 AM
4

Most lawyers cannot do math! It’s a game of negotiation to which party is weaker or if one party f ups due to stupid behavior so they can use leverage to make a person look bad or lose credibility. The laws are a back stop but really the way family law is written a judge can decide on a whim. So the lawyers focus the profitability of their client. Drag it out and file a bunch of motions and bill the client. If they need to actually go to trial it wrecks their profitability because they use up ti…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:58 AM
3

I have no feelings for my x but still needed time to process my life situation. Why rush into marriage? Plus, you may realize you do not need to be married which may complicate what you seem to have now. I don’t want the government or lawyers in my business ever again. If you don’t, then, get a prenup!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:42 AM
2

Usually insurance only needs to cover college, alimony and possibly CS. Otherwise remove her at the time you finalize divorce. Also, like someone said , name a brother or parent you can trust to administer the assets for the benefit of your children. If you don’t and they are minors your ex will access the money and you never know what she will do..spend it, share it with the new love of her life etc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:38 AM
1

If the judge has not signed off you have grounds to back out as it is not equitable and did not understand. Btw even if you did not pay the mortgage you would still likely get 50%. You do not even need a lawyer to do this but should use ChatGPT to tell you how. If the judge has not read the agreement to both of in court and asked if you understood and agree and not signed the divorce decree you are in luck to challenge. If the judge already signed off then you deserve it because you’re a fool. D…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:29 AM
5

Then he will push you to settle instead of a trial. All the money wasted when you could have just moved right to negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:16 AM
2

At the court house they have a legal library and also computers that give you direct access to all cases, filings and settlements, court opinions and trial decisions by judges. All cases not just your case. Plus a legal librarian.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:58 AM
3

Most people don’t know how they got screwed over. If you review cases at the legal library most were bled out for no good reason. The lawyers all know each other and bleed out the case to hit their $payday then figure which is the weaker party and push a settlement that could have been done sooner and cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:15 AM
4

I’ve won 9/10 motions against my ex which has a law firm that specializes in family law. AI is a godsend! The one I lost , I should have won but the judge was a moron or felt sorry for her losing so much.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:12 AM
8

Lawyers , car salesman and real estate agents are mostly scum.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:07 AM
1

If you are smart it can replace the lawyer with AI. Of course you need to be willing to research and check it. Most of the less complex filings can be done with AI but you need to feed it the right inputs so I guess many don’t even know how to do that part (without bias).
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:07 AM
1

Divorce is tough 90% time and probably 99% when kids are involved. Always stay calm and don’t speak to her or text or email unless it is kids stuff. Don’t insult, threaten or explain yourself. This is now a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:22 PM
1

Okay maybe not solutions but like you took the job to have the house I hate my job but you have this house. If she wants to move she changed her mind. He obviously wants to stay in the house and probably works for his kids situation to be near their mom.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:08 PM
3

You don’t seem to be listening to her. Explain away everything she wants. Based on what you stated only, it sounds lopsided relation. Your solutions to her wants seem to fit your needs. Sorry but that’s how it came across. Probably not the whole picture but maybe do some more thinking about these things even if I am off the mark.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:03 PM
5

If she owes you alimony which means she has a good income, trade some of the alimony for her equity in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 12:25 PM
2

No expert here but although it probably is alienation with her trying to get in the way of you bonding either a 1 yo, the biggest thing is to evidence you are and will continue to be a big part of raising your child. My advice is really about as years go by and after divorce is over the alienation will only get worse. It’s a disaster situation. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 07:17 PM
4

You need to read no more Mr nice guy. You are 30 and that is a blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 04:36 PM
3

It gets better. Some people take longer to realize and accept what happened. Like someone else stated, you are lucky not to have kids to complicate things. There are lots of fish in the sea. But you can’t see them but they are still there. I think most men coming out of married life are on an island. I think being around people helps and don’t isolate. Even going to a gym to hang around other people can help. You will have ups and downs but eventually more ups. BUT you cannot “pine” for someone …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 10:01 PM
6

It’s a long road but keep your wits and reactions to yourself. We all think we are doomed but you can influence the outcome to some degree and avoid mistakes. You will be okay but dam it is stressful.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 06:41 PM
1

Iceland is overrated. Be lucky to have the time with kids over a significant other. Both would be good but you have the kids it sounds so kudos to you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 05:39 PM
0

Bad attitude. Do something with your life and live in the present.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 05:36 PM
2

Not unusual. Set new expectations on relationships going forward in general, experiment to determine what you actually want as I bet the more you date you will not want to give up new freedoms and the old life of family etc will fade as you realize those things would of changed anyway. Kids grow up, move out, have their own lives. The only difference is you don’t have your wife in the same picture of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 05:33 PM
6

You are lucky to be out with just 6.5 years ! Runaway and count your blessings.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:29 AM
1

You are either getting scammed or used for a phone a friend. Either way it is not the relationship you think it is in your head. You are not in a good spot to be head over heels for someone you have not even met in person. I’ve texted with plenty of woman and you only really know when you meet live in person and most of the time it is a let down. Especially if you don’t meet after a few days of texting or within a week or two.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:24 AM
4

It can be disrupted but the political and legal system are the biggest and most powerful crime organizations in the country. People are sheep.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:17 AM
3

Similar situation. I fired my lawyer and handled filings, representing myself at hearing and I am a good negotiator and researched laws and similar cases to mine. I am so glad I did not follow my lawyers settlement advice.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:13 AM
3

Read your state laws and the statutes. Figure out what you want and willing to give up. Use ChatGpt to file all your own documents with the court. Research court cases in your legal court house library. Draft a separation agreement to begin negotiations. Use a lawyer in limited capacity or if you can handle it no lawyer but maybe to review a separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 04:10 AM
1

Well don’t expect spending aka wasting money on lawyers will necessarily improve your outcome. But if you want fair just split 50/50 on assets acquired during marriage and do yourself a favor and eliminate or minimize alimony. Rebuild your life post divorce it helps not to have alimony. CS is what is by formula. But do impute her earning potential.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 07:59 PM
8

Don’t know your details but it will be difficult to change later unless your ex is some kind of saint.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 08:14 PM
3

Never heard the term settlement artist but that is right. Your advice is good but I think this guy is delusional. Has no idea on divorce laws and is heading towards wasting a bunch of money on lawyers. They don’t have much in assets. Split 50/50 on marital assets and negotiate to eliminate alimony via asset swap on adjusting equity share. Retirement is 50/50 on what was accumulated during marriage. No prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 12:32 PM
2

I agree you can do all the filings yourself and be prepared for a battle situation. You better do your research and be a very hard negotiator or you will regret it when you are sending her checks post divorce while she is having fun and you are working for her. Most lawyers suck and want you to take a bad deal because they are lazy and just want to bill you for bullshit work and then just write up a separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 08:31 PM
2

Agree. Need to be all business
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 03:52 PM
3

Spot on! The dude is clueless.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:16 PM
7

You are history according to her and she has moved on. She does not need or want you any longer other than financially. She is cutting you out of her life. Woman do this to create the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:15 PM
3

Because you have young kids post divorce you will still n ed to deal with her crap. In your agreement you need to be careful for not leaving any loop holes for her to use to extract more from you. They don’t stop after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:21 PM
2

Depends but death is a quicker grieving process and has a finality to it but divorce is like a drawn out slow process. Both hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 07:31 PM
7

The first six months my only interest was texting. Then would go on dates but always ended it after a date or two because I didn’t want a relationship. Now 3 years out still do not want anything too serious but a monogamous relationship without being attached at the hip is fine with me. No marriage for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 07:25 PM
4

In a 25 year marriage most likely they will equalize income. Factor in what you make and add her income and split in two plus or minus. Could be a few factors that impact it. Like if one has more assets or trades assets for a lower alimony payout. So if you make 100 after tax and she makes 200, you would get 50 in support based on a 25 year marriage. You also split retirement assets 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 07:20 PM
0

Do as woman do and shut up about divorce suggest therapy. Drag that out 1-3 years while you cut back your hours and income. Just make the bare minimum. Unless the marriage is short term or if delaying puts you at 8+ years and definitely bad if over 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 05:25 PM
1

