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dfb54749014 Archive

View 5 posts and 248 comments by dfb54749014 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

The woman you're divorcing is the real version of her, no longer hiding behind the mask.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 06:02 PM
16

I'm so sorry. To answer the question...yes, experienced it all and it was indeed an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:58 PM
2

It's not in the hands of the judge. FL like most states, uses a calculator to determine child support. It's non-negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 10:36 PM
5

If your kids are on your health insurance, keep them on it. You're already used to this being deducted from your paychecks, so no added hardship there. Plus that will get figured in when they calculate child support payments. Thus reducing the amount you may have to pay her monthly.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:19 PM
1

Became a much bigger Ghost fan over the last 3 years Partially bonding with my daughter, partially because I feel they have a great 80's-90's throwback metal sound. Anyways.... We went to see them in concert last month. Loved it. Highly recommend.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:20 PM
2

Now in my case it was all the total opposite. I'm the social one and introduced the ex to everyone. I'm the extrovert she's the introvert. Long story short when it came to the divorce and her being the cheater. I kept at least 50% of all our couple friends in the neighborhood. She isn't invited to anything because the wives don't want a cheater around their husbands. She only hung onto the handful of couples where our sons have grown up together from kindergarten to HS freshmen now. The rest are…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:54 AM
3

Yes! I'm still going through it 1 year out. You can Google 'divorce brain'. It's a thing. I was never like this before, but the stress and anxiety of the divorce just pushed my brain over the edge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:41 PM
8

2 years before she filed for divorce. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:15 PM
3

TLDR: Yes it hurts, but you'll be better off. It could be worse, like my story where I never saw my son for 11 years Yes, it hurts now, but as everyone here will tell you... you're lucky. The kid is not yours. You got the 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. Trust me! My 1st wife and I separated and consequently divorced when my 2nd son was 7 months old. The divorce was contentious, to say the least, and dragged out until he was almost 2 ½ years old. Back then, mother's rights were even stronger than th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:54 PM
7

That's awesome! I'm glad you two had a great time together. I had a really similar experience with my daughter. Right when the divorce was starting. Ex had to cancel out of taking her to the Fall Out Boy/Jimmy Eat World concert. I forget if it was a reschedule or she just messed up, but she had already booked a hotel to take our son to an out of town soccer tournament. So I got to go instead. Fantastic night. We had so much fun together. I've taken her to two more concerts since then, and every …
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 06:25 PM
7

Too true. My ex was forced into a hysterectomy due to mass ovarian cysts and had a 'forced' menopause. She never got therapy and never did HRT. Her hormones told her she wasn't 'happy' and in less than 2 years she was cheating on me. Ask her today why we're divorced. It's all my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 10:16 PM
1

That's awesome! So happy for you! 👍🏻
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 11:08 PM
1

💯 real. I'm still there and closing in on 1 year since the divorce. Over 2 years since the cheating ex blew up the family. But yes, 'brain fog', 'divorce brain', 'stress and/or anxiety brain' call it what you will, it's real. I even have an old grade school friend who lost her husband 2.5 years ago. She's still going through it. So it's not just a guy/male thing. My only idea as to why I have it. I just have so much going on in my life and so much I am adjusting to and so much I'm still trying t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 10:49 PM
1

I get it. I sat next to my Ex once at one of my son's games. I felt just like you. All my energy was being sucked into a vacuum. Sparse conversation was cordial. The 2nd time I sat by the Ex my daughter was there. So she created a buffer zone. I only spoke to my daughter, not the Ex. Otherwise, nope, not doing it anymore. I pace the parent's sideline as if I'm still coaching. I talk or chime in to conversation with other parents, but don't engage the Ex. I mostly just ignore her existence there.…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 08:33 PM
3

My ex's AP is using Cordell and Cordell for his divorce. And she's footing the bill for him. Thank you. This made my day a little brighter.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:45 PM
5

One day I too shall do this. But until then my daughter is holding onto it. I literally laughingly told her to, "Keep it secret. Keep it safe."
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:36 AM
1

I worry about this too! I've gotten a raise every 6 months so far since the divorce started and not said a word. It's not a lot, but I'm in the trades. I make 6K more already than when the judgment passed. I'm on the receiving end BTW. With 50/50 and her insuring the kids (2), in my state, I get a measly $530 a month. I say measly because all us Dads in the real world know that only gets you groceries for the 2 weeks you have them. Maybe a little left over if you skimp. I'm afraid Miss Money-Tig…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 12:11 AM
1

Congratulations brother!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 11:53 PM
1

I don't know how long your 'sentence' is, but at least I'm at 4.5 years for the children's sake before my 'pardon" from this prison but I won't abandon them. Honestly, they need me to bring balance into their life. Feedom of choice. Rather than mom's we 'need' to do this, we 'need' to that. Just to make herself feel better about spending time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:37 AM
1

Therapeutic story... I used to have endless restless nights of thoughts and dreams about my wife/ex with her AP. I'll skip details and make this as short as I can. One night my dream was about my wife/ ex holding hands running through buildings which were all connected for some reason. It was like one of those James Bond movie intros that last forever before the intro credits. We were dressed up nice (whatever). We're going building to building. Even one under construction and we were climbing, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 12:51 AM
3

This isn't the worst, just funny. So I figured out my Ex was having an affair and I figured out who it was. The divorce commenced at that point. At that point I started to snoop around when she wasn't home and BINGO! I found the vacation bag full of sex toys! A vibrator, an anal egg vibrator, scented vaginal lubes (mind you she's 50 now and had a hysterectomy), funny she never needed lubes with me, but it got better as I searched another bag A set of cock rings, small cock rings, like fit my pin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 11:44 PM
1

💯 living this same life as you and the OP. My kids are teenagers, so I only have to endure this for another 4.5 years. So I'm on my 5 year plan to get out. I hate that I moved for her job. It has caused me so much depression and anxiety. I left family, friends, my job and everyone and everything I knew and loved for her. I hate living here. And then she went and had an affair and blew my world apart. The person I sacrificed everything for.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 11:08 PM
2

Ok, but dude, "Hi." was kinda lame and the response was, "Hi." Maybe she's matching your energy. Try again and put some energy into it, then see how she responds. If you put in some effort into another text and she doesn't match your effort, then call it quits.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 11:50 PM
1

This is the way. ⬆️ You need to take full responsibility and accountability for what you did. Most women can't do that. My Ex couldn't. And probably the Ex's of most every man on here that got cheated on. Men are problem solvers. To fix this problem, it begins with admitting you are/were the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 10:37 PM
5

If I'm not mistaken, that article implies returning the ring if the marriage never takes place. Not after marriage. FYI August 24
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 03:26 PM
7

Yeah, sorry, but... good luck. The first thing she and her lawyer will do is claim they were gifts and owe you nothing in return. Been there, done that. Every piece of jewelry I gave my ex was considered a "gift" and I had no claim to half the value. Engagement ring, 10 year anniversary ring, Black pearl jewelry set, Swarovski platinum and crystal watch, etc etc. All hers to keep free and clear. She easily walked away with an extra $25-30K right there. So again... not trying to be a jerk or anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 02:49 PM
3

