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rsmiley77 Archive

View 34 posts and 1,265 comments by rsmiley77 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 08:00 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:50 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 04:39 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 08:07 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 12:09 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 11:01 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 05:15 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men16/03/20 10:07 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:29 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 07:45 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:07 AM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 01:21 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men11/08/21 11:28 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 12:29 AM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:05 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:39 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 07:07 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 02:53 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:46 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:23 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 03:59 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 06:53 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:54 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:25 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 06:14 PM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 07:46 AM
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rsmiley77/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:58 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,265 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

You’d have guessed wrong. Over the past 45 years they’ve really plummeted but just since 2000 the rate is steadily declining. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/national-marriage-divorce-rates-00-23.pdf
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 05:03 PM
1

Divorce rates are actually plummeting along with the rate of younger people marrying. Also if you’ve been in a gym anytime soon these young guys are always in a mirror and flexing. I’d say there’s a big difference in behavior for those 28 and younger.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 12:55 PM
3

When respect in a relationship goes… the only option is to walk away. That part is obvious. No matter what you need to start separating your finances. If you are on the top line of an account or credit card you need to take her name off of the account asap. When paying down any debt you may have focus on those accounts with your name on them more than hers. Yes you split debts at the end of a divorce but until then you have to keep paying your bills or suffer the consequences. Divorce is tough b…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 12:03 PM
1

I represent myself with anything that goes on post divorce. The last thing was adjusting child support after my child graduated. My case went as far as it could go and I can’t imagine not having an attorney there to be a buffer. My attorney was great at filing and doing the little things but was horrible at trial. Thankfully the trial went multiple days, and I’m a professional communicator so I wrote up a script for her to follow in questioning and she followed it. At the end she said she didn’t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 08:01 PM
1

I’m glad you found the humor there as I am not coming from a place of bitterness. Also as a guy that went through this (divorce final Jan 2, 2020) it will get better. You won’t win the first lap but this is a marathon. You’ll Andy Dufrene this bitch at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:13 PM
2

I just have to mention ‘doing a 720°’ is still going the same way….
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 01:20 PM
2

If I was you I’d try and find something you could do for the day. Long hike…. Rent a motorcycle if you don’t already have one. Go to another town and see a show. Think big…. And within budget.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:03 PM
7

Yes you can. As I tell everyone you need to go through every bank and credit provider and see which one of those have your name listed first. Then take her off of each one. You should also have her take your name off of each card where she’s first and you are on the account. Joint banking account? Open up an account only in your name to send you a small stipend. The joint account should be used for bills and whatever she needs to spend money on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:21 AM
3

Hey man. First bit of advice I can give is just to breath and pause for just a bit. Here’s how things are going to go. Will she likely pay maintenance and other fees? Yes. Will it be soon? Depends on what you feel ‘soon’ means. Let’s say it will be more than a month and a half but less than six months. Until then you’ll have to make do. While you wait go through everything you have and assess if it’s needed or not. Go through bank accounts and make sure she doesn’t have access to anything that h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 10:55 PM
6

Talk about a switch in tone. There were parts of the first half of the article where I was like ok that’s mostly true. I didn’t agree with any of the second part of the article. Also would be worth mentioning the number one reason divorce rates are down are that people are going longer without getting married… if they get married at all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:53 PM
3

Normally you nice the divorce is final there are rules to the time she has before she has to leave. It should be fairly quick at that point. Before then it may be more difficult or you’d end up paying the bill.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:29 AM
2

Every state is going to be different. You’ll have to check with child support enforcement on what will be acceptable. I’d email them as you then have a record of what has been discussed. They’ll also be able to see the convo no matter if it’s the same person or someone different.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 11:15 AM
2

Yeah we all have similar stories. Women aren’t too inventive when it comes to divorce. They all think they are though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 12:00 AM
4

They convince themselves that you’re the problem. Many cases you’re not the problem though. It’s their own insecurities.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:50 PM
2

The past 15 years or so have really seen a change in how courts handle cases. They’ve successfully reduced the ‘how the judge feels’ when issuing a ruling and have more guidelines. There are formulas that are followed now where everyone can clearly see the why. I communicate for a living and I’m sure that helped in court, but I will be honest and tell you I never walked into a divorce proceeding where the person deciding whatever didn’t start off on my exes side. Sometimes it would take up to an…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:15 AM
1

So I’m a bit confused here…. Why don’t you think you’ll get them 50-50? In your post, you talk about your ex and her new guy. You never talk about why you may not get 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:22 AM
3

Which reminds me that no matter how prepared you are, most women will still be several moves ahead of you. They’ve been planning the divorce out for years. Women talk. They know the tricks. That’s why places like here are so valuable to us men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 03:17 PM
5

Wait a minute. She doesn’t have a job and her parents are rich? Do you feel in any way that they’re supporting her? It’s been four years, you should ask for proof that your ex is paying all bills on her own without help. It seems like you have a possible path out. What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:36 AM
11

So this happened to me. It’ll eventually be used in figures when you are both settling up with the final who owes who money. This is why I always tell guys your first move needs to be taking your stbxs name off of any money account you’re listed first under. It could have been worse as my ex took out a couple thousand dollars on a cash advance on one of my credit cards. Not cool.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 01:17 AM
5

I remember for around a month being Sherlock Holmes going around proving things. Then I realized I was better than that. Easy at that point to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 09:15 PM
7

Hahahahah. No. In all seriousness, none.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 09:12 PM
1

It’s not like the movies. The feelings come back at times. They repeat. With time things do get better. They’ll still come back but it’ll be easier to get through the longer time goes by.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 10:21 AM
1

Interesting. We didn’t have any witnesses so that may be why mine was held behind closed doors. Also courts are so backed up here I can’t imagine taking two days to tie up a court room.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 10:57 PM
1

Two day here. They put you in an open court room? Was it open to the public?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 10:02 PM
3

The time will probably not come. Only like 15 percent of divorces end in court. If it does come the only way he ‘comes to court’ is if you subpoena him to come in and your attorney won’t suggest this. I went to court. It’s not like the movies. It happens in the judges chambers. It’s your stbx, her attorney, your attorney, a court recorder, the judge, and you. That’s it. And it costs a shit ton of money.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:07 PM
2

It actually works even better that he owns the house they’re living in. Good luck to you. It would seem you have a solid case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 09:11 AM
7

Hey what state are you in? If in Pennsylvania this webpage is very helpful. https://www.bunderoberts.com/proving-cohabitation-in-pennsylvania/ I’d caution don’t file the motion until you know you have the evidence needed. You’re only going to get one shot at this before your ex will become more careful. Some of the things that stood out as evidence… social media posts with them on vacation. If you can prove that he paid and not her it’s even better. Have all screen shots saved before letting her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 01:07 PM
1

It does. You just seem to be clueless. Have a good one.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 08:48 PM
1

edited with less snark From the limited info we have from the original post: the OP is working well away from home to provide for his family. OPs spouse is not doing this. My assumption (maybe too much but I doubt it) is that he is sacrificing being away to make more money so that she can be home and make less money OP, while his argument needs refining before going in front of a judge, wants to spend less time away and more tine with his child. most science shows the importance for both parents…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 07:02 PM
2

This isn’t a flip…. He’s been sacrificing time away from kids to support the family. He’s not asking to be a bum, but just to be there for his kids. Crazy you can type what you typed and think it sounds reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:16 PM
5

I get what you’re saying. What happened to him happened exactly to me right down to the new person showing up at games. Their mother even showed up one time. Should the know better? Yep. Do they owe you anything? Nope. And as many on here say your ex is ‘their problem now’. I just know this outlook helped me to keep the blame and the motivation where it needed to be.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:06 PM
14

Best advice I can give you is something passed on to me…. Don’t blame the person who your now ex cheated with you on. Blame your ex. That’s who owed you something and betrayed your trust.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:19 PM
1

Yep. Have an attorney on standbys. If you need them they’re good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 07:39 PM
7

I like to ask guys going through divorce what about their exes wasn’t perfect. Guys never think it’s ok to complain about their spouses, but take their spouses complaints all the time. They aren’t perfect either.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:11 AM
19

I think you’ve misunderstood what those saying that are trying to say. When we say ‘work on yourself’ it’s because we know that the marriage is already over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:07 AM
2

It’s a tale as old as time. I didn’t even go behind and tell my side unless people asked. It was a nice purging of fake friends. If they think those stories were me then they never knew me in the first place…. But I get what you’re saying.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 05:42 PM
10

Yep. Also known as gaslighting. Meanwhile they’re telling a twisted story of what happened to all of their and your friends and family. Really anyone who will listen.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 01:06 PM
3

It is nice how it shows the judge who is serious about prioritizing the children and seeing who wants them when they’re not ‘clubbing’.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 07:02 AM
5

You know my now ex wanted her Friday and Saturday nights kid free too. Good luck with that. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 03:00 AM
6

It’s not your fault. It’s hers. Women during this time need to feel young again. They need to feel wanted. They want the excitement of new and being chased and chasing themselves. You can’t give that to her now. Protect what’s yours. Go through all your finances. Figure out what’s in your name. Make sure she has no access to it. Started talking to divorced friends about their lawyers. When it happens it’s going to happen quick if you wait for her to make the divorce move.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:45 AM
1

The court will only care about 2,3,6, & 7. With regards to 2, are you sleeping in the same house as her? If so they won’t care about 2. You need detailed schedules of time spent with your children from people on your side You really should have scheduled a PFA. You’ll have to answer why you didn’t. It’s always nice when they write (text) down their verbally abusive assaults
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:04 PM
2

Now is the time to go through all bills and credit and plot out what bills you’re listed on the top line of. Call and have her removed from all your accounts asap. Why? If she’s listed on any of your credit cards she can go into any bank and take out money that you’ll be on the hook of owing. Eventually they will factor that money into what you both owe at the end, but until it’s a loan where HOU will be paying the interest. Other accounts are similar and you should remove her to reduce your lia…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 12:22 AM
1

I’ve always understood that courts frown on just performing a test just on a whim. Your evidence seems compelling.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:08 PM
1

Ok good luck to you. I think any decent lawyer will get his quashed pretty quickly. I’d also stand by the ‘I never had sex with this person’ argument. Burden is on her here. Not you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 11:59 AM
2

I don’t know if this is a real post. If it is though. you don’t have to be in the same city in order to do a dna test. You’ll have a testing place close to where you are. I’m guessing you’re in the thirty day window to respond? This is the time to get a lawyer to respond for you. Probably the best 250 you’ll ever spend. believe me if it’s gone this far, she has a lawyer. there’s only one answer for you that’s the correct one… get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 11:53 AM
4

I try not to go over to that side too often. The amount of victimhood there is just gross. My advice to you guys is to follow the rules set forth in your divorce. Be the best dads you can be within those guidelines. And don’t listen to the noise from your exes. It’ll never be enough for them.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 09:06 PM
2

Yes. Hopefully goes without saying but public areas. I have four cameras in my house but only one sends data to the cloud. I’m the only one that knows this though. I direct any and all conflicts to this area of the house. Not that I have too many anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 08:15 PM
5

Yes this is pretty standard stuff. I used to be able to tell when my ex was having issues with whoever she was dating as she would try and pick fights with me. It’s annoying. As someone said change the locks and any other way to get in. Also put up cameras that download automatically to the cloud.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 04:31 PM
1

While I can’t speak for every process, they’re actually pretty good with taking out what they say they are and when there’s a collection they always corrected VERY quickly for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 10:41 AM
3

I was income withholding. Just got to stop paying a month and a half ago. My question is why wouldn’t you want income withholding? It’s simple. You don’t have to do anything to get the ex the money. And child protective services will only have themselves to blame when they inevitably mess up…. And they will mess up. My favorite was when I was refinancing my mortgage to get exes name off of it. They kept telling me I wasn’t paying enough. After three days of going round and round i get a manager …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 05:32 PM
1

The brokerage you are using will likely be VERY strict on this. They’re a pain in the butt to get through. Expect a check written out to your stbx from your brokerage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 01:15 PM
2

If you’d like to speed up the process you can tell the court that you having a mortgage on your credit is impacting you. You’d like to get a home or a car and the high interest from having a mortgage already is not ok.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 11:00 AM
3

To answer your questions. 1) probably not from what you said. 2) according to what you said again probably not. 3). They’ll likely give her an extension. As long as she’s paying the bill on time they likely won’t come down on her at all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 11:32 PM
13

As many on here have said ‘she’s someone else’s problem now’. You should be celebrating. I always found when my ex was happily dating she wasn’t in my business nearly as much. I enjoyed the peace and honestly was pulling for her to do well. Besides that I can tell you to join a local running club or something like that. They often times go out for drinks after their runs. Great way to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 06:54 PM
21

Man she’s giving you all the signs. I’ll give you my case. My now ex tried to cheat with one person. The person said no and changed jobs to get away from my ex. Then my ex all of a sudden started acting fine. Almost like nothing had ever happened. Would apologize and say how stupid she was when looking back on it. Took her about 15 additional months to latch onto someone else and this time she successfully found someone to ‘cheat’ with. They are still in an on again off again hate-ship. At the v…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 11:12 AM
4

So what to expect. You’ll go through court and they’ll try to split everything fairly close down the middle. Mine was like 55-45 benefiting the now ex. They’ll look at the equity in the home and will see if she has enough cash on hand to buy you out. If not she will have to sell the home. She will get to stay in it for maybe upwards of four years if she can afford the payments though. I’m assuming 2 years going through divorce and another 2 years after final settlement to sell. That’s really a m…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 09:35 PM
10

That’s the difference in men and women. Women need to tell their side. How they were wronged. How their choices were the right ones. Men don’t play that game for the most part. We are used to hearing no. We are used to women monkey branching. Some even pay women for sex. But when it’s over…. It’s over. We don’t need to answer questions before moving on or shaming the person. I’ve never heard of ‘tea’ by the way but I’m assuming it’s similar to some of these women Facebook groups where they compa…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:49 PM
2

Ha! My attorney was awesome until we had to go to court and they put my ex and me on the stand. Think ‘my cousin Vinny’ bad. Thankfully we had a second day with my ex still on the stand. I work in communications so I wrote an entire rundown of topic order and how to proceed from start to finish. She did and then we were fine. They can’t be great in all aspects I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 09:23 PM
3

Sorry I didn’t check and thought you were the OP. I’m where you are. Now that the main part of my divorce has been settled I represent myself in child support cases. At this point the law is the law. No reason to have attorneys involved. My ex clearly disagrees though. She likes to take an attorney in to still lose. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 09:01 PM
2

I agree with your feelings. I’ll add you only get to go through this one time. This is not the time to try and be ‘cheap’. And you STBX will for certain have an attorney ready to fight. Don’t mess around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:47 PM
4

I always tell others in this situation that if the shoe was on the other foot they absolutely would try to get every last penny out of you that they can. Yes you should get an attorney and the other party will likely have to pay for the attorney too due to the potentially large gap in income. If they’re making 180k and you’re making 60k in my state they’d have to pay for your attorney’s fees.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 07:19 PM
2

A quitclaim is you giving up your rights to a house. It is taking your name off of the deed. What it does not do is take your name off the mortgage. You’d still be responsible for the mortgage payment if your STBX fails to pay on time and becomes delinquent. Your credit could still get dinged for late payments. Your question is, ‘why shouldn’t I take my name off the deed for my own home?’
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 04:18 PM
1

I don’t know if court works out for anyone. My ex and her attorney continued to be unreasonable and sloppy on their end when it came to demands. I simply could not afford to agree even if I had have wanted to. The final ruling came down solidly on my side. So I won there I guess. In the end I saved money even after what I paid my attorney vs what they wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:42 AM
1

I felt I knew what was coming and what was happening. You may be like OP and not believe it’s happening but the knowledge is still all laid out in front of you. I may have been more open to acceptance of these things due to my marriage counselor telling me about what to expect during my last consultation she gave me my ex declined to go to hers. That was the first time I’d really even heard about narcissism. She scared me straight when it came to what to expect. That and this board really helped…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:40 AM
1

That was me too. Ex wouldn’t agree to anything close to reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:17 AM
1

The two days was the final court proceeding we had. My divorce took 16 months start to finish. I was up around 10k before the final month.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:31 AM
3

Sorry I left out a zero. It cost me 25k.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:45 AM
2

Wait so you paid them 7500 dollar already? This is a standard case AND they want 2k a month? That seems exorbitant to me. Of course my divorce happened 5-7 years ago so maybe prices have really changed. I had a ‘cheap’ private attorney 175/hr) who was really good and attentive to my needs. I went as far as I could go with the divorce and it cost me just below 25,000 but most of that was the 2 days of testimony and trial. I don’t know what to tell you now that you’re ‘in’. Probably just as much t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 10:31 PM
5

Or just don’t get married.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:13 PM
3

While the OP didn’t realize it until too late stories like this is why this place is so special. It’s like a cheat code to us men going through a wife initiated divorce. We know their moves and motivations before they do. My now ex tried to say what we were going through was unique. I stopped her and said it’s really not. It was just funny to me at that point how much of what I’d read on here she was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:10 PM
2

well... it may be too late for you to do much. Possession is 9/10th of the law. You'll probably have to go through the courts to get your stuff back from her. Maybe she will feel generous and give you back the things that are clearly hers. For guys about to go through it, let this serve as a warning to what can happen if you wait or think thngs are going well. Your STBXs will take your things and then horde them away.When there is even a chance for divorce you should... - Take your stbxs name of…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:59 AM
20

Yeah don’t worry what the exes are doing. That’s what they do. Recently at my daughter’s grad party my ex asked me (we’ve been divorced for five years now) if I was going to be ok if the person she cheated on me with came to it. I stopped and said honestly I don’t care who you bring. It’s your life. That’s the great thing about us not being together. Do whatever you want. Her person never showed up. You should have seen the quiet cursing my ex did when the person I’m dating showed up though. To …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 11:33 PM
1

As someone else said it helped me when it comes to time and moving on. My goal was to keep my family together. That was not my spouses goal. I am thankful for counseling as it helped to speed up the inevitable. You only live once and I wasn’t living at that time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 06:57 PM
1

I hate to say an attorney is wrong but unless you skipped some details I think they’re likely wrong. Is the house in your mother’s name? If yes it won’t be given to your stbx. Is the house in your now wife’s name in any way either solely or split with other(s)? It depends but still likely not given the home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 11:42 PM
1

And that’ll probably happen unless you can’t come to an agreement and go to trial. At least for me that’s what happened. If you have kids there’s a couple of things that you have to attend and be in the same room with.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 09:16 PM
1

Are you supposed to attend either of these? I was specifically told it annoys the judge here in PA when litigants show up for that. I can 100 percent answer the other question. They cannot speed things up. The worst part of divorce is the constant waiting for things to happen. Some things you can nudge along. Maybe a little more so if your stbx goes along. The process overall really is slow though and always will be.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 07:15 PM
2

I get it. That means you’ll have to go through the courts. I’d give a final heads up that if this isn’t dealt with within 10 days you’ll have no choice but to pursue a legal remedy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 03:53 PM
2

This is the type of shit that the court HATES to get involved with. While different from you my ex violated our final judgement quite often. When we went to a hearing on it her side argued ‘right of first refusal’ meant that I was bound to take my kids anytime my ex went out of town for work or pleasure. So the first thing I’d say to those going through negotiations is ti make sure the wording is clear. If you get in this situation the only solution is to complain to the judge who probably isn’t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 03:06 PM
5

Yup. I’ve told many a guy ‘you’re already divorced and just don’t know it’. At least this guy knows it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 05:42 PM
14

Yep. I’m around 10 years past you but this was my life. A couple of things… her anger is misplaced. Her anger comes from not being herself where she thought she’d be. She is realizing that in her own opinion her best days are past her. She imagined herself a princess by now. Living in the biggest house. When she goes on social media and sees others traveling the world she’s thinks ‘that should be me.’ She now needs to feel excitement again in her life. You and your family are the opposite of tha…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 03:02 PM
7

Hello all of my PA peeps. It looks like it is indeed law that she cannot take you off of her insurance during the divorce process. My question is are you sure she did this? It’s very hard to drop coverage when not in open enrollment. Especially if a spouse that you’re divorcing. I. Couldn’t even drop my ex from my car insurance without additional red tape. Anyways I am adding in what ‘might’ be the law when it comes to pa in this link. I’m not positive this is the direct law in your case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:25 PM
7

Man that’s a tough one man. Your attorney is probably correct. It’s going to cost you. I don’t know what good advice to give you here, and your stbx knows it to so she isn’t probably going to be very receptive to doing things that helps you out at her own expense.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 11:43 PM
5

Divorce law is actually pretty easy to go through and understand. Before you shoot off an email to your attorney google search whatever the question is and then your state and the word law. I’ve found that many times us men lose because we aren’t hitting the right key words. Examples are when arguing for more time with kids we should talk about what’s best for them. There are things you may be able to do to claw back some time with your kids and lessen the impact of support and spousal.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:29 PM
1

So we are all going to have a lot of questions from your post. It’s fine as it seems like you are more irritated and ranting here. 1) creditors are more than willing to work with you when you fall behind due to divorce. It’s actually probably the only place is Ken can get sympathy points at. Call them. Tell them you’re going through a divorce. Ask if they can slide back this one payment. There’s a solid chance they will and you’ll only be out the monthly interest. 2) if you don’t have to pay for…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:47 PM
1

One thing I learned from going through the process is that the 7 stages of grief don’t just happen in a line…. And not just once either. You never know what’s going to hit and when. What I can tell you is that eventually you will start to improve. To get better. It takes time. At least for me it did.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 02:19 PM
5

Im all about no drama and this sounds like a horrible place to be. When I was ‘single’ (I’m not married) I had some FWBs. I was honest about there not being a future between us. They were good with it and I remain friends with them even now. I say this because at best this seems to be your position. At worst you need to cut her craziness off right now. No matter what don’t catch feels for her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:39 AM
4

Also last advice. do not come home early on your days. If you have to just hang out at the movies watching stuff. Don’t do it. -when divorce happens women always shoot out of the gate looking like the big winners. Divorce though is a marathon nota sprint. Play the long game. You’ll come out ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:13 PM
5

Instead of doing the gym join a run club or cycle club. Many of these groups do a run every other day that always ends at a bar. Much better socially for you in one of those.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:04 PM
1

Ok. So a couple of things that I think you should be told 1) glad you’ve chatted with multiple attorneys. My suggestion is don’t just go by their advice. Look up the divorce laws in your state. In my state they’re not too complicated and you can then better decide if what you want can be accomplished inside the confines of the law. My attorney told me just to throw something in because ‘we always do’. Well I did not and it saved me 1500 a year at tax time. 2) be aware that if somehow your stbx c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:01 PM
1

Depends. Do you own the home you’re living in? Kids? If so moving out now will put you behind if you want to keep living in the home. Doesn’t sound like that’s an issue with you and it’s free so I don’t think there’s much downside.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 02:04 PM
10

This happened to me. It is frustrating and annoying. My advice isn’t going to make you feel much better either. Legally there’s not much you can do. You can obviously push the divorce forward as much as possible. You can detail nights (and really any time) spent with your children. That data may help but going off of my experience dealing with the system it won’t. The best you’re likely to do, unless there’s something really scandalous like drug use, is 50-50. Men have to play the long game to w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 03:09 AM
2

And setting yourself up to be another year in the void of separation without being able to move on. It’s so crazy some states make you wait a year before divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 05:35 PM
3

Nope.. don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:52 PM
7

Love hearing these success stories. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 07:00 PM
2

Even if you don’t believe it yet it helps to say it. Find something that you don’t have to worry it up with anymore. Start there. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 10:55 AM
8

I always found it helpful to think with a little smirk on your face ‘she’s someone else’s problem now’.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 10:45 AM
15

Sorry you’re going through this. A couple of things… 1) you’re not alone. This is what we have all gone through at some point and time. 2) it is likely not ‘out of the blue’. There’s a reason or person why she chose now. 3) you need to do whatever you can to defend yourself. The best defense is cameras set up in the most public spaces of your home that upload to ‘the cloud’. Take any heated discussions to a place in front of a camera. 4) women are really good at ‘misremembering’ how things in th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 01:47 PM
12

I think we all have been through this. Sorry it’s happening to you. Yes women are known to change things to make it seem like they were the victims and endured abuse even if it didn’t happen. Often times in therapy they will drop the phrase ‘my truth’. Basically it means facts be damned, this is what I feel. How to protect oneself? Biggest thing is to record everything you can. Cameras in the house backed up by a cloud center where data is uploaded to. It’s cheaper than you think. Texting instea…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 06:50 PM
9

Sorry you’re going through it. If you were a woman over on the women’s divorce side they’d be cheering you on and telling you take every last nickel that’s yours…. I’d follow their advice. Get an attorney asap.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 06:06 PM
1

Yep they don’t negotiate in good faith anyways. She’s negotiating with you while making other moves behind your back to strengthen her own hand.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 06:29 AM
3

I’d also say that the idea of marriage is a lie pushed on men. No man ever stopped me and sat me down to explain the contract that is marriage. I sometimes heard people laugh about ‘how long’ other guys marriages were going to last but never about what you pay getting out of the contract. For many of us, we’d sometimes hear about deadbeat dads but never their side of things. Now they just garnish your wages but that wasn’t that common back in the early 2000s. We didn’t hear why they weren’t/coul…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 08:46 PM
1

I’d give them five years post divorce because while you’re ’going through things’ after divorce there are many that aren’t happy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 08:40 PM
5

Make it your own place. Your sanctuary. At first the quiet may be a little weird but you’ll grow to love it quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 11:14 PM
11

Man after 7 years I don’t know why she’s ‘hiding’ it from you. And after 7 years nope there isn’t. She’s free to live her life to the fullest at that point and so are you. On a side note I was always glad when my ex was in the early stages of dating. That meant she wasn’t nosing into my business.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 10:30 PM
1

1) technically no since you should split available funds in some manner at the end of the divorce. 2) there’s a strong chance it would. Courts like to maintain what was happening before divorce. Maybe you still get 50-50 (if that’s what you want) but you’ll be playing catch up. Using my own experience in court, I never walked into a room without the people in the room assuming I was wrong and my now ex was in the right. It would sometimes take an hour or more for them to begin to see what was re…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 08:50 PM
17

As the person kinda alluded to, f you haven’t filed for divorce yet you need to do it asap. Nothing you can do about it before filing and the longer she’s away with the kids the harder it’ll be for you to get the ruling you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 04:09 PM
2

Love this. My ex made sure to make as little as possible during my divorce to get some support off of me. It was finally cancelled two weeks ago. So nice having the money you’ve made being available and not sent off to the exes bank account.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 12:35 PM
2

Don’t know the situation but maybe get your child talking to a professional to see if there’s something more concerning than normal going on. Probably not much you can do about it with her being so young.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 11:38 PM
4

I’ll tell you one thing you have some brass balls if you’re planning on standing up in front of a judge and saying this. ‘Let’s see how it plays out Cotton!’
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 07:27 PM
12

Here’s my advice to you as someone who has been in court a lot fighting my ex and her attorney and winning. This advice goes to anyone wanting to fight in court. 1) you’re going to have about 30 seconds to convince a judge of whatever it is you’re arguing. 2) the court is not in on any conspiracy involving your ex. They do not take kindly to someone wasting their time. They are overworked as it is. Don’t mix one with the other. 3) the only thing that is going to sway a judge is evidence. Somethi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 07:21 PM
8

So what’s fake about them? How much money has she potentially gained from this? Luke she claimed she made this…. But she really is making …. Also why do you feel they’re fake and not the real documents?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:38 PM
4

What evidence do you have? It is extremely difficult to falsely produce those documents.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:29 PM
5

First off you only get one chance at this. You say ‘only’ two kids’. That’s enough to cripple you big time when it comes to living. Do you have any custody of the kids? This is a big mess for you. Sorry. Honestly the mediator may be the way to go. Good luck to you man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 11:28 PM
1

As someone said if you choose to go the child abuse route…. And that’s a big if. You need to get your kids into counseling asap. The court will weight counseling ‘concerns’ way over anything you say you heard. Of course your child’s counselor can’t reveal a lot of information they talk about unless it involves a child in danger. Just remember there are a lot of extra steps involving fitness of a parent. Extra money by you. Extra interviews and questioning to your kids. Kids are notoriously unrel…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:04 PM
1

I still can’t fully comprehend it. My first check that doesn’t take out support is this Friday. Maybe it’ll finally feel real then.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 09:53 PM
8

I agree that the system is not perfect and some changes are needed. I think that may be the only thing I agree with though with what you wrote.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 12:16 PM
4

There’s a lot of good news in here when it comes to being financially free. Get through it and come out the other side like Andy Dufresne.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 02:10 PM
1

Enjoy every moment with them that you can.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 07:08 PM
5

Thanks. It can be as easy as making sure everything goes through text. And using your text message search when you’re not sure of dates. Just type their name and the date and it pops right there. I communicate to large audiences for a living so I knew that dates wouldn’t be as impactful as something that could visualize the data easily and quickly. So I printed out one page calendars. The easy part was putting in my normal days and excluding my week I had to go away. That’s 50 percent of the pag…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 06:23 AM
8

This drives me crazy and I’m am guilty of doing this even today. The other side would never give up anything so why are we? Does that money not go to a better place with us? My guilt is I finally relented to sharing the kid’s tax credit. I shouldn’t have done it. I’ve been overpaying…did she offer to give any back? Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 12:44 AM
5

Yep. Really helps when my company was like ‘no raises’ this year. I really was hurting for money and penny pinching. 🤏
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 09:03 PM
5

I know right. Crazy world we live in. Just 55k after tax sent over there with her refusing to get a real job and traveling the world.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 09:01 PM
1

Yes clearly attorneys are known for their graciousness. 😂😂😂. Hey you owe me 30k right now but by my graciousness I’ll stick with you. Clearly you forgot the /s. For OP. Please communicate with your attorney your situation and you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:36 PM
1

That’s not what I was told including by my attorney now as we’ve been filing. Again I’m just conveying my own experience that I am going through right now. For this guy. What he needs to know is that ethically unless he shows to intent to pay or lies or disagrees with his attorney, he’s likely to be keeping his attorney. I mean how many of us can’t pay the full fees right off the top? There’s a reason we aren’t immediately dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:24 PM
1

I’m actually going through this now where my attorney has to file with court to not be my attorney anymore. We didn’t end things on a bad note but I have a hearing where I can do it by myself. Source: going through this right now so absolutely not BS.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:17 PM
5

The best thing you can do is begin communicating 90 percent or more through texts messages. If you have to meet in person do it somewhere where it’s lit and very public. If you need sit your phone down recording to have a record of what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 12:09 PM
1

Make sure you’re communicating. Most don’t have 20k or more sitting around before divorce. We certainly don’t have it liquid after divorce starts. My attorney allowed me to pay through a payment plan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 11:47 AM
1

If you are attempting to pay, your attorney is not going to be able to quit you. They have to go in front of a judge to request the removal. The judge, if you’re attempting to pay, won’t let them withdraw. You may only get the most basic of services but they won’t be able to up and quit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 10:46 AM
7

I’m think there’s some truth to this. I think they see cases everyday and start to pump all cases together and don’t try to do things off the trend line after a while. So they try to make every case the same. Do the same thing over and over again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:18 AM
1

The person over that thread came over here a month or two ago when someone was complaining about his area and had a really constructive convo with many of the members here. He said that his area is more Apollo at divorce how to be a good dad. This side is more the guys going through it. It was interesting to hear the differences. I wish before divorce (bd) that I was equal. I don’t think I played sides but guys are naturally quiet. We don’t speak as many words as women do. People don’t want to h…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:07 AM
1

First off why did you try and post this anywhere else? The world doesn’t understand the plight of a man going through divorce. It can be a lonely road. You’re lucky if you only lose half of your friends. It’s probably closer to 80 percent who sides with the woman. You’re not a dumbass. Most guys don’t see the signs of their wives starting to cheat on them. Wives are great at hiding stuff and men are to lazy/trusting to put in the energy to snoop and check.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 11:32 PM
6

Man enjoy it. Things are about to change big time for you. Once this gets going you won’t have a lot of extra money for the next couple of years. Also make sure she’s off anything involving banks and money before you leave.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 09:56 PM
1

I agree with everything you're saying. I'm just saying give it another week and then pin those ears back and get aggressive about getting it signed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 05:46 PM
0

Has she given a reason why she hasn’t signed it yet? 20 days is just three weeks. Contracts like this you routinely give 4 weeks (or one month) before you start to press for it getting finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:08 PM
1

Man if there’s anything I’ve given up doing it’s trying to figure out women. I know mine feels she’s not paid enough even though she may be making me than me right now when you deduct the 1200 a month after taxes I’m responsible for from me and give it to her. I’m probably not the best person to ask about that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 05:27 PM
1