Every paragraph of your story resonates with me. At year 8 we started seeing a counselor. It was her opportunity to unload on me with the stupidest stuff with no effort for her to change a thing. I was told by the counselors to get out of the marriage. I stayed for the kids and she was just biding her time.at year 20 she just continued to get worse. We divorced. Staying allowed me and kids to have more of a family life staying married. But rethinking 2 years post divorce it would have been bette…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 04:48 PM
0

Transfer the stock to your mother and don’t tell her. Wait 3 years then file.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:14 PM
1

A fool and his money shall soon part. You just don’t get it. She will get half the mil or more either way.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:10 PM
1

Probably sex 3 times which is even worse than no sex at all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:53 AM
2

These woman are in the wrong chat.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:50 AM
1

I agree.. before taking the step to cheat he should exhausted counseling etc. and then separated. Cheating is cheating. She also owns responsibility for the broken marriage for withholding sex.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:49 AM
1

Sounds like both made mistakes. The question to yourself and yourselves is do you see spending the rest of your life with this person now. Both would need to have the same answers or it’s just a matter of time and time is precious. The hard truth to face for both of you is the kids..can both of you make not only a commitment to each other but a healthy environment for the kids in either situation together or separate.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:44 AM
1

Agree that two wrongs don’t make one right. No excuse to cheat and no excuse to withhold sex for 10 years. Both screwed up for a long time unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:37 AM
1

Same thing happened to me. Exactly. Difference is I fully expected it from the crazy vindictive person she became. Her alienation tactics ended up working. Anything you do for the kids is for them and don’t expect ANYTHING in return or reciprocated. Period!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 03:04 AM
1

Mine settled 1 day before trial. I had a failed mediation which was bullshit about 6 months before. I dropped mediation and ended up negotiating between lawyers days before trial. I am not a fan of the mediators in CT. There is a mediator, former woman judge in NH /county beware she is awful. A mediator goal is to get a deal and not a fair deal. You and your lawyer are responsible for making the deal”fair”.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:33 PM
1

Only 2% of divorces in CT go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:26 PM
1

All you need is paystubs and financial statements and tax returns. All spending stuff is secondary.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:19 PM
1

Discovery is no big deal. You need to calm down. They need to wear you down before negotiating. You need to grow a spine and ignore their bullshit. Don’t react to every motion as they all get thrown out upon settling. Discovery in your case is handled by your lawyer. They may even want to depose you. You should threaten to depose her if they do. Use simple answers I don’t know, don’t recall, yes or no. Look up silver bullet divorce. Watch the false accusations start. Just ignore. Don’t respond. …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:15 PM
1

Agree 50/50 is standard in CT.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:10 PM
1

They are bluffing. They will settle a day before the trial. Trust me and play it out but try minimize back and forth legal expenses. Sit back and wait for the trial date and you will see magic happen the day before or day of. You have the upper hand so long as you are not a scumbag.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:08 PM
2

You deserve a percentage of the bonus allocated as child support. I pay CS weekly plus a percentage of bonus and stock annually. And you need to get basically 50/50 with kids unless you’re a derelict.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:04 PM
1

Yes, this guy is right they will come back for more. Going through this shit now. Divorce agreements can be ambiguous so they try to exploit it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:00 PM
2

Stupid. Just don’t let her know anything as it is good source of information to give an advantage to you for court etc. But you are delusional to think playing it to get her to the problems she has. You don’t understand woman or broken relationships. Move on bro!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 09:55 PM
5

Yep she could careless about you. I expect she will try to alienate the kids from you. But to her that is justified.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 09:50 PM
2

You have a complicated life. Two different people with separate goals, viewpoints, lifestyles etc. How were both of you happy together? Your mental image of your history does not match up with what reality probably, as it comes to the state of the relationship over the years. You will need to acknowledge and at least accept it. You saying she has a warped view of the world. It is what it is and it sucks! You invested in this marriage for 17/24 years of your life to have this happen. It happens a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:55 AM
1

First, you are so lucky it is amicable and moving along in the process. Mine went through a 3 year battle with battle scars now. So accept the situation, make daily progress with goals and be patient. There are bad days but those will fade. Don’t focus on what was or could have been. Make the best of it but move as quick as possible but don’t jump into anything serious too fast. Enjoy your age and freedoms.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:36 AM
2

I fired my lawyer and it was the best thing I did. I got a better one (but they all suck). You need to be your own advocate even if you get a new lawyer. If I stayed with my lawyer I would have got so screwed over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:27 AM
1

1000% you are spot on. This guy seems lazy to do some research and will screw himself. His lawyer will convince him to settle with a sub par deal.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:22 AM
1

Of course her lawyer will argue it. Any competent lawyer will knock down that argument. Most judges lean towards limiting alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:21 AM
1

Go to the court house library, pull up settled and litigated (trials) and review the settlement terms and judgements (focus on similar characteristics as your marriage). I highly doubt you will find a 10 year marriage where both parties can work gets lifetime alimony. Do some research on your own to get the facts so you do not get screwed or worry yourself unnecessarily. At the court house use the computer to review. I’m in CT and you can review case documents. I did the research and found very …
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:16 AM
1

How much are they charging per QDRO?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:09 AM
10

This has been brewing for a long time and she just decided to act on it. There is no going back so you will need to get real about the future. Woman do not change their mind. This may be sudden to you but she has moved on. Sometimes the answers you seek you do not want to acknowledge. She made the decision for herself. It is not one thing but the entire relationship was not working based on the information. Yeah it sucks to realize the family as you thought of it is changed. I suggest focusing o…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:57 AM
7

You are right to get out now and you will thrive without her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:04 PM
6

You just described my marriage at the 15 year mark to the “tee”. Unbelievable! Year 18 she filed for divorce after she would blame me for everything and anything and I finally said if she treats me like this we should get a divorce. 3 weeks later she filed but had already consulted attorney 3 months earlier. She was trying to start arguments to either justify getting divorce or to try and create conflict to use in the divorce. I didn’t give her anything because I always maintained my cool no mat…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 01:11 AM
1

I’m in the same boat. Two girls 16/19 and although we had a great relationship even through most of the divorce, the alienation killed our relationship and not even a text these days. The mom is a vindictive, controlling narcissist that lies. The kids had a nice family life that blew up and I guess this is how they cope with it by choosing sides. I’m fairly certain if I died tomorrow they would not even come to my funeral. I’m not even the one that screwed up the marriage or wrecked the family. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:12 PM
2

It’s not a coincidence but your know it. Move on. Most likely they will not last but who really cares.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:58 AM
3

It boggles my mind that divorce lawyers make so much money for bullshit work. A parenting plan is very basic. Scummy business to profit at the expense of kids. Hard earned money down the drain that the kids could have used for college etc. The bar association and all the law schools suck and most are unethical. Can’t wait for AI to replace them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:21 AM
5

She wants out so give to her because why would you want to be in a relationship with her as she is no longer wanting you. Meaning you need to accept reality of how she changed and that is the relationship and not the one you imagined in your head. Your brain thinks she still wants you but she doesn’t which would never happen to work the way your mind thinks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 11:28 PM
1

You are thinking about this all wrong. 1st based on what you say she is goating you to do stupid things. 2nd she has long checked out so your statement about giving her something to think about makes zero sense. This is a business transaction at this point and she has made no mistake about the business part but you don’t get it. She will win unless you correct course fast.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:49 PM
2

You will be amazed that the money paid for child support does not all go towards kids and she can spend it at will with no recourse. Fight hard for no OT included. If it is included by law work for a year after divorce finalized show you work FT with no OT and get it lowered. Also, make sure you are using her earnings capacity to offset your CS. She can earn minimum wage . Figure out a way to get medical disability.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 09:41 PM
11

Don’t take a bad deal. Go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 03:59 AM
1

Me too! I also have two kids but a strained relationship with them. But they are a treasure. I wish I followed my gut because it did warn me. That does not change that I treasure my kids today.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:41 PM
5