I feel the same way. Almost 2 years in therapy now has helped me quite a bit. I had no idea the emotional and psychological abuse I had actually been enduring until someone on the outside could look in and see it. And explain it to me. Unfortunately, I still have bouts of stress and anxiety because I was made to feel like I was never good enough, and nothing I did was good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 06:42 PM
3

Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 09:34 PM
1

Plenty of time for you, my friend. I divorced at 31 also. I already had 2 boys at the time. But as this pertains to you.... I got remarried at 37. My daughter was born 2 months before my 39th birthday. My son was born 3 weeks before my 41st birthday.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 11:27 PM
1

My Ex will never admit this. But that's her/our story. She threw it all away, including the kids 50% of the time for her AP. He is still married and isn't progressing the divorce. It's been at least 3.5 years since they started the affair and 2 years into his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 09:28 PM
1

Thanks for sharing. This resonates with me as I try and forge my way forward in life at 55. I've experienced some set backs too. Just the stupid sh!t the ex does. Still lying, still manipulating, not just me but the kids as well. Making up excuses, especially using work as an excuse for her not to be available for the kids; all the while spending time with the AP. I was at a good point with my therapist, I was doing good, moving on, forging my new path. We got to just once a month check-ins, the…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 07:50 PM
2

To all the Mr. Moms out there. Keep up doing a great job.👍🏻
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 12:56 AM
1

She was willing to have the extra time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:34 AM
1

I've noticed this too and I'm just as confused as you. Like... why?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 09:22 PM
2

Lock up that 50/50 now. Especially with young kids like yours. Mine are teenagers, so it's a bit different. As others here said... trying to change it later is going to be hard and cost you more money. You'll find a way to make it work. Maybe you'll have to sacrifice time with kids in the beginning. Once everything else falls into place then you can start your new normal routine. I'm telling you this because I was there and did it for a little while. My move in week to my new home was my week to…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 07:20 PM
1

I didn't read through all the comments that may have said the same but... Separation and divorce boils down to a business transaction if you can keep your feelings out of it. She knows if you can't do that it will still be a business transaction but you'll come out the loser. So just know , "It's just good business." ‐ Commander Lord Beckett
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 06:19 AM
1

When I found out she was cheating on me, it was over. I told her I could recover from anything else, but not that
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 06:05 AM
5

Keep doing you! You are winning! Let them live a hollow trashy life. I'm just waiting for my ex to suddenly have piercings or tattoos she swore she'd never get. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 09:32 PM
1

If you believe her, and she told the truth, that's great. I'm not saying she lied, nor am I saying you are a fool. Just giving you my experience, and yes, if you Google signs of cheating; changing passwords/codes, and keeping the phone on hand 24/7 is one of the top, if not THE top sign of infidelity. Stay cool brother. You'll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 08:51 PM
2

That's the 1st sign of a cheater. Changing the password/code on the phone. My ex used to leave her phone laying around all the time. The kids and I all knew her password/code. No big deal. Suddenly she changed it and started keeping her phone on her 24/7. The only time I could see it was if she was in the shower and left it charging on her nightstand. That's when I started to see the texts coming through from her AP, almost like clockwork every night between 9:30 and 10 pm..
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 08:37 PM
6

Once they have an affair it's over. There is no coming back from that. My ex did it and I told her I could have worked through anything but not that. She decided the grass was greener elsewhere rather than put the effort into watering her own. Big mistake like most women make. They run away from responsibility or accountability rather than face the truth and make things right. Maybe I'm lucky. I don't know. But 6 months after the divorce I really looked at my ex and felt no attraction to her. I …
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 05:18 AM
1

I haven't met that someone yet but still hope to. FWIW divorced 7 months and separated for about 19 months. Time will eventually heal all wounds, and I'm not searching because I have a ways to go. When the time is right and the woman is right, I trust that someone is looking out for me and will make it right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 05:05 AM
7

This is the way. Move to FL to appease her and then file for divorce after 6 months or whatever is required to establish your residency. Build up new clientele, but keep it to a minimum. If it shows a loss in income, you'll pay out less.You will be much better off in the long run. Stick it out. @Gattsama, great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 05:12 AM
1

I just posted this on another thread. I had to move approximately 20 minutes away from my ex and the kids just to afford something. I saved 40-60K moving to another town. Also, in another county where not only are prices less but taxes too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:52 AM
3

15 minutes away is nothing depending on your work situation. I bought a home 15-20 minutes away from my ex and the kid's schools for the same reason you're considering it. Price! A comparable home close to her would have cost me $40-60K more. I just couldn't do it financially. Now, back to my main point. I have to be at work at 6am. So the hardship for me and the kids is leaving the house at 5:15 when I have them, in order to get them to their Mom's for school. When they are with mom, they get t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:43 AM
1

You're doing the right thing! I don't know the exact wording of your agreement that she thinks she can change it now. Keeping continuity for the kids with school, and their social circle (friends) is very important. Especially when everything else in their life just got torn in two... literally. If anyone isn't aware of this, you can put specific language in your custody agreement to avoid this. I had it state that she could not move out of the school district or school boundaries. Basically loc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:06 AM
1

Another great option! Most likely with cameras too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 09:33 PM
1

I've heard the local police station is an excellent choice if you are in a conflicted position. Cameras everywhere and it will all be recorded and at your/their disposal should anything go sideways.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 09:26 PM
1

It's going to take time. How much time you ask? As much time as you need to heal. You're on your own time-line. While you'll get great advice here like hit the gym, explore hobbies, find someone and get laid. Those aren't wrong but it all depends on you and how you move through this at your own pace. I would suggest finding a therapist you are comfortable with and who can help you move forward. Me... HELL I was 1 step forward and 10 steps back after finding out my wife was having an affair for o…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 09:19 PM
2

You're in the US as you mentioned to someone else. Child support is going to be a given. You need to look up the state calculator for where you live and see what that will be. The 3 core calculations are going to be... How much you earn vs. How much she earns. How much time do you have the kids vs. her time with the kids. And who is going to carry medical, dental, and vision insurance for them. If I'm wrong on any of this, I'm sure someone here will correct me 🤔
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 08:42 PM
1

Just curious... how old are the kids? And why are you settling for less than 50/50 custody? Is it due to work schedule? Lack of daycare opportunities (if applicable)? You're already looking at about a 57/43 split. That's not far off nor unreasonable to push for 50/50. Many people like the 2-5-5-2 plan, especially if the kids are a little younger. My kids are teenagers, so we do 1 week on/1 week off.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 08:28 PM
1

Congratulations. I wish you the best moving forward in your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:42 PM
2

Excellent perspective!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:41 PM
2

I say go for it! I was dead set against therapy due to bad experiences in the past. But if you find the right person for you, preferably male, it can be really good. Talking to friends and family is great too. They can offer opinions and insight you may not have thought of. But... A really good trained therapist is going to do so much more for you. They won't just be a 'cheerleader' like a lot of friends and family. They will challenge you to find the root causes of your problems, feelings, etc.…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 11:09 PM
2