I’m going through this in the opposite direction right now. In my state you are supposed to update your new income within a week. It even says it’s ’your duty’ to do so. My ex, who now makes, I assume, substantially more than she was making also did not report her change of income. The law says up to filing in my state but I’m going to try and get it from the nearly 2 years ago when she started the new job. I can give you some advice. Have you been keeping your dependent(s) more than required? I…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 02:48 PM
6

Loans are also two parts. I got excited thinking I wasn’t going to have to refi for a bit too. You have your bank that you pay for the loan and your deed. My bank was willing to take my ex off the loan but she would have remained on the deed. That was a no go for me. I’m sure you’re double checking everything but just make sure your ex will be off of everything. The court may require a process higher than what you’re trying to do and you surely don’t want her name lingering on the account in any…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:39 AM
1

Ok a couple of things…. Never say you don’t care about the money. Every dime you give to your stbx is a dime you don’t have for food, clothes, and trips for you and your daughter. I get what you’re saying but money is VERY important. You actually may be in the drivers seat right now when it comes to custody. Everything in custody is big. Moving two hours away is ginormous. Do you have a good job where you are? Is your stbx a stay at home mother? If you say you want to stay for your job and the a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:29 PM
1

Weird topic but I’ll play. I’d like to think of myself as a modern ‘liberal’. I feel that one can both say that anyone can be anything they set their mind to AND acknowledge there are differences in behavior of various sexes. Does it mean that everyone does the exact same thing? Nope but trends can be assumed. I feel most, both liberal and conservatives, share my view but who knows. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:47 AM
1

So the first step is filing for divorce. Since you want to try to keep costs to a minimal you can go down to your county courthouse, pay fees that are likely around 200 bucks, and have one of the court secretaries help you fill out the forms. The rest isn’t up to just you but ‘you’ in a sense if you and your now wife. Maybe she doesn’t show up for court. Great for you it’ll be nice and easy. Maybe she shows up with an attorney. In that case I’d advise you lawyer up quick. Even if she no shows th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 05:37 PM
1

I will find out in a week and a half as I’m representing myself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 09:35 PM
2

Some things especially with child support you can do yourself. Anything with custody he’s right to get a lawyer. Technically his ex can file away. It’s not fair to him but there is nothing that can really be done.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 02:43 AM
2

Yep everything needs to be documented. I just finished logging every extra night I’ve had my dependents for the past two years in preparation for my child support hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 01:57 AM
2

The only thing that works are hard facts. Maybe get a note from your job promising your continued availability and that they will work with you closely to make it happen. Maybe a statement from a teacher or anyone else saying how important you are in your child’s life. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 12:26 PM
11

So according to my therapist, women plan out divorces years in advance. She 100 percent knew. She probably knew during Covid.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 10:51 AM
5

You guys are married though. Did you get the loan repayment in writing? You bought her a Rolex but don’t have the cash to pay an attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 10:15 AM
5

Someone else already said it but I would do my best to get out of the house with the kids. I wouldn’t sign anything since she wants to pay no child support. Hit her with cold reality after 6 months have gone by and you’re asking for support payments.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:23 PM
1

This is kinda my high side of what I should be paying. Curious did you also pay insurance?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 01:34 PM
3

No you should not inform her at all. That’s just me though. Maybe telling her and trying to negotiate will work out. It’s just that she’s already high conflict. I don’t see this ending well for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:41 PM
2

In my state you have the option after 3 years to go back and look at everything. There was no real reason to go back up until last year when she got the new job. Now I have enough info to bring my payments down I hope. Well they’ll come down but I’m hoping they’ll significantly go down.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:57 AM
1

I am a little worried about that. Is it best to tell her and make sure that she shows up or have her as a no show for the initial hearing? During our divorce I was asked through my lawyer, who was relaying info from her lawyer, to refrain from talking about anything involving court proceedings with her. I also would like to keep things as civil as possible through graduation festivities. I think you’re right though and I’ll mention it to her a couple of days before once all that is done. Thanks …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:47 AM
3

I like hearing stories of the system working both ways. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 10:20 PM
2

We have to provide info at the hearing in two weeks. I don’t know if my ex knows about the hearing yet and I’m not bringing it up. The court sent out letters to both her (she just bought a house four months ago so did she get it?) and to her old attorney. I’d expect a change of attitude if she’s received it already. Haven’t noticed anything. It’s not my job to tell her about pending litigation though. State law says anyone receiving or paying child support has a ‘duty’ to report any large increa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 08:29 PM
2

Either the man pays or nobody pays is so messed up but probably true. Us men (I’m doing it now) are always ready to give up these payments. It’s crazy. I am trying to make my details of sleepover nights as easy as possible so the guy can just look at it and see the issue. If I was the woman, with kids 60 percent of nights, it would be cut and dry. I’m the man though so we will see.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 08:13 PM
2

I honestly don’t know because I don’t have a clue what my ex is making anymore. She got a nice new job so who knows. I think I know a range. The issue is that the state calculator doesn’t handle ‘special’ cases well. It only handles 60-40 splits or wider. Values for what I’ll be paying to what I may be owed differ on how the ‘trier of facts’ deals with how many nights I have had my dependents.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 08:09 PM
2

Maybe. The hearing is in two weeks. I don’t expect it will get resolved just then after what I am asking but I’ll keep you all updated.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 07:34 PM
3

I already have 50-50 custody and I’m paying around 1300 a month. This has been in place for 7 years. Now I’m challenging the agreement due to my oldest graduating. According to the rules of my state though if you have custody 60 percent of the time (nights) you’re assigned the part of obligee no matter what your income difference. My fall back is my ex has likely more than doubled her income since child support was set. With my high percentage of nights my payment should now be very low accordin…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 07:31 PM
3

For some reason screaming about shit like this doesn’t work the same coming from us. I get it because that was probably be ten years ago. Always taking the side of the woman. No one wants to hear a man complain.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:50 PM
3

My one piece of advice for you is to take a step back and stop blaming yourself for everything. Us men are very good at taking more than enough in the way of responsibility and absolving the other side. I guarantee you she was not perfect either. The first step for you is realizing that and starting to move forward and getting better yourself each step of the way. Good luck. It’s a tough road…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:08 PM
6

Maybe not as fucked as you think. You need an attorney now though. File now. Ask for the home and I’d even try to get full custody of the kids. The thing that’s working in your favor (it’s something) is that she recently had moved out. Maybe that’ll be enough for you to keep the home. Other than that it’s going to be rough.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 10:03 AM
1

In my state they say 3 years unless something drastic happens. I am actually working on my child support adjustment hearing right now as my oldest is graduating high school. I’m hoping to get my support payment drastically reduced and maybe even cancelled… My now ex also tried to minimize her pay ahead of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 03:04 AM
5

You would seem to have a good position in negotiations. It is very kind of you to pay 12k a year in child support with you both being high earners.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 07:12 PM
1

Yes the court would look at this VERY poorly. You will just annoy the judge if you try and go this route. I hate to tell you this but you’re going to get screwed when it comes to alimony and child support. Your fight needs to be to make sure your stbx doesn’t get your child full time. The court sees you as one unit that is now splitting. So they’ll ‘split’ your future earnings. She contributes 0. You contribute 100. They probably bring you down to 60 and her up to 40 when it comes to what you’re…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 01:18 PM
6

There are tools for you to push this ahead. Laws that guide the decision voice process vary wildly by state. My best advice to you is to tell your attorney that he needs to do whatever he can to push the divorce forward and across the finish line. The in between from filing to the divorce being finalized is the biggest pay out to your stbx you’ll have. Just for that reason alone it’s so important to keep things moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 10:23 PM
11

You may be missing another point. Your exes may be using these guys for nice dinners and outings. For women dating is mostly cheap. Nice dinner and time out and then they get to decide where things lead to.. For men dating is expensive. Or can be. At best you’re splitting the bill. What recently divorced man paying child support, attorneys fees, and good knows what else has the money to support dating multiple women? One’s expensive enough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 05:15 PM
7

Good and positive answer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:03 PM
3

Yes. I knew that no matter what when it came to our kids I always would have the ‘it was you that left’ even though she was lazy and I should have left her years before. Tried to continue being a good husband. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 02:29 AM
3

The only thing I wouldn’t have representation for is some custody things. The very basic ones. Restraining orders are to be taken very seriously and a judgement there can royally screw you as you’ve now learned. Did you talk to your attorney about it at all? Hopefully he can undo any damage caused pretty quickly. I don’t want to pile on OP for a lesson learned but for everyone I always like to remind that we only get one shot at going through divorce proceedings. You cannot afford to go half ass…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 05:09 PM
3

Her lawyer was an oldish overweight woman who is known for her wild antics. My attorney dished that my exes lawyer kept making a noise and face when listening to the other person in a case testifying and answering questions from the other lawyer. When the judge told her to stop a couple of times she put a bag over her head to emphasize that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was loud, brash, and unprepared. She didn’t even go over with the ex her testimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:22 AM
3

I’m mean anyone can go to trial. As I found out divorce is not a two person dance. For me it was me attached to a pickup truck with my now ex driving full speed down the road and over a cliff. I didn’t want to go but her lawyer and her decided to take everything to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:10 AM
2

No you should not. You’ve seen the real her. Why would you go back?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 07:09 PM
4

I will say this… while married she did make investments. Everything you invested in, she invested in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:37 PM
7

I don’t know how far into the divorce process you are but if I was you I’d be trying to get the judges final signature quick. If they realize the stock has increased in value they will be coming for her ‘slice.’
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 06:41 AM
1

Don’t do it!!! Just a reminder child support is the one thing that at any point one of the parties can go back to court and get any out of court agreements tossed. So in your case you can agree on 60-40 and whatever else. Judge signs off on it. In a year your ex wants more money. What will likely stay the same? The 60-40 split. What will change? The judge will say that the child can’t speak for himself and so the court has to step in to make a decision that’s best for the child. They then pull o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 01:45 PM
2

Just a reminder to all that we as guys look back o. Things and often times lament what we could have done differently and better. The core issue isn’t you. It’s the fairy tell lifestyle little girls are taught at an early age. When all their stories end with everyone celebrating their youth and perkiness as they’ve found the most successful man in ‘their world’. What you guys are dealing with right now is the nightmare of ‘ever after’. Most just call it real life. Bills, weight gain, demanding k…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 05:23 PM
-2

Fair I shouldn’t say you’re saying ‘vouch for him’.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 04:11 PM
20

I agree here. OP may have a point but this case shouldn’t be brought up as an example. I saw the hotel footage of him beating the crap out of her. I don’t see how you can vouch for him at all after watching that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:57 PM
3

You know it was odd. It seemed like she was not vetted by her high priced attorney. My attorney and I went through all of the details. Clearly we weren’t prepared for that though… Looking back, I think that she was lying so much out of court to people she felt she could lie in court. It was also the one thing that I actually had hard copies of receipts due to having to turn them in for a small tax break. It was easy to pull up quickly and we had receipts printed and ready to show after the lunch…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 06:47 AM
7

I don’t agree with everything you said but there’s a lot of good stuff there. For guys going through things right now, what you mention about documentation is so important. My ex in court said that I refused to pay for my daughter’s last summer in daycare. She described the hardships in court. It really killed her case when I was able to produce the paid receipts for daycare along with my daughter’s ‘graduation certificate’ along with a signed attendance sheet of my now ex signing her out. You l…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 06:13 AM
6

I think the takeaway here is that most of these divorces are proceeded by monkey branching.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 03:58 AM
10

Curious was divorce dads or divorce men ‘founded’ first on here?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 09:32 PM
3

This right here. There’s a reason their side drags out. We are hit hardest financially during the divorce process and they benefit the most then. Even though only lawyers are truly winning at that point. OP I’m going to sound like I’m picking on you but I’m not. The lawyer is not your friend. They aren’t your business partner either. Coming into the divorce process we are all babies. We don’t know anything at all. We have so many questions and want to know why and we are entitled to that. But so…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 01:26 PM
3

Mine lied about several things. Had a teary eyed moment where she talked about me withholding funds and being badgered by our child’s daycare. I brought receipts and proof that it didn’t happen. In the end married twenty years and she got no alimony and I get to claim my kids on my taxes every year. I’ll take it. I did have to pay 70 percent of our bills. Most of which she ran up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:03 PM
9

She was trying to cheat on you…. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 06:27 AM
5

I see two things here. A) you’re angry. You have to find a way to let it go. B) women oftentimes try to ‘stay around’ to act like they’re the good guys. It’s not ok. I still see my ex’s ‘likes’ at times on my friends and families stuff. Annoying? Yes. Can you force them to stop? Nope. I guess you can yell and mention but you may come across as being bitter and mean to family.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 11:58 AM
9

I think one thing you missed was the lack of fulfillment for women around the mid 30s. They look at their life and ask is this what I wanted? They then chase the glamorous lifestyle they’ve always wanted and feel they deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 04:54 PM
1

Seems like you have enough to go to court and get your son more than just 50-50. You cannot continue to do your job and your exes without something. She’s using you still after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 11:13 AM
4

I get it. This was my counseling sessions to a T too. So many thanks n here say to screw counseling, but it was a life saver for me. My counselor gave me a couple of key points concerning my now ex that would have taken me months to years to figure out. It was the first time I heard the word narcissist and paid attention. Before it was some word that I didn’t understand and didn’t concern me. She also told me how my how ex would go about the divorce process. Again invaluable. My advice for guys …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 10:46 AM
13

The first step to moving on is letting go. You will go crazy trying to figure out what the other side is thinking. Block and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 12:43 AM
3

My advice to you would be don’t. Embrace the process and get it done as soon as possible. The longer the process goes the more it will cost you and the more that you’ll lose. Also the more you’ll prove your stbx right and the higher chance you’ll piss off the judge. There are no do overs in the process of divorce. You get one shot at something that can royally screw up a good 10-20 years of your life. Take it as serious as anything you’ve ever focused on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 09:21 PM
6

January of 2023 maybe. I joke but I’m serious. My marriage counselor told me that my ex had likely been planning the divorce for around 4 years. She found a point where she said ‘this is where it almost certainly started.’ Looking back I can only say damn she’s probably right.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 06:53 PM
18

As someone else said this may be out of the blue to you…. It was not for her. Shes been planning this for a long time. As you alluded to yes there is someone else that has helped her get over the hump of deciding to split from you. That person is part of her financial plan. You will hear many stories of exactly what you’ve described. The stbx trying to act normal. My story is that we were going to bed one night and she asks me if I had received any certified mail. I ask why would I have and she …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 06:15 PM
3

I’m on the opposite side of things. I stayed in the marital home in a good school district. My ex lives in a part of town that is rougher and around 25 minutes away from me. This means pick ups, that occur every other day for me, takes an hour round trip. So first I’d say 15 minutes round trip is probably around the farthest you want to be from them. I think you’re absolutely correct about kids wanting to be near friends. My girls consider this their true home. My ex is constantly twisting my ol…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:51 AM
3

If she’s truly a narcissist you should expect the worst outcome possible and prepare for it. 1) choose your fights wisely. Sometimes you just have to walk away 2) everything through text as much as possible 3) make sure you have cameras at your front door if that’s where handoffs occur. 4) make sure all your bank accounts and credit accounts do not have her name on them. 5) set clear rules that you put down in writing. Yes they’ll break them but you should adhere to them. 6) pause, wait, & think…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 12:57 AM
4

You’d just be wasting your money going to an attorney. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 07:38 PM
11

This happened to me. Here’s what you do. You do a paper return. You include a note stating you make more money and due to the tie breakers you are entitled to claim both of your kids’ deductions. If you have any questions just ask on here. I can explain more if needed. Edit: if she makes more money than you you’re screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 07:16 PM
5

I didn’t do things because they were technically not illegal. My guideline was if it was going to piss off the judge or not.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 01:17 AM
1

All AI does is go out into the internet world and steal info from others. The problem? Sometimes that info is wrong. This is coming from a person who has 50-50 custody of my two kids in PA. Divorce laws are fairly straight forward and all in one place of every state’s state law and constitution. I made sure to read up on everything before talking to my attorney each time we met. She didn’t need to explain most things and there were some things that attorneys just assume that I was like nope we a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 09:44 PM
-1

I mean it sounds like you’re more angry and upset right now than anything. Your ex seems to be following the guidelines. I’m sorry and know how frustrating divorce and family issues can be. You can’t let that have an impact on what is best for you. To answer your question, probably very little you can do unless she gets behind on payments. Even if she hasn’t refinanced before the three years, the judge is likely to just give her an extension if she’s kept up with paying payments on time. I doubt…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:46 PM
0

I’d be careful to put any real weight to what she said about her soon to be ex. According to my ex I’m a piece of crap too who was abusive. Her stories though fall apart when being challenged.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:13 PM
4

If only I had a nickel for every time someone says ‘wife says’. As wonderfully explained above the only way she can file in California is if you let her. Or if she has Elon musk type money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:09 AM
2

Good luck to you with whoever you find.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:44 AM
3

I mean it could. But he would have said if it does. He’s asking about state law. Most final note follows the law unless it’s settled. He did not say his was a settlement with specific rules to follow. Either way my comment was mainly for the OP. He will know if this is what he goes by or not. It would seem his answer is getting evidence she is in a common law marriage. Then after going for that he also needs to try and prove her economic situation has improved. If he can do one of those things, …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:39 AM
4

According to divorce net dot com — Unlike some other states, in Colorado alimony doesn't necessarily end when the supported spouse cohabitates (lives with a partner in a romantic relationship). Cohabitation alone is not, by itself, reason enough to modify or end alimony. If a paying spouse wants to end alimony payments because the supported spouse is living with another person, he or she will need to show: the supported spouse's expenses have been significantly reduced because of the cohabitatio…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:11 PM
5

So I went through this very same thing. I’m now engaged to the person playing the role you’re now in. I feel ‘we’ are an outlier as I was a great husband but knew once my now ex started cheating that I was ready and deserved better. This post isn’t about me though. It’s about you. You can’t know how serious this guy is about you right now. The one sure way to know though is to leave. If he’s telling the truth he will do what he needs to do to not lose you. Back to me and what I would think. Yes …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:01 PM
13

I mean it seems like you know what you have to do. Goodbye next…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 10:08 PM
1

In court if it comes down to it it’s your word against hers. If you both agree? Great. If not the judge may listen to you both and try to establish a date. Often times things like text messages are used to help flesh out these details. Also you said you ‘never agreed’. You don’t have to agree to it. As long as it was understood by you that she considered the time the point. She could then back that up with living separately in parts of the house. Text messages. A statement of the last time you h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:52 PM
1

Some places just a verbal ‘we are separated’ is enough to go on as a start date. The only real issue I could see here is when it comes to separating your possessions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 03:34 PM
4

You better have lots of FU money if you’re going to do this. I’ve heard of it happening before. Probably not this case. This is the one I remember. Man Sues Cheating Wife And Wins In North Carolina
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 12:48 PM
1

Nice. Strike fast as it seems she’s giving you a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 02:37 PM
6

It’s crazy it’s taken this long. Glad the change has been made. Baby steps.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 04:48 PM
7

Statistics say that the average man marries a woman nearly ten years younger in his second marriage. It’s not you. You can also get into the whole biology of women look for security but men look for genetically spreading their seed as being a thing. It’s completely normal how you feel.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 01:04 AM
2

A lot of times people on here ask what’s the benefit of filing first, and what you’re describing is that. If you are the person who files, you get to control how fast the process goes through when you file different steps. Also filing now does stop future splitting of assets. I’d talk to an attorney though to make sure but it’s an interesting idea.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 08:23 PM
3

I know we are taught that courts care about this stuff…. They don’t. Marriage is ONLY about tying your finances together. That’s what they focus on during the divorce unless a crime is committed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 03:00 PM
2

we all thought this. What you will find is that you are making and have more money than you know. It'll probably be costlier to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:15 PM
2

Have your attorney or mediator remind everyone that no negotiations should occur outside of them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 06:26 PM
1

Where are these stories? Seriously? It took one quick search of the thread to see plenty of them. More than a thousand hits actually. I linked to just the first few that came up and went through the first one and grabbed a guy who specifically talks about how him moving out impacted his final ruling. Now I ask you where is your guy who said he moved out and got a fair share? Anyways I am done with this convo. have a good life... https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hzpwq0/anyone_who_mo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:16 PM
2

This is not true. When you move, the court looks at that as you are abandoning your claim on the home. At most you can force a sell. They are not at that point going to move you back into the home and move your stbx out of the home unless there are extenuating circumstances. There is a ‘legal’ term when it comes to abandonment and yes it’s not that. That’s technically called ‘desertion’ due to abandonment being used for other descriptions. You probably didn’t just up and leave never to be seen o…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:49 PM
1

We never read of guys on here complaining that the court was unfair and they were left without the home and a large monthly child support and alimony payment? Sure and unicorns shit chocolate too…. Ffs… To the OP, you really should not be out of the house until the ‘judge’ tells you to leave. You are setting yourself up for how your post divorce life will look. If you want to live with your parents while paying your exes drug fueled life off with child support payments by all means keep doing wh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:41 PM
2

This is bad advice. It absolutely is not an urban legend. I had to do it. Living four months in a house with a now ex that was living the life with her new ‘forever’ person. OP do what you want but I promise you one thing. You out of that house right now is handicapping your negotiating position and arguments in front of a judge. They WILL give your house to her. They will give preferential treatment to the parent staying in the home when it comes to where kids stay and for how much time they ar…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:02 PM
2

I’m most concerned about the mistakes you are making when it comes to your home and kids. A court may see you leave bing out as abandonment. Old eventually lead to you being an every other weekend dad living in a crappy apartment you can barely afford as you fund your stbx’s drugs and partying. My advice you need to still be living with your kids until a court decides you or her have to go.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:17 PM
3

Your stbx is an annoying business partner and that’s it. Contact is held to a minimum. When upset or annoyed walk away and don’t respond for several hours. Only do the minimum for them. Limit the information she knows about you. Contact should be made public not on things that record your interactions like texts as much as possible. Get everything in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 02:50 PM
4

Guys the default is that the higher earner gets the child credit. I’ve said this a million times. Stop negotiating away what is rightfully yours. I fought like heck to make sure I got the child credits every year. It is wonderful.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 02:41 PM
8

Sorry this is happening to you. She will owe you some money soon. You were played. Women like to do this thing where they will shed a current life quick when their lifestyle can change.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 11:37 AM
1

Good luck. They keep those formulas locked down. You can try and reverse engineer from the states alimony calculator but they ‘claim’ they’ve been adjusted after the tax law changed. That was part of the last Trump tax ‘cuts’.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 01:42 AM
5

This was the biggest surprise to me too. At first you’re like how am I ever… then you do your budget and you’re like how was I so broke before?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 05:02 PM
3

Family court no. IRS yes. I have had this happen before.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 11:09 PM
7

This is the way. No attorney needed. Worst part is it’ll delay your return by a couple of weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 11:08 PM
11

I think my judge (master) was a gen x’er. The thing she seemed to hate most was a woman (my ex) who lied in court and seems to have no idea what something like a budget is. I realize my ex is an idiot and I was extremely lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 04:06 PM
10

We can disagree there. I will argue that if much rather be judged by a ‘feminist’ judge than a church thumping conservative judge. I had the feminist judge (master) and I was given a VERY favorable outcome. I remember in her office there was a stand that had little trinkets on it and there was a feminist ‘3 wise men’ joke on it. I saw that and was like ‘shit’. I was factual though while my ex made shit up. I remember when judges opinion and the ruling likely changed in my favor. No way it would …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:28 PM
2

I don’t envy you. I remember how bad those days were. Not fun.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 06:42 PM
2

I think you make some good points. My own personal belief is that what you are talking about is ‘lust’. No relationship will sustain itself if it’s just about lusting after the other. ‘Real love’ is about more than the sexiness of your partner. That will always wane. It’s about being a partner who one can lean on through the best and worst of times. Of course what do I know I’m a now divorced male…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 10:01 PM
1

You’ll have a similar set up as me. My divorce has been final for 4 years now. It’s wonderful. I’m sitting here in my home. Playing some music and doing some spring cleaning. It’s great. It’s not always easy but it is worth it. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:57 PM
2

I spent the last four years of my marriage trying to keep my family together even though my now ex was lazy, narcissistic, and overweight. The day I knew it was over I was soooo ready to put that past behind me. Not all guys are ready to move on from day one. Some are. PS…. It’s not always the guy’s fault when a marriage ends. Especially when the couples are 35 and above. Just wanted to throw that out just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 02:57 PM
11

One of my big points for guys thinking about ‘begging’ is that it’s the worst thing you can do. Women when they get to the point that brings guys ‘here’ is they lose respect for their SO. My ex HATED seeing me move on to the point I know she wanted me back. Here’s the great thing when you move on… you don’t want to go back. You see it for what the relationship really was. And a future of that will make you ill.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 02:49 AM
2

Not you. She may end up ticking off the judge. It’s good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 12:20 AM
2

When I was going through my divorce my first rule was not to do anything that would tick off the judge. Things like this tick off the judge. Your ‘win’ probably won’t be immediate. For me, my ex decided to lie in court. A lot. After a tear filled lie about me not paying daycare and her not being able to take kids to daycare. I mean this was an Oscar winning performance. I brought receipts and an email telling the daycare owner that any issues with billing were to be handled directly by me and an…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 10:39 PM
12

Man you want to strike quick with getting her divorce papers. She’s in the fog of love. Let’s hope that benefits you getting out quick and cheap-ish. I will say mine was in the fog of love but decided she needed to be the victim. So it was neither quick or cheap-ish for me so let’s hoping you have better luck. To comment directly on your OP, often times when women begin to approach 40 they begin to realize their perky and ‘hot’ years are quickly coming to an end. They need attention from someone…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 07:55 PM
2

I am going to assume that he will be 13 or almost 13 by the next school year and will say this is the time when a court will begin listening to the wants of the child. If he decides he wants to live with your ex you may well have to go to court to fight over it. They would then proceed to assign a social worker or therapist to your son who would then determine if he is fit to make the decision. Other things like if he would have to change schools, his overall grades, and other intangibles would …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:26 PM
1

The state is eligible for more federal funds based in part on how efficient they are at collecting child support. It’s not a big part of the formula… but it is part of it. They don’t take the money directly from you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 04:28 PM
3

The process for you should be simple. You call them up or file online that you were not the driver and that your ex should have already removed your name from the vehicle… even though this is something that normally happens AFTER divorce is finalized. Still let them know the details and they should be able to track down who was driving the car at the time of the accident. You may still have liability if the person is underinsured or non insured.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 12:11 PM
4

Short answer is yes you are probably responsible for those months. The money you paid will be deducted from whatever you agree to pay as long as you have proof for paying it and why you paid it. Just a heads up that child support is the only part of a divorce that a court will 100 percent not care about an agreement. Their stance is that the money is for the children who are minors and need a third party to negotiate on their behalf.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:10 AM
2

Hey it’s all part of the process. It honestly sounds to me like neither of you should get alimony. Alimony is the wild card though and her side is going to try and get it. You should 100 percent start negotiations by asking for alimony. Negotiate it down to hopefully no one pays.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 07:15 PM
23

Nope. The only solution for you is to walk away with your head high. When a woman tells you they’re not in love with you anymore it means that they don’t respect you. So begging or trying to ‘be a better husband’ won’t work. You have to walk away and move on. They may realize at that point that they screwed up but almost always us guys then realize we can do better. Not to pile on but this also likely means your stbx has found someone else…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 05:52 PM
1

Whose name is the house in? While the judge can do whatever they want I think you’re likely good on the medical bills. The house payment may be a bit more hazy. Your stbx may try to argue you’re hiding assets in your parents home. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:30 PM
1

They shouldn’t. So you’re asking about two different things so let’s go through them both Money spent: was it spent or n something you can see and touch that you still own? That asset will be part of the split of all your assets and money. Transferred: to where? Do you still control this money? Is it hidden? Most of the time both sides switch bank records from the past three years. Any decent attorney will flag the ‘transfer’ and you’ll have to answer where it is and how spent. The main question…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:10 PM
1

Day of filing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 02:24 PM
1

They add up all assets on day of filing as best they can. Then they split it up along with future payments in a way that the law says is ‘fair’.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 01:37 AM
3

You can still be on the hook for kids in college… The world is your oyster when it comes to where to live. Think big. House boat? Try and have fun with it if you have nothing tying you down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 06:06 PM
1

Sorry man that sucks. I get that judges don’t want to spend a lot of time on who did what but bills and budgets are important to spend time with. Grrrr.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 05:01 PM
1

Did you have an attorney? Seems odd that a court would just say 'let's take momma's numbers'. I'll use myself as an example My now ex came to court with what she claimed she had paid during our separation period. She claimed to have spent more than 30k. Thankfully we didn't get close to finishing presenting our cases that day and had to come back with me on trial. I went through all our bills quickly and efficiently and showed what bills she should have owed and what she would have paid if she w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 01:12 PM
1

What do you mean by ‘at risk?’ Could you lose the home? Maybe but probably not. Marital money is going to go into the home once you are married. The value of the home will increase. You could be on the hook to pay her something due to how your finances are intertwined. If you can’t afford to keep the house due to money you have to pay out you may have to sell. But probably not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 01:32 AM
2

This is a tough one and many go through it. I feel like I’d fight like hell to be a part of any child of mine’s world. Thankfully when I divorced I was in the place I could call home for years. You have to decide what’s most important to you. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 07:56 PM
2

I’ve said for a long time that most of a divorced man’s agenda aligns nicely with feminist agendas for divorce…. Unless you’re rich. 🤑
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:45 PM
2

I think it tells you at the top what benefits there may be. In order to save money in one place (rich and businesses) they must increase taxes on others. They see a benefit of not having single people benefit over married people so bam lets change this part of tax law. I do agree with you that the article is clearly written by someone who does not vote republican. While they editorialize all through the article their facts seem to be sound and true. Also the claim was made while I was going thro…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:40 PM
3

How taxes work is stepped. So you’d pay a higher rate on your first 100k. Then go down to a lower rate for the rest of it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:31 PM
4

I was VERY fortunate for the extra covid funds. My attorney let me pay monthly. Then after a year or so she said she was extending to me and some others a deal she had made with those that were behind to knock off 30 percent if paid within like two months.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 09:37 PM
6

Sorry man it will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 10:58 PM
2

Things will get better for you. Also your ex is currently living the life burning through YOUR money. Give it another couple of months and then you’ll see the tables quickly turn. When they do please go back and read your post. Remind yourself of these moments in time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 06:55 PM
5

Who is paying for health insurance? Is this during the divorce process or after? During divorce your child support order will be more than it will be after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 06:16 PM
3

So sorry for you and what you must be going through. Also sorry some feel you’ve somehow won the jackpot. Let’s just get these kids home and safe with you. Will you see your kids again? Probably. Who knows what state of mind your stbx is in though. Have you talked to her family at all? I’d reach out and make sure they know the truth with what’s going on. Ask them to convince her to turn herself in. I hope everything turns out ok for you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 02:32 AM
3

You’ve already gotten some really good advice on here except the guy saying spend all your cash…. Don’t do that. I’ll add that like others have said she’s entitled to half of everything. There are no tricks for getting around this unless you want to try and break the law and even then you’re probably only going to cost yourself more money. Also she will try and get 100 percent custody of the kids. Why? Because they equal more money for her lifestyle. If she is truly a narcissist she will fight y…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 09:55 PM
1

I did not down vote you and actually just gave you an upvote. Here’s my question… the ex is clearly not going to go for this so to get a change I’d think you’d have to go through the legal system. It seems from what you’ve said that it would be an uphill fight.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 09:23 PM
5

You don’t give us nearly enough to go on. Child support and alimony are all based on who is making more money and what type of spread there is. Consulting an attorney is really your only move.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:49 PM
6

So you say ‘friends’. I say keep it strictly business. From here on out it’s all just a business transaction. The issue at least when it comes to my ex is that she wants to fight about everything. She always thinks she’s right and will bring everything freaking down before admitting she was wrong. It literally takes receipts and in some cases she still claims she did nothing wrong… So no we have not reconciled and I don’t expect there will ever be one. So how do I handle it? I contact her over t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 01:15 AM
1

Your wife may be going through postpartum depression. I’d check with your pediatrician about family classes. Having a baby can be tough and triply so if you’re doing it on your own with few friends and family helping. I think this is one of the few times in here it isn’t ’someone’s cheating’ that’s at issue. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:55 PM
12

I am around 7 years out I can still hardly look my ex in her eyes when talking to her. I talk to her while looking at a space right behind and offset from her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 08:09 PM
5

