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View 1 posts and 273 comments by mr21vp on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

mr21vp/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:11 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Women will naturally sniff out your desperation and then exploit it....
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 03:24 PM
2

I really like exotic sports cars but don't want the responsibilities of maintenance, insurance, and theft prevention. A good compromise is to rent one occasionally, drive it hard, then return it so other guys can have their turn.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:37 PM
3

Read the forum thoroughly then come back with specific questions after detailing your specific situation...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 10:33 PM
6

you have to be trolling...
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 04:12 PM
5

You need to work on yourself first and understand why you can't be alone. This is not normal for an older gentleman and will lead you into another bad relationship out of desperation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 03:59 PM
2

Best of luck and keep us updated. I was in your situation last June and now in 19 days our divorce is officially final. The water is fine so jump on in!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:44 PM
1

I only see upsides...
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 04:43 PM
2

Having a wank is money in the bank!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 12:09 AM
2

I would have said "like a rat up a drainpipe"
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 12:03 AM
1

True alphas don't use the word alpha, especially when describing themselves
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:26 PM
2

Sorry I"m in CA, and not Ohio, but in a similar situation (adult child though) and used an online legal service that only assists with CA courts. Everything went smoothly on their side in terms of completing and filing the forms. Most importantly you and your wife need to remain on the same page working together. We paid about $1200 total including the court fees.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 10:07 PM
6

Sorry to be blunt but the dilemma won't be solved if you're not willing to be flexible in your beliefs and make concessions somewhere... First thing is to work on is your loneliness because it's a sign of being needy and codependent. No decent lady with options will tolerate that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:15 PM
1

yes of course tell her because it's a relationship, but for casual flings it's not necessary IMO as close to 100% as anything can be mine was covered by insurance, I've heard Planned Parenthood does them for free/low cost I haven't had to disclose it for any other medical purposes, but maybe if you have any future urological issues Apparently it can but the procedure is more expensive and painful, results cannot be guaranteed My advice is to use a urologist experienced with the "no-scalpel" meth…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 01:00 AM
5

Very good advice!
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 12:43 AM
1

Alimony could be based on your imputed income since you retired early
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 01:21 AM
1

Women aren't meant to have unlimited options in terms of men. Prior to social media they only could choose from guys in their geographical location. A cell phone is basically a "box of dicks" for them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 07:19 AM
8

Ideal situation is to be a lifetime bachelor with nieces and nephews you are close with
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:29 PM
9

She's already planning her exit with cash and prizes. Believe people when they tell you who they are. Run Forrest Run!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:19 PM
4

I only kept my car, clothing, personal electronics, golf clubs, and some tools. Everything else in the house went to her - furniture, appliances, TVs, kitchen utensils, etc. Do you really want to fight over forks and spoons then leading to attorneys getting involved? Use the stupid things that she's attached to as bargaining chips for the more important issues. Do you want to win insignificant battles or the war?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:17 PM
2

She's on the rebound and probably seeing numerous guys. Have fun but don't get attached
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:02 PM
0

Her husband's name will be on the kid's birth certificate :)
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:01 PM
2

thanks for sharing what you obsess about
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:50 PM
4

Keep your eye on the prize of living out your days with peace and quiet. Watching this video might be helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3iRfSNsA6M&ab_channel=LegionOfMen
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:48 PM
1

Definitely file ASAP so you become legally separated. Then consider offering her a small sum of money (maybe $10-20k) when the divorce is final, only if she keeps things amicable and uncontested. It will be worth every penny to avoid using attorneys. I'm half-way through the 6-month waiting period in CA and using a service called A People's Choice to handle all the paperwork and court filings. Total cost with court fees is about $1200 Most importantly no more sex and the risk of her getting preg…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 02:34 PM
0

I love Thailand and spend a few months there each year, but not sure if it's the best place for a guy who is freshly separated from a toxic relationship. The OP is probably emotionally vulnerable and could financially exploited by a shrewd, cunning Thai lady. I've seen it happen too many times (even more in the Philippines). The Thai culture views 'love' in a completely different way than Western society brainwashed by Disney movies.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 02:26 PM
1

In Latin America many girls come from broken homes where the father abandoned their family. I see many of these traits in the girls I've dated there and didn't pick up on the dynamics that you expanded on. Excellent post!
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 04:27 PM
3

By nature being in a relationship with a woman is the opposite of "something stable in your life" because you are at her whim of emotional baggage, manipulation, and insecurities. I think it's better to enjoy the company of a woman on a superficial, casual basis. Why give up the remainder of freedom/fun in your life for the short period before you die? https://goodbachelorhood.com/you-will-die-alone/
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 04:17 PM
28

Build her up big time and manipulate him to marry her so you're off the hook for possible alimony (evil laugh: muhahaha)
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 10:04 PM
2

Sounds like a good deal that you should strongly consider taking. However use an attorney to draw up the marriage settlement agreement with an airtight clause saying she can never come after you in the future for alimony. The child support is a different issue the attorney can advise on. Perhaps be proactive and agree to a reasonable amount of $500/month or so, instead of her in the future using the courts calculator for a larger amount. I would put starting a serious relationship on the back bu…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:31 PM
1

Big picture try to think things through before making impulsive decisions. Sounds like to me you can't afford to be this generous
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:50 PM
3

I also read one bad decision after another.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:48 PM
18

I bet she never did that to the daughter's father....
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:33 PM
2

Wow you are a giga Chad and a gentleman!
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 10:06 PM
2

Solo travel is the best and I think every man should try it at least once - preferable to a country with a different culture and language. Besides learning about new places, you learn a lot about yourself and how you respond outside of your comfort zone. It's not a big deal anymore with smart phones having maps, translator, apps for hotels, ride share, and banks, etc. I recently completed a 7-month trip circling the globe by myself and seeing 14 different countries. Met some great guys along the…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:52 PM
8

Women dry up when a guy is in desperation mode to be in a relationship. Act indifferent towards them and see the difference. I know it's counter intuitive but that's the way it works now with modern women.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:44 PM
3

To be blunt women don't like needy guys who put them on a pedestal. Make yourself the focal point and the ladies will happen eventually. I only need a women to "like me" for a couple of hours max. Most add zero value to my life except for their bodies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:57 PM
1

Then why attempt to give advice? (which was horrible BTW)
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:36 PM
3

...and another woman making it all about her
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:30 PM
13

