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questionoffitness Archive

View 0 posts and 146 comments by questionoffitness on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

When you got married you made vows to each other. .. meaning its both of your responsibilities to work at the relationship, to keep the spark alive... not just one person. I agree it's a man's role to lead but maintaining the romantic relationship is not fully his responsibility. . that falls on both parties. You do everything you can to foster and protect the relationship, and so does your wife. You both need to put effort into keeping things alive and well. . to pursue eachother and show love …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 06:43 PM
14

Seriously ,, a large chunk of women have major issues with accountability and taking ownership of stuff they have said and done.. hurt and pain they have caused... they rarely admit to a single thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:33 PM
11

I did something similar... she went from barely making minimum wage to $150k yr.. and then felt the grass was greener and jumped ship when things got too stressful and blamed me for everything. .. we had a big house and yard and garage.. and now, 5yrs later I'm in a small apartment barely scraping by as the divorce lawyer battle destroyed me financially.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 09:25 PM
8

This is a safe space for men going through divorce. I'd suggest posting this in a forum for women instead.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:30 AM
5

Agreed. She'll only tear your down, just cause it makes her feel better about herself doing so...
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 11:32 PM
1

ya.... thats ok. I'll take your word for it. Often the phrase "Bitches be crazy" resurfaces when reading all the trauma women inflict on us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 08:41 PM
2

gotta love the entitlement eh ?. here, let me kick you to the ground.. then days later expect you to shower me with gifts... LOL seriously messed up thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 08:29 PM
6

When we separated i lost 90% of my social circle... I have 9 cousins and guess how many have texted or called me to ask how im doing 5yr later.. ??.. exactly zero.. not a single one.. a month ago an aunt i was messaging at the time asked me how I was doing with things, and I shared how she was the first one to ask about it at all... yup. Things can get real lonely when you get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:50 PM
1

Married 15yrs. Ex made significantly more than me. 2 young kids and a big house to split... so more complicated. After selling the house and lawyer fees, I estimate I've lost over 100k easily. Because I wasnt able to have my kids enough time I was paying child support for a few years, but thats now flipped since I finally got my own place thats big enough for my kids to have their own space. Now its 45/55 split and she's paying me. She still makes more than me and her parents bank-rolled her new…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:48 AM
1

Bud you need a lawyer.. yesterday.. if you don't have one already... dang. I finished the process in BC a year ago, after hammering out a Separation Agreement for 3 yrs... still trying to dig myself out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:31 AM
3

I found that family and friends that hadn't been through divorce just couldn't relate... they could try but that doesn't go very far. It was those who had actually gone through it that I could really talk to about what I was going through. And yes there was a certain level of information that I couldn't share with family about just how messy things got in my marriage... the intimate details I chose to hold back. But having close friends to talk to about things makes a big difference.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:41 PM
1

I'm a big Rabea Massaad fan and his band Toska. He turned me on to Karnivool a few years ago. Wasn't aware they had a new album out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:07 AM
3

I agree. Very few actually know what a narcissist is.. they just hear the label and jump on the band wagon.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:15 PM
8

Divorced/Separated for 4 1/2yrs. Got snipped a year and a half ago. I love my kids and have no desire for more. Especially don't want to be kid-trapped by a would be girl friend looking to snare me for life with child support payments. Not Gonna Happen. Don't regret it at all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 05:46 PM
6

The kids point of view is something often overlooked. I don't want my kids to watch their parents stressed out and anxious when they are around each other. For them to watch their parents argue or fight needlessly. . That type of thing happened when we were together, and now I would want them to see their Dad happy and for the time they spend with me to be associated with good memories. .. not ones filled with stress and uncertainty and arguments with their mom. So, all events and holidays are s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 04:48 PM
1

A big part of what you tell them will be how old they are and just how much of marriage the understand. When we separated my two kids were 5 and 3 and had no concept or understanding of divorce. Initially I moved out because she wanted "space to figure things out".. which was total BS, but I was naïve at the time and hoped things would get better and I would move back in. .. We told our kids that mom and dad were having a disagreement and dad was going to live somewhere else for a time. Now, alm…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:33 PM
2

Did this friend reach out to schedule or plan a play-date with their kids and your kids that would happen on time you have with your kids ?.. or was it for some other reason ?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:29 PM
1

To each their own. There are loads of other hobbies you could start. If you enjoy working with your hands there are plenty of things you could learn or start. Wood working, or painting, or pottery, or model building, or glass work. You could learn new languages or take cooking classes online or in person. Use your imagination and found out what's available in your town/city.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 06:42 PM
3

I've been separated / divorced for 4 1/2yrs not and am still processing stuff. It helped for me to journal my thoughts and the connections I made along the way. Thinking about the ways she hurt me or pain she caused. Things she could have done different or better. Then ways I failed her. Things I could have done better or different. Helping to process things I can change and those that are out of my control. In terms of distractions, I have been a gym rat for 15+yrs so making sure I stayed consi…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:56 PM
8

Married for almost 15yrs. 2 kids under 10. Borderline sexless for the last several years. Widely different sex drives. Once I started realizing just how unloved, unappreciated I was. How she'd forget my birthday or get me nothing for father's day or our anniversary.. I went to a very dark place. Anyhow. Many years with my love tank completely dry... Then after being divorced for more than a year I connected with an old gf from 20+yrs ago and hit it off. . And had mind blowing sex. . She was also…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:48 PM
9