At least she is forthcoming with how she thinking. But as most said, move on for your son, yourself and quite frankly for her. Wondering why you even think about it. Is it sexual feelings getting in the way of being rational?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:47 AM
2

Decision to marry is the hardest and warning signs frequently overlooked or explained away. Or hidden.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:43 AM
1

You are probably in the 1% to be like that post divorce. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:38 AM
1

True but stats don’t lie. And family court outcomes are not good. My parents were married 55 years and loved each other but were not happy together for many years. I also know a few that were happy and that is awesome. But if they had a prenup it wouldn’t hurt and actually incentivize to make it work through tough times.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:35 AM
1

Agree but note there are warning signs you will not notice or may be hidden. But do look for signs and don’t rationalize.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:27 AM
1

Yes, but don’t think pre-marriage counseling will supersede a good prenup!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:25 AM
1

Clueless that you think your assets are safe. Yes the kids would be 50/50 but that’s a lot less than you would want. Plus, as kids get to teenage years and even you being the perfect dad, they will view their family as destroyed especially if both parents were not toxic. As teens they will ultimately decide where and who to be with regardless of a 50/50 agreement. And it won’t be 50/50 even if the court says so. And you could be that perfect husband and she still would consider leaving for a var…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:15 AM
1

Not without an iron clad prenup. And even then it’s suspect to allow a government entity the right to control everything you worked for and say you were stupid for getting married. I heard a judge actually say it. I also see judges in family court basically justify anything. Family law is set up so a judge can justify anything. You waive your rights.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:09 AM
1

100% she is using you for her own means and to get closer or find out about the kid. Don’t fool yourself! And you need to call the pharmacy and give them contact information. Just guessing but you are either not over her or just not understanding what you need to do for moving forward. Only going off the information you shared and I’m sure there is more to the story.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:01 AM
3

You lived before you met her so don’t give her or anyone that much influence over you. Take up a sport where focus is required. E.g. Boxing would be good because you get hit and also hit, plus if you’re not focused on what you’re doing you will learn quick. It will give your mind a break from all the crap in your life. Wrestling can also work.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:53 AM
1

Depends if you have a PL agreement specifies that you pay it or share cost. If status quo means you paid historically you should probably file something to say change in circumstances. The contempt in this case just doesn’t amount to much other than ultimately bring it to court’s attention to decide if you should pay it. Best thing you did is communicate with her ahead of time to bring it to her attention so the court sees it as you not blatantly violating standing orders. That way hopefully the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:27 PM
1

Time is fleeting. Check that …life is fleeting…don’t waste it
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 03:47 AM
1

Omg!!!! Figure it out!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:40 AM
2

Good sense of the things that are going to be done to make sure the past is the not present in this day of life. There is no perfect life but there is a good one if you want it and make it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 02:31 AM
2

Yes, alimony can be fought a number of ways. Review lifestyle during marriage, earning capacity for her, rehabilitation alimony to help get on own feet, lots of factors and arguments. Trade an asset as buyout if that makes sense in your situation. Some use a ballpark by taking net income of both times a factor .4 deducted against her earnings or earning capacity. Example you $100k, she $50k..$150k*..4=$60k less $50k=$10k alimony as starting point to try negotiate that down based on factors noted…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 10:26 PM
1

Kids eventually make their own choice so it depends on ages on the approach but regardless money is not part of the equation for kids. Courts look to give 50/50 and CS is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 06:56 PM
2

You just described me. Except my divorce was a financial battle. Everything else you described fit perfectly. In my case kids eventually were hurt by the divorce and destruction of the family. This was the hardest part. I battled for every dollar according to the law. She did not take a 50/50 split I offered so went to battle and she ended up with less. I’m happy without her but feel pain for having my kids go through this process. Could care less about her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:42 AM
1

She and her lawyer are playing the game and you seem to be crumbling. They will run you over back up over you and then run over you again if you are weak. Eat lots of fresh garlic and exhale!
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:27 AM
11

She is unhappy but not because you are not doing enough. It is because she is positioning to get rid of you. Don’t fall for that crap and don’t try to please her and think she will be happy. Meaning be a good guy but don’t run yourself to the ground and make yourself a servant. You need to be equals and she needs to pull her own weight whatever that is?You will not get the results you think. She either needs a wake up call or you need to be prepared for the end of the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:19 AM
1

Seems like you still need to move on. Not because you had any feelings but because you are writing about it. Yeah so you had a feeling after a 20 year marriage with a child. Normal to think about stuff once in a while or for a fleeting moment. But to follow it up with questions on Reddit if it’s normal is not.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:09 AM
1

You must be part of the 50% that are married and not divorced yet. And the 25% which is in a happy marriage. People change over time and hopefully things will stay good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:11 AM
2

All my divorced friends fit your profile except fast forward 20 years and add kids to the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:06 AM
3

So why is marriage important to be in a committed relationship? If you don’t plan to have kids assuming then is it an obligation for end of life care? Just trying to understand why a government contract is necessary for being with someone…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:32 PM
4

What would be the point to get married at 50+?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 12:46 PM
2

This is great advice. Get a disability if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 12:31 AM
12

You should of stopped working 70 hours a week 3 years before divorce for a bunch of reasons. One reduce your earnings for support orders. Two why would she work if you are and willing to 70 hours, threw it can’t be good for your health
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 01:35 PM
1

Don’t split from your kids. Stay in the house and keep things sane. Like roommates. Not friendly but no conflict.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:31 AM
6

My now ex wife went through same scenario. Started mid 40s and by 48 decided she wanted out. It got worse because I was the nice guy which you seem to be so she needed to justify it to herself by basically making crap up once she decided to pull the trigger to move forward with divorce. In reality she decided a year before clueing me in and filing. Did the counseling thing 2 years before and it made things worse because it was just an expeditionary mission for her to create issues that did not e…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:26 AM
1

Very short sited without being fully informed of the flaws of the system. Human behavior is to blame for certain but the divorce industry is a for profit business that runs the system they profit from. It fails to police itself and abuses society and the biggest victims are the children who were innocent. Sure blame the parents but the system has more culpability.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:08 AM
1

I don’t know why but maybe you need to be more chill about dating or meeting people. Chances to meet a perfect match or even a normal chic is low. Don’t have high expectations and just meet and see if you have fun and move onto the next one.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 12:44 AM
2

Well stated and all important points! The part about spouses vs the system can only be fought by having a prenup in place. Did you ever hear the idea of prenup in a business law class or covered in contract law? Nope because colleges don’t teach it. The most import legal agreement in your life with no exit plan.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 05:53 AM
3

I agree with the sentiment. For change to happen political changes need to be made at the state level and federal level for funding state judicial budgets. The outcomes are awful and use up resources etc. The bar association benefits from inequity and incompetence of the system. Maybe Musk can add this to his DOGE agenda.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 04:21 PM
2

If that’s true it is 1 in a million. I bet they are not happy afterwards but every situation is different. Reality is once a woman goes down that path they don’t change. If they do, it is only for their best interest, not your best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 06:48 PM
1

Everyone is different. You need more time so take it. But try dating people.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:59 AM
1

You are very lucky to have options. Do the ones you want for fun or whatever. Does not mean all. But why not if you are selective.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:57 AM
2

It will be easier to move on if you don’t. But to each his own.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:54 AM
3

B-day card and flowers. Buy her a new car while you’re at it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:49 AM
3

Probably because she is making a better plan to get more in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:47 AM
1

Need to do whatever is in your best interest long term.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:43 AM
1

In my state she can and needs to be removed immediately using the divorce decree. No waiting for enrollment period.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:41 AM
2

Good luck and keep living your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:38 AM
1

That’s messed up. You should know what to do. If you are really asking then you deserve what you get.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 03:36 AM
3

Good for you but not typical
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 02:34 AM
2

Good advice, thank you
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 02:33 AM
9

It is common I think. You were probably a provider to her and she seems like a user. Or going through life changes. Either way or both you deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:13 PM
1

It takes two. So learn from your stuff and don’t worry about the rest. Life goes on and you need to be good to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 06:01 AM
1

