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Snowbirdy Archive

View 7 posts and 385 comments by Snowbirdy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

This was my first divorce. No one had any idea. And my reaction at the time was not even close to what I came to realize eventually. I was in a horribly emotionally and financially abusive relationship for seven years. It’s only in the past few years that I’ve realized how bad it was.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 07:53 PM
1

Yeah, you have to disclose it but you just need to keep track. If you capture $10k here then when you do the final accounting around assets, 50% be taken out on the other end. My ex swept our joint accounts while I was midair on a transatlantic flight, after she demanded a divorce, but before I filed, since she had mapped out in advance how to fuck me. Once you file there is a theoretical asset & account freeze but she timed it to when I had a big royalty payment coming in, and had my final sett…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 08:43 PM
8

At 52 I seem to be the designated last fling for a hot 30 year old before she finds someone to get serious with. While it is definitely not my long-term plan, I seem to be having difficulty finding a suitable older woman who is ready for anything serious. So if you’re just going to have a fling, why not a hot 30-year-old? Truthfully, I wish I were still with my ex-girlfriend who was 43 but she refuses to do the self work that would enable us to be together. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 10:56 PM
1

Yeah, I paid child support now for 14 years. Even when I was out of work, she still got her money and I was living on credit cards. She worked to alienate the children to such a degree that I am called “biological father” and things that I did, related to their exposure to science and technology that have impacted what careers they are choosing, she gets 100% of the credit for. and this was the low conflict route.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 01:54 PM
8

“What did you do?” or “What did you do wrong?” particularly once I started dating. Women were extremely judgmental and assumed I must have, a priori, done something. I don’t hear it anymore but maybe because I’ve learned to frame better. I even went on a date with a woman who expressed admiration for me being twice divorced. She said better that than divorced once and too scared to try again. My wallet and my children say otherwise but it was nice to hear positive reinforcement. Pro tip: don’t r…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:22 AM
7

No, but my ex wife did collect stories of abusive marriages from a variety of friends, then progressively loaded them into her divorce filings as she angled for more money. She also worked to make me lose my job (succeeded with one) by going to supervisors, investors etc saying she was going to burn everything to the ground, then would go into court and tell the judge I was hiding assets and income because (checks notes) the company was no longer around because she wrecked it. Rough putt. My mos…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 10:37 PM
1

It was brutal. Made worse by her progressive alienation of my kids so, even though we had joint custody, at graduation my oldest referred to me as “biological father” and subsequently downplayed my impact on upbringing. Mom abandoned her professional career and worked as a secretary part time. I studied biology at an Ivy League school. My daughter went from thinking, at age 8, that life choices were limited to “mom” and “school teacher” to excelling in math and science and now studying biochemis…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 01:00 PM
7

Including child support and college? $3.1m before tax. I did not expect following the advice about “die broke” would mean mostly funding someone else’s dreams.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 03:19 PM
6

Yep. My ex claimed she paid 100% of our household expenses and that I was a con man who married her for her money. Forensic accounting revealed I paid 94% of our joint expenses and on the date of separation she had the same amount of assets as when we got married - despite her refusing to work and despite us supposedly being in a 50/50 expense situation. (How did she find all that money if she had no income? She stole it from me, is how). A year and a half into the divorce process, I discovered …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:16 PM
8

I initiated because of her years of verbal and financial abuse and I am now 11 months away from the last child support payment. For 20 years, I have devoted my life and earnings to making her dreams come true. I’m looking forward to being free. There are two kids involved, so I’m definitely not happy. I had to work so hard and so far from them that they are much more attached to her second husband who gets called dad. I am referred to as “biological father.” Which doesn’t prevent my children fro…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:06 AM
8

Give yourself some grace and some time. The first woman I was with after my ex-wife I literally couldn’t perform. Years of verbal abuse and forced abstinence had made me have all sorts of hangups. The second woman I dated for about eight months and never got to the point of having intercourse with her only oral sex. It drove her nuts. I finally met a woman who herself was pretty nervous because it had been a while for her. It ended up being really amazing. I do recommend therapy, which I did not…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 07:43 PM
1

It’s difficult, now, to pick myself up every morning and get work done. I’m tired of selling myself, my work requires me to sell myself every day. Making a pot of coffee in the morning is an accomplishment at this point. I’m ashamed I got taken by them, not proud that I funded their lives. Or the girlfriend after them, or the girlfriend after her. Or the various women I’ve dated in between. What have I got to show for it after everything? Two kids who are distantly affectionate at best and indif…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:44 PM
3

It’s an idea. I don’t really have any religious affiliation and didn’t grow up in a church or Temple or synagogue. But there are a few yoga studios nearby where I live so maybe that’s a place to start. My yoga practice was pretty evolved at age 28 and is nonexistent at 52.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:04 PM
16

7 years of her verbally diminishing me and ignoring my feelings. Total withdrawal of all affection (even aside from sex) after she got what she wanted out of me, which was the second child. No holding hands, no cuddling on the couch, no date night. 100% inflexibility. Without discussion, dropped her $250k / year job and put all the financial burden on me. Ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Complete refusal to work on the marriage - anytime the marriage counselor would tell her some…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 10:34 AM
3

I’ve let go of most of it. But recently she tried to pressure me into another $50k not in our divorce agreement, and suggest there was a lot more behind it, years of it. My last child support payment is next June 2027. College is set aside. This was just a money grab so she can further support her second husband and his kid. I blew up at her, and told her the well has run dry. Felt good tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 07:07 PM
8

My ex wife got 4% of my initial offer. After 2 years and $300,000 in legal bills. Greed gets its own rewards
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 05:45 PM
3

Mine systematically collected stories from our friends of their abusive relationships and incorporated them into her filings. Trashed a business I was running to the investors so they pulled out, then complained in court I was hiding assets because the business went bust. Etc etc etc End of the day it came down to a table of assets. None of the other stuff had an impact. You have a kid so will have to deal with the custody fight. Listen to your lawyer. Go to the gym. Lean on your friends. Stay s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 07:50 PM
4

I’m the actual dad. Stepdad has displaced me and I am “biological father”. Despite paying all the bills. So it goes both ways
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 07:18 PM
14

Mine tried 5 years later by having her third husband’s mistress message me to try to “rescue her from an abusive marriage.” You read that correctly. I forwarded it to my lawyers and blocked. We all got a chuckle out of that one.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:09 PM
2

I absolutely do not miss my ex wife. I just unloaded on her because after 20 years of $upport, she tried to squeeze more money out of me with guilt about the kids. I told her the well has run dry. Next June is the LAST child support payment and college is already set aside. I also pointed out that if we went by the state formula I could go get an order to reduce her payments by 65%. Dating pool has expanded. I used to date my age and older up into my mid 40s. Now at 52 I am dating (usually) ~32 …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 10:31 AM
1

Sorry you have to go through this. I was going to say during your separation and reconciliation whatever you do don’t get this woman pregnant. But I guess you are now stuck with this as long as you know it’s yours. I would insist on a paternity test. Get a good lawyer. Stop assuming this woman is your friend. Prepare for a messy battle. Rely on your friends and there’s a reason people say to go to the gym. You need to start focusing on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 06:58 AM
2

72% according to the US CDC. So not really that far off.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:44 PM
1

Luckily in this instance the company she made up was in Singapore. They have a lovely government website where you can look up whether or not a company exists, similar to UK Companies House
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 05:59 AM
5

I had a 2 year divorce following a 3 year marriage. After 3,000 pages of discovery provided by me she told the judge I wasn’t being responsive to their discovery filings. (eventually it came out) she was convinced I was secretly hiding $10 million of bitcoin offshore. I wish. During the final, successful mediation, we finally uncovered that she wrongly believed someone else’s account belonged to me, and furthermore had convinced herself of the existence of a company that does not, in fact, exist…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:46 AM
6

It took me a year after separation before I was ready for that level of intimacy. Everyone is different. You need to move at the pace that you’re comfortable with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:55 PM
4

/end of thread
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 09:41 PM
3

We’re all doing the best we can. It’s just helpful to get more evidence-based info out there. I would have stayed half as long as I did if I really understood this insight about models and relationships. Kids also are really sensitive and can pick up on unspoken tension - the conflict doesn’t have to be overt to impact them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:24 AM
12

Divorced dude here. It’s not a matter of looking like a bad guy. The relationships we model for our children end up influencing how they develop their own adult relationships. If you show them a marriage without emotion or affection, or a marriage that’s high conflict, that’s the model they will try to recreate with their partners. Staying for the kids might be something you desire for yourself, but don’t pretend it’s good for them. Showing them a shitty template for a marriage isn’t helping the…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:08 AM
1

Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 07:58 AM
2

The one thing about narcissists with borderline personality disorder is that they would rather physically harm themselves than admit fault. In the next session, she completely denied anything that happened in the prior session. But we did get to a settlement anyway, because the mediator saw how mendacious she was being.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:19 PM
1

More anger than crying. When irrefutable facts emerged directly contradicting her world view, which was the foundation of her negotiating position, she frozen up like a broken fembot and metaphorical smoke poured from her ears, and she announced she was “confused” and needed to stop. For example she accused me of secretly owning an overseas company that didn’t exist (which we were able to prove in real time by looking it up on the government database), and using it to secretly invest in illegal …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 11:12 PM
1

Sort of. My divorce was highly contentious, but in the end it resolved because I brought in a high-powered mediator who was able to exercise a lot of moral persuasion to get her to settle. She was openly mendacious and disputatious, and was trying to get money that she had no right to including 20 years of premarital assets. He finally got her to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:54 PM
2

I mean, she got a bunch of money she didn’t deserve, but my (final) lawyer saved me a bunch of money. Like for example I had a 20 year career before I met her. Her divorce papers were basically making it sound like she had sacrificed her life to build my career up from nothing and make me into the man who I am today. We had a three-year marriage. She even took credit for the job I had when I was married to her. I applied for that job two months prior to meeting her. The final interview occurred …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 02:15 PM
3

I thought it would be an easy divorce because I was making a more than fair offer (to settle quickly) so I went with a small practice attorney. I didn’t realize my entire marriage was a targets setup. When I fired my first lawyer and hired my ex—wife’s first husband’s divorce attorney, we settled quickly. But that was after a grueling two year journey (I’m a slow learner).
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 08:02 AM
2

It was written to be paid into a trust she controls. Not ideal but almost done with that
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:46 PM
3

Yes. I was required to take out a $1m policy for my kids’ child support and college. Fortunately almost at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 08:19 PM
5

She got 9% in the end, and $0 alimony. So I feel good about my lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 01:50 PM
7

Well ordinarily it’s difficult to reduce your income like that because they can do a vocational assessment and look at salary history and go to the judge. But grad school was a nice loophole. Especially because I had wanted to do it for years and she always told me if I ever went to grad school, she would divorce me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 01:48 PM
7

Yeah the big weakness is thinking you need to be friendly. A normal business negotiation, you assume positive intent and try to get to the middle. My first offer to her was 50% of my assets plus 100% of the house (not much equity in it but I didn’t want the fight). Her first counter was 95% plus half my ongoing income for life. I should have taken that as a sign. Why be nice to someone who is going for your throat?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:52 AM
18

Agreed “Good Person” is a trap. It screwed me for a while before I got smart. “Grey rock” is another name for “Robotic Scribe”. If you’re in an ultra high conflict divorce, it’s a lifesaver. My divorce settled rapidly when 4 things converged: (1) I waited her out. She dragged it on for 2 years and I survived her insanity. Her lawyer didn’t, he fired her as a client the day before court. (2) I got savvy. I hired her ex husband’s lawyer from her first divorce. The first husband got a better -than-…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 07:14 AM
3