She's likely been checked out of the relationship for some time and just never told you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:37 PM
19

She's likely rewriting everything to make herself out to be the victim.. that she had no choice but to leave... no other choice but to cheat.. she likely doesn't even see it as cheating.. Telling herself this was the right or only path .. for her own happiness.. blah blah blah.. you get the picture. When you lie to yourself so much you convince yourself of the lies to actually be true. Unfortunately this behavior is not unique.. This is often par for the course with women when relationships fall…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:22 PM
4

Exactly. 100%. I just ended things with my GF who refused to apologize for anything, refused to admit any hurt or pain she caused, and ignored me every single time I brought up accountability .. every single time. for context: been divorced/separated for almost 5 yrs and this is the first semi-serious relationship I've had since. It was long distance for the most part, she has loads of trauma and baggage. Long story short, I really should have seen all the forest of red flags and moved on much m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 05:46 PM
1

Think you got a late start ? I'm 46 with 2 kids the same age as yours.. Divorced and separated for 4yrs now. Just ended things with a gal who had 3 kids in the same age group... Couldn't take the emotional manipulation and guilt tripping any longer. She never apologized for anything and ran screaming from accountability. I expect to be single for some time..
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:04 PM
2

Interesting.....
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 07:45 PM
2

Tell me more about the clothing apps.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:41 PM
4

I'm going through this exact thing with a currently long distance GF. She refuses to admin she has caused hurt and pain. Refused to take responsibility or accountability for anything. She either ignores me or turns it around that now I am the perpetrator. . Because she was highly abused by her ex, she's now in a perpetual victim mentality. . constantly blaming others for things.. but it's never her that's at fault. . never her hurting others. . as if she is some heavenly angel that is incapable …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:23 PM
9

I got the "hes just a friend" excuse as well.. this was after I moved out though. . And it was a revolving door of "friends" for several months. . Later even her brother told me " oh she had lots of guy friends when she was younger...". Right. . As he was clearly gullible or covering for her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:39 AM
8

"Don't give her the steam off your piss.. " hilarious
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:10 PM
4

From almost day one we had dual or split family events. 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmas's, 2 birthday parties for each kid. This basically mean I take my kids out to my parent's place, and my ex takes them to her parents. Which actual day things happen on isn't all that important, but I don't give up my time so my ex can have them for one of her family event, as her family is much bigger than mine. A few months after I moved out there was a funeral for her grandma that I attended and it .. did not …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 10:20 PM
5

Before separating I was in a really dark place mentally. Depressed, felt stuck in my job. Realizing more and more that my wife didn't love me.. wasn't attracted to me.. dead bedroom. After I moved out we did marriage counseling for a few months and found out just how screwed up our marriage was. I also did several sessions with the counselor myself and made some serious connections. Realized that a large part of my mental state was directly related to my wife pulling back emotionally and stoppin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 10:52 PM
3

You can definitely see benefits if you've never set foot in a gym before, or its been several years since you have, but as a someone who has been a gym rat for 20yrs+, me being fit or strong physically didn't matter when the serious conversations started and Divorce was mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 01:30 PM
5

Be vague.. don't share major details. Tell them you are going through a challenging season in life. . Everyone has their ups and downs, and right now you are going through a rough patch.. dealing with some serious stuff. But, this to shall pass, and you'll come out the other side a better, stronger you. I've found that only other guys who have been through divorce can relate at all. Everyone's divorce and separation and marriage in general are all very different. Each has their own difficulties …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:18 PM
3

That level of mental gymnastic is crazy. But as long as she can rationalize and justify it all to herself, fully ridding herself of all responsibility and turning her back on accountability, she'll watch the world burn around her.. for her own happiness. .. putting herself above everything.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:35 PM
2

They get real pissed off. Then its a long list of excuses and deflecting of course.. and never taking ownership or being held accountable for a single thing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:33 PM
5

It's a big deal for him to share things with you to start with. Suggesting having fun at a ballgame was a perfect suggestion it turns out. Then for him to share with you that the ballgame turned the corner for him in terms of spending another day among the living, is also a very big deal. .. he didn't have to say a thing, but he did. He didn't have to open up to you about just how big of a struggle he has had, but he did. I just read in a Psychology Today article that men unalive themselves 9 ti…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 06:56 PM
3

And this is why i got snipped last year... I have no desire to have any more kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 02:41 PM
3

I totally agree. Though I'm not sure if it would get past the mods, though.. can't have anyone posting a differing opinion now..
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 07:27 AM
13

This is a men's group, a safe space for men to share and encourage each other. No disrespect, but try posting this exact post in the regular Divorce group and see how its received...
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:39 AM
12

Dude. Everyone makes connections like in their own time. There is no official timeline that we are judged by... not in the slightest. Each guy has their own history and baggage...their own level of self awareness... Some will make connections over time... others will not.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:00 AM
3