Once a kid is 16 they can decide. No matter what court says. Are you or your ex going to forcibly move your kid? Nope! Just don’t put anything in writing that you are encouraging him to be somewhere. E.g. with you over her. Kid will decide. What is a court going to do unless you incriminate yourself!!! Make it his decision to be at your place. What are you to do otherwise?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:08 AM
1

I highly doubt a therapist will help this situation. So many problems. It may actually make it worse. He has problems and she is a narcissist! No therapy will fix a narcissist but will move her to be worse and vindictive!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 04:47 AM
2

My situation was similar to yours but not as extreme because she worked part time. Tough situation! First you need to gradually grow a backbone. Decisions are as follows: how much time do you currently spend with kids? How would that change? Can you see yourself paying both CS and alimony? If you wait until kids are older would you be willing to risk lifetime alimony? Can you reduce your earnings and amount of work time to build relationships with your kids? If you stay and earn more now you wil…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 04:29 AM
4

Move on!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:36 AM
1

I doubt a lawyer can help much. You need to calculate what you want and cost. And what practically can happen. It sucks!!!! If you educate yourself and can research legal stuff, file motions yourself, you probably can file motions yourself to start. Unless you have serious issues a court wants both parents to have rights.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:31 AM
2

My advice if you can finagle a deal out of it early and will be happy with it , it is a home run!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:28 AM
4

Depends on your kid and the relationship you have with them. GAL is typically wildcard and waste of money. But if she is crazy then idk. Regardless of GAL by 16 kid will decide for themselves!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:24 AM
7

You have very little risk. Worse case scenario is that you pay rehabilatory alimony to get her on her feet. I do not know Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:00 AM
12

I think you are onto the issue being character for her. Forget the time element as she does not care about that. Focus on the character part.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:57 AM
3

Idk for sure but generally think not in your situation. However, you seem to place a lot of importance on the time element. I don’t think that is the best way to go about it. It’s more about who you are and acknowledge the mistake. I also read some of the other responses which state she has a foot out the door. My experience with women is one foot out the door is a doomed relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:49 AM
5

If you were not truthful with her then why not?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:12 AM
2

Set a trial date asap if you don’t have it! If your attorney stalls fire them. Time is ticking to get it done. No doubt all stall tactics will be employed to keep you paying her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 05:07 AM
1

No child support per se but in my state tuition and medical coverage is paid.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:28 AM
5

I was in the same situation. House for 20 years and enjoyed having and taking care of the house. The thought of an apartment was awful. I had resources to buy a house but for reasons of wanting time to evaluate what type of house and location I decided to rent an apartment (albeit a very nice one). I absolutely love my apartment and do not miss owning a house. Best short term decision ever. I’m in the apartment now coming up on 3 years. I will still consider being a home owner again but truly ne…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:25 AM
5

Mine took 3.5 years! You and what others noted here are correct in my experience. Lost time etc. Days where you don’t get anything done. Those should diminish. No magical change but somewhat better overall afterwards. Within 6 months I had to go back to court. Hopefully your ex is not completely crazy like mine. Set reasonable expectations on everything post divorce life..not saying to settle for less but face the reality of post divorce life. My direct answer to your question is that it is bett…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:00 AM
1

In this situation you can represent yourself and file for modification. Court will want to see tax filings and w-2 which will be plugged into CS formula. Not very complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 12:02 AM
2

Yikes!!! Sorry you have to go through this crazy thing! To be a pain in the as s I would file ethics charges with your chief state’s attorneys office ethics committee. File similar with the local bar association. File a notice with the court stating violations of rules of conduct. It may not go anywhere but it will get his attention and be on the record. Lawyers absolutely hate to be accused of being unethical especially because they think they are above the law. But it will hit his reputation r…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:03 AM
5

I don’t understand because you did not have sex for 10 years with this woman which was her choice not yours. And now cutting off communication is hard. Why is it hard? Assuming no kids. Yeah 16 years is a long time but doesn’t seem like it was a healthy relationship so move on. Value yourself higher and devalue her. Yeah, it sucks you wasted a lot of time especially if you did not have healthy relationship with her. Own it that you didn’t address the issues earlier and make the best of your life…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 04:44 AM
6

Similar situation for years. It just gets worse in my opinion and I think it would have been better to split up years earlier. Trade of waiting was I spent more time with my kids as they grew up. Trade off was a lot of wasted time with ex. She was awful but bearable. Financially, the earlier pulling the trigger, more time I would have had to rebuild (situation dependent) financially. I think waiting did not help my kids deal with the split up any easier and perhaps if they were younger could adj…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 12:32 AM
3

Yeah I was in same boat. Although it does not seem like it now, it will get better in stages as you process it. It should get progressively easier and better. I would say 1-3 years depending how you process all of it and how it plays out. Just don’t get stuck in a loop. You will be fine although it sucks now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:46 PM
6

Although a difficult situation it seems like things are amicable for now. I hope it stays that way as you process the betrayal and move past the current hurt feeling. Tread carefully as she speaks to a divorce attorney it will most likely get contentious but I hope not because it seems to be going okay. My ex was vindictive and did everything possible to try separating me from the kids. Plus she dragged things out which ended up costing a lot of money. So I’m just telling you this because althou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:37 PM
1

Btw spend time at the local court house and pull up separation agreements and custody agreements for other cases. Study them and be very specific about what you want and how everything is written out in your separation agreement. Do this in advance because at some point both sides will be getting pressure to sign off and there are a lot of important details to get right.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 05:17 PM
2

In my state 50/50 is the standard for involved upstanding parents. And unless one parent has issues or unusual circumstances involving kids expect 50/50. Mine were 16/19 so I made it so they can decide how to split time. But with younger kids it makes sense to have days set out and agree to deviate when necessary. I will warn everyone that alienation is a real thing and very hard to deal with. I’m going through this now with my 16 yo and this is something courts can’t handle. You need to have a …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 05:08 PM
2

It does not have to be that expensive but greedy lawyers saw my financials and convinced her she could get more. I fired my first lawyer because these lawyers all know each other and see dollar signs. They dragged it out thinking it would wear me down. My recommendation is to set a trail date. 99% lawyers and judges want to avoid a trial at all cost. So go into silent mode. I demanded my new lawyer to set a trial date and things progressed to the point they wanted to negotiate two days before Tr…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 04:06 AM
7

Nope. You think you are still married. When you filed it was over. Period!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:53 AM
2

Don’t engage in cross actions to minimize legal costs. Only for stuff related to kids. Everything else will be settled through negotiations just prior to trial. Just file objections to motions which should not cost a lot. All the back and forth is wasted resources. Minimize any communication with ex and her attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:51 AM
3

Me too. 2.5 years and 130k. All wasted $. Treat the divorce as a business transaction. Focus all your efforts on the kids and yourself. Do not focus on her or regrets. Do not focus on what it was when times were good because those are gone. You will survive this and just be engaged with kids and make them your focus.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:32 AM
1

All good points. But in my situation it was not a good faith negotiation and ended up being a waste of time and money. I ended up getting an agreement at the court house in my favor. We even had terms written out at mediation which they tried to change in the separation agreement at which point mediation became worthless. Case specific but beware who you are dealing with before even considering mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 01:22 AM
1

If it is a UTMA account it’s the kids money if any is left when they get to age 25. In my state. But the account needs an administrator named. I made the mistake of not being the administrator or being more specific on what the money would be used for in the separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:37 PM
2

Smart move!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:34 PM
2

Best wishes. Glad you found the right person. A friend explained to me that a prenup can actually remove any elephant in the room because it takes away incentives to part ways for money. I guess it depends how you look at it. For me, adds insurance and removes incentives for one to go after the other and incentive to work things out if things get hard or rocky. But I get the other side where people think the opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:23 PM
3

Okay. I hope there is an exit plan like a prenup so in case it doesn’t work out, you can exit without the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:13 PM
2

Why do you keep getting married? Is it pressure from your partner?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:06 PM
2

You are very lucky or did not have much in income differential or no assets or children issues.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:03 PM
0

