TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

OkEmphasis5923 Archive

View 10 posts and 407 comments by OkEmphasis5923 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

You're getting a lot of hate for the "nobody cares" comment. While I disagree for people generally I can recognize that their might be people like you who have social circles that truly don't give a crap about each other. The rest of your points are spot on!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 06:56 PM
2

Therein lies the problem. Different standards for commitment. If you're upfront with your spouse before marriage that you only plan to stay married to them if you're happy (whatever that means), then I think you're free to do whatever you want without any guilt or judgement. If you bail and they're blindsided, that's on them. Which brings me to what I concluded long time ago, why bother getting married? You can say anything you want about how committed you are and how you're willing to go throug…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 11:40 PM
2

The point I'm trying to make is that if someone makes a commitment and they break it, whatever reason they give is just an excuse. If I were to join the army and then attempt to quit or go AWOL before my enlistment period is over and then told my staff sergeant that "I checked out" a year ago and no one noticed they would probably laugh. If you made a commitment and you're having a problem, say something. If you don't, that's on you. First of all, it's ok for one partner to say 'I don't want to …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:56 PM
1

My wife works and her salary has steadily gone up over the years. My hope is that by the time the kids are older she is at par with me. If that's the case, alimony is pretty much out the window. If your wife isn't working, have her start working or divorce her sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:47 PM
2

How old?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:36 PM
2

Listen to this comment OP.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:30 PM
2

I believe your understanding is correct but I would double check with an attorney. You have the luxury of prepping before serving her, most guys don't. Once you serve her, every move you make is scrutinized and you essentially go from partners to adversaries until the divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:44 PM
1

Starting over at 65 yrs of age Harlan Sanders started his KFC franchise at age 62. Think of this as the next chapter in your life, not a redo.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 09:20 PM
4

Leave for what? To lose half the time with my kids, have no control over the other half of their time including seeing them do things with "mommy's friend"? I will NEVER get married again because I have no desire. What's left? New pu$$y? I'd rather stick it out till the kids are grown and then bail.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 09:13 PM
7

You have no kids....you would be clinically insane to stay married to her. Cut ties and then take the time you need to mourn the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 10:29 PM
2

Both can be true. I'm assuming you have custody and your daughter isn't old enough to be dropped off to the birthday. If that's the case, then in my opinion, you should go to the for your daughter's sake and the sake of her friend who didn't have anything to do with her parents actions. But your feelings about the cheating parents isn't childish, not only are they cheaters one of them was directly responsible for breaking up your marriage. When you go, do so for the sake of the kids, and maintai…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 06:01 PM
4

Stop and think, if she's acting like this during the dating phase, how would she act if you were married to her with no way out other than another divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 05:51 PM
5

There's no hard and fast rule to any of this. But generally speaking, people who got divorced are coming out of failed relationships. Maybe you are blameless in that failure. I don't know. But it's worth stepping back for a bit and not diving right into another relationship without taking stock of what went wrong the first time. If it's just a matter of going out and doing things like concerts you can do that with guy friends. If you feel an urge to go with a woman that's a slippery slope to get…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:54 PM
5

Your title says "hook up" and your subject says "dating", they're 2 different things. You can hook up all you want. Boning multiple girls without any emotional attachment might help in many ways. The conventional wisdom is that dating and relationships should be postponed until you've fully processed the marriage and divorce, whatever part you played in it, and have a clear understanding of what you want in a future partner.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:41 PM
–

I'm about 10 years behind you. At this point, I don't think you are divorcing her because of infidelity from a decade ago, I think you're divorcing her because the relationship never healed from the damage that the infidelity inflicted. I wish you peace and happiness and if you find love again, even better. But don't get a divorce while fantasizing about some vague idea of a mythical woman who is waiting out there just for you. Be realistic. If you can face divorce being content with never findi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:24 AM
4

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 07:07 AM
2

Reading about the history of marriage, it was primarily a way of bringing order to a society by removing questions about paternity and inheritance. Each man was given 1 woman. It worked so well it became a bedrock of societies around the world. If ancient human clans had access to paternity tests, marriage may have never come about.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 10:42 PM
9

This is the answer OP. The institution of marriage is at war with billions of years of evolution and it's losing. When you get past the mythology of true love, commitment, and romance you will find the truth. When you see women for who they really are, flawed beings with libidos just like us, you'll be a step closer to understanding why it is the way it is. When you dig into the origins of marriage, why ancient humans all over the world created it, you'll see it for what it is. Women aren't the …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 10:15 PM
1

Wow, talk about a timespan, unbelievable. Did the second wife get anything or were you protected?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 10:06 PM
10