Just a reminder if you can find a therapist to talk to if not just once every other month. It will help. Also while she does a great job of talking about how are exes came to act out it doesn’t mean we have to excuse them for it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 07:28 PM
3

Not much. These things will be documented and could be used when it comes time to make decisions later on down the line. Good luck man we’ve all been there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 11:18 PM
2

I always asked in these situation what may tick off the judge. So my question, do you think the judge will be happy if the stbx forces the matter and for some reason you end up fighting or arguing out loud with this new guy? Besides that I think it’s reasonable for you both to respect the boundaries when in your home space. Mine did not do that. It was so trashy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 05:08 PM
1

That’s great news man. Can’t even imagine being kept away from my kids for that long. First thing you should do after your stbx leaves is ask her if she’d like to go get some ice cream. Something to help her feel less anxious. Just my 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:43 PM
6

That’s great that you’re moving on and getting excited about ‘the other side’. Your therapist is right that when dealing with narcissists or other ailments you have to be bold. You can’t back down but have to be smart in your actions. Sadly they’ll always try and take advantage of you for the rest of your life. Also ever narcissist always tries to convince everyone else they’re the problem. They’re the narcissist. It’s them gaslighting as usual. Telling you the one thing they fear the most…. Tha…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 10:17 PM
1

I’m good with not going in… I wouldn’t stop the ex from going though. I’d be like sure you can win. You have a great shot!!! She wouldn’t get past the second game. 🤪 Also and this is a little bit of a spoiler…. Cliff hangers…. 🤢
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:32 AM
9

Mine was also in a relationship(s) before the divorce. Oddly enough she had a stronger reaction when I started dating than I had when she started dating. She became violent with threats and intimidation. I did have a moment when (came home to her and her fling in the bed I was sleeping in every night) I was able to walk out the door and accept the trash that she was. At that moment I understood this wasn’t the person I thought I knew. You may not have a moment like I had that made it easy to fli…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 09:37 PM
2

You should find out what your county court uses.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:24 PM
1

You’d guess wrong. The guy has to stand up for himself. If he doesn’t it will continue. Follow my journey over the past five years on this sub. My ex was as aggressive as they come. As I responded to the other guy stop treating your exes like terminators. The law would not allow us to do these things… stop giving excuses to our exes. Hold everyone else accountable.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:23 PM
2

You can follow my story on here. It’s not bullshit advice. I had a VERY aggressive ex. We went all the way as far as you could go with the divorce process due to her. The amount of times the police were called out. The aggressive calls. She would even lurk driving around the block. Her new thing now three years after we finalized the divorce is calling from my daughter’s phone because she feels that will get her through more. It’s always something… My question to you with no kids… why not just b…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:20 PM
-2

Oh boy…. Well first off your fiancé needs to grow a spine and be handling this himself. I mean it’s you and not him that’s looking for answers. My advice to him would be to say something to his ex. Put rules in place. I’m guessing most of the texts aren’t pressing in need… also he could file a motion with the family court against her aggressiveness. The court would only say ‘yeah stop’ the first time but it would be there laying the ground work for some sort of punishment if it were to continue……
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:38 PM
2

Courtesy? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ If she had have I would have told her there and then I do not need your life updates. I did know about her early dating life. Not that I was trying to find out. In summary I think you have more issues if they’re feeling the need to tell you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:59 PM
1

Your addiction and struggles with it isn’t a reason people have to stick with you. Good for her from moving on and enjoying life after taking care of you for so long. Now that I’ve been blunt I’ll add that it’s normal in every relationship for the women to move on much faster. If you get clean and stay that way the likelihood is that you’ll catch and surpass her when it comes to quality of who you date.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:08 PM
5

Ok so short answer is it is a separate expense. Long answer will help you better understand how it works…. Long answer: Child support is technically for the kids and any agreement outside of court will likely not stand if challenged by either parent. Daycare is an expense incurred to the parents…. So they’re separate… in some case after you know what your child support number is, instead of paying the other side for support you will directly pay daycare expenses or at least subtract/add that fro…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:55 PM
1

Awesome no support. Congrats. On to the next battle!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 03:05 AM
2

Way to be well if not overly prepared. I think you’ll find when you get to court they won’t care about a lot of that stuff sadly enough. I always explain it like this… unless there are allegations about the safety and well being of a child they aren’t getting involved. And even then most of the time it’s sending someone out to go to the homes and check things out. They don’t have time for Jerry Springer drama in court. They trying to knock out as many cases as possible daily. And still don’t hav…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 08:21 PM
5

I didn’t have much of a choice with my split as we were so far apart it went to a judge.I started the process by going 60-40 to her plus around 3k for saving me attorney fees. My final offer was far less generous and the final decision from the judge was very close to my final offer. If anything I’d do a better job of protecting myself pre marriage. Make sure that at least mediation is built into a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:45 AM
2

Similar here. Started dating the running back for a women’s football team. That woman’s by herself has broken up at least five if not more homes. I feel she’s doing god’s work. I know I’m thankful for her. I’m free and the ex is the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:10 PM
7

Probably the opposite actually. My therapist said that men simply can’t compete with the joy that women bring each other in the short term. They burn out fast though and fall into a relationship with little sex. There is some truth to the joke ‘what does a lesbian bring to a first date….. a U-Haul.’ It’s clearly even worse when it’s a woman dabbling.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:55 PM
9

My ex decided she was a lesbian. Now she just dates what ever she can… here’s a couple of hard truths about this life style that women don’t realize… 1) it’s not like the movies. Our (ex) wives are not banging ‘hot’ lesbians. They think they’re going to be…. They’ll soon find out that’s not the case. 2) it’s easy being a woman and getting hit on. Maybe tiring always having to say no. They’ll soon find out that it’s tough to be the hunter and not the ‘hunted.’ Being told no sucks. Women handle it…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:57 PM
1

If you look at this guys post history he claims in the post about being married a long time that he has been married 22 years. He in this post says his wife is about to turn 40…. Do the math guys…. This guy isn’t being truthful….
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 05:08 PM
3

I wonder if anyone ever asks the other side this question… To echo many in here. I can trust my friends. I enjoy being around them. Neither is true with my ex. She cheated, lied, and stole. I’m forgiving but not naive.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:57 PM
1

25k. Went to trial. Thankfully judge saw that there was a massive gulf between sides and didnt make us continue to negotiate. The trial was just over half my cost for the two days. My ex probably paid somewhere around 35k.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 10:32 PM
6

This is a good strategy with everything in the divorce process. Zingers are so much smarter when thought out after a little bit. The anger goes away and you can say things that are truthful and call out the other side’s ridiculousness. For the OP, good luck. Make sure your attorney knows why you aren’t good with the settlement. Hopefully you can come up with a workable solution. Quick reminder you should subtract what you think will be court and lawyer fees from whatever you feel is fair right n…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 02:17 PM
1

Sounds like you’re in good standing unless you just want to be kind…. I almost got that out without laughing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 01:52 AM
2

I’m sure this can vary by state but in PA you only can contest within 30 days. The only question I have was is there something in the final decree that guaranteed her you’d pay health insurance for a set amount of time longer than it’s been? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 03:00 AM
1

I have not. This is good to know. I honestly rarely talk with n the phone anymore especially with my ex because transcripts of text messages are so much better for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 01:26 PM
2

Yes. If you want to record someone it’s best to ask for their permission no matter what your laws will be. If they’re being aggressive towards you and doing something where you feel your or someone else’s life will be in danger then a statement of ‘I’m going to start recording this conversation now’ will do. Also remember that you may be recorded on the other end and while illegal to record without your consent, it can be used by law enforcement to make arrests due to threats.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 12:18 PM
6

You woke up to this? Wow. So what should you do? File for divorce or wait for her to file. It would seem your marriage is over. With what you have told us I don’t know if a lawyer will be needed if things stay cordial. Do you own the home? Was it purchased while you were both married to each other? If not maybe the dog is the only thing worth fighting over. This is the part where someone (guess me) should make sure you understand to close any accounts where you’re both on. Make sure she isn’t on…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 12:11 PM
3

There’s some bad advice that I’ve seen from n this thread. Do not put anything in cars to track her movement and also don’t put in small hidden cameras unless she knows where they are. Things you can do now: 1- divide all finances. Put your money into your own account and then you both can contribute to monthly bills. 2- you can put in cameras in your home to record things. Just make sure she knows about them and they’re in public areas. 3- start thinking about how your future will look. Can you…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 12:45 PM
10

To guys in this situation. Thankfully life after divorce isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. Our exes start out with a nice lead (often times have cheated and even if not they always can find a guy, alimony, support, family and friends feel they need to ‘protect’ them). Those things run out though. They get old, fat(ter), support ends, and they’ve called in all their favors. Don’t worry you’ll catch up and even surpass what they’re doing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:20 PM
14

While this question to many will seem to have an obvious answer, when one is gaslit you don’t know what is up and down anymore. This is what you get. OP as others have said your marriage is over. Get your own account. Make sure credit cards of yours don’t have her on them. Get an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:49 AM
12

OP I tell all guys going through your situation the same thing. — your ex cheated on you for 2 years behind your back. Stop saying things like ‘I wasn’t the best’ and ‘I wasn’t there for her mentally and emotionally’. Neither was she. Stop blaming yourself for her bad actions — I’ll let everyone else handle other advice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:57 AM
1

Yup. Divorce law is fairly straight forward. Also you have to know what you’re entitled to and don’t give it away. I temporarily gave away my yearly child tax deduction. The exes attorney slickly threw it out ‘so we are splitting this?’ My attorney looked at me and we agreed. When my ex screwed around and took it all I read up and saw she wasn’t entitled to a dime of it unless the court splits it. Summarized version I get this every year now…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 08:33 AM
1

It’s probably worth more now than when you get to court. Judges want us to be able to figure things out on our own. They hate taking action on things that were agreed upon but broke by one party. This goes triply so if it’s a woman doing the breaking. And I’m mostly the ‘courts are even’ voice of reason around here.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:34 AM
1

Why wouldn’t you have to go to final trial? This seems like a great negotiating position to be in. Maybe you can negotiate your way out of final trial and into a settlement that allows you both to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:03 AM
5

Yep and they’re right. Believe me divorce often times is the peak of a women’s adult life when it comes to money and success. We win the marathon though. In all aspects of my life I would not change where I’m at with here and it isn’t even close. The thing that she did was helpful because it allowed me to move on guilt free. Oddly enough I thank her for that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:29 PM
12

I’ve told my story before in detail. Knew something was up as she was cleaning the house. Came home between my break from work to another car in drive. Walked in front door that was wide open. Her and some chick that looked like a dude was naked in the bed I had been sleeping in. The chick had even brought her nasty dog over too. Anyways never looked back after that. Only reason I cared before was due to my kids. She was a horrible mother and wife. That’s the thing with marriage. Once you say I …
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:45 PM
4

To answer your question yes you’re getting screwed. A lot of good advice above. I would not trust the advice if the attorney that is working things now. No offense but you may find out in three months they’re a couple…. I’m ‘mostly’ kidding. So my thoughts in no particular order… 1) your stbx is not your friend anymore. You’ll notice a common theme to situations like yours on this board will be that the only time a woman seems to be willing to negotiate is if they’re robbing the guy. I promise y…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:31 PM
9

Yep mine did this too. Giving advice that was not asked for, not needed, and honestly just shitty. I’ve been officially divorced for nearly five years now and she continues to feel she should give advice. Meanwhile my oldest daughter refuses to live with her because she feels her home is toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 08:09 PM
1

I don’t know your financial situation but I’d caution that ‘the law’ doesn’t favor the mother. There are things that we do that allows the mother to get more like them being SAHMs. We also allow moms to do things like make less in order to have more time at home. And I get it. I still to this day remind folks that I never walked into a court that didn’t assume I was the ‘bad guy’. I knew my shit though and studied up, and I along with my attorney we were prepared. The law didn’t screw me because…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:58 PM
3

The chances of that happening if you’re a good dad is next to nil. In PA, custody is the first thing you settle. It happens within the first 2-6 months. For most it happens at 2 months but if it goes to trial could be a half year. You don’t even start talking money until almost a year in. I believe discovery was due in my case just shy of a year after divorce was filed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:12 PM
3

Yes it is. Hopefully you won’t spend 40k. You’ll spend half of that yourself. That’s IF she continues to be unreasonable. If you settle it will cost you a lot less than that… Here’s the thing. When you were explaining the first part I was thinking ‘what is she hiding.’ Then you came out and said what it was. You better believe that if it was your retirement she’d be going after every last red cent. She would blow it all up to make sure she gets what she feels she’s due. This is the difference in…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:46 PM
2

Just want to bring up that you blame your exes parents for a good portion of her issues. You say things like ‘she expected because her parents did this…’. Stop doing that. Put the blame on who is responsible for it. Your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:51 PM
11

Great piece of advice I was given at the start of mine. Your beef is only with the person you married. No one else. Keep your cool with everyone else if they want to talk about what they know. There’s so much you don’t know that they can fill in the blanks with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:16 PM
2

I wish I had better news for you but I think you see how this is going to play out. First off your stbx is probably getting coached on what stances to take. Her deciding to ‘stay’ is a move that you have no immediate counter for. So let’s say you guys can’t come to a decision…. And the only one I see is her coming to Japan with you… this is going to court. The court is going to ask the basic question of what’s best for the kids. They’ll have to decide if you moving them half way across the globe…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:19 AM
1

Thanks. I can chuckle about it now looking back but yeah it sucked when it first happened. Your world is just destroyed. I didn’t deserve that. I was and still am a good father to my kids and was a damn good husband. The ex is still a problem and it hurts to see her continue to pull her shit with my daughters. She continues to be out of control.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:16 AM
6

My ex never hardly cleaned house unless someone was coming by. She started cleaning the house all of a sudden to the point my oldest daughter (10 at the time) and I were jokingly asking who was coming by a couple of days when the house was all of a sudden super clean. While we joked I knew something was up…. Came home early one day that week to my suspicions being realized. A random car in my driveway (I knew who it belonged to). I pulled up. Went to front door to be as quiet as possible. Pulled…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:41 PM
1

It is not difficult. You can do it yourself and get it done with one or maybe two visits to the county courthouse. . Normally courts allow once every 3 years to check in on financial records. You said that it's been two years at the most. Most courts would find this unreasonable. I'd volunteer if this gets to the judge to provide your W-2 yearly as long as she also gives hers. Actually that's the thing you should offer before the judge has to sit for this to the other side. There is plenty you c…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:06 AM
6

Can I be honest with you…. You could be dating a ten and you’ll find something wrong with her. Yea looks are important but make sure she has a job and can support herself easily. That’s the main thing you want. I am currently dating a woman who is gorgeous. I joke that her super power is looking amazing in a swim suit. I still wonder if she’s good enough at times. It is always going to happen after your first marriage. Halle Berry says that when she was married to Dave Justice he’d stay down sta…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 11:10 PM
2

The most important thing to remember is that during the divorce the court is going to make incomes nearly 50-50. The alimony you’re paying is called pendente lite. The final alimony ruling may be well below this amount. In my case I was paying around 1300 for both pendente lite and child support. When the divorce went final my monthly payment fell down to around 900 since I didn’t have to pay alimony. My ex and I had a number of bills however thanks to her running up cards so I had to pay a big …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:48 PM
7

Marriage takes two. Seems to me she’s been telling you for a while that she wants out. That’s her right. You now have to accept that. Btw I don’t consider it cheating sleeping with someone else while waiting for divorce to finalize. I think that and some of the words you use are very telling about how you view her and you. You must accept that it’s over and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 01:42 AM
4

It’s the standard thing. Most of our stories are disturbingly similar. Now they’re all on ozempic.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 10:49 PM
20

Love this and totally agree. My ex was all about ‘ha let’s see you take care of them now’. I thought it was odd because I was always doing way more than 50 percent of duties. She was delusional though so there was that. When custody started up she quickly figured out that it got in the way of her club and party life. Now she’s at the ‘new friends have all left her’ stage and it’s a lot of eating out and doing nothing with them. So annoying but oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:14 PM
6

Yep nothing new. Even though I won everything and more from my divorce after going through a two day trial, I remember it was something the 'court master' said that irked me so much. If you don't know a court master is an attorney that gets to sit and decide cases like a judge due to judges being overworked. She said that surely my now ex had to have done some chores... This annoyed me highly as she did little to nothing when it came to chores. It was especially true during the last four years w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 06:14 PM
3

I’m going to assume the OP is a woman and friend of the male. Why? There are hints in the post. These posts are always odd but I’ll try and answer as best as I can. 1) Let me start off by saying ‘if only I had a nickel every time i see a post talking about she said without talking to a lawyer first.’ We can all say anything we like. The only thing that matters is your state’s laws on divorce. 2) your friend has rights. Let’s say they’re close to equal. 3) inaction now means a loss of rights late…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:38 PM
4

I don’t even know if the court will care about those three. First you have to prove it happened. What constitutes a ‘date’? Was it a group and the man happened to be there? Is this just hearsay? Will your kids back up your story and even if they can there are a number of excuses she can provide. You willing to put your children on the stand? Will her mom testify about what she supposedly did? Does her mom have any dirt on you? Sometimes you can get a family member to break off and side against f…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 10:46 PM
12

Just a reminder ‘the spark is gone’ is just another term with someone else is showing me attention and that’s exciting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 06:42 AM
1

At strong man. You don’t want any life where your ex comes back and makes you feel weak or that you need her everyday. I’m well past where you are and I know what you’re going through. Life is going to suck and it’s going to get hard soon…. But it’ll you’ll know in five years that it was 100 percent worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 06:41 AM
2

Keep it classy in my opinion. Good luck and sorry it’s happening to you. Glad you’re holding off on pressing send.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 02:42 PM
1

Your life is about to change big time. That’s the brace. Some things may become better. Economically your life is going to become much worse. You should be doing everything I. Your power right now to dump debt. And I mean all of it. If you’re hoping for a single attorney I’d advise you go through mediation. Or better yet self file. If you self file you’ll still want an attorney that walks you both clearly through your rights. Have the stbx be the one who finds the attorney. Seems silly but it ca…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 12:32 PM
1

I suffer from none of those things. I’m not some victim either. I was gaslit though. Anyways I’ve wasted enough time replying. I hope you never realize how wrong you are here. OP, you need to realize that there is no reality to what your stbx is saying. Make sure you get away from the source (her) as much as you can and know there’s no truth to what she’s saying. Look up the grey rock method and use it. Do not respond. Just ignore.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 09:56 AM
1

It is not a bullshit term. It may seem like it for those that have never been impacted by it. My ex gaslit me for years. Had me believing I was nothing. I don’t even like talking about it due to the embarrassment of it all. I promise you though count yourself as lucky that you do think it’s a joke. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. And it sucks. It has you making posts like the OP is making. Where you don’t know up from down. Where you question everything. And for me at least it wa…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 09:35 AM
1

Not at all. Accusing someone of doing something they’re clearly not doing is the very definition of gaslighting and it is abuse. — Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition. —
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 09:23 AM
2

You’re in a verbally abusive relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 12:18 AM
1

I’m not saying give her no money. You need to wall off her just grabbing cash. You two are separate now. No court will think this is bad… I did not listen and the now ex walked into a bank and took a couple grand from my credit card that she was an authorized user on the day after she filed for divorce. She was forced to give back the money but she didn’t pay interest on it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 11:38 AM
4

So I’m going to be that guy that starts off with the obvious which is that fathers ‘rights’ in most states are the same as the mother’s rights. There are some places where it seems in cases of custody that they lean towards the woman. I don’t think that’s right and should be changed. Reading your posts you’ve done a lot of self goals more than having no rights. Your credit was so bad you couldn’t be added to the lease is the big one. This has allowed your stbx to be able to evict you on a whim. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 11:25 AM
11

This is a great question that people who have never gone through a divorce often ask or silently think about. The short answer is ‘it doesn’t have to be anything at all’. The long answer is extremely complex… First of all I was like the OP before I went through my divorce. Always assumed it was something the man did. No matter what. Never gave it much thought. Why would I have. I was never around any man who had gone through divorce. Never talked to anyone going through divorce. And often times …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:31 PM
3

Nope. Spend that time and energy on getting your finances in order. Separate bank account that’s not with your current bank. Make sure her name’s off your credit cards.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:18 AM
8

Also something no one else has said…. You cannot beg her back. It will not work. She now sees you as weak. She sees herself above you. You’re just like all the other guys she doesn’t have time for anymore. The only thing she will respect is you moving on. Not that it should matter for you. I am just here to tell you that moving on is your only option.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 10:41 PM
2

It’s an option but most courts won’t get involved if one parent says it’s been violated.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:06 PM
2

Also the last thing you want to do is piss off the judge. When the judge has to babysit you and waste his time because you didn’t jump through all the silly hoops the right way they’re going to get annoyed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:19 PM
1

My ex demanded the court room. Only winner in that was the attorneys. I won more than the ex though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:01 PM
6

I’ll add one more. Divorce law is generally straight forward and easy to look up in the comfort of your own home. Before you ask do the research yourself. My attorney was great but if I hadn’t done the research myself it would have cost me around 1500 a year. Don’t give away free shit like the child tax credit. I can promise the other side isn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:00 PM
3

Legal fees will be more than you think they will be. Will also draw out the case. My advice is to try and give a slightly more than she deserves offer for settlement. Make sure she understands that it is only on the table before court costs and fees and come at is as you would rather her have the little excess money instead of attorneys. You never know how court is going to go and you will be the underdog. Women's tears are tough to overcome.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:00 AM
7

I always tell people lying in court is a bad decision. I also think your understanding of how the process is going to work is off-base. Your guns should be safe.... During the divorce proceedings, you both will itemize everything you know to be in the home. In the worst cases, you will then need to divide everything as close to 50-50 in value or want as possible. Then you start to negotiate. Maybe you don't want any of the jewelry that you've bought your STBX over the years. Maybe you're good wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:21 AM
4

Man I just went through your original post and honestly… it’s a lot. Only you know the full story. It sounds like you’ve left before but have come back by your earlier post. It sounds like to me that you both have communication issues. Also did not have a clear assigned roles for what to expect after getting married. Maybe a divorce is the best option. Maybe just sitting down and getting on the same page is actually what’s needed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 02:37 AM
2

I’m just telling you what any ‘this is why we do it’ says. Go down to second page a) to income shares at the link to see it in writing. here you go.pdf) If you don't want to click on the link here is the relevent part... -- The model is based on the idea that the child of separated or divorced parents should receive the same proportion of parental income that she or he would have received if the parents lived together -- So as you can see… you’re wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 01:11 PM
5

Yes you should have stopped yesterday. Next answer is now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 12:53 PM
-1

It’s not about need but keeping the child’s standard of life being the same. They don’t want the kids going from a home where the parent is living like a king when the other house is an apartment in the slums.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 12:05 PM
1

Hello and welcome. I have some concerns for you right now when it comes to the house and who keeps it. 1) why’d you move it? Was their abuse and or constant fighting? Fear for your safety or was she concerned about her own safety? 2) how long have you been married for? So normally one of our top three most important rules is not to move out of the residence. Most of us have lived that life and know it’s a tough thing to accept. When you move out you 1) often times give up being able to see your …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 05:40 PM
1

There could be a lot of reasons, besides projection, for someone to get jealous all of a sudden. I’m not convinced fully what the reason is for your wife. What I will say is that once you get to this stage it’s very tough to stop the nosedive into divorce from happening. Everyday you stay from here is a bigger chunk of your paycheck you’ll be handing over in spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:10 PM
1

I mean if they aren’t watching movies together…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:04 PM
2

But you lose money on the front end. My ex tried this. She took many of our things to trial and wouldn’t negotiate or be reasonable. I spent around 25k on the divorce. She paid more. In the end she was rewarded less than my initial offer to her. We could have dropped 5k at most for the same outcome (better for her) but we didn’t. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 03:01 PM
2

I was in the same boat. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:25 PM
3

It's so dumb when they hold out like this. Why would anyone deny the rightful parent of a child half-time? My ex tried to do this by changing at the last minute. It didn't go well for her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:14 PM
41

I try and stay away from these types of posts due to knowing some guys on here are going through some highly charged ‘things’ but to answer your question… 1) they are until they’re not 2) hopefully YOU are now wiser. 3) protect yourself as much as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:02 PM
7

To add to this…. Your choices at this point are 1) you chase and she feels you’re doing it because you’re weak. She doesn’t want a ‘weak’ man. Even though they do when they’re in the infatuation stage. 2) you don’t chase and live your life. You get your shit together. You become an awesome dad to your daughter. Your ex sees this and the. Starts trying to nose her way back in. The only way to get your ex back is focusing on you and your daughter. 3) by the time she realizes she fucked up it’s too…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 03:40 PM
1

You’re not being realistic about not paying any alimony. I mean there’s a chance if you’re way in debt. Alimony will depend on time married if you don’t have a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:39 PM
5

You will be surprised at how slowly the process goes. Tell the judge that you were served less than a week before the date. That you need more time to find representation. It will not be an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 10:30 PM
12

Legally you could get into big trouble for this. You have access to all her new pictures through the cloud. This means even pictures she thinks she’s keeping private. You are in her private conversations too. If I was you I’d keep the intel you have (play dumb like you didn’t see anything) and turn the phone immediately over to your attorney and have them legally give the phone physically to your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 03:30 PM
2

Tell her it’s not a friendship anymore. You’re now business partners with your shared product being to raise your children. If that’s not the focus then you shouldn’t be talking at all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:23 PM
2

If only I had a nickel for every time someone basis their arguments on ‘what she wants’. It doesn’t matter what ‘she wants’ anymore. It’s now what you can get. You only get one shot. You best believe if you were the high earner that she wouldn’t be looking at a ‘cooperative’ divorce. Mediation isn’t a bad deal for you though. Mediation most of the time is going to be the vanilla standard way. This means if you choose fifty fifty (why wouldn’t you?) that you’ll be paid some for the kids. You’ll a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:09 AM
6

This was me. Couples therapist at my end evaluation told me my ex exhibited strong narcissistic tendencies. It really helped me prepare for my divorce. I do agree the term is used way too much now days by people who want to use it as a weapon being attached to a narcissist is something I wish on no one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:55 PM
0

This is NOT what a narcissist is. Just because they call you something doesn’t mean you are that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:10 PM
7

More than likely yes but women cheaters behavior begins to change way before they actually ‘knock boots’. At least in my experience. My ex after she finally went all in and had sex with someone else walked straight up to me and gave me a big emotional hug. Basically a ‘kiss of death’ to our relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:45 PM
12

Yeah. She’s cheating. 100 percent. More importantly the issues in your marriage are being caused by the emotional attachment she has with this new person. When my now ex did this there was no reconciling. She tried to cheat the first time and got denied by the person she was attracted to. I, at that point, didn’t leave her but started making moves preparing for a split. She cheated again and we went our separate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:15 PM
5

So to answer your question there is a penalty for perjury that my ex found out about. The key part that any judge will look at is intent. It’s sometimes a high bar to clear. My story first then I’ll comment more on yours. Ex and I went through the courts system as far as we could go racking up bills because she was asking for the moon. We got to the final step, where you have to go before a judge and give testimony on everything under oath. My ex had several lies that were annoying but nothing t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:43 PM
1

The judge may be intrigued by it. In my experience the court likes to even out the books at the time of final judgment. This means that as much as they can, they want to make it so that both parties can move on without someone having to make continued random payments to something. Obviously, the exceptions to this are support orders. I think the judge is more likely to assign a dollar amount to the home interest discrepancy. He will then subtract that from something else. So instead of you both …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 12:23 PM
2

Easy you just do. It… A) doesn’t matter B) is a waste of your time thinking about it C) her loss she isn’t with you Stop moping and spend your energy on you. You only get one life. Stop wasting days on the past.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 08:58 PM
5

The longer it takes the better chance they can argue for you just to cash out and find a new place. I’m not a lawyer but it seemed a year was kind of the ‘can you do it within this timeframe’ date for most things. I actually had a little over a year to take my exes name off of my house.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 07:59 PM
7

A couple of things. 1) ‘but she can’t prove anything’ is a horrible argument in front of a judge or a potential attorney. If you did it best to come clean sooner than later. 2) your arguments to keep the house are terrible. No offense 3) your big question you need answered is how much equity is in the house? Do you expect to be underwater after selling the house? If there is some equity in the home can you afford to pay out half of it within at most a year? This is all the court is going to care…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 07:21 PM
3

Us men forget to live for ourselves. It’s easy to start living for everyone else. Changing into what they want us to be. Screw that my dude. Do you. Riding is one of the best ways to feel the freedom. Get out on rides. Do things you never thought you’d be able to do. Join a group of people who meet weekly to do stuff. You now have at least half your time to be free and to enjoy your life. Do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 09:26 PM
7

Texas is better for high earners and I’d think you’d fall into that category.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:01 PM
2

OP, you only get one life. It is not worth it to go through it miserable. One of the few things I’ll credit my ex for is leaving. I should have done it years before. I don’t disagree with everything the above comment said this is about you. I’m sorry you’re at this point. Just make sure you’re doing it for you and not flavor of the month side piece…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:41 PM
4

Unless he’s sleeping with her I’d expect a lawyer that has no incentive to prolong things. I’d say this is good news for you. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:58 PM
2

Wasn’t commenting on your point but the comment above. Sorry that they got crossed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:03 PM
4

Her boyfriend isn’t a cheater. They’ve been separated for a year. Clearly it’s understood they can see other people as the OP has been doing the same. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:43 PM
21

So your reply should be ‘I’m sorry you feel there is an error in support. I have nothing to do with the money as it’s automatically taken out of my check. For any issues you have please contact our state’s child enforcement agency.’
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:14 PM
6

Just to make sure you and by extension her understand what’s going on here. The check may be incorrect…. But that’s not for you to decide or even to make good with a personal check. All money from now on should be sent through the state portal. Is your support payment garnished?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:31 PM
6

Just 50-50? You got this. Be ready for anything though.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:16 PM
1

Man you have to wake up. I was where you were. Let ‘me’ be better and she will see and appreciate that… all that they see in that behavior is weakness. It’s odd but the only chance you have of ‘saving’ your marriage is to leave. If you try harder you guarantee she will be repulsed by your weakness and will seek attention from someone else. Once you do leave YOU probably won’t want to go back even when she’s begging you to return… if that happens. I hope the advice we are giving you is wrong but …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 03:22 PM
8

I get the anger. Turn that into action. Make sure you’re prepared for court. You better believe she is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:26 PM
1

There are other options. I found out my ex had run up cards without my knowledge during the divorce process. We didn’t come to an agreement on a fair split so had to go to court to have the judge decide. I had to take on most of the debt since it was in my name (she put the address and phone number as her work stuff). I used one of those ‘don’t pay your cards and pay us and we will negotiate your account charge off places. It sucked at first but it does what they said it’ll do. With 1.5 years my…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:43 PM
1

Let’s look at everything you just said. ———————— Yeah I got it, how else would they divide the debt of the car? -unless there’s a cash payoff they’ll fund something else to take from— Just add 20k on top since 40 is owed? -That works. Probably other solutions too— What would a fair offer to you look like? —only thing that matters is what she will accept— I'm really trying to understand because to me it looks like we get out of (most) of the lawyer fees, —benefits both of you— she walks away with…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:28 PM
2

I understand but… child support is in addition to your settlement. It should not be taken into account. At least that’s how a court will look at it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:12 PM
1

I mean if your ex is by herself she may accept not knowing any better… I think if you accept car payment too it’s a solid offer. I’d bring down the home ‘buyout’ total. Maybe put that down on the irs debt instead? I’d think for your stbx a clean no debt start would be attractive. Keep as much of your home equity as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:02 PM
1

I did the opposite. My settlement offer was more than what normally a split like mine would run. Attorney said let’s start with fair plus slightly more to account for what I’d be saving for attorneys fees. Basically it was what we deemed fair plus 10 percent. They said no it became fair plus five percent 3 months later and kept going lower from there until I reached fair. My ex tried the other way giving us a one sided proposal. Never could have said yes to it and in the end the judge game me ev…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:58 PM
1

My childcare is 60-40. I have my girls half time. All extra curricular stuff is 60-40 for me too
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:54 PM
1

I mean I wouldn’t take your deal. It’s not even close to acceptable imo. Let’s start with the house. It’s not what is owed on the home it’s what equity you have in the home. The car will be worth less than 10k in just a couple of years…. I don’t want something with depreciating value All three of your ‘gives’ favors you imo. CS is on top of an equal or equitable split. Should not be factored into who gets what Credit card debt doesn’t have to be paid and credit card companies will take Pennie’s …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:48 PM
5

First off do not give her any money now. It’s not being a jerk. To answer your question yes you will owe her during the divorce process. Even if you don’t eventually have to pay spousal you’ll have to pay during the divorce process. Or I should say more than likely will have to pay. As others have said your attorney will fill in everything but be prepared to fork over a significant part of your income while divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 11:35 PM
3