I'm in CA, going through an uncontested divorce, and our MSA was filed a month ago. No alimony requested by either party and the rights to contest it in the future are signed away
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 11:03 PM
2

I worry for you...
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:04 PM
0

Philppines? Filipinas love to burn through money
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:02 PM
0

Gambling addiction is an insidious disease also that can wipe out your savings...and three are no physical signs such as needle marks, behavior change, physical changes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:01 PM
11

Life became easier when I stopped reacting on my feelings and learned to be more stoic in general. Women don't respect men who are emotional either. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through but it's out of your control now. All you can control are your own thoughts and actions. Everything will get better over time once the shock wears off. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:56 PM
5

If you have any casinos, race tracks, off track betting places, etc near you start visiting them regularly and withdraw cash from their ATMs onsite. Start a fake gambling log with those dates showing mostly losses but mix in a few wins. When the divorce is imminent join a gamblers anonymous group. The difficult thing is finding a secure place to store the cash. Then only tell one person about it - the person you would entrust your kid's life with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:15 PM
2

A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them. - Ninon de L'Enclos
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 04:10 PM
3

I travel almost full time and recommend either Mexico, Colombia, or Brazil based on your location and restricted by short vacations. Mexico is so much more than just Cancun and Cabo. If you're a city type of person than Mexico City cannot be beat with the food, culture, museums, and parks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:58 PM
2

I like both places also but they are waaayyyyy too far away for a week vacation coming from the NE of USA
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:55 PM
3

Not saying to be a recluse or a hermit, but this is a good opportunity to learn how to be alone. It's actually a super power once you can enjoy your own company. This allows you to set higher standards about who you let into your life. Most lonely guys make horrible choices, out of desperation, when it comes to dating and marriage. But of course also follow the excellent advice already given below. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:31 AM
4

Next try taking a solo international trip to a country with a different culture and language. Japan and Taiwan are great choices for your first time. Not only will you learn about a new place but you will learn a lot about yourself and how you react when out of your comfort zone. Also being alone makes you more approachable for meeting other travelers and locals. The best part is being a selfish bastard and doing exactly what you want when you want. I've been doing this for 12 years now and have…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:00 PM
6

Mid-50s here, separated over 4 years with an amicable divorce almost finished. I still enjoy the company of a younger woman for a couple of hours but am numb when it comes to being in any type of relationship. The peace and freedom that bachelorhood gives me is priceless. I believe that romancing is a young person's game and did plenty of that when younger. But now I don't want to commit my resources (time, energy, and attention) towards another relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 02:07 PM
4

It's OK to have a LTR if that's important to you, but don't marry and don't cohabitate
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:10 AM
2

When talking to the STBXW I refer to myself as "Broke Single Dad"
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 11:53 PM
6

"Put on your oxygen mask before assisting others with theirs" I think you need to cut your losses and get a divorce ASAP. Also no more sex to avoid a surprise pregnancy. You can still provide moral support, with her issues, after the divorce if you choose to. She is not your burden to bear and sacrifice your life for.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 02:41 PM
1

It sounds like you have a "relationship addiction" and trying to fill an inner void. You need to be happy alone before trying another serious relationship. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:04 PM
6

Very similar to what I experienced 4 years ago (at 51) when separating from my wife of 20+ years. I decided to just embrace the next chapter in life so I retired, travel the globe solo almost full-time, and have met great people along the way. I enjoy being alone as well as the company of like-minded guys. Women come and go now so I don't take them too seriously. Life is never perfect but overall I am very content and embracing total freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 11:16 AM
1

You should really do standup comedy!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 09:57 PM
6

...and most are on some form of government assistance
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 09:56 PM
7

Why can't you just casually date as a single guy and remain focused on your kids instead? Why bring this unneeded drama into your kids lives? That's usually what the mom does parading in one new boyfriend after another. From the OP it sounds like you have a relationship addiction.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 09:54 PM
1

What helps the OP is that most women have emotional attachment to their homes. Especially in his case with a few of their adult kids still living there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 05:01 PM
2

Please end your situation with her ASAP before your heart overrides your brain...
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:06 PM
0

Like with any type of negotiations don't put out your best offer in the beginning. Make her think you want half of the house equity even if that means selling it. Her "nesting instincts" will most likely kick in as the case with most women having emotional attachments to their home. Gradually work your way to an agreement that suits you best. For example it will be an amicable, no fault divorce without using attorneys. She keeps the house and all possessions (furniture, appliances , etc) inside …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:02 PM
2

Haha thanks for sharing that! It's a calming feeling knowing that I lost the instinct to be a woman's provider and protector. Act like a nice guy but don't be a nice guy is my motto going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 01:52 PM
1

Yep there is no price for peace and freedom
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 10:03 PM
2

No wife, happy life!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 10:01 PM
13

Great message and I will never again put a lady's happiness before mine. Even though it's not intentional, there is some joy I get from disappointing ladies that come and go in my life. They can't wrap their head around my general indifference towards them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 10:00 PM
7

Focus on your career and/or business, build up assets, maintain your health/appearance, learn Spanish, and travel the world as a single guy into your 40s. Then if you still want marriage and kids I recommend moving to Latin America and find a traditional younger lady from a good family. By then you should have enough money to retire or the ability to work/run your business remotely. Reverse engineer your life starting with this outcome. Put your kids in an international school, wherever you are …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:48 PM
2

I stopped caring about birthdays in my early 20s so I'm never disappointed when people don't message. My phone calendar has the birthdays of friends and family so I don't forget to send them a birthday wish. Though I've noticed a lot of women on Facebook will make posts wishing themselves a happy birthday so people respond with birthday messages. Always seemed cringe to me
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:38 PM
2

Thank you for taking the time to write what I should have to elaborate my post. If this undesirable result is the outcome it's critical to remain in his daughter's life as best as possible. She needs to know who her father is and he loves her. The sad reality is the daughter will never know a healthy family environment whether her parents are together or not. Just hoping if they move out of state, his daughter's mother's family is normal being a positive influence and helpful. However if the bab…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:47 PM
2

I am more than willing to have a civil debate about the pros and cons of that option I posted. Sorry about the snarky response.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:39 PM
1

Just putting out other options to consider. This is a forum for men with open dialogue so go back to the women's group where you can be emotional and throw out personal insults.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:43 PM
2