$100k but could of been managed better. Attorneys are blood suckers. Should be less than 50k if you just prepare for trial and just keep quiet and don’t get caught up in every stupid motion. 98% get settled on court house steps. Many people and lawyers recommend mediation. That’s BS. It just puts more money in their pockets. They tell you it’s cheaper than trial. Which it is but you can have the same negotiation without a mediator the day before trial. Btw the fact she makes $350 gives you high …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 11:01 PM
2

I agree. My ex bought a $5000 mattress. Nobody cares. I suggest going to places like Costco and buying a few hundred on gift cards every week. Put those aside for later use. Easy to spend a few hundred weekly at Costco. My ex also thought she was smart would buy on Amazon and then return to collect refunds which were not traceable. Nobody is going to spend time trying to track that down and nobody cares. Just be smart and don’t go buy a new Ferrari lol I recommend taking vacations ..within reaso…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:28 AM
5

Plus it may force into making more mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:20 AM
6

If you have it right then absolutely follow it through this process. She would! And it pays dividends to you forever. Priceless. If it so clear cut as you say it shouldn’t cost a ton either.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 01:18 AM
7

Snap out of your false beliefs and start dealing with reality. You can live a great life without her. Mourn the loss of the relationship and move on to live on and better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 06:27 PM
3

98% of cases work this way to settle even on the day of trial. The judge will even hold off starting a trial if a deal is in the works. It does not seem like you understand the process or how to negotiate. I’m sorry to say it that way but you need to understand so you can play hardball.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 02:53 AM
4

Seems illogical not to visit for a funeral for the reasons stated. Possibly delusional perspective or personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 04:05 AM
1

I needed to update my FA 4 times in 2.5 year divorce. I would suggest keep your income low as possible until it is settled.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:15 AM
1

In my state once you start divorce you can’t kick someone off insurance unless they agree. Be careful because it could be used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:11 AM
3

I live in a no fault state and researched cases that went to trial where a spouse cheated or depleted assets. In decisions I read the judge seemed to factor that into the split of assets and alimony. In my state, the statute has factors that can be applied to determine equitable split…equitable does not mean equal but the factors come into play to determine how to split assets etc ..you need clear evidence and a good lawyer is needed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 04:02 AM
1

You are so lucky to have your kids. One of mine sided with the ex and then they pressed my younger one to limit contact with me after being with me 60%. Hoping my younger one will realize what’s going on. I’m playing the long game or else I could just make it worse with my kids. But back to trying to help you. There is an interview with Elon Musk wheee the reporter is grilling him about ticking off advertisers by his posts. Musk replies I Don’t Care! Look it up. I say it all the time to myself w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:57 AM
1

Don’t say anything borrow against your 401k, spend and move the money into hidden accounts overseas and claim you lost it all gambling, get fired and claim a disability. Now Back to reality.. hmmm maybe…Actually if she sticks by the offer you have 3 more years added to alimony so reduce your annual income now to as low as possible and keep it there ..no overtime pay, no bonuses for next 3 years. Depending on your ages, you will have 7 to 10 years alimony or for life. Or you could buy her off or …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:38 AM
1

I found it helpful to vent to a friend and basically ignored the ex because she wouldn’t care anyway. Didn’t want to give her satisfaction. Watch the wolf of Wall Street and Jordan’s father has a great scene where he is going off and then answers the phone like everything is bliss. I know that is the movies but sometimes you need to play the game. The other thing is you may be in a better position than you give yourself credit. But they are definitely trying to wear you down. Seems to be working…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:14 AM
4

It’s so greedy so don’t respond to their offer but from a blank piece of paper come up with your own. My ex tried to pull similar tactics asking crazy amount and then wanted mediation. It was a waste of money to do mediation. Set a trial date and you can negotiate a week before trial directly with opposing party without a mediator. Based on what you said I agree with your lawyer that you will get minimum of 50/50. Everything else will be ballpark 50/50. Minimal alimony and short term if any. Btw…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 01:35 AM
6

Sounds like my situation. I was a great dad and supportive husband. Now she hates me and even goes to extreme lengths to try to separate me from the kids. Zero communication except for demands. I realize she was a control freak. I’m fine with being divorced from her but don’t like how she uses the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 01:53 AM
3

The system is designed to fleece families as people are most vulnerable the system is set up by the bar association to charge ridiculous fees that is criminal because these lawyers are preying on stupid people and the system should be less costly. Most lawyers are idiots but they get the spouse to expend hard earned resources. The laws are not very complex but intentionally ambiguous giving the illusion they provide value.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 01:37 AM
1

Soon as you leave the locks will be changed and even if you agree to get more of your stuff at a later date good luck. Make sure you take your valuables and any keepsakes on date of departure or before.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 01:31 AM
1

You are so correct. It can cost a lot of money but are you really going to force a kid to go somewhere they refuse, even if alienating is occurring.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 01:28 AM
2

Don’t overlook the obvious. And what kind of relationship do you want? Couples counseling rarely works and sometimes just puts off the inevitable. You were in love when a teen. People change. Cherish what you had but be thankful to know now rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:19 PM
6

That’s minor league compared to my ex. Do yourself a favor and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:10 PM
2

Be prepared to give her half of everything, child support and alimony. She will be the demanding one. So if she and you are willing to give effort to be nice to each other then it’s worth trying. You need to reassess your behavior to her to see if there is any truth to what she says. BUT if not and it’s just her always saying it just you probably plan an exit. It will be painful and divorce just exchanges one set of problems for others. But it does stop the bleeding sooner than waiting for the i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 11:32 AM
9

Sounds like you are doing well. Enjoy the freedom. Similar boat as you and realize we are not in our 20s anymore and neither are the women. We have life experience and that changes things. You can’t expect people to ignore life lessons so dating experience is very different. Good and bad. Just adjust your expectations and move along. Life is short. I was married 18 years before divorce became a reality. Not my choice but the day she decided that path so I cut her out of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 01:14 PM
3

It takes two. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:26 PM
4

If you don’t want to divorce or won’t do it, then do not say it because then she will most likely. Once that triggered no off ramp.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 07:34 PM
2

If you have 50/50 now, unless you do something stupid you can bank on getting 50/50. I would let her go broke with her attorney while you go silent. If they file contempt just file objections which is simple. Wait them out and do not engage. Set a trial date and watch them come to the negotiating table days before trial. Do not go tick for tack.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 03:15 AM
12

Minimal to zero. If she has an attorney they will bluff but do not want to go in front of a judge if what you say is true and proven. You can also impute her income to calculate the CS. Max alimony might be something like 2 years. 90k net of taxes and health insurance (and in most states deduct CS from your net income) , plus her net income, then multiply sum of both net income by 40% and then subtract her net income. That is probably a worst case scenario. Even in a no fault state a judge may b…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:41 AM
2

Got it. But my experience in waiting was a mistake for financial reasons. If you are bread winner it will penalize you to wait. Bad thing about divorce is you will need to adjust lifestyle. I don’t know your specifics.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 08:05 PM
2

Try therapy but be careful on choosing a therapist. Sometimes they will make it worse. But do try because divorce just exchanges one set of problems with others. But if you don’t see improvement and are unhappy then it is a tough decision that needs to be made. Staying in an unhealthy relationship can be worse for your kid (but that depends). But your comment on afford a split seems odd. It only gets more expensive the longer you wait.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:52 PM
2

I hope our conversation on pros and cons helps others going through it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:32 PM
1

You are in a decent spot but can bus improved. Unless she or you are in a deep disagreement on custody this case will never see a trial but it is a good backstop.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:38 PM
1

He doesn’t need roll it all in one year to keep his bracket lower.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:14 AM
2

I just went through it too. Gave up house equity for larger share of deferred compensation, stock and stock awards. In 6 months I have recouped all the equity plus some. My share of equity would have been 200k and only kept 30k of the 200/400 equity. Every situation is unique. My case she wanted the house so bad giving her my equity I got a higher share of my stock so not equal to start. I kind of factored in what you said so it was like she got 170k of my equity in the house and my stock at tim…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:12 AM
2

I don’t disagree about leverage. But a 6% return is unusual. On the tax part he could roll into a Roth pay some tax now and none later. He can also buy a new property and have even more leverage plus the 401k..best of both worlds!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:01 AM
1