I couldn't afford a new mattress until after my divorce. It was a nice way of moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 01:35 PM
3

Yes. Don’t do it. Your name will still be on the deed and financing papers. You’ll also owe both state and federal taxes on the payment. So the benefits to you is a lump of cash now that you have to pay taxes on while hoping your mortgage company never has a reason to sue you for non payment from your ex…. Hard pass.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 11:25 AM
1

Yep you get it. I have to choose my battles. Since day 1 I’ve had a deal with my daughters. They get five minutes after pick up to talk about their time with their mom. That’s it. We move in after that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 07:33 PM
2

My child has her own issues and that’s a big part of this. She cuts on herself and has contemplated suicide. She has self doubt issues that persist no matter what actions I take or anyone else. She’s been in and out of counseling for years. My ex uses this. She feeds her self doubts about me. This is what I caught her doing last night.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:25 PM
0

I’d disagree here. Me texting my daughter and gossiping about her mom makes me her mom. I’m not a gossip. They lie so much that I have to address both in order to handle things also or whatever I say ends up being me yelling and screaming or being accused of saying things I’ve never said. I dread having to talk to the ex because she doesn’t live in the real world. I don’t do it most of the time. Sometimes I have to though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:22 PM
2

I was not talking to her. My daughter was in another room. I overheard the convo. I heard what ex was telling my daughter without her knowing I could hear. I texted them a response to what they were talking about. I started by telling my daughter it wasn’t ok for her mom to say what she said.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:42 PM
8

This right here. I’m in a similar situation. Ex decided to leave me for a woman. I always practiced whoever does something first sets the rules. Your ex set the rules. You are allowed to say no. Here’s the thing if you give in and say yes, your ex will then just feel she controlled the situation and is still calling the shots. You don’t win at all by allowing your ex to meet your girlfriend. She will throw a hissy about it but again you lose if you give in. Being the nice guy. Playing by the rul…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 10:37 PM
7

This is a lot of writing for something that is almost certainly fan fiction... My ex tried to pull something similar to this. She decided to divorce and wanted to purchase a home with me. I was like ok but carefully purchased a home that she couldn't afford on her own. We purchased the home and she filed for divorce 10 months later. At first she thought she was going to get the house. Nope. Couldn't afford the payments. Then she thought she was going to get half the value of the home. Again nope…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:54 PM
9

I’m really proud of all the comments in here. It’s a lot of guys that get it. Their decisions aren’t logical in most cases. Stop trying to make it make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 05:12 PM
1

I hope you’re right. I’ve seen this a couple of times and it’s always that no cs agreement will win if challenged in court. I know it’s the case in Pennsylvania. Everything else can be agreed upon but not child support. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:15 PM
1

My ex likes to give up our kids for a number of reasons so after five years I’ve probably had them nearly 55 percent of the time. Not a huge deviation from 50-50 but enough. To answer your question question it’s going well. My ex often times is calling them. I don’t see why she does it every time while at my house but there isn’t much I can do about it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 06:54 PM
1

You should give her the number of stocks available at the time of filing and decline to give any more statements. After discovery you’re going above and beyond for those requests.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 02:48 AM
1

If only I had a nickel every time there’s a post about what wives have stated. 😉 I’m not in Florida so I’m not completely sure on Florida law. I can say with 100 percent certainty that she is not actually allowed to grab the kids and just disappear 2 hours up the road. Or a better way of saying this is no judge will be happy about this. The wild card in all of this is if she claims you’re abusing her so make sure to keep everything in writing and record any incidents to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 02:26 PM
1

I agree here. So if there are rules rule 1 would be don’t move out. Rule 2 would be…. -you cannot negotiate for child support!!!- In Pennsylvania at least the thinking is that the money is for the child. The child can’t represent themselves so the state does it for them. If you make a deal for support with your stbx and the spouse goes back and challenges for correct support, in most places you’ll likely lose.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 10:46 PM
1

I’m in Pennsylvania and here it is not. I only had to pay child care for my daughter while going through the divorce with the divorce not yet final. I had to pay 100 percent of it. Extra curricular stuff I pay 60 percent of cost. I also pay child support per month of just over 800 dollars. This is post tax so it’s more than 1k of my monthly pay.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 02:48 PM
2

He has to pay for daycare...
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 12:36 PM
3

Is your divorce final? Things will not be close to 'fair' until after your divorce is final. During the divorce process you pretty much split all the money coming in. I went from paying around 1700 a month to my current 825 a month once my divorce became final. There's a reason women delay divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 12:35 PM
3

First off you say ‘uncommon scenario’ in the title. Your scenario isn’t ‘uncommon’. You need to change your thinking. You’re actually entitled to a lot. You’ve given up work opportunities to allow your stbx to be successful. You have spent the most time with your child by a lot. You are entitled to half of everything too. Or let’s say a split of everything. You need to be aggressive. Here’s what’s going to happen. As soon as divorce papers are signed, she will start having to pay you for child s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:43 AM
5

At some point you’ll have to break it to your ex that she won’t be moving anywhere unless she’s giving up custody.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:43 PM
2

I am sorry that you are splitting with someone you care deeply for. While it hurts and you have an empty feeling right now things will get better. Just take it one day at a time. Be active... BTW, It's always nice when someone wants to be referenced as something other than he/she to give people a nice opening sentence of 'my stbx who goes by 'they''. We figure it out but there is always still a little bit of confusion. You refer to her as 'her' at one point yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 01:16 PM
10

I am not going to be as blunt as suite there but he makes some fair points to those that may be in the same situation. You stepped in and stepped up. You were rewarded with little in the way of appreciation or loyalty from your stbx. Same as it ever was... same as it ever was...
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:56 AM
4

If only I had a nickel 🤪for every wife says or wife wants post on here. She more than likely won’t be able to move the kids out of the state without your consent. Be active in your kids life and make sure she can’t claim domestic abuse (record everything) and that ‘most likely’ becomes almost a certainty.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:53 PM
3

My case went to trial. -I don’t think that the deck is stacked against us -there are laws in place to protect both sides. There are guidelines judges almost always follow. -you don’t need a guy. Just know the law. Do not rely on your attorney to tell you the law. Type in your state and divorce law. Find the link that has .gov and your state. Use your web browsers ‘find on page’ to quickly find the law that you’re wondering about. Then ask your attorney any questions you have about the law. I sav…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:10 PM
7

While this post will inevitably get some hate I’ll start off by saying thanks for giving us a look into the thought process of women when splitting up. A couple of things to point out to the guys reading this… -notice she says she had to leave because of her love from her ex. -she says they were each hurting each other. I’m glad OP is safe now if she were in danger. That by itself without context is loaded. We aren’t the first people she’s said that to about her husband. She has no issue calling…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 11:31 AM
7

Man many of us know exactly what you’re going through. So let’s start with this. You say ‘if it’s over.’ It’s over. You say you’re doing more than needed…. Stop doing that. You say you may pay off all the debt… don’t it’ll screw you You are showing weakness right now to her. Women don’t respect weak. They take advantage of it and the laugh to their friends about it. I guarantee you she’s calling you pathetic behind your back. It’s counterintuitive but the only way for her to look at you and see …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 11:06 AM
1

My ex left me for a woman who looked like a 12 year old boy and was nearly 20 years younger than her. The woman has a history (still doing it actually) of popping women like my exes ugh well you know and then leaving them. Long story short they also played for a women's football team... and all of a sudden my daughter's softball games became the lesbian hangout... That was fun. The best part is now I sometimes show up with my long-term girlfriend who gets looks and 'who is she?' questions every …
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 01:33 PM
7

If only I had a nickel for every ‘wife wants’ or ‘wife says’ post. 🤪 To answer your question… while you’ve intermingled funds if you can show that the down payment for the purchase was from your premarital funds that will go a long way to ensuring you keep the home. Where it may be murky is any appreciation of the home. I was in a similar situation. Your saving grace is probably going to be that there isn’t much equity in the home yet. In fact you may be underwater. Not anything to split.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 03:41 PM
5

I can’t say for sure but I bet your boss will be more responsive to your needs than you think. Us guys never want to ask for things like this but most do understand. As for getting the ex to admit to something they never will. They do the sliding ‘cheat scale’ when it involves their own cheating. She knows what she’s doing isn’t right even if she admits it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:55 PM
2

Came here to say the same thing. Just because they ask doesn’t mean you have to provide. Respond to the basic questions. Tell them to pound sand on everything else.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:36 AM
4

If you want to know phone records are the easiest way to confirm. Open up the bill and look for a text number that keeps popping up that you don’t recognize. There you go. Another way is just by washing clothes. Is there all of a sudden sexy panties you don’t see being worn needing to get washed? Also once they cheat the first time they will continue to look for cheat buddies. Things may get better when they’re between cheat buds temporarily but they’ll go back to being crap once they find someo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:45 PM
3

Yes this seems really biased as the person who goes first has a huge advantage. I have questions... 1) Was this psychologist court-appointed? 2) who paid for them? 3) Did your attorney think this was a good idea? Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 12:53 PM
12

No you don't. You do not need to figure out your living situation first... This is what us guys do. We are rational. We want to have answers to everything BEFORE we act. So some things to remember to fight against the urge to have everything in place before acting... -Every day of inaction is another day where you are more on the hook for alimony and child support. -Now that you know, inaction for even just a couple of months is your admission that you were ok with her actions. -She is currently…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:08 AM
3

I hope not man. Good luck if so. The craziest thing to me is going down the rabbit hole of what was a lie while we were married and dating. Where did the lies start? Did they start. It’s crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 12:12 AM
7

I was actually told from my marriage counselor that my stbx at the time was a narcissist. This happened on my ‘exit interview’ with my counselor. I never really knew what it was until after that when I went home and looked it up. Everything our marriage counselor told me about what to expect happened exactly how she said. There was no negotiating on her part. She hired a high priced attorney. Asked for things that even if I had have wanted to settle I couldn’t afford. Forced us to go to court on…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 11:51 PM
5

Divorce sucks. It’s painful. It’s infuriating to see the person you loved and relied on and who relied on you all of a sudden be cold and uncaring. It’s tough to see their version of events where they blame you and are themselves blameless. I know it sucks but this is how the court system works. They don’t care about the details. They only care about splitting assets and moving o no to the next case. I know it can be a bit nameless. You feel like you’re just a number and to them you are. But in …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 09:20 PM
15

It’s great that women give us what they want…. The funny part though is they get mad when we list what we want. I want a woman not 180 plus. How dare he…. I want a woman who can support herself and have some left over…. I want a woman who looks amazing in a swim suit. I’m basically saying don’t fall into the trap of what a woman wants. Turn that shit against them into what you want. Let them know their own shortcomings.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 02:16 AM
1

Omg crazy that you youngsters have never seen married with children. It’s a classic. Wonder where the cutoff is? I’m in my mid 40s and it taught me so much. Even though I still ended up divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 02:10 AM
3

We probably are pretty same. When I say weakness I obsessed with not being weak. So the opposite of that is strength.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 12:28 AM
2

prepare to forever be changed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:11 PM
1

Almost as good as no ma’am. Almost.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:36 PM
1

If it wasn’t for Covid and help there I don’t know how I would have made it. Survive man. Survive. Things will get better on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:35 PM
14

After divorce I’ve become obsessed with ‘weakness.’ The man that stays is weak. The man that begs them to come back is ‘weak’ too. Women may say that they want an emotional man that can cry but they don’t. ‘Weak’ to them is pathetic. It’s soft. It’s odd but the only way to actually hang on to your marriage is to show ‘strength’ in leaving. But by that time you may also realize that what you had wasn’t worth it and you won’t want to go back. At some point you’ll realize that down is up and up dow…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:35 PM
1

Please believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:30 PM
3

One of the things I feel guilty about now is that I always silently blamed the guy before. Divorced men are a unique group who see what’s going on. Now when I see women complaining about their choices in guys and how ‘guys all suck’ I secretly wonder ‘what about you?’ ‘What makes you so special?’ It’s getting worse too. In today’s social media obsessed world where there are actually weight loss drugs that work all women think they deserve a multimillionaire. Not only that he better have a six pa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 01:53 PM
6

You said things are confusing right now. While it seems both of you are confused it’s for different reasons and I think focusing on the ‘why’ will help you do the things that need to be done… You are confused because you’re trying to keep your family together. You realize that she wants divorce though and she is not even trying anymore where you’re doing all the work. You hope she sees the light, begins to be present in your families life again, and that you return to the ‘happiness’ of before. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 01:37 PM
14

This sub makes you realize you are not alone in this. Guys just don’t talk about it most of the time. My therapist told me that women are thinking about divorce and making silent moves years before they pull the trigger. That’s when they start trying to turn friends and family.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 10:33 AM
1

I’ve been there. They (your stbx, my ex, others in this situation) will lie and lie some more. You’ll have pictures and they’ll still make up something. You’ll probably need more than just a fuzzy picture sadly enough.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:09 AM
3

In a perfect world yes you’d have options. What will probably happen is that you will get some throwaway and hard to enforce clauses about the guy. Courts are reluctant to hold the sins of a man a woman is dating with the woman. Your best bet is to keep the focus on your children for all arguments. It would be best if you had proof he had driven your kids or even that he’d been alone with them. It is nice that you can easily prove there is a relationship there thanks to her Facebook post. Do you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 12:53 AM
4

I hope you dont mind that I skipped to the part where you gave her excuse for cheating. I knew it was going to be in there at some place. Here’s the thing. The history up until that point? Doesn’t matter. Let me ask you this. Is your wife perfect? Are her tits as perfect as when you first saw her naked? Is she skinny and in shape? According to you she can’t even support herself and kids enough to move out. You may say well you are being too hard on my stbx. I’m just holding her to the same stand…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:25 PM
15

1) stop going through her stuff… 2) you’re probably not the only one that noticed that. She sounds like a train wreck. You got lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 12:11 PM
2

Federally you’d never be able to claim your child for tax relief. Right now even at 50-50 you would legally be able to deduct the child credit every year.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 07:01 AM
2

A lot of what you say is correct. I have ignored her behavior for many years now and it’s getting worse. It just sucks to always be taking and taking the high road. In the end though my kids will see my behavior as an example of how to be strong in the face of adversity.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 12:54 AM
2

The issue is that they are older. It’s hard to explain how ridiculous some of this stuff is. This is years old but is only getting worse. My opinion is she grows more bitter and angry as her life only gets harder and not easier. Long story short she wants to fight with everyone. Any issue of one of my kids is an issue she needs to interject herself in.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 06:26 PM
4

Before this post I thought I was doing a good job of this. Going back and looking at things I am making myself too accessible by responding to too many things. It will change now. This is the perfect time for the change. I asked for us to be cordial... she declined..... I can now freely change my strategy of dealing with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 01:01 PM
2

thanks. The 'you need to see someone' are the types of things I am trying not to say. That and the obvious 'you're fat' line. I am making sure not to lash out because I don't want my children seeing that even if it is just somehow seeing a text saying it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:40 PM
2

These are all through text as I like to keep a record. I also have cameras on the outside of my home that record to the cloud just in case I need it. Thanks for the app suggestion. this thread has helped me develop a new gameplan to deal with her. I don’t feel like I’ve been interacting with her too much but I’ve been too kind and will only respond when absolutely necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:38 PM
2

Thanks, I may do this. I think a change in how often I respond and what I respond to is the best answer for now but I am going to research this app in just a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:36 PM
4

Yep. I practice grey rock often. I think I have been too respectful in answering all (most) messages though. No more. In these situations, she wants and needs it. She enjoys the fact that I do not fight back, and if I do then she will become the victim. It's the old saying about never getting into a fight with a pig.... In the end you get all muddy and the pig just likes it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:35 PM
4

I want to thank you for making me see things differently than what I did yesterday. You are not correct that I talk to her 'in person' too much. It is normally through text messages. Going back through things I do think we talk too much. Even if it almost always just involves our kids. Going ahead things like 'why did you...? will not get any response from me. If it does not directly involve logistics then we don't need to talk. I was looking for a change in strategy because what's going on righ…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:24 PM
3

I agree that asking her to stop shows 'weakness' in her view and will only fuel her to continue. It isn't that it bothers me except to the extent that I want to react and say things that I don't honestly want to say. I really just don't want to put any energy towards her that doesn't need to be put out there. I think the one piece of advice that I was given has made me look at things differently. I have asked her to stop. I've always been respectful in responding when she has made contact. This …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:18 PM
1

Just to give you do NOT have a ceremony in a common law state. You can be considered married by either recording it with your state or by recording it with your religious institution through a ceremony. At least that’s how the law works in Pennsylvania.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 11:54 PM
12

The biggest issue is guys often times have is that we are embarrassed to admit what happened. It’s not natural for us. We are always supposed to be strong. An emotional guy is a weak guy according to those outside this group. I appreciate being able to open up and be honest here without judgement. Thanks guys.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 11:45 PM
8

You should document by saving ring video. You should then write a letter to your ex and cc your attorney stating what happened. Adding that no notice was given. Say that it’s not ok and that this does not need to happen ever again in the future. Besides that there’s not much you can do. If it becomes a recurring issue the. You have options but they’re not going to be great.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:15 PM
1

Awesome. I think for 99 percent of guys on this board the iPhone family plan that’s free and already built in is way more than enough. O can control everything from my daughter’s phone from my phone including locking it down where it’s basically a brick. Also you get location tracking. I guess there can be things that I don’t know about but for now I’m extremely happy with the tools at my disposal for controlling my daughter’s phone.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:11 PM
3

I have said many times on this board 1) divorce is nothing other than a business deal. Nothing more 2) there are no do overs when it comes to divorce 3) your best defense is to know the law. It’s free to look up laws. Make sure you know the law before prepping for your case with your lawyer. This alone saved me around 1500 dollars a year or maybe even more.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 04:16 AM
5

Im going through the same thing. It’s crazy how hard it is to legally take their phones away when exes claim you’re intentionally keeping your kids away from them. I’m pretty sure my ex talks to my kids more when they’re at my house than when they’re at hers.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:47 AM
2

If they’re iPhones you can put them on a family plan and do exactly this as well. I control my youngest’s phone. I don’t control my okdest’s. It’s annoying.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:44 AM
5

Too many guys listen too much to their second brain. They’re a prisoner to its wants and desires. I would never listen to anything telling me to move away from my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:21 PM
2

I’m always in the don’t get involved in other people’s shit category. Curious though what do you hope that coming clean to the other woman will accomplish? Best case? She thanks you for the info and she divorces the guy and the family is split up… Worst case? The guy finds out, gets angry and comes after you. So what happens is probably somewhere in between all of that. Still not great. I’ve found in a number of these situations the motivation to tell is due to wanting to get back at the person …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:57 PM
4

So true. We are always handing out money and time for everyone else. Little is ever handed back to us. There are also few consequences for women who aren’t 100 percent terrible but aren’t great either. They still get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 12:58 AM
5

Please do not follow this guys advice. You will 100 percent cost yourself money, time, and just piss off the judge. Anything not provided by request will then be required to be handed over by the judge. You’ll then open yourself up to paying your stbxs legal fees because they had to go through extra steps and expenses to get things. Some have to learn the hard way I guess. I went through this with my discovery btw. I didn’t provide everything but if judge had have felt they were needed I would h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 10:18 PM
1

Do you think you’re capable of forging and changing those documents? Good luck. I don’t think you’re living in the real world if you think you can. Please come back and let us know how it goes once you’re caught though…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 10:04 PM
5

One of the things new guys on here always say is the system is set up to screw the guy. It is but only in most cases if you don’t take the time to be knowledgeable of what’s going on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 09:46 PM
2

Yes. You have to provide copies of usually two years of paystubs and W2s. Also bank statements…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 09:44 PM
5

This is 100 percent false. If they find that you’ve lied you may have to pay the entire forensic accountant bill. You’ll probably have to pay half the bill at a minimum and upfront. My ex challenged the value of my home. She tried to say that the home we’d moved into 10 months before she filed for divorce had increased in value by 50 percent. I had to pay half of the home assessor’s cost.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 09:43 PM
2

I knew I didn’t want more. I was still married when I got snipped. I was in the fighting stage with my ‘wife’ dangling from a limb looking to jump off to the next branch. She dropped me off for the surgery and then when on a lunch date with the person she’d eventually leave me for. Didn’t tell me of course. By the time I didn’t have to worry about having kids anymore she had filed for divorce. Don’t feel sorry for me… it didn’t take much to upgrade from that train wreck. For guys the grass IS tr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:54 AM
9

I’m confused here. Are you guys divorcing? This seems like something someone who is in a relationship would do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:38 AM
3

‘Divorce documents’ is a very broad term but a lot of guys on here have done an excellent job of explaining that the divorce process will continue without you no matter how uncooperative you are. It is best if you educate yourself to the process and hire representation. There are no do overs here. I will add that not cooperating and being invested in your divorce process will not give you leverage. It will only screw you over. Your stbx will thank you as she will get close to everything she’s as…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:26 PM
14

Divorce is a marathon not a sprint. Please treat your stbx as an annoying business partner you’re stuck with. As hard as it may seem take all emotion out of it. Many of us have been right where you’ve been. We know the pain and the financial frustration. We know how kids naturally bond with mom. Kids also gravitate to who they feel is the weakest and want to protect them. Don’t let it get you down. Do what you must for them. I’m told and believe that one day the kids will remember. It’s funny be…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:18 AM
3

Do you have examples of this? I haven’t seen one post worried over what to get their ex. Just the thought of that to me sounds like an especially nasty corner of hell…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 02:34 PM
23

The more you talk the more it’s apparent how much of a fraud you are. Your story reads like fan fiction from a 16 year old. This board is so much more than what you claim btw. 95 percent of guys on here didn’t file for divorce. 70 percent of all divorces are filed by the woman. And while there are various stages of grief and acceptance on this board the overall tone isn’t one of bitterness. It’s hope. Have a good life. I hope that you never realize just how important this board is for those that…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 07:49 PM
12

What’s up with all the trolls posting on this board lately?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 07:23 PM
14

First thing in so happy for you that your daughter is living with you. That’s awesome. Also there’s a lot of work being done by the word ‘started’. Does cheating start when you accept a social media friend? When they slide into your DMs? When you respond with something a little flirty? After the third message or the fiftieth? When you go to the bar to see them? Women don’t fall for a guy in mere weeks after ending their 20 year relationship. She’s still lying to you about when the affair started…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 07:04 AM
6

I disagree. My marriage counselor was hard on me for the first 3 sessions. I’m like what’s going on but I kept going. Answered everything fully. What ended up happening was that she was going through my exes lies one by one. She finally turned to my ex. Using what I said along with my exes own stories and excuses to ask about what was going on in her mind. My ex made it almost two sessions before peace outing all of a sudden. I had one final session with the counselor where she told me how the d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 02:30 PM
14

This is the root of it right there. I had the made up stories too. Also she would flip around what happened and she would tell it as her in my role and I was in her role. Guys you have to remember you are not alone. These types of things happen often. Us guys just don’t talk about our lives and all this shit like women do. Women make sure everyone hears their story.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 02:46 AM
1

-Your edits of your initial comment are appreciated. -I hate blanket statements about any one group but I can see what you’re going through to be tough. Us men always want to fix things but sometimes people are just broken. There is no fixing them. Please just focus on yourself and your happiness. You aren’t defined by them. As many on this board will back up, life gets better after divorce. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 06:32 AM
2

As someone who has worked more than 20 years in media this drives me absolutely bonkers. We want to be as respectful of others opinions as we can but it’s a lot to ask us to always know when someone identifies as they/them. As I tell producers who do this, ‘it’s great that you know this. You have to make sure everyone else know this too.’ I did ‘get’ the non binary part pretty quickly in your post because it’s about you and your spouse. I’m not sure if the one person really didn’t know but I get…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 09:53 PM
1

I don’t think I am. The judges (and state’s) argument is that cs is to go to the child. Since not 18 they argue (right or wrongly) that they are needed to argue for the child. A number of things, per your first link, go into the money states get including cost effectiveness. Yes money collected is part of the formula too. I do t think judges are thinking about money the state may be reimbursed for in their daily decisions though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 03:53 PM
1

But the devils in the details. The states aren’t getting kickbacks for how much they collect. From what you sent the states program itself (staff, office space, pencils) is reimbursed by the federal government. The second article you sent says that the states program spent a dollar for every 11 dollars collected. So if they were reimbursed for costs the government would have spent 2 dollars for every 11 dollars collected. It’s not based on cs collected though. Hope I explained that well enough t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 01:08 PM
2

Child support is not between you and your ex and cannot be negotiated. It will not stand up in court. To court, child support is between you and your children. As they’re not 18, the state assumes the negotiating place as stand ins.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 12:58 PM
1

I’ve heard boys are more. She’s also driving my ‘04 8 cylinder truck. That certainly helps.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 12:17 AM
1

Yes I didn’t know there’s something called permissive use that’s on most insurance plans. According to my insurance, she’d ‘most likely’ fall under this (paid out by my exes insurance) if driving her mom’s car. I still think she’s going to have to purchase insurance for her though if she wants her driving regularly. It’s a grey area if she doesn’t drive much.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:05 PM
1

I work early hours. My daughter twice a week is out close to 10p for cheer and also works. Is it a luxury for her to drive? Sure. But it will be very helpful. She’s also only going to add 50 dollars a month to my insurance. I thought it would be worse. Although not really helpful to the thread I appreciate your response.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:59 PM
5

Good topic but it’s also complex. Of course if the roles were reversed it would be different. I think it’s better to ask why it’s different. Women secretly know they’re easily replaceable. Think about it this way, if you and you high school sweet heart divorce. Your dating pool is women 10 years younger than you. Theirs? 15 years older. Women may not say it but they know it. Their best years are behind them or they aren’t going to get any better than they are right now. The man? We can peak in l…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 03:08 PM
9

They ALL do this. They know years before they pull the trigger that they are going to get a divorce. They have a plan. You WILL be playing catch up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:40 AM
7

I paid right around 22k. I assume my ex with a ‘high priced lawyer’ paid around 30k.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 09:33 PM
1

Know what the triggers are. Recognize when they’re happening. Walk away. Repeat as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 09:31 PM
7

Don’t know and really don’t care. On her side she 100 percent believes she’s in a better place even though I’m pretty sure she wants me back. 🤢
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:58 PM
1

Yes, they have it online but normally (pretty close to always) you have to be an attorney to get into the system. For any normal people out there, we do not have access to more than basic information on any family court filings and almost always have to go down to the courthouse for even the smallest nuggets. There are always exceptions but access to a full file would mean addresses and other personal information would be out in the open and that is clearly not happening. ​ Not having things pub…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:31 PM
1

I would have big issues with that judge and would do whatever I could to get them out when it came to voting them into office. I would have told him straight up that 'I am sorry to hear that and I feel strongly that you should not be a judge with those opinions.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:21 PM
2

Is it illegal? Yes. Will anything happen to her for it if you push things? Almost certainly not. Why? Because you both still live in the same home. Don't take what I am saying the wrong way. It should 100 percent be taken seriously by your attorney and the judge. If gender were flipped it would be taken seriously. So what should you do? You should file a police report. This involved calling the police and having them come over. Give them your proof. They will type up the police report and you sh…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:20 PM
1

Nothing is wrong with us. Men are geared to 'fix' things. We will also endure when we are not happy. For women, something like 'he snores' is enough to develop into 'I can't take his shit anymore'. For us, nothing like that is worth leaving for. I am not even getting into the fact that the snoring or whatever else reason they give isn't the real reason but the fact that the woman isn't happy with her current life is. Can you imagine if we left as soon as our exes started weighing more than us wh…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:13 PM
1

The one thing that gets me going is the fact that in some places fathers seem to have to fight for 50-50 custody. I'd run for office if it took getting my kids half-time or more, and I have no want to be a politician.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:04 PM
1

No, you can't find a record of family stuff publicly available. Maybe in a single state but I doubt even that. A good attorney will have info on each judge including perceived bias' along with what they are most likely to respond to and not respond to. That's why a good attorney, while expensive, pays for themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:59 AM
3

I understand your initial frustrations dealing with divorce, attorneys, and the court system. Here are my suggestions to you. 1) Do you have an attorney. This is a question for them. 4) Unless your brother's soon-to-be ex has an obvious Latina first name the judge probably has no clue she's Latina. Even if the judge does know they don't care. 3) There are no do-overs in divorce. Attorneys are worth it if you don't have one. 4) nothing that you say in your complaints are outside what normally goe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:47 AM
1

My exes attorney kept asking about a pension I did not have. I cooperated and provided anything asked for. After the divorce I was like let me look into this ‘pension’ I kept being asked about? Thankfully I know now what I didn’t know before the divorce was filed. 😁
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 07:51 PM
2

Check to see if you’re still responsible for incurred debts…. Most states you remain responsible for the other still. That by itself would be a deal breaker to me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 10:24 PM
9

It's tough going to weddings when you were a solid husband. You want to be happy for the couple but you also want to warn the guy and be like 'you have to protect yourself.' I feel you. It's a mixed bag...
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:18 PM
2

I didn’t leave. She did. Had to live in same house for a little over three months. Seems like it was way longer than that. The worst part was that she’d come home and take out her emotions (new relationship fights, money problems, who knows what else) on me. Talk about crazy town. Thank god that’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 12:44 AM
1

Just a heads up child support agreements won’t hold up in court if challenged. Why? Because it’s for the child and the child can’t negotiate on their own behalf. Probably won’t be an issue but thought I’d just say it anyways. Also it’s crazy that alimony is off the table for you. I’d double check that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 12:41 AM
2

Been there. Stay strong 👊🏾
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 12:37 AM
6

Your response to both your attorney and your exs attorney is that you don’t feel safe currently during pick ups and drop offs. You recording interactions is just your way to keep a record of how aggressive and hostile your ex spouse has and continues to be. Now here’s the thing. You say the behavior started years ago and so now you continue to film even though behavior has improved. If it’s been months of good behavior by her a camera in her face at drop off could be seen as harassment. Finally …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:37 AM
1

I didn’t see any. Also no kids. Every divorce is unique in some way but a divorce between successful people with no kids…. I just don’t know how rough of an experience that could be compared to a nasty highly contested divorce. I don’t know what’s gone on behind the scenes though.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:11 AM
5

She’s a former wnba player who divorced a highly successful ESPN Announcer who works in Sacramento. While good advice it’s easier to say those sorts of things when successful. Also I’m not seeing anything about her being divorced from usual places.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:45 PM
9

Unpopular opinion… we don’t need to change the laws. They’re set up to be even. What needs to occur is an education to judges and other court personnel to remove unrealized, generationally built bias in how cases are heard and ruled on. I never walked into a room during my divorce where I wasn’t immediately the bad guy. The ex over in her corner crying and putting on a show. I would slowly eat away at her lies and they’d finally see within ten to fifteen minutes what was going on. It was exhaust…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 10:49 AM
2

Thirty days would be VERY quick. Things aren’t going to really get going for months. You may have a discovery deadline that’s before the start of next year but even that would be on the fast side. I’m assuming you don’t have an attorney. The first step is to try and come to terms yourself without the court getting involved. If you have kids a parenting schedule will be the first order. Followed within three months a hearing about child support. Somewhere in here you may also have to start paying…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:30 PM
12

I mean there's so much to choose from... It could be the time she filed a PFA order for my daughter.... It could be the time I walked into my house and she was lying in bed with the person she would leave me for in it..... and also needlessly running up both of our attorney bills for less money than I was asking.... I guess for shock value it would be when she dropped me off for my vasectomy and then proceeded to go on a date while I was in and coming out of surgery. She'd file for divorce about…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:08 PM
3

Be thankful you have two wonderful children with her. You deserve to be happy. Part of what you’re feeling is what all men go through. We want to fix things. Sometimes you can’t. You realize this now. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 11:46 PM
3

I also find it funny when women decide overnight that they’re lesbians because they don’t even know how much more work you have to put in to get a woman than a man. I think being a lesbian lasted about 18 months for my ex. 10 of those months were fighting with the woman she left me for in a sexless relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:29 PM
3

You don’t want to join the lesbians most 40 year olds are pulling. My ex liked butchy ones. I have been told the one she left me for now has face tattoos.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 06:46 PM
3

While I have questions I’m going to try to keep the focus on you. First off, you are not alone. My now ex also left me for a woman. This after trying to date her female secretary. It happens. The amount of man hate she had at the time was crazy. Im not really sure now what her preference is. Honestly I think it’s whatever she can get. She’s a narcissist so she keeps her dating life private. I’m pretty sure she’s also been or continues to try and be a ‘cam’ girl. There’s some crazy stuff going on…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 06:42 PM
2