99% of people rationalize their decisions, even those who commit heinous crimes. That's how we're wired to think so we don't off ourselves and so you won't find a lot of people admit to regret. When you think about getting a divorce, pretend that you will be a bachelor for the rest of your life. Does it still sound appealing? If yes, proceed with the divorce. If not, then you may need to spend more time contemplating what you want in your marriage and what's realistic. If you're like others guys…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 04:12 PM
19

Every guy who didn't want the divorce is wrecked afterward. But we can't talk about it because society demands men to suppress their pain and sadness otherwise we are branded weak by women and even by other men. Fortunately, there's many famous men (eg. Johnny Depp, Bill Gates, Kevin Costner, etc) who have openly talked about how difficult their divorce was on them and you can read their stories so you don't feel so alone.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:04 PM
9

You are asking all the right questions and slowly coming to realizations that aren't even discussed in society. Women blame men for everything but the reality is that Lesbian marriages have the highest divorce rate. The group with the lowest divorce rate is Gay men. But it goes beyond the human species. All males are genetically programmed to keep females, even horde multiple (spray the seed). While women are genetically programmed to submit to the best of the bunch (1 egg, 1 shot, make it count…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 05:57 PM
7

Document everything. Video evidence, flight records, whatever you can get your hands on. Bring a mountain of evidence to counter every claim she makes about your character and parenting. Despite what judges may say, family courts and the entire legal system generally favors women. But if you can prove she is lying, a fair judge will believe you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 09:44 PM
4

A Cook Island Trust and other wealth protection schemes could work but generally if your spouse is aware of it and you go to divorce court you will likely lose half. Even if she isn't aware of it she can hire a forensic accountant and they'll review how money flows in and out of your accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 07:08 PM
7

You can't force or speed up your way there. All you can do is feel what you're feeling, go through the process of grieving what you've lost. What helped me was understanding. I did that by coming here and reading other men's experiences, reading about statistics on divorce, reading about celebrity divorce stories, journaling, therapy, strenuous exercise, and giving my rage an outlet. I'm also no sure you will ever feel indifferent about what has transpired. You may eventually wish she had waited…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 10:46 PM
1

I totally get it and wasn't suggesting you call her to check in on her, that would be weird. I find gray divorce fascinating. With women below age 50, when they choose to divorce they're always chasing some fantasy about a guy that will make them happy. With women past menopause, they seem to divorce because they just tire of the responsibilities of marriage and want to be alone and cultivate their own pursuits and interests. I think most of them are open to the idea of a new man in their lives …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 10:18 PM
1

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, don't fight it. Just let it be. Out of curiosity - what is your exwife up to? Did she remarry?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 09:35 PM
2

Right now is not the time to tell yourself it will get better. Right now is the time to feel the pain, grief, and agony. Dwell in the despair. Hit the gym hard to channel the physical rage. Yell in the car to channel the emotional rage. Journal. See a therapist once a week and unload your darkest and deepest thoughts on them. Look at old photos of both of you in happier times and cry. Play the sad songs. Repeat. No drugs, no alcohol, no depression pills. Do that for a year and then we can talk a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 11:25 PM
3

Since there's a kid involved, I would sit your wife down, tell her she needs to seek therapy and work on her anger management issues. Give her an ultimatum, if you don't start to see steady improvement after 1 year then you will file. If she starts working on herself and you see her putting in the effort, give it time. Divorce comes with its own set of challenges, custody, alimony, ex-wife's boyfriends, etc. If you have to divorce, do so knowing you exhausted all other options.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:08 PM
18

Until about 40 years ago, men were almost always the main provider all over the world. Even today, that societal expectation hasn't changed as fast as divorce laws have. I'm glad your friends and coworkers married women who earned an income, they should feel fortunate. But not every guy is so lucky. It doesn't help to come here and criticize guys for having done what all of society expected them to do. The guys on the sub have already learned these hard lessons. This post is a form of kicking a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 03:51 PM
2

Would any of these things matter if you have no desire to marry?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 09:09 PM
4

Your wife has some undiagnosed mental health issue. Probably something quite severe. Take pity on her but don't support her or make excuses for her. Be immensely grateful she didn't do any harm to your daughter and hopefully you will soon have full legal custody.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 08:09 PM
1

This can be the outcome if you're a low quality man yourself and you're bad at understanding your motivations and articulating them to women. A broken man who refuses to marry is going to get the bottom of the barrel. But a man who has his life together, owns his home (or two), pays his bills, and takes care of himself can attract a high quality woman to a committed and loving relationship without having to give in to the legally binding contract if he can clearly articulate his reasons and the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:54 PM
9

Regrets are normal when you aren't committed to anything in particular. If you go back to her you'll regret the chance to meet someone who shares your kinks. I would suggest you get off the apps and don't go back to your wife either. Take some time to work on yourself. Understand what's important to you and what you are willing to give up because you can't have it all. This applies to nearly every aspect of your life, not just relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 02:59 AM
3