It’s been 13 years. I still get sad about hearing all the things I missed around them growing up. But they are happy to see me and actually asked to have breakfast with me today before I went to the airport. It doesn’t go away but it softens with time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 11:05 PM
5

I initiated, both times. Still was devastated, both times. Financially pillaged, both times, due to my own stupidity. No more marriage for me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 06:14 AM
2

She’s already on the next target and working her usual. I got the craziest stream of messages from… wait for it… her 3rd husband’s mistress, begging me to “rescue” her from her “abusive” marriage. Wrap your head around that one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:13 AM
2

After our second date she told her friends she was vastly superior to me, but she could get what she needed out of me. She also said “I took my first husband for $1.3 million and I will get more out of this one.” I learned this about 1.5 years into the divorce. She only got $325k in the divorce, although she stole another $150k out of our joint accounts while we were married. (Because we were married at the time the courts assume she was entitled to the money - no recourse there). And she spent …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 12:38 AM
2

My second marriage she pushed hard for, lovebombed me into, switched up behavior as soon as she got the ring, and played mind games for 3 years before pulling the rip cord. Turns out she found an obscure part of MA statute that says cohabitation before marriage counts against marital duration for purposes of alimony. So we were 3 + 2 =5 years and long term not short. Judge saw through it eventually but it was an expensive divorce - $300k of legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:10 AM
1

MA courts really don’t like you representing yourself as I learned the hard way a long time ago on a a traffic ticket. I’m reasonably happy with how things worked out, all told, even though the process to get there was atrocious. My new lawyers after I fired my old lawyer were much better. The new lawyers represented her first husband in her first divorce and got him a good outcome also. Same story, she got less than half of what normally you’d expect her to get. Serves me right for not having a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:09 PM
7

End of the day she got a fraction of my original offer. Net of her legal fees I think it was like 9% of my earnings during the 3.5 year marriage with no kids. The fact that a Harvard MD who could make $500k per year if she tried, got ANYTHING, is obscene. Never getting married again, and I think anyone who does should have a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:49 PM
14

My ex-wife’s lawyer bragged about his delay tactics to my face. He also brought an associate to every meeting so would double bill her on time. He would do things like demand crazy discovery, we supplied 3,000 pages, then he would show up in court and claim we weren’t being responsive to discovery. Judge only had 15 minutes so didn’t dig into details but eventually, after almost two years, announced she was appointing a ‘discovery master’, which is a lawyer or retired judge that both sides pay t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:06 PM
1

Make sure they know that it isn’t their fault, and reassure them you will be there for them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 02:53 PM
14

Remaining in the home has a psychological benefit of prodding her to make it to the finish line. Without that, you risk ongoing delays in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 01:07 AM
2

I moved out when she started making up career-ending claims of abuse and violence. The main issue was that it reduced pressure on her to settle the divorce. So she dragged it out for 2 years. She was so toxic to be around that staying would not have been good for my mental health. Borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. Just read up on narcissistic injury and you start to get an idea of how bad it was.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:59 AM
3

Mine in the USA was 2 years for a 3.5 year marriage and yes she swept the joint accounts. Her stealing occurred pre divorce, only discovered it via forensic accounting, so the courts viewed it as reasonable marital transfers. In the end she got 20% of my after tax earnings during the marriage and spent $200,000 to get there so she netted $125k. In re: dating Eastern European women are honest about the transaction, if you take care of them (pay for everything, buy little inexpensive presents and …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 07:33 AM
1

You want to take your date to Denny’s, you do you bruv.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 06:49 PM
1

Yes. Versus a meal: £60 entrees each at a good restaurant plus wine at £150 = £270 = $355.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:02 PM
2

You’re obviously not in a big city - dinner is double that in London (or NYC) with drinks. But just get drinks first date. No problem.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 11:47 AM
3

First date is coffee or drinks. Nothing expensive when you vibe check. Second date could be dinner, I don’t mind paying, but if you do you could schedule a different second date: museum, walk, bowling, pool, badminton, etc. - plenty to do that’s cheap or free.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 11:44 AM
6

Yeah as your peer group themselves experience divorce, the stigma goes away. 28 year olds are ignorantly going to try to figure out what’s ‘wrong’ with you. 44 year olds will have empathy since they’ve been through it themselves. I (M52) definitely faced this dating, especially after my second divorce. But I found a wonderful 41 year old woman who herself has been divorced, and we each appreciate the other because of (rather than in spite of) our divorce experiences. We’re coming up on our 3 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:31 PM
6

Sometimes but less so as I got older, and more women were themselves divorced. Then in a weird way it became a point of bonding. How old are you?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 08:05 AM
1

Brooks Brothers and J Crew good but BR isn’t? Really? I almost exclusively dress in Boggi these days but BR has jeans that fit me pretty well. Yes, I’ve also bought T shirts from Uniqlo.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:08 AM
1

What’s your suggestion? Urban Outfitters? OP is more than 45 years old.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:13 AM
10

I have more choices (M52) now than I did when I was 25. And the way I describe dating in my 20s is “I am lucky to have made it to 30” At 45, assuming you have established yourself in your career, you are more comfortable in yourself, and if you take some time when you separate to go to the gym, you can get yourself into shape. Use the divorce as an excuse to buy yourself an up to date wardrobe, like Banana Republic or if you are in Europe Boggi. There are a ton of women out there. I’m now dating…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 07:56 PM
1

Unfortunately my kids’ in-state school is so-so. Would be a different story if they were in California or Michigan or Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:13 PM
19

Child support for nearly 20 years, plus two private college educations, is a huge financial suck. Combine that with her alimony lump sum. I have my own business that relies on me to run. I had to fight cancer this year. No me = no income. There go my retirement savings. And the CS and college payments keep ticking over. Ex wife, and her new husband, and his kid, are enjoying a very nice lifestyle in the house my money paid for subsidized by the child support intended for my kids. I’m 52. If some…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 08:46 AM
2

Yeah net of her legal fees, she only got about $100k out of me - not including the $150k she scammed out of our joint accounts while married. She gave up my initial offer of 50% of my equity portfolio which ended up being worth quite a bit more than that. I can’t tell you how much I laughed when her next husband’s mistress contacted me years later to ask me to ‘rescue’ her from an ‘abusive’ marriage also known as her running her next scam.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 01:50 AM
2

I didn’t know until 18 months into the 2-year divorce process. For a 3-year marriage. She was looking for money that didn’t exist; she was convinced I had hidden millions offshore in crypto despite forensic accounting that showed where every penny went.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 01:37 AM
5

The system is stacked against men. You need to remind yourself that. My ex had 4 degrees from Harvard including an MD. No kids. A short term marriage. She had a job as the CEO of a biotech company that I got her. And I still had to fork over a pile of cash. And that was with a good lawyer who advocated for me. (She got a fraction of what she could have gotten, is the saving grace here) Mind you, this was a woman who (we found out 18 months into the divorce process) bragged to her friends after o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:55 AM
2

Sounds like you have a strategy. My ex ignored a good offer from me and gave up $$$ in the process so that she could drag the fight out for 2 years. She didn’t do so well in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:55 PM
1

Yes good point - IANAL and the divorce I had to fight was in MA. This is why having a good lawyer is important. I paid a lump sum and saved a fortune in the process, bitter as the pill was to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:47 PM
2

You easily could have wound up with lifetime alimony depending on which state you are in. California it kicks in after 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 03:22 PM
2

Be patient with yourself! It’s only been two weeks. Try reconnecting with old friends, maybe. Be careful about trauma dumping; old or new, they aren’t your therapist (make sure you have a good therapist). Try experimenting with new hobbies, maybe you can meet people that way. Take a cooking class or a pottery class or both. Consider getting a new dog!
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 07:06 PM
2

Counting down the months! I mean, there’s also college, but I have that set aside and that goes directly to the kid. No more subsidizing my ex wife, her new husband, and his kid.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 03:26 AM
8

Jelly! I’ve got 19 left. But seriously, congrats man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 09:29 PM
1

Yeah one of my mistakes was not realizing the legal implications of divorcing a borderliner. 3 year marriage, 2 year divorce, hundreds of thousands in legal fees for a $325k settlement including the QDRO. (Well, I spent about $90k, she spent ~ $200k). The mediations were all useless kabuki theatre wastes of time. She also had a shitheel lawyer. He bragged that they were deliberately dragging out discovery, mediation, etc in the hopes I would invest in something or start something that they could…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 08:13 AM
5

Biggest factors? She was hypercritical, perpetually dissatisfied, made unilateral decisions about the kids, ran up $300k of debt, was only interested in sex with me to procreate, pretended several aspects of her personality to get me to marry her and then as she put it in her own words “slowly let the crazy out afterwards”, and refused to work on the marriage anymore (different marriage counselors kept telling her the same thing that she refused to do, so eventually she started refusing to do an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 04:23 PM
4

Yeah, I survived my ex, made it easier to survive cancer. At least cancer is treatable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:54 AM
8

It’s completely unethical for your spouse’s individual therapist to treat you. Like “ report to a licensing board” unethical. I would 100% not get the eval. It’s a trap to give ammo to the divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:56 PM
3

ChristianMingle and EHarmony should attract a more conservative audience. I’m fairly liberal and was dating in a blue city (Boston) and kept running into Trump supporters on Bumble. So idk what to tell you 🤷‍♂️ People without hangups, that’s wishful thinking. I eventually reached a place of deciding which hangups I could live with, and which I couldn’t, when filtering dates.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:22 AM
21

Mine was very surprised, and angry at me because she was surprised. She thought I would just continue being a doormat. I realized she had given up on the marriage when she refused to return to couples counseling, and instead told me I should get a therapist if I were unhappy. So, for me, it felt like she had already abandoned me, prior to me filing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 07:45 AM
2

I have 2 kids. I left because the relationship they see in the marriage becomes the model for their future relationships. You’re going to screw the kid up if you keep showing him that this behavior is acceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 07:29 AM
6

My ex wife went from telling me I had opened new heights of sexual pleasure for her (when she was reeling me in) to telling me I was too small to ever satisfy her, or ever have satisfied her. I’m no John Holmes but this particular complaint was new to me in a long history of sleeping around. Some women will say anything they can think of to try to emasculate a guy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 07:31 PM
5

I paid for 94% of our joint expenses but in her narrative “married her for her money” and was a “deadbeat” who “mooched off of her” You can’t win, you just need to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 05:28 PM
2

Rock on!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:39 AM
2

Good luck! Keep calm, but be ready to celebrate with friends and loved ones. When you do celebrate, do it in a responsible way because the temptation to cut loose will be big.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 01:40 AM
1

$200k isn’t normal. Not everybody is divorcing a lawyer, either. She was savvy enough to get him to sign a post nup. This says it’s not going to be a walk in the park for him. Picking a fight with a lawyer who makes a lot of money is just begging to FAFO.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:57 PM
1

His wife is a lawyer. They make a combined $500k. With those salaries they are probably in a major city where lawyers run $500-1,000 per hour. He’s trying to play games. It could get contentious. You and yours clearly did not fight over anything for those kinds of numbers. If you fight, discovery alone could be $25k++. It will cost $75-100k just to get to the point of trial, and trial itself is more.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:14 PM
2

Because it’s extra legal fees to fight this extra point. It’s not a free option. Maybe you throw it into a laundry list of demands to have negotiating trade offs. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:37 AM
1

Kids makes this messier. But the rest of the math doesn’t look good for you. Honestly, I would let sleeping dogs lie and focus on the custody issues.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:34 AM
1

What you are saying is you want to spend $50k of legal fees to try to get her to take $25k of debt. Remember, end of the day it is just about the math.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:33 AM
2