Like you said it kind of depends but history says the SP averages over 8% and residential real estate nets 2%. Of course there are exceptions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:46 PM
2

Leverage works both ways of the ledger. +-
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:35 PM
1

You don’t need to give details to them. Btw don’t forget they are loyal to her no matter what. As things progress people take sides so anything you say or information given is not smart.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 08:22 PM
0

Big mistake!
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:12 PM
1

I totally agree ..do not put in writing that you pay anything for the kids other than legally obligated to per statute. It’s a big mistake that you cannot change. If you intend to pay don’t make it a legal obligation. You don’t know the future. Car lease and loan is between you and the kids not her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:12 PM
2

Btw judge said she has no reason not to work full time after divorce. Just because she did it during marriage did not entitle her to continue working part time. That was a hard pill for her to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 04:41 PM
2

When we had kids she went part time. Just before filing divorce she reduced her hours. So my situation as everyone’s is different than yours but I found that if a person can work there is a reasonable time frame for the person to gain full employment. I acknowledge in your case the tough sell is she did not work and the age. But you stated she has an opportunity to work. More often nowadays a judge would say why not work even if there is a transition period. The kids are old enough now. But the …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 04:40 PM
2

I would say negotiate with her. Maybe offer $700 week for first year to get her back into employment and then $350 a week based on the lifestyle you lived during the marriage and her new income. If she refuses to work get an evaluation to impute her earning potential. In CT the pretrial judge spends very little time analyzing and takes the information from the FA even if it’s wrong. 98% of cases get negotiated in CT after pretrial without going to trial. My pretrial in Ct the judge used her FA i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 02:54 PM
2

In my state, no cap gains on house sale generally but there is a sales tax and real estate commission and fees. Plus holding costs, maintenance etc. so prefer to have the 401k but each situation is specific to details.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:31 AM
2

One year SP500 as of October 10 returned 33%. I take the 401k! In my case, I gave her my house equity about $135k and in two years I made 55% on the assets. Glad not to have the house!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:24 AM
6

If you invested the 401k wisely like an index fund, I think you should easily do better. Once factoring in the house maintenance, expenses such as taxes the 401k should outperform easily unless it is a special situation. No brainer all else equal. You chose wisely. Studies show over long time frame a home returns about 2%, while the SP500 is over 8%.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:23 AM
4

I’ve learned that usually the retainer you paid was for and up to the settlement agreement and most likely the attorney would want a new retainer to represent you in post divorce action such as contempt for not following through post divorce. That’s what I encountered. You can file contempt yourself after the deadline passes. Or hire the attorney or another one.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:22 AM
1

Divorce is difficult (understatement)but you only get one life so make the best of it. 50% get divorced. Staying in a loveless Marriage is probably not a good choice if you are not happy and have tried to make it work. Divorce really does not solve all issues as it just changes the equation and can be one of the most difficult decisions and time in your life. Only you can answer which road to take but put your happiness first. The younger you are and the sooner you get done and through the pain …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 10:29 PM
1

Wait to file and spend it or “give it away”. Gift to family members in other countries or prepay expenses. Then file.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:57 AM
6

This is just a moment in time and you are being tested for sure. Choose the right road and things will get better but never perfect. Even for those of us that don’t have restrictions or royally screwed up, we still hurt from the destruction of the family and sometimes with little rhyme or reason to justify or explain it. You know why, so it seems, and you can correct those things but don’t expect it forgotten. Maybe forgiveness over time. You can only be accountable for yourself. Show your kids …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 09:35 PM
2

Which party is responsible for getting the QDRO and paying for it?
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 10:58 PM
7

Just file an amended financial form. File it. I assume your name is on the house so no big deal. You seem very messed up. After updating the financial information stop doing anything until you can think straight. Divorce is not a sprint. They may want you to think you need to respond right away but reality is you don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 02:45 PM
2

I think you were set up. I bet the mediator knows the attorney very well etc. Don’t get bullied! If you end up in front of a judge your evidence will be important. Assuming it is relevant and credible. My ex did the same thing with a mediator where it turns out the mediator taught my ex’s attorney law class. I represented myself for the most part and did research laws, cases, filed motions etc. which drove them nuts. Stick to what you want that is fair. Another lawyer reviewed my motions and sai…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 11:17 PM
1

Generally agree with what you stated and would note making time and prioritizing the relationship is a must try but he cannot expect a miracle. You nailed it otherwise. I also think if she does not change after trying jump ship. But that will not solve anything and just give him another set of problems. But he will have more control of his future and can start rebuilding sooner. Last piece of advice staying in an unhealthy relationship for the kids is rarely good for them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:56 PM
3

I’m in CT just went through a 3 year divorce. I never got anything that extensive. I mostly answered I don’t know or N/A. My ex did the same and even refused to give her resume. Ended up in deposition but even there just canned answers for most part. Unless you are in $10’s of millions case I just think they are messing with you. Btw 99 percent of lawyers are just playing for a settlement. I observed many cases in CT and found most divorce lawyers are incompetent. I would love to know which CT c…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:08 PM
1

She showed her real self so why negotiate, just leave!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:49 PM
2

It’s no so much having an exit plan, it is a one sided, me, only exit plan. A prenup could actually reduce the likelihood of divorce if structured that it pays to stay in the marriage as opposed to exit. But this person just wants a payoff.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:46 PM
8

Don’t ignore red flags!! I did and it was a big mistake. I also had investments pre marriage and we both made about 100k at time of marriage. I also thought like you and even about support for kids etc. I still do support my kids but her effort is to make me her financier and she uses the kids to do it. So beware. She never even asked for things like your girl friend wants. Married 18 years with very little drama but her friends started getting divorced and convinced her to cut back on employmen…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 04:42 PM
1

You should expect a 50/50 split of everything acquired after marriage or anything you both paid into. Short term marriage spousal support will be small if any. And short term. She has to pay her own legal cost. If she pays with joint assets then you can get that also but if she pays from current earnings during divorce you are only entitled to the amounts in joint assets accumulated during the marriage. Of course there are exceptions and depends on circumstances but this should give you the idea…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:00 PM
6

Don’t defend yourself to HER. She doesn’t count anymore!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 01:40 AM
1

Filings are meaningless when only 2% of cases end up in trial.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 01:39 AM
2

Yep. Start managing your costs. Let her go bankrupt!!! Be smart.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 01:38 AM
3

Yeah, I just send an occasional text every few weeks now and just say I hope you are doing good or something. Or send a picture if I’m somewhere interesting. But it’s hard to even keep doing it when I get zero back. We actually had a good relationship so it’s confusing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:34 AM
3

I learned to ignore that type of bullying as a court will not find her credible and it may actually help if you act rational. the game is do not fall into a trap, or incriminate yourself, do anything stupid, or say or write much of anything to her. What she says is completely biased and bating you to screw up. You do not need to prove anything to her anymore as it won’t matter and be twisted against you. You know if you are a good person. Good luck. It does suck but you can survive and thrive in…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:05 PM
3

I’ve decided courts are useless and actually enable bad behavior. Only hope is my daughter wises up to her mom’s vindictive and manipulative behavior. Until then I just make the best of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 08:51 PM
1

My condolences, how you holding up ..I keep asking why her there’s no Rhyme or Reason to this life. It’s days like today scattered among the rest. It happens like this most times. Just the Cliff notes not unusual but it may be good you found out now as it may give you more time to build a life without her and more importantly stay in your child’s life. The real battle is to fight alienation. That is no joke.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 08:35 PM
8

I’m in a situation similar situation with my daughter. After many years of being real close and being very active even through the divorce process, she turned 16 and one disagreement turned into no contact for 6 months so far. Hard to understand how a kid can just flip a switch and cut a parent out of their lives. Especially when at times I told her not to do it to her mother. Now she did it to me. Similar to your story not even a text. I am suspicious the x wife and her therapist are manipulati…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 12:41 PM
6

I was in the exactly same situation. She ultimately tried to conceive a false claim out of fear but the court refused to grant her. But it became clear one of us had to move out and we settled on a date to do it. It will happen eventually. Set a trial date pronto because if she is successful to get you out with no trial date, you will end up paying for two households for an extended timeframe as her attorney will drag it out without a trial date set. Believe me, in order to get mediation going t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 08:44 PM
3