Congratulations man! I wish you all the best moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 11:17 PM
15

If I'm reading this right, you want her to think you have someone else waiting in the wings for you? Please don't play that game. Just ask me, or any of the guys on here, how mentally desructive and soul crushing it was to find out our ex-wives were having an affair. It's devastating. And you want to pretend you met someone else and put that thought in her head to do what? Get her to love you more? Realize how important you are to her? Teach her a lesson? Nobody deserves that. Not you, not me, n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 02:13 AM
2

FWIW she doesn't need the implants, but that was funny. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:55 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:42 PM
4

Sorry, I know I've been a little negative on here lately. When I have more positives going I'll be sure to post them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:41 PM
1

Ironically no. She was content with everything before. She hates spending money, but now she's buying things she didn't need to. It just feels like a dig at me in her competitive mind just because I got something new or better. As I posted to someone else, wait until I replace my old truck. Let's see what she does then. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:38 PM
1

Point taken
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:27 PM
1

Thank you. This was the point I was trying to convey. Obviously I did a poor job of it. I feel like the competition is in her head. I bought dinnerware, TV, etc. because I had none. No competition on my end.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:19 PM
2

Well I'm about to replace my 20 year old truck. Let's see if she replaces her 5 year old luxury SUV. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:13 PM
1

Umm... no
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 02:46 PM
2

I understand your sarcasm. But the point was she never wanted to change or upgrade anything ... nevermind.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 02:32 PM
1

You're right. Who cares. It's just the fact of the matter that once we got divorced and I started upgrading my life; suddenly she needed to. Something she never would have done before.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 05:50 AM
1

That wasn't a bullshit rant. Sorry you feel that way. The 2nd half of your response was right prepare for divorce. But the begging part was just wrong
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 05:42 AM
5

I'm sorry, upvotersfortruth but I disagree. OP, DO NOT beg her to come back! If she truly has an AP and is cheating on you begging her to come back will make you look weak in her eyes and lose respect for you. Even more than she has already done if she's cheating on you. I tried that route when my ex mentioned a separation (before finding out about the affair) and regret every moment of it. To be firm I told her, "You are either with me or against me." She chose against me and with her AP. I sho…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:53 AM
1

Ironically she gave me the slow cooker I bought her. That I'm keeping! 😆
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:53 AM
12

If it was me and I was really interested, I'd give her one more shot. I'd say something to the effect of... "Hey, since I told you my schedule is pretty much open, what day and time works for you with your schedule?" If you get no reply, then end the chapter, close the book, and move on. Don't put in the effort if she isn't willing to match it with the same effort.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:50 AM
3

I 2nd this. I have a collection of stuff that my ex got me over the years that I just don't want or need. So I'm creating piles to box up and take to goodwill. Someone will get use out of them without having the memories attached to them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:23 AM
5

You aren't broken. She didn't break you. She just mixed up all the pieces. You feel broken because you don't recognize yourself anymore. We all go through this. We lose our sense of self because we pour ourselves into the relationship. We put our spouse, kids, and family first. We do everything we do, putting them in the forefront. Then one day you wake up not knowing who or what you've become. Now is the time to concentrate on you. Gather those pieces and rebuild yourself. Put them back togethe…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 12:51 AM
2

Or... the count is now 0-2. And I'm not looking to get that 3rd strike. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 04:59 PM
2

No way! Especially not at that young of an age. I got married (first time) at 23 and was divorced by 33. To this day I regret it (other than my 2 older sons) and feel like I wasted prime years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 04:55 PM
3

Absolutely real. The stress ate me up. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating much more than to survive. I was a mess. Fear, anxiety, depression oh what fun. I lost close to 40 pounds and have only put a few back on. Not a totally bad thing for me anyways. I was overweight. Now I have lean muscular physique that rivals my high school and college days and I'm 55 years old. And yes I feel you. 7 months out and the appetite has not returned or recovered.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 04:36 PM
3

After separation it means nothing. Hell, even during marriage in most states it means nothing
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 10:22 PM
3

Congratulations, that sounds like a great deal for you. I know divorce sucks (I've done it twice). I hope you find joy and happiness moving forward in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 10:20 PM
1

You want to call my ex and maybe hook up? What's the point of this?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:19 AM
3

Q1 - Anyone within your circle, friends, family, etc. Yes, you tell tell them that she cheated, and that's why you are divorcing. Don't give the cheater an easy out. They chose to destroy your marriage, and you had no choice in the matter. It is the most destructive and mentally damaging way to hurt someone, and they don't deserve any respect. Q2 - No, don't mention it unless you are specifically asked. When dating a new woman keep your focus on her and the here and now. Don't reflect on the pas…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:15 AM
5

Pretty amicable divorce after almost 17 years. She kept/refinanced the house and paid me 50% of the equity. No marital debt. I kept my personal accounts, and she kept hers. We split retirement/401K accounts, joint accounts, etc. 2 teenagers involved, we have joint physical and legal custody of, 50/50 split. Took just shy of 11 months to finalize.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 04:55 AM
2

So my situation is different than most here. My Ex was the higher earner. She could afford to refinance the house and keep it, I couldn't. Based on our income discrepancy, I couldn't just move out. I needed her to pay me my equity in the house to afford someplace to live. So I remained living in the house with her through the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 04:34 AM
1

Yes sir! And at this point in our lives, we know exactly what we want and what we don't. And we won't settle for anything less.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 03:52 AM
9

My Ex put this bullshit in her journal.. Saying we went out and drank a lot and had sex but she didn't want to, did he rape me? Granted this is her writing it 10-15 years after the fact and after filing for divorce. Anyone here who has read up on this will tell you this is bullshit. They try to rewrite history to make themselves out to be the victim and make you the villain.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 03:02 AM
2

"Sad but true." - Metallica
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 02:52 AM
2

Welcome to equal rights... oh, wait! It's only good if it benefits you, right? LMAO
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 02:47 AM
2

Some, maybe most states in the USA do that too. Common law marriage after 7 years of cohabitation.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 02:43 AM
1

At 55 I feel this. LOL. Not going the sugar daddy route nor dating someone closer to my daughter's age than mine.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 02:37 AM
2

I think it's not so much a generational thing as it is a mentality issue. Women with low self-esteem constantly seeking validation to feel good about themselves. My Ex turned 50 soon after the divorce was final. She is attractive (not drop dead gorgeous) 5'3 and about 105 lbs. She'd fit right into your group it sounds like. Physically anyways. So yeah I'm sure she has no problem attracting attention. (Well she did, she cheated for 18+ months). But back to my point, she wanted and needed that val…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:58 PM
1

I feel this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:21 PM
6

Congratulations, it's tough to come out 'ahead' in these situations. I was lucky enough to do the same. Don't take it for granted and make the most of it as you move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 07:59 PM
2

Exactly! He needs a lawyer. My ex made 2.5X more. I receive some child support (50/50) and 5 years of spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 05:06 PM
1

I'm sorry for what you personally went through. But... my Ex's AP is using Cordell and Cordell (and she is paying his attorney bills) and hope they screw him (and her) over financially after hearing your story.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:53 AM
7