Honestly, dude, short term marriage? You both make a lot? No kids? You are a man? Odds are against you. The US divorce system is stacked in favor of women because it was set up when women couldn’t work. It has not been significantly reformed. Re: getting her to split new debt, chances are low. Could you put the retainer on cards and pay off later? Sure. If you ask a lawyer, who gets paid by the hour, if something is possible, they will almost always tell you it’s possible. If they thought it was…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:28 AM
1

You rightly feel injured and want fairness. The legal system isn’t going to give you that. Your realistic chances of getting her to pay your legal fees, given the facts you have outlined here, are zero. But let’s pretend they are 10%. You want her to pay half. 50% of fees x 10% chance x $25,000 = $1,250 of risk adjusted value in play. It will cost you more than that just to write a letter from your lawyer to hers demanding she pay half your legal fees. Actual court filings will run you $25-50k. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:02 AM
3

It’s a probability game and you haven’t provided enough information. (1) what is her current offer on the table? (2) what does the post nup say the economics will be? What is certain is that whatever you think the legal cost will be, it will actually be significantly greater, possibly even an order of magnitude greater. You are in a bad position to estimate legal costs, but let’s pretend it costs you $150,000 to toss out the postnup , and two years with your accounts essentially frozen. She also…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 02:55 AM
23

Legally you may end up liable for child support even though the kid is not yours, if divorce isn’t finalized by the time it’s born. Get a lawyer and get a move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:41 AM
2

Gave myself a year. I needed to reset my brain before I could go there. Ended up being really sweet.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 12:13 AM
2

Get a lawyer and file papers.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:44 PM
1

Reddit! She DM’d me after a post I made. We both can digital nomad so we have been traveling around together. It’s a nice lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:19 PM
2

You have to put yourself out there and be resilient in the face of vast amounts of crazy that populate the 40s dating scene.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 11:27 PM
11

I’m now 51. Dating in my 40s was in some ways like dating on easy mode - I could get dates with women from mid 20s to mid 50s. “The odds were good but the goods were odd.” Turns out women like a guy with his career sorted out and no plans for more kids. I started out trying to date close to my age but had so many ridiculous experiences I decided to throw the rule book out the window. The 20-something’s were generally nicer to me but there was no future. Eventually I found a nice 41 year old woma…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 10:48 PM
1

23 CS payments left. The countdown is getting shorter. I had a big health problem this year, getting better slowly. I highly recommend the snip, it’s a major anxiety reliever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 02:30 PM
2

I think of her as post feminist, she was raised by a single mother, and always was positively reinforced that she could do anything she set her mind to. And she’s been incredibly successful in several different fields with that attitude. But when she was married, she fell into this pattern where she was working with her ex-husband and she had to be the boss during the day and then at home also had to be in charge of everything. And she felt that she lost touch with her essential feminine. So now…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 12:54 PM
3

We’re explicit about it. She runs her own business so has to make decisions all day. When she’s home, she wants me to be in charge. Even if I ask her what she wants, she will say “you decide”. She says this lets her express her feminine energy at home. She insists on doing the laundry for example and gets upset if I fold it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 03:23 AM
5

Your lawyer can sub poena credit card statements (and bank statements) directly from the bank. That’s how I found a bunch of shady stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 09:54 AM
2

Married more than 10 years? Potentially you are cooked. Edit: in CA she could angle for “permanent” support although that can be terminated under various circumstances Do NOT try to DIY this. You need a good lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:02 AM
3

Don’t do it. Really, I say this as M51 who got soaked twice in divorce, don’t do it. You have kids. There’s no reason to get married again. I have a divorced business partner who has been with his romantic partner for 27 years. There’s no reason to get married again. Can I say it one more time for the people in the back? Don’t do it. There’s no reason to get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 04:05 PM
4

Whatever the fuck you do, for god’s sake, never get married again, not even if she tells you that she’s different and sympathizes and will do everything that your ex-wife didn’t do. It’s a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 04:03 PM
2

Slowly but I accumulated guys via work and then hung out more without agenda. Sometimes it’s good to have someone to go drinking with or just enjoy a good thick juicy steak with at a trad steakhouse.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 04:02 PM
7

You are in max suckage right now but you will be pleasantly surprised at what you can do when you don’t have a dead weight dragging on you
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:50 PM
5

Never never.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:42 PM
19

You’ve done well compared to some. Focus on healing, rebuild your base, grow your earnings. At 40, I got divorced while unemployed (switching careers to eventually make $165k) stuck with $1m of debt and college obligations plus $250k lump sum spousal support, plus child support on 2 kids and a wife who went from making $250k to $40k because she “didn’t want the stress”. (I got soaked again by a 2nd wife who exploited me while vulnerable from first divorce but that ultimately was my own stupid fa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:34 PM
1

First, get a lawyer. You need advice for your specific state from a family law attorney versed in your jurisdiction. Second, create a little table listing what assets you had on the day you got married including home equity retirement funds other investment funds any other assets any debt In a second column, list out where things were on the day you filed for divorce, for those same categories. The third column should be the change between the two. 50% of the third column is probably your maximu…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 06:37 AM
1

High seven figures. $300k was the total - I spent around $100k. She had an unscrupulous lawyer who always brought attorneys to every meeting (which made the ex feel important). Needless double billing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 07:07 PM
1

Mine fought. My initial offer to her was 60/40 in her favor. After $300,000 in legal fees it was 96%/4% in my favor. Short term marriage, no kids, no prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 03:21 PM
6

-10 +5 generally because for better or worse, I kept running into women who lied pretty badly about their ages - like a 66 year old trying to pass for 48. Am currently dating a 41 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:33 PM
1

Did you not address college in your original divorce agreement? Mine did.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:07 PM
12

Mine pulled similar play. No baby thankfully. Rejected my first “generous so we could settle fast if rational” offer. $300k in legal fees later she got 5% of my initial offer. She is now working on divorce #3. The peer group toxic spiral is real. Meanwhile I’m sitting here with all my marital obligations prefunded or paid off. Career flourishing. Great gf who never wants to marry. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 04:50 PM
8

The Hinge subscription will show up in financial discovery during divorce.DELETE! I pulled the pin in the grenade when she refused to honor her commitments around marriage counseling, and demanded divorce. She was using it as an ultimatum to try to get me to back down, not realizing that I don’t do ultimatums. Get a good lawyer. You’re in for an expensive divorce, but this doesn’t sound like a ship worth saving. Life is awesome now that I don’t have a toxic person weighing me down. My career is …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 03:54 AM
2

Exactly. My kids know they are loved.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 06:30 PM
2

This is how I look at it. The kids have multiple role models now. I don’t feel a lack of impact. My oldest child is going to the same Ivy I went to, studying STEM and arts just like I did, and asks me for advice (not the step dad) about course scheduling… and investments. My kids and I just had a chat discussion about Smoot Hawley and tariffs. It’s not a competition. I’m not a sports guy and never would have been able to provide my son the kind of coaching and encouragement he got from the stepd…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 06:29 PM
1

First, I had a capped alimony lump sum. Second, child support continues. So 5 people have been living off of the money for 2.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:31 PM
3

You don’t know what you’re talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 12:54 PM
14

I can offer an alternate perspective. My ex wife remarried a dude who is into golf, fishing, coaching little league, hanging around small town activities, and who has a daughter younger than my kids, meaning that the ex had a kid in the house for longer which she always wanted. He does not have much of a career but she got healthy child support and alimony which let them live a comfortable lifestyle. He coached my son’s little league to the town championship and taught my son to golf, two things…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:40 AM
2

Super glad. Buckle up, you are in for a rough ride. Read up on “narcissistic injury”. You need to grey rock, go to the gym, stay focused, play smart as others have suggested, and lean on your friends. My flavored took 2 years after a 3 year marriage with no kids. And I offered her the plus plus 50/50 plus her car out of the gate. Figured we could make it fast and amicable. What I didn’t know was she had been setting it up to make bank off of me. She ended up pushing me to take insane career risk…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 01:48 AM
1

And they don’t seem interested to call people to account for perjury and defamation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:09 AM
3

This is great. Let me just add an important resource: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://g.co/kgs/JYBRPnT
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:08 AM
7

Have you suggested marriage counseling? What was her response? I ended things when she refused to do marriage counseling and told me I should just get a therapist and learn to deal.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 07:38 AM
1

My ex-wife’s attorney went into court, after we provided 3,000+ pages of discovery, and announced to the judge we weren’t being responsive to their discovery requests. He told me during my deposition his strategy was to delay until I created more value in the marital estate so they could go after that also. It got bad enough the court appointed a discovery master. When she stopped paying him, he fired her as a client the day before she walked into court. Case settled with new lawyer 3 months lat…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 08:21 AM
9

Mine literally said during mediation that cash she had converted into other investments (like the house she got 100% of) was “dissipated” by me, didn’t exist, and I had married her to con her out of money. Somehow, despite not working for 4 years and supposedly contributing 50% of expenses, she left with the same net worth she walked in with. (Hint: she stole hundreds of thousands from me) She even tried not invoicing her client for 9 months and then claiming she therefore had no income. Not how…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:26 AM
1

Yeah I’m counting down. 30 months… that’s going to be 3 business class international flights a year.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 10:26 AM
14

Take some time for yourself. I wouldn’t get into anything serious for a year or two. But when I got divorced, as the papers were being served I was on a plane with a girl heading to Napa. Live life. My kids were 4 and 2 at time of divorce. Now the oldest is in college. Both doing amazing. Oldest excelling in a tough STEM curriculum at an Ivy League school, younger leaning in similar directions. Ex(#1) and I get on fine, a dozen years later. I made stupid mistake of going back for seconds (well, …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 09:37 AM
5

This book was recommended by my marriage counselor. Very helpful. Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://a.co/d/9rcbjFl My advice as someone who divorced a BPD+narc woman: do it soon. You are otherwise showing your kid a toxic model of relationships. Just get divorced. “Staying together for the kids” isn’t just a fantasy, it’s actively harmful to them. At 1 years old, divorced parents will become the “new normal”. It’s …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 07:06 AM
2

She was “so scared of me” that when she wanted to game the timing, suddenly (subsequent to saying this) we were in marriage counseling, divorce on hold, having sex. Then nuclear.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:16 PM
8

She waited until I was on a transatlantic flight, then announced she wanted a divorce (but didn’t file it) and cleared out our joint accounts - including the one that serviced the mortgage that was in my name under my credit. And announced her father was coming to stay at the house, in the master bed, because suddenly she felt “unsafe”. Part of a longer strategy, I learned. But left it to me to file. So many evil things she did during the marriage and divorce. So happy I am totally free.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 01:12 PM
1

Possibly. The risks that the others mentioned are too great.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 06:01 PM
1

Good advice
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:33 PM
2

Fairpoint
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:43 PM
1

The bigger concern was the note that someone else made that it could be considered a gift and still not offset obligation under the child support agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:40 PM
1

Yeah, fair enough
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:54 PM
1

OK, sounds like I would be poking the bear with a stick
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:54 PM
1

Yeah, that’s where I have it now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:54 PM
12

Article makes me want to look into South Dakota trusts
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 03:52 PM
6

Personally, I would skip the party. It’s not worth the anxiety.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:53 AM
1

You know I was revisiting this thread, and I’m going to disagree with myself and agree with you. it is resource scarcity and it’s not my partner who is objecting to all of my money going bye-bye, it’s me. I resent how much of the last 20 years has been spent funding the needs of two women who didn’t love me, but saw me as a financial resource. I have to figure out how to get past this emotion because the money is already gone. I am very close to the end of two decades of child support. And most …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 12:49 PM
4

Yeah, I never heard while I was married that I was good looking. Now that I am divorced, periodically get women telling me this. And I wear an Oura ring on my wedding finger because it feels more comfortable there, so it’s not because they think I’m single.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 07:05 AM
4