You're overly concerned with the opinion of others. You're a good man and a good father. It's time for you to stop seeking or accepting the advice of others. If it's unsolicited advice they're offering stop them and tell them "I didn't ask for your advice". Drawing boundaries for others is an important life skill and you need to develop it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:01 PM
3

It's ok to feel how you feel at the moment. In fact, I would say it's healthy. Don't fight it. Wallow in it for a while, don't try to speed up your healing. Play the sad songs, cry, miss her, imagine an alternate reality and then snap out of it and cry some more. Feel your rage, channel it into lifting heavy weights at the gym or martial arts. Journal and yell in the car. If you've ever seen the movie Inside Out you'll recognize that your mind is in the very very early stages of moving on from y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 04:52 PM
3

Exactly. I read posts like this and I shake my head. But I'm years down the road from where OP is so I've had the time to deconstruct. How did we get like this? I personally think its partly our innate evolutionary wiring to place such high value on women (read: sex) and an entire mythology around romance and love that all of society buys into and holds as an ideal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 04:43 PM
4

Martial arts, heavy weight lifting, yelling in the car. Don't bottle it up your rage, channel it in a safe way and eventually it will diminish.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 05:57 PM
1

Yup. Ya gotta let it out without terrifying others.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 03:51 AM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 04:44 PM
2

How do you deal? What makes it get better? Gym, journaling, yelling in the car, come to this sub and help others out, repeat again and again for a few years. You'll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 04:44 PM
3

Of the 400,000 people in the United States receiving post-divorce spousal maintenance, just 3 percent were men, according to Census figures. Yet 40 percent of households are headed by female breadwinners -- suggesting that hundreds of thousands of men are eligible for alimony, yet don't receive it. You're part of 2 divorce groups and you think that's representative of the entire country? Re-read the article. It's citing Census figures, not some bird brain's support group. The suggestion is there…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:20 PM
1

On the rare occasion they have to pay they get the pussy discount anyway. Women and children are protected. Men are on their own. Yes, and this originates in societal expectations which subtly flows to the legal system. Men are still expected to pay for the majority of dates, hold the door open, allow ladies to enter the door first, etc, etc. All that is fine but it bleeds into the legal system and court ordered judgements which favor women no matter the circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:11 PM
18

This won't end until women start feeling our pain. Unfortunately, even when lower earning men go through a divorce 9/10 times they take the high road and don't seek alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 04:27 PM
13

It's not rocket science. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the freedom to bone other dudes and experience the thrill of romance while being able to pose for family pictures and attend family events. Its up to you to decide whether she succeeds or not. You don't have to be mean or petty, just be real. Its a broken family, it is what it is. She can invite you to "Family Day" a thousand times and you can say No a thousand times. Once you and/or her get remarried, whenever that is…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 11:02 PM
4

It just blows me out because I hear so many women complaining that their kids Dad's don't want anything to do with them! Women complaining doesn't make it true. I'm fairly certain the vast majority are rationalizations that divorced women give to people who inquire about lopsided custody arrangements. It absolves them of responsibility and is much easier to say to people than "My children don't see their Dad because I'm petty and vengeful so I deprive my ex husband of time with our children".
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 09:53 PM
0

OP is talking about 15 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 02:17 AM
-3

You would have grown tired of old pussy and someone else's kids. The allure of building a life with a gal your own age, raising your own kids, and all that comes with it would have been stronger and stronger as you got older.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 09:39 PM
8

Has anyone been through this—where one person checks out and detaches emotionally, paints you as the villain, and then maybe wakes up later with regret? Practically every guy on this sub has been through this. Famous movie stars have been through this. Read some news articles on what Kevin Costner and Jason Sudeikis went through just a couple of years ago in their divorces. It mirrors everything you're going through. Sorry to say this, but what you're experiencing is very commonplace. I’m trying…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 04:52 PM
7

True Love is a Victorian era fantasy. Its a feel good concept just like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy but it's origin is in the creative minds of 19th century novelists. In reality, there's just love. The Ancient Greeks recognized 8 different types of love. it waxes and wanes, sometimes it dies out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 04:39 PM
4

2 steps forward, 1 step back. Today (and many more days in the future) you will feel like this. Don't fight it. Accept it. Allow the feeling to have its space. But once its had its moment, slowly begin moving forward again. You're only 6 months in. You'll see major progress once you are 2 and 3 years down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:50 PM
4

Mid life crises...it's the female version of the middle aged man who abandons his family to buy a Ferrari and bang a 22 year old blonde.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:46 PM
2

No post history, something seems off
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 04:55 PM
2

You shouldn't put on a happy face, that's why you're depressed 2 years later. You need to go through the process of grieving the marriage and being angry, despondent, sad, hurt, and so on. Without allowing those feelings the space they demand, you'll never overcome the pain of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 07:04 PM
8