In my case, it wasn't bipolar but other destructive issues. My Ex admitted her therapist said she was co-dependant and had control issues. Looking up codependency, it lends itself to people with emotional immaturity and narcissism. About 75% of those co-dependant traits are found in the latter two issues. If the internet and information on these issues was easily available 20 years ago I never would have married her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:47 AM
1

I'm grateful Divorce_Men is about Divorce_Men. We come here with problems and questions for Divorce_Men and have a great community of Divorce_Men to offer answers, advise, and share their experiences. Stay the course gentlemen.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 03:25 AM
2

I actually started therapy when the divorce began. That's was October 23. Like many of us here, I just had too many thoughts, pain, anger, confusion, everything ... churning in my head. I needed someone I could just dump it all on, in a healthy manner. Or as healthy as possible, haha. I'm still going, we went from weekly sessions at the beginning and slowly weened down to once a month check-ins now. (16 months later) I highly recommend it to anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:12 PM
3

Congratulations! I wish you nothing but the best as you move forward in life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 05:00 AM
3

Yes sir! Those first 3 paragraphs sum up my experience as well. 17 years here as well. The only thing to add in my situation was her 'unhappiness' led her to seek it outside the marriage and get her 'validation' from another man. I'm glad you are doing well. I feel much better with the weight of her off my shoulders. Admittedly though, I still struggle at times (6 months divorced) but mostly due to my resentment over the affair.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:51 AM
1

I often thought of this during and after my divorce. To just up and move over seas. But in the short run I want to be here for my kids. It's only 5 years until they are both grown up, done, and off to college. So I'm sticking it out until then at the minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 06:10 AM
5

Mine is tungsten carbide too, just dark grey with a differently etched middle band in it. Probably worth 1K. I thought about smashing it. Too easy and not fun. I thought about melting it down but I guess it takes 5500+ degrees to do that. Need the fires of Mt. Doom for that. Not practical. In the end when I talked about getting rid of it, my daughter said, "I'll take it." I asked why, and she didn't really know, but just wanted it rather than me get rid of it. So I gave it to to her and told her…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 05:45 AM
2

Thank goodness you are ahead of this. I had to play from behind, like I think most of us do. My Ex was in an affair with a married man, none the less, for about 18 months until I got solid evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:43 AM
5

Let's see... dating apps... uglies, fatties, ugly and fatty, sugar babies, scammers, ghosts, and a ton of no replies. That sums up my app experiences.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:37 AM
1

"It's just good business." - Lord Beckett (POTC3)
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:28 AM
1

6 months since the divorce and I feel like I'm still in the smelter. Just raw material still waiting to be shaped. I can only hope in the next 6 months I will emerge from the fire. Like a sword of the hardest steel with the keenest edge and the perfect balance.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:17 AM
2

This is the way!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:56 PM
2

No, no, no! Everything in the 1st part is ok... Keep your own 401K/investments if you want. Let her buy you out of the house and get 150K. Go for 50/50 legal and physical custody of the kids. Now.... she makes almost 3X what you do. The state WILL give you child support even at 50/50. Extra expenses should be split by income, so you should only pay maybe 35-37% (ish) of those. You can and should go for alimony or at the least use it as a negotiating/bargaining chip. I was in a similar situation.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 09:43 AM
2

I'm with you 💯 Exotic-Belt-6847. Anyone but the AP. The 'man-child' who blew up my marriage and my 2 kid's family, not mention his wife and 4 kids. What is a 39 year old man doing chasing down a 50 year old woman other than being a gold digger?
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 12:06 AM
6

I picked up my kids (teens) last night as it's my week to have them. We ordered pizza, watched TV, played music and played some card games. Just enjoying each other's company, and we had fun doing basically nothing. No pressure, no expectations. No cards, flowers, chocolates, gifts, dinner reservations, etc. Or, like the last few V-Days of the marriage, just ignoring it and each other. It was the best Valentines Day I can remember in a long time. It may take some time but you'll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 10:28 PM
1

I've been contemplating starting to play again and maybe find some people to jam with. I just haven't found the motivation yet. Plus I don't think anyone will be breaking down my door looking for a 55yr old bass player. Hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 07:34 PM
0

Yes, I actually had to get her to agree to it. It's not a guarantee where I live, and if it's given, it's usually only for 1/3 the length of the marriage. So as stated above I showed her the prospective numbers and asked for less than half that. I did tell her if she preferred we could go to the judge. I could have gotten nothing, or I could have gotten more, we'll never know. For reference, I could have maxed out at $2200 a month for 66 months. I only asked for $1000 a month for 66 months. She …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 11:52 PM
1

Unfortunately an inheritance if kept in a separate account and not commingled into martial funds, is entirely hers.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:01 PM
2

Ouch. That's terrible. I'm sorry. FWIW I'm only getting $17K per year.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 09:52 PM
3

It's ok dude. I get it. Sometimes I may seem like an ass in these posts unless you know my entire story. She cheated, she filed for divorce, and she's financing her AP's divorce. And of course you know... it's all my fault. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 09:41 PM
3

If you never read any of my other posts. Yes she was having an affair for almost the last 2 years of our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 09:34 PM
13

Yes sir it is possible. I'm not in California but my Ex makes almost 2.5X what I do. So I negotiated Alimony on top of the CS I get (50/50 custody). Of course, she thought I deserved nothing. So I showed her the calculator and said I could receive X amount. I was only asking for a little less than 1/2 of that amount. Long story short she eventually agreed rather than me taking it before the judge. Has it affected co-parenting? No. But there is some animosity. She made some comment about how she …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 09:30 PM
1

Somehow saying my Ex and I had all the same ideals but she still cheated is viewed as identity hate by Reddit. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 01:27 PM
10

I'm sorry you're going through this. I really don't have much advice. But I can tell you men and women are different creatures. I stood by my wife when she had complications during her first pregnancy and had to have a bowel resection done. I stood by my wife when she had ovarian cysts and had to have a hysterectomy. But when I got a disease that started eating flesh in my groin (something she passed on to me since she was sleeping with someone else). She turned cold and denied any and every bit…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:44 AM
3

I agree that without more specifics to the situation, it's hard for us to give you solid and specific advice
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:30 AM
5

That's the best thing you can do. The best thing all of us men can do is invest in ourselves. Because in the end we only have ourselves to rely on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:01 AM
9

Yep, a special kind of scum. I knew my Ex's AP for about 6 years before he started sleeping with her. We weren't friends but acquaintances. Our boys played sports together. And the biggest/latest kick in the balls is that she is now financing his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 11:16 PM
5

They say, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I dunno about that. It's honestly soul crushing after 20+ years together. At this point I'd rather not find love again. Just concentrate on living for myself and accomplishing my own goals and putting my energy into that. Rather than put all my energy into a relationship that may or may not work out according to her whims.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 12:50 AM
2

Congratulations, and well done sir. And to you I say, "You have my sword." 😄
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:37 PM
12

I had many chances to cheat but never did. I always saw my marriage and wife as something I didn't want to lose on a whim of fantasy. Unfortunately in the end she didn't use the same logic and became the cheater that destroyed our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:51 AM
3