It sounds like she want all the perks of being single with all the benefits of being married. As in she can date and sleep around, go drinking with the girls and spend money however she wants. But doesn't have to move out or pay for her own place or bills of any sort, and certainly doesn't have to answer to you at all. Personally I don't think counseling would help. I could be wrong, but she is likely already on dating apps, or has met someone already, and wants the freedom to "live her best lif…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 06:53 PM
2

After my separation and divorce I unfriended all of the family and extended family on FB. I locked down my privacy settings to only show pictures and posts to my friends only. It's clear my ex stopped posting on FB entirely and moved to Instagram which I have never used at all. The only stuff I post now is things I do with my kids. Another thing I did was disable the remembering old posts from the past feature, as FB kept suggesting things from years ago with my ex. It's up to you if you want to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:03 PM
7

Many good points. Sticking to your boundaries is key. I am of the same opinion of never remarrying, never owning property with anyone else, and never moving in together. I have kids and its just far too complicated, especially if they have kids to. Co-parenting and focusing on being the best dad I can is enough right now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 06:56 PM
1

First off I would not make your kids employees of your company. This is just asking for trouble in my opinion. I have been separated for 4 years and our divorce was finalized in January of this year... finally. We wrote in a graduated parenting time schedule into the Separation Agreement with all the specifics. Dates and times and who picks up and drops off, etc. This was done specifically so I could have more than 40% parenting time guaranteed because my ex makes more than me and passing this p…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 11:37 PM
3

Holy crap that sounds horrendous... Can't offer any advice sadly. Just wanted to say, Damn bro that hurts to read. Good luck finding justice.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:28 PM
8

She'd likely made the decision to leave you some time ago and has had loads of time to process that. So when she finally told you, she had worked through it already. .. I'm talking months or years ago.. . lots of time to make an exit strategy of her liking.. hide money or personal items, plan where to go, things she'd finally be able to do ( in her mind ).. then spring it on you as a full fledged plan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:06 PM
2

At first we were having a big argument. Then we were no longer married. But. I stressed to both my kids that both their mom and dad loved them very much, and none of this was their fault. When mine get older I'll elaborate more on details, but for now they get the super simple answer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 07:12 PM
1

My kids are young and aren't mature enough to understand any of the reasons. So, we told them that mommy and daddy are having a disagreement and dad will live somewhere else for now. .. and just left it at that. It's been a few years now, and we have expanded on that excuse a bit, but not much.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:09 PM
3

4yrs.. yup. Several months of marriage counseling. Then 2 yrs paying lawyers. Then a chunk of time selling the house, then finding my own place. Once that happened, I could have my kids for longer because they finally had their own space. I've gradually gotten more and more time to the point that she will be paying me child support instead of me paying her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:40 PM
2

I moved out and rented a small basement suite. Initially would spend time at the house with my kids. At that time she would leave or work in the office. Yes it was weird and challenging at times. My kids are young and couldn't understand any of what was going on, but all of their toys and such were there so it was easy for them. Then i started just picking them up and taking them elsewhere for my time with them. Then I started getting sleepovers at my place and they slept on my couch or mattress…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 04:54 PM
10

I find I get triggered by my ex a lot in person and can lose my cool. So, I prefer email now as I can draft a calm and logical response that's not filled with anger and strong emotions. I've sat on an email for a week or more because my blood was boiling for days after receiving it.. then drafted a much better email and didn't regret my words later.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 04:29 PM
3

I have experience with high relational stress levels that cause physical issues, medial issues, and once the relational issues were dealt with the medical issues went away over time. It seems pretty cut and dry to me that ending your marriage would be the best option for you at this point in your life. If being married and doing life with your wife causes panic attacks, and being apart and doing life alone mean you are panic attack free.... well.. I would choose the panic attack free option. .. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 07:32 PM
4

I had moved out by the time we were doing counseling, so my ex could have been doing the same.. I got the same "work friend" line several times. Even her brother had messaged me to say they ( as there were multiple guys she saw ) where just friends and she didn't have many girl friends. .. which I didn't buy at all. I haven't talked with any of her family since we split, but I know she went around sharing her own narrative of events and reasons for the divorce to anyone who would listen.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:24 PM
6

I unfriended all of her family and extended family on FB, except her parents which have always been great to me. I haven't unfriended my ex as she doesn't seem to use FB anymore at all and has moved to Instagram or other social media platforms. We have 2 young kids and every now and then I'll make a FB post about what we've been up to and her parents always like and comment on them. Apart from that, I have no contact with any of her friends or family as none of them have reached out to me once i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:17 PM
5

From my time in this group, its commonly recommended to wait a year after your divorce is done before getting into any relationship. You said you are "preparing to move on".. which means you haven't yet... The separation is very fresh for you right now. Any relationship right now will just be a rebound relationship that's doomed to fail and its almost guaranteed you'll bring all your baggage along with you into any new relationship. Take time to process everything. Spend some time in therapy wor…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:12 PM
9

I can do whatever I want.. at any time I want.. no constant list of things I "should be doing".. my ex has huge issues relaxing... being still and doing nothing.. she always had to be doing something productive.. couldn't settle until the house was spotless... and I got in trouble for just sitting on the couch when there were better things I could be doing... lol. Basically being the master of my own time is huge for me now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:02 AM
1

Very true and several good points.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 11:07 PM
1