No worries man. Divorce screws us all up for a time. At times you don’t know what way is up. You’ll find your footing. I think the first thing is to focus on yourself. Find a hobby. Travel. Try and enjoy the little things in life. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:14 PM
1

Nice has nothing to do with this. He can still be nice and approach this differently.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:54 PM
7

I find your wording odd. I think it may start with how you view things. You call your dates as ‘love affairs’. An affair happens when you’re married or in a long term relationship. You’re in neither of those things. You may still think or believe you are but you aren’t. You then call women ‘females’ and say you’ll talk to ‘girls’ here or there. You then admit it feels like you’re doing something wrong. Your issues may be more than a random internet post can help with and I’d encourage going to t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:53 PM
2

It was amazing how fast fights and accusations of abuse went away once I put cameras up in my home.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:52 PM
1

Not even the Godfather himself can make a deal one our exes can’t find a way to refuse. 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:43 PM
1

So is guys are always TOO generous in divorces. 1) you deserve every penny of spousal support that you can get. You earned it. 2) nothing you can tell me that your stbx has done or has asked for will surprise any of us. A normal divorce with no hiccups is a surprise for us here. 3) this is a business transaction now. That is all. Let the law decide what she owes. The difference in men and women is during divorce women will ask for more than what the law says they are owed or owe. Men tend to fol…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 08:38 PM
1

A) you say wondering if anyone has gone through this…. From England. Most of us were like NOPE… B) what does your lawyer say? C) for all other questions go back up to suggestion B. I’m sure the law is on your side. If you have the documented proof you may not even have to pay your attorney’s fees
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 03:12 PM
3

It gets better guys... and no it is not because you find a great woman. It gets better because you get room to breathe. To relax. To be you. I hope that you learned from marriage. That you are a better man at the end of the day because of your experiences in the past. For every one of us though, there's at least one man out there who is going strong with his marriage. That is succeeding as a partnership. 41 percent of first-time marriages end in divorce... That's a lot of success right there. I …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 12:44 PM
5

While I am all for women stalking the site and giving advice, this comment is certainly not sitting right with me. It isn't about being 'miserable'. It's about living your best life. We often times cheer women for saying 'they don't need a man'. Men also don't NEED a woman. I will admit that posting something saying you don't get men who date again is a bit defensive, but I certainly don't think your dismissive comments are ok either. I just don't think there is a correct answer here. Do what ma…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 12:27 PM
6

Hope your day got better. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:40 AM
7

You are right where you should be. Don't worry about anyone else. Just focus on you. If you want to compare though I remember how bitter I was still at the two-year mark. I wasn't bitter about the divorce... I was bitter about how she went about it with running up attorney fees. I am now almost six years out and I know it is behind me but I can still barely even look at my ex without being disgusted.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:39 AM
4

So your question is should you ‘let them fight’ like in the movie Godzilla vs King Kong? My ex falls squarely in the ‘crazy’ range. If I allowed, it would impact all parts of my life. I don’t allow it. I work hard apologizing for her bad behavior and keeping fallout from her to a minimum. The ex doesn’t talk to my girlfriend. I do my best to limit any interactions at all between them. No good would come from any of that. You should follow this script. Limit the interactions and handle issues you…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 01:20 PM
2

It’s even more frustrating because I see my ex do the same things to my kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 10:52 PM
1

Don’t worry. I didn’t even remember her name before seeing her post the other day. I hate it for all involved.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 07:25 PM
2

Yep. To be clear I only know what happened in the short time I tried to get a date with her. Nothing ever happened between us. I never told anyone about that until now. It’s just weird seeing the outpouring of support for her. They’ve raised more than 13k for her now through go fund me. Yesterday when I originally posted it was around 7k. First thing I see on insta is a post now from her (on her non profits account) thanking everyone. Everyone’s talking about it and I’m being respectful but I kn…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 03:01 PM
3

While you are the third person to assume that I cheated. I did not cheat with her… I met her. I asked her out. She told me she was married but was still willing to go out. I said I’m good. I see her because she has a festival I try to attend yearly with my kids. Also her non profit does business with my job… I see her at most three times a year. Two of those times at or just before her festival. I can’t edit the initial post anymore or I would.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 10:47 AM
2

I can’t imagine they stay together. Especially after such a public post. He’s probably in jail. I checked out the go fund me page and they show pictures of her injuries. Multiple pins in each foot you can see with X-rays. The bottom of both her legs were also in casts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 12:06 AM
10

Sorry. Here’s the shortened story… Met a girl who I didn’t know was married and asked out. She was willing to go out but I was not after finding out she was married. Fast forward to this morning I see a post where she was beaten up and jumped out a window to survive. There’s now a go fund me for her. I found out through the non profit she co-heads that posted the link to donate on social media.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 10:51 PM
1

It could have been written better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 10:20 PM
0

You’re the second post that has mistaken me seeing her through my job with ‘seeing’ her. I never talked to her again privately or in a romantic way after learning she was married. There were no pictures of her husband on her Facebook page. She was actually very forward with telling me that she was married telling me when I asked her on a date. She was willing to go out still but I was not. I still see her because of work. She also runs a nonprofit that holds a yearly festival that I take my kids…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 09:44 PM
1

We see each other due to work. And she works at a non profit that has a popular festival I attend yearly. We do not see each other besides that. Overall we may cross paths three times a year. Sorry for the confusion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:32 PM
2

Exactly. I kinda want to go back and find our original Facebook convo. See what exactly I said. I’m pretty sure I said it had just happened to me and that I can’t imagine doing that to someone else. — I went back to find our original messages. Her Facebook account has been deleted. —
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:03 PM
1

I’ve always joked ‘I’m not gonna set myself up for getting shot.’ This time may have been true. It’s been years since we had the convo. I see her post on Facebook maybe twice a year. Thought they were doing better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:02 PM
4

Ummm I didn’t know she was married. Stopped as soon as I found out. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even wearing a ring. To me it made me sick knowing that I was just that guy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 08:01 PM
1

I sent you a direct message with the insta link that I saw. You are not to comment on anything I said on it but I expect you to come back and post the very realness of the post.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 07:31 PM
10

The ones I’ve used for examples (except the o e living apart) I only saw on social media and was more distant friends with them. The latest (just saw confirmation yesterday they had split) I knew due to her being a business contact. Only met her husband two or three times during fundraisers. He seemed like a good dude…. Starting seeing lots of posts by her without mention of him and kids. Then she started getting in shape. Other things that I saw was sus too. Yesterday it was ‘I’m a homeowner’ a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 06:51 PM
8

One thing is guaranteed, fighting for 50-50 later is going to be harder than getting it now. I’d do anything possible right now to get 50-50 starting off. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:54 AM
15

Yeah I’m pretty sure my ex wants to get back together. The thought of that is disgusting. She’s a bad business partner at this point. I’m stuck having to do transactions with her until my youngest turns 18.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:28 AM
3

Mine rarely does. Always odd when she all of. Sudden has moments of clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 10:49 PM
10

I also grey rock her. I don’t say anything because that would lead to more discussions on the issue. I know what happened. I was there. I lived it. I don’t need to hear her versions of the past.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 10:41 PM
10

Oh I realize that. The WE is doing a lot of lifting there though… she cheated… I tried to support her to keep family together. She left for her fling. Any issues she had with me weren’t big ones. I was boring in her opinion (no one else would say that) and she wasn’t where she felt she should be. I was also home with our young kids… that’s the extent of HER issues with me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:36 PM
13

They also think what they’re going through is unique. It is not.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:06 PM
16

I mean some people do deliver for Grubhub or Uber eats on the side. Besides that let it go. She’s not your problem anymore. Glad her stuff is finally out of your place though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 08:00 PM
2

Man a lot of us have been right where you are now. It sucks. To answer your question, how do you ‘not’ play? You start by working on yourself and what will make you better. Approach everyday like you’re already single. Get healthy. Find time for yourself. Have a plan on how to successfully move out on your own. From today on you don’t need your stbx. One of two things will certainly happen with this approach. 1) you’ll still get divorced. 2) you’ll stay together for some random reason but you’ll…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:55 PM
4

I promise it does. Eventually. Please remember it’s a marathon. Not a sprint.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 02:11 AM
19

As my therapist told me…. She’s been thinking about it much longer than that…. Either of three things happen from here: 1) she only threatens to get her way. You change your behavior and give her what she wants and you maintain what will be for you a miserable marriage. 2) she actually carries through with it even as you try your hardest to be this ‘husband’ she claims you’re not. It starts with behavior changes and new friends. Ultimately she will likely find a cheater partner. Will blame you f…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 11:15 PM
1

I don’t know Indiana law even though I lived there for a couple of years. I’d say I’d be livid if they told me that I’m the one that had to jump through hoops in order to get 50-50. I’d be pissed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:31 PM
0

I agree with you. I can’t imagine that 50-50 isn’t allowed and just briefly looked at it. The good thing is that you have the details. Tell your attorneys they’re negotiating your minimums. That’s not what you want or expect. Use the law to your advantage. Tell them they can either get you your parenting right of 50-50 or they can stop charging you and can go kick rocks. You’ll find someone who will.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 04:15 PM
1

this is Indiana child support laws Just a Quick Look shows that your attorneys may be correct. Unless you can get full custody. It appears Indiana doesn’t do fifty fifty. I’d obviously double check as I think that’s crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 03:45 PM
1

What state are you in? Have you looked up your state law yourself to see what it says?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:23 PM
5

My ex also accepted a job that likely pays her around double what she was making when child support payments were initially calculated. I am making a little more but I think that she will likely owe me some money next year when my oldest daughter falls off. I can't wait.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:36 PM
2

So what state are you in? I can only answer for Pennsylvania where I live. Custody hearings aren’t handled by the judge at first. There’s a couple of steps before you get there. Almost all custody cases don’t go very far due to reality setting in when it comes to the costs of fighting and there being a formula. As long as you have no secrets that your stbx can dig up and show proof of you should be ok. In PA, my ex and I sat down with an attorney that volunteered her time along with a couple of …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 12:59 AM
11

This does remind me how my oldest daughter wanted to give me the play by play of everything her mother was doing so I had to put a rule in place. The rule was that they got to talk about the happenings at their mother’s house for just five minutes right at pick up. After that we would move on. I said unless you feel your life is being threatened or a crime is being committed you have to keep it in that five-minute period.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:46 PM
8

Guys let them go. The only thing a morality clause will do is make your wallet 500 dollars lighter.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:22 PM
2

Wow good for you! Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 12:58 AM
6

This is such a great conversation. I get where you’re coming from. For me my relationship with my now ex had already become one of convenience and going by what I had always been taught. I felt I needed to figure out a way to stay together and honor my vows. I also realized that my ‘wife’ was a lazy ‘know it all’ fool. I continued to try and be a good husband but all that did was have me doing most everything while she stayed out late partying with friends. I really do agree that the opposite of…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:25 PM
4

It sounds like what you are going over was drafted by your stbx's attorney for you to read over and negotiate. It would appear they are trying to put some things in the agreement in the hopes that you won't go over it. Maybe this works at times but you need to take that out and look closely at the rest of the document to see what else isn't workable for you. Clearly as stated the clause isn't workable. Technically you'd be giving your STBX the ability to move far away from you with your child. A…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 12:39 PM
5

Yes. Use this as motivation to ace the divorce by being involved. Knowing the law. Making sure you’re not giving anything away. If you have kids she’s just a business partner from here on out. That is it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 08:34 PM
5

Did she agree to the quit claim? Are both your names on the mortgage? If so I wouldn’t sign either if I was her. Buying out is not the same as a quit claim.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:02 PM
6

She’s not your concern anymore. Let it go. Stop comparing years and acting like she’s your property. Your ONLY concern in this is that your kids and grandkids are ok. If you have grandkids that are around him then you should have a sit down with your ex and tell her what you know. Tell her she should tell your kids about his past. If she doesn’t that you will to make sure your kids kids are ok. They may still feel it’s fine or they may not.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:12 PM
10

It sucks even worse because we know the likelihood is that she’s already moved on and is probably already getting it from some other guy… meanwhile he thinks he’s gonna be back.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:44 PM
3

Totally. It’s not for me but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t help for some or even most. Also great job of being able to be there in the first place. Not easy. I’d probably rather take a two by four to the face than have a convo with her. Oof…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 07:58 PM
1

Where’d I say it wasn’t fine? Here’s the thing it’s ‘fine’ for you to go. You aren’t required or expected to though. The real question is what did YOU do at your preliminary. Did you just go? Did you say anything? Was your stbx there? Was it just a waste of your time? Honestly all you told us from your post is that you have enough time on hand to go and sit around watching your attorney talk about you to another attorney and judge. You also allowed the other attorney to size you up… seeing manne…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 07:31 PM
1

I just don’t have anything in common with my ex so this would be tough. I honestly couldn’t care less about how her family are doing. This is the week of posts where I’m like ‘I don’t get this at all’.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:45 PM
14

Yeah my ex was already emotionally on to the next. I mean I can’t see any scenario that when going through a divorce I’m sleeping with the stbx. This is one of those where I can’t empathize/sympathize with you guys….
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:31 PM
2

It’s not just progressive groups. While this article is troubling, there are a lot of people out there arguing for this and that type of change. Is parental alienation a thing? 💯 it is. What is documented abuse anyways? Someone says it happened and they write it down? Is that documented? A court said it happened? That proof? I’m all about protecting the child, but divorce is often times messy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:40 PM
2

So I’ve been where you are now so I hope you don’t mind me giving you a little bit of advice… take it or leave it… 1) it’s not a big deal that they haven’t responded yet. Especially because you’re going to mediation. They may have e little in the way of motivation to negotiate at this time 2) I’d tell your lawyer thanks for reaching out but don’t do anything else until it comes to preparing for mediation or if he’s been contacted by the other side. Tell him you trust that he will let you know wh…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 09:59 PM
1

She will show up for mediation. Did your attorney tell you to go to the preliminary though? That would be odd if he did.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 07:04 PM
1

Are you representing yourself? Why’d you show up? I just know in my own case I was told not to show up for the prelims. My ex pulled a ‘you’ and showed up too. I was told that judges HATE clients that show up for the prelims.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:05 PM
3

That’s what the OP doesn’t get yet. He can get the proof or anything else but his stbx will just shrug it off and act like it’s not a big deal. This will anger him even more. Best to spend energy on other things.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:26 PM
6

Bring receipts. Have the proof right there. Many ways to get proof. For me it was call & texts records on my cell phone bill. Do you have an iPhone and share the same Apple ID? You can get all the texts from the other phone by simply checking a box in settings. My ex did this to me to try and dig up shit on me. Find my to double check locations. Finally go through credit card bills Of course if you are doing these things the relationship is probably way her and your energy would be better served…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 07:42 AM
6

I’m going to be that guy and say there’s something that isn’t be shared here about this situation. Did you keep the house? What else is she getting besides alimony? Anything? You can’t look at one line and make any type of logical assessment. Maybe op is getting screwed. Maybe he isn’t. We just don’t know. If he’s clearing 20k after taxes a month this guy is balling and there’s an asset trail that had to come into play too.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:19 PM
3

Yeah it’s not a plan to her and hasn’t been for a while. You’re on your own. You better believe her mom and possibly dad know too. I’m sorry you’re going through this but your attitude has to change yesterday when it comes to what your life will soon look like. You said that you live in her parent’s basement and have nowhere to go… this to me is the number one concern. You better hit up wherever you can to find a roommate or find housing. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 11:32 PM
1

You don’t even have to block. There’s an ignore button. Means you won’t see anything from that person on your feed and they’ll never know…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:52 PM
1

If I was you I would end all communication. A court won’t put much weight on text messages from years ago. I don’t know exactly what you said but if it’s something really bad it will have some impact. The fact that she may be trying to entrap you now makes me believe she knows she needs more.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:03 AM
2

I can’t say this loud enough…. Judges don’t care about your personal life unless it’s a harm to others or illegal. They also barely care about if it’s illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:40 PM
5

No this is not true. Most divorces are settled with attorney costs well below 10k on both sides. I paid just over 20k for my divorce because my ex was asking for everything imaginable. me when it came to negotiating a settlement to go higher than what I thought was fair to just get it over with. For most that works but there is always someone who doesn't calculate the entire cost of things I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:13 PM
9

Sorry you are going through this. As someone who went through a very contentious divorce myself (mainly because of what was made up in the mind of my now ex)... I give you this advice... 1) Your stbx can say whatever she likes. Unless there are some type of physical proof the court will not care. Honestly everything you list is fairly standard for most women going through divorce. 2) Always have your phone ready and be ready to record any type of altercation. My 'weekly' incidents went down to z…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:38 PM
2

Dude I’m not gonna lie for an instant I was like yeah go back to bed…. That’s how beaten down with gaslighting I had been. Crazy trying to explain gaslighting to someone who has never dealt with it. You can’t tell your ups from downs at times.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 10:57 AM
14

This is the way. I’m a broken record on here. You can beat the system with just some patience and calm. Be brief but be able to tell your story. Explain your position. You have a great chance of winning.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 12:43 AM
3

You make a good point. She didn’t move out for another four months. It was terrible. In my case the story is the perfect showcase of all the gaslighting and projection I went through up to and past that point. Thankfully she has never been missed by me. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 11:57 PM
4

Funny story…. My ex didn’t tell me. The papers were supposed to be delivered like on a Tuesday or Wednesday but weren’t. She didn’t know if I had seen them or not for several days. We were still sleeping unbelievably in the same bed. I remember we are going to bed and she asks if I had seen any papers from the court. I said no and she’s like oh ok. And I’m like wait you filed? She’s like yeah come to bed and cuddle. I checked the mail and sure enough I guess that day the papers had come. I never…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 11:16 PM
5

This was me right here. When I saw that my now ex wanted something else and knew, no offense to her, that she wasn’t much of a catch on the open market but that I was…. I was like…. Bye. Moving on is scary but it’s hard to find anyone who after the fact doesn’t wonder what they were afraid of and why they took so long to make the move.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 05:46 PM
4

They never upgrade. They may think they have at the time. That’s why they have to do their best to bring you down. They know they didn’t upgrade. They know everyone else knows they didn’t upgrade. So they make excuses. Stretch the truth. Try to bring you down to lift up themselves and your potential replacement.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:45 PM
15

Hey at least you didn’t pay for them before she left.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:23 AM
6

Do I know you? Came here to say this exact thing. Walked in on my ex in bed with the ‘good friend’ that I knew was only there to get the notch. I’m actually thankful for it. On to bigger and better.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:10 PM
10

Of course she does. She would have just acted like the victim if you tried to put your foot down. Don’t let her put any of this on you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:07 PM
5

I can guarantee you nothing would have changed. I went to marriage counseling. Glad I did but it likely just sped the process along. I had some really good talks with our therapist after my ex filed. She told me that by the time a woman gets to where our wives were, they’ve been thinking about divorce for years. They’re well into the process. They’re only at that time looking for a branch to jump to.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:06 PM
4

How long were you married? Any debt? Both of these factor into ‘judges’ decision…. If I was you I’d look at the bigger picture here. Stay in mediation and pay Pennie’s for the divorce or go through the system and pay a brand new bmw amount of money to argue over crumbs. Toss her two years of 500 bucks or just pay her the 12 grand up front to make her go away and to move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 03:00 PM
1

She will not ‘come to her senses.’
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 03:22 PM
2

What will happen here is that you’ll keep your student loans. They’ll figure out how to split everything together. So since you take on that debt maybe she will have to take on something else. Also while we say things are split evenly that’s not the case. Does she work? You better hope so or you could be looking at a 70-30 split of assets or worse. Also I saw the one person who said spend on your credit card now. That’s not always the best advice. The next two years will be tight with finances. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 09:42 AM
8

I’m confused you first say in title he’s younger but then say he’s around her age….. Also I don’t know you but I see a couple of red flags though in your brief paragraph you wrote. My advice… 1) you’re getting divorced. Disconnect your life as much as possible from your stbx. It doesn’t matter who she’s dating as long as any kids aren’t impacted. 2) again don’t know you but your short paragraph has some inconsistencies and dodges that scream you aren’t being honest with us and with yourself. Gam…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:47 AM
1

The secret keeping is childish. How long have you both been apart? I’ve now been divorced (decree in hand) for 3 years. It’s been five since we separated. 4.5 since she moved out. Here’s my unsolicited advice… -the judge isn’t going to care about morality. She is free to do whatever she wants as long as it isn’t a crime and doesn’t put your little ones in danger -you have to let what she is doing go. Focus on yourself moving forward and also on getting through the divorce process. -things will g…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:15 PM
3

Curious…. Why is the ex moving in being ‘in contempt? I know a lot of what you just said is difficult to accept. It does suck when random people are all of a sudden around your kids. It equally sucks that your ex has decided to keep it a secret from you. I would talk to your ex. Remind her nicely that what she’s doing now is setting up a precedent for how you’ll interact in the future. You have a three year old (possibly other kids) you’re both responsible for raising together but separate. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 01:45 PM
1

PA Married 19 years. Divorced now for five 115k to her 50k… 2 kids 50-50 Ex lied in court and lacked both remorse and awareness when it came to racking up high bills so no alimony. I was responsible for around 70 percent of debt she was mostly responsible for. I pay 850 monthly. I claim kids every year on my taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 09:03 AM
3

Yes red states are sneaky slanted towards women when it comes to mid and low income folks. They lean more in guys’ favor the more you make. It’s why Elon musk is fighting to pay custody in Texas and not California.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:57 AM
2

I still get nagged from my ex wife and we’ve now been divorced more than five years. She loves to ‘worry’ about me. She should be more worried about herself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:39 AM
2

You win….
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:16 PM
1

I was watching and was saying to myself this isn’t being posted for women. Something is just off by it. Even how she’s dressed…. I don’t know exactly what it is but it’s something… The other big issue I had is how she ended where she basically says men live and get happiness for their women and to work. Yuck. Let’s put women in a two qualifier box and see how happy they are after hearing us announce it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:24 PM
3

Just sticking to your questions… Do you think divorce will be amicable? If so tell her that you know. That trust has been lost and you think it’s best you divorce and move on. With short time period of marriage using a mediator would make sense. If you don’t think divorce will be amicable, hire a lawyer and have them file. The court will care even less than you what she did from 8p-2a that night. They also probably won’t give too much thought if giving you the home you purchased. If it happened …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:29 PM
2

Oh yeah take the money. Not even a question to me at this point. Do the quit claim and walk away
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:53 PM
1

It’s not as easy as just taking cash. Your name will still be on the mortgage (hook) unless she refinances.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:29 PM
4

My question…. She says she’s willing to give you 22k for the home. Will she do another mortgage to get your name off? How long does she think selling the home will take? What if they can’t find a quick purchaser how long until she refinances? Can she refinance? You should not take any settlement that doesn’t protect you from fallout if her plans don’t fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:26 PM
2

Stories are similar. My now ex decided she was a lesbian for a while and that’s when we split up. As others have said it’s over. I promise though things will get better. First there will be pain though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:13 PM
1

I actually recently was able to listen to this ‘post divorce ‘girl talk’.’ So first off I believe 100 percent divorce for women especially is contagious. My ex actually was just around a group of single women when she moved jobs. Being around them was the foundation of her deciding and carrying out a divorce. I also believe women know it’s contagious…. Why? Try and hang out with your recently divorced male friend and see the panic in your wife or girlfriend’s eyes. If you’re wondering the ‘girls…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 12:32 PM
1

I understand. It’s all of our fears. Don’t live in your fear though. Live in facts. Use that nervous energy to look up the law. Know your rights and demand exactly that. You can be fearful or knowledgeable. Use your anxiety for good.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 08:47 PM
2

First off stop saying or believing anything your soon to be ex says. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about… Second it’s great that you have mediation scheduled, but when the mediator tells her things she doesn’t want to hear she will change for the worst. Get ready. Finally you have all of our permissions to be greedy for this one time in your life. You should be demanding what you are owed and nothing less. With her job you should start off with nothing less than half time with the kids if …
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:22 PM
7

My ex was in a rocky relationship for a couple of months starting obviously while we were married. She fell for a person who has made a life out of breaking up marriages. The worst part is I could tell every time they were in a fight because the ex would start trying to fight with me. The AP is still doing their thing of breaking up marriages. I’d buy them a drink if I ever ran into them at a bar. I’m not really sure what’s happening with my ex when it comes to dating. Don’t care either.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 11:44 AM
1

More kids that you hope to pay little to support if you and their babies mama go your separate ways…. Yes. Texas would seem to be the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 06:06 PM
2

Just to be clear you won’t need to do a quit claim if she refinanced without you. She can either refinance the home or can’t. The title of land is part of the refinance process. It’s one of those 50 pages you have to sign and initial. A quit claim is you renouncing your rights to property. You still will be responsible for the debt of the property though without other steps being taken. The quit claim is easy. The assumption of debt is the hard part.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 03:15 PM
1

This was me. ‘We’ were living above our means. The ex out partying and shopping and me working and taking care of our two daughters. The judge said as much. It was nice that the ex continued in the victim role and couldn’t be convinced that she helped at all. I finally won my ‘out’ but it was costly and worth every dime.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 07:48 PM
0

That’s one of the talking points from this. He 100 percent moved in order to not pay child support. I did make a mistake as they were never married. They just had kids. This is all about custody as Musk has full custody (not by a court) of one of his kids with her. She claims he’s illegally withholding the child from her. And also support. This is showing a flaw in child support with a wealthy person running to a state that protects him more than not all playing fields are the same. There’s also…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 07:37 PM
3

Yep. They’re now battling for custody and child support. Article says Musk has one of the kids and grimes says he’s illegally holding the child.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:40 PM
0

You are correct. That’s me not thinking while getting up and posting. It’s a custody battle.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:34 PM
13

If you do it just send the proof you have. Don’t try to be her friend. Simply title it something like ‘thought you deserved to know.’ Then include the most iron clad you have first. I don’t like any electronic trails on shit like that so I’d drop it off in an envelope at her job or some shit like that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 05:50 PM
8

She has a federal job. What are you getting from her retirement? Not that it matters but I’d also be suspicious about the no cheating part. Im big on the monkey branch theory. It is possible you’re correct (it does happen) but for the most part there’s something causing it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 11:09 AM
6

You’ll soon learn that keeping the peace only goes one way. They couldn’t care less about your happiness. I treat my ex like a business since day one of our separation and now have continued it now that the divorce is final. Only communication I do with her is to discuss something concerning our daughters. I don’t give any more than I have to. I’m pleasant enough. She’s nothing more than someone I’m forced to do business with. That’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 07:24 PM
1

Yep it’s a nice feeling having ownership of your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 06:58 PM
-4

I have no reason why you’ve been downvoted. Thanks for your positivity and you’re absolutely correct.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 10:25 AM
5

This is the worst when it comes to divorce. The only thing you can do is ask the judge for a financial audit. Also hope that if it does indeed turn up that she was hiding money that the court will make her pay for the audit (or more likely reimburse you for your half). By the way in all the documents you sign to close out a divorce you sign one saying that things are factual as much as possible. You could reopen the case if it comes out she was indeed hiding money at a future date. If you have n…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 03:05 PM
2

The ex kept all the jewelry. Not sure what she did with it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:12 PM
3

The big thing here is the in home assessment. Make sure your home is neat. That your kids have their own places to call their own in your home. Make sure their bedrooms are furnished and look lived in. They don’t want perfect. They want ‘normal’. In the end they’ll be asking what’s best for your child(ren).
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:07 PM
1

This isn’t correct or is jumping the gun a bit early. The first question that needs to be asked is ‘who is requesting these documents?’ Is it the soon to be ex? Their lawyer? Was this handed down from a judge? To quickly answer, they don’t need to produce anything unless subpoenaed by a court. They will not be subpoenaed because when it comes to divorces the court doesn’t care in most cases the why. They just want to divide up your shit and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 07:46 PM
10

Women are great at nagging. Men are not. Here’s the thing even after you’re divorced for years they will still attempt to nag you. If there’s anything they can find to blame and nag you about, no matter if you’re at fault or not, they’ll nag you about it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:33 PM
2

One of the things we want you to know is that yes it sucks and we know it hurts. The worst part is that you feel deep down that by letting it slide she feels she’s getting away with it. That she’s playing you. Like others on here have said, legally the court system isn’t going to care about her infidelity. You gain nothing there. It’s nice that you have proof that isn’t deniable. I was in your position. I confronted to say I know what’s going on. Here’s what most people won’t tell you about marr…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:04 AM
1

Do you have an attorney? Let them talk big stuff. You just be prepared. There are laws and guidelines that courts try to stick to. You should be fine in The long run but getting there is going to suck. The person who said everyone loses in divorce is actually wrong. Attorneys absolutely win.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 04:56 PM
1

My ex also used money from her granddad’s house selling after his death to pay her legal fees. Life isn’t fair. I wish there was some way the legal system could factor that but they can’t.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:18 PM
1

There’s a difference in being factual and being truthful. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter… or someone who listens to bullshit everyday. What the judge replied is also factual. Doesn’t make it the truth as well. My exes lawyer tried a similar statement during our trial. I mentioned that she was often times not at home out with her fling. Exes attorney jumped up and said ‘there is no proof of that!’ Master in case replied ‘where there’s smoke there’s fire.’ My point is that attorneys should know …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:19 AM
3

Ok I’m going to get a lot of down votes for this comment and it’s fine. Sometimes there needs to be a voice that expresses reason over anger. That’s this one. So here we go. 1) the judge was correct. Just because found innocent doesn’t mean you are innocent. Don’t get mad at judge or even me. Your attorney should never have said it that way. He messed up there. 2) as someone who went ‘as far as one can go’ through the system I realize that courts are biased against men. Never walked into a heari…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 10:20 PM
3

The bank is very particular about these and you’ll have to jump through hoops for it to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 09:52 PM
1

This is how you should approach it. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:08 PM
1

If she can’t afford the house there’s no way she’s going to go for that. I’m assuming your house isn’t paid off. You’re probably going to have to sell the home if you don’t want to be there and buy her out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:52 PM
1

You may as well ask. Two questions can she afford to buy you out? Can she afford the house without your spousal support? This may go a long ways in if she says yes or not.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 06:35 PM
3

They couldn’t care less who gets business. They just don’t want to babysit someone who is clueless about rules and procedures in court.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:15 PM
4

Dude the reason all these decisions are going against you is that you don’t have correct representation. Get a lawyer!!! You only get one go at this. Once the divorce is done there’s no going back and doing the process over. Please for the love of god get a lawyer. It will be cheaper than what’s happening to you now. It’s also the answer to your question. How to deal? Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 03:46 PM
6

My ex was guilty af of cheating. Had no remorse at all in fact she got angry blaming me for all her mistakes. Good luck to the OP but why spent an extra cent on things that will honestly have little to no impact on a final judgement. And you’ll find out anyways once divorce is initiated. All the little secrets come scurrying out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 06:47 AM
1

I would tell your ex that’s fine. Tell her the process. We take this to court where a judge decides. It costs her money to pay an attorney to lose. She still gets a buyout. If someone wants and can afford the family house that’s what the court is going to rule to do. The one thing I’d say is make sure you have kept records of her not wanting a buyout. She may flip to claim she always wanted the home. Her best play is to claim she also wants to purchase the home and buy you out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:42 AM
1

I only read to get to the funny. There never was any funny. I was lied to. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ To the OP, I understand these are things you can’t talk about with your fiancée. You may need a therapist to help work out your past trauma. At some point you’ll realize that you won… and won’t look back at the past at all.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 10:17 PM
3

It’s funny because I too remember the point the Master in my case realized my ex was a piece of shit liar. She was crying tears about how me not paying our child’s daycare bill meant our child didn’t go and other lies. I presented the proof and the look she gave was priceless. I always say as a father you likely will never walk into a hearing with your Stbx where they don’t assume you’re trash. Just do your best to make sure they know that you have your shit together and are the responsible part…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 06:39 PM
2

It’s great this worked for you but for most this isn’t going to work. Why won’t it work? The basic two things they’re going to ask for is your W2 and pay stubs. It doesn’t matter where you put the money because they can see the source. Now maybe you own your own business and accept cash payments…. Ok now you may be able to hide your money past a quick check. For the OP, it may seem like a lot of money to you now but it’s not a lot of money that you are fighting over. Cut your losses and try to l…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:57 PM
4

it is so important for guys to have guy nights. Women freak out about them because they feel we will never come back. it's actually good for them to be reminded of our worth though. The hardest part may be that us guys love our routines and random 'guy nights' are not part of that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 11:55 AM
2

Yes this sounds great and all but when women go into this attack mode they aren’t going to listen to anything. I would get in writing the stbx’s stand and then mention to her that courts STRONGLY prefer parents work it out. Add that your attorney feels you should ask for her to have to pay attorneys fees. Often times women know that they won’t have to pay their own fees as someone in their family will come to their rescue.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 06:42 AM
1