I'm in CA and in the process of using an online service for an amicable, uncontested divorce. The total cost is about $1200 including the court fees. Highly recommend taking this path even if you need to give up a little more than your fair share. It's totally worth not involving attorneys and the stress that comes with all of that. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 02:14 PM
-3

Honestly I would consider consenting for them to return to your wife's hometown. Assuming there is family there to help and your daughter is too young to be traumatized. Of course pay CS and try to remain in your daughter's life long distance with the hope of reconnecting when she's older. It's a difficult situation and I wish you and your daughter the best!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 02:10 PM
4

Indifference is much better IMO because there won't be as much conflict and less emotions during the divorce process. Just smile and be pleasant until everything is finalized. Act like a nice guy but don't be a nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:31 AM
2

I thought it's generally recommended not to move out during the divorce process? Unless there are risks of DV or false allegations
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:29 AM
2

The canned responses can get tiresome...
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:27 AM
11

It took me a long time to realize how fast most women can move on emotionally from a failed relationship. Men are the true romantics
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:24 AM
3

So far my uncontested divorce is going extremely smooth and hope it continues until it's finalized in a few months. But I understand your overall sentiment!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:21 AM
1

Many times yes but not in all cases...
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:45 PM
1

As mentioned in another post you can do everything yourself by using the courts website. I'm a few months into an uncontested amicable divorce, also in California, and the final agreement was recently filed. We are using a service called "A People's Choice" to complete and file the paperwork electronically with family court. I believe they operate in all counties here and have been great so far with communications and moving the process along. They will also serve your spouse through the mail ra…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:39 PM
5

Avoid delaying a divorce solely because of the impending alimony. Just look at it as the price to pay for your peace and freedom. Now is the time to do it without having any kids or real property. You will bounce back fast and accumulate wealth much faster being single. Also you are entering the prime years of being a man - don't waste it being in a bad marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 06:16 PM
7

...and don't have sex no matter how tempting. Her getting pregnant now would be the worst case for you
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:51 PM
8

Seems like you've already made up your mind which is fine and no judgement from me. Just keep your sex life private like we used to in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:46 PM
6

Just file for divorce because she is not trustworthy. Also don't want to rob each other of any more of your youthful years. She will be fine moving forward and most likely can choose from a few orbiters to start a new relationship with.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:24 PM
1

This gave me a good laugh over my morning coffee. Cheers!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:10 PM
4

Great topic and brings back memories. I hate clutter in the house and wasting money on stupid shit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:08 PM
5

Sorry to hear that and consider taking a break from drinking and seeing other ladies. Get your head on straight and stop living in the past because it's gone forever.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:04 PM
4

Excellent comment as well! Wanted to add I always look for blessings in disguise for everything bad that happens in my life or something doesn't go my way. Usually after enough time, after the initial pain and shock subsides, you can see them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 06:20 PM
15

Try to practice gratitude instead - you have a house, job, and close male friends. I'm assuming you also have your health. This is much better than most people on the planet. Don't let women be your reason to exist and provide you happiness. On days I'm feeling a little down/anxious a long walk while thinking about everything I am grateful for does wonders for my mood.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:29 PM
4

Very sorry about your friend (RIP) but thankful you shared his story with us. He would be happy knowing this could help just one other guy in pulling the trigger on a divorce and securing his peace and freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:34 AM
3

Happiness is an inside job my friend. Work on yourself first with building your self-esteem, and learn how to be alone. Also research "relationship addiction" because it sounds like you will let the first lady you meet into your life and repeat this cycle. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:29 PM
2

Yep women always have the government and simps as a safety net. Men are on our own but should start banding together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:21 PM
8

I learned, through observation, many years ago that men are disposable to society. We simply do not have access to the government programs that women do. And we don't have an unlimited supply of "simps" yearning to gives us money haha. Be intentional with your spending and always have a large savings to tap into when needed. Luckily most men don't need much to be happy either. Minimalism is beneficial in so many ways.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:19 PM
1

I love BKK also and spent a month there in Feb-March, have expat friends there and in Jomtien. And yes Thai girls can get crazy 555 If you're looking to mix things up, with less travel time, consider checking out Medellin Colombia. It's a beautiful city and Paisas (Medellin girls) are sexy and crazy also jaja
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 01:48 AM
1

Damn she hit the lottery with you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:34 PM
6

If you only want companionship, and not sleeping with anyone, why are you on dating websites? Dating = Fucking Instead focus on spending time with your good friends and family who are supportive of you. Also look into joining clubs and groups for hobbies that you enjoy. Change you mindset of only finding happiness in the company of a woman. Didn't a bad marriage already teach you that?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:31 PM
2

It wasn't even a real relationship then, just a fantasy. You should have mentioned this in the OP before wasting everyone's time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:15 PM
2

Very well written and reminded me of a blog on GoodBachelorHood dot com - "You Will Die Alone" on 3/28/24
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:11 PM
5

I'm sorry you went through this first of all. But once the shock and pain subside you will realize this was a blessing in disguise. You learned a valuable lesson on the cheap. Keep things casual in future relationships and stay focused on your happiness and well-being. Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:06 PM
6

I'm 55 and have been doing my own thing for 4 years and couldn't be happier. I slow travel almost full-time now and just do the "sugar daddy" thing in Latin America and SE Asia when I want company for a few hours - both parties leave happy. I've also developed a good network of like-minded friends at my regular travel locations. Nothing beats having total freedom while being in complete control of your finances. I can't see any lady being worth giving all of this up!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 10:01 PM
1

I have "survival Spanish" and it's good enough for Medellin. In the touristy areas like El Poblado and Laureles the locals are used to dealing with gringos.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 06:54 PM
2

Had to look up ULPT and found the Reddit forum and now I will be wasting more time on here. Thanks haha
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 06:26 PM
1

Latinas definitely help getting over a bad relationship and love their looks and personalities. I prefer going to the source in Colombia and Mexico.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:45 PM
14

Definitely get her back into the workforce. If needed give her some incentives like a new phone, handbag, etc. after passing anniversaries on the job. Besides a company 401k match, stop contributing to your retirement plans. Half will go to her anyways. Focus on paying off debt if you have any. If you own a house, consider selling it and renting in a nice area. Park the proceeds in a joint brokerage account that will be split at the divorce. You can also use your share as a "bargaining chip" in …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:28 PM
11