Time to move on for both of you. You’re wasting valuable time. It will be more costly the longer you wait…in all ways especially if you decide to have kids someday (with someone else for sure). Your guilt is preventing you making a good decision for both of you. Picture yourself 50 years old living with regrets of what could have been if you took responsibility and made the decision for you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:31 PM
1

She was not the one for you. Move on and live your best life. I bet you’re glad you left court without breaking down. Now use that lesson. Because it would have been awful and you wouldn’t be happy with yourself now. Sounds like you need therapy. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:14 AM
1

He should be happy no kids with her. Move on to someone better or just enjoy free time for now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:07 AM
3

You want justice in the legal system. Unfortunately it doesn’t work the way you want it to. Or the way it should work. They just think you should have known better, selected a better partner…it’s your fault is the way the system operates.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 08:49 PM
8

Very difficult to process the loss of trust and the end of a long relationship. It could be worse but it still sucks. It will get better over time especially if you accept the reality and not dwell on what was or could have been. Find your way through it and have more good days than bad. Once I heard the word divorce also knowing in my heart it was going that way , I decided to handle the divorce as a business transaction and focus my efforts to my independent future and to make my life better. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:52 AM
6

The false narrative is that marriage is between two people “man and woman”. Not true! It’s a contract you sign with the government giving them full control to dispose of everything you worked for regardless of fairness and justice. Family laws are a “sham”. Courts are run by greedy lawyers and the bar association with no oversight. If you go through divorce, you not only get screwed once but twice or more over. If you enter into this contract with the government, set up a prenup to exit the cont…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:34 AM
1

If it didn’t work out the first time, chances would be low the second time around. As Jim Carey said in dumb and dumber, 1 in a million…so there’s a chance. Only you know. Question for you is why would you want to go back? Have you even dated new people or lived with the freedom to have it your way 24/7? If kids are involved.. then a lot more to consider both ways. Kids emotionally should not be off and on again relationship with ex so you would really need to know before going back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:29 AM
1

I would recommend file taxes separately while going through divorce. You may think tax benefits lost but it will be worth separate income taxes immediately to get her removed from your life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 03:23 PM
1

Follow this advice. I would just do as little communication as possible and you will need to be a good poker player and don’t show your cards.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 08:17 PM
1

It is easier for her to use alienation tactics to erase you from the kids lives if she has them. It is also a control move against you but also to demonstrate to the kids that she is in charge. Get 50/50 and make sure you read up on alienation tactics.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:12 AM
4

I don’t disagree and I will read the article. I should have stated also to make the complaint about the ruling relative to facts and circumstances as they apply to statutes and not an attack directly at the judge. Keep it factual and not a personal grievance. I would do it if what you say is correct because the ruling makes no sense. Ask for review of the factors and the statute on it is being applied. Family law sucks and what do you have to lose based on where you are at? I would literally say…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:00 PM
4

Contact your chief state’s attorneys office and file a complaint against the judge!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 07:35 PM
3

It’s a good idea. But you are up against a corrupt system where the state profits from federal money and the bar association aka all attorneys abuse the clients and use the system for financial gain. The only way to do it is if you are an expert On social media, start a movement (like me too), pressure law makers, meaning politicians in state governments. But they profit from federal funds so they lack incentive to change.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 09:44 PM
6

Sorry you need to go through this but seems like you are in a decent spot now. Congratulations on getting your kid back. Keep documenting everything between now and the trial but just filing things only objections and stop the back and forth as it is a waste of resources at this point. Bring it in at trial. Go into silent mode at this point. Make sure you get credit back for any legal fees paid for her to net out. Also, threaten and do file a complaint with the chief states attorney office in yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 02:00 PM
2

You will need to impute her income. Also getting 50/50 will be important so both of you can work. I don’t know Michigan but most states base duration of alimony on years of marriage. You are lucky only 4 years so maybe 2 years of alimony. But CS will go on and that is where her ability to earn money is most important for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:11 AM
1

It depends on the relationship you have now and want to have with the kids. And is she supporting you in having a relationship with them? If not, then you will be in for it (bad way). Uphill battle unless the kids want you in their lives. In regard to her paying your attorney fees based on the reasons you stated, sorry but I don’t think that would happen. Most courts want a settlement without a trial. Also most lawyers will drag things out to wear you down. Best thing you did is ask for a court …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:03 AM
1

You file or exchange at same time. Definitely do not lie on FA about assets. But don’t give in advance either. Maybe they will not play games. But my ex and her attorneys did not disclose until they had to and even then made up numbers regarding income and expenses. Assets were correct because as you said if found later it is not a good look if you end up in a trial which is only a 2% chance. Btw you will be surprised how bad attorneys are with numbers and complex financial information. That is …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:39 AM
1

Regardless how it is handled…courts will have discretion how to assign it. The better approach in my opinion is not to incur additional debt that is high cost. If there is 401k money, tap it as it would be split anyway and most likely would force them to negotiate. Not arguing just another approach than CC debt as that has long term consequences if not paid which could be needed to rebuild after.and just about every final agreement without trial states each party is responsible for own attorneys…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 11:01 PM
0

Probably not as debt incurred after filing won’t necessarily be split. Bad approach in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 07:16 PM
3

The fact you have no kids or DV is a really lucky thing. So at least you have some good news! Kids complicate finances. Plus, no kids also allow you to separate and move on with your life easier. You know this but it’s hard to look at it this way now…count your blessings!
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:25 AM
2

Mine tried to get me to pay her lawyer. Even my attorney said I would need to but to get it netted out of the settlement. I flipped the script on both lawyers by saying I will take any payment out of retirement funds. That would complicate matters for attorneys and they reached a quick settlement. Definitely do not take a loan or put on credit card..especially to pay her lawyer. BS! If you need a lawyer …it sounds likely, every jurisdiction has free legal services but you need to find them. They…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:08 AM
8

Best thing you can do is accept it is over and to now treat the divorce as a business transaction. Most attorneys are scum so don’t trust them and take your time to find a good one. Don’t voluntarily give her any information as there is no rush and no need. They will file standard motions. This will drag on so don’t panic and research the laws in your state. Your instinct will be to respond and to argue any false claim. But just stay as tight lipped as possible. No reactions. My ex served me and…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:56 AM
5

Similar…her mother was a dictator and her father was a door mat. So she expected the same from me. Just one of many signs I should have noticed including her mother being a control freak. The other thing important to know is how her past relationships ended. But don’t trust her version.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 02:10 PM
3

I use APPClose and it is free and seems to work just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 09:53 PM
1

A couple things to consider are to use the CS calculating base CS plus a percentage of variable compensation. Many states do it that way. Alimony seems high. Did you factor in any assets like the house she would get as an offset to a portion of alimony. I don’t think you can get away with not splitting 401k. Of course if you settle out of court maybe but a judge would still need to approve the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 02:21 PM
1

Btw your daughter is 25 so she either knows the truth already and if it is not true as you say…then why would it bother you. If anything your daughter should see right through it and be on your side.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:16 AM
2

Since you are paying she will delay everything. Get a trial as fast as possible and that will help drive them to mediation sooner. Also, you will need to get her earning capacity assessed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:49 AM
2

Same here. Mine went part time before filing. Ask your attorney how to use separation date to your advantage aka date you filed. Get it in writing who pays what and is it filed in court with a stipulation on who needs to pay for what? Her next move will be to get you removed from the house. She may be bating you into something. Be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:46 AM
1

Just document it and if she is stupid Enough to do it via email to you keep it. It actually helps you if she does it as long as you do not reply in kind.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:41 AM
2

Both of those are pretty much non events although attorneys will make it like a big deal to bill you. Basically each party writes down what they want and go in front of a judge at pre trial…not a trial just precursor to see how far apart you are and nothing binding happens but judge could lay out his views to each attorney without all the facts etc. that judge in pre trial cannot be the judge in an actual trial in your case going forward. Attorneys use pre trial to see if either party will bend.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:40 AM
2

Pendente Lite ..after filing but not settled
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:33 AM
2