I went as far as one can go. I had an independent lawyer who was suggested to me. In my opinion, my divorce included moderate to low back and fourth on physical custody -moderate number of motions to the judge (I believe four but maybe five of these) -moderate time spent hammering out custody payments -moderate time spent on discovery -low amount of time discussing final settlement (way far apart) -heavy time spent on a day and a half in court before a court appointed Master going over all finan…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:58 AM
1

You said I said it. not that it was 'inferred'. So now you're changing your story. Either way, you are still wrong. I am going to stop replying to you now but hope you have a great day. For the OP please know that what I have said is 100 percent true for your case. Maybe you will never be impacted by giving up primary custody. Maybe you come to an agreement about tax money too. Most do. But these are rights you should consider that will be at a minimum diminished...
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:33 PM
1

Looking at your initial comment further, you seem to not understand the difference between legal custody and being the primary custodian. Primary by definition means that there are more than one. That's great, but what I am talking about, and what seems to be flying over your head, is that in the case of a dispute, courts will most of the time lean with the 'primary' guardian/custodian/whatever other name you want to use here over any secondary person(s). I would think this would be pretty basic…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:27 PM
1

I did not say that. I have not edited my initial comment. I never used the word ‘physical’. Everything that I said is correct.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:09 PM
1

You are incorrect. Courts use what is called a 'qualifying child test' to decide who has the ultimate say when it comes to children. This is a long-standing test that is used when things on paper say both parents are equal and who gets the final say. Taxes are just one of many things this is used for and according to the IRS the rules go like this.... (only changed by adding some hyphens to make it easier to read) ----------------------------------------------------------- A child may meet all t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:49 AM
0

The two big things you give up with anything less than 50-50 is being primary parent. That means you don’t have a right to make medical decisions and things. You have an opinion but won’t have final say. Also for taxes…. You won’t be able to claim your children as dependents. At 50-50 you’d have the right as the person who makes more to claim them every year unless stated as otherwise on your final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:29 PM
1

I’ve never heard of this before. It’s so odd. Do you have an attorney? My advice is similar to what was already said. Go on Amazon (prime days over next week) and grab some cheap cameras that upload video to ‘the cloud’ and place in ALL public spaces. Who is paying the bills? If it’s you exclusively then you should get a smart thermostat to pick it doe. And control the temperature in the home. You should also be able to charge for rent and board at some point after a reasonable visit time has pa…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:14 PM
1

I’m in a long term relationship. I’m 46. She’s 37. We’ve been dating for more than five years. We both have two kids each. I didn’t plan on ever being in a real relationship again but she’s worth the commitment. We live separately and around 15 minutes apart. During week we chat and we may see each other but kids and life comes first. Every other weekend when I don’t have my daughters for the weekend I’ll spend most of it at her place. By the time Sunday comes I can’t wait to be back at my place…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 06:27 PM
2

The best ‘come to Jesus’ to me is winning the divorce overall. Paying more to your lawyer to make the soon to be ex collect a few more documents doesn’t seem like a good move. I want to make sure everyone on here knows how discovery works. They can ask you for anything. You don’t have to provide it. You should have a talk with your attorney about what to provide. The attorney will then pen responses as to what was provided and why things that weren’t supplied were not given. After the first roun…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 11:19 AM
1

They came to an agreement. Tough to say someone is screwed when they agree to it. Seems he’s happy enough with the deal not to go to court to fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 11:08 PM
5

I had the opportunity. After it happened to me I couldn’t be that guy. Weird to see the woman online with her kid and husband still. I hope she’s not still trying to have a side piece.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 07:57 PM
2

My ex tried to date younger too. I think it says more about their fear of getting old themselves. Good luck to them all. Just be glad they’re out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 06:31 PM
2

I never once walked into a court room during the process where they were totally on the exes side. It takes patience and knowing your rights and points you want to make to succeed in court. Congrats to all the success stories. Also to note it’s crazy they tried to deny you what is rightfully yours. If you were a woman they would have easily have given both supports.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 06:01 PM
3

Women are very good at hiding affairs. Save the time and money. If you suspect, there’s like a 98 percent chance it’s happening.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:29 PM
1

I agree there. I can be happy but still anxious. They won’t know about my anxiety. Imma be the life of the party. 😁
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:55 PM
2

Again this is wrong. Documents were required for her to be successful. She had estimates for the oil leak. Judge decided he would side with me with car’s value… the ex did ‘fake’ her bill numbers. I had a great line in front of the judge when I started presenting what bills had been paid saying something like I can’t say for sure where her moneys gone, but I can say for sure that these are all the bills we had on the date of separation and this is what I paid… (it was basically everything) Durin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 08:55 PM
3

This is bad advice. How do I know? Because my ex tried to do this to me. 1) First she tried to claim that the newer car she was going to get needed work on it that would have made the car have a value of zero. My attorney brought up to her attorney and the attorney tried to keep it on. During the hearing my attorney brought up the issue with judge, he agreed the proposed oil leak repair should not be deducted…. 2) my ex also tried to say that a loan from her mother to her should be halved as it …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 04:55 PM
1

I am going to be honest with you… many of us had thoughts of divorcing the exes. Guys just don’t pull the trigger. Very few men at least decide to file for divorce. This post is the reason why. We always come up with reasons we shouldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 03:34 PM
1

Yep we are the fall guy for their unhappiness. As a good radio show always reminds me when a woman comes to you and says something like ‘I’m bored’ you have to realize it’s not our responsibility to keep them busy. Also I don’t think most women out there want to compare life disappointments to the person they married.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:32 PM
2

I disagree here. There’s a natural progression. It’s not about desperation of having babies. It’s way more complicated than that. It’s the same reason that women who get a boob job often times have kids within a year too. Your ex left because she decided she needed freedom. They all think that. She became bitter towards you because life is hard and she was living with her parents and all the dreams she had she blames you for killing them. At the same time all this was happening she had a guy or …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:50 AM
1

While we also say it’s 50-50it really is not. I ended up paying 60 percent of debt and giving away 60 percent of assets due to our differences in income. The same should go for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:07 PM
3

This isn’t entirely correct. Once divorce is filed, or even now really, you will be responsible for your debt and she will be responsible for her debt. Hopefully your name and social is not tied to her credit card in anyway. Once divorce is filed you will not be responsible for any extra fees that occur on her account. That is unless your name/social is tied the her account somehow. Just hope she pays it off with nothing late if that’s the issue. Part of coming to terms to wrap up divorce is agr…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 11:35 AM
1

This is such an odd post. You would rather go to a place where missiles frequently fall from the sky than pay for child support and alimony? You’d also be willing to kidnap your kids to bring them to the same dangerous environment? To answer your question though they could eventually put out an arrest warrant on you for failure to pay child support. You would then be brought back to the states fairly quickly. You could fight extradition but you’d lose and just pay more money in the long run… and…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 01:42 PM
6

It’s simple then and you know what you have to do. Tell her no. Tell her police will be called. And tell her to talk to your attorney (if you have one) if she has any further questions. It’s not her decision to make.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 07:35 PM
6

The judge will not see it as that. If it makes you feel better you can write an email that asks her to list anything she feels she left and what you agree on you’ll sit outside for her. No reason to let her inside your home.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 06:46 PM
1

Look per resident and not overall. Texas is lowest of all states.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 04:44 PM
-1

I think this will also support a little bit that Texas is better for divorce when it comes to child support. Texas is known as a regressive state when it comes to taxes… just meaning that they put the biggest burden by percentage of income on low earners. Things like no state (they do have local) property taxes helps with this. Their divorce policy should come as no surprise and keeps with their overall feeling that burden should fall to lower earners VS other states.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 02:10 PM
8

They never realize that guys that have money have enough options that our exes probably not going to win them....
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:06 PM
3

I can't imagine anyone is surprised by this. Men and women are different and there are reasons that women look for things in their relationships that are different from us guys.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:04 PM
1

You know why you get a lawyer??? Cause they’re actually cheaper than not having one. It sucks but pay then to move your life forward. I’d hate for someone to come after you due to her being a narc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 09:29 PM
2

You don’t fight now because your stbx is being forced to play nice. Once she gets that you aren’t moving out I expect the kindness to go away.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:44 AM
1

What did I say that’s not fact? Anyways enjoy your holiday. For everyone else please don’t listen to this guys nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 04:57 PM
0

You know nothing. It’s wise to listen to those that have already been through the ringer. There ARE advantages to both filing and being filed on as any competent attorney or someone who’s gone through the process will tell you. I wish I had gone through mediation like I’m sure many on this board. Most here are part of the 10-20 percent that were forced to fight through a long process. Every advantage should be known.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 04:53 PM
0

There are advantages to both striking first and being the one served…. If you file you’re able to control the speed of how fast things come up a little better when it comes to working your divorce case through to the end. You also get first word when it comes to most things in court If you’re served you don’t have to pay any of the initial fees AND you get final word in court.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 02:05 AM
1

If they’re telling you to use the Zillow value you should really be questioning his worth. Please get your home appraised. Too much at stake to trust some computer algorithm that pumps up perceived home values.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 01:08 PM
2

Well refi does both. The other two have to be done in concert.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 01:04 PM
1

Ok I have questions. First off who is ‘they’. Also Zillow always shows a very high range. You should have your home appraised for the best evaluation. I bought my home with the ex about 6 months before she decided to go for a divorce. Then she forced a home appraisal in hopes that the home value has sky rocketed in that time. We had to split the cost. Best money I spent though with the appraisal coming in for exactly what it was purchased for.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:41 PM
2

That’s why you’d need to do a quit claim along with the assumption to get the name off the title.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:38 PM
2

Unpopular opinion but I am glad that we aren't all just stuck with someone forever. It isn't about quitting... We all only get one life... we don't get enough days to not be happy... If you're going to be a 'quiter' as you say, I just ask that you/they do it with integrity. I don't blame my ex for leaving. My life has improved vastly after she left. But I could have done without the shenanigans on the way to us ringing up more than 100k in attorney's fees. I am of the mind that people are not re…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:12 PM
1

Being truthful doesn’t mean ‘oversharing.’ 🤪 Also if you’re going to lie make sure there aren’t ‘receipts’.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:00 PM
1

Yes they care. They REALLY care when they call them out on a lie and then they still lie. I would have probably lost my home if my ex had been truthful. She was not and it cost her. I think you are in a unique situation because things courts REALLY REALLY don't like is one parent doing something without the permission of the other parent concerning kids. How will this impact the protection order? Well if she lied about something as minor as schooling for your children then.... The judge will the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 01:42 PM
2

He said ‘joint ownership with spouse’ so I’d assume they’re both on mortgage. The only way he’s going to remove her name from the mortgage is through refinancing. That makes the quit claim useless. I know there are technically other ways but they all require the bank to go along with the plan… and screw themselves out of money in the process. As someone who tried to do just that three years ago I’d say good luck but it’s not gonna happen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:31 PM
7

It’s not a gift. It’s a plan. According to my therapist women know 5-7 years out that they want a divorce. They plan it all out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:21 PM
2

You probably don’t want a quit claim. It does not fully remove financial liability. I guess in this situation it would be great for you keeping her on the potential hook if you fall behind. My understanding is a quit claim removes or adds someone to the deed but does not remove them from the mortgage with the bank. If home is foreclosed, parties listed on the mortgage will remain at risk.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:19 PM
5

I was similar to you. My wife cheated and then left within a year of purchase. My question for you… Can you not afford the home yourself? If there’s any way you can do that it would be the best solution. Since the home is just purchased there is no equity. Nothing to buy out there. It actually goes down as a debt as far as the court is concerned so it helps you with negotiating your other finances. Your argument should also be that putting it on the market now and selling loses you the funds tha…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 10:57 AM
1

I consider meeting new clients ‘for free’ part of an attorney’s job. Believe me you’re paying when it comes down to it for every smuck who sat down with them and went with another attorney. Nothing they do is ‘free.’ Enjoy the one free consult because the first 5k goes QUICK…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 07:50 PM
1

So a couple of things. Even If not protected by the prenup your wife would only be owed at max the increase in your sold companies value from the start of the marriage until sold. How you term it the prenup protected preexisting (before marriage) stock. Please listen to your attorney but she may not be entitled to as much as you think. And most judges would follow the law and limit her payday.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 09:45 PM
3

Has to be awkward when he sees random pictures of you and her holding hands and vacationing together. No way in our social media world of today that he hasn’t put it together yet. Crazy she’s starting off with lies to him too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 05:19 PM
1

I mean I guess in a way it happened. I voted no though. Weight loss is a hard no. Appearance would be a yes though. The ex was useless for a while with most household chores and if I didn't fold the clothes they weren't going to get folded. I started noticing a lot of see-through and other 'sexy' underwear being worn. I think it is more likely that the one who is left will lose weight and focus on themselves. This is when you come out of a relationship on the 'left' side you probably had a lot o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 11:48 AM
4

Mine was not voluntary. I had to prove that I did not have a pension. I didn’t have one and they felt I should so they asked again for the info. We again said nope no pension… then finally they asked us to show proof of no pension which is a little hard to do when you don’t have a pension… I then had to disclose notes directly from my job and 401k provider showing I actually really did not have a pension. It was actually available but I’d have to switch insurance and some other things…. I then a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 09:32 PM
1

To me that’s an odd ‘flex’. When it comes to our exes we have to do the high wire act of keeping things professional but also cordial. Our exes often times think that we are still bound to be there at a drop of the hat for them. I don’t see an issue with a brief congrats. I also understand there’s always a reason with our exes and a non response is also totally acceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:56 PM
2

Most have already given you sound advice.... I would add this. Your marriage is already over. You can either wait for her to pull the trigger when it is optimal for her or file now when it's optimal for you. Get Out.... When I was in your position I would not have believed someone giving me the advice I am giving you now. Now I 100 know it is the right advice. YOLO...
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 11:39 AM
1

Yes you’ll never recoup funds from getting married. But you can make out in the future on the money pit many of our spouses were. I remember when I realized I’d have more free time now with my 50-50 custody agreement. Priceless. This thread is a good reminder to all guys going through a divorce to take a month of your statements and sit down to see where ALL your money is going. There are a number of savings you can find there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 03:08 PM
1

Communicate. Call and continue to call. Get everything in writing. Don’t piss off the judge!
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 05:38 PM
2

This is untrue. Your home video or security can 100 percent be used to ‘save your ass.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:19 AM
1

This is correct. But you can also place cameras in your own home too. If it’s a shared place with stbx make sure they’re in non private places (no bathrooms or bedrooms) and that the stbx knows about their location. I’d send a text to the stbx to have your notification in writing. Good luck. I’d also like to add that I’m a big advocate of cameras in the home. After I installed cameras I didn’t have any other ‘runs Ins’ where I was accused of abusive behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:15 AM
1

Florid has alimony. It’s just not lifetime anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 11:59 PM
2

Our stories are fairly close. My now ex left me for a woman at the time. There are some notable differences in that she had never dated a woman before…. But they’re minor. One thing I noticed is that in these unusual cases, women tend to be out chasing because they feel they are getting old and they’re losing their perkiness. They can’t handle it and need the feeling of being wanted from others. There’s nothing you can do to make it better. What they don’t see is that they’re about to push away …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 09:53 PM
2

legal separation Baby boomers' divorce stats are through the roof. They weren't waiting for anything... Younger generations are doing a much better job of holding off on getting married and getting divorced. If anything it's those after 'baby boomers' that may be 'waiting until kids are grown'.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 03:12 AM
7

I almost posted a reminder tonight that divorce is a marathon it is not a sprint and for guys, we are the marathon runners... Women are mostly sprinters. In the first part of a divorce, women have the world as their playground. I could be mean and go through the reasons why but I am not going to. We know what they are. The farther from the divorce though us men get stronger. Women peak early. Men, if we are smart, peak later. I don't make the rules... As for me, I am in a five-year relationship …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 02:41 AM
2

I disagree with blocking. I have kids and if the ex wants to see what she’s missing out on fine. Also blocking shows you took effort to cut them out of your life. I’m good. As for the why, your ex knows you see her stalking your stories. There could be a number of reasons she’s doing it. In the end they don’t matter. Do your thing and I’d assume move on. If anyone should have an issue with it it should be her new fling. I don’t know too many women that would be happy if their new guy was clickin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:47 AM
2

Yep, In family court they don’t have time for appeals. You get one shot.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 07:38 PM
1

Not to pile on but first rule of going through a divorce is not to do anything to piss off the judge. Courts are often times already biased. Now you know that first hand. To answer your question though in Pennsylvania where my divorce was, you basically have two periods after someone filed for divorce. The first period is from the filing up until the date the divorce is final. This period can take from 6 months to around a year and a half to get through. That’s for let’s say 95 percent of divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 07:34 PM
2

Kept house. After last payment to my attorney the first thing I did was buy a new mattress. I can’t fully answer your question as we purchased the home less than a year before she filed for divorce. She’d already tried to have an affair the previous year and I knew at that point what I was dealing with. Little to no sentimental value for me when it comes to her and home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 05:53 PM
0

Never listen to what your stbx thinks about your potential divorce terms. Many on here say filing is best anyways. I disagree there but the difference is minor. If you file you pay all fees to get process started in court. You also go first if it comes to having to testify in court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:41 PM
12

Short answer run!!!! Medium answer. Run now!!! In depth answer. You have no kids and you’re miserable. You are about to be making a quarter million or more within the next decade. If you divorce now she won’t be entitled to any of it. If you wait she will be entitled to some of it. I’m h and if you didn’t catch my earlier comments run to the courthouse to file. You may also have reason to have your marriage annulled but that’s dependent on the state that you live in. And once again…. Run!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 04:23 PM
1

Guys let’s please stop putting the blame on attorneys and everyone else around our exes. They did this. The awfulness that they do and will display is from them. They choose to go there. Let the rest of the world blame anyone else but the woman for their issues. Let’s call a spade a spade here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 12:27 AM
3

Technically this argument is the same as blaming a women in a skirt instead of her rapist. Please treat your woman like crap to ensure she stays isn’t really how I want to live. I’d also argue there are just as many, if not more, ‘treat my woman like it’s the 40s’ men out there who have gone through divorces. Maybe the difference is that those guys ‘deserve it’ and ‘good guys’ don’t. In the end my advice to anyone is to treat your significant other like your kids are watching and they’re learnin…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:50 PM
1

I think we don't know if your attorney is wrong or not. Do you want to keep the house and live in it? Then yes the worst move is likely not living in the house right now. Any other options it's probably not a big issue with you not living in the home.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:37 PM
1

Yes, everything is fine and dandy when they think that they are going to get everything and you will just roll over... When they see things aren't going to go their way you see the real 'them' come out. While yes you should always listen to your lawyer's advice, there are many instances where a lawyer's advice has ended up wrong. As an attorney once told me, 'You never really know what a judge will rule'. The reason we advise on here not to leave the marital home willingly is that the chance of …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:29 PM
1

He's not dating for the long term. He is just trying to hit it and quit it. She just likes that she is being made to feel sexy and lusted after. I know for me I was too nice in my relationship. Nice equals boring. She can be happy struggling to stay in her small apartment now...
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 01:38 PM
7

Oh yes, you can. I lived this too; having to spend about five months living with my then wife of 19 years. She was already in a relationship before we officially filed so during this time I would watch her come only when she had to be there. Kids and I were an afterthought as she continued to frolic with her fling. Here's the thing, I didn't know it at the time but I grey rocked her. I went about my business as normal when she was at my home and ignored her as best as I could. If she asked a dir…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 01:22 PM
1

This is the oddest post. Sock day was a week ago and you already have a BINDING agreement? There’s no way it’s binding. Also you say ‘put in the work’ yet you’ve only been separated for a week. That’s not putting ‘in the work.’ I honestly don’t know what’s going on here and how truthful you’re ultimately being but there are a number of red flags coming from your post. My advice to you is to slow down and grieve. Reflect on the past and try your best to get over the pain we all feel. It does get …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 05:01 PM
9

Yep. They can’t unsee what they’ve seen. They know and if they haven’t put it together yet they will. They’ll also at some point realize the impossible position it puts the dad in.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:58 PM
3

Yeah I knew too. Just a weird overwhelming feeling you get. You just know. Then weeks or months later there’s validation. Not the good type.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 12:53 AM
2

This is such an interesting question to me. The initial answer as most have replied seems obvious, but then I asked what can best benefit you… Now a lawyer can answer this better than any of us but let’s say she waits six months and files… living on her own or mooching off her relatives isn’t going to be a good look to the judge in the case when she’s asking for big alimony payments. I’m also assuming you have her reasoning in writing in the form of a text or something? I’d also think that any l…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:54 PM
3

I’m not being mean. I’m being honest. Maybe that’s what you need. You’re asking us if it’s ok to stick around for some person who has cheated on you multiple times and is currently living at some other dudes parents house. See dude I don’t know you but I know by your comments that you’re worth more than sticking around the train wreck of an ex you have. Maybe one day you’ll realize it too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:48 PM
2

I honestly don’t know what the OP is hoping for here. The solution is obvious. The only explanation is he wants to talk about it more or go back to what I can only imagine being a crappy life. Gross 🤢
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:24 PM
1

Glad you asked. I’m a believer in therapy as it probably saved me thousands of dollars going through my divorce. I’m guessing you’re going through counseling just by yourself and I would certainly use the time if I were you to talk about topics you don’t want to talk about with close friends and family. For me marriage therapist started off with asking me a lot of questions as my now ex was trying to attack. She listened and at times it was frustrating but I kept playing along. By the middle of …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:38 PM
2

I will say that it's now been nearly six years since the split apart and nearly four years of the process being done and I stay here just as much for me as for you guys. I hope my words of advice help in some small ways but this board also serves as a reminder of what I went through and that I am not alone in my experiences. I thank all of you for your help.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 01:27 PM
4

I’ll tell you what not to do… don’t catch feels and marry her. Also don’t impregnate her. Don’t act like you’re the kids dad if there are kids. Ok I lied…. If it makes you feel any better you have our permission to try and do all the crazy sexual positions that have names so crazy you have to look them up on a non office computer to be totally grossed out about what it actually is. I’m talking about stuff like ‘the lion king’, the ‘Mexican pancake’, & especially the ‘Cleveland accordion.’ 😂
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 10:10 PM
3

Can I just add to please stop bending over backwards for her. Stop that right now. No more. Do you demand she change different things? Is she perfect in all ways? I seriously doubt it. As someone else said she got you. You were her mark and she’s now decided to move on to the next. You now have to put yourself together for you and your child. You have to be strong for both of you because she sure as hell isn’t. Take care of all your bills now to make sure she has no access. Get a lawyer. Then ta…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:39 AM
1

This isn’t a feminist way of thinking. A true feminist would say I don’t need a man and can do it on my own. As another poster who checked out the feminist board said they’re laughing at these women’s response.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:32 AM
1

You make an excellent point. Again men aren’t ‘hitting the lottery.’
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:51 PM
2

I gotcha. I’m betting that you can still settle away lifetime payments if you choose to. I’m thinking this is more what a state judge can decide. I’m sure even if you chose to go this route the judge would make sure you understood that and would be like ‘there’s no going back…’.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:35 PM
3

That’s why they claim it isn’t retroactive (some exceptions it would seem). They’re trying to protect agreements already made that can’t be renegotiated.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:05 PM
7

While we get there different ways you make good points. Marriage shouldn’t be about a woman ‘hitting the lottery’ because of who she marries. I work in an industry with a lot of ‘pretty women’ and I see the number of them that start their ‘I do’s’ with we are going to work and it’s going to be awesome. And the. All of a sudden two years into the marriage it’s ‘well I want to stay home’. What’s the guy to do? Divorce them right then? When you’re together you’re together. When you go your separate…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 05:21 PM
9

It’s interesting too because lifetime alimony doesn’t line up with women fighting for equality (women’s lib). They act like they can just go to the ‘other side’ but I don’t think they’re going to get much sympathy there either. There’s going to be some parties coming to an end in the villages soon once those checks stop coming in.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 03:23 PM
6

Not sure why I put an apostrophe in there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:52 PM
3

You can always tell the new guys....
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:47 PM
1

Guys please don’t listen to this guy. I can only talk about myself and my very Contentious divorce. It went as far as a divorce can go. I proved my ex was lying with financials along with some other things. The appointed ‘master’ of our case awarded me what my attorney said was better than what she could have imagined. I know some people want to be hard headed and think they’re smarter than the court. My ex certainly thought she was. She and they are not. The court’s seen it all.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 07:11 PM
1

I was married 19 years. My ex did exactly what those women are advocating. She was caught lying and trying to cheat on the stand. I make three times her amount and all I pay is child support and I have my kids 50-50. No alimony. My biggest hit was paying about 30k in bills which was split 60/40. I consider myself very fortunate. I’ve lived what you claim. Every night that I go to bed, in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Pennsylvania, I know that it doesn’t pay to lie to a judge. But good luck …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 07:05 PM
1

Guys please don’t listen to this guy. You are not getting away with it. I can also speak only for my own case in telling you that my ex tried to trick the court financially and paid a small price. How much? Married 19 years and she got no alimony… people have asked me how’d I get that…. Ex lied in court… and got caught. She thought she was smarter than the court too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 06:38 PM
1

Dude you’re delusional. First off it’s not ‘your’ money. It’s ‘YOUR’ money as in split between you and you soon to be ex. Secondly getting paid and then buying things that retain or perhaps gain value and saying that’s ‘hidden’ is like your 4 year old wanting you to find their hiding spot in your house. For anyone else thinking you’re smarter than forensic accountants there are penalties… the judge can and will charge you the entire cost of having a forensic accountant go through all your financ…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 05:42 PM
1

Penalty is rare because it’s hard to actually hide money and most attorneys will tell their client not to. Also you are married until the divorce goes final so it’s especially hard to hide money from the person you have kids with. The best chance at hiding money is if you own your own business and take in lots of cash. Really any cash payments you take can be hard to track. Besides that though good luck…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 10:54 AM
2

It’s tough to hide money. If this is what you mean by ‘cheaters’ than that to me is false. Women do have advantages in court with money though. Women are more likely to: 1) have a sympathetic judge 2) have family willing to pay their court costs 3) have family willing to take them in 4) have family & friends willing to watch kids. We in this sub May want to start considering that when a woman decides to quickly move her case through court it’s because she’s hiding things. Basically treat all stb…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 06:51 AM
2

My marriage counselor told me my now ex was a narcissist during my exit session. Didn’t even know what the word meant at the time. Most of the time online narcissist comments describe something that isn’t actually narcissistic. To be around a narcissist is to be talking to a person for a day and come to view the world that they live in as one thing. Then you find out, after talking to everyone else, that everything you were told was a lie because the narcissist who was the hero of the story is i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 03:03 PM
1

I mean it’s not feminism saying that. If anything they’re using loopholes from the old way of thinking to get their money. Judges assume the woman isn’t making the same money because they’re at home sacrificing for the family. Sometimes it’s true. That’s not feminism though…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:37 PM
4

As I told my ex when she tried to tell me our story was ‘unique.’ It is not…. Small details may be different but the foundation is all the same.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:34 PM
1

This is gross and I’m so sorry it’s happening to you. Make sure you put down you want the investment back from her schooling. Please tell me she didn’t go into debt to go… it may be financially wise of you to try and quickly come to terms but this may be a case like mine where it’s cheaper to fight for what at worse is a cheaper solution than it is ti settle. Divorce sucks…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:32 PM
2

It’s a marathon not a sprint. Lawyers cost money. You have to look at what the very real cost of your attorney is going to be versus what potential savings you may recoup are going to be. Sometimes it’s better to entice the other side to settle instead of fighting it out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 08:55 PM
6

The concern for those here, and what hasn’t been said that I’ve see, is how they’re going to break down the funds post divorce. You’re the breadwinner here. You’re the one who is going to be paying out. You have to play defense. She barely works and has two young kids to support. You didn’t mention what you’re hoping custody is going to be. If I was you I’d go hard for 50-50 but everyone is different. If you give her anything like 70-30 or greater they’re giving her the house to raise the kids i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 08:50 PM
0

To add to this few women before marriage say this. The plan changes after they enter into a binding ‘what’s mine is yours’ agreement. It’s a classic bait and switch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 06:08 PM
2

Be happy she’s(stbx) not nosing around in your life. I would do my best to meet him though. Stand tall and be proud. You’ve been there and done that already. You have a joke he isn’t in on yet. You know how it’ll end for him.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 10:12 PM
7

One of the things that I noticed that you and others mentioned (and i did) is when wives are caught cheating us guys commit to be better in the relationship. Why do we do that? It’s not your fault that she’s cheating. In what world when the guy cheats does the woman go ‘I’ll work harder for you to be faithful?’ It’s crazy. I’m sorry your wife has checked out of the marriage. Good luck in moving on. Life after will be better than you imagined.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 05:21 PM
1

I stayed in the marital home. Split custody of kids. Ex lives in a nasty two bed apartment. Somehow even with paying child support I have more money now than before getting divorced. Imagine that. I used to scoff at men who kept their accounts separate in marriage. Now I swear by it myself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 11:51 PM
3

I don’t think it’s a big deal unless you’re looking for something to get mad about. I refer to my daughters mother by many things… in front of them it’s always ‘your mother’ or her name. Consider yourself lucky if this is the biggest issue you have with your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 11:44 PM
1

Yes I hear a lot of screw therapy and for all it’s faults it was invaluable for me. I would not have been prepared for divorce if not for that final consult. She told me about things going on before I even had a clue they were happening. It was impressive and goes to show that no matter how crazy our individual stories they’re all fueled by the same core issues.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 12:22 AM
1

I don’t know. Our marriage therapist (we lasted four sessions) sat down with me for a final one on one after the ex filed for divorce. She did a wonderful job of explaining to me what I was up against. I had heard the word narcissist before but had no clue what it meant or how it worked. I think you have to start there. She needs to be the center of attention. She needs to win. She doesn’t care beyond acting the part… if she doesn’t win she will lie and lie some more to try to look like she won.…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 01:19 PM
2

I will. Chatted with attorney. Issue is the oldest is 16. You can’t force them where to live. In my case, that’s a pretty extreme case IWA, attorney feels I have an excellent chance of getting them for school days and every other weekend. I slip up and say full but that’s really what I’m after. And thanks! I honestly don’t know what the best option is at this time for what’s best for kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 09:23 PM
1

Pennsylvania.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 07:50 PM
2

I don’t live ‘for my kids’. That’s just silly. I am there for my kids though. I have a healthy life outside of my kids. I also want to make sure they have everything to succeed in life. Again I’m sorry someone hurt you so deeply. Your take isn’t a good one though. I’ve won dealing with the system before I can do it again. Thanks for the negative viewpoint. I’m really hoping to hear from the winners in this situation though. To see what they did.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 07:16 PM
2

While I agree in a normal case this would be an uphill battle. I think I’m in an unusual position. The system has worked for me so far. Mainly due to the ex being unfit in so many ways. I understand that when in front of a judge anything can happen though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 06:26 PM
3

This is a bad take. I’m sorry the system didn’t work how you hoped. The system has worked pretty well for me and I hope to continue with that. I will not give up on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 06:23 PM
2

My only advise… you say you’re not smart enough to handle financials…. It’s not that you aren’t smart enough… it’s that you just haven’t learned about it yet. Take thirty minutes each day to learn something new about your divorce. Already know the law before you sit down with lawyer or go to the mediator. That way you’re having a discussion and not just asking questions that may not tell you everything you need to know to make the best decision for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 09:24 PM
3

Guys never listen to advice that is one sided. What exactly does the woman in this situation do to make things better? Please remember there is no real difference in men and women above 20 years old when it comes to being overweight. Severely obese women nearly double the same metric in men. How many times do we get to judge them because they ‘appear’ not pleasing? That type of shit and thinking is frustrating. When do we get to leave or cheat because they aren’t where they should be? It’s not r…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 02:14 PM
3

No the woman in the steps was sleeping with someone else. It wasn’t what the husband did that is the concern. It’s that she had a falling out with the guy on the side. This won’t last. It never does.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 02:08 PM
1

Social media does make things interesting. Funny the most recent episode of Ted Lasso deals with this in a way. To answer your question there are a lot of ways social media allows you to hide those pictures even though they’re still technically ‘there.’ I also didn’t block the ex but I made it where I would never ‘see’ her on my social media pages. In the end find what works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 09:30 PM
1

Yes I understand how the formula works. I earned just over 60 percent of monthly income. She was slightly less than 40 percent. Also when you factor in difference in mortgage that i kept (less than 2k a month) and her rent along with support payments she has more spendable income than me so we aren’t that far off income wise. My remark, about the difference between how states factor child support, is correct. I will say that you’re incorrect when saying that 50-50 is taken into account with rega…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:55 AM
3