I no longer believe in marriage, I am not sure about monogamy, and I went from far left feminism to finding myself thinking “you pay now, or your pay later.” I just spent the last 4 years of my life working on a project and most of the profits will go to my ex wife - although after that, I’m free of her. This has left me fairly bitter about my retirement status.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:16 AM
4

Yes, I think this is a good space to support men. Women are able to support men as well. And I particularly like that she has recognized the imbalance in how American divorce law treats men versus women. I don’t buy this whole ‘simp’ argument. Even as the higher earning spouse, she recognizes that men get the shaft when they earn more.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:37 PM
2

This, right here. OP listen to this man
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:09 AM
2

Speaking from experience: Massachusetts is a horrible place to get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:17 AM
4

According to the US CDC it’s about 40%. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/national-marriage-divorce-rates-00-22.pdf
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 05:58 AM
3

I started dating her about three years post divorce absolute and five years after the initial split. And I had a few rebounds before her. We are trying to work it out. But still a questions to whether or not the terms on which I would be willing to be with her are acceptable to her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 04:04 AM
2

Audio recorder all the way. Plus highly confident.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:50 PM
1

No TRO. It’s never actually showed up in the court filings, they just kept hinting that my conduct was an issue, they were trying to use it as blackmail to pressure me into a better settlement for her. I just kept sailing forward and she ended up getting 4% of my initial offer. And mysteriously, after the settlement, she was suddenly OK being alone with me when I was moving my stuff out of the house. Even though we offered to have her lawyer there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:33 PM
5

During the divorce, my ex claimed I grabbed her by the throat and held her up against the wall while I threatened her life. Not only did I never lay hands on her, ever, much less threaten her life - but I was like wait a minute I recognize that story. She spent a year collecting abuse stories from her friends who had bad divorces, and then weaving them into her filings. One of my closest friends who I introduced to her was the one who had the husband who grabbed her by the throat and threatened …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 11:25 PM
2

Money isn’t the issue here. Not for me at least. But because I focus on my work, which is what generates the money there’s definitely a complaint about time. I will say that the quality of the women that I have been dating has maintained or gone up since divorce. I am getting more attractive to the market apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 11:20 PM
2

Yes I know. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:38 PM
2

Yep. I asked her for a few days of no contact, which she honored. We’ll see.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:15 PM
2

My oldest is in college and the younger one is mostly with his mom. “Stepmom” isn’t really the issue in this case. And she doesn’t want kids of her own.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:52 AM
1

Yeah ex was making what today would be $250,000 per year when we met. After we got married, she refused to work. She only went back into the workplace when we got divorced and refused to take a job in her profession so got a job as an admin making $40,000. Years later makes $50,000 wfh 3 days a week. Surely maximized the whole child support and lifestyle thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with people who make $50,000 a year or work as an admin, except that she was a six-figure professional a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:32 AM
1

Isn’t that “living apart together”? But yes, that’s something I think that has merit. Anyway, appreciate the perspective. If I had the answers I wouldn’t be on here…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 09:50 PM
2

It’s apparently a lesson I need to keep learning. But maybe I need to give myself some grace, and accept that the knowledge will come in stages.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:50 PM
1

Maybe it was this. We just spent three months together, and she was starting to decorate a room in my flat. I have often given thought to the merits of living apart together.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:49 PM
3

Thank you. Inspirational words to meditate on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:48 PM
2

Yeah, my work has been a relatively constant companion. In someways it’s volatile but in other ways, I know how to manage that volatility much better and somehow I’ve made it work for a couple of decades. Which is why my work gets more focus than any relationship because it’s always been there for me and generally has been more rewarding. It may have volatility, but it’s a volatility I know how to manage around versus emotional volatility, which is so much more unpredictable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:48 PM
1

Yeah, I have been worrying about that one. I tend to be avoidant and she tends to be anxious. In fact, I was getting myself ready to face her and break up with her, instead of some other route, to break my patterns of being avoidant. She found my messages as I was working through that with a friend.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:47 PM
2

I do have kids and have worked hard to repair the damage my ex did. But there’s a lot of damage to the point where my oldest refers to me as biological father. Stepdad is called dad. Ex worked very hard to alienate me and the financial settlement was so burdensome I had to take a job more than four hours away when my kids were growing up to make the payments. Mostly because when we got divorced, I was at peak earning and then I switched careers because I burned out on that shitty peak job. But l…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:44 PM
1

I’ve dated plenty in my life so I know that it’s not like there’s something better out there just hiding from me. And yes, I am very much on the fence about whether we continue or break up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:41 PM
1

No, but I am very focused on my work. I have had to interrupt a meal or a conversation to respond to a work crisis. Where did you come out on your pro and con list?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:40 PM
2

Why not have a series of casual things? Because Continuity, and the fact that it takes emotional energy to spin up something new each time. But I hear you on the baggage issue. One solution is to date much younger women, but that comes with its own different set of baggage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 08:38 PM
2

This is an excellent point. My base case was to try to work on the relationship and work on therapy. However, she’s too anxious and she’s pushing my boundaries on the distance I asked for while I work through stuff and so she may by default blow up the relationship
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:13 PM
1

Thank you. And I’m trying not to. It didn’t help that when gf found out, by snooping my phone, that I was debating whether or not to stay with her, the advice her friends gave her was to spend all my money so I couldn’t spend it on other women. But that’s not the only issue. Problem I’ve had in my marriage and in subsequent relationships, is women getting jealous of my work. I told the current girlfriend that it was an issue in my past relationships and she insisted that she was different. Narra…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 12:09 PM
12

Mine ran up $200k in legal bills. I didn’t have to pay them. I think she stiffed her lawyer - he fired her the day before court. Google Law School says “In California, the general rule is that each spouse pays their own legal fees in a divorce. However, the court may order one spouse to pay the other’s fees if certain conditions are met”. One of those is if there’s massive income disparity. But this sounds abusive. The court may not look kindly on this. What does your lawyer say?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:23 AM
8

This was my life through my marriage. I’m trying a different life now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 02:59 AM
14

It took me a long time to realize that happy wife, happy life was a recipe for rationalizing abuse. So much better to be liberated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:59 PM
1

Totally agreed here. I’ve been in far better shape earlier in my life (I’m too busy / lazy right now (at 51) to put in the effort to get ripped). But I dress much better and am far more confident, and I’ve attracted more women than ever before. 40s were prime ascension for me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:58 PM
1

The legal system gives her the rights to half of the gains during the marriage, even though we had only been married for a couple of years. The system sucks. But she was so shortsighted and greedy that she ended up not cutting a smart deal for herself. She insisted on cash payout so she gave up at least 7 figures of gains in exchange for a small bit of cash, which we negotiated into an interest-free loan to me for five years after divorce nisi. So I got the use of the money plus all of the gains…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:19 PM
3

Anything you say can be used against you. Keeping answers short and factual avoids this. But don’t help the other lawyer. If his question is unclear, say I don’t understand. If it’s yes or no, answer yes or no. Don’t elaborate. Don’t explain. If answering non yes or no question, keep your answer concise and to the point. IANAL
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 05:50 AM
6

$100,000 in legal fees She deliberately tanked my business costing me millions in equity $275,000 cash settlement
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:16 AM
11

It took a while for me to get over the trauma of the marriage and the even more loony-tunes divorce, but now I am happy. Right now I’m lying in a bed in a hotel room drinking coffee while a beautiful woman hand feeds me little chocolate chip cookies. True story.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 11:06 AM
1

I posted a bit about it over the years. This one was choice: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/Tyf4lLzwtG
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:23 PM
2

Mine has a 5 year clock because that’s MA. She’s just pulled the pin in the grenade on husband #3
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:45 AM
6

This is my ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 10:00 PM
6

If she’s hard up, you may be at risk for having to pay for her lawyers also. Talk to your lawyer to understand your rights and obligations.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:42 AM
12

If you think she alone will be paying for that forensic accounting exercise, think again. My ex spent two years hunting for money that did not exist. Repeated discovery requests in court, hundreds of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees. Whatever you have budgeted for your legal expenses, I would triple it. Eventually I changed lawyers and we got the court to appoint a “discovery master” - because after providing her over 3,000 pages of discovery her lawyer falsely claimed we weren’t responding t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:29 AM
3

My point is, after the divorce, he should not increase his income, but should focus on assets, if he has a limited duration order. Otherwise he’s hosed either way. The house had almost no equity in it. Offering her what a court would have awarded, plus $10k, in order to have a speedy divorce that should have cost $10k in legal fees was a good first strategy. I make my money on my wits. Being slightly generous was a good strategy to start, to avoid distraction. However she was a raving lunatic wh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 10:25 PM
8

If you have limited-duration alimony and child support, edit: AFTER THE DIVORCE, aim for assets not income. You can also do angel investing, in addition to real estate, and there are interesting tax exemptions on up to $10 million per investment. You don’t need to recognize the gains until liquidity. If you have lifetime alimony, you are kind of stuck. Strategy would be not to dramatically increase your income during the period leading up to and through the divorce. My ex tried to game my offer …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:04 AM
16

When we were dating she used to say I taught her new levels of pleasure she had never experienced before. When we were splitting up she told me I was completely inadequate and lacked the physical proportions to ever have pleased her, but she had stayed with me anyway because “she loved me”. Women on the divorce track will say incredibly hurtful things. Go find new lovers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:44 AM
9

Financially you’re fucked. Otherwise - welcome to your new life. Take up new hobbies. Make new friends. Enjoy being at your dating prime.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:59 AM
8

39 child support payments left…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 07:45 AM
3

The only way I could afford to meet the ultra high child support payments and offset the massive amount of debt that my ex-wife accrued was to take a job 4 1/2 hours and two states away from them. I ended up seeing them about a third of the year in total when you add up all the school holidays and summer vacations. We made it work for 12 years. My oldest now is heading off to college, and is suddenly appreciative of the fact that because of my work they can go to any college in the USA and gradu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:41 AM
1

We manage to negotiate it to some small fraction of the gains
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 10:40 PM
5

You just have to hope the court doesn’t take 50% of your LLC and give it to her. My ex tried to do that for an LLC I had started 15 years before I met her, and claim it as a marital asset.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 04:31 PM
25

Sort of. Maybe six years after our divorce, after she had hooked up with the new guy, and saw how his ex behaved, she sent me a very nice note of appreciation about how I did not drag the kids into our disputes, and how I was always very positive, and never said anything bad about her either in front of them, or behind her back. Her now-husband’s ex would rip him to shreds in front of his kid at the handoff, and say nasty things behind his back, and when she saw me in comparison, she expressed a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:55 AM
1

Get an attorney. File for divorce. There should be an automatic stay by the court with respect to assets and you can freeze your credit, but laws vary state to state. https://www.cnbc.com/amp/select/what-to-do-with-credit-before-divorce/ https://www.samuelsonhause.net/blog/2021/december/are-marital-assets-frozen-during-a-divorce-/
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:04 AM
3

I chose female the first time, just because it was a referral. When I fired her and hired a replacement, I hired a woman because my ex is uncomfortable around smart, powerful women. The replacement also represented her first husband in her first divorce so knew all of her tricks. The case settled in like four months after I switched attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:01 AM
2

Yes, my expensive attorney who was my second one, cost literally half as much as my ‘inexpensive’ attorney. Of course I went with the cheap attorney initially because it was supposed to be very simple, I was offering her an extraordinarily fair deal. Two years later and more than $300,000 of legal fees in the hole, she got 4% of my initial offer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:00 AM
1