And if any of you are dating or ever thinking of remarrying again, you should ensure your lady knows these facts. Many women I’ve met are not aware of these facts. You seem like an intelligent and reasonable woman but with all due respect your take is a bit naive. If a few facts is all it took, all these divorces that women initiate wouldn't be happening. For a lot of women, feelings and fantasy trump facts. They will convince themselves that the statistics don't capture their unique situation a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:55 PM
1

Yes, yes, yes. You get it. Now there's only 8 billion more people left to explain this to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 08:20 PM
1

I agree with you. People don't want to acknowledge that the human sex drive was designed to bring 2 strangers together. When they're no longer strangers, the drive isn't as strong or becomes completely absent. For centuries religion kept a lid on these instinctive drives but in our modern Western world that's no longer the case.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 05:50 PM
6

Its a good video but it doesn't get to the root cause of what's going on. Its ok for society to acknowledge that marital sex can be predictable and boring. Its ok for society to acknowledge that a lack of hot and heavy sex doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship. There's a good book called Mating in Captivity that addresses these challenges head on. As a society we need to have open and honest conversations about how sex and attraction evolves and sometimes wanes but that's not an …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 05:44 PM
2

If I could do it again, I would do a ceremony without the contract and live in a non common law state. If kids come into the picture I would live in a state the generally splits custody 50/50. I would be the best damn husband ever and provide for my family (including her). I would be capable of doing everything she can do, cook, clean, take care of kiddos, etc and if she wasn't working I would still do 25% of those things just to keep myself sharp and make sure she knows that I'll be just fine i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 06:06 PM
15

Because marriage is such a libido and romance killer, the flood of hormones they experience with the first bloke who comes along deludes them into thinking the new guy is the most perfect and real relationship she's ever experienced and a baby between them is a gift from God and the most natural way to cement their bond. Gisele Bündchen is a textbook example of this situation. Its just a matter of time (7 - 10 years) before they're right back where they started.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 05:44 PM
3

Women in day-to-day life? Always gave them respect, open doors, etc., because I like behaving that way, not because they deserve it more than men. We should continue to hold doors open and be respectful to women and to men. Further, women should do the same for other women and men. It may seem inconsequential, but chivalry towards women is part of the problem today. It adds to the illusion that a woman's lived experience is largely a product of what men create for them. For a woman, this leads t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 03:41 PM
8

You'd be a complete moron to agree to this. Rip the bandaid off. Its going to be hard initially but within a year or two it will be much better than the shitshow she is proposing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 09:19 PM
3

I agree there's a really strong chance she's fucking another dude, that's just how women operate. But in the 1% chance she isn't and OP was of the mind that he wants to save the marriage I wanted to give him a blueprint.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 10:05 PM
12

In elementary school was there ever a kid who was so desperate to be your friend that it annoyed you and made you not want to talk to him? That's who you are to her right now. You need to become the popular kid who didn't need your friendship and everyone wanted to hang out with. So how do you do that you may ask? Here's how: Hide your fear and panic of losing her. Her seeing how much she means to you will only reaffirm her belief that she is irreplaceable and you will always be there for her. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 04:38 PM
1

Well just because I believe people grow and evolve doesn't mean I believe that's a valid excuse to file for a divorce. In fact, our natural tendencies to "move on" are at the root of why early human tribes created the practice of marriage in the first place. When you break a commitment, there's not a whole lot of valid excuses for it. In trying to answer the question of your post, I'm merely pointing out that pumping and dumping is the way people are at their most primal core. Civilization, cult…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 10:28 PM
1

The bond with parents, children, and siblings is blood and much harder to break. Would you say that with those friends from 5th grade that everyone has tried to keep the bond strong?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 04:42 PM
15

A lot of answers but here's the right one....marriage only works in traditional societies where women don't have a whole lot of alternatives to being married. Two people partnering up for the rest of their lives isn't natural. A strong sexual attraction requires a bit of mystery, which is impossible to cultivate when you live together. We all evolve over time and none of us have the same friends, interests, or TV viewing habits we had 20 years ago. It stands to reason our choice in a partner wou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:26 PM
1

Initially he cried quite uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. We gave him time to cry and when he was ready he came out and started asking questions. His biggest disappointment was learning he would have to live in an apartment! (He actually took out his phone and started googling homes for sale in his school district to find alternatives to apartment living!). This breaks my heart. You guys are only 8 years away from him heading off to college. I know I know you shouldn't model an unhealthy mar…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:51 PM
1

Initially he cried quite uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. We gave him time to cry and when he was ready he came out and started asking questions. His biggest disappointment was learning he would have to live in an apartment! (He actually took out his phone and started googling homes for sale in his school district to find alternatives to apartment living!). This breaks my heart. You guys are only 8 years away from him heading off to college. I know I know you shouldn't model an unhealthy mar…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 11:51 PM
12