I guess it’s similar in PA. It’s still based on pay overall but I have 50-50 and I pay around 900 a month in support. I kept the house so the ex and my take home pay is about the same. I do get to claim both of my children on taxes and every year the ex complains about it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 12:05 AM
1

Dude the longer she stays out of work the more likely you’re going to have to find her post marriage lifestyle. The best time to do it was yesterday…. She’s checked out, emotionally cheating, and jobless… that’s the perfect ‘I’m screwed’ situation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 08:15 PM
6

I’m pretty sure mine now realizes how good she had it. If I was single she would 100 percent tried to reconcile. As is there are just little hints here and there. The thought of that is gross in so many ways though. I don’t honestly think I could have sex with her anymore. Like no way she could turn me on. And outside of the sex part… I’m not suicidal but just the thought of waking up next to her for the rest of my life (hell even a month) has me imagining doing hurtful things to myself. She che…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 08:35 PM
4

The best piece of advice I got was not to blame who their cheating on you with… blame them. In fact the ‘other guy’ may help in making your stbx love sick and just want to give it all away to be with him… or you may have to deal with someone like my ex who decided after cheating that she was angry and wanted to fight for every last dime… in the end getting way less than she would have gotten.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:48 PM
6

Yep that’s the thing. It’s all a formula. Often times they think they’re special though and deserve more. 🙄 Btw my ex sat there on a trip she took with me and my girls bragging about all the things she was going to get… nice vehicle,,, house… new boat she was going to buy with what I was going to have to pay her…. She is renting a small apartment and driving a small suv. Didn’t really go the way she had planned it. Won’t go how your stbx planned it either.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 04:28 PM
2

I once told my ex to her face ‘you lie about everything’ when she was clearly lying to me. It’s tough to deal with because the lies are so bad you have to feel like they’re only doing it because think you’re an idiot. It’s VERY frustrating. So how to deal? Everything in writing. Also you have to pick your battles on what to challenge. Trying to prove every little lie will drive you insane. Keep receipts. If proof just falls in your face write it down for future reference. Live your life and don’…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 09:23 PM
5

This right here. I wish I didn’t have to continue to have moronic conversations with the ex who continues to be bitter to this day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 08:32 PM
3

Anyone can sue for anything they want…. Doesn’t mean that they’ll win. Sucks you have to spend time on this. Produce the document when asked to and move on…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:56 PM
3

I should have left mine too. Doesn’t change the fact that she was planning this all along.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 10:50 PM
1

As crazy as it sounds it does begin with eating right. Less sugar and more lean protein ftw. I work a job where I have to have a lot of energy and people see me and will call me out when I’m slacking. Eating right is the number one way I can do what I do. I also feel that when you eat right your mind is right. What seems lame to some on here is so important to me. After that you need to come up with a plan to become financially dependent. While more schooling may help it’s also a solution with n…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 05:14 PM
7

Guys please listen. Women plan divorces years before pulling the trigger. Often times they look for opportunities, while acting like the perfect wives, to set up the seeds for their reason for divorce with everyone around you including your family. Us guys are quiet about in house issues. Women are not. Don’t get surprised….
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 05:03 PM
1

While you think she will she is up against all the other ‘hotties’ too that are a little younger and don’t need any nip ticks just yet. At best she’s even to them. At worst she’s like my ex and will become a cat person cause they can’t find what they feel they deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 07:09 PM
5

Couple of things…. 1) married guys, don’t pay for your wife’s plastic surgery… not that I know from experience 🙄 but you WILL end up paying it off while they try and use it to get laid. 2) as others have said, and fair or not, the older women get the less desirable they become to those looking to date. It’s the inverse for a well put together male. Your stbx will start off with plenty of choices. They will not last. Dating sucks and lots of the guys looking for tail and in the ‘dating circuit’ a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 07:52 PM
1

This isn’t entirely true. Your 401k was yours BEFORE the marriage and that’s what you used to purchase the home. You did not indicate she paid anything out of pocket towards the purchase of the home. Unless you royally piss off the judge the home will be yours with little to no payout. Also as I said earlier don’t listen to anything the stbx says.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 07:51 PM
1

If it’s not the first rule it’s the second…. Don’t listen to anything your stbx or their attorney tells you. Good it in the trash and don’t think a second about it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 07:08 PM
2

I completely disagree with this statement. Using myself, my real life group of friends who have gone through divorce, and this board I can tell you that women cheating isn’t about the man… sure some of us men aren’t perfect… but the issue resides inside women in most cases. I went to four marriage counseling sessions before my ex filed for divorce. The ex attacked attacked attacked for the first three sessions trying to complain about why I was such a f*ck up… we had discussions and we’d answer …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 01:16 PM
2

Many of our stories are the same and I did the one ‘stalk’ too before being like what the…. I was gaslit too. All our stories are frightening similar.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 05:10 PM
4

The purchase of a home, if correct, would be a big deal with regards to where the funds came from along with who’s listed on the title. If so that could be beneficial to you. Also stop stalking…. Once… ok…. Driving by twice…. It’s fine… But anything more than that and there may be some concerns especially if they’re grabbing you driving by on a doorbell camera. I know you want to know where she is but take a step back and think why does it matter? You’re free. Enjoy your freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 12:52 PM
6

To start with I think you’re getting some poor advice above with regards to your situation and how to proceed. Also I don’t think they answered your initial question/feelings/concerns so let’s start there. She was probably flirting and doing things you’d consider mental cheating with the guy well before you split. That’s how it happened with me and countless other guys on this board. It’s not unique to your relationship. Not that saying that makes it any better. Let’s say these relationships bur…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 11:44 AM
1

I agree with everyone saying not to hold it in. Get it out. You must grieve. The thing that surprised me about the grieving process is that it isn’t like the movies and tv where it’s a straight line…. Nope. Anger will hit and it will hit again. All 7 will come and go over and over again. When you let it out though you hope after a while it’s like a train horn. More and more distant and less painful and taxing overall. Also you don’t seem like you need to be dating but I do get it. We’ve all been…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 01:00 AM
1

You’ve already said it in the update but yes if the roles were reversed she be going for all this and more. It’s not vindictive to go for what you’re owed. It’s just right.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 03:03 AM
3

You’re not a snake. You just refuse to be someone else’s emotional outlet to dump on. Also it’s been six years now and no apology from my ex. Don’t expect they’ll ever be one. She also expects me to be there for her emotional crap and I also am not the one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 02:59 AM
2

I agree with what you’re saying. It was by far in my opinion the worst and most uneven part of the divorce process. Things like housing were not taken into account. I could have argued for a reduction due to high housing costs but that would have opened up other potential issues. Bottom line was that for just over a year my take home money was far less than the exes and it nearly cost me my home. My apologies that you’re having to go through this now. It is rough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 05:36 PM
2

So this is the judgement while you’re going through the divorce process correct? It’s called pendente lite in Pennsylvania and yes it sucks. Especially if you don’t have your child fifty fifty. Essentially while you are going through your divorce they’re going to make both households ‘even’. This is based off a formula so there isn’t much room to maneuver here. Your taxes and pay stubs say you make this… their pay stubs and taxes say they make that… mix in formula for where the child is staying……
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 04:20 PM
1

Omg why all of a sudden does this sub have so many whiny 😫 dudes in it. They aren’t there to defend mothers. But they aren’t going to help people who don’t help themselves. I got everything I deserved (and went after) after splitting with my ex. I was knowledgeable in court and had done my homework before meeting with my attorney to prepare. My ex lied in court and I had the receipts to prove she was lying. I found the court’s judgement to be fair. The law is the law and it isn’t slanted either …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 01:56 PM
1

Yes they will. I’m a certified notary (never had a client though 😂) and I went through this exact process when I split. The person keeping the house will go through the refinance process. That by itself will take AT LEAST 45 days from start to finish and that’s if everything is perfect. You will not be needed in this part of the process. Once they ensure that there are no liens on the home, the home passes an inspection, they ensure it’s value is correct, and that you’re not behind on child supp…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:14 PM
2

Maybe it’s because I’m a professional communicator. You’re correct that the real world is not clean cut and decisions can backfire. That’s why they try and follow the reasoning I just described which limits their responsibility. You get in trouble when you go against the recommendations of a hired professional. They don’t know or owe you anything. Why the hell would they stick their neck out for you?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:04 PM
1

It is not. A quit claim is similar but legally is a different process. That’s what I’m saying. You need to make sure she refinances. Most lenders don’t even do quit claims. In a ‘quit claim’ you can still be held liable for money owed. You cannot be with a refinance.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:38 PM
1

Quit claim is not the same as refinancing. I couldn’t remember why I had to refinance and wasn’t able to do a quit claim.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:33 PM
1

I mean if you haven’t been in a home and don’t have the time to your it before buying and they said the rooms are really small and it’s really three bedrooms and not five…. You gonna take their word for it right over what the listing said…. That’s exactly what’s going on here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:03 PM
2

It’s not lazy ass judges. It’s them recognizing that someone that has spent time outside of court with the kids and both parties recognizes and sees the bigger picture better.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:01 PM
2

I just reread up on quit claims…. DO NOT do it. Your stbx needs to refinance the home. You can still be held responsible for the debt of the home with a quit claim… it only really gives her the right to sale or make decisions on the home without your permission.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 02:58 PM
1

You’re nice. I was forced to refinance my home. Cost me thousands. Also a quit claim is different from refinancing. You should look up the rules in your state as my understanding is that in some instances you could still be held liable for expenses with the home. Just because the decree states 90 days doesn’t mean much. First off you’d have to petition the court for them to enforce the decree. They’d do this by giving her another 90 days. You’re out of money and she gets an extension. Doesn’t se…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 02:53 PM
1

Wrong if it’s a crime it’s dealt with by the district attorney who would require proof. You have no solid proof so they wouldn’t care. When CPS gets involved they see proof and then send the evidence of a crime to the district attorney’s office who decides to press charges or not. And they only care about children. I guess since we are in dream world legislation could make it where they have to check phones for any proof of adultery… but since we are dreaming I’ll take a billion dollars. I’m goi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 06:08 PM
1

You know how backlogged criminal court is? Now you want to double their load with frivolous stuff? All the while you have to pay a huge amount of money while your case waits to be settled? During the divorce process I had to pay around 1500 per month. This basically made what me ex and I was making even. (-1500 for me, +1500 her) except I had to pay the house payment where I was living (one grand more a month than her rent) and had to pay 80 percent of our debt (she had moved over what she owed …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 05:24 PM
1

Easier said than done buddy. Two sides to everything. I can guarantee you proving adultery would not be easy. Family judges are more than happy not to have to dig into potential infidelity on one side and then a ‘what about you and this person?’ situation. Family court is already months and even years backed up. Now add this in? Just because you say it’s easy doesn’t make it so. As someone said before no fault family law attorneys were making crazy money cause they were all defense attorneys bas…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 05:01 PM
0

It sounds great to punish adultery until you start thinking about how you’d do it. What would count as ‘proof.’ As my exes attorney tried to argue what I had was hearsay. The master replied with ‘yes but where there’s smoke…. 🔥.’ I had more than most. The concrete video proof occurred after she had filed. Also are we going to punish not doing your ‘marital duties’ next? What happens if you get married and don’t have sex for four years…. Is that also a crime?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:51 PM
2

No matter your opinion on the ruling, the supreme court’s stance on abortion says this is no longer the case. They’ve now shown a willingness to go into one’s ‘privacy sphere’ when it suits their needs.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:16 PM
1

Before Reagan was president he was governor of California where he signed into law the first ‘no fault’ divorce legislation. Other states soon followed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:06 PM
7

At the start of my divorce my ex had a head start and was getting sex on the regular from her person she was cheating with. After a night where she came out and was bragging about how good it was to me and shit I needed to fuck something so I chose a girl that most would say was not pretty. She was nice I guess. Still randomly see her on my instagram feed like once a year. But at that time it was so helpful. I didn’t lie. I was truthful with her. It only happened once as I was ready the next tim…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 01:24 AM
2

To answer you question I don’t know when you can reasonably withhold your daughter… but I’m pretty sure it’s past the point that you will unnecessarily piss off the judge in the case and potentially your quality of life moving forward. I don’t think in any world the potential gains in refusing to drop off your kids at their mothers is going to be higher that what’s overall at stake. Document everything. I found the best time to use such evidence is if and when your stbx overreaches. But you do y…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 01:57 PM
7

It’s only a matter of time my man. Sorry. They will meet up again and she will have an affair with him. Your story reads very similar to what I went through at year 17-18. I even had the talk about cutting off people who weren’t respecting our marital boundaries. Got yelled at about how I wasn’t going to control who she’s friends with. So I’m a proactive person. My advice is not to worry about the guy. He’s a piece of shit but he’s just giving her options. She makes the choice to do it or not. L…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 08:40 PM
2

Yeah I can’t explain it but I am in the same home paying the same mortgage… only my income plus paying 1 grand a month in support…. And yet I have so much more money now than then it’s crazy. I try and spend wisely. I guess it’s easy to spend when it isn’t your money but someone else’s.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 06:02 PM
2

I find most men after the initial shock do want to improve and be better. I do not see that with women. There’s a reason why books like second wives club are successful. There’s a lot of truth and horror for women in those pages. My ex is living it everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:07 PM
2

Half the battle is realizing what you could have done better and being a better person on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:03 PM
3

You have the high ground right now. In divorce when it comes to kids the judge asks a simple question… what’s best for the child. Now in a perfect world the child would already be in school and you could use that as an argument. The child is too young for that to be a factor though The plan as you have said is not doable (50-50 with parents hours apart) and in the future a judge would rule one way or the other for one of you to be the primary. If you do the split and she’s close to home it will …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 09:03 PM
2

Nope. Just wishing you good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 05:09 PM
1

Even if you aren’t first to file your attorney can keep things moving. There is no benefit here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:38 PM
1

This is true. Also going second allows you to respond to whatever craziness they claim. It was VERY helpful for me to go second because my ex was lying about a number of things on stand. Since her cross went so long I had an extra two days to prepare the paper trail that was proof of what she was saying wasn’t true. It was VERY helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:36 PM
5

The upside? You don’t get served at some random place like your job. You also start the process now instead of waiting… The person who files is forced to pay all filing fees. There are also some added costs when it comes to preparing the documents that the one being served doesn’t have to deal with. Also finally if things go ‘all the way to trial’ like they did with me the person who files goes first on the stand. The other gets final word.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 11:28 AM
1

It could have an impact. At the very least your stbx THINKS it will. The great thing for you is that you’ve left a paper trail when it comes to how active you are in your kids lives. Daycare at least has you sign kids in and out. Preschool May as well. She’s been working nights so there’s proof there that you’ve been putting the kids to sleep each night. You have a good base to start your arguments in my opinion. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 11:41 AM
1

why is a judge involved?
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 05:36 PM
0

If a judge is involved she’s no longer cheating on you. I think there is some truth with what you’re saying though. Social media is changing the game and some of the old predictors of cheating aren’t as reliable anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 03:59 PM
2

It sounds like this is a party and then a family meal. That’s fine. You should still go to the other party. Even as it sounds like you’ll be surrounded by your exes family.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 04:43 PM
2

Yes. You do it for your child. My ex insisted on bringing her girlfriend with her to my child’s first two parties post-split. It was embarrassing for sure but I sucked it up and showed up at my daughters parties. Now I look back and wonder how the ex feels seeing there are two years of her with her ex-girlfriend in birthday pictures.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 04:41 PM
1

Guys let me be the possible first to say that you’re wrong here. It’s about your kids. Bite the bullet and just do the party together. Maybe one year you throw it and the next she throws it. The other one just shows up. Again it’s about your kids. I’ll also add that throwing a tantrum and doing a separate party shows weakness. Walk in with your head held high and have confidence. Flirt with the other wives, be the perfect dad to your kid, and then go home. Win the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 04:32 PM
6

Never really thought about it until now. I’ll play along. The ex joined a semi pro women’s tackle football team and became a lesbian. The woman she fell for was closer to my daughter’s age then the exes age. That woman had daddy issues and now has a face tattoo. They lasted about a year maybe. The ex is now in the I’ll take what I can get category dating both men and women… I assume she still has some standards as she now attends all my daughters’ games and activities meaning there’s no one in h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 09:52 PM
2

As someone who’s ex often times doesn’t follow our parenting plan… the judge will be VERY forgiving on rules broken. Your attorney will make sure to bill you though. Also things change in life. What happens if say your job all of a sudden says you have to work through 9:30 on those days? My ex was constantly late at first. I found out to complain it was going to cost me about 500 dollars. I didn’t do anything about her average of :15-:45 minute tardiness on any given day. Finally had a chance to…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:32 PM
1

I mean you can pay an attorney to do anything you want…. I however knew that my plan would be better and cheaper than having some third party do it. This speaks of a larger issue. Why do some continue to throw away money during a divorce on things they can clearly do themselves? In the time it took to ask this question you could have been half way finished with a personalized plan yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:20 PM
2

I just can’t understand why you’d want to pay your lawyer 150 an hour to look up sample plans for you. I did not have my attorney do this and never expected her to. I wonder if your attorney is in another Reddit thread right now complaining how bad a client of theirs is that wants them to write up examples for the client to come up with a parenting plan? Probably chuckling while saying out loud that ‘I said fine, looked it up in google, and then billed him $250! Hahaha’ Seriously though I litera…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:16 PM
1

Why the helpl did you move out of a house you’re paying for? No offense but this is reading like a ‘what not to do’ example. All you’ve done is make it more likely you’ll have to pay her absurd amounts of money. Do t compound your mistakes by stopping to think at her. Make sure all payments to your ex are easily trackable.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 04:40 PM
2

Dude do you. What makes you happy? The best news that I can give you is that you seem to already have your child and are not interested in starting any other families. When it comes to divorce now the only thing you need to worry about would be spousal support. You can negotiate that with a prenup to limit any surprises of things like lifetime alimony. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:31 PM
2

Go get her some bath bombs for like 20 bucks. You certainly should get her something and present as a gift from the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 10:58 PM
7

Unless you have kids together you don’t get them anything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 10:57 PM
1

Most have commented about your performance. I’m going to focus on what you said about her being a potential FWB. You don’t have to like, as a person, a friends with benefits. That’s actually the entire point. Make sure you continue to hate her as a person. Make sure you see your ex in some of her traits too. FWB can become dangerous because you don’t want to develop feelings for them. You make sure it’s known that there is no future between you both. And every time you’re together imagine it’s t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 01:42 PM
2

We have been together nearly five years now btw. My divorce is paid off.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:39 PM
3

I guess I am a success story. I mean technically ask me in another fifteen to twenty years right? Not married, but met a woman who owns her own house and has her own life. I had moved for work so didn't have any built-in friends where I am at. Was doing the friends-with-benefits things and that life wasn't too bad. Met her though and knew that I was just going to enjoy the ride as long as possible since I wasn't going to ever be with someone that gorgeous ever again. She proved to be an interest…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:08 PM
1

You are business partners.... Nothing more and barely even that....
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:43 PM
2

Some things are public but not the juicy stuff. You can walk into county court anytime you want and walk into court. This is where little things are quickly put in front of a judge with either a quick ruling or the judge asking for more information. One example from me was the ex was bringing a complaint on the time when my nanny was arriving and I also brought a complaint that the ex was dropping off our child late to school on most of her mornings. Both parties aren't expected to be there for …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:42 PM
1

Technically you owe what CS says you owe. Not a dime more. Here is where it gets weird though. The formula doesn't reflect parenting time here in PA. I don't seem to get much, if any, reduced CS for having my daughters 50 percent. I will also note that it seems that they want to keep things as vague as possible when it comes to child support and what it covers. I have tried my best to figure it out but even looking at the actual law it is based on in Pennsylvania gives no real answers.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:29 PM
2

Even the threat of divorce should be concerning and isn’t ‘nothing.’ To answer your statement at the end I think this is the right place for this. Why? Because you’re going to get the worst case scenario. We hope you guys work things out but we have already lived your story. We know the path this leads down and to what. My best advice is to prepare now for the worst while you continue to be a good husband. As someone else noted, weakness to your spouse is a relationship killer. Just from this po…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 02:51 PM
1

I’m not giving all rental income up. Also she supports herself and then some but she also doesn’t report all income. Think your barber… at least all mine have never actually reported even half their actual income.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 12:54 AM
2

I’m currently working on a prenup with attorney that has two important things in my opinion. I’m well into my 40s. She’s in her upper 30s. We both own homes and she has her own small business. I make decent money…. 1) expectation that we are both ‘independent individuals able to provide and support our own selves both now, during, and potentially after marriage.’ 2) we must go through a mediator for divorce proceedings. I have a pension that is off limits and for not touching that I give her a l…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 04:04 PM
2

I’m very glad that I wasn’t forced to pay alimony… I did have to pay 65 percent of debt though and ex had run up the bills so high it was similar to an alimony payment for three years. Congrats on another milestone hit. You’re proof once again that the worst does pass.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 11:35 AM
3

First off this right here is why I love this group. I would ditto what everyone else said about checking in with a professional doctor and therapist. Next if I was you I would try and take up yoga or something that works on breathing 😮‍💨 and the inner you. Also self care… massages…. Pedicures… gym…. May also help.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 12:05 PM
2

If you were a woman this wouldn’t even be a question…. Take the primary custody… 50/50 isn’t doable where she’s at.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 08:03 PM
1

To answer your question yes you should tell her. It sounds like you are planning on bringing a stranger into her house. It’s the least you can do. I also don’t think how you make it sound that bringing your long term girlfriend along is a good idea. I know you didn’t ask but your kid is 14 hours away. Let the trip be about you. Imo the correct way to introduce your child to your girlfriend is on a video conference call. Something brief at first. Let him see her in the background with a brief int…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 09:45 PM
1

I don’t know if you have an attorney yet but you need one now. You need to ask for temporary full custody until the full hearing is heard. You can’t move now until the full hearing… well you can’t but I don’t any attorney would tell you that’s a good idea. For others reading this, it’s an example of why we must take action quickly when given the chance. A week ago you and your kids were abandoned. Now you have a stbx that is trying to play the game to get custody even after not doing any work fo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 12:59 AM
4

Welcome (in an odd sorry you’re here type of way). I’m glad you responded to this person with the question you asked. You will find this group is a mix of really two types of people: 1) those where their divorce is still raw and are understandably still a bit bitter over it and 2) those who have gone through the process and are a little more chill. To answer your question to the poster… in my opinion divorce can be amicable, but most of the guys in here didn’t have that type of divorce. You shou…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 07:39 PM
5

The ‘nope’ stage is different for everyone but the more you keep busy the faster you’ll get through it. Things to do: get serious about the hobby you always wanted to do, hit the gym, get out I to nature… if you have kids spend more time with them, reach out to other single friends to see when they may be going to happy hour… Things NOT to do: get a girlfriend (expensive and you need you time), start drinking or doing any type of ‘drug’, sit at home and mope. Anytime you think about her it’s a d…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 12:55 PM
1

Also in Pennsylvania most child custody stuff is easy enough to be handled without an attorney. Obviously talk to an attorney but they may be able to instruct you on what to expect and say you really don’t need them. Any surprises presented you can then ask for extra time to go over new evidence. I went back in by myself when ex was mad she forgot to ask judge for shared child tax credit for kids each year. Tie goes to the high earner if it’s not in writing by the way…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 12:06 AM
2

The first half of this is spot on. Every run in with your stbx needs to be documented in a hand written diary. I kept my diary at my job and arrived early every day to document what I was going through. If it comes down to it a diary is admissible in court. Also separate your accounts now. Take yourself off of any of her cards and damn well make sure she isn’t on your lines of credit. Make sure you have your own bank account that YOU started and that does not have her name on it. The issue that …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 05:52 PM
3

So technically the 50/50 split isn’t true. If one of you earns more than the other than they may determine the split in items to be 60-40 or in my case 65-35… this meant I also had to pay the debt in this split too. So the ex had run up bills while being a party girl for two years at end of our marriage and I got to pay a big chunk of it. It was still more than worth it. 😁
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 03:56 PM
1

No worries. Thanks for the reply. You should absolutely go through an attorney with all decisions. You often times only get one shot at this stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 07:14 PM
2

So it seems like to me that marriage is only half of the issues on this board. Why do I say that? Because dealing with the ex and custody generally is the part people complain about the most and that can and will happen if you’re married or not. So what if you’re done having kids like me? Well now the thing you have to worry about is alimony and split of ‘marital’ assets. Both of those things can be mitigated and protected by a smart prenup. There’s a fabulous prenup video that’s been posted her…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:32 PM
1

I love post like these when it’s clear that the OP knows what to do but posts anyways. You know what needs to be done if you value your own life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:41 PM
1

Yes it does work. I never walked into court or had my hearing heard where I didn’t feel early on that I was 💯 percent the bad guy. The ex asked for like 8 special petitions from the judge before our trial due to petty shit. I think she had one push and everything else was smacked down. As the process continued I found that a brief review (properly timed) was VERY helpful to both the judge and any other people siting for our arguments. To be fair 1) I work in a job where i communicate everyday to…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 09:15 AM
1

Hatred is part of the process. These are new feelings that you’ll have to work through. I don’t know if having a girlfriend right now is best for you while working on yourself though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 03:02 AM
1

My number one rule was don’t do anything that pisses off the judge. Rule number 2 is make sure to remind them there’d be hell to pay if you did some of the things your stbx does if shoe were on the other foot.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 10:14 AM
3

Already have one and great example. So there are three things now that I know I need. Divorce decree…. Child ‘decree’ and final report that states what the rules of the divorce are. I’ll keep the diary I kept too. Sounds like a plan.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 08:54 PM
1

That’s true with most of it. I think the non security files stuff can be deleted. I guess I could see an outside chance the ex tries to say that I’m abusive again but those allegations really stopped about a month into knowing that our interactions were being recorded. Amazing what video proof can do. It’s a game changer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 08:51 PM
1

I mean I have it on Google drive so that’s available anywhere. I don’t know if I want them at all (especially on ‘the cloud’ or in email) just in case someone got into my stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 08:48 PM
1

That’s what I thought. Those are the only things I ever use. I don’t want the other stuff. I’ll keep my ‘diary of divorce’ and the other two things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 06:59 PM
4

The officer is technically correct that HE himself can’t do anything. You and your lawyer can though. This is the perfect time to take the offensive. How I see it your soon to be ex has two strikes against her already going into court. False allegations and hiding the kids. Make sure court knows if you had done that there’d be hell to pay. That line works like a charm in court.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 06:39 PM
2

You clearly missed the rest of my sentence that said ‘of the process.’
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:59 PM
3

My ex and her girlfriend lasted maybe a year after she moved out. What you see is them happy. I guarantee like an iceberg you aren’t seeing the issues that are already there and will continue to grow. It’ll come to an end. Like others have said though your focus should be working on you and not stewing over what she is doing. It’s a tough first step but man it feels great to meet be on to what you’re doing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 11:55 AM
0

There are more disadvantages to filing than advantages. The person who files pays all divorce fees and if you have a lawyer that’s billable hours. Not a big deal by itself. Also thee person who files goes first if the case goes to trial and a judge has to hear it. It’s better to go last in court.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 07:40 AM
1

I don’t care what workers say. I’m stating what the law says. This is why I always warn guys on here that child support agreements don’t stand up in court. Why? Cause the kids can’t make the agreement. So to be clear I hate how child support is a blank check. There needs to be a better way. It still can be built on the foundation ‘for the kids’ though and when fighting against support or even time spent with kids your basic argument should be what’s best for the kids. Those are the words judges …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:33 AM
5

I just made the mistake of checking it out. The vibe there is totally different than here. And I actually agree with the OP that they’d be better served with a place like this one where it’s more supportive of going through the process.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 08:54 PM
1

In most states you don’t need to ask the state to enforce child support. They just do. Here they always just took the support out of my paycheck and that’s fine with me. Had an issue when refinancing house and they were yelling and acting like I was behind. After hitting my head on a wall trying to reason with them about how I was in compliance with the court order I finally figured out a way to move ahead. I asked the guy (who was being such a smart ass) that if they had been taking money out o…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 05:24 PM
4

You get one key point wrong…. To them they aren’t working for the mothers but for the kids. Also where I’m at (Pennsylvania) a party has to challenge money made. State will adjust whatever way it needs adjusting and will go after whatever is needed to get ‘even.’ There are many ways for women to escape paying for legal fees that don’t generally make themselves available to men. I have no idea how my ex paid off her legal bills. They were excessive.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 05:11 PM
1

It wasn’t good intentions. He decided to hide money from those he owed in a vipers pit (new wife) and now he’s paying for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 05:03 PM
3

A couple of things. While Florida is a two party consent state that does not apply to your home or when out in a public space. I would purchase a couple of ring cameras that upload all data to ‘the cloud’. You can get a multi camera unlimited year plan for like $159. Right now it would seem like you have the high ground on who will get the home as you can show you put the down payment down on the home. There are really three options though… you get it… she gets it… or you’re forced to sell the h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 06:40 PM
1

I understand. I’ve said this exact thing. You’ll get through it. You’ll come out way stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 10:07 PM
1

I just hate that you both lost money due to billable hours of your attorney. My ex was this way too. Buckle up when they’re ready for a fight. It’s like she’s driving somewhere and you’re being pulled by a rope behind.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 09:49 PM
2

It would seem like she just wants to make sure you don’t get all the taxes. Sorry that it’s to the point that you can’t even agree on that part.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 09:37 PM
2

What state are you in? What you’re saying doesn’t sound correct but each state can be different. This is more of a reason you need to talk to an attorney. My ex actually for a time had a free non profit attorney but that was just when she tried to claim abuse. That went away when we showed that if there was abuse going on it was likely happening TO me and not by me. Normally the losing side may have to pay attorneys fees. In divorce though sometimes the side that has money has to pay. What you’r…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 11:19 PM
2

For those who need to hear this… You can’t ‘give up’ child support. Your ex if she ever found out you were making more could and would file for child support and she’d get it. No agreement on child support will stand up in court if challenged. Also you need to get an attorney yourself and start having your ex pay for it. That will stop this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 11:13 PM
1

If you would like you can pay me up front and I’ll only take a five percent cut and give the rest back to you. How does that sound? 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 06:27 PM
6

Don’t worry this is one of those unenforceable riders we like to put on divorce agreements. Won’t go anywhere in court.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 03:59 PM
3

I will admit I have trust issues.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 09:54 AM
1

Would it make you feel better if he treated her like absolute trash? Darned if we do darned if we don’t. I don’t know but I’d take how a man treats his exes as a sign of how he will treat you down the road. Is it possible there’s some chemistry still between them? Sure. You don’t really give us much information to go on and even if you gave us more we wouldn’t know. But I’d take the win and enjoy that you’re who he is coming home to at night.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 08:57 PM
1

I’m glad you proved your innocence. I don’t have step kids. I have my kids. I guess you can say i was the guy dating the hot single mom and while their dad has no contact with them im sure he too wanted to think me creepy. That’s my point though we are better than trying to put other guys down. Everyone else already has done that enough… As I said earlier in this thread nothing about dating someone with kids is ‘normal’ in my opinion and of course kids are going to come to us for answers. You ca…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 10:20 PM
1

I have two. I am a papa bear but when you’ve been on the side of being accused for just walking into a building to defend yourself you gain a new prospective. I’m also in a relationship now with someone else who has kids. I’ve gotten it all ways. It’s annoying when people make false assumptions about people who they haven’t met or know nothing about. You should really go back and look at your initial statement and ask if it’s fair. If you’re honest with yourself that answer would be no.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 11:28 PM
1

Can you imagine it is literally Mr Rogers? I’m from his town and it would be creepy for me if some cardigan sweater wearing dude with a doll house with a castle in it was dating my daughters.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:43 PM
1

Thank you for parroting what every woman wants people to think about every male out there. There is so much wrong with your statement about ‘potential pedophile’. Every person in your child’s life could be a pedophile. You have every right to know by the way and there are MANY things you could do to find out that info with just some basic info pulled off of Facebook. And your ex I hope wouldn’t date anyone giving off pedophile vibes (or an ex convict in most cases) no matter if it’s a man or wom…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:41 PM
3

Dude I’ve been there. If I was you I’d ask ‘why don’t you feel safe with this guy?’ Kids know what to say to get reactions out of us. If your children can text those very grown up things but then can’t express why they feel uncomfortable then you have to tell them that you hear them but this is their new reality. Let them know you’d love to have them 100 percent but it’s not possible.’ Because anything else is just feeding this behavior and it won’t get better. It hurts. I’ve had the same chat w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 08:18 PM
1