First of all sorry you're going through this. If your wife has true desire for you she would be at your side now. It appears she's already moved on emotionally and most likely seeing other men. Worst case she gets knocked up by another guy while still married to you. You're overall in a good position to move on with your life so I would recommend starting the divorce process sooner rather than later. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:30 PM
12

have make up sex and she gets pregnant she gets pregnant from another guy and your name is entered on the birth certificate
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:27 PM
5

Thailand is the best overall for a single guy but IMO too far for just a one week vacation - a full day of travel each way and the jet lag can be a bitch. I won't go to Thailand unless I can spend a month ther minimum. Medellin is almost as good but much closer and in the same time zone as the US.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:20 PM
1

I love Bangkok and was there for a month earlier this year. However IMO it's too far for just a one week vacation. Medellin is excellent as well but a much shorter flight and in the same time zone to avoid the jet lag.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:19 PM
4

Medellin, Colombia is fantastic and perfect for a short one week vacation. You will save two days of travel back-and-forth to Philippines or Thailand. Also in won't have jet lag because it's in the EST. Paisas (Medellin girls) are at the top for sexiest women on the planet, along with their great attitudes. Just study up on safety precautions if it's your first time going there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:17 PM
1

Too many gringos and pricey - I prefer Mazatlan now
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:13 PM
3

IMO most women make terrible friends. Much prefer being around high quality like-minded guys.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 05:35 PM
11

My STBXW nonstop would give commentary on my actions and always yapping her mouth about anything and everything. My newfound peace and quiet is priceless!
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 03:02 PM
3

Target is definitely hyper-feminized to attract ladies of all ages and homosexual men...I stick to WalMart despite the reputation there
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 02:59 PM
7

Work on your self-esteem so you enjoy your own company - believe me it's a slow process. Now I love my alone time and balance that out being around good friends. Also be your #1 advocate and spoil yourself Occasionally I "scratch that itch" with female companionship but that's much easier living outside of the US. Also helps being mid50s with a declining libido so biology doesn't have as firm as a grip as when I was younger.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 02:52 PM
2

I'm in SoCal also, going through an uncontested divorce, which is on track to be finaled after 7 months total. For your situation being slow the blame is more on your wife than your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 02:59 PM
5

I'm not really into anything self-help but do try to think and act in a stoic manner. Rather than living in a fantasy world, just live in reality and make the best of it. Being a minimalist, freeing my life from clutter, is also essential.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:10 PM
2

Holy shit! That's the best pee you will ever have to find out the truth about your ex
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:05 PM
3

Ouch a double betrayal. Can't really blame a random dude trying to get tail but it's infinitely worse if a "friend" is banging your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:04 PM
9

When I was hospitalized for a week with a 50/50 chance of dying. She only visited me once for 5 minutes and couldn't wait to leave. The day after being discharged (and still very weak) she had to rush over to her friend's place because the friend was feeling sad and needed company. Could have been another guy for all I know. Either way it proved how little I meant to my wife and never felt this betrayed before.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:02 PM
4

yep she really did him a favor...hopefully he never marries again
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 02:52 PM
1

Forgot to touch on that I was separated for 4 years before starting the divorce process. IMO this was beneficial because there are no emotions involved like in most divorces...
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 08:56 PM
4

It took me decades to understand how quickly women can lose all feelings and move on from you...
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 08:52 PM
2

I am in a similar situation and using a service in CA called A People's Choice. Maybe there is something similar where you live? Total cost is about $1200 including the court fees. So far I'm happy with them and the the Marriage Settlement Agreement will be filed with the courts in 2 weeks. After that it's just waiting for the final judgement in early January because of the 6-month waiting period here. I also have an inheritance that was never co-mingled and it's considered separate property of …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:41 PM
4

Wow what a story and you should consider sending it to Strong Successful Male on YouTube. He reads one story out per episode and will give feedback after pointing out the obvious stupid mistakes. The viewers comments are great also. At least by writing this you have self-awareness and I only hope things get better for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:35 PM
2

I look at a primary residence more of a lifestyle decision rather than a financial one. Would you purchase this house today if you were a single dad? How much longer do you plan on staying in the house? If at least 7-10 years more then the numbers will make more sense. Kids just need stability from the parents and will adapt to whatever you decide to do - keep this house, buy another house, or rent a house.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:26 PM
1

Try to convince her to get a better full-time job ASAP to hopefully lessen the potential alimony payments. Maybe entice her with her dream vacation or new vehicle when she finishes work probation in 6-12 months. Of course by then you will be long separated hehe
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:48 AM
2

Even with your truck you can help people with moving, yard/garage cleanup, and hauling junk. Then even clean up and re-sell some of the "useful junk" on FB Marketplace, Craigs List, etc. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:42 AM
2

Do have have any skills/trades to work on the side for cash under-the-table? Even 10 hours a week would be a nice boost
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:45 PM
8

Attachment is the root of suffering The Buddha
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 05:23 PM
2

Great list and agree that a cell phone with social media is basically "a box of dicks" at her fingertips
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:42 PM
2

friends in my case...boy was I stupid
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:41 PM
12

You will just get the boyfriend responsibilities without the benefits...
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:36 PM
1

To take it a step further I won't be friends with a guy who has many platonic lady friends. He tends to take on their effeminate traits like gossip, jealousy, selfishness, etc
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:35 PM
1

Ahhh OK noticed you changed the title including from wife to STBX
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:32 AM
9

Your first mistake is expecting a woman to be accountable. Yes there are a few exceptions but I haven't met many in 55 years. You mentioned she doesn't take accountability for the petty and minuscule things. Are you posting here and considering a divorce over this? If she's overall a good wife and mother maybe you should slow down and gather your thoughts before doing something you will end up regretting.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 09:09 PM
2

So for everyone saying your new girlfriend is better than your ex wife, does that mean you plan on marrying her? Logically you would if she's better than the previous lady you married. Or will you play it smarter and just keep it as a LTR?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 09:01 PM
3

...but but but my girlfriend is different
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 08:59 PM
6

This should be pinned at the top of every "new girlfriend" topic
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 08:58 PM
2

She pushed him to try posting the same thing twice :)
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 08:58 PM
8

Not every guy revolves their life around women. People that have family, good friends, and pets are not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 08:56 PM
2

Excellent metaphor!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 02:05 PM
1

I agree completely with your post but would add having a tight network of like-minded guy friends. For me this has been at the top of the list for best things to happen after becoming single again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 03:09 PM
6