Child support will be dictated by income. Asset division will be dictated by assets gained during the marriage. Debt will also be divided around debt accumulated during the marriage. Can you show a clean, safe environment for your kids? Do you have an absence of a criminal record? Your attorney really needs to advise you on all this, but the going-in assumption in many states is 50-50 unless there are other factors. But things do vary state to state, so it matters where you were getting divorced…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 06:39 AM
3

u/whiskey_piker has good advice, so let me just add, and it’s just occurred to me now, as I’m looking at College payments, and before you calculate the 50/50 split on assets, propose setting up a 529 for the kid out of the marital assets. You can put a fair chunk in there. Up to $17,000 per year per spouse before you run into the gift tax (so you each can set one up), and you can prefund five years of gift. In other words, $170,000 can get set aside. Assuming you have that much of the marital es…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:17 AM
4

Yes, when we initially split, I offered her 50% of all of my equity, including private positions. She insisted on a small amount of cash. Portfolio is up almost 50x relative to the cash she insisted on. Better yet my lawyers were successful in getting a five-year interest-free note. Nothing will feel better than sending her that check and looking at my portfolio.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 01:41 AM
5

London (post divorce)
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:09 AM
3

It’s a slow steady process. I’m definitely better in 2023 than I was in 2020 when I had the divorce absolute come through. I have found some caring women who don’t want to marry me, but do like spending time with me. Surprisingly there more women who don’t want commitment where I live, then who do. So not super awesome for finding a relationship but pretty good for having companions to go out to dinner or for an arts event or whatever. One woman suggested that I be her travel buddy for a trip ac…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:28 PM
5

I make about 10 times what my exspouse does. I pulled the trigger because I was listening to my then- four year-old say to me the same horrible things that mommy was saying. Rather than correct her, my ex-wife just laughed & encouraged the child. Ex-wife also refused to go back to marriage counseling and told me if I was unhappy I should just get therapy. Above and beyond sexual intimacy dwindling to about five times a year, she would not hold hands or cuddle on the couch, or show me any kind of…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:22 PM
13

File for divorce ASAP. This puts a freeze on assets. As part of normal discovery, she will need to produce financial statements. If she hides money, it will go poorly for her. You can demand an accounting - forensics should be able to help you trace the cash. The good news is that at $500k per year, you will now no longer be paycheck to paycheck once you stop the stealing. That kind of income there is probably several million somewhere assuming she didn’t just spend it. But you absolutely need t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 02:19 PM
2

Pretty much which is why I was glad that my lawyer got me in a capped risk situation
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:37 PM
9

I managed to avoid lifetime alimony, which has really been a better payoff overtime. But she suckered me in the first place because she didn’t really want me, she just wanted a sperm donor and an ATM. Anyway, I’m getting very close to the end of that 20 year journey.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 01:42 PM
8

If I had fought it , believe it, or not, it would have been worse
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 01:11 PM
22

divorce was in New England 2 kids me $400-600k her: $50k* I paid a lump sum alimony, and assumed the $500k of debt she racked up. I also pay for the 4wd car that is supposed to be for the older kid to drive, but gets borrowed ($500 per), and will be covering 100% of college x2. Oldest is going Ivy League. So call it $800k for college. We split healthcare premiums, but I am ending up having to cover braces. Pretty much anything for the kids outside of core clothing, child support - from electroni…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:12 AM
3

Nope. But I got desperate enough to try anything to make it end.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 03:42 AM
17

Wait until you are divorced before getting cert. Push the timing up on divorce. Flog your lawyers. I made my ex an overly generous offer to try to resolve quickly. LMFAO. She took that as a sign of weakness and went for 90% of assets plus the house plus lifetime alimony. For a 3.5yr marriage with no kids. Her lawyer bragged he would delay until I started a company worth something and then go for 50% of that because until divorce was finalized, she could make a claim. Divorced dragged -> 2 years.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:06 AM
5

It’s cheaper to get a prenup than a divorce without one. Get a prenup. Let me say it again. Get a prenup. If she won’t sign one, don’t marry her. You could make an irrevocable trust and have your mother as beneficiary but how old is your mother? What does her will say if she predeceases you, as she probably will? Get a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 08:08 PM
1

Not always. My judge eventually saw through the BS and appointed a special lawyer (that both sides would have to pay for) to review the evidence before trial. This ripped apart the bogus arguments and resulted in a successful mediation. It just took 2 years. The issues were (a) the US system overall isn’t set up to deal with people who deliberately abuse the system, and lawyers take advantage of that and (b) the judge only saw her insanity 15 minutes at a time. When it finally reached the point …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 08:24 AM
3

Buckle up. While I was divorced outside of Texas, the philosophy is the same which is we reached agreement, then she jammed me for another 12% after we had agreed on the settlement, but before signing, then we had a signed settlement agreement and she tried to renegotiate it before exchange of signature pages. That level of Fuckery we finally drew the line on, and said we rather just go to court at which point she caved and the actual translation of MSA to decree was straightforward. In various …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 01:09 PM
7

I got back to cooking. My ex wife never let me cook. I love making new recipes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 12:30 PM
3

Something I eventually learned, with Divorce now comfortably in the rearview mirror, is to let go. She’s never going to apologize, she’s never going to validate you, she’s never going to tell you that you were right. No amount of money or concessions that you give her in the divorce will get you there. Glad to hear you are in therapy. Definitely spend time with your friends and reconnect with who you are rather than who you tried to make yourself in order to please her. It gets better eventually…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 11:34 AM
11

This right here. Me and ex wife #2.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:19 PM
1

My ex destroyed me and my sexual confidence. Which was ironic because in my 20s women mostly just wanted to have sex with me and weren’t interested in a relationship (fucking me up in a different way). It took some time and patience to get back in the game. It may be that what you need is to date someone and take it slowly on the physical side until you build emotional intimacy. That’s OK, especially if you explain it to her up front. It may be that you need to take a pause from dating for a whi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:35 AM
4

For the avoidance of doubt, I would do a cohabitation agreement, which is kind of like a prenup
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 04:40 PM
9

Caused a lot of resentment with the woman who became wife #2. Eventually she “lost” several months worth of life insurance bills (resulting in cancellation) for a very cheap policy from a former employer because my children from first marriage were sole beneficiaries. There won’t be a wife #3. But I am dating because man does not live by bread alone.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 07:56 AM
2

The lawyer, who eventually fired her, told me during my deposition that their strategy was to delay as long as possible in the hopes that I would create some kind of value that they could then go after 50% of, because as long as we were legally married, she could claim 50%. They didn’t quite connect the dots with the idea that if she was busy destroying anything I tried to create, there wouldn’t be any value to go after.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:37 PM
7

Having her destroy my company was the worst part, by contacting investors we were trying to raise money from. She admitted to the judge in court she was defaming me and the judge refused to do anything. The turning point was, after she burned through two years and $300k in legal, we finally sat down for our 4th mediation. That’s when she claimed I married her for her money just to steal it from her. Funny thing is… her net worth at separation was exactly the same as when she married me. In other…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:43 PM
3

Easy to find dates, difficult to find someone worth dating. I think I have found a worthwhile woman, but am taking it slow. You should not be in any hurry, given both where you are in life and what you’ve been through.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:04 PM
1

It diminishes with time. 3.5 years since divorce absolute, after a grueling 2 year divorce, I’ve finally stopped going back through all of the notes from the divorce except maybe once a year. More to remind myself, how lucky I am. First, it was all consuming. Then after the divorce came through, it started tapering off. I started to recover a bit. It was an incredibly abusive and manipulative marriage. I started putting everything in perspective. But she still comes up in my mind a few times a w…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:31 AM
2

Sorry friend. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 06:30 AM
2

It really depends on how acrimonious your relationship was. After I got divorced my job changed to consulting work that had six month intervals between payments. My ex let me skip and then catch up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 11:05 PM
3

Please see my prior comment. This is called stonewalling.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:58 AM
1

If only one person is putting in the work on a relationship, it’s not a relationship
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:55 AM
1

At the refusal by my partner to engage in marriage counseling
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:53 AM
2

My only regret was not leaving sooner. Much sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:34 AM
3

Unfortunately, yes. It doesn’t actually matter for the outcome of the case. As far as the financials are concerned, those run on a formula. As far as custody is concerned, her lawyer will present her case, and your lawyer will present your case. It was 22 years, you are going to take it in the shorts financially. You want to work towards acceptance on that. Sorry my man. It really really sucks. My ex engaged in running a sophisticated financial fraud on me. And we were only together for 3.5 year…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 12:31 PM
2

My ex was medicated for clinical anxiety when we were dating. When we got married she dropped the meds cold turkey to get pregnant…and never went back on. Since divorce? Therapy, I suspect meds, and… she’s much easier to deal with now. Helps with the co parenting but my god. Anyway I’ve had a glow up and she’s had a glow down so I’m doing fine, but it was horrible for 7 years of marriage due to a treatable condition.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 06:59 PM
2

I have 50 more child support payments. I really should start a countdown.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:03 PM
1

True. The other way to look at it is, I never would’ve taken the job that I took, nor would I have stayed as long, if I did not have the child support requirements. This ended up being a boon for my career and now I make 3X what I did in terms of salary, plus I wound up in some investments that did really well. So there is a little karmic balance in life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:57 PM
1

The other future that I passed up was living in a crappy rural area, with no dating prospects, working at a 3rd tier company just for the glimpse of my children alternate weekends plus a Tuesday. So it worked out really well for me in a number of ways but I still experience pain over the lost dream of shared parenthood with someone who loves me. I’m definitely too old now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:49 PM
7

I don’t actually have a problem with casually dating even right after you split. It’s getting serious with someone when the divorce is still fresh that is an issue. Emotionally it’s worth reestablishing your own boundaries and figuring out who you are after spending so much time tied up with someone else. For me, feeling desirable after a dead bedroom marriage was amazing. But I was in no shape for something serious. And it was different after the divorce was finalized, versus after separation i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:06 AM
4

I was not able to find a job within two states of where my kids were that would pay as much as what I needed to earn in order to meet the child support and other financial requirements for my divorce. I ended up getting them for about a third of the year when they were young despite “joint custody”. More than 10 years later we have made it work. They have learned to have quality time rather than quantity with me. Kids are happy and will graduate debt-free from college, because sacrifices I made …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 08:56 PM
29

Think of it this way, you’re going to make more money in the future that she will not have any claim on. You can get therapy and get yourself to a better place. She will always be a miserable human being. If you do ever decide to get involved with someone again, you will be more selective and appreciate them more. Good luck my friend. Take care of yourself in every way possible and be kind to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 07:04 AM
3

What she is entitled to in many states (note that this varies state by state, so you should get the advice from a lawyer): half of the increase in value of the house from the time you got married half of any joint cash accounts, including that money you’ve been setting aside for student loans half of any debt that you have accumulated during the marriage half of any gains on your retirement accounts, and any other investment accounts from the time that you got married So, if you want to see what…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:00 PM
1

Just bear in mind if she falls into the clutches of an unscrupulous attorney, or a group of friends who have an agenda, you will be in for a bumpy ride. It’s good if you can keep it amicable. But be prepared to go aggressive if you need to quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:29 PM
2

There’s technically correct and practically correct. Your attorney can advise you because it may vary depending on the state. Technically speaking, you might be able to claim the house as a pre-marital asset. It depends on the date of your marriage. Practically speaking, you may spend more on legal fees litigating to get better than 50-50 split on the house. Technically speaking, she may have a claim only on the appreciation on the house starting from the date of your marriage. Practically speak…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:58 AM
4

You’re in a bad place right now and it’s understandable. I encourage you to work towards getting past hatred, because all it does is give free space in your head to someone not worth your time. This will take months or years. You may or may not decide to ever get involved again with a woman. That’s a different choice. It should come from a place of calm rather than anger. Spend time with your friends, exercise, travel if that helps you. Try to find peace. Therapy is definitely a good idea even t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 07:43 AM
2

Fly on, my friend
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 12:03 PM
3