Most people choose not to be accountable for how they feel. They see their feelings as something others control. The very idea that they are in control of how they react and manage any feelings that arise in them is an alien concept.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 08:29 PM
8

Its called depression and its to be expected. The way you get out of the rut is 1) time and 2) to really feel the pain of what you're going through, the pain of the loss, the grief, the despair. Sad songs, journaling, daydreaming about a past that slipped through your hands, grieving a future that never will be, these are all important steps in the process. Your brain has to do that in order to move on. Its going to take a year or two. Don't try to take a short cut.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 10:02 PM
5

10X easier unless there's no kids involved. We've all had break ups and after a few months we move on. Divorce would be pretty much the same if it weren't for the dream of the intact family and custody issues.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 09:57 PM
6

Your role as a parent is at play. You risk turning into Uncle Dad by moving out. By keeping the home, the kids will see home as where Dad is. If that doesn't matter to you then take the buy out. If you aren't able or willing to become the main caregiver then take the buy out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 06:59 PM
1

A lot of these guys are doing their best to stay in their kids lives. I don't think its fair to assume they all want to be back with their exes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 10:28 PM
14

Been months, I’ve moved on. There's no way. Give yourself more time to grieve the loss.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 11:10 PM
3

If you're looking for a formula to protect yourself from infidelity, don't waste your time. ANYONE can cheat, there's no guarantees. The safest thing to do is not to get legally married so that if someone does cheat, you can walk away without losing half your net worth.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 05:25 PM
7

Thank god my kids are older. Dude, you are golden! You raised your kids and got the guilt free justification to pull the rip cord. Consider yourself immensely lucky. Enjoy your life and don't ever get married again!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:56 PM
1

Al-anon. You are a classic case.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 11:40 PM
8

Not about to justify her behavior in any way. Just trying to explain it so you understand it and with that, are able to process what you're going through a little better. No one really talks about this but for many women and even many men, marriage is a libido killer. There's a saying that familiarity breeds contempt, well it also breeds a dead bedroom. Sexual attraction was designed to bring 2 strangers together. So when you're no longer strangers, sex can either become comfortable or boring, d…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 05:14 PM
6

This is the Internet, lady, I would think if OP is suicidal he would know to follow the advice of his doctor not an anonymous Reddit poster. OP - If the meds are stopping you from blowing your brains out then consult your physician first.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 11:06 PM
10

Honestly, you're doing everything wrong. Get off the meds. Feel your pain, sadness, and anxiety. You won't sleep much or eat much while you're dealing with this but that's to be expected. Listen to sad songs, journal, go for walks, yell in the car, destroy a rage room, cry till your eyes dry out, then repeat. You need to do this otherwise you will never be able to move past it. It will take a year or two. Tell everyone. Don't be embarrassed. If Tom Brady and Hugh Jackman could be handed divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 10:54 PM
2

Stay put. Get the court involved. If SHE chooses to move, SHE needs to figure out how that will impact her custody rights. She can't just arbitrary move wherever she wants and expect you and your kid accommodate her. Family Court puts the emphasis on stability and continuity for the child, not the whims of the parents. You should be aiming for the school year and only be willing to go as low as 50/50 alternate weeks. Seeking summer months only is a loser's ambition and you're gonna end up being …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 06:57 PM
2

She has terminal cancer and she wants a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 05:59 PM
1

I would be disappointed, I would call her husband and apologize profusely for what she did and offer him whatever support he needs to cope, and instruct her to do the right thing and either fix what she broke or end the marriage in the most civil and respectful way she can with great care for her husband's pain and suffering. I'm of the opinion that infidelity is just a reality of the human experience. It sucks but it just happens. If my daughter committed it, the fact that it happened is one th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 12:30 AM
2

We are distant because I discussed what it looked like, if I flat accused her I doubt I would see her again. You did all that you can do. You made her realize that she may not be fooling anyone. We can certainly hold each other accountable, but true accountability has to come from within.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 12:18 AM
7

As much as you don't want to feel the way you do, you must. You should not short change the process of grief. Allow yourself to feel despondent, hurt, angry, depressed, and hopeless. It's your brain's built-in process of moving on. Listen to the sad songs, journal, cry, rage, repeat. At some point, maybe in a year or two, you will find happiness again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 11:33 PM
1

I've been on this sub for 2+ years and even after all this time when I read stories like this I say "where is God?". But then I remind myself that God gave all of us 2 hands. I think the main thing is that I can’t tell a lot of the time if she is unhappy because of me or because of her depression. First off, she's going to insist she's unhappy because of you but I can assure you without a shadow of doubt its the depression coupled with a lack of accountability that a lot of women exhibit. Imagin…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 02:40 AM
3