Nothing beats freedom and having control over your time, energy, and resources. This is definitely my default mode. Soon I'm heading on solo trips to Mexico for 4-5 weeks and then Japan for 2 months to experience Hokkaido in the fall.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 03:01 PM
7

Men are success object and women are beauty objects. Rich Cooper *then staying in decent shape and dressing well will put you in a top percentile
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:56 PM
4

Truthfully every man should be comfortable being alone. I'm not saying to be a recluse/hermit and you should maintain relationships only with people who bring positivity into your life. But most likely there will be a point in a man's life where he is alone and needs to love himself to avoid loneliness. Loneliness is insidious because it lowers the bar for the type of people you let into your life (romantic and non-romantic). Work on yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally first before le…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 03:05 PM
2

I agree that men should never lead with their feelings. Nothing good will come out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:40 PM
7

Rule #1 never share your feeling with a woman you are involved with. Also remember that women act on feelings and men act on thinking. Study and practice stoicism my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:38 PM
3

I don't want to own another home actually and prefer keeping my assets liquid. Renting is freedom and almost zero headaches in terms of maintenance, repairs, remodels, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:34 PM
5

Congrats man! Just look at the amount of money spent was to buy your peace and freedom instead of a nice car. Well worth it
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:31 PM
2

Are you possibly coming across as too needy with potential guy friends? Most guys don't like to be nagged and pressured constantly
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:29 PM
3

My only thoughts on the post also
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 10:09 PM
6

You had a good 3-year run and now it's time for the next chapter... It's only fair to her also that you end the relationship if you're not fully committed emotionally. Don't waste more of her time either
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:58 PM
4

I concur and best thing for a single guy is to explore these regions then plan an escape. My lifestyle is slow traveling and some of my favorites are - Guadalajara Mexico, Cali Colombia, Osaka Japan, Angeles City Philippines, Pattaya Thailand, Kaohsiung Taiwan, Udon Thani Thailand, Vientiane Laos, Sofia Bulgaria, and Krakow Poland. When I'm back in the states visiting family that's my chance to rest and recharge lol.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:39 AM
1

Even if you quit (or downgrade) your job there is a thing called imputed income that could be used for the alimony calculations. Definitely see a good family law attorney before you make any major decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 10:10 PM
2

Guys shouldn't be using the words "hope" and "feel" like that
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 03:00 PM
7

Currently going through an amicable (so far) divorce and making some concessions to keep my total pension and not pay alimony. Looking forward to having total control over my finances again which is well worth income taxes increasing as a single filer. Never again will I risk my resources to a woman and let the government into my personal life. Marriage is a scam for most men trapping them into servitude to a woman and a society that hates them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:54 PM
2

I practice a stoic mindset to avoid mood swings and being emotional. All men could benefit from this IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:47 PM
7

Soon she will be asking for an "open marriage". Cut your losses file for divorce and it's probably better before your kids get older with a 2 parent household. Their "normal" will be mom and dad not living together.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:46 PM
4

Excellent advice!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:30 PM
8

...and boxed wine to dull the pain
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:28 PM
3

Yep they go hand-in-hand when new pussy triggers massive dopamine hits....old familiar pussy usually not so much
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:26 PM
14

"I hope you guys find your love. It’s hard being single." I actually found my love and it's the freedom of being single. All of my resources are now for myself and children - time, attention, energy, and money. Occasionally I enjoy the company of a woman, for an hour or two, but then happy to see here walk out the door. Not everyone thinks like you
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:25 PM
8

Dopamine is a helluva drug!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 03:01 PM
12

I would bet a lot of money many are also promiscuous even before divorce proceedings. Their cell phones, with social media apps, are basically a box of dicks at their fingertips. Always remember this before getting involved with another lady in the future. Just have fun and no relationshits
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 02:59 PM
21

Keep the phone, stay logged in, and tell nobody. You are getting valuable info from behind enemy lines Most importantly keep your cool and vent here if needed. We're here for you brother!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 02:56 PM
1

Why are you posting on a men's forum? Please stick with the lady's groups
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:53 AM
4

$40k really isn't much in the grand scheme and I would take that deal for no alimony contingent on the divorce is done amicably without attorneys. You're also getting a great deal on the low child support. Use her desire to keep the entire 401k as a bargaining chip. Choose your battles wisely my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:34 PM
4

Biology doesn't lie and why are you on a men's forum?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 11:01 PM
3

Despite so many bad choices landing you in this position I wish you the best going forward. My only advice is to practice a stoic mindset and consider getting snipped.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:31 PM
1

Just take digital photos of the most important items/photos then toss everything into the trash.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:27 PM
11

I'm probably older than you, at 55 years old, and think in general that men and women cannot be platonic friends. They will use you as "emotional tampons", a handyman, mechanic, mover, and for meals. As soon as she meets a boyfriend your friendship with her will end because men in general don't want their girlfriends/wives being friends with other men. Don't take this the wrong way but be aware also of picking up feminine attitudes/energy from spending to much time with female friends. I can spo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:19 PM
26

I'm 55 and going through an amicable (so far) divorce after being married for 25 years. We've been separated for the past 4 years and I've had a number of casual encounters while traveling and tried one serious relationship. Fortunately an age gap is not much of an issue in Latin America and SE Asia. Pretty sure my age is a big factor but I don't see myself being in a successful LTR again so I'm not going to pursue those any longer. Romance is a young person's game and my "tank" is nearly empty …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:09 PM
6

55 and going through amicable (so far) divorce process now. Have one child almost 23 and recently graduated university Separated at 51 so I retired and decided to mostly live abroad. Have a network of like-minded guy friends and lady friends (age 20s/30s) in multiple countries. This is one of the best eras of my life! Can't imagine even being in a LTR again
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 09:51 PM
1

I agree keep it casual and just meet up whenever convenient for both of them. Maybe mix in one other lady to see in between the other.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 09:45 PM
4

As a mature man it's critical to live in reality and act accordingly. Remain calm and strong when dealing this this demon in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:42 PM
3

Sorry about that man but you need to stop leading with feelings and emotions. Live in the present and plan for the future, yesterday is gone. I'm assuming you are quite young and I recommend researching and learning to live with a stoic mindset. Trust me things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:44 PM
7

I've been around the block enough and assume, by default, any new lady I meet has mental health issues. It would take about 2 years to prove me wrong and so far none have made it longer than a few months. Even if you find a "normal" one there's no guarantee issues won't develop over time as her hormones change.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:42 PM
0

and getting on birth control pills at a young age that permanently mess up their hormones
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:39 PM
2