You mention Goggins as a guy to look for for mental focus, and damn he overcame so much hardship. But, one thing that was a glaring red flag in my opinion was that he has been married 3 times or more.. sure he can slog through and battle his way to overcome major physical challenges, but relationally and emotional health...... I would look somewhere else. If you want to learn how to do 1,000 pullups or run a 200 mile race, sure, Goggins is your man. But I wouldn't say he had passionate, healthy,…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:34 PM
6

And you may tell youself, " this is not my beautiful wife"...
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:33 AM
4

Its a buzz word currently, and many use it without knowing a single thing about what a narcissist is... they have no idea about high-conflict personalities and just play the victim, completely change the narrative of their relationship to make themselves the hero and their ex this huge evil person. Its very very common.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 10:14 PM
5

I don't have a lot of family or friends and the divorce cut out 80% of what I had.. Things were lonely for a while. I've learned to adapt and grow since, but for a time things were rough. I deeply cherish the time i have my kids and am striving to get more parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:36 PM
4

How many times have we heard of big celebrity people who have it all.. multi-millionaires with multiple houses and cars and jets and boats. they are liked by the public and voted best actor/actress.. very attractive and seemingly have it all.. and they still get cheated on like all the rest of us... there are trash humans at all levels that burn relationships to the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 10:06 PM
5

and if ex ignored it things would be very different... but she didn't.. .. she did the opposite of deflecting and rejecting.. she made her choice, and walked a different road.. her choice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 10:02 PM
3

Your ex wasn't naïve or innocent about that though.. she likely invited them over with the intention of "getting to know them better".. and its possible she invited their advances, or did the advancing herself. ..
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 07:48 PM
1

Ahhhh right. I get it. I mean, once you are officially/legally divorced she's no longer your problem.. but being married to someone else casts that in stone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 10:27 PM
2

Maybe this is a US thing, but why is this a good thing ? Because she has remarried, do you stop paying spousal support ? or child support maybe ?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 08:18 PM
2

I forgot to mention projecting and gaslighting to my list...
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:15 PM
12

The term narcissist is thrown around a bunch now a days. Few people actually know what that is or what to look for .. they just throw this negative term at you without any understanding. I've done some digging into high-conflict personalities and it was quite eye opening. If you haven't dealt with true narcissistic people, it may be hard to spot or correctly label. Typically they are highly controlling and manipulative with a con-man type persona at times. Being highly emotionally and relational…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:45 PM
2

I thought I recognized the username...
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:10 PM
4

My point, though, is that regardless of whether there is cheating involved or not, the victim attitude prevails. Along with never admitting or taking ownership of their part in the downfall of the marriage. They are victims that are blameless.. and totally innocent of any wrong doing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:59 PM
6

If you've been a part of this group for a while and read the stories that men share here, you'll see the trend. I'm not saying all women do this, but many do. My ex totally did.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:39 PM
11

This attitude seems like the default for most women that choose divorce these days. .. totally and fully the victim.. nothing is ever their fault. .. they never apologize or own up to anything.. even if they were the aggressor/abuser/cheater... their default is victimhood. All so they can receive sympathy from the world.. so they spin things and rewrite history for their benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:11 PM
4

My ex went to therapy as her job had become very very stressful. Found out later it was her therapist that first suggested that her husband could play a role in her stress levels.. and she ran with that completely. I was now the reason for her all her troubles and cutting me out of her life would fix things...
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:37 PM
6

Working out isn't a cure-all either. I've been working out fairly regular for 14yrs+ and still found myself in a very dark place at the end of my marriage. Dead bedroom, felt stuck in my job, and couldn't get the thought of why my wife didn't show me any affection out of my head... I was in a bad place despite working out 4 days a week. It wasn't until going through marriage counseling together and several of my own appointments to work on my own stuff did I make several important connections, p…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:32 PM
14

There were legit reason for the divorce, that she initiated, in the first place. Issues in your marriage that were never resolved, and she had had enough. Maybe she had an affair, or was emotionally cheating, or any of a number of reasons. Now that things are becoming a reality and getting close to being final, she is having second thoughts, or her side guy relationship has fallen through and cant stand the thought of being alone, so she trying to get her claws back into you. This might sound ja…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:19 PM
11

My ex couldn't relax until the house was spotless and all the things on her list were completed.... and even then she'd think up more things to do.. she was soo focused on being productive.. constantly. . and because how she was wired in this way, it drove her crazy that I could sit and relax on the couch.. she'd nag me to do things I hadn't finished yet..
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 11:24 PM
72

Some women aren't comfortable sitting still and feel they have to always be going and doing things. So, they fill their live with things to do and places to go, so they don't have to sit still .. because sitting still is uncomfortable for them and they are possibly overwhelmed with the realities of life and their own situation. So, they are always on the go.. buying this, checking that, going to the gym or a massage appointment, or chiro, or visiting with this friend or that friend, or attending…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:34 PM
3

For some time I thought my thoughts and feeling were unique and that how my ex treated me was wrong but didn't understand why or how. This forum showed me just how common my situation was. How common my feelings were. It showed me there are thousands of men out there going through a very similar situation. Even though everyone's marriage was different and have different issues and challenges, it felt like there was a definite pattern or play-book that women use when they play the divorce card. (…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:24 PM
18

