Does anyone else feel their divorce makes any conventional relationship impossible?

AlternativeOk2562 · 2024-09-22T11:22:07+00:00

I just broke up with my GF 3 weeks ago because of the same feeling of suffocating and being overwhelmed. I started dating her while I was still living with my ex waiting to rent a place. I was sort of desperate to love and be loved. She is great, and we had some good time but…

I think it was way too soon to date someone. Not sure how soon you started dating, but the general recommendation is to wait until “you feel you are ready.” I still miss her a bit, but being with her was harder than not being with her.

You will NOT die alone. Just keep taking a good care of yourself and you will find someone else. There are millions of lonely women looking for someone.

probebeta · 2024-09-22T05:40:35+00:00

Personally I dont think it's divorce, but it's divorce with kids.

I don't know what your situation is about feeling suffocated by gf, but I have had the same feeling with new girls I've dated. I don't know if it's lack of experience with dating a single dad or they're really trying hard to test your boundaries. Either way you're not going to budge on your kid so at some point you just have to drop them to get peace. I'm not saying it's not possible to meet a great gal who will be a good stepmom, but I am saying there is cost associated with it if you want to be with someone who's worth keeping. So far long term is questionable unless you want more kids.

CrazySanta7 · 2024-09-21T18:06:26+00:00

Sorry to break it to you, but we all die alone. You're in a hospital bed, nursing home, and/or in a 2nd, 3rd 4th marriage that sucks. I've made peace. Im not getting married again. I'm not living with a woman again and likely not doing a long-term relationship again. These things are not for me. I learned my lesson the 1st time.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-09-21T17:36:12+00:00

I’d be very content with multiple 2 year relationships and not living together with anyone until I retire or get old.

Only then would I consider something more long term.

Telrom_1 · 2024-09-21T17:10:01+00:00

Here’s the thing about the relationships you’re after: they’re more like companionships, and these types of relationships tend to naturally run their course—and that’s okay! Without the goal of marriage, children, or any major escalation, that progression is perfectly normal. If you’re not okay with relationships having an expiration date, it might be worth taking time to focus on yourself and doing the work to become the best version of you.

I’m sorry, but that check wasn’t reality. You’re focusing on pebbles along a path you’ve already walked. Right now, you’re safe, reasonably comfortable, and you’re going to be okay. That’s your reality—and it’s not as bad as you think.

Not wanting to die alone is not a valid reason to be in a relationship. Even in lifelong marriages, one person still ends up alone. Instead, aim to die knowing you lived fully and loved deeply.

You’ll find it—that fire, that passion, that excitement that makes life worth living. And it won’t come from fortune or relationships; it will come from within you.

Physical-Aside-5273 · 2024-09-21T17:04:44+00:00

We are wired for love and intimacy. Our bodies push us to do it, regardless of what's happening in the outside world. So it's very hard to find a path that's satisfying without being in a relationship. That being said. The horrors of divorce that I went through, and have seen other men go through make it very easy for me to avoid. Truly not caring and finding something else to devote your life too besides a woman has worked for me. 16 years now post divorce.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-09-21T16:39:26+00:00

The feeling you feel are normal and it’s often the cause of haunted by the past and fearful of the future. You must make a conscious decision to live in the now. The past cannot be changed, your future can only be different by how you are in the present moment. Worrying about the future makes you lose the happiness of being in the now.

As for the gf if she’s snooping and having insecurities it’s better to cut it off especially you said on and off. There may be attachment style at play one is anxious and the other avoidant. A good predicator of someone is their group of friends, if that’s the shitty advice she got run. Because her friends will remain in her life.

TXJohn83 · 2024-09-21T16:39:03+00:00

You need to date more, and break up with the current GF or let her know that things are to much.

mr21vp · 2024-09-21T16:17:33+00:00

By nature being in a relationship with a woman is the opposite of "something stable in your life" because you are at her whim of emotional baggage, manipulation, and insecurities. I think it's better to enjoy the company of a woman on a superficial, casual basis.

Why give up the remainder of freedom/fun in your life for the short period before you die?

https://goodbachelorhood.com/you-will-die-alone/

ABBucsfan · 2024-09-21T15:35:13+00:00

Right now I’m hovering between feeling suffocated by the gf (ex gf?) and fearing I will die alone.

You have kids.. so it there is any warning surely they will be around you during those final days. There are plenty of married people who "die alone" where it's either sudden when they're not at home or their spouse died first. Imo don't live decades of your life with the worry of his the final moments may end. Don't forget the other family you have and other relationships/friendships in your life

I'm the same as you. I cant afford emotionally (the most) and financially to do it again.. I'll probably never be the same. It's solo from here..

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-09-21T11:57:26+00:00

Pretty sure that’s a normal emotion. I’d say not to project how you’re feeling about it onto other people. If you’ve overcame those emotions once you can do it again. Reframe the payment as the finish line to a difficult race.

Title	Does anyone else feel their divorce makes any conventional relationship impossible?
Author	Snowbirdy
Upvotes	29
Comments	49
Date	September 21, 2024 11:19 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fm0qt0/does_anyone_else_feel_their_divorce_makes_any/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-anyone-else-feel-their-divorce-makes-any.1530919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530919

Comments