Sorry you're going through this difficult situation but your wife is doing you a huge favor by showing her true self now. Imagine if this was 10 years from now when you have kids together and locked into long term alimony? End this sham of a marriage ASAP and move onto better things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:51 PM
3

I am 55 and it's common to be happy alone/single as you get older. My focus for relationships is on a few close family members and friends - that's all I need. However I became a father in my early 30s and loved every minute when my kid was growing up. But now I'm very happy not to be tied down anymore in a dead marriage. Most of the time I am traveling outside of the US and it's not difficult to "scratch that itch" when needed. I can't think of a reason how a LTR would benefit me right now. My …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:47 PM
5

...and giving up your freedom. Haven't met any, since being single, that are worth giving up solitude and freedom. Also remember with social media these girls have hundreds of options besides you. Just in one moment you aren't giving enough attention they are on to the next guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 01:49 PM
3

I like both regions (Latin America and Asia) for travel and lady friends. Recently tried out the Balkans and it's good also.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:09 PM
3

I've been to Colombia a few times and understand...
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:00 PM
9

Besides debt problems your brother has other big issues that should be resolved. It's usually a lost cause trying to help people like him with your time, energy, and financial assistance. I've learned from similar situations is just be a sympathetic ear for them to vent and don't get sucked into their drama.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 04:02 PM
2

Kid's college loans or your's/spouse's? $100k is almost unheard of at your age. Sounds like you're "semi house rich" without other significant assets in comparison. Your wife is the one with the emotional attachment to the house and maybe that can be a bargaining chip somehow in an uncontested divorce? Definitely avoid taking on a car loan if divorce is a strong possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:54 PM
1

Would you seek care from a cardiologist for kidney failure?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:44 PM
2

Great story and outcome for your entire family!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:40 PM
5

How about saying everything now is 50/50 and we will alternate doing the chores? You do the yard first and then don't do it again until after she takes her turn with the yardwork.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:36 PM
1

I owned two homes for about 20 years and don't miss the upkeep, running list of upgrades, etc. Paying rent is worth it to be nimble and flexible
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:34 PM
7

Men can be happy with almost nothing, women cannot be happy despite having everything
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:32 PM
7

Agreed and he was there for the OP while his wife betrayed him. Don't be a little bitch to someone who is loyal and has your best interests. Maybe it's time for him to wind down how much he talks about the ex-wife? It's time to move on emotionally .
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:39 PM
4

I'm 55 and currently going through an uncontested, amicable (so far) divorce using a paralegal service. But I started planning about 5 years ago - sold our house put proceeds in joint brokerage acct, retired and started consulting to drop my income, stashed cash the same amount that she blew on salon/clothes/restaurants/crap from Target. We agreed no alimony, hands off each other's pensions, and split accts 50/50. Thinking out loud here - would it be advantageous for your to try something simila…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:34 PM
2

Enjoy your kids as much as possible before they set off on their life path. Like you I waited until my son turned 19 before heading off on my travels. I do a little consulting remotely but don't depend on the extra income. The past 4 years (51-55) have been one of the best periods of my life and have no regrets. Stick to your plan and you will be there soon.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:16 PM
1

Such a great post and exactly what I needed to hear today. Cheers!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:44 PM
2

I'm 10 years older and feel exactly the same. Going through an amicable divorce (so far) after being estranged for almost 4 years. I retired early, and live modestly rotating through other countries, but very content and loving my peace and freedom. It's so nice to only worry about myself rather than expected to make my STBXW happy who is miserable by default. Best of luck and keep us updated!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:42 PM
2

I can tell from the intro your head is in the right place. Stay positive and optimistic about the future but we're here if you need anything. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:37 PM
5

Marriage is the only contract I can think of where the other party is rewarded to break it
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 09:02 PM
13

It's never too late to live the life you've always wanted. I know a few guys, in their 70s, that travel around solo in Latin American, SE Asia, and E Europe/Balkans. They even get a little action time-to-time from nice looking ladies mid 20s-mid 30s. Basically geo-arbitraging the Bill Belicheck lifestyle Older men are still respected outside of the Western culture. Congrats to regaining your peace and freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:00 PM
3

You can live well off $1500/month in places like Mexico, Colombia, Philippines, and Thailand
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:55 PM
9

Always judge them by their actions and not their words. Listen to your Spidey senses and she can't be trusted based on your post. Do you know if this John guy is married?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 10:04 PM
10

I know you didn't ask for advice on this but I wouldn't travel to Europe just for some tail (from one female). Nothing good can come of it. Never make those types of significant plans based on one woman. If you catch "the feelz" then it becomes a LDR (long distance relationship) which will make you miserable and then end up failing. Most likely you are being catfished and won't find her as attractive in person then end up regretting the expense and time you spent traveling there. Instead just li…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:38 PM
1

Great comment and I like the bluntness. The "you Westerners" made me curious, can I ask where you are from?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:29 PM
10

Yep she's just another cum dumpster to him
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:31 PM
5

Just look at it as a "blessing in disguise" and you learned the true nature of your wife before wasting more of your life on her. I would start the divorce process and try for an uncontested divorce if possible. You're in a better position than most men because your wife has a high paying career. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:14 PM
5

My first thoughts also, especially when interacting with doctors everyday
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:08 PM
1

Not enough to stress over and it could be used to pay for an online divorce service if you can file uncontested. Mine in CA is costing about $1150 including court fees
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:02 PM
2

I like your stoic mindset towards this and is one benefit of getting older. Reading about your wife brought back memories of my STBXW. It appears you have your head screwed on straight and should be fine going forward in the divorce process. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:56 PM
3

I am mid-50s and just filed for an amicable divorce after traveling/being estranged from my wife for 4 years. If the divorce stays on track we both should come out OK financially w/o any alimony. Also remember that most men need very little to be happy with as compared to ladies. This essay might be helpful: Savor the Freedom
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:04 PM
2

It's not too late at your age if you still want kids. However you would need to leave the country to find a lady who is worthy to be the mother of your children while still being young enough to give birth. Mexico would be my choice from what I saw after living there for 2.5 years during Covid. Many American men try this in the Philippines but Mexico wins hands down for quality of life and proximity to home. From my experience both Mexico City and Guadalajara have many younger, educated ladies w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:44 PM
6

Your post doesn't reflect your username... Honestly who the F cares what name she wants to use, it's her life now
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:29 PM
4