I've got his audiobook Can't Hurt Me. If I remember correctly he has been married multiple times and has multiple kids with different women. Sure he has accomplished lots of things and is a very tough dude. He talks a lot about mental toughness and overcoming things. It's all self-focused. Listening to this book it jumped out to me over and over that this guy has no idea what a healthy relationship actually looks like. If I want to learn about the struggles of ultra-running and overcoming hardsh…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:28 PM
3

I had a similar experience with marriage counseling being almost useless for the marriage itself. We found out the long list of ways our marriage was screwed up and she had no desire to put any effort into healing or fixing any part of it, while I was ready to buckle down and put in the hard work. I made some serious connections in regards to my own issues and how they were directly related to how she had completely stopped showing any love or affection, and what I learned later was a dead bedro…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 04:16 PM
1

No. very bad idea right now. Wait for the entire divorce process to be completed. Once it's done, you will have your half of things and she will have her half to do with as she pleases. But right now I would say F&^*$()k No. You have already said you neither of you can touch the money, AND she's a sneaky liar... Don't let her take this money and run.. as you'll likely never see it again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:28 PM
2

Ages ago, I played Counterstrike 1.6 far too much. Then Source came out, and I stopped playing not long after. Now I'm more into games like Forza Horizon 5 and Sniper Ghost Warrior Contracts on PC.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 10:21 PM
7

Been a gym rat for the last 15 yrs+ so working out was already a lifestyle. I've also played acoustic and electric guitar for 30yr+, so that's not new. Back in college I gamed a bit but my ex had huge issues with gaming and so that was almost totally off the table. Now, I've been slowing getting back into things, digging up old games or find new ones. Besides the hobbies I've listed, and spending as much time with my kids as I can, there isn't room for much more.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 08:29 PM
2

It was my understanding that divorce percentages just get worse and worse.. 2nd marriage (60% chance of divorce), 3rd marriage (70% chance of divorce), 4th.. etc. I'm estimating the numbers, buts that what I read somewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 08:16 PM
46

Re-writing the entire history of your marriage to fully support her narrative, where you are the bad guy and she's the victim. Check Totally unwilling to admit to or acknowledge ways she's hurt you over the years. Check Completely forgetting all the good times you've had together, all the sacrifices you've made for her, all the hard work you've put in to make your life together better. Check Sound familiar to anyone ?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 09:34 PM
5

When you went on the antidepressants and the subsequent deeper depression and suicide and her getting majorly trigger by that... it really seems like she never came back from that.. never forgave you or worked through things to any real degree. Reading through the events you listed, it seems to me like that was the point of no return. You could not have predicted your response to the antidepressants and her very strong reaction to the outcome. And as hard as you may have tried, it does seem like…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:48 PM
2

More like paper plate for shield and a small stick.. going up against a tank.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:42 PM
18

A few things going on here. Firstly, there were definitely issues and troubles and who knows what in your marriage, that you totally could have talked about and worked through for the betterment of your marriage, but she chose not to deal with any of them.. at all.. and just kept her mouth shut over and over. She stuffed everything down deep, letting you believe everything was great.. and perfect.. when in reality it most definitely was not. These things kept building insider her for years.. one…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:57 PM
12

I don't know that laws your specific state, but because you have both signed the divorce paperwork including the division of assets, its all said and done.. over... she no longer has any right anything else. Just like you have no right to what she ended up with. I would run it by your lawyer anyway, just in case. There are any number of reasons why she could be trying to get more money/equity from you, but does it really matter what her reasons are ? You are divorced.. thought it might sound har…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:28 PM
5

Sounds to me like your ex being manipulative, no question. Manipulating your mutual friends into a situation that hurts you and excludes your new gf. It's almost to the point where your friends will have to chose who they want at gatherings.. you, or your ex. .. also what if, down the line, your ex has a new SO and this new person is allowed at partys.... yet your SO is not... Definitely seems to me that your ex is manipulating your friend group into choosing her and her needs over you. If it wa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:58 PM
0

Something that I feel others have yet to mention is what to say and how to say it. Your son is 9yrs old and not an adult or even a teenager. There are still things he doesn't understand or grasp. Your explanation of things needs to be age appropriate. I would start with basic ideas, like "mom and dad have been arguing for a long time and mom ( or dad) will be living somewhere else." I'm not sure if he's old enough or mature enough to fully grasp the idea of marriage and what that means. Or divor…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:21 PM
7

A lot will depend on their age and maturity level. My kids are a similar age to yours and they can't grasp the concepts of what marriage means and relationships dynamics and various issues etc. So, we told them initially that Mommy and Daddy are having an argument and that Daddy is going to live somewhere else for now. Maybe when they are a bit older we can tell them about not being married anymore and only glaze over some of the reasons why. But, we strongly reinforced that we love them both an…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 04:55 PM
2

Thanks for sharing. This could very well be me in the next year of so.. preparing oneself for this type of name mix-up would be a good mental exercise. Over and over I find myself getting blindsided by random stuff from the separation and divorce, but spending time to work through things that very well could happen is likely a good thing. Knowing that one day my ex might marry again, or just live common law with another guy and they will be around my kids a lot. .. and what that actually means. …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:48 PM
1