She doesn’t care. We are both living the lives that are better aligned with what we want. She’s with a guy who I speculate wants sex ten times a year (based on her preference for most of our marriage), living in a rural town, and not working very hard. I am enjoying life in a big city career, lots of international travel, and dating women who are happy with 2-3x a night. Namaste.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 09:15 PM
6

Yeah I’m turning 50. Saw my ex wife last week. She looks old. Meanwhile I’m dating and the top candidate for long term is a former runway model who now has a successful small business. She’s 39 but some friends of her nephew recently guessed in the 22-26 range. And neither of us want to get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 09:00 PM
13

Make sure you button this up with a good lawyer. I had pre-marital assets going back almost 2 decades, which formed the basis of how I made a living. Part of why my divorce took two years was she suddenly announced in her head that those were marital assets and then she wasted months and months, trying to claim that they were created during the marriage. Shenanigans like we supplied over 3000 pages of discovery, and her lawyer went in front of the judge and flat out lied and said we had not been…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:47 AM
2

Yes, she took all the equity in the house too.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 01:18 PM
12

My ex spent $200k. She was awarded $275k. And it took almost 3 years. Post separation she also spent $400k of her own money on various shit that she incorrectly believed she’d be able to get me to pay for. 😂 Of course that’s not counting the $150k she stole before divorce or the $22k she swept from the joint account or… The woman was a financial locust
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 01:41 AM
5

That’s not universally true. If she is in a sensitive role that has knowledge that requires transfer, they could need her to overlap. They might even have her do four weeks. They also could pay her severance to incentivize her to help them which could be potentially 6 to 12 months, depending on how much they need her and what’s in her contract. At that salary level she should have an employment contract which will lay all of this out in terms of the minimum requirements. But the needs of the bus…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 01:01 PM
3

Hmmm well it could be anything. This is why getting formal legal support is important. It would be distracting if you ended up accusing her of something that was not true. But as I indicated from my experience, it could be shenanigans.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 12:45 PM
7

It could’ve been that she was given two weeks notice. They don’t always just walk you out the door. Especially if you are in an executive role, they might need her for transition. If she fails to produce records by the time of the trial, your attorney can ask for a continuance, and have the judge press for discovery to be produced. She could be playing games. She also could have an incompetent attorney. If she actually did lose her job, she might be scrambling to find a new job. What field does …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 12:29 PM
12

Talk to your lawyer. They can subpoena her employment records. Also her current bank accounts to see if she is still getting a paycheck. They can subpoena any settlement or severance agreement she might’ve reached with her employer. My ex tried to claim she was not getting paid for seven months of work. I knew her employer because I helped her get the job. It turns out she just wasn’t invoicing them and they were prepared to pay her. She also got a new contract that would put her on salary and g…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 12:10 PM
1

Kids aren’t with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:48 AM
2

Haha no I don’t get child support from her and I don’t have to give it either. And one lump sum payment in a bit over a year and I’m done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 09:50 PM
1

💯
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 03:18 PM
6

Three different (former) friends of hers told me
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 11:37 AM
7

You have no idea. That other post that went up today about waiting a year and avoiding predators… She was a predator who scooped me up after my first divorce. Told her friends she was going to scam me out of more than she got from her first husband.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 09:31 AM
3

Taking a break from dating to make dinner for a (platonic) female friend of mine. There isn’t anyone serious enough that I (M49) really feel compelled to spend V day with so - brightening the day for a friend. It’s a weird time. Notwithstanding the posters on /r/datingoverforty who downvote bomb men who date more than 5 years below their age - the women I know ages 38-48 either refuse to make time to have a relationship, or date toxic men. They keep finding new ways to take advantage - one woman…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 05:23 PM
7

Agreeing with the others that it’s a waste of time and money to try and fight her on this. My ex started collecting stories from her friends about their abusive relationships, well, several of them were my friends that she got to know. And then she began incorporating them into her filings. I recall at one point I recognized the story of a woman being picked up by the neck and pushed against the wall and choked. Except it wasn’t something I did to her, it was something that happened to one of my…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 05:26 AM
3

I went through exactly the same script.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 10:10 PM
1

I managed to negotiate a lump sum instead of a continuous annual payment. I also was successful in getting it deferred interest free for five years. If she had succeeded in getting a percentage of my income, there was a risk that I could’ve had to pay her 3-5x. We ended up spending the same amount of money as the lump sum on legal fees. Which I guess she thought was rational when she thought she was going to get the 5X number, but looks silly at 1X. She’s basically getting her a small bit more t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 06:02 PM
1

No one!
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 08:50 PM
3

One of the five or six reasons I ended my engagement: after three years she announced one day that her friends didn’t understand why she was with me because I … wait for it … wasn’t a 6’2” blond haired blue eyed weightlifter. I’m 5’ 10” with salt and pepper hair and a slender build. She knew that when we started dating.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 12:55 PM
2

A decade after serving papers, we are in a place where we trade private text messages about something funny the kids did. But we aren’t friends. We don’t share anything about each others’ lives other than what has to do with the children. It’s almost like having a pleasant work colleague. My life is so much better than when I was married to her. I am able to enjoy my friends, my career has reached a place she never would’ve allowed, I’m having so much more and better sex than when I was with her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 11:45 AM
7

This is explicitly my ex-wife’s business plan as she stated to her friends. She’s now on her third husband, she upgraded because she figured out that he makes eight figures annually. If she can last five years with him she is set for life
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 12:34 AM
2

There were no children. We were trying to get a Guardian for my ex-wife because she left rationality far behind. She wanted 90% of my assets plus the house, for a short term marriage with no children. She then went on to destroy my major asset, and then went into court and complained about it no longer existing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 02:56 PM
2

You can try. My ex would have three hour crying jags and would tell people that she plans to kill herself. And in court she stood in front of the judge and said that she was going to defame me in an effort to destroy my career and my business, which she was partially successful with. We were not able to get the judge to order a mental health evaluation or a guardian ad litem. Or even get an injunction against her tortiously interfering with my business. Two years and $300,000 of legal fees later…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 01:06 PM
2

OP was asking about any women who like this. I’ve only been divorced for a couple of years. How much run time would you like me to speculate about? I’m not just going to make something up, I’m speaking to my own experience.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 12:09 AM
4

That was not the case with the woman I dated for three years. Even after we broke up we periodically would get together and the chemistry was explosive. Some women just are really into it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 05:17 PM
15

There are definitely women who like this. I’ve dated several post-divorce. It’s just a matter of finding someone compatible. In my experience, there is a larger pool of women who are willing to do it to please their partner, and a smaller pool of women who specifically get off on it. Either way you just need to find someone who is not selfish.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:46 PM
2

Bear in mind that the 50-50 rule relates to assets accumulated during the marriage. If you walked into the marriage with $100,000, she should not get $50,000 of it. She may try to confuse the judge and do exactly that. My ex went after 15 years of assets accumulated before marriage, claiming that I did nothing for the first 3/4 of my career and then miraculously as soon as she met me I became a world expert and super productive etc. If she genuinely is going to be fair about it then you can have…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 08:56 AM
2

There is nothing about divorce that says that you have to accept the effects of a declining economy but she gets immunity. This is purely a financial risk decision. What is the likely legal cost and time to fight for 50-50 versus just sucking it up? In my case I found divorce so distracting that I made overly generous offers to settle quickly. The first time this worked, wife number one and I were divorced within six months from filing and it cost $25k. The second time she turned down my offer t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 08:46 AM
1

Keep the faith and good luck my friend
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 05:57 AM
1

IKR? I’m just thrilled to not be in debt and have college money set aside. I mean reality is if a few things break my way, those risks that I took will cover a very comfortable retirement. But right now it’s all paper
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 10:15 PM
2

Retirement 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 07:23 PM
2

Power on my dude!
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 06:30 PM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 05:34 PM
4

My teenage kids are getting ready for college and are doing fine. My post as long enough, I’m not going go into the whole history of two marriages, custody schedules, child support payments that were calculated for peak earnings such that I was not able to live in the same state because I could not afford to find a job where they moved, 10 years of successfully coparenting, how ex wife #1 has successfully remarried a lovely man who enjoys doing tasks like researching which car to lease so that t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 05:05 PM
4

Please, judge something you don’t understand. What are you saying?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 01:44 PM
2

Depending on the state, your attorney can directly subpoena the bank. I had to do this in my divorce, my ex was playing games about not providing information, and we not only were able to get her bank account, but even information from her ex-husband, because we were able to discover that she was taking money both from him and from me at the same time (this related to her false claims that I somehow was depleting her estate). Bank of America etc all have experience in this, and were able to furn…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:47 AM
1

💯
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 11:52 AM
6

You’re traumatized right now. The thing you need to prepare yourself for is that she will say terrible things - in court, to your friends, to your kids. There’s nothing you can do to stop her. You have to think about it like the weather, like a bad hurricane or an earthquake. There’s going to be a lot of destruction but you will get through it. The thing is, the courts don’t actually care really about this. They are used to people making all sorts of claims about their spouses during divorce. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 11:04 AM
1

Thanks man. My kids wish they could see more of me, it’s not been easy. They’re going to graduate without student debt from any school they can get into. That’s a huge advantage these days. And I managed to pay off the absurd personal debt my ex-wife ran up living beyond our means. Make the time to see your kid, use all of your custody days, focus on quality time. My kids have had some amazing holidays.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 05:36 PM
2

John Mahoney, Bryan Cranston, and Morgan Freeman all had late starts. So it’s totally doable but just statistically it sounds like you are aware of the odds. Keep your head level, build that security career because you could be working in that 30 years from now, and good luck. As for the custody thing, because of how our divorce agreement worked I had to get a job two states away from where my kids were living. My support & other payments were so high that I could not afford to take any of the j…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:08 PM
3

Security is a good solid back up career while you work on acting. Especially with X military behind it. Makes you more marketable. Sounds like you have a solid plan
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 03:38 PM
1

She squeezed out 50 K retirement funds at the last second. But the lump sum beyond that ended up being arguably about 5% of what she would’ve gotten if she had taken my initial offer (equity in a bunch of startups). She thought I was a big loser who wouldn’t amount to anything. 😂 😂 😂 💰
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 07:13 PM
1

I was fortunate enough to have some of the best lawyers available. Expensive but worth every penny.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:15 PM
1

I was in MA. First we negotiated the lump sum, then we negotiated the deferral
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:22 PM
4

One trick I was able to negotiate was a delayed payout. So I have five years, interest free, from the date of the divorce to pay the lump sum. It’s just sitting in an account right now. I asked my lawyers if there’s any advantage to pay early and they said no, so I’m going to let it sit there. She was so toxic during the divorce (and during the marriage for that matter) that I have no need to do her any favors.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 10:38 AM
2

Dude. Read what you just wrote. You cannot afford to give her more. Be glad that alimony will be short.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 09:34 AM
2

It sounds like you feel generous and/or guilty. Given that you’re in Texas, you’re in a favorable position for alimony so just follow the formula and don’t give her more. Whatever you feel right now, I guarantee you a year from now or three years from now you will regret giving her extra money
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 09:15 AM
2

If she won’t get a job your lawyer can have her income imputed based on her skills which goes into the calculations. Bear in mind you are also going to be paying child support in addition to alimony. Don’t worry, she will get plenty of money. My ex-wife, working an easy job as a secretary, was able to support not only herself and two kids but also her under employed guy and his kid, and buy a house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 06:40 AM
4

Mine collected abuse stories from her friends, and started putting them into the filings. I was like, wait a minute, I recognize that story from this other friends divorce. She also tried to blackmail me with some information about a medical condition, but couldn’t help herself and put it into the court filings. This had the effect of (1) destroying my main asset and (2) eliminating the threat because she already disclosed the information in public filings. Even though I did not have kids with h…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 09:15 AM
1