I would want them to know all the possibilities that can happen in marriage. I would want them to go on the main Divorce sub, this sub, the Marriage sub, the dating over forty sub, the infidelity sub, the abuse sub, and so much more. I would want them to know how people tick, what motivates behaviors, and how relationship dynamics play out. I would want them to go into a marriage with their best foot forward but know that its a total crapshoot and no matter how much they prepare or how much effo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 10:58 PM
10

Good for you man. Never go back, only forward.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 09:54 PM
4

Oh, then as soon as that fizzles and she goes on some bad dates afterwards she will be back to asking you how work is going and if you wanna celebrate your birthday together. Might be a matter of 9 months.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 08:53 PM
14

It really is strange isn't it? Just keep in mind, the rollercoaster isn't over yet. Give it a couple of years and there's a high likelihood that once the novelty of being single again wears off that your ex will begin to reminisce about the good old times and before long she will be inquiring about how you're doing asking you if you remember when blah blah blah happened.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 07:53 PM
2

Naturally, as humans our tastes and preferences seem to drift over time. An individual's choice of music to listen to, favorite foods, clothes to wear, and friends to hang out with evolve over time. This has been the case with my life and I suspect with yours as well. It stands to reason that our taste in life partners shouldn't be immune to these gradual shifts either. For thousands of years, religion served as a bulwark against these natural human tendencies and divorce was quite rare. I've po…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:06 AM
2

The gurus aren't quite gurus. They are correct in that these things attract a woman. But none of these things keep a woman. There is nothing in the world other than her own sense of commitment or fear of God that will keep a woman. Left to biology, all women will eventually tire of the guy and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 11:37 PM
2

Addressing the word choice- I feel like pandering to misogyny is still correct, no? As in pandering to the sentiment existing within a group as opposed to the individuals. Ok, I always hear it used towards an audience or individual, this is the first I've ever seen it used toward a sentiment. Maybe I just wasn't aware it could be used like that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 10:48 PM
3

Why is OP's post pandering to misogyny? It sounded like he's just done with relationships. Also, did you mean to write "pander to misogynists"?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 10:04 PM
9

I do. Mine fell apart in the middle of 2021. When things first started going south I told my wife that being trapped in our homes for the last 18 months is probably making her feel the way she does, however she insisted that wasn't it. But as time has passed and I've reflected on it, I've come to feel like the stage had been set years prior and was just waiting for the right set of circumstances to align for the marriage to crumble. If it wasn't Covid, it was going to be some other life altering…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:23 PM
1

People do make mistakes and if there's kids in the middle I would be willing to consider the possibility of postponing the divorce. I say postponing because mentally you should assume that you will end up getting divorced one day unless something actually changes in your marriage. If she holds herself accountable, reads books, does therapy, and works on herself to figure out what drove her to seek divorce then there's a chance it may work out. If you do the work to understand any part that you m…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 10:52 PM
2

Genuinely curious how much earlier they wish you had done it? I can't imagine they wish they had spent their childhood splitting time between 2 separate households.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 11:29 PM
1

she left for a reason. Its been a while since I saw it, but IIRC it seemed as though Joanna felt trapped and unfulfilled in her marriage while her husband was a workaholic. Was there any other reason portrayed that I may have missed?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 06:42 PM
26

An unhappy person will find reasons to be unhappy no matter what their circumstances are. But no matter the situation they're never happy, never satisfied, never content. Their mind fixates on the 10% that isn't right. So they continue to seek and desire. When nothing seems to make them happy, they look for a scapegoat, someone to blame. Typically, it's the poor bastard who decided to devote their lives to this unhappy creature. Some people go their whole lives like this. A rare few are blessed …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:14 PM
2

You need to give her a taste of her own medicine. There are a lot of things you can use against her. Defamation being the biggest and most real. I know you don't want to do this, but you can also file trumped up assault charges for almost anything. It may not stick but the stress and aggravation will make her realize that her actions have consequences. Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 05:04 PM
1

If you: Give it enough time Hold your ground (don't rug sweep or let her rug sweep) Make your expectations clear (expect apology, self reflection, acknowledge her own poor judgement) There is a strong chance she will at some point come around and say sorry and acknowledge what she did. Anything else and she will gladly pretend like nothing ever happened.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:48 PM
5

Revenge is a very natural feeling. It's one of the ways we protect ourselves from being victimized again. Don't suppress that feeling, channel it. Journal, yell in the car, imagine a conversation with her and say everything that comes to your mind out loud, go to a rage room and destroy everything in sight. Know that your day will come. I promise you. If you use this as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself you will one day look back and feel sorry for the mess she created but th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 09:25 PM
2