While true and as much as it sucks we have to give our exes some benefit if the doubt. You hope that they can make smart choices when it comes to our kids just like we are. You monitor though and when you have real red flags than you make a move that’s best for the kids. Right now it just sounds like you’re jealous and being petty cause someone else is around. Again it’s natural in this process but I’m just saying what I’m thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 07:17 PM
9

How would you meeting the new guy ‘put your kids minds at ease?’ I think this is your giveaway that it’s more about you worrying more than your kids. Either way there are some things you can do. 1) talk to your ex. Btw this is the part where I say that my divorce was also pretty nasty (or she tried to make it that way) and we went as far as we could possible go arguing over pennies (difference in my offers and final judgement as her offer was basically I give her everything). Tell your ex while …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 03:57 PM
1

Wait they told YOU to leave? Your answer should have been no she can leave. There is also a history of abuse towards you. Unless you’re not telling us something you should be WAY more forceful T conveying your rights to the police. That right is that the person being abusive is your soon to be ex and she needs to go. Also you need a lawyer. Don’t make excuses. Go get one.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 10:40 PM
1

The movie is still annoying me…. Like why the hell would you drive her to her parents. Can she not drive? Get the f out…. To your point it is a problem. This movie was the problem on steroids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 07:44 PM
1

They’ll get better as they get bored with being all in your business. I remember my ex used to come in to critique me doing my daughters hair. She did it a couple of times for the first six months. She hasn’t since. This issue that I still have and I’d assume you’ll have is that they want to be in your parenting business in ways that they’d scoff and get extremely mad at. In their minds they are always right and you’re a bumbling idiot. It doesn’t matter how on it you are they won’t see it. Exam…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 01:25 PM
2

As others have said you don’t t coparent with a narcissist. You ARE the parent. The narc may try to be a parent but in the end they don’t love anything more than they love themselves. That means your kids won’t ever be able to fully trust them. That means that even though everyone will want to believe your ex is a great parent, you’ll know the truth. Others may think how you handle your ex is harsh but again you’ll know the truth. You’ll often times be the reasonable one while having to defend a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:22 PM
2

I snarking commented ‘I give her a month two tops…’ as the movie ended. Also the guy she was cheating on him with was a druggy and she had clearly cheated down. Seeing as I was cheated on with a person who now has a face tattoo and yeah I could relate. 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 06:59 PM
1

I agree with you here. All we can do if we want to live that life is try our best to limit the impact.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:47 PM
1

I have been in a long-term relationship that's been going on for a couple of years. It started off as being a booty call, but we went from there. I don't know if we will spend days, months or years together from here but she's gorgeous, in shape and a lot of fun. ​ I think one thing I have noticed in this forum is that while we call it 'divorced males' for many of us it should be called the 'narcissistic wife divorced me even though she isn't that great' forum. Not all women are like our exes or…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:36 PM
1

Apps can also be used to expand your friend group. We aren't like women who continue to add friends throughout their lives. We don't and it helps to find a friend group and the best way in is through dating apps...
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:28 PM
1

Everyone keeps saying things will be split 50-50 but they’re wrong. A) you can come to an agreement in how to divide all possessions including the house. B) If you can’t agree a judge will agree for you. C) what does a judge look at? Pre divorce filing debt… current income… investments including 401k and stocks…. D) if you don’t agree you can spend even more money to appeal but you get only one. As for the vehicles. With how long you’ve been together you’re likely getting one of the vehicles but…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 01:46 AM
4

Yeah I never fought for the hearts and minds of loved ones. My family already knew the ex was crappy. They had seen the signs. I don’t think even her own family totally bought into what she was saying but she’s family and they accepted her for what she was. Hell, I never lost any sleep over that part. The annoying part to me was that I never walked into a court room without being guilty upon arrival. So we’d do this dance where I’d keep my cool and I’d lose anywhere from an hour to four hours sl…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 11:04 PM
2

Smart. I thought I had closed up all my accounts and was surprised when she had a back door into my main bank account. It was crazy. Also I could t close my car insurance or take her off…. But they allowed her to close it. I tore into that poor call center person. Thankfully I only went two days without insurance…. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 08:35 PM
2

The number one thing you should do is start a new bank account and take half the funds in it. Then move your auto deposit to the new account. Figure out what credit cards if any you have and make sure she is not on those accounts. Do the same with any cash accounts you may have. The. Sit down and do a budget and needs that you have and work towards the future…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 08:21 PM
1

To be honest what you do t see on this board are the success stories. And generally people here have gone through the worst of the worst when it comes to divorce. So to answer your question. Do you want kids? Well you have to play the game if you do. If not wrap it up every time or get snipped (pretty drastic to do before 35 in my opinion). Live on your own. Don’t settle into long term relationships and don’t let anyone get close to you. This sounds like a horrible life to me. There is another w…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 03:38 PM
2

To answer your question if you have down payment money already in place you can have it added to a prenup that home was paid by your pre marital funds. There’s no guarantee this will work though… For one prenups have to be fair. You’re going in with the understanding she’s not going to work so she can take care of things at home. The court will look at this as you’re able to do what you’re doing thanks to her taking care of home stuff. What are you giving up in the prenup to make it fair? The ot…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 03:11 PM
1

Dude I’m snipped. I’m in my forties and established. If I do get married there will be a prenup protecting my pension. I’m good with sharing everything for the next ten years with someone. That being said I have one teenage daughter right now that I can’t imagine anyone trying to live with that isn’t me or my other daughter. I won’t be getting married anytime soon.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 11:35 PM
2

The ex was horrible at blowjobs and didn’t like them in the first place. Overall sexually she wasn’t great even though she thought she was. I guess everyone thinks that right? The longtime girlfriend takes pride in her blowjobs. Never really thought they were that great until her. Scared to move any further cause of what you all say in here. So thank you for that. 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 08:04 PM
5

My ex tries now to say our crazy custody schedule was my idea. Ugh no it was made so she could play women’s football… by ‘play’ she sits on the bench the entire game but thankfully with a 3yr old and 10yr old she had plenty of free time to play. 😂 not one good mom would say that. 🤪
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 10:46 PM
3

I was gaslighted today by my ex (end of month divorce will be 2yrs)…. For the second time THIS YEAR, my exes year and a half old vehicle needed new brakes… Both times I get a message from her in the morning saying her brakes may not be done by her pickup time of my two daughters. And sure enough they never are. It’s small compared to the crap in the past and stories on here but just a reminder of what that crap was like then. Btw it never stops guys. So what can I do? I could send her the messag…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 10:42 PM
3

In relationships it’s generally when a cheating spouse keeps doing things that are suspicious but then act like you’re being paranoid and out of line to question their motivations. They will deny what’s pretty obvious until you bring ‘receipts’ like the phone bill. Once caught they’ll change to hide what they’re doing once again. To me the crazy part is that you get sucked in. You want to prove that they’re lying and being sneaky. Wasting energy on it. It sucks. The only real solution is to ‘gre…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 10:33 PM
10

Dude sorry. That sucks. Gaslighting is no joke. The people who do it are trash…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 10:29 PM
1

Yes two step process for me. The toughest part was to learn how to grey rock her petty and dumb issues. Narcissist crave and need conflict. It’s their drug. Don’t give them their fix. I always thought that that would stop it. It didn’t…. The second part is to keep meticulous records. A journal… make sure texts are kept… receipts. Court was fun cause you never knew what lie was going to be sprung on you. For me an hour long cry fest about how I had withheld my daughter’s daycare money. I had reco…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 08:09 PM
1

As soon as you’re divorced it’s just a business relationship from there and only as far as kids are concerned. I’m sure your exes like mine seem to struggle with they need something. They have friends.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 07:39 PM
2

Also please begin recording your day to day activities with kids in a diary. It is admissible in court and always looks good on you to your judge.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 07:34 PM
2

At the consult that type of stuff is not needed. There will obviously be a time for it. One of the hardest things in divorce is at the start you want everyone to move at light speed to get it over. From lawyers to the court system to even people who you need to provide you with data you unexpectedly may need. They’re going to all move at the ‘dodging your bullet time speed’ though… This a a consult for YOU to decide if you’re going to choose this attorney. You need to bring questions to the tabl…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 01:24 PM
2

You need to have her agree on an appraiser or you'll be paying the fee (or half the fee) again if it goes to a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 02:22 PM
3

At some point something will happen where you know there’s no going back. She will push you to your breaking point soon. The point where you can’t say yes. And she won’t care. And then you’ll have to fight for your very well being. That’s the point.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 01:08 PM
2

Ok a couple of things. If they’re credit accounts you can pull her credit report with little more than a social security number. There’s no way to discover a bank account though…. Here’s the thing. It’s tough to ‘hide’ money. If she does have a secret account that she’s tapping into then she’s going to be hard pressed to show her expenses are possible with just her shared account. So 1) have you asked her if she does? 2) have you looked at her bank statements and seen if they look correct? Littl…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 03:19 AM
2

It really helped to move forward when I stopped asking why, and just accepted the things that I had control over. in the end if they are dating and screwing has little bearing on you. Your marriage is coming to an end and the most important thing for you to do is to circle the wagons and do what is best for you and your kid's future lives. Nothing else, including the lies they tell, matters.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 01:29 PM
2

It’s thanks to my ex being an idiot in court. She lied and I brought receipts including proof of her lying after a tear filled half hour about how I didn’t pay our child’s daycare bill and it was embarrassing for her. She said my child didn’t go to daycare and she had to miss work due to it. Well I brought receipts as I easily called up payments. And then brought the daily logs where the ex had signed our child out. After her disastrous testimony our master hearing the case asked her a simple qu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 12:04 AM
2

Thank you. I’m also in PA. This is one of my concerns since I haven’t done this also but mine are less than ten percent. Hers may be around 50 percent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:46 PM
2

I inquired. My attorney advised me against for a couple of reasons. One she knew how the judge leaned in cases like this. The judge was known to have a slant towards the woman in cases. The ex also was playing women’s football in her ‘free time’ (we had two young kids at the time) and my attorney said again attacking a woman for doing something like that was not advised as it could backfire on me. I instantly said well what if I was spending days and weekends away from home playing basketball? A…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:01 PM
1

Thanks. I actually know the process very well as I represented my case by myself for a random appeal my ex brought up. I want to know if anyone’s had success in doing it mainly. Sorry for the confusion. I have no idea what her new salary is and honestly don’t know if it’s worth it to get a reset. It would be nice to keep a little bit more of my money but I can survive on my current salary too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:25 PM
2

Stop thinking about it and just do it. When you’re ready there’s going to be an ungodly amount of tail waiting and yes you don’t want any accidents. You aren’t ‘clean’ for another 2-3 months after getting it done. It’s painless and if you choose you can even drive home after procedure (by choice it’s if you take a pain killer before procedure or not). I have yet to figure out a down side.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 07:04 PM
1

So this to me is a little weird. The divorce process has already begun. But you’re still going to counseling. What are you hoping it will accomplish? It doesn’t sound like you really want her back but are just annoyed you’re wasting time in counseling while she’s dating her boss. This will have no bearing on what happens in divorce process. If I was you I’d just casually announce in the next therapy session that you know she’s seeing someone else and there’s no reason to continue the farce of go…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 10:54 PM
2

And you’ll always be her plan b. If the current one doesn’t work out she’ll just find a new one after a couple of months. You will never win in these situations.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 10:48 PM
3

Ring cameras are wireless and send data to the cloud. Normally you get a couple months free before needing to pay 30 a year per camera for cloud upload. That way it’s easier to keep track of what you need imo. Also you should fight for 50-50. Just stay cool. Also you need to turn off her messages on your iPad. You can get in serious trouble for that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 09:45 PM
8

I’ll give you a nice tip as I got my final decree Jan 1 2020… don’t fight. If there’s a disagreement just go back to the court order. Send that as a screen grab. Don’t discuss until then. Fight with hard facts. While the divorce will finalize, you’re still stuck having to deal with the ex until your youngest turns 18… they feed off of the attention you give them even if it’s just fighting. Be above that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 02:14 AM
5

You missed one. Someone talking about someone (even if complaining) means that person is living in their mind rent free. To the Op… It’s nice that you trust her and all but man the signs are all over the place that she isn’t ‘the one’ for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 08:55 PM
9

Even before you mentioned that you had talked about divorce with your wife I was going to say that she does in fact know you want a divorce. Also you only live once. Better to be happy than stay in a situation where you aren’t.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 12:33 PM
3

Don’t go stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 04:03 PM
1

Us guys overthink everything. The outcome won’t be as bad as you think it will be. The one thing that stands out to me though is you working overtime right now. You have to stop that. A court could potentially say that is now expected and input that in for funds. Also if you’re working OT, you aren’t around helping to raise the kids. That’s how some courts could look at things. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/22 09:09 PM
3

Women are favored because they’re better at fighting in court. If you’ve ever yelled at her before there’s a solid chance it will be presented in court. Court is also about believability and women are better at being emotional wrecks while sitting in front of a judge. Finally women know how to stretch the truth and even lie better than us in court. You better have receipts on every possible claim she may throw out. No matter if true or not….. the good news is that if you’re prepared to counterac…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 08:41 PM
2

Best advice I can give is to not worry about the exes and their lives… either real or social. There’s a nice option on most social media where it looks like you’re following them but you never see any of their post or anything. Life’s too short to spend even 2 seconds on what they’re saying and doing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 05:23 PM
1

I think it’s actually easier than this. It’s the Russian playbook. Accuse the other party of what you yourself really are. No matter what they here after that point from the other party they’re hearing it was coming from both sides. You either condemn everyone or don’t say anything to anyone. It sucks. My ex did it to me. I quickly realized that if they’re going to believe you they’ll believe you. If not they won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 10:15 PM
1

Can I ask why you aren’t going for 50-50 custody? In your case I think it would be worth it as you’d get tax benefits along with shaving off a lot of money. On top of that the best benefit would be seeing your kids more.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 06:11 PM
1

During a divorce you should not be buying any large items. Why? At the end of your divorce you may or may not have to pay out a large check to your now ex. You haven’t told us where the money has come from but assuming it’s a down payment then you likely had that money while married. I’d hate for a judge to decide that some or even all of the money you used for a down payment on the home is really hers. Also you want to go through divorce process acting like you’re poor.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 11:36 PM
2

I’m still lost about the whole censorship thing and your problem with this group… I’ve been here long enough to have seen several rounds of guys hurt and upset with everyone due to their pending divorce mellow out after a few months. The advice on this board may not be what they want to hear right then… but looking back they know it was the right advice. So sure go and find some place that’s going to cry in your soup along with you. When you want advice on how to limit the pain and successfully …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 11:25 PM
3

It may already be too late but this is such good advice! Basis of support. Also can be shown as evidence that you do little to no house/ child work because you’re always working.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 08:15 PM
3

In a perfect world yes. With four kids and only a part time job she may very well get full custody plus spousal…. She can also petition for more money from him for house payments. My ex tried that move…. She didn’t get the house.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 08:10 PM
2

I think you’re getting some bad advice. In a fair 50-50 world the home would have to be sold but your world isn’t going to be a straight 50-50 fair split. I think most here have some assumptions we work with in situations like this. It starts with your STBX has been planning this for years. Questions you’re asking now she may have been asking five years ago. She absolutely plans on keeping the home and having you pay for it. Don’t laugh because if she decides to be stubborn you’ll be fighting th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 08:06 PM
1

Awesome to hear. I wish I had have known about this board going into my divorce. Mine was spring on me though so there’s that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 02:55 PM
1

Serving of papers is not where you declare you’re seeking full custody. At least in my case and state (Pennsylvania) it wasn’t. Also if your state is a no fault state reason doesn’t matter as well and most places are no fault for most cases. With what you’re claiming you want you’re going to want a lawyer. No way it turns out well for you without one. Let them handle the serving of papers. Before papers are served make sure to take exes name off of any joint credit cards you have. If you have a …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 01:33 PM
1

This was not mean at all. When I walked in on her and another person naked in my bed it was over and done…. But I’ll give a suggestion… When you think about your ‘greatest hits’…. Think about how weak you’d look going back to her and begging her to take you back. Remember that she has no respect for you and if you were to get back together she’d have even less. Decide that the best way to move forward is to show her what she’s missing by forgetting about her, hitting another gear or two when is …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 06:40 PM
3

That sounds like a red flag to me. I only spend two to three nights a month at the girlfriends. Too busy for anything else. She has kids and I have kids too. The work week is my time to relax and enjoy the quiet. You have to give yourself some time to heal. If she doesn’t understand that you may not work in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:59 PM
1

This was me too. Ex and her attorney were so worried about what they may potentially get they forgot to check what they were actually getting. I was nice and split the covid money though. I didn’t want that to be the straw that made her decide to try and get it in court. She would have lost but I would have lost in money spent in defense.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 10:14 PM
3

Yep… I don’t share anything about my work life with the ex, kids and really anyone else. It is for me and me alone to know.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 04:32 AM
2

You as the man will not lose every time and the court isn’t going to be the ones who screw you. Just being a realist here when you agree to get married you agree to a set of laws for if and when you split. The court will follow those laws as closely as possible and sometimes they’re forced to make a decision on how to fairly split money and assets. When you split you have three options generally. Do it yourself (surprisingly straight forward if you can both agree), mediation (best way to go if y…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 04:21 PM
1

While this is a lawyer question I’ll just add one thing… if this is just about divorce and domestic violence was never brought up the judge won’t care. If this is about false domestic violence charges it’s definitely a question for a lawyer. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 05:19 PM
1

The story reads too cleanly for me. It’s too on the nose. I don’t believe it’s real to be honest with you. I think it’s someone trolling that board. Some bible thumper that is trying to say divorce is bad. I made the mistake of going into the actual posts comment section. I could not leave fast enough. 🏃🏾💨
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 06:56 PM
1

Yeah for some reason the formatting screwed up 😂 there are bullet points in the paragraph. It won’t let me fix it…. And just 2 adorable girls.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 09:39 PM
2

I think the first two things you bring up aren’t ‘core’ causes. For example all women hit middle age but many choose to stay with their husbands. I think there are triggers that need to be in place when they hit middle age that will make them react one way or another…. The same can be said for working out. They’ve probably already decided to split by that time and have made the decision to work on themself to improve their chances. The last one I am 50-50 on if I should have added. Yes divorce i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 08:58 PM
2

Good to hear…. I’m a statistician and the thing that bugs me about my relationship is putting it in terms of a mathematical formula to figure out how to be successful in the future. These are things that I’ve pinpointed that may have had the greatest impact on my ex’s decision.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:23 PM
2

I feel ya dude.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:14 PM
1

That’s one I forgot is friends going through a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:55 PM
2

No it’s not lost forever. Hopefully you can come to an agreement on splitting those items up evenly. Believe me if my ex and I could anyone should be able to do this. The splitting of items was about the only thing we did amicably. She wanted to fight for everything else and I was drug into it. I also agree 20 dollar items aren’t worth bringing lawyers into it….
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 10:05 PM
1

A mix of 4 and 5 for me. I just don’t care about anything she does. Her life is lame and I have better things to spend my time on. I guess for a time I was angry and hated her for the choices she made… but life is too short and honestly life now post her is so much better. Im not broke all the time and have free time. It’s great.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 09:57 PM
3

What you went through is equal to a man leaving because his wife gained weight…. Not cool and I’m sorry when things got tough for you your ex bolted.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 09:49 PM
2

Yep and even though they’re implying that Jones has gotten away with it let’s see what the final judgement is. Courts want to appear impartial but they’re adding up the lies and will reveal the score during the final judgement. He’s going to go through some things…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 11:23 PM
3

It’s very important to be the more believable person in court. My exes’ lying saved me probably 600 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 06:13 PM
1

The longer you stay together the more of your future earnings she will be entitled to. At the very least start accounting for every penny she spends vs overall spending from you both.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 03:45 PM
3

There’s going to be that moment where you won’t want to go back… for me it was walking into my home to her and someone else naked in my bed (she wasn’t even sleeping there anymore) playing house not even three weeks after she filed. They even brought along their dog… 🤦🏾‍♂️ believe me I was in a similar place four years ago. Life is much better now. You’ll be remarking on how much better your life is too in four to five years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 11:04 AM
3

Just know that right now things will only improve for you… and that she’s at her ceiling for the rest of her life likely right now. There’s no reason to be bitter. She’s doing you a favor. She ended things and will one day have to answer for that with your kids. You’re free. I know it may be hard to see right now but your emotional attachment to her will end at some point. You’ll enjoy the free time you get and having the rest of the time with your kids. You’ll find and start dating possibly the…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 06:11 PM
3

Dude the disrespect she has shown you…. How can you ever go on from that?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:42 AM
1

Great advice in the thread. This occurred to me too. We ‘settled’ before hearing and that was that. Still didn’t get to see my daughter for two weeks… not cool. My advice to you is that there are no do overs. You only get one shot. I also did a lot of the work myself as I communicate in my job for a living. Put things together and then ran through with attorney to make sure we were both on the same page. My attorney was great at filing things and staying up on everything… not so great at arguing…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 10:50 PM
1

I disagree with those saying let your attorney handle it all in a way. Why? Well how I see it this can go two ways. A) You let your attorney handle all these request and you pay a couple grand for it. B) you reasonably come up with a plan with the STBX where you both exchange the same records. Before you give up anything you confer with your attorney to make sure they don’t have an issue with it. Saves you money. Depends on how amicable you want your split to be to me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 04:32 PM
2

They don’t care About home life (ok very little unless safety of child is at risk). They only care about what the formula says you should get. We had a two day trial where we both testified. It was clear who did most work, who watched the kids, and who paid all the bills (and who spent all the money) yet in summary there was a line that basically said mom has to contribute someway when talking about housework. 🙄 to care is to have to listen to hours on end of personal shit… and they don’t want t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 03:19 PM
2

You can be the most willing person ever to limit your divorce fees and compromise on things but in the end it doesn’t matter one bit if the other side decides to burn it all down and fight for money unsupported by current law. The ex wound up getting about fifty percent less a month than my initial offer while spending a new car worth of money on an attorney who fought for her. I spent half a new car on attorney’s fees. Also the court is very antiquated in thinking. They feel if one isn’t making…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 02:52 PM
2

So if you have an attorney you’re not supposed to go to the first ‘meet and greet.’ It is about establishing ground rules and seeing if there’s going to be any special circumstances. Sounds like this will be quick for you… Fun story though, I walked into a situation just like yours where we had agreement in place. Attorneys said yep looks good. I even asked if there were going to be any surprises…. Nothing came up until the judge asked. So even when everything seems in place be prepared for anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 02:04 PM
2

It’s legit to them and that’s all that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 07:23 PM
2

From an economic perspective it will only get worse from here. I was where you were. Cut her off.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 07:17 PM
0

To ask the obvious why should you care about what your ex wife is now doing? She is entitled to purchase property. It’s not like you’re still married. I just am trying to understand motivation and relevance.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 08:21 PM
1

Any delay in filing may come across as being ok with her taking the funds. You must file.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:04 PM
1

There are advantages and disadvantages. You must pay the filling fee if you’re the petitioner. You get the first say but don’t get final response on everything. This includes testimony in front of a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:03 PM
1

Ok a lot of things to really get to here. 1: your debt may not be split 50-50. That’s for a normal and equal divorce. I made more than my ex so our debt was split 65-35 with me paying the higher total. This was even though the ex had run up the cards… 2: you have a couple of choices available including a second bankruptcy (not advised) and also every credit card company has to work with non profit companies that will allow you to pay back your debt that are not consolidation loans. Once in a pro…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 11:08 PM
5

Tthe signs are like jumping up and down and yelling ‘she’s moved on!!’ Sorry. Everything that you said are signs of infidelity. Friend replacement… all of a sudden happy. Out and about. Missing funds. She has also most likely decided to divorce you and is waiting on the right time to swing on over to her new branch. You need to protect yourself and your family. If she’s collecting ‘proof’ you can assume she’s planning on fighting through divorce process. If I was you I’d contact an attorney and …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 03:45 PM
1

You asked ‘what do I do?’ So here’s what I’d do… 1) stop calling and texting and reaching out to her. Obviously don’t have any physical contact. 2) change locks and garage code. Make sure she cannot just show up next week acting like nothing happened. 3) take her name off all your accounts 4) reach out to a representative of her family (parents, siblings) and inform them what she has done. Send them the text and simply tell them while you are concerned you will not be reaching out to her and tha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 10:59 AM
2

A) child support agreements can be changed at anytime even after divorce finalized. B) while all other things can be changed… they’re unlikely to be changed once notarized and filed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:35 PM
6

The thing that I realized and that helped was this thought pattern… 1) your wife cheated on you because she didn’t respect you 2) your ex probably knows that she can go back to you anytime she wants with little to no consequences because again she doesn’t respect you. 3) the only way to gain respect and power is to move on. To be successful. To be the best you. In the end what others think doesn’t impact you when they’re out of your day to day life. 4) therefore the only two solutions are to mov…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 07:34 PM
1

I never walked into a room where they didn’t Initially side with my ex. It took patience but I never walked out of the room with them still siding with her. It is frustrating. You have to play the game though and know what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. If you come off as angry or bitter they aren’t going to side with you. Be prepared, have well thought out arguments and take some responsibility and I found you’ll be fine. Good luck. Oh there’s another option c) your attorne…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:12 PM
1

I never walked into a room where they didn’t Initially side with my ex. It took patience but I never walked out of the room with them still siding with her. It is frustrating. You have to play the game though and know what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. If you come off as angry or bitter they aren’t going to side with you. Be prepared, have well thought out arguments and take some responsibility and I found you’ll be fine. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:11 PM
3

I was fortunate enough not to have to pay alimony. I do think that it isn’t right for a very simple reason. Marriage is a contract about what happens while married. At the end everything ends except the expectation for one party to support the other party simply because they made more during the marriage. The other party does not continue with whatever it was that they did to supposedly support the marriage. It’s unfair.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 07:21 PM
8

You only get one life man. Life’s too short to spend days unhappy. I will add that it sucks you have a child with her because that complicates things. I hope you find a way to be happy while giving your child everything they need to be successful. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/22 04:13 PM
2

Congrats. I love hearing happy endings and ‘success’ stories. Glad the sub could help! My divorce was final first day of 2021…. I still park on here to give advice and also to remind me of where I’ve come from. Also yes the quiet is soooo nice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 11:55 PM
13

You know there is honestly some god-awful advice being given out to you. If you are ready to get out there again... get out there... My advice... 1) Don't take the process too seriously. Don't date angry. If you're having fun then you're going to 'have some fun'. 2) I work a blue-collar job with a lot of attractive women... One of them gave me the best advice ever when she said 'hey there is a lack of good guys out there. Believe me.' She was 100 percent correct on this point. If you're a decent…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 01:14 PM
1

Honestly the only recourse you have is through legal means. If you’re up for it and if you feel comfy with your daughter taking the stand you could ask for more custody. Your daughter is now old enough to decide where she wants to stay. My only concern there is that this could backfire. You wife may twist the safety of your home in court saying that your daughter likes it at your home because it’s unsupervised. At the end of the day the court will have to decide what they think is best for your …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 10:40 PM
5

That sucks. An attorney would have foreseen this and had you also file a restraining order.. locking everyone in place. Now a restraining order wouldn’t help your situation as you’ve already been forced out. I’m betting that your STBX has an attorney. She’s at least getting legal advice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 05:37 PM
2

Believe me the four or five months when the ex was living in my house still were horrid. She was emotional and feeling on top of the world with her new girlfriend. She thought she was tough stuff and that I was some weakling. She accused me of everything under the sun. I never thought about how messed up requiring people to do that is until I went through it. It’s cruel to everyone involved but especially so for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 12:48 PM
2

It’s not as much about the house as about child custody and rights. If you aren’t seeing your kids fifty percent then it makes it easier for judge to award majority custody to your STBX….
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 12:28 AM
12

Im guessing you left out the part where her name is also on the lease…. If so there is little that you can do. Doesn’t matter what state you live your best bet it to take care of the restraining order and then work out who gets to stay. This is a painful lesson learned and why you don’t put others names on leases if you don’t have to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 12:15 AM
1

Yes it does. The sad thing is most of the time most guys also blame other guys first before knowing the truth. Most of the time if I’m asked about it (rare now as it’s been a while and I’m not out meeting new people) they always ask when they start thinking ‘he seems like such a nice person.’
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 04:12 PM
2

Yep. Perfect and short.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 03:57 PM
1

Yeah that’s a good hook. 😮
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 10:35 AM
2

I have heard some people say this. It’s based on income and there’s a chart in PA. either way true 50-50 split with me paying in. I did successfully argue that we should not be splitting tax child credit because we were going by the book and the credit was not calculated into the formula for what I’m paying my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:29 PM
2

To be honest I don’t tell my story too often either. When I was dating some I’d always have to tell the story once. Thankfully not too much anymore but if I’m giving it I’m going for some laughs now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:50 PM
2

I have joint custody.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:33 PM
1

To be clear honesty don’t care how she spends the money. I know the 800 I provide helps keep a roof over my daughters head when they’re with her. She wasn’t a good mom when we were together so I didn’t think that would change when we separated.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:42 PM
2

Yep I could care less what she does with her money as long as my girls are taken care of. I wish I would see more things purchased for them before vacations are taken. I don’t remember the last time she purchased shoes or even new clothes. I’d like some help in purchasing things but again there isn’t much I can do and I think my daughters will always remember who stepped up and was there when they needed me. I have my girls half time btw.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 01:29 PM
4

I disagree here. If your children are not getting the things they need while you see your ex spending frivolously then you have a right to complain. I wouldn’t spend much time on eyeing something though that you can’t change at all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:18 AM
3

This never made any sense to me. Standard of living isn’t going to be the same if you double your main monthly bill (home) and add on twice as many bills….
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:12 AM
2

Pennsylvania does not have anything similar. I think you make a good point though. I never complain about child support because I assume that goes to rent and bills paid by my daughter’s mom. My payments do allow for their mom to travel (she just went to Las Vegas and go out to eat a lot). I still think my daughters mother is spending above her means or has gotten significant raises.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:11 AM
3

As an owner of a Lexus and several Toyotas in the past there really aren’t that many differences in vehicles. They all use same parts and Lexus’ aren’t really that much more powerful. The insides are sometimes nicer but yeah… it’s just a glorified Toyota… and there’s nothing wrong with that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:03 AM
2

I always appreciate their posts. They are few and far between.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 08:00 PM
1

Honestly the thing that stood out the most to me was that you said the lawyer’s worst case was a week on and off. So what. Also 50-50 is what you deserve if you want it. Most judges understand that work comes into play and will reasonably work around those issues. Also he’s not going to reward them more than what they’re asking for so at worse unless you’re a disaster on stand you end up with what they want.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 04:59 PM
5

First off kudos for an actual ‘i’m about to date’ thread in here. There is life after divorce…. Now for the horror stories. Dating in general is a scary place now. Every person out there expects a ten even if they’re a two. Expectations are stupidly high for everyone. Online dating is even scarier. My advice… don’t get too high or low… enjoy the journey. Make new friends. Get out there and enjoy life after divorce. There are success stories with finding someone compatible. I’m one of those succe…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 04:09 PM
1

I think the cheating comes from all of this. Mine eventually turned into a cheating situation but the signs were there way before the cheating that I know of.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 02:28 PM
4

Oh man. Things that now looking back was so obvious…. 1) a bunch of new friends 2) extended hours at job or a switch in times worked 3) needing more time for themselves 4) aggressiveness and anger towards you for little things. 5) blaming everyone else for their shortcomings 6) not trusting you no matter how trust worthy you’ve been 7) verbally abusive words. Building themselves up while tearing you down. 8) Little things like 2+2 not adding up to 4 9) The general sense of not knowing who they a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 09:33 AM
-2

Most women would say the same about men on their first or second dates. Maybe it’s just a people thing and not gender specific.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 11:04 PM
7

Yep you’re trying to fix things and they’re trying to put themselves into the best position to move on….
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 07:08 PM
2

It’s not about trash talking your ex. It’s about telling people that are I. Your life that your marriage is ending. You can be short and answer their questions without being overly mean and nasty. Just stick to the facts ‘as you know them.’
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 05:12 PM
5

One of the many things that turned out to be correct that my therapist said was that women plan and plot for years divorcing men. They give lots of hints that the process has started. She told me that the process from my ex had started more than three years before the point we decided to seek counseling. It took a while to realize she was 💯 correct.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 04:31 PM
10

I’m just here to say that this is a big difference in men and women. Men don’t tell anyone about their marital problems feeling it’s a private matter. Women have a well thought out divorce plan and have already shared key details with friends and family. It is tough to do. Sorry you have to go through it. My advice is to be short and sweet. Take some responsibility. Listen to their advice and seek out those men who have gone through the process themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 02:32 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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