That was my 2024. It didn't all come to fruition, so, like you, I'm hoping 2025 does a better job.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:46 AM
4

Congratulations, welcome to the rest of your life!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:31 AM
1

I had to go to court with her to pay support myself. The Illinois system was totally f'd up. When my youngest turned 18 my payments stopped. Done deal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:28 AM
1

Ouch!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:09 AM
1

Not in the UK but in the USA. Here, a pension is considered a marital asset and is most often split 50/50 in a divorce. So, unfortunately, prepare yourself to lose half of it. Sorry you're going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:48 AM
3

If you read my other post, I hold her equally responsible. No weakness on my part.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:33 AM
4

I understand your point and feelings on this. But if he knows she is married I feel it's just as much his fault for pursuing the affair. As men we need to have a bro code and stop screwing each other over.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:20 AM
5

Yes. Of course it's her fault too. In my case I feel it's 50/50 fault. I've known him for 6 years and our sons play sports together. He damn well knew she was married and so is he.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:11 AM
1

⬆️ This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:43 PM
1

That's my Ex... the Covert Narcissist. Her therapist has only 'diagnosed' her as Codependent. I laughed because I can do the research too. The Venn Diagram overlap between codependency, emotional immaturity, and covert narcissism is HUGE! When you hit on that trifecta, you have relationship poison.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:39 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:38 AM
3

I was on Reddit just to converse with fellow gamers and to just have fun. Then the shit blew up in the summer of 23 when I found out about the affair and she wanted a divorce. That's when I found this forum and started to pay attention. I gleaned some good information from posters here. I also read all the stories of guys getting raked through the coals of family court. In my situation I had a chance to win one for the team and all the guys getting scorched. Now keep in mind I was hurt so bad by…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:31 AM
3

Unfortunately, I missed the affair fog that is beneficial to a lot of men in the divorce process. But I still came out of it smelling like roses. She is the higher earner, so she had to pay me a lot to walk away. 😁
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:08 AM
2

Well, at least I hope you can take some solace from that. Like so many women out there, it sounds like she lost a good man and chose a loser instead. I wish you the best going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:41 AM
4

Oh, so a coworker or a higher up/ boss. That seems to be the most common AP out there. My Ex's AP is one of the other soccer dads. Our sons have been playing soccer together for the last 6 years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:34 AM
4

Glad you got out there and did something for 'you'. I've yet to find my venue but hope to soon.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 05:41 AM
3

I would consult a lawyer. I'm not from NC but a quick Google search says you are right. 1 year separation living in separate places before divorce. Again consult a lawyer. Get a separation agreement drawn up and a custody agreement drawn up (if you have kids) before you do anything else. Once you both agree and sign off on those documents, you can proceed forward. Don't do anything without those documents in place. NC says you don't need a separation agreement.... screw that! Get one to cover yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 05:06 AM
1

No, you're good. I understood what you posted.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:00 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:55 AM
2

I'm sorry you're going through that. At least in my case he isn't really around right now due to my 'intervention'. I can only imagine how much harder it might be he was around.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:54 AM
2

Yeah I get that. I got the song and dance too. The gaslighting, the denial, etc. I was crazy, making things up, it was just coincidence blah blah blah. They say to forgive and forget but that's not me. The only forgiveness I give is to myself for not getting out sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:48 AM
1

I appreciate your candor. What's ironic is she always said "I (her) married up and you (me) settled." Funny how that mindset changes over time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:20 AM
5

I've been trying and get "Do you wanna be my sugar daddy?" Total turn off and tells me everything I need to know about them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:12 AM
5

Yes sir. I get it. Music is and always was huge in my life. I 'am' or 'was' a musician playing in bands for over 30 years. Music is a strong connection to our feelings as humans. That's why it's existed for centuries. It evokes a reaction from us whether we like it or we don't. Personally I have a huge list of songs I love but can't listen to anymore because they were tied to my Ex. I don't seek them out and if they happen on the radio I change the station. On the other hand I'm now listening to…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:05 AM
1

So 100 up votes to you (if possible). But can you answer me this? Why did my Ex, while telling me she wanted a divorce, say "You deserve to be happy and with someone that loves you." ? Was it a confession that she didn't love me and was incapable of making me happy? Or was it a mindfuck? Because until I found out about the AP, I was happy and thought she did love me. Even as rough as things had gotten between us. Was she absolving herself of her crimes and guilt over what she did? Or was she bei…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 01:36 AM
4

While true, I was lied to and didn't know.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:21 PM
3

I just don't want my kids in the fallout. That's why I did what I did to push their time-line back.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:19 PM
3

How long do you give it?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:17 PM
4

💯 true
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:16 PM
10

So she thought the grass was greener and found out otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:15 PM
1

No I bought a home now with 3 BRs for myself and current kids who are teenagers from my current divorce. My older kids from divorce #1 are now 31 and 23 and living their own lives.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:11 PM
2

I will accept this. But you met someone from another state and they tell you they are separated, you don't know. 20 years ago vs today's skepticism you'd believe them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 11:03 PM
2

90 days? Wow. Here it's 6 months and 1 day before you can remarry. Well I'm glad you have a healthy outlook on things and it's been good for your kids. Kudos to you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:59 PM
2

Full honesty my Ex cheated on her 1st husband too. I thought/was told they were separated. Yeah I was the AP back then. 😞 And I guess I/we were in that 5% considering we made it 21 years together. But she finally reverted back to her old ways and here I am.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:49 PM
4

I'm not going to lie. It's going to be hard. REALLY hard. You're going to need some next level mental fortitude. I did it. Stayed in the house throughout the divorce after finding out about her affair. It sucked. I did my best to just live like roommates. Slept in the guest room. Avoided being alone with her at every opportunity. Otherwise when the kids were around I just shut all my feelings down about her. I just acted 'normal' and kept my focus on time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:38 PM
9

See they're both cheaters. And I know he has done this multiple times. So I'm expecting a blow up down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:28 PM
1

Yes, I would. In fact, I did. After my 1st divorce (yes, I'm stupid, I've gone through this twice), my 1st Ex moved out of state after a few years. It was with my permission in court that she could take my younger son with her. Older son was just off to college at that point. My fiance (now Ex #2) and I bought a house soon after. We always had a room set up in the house for either of my boys to come back and stay with us.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:23 PM
1

I have 50/50 custody, so having room for them was non-negotiable. It was a must-have. Especially with 2 teenagers, 1 boy and 1 girl.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 07:11 PM
2

This is the way. I even went a step further and got the kid's help picking out the living room and dining room furniture. Area rugs too, heck even the new dishes. I wanted them to be able to feel like they were 'home' not just at 'dad's place'.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 07:03 PM
4

In my situation I just let her keep almost everything. I just tallied it all up on her side of the ledger for the division of assets. Initially I did accept her offer of a few of our crappiest pots and pans just so I had something to cook with. Within a week I went out and bought myself a new set, cleaned 'hers' and handed them back to her on our next exchange with the kids. I told her " Thank you but I bought my own and don't need these anymore." She looked almost shocked, saying, "Oh...umm...o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 07:47 PM
1