I would use it as leverage during the divorce process. Explain to her that you've thought about telling the AP's wife but you decided you want the divorce process to go smoothly. This will serve 2 purposes. The AP will continue to shower her with attention and keep your soon-to-be-ex in the affair fog of stupidity. This will increase the likelihood that she'll give you more during the divorce than she would if she was thinking straight. Second, you can use the threat of outing them anytime she b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 03:37 AM
2

Yell in the car till your voice gets hoarse. Work out till exhaustion. Journal your deepest insecurities and fears. Repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:52 AM
7

I'm coming from an Eastern spiritual tradition so if you're a very devout Christian take what I'm about to say as food for thought. Marriage transcends race, religion, and creed. Atheists get married. Its an institution that predates civilization by thousands of years and was started as a way to bring order and stability to society as well as ensure inheritance rights. In much of the world, marriage is a civil agreement between a man and a woman with the blessing of their families and community.…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 05:30 PM
10

Every guy experiences some variation of this. Its monumentally shocking and beyond stupid how many women think the regular guy she married who is just like her brothers, Dad, and uncles will somehow magically fill every hole in her heart and telepathically know what she's thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:45 PM
2

We can only go off what she's written and according to that it wasn't feelings but that her exes weren't contributing financially. Presumably, that was not part of the arrangement when she agreed to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:02 PM
10

You're one of the few good ones who is willing to call a spade (modern marital laws and societal expectations of men) a spade. Your boyfriend is lucky to be with you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:00 PM
3

You need to stop trying to be happy . There's a part of you that is crushed, hurt, grieving and you aren't giving voice to those feelings. Allow yourself to be sad and experience the grieving process. Its an important part of your healing journey. There's no way around it unless you want to carry this baggage with you for the rest of your life. Right now you need to miss her, play sad songs, feel your pain. Moving on is a step far into the future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 04:30 PM
1

I'm sure your wife does love your kids, she's just a shitty mom and a shitty wife/exwife. Loving someone and being good to them are 2 different things. To help your children better understand what's going on I would explain it them exactly that way so they can decouple her behavior from how she feels about them. You don't want your children to growing up feeling like their mom doesn't love them, that will mess them up real bad. It doesn't mean they have to accept her behavior, you should teach t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 06:58 PM
2

The sooner people realize that putting in that work and truly having someone committed to you for life is way better than whatever fleeting feelings they are getting from their coworker........... the better off we will all be. Do you realize how absurd that sounds in an era of instant gratification, Prime delivery in 1 day, endless choices for TV, food, and any imaginable product or service? Why would people in this era put in work?
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 06:04 PM
4

This is the answer OP. If there's a chance, big if, its only by her realizing the grass isn't greener on the other side and she is lucky to be married to you. But that realization will only happen if you truly are a catch for your age group and she takes the time to think through the grim reality of the dating world. Unfortunately, chances are she's deluded by a fantasy in her head of what she thought marriage would be. Chores, communication, and all the other stuff marital counselors say will n…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 07:32 PM
4

You experienced something extremely traumatizing and your brain is trying understand it and at a deep level trying to go back to it. Its no different than if a close loved one was brutally murdered and you spent the next few years trying to understand why the killer chose your loved one and why they needed to kill them. There's no good answers that will ever allow you to say "ok, I get it, I'm good with it now". I don't know what type of therapy you've tried but there's things like ACT which you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:36 PM
3

If what you're saying is true she's all bark and no bite. I guarantee you she won't leave. She's just a broken person and needs a punching bag (you).
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 07:16 PM
6

I can help you bro. I was exactly where you're at, in an even worse situation actually. After some trial and error, I figured out what works and now the shoe is on the other foot. Hit the gym hard, change your warddrobe, buy some new cologne, become an amazing father to your kids, get to a point where other women take notice of you. And here's the most important piece of advice, start acting and living as though you don't need your wife. Cook meals for you and your kids and enough for anyone els…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:30 PM
1

There's thought exercises from Stoicism and Buddhism that you can use to change your perspective and become the man you want to be. But it will take time, maybe a few years, and you will have to be intentional about it. Don't bottle up your feelings. To the contrary, feel them, let them out, understand them, journal about them, talk to someone about them. Rage and despair are normal feelings from time to time. Work on yourself on the days your exwife has custody. On your custody days, focus on y…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:21 PM
10

Commitment to one another is good, marital laws are not. Legal marriage incentivizes shitty behavior and punishes responsible behavior. Stand on the beach and say I do, call each other husband and wife, don't live in a common law state and don't ever sign a marriage certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:09 PM
1

How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:06 PM
2

We've all been through what you're going through. Journal, hit the gym to release that frustration, talk to friends about what you're going through, listen to sad songs, feel the pain and anguish. Repeat for the next 12 - 18 months. Don't try to short circuit the grieving process, that will do more harm in the long run. It does get better. Eventually you'll come to realize she was either too immature to deal with her resentments, too poor at communication to share what she was feeling in a matur…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:55 PM
4