You sound very young and should be focusing on your career/business at this stage of your life. Guess what -plenty of broke dudes get more pussy then any of us can imagine. You have a "beta bucks" mindset which will sabotage your future dating and relationships. Work on changing that also
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:25 PM
5

If this is the top issue of your divorce settlement then you are coming out of it as a champion!
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:19 PM
1

Then I would never orgasm again because I plan to never be in a serious relationship. At 55 my libido is thankfully slowing down but I still have a nice stable of young lady friends in countries I rotate through - Poland, Mexico, Colombia, Laos, Thailand, Philippines, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:11 PM
4

First of all a big congrats on finalizing your divorce and having your finances intact. It's important to start learning to enjoy the peace and quiet of your own company. Having a small network of trusted friends is essential also to beating loneliness. Be very cognizant of when that void inside is pressing you into mistakes such as letting the wrong woman into your life and sacrificing your newfound freedom. This blog has many good essays that have helped me in appreciating the benefits of bein…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 10:34 PM
4

haha brilliant!
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 10:24 PM
3

For anyone else planning to divorce, start making regular ATM withdrawals at the local casinos, race tracks, etc and stash it safely.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 03:29 PM
3

OP actually puts off a strong feminine energy which dries up ladies faster than the Sahara.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:11 PM
11

OP maybe you aren't high quality enough to attract younger and better women?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:10 PM
4

Is she the first woman you've ever been with? It appears you don't have a decent sized sample pool to compare her to. Can I ask if you were raised by a single mother? That would explain a lot. If you were my son or friend at first I would empathize before saying you need to do some serious work on yourself from within. You're not in the frame of mind to be in a relationship; and the only ladies you will attract are damaged individuals also. Somehow try to get into a group/organization of strong …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:02 PM
4

Best case is remaining single and having nieces/nephews in your life. Enjoy the "parenting/bonding time" without all of the responsibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:50 PM
3

I would see an attorney ASAP to explore options On the bright side, if you get stuck with lifetime alimony, she's already a geriatric and closer to her expiration date than you are...maybe the only advantage of marrying an older lady. (Sorry couldn't resist a little dark humor to lighten things up)
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 09:44 PM
3

My in-laws of over 20 years pretty much ghosted me after separating (on good terms) from STBXW. Last Xmas they did not reply to my "happy holidays" texts or even a thank you message for the gifts I helped pay for with my STBXW. As with the OP I always had good relations with them spanning almost 3 decades. Fine at least I know where I stand now with them. I'm pretty good at emotionally detaching when the other party isn't reciprocating but here is the future dilemma: My STBXW's parents are advan…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 03:13 PM
1

Currently going through an amicable divorce (so far) with my STBXW of 25 years. We have one adult kid who is almost 23 and launched. By the time we had the divorce talk both of us about 4 years ago, and became estranged, we were already checked out emotionally. So it wasn't that traumatic to either one of us. Women crave security so just comfort her saying even after the divorce you will always be there for her. (whether that's your intention or not). Bottom line you also need to protect your as…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 02:52 PM
2

I owned 2 homes in over 20 years with the ex. Now I'm 55 but retired and recently ended a long-term rental in Mexico for $750/month. Currently in full nomad mode traveling to S America, Asia, and E Europe where I average about $1200/month in AirBnBs.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 02:41 AM
9

Biology and social programming runs deep, it's OK for a man to be single and enjoy his alone time. It took me a while to understand this and accept what I truly want at this point in my life. Personally I love the freedom of not being in a LTR.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 02:06 PM
8

Time moves the slowest between when you nut and when she walks out the door...
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 02:05 PM
2

Having another citizenship and passport can beneficial for many people...case in point just look at what happened 2020-2023 I'm born in the US and have residency status in Mexico which provides a clear path to citizenship there
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 02:03 PM
1

Sounds like the marriage is over and trying to save it is just kicking the can down the road. It's best to move on while you are holding the upper hand financially. Almost guaranteed she's already planning on how to protect "her" assets and property. Don't sign anything and find a good attorney to start the divorce proceedings. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:00 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:53 PM
1

I don't see a problem because you are not hiding assets/taking out cash.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:49 PM
2

I'm also in CA, same exact situation, and completed FL-800 on Mon this week. Fingers crossed our wives continue to be rational. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:59 PM
20

Men are in love, women are in business
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:52 PM
6

Thank you someone needed to say it. I stopped being friends with guys who are "pussy chasers" because they cannot be trusted and are weak minded.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:50 PM
2

Financially I think you did as well as possible despite co-mingling the house profits but giving her less of your 401k. Besides delaying the final divorce until Oct my other concern is your STBXW in the future can come back to have the CS adjusted upward. Best of luck!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 03:36 PM
4

55 years old and separated going through a divorce and personally I love the solitude of living by myself. Enjoying the peace and quiet with everything kept neat and in it's place. As mentioned maybe move to a different apartment and see if that helps with your loneliness. Hate the cliche but being happy when alone is a "super power" for a man. It prevents you from dropping standards and letting just anyone into your life to fill a void.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 03:22 PM
1

Honesty is best and my friend you are in a very bad position when it comes to your upcoming divorce. I would consider selling the house, 50/50 split community property, and pay the normal CS in your state. Focus on custody and reducing/eliminating the alimony. Best of luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:29 PM
2

Best of luck man and please keep us updated!
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:14 PM
2

Not willing to give up my peace, quiet, and freedom. I'm an avid world traveler and can go anywhere I want on a whim...can't imagine giving that up. Also I have enough resources to live a simple and content life in terms of possessions. Sharing and potentially losing those resources would mean the end of my early retirement (at 51) and back to work. No woman is worth that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:09 PM
14

Adopt a stoic mindset: Just let it go...it's gone. Attachment leads to suffering Be grateful for what you have. It's probably more than most people on the planet Are you and your loved ones healthy? If yes, be thankful Enjoy today and the freedom from the burdens of your ex-wife Plan for tomorrow and re-build your lost wealth (if that's truly important to you)
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:59 PM
-2

I personally don't cave to ultimatums. If she truly loves you and wants to be together then a government contract shouldn't matter. Best of luck with whatever you choose.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:36 PM
3

I would prefer to do this with a guy friend than a random woman. But I'm old school and think in general females don't make good friends.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:33 PM
3