Tell that to my Ex. She cheated, she filed, she wanted the house. I "Noped" right out of her wanting me to leave. She was the higher earner and could afford it. I needed the equity check to get my own place. She wouldn't pay out until the divorce was final. So there I was, staying in the guest room throughout the divorce. She paid in the money but that house was 'mine'. It was built from the ground up and I picked out everything in that house. From flooring, appliances, furniture, paint, decorat…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:35 PM
11

Sounds like my Ex in a nutshell. No responsibility or accountability for her actions to destroy the marriage, have an affair, and blow up the family. It was all my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 08:04 PM
5

It's hard, really hard when this is all new and fresh. I spent Christmas Eve alone last night. My Ex got them yesterday afternoon until this afternoon when I picked them up. The excitement of Christmas Eve going into Christmas morning was all hers. Next year it'll be mine. So anyways... in my down/alone time last night I talked to friends and family to get me through it. Next thing I knew the night had passed and it was almost midnight. Point is, reach out to those close to you to help you throu…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 10:30 PM
4

I feel ya man. First Christmas since the divorce. I've had my kid's this week, the 1st week of Christmas break. But they are leaving in less than an hour from now to go to their mom's house for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I'll see them again in 24 hours to finish out my week with them (until Friday evening), but it just feels like the magic/joy of Christmas isn't going to be the same.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 07:43 PM
6

Similar but different situation tonight for me. I'll make it as short as possible. Son had Holiday concert tonight he's both in choir and band. Daughter had sports practice tonight. Concert started at 6, sports started at 6:30. Told Ex I was going to concert and could take son. Nope she got other parents to take him. Ok said I could drive son home. Nope she would take him home. She never came in to see him perform even though my daughter's practice gym is literally 2 minutes away. Yes she would …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:31 AM
2

This is the way. - The Mandalorian It's hard, really hard and I still struggle with it. But as Warden said it will only fuel her side of the story. Be better. Not only will it 'maybe' make her think twice but more importantly, it'll make HIM think twice. If he sees you being 'nice' or at least 'cordial' it might cause him to pause and think twice about her and what he's actually gotten himself into with her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 10:59 PM
1

I was told by our mediator that the value of goods in the house was basically like that of a garage sale. Maybe 25% of the value. I had that factored into the settlement and let her keep everything. Furniture, dishes, cookware, everything. I estimated everything at a value of 20K and had it put on her side of the ledger. She and her lawyer never fought it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 07:40 AM
1

Welcome to the shit show. At this point you just spare yourself anymore pain and anger. You find a lawyer and file for divorce
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 07:22 AM
1

Unfortunately if you are both on the title to the house, you are going to have to pay her out half the equity, if you want to keep the house. In my divorce even though my Ex put the down-payment on the house and paid the mortgage (she was the higher earner). I got half the equity payout. If you keep the house you're going to have to refinance it your name only.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 07:13 AM
1

Sorry OP my Ex suggested couples therapy at one point and I refused. Long story short, she is the one with codependency issues and emotional immaturity. I'm fine. She was the liar, manipulator and cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:45 AM
9

What's that quote? A man gives up his happiness for his family, but a woman gives up her family for her happiness. Been there, done that. 💯 true
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:16 AM
3

To note: my ring is tungsten carbide and it takes 5200 degrees to melt it down 😆
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:10 AM
2

During the separation prior to the divorce being served, I was so stressed out I lost a lot of weight. I held my hand down over the kitchen island in front of my Ex and said something to the effect of "This isn't anything I ever wanted to do." And it slid off my finger onto the granite countertop. I never put it back on just stuck it in a drawer in the guestroom I was sleeping in. In the process of moving out I was going to leave it behind in the house. My 16 year old daughter was there and want…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:01 AM
15

OP get out now! File for divorce if you haven't already! She is gone you've lost her by her own choice. Trust me I've been there. I lived with my Ex during her affair. Once they get to that point there is no return. Get a lawyer. Get your finances secured. Get a parenting plan together where you get at least 50/50 legal and physical custody. And have her served. Spare yourself the pain and anger. The longer this goes on it's only going to get worse. Again TRUST ME (random internet guy like many …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:15 AM
11

Yes sir, that's exactly it. They all move the goal posts whenever you get close to scoring. Or they all act like Lucy in Peanuts and pull the ball away at the last second. It wasn't until I started therapy during the divorce that I began to see how much of myself I had lost over the years. The manipulation, control, and gaslighting that made me think I was the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 11:01 PM
1

Belize all the way! Yes, I was there with the Ex even got married there. But... it's tranquil and serene.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 05:44 AM
1

Mostly essentials that made a big difference. She gave me some old pots and pans. I went out and bought a whole new set of non-stick pots and pans and gave her the old ones back. I also bought a whole new butcher block set of knives.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 05:37 AM
2

Oh, and yeah, to splurge. I bought a new 75" Ultra 4K mini QLED Smart TV with HDR, wall mounted with a bracket that extends 18" and swivels left, right, up, and down.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:48 AM
3

I let her keep all the furniture, decorations etc. (Except things that were from my family or mine premarital). Even though I was the one that picked out everything in the first place. She has no sense of fashion or how to decorate. So buying everything brand new let me reinvent everything in my new image of how I wanted things now in my new house. I could have taken 1/2 of everything, but I didn't want the memories attached to those items. I chose to add the value of those items into our split …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:41 AM
1

Unfortunately, I know him and our sons are in the same grade.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:43 PM
2

Thank you for posting that clip. I needed to see that before I did something stupid. I'm most likely going to see the AP at my kid's school function tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:08 AM
4

It's hard, REALLY hard to do. Just being honest. It takes time and you can turn it into hatred towards her. Or you can turn cold towards her and just not care. I've walked the line between the two and gone back and forth multiple times. Hatred is the easiest path, like the 'dark side' in Star Wars. It will consume your thoughts and fuel your anger towards her. If you're like me, you'll spend many a night tossing and turning unable to sleep, as your mind feeds off the anger. Turning cold is like …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 07:22 AM
4

I feel this way 💯. Doing it for the kids. But after 20+ years together, it's just so easy and familiar as you said. I'm finding myself having to stay on guard; not be too friendly, not say too much, and not feel anything emotionally. I have to remind myself that she was the one who cheated and was fu#king someone else the last 2 years of our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 07:01 AM
2

Nah... the guy just needs to add "Sweet" above it and say he's a huge Neil Diamond fan! "Bum... Bum... Bum" optional below it. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 07:09 PM
6

"Take what you can, give nothing back." - Captain Jack Sparrow Sorry mate, if she won't meet you half way with the kids then take her money. Even if you don't want or need it, take it, and invest it in your children's future. Albeit a 529, Roth IRA, a trust, investment account, etc. My Ex makes 2.5X what I do. I took the fight to her (although not in TX) and got 50/50, child support and alimony. You're in a prime position like I was. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for every fathe…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 01:54 AM
3

This will be me next year. Fortunately I have the kids this 1st Thanksgiving since the divorce. So for that I'm thankful.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 05:47 PM
1

That right there. That shows what a great father you are for your kids. Keep up the good work.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 05:29 PM
7

This is exactly how it goes. And like many here I was still in love and didn't want to accept or believe this was happening to me. But it did. It's still just amazing to me how I am just one of many this is happening to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 01:59 AM
3

That's amazing, great job! You're one of the lucky ones. Wish you the best as you move forward in life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 01:47 AM
8

Yeah don't sweat it. If your STBEX turned them in to her lawyer, your lawyer can get those records. It's not a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 06:19 AM
2

Perfect! 💯
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:47 AM
1

Not in California, but I had to disclose 2 years worth or 24 months of all financial statements.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:31 AM
1

I don't know the laws for Pennsylvania but.... in my scenario, my Ex had to keep me on her insurance. You aren't supposed to mess with the status quo. If you've been insuring her all this time I'd go ahead and put her on. My Ex even changed jobs during the divorce and had to put me on the new insurance. Granted in my case I didn't have insurance available to me through work at the time. You may be able to use the insurance coverage as a bargaining chip later in the process. Such as lowered alimo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:06 AM
2

Yes. Just did that with my ex and our decree. She had to pay me out my 50% home equity and allow me 60 days to find a new residence after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 09:08 PM
1

Yes. Just did that with my ex and our decree. She had to pay me out my 50% home equity and allow me 60 days to find a new residence after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 09:07 PM
8

Yes it's very disrespectful not only to you but to the children as well. I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been there and lived it. And I have to tell you like many others here... it's over. This is straight out of the cheater's playbook they all seem to use.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 06:05 PM
2

I saw this somewhere like Facebook and it gave me a good laugh any time I thought of her with her AP or anyone else... "OH you're dating my Ex? Cool! I'm eating a sandwich right now... do you want those leftovers too?"
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:56 PM
1

Good for you. I'm a 50+ divorcee too and this is the life and future I want as well.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:13 PM
2

I feel this 💯. We cohabitated through the entire process and it was like talking to a roommate only when I needed to. Still cohabitating because I had it put in the divorce decree that until she payed me my equity in the house I couldn't put a down-payment on a new house. So I was allowed 60 days past the divorce to move out. Needless to say, she payed me out and I found a great place 20 minutes away. I close next Friday. I took my daughter out shopping last weekend and we picked out all new fur…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:01 PM
1

I agree they are grasping at straws and trying to prove something. I was just stating the 'why' in case anyone wasn't quite sure. In my case we had to state the recovery of marital assets as the reason for our request since in most states the government could care less about infidelity anymore. So unless OP omitted that info/reasoning his lawyer can easily just reply "irrelevant". They kept refusing and in the end we ended up dropping it even though we came up with an approximate $7-8K spent.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 09:23 PM
1

My lawyer asked for the hotel rewards info from my Ex as well. I already had screenshot of her hotel stays. She was cheating on me and was hooking up with the AP in local hotels. And... taking vacations "alone" every 4- 6 months ish Point is we were trying to prove her squandering marital assists to finance her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:33 AM
2

Ok... so my Ex threatened divorce in June/23. I guess she finally filed in Sept/23. I asked her if we were acknowledging our anniversary in October or if it was just another day? She replied "It's just another day." Ok. I got served the next day after our anniversary in the mail. I smiled and kissed her on the forehead and gave her a hug. I said "Honey you didn't forget! Thank you for the anniversary present, even if it did come a day late." The look I got was priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:32 PM
2

My Ex's therapist told her she was an enabling codependent during our divorce. So I looked it up and it really opened my eyes to the life I was sucked into living. I honest felt sad for myself being led into this life. (This is where I had to forgive myself to process my own healing process) But then doing further related research I looked into emotional immaturity. I found many cross-over traits. Then guess what? Covert narcissism! Even more cross-overs between the 3 of them. I told my Ex, ok y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:56 PM
2

Be me... and don't eff this up! Had the same scenario just different salaries 150k her vs. 60k me. And yes she's in the medical field and was cheating. So typical. I got 50/50 custody. 50% equity from the house. 50% of 401K, savings, and investments. Child support and alimony coming to me for the next 5 years. You can do this!
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:34 PM
3

My ring is tungsten carbide too. I think it's something like 5500 degrees to melt that down. Not sure it's worth it for me. I might just have to cast it back into Mt. Doom from whence it came.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 08:02 PM
2

Right?! I now understand all those "crazy people" I used to see muttering and talking to themselves. 😆 Good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 02:40 AM
2

I can relate to all of this but #6 really stands out for me. I go out in the garage, turn some music on, and just let it all out. I spill my guts. Everything I'm thinking, everything I'm feeling, everything I want to say to her without interruption. I told my therapist about this and he commended me for it. Using a healthy outlet to speak your mind and say what ever it is you have to say to relieve your mind, body, and soul. Most importantly not doing it face to face with her and causing or prov…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 02:27 AM
5

57 days vs my 6,168 days? OP clearly wins.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:18 AM
2

I know this may sound weird but... Yes ask him how he is feeling and be supportive of him even if he tells you he wants you to leave him alone. It sounds like he has re-entered or re-cycled through the grieving process. Even though he has entered a new chapter in his life with you he may not have closed the last chapter with his Ex just yet. Let him know you are there for him and have his back. But do not push to try and ease his pain. Be alert and attentive to his cues of what he needs from you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:58 AM
1

If your spouse is agreeable get a temporary custody order filed first. Try and get her to agree to a 50/50 time split while the 2 of you figure things out. If she isn't agreeable file for it anyways. If you can get that established it will help you in the long run. If you both can make it work it will establish a precedence that the judge will be more likely to make permanent in the final decree. 50/50 is the minimum you should fight. Then see part 3 above. Consult a lawyer and find out if movin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 03:53 AM
3

Absolutely! I'm going to look at a couple houses today and invited the kids to come with. They said "Yes!" It'll help you to bond during this dramatic time in not just your life but their's too. As others mentioned, get their input and make them feel like a part of the process. After all, at least for me, this is going to be their home too 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 04:18 PM
3

The joint accounts will be split 50/50. If your paycheck goes into one of those STOP it immediately. Open a new account for yourself and have your paychecks redirected there.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 08:05 AM
1

I know nothing of your situation, your last post was very vague. But here's some basic questions that will help us to help you. Do you own a house together? If so, why are you moving out? You have every right to stay in your home. (If it's reasonably safe for you to do so.) Are there kids involved? If so, depending on where you live this could be argued as you abandoning the family. Which could hurt you if you are fighting for custody. Do you have a lawyer? If not get one ASAP. They will be your…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 07:56 AM
8

Welcome to the club. No it's not the most fun club and if you're like most of us not one you planned on joining. But here you are. We're with you and will offer the best advice and support we can if you need it. I just finalized my divorce a little over a week ago and I not only see the light, it's getting brighter by the day. It was dark in the beginning, pitch black like I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. But like myself and everyone else here who's been though it you just have to kee…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 07:39 AM
4