In a way i would agree. For the last several years of my marriage I was in a very dark place. Suicidal even. It was only after marriage counseling that I found out that it was in large part directly related to a dead bedroom and total withdrawl of love and affection from her. I was in a downward spiral questioning why she didn't show any love and affection towards me, and why things were very one sided as far as intimacy was concerned. Her libido had almost completely dried up and she didn't car…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:01 PM
5

My ex at the time worked for a software firm that became of very great interest because of covid. Centered around how people communicate, and everyone and their dog wanted to buy them out for big money, which ended up happening. Her work environment was very stressful, for several reasons, and covid pushed her stress levels to the max. She started seeing a therapist for stress management and they suggested that maybe her husband played a roll in her high stress levels..... which she ran with com…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 02:17 PM
2

his Ex...
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 09:21 PM
1

Consequences of your actions. Cheating 13 times is, in my opinion, a no-brainer in terms of divorce, regardless of religious belief. If it was once or twice, maybe she could forgive you ... maybe.. but 13 times.. that will crush her. . totally. If my ex had cheated on me 13 times that would have destroyed me but also made my decision for divorce very very easy. What is your motivation for asking for forgiveness ? is it purely to confess to her what you have done ? to clear your conscience and fe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 07:23 PM
3

Damn.. that's a breach of trust right there.. intentionally using your partners triggers and faults to hurt them.. in the exact way you know they were hurt before. And of course this makes it even harder next time to open up so someone else.. because that information was specifically used against you. That really sucks Dude.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:24 PM
3

So that is a big trigger for you.. me to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 10:09 PM
8

Low point, so far.... Things can always get worse it seems. I've heard many stories of things truly going off the rails with false DV allegations, psych wards, custody battles lasting years, bankruptcy, depression.. losing your job, house, cars, money, and left with only the clothes on your back. .. maybe, nevermind ever seeing the kids you share with this person.. In my case she cutting off any and all love and affection.. for years.. sending me into a very dark place. Blaming me for all our tr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:49 PM
14

So, you've joined the ranks of those banned from that sub.. ?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 05:05 PM
3

In my opinion, kids that age aren't old enough to grasp the details. Not even close. My kids are the same age, and we told them that mom and dad are having an argument and daddy is going to live at his own place now. We highly stress that mommy and daddy live them both very very much. When things have been finalized, we'll likely tell them that mom and dad aren't married anymore and see how they take that. Personally I think what and how you tell your kids matter and it's age appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:40 AM
5

The first while can be rough, I'm not gonna lie. But you move forward and things start to get better. It's cool when you get to a place where you start trying to remember the thing you always wanted to do while married but weren't allowed to .. or couldn't.. but now with all the free time you have, you can.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 09:47 PM
6

Agreed, living alone suck. Though something I've realized about myself is just how much me-time or alone time I actually need to destress .. When I was married with 2 little kids running around, with chores to do, food to make, stuff to clean up, things were always to noisy and busy. Even though I would have time to go the gym, I still felt like it just wasn't enough time to actually settle... and chill out mentally. Yes, I have my kids a few days a week but it's a balance I'm starting to like m…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 09:21 PM
2

We have 2 kids under 8 and have been very general about things. They are far too young to really understand any of the concepts involved. Initially we said that mommy and daddy are having an argument and that daddy will be living somewhere else for a time. We continue to emphasis that we both love them very very much. We haven't said anything about not loving each other any more or not being married either. Just that we love them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 09:21 PM
2

I think he meant that his ex wont be coming on the vacation, but the child will be.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 09:17 PM
25

I thought I married a woman of character and integrity. We had gone through a bunch of ups and downs, financial struggle and prosperity. But when her career because very stressful and she sought help for stress management, her therapist pointed the finger at me and my ex gulped down that coolaid like she had just run a marathon. .. and from then on our marriage was done.. over.. even though we did counseling, she had fully checked out and I didn't see a glimmer of hope.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:19 PM
2

.. ya. She had started a new job in the summer and she stopped counseling in December. Later the next year I find when she switched jobs again she immediately stated seeing this guy from her old job.. so.. they had obviously been talking the entire length of our counseling... was a serious gut punch that was...
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:01 AM
12

My ex agreed to marriage counseling only because that is the advice she would give someone else.. so we did counseling for 4 months and found all the ways our marriage was messed up. I admitted so several faults and ways I had failed her. She admitted nothing.. took no ownership of any part of the marriage and how it crumbled. .. was convinced that it was fully my fault... even though I know for a fact she played a huge role in things. But honestly, looking back, she had fully checked out even b…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:16 PM
-2

sorry. not giving either of those ass hats my time, or clicks. To save everyone else, its the Andrew Tate - Tucker Carlson interview.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 02:34 PM
5

I understand that part. My point is that she would have to shell out again to have new eggs harvested and the fertilized by her new guy. But by keeping the remaining egg she's saving money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:01 PM
2