In Massachusetts there is a hypothetical ability to attach anything up to the date of Divorce Nisi, as my ex’s lawyer gleefully pointed out when he explained how he was deliberately dragging out the process in hopes that I would generate more assets. So a 3.5yr marriage gave rise to a 2.5yr divorce process. Practically speaking, Massachusetts courts can be a little more lenient but there is a legal claim someone could make. This is a state dependent issue and you need to consult your attorney ab…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 06:19 AM
6

Initial consultation is either free or an hour at $300-500. You don’t think you could take out $100 a week in different sized atm withdrawals? Then you could pay cash
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 01:37 PM
5

The first time I married for love and was ill-treated. I was not in a hurry to marry again but #2 convinced me it was once in a century amazing connection etc and gave me an ultimatum. Marriage eventually became (verbally) abusive. It was crushing when she revealed her emotional affair and demanded divorce. Turns out (I learned during divorce) the whole marriage was a money scam. She stole from me, emotionally traumatized me and destroyed my business. In addition to that, it was the death of hop…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 02:06 AM
6

It was much more traumatic than the first divorce for several reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 04:02 PM
1

Thank you. She’s a great example of what I’m talking about, she specifically wanted a divorced man over 40 who doesn’t want more kids. She had some other criteria which I am very aligned to. So that was a good start for us
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:34 PM
1

I am currently dating. There are a few women interested in me in various ways if you look at my recent post history. There may be one woman who has more serious potential. We shall see, I have a second date with her on Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:27 PM
1

Harder to walk back. See what your lawyer says
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 04:40 PM
2

Have you actually signed the agreement? Or just approved it with your old lawyer? “Signed off” is vague. If you have not actually signed it you’ve got a good opportunity to simply re-trade with the new lawyer. You will be fighting for a while longer because she will be very upset that you walked away from a deal, but those are the breaks. My ex walked away from and retraded multiple settlements before we finally got a deal. She even tried re-trading it after we had shown signatures because the l…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 06:09 AM
7

Yeah during the divorce my ex insisted repeatedly that I was a con man who married her for her money. What was hilarious was when we went through the forensic accounting, it came out that she not only stole about $100,000 from me during the marriage, but she was leaving the marriage with the same amount of money she had walking in despite abandoning her career to mooch off me (ie somehow for almost 4 years she spent net zero on clothes, food, gas, etc) And eventually I found out that on our thir…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 05:19 AM
10

In the case of my ex-wife, she gathered stories from her circle of girlfriends who actually were abused, things like them being picked up by the throat by their husbands and shoved against the wall, etc. and began populating her divorce filings with these stories. She has figured out how to garner sympathy by trotting out ‘abuse’. Eventually her lawyer figured out that he had no case on that front and he fired her as a client the day before she walked into court. We settled two months later afte…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:32 AM
1

Without making any judgment on how they would act in a relationship, they did agree that divorced men are great. I’m gonna chalk that up as a win
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 05:15 PM
1

Yes for sure. But I have a pretty good response which everyone seems to understand
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 05:08 PM
1

Yeah I’m five-ish years older so my age range on the low end is 25-32 but same story, none of them want to be pushing my wheelchair around when they are 50 and I am 80, everybody knows what’s going on, but we are enjoying each others’ company
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 05:03 PM
2

💯
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 08:45 AM
3

Yeah I’m finding my way. Right now I’m actually dating too many women which sounds great on the surface but actually gets confusing (this was a deliberate experiment because I previously had been monogamous and monogamy has not served me well). I am steadily narrowing down the field. I have been very direct and telling women for this particular stretch of my life, I’m not looking for exclusivity, I don’t want any more kids and I’m probably never going to get married again. I’ve been surprised at…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 07:39 AM
1

Live your best life!
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 05:45 AM
2

You do whatever works for you my friend. I have a number of wonderful relationships and friendships with women. Given what happened in my marital experiences, I have every reason to hate women. But I choose not to hate. Believe it or not, there are women who feel that the constructs of western society around marriage are stacked against men. They have great empathy for what we’ve been through. I’ve pretty much stopped dating American women for a reason. My current lineup of prospects includes Ma…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 05:33 AM
-1

Some of her boyfriends were great. She’s not perfect. Just a good person. She flew into a war zone last year and spent several months rescuing refugees. No, she ‘isn’t like the other girls’ - but nor is she perfect. My point wasn’t really about her. It was that there are some women who really appreciate what a divorced man brings to the table.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:32 AM
3

That’s why I don’t plan to get married again. A woman who is in my life will need to commit daily to the relationship - just like I will. Once either of us stop, on to the next. I’ve met some wonderful women since my divorce. I’m not married to any of them. But I value the time I’ve spent with them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:30 AM
11

No thank you! Just a legal claim on my assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:29 AM
0

If that helps you cope brother. I have chosen a different path.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:28 AM
3

I’m very unlikely to be married again. But I have extracted the positives from my marriage experience. Edit: and I 100% hear you on the peer pressure to get married
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:28 AM
0

No. She has had good boyfriends before. Just this particular one is a tool.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 04:26 AM
6

I’m almost 4 years out. It gets so much better. Stay the course - there is more to come! I just had an amazing (3rd) date tonight, and am excited for what comes next.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 11:31 PM
-12

No, she’s really that great. Just has terrible taste in men.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 11:30 PM
1

She demanded a divorce. I think she wanted me to beg to stay. I surprised her with filing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 09:18 PM
7

I was left with half a million or more of financial obligations plus $2100 a month. It was brutal, I lived with my sister for half a year. Through sheer luck as much as anything else I managed to not only clear that debt but now am quite comfortable. We are getting close to the end of her more than a decade of child support, her quality of life is about to go down once the kids go to college. She was making $120,000 a year when we met, and when divorce forced her to go back to work she deliberat…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 05:16 AM
8

My ex is a devoted mother. My children have grown up happy, polite, intellectually engaged, politically aware, responsible and affectionate in large part because of her parenting
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 11:20 PM
1

Divorce courts levy almost no penalties for perjury. Move on - don’t fall prey to the sunk cost argument. You got out relatively unscathed. Don’t continue to give her free rent in your head. Get started with your life. Leave the dust behind
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 05:25 AM
2

My ex waited 1 month after the lump sum check cleared to get married. Just to be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:41 PM
1

This is why Z needs a lawyer. Spending $50k to save $90k is a positive ROI, using the example you cited. While 50/50 split on assets accumulated during the 4 year marriage might be adequate as a least-best, it shouldn’t be his first negotiating position, because she will simple take that as given and grab for more.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 09:01 AM
3

😂 😂 😭 Fairly certain mine don’t know that Mom doubles her income with my support checks, and alimony lump sum paid for the house they and husband #2 live in.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 11:56 AM
14

There’s a lot of bad advice in this thread. Marriage of less than 5 years is considered “short term” in Canada. No children? Makes it easier. HE NEEDS A LAWYER. Here is actual advice from actual lawyers: https://tailorlaw.com/who-gets-what-after-separation/ https://boulbyweinberg.com/blogs-articles/property/the-division-of-property-after-a-short-term-marriage/ Z needs a lawyer. Let’s say it together: Z needs a lawyer. He may be able to do better than 50/50 plus support, given the unequal contrib…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 11:36 AM
11

I just spent $40,000 this month on international travel for kids and summer camp? Lol moment: my oldest wasn’t sure about ordering the €40 shrimp on the menu.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 12:52 PM
4

Oh god that was a whole hassle. The first round of attorneys let things get detoured into a massively expensive exercise of documenting every single expenditure for 5 1/2 years including the time we were dating before we got married. It was all credit cards and bank statements. Completely irrelevant except that during mediation that finally solved the divorce, I was able to show contrary to her numerous claims that I had taken money from her, when we separated she had the same amount of money th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 11:44 AM
4

As others have noted, follow your lawyer’s advice. On the surface it sounds both vexatious and burdensome, and irrelevant to the ultimate outcome and how financial matters will be calculated by the court. But your lawyer should be the arbiter here not reddit. Story time: I work in tech and often on the deal side. There was one year (the year I met my ex) I was working on a deal where I only got paid on contingency fee. So I went 12 months without drawing a monthly paycheck and then I got a nice …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 04:26 AM
6

Because they are just running up billable hours. The court doesn’t care; it’s not the basis on which your case will be decided.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 11:09 PM
3

Ex wife made $120,000 before we got married…in 2004. After divorce refused to work in her field and got a job as a secretary making $40,000. 10 years post divorce she’s making $50,000. Definitely go the route of your lawyer getting her vocationally assessed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 09:44 AM
4

Having a shared bank account where you pay joint expenses out of is actually a good thing. The issue was her lying about what our joint expenses actually were
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 09:28 PM
4

We had separate bank accounts and then we had a common bank account for household expenses. She lied to me about how much our expenses were and would have blowout fights with me when I would question her on anything. Eventually I was paying 120% of our joint expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 09:04 PM
7

1) She targeted me from our third date when she figure out my income potential. 2) She has borderline personality disorder. 3) She was abusive. 4) She conned me out of about $100k. 5) See #1.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 06:36 PM
2

You can even do lump sum - that’s what I did. If your lawyer is any good you can get it set to a point in the future, like 5 years. My final settlement was 30% less than my initial offer. I like the exploding offer strategy “this is my best offer. You have a week to accept. My next offer is going to be worse.”
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 05:03 AM
2

I felt she deserved X. She demanded 4X. I spent 1/3X on legal fees over 3 years and she ended up with 2/3X. So X was my number for amicable, and she got that including fees she forced me to spend. You have to decide what ‘X’ is for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 06:47 PM
1

Good luck my friend
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 10:31 PM
1

Well it’s not too late. If she actually did something squirrelly with the policy and you take her back to court, your lawyer could request a modification from the judge that you put this in place to protect your children. This is an instance where it very clearly is for the best welfare of the kids. You should at least ask your lawyer his or her thoughts on the subject.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 04:49 PM
2

I am not a lawyer, but that’s not the only way you make these kinds of arrangements. I know because I have one in place. You can set up a life insurance trust where the other spouse is the trustee but the children are the beneficiaries. The advantage of this is that it creates somewhat better protection for the children that they will actually get their money.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 02:50 PM
8

My ex-wife had a variety of excuses as to why she couldn’t work full-time. She also claimed that somehow she was paying almost all of our joint expenses and called me a deadbeat and a freeloader. Lo and behold when we got divorced, the forensic accounting revealed that I paid 90% of our joint expenses and she miraculously (2 months prior to settlement… probably prompted the settlement) was able to start working a job for $150,000 a year plus $3 million of equity. Funny how that happens. Edit: NT…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 02:13 PM
2

It is wonderful. I do place a higher premium on companionship than you but for now actually am starting to enjoy having a long distance relationship where I see her twice a month. She wants to see me more often but it is really nice to move at my own pace in my own space. And I have a set of awesome friends who keep me company between visits. The biggest change for me was reclaiming myself: picking up hobbies I’d been forced to abandon in my marriage, reconnecting with friends, actually being ab…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 08:38 AM
3

Yeah she turned down a bunch of equity I offered her and insisted on cash. That proved to be a mistake on her part. Then I went and made more money after the divorce was final. Her greed ultimately cost her
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 07:50 AM
2

Deleted my comment because I’m a dumbass and forgetting what we actually did. When we negotiated our settlement deal, it was on the basis of date of separation not date we negotiated the deal. But in Massachussetts technically and legally, as long as you’re still married, they are marital assets. And if you create new assets, technically, she can go after those too. IANAL. You should ask a lawyer, particular given the amount of money at stake.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 07:43 AM
2