Mine did a lot worse and nothing….alienation, bad mouthing. The only thing that got attention was she refused to pay tuition.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:31 AM
1

If you are lucky you may get a hearing date. My case has 5 motions for order PL most over a year old. Only one got a hearing which has not even been heard and both attorneys are now trying to avoid the hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:26 AM
1

CT courts are broken. Motions are not heard or ignored. Lawyers make fees in CT by filing but Ct court will not act or at least not for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:46 PM
2

What you say and think makes zero sense. Paying something 4 days late is nothing. Much less $38.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:43 AM
3

Formulas are starting points. Learn the factors like need because it is possible to deviate lower and for less than half of years if she has skills and can work to support herself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:54 AM
5

Divorce is a long and expensive negotiation. Keep all your chips. Do not give an inch or penny. She will take and take every thing she can. If you move out, the risk of losing connection with your kids and her using alienation tactics. She will already have a plan and strategy. This is just step 1. She probably has a playbook. Be calm, and don’t rush any decisions. Stop depositing money into joint accounts etc. secure any important documents, files, copy computer files, change your passwords. Ne…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:37 PM
1

No chance lifetime alimony in this situation in FL. But don’t wait to do it. If she works run to get it done and also if she does not because it can only grow the liabilities by waiting. Actually you have little risk with no kids at this point. Very lucky to get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:56 PM
1

Good list. He should not think of it as wins but positive changes and getting rid of risks and the weight of living with a person like her. Time is most valuable and wasted time is the worst. If you are at divorce stage you already lost best friend and gained worst enemy most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:45 PM
3

This is the typical way it goes. All points are valid but also consider the time elements like for higher and longer alimony more years of marriage, CS is not hard to pay since you would pay for kids even if still married (with differences of course). But in return you can use your good years (younger age) to build a new life and foster a healthy relationship with the kids hopefully! It won’t be easy but trying to do all this with 5 more years of a bad marriage is probably a worse decision/outco…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:36 PM
3

If she does not own her issues and blames you, therapy won’t help but could just make her hate you more. Try it but don’t sacrifice yourself for her in therapy. My guess is you drag this out until kids are x age etc. and then still end up divorcing. You can never get time back so think about your own needs and risks of staying.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:20 PM
2

Don’t get rushed or bullied into terms you are not happy with. Suggest taking 24 hours after to review everything
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 06:14 PM
2

Be careful. This happened to me, I refused to move out. Things worked fine for many months until she tried to use alienation with kids. Did not work so she decided to try to separate me from the kids by false accusations to try getting me to move out. When I refused and her lawyer couldn’t do anything she resorted to making more false claims about the living situation. Protect yourself. She also probably wants you out to go after you financially. I would get a trial date set! It will force her t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 02:32 PM
2

Did she get alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 08:47 PM
4

Very similar experience for me. Better to be rid of that living situation. I am over a year into divorce process. It will great to have it done. But the process is a mess.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 02:18 PM
1

Thanks. I like your 5 yr plan. My situation is similar in all aspects except she works part time at 100k and can work full time but does not want to. I make similar to you and significant assets and no debt with 15 yo. I don’t want to pay alimony because she can support herself at current lifestyle with her income and asset split on top. After many frivolous filings by her and delay tactics now they want mediation. They asked for a huge amount of alimony which is typical. I am okay with mediatio…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 04:16 PM
1

I am in same situation. Did it work for you in court?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 12:43 AM
4

You will need a lawyer for mediation if she has one. If you get to an agreement the lawyer plus you need to go over the decree with a magnifying glass to understand every word and sentence. You could shafted.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:11 AM
1

I did a vocational study and cost $6.5k. Not sure if it will help. I have heard it can but is hit or miss depending on judge.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:07 AM
1

Is this recent? Some judges are clueless for this day and age.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:05 AM
3

My stbx also is doing alienation tactics from day 1. Seemed to work for a short time but my 13 yo called her out and now splits time 50/50. Took her 4 months to after I moved to tell ex back off. But 17 yo wants independence and sticks with ex because she gives her money, car , etc.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:01 AM
7

Don’t argue about anything. Be careful what you text. If she has a lawyer you will need a lawyer pronto especially because you are high earner. She will try to manipulate kids but if you stay engaged and be a good dad that is the best you can do. Unfortunately a time will come if she feels you are doing good with kids etc she may try to instigate to get restraining order to separate you from the kids. Don’t listen to her lawyer or her on anything that matters because they will try to bulldoze yo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:53 AM
1

I understand that CS might go up with higher income afterwards but is alimony based on what was earned during the marriage? Eg you make 90k salary a yr during marriage, get divorced but 3 years later make 110k salary. Why would she or he be entitled to the increase as the 90k base covers lifestyle and earnings during marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 08:25 PM
3

If she does not work and you work 12 hours you will get royally screwed over. You need at least 6 months planning beforehand to reduce your income, make sure you have accounts in your name only…not hiding but individual because her attorney will lock you out otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 09:23 PM
2

What did that get you?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 12:51 AM
2

Worst possible move you can make especially now
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 12:49 AM
1

I hear you. I was working from home and she started pulling that crap. Tough call. I called the police on her. They told me she won’t stop trying and indeed she kept escalating and making false accusations. It is not an easy call but protect yourself as much as you can and if you move out,take what you care about because she will destroy or throw out your stuff and the courts don’t care. If you have kids then try to stay or plan to file for a parenting plan right away.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 11:35 PM
2

It is better to be broke going through it. No income is even better. Build after the divorce not before. Can’t believe people don’t think about it. Rely on friends or family to live until divorce is over and don’t accumulate any assets.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 11:01 PM
1

Don’t move out! Also don’t argue or discuss and always communicate through an attorney. You can always switch attorneys not a big deal . You will need more than 5k as the divorce process is one the most broken corrupt practices I’ve ever seen. A true money pit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 10:51 PM
1

Make sure you have money in an individual account to access for living expenses etc. you will lose control of any joint accounts and they will lock you out if it is an investment account to use for pressuring you into a bad deal. Accumulate all new money into individual accounts only and don’t broadcast it because she will file sooner. You need to get smart fast.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 10:46 PM
1

You are correct. Stop putting money in any joint accounts and accumulate money in an individual account prior to filing. Once either of you file investment accounts that are joint get frozen. My ex filed and her attorneys tried freezing my investment accounts but they could not because they were individual and they were pissed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 10:41 PM
1

I am still in process and would celebrate if the end was in sight. Move on with life as the saying goes life is short and build a new better life now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:41 AM
2

It is worse to pay alimony than child support. Plus CS is a formula and has end date.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:36 AM
1

Agree!!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:35 AM
6

Agreed. Crazy how in this day and age someone can getaway without working.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:33 AM
5

I have heard mixed things about earning capacity and imputed income. Some judges are clueless and don’t care. Crazy! But also some judges will use it in practice. System sucks. No rules really and can be on a whim of a judge discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:31 AM
3

I think every state has a grievance committee to file complaints against attorneys. It is made up of civilians and others. Document evidence not just your claims but specifically for violating code of conduct and billing violations.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:25 AM
1

Don’t trust lawyers either side. Don’t give their threats any credibility and don’t give her or them anything to use against you later, via text or email. Expect false allegations. You are lucky to make the same and the fact you have debt is okay actually. She may try to string you along as long as she has a use for you. The kids will be better off when you split although it may be difficult in the beginning. The ex and her lawyer will try to bait you into traps to make you look bad. She may hav…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 04:05 AM
1

Great info, thx!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 11:37 PM
1

Going through it now. Same boat as you. My understanding in my state you calculate alimony net of taxes in the correct bracket plus deduct CS and health insurance and then do an apples to apples comparison to her income to get starting point for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 09:46 PM
1

Did she have a job and income of her own?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 09:42 PM
3

Good it worked out. I take it you made out okay financially and not screwed over on alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:57 AM
5

Mine was the same way no matter what, it was not her or could not even say sorry for anything
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:55 AM
10

Emotional robot very good description
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:06 PM
7

Same here. She built her own narrative that was not even close to reality.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:05 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter