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Business_Guava3329 Archive

View 4 posts and 104 comments by Business_Guava3329 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
49

Dating After DivorceBusiness_Guava3329/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:39 PM
21

Dating After DivorceBusiness_Guava3329/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:05 PM
15

Dealing with the Ex / STBXBusiness_Guava3329/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:15 AM
6

mental healthBusiness_Guava3329/r/MensRights11/08/25 08:02 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Living in California for the last decade, I can confirm that's exactly correct, sir.
/r/MensRights02/09/25 08:57 PM
6

That men who either totally gave up on, or take a break from, dating, especially to work on themselves, or to have peace instead of drama, are somehow seen as a "hate group". That men who just aren't ready to talk to or even look at women after relationship trauma are somehow "just as bad as a violent r*pist", and, even more ridiculous, are somehow "responsible for fueling the ideologies which caused men to turncoat vote and get Trump re-elected" /eyeroll. Seriously, these types of "ladies" are …
/r/MensRights02/09/25 07:27 PM
2

SMH and women wonder why we make the argument that they only chase bad boys when they're given everything to have a life of domestic bliss.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:31 PM
13

Dude, YES! One of my exes when I was in my 20s (I was 19-23, she was 18-22, around 20 years ago; endured this for 4.5 years) would sexually starve me, having a period more often than I got laid. Literally had to beg at times, and she'd always have excuses, but constantly go to her shower head and made constant sexual jokes or pretended to act horny and have her hands all over me in public. Even the guys after me that I knew who dated her had the same complaint, so it wasn't just me. I'm sure if …
/r/MensRights02/09/25 06:20 PM
6

Yeah, seriously. To me, it says "no expectations, leave any time you want, etc.". There was some lady in Colorado literally saying that all different ideas men have for dates are horrible. She even referred to a "dinner date" as "traditional and boring". Like, lady, are you sure you're actually into men at all? Maybe it's time for a Kinsey Scale Test.
/r/MensRights02/09/25 06:13 PM
7

Indeed! I've seen far more accurate "intersectionality" here than most 4th wave talking points.
/r/MensRights02/09/25 06:12 PM
7

I would add to the point of pop-psychology being the feminist equivalent to the Académie Française which keeps churning out new idiotic anti-male buzz words (with the latest, AFAIK, being "mankeeping"). Because, though they can claim they don't mean "all men", the context basically does insinuate that all men can't handle their own emotional baggage, or that it should always take a back-seat to the massive amounts of women's baggage that we're just expected to continue enduring.
/r/MensRights02/09/25 06:11 PM
1

To the question posed at the end: Yes, it's already backfiring. The women who actually like and want dick are complaining about not getting any, and never seeing men out at what used to be common dating venues/events. Or, when they see men at bars, won't even make eye contact, or if they do make eye contact, never approach anymore, or outright ignore the women. Not to mention the lack of democratic voters, and Disney whining about losing massive profits. What's hilarious about this is, even the …
/r/MensRights02/09/25 05:26 PM
2

Basically, all the same manipulative things most women have historically done for survival: Lying about other men to make them compete against each other for her Lying about a man's treatment of her in general Historically lying about Black people and other racial targets to deflect blame onto Entitlement to men's wallets Using religion to claim "purity" Claiming to like men's interests just to marry one, then divorce and take his money/possessions The only difference with left-wing women is the…
/r/MensRights26/08/25 05:12 PM
1

Yup, accurate - I got divorced in the most pro-choice state in the country, California. Female privilege here is REAL and thriving. It's practically turning into a matriarchy under everyone's noses.
/r/MensRights26/08/25 04:56 PM
1

You forgot to mention our physical strength... and ability to remain quiet for long periods.
/r/MensRights26/08/25 04:54 PM
6

Therapy Fuck the stigma - get your mental/emotional healing under control Hobbies Several, mostly non-digital Exercise Not just for physical health Reading To learn Time with solid friends Their value helps you feel less alone Putting my phone down/no social media Excess use, or regular use, is detrimental
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 03:33 AM
13

This is why I despise all modern politics. The misconception is that right-wing women somehow "like men", but it's all the same manipulative shit in a different way. The left just takes more hands-off approach to exploiting men and giving them regular hate in passing. The right gives shark smiles, chews us up, and spits us out... but I guess we at least get to touch some bewb or get a little 'nani in the process. In the end, left vs right is an illusion for us men. Just remember who has the most…
/r/MensRights25/08/25 07:02 PM
2

Exactly. I'm a decent human without asking for a reward; just be a decent human back without shoving me into an enemy box. How hard is that?
/r/MensRights16/08/25 12:04 AM
3

You have a parental right to assert your preferences for who is around your child, even when they're not with you. Personally, unless I met the woman while my child was with me, or they know my child through school/mutual friends, I wouldn't even introduce a new partner to my child until a year after dating. I feel you on not caring about the new guy, but it's reckless to introduce so soon after barely dating that long. Your ex doesn't know if it'll work out. Then that's one more person who give…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:16 PM
1

Depends on how you act on that hate. We all experience hate at some point, but it's supposed to be fleeting. We're supposed to move on. Sure, lingering feelings like mistrust and general apprehension after "burning your hand on the stove" are normal. I'd say, so long as it doesn't result in harming women out of hate, just feel what you feel to process everything in your own way. For your own sake, seek peace. Seek fulfillment in activities outside of women. Walk away from social media for a whil…
/r/MensRights12/08/25 06:12 PM
-15

To help open minds outside of black/white red/blue echo chambers, but remain true to liberal beliefs at their core if it's genuine.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/08/25 05:15 PM
-13

I don't vote based on who kisses my ass more, I vote on principle. No matter how inviting the right makes "caring about men's issues" sound, it's just manipulation. In the end, both sides only want your votes, your money, your labor, your life in times of war, and your submission to their ideology and couldn't care less about us as men. Never have. The only way to remain sane is to vote on principle, knowing you're true to your beliefs. Mine just happen to support the environment, renewable ener…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/08/25 05:00 PM
2

I'll use the public education metaphor here, as it basically relates to everything else: Women: Men run everything! Also women: Make up most teachers, having the most direct contact and influence over children (where they've been psychologically disenfranchising men since at least the 1970s). Conclusion: They point at the boogeymen minority of actually bad men to distract us from the fact that they're actively dismantling everything under our noses until it's too late.
/r/MensRights12/08/25 04:29 PM
5

This reminds me a lot of the public education system as a metaphor for how it really works. Women: Men run everything! Also women: Make up the majority of teachers who directly influence our children (where they've been psychologically disenfranchising males since at least the 1970s). They are also saturating almost every other field of work now, and make up more than half of college students/graduates, while men fall further behind. Conclusion: They use logical fallacies to distract us with the…
/r/MensRights12/08/25 04:18 PM
3

My ex wife did this all the time. That's why she's my ex. Sadly stuck in a CA college town, so I'm surrounded by many more like her. FML...
/r/MensRights12/08/25 04:22 AM
2

Appreciate that, brother. I mean, consent is consent and you both sounded up front about it. Yeah, I still turn on the charm with my interactions. Like you, I back off when I can tell I've hit some kind of barrier... just gets really annoying when, on subsequent encounters, they suddenly act all "super offended shaking poodle on-guard" when I'm still doing nothing wrong (and keeping even more distance than before).
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 08:16 PM
1

The thing these people don't realize is they're only contributing to the abuse cycle. For people who claim to understand that misogyny = misandry, kinda forget that misandry then = more misogyny. It's the same with abuse victims. Thr abused either become abusers themselves, or become programmed to accept other abusers. My mother abused; my brother became and abuser, and I became programmed to accept the abuse. I repeated this cycle, accepting abusive partners, until I started therapy and buildin…
/r/MensRights10/08/25 04:20 PM
6

Physically with another woman? No. Porn as compensation for the multiple times she cheated with another man? Yes. Who gets blamed/treated worse and called a sexist misogynist pig? Me. Does she ever admit to her wrongs/hold herself accountable? Never. I'd rather have the peace following my divorce than deal with this shit anymore. I'm all for equality/egalitarianism, but I don't believe in "paying reparations" for the sins of my forefathers or other men when I've suffered enough from an abusive m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:08 PM
5

Success stories like these help. I'm going on 3 months in a college town in California as a 41-y.o. single father.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:37 PM
2

I'm not sure who down-voted you, as your reply was surprisingly positive/reasonable, which I appreciate. So, I up-voted to cancel the negative. Please keep that in mind as a metaphor for all that follows. I don't like echo chambers, and I don't hate women, just distrust based on several experiences (abusive mother, teachers, exes). I'm all for equality and capable of being respectful to mixed company, but distrust the toxic side of western feminist programming which systematically has undermined…
/r/MensRights07/08/25 09:25 PM
3

First off: *though, *Islam, *Judaism, *normal Second: I'm a successfully employed Civil Engineer for going on 15 years, thank you very much. Mighty arrogant of you to generalize and assume anyone who has a reason to avoid women have to fit into your grammatically-challenged echo chamber black and white enemy box as someone "jobless". Finally, your comment assumes I mean this should apply to everyone. I don't. Just personal preference, which has been easy enough to accomplish. I'm merely showing …
/r/MensRights04/08/25 12:09 AM
2

Thanks, brother. Well, so long as you're not the salt or the worm either, you're doing okay ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 03:19 AM
8

Yup, just adds to the overall trauma. I only went back several times because it meant more time with our kid. That, and to collaborate on moving out from under her mom's thumb (and her neighborhood Boomer spy network) to somewhere 3 hours away. I don't regret doing it for more time with my kid and escaping her family, but it took its toll. When she "ended things again" for the umpteenth time 2 months ago, I took it as a blessing. However, I really hate that empty feeling. That feeling programmed…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 01:22 AM
10

Yup. Don't tell them that, though - they'll just write it off as another "hate group" /eyeroll.
/r/MensRights29/07/25 01:04 AM
18

YES! I feel this shit so strongly here in California in particular. I fucking hate it here and wish I could move. I curse my ex every day since she convinced me to move here 10+ years ago because it's her home state. Then, she turned total femi-fascist on me and put me through the ringer legally. It's only because of my own hard work, determination, and resourcefulness I navigated it all myself, won back custody, and support myself and little one independently. The more independent I became, the…
/r/MensRights29/07/25 01:04 AM
4

I feel you, brother. I'm in that weird in-between after 4 years of being divorced, in the absolute WORST state to be a divorced dad in (California). I have good days and bad. Lots of "attention" in the way of smiles, eyes lighting up, clearly seeming interested... but the moment I even make the slightest of innocuous moves to reciprocate interest, they're suddenly all weird, "offended", "scared", generally passive-aggressive, etc. I swear, it's all those echo chambers you're talking about. And y…
/r/MensRights29/07/25 12:58 AM
1

I know this is 2 years old, but still valid. Everything you shared has been my experience here, too. Nowhere else in the U.S., even 10 years ago when I first got dragged here by my ex, had I experienced women who literally gave me death glares for just existing. Everywhere else in the U.S., women found me charming, attractive, polite, honest, respectful, funny, etc. Not California. All I get here, from both men and women, is either their self-absorbed anti-social bubble, their pious self-righteo…
/r/MensRights28/07/25 11:47 PM
1

I know this is 2 years old, but still valid for those who come by. I feel you, brother. It's a struggle. Was also very much abused by my mother. Instead of turn into another abuser, I was programmed into submission. I attracted all the other abusive women who would hit, cheat, lie, and generally abuse me. I've now been 4 years divorced from my ex who turned super feminist after convincing me to move to California, where she's from. The hate is palpable, and our suffering as men is constantly und…
/r/MensRights28/07/25 07:16 PM
1

Same, brother, and it's only gotten worse. Especially if you live in California. As others have said, original feminism was great. I liked 90s feminism (3rd wave, I believe). I was okay to them so long as I was respectful, minded my physical space, and basically just treated them like "one of the guys". Since about 2016 and living in CA, it's awful. It's basically a reverse hierarchy here. Women mostly just glare at men, and are all over other women with compliments and good service. They're bas…
/r/MensRights28/07/25 06:58 PM
2

I feel you on this, brother. I know this post is a year old, but felt I needed to share my own path down a similar road. Now, we're all individuals, I don't know anything about you or her beyond this post, but I can't help but see myself from 13 years ago when I met my now ex-wife extreme feminist. The signs were always there, but I overlooked them. After all, I shared all her same beliefs, and that was always good enough for past partners who were feminists. I always thought I was an exception.…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/07/25 06:43 PM
1

Feminism in the 90s? No. Modern toxic feminism? Yes. Especially living in California. It's all hypocritical virtue-signaling nonsense. Just another echo chamber who is incapable of seeing the world in its natural shades of gray, and who insist upon using black and white polarized thinking. I hate that the extremism of the right has enflamed the extremism on the left, exacerbating the overall situation, and shoving everyone into an idiotic enemy box because they just won't detox themselves from t…
/r/MensRights28/07/25 06:24 PM
2

Thank you for this! It's so sad in this black and white world where you see so many echo chambers. I just skimmed a similar post about the Tea app in a 4B Movement sub, and it's the usual rhetoric you'd expect. It was pleasantly surprising to see you post with concern for both sides of this. I think if more ladies saw posts like this, they would realize that protecting ourselves doesn't mean it should be at their expense. That most of the time, we just want to rebuild a sense of peace and trust …
/r/MensRights28/07/25 12:57 AM
6

All solid advice, sir. I'm quickly putting this into practice after learning the hard way. After 4 years since my divorce, couldn't believe how much I'd allowed her to program me. I'll never be the moth again - always the flame. I will also add, to my fellow men in blue states, don't fall for the rhetoric (especially the misandry). It's blown out of proportion. Regardless of how you lean, women are still women, and most of them still like a man who is assertive and takes care of himself. DO NOT …
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 11:13 PM
2

Wow... a LOT of assumption, here, that comes off like projection/brainwashing/parroting rhetoric. There is no "passive", it's done. Has been for 4 years. You assumed I was married and doing this, without asking for clarification. What I meant was that I've "checked out" of dating post-divorce. You kinda confirmed "ex-wife", despite assuming I was still married? Uhm... where's your logic? In your ass like a Californian driver? Saying I prefer "lasting peace and happiness" is the antithesis of "an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 11:58 PM
1

Exactly! Sure, a lot of this might exist mostly in online echo-chambers, but who reads those? Lots of people. Especially in the state it originates (most social media platforms came out of CA). And yes, while I have observed decent people, it seems like one in every 10ish are just brainless, aggressive for now reason, or entitled as hell beyond whatever they "have to offer".
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 11:46 PM
1

Correct, it was a vent. I've lived all over the U.S. for comparison. Wish I could leave CA. I was much happier in CO. People were far friendlier, too. Sure, CA isn't as bad as TX or other southern states I've lived in, in my experience, and maybe I do have some unresolved traumas, but I'm also not some woo-wah virtue-signaling silicon avatar of a person who is going to pretend that everything's fine, or run around trying to convert their beliefs, or treat them like an enemy if they don't 110% be…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 11:44 PM
1

I certainly hope you're right. Where I live, lots of angry misandrists (college town in NorCal). So this isn't just based off social media, but actual life experience.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 06:46 PM
7

I feel you on this worry too. Especially since I had been struggling during post-divorce reconciliation attempts. Much as I really want to feel that connection again (and not just 60% failed attempts at "massage parlors"), I feel so much anxiety about how challenging it might be with someone new. Haven't been with anyone new yet, but exercising more regularly and knowing I get at least smiles and positive glances from attractive ladies helps.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:41 PM
5

Yeah, I reached similar conclusions. Totally delusional.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:31 PM
2

Thank you for that, it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:30 PM
1

Woooow... yeah, that's a major red flag. And yet women claim all us single fathers want is a bang maid /eyeroll.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:28 PM
1

You make a lot of great points, and I appreciate your effort sharing all this experience/info. It really is worse in California, too... for everything as a single father. I'm aware that FDS and others like them are a microcosm, but can't forget, most social media is from California... so I'm basically at ground zero for these mentalities. Wish I'd never moved here. I had to fight like hell just to get custody back that never should have been taken in the first place. Yeah, while I sometimes crav…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:27 PM
2

Agree, this is especially true in California. All the woman has to say is they "feel uncomfortable with the father having any custody" and POOF, it's gone, and the father has to jump through tons of hoops and pay for unnecessary supervised visitation on top of child support when the mother makes far more (my past situation until I won 50/50 back). I basically had to move to a college town far away from everything else desirable for affordable 2-bed apartments for my kid to have their own room (r…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:23 PM
1

Yeah, I figured. I don't like either side of those extremes. Sure, I feel frustrated and point out what's unfair from my perspective, but I've never seen the appeal of hating based on gender. Indeed, your reasons are also why I'd prefer a single mom; especially since as you mentioned, childless women are a unicorn (at least unless they put their career first and now in their 30s want to settle down). That's another great point about "expected activities". I'm not fond of the prospect of the type…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:19 PM
1

"It just feels more common because you’re hyper-aware of it due to your ex." Thank you, I needed to hear that. It's also hard living in California (the most misandrist place a single dad can be). Thankfully, I do have a similar weeding-out strategy developed - helps to know it works. Appreciate it, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:15 PM
1

Sure, it's a lot easier to dismiss when it's just one source, but that's only one example of many repeating the same BS I've encountered in the past 4 years since divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:13 PM
1

If I ever consider that near-death sentence, will be with heavy prenup (and never co-owning house/assets or fully co-habitating either).
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:11 PM
1

I am considering that. Shouldn't be too hard being in a college town, but also depends on amount of anti-man influence (I'm in California).
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:11 PM
9

And yet they wonder why us men are just checking out entirely, focusing on our kids and hobbies to ensure lasting peace and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 03:46 PM
1

This is true, it is still a microcosm, so that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 06:40 AM
1

I only consider such things because of the amount of women addicted to social media for "guidance" these days, and the potential impact it poses. Sure, it does serve as a red flag sorter of the types of women to avoid who absorb such drivel, but if it's impacting a considerable portion, can't help but get a little annoyed. I admit, part of this is also because I'm still detoxing from my ex and her obsession with being a self-proclaimed "boner-killing feminist vigilante" who always turned to such…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:39 PM
2

That's more than fair. I'm between spots at the moment; enjoying my freedom, hobbies, and peace, but also entertaining the idea of eventuall companionship. Glad to hear you've at least had luck!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:36 PM
3

Thank you SO much for this! California is the absolute WORST state to get divorced in, let alone live in if you don't make at least $150k/yr. All my ex had to do was say she "felt uncomfortable" with me having any custody, and POOF, gone. Had to pay $600/mo and $50/hr for 4 hours per week just to see my child with supervised visitation. Finally paid everything off, jumped through all the legal hoops, closed the child support case, and have 50/50 again, but it was totally fucking unnecessary. Not…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 05:38 PM
2

This is a fantastic idea, brother! After all, it's the reason I participate in this sub so often. I'm on the other side as well. Maybe not 100%, but getting there. Feels good to finally be in the "empowerment" phase after overcoming most of it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 05:29 PM
-2

Sadly, yes, when anyone is in a vulnerable position, all the wolves come out for a wounded deer. It's the cycle of capitalism and ideology. Always looking for a new contributor. They make you feel so special until you've become integrated/regular customer, then it's onto the next target. No, not all of them, but some, yes indeed. Might as well be a new wife, just less personal. So, I totally agree with you, brother. For all the other gents here going through the same thing, just focus on what yo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 05:11 PM
9

It's hilarious when you see it work. That, and outright ignoring them. Especially when the next time they see you, you're happier after less time dealing with them. Truly icing on the cake when you're in better shape and confidently chatting with ladies twice as hot for her to silently seethe while watching.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 07:22 AM
23

Also agree with those suggesting: 1. Find yourself 2. Find hobbies/creative outlets 3. Pursue life goals (job, education, etc.) 4. Get in better physical shape 5. Be there for your kid(s) 6. Take time to heal 7. Cook/eat healthier 8. Avoid addiction 9. Stop caring about approval 10. Just do what makes you happy
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 07:16 AM
1

In the past, yes, it didn't take much (not even coffee). I almost never had to chase. They usually entered my orbit and made their intentions clear. That was over 13 years ago, though, and on the east coast. This is a very different era, and I'm on the west coast. These people feel totally alien to me. I also haven't tried to initiate beyond being my usual polite self/haven't been on a date since my divorce. Also haven't really put myself out there until more recently. This lady found me on an a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 07:14 AM
2

Exactly! It's just a prison sentence (financially, mentally, emotionally). We do all the labor, and all a woman has to do is "say" she "feels" "threatened", and poof, everything you worked for is gone. Not to mention the lengthy recovery period, if you ever recover fully. Women love to argue the whole "when women hate men, only their feelings get hurt, but when men hate women, they die". It's totally over-blown and dismisses the very real damage financially that they conveniently don't take acco…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:56 PM
1

I'd rather use my decent income to support myself, meet someone who makes around the same who can support themselves, and just be happy that way, than either get with someone who makes too little to support themselves, or makes too much and wants me to live with them. In the end, the financial and emotional damage is mitigated by living apart than living together and then having to go through selling a house, finding a new place, the physical stress of moving, the emotional stress of them not li…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:50 PM
1

Well, yes, technically "only marriage with prenup", but even then, I'm going to be very picky. So picky and boundary-reinforced that I might as well not marry again. Indeed, I'm cool with LAT. Both parties need to have their own residence. Nah, I'd rather avoid co-owning property ever again. The sting from losing it at all to divide the equity, have to look for a new place/start over again, the physical stress of moving everything, have to say goodbye to the memories and hard work to make the pl…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:44 PM
1

Exactly - That's the only way forward. These days, even when something I hope for doesn't happen, I still see it as a victory. I only see being 41 now as just a new adventure, rather than "my life is half over boo-hoo". Even when I go out to play pool, even if no one else wants to play, I've gotten in practice, I've put myself out there, and even my slightest engagements make an impression (bar staff already likes me). Then, there are my kid's teachers - already positive results. You've GOT HIS!…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:32 PM
1

I see your point, and it's fair, but it also weeds out the gold-diggers. The "lady" I mentioned, who called me "selfish" and stormed off, prior to that part of the conversation, was overly dominant. She kept cutting me off, telling me how I "should" be speaking (as in trivial things, like how I express myself and other nit-picky bullshit...). It felt like she was already trying to "mold" me into someone who responds and behaves the way SHE wants, rather than explore who I am. When I say "no marr…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:50 PM
2

I feel you, brother. I'm at a similar stage. I'm still burned out from the fire and brimstone of the divorce (going on 4 years now), but on the other hand, it feels really good to be this more assertive, confident, capable, and more masculine person, let alone be recognized and appreciated for it by ladies in passing who find those qualities attractive. I don't know if/when I'll be ready to date again, but whenever that happens, it'll be with far stronger boundaries. I'm never losing myself to a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:44 PM
2

I see where you're coming from on this. I do admit, my ex does out-earn me by $30k/yr, but she had advantages I didn't. I had to claw my way up to earn what I do, and it's enough to support myself with some wiggle room. However, many of your points did touch on similar themes. Not just with the SAHW types, but the supposedly "strong independent bread-winner feminist" types, like my ex. One moment, she's happy to be the bread-winner, and her controlling nature enjoyed calling all the shots. On th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:40 PM
2

D'aww, love back at ya, brother. Very much appreciated, and yes, this dating market is absolutely bonkers compared to 13+ years ago when I last battled the waves. I'll NEVER touch dating apps again, holy shit! Now you have to pay for them?? For now, I'm just enjoying the positive reactions from ladies who actually admire who I am, work I put into myself, what I can do, and all the little things that the ex stopped appreciating long ago. Indeed, some of the best interpersonal experiences I have n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:29 PM
1

Just to be totally clear, I don't mean "at all". I mean, say, no more than 3 days in a row. I don't want some lady who stays multiple days, starts nesting with her stuff, and one day surprises me with "btw, I moved out and into your place!". It always seems like a good idea at first (don't have to go far to see each other, no worries if she's out with anyone else, two incomes to help with living expenses, etc.), but when things deteriorate, you're kinda screwed. It takes months to save up enough…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:26 PM
2

Yup, this exactly. As I mentioned in another reply, I also find it's better for both sides to have somewhere they can all their own to go to when things get rocky/need space from each other. I also agree, if it's about sex or spending some nights together, just go between your places.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:18 PM
1

Thank you, and totally agreed! It's just too complicated. Especially when you learn that painful lesson of losing the house and dividing up the equity, only to see a horrible housing market. Why risk losing that again? Besides, if I'm in a 2-bedroom apartment, and so is she, then why cram everyone in together? I also believe, for both partners, it's essential to have somewhere to call "your own" to go to when you need space from each other.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:16 PM
2

Thank you kindly! Indeed, that's the result I continue to see.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:14 PM
2

Certainly, brother. TBH, I'm not originally from California, but I've lived here for the last 10+ years. I have the whole U.S. to compare to, as I've lived all over it. While the personalities outside of CA certainly get better, it's still kinda slim pickin's with quality ladies. Still lots of lard and ink and single moms with baby daddy and general daddy issues. I miss Colorado so much (not from there, but I was happiest there before my ex dragged me here to her native CA). The ladies there wer…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 09:17 PM
2

Really appreciate the positive reply, brother. Indeed, it's just a matter of baby steps and catching the right waves at the right time. I'm in the same spot - not really wanting anything serious unless the chemistry is right, and even then, no way in hell am I signing any legally-binding documents together. It would just be nice to feel that spark again... the hopeless romantic deep within the icy spiked barriers of my heart would love to live again instead of just survive. Though I've done a lo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 09:03 PM
2

I really appreciate this. I'm struggling a lot between my trust issues with women and never wanting to be involved again (as well as the tail-end of my performance worries from my ex - I even tried a "massage parlor" but struggled; but that's a cold transaction, not a genuine connection). Part of me does get my hopes up when I sense some mutual attraction in the rare times I go out, but due to all the modern "ick complaints" about women who will claim harassment and call the cops if you show the…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:12 PM
9

Truth. I've experienced this first-hand in the worst state for divorce for a man - California. All the woman has to do is say she "feels uncomfortable" without evidence, and you're screwed. I also worked in an office of 100+ attorneys - so I know exactly what kind of spineless over-glorified librarians they are.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 04:53 PM
3

I'm in NorCal and it isn't much better here. Sure, they can't afford Botox or other expensive cosmetic surgery, but I agree on the tattoos and lard everywhere. Yet these "ladies" expect basically a man like you (but would probably still turn their nose up if they knew you had kids). While California probably has the worst quality women, this is a global issue. The only exceptions might be some of the ladies from Mexico or South America (thin, feminine, more traditional/better values, healthy, us…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 04:28 PM
1

I feel you on this, except for me, it's year-round. My ex makes $30k/yr more than me, and her whole gigantic family is here. I can support myself and my little one with some treats here and there (new clothes, new toys, brunch, movies), but I always feel out-done because of the support network she claims is "oh-so bad". I can't really go outside my current city due to gas prices and potential auto repairs I really can't afford right now. I'm grateful to make the most I can with what I have, but …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 03:26 PM
4

Just hope you're not in California. Divorce here for men is horrible. All my ex had to say was she felt "uncomfortable", and they took her at her word. I was granted only supervised visitation, twice per week, for 2 hours at $50 per hour. On top of $600/month in child support. I did it for 1.5 years. Would have gotten it back sooner, but the courts took their sweet ass time. Finally earned it back jumping through all the hoops, and she had NO choice but to give me 50/50 in the end and close the …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 09:07 PM
5

First and foremost - She's Californian. 'Nuff said (I know from experience with my recent ex). I've dated all over the U.S., and they're a "special" kind of spiteful. Second and just as important - If possible, leave social media, or at least block them. Reduce all contact to only what's necessary for kid-centric logistics. Gray-wall ALL other contact with both. Once a woman feels "scorned", she'll never let it go. What can you do? Rise above. You can't control what they do/say, but you can lead…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:06 PM
1

I feel you on this, brother. The hardest part, after closing that door, is detoxing from the gaslighting. We don't realize just how deep we let them dig their claws into us until it ends. They strip you bare for all to see and judge through her eyes, a person you never were. I've always had a habit of attracting the very controlling/domineering types. The more autonomy you gain, the more friends outside her influence, the more independent you are from her, the deeper she digs for the worst insul…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 02:16 AM
1

I feel you, brother. I had custody completely taken away, and without any evidence. All she had to do was say she "felt threatened" or "uncomfortable", and they took her side. I'm in California, btw - the worst state for a man to get divorced in. I had to jump through a ton of loopholes, pay about the same in support (I could only afford $300 per month, though, since I was paying $400 on top of that for supervised visits at a 3rd party facility for a year). As for the other $300? Went into an ar…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 04:18 AM
19

This is especially true about Californian women. Even more emphasis/value placed on looks over substance. My ex still tries to lure me back with pick-me outfits. Like, lady, I know what's underneath all that. I'd rather stick my dick in Cthulu.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 01:51 AM
1

I've been there, brother (including the dip in performance due to anxiety/depression/lack of quality sleep). Recommend distance from her, making new memories, developing yourself (eating healthier, exercise), time with friends, time with new hobbies to give you a sense of accomplishment, and not checking up on what she's doing/comparing yourself. Leave social media for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 12:25 AM
1