This could have a financial angle to it. I don't have personal experience with IVF but have heard bits and pieces from friends who have and if I remember correctly, each step in the process is expensive and she might not want to shell out more money to have new eggs harvested ( correct terminology ?) and then fertilized by her new partner. Instead she's keeping the last egg that's "read to go" and doesn't have to pay out to repeat the first half. I fully agree with you about the thought of her h…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:10 PM
13

Everyone's marriage is unique. Exactly how things fell apart, how quickly or slowly, in what way, how much emotional damage and destruction happened are all different. Its hard to tell how many here have done their own personal therapy and connected the dots with what went wrong and why and even know how to process internally things. Everyone's level of self-awareness also comes into play as well. There could be years of built up resentment or even hatred but almost no understanding of the impac…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 03:42 PM
7

We did several months of marriage counseling. We did the Goddard system/approach? Found out all the myriad of ways that our marriage was messed up. After about 4 months my ex was done and had no desire to put any effort into fixing any part of our marriage. .. none. while there I realized all the ways I had failed and could have been a better husband, admitting failure things I could have done better or differently. .. She didn't take ownership of a single thing. .. sooo it was all my fault. .. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 10:32 PM
2

Once she buys you out the house and all its issues and problems and possible upgrades are all up to her.. if she can afford them or not. Its hers to play with.. not yours any longer. She can find a horrible contractor to do a crap job and charge her waaaay to much. It's her responsibility as a home owner to do her own maintenance, cutting her own lawn, cleaning her own roof, shovelings her own snow.. She can upgrade the bathrooms or kitchen or anything she likes, but its totally on her.. not you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 10:07 PM
4

Holy crap.. I can not even fathom handling that type of situation. Finding out that the son I have been raising the past 4 yrs isn't mine ... And to know for certain the new baby isn't either.. damn.. All I can say is Good Luck.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 04:11 PM
3

I'm still coming to terms with not receiving anything from her. Still in the process of changing my default thinking. I know she doesn't give a shit about me besides what she can take monetarily. Papers haven't been finalized yet, and we are about to put the house up for sale. Some days are totally fine and not an issue at all. Other days are rough.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 09:47 PM
3

I totally get the Mothers Day / Fathers Day stuff... my ex's birthday is a week before Mothers Day which messes things up as well. Both my kids are under 8 yrs and make the typical art/cards for mothers/fathers day stuff in school and that all I received, things they had made in school... nothing made at home or that my ex encouraged them to make. Now my own birthday is coming up and I'm curious if they will be unaware, or if my ex will do something with/for them to give to me... We shall see. M…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 06:44 PM
2

Agreed. It looks to me like their partner has some real mental / relational issues of their own that they need real help with. I'm talking about one on one counseling to work through this type of thing.. Not couples counseling. You'd be dragging a burning dumpster fire into a room with you and crossing your fingers you don't get burned yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 03:23 PM
3

Your son and a friend is not a party. Also, when the kids are having fun in the water you'll be stuck there sitting awkwardly with your ex.. made especially awkward if you have been doing the no-contact thing. I wouldn't go if it were me. Let her plan her own events with your son, then you can plan your own event with him later.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 07:08 PM
3

Things are very different in Canada vs the US. To start everything is split 50/50 asset wise, along with debt. For example if you bought a house together, you would automatically split it down the middle. Same goes with vehicles of any kind, value wise. Even if you both have cars, if you have a very nice one and she has a cheap one, then values are equalized, meaning you'd own her the difference in value. Same goes for Stocks or RRSPs. 50/50. Child support is fully based on income that's govn't …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 08:24 PM
14

Even if he was a therapist there would be a huge conflict of interest here. Yes she needs therapy, but from someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 09:22 PM
2

So Rs 55,000 converts to roughly $670 US, and he brought that in several bags of pennies...
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 02:23 PM
5

Sorry to say but there are many messaging apps and ways to communicate with people, beyond regular text messages.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 10:16 PM
2

Then send her a card. If you want to maintain things being amicable, that is. Everyone's relationship is different, with its own history, pitfalls, and quirks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 10:20 PM
6

They are old enough to send her a card and that's up to them. Would your ex send you a fathers day card ? If not, well there's your answer. But really, a lot will depend on the state of the relationship. Are things cold and distant ? Hostile ? or amicable ?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:18 PM
7

Sex was a massive issue for us almost the entirety of our marriage. After discovering that her birth control squashed her sex drive she did nothing.. she explained away her low sex drive and hid behind a multitude of reason that were "beyond her control". But it wasn't the lack of sex, it was everything else that totally dried up. Never received compliments... about anything at all.. and at this point I cant actually remember the last compliment she gave me. No desire for any type of intimacy, n…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 07:07 PM
3

Spend quality time with them.. doing things they want / like to do. I have 2 little ones under 8, so coloring, playing lego, watching tv, etc. I also run around with them, wrestle on the floor.. they climb all over me, give piggy-back rides, lots of tickling and laughing ( as their mom doesn't do much of apparently ). The main point is to be present.. with them, interacting with them. Giving hugs or band-aids when needed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 10:04 PM
3

During those months of couples therapy I did everything in my power to work on our issues and do my part.. but there never was a glimmer of hope. Not once did I feel I had a chance of turning things around. I feel she had closed her heart off, was no longer invested, and had no desire to make things work.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 06:20 PM
1