I dislike most current movies Hollywood puts out and foreign films are far superior IMO. However your void of feeling lonely should be addressed and is the bigger issue. Personally long walks alone are the most effective way to clear my head and gather my thoughts when facing problems/decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:31 PM
9

Why not be in a committed relationship without a piece of paper from the government?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:29 PM
7

It's not healthy or normal for a grown man to worry about trivial matters like this. You need to step away and focus on your mental and emotional health. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 02:11 PM
1

I'm 55 and living the bachelor lifestyle spending about 10 months/year in other countries like Mexico, Colombia, Japan, Philippines, and Thailand. It's nice that I know some high-quality guys and a few ladies (regulars) I can see while in those places. Along with some escorts/sugar babies occasionally when I crave some variety. I love the having peace, quiet, and freedom this lifestyle provides. Along with my health overall I am fulfilled and content (happiness is a fleeting emotion). This blog,…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:50 PM
0

...and saved up an emergency fund instead of going into debt for things we couldn't afford
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:39 PM
4

Also what would happen if your wife gets pregnant by another man? Are you automatically listed as the father on the birth certificate? I concur with everyone else to consult an attorney and get the divorce ball rolling.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:33 PM
2

You didn't mention liquid cash in savings, checking, etc. That will need to be factored into your proposal
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:10 PM
16

You can love women or understand women - but not both! My guestimate is only about 5% of women are worth taking seriously. Always proceed slowly while observing and their true nature eventually comes out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:30 PM
1

I think you should be prepared for a financially bad existence over the next 20 years. Just focus on what's important - being a good father, involved with your kids, and creating memories. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:12 PM
2

You are smelling like roses in the divorce if $100 is a significant cost!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:08 PM
6

I concur with the other responses - cut your relatively small losses and end the marriage ASAP. Most importantly learn from this and never get married or cohabitate again. EDIT: do not have sex with her again no matter what, she might be sensing the end and could try to trap you through a pregnancy
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:15 PM
0

Can a passport be yanked for unpaid alimony or just for unpaid child support?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:04 PM
2

Is this basically an uncontested divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 09:12 PM
10

Sorry to say but from the outside the marriage looks done. Time to move on and things will be much better on the other side. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 09:07 PM
5

Peace, quiet, and freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:02 AM
19

Once you view them as children in adult bodies it all makes sense...
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:10 PM
4

I'm of the same mindset when it comes to houses or any of my physical possessions. Of course I would always take care and maintain my homes, cars, etc but never had an emotional attachment to anything I owned. Houses are just shelter and cars are transportation, just like my toaster is an appliance.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:08 PM
3

I'm in a similar situation as you - married 25 years in CA with adult children. However I'm retired, the wife is a full-time nurse, zero debt, and significant assets (no real estate though). We recently started an amicable uncontested divorce and, instead of attorneys, we are using A People's Choice dot com which provides self-help legal services throughout CA. You begin with a questionnaire on their website and designate how assets/debts will be split, spousal support (if any), etc. They will c…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:04 PM
6

She is entitled to half of the community property obtained during your marriage. This also may include appreciation of your house despite she's not on the title. Separate property you had before marriage should be off limits to her It's possible she will pay you alimony due to her salary being higher Child support is determined by a multitude of factors including custody agreements, expenses, and incomes I believe she can only request to see your financial statements but not access to phone, com…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 11:09 PM
2

Yeah good point and I will delete this thread in the next 24 hours or so. However I will post an update as things progress forward (or backwards). I'm feeling confident from the feedback and no major holes in my plan have been pointed out. I think even worst case scenario I should be financially set if I stick to low cost-of-living countries like Mexico, Colombia, Philippines, Thailand, etc. All of those places I've established circles of expat friends (and lady friends) from my time there the p…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:02 PM
3

Excellent post and I hope the OP strongly considers your advice. The societal programming of men runs deep to always be in a relationship and be a homeowner under any circumstance.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 02:58 PM
6

Thanks for sharing and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Best of luck going forward!
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 02:52 PM
2

Thanks for appreciating my plan that's been in the making for at least 5 years now. It was prompted after the wife asked for an open marriage; which means she was already cheating. Due to other issues I was already emotionally detached. There was no benefit for me to divorce immediately (and facing lifetime alimony) so I finessed her into remaining married but living separate lives - mine was early retirement and overseas travel while achieving my prime motive of reducing my income. From her vie…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:33 PM
1

I got the $250k term life insurance when we bought our first house in 1998 so she could pay off the mortgage if something happened to me. Keeping her as beneficiary for the final 4 years of the policy is just to sweeten the deal in hopes of an uncontested divorce. It's only $1280 total (over 4 years) left in premiums which is peanuts in the big picture here. Maybe a single alimony payment in the worst case scenario. Choose your battles as they say. After the divorce my son will become primary be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:09 PM
1

Thank you for looking at the big picture! 4 more years of life insurance premiums is only $1280 and is so minimal I almost forgot to include it with the OP.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:04 PM
1

You summed up my fear about imputed income better than I could have. Yes staying retired is my #1 overall goal and can do it affordably. I've been living very well in different countries for $2000-$2500 a month for almost 4 years now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 11:01 PM
7

Men are in love, women are in business
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:55 PM
5

I am early in the divorce process and new to this forum. What strikes me is how fast and how many men are jumping into their next relationship after (and sometimes before) divorce. Have a cooling off period, focus on self-improvement, learn to love yourself, and just casually date to scratch that itch. You never know and may end up preferring a lifestyle of peace, quiet, and freedom while maintaining complete control of your resources.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:50 PM
2

My situation (also in CA) is somewhat similar to yours and I started a post last night about attempting an amicable uncontested divorce. Maybe you will find it helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:08 PM
2

Sad but true. Then they get in a relationship with just about anyone to fill that void
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:58 PM
1

How significantly more is your income compared to her's?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:21 AM
2

Thanks for the reply! Yes definitely the 15k would be given when divorce is final. Fortunately at this point we have zero debt so only the assets would need to be specified clearly in the divorce settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:54 AM
3

Thank you for your response and I agree with your sentiment in theory because she will be my ex-wife soon. But it's almost a non-issue about the life insurance because it's only for 4 more years and I'm in good health. Besides it's only about $27/month for the premium which is small peanuts in comparison to potential lifetime alimony and losing half my pension benefits. Also my son would become the primary beneficiary for my retirement accounts, savings/checking, inherited IRA, and lump sum cont…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:32 AM
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