Basically, all the benefits without the label or even saying "I love you". A mostly physical relationship, but with the mother of my child. The primary reason was more time with my child, so long as she and I were getting along... but something always came up and she'd start the drama cycle all over again. Claim the "benefits" relationship is over and we won't be spending every Saturday together or visiting each other's place every other night, only to come crawling back days, weeks, or once a m…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 12:15 AM
4

Nah, not overreacting... you just haven't gotten numb to it yet. Though I've only celebrated Father's Day for the 5th year in a row, it's quickly going the same way as my birthday. Either the ex treated me to a meal out and found some way to ruin it, or didn't acknowledge it. She expected everything to go flawlessly for her special days, but mine were always expendable. Now that our situationship ended for good for the umpteenth time, I've been pretty clear about not wanting any gifts going forw…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 12:06 AM
1

I feel you, brother. I might just be an observer to the art of your situation, but I highly recommend a step back. We'll always love what we created, and even if we make peace with our creations winding up in another's hands, it takes part of you with it. Like a disconnected limb you can still feel from time to time. However, the more you let go, the better it'll be than trying to force getting it back. People don't often realize what they lost until it's gone. They can try to replace it, but an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:52 PM
1

Exactly, and appreciate your empathy man. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:15 PM
6

"I'll mention that she has become a feminist in the past few years, hates all men..." Sounds much like my ex; she misses all the perks, but wants none of the responsibility. Dunno about your ex, but mine even claims she's "practically a lesbian now", even though she's never been intimate with a woman (but obsessively listens to Chapel Roan and other anti-male b****-pop music). This is pretty common for modern ladies (especially here in California). Even if not for your personal issues together, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 03:56 PM
2

That's actually very reassuring to hear! I really enjoy time with my child, I show up (earlier than most parents), and it feels empowering when it's just us going out to brunch. I'm liking the sense of freedom so far.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 06:10 PM
1

It's certainly more colorful, but the toned down version reminds me of the older lady receptionist at the Amsterdam hotel in EuroTrip during the end credits talking about if there's a fire, you and any items you have put in your anus will be incinerated XD
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:22 PM
2

I love this, and this shall be my mantra any time she inevitably comes crawling back. Probably tell her something to the effect of "My Hershey Highway is a one way street!". Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:14 PM
1

That's real. Kudos to you for remarrying (let alone happily). If I ever get to that point, I'll probably have the same nightmares.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:13 PM
1

Fair enough! It was a struggle for me in the final years together. Currently feeling very burned in general and a total lack of trust in women. Still find them attractive and all, but it's like burning your hand on the stove.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:11 PM
1

Yes. Basically, a relationship, but no real label, and not even saying "I love you".
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:09 PM
2

There really is nothing quite like that feeling of being betrayed by the person who knows your every weakness and changes from love of your life to total abusive monster. In some ways, even 4 years later, still recovering from the damage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:40 PM
2

I concur - CA is the absolute worst state to be married/divorced in. Period. Just don't do it. Not even if you're rich and have a prenup power-up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:38 PM
4

I feel you. I should have listened to that voice, too, but dismissed it as "oh you just think she's too good for you". No, your gut knows. Now, 3 years after the divorce of a 7-year marriage and overall 13 years together, and finally ending the foolish post-divorce reconciliation "situationship" for the sake of the child's life stability, I'm just glad it's over. All that matters now are my child, my self-improvement goals, and my hobbies. Not only will I never legally remarry, but I'll never co…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:32 PM
2

You have my utmost sympathy getting divorced in this horrible state. The lawyers are the absolute worst. Don't ever let them try to drag it out. Stick to the deal, close as quickly as possible. I worked with an office of 100 attorneys (healthcare), and they truly are scum. They might know a thousand ways to screw someone legally, but can't tie their fucking shoes without admin support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:28 PM
11

I also learned the hard way: "Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn" - They were way ahead of their time. This is why I'm never legally marrying again, co-owning property, or even co-habitating. Thankfully, remaining calm and being on-time are strengths of mine. Like you, it didn't matter during the divorce. All it took was her word, and poof, all custody is gone. I fought like hell to get it back, jumped through all the hoops. Can't believe I went back for seconds, actually believing that if w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 11:19 PM
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