We had a whole host of issues though and I was in a dark place mentally. I found out through my own therapy sessions that my depression was directly linked to my marriage and how she showed very little love for me and she had been pulling away more and more, our sex drives were completely opposite ( her being a 1 out of 10.. maybe. and I was maybe a 7 out of 10). So after making these connections and bringing them up with her in our couples session she didn't care.. .. after our therapist said t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 05:42 PM
2

My stbxw's job was increasingly stressful and she went to a therapist to help deal with it. There she got the idea that all her problems and issues were my fault. .. not her insane boss and crazy job stress. .. but me.. right. So, she totally ran with that idea and we are now almost finished the separation paperwork with our lawyers and should be officially divorced in a few months. Once she got the idea that everything was my fault I was done.. not for one second did I feel she gave me a chance…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 04:38 PM
2

Oh boy.. sounds familiar. In one our first marriage counseling sessions she said we were in different books.. let alone different pages. Communication was a large issue for us. .. one of many. . and I was blamed for most of it, of course. I accepted fault for my part in many of our issues, ways that I could have done better or improved upon.... she never apologized or acknowledged fault for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:13 PM
6

We are in the beginning stages of drafting a Separation Agreement... finally. The longer things process and the more I talk with my lawyer the more my lawyer is saying that my stbx is attempting to manipulate me.. for her benefit of course.. and I'm still trying to come to terms with that reality. She wasn't this say a year or two ago... but now.. ya. It's very likely she has been and I need to through out everything she has said in the past.. f%&#k
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 01:43 AM
9

Her sex drive is like a 1 out of 10.. maybe.. we might have sex once a month or every two months, and even then it felt like pity sex.. I would be happy with once a week. If left to her own devices she might go 8 months before wanting anything from me. Our issues with sex played a large part in our separation and soon to be divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:17 PM
1

Oh good. Sounds like you've got things in hand. Also good that you didn't have kids with this person as that would have been an absolute nightmare.. What's your plan moving forward ? The typical gym, eat better, get more sleep, counseling, stay single for a stretch ?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 11:20 PM
1

Damn. Manipulation and gaslighting big time. Clearly is incapable of taking responsibility for her own actions. "I wouldn't need to be such a horrible person if only you... blah blah blah..." Then apparently you are unable to protect yourself and only the mentally ill or gold diggers would want you.. wow. . Vile stuff. And you are still with this person ?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 10:19 PM
2

Our stories have similarities and differences. For a large chunk of my marriage I made more money than she did and it wasn't an issue. Then we had kids and she got headhunted by some friends to join their company while she was on maternity leave. This was a huge opportunity for her and she ran with it. Over a few years she was promoted and given more and more responsibility and she excelled. She poured more and more of herself into her career. .. pulling away from me. Now she makes almost triple…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 10:39 PM
1

Ya I definitely got the sense that many things she did were planned. That she had some strategy and was ticking the boxes as things went according to her plan. Just cold and detached. In our sessions many times I admitted to my faults and shortcomings, in ways that I had failed her, but she struggled to come up with a single thing on her part. Even now almost a year after our last session together I still don't think she apologized or owned up to anything she said or did. 14yrs of marriage and n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 09:02 PM
2

We came away with several reasons why our marriage didn't work. There were a few specific questions I had that she refused to answer though and it was clear that all honesty and openness from her end had stopped. The more I've looked back and thought about her behavior, it's clear that she had made the choice in her heart even before we started counseling, to leave me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 08:14 PM
5

ya.. I never thought I would ever be in this situation.. but here we are. .. hacking up them lemons to make lemonade..
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 07:35 PM
14

For me it was realizing that the friendship was dead. Our therapist had mentioned this being a key factor in gaging weather a couple could mend things in their marriage or not. There was no infidelity, or abuse, just growing apart over years. We have 2 small kids, a completely dead bedroom, and she asked me to move out after a few sessions of counseling.. so she could get space from me and gather her thoughts. We had been going through marriage counseling for a few months, finding out how messed…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 07:29 PM
0

I've also never heard of time limits. What I have read is that the amount of misinformation on this topic is unfortunate. Lots of hearsay and myths and ideas thrown around. In my opinion a time limit would be added to that list without actual medical backing and evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 04:50 PM
4

I've never heard of swimmer extraction post-vasectomy either. I always thought getting snipped was a one way procedure with no going back. Once everything is successful your child rearing days are over. If there was any doubt the suggestion is to have a few of your boys frozen at a sperm bank for a later date.... not extracted from you when needed...
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 04:20 PM
1

I'm a bit farther along the divorce/separation road than you but in Vancouver. Most guys here are generally from the US and their rules are very different than those in Canada. To start you default to a 50/50 split of assets period. House, cars, investments, everything. Unless you owned something before you got married, everything gained after marriage is split 50/50. Also because she a chunk makes more than you you might receive "spousal support". Parenting time will default as to 50/50 unless …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:48 PM
1

You need your own lawyer. They need to be involved in your end of the process, working for your benefit. Agreeing to stuff before getting the advice of a lawyer is a very bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 06:46 PM
3

I've seen the Red Pill stuff mentioned in this sub a few times. There's a tonne of content and am wondering where a good place to start would be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:25 PM
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