The world is a weird place now due to technology. I never stepped foot into court once throughout the divorce. I think our lawyers only did once for the initial court date. Every court date after that for status and updates were done through Zoom. Neither of us were ever on those meetings and everything was filed electronically including the final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 06:55 AM
2

Congratulations! That's a big win.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:16 PM
9

I was made out to be the bad guy. It was all my fault according to her. So I got into the beg and plead mode to fix it. Then all those gut feelings I had took over so I went into detective mode and found out she was cheating on me. She wasn't the victim other than she convinced herself of it in her own mind.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 01:36 AM
2

Smart man. That's the way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:52 PM
2

I started dating my current Ex wife during the divorce from my 1st Ex wife. REREAD THAT AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES TO SINK IN. 🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:49 PM
1

I just posted 5 days ago that my divorce was final. I stayed in the house the whole 10.5 months. In fact I'm still in the house even though she is getting it in the settlement. She has 60 days to pay me out my half of the equity in the home. (Over 125K) and my moving out is contingent on that payout so I can put a down-payment on another place to live 😀
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:34 PM
3

It's also important to understand this isn't a linear equation. It's very common to go back and forth or bounce around between the various stages. Just because you get to stage 4 it doesn't mean you get to stage 5 next. You might jump back to stage 2. It's cyclical and there is nothing wrong with you if this happens. We all process grief in different ways and in different amounts of time. My therapist help me tremendously to recognize and accept that this is all part of the normal process no mat…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 06:18 PM
1

Thank you for that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:46 AM
2

Friends, family, and therapy my friend. Ever since the bomb dropped I started talking to my parents, my sister, and a couple long-time close friends almost weekly. It helps a lot if you have a support system willing to help. Even if it's just letting you vent about the week. I also got a therapist after my lawyer suggested it. I always thought... what a therapist? I'm not nuts! I don't need help! Yeah... ok...Totally different perspective on that nowadays. Those sessions have helped tremendously…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:05 AM
3

Yes sir! Unfortunately we learn the hard way. I sure did. My ex cheated on her first husband. I thought they were separated... nope! I was the AP. After 20 years together and 14 married she started cheating on me. I thought we were past all that but no... she reverted back to her old ways. I guess Karma owed me one. I can't wait until she gets hers.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:07 PM
1

Sorry you feel that way. But I did explain below that her unhappiness is largely self induced. I also explained her therapist's diagnosis. For at least 18 months (that's as far back as I could get records) I was lied to, manipulated and disrespected. And so were the children essentially. When I confronted her (without showing her the hotel records, screenshots of texts, or sex toys in her 'vacation bag')... I was gaslighted told I was crazy, making things up, everything was just a coincidence. F…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:04 PM
1

That's a post for another day. 😄
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 05:46 PM
1

Oh yes I got a variation of that too just like almost everyone else here. I think it was... "I don't hate you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 05:40 PM
13

Side note I forgot to add.... When she said she wanted a divorce I asked what I could have done to fix it. She replied, "I don't know. I could give you a list of 1000 things and you could do them all, and I don't know if it would change anything." No matter what you do they will just never be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:58 AM
1

Congratulations your head is in the right place and you'll only grow stronger moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:33 AM
12

That's a loaded question. To be honest yes I did. To be fair I didn't know what I was up against. I had asked her to get therapy but she refused until it was her idea and she did it right before asking for the divorce. According to her in her therapist's words she has issues with codependency and emotional immaturity. The latter due to her parents and her upbringing. She is very controlling, lacks a sense of self worth, and craves validation from others to feel happy. She cannot create her own h…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:21 AM
9

Yes sir, probably because over the course of the marriage I refused to "change" and bend to what she wanted me to be. Everything she loved about me to begin with eventually became everything she hated about me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:42 AM
2

It's very therapeutic sometimes. Knowing you aren't alone in the pain of the process. And that someone has gone through everything you are experiencing. Hopefully you take away some of the positives and helpful advice offered here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 11:54 PM
7

We've lived together through the divorce so yes.. it really was a prison sentence!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 11:41 PM
10

We didn't fight over anything really. That simple. 50/50 custody is the standard here so she didn't fight me on that front. And once that was in my pocket everything else just became a business deal. I took that advice from so many posts here and looked at it that way. She is the higher earner BTW, so she had to pay me to walk away. Hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 11:37 PM
4

I absolutely loved her and thought we could work through anything that came between us. Whether it was my fault or hers. Until... I discoved she was cheating on me. That was the deal-breaker that could never be reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 04:27 AM
3

I lost 40 lbs within 2 months of her telling me she wanted a divorce, due to the stress. I looked at her and said "I'm not doing this to piss you off or prove a point or to make you think I quit on us, but...." I held my hand down over the countertop in the kitchen and it slid right off. Never put it back on again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 04:16 AM
6

Agreed take option #1. Go all Steve Miller on her ass, "Take the Money and Run.... oooh oooh oooh!"
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 04:04 AM
2

Be careful if she makes too much more than you though. She'll try to find greener grass with a higher earner to feed her greed and ego. It's called hypergamy, and it's a common playbook for modern women today.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:45 AM
6

Well it's not official yet (everything is negotiated and paperwork sent to her lawyer for her to sign) but ... She loses the kids 50% of the time (50/50 legal and physical custody). And she has to pay me out a little over 450K, plus child support and alimony for the next 5.5 years to walk away. She makes almost 3X what I do and decided to cheat. Hope it was worth f*cking his little D. Note: I plan on making a victory post when it's all over.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 04:06 AM
7

Same
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:17 AM
3

Hell yeah! Started messing around on the bass at 13 and played in bands until I was around 41. You know once the kids were born and I now "needed to grow up and be a responsible adult and parent" according to her. Since she filed for divorce I've dusted off the old gear and started jamming out in the basement to old 70s 80s 90s tunes I know. The kids love it! And they know the music! I even picked up baselines to newer songs they like and they're all... "Whoa! How do you do that?" Feels great to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 11:22 PM
5

THIS! But for me edit 4) to 'no life outside of work... then the kids... then finally me Add 5) Very controlling
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:44 AM
8

Oh I found that "one" you're looking for. We met when both of us were starting our divorces. We talked a lot and helped each other through the process. We were both the complete opposites of the others Ex and everything each other was looking for. We had the same goals, dreams, ideals of how a marriage should be, etc. We were perfect for each other, it was amazing! Long story short, the papers should be rubber stamped by the end of the month and she will be Ex #2. 23 years together, nearly 17 ma…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 04:31 AM
1

All of this! It's been the hardest part of the entire demise of the marriage to get past.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:04 PM
1

Yeah... at least -18 months. I say 'at least' because 18 months was as far back as I could track her local hotel rooms on her 'hotel rewards' card
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 10:00 PM
2

First time commenter. I've been listening to a lot of Beartooth. Seems they fill the cycle for me. 'Doubt Me' - when I'm feeling angry for what she did to me. 'The Better Me' - to help me get myself straight and make positive changes. 'Might Love Myself' - to be happy with who I am overcoming all this adversity. 'I Was Alive' - knowing my life and everything I did was all worth it in the end and I'm at peace.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 04:52 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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