The longer I've been divorced (going on 4 years), the more I'm exposed to the potential modern dating market, and the more I come across rage posts and videos, the more I realize an interesting trend along gender lines.

After divorce, us men have stronger boundaries.

After divorce, most women add more unreasonable "qualifications" to their prospective partner list.

Just let that sink in. For all the huff-and-puff about "not needing no man", I more often see content where the men are walking away entirely, and women spout more entitlement to a "unicorn man".

Sure, not all men or women; much as the internet thinks in black and white, we're all unique snowflakes, and we're all humans who deserve love so long as we're decent people willing to put in the effort. We all build stronger boundaries in some form.

Just interesting to notice that, while women often weaponize/deny access to sex as a control mechanism, it's us men who deny access to relationships and resources in the first place.

It's us men who, while they like to make fun of us for being "lonely", seem to be better suited to it once we get past the loss, and realize how rewarding and peaceful it is to just invest in our children, our hobbies, and our life goals in general.

Especially for those of us who have "been there, done that" through however many marriages and divorces. Eventually, it seems we simply accept the "L" every time and just stop caring about the chase/companionship when the pattern just repeats itself.

My divorce has taught me a few major lessons: Never legally remarry, never co-own property, and never fully co-habitate again if/when I start dating. Never let her become the center of my world again.

That doesn't mean if I eventually date again that I won't respect her or neglect her needs... just that I will never go in blind again. I'll never ignore the red flags again. I'll never make my world and resources revolve around her again.

That, if women can "demand" some unicorn Chad, then I have a right to demand protecting my resources (which is actually realistic). That, if she gets mad that I refuse to legally marry or co-own property or co-habitate fully, it's just a better filter for red flags.

I've already filtered a couple ladies this way - one blew up on me in public and called me "selfish", then stormed out when I said I'd never co-own property again. That's after she had the audacity, on our first brunch meet-up (after only a coffee date previously, without even the benefit of a sex sample or anything beyond a hug in between), to even ask me about such things. Bullet fucking dodged.

I know it's hard not to want to play our whole hand whenever we find a new prospective partner. It's our cultural and genetic programming as men to be providers and secure a mate by showing our resources.

However, in today's world, I simply conclude that we must be wiser about it. And that's one of the reasons I'm grateful groups like this exist. That our fellow men are finally coming together to support each other more, instead of mindlessly compete for a new lady.