I lucked out. My ex-wife married a guy who really is decent and helps take care of the kids. We might even all go on holiday together with my new partner and her kid. But I definitely am aware of how lucky I am. So it’s not a foregone conclusion that she will get with a scumbag, but as this thread shows, it is certainly a risk. Good luck my friend
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 01:18 PM
3

I had five different runs at settlement before we finally got onto something that worked, it took her getting fired the day before going into court by her own lawyer before she came to the table with what ended up being our final settlement. This is an endurance race my friend
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:10 AM
1

Oh god yes
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:56 AM
2

No, she played me there. Depressed her income long enough pre divorce the fight in court meant I had to pay her. But did not pay much and not for long. Her greed ended up reducing her overall take.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:55 AM
8

My second wife was a career woman. She told me she was a career woman. She insisted she wanted to make $500,000 a year and she had chosen a profession that would let her do that so she would never be dependent on a man again. Three years after we got married she revealed that she really wanted to be a stay at home mom or simply a stay at home housewife and not work and sit around.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 05:12 PM
2

If you’ve got the budget, Orlando theme parks like Disney or Universal Studios. Especially if you get the pass to skip the line. There’s a reason these places have a good reputation for families, because there’s a whole bunch of stuff to do. Even the accommodations can include child & grownup friendly activities, like there was a “spray ground” at one Disney resort next to a little outdoor bar for Dad. If you’re on more of a budget, most vacation destinations will have an array of blogs that tal…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 08:47 AM
5

Sorry you have to go through this my friend. The courts do everything possible to encourage you to settle prior to going to trial, so you will need to do this settlement meeting even though it’s a waste of money and time. I truly am sorry to hear about your child and it sounds like you are likely to be able to secure a favorable custody arrangement but you may have to go through some pain in order to get there. You are thinking rationally and logically. What will be difficult for you to accept i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 03:24 AM
4

Yes. It was cheaper to file jointly than separately when we ran the analysis. Although she was super disorganized and it was a nail-biter on getting the data out of her. But finally got it done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 11:56 PM
5

If she has a remotely sophisticated lawyer, you will need to pay her the fair market value. If there is a 409a from your company, you could reasonably rely on that (which I would guess would be something like $5 a share). And they would push for the $17 price. Counter argument that your lawyer would make is that $17 is the value of preferred stock, which has more features and preferences than common stock, and you only have options on common stock. (1) lawyer up. Interview different lawyers and …
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 11:12 PM
3

Or it could just be that she’s seeing it as a mechanism to exercise control. Either way, he’s not in a great situation, but there’s little he can do about it. Edit: I’m having an argument with my ex right now because she is so determined to make the children go to college close to her, and be dependent on her, that she is convincing my top performing child that any good school that my child would go to would automatically cause a mental breakdown. There’s not much I can do about it because I can…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 05:19 PM
2

I agree that the order does not appear to have ambiguity and what it says is that she gets them for Christmas. I’m not a lawyer but he would need to negotiate a different order if he wants to change the hours.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 01:01 PM
0

Holiday weekends are different. The order is the order. You can try and get it modified but that will be difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 09:19 AM
3

You too. 2022 is your year, take command!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 01:20 PM
5

Traditional Christmas movie marathon: Lethal Weapon Die Hard Bad Santa If you want to do something a little more reflective, you can think about the past year, and what you’ve done. How far you’ve come putting your new life on its feet. And then you can imagine what you’re going to do next year. Maybe you’ll travel. Maybe you’ll pick up a new hobby. This is a good time to reflect and put together a bucket list for your new life. My life was kind of a mess during my marriage and partly because of…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 09:36 AM
3

Prenup! Or maybe never get married again, TBD
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 07:23 PM
15

Companionship, physical affection other than sex, intellectual partnership, a plus one to take to events for the museum or go see a movie with, someone to share the joys and sorrows of daily life. Honestly at this point I’ve even let go most of the anger I had about my divorce
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 05:31 PM
3

You are making me feel better about $100,000 of legal and a $325,000 check.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 03:39 AM
2

Definitely given that she makes more than you, you may be able to get spousal support. You really want to rethink this idea of moving to California given the family can’t take you in. You’ve got some very good advice on this thread about picking up a new trade particularly in this labor market. Airbnb and Homeaway likewise - you don’t need a credit check or to put down a deposit, you just need a credit card. Get a studio or similar small footprint place. When I got divorced I moved in with my si…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 08:02 AM
3

Mine did. She also got a lot of therapy and is much more pleasant person to be around in general. She’s happily remarried. In fact, it got to the point where she sent me an appreciative note after about six years, favorably comparing me to the behavior of her husband’s ex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 07:43 AM
2

Things are already are hostile. You just are looking at the snarl on her face and missing the knife she is slipping between your ribs. Get your own lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/21 09:37 PM
1

It sounds like she used to work. Getting your own lawyer will help you get the advice that depending on the state, they may look at her imputed income, what she could earn if she worked. That will help you not get stuck as badly on alimony. That said, my ex-wife used to make six figures and in order to improve her position post divorce, she deliberately took a job as a secretary making $40,000 a year. So it is possible to fight that but it will cost money.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 03:05 PM
1

This book “Splitting” was incredibly helpful when I divorced my Borderline ex wife: https://g.co/kgs/Q77LxT
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 03:18 PM
3

I don’t know how old they are but one thing that has worked well for me is playing board games with my kids. And video games sometimes and we can find some thing that allows three players, like the Minecraft snowball fight. But they absolutely love board games and puzzles together. This gives us a chance to talk about things casually alongside playing the game. Serious discussions require a dedicated conversation. My daughter in particular is a teenager now and facing some issues but I’ve been a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 06:56 PM
2

First lawyer was $69k and 18 months of agony. Second lawyer got it sorted out in 3-4 months and maybe $30k, plus another 9 months of chasing paperwork even after the settlement was signed. She spent almost $200k.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 04:01 PM
1

Good question. I think it was probably a tie between her lawyer telling me in my deposition that he was deliberately stalling the process in the hopes that I would make more money that they could attach, and when I was forced to go to a series of important business contacts and friends and warn them that they might be deposed. I got through it a few ways. My friends were there for me. I had a girlfriend who went through a rough divorce herself who was incredibly nurturing and supportive. And I h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 11:33 AM
6

Congratulations! 1) DO make sure to celebrate - have dinner with friends, take a vacation 2) DON’T make any sudden decisions or get involved with someone right away in a relationship Good luck on the first day of the rest of your life!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 04:52 AM
5

Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 04:14 PM
15

You also need to get an emergency custody order into place. You need a lawyer ASAP
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 04:00 PM
6

I feel you. I have to pay over $2000 a month for two children. Although my ex does not have the substance-abuse issues, she is living her dream life with the new husband and the house that was purchased with my alimony payment. She works a very undemanding job with fixed hours so she never has to be working in the evening or weekends, completely abandoning the six-figure career she used to have. This is also strategy on her part so I have to pay for college, since tuition is tied to a formula ar…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 07:30 AM
4

There were no kids, what she said is she just wanted to hang out and do yoga and play with the dogs Edit: Believe me I’ve been tempted from time to time at the thought of marrying a rich woman and being kept, but I have come to believe that I would just be bored out of my skull
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 06:48 AM
4

She had several advanced degrees and literally had just finished medical training when we got married. Why go through 12 years of schooling? But as it turned out, she had extremely high expectations for the kind of money she was going to get out of a future divorce, unfortunately for her I did not turn out to be Elon Musk. This was another significant disappointment. There was also something strange that emerged over time despite what looked like a contemporary or modern woman’s view on work and…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 06:09 AM
13

Funny, it came out in the divorce that this was exactly the strategy for my second wife, and boy was she angry we weren’t sticking and she had to somewhat work for a living.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 04:11 AM
2

Hang strong brother. It’s a journey. You’re doing great
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/21 06:09 PM
3

I had a completely different experience. Both times the marriage counselors were women. First marriage, it took one session for the counselor to side with me and spend the next several sessions telling my ex-wife that she needed to actually make time for date night and put energy into the adult part of the relationship. She refused to go anymore after about half a dozen sessions. Triumph of hope over experience, second marriage, counselor was Gottman trained as one of the other posters mentioned…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 02:27 AM
5

That sounds like one of you is doing the work and one of you is not. Although truth to tell my friend, it sounds like you both have pretty bad communication skills. Still, you at least are willing to try to work on it in the form of counseling. If she won’t let the two of you get counseling then a lawyer sounds like a good bet. It’s either that or be miserable for the rest of your life. Edit: you could try putting a bit more work into communicating and say to her, clearly: 1) we are both clearly…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 07:03 AM
6

IANAL, but assuming that your divorce paperwork was entered into the court as an order, then your divorce attorney can make a motion to hold her in contempt. Talk to your divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/20 11:56 AM
3

Sounds like you should prepare yourself for this not settling quickly. It might, but in my own case it dragged an extra long time, & after she signed the agreement and sent over her signature pages, she attempted to renegotiate it and withheld the full document. When we threatened to drag it in front of the judge she backed down. What you’re describing is erratic behavior so until you have a court order entered by the judge, you should be prepared that it won’t be final.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/20 09:30 PM
4

IANAL. You absolutely should look into holding her accountable for the charges, Although you should look closely at how long you have to report these issues and consider waiting until she signs the decree. She’s allowed to back out of a settlement agreement until it’s signed. I’m unclear on how your lawyer could tell you that you would have the finalized decree by the end of the week if she has not signed it. Can you elaborate?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/20 09:20 PM
2

Perjury is sadly common in divorce court and there is little to no punishment for it. You need to subpoena her financial documents so they can be submitted as evidence that she is misrepresenting her financial position. Once your lawyer proves this, it will go poorly for her at trial in the division of assets and terms of the divorce, even though she won’t do any jail time for lying in a sworn affidavit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/20 05:50 PM
2

You some excellent points, particularly around the gender asymmetry on age and desirability. I definitely think that the marriage train has left the station for me. My second was the triumph of hope over experience, there isn’t going to be a third.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/19 09:02 PM
3

Or they grew attracted to someone based on personality. I’m a very visual person and as I’ve gotten older I have (a) found some women attractive after getting to know them despite not having an initial reaction of “oh she’s hot” and (b) become repulsed by some women who are esthetically pretty but morally repugnant. I don’t have a six pack or six feet of height but I do OK; women tell me they like my confidence. Have got an amazing girlfriend right now who’s really into me. Stranger things have …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/19 08:57 PM
2

The 80% / 20% stat is a bit of an urban myth springing from a misinterpretation of data: https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/ Per the article, women rated 80% of men “below average” but are still willing to go out with them. One interpretation of these results is that women will find a guy attractive over time based on personality, even if they don’t view his looks initially as average or better. To quote: “On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/19 08:02 PM
1

Yes I understand this. I have good lawyers. I’m just dealing with an irrational counterparty. Thank you for your comments.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 09:38 AM
3

Mediator was male. Non binding, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 11:03 PM
2

Gorgeous, when she put on what I learned to be a conscious act, funny and charming. Incredibly manipulative. Anyway - her life to live. I’m getting on with mine. Edit: this isn’t a blanket indictment of women. I mentor large numbers of career women who aren’t like this. It’s just this one.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 05:01 PM
2

“Entitled” is her middle name. The mediator was like “women are just like that. The man needs to go earn the bread.” I’m like, what, we live in the 1950s?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 04:25 PM
2

My marriage was 16 hour work days, no kids with her. I added 2 hours of commuting to my original 14 hour day just so she could have the house she wanted. She openly bragged about being lazy and would call her friends who have full time jobs and have to work. Her days consisted of playing with dogs, yoga, Tv, and internet shopping. And Botox for “migraines”. We had ladies come in to clean. She was a terrible cook so I paid for takeout or restaurants. My shirts were dry cleaned. Now that we are se…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 03:40 PM
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