I don't blame either of you for what transpired in your marriage. Cohabitation and marriage in the modern day requires a lot of skill and qualities that many people don't have. I believe that at some point or another the marriage will come to an end. You're better off starting to prepare for that day now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 06:17 PM
3

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:58 AM
2

If the marriage was valid, why did the divorce happen?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:57 AM
4

At 8,4, and 2 you're doing the smart thing for now by staying single. You'll never get the experience of being a Dad to young children again, don't squander this or complicate it by bringing some new woman into their lives. But you won't need to wait until the youngest is 18 to start dating. Once they're in high school the dynamic changes quite a bit and parenting becomes more about good advice, rules, rides, and spending money. At that point, you may find that a steady girlfriend to spend quiet…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:53 AM
7

Children are resilient, much more so than adults. But resilience doesn't mean they go back to who they were. And it doesn't mean they don't have scars. They adapt and become a new version of themselves. Allow your daughter to be sad, allow her to beg to give it a chance, that's all part of her grieving process. She's grieving the breakdown of her family. Her brain is trying to fix it. She needs to go through this pain in order to heal and move on. Its ok for you to show how much you miss the fam…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:01 AM
2

A person's ability to create their own narrative in spite of glaring evidence to the contrary is extraordinarily dangerous. They can convince themselves of anything and justify anything.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 06:58 PM
5

Your mind wants to go back but its surrounded by a new reality, that's why you feel the way you do. Don't fight the pain and anguish, do the opposite. Listen to sad songs, journal, yell in the car, feel your rage and pain. In essence, mourn the loss of the life you knew. It will take time, maybe a year or two, but at some point you will find happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 09:46 PM
12

Here's how her mind is working....she wants to keep you in her back pocket just in case. Don't overthink it. That's all this is. If you want to test that out tell her you broke up with your girlfriend and right now you are utterly and completely single and see her reaction. In your heart, you know the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:16 PM
4

Here's how her mind is working....she wants to keep you in her back pocket just in case. Don't overthink it. That's all this is. If you want to test that out tell her you broke up with your girlfriend and right now you are utterly and completely single and see her reaction. In your heart, you know the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:16 PM
3

His kids mom continuing to spiral out and be an idiot will still have a negative impact on his kids. Yes, it will. But to think he can prevent her from spiraling is a version of captain-save-a-hoe. I mean OP was married to her and she torpedoed that by banging another dude, how would he have more leverage and influence now that she's an ex and knocked up by the same shithead? As much as we all want to provide a stable happy childhood for our children, we can't control it all. We can only control…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 06:14 PM
21

She had a stable life with you and threw that away and YOU want to help her find a stable happy life? What on Earth can you do now that you didn't do before? You can't make anyone else happy. If she asks for advice you can give her something generic or recommend a self help book but that's it. She's proven herself to be someone who bites that hand that feeds her and you want to feed her again? Your job is to be the ex husband, not her friend, not her counselor, not her confidante. Maintain a hea…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:14 PM
1

There were early signs in dating. An insensitive remark every once in a while. Hmm.. she seemed a little lazy about this one thing. But there were plenty of good qualities too which I chose to focus on. My thinking was that if I am too judgmental, I won't be compatible with anyone because everyone has times when they are not their best. That's still valid. When I look at the datingoverforty sub I see people constantly talking about red flags as though they don't have any. We all have them and if…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 08:50 PM
0

What you described is actually the majority of normal women.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 06:25 PM
3

Once its truly over you will have times that you miss her and in a moment of sentimentality wonder "what could have been". But being a man you will snap yourself out of the bullshit and remember the reality and carry on with your life. Many years down the road it will be an old chapter in your book and won't elicit much of an emotional reaction, like recalling your elementary school years. Jason Sudeikis said about his breakup with Olivia Wilde...."I'll have a better understanding of why in a ye…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 11:05 PM
2

I desperately want to be happy for her, but at the same time, our marriage is ending and she “seems” unaffected because she is distracted by him. This internal conflict you're having is making things 10x worse for you. You need to allow yourself to be sad, angry, nostalgic, betrayed, despondent, and all the other emotions that come with a divorce and not fight that feeling. Don't deny the pain you're feeling inside, otherwise it will manifest in health problems or alcoholism. Feel the hurt, play…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:08 PM
17

You can continue to date a girl with a "fuck it" attitude, but never ever marry her. Marriage in this day and age should be reserved for people who are highly skilled at managing relationships, managing their emotions, holding themselves accountable, and are devoid of any addictions. That means your odds of finding a marriage material woman are like 1%.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 10:58 PM
3

Its a troll post, look at his username.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 04:44 PM
4

Ok, this is what's politely known as an "episode". In about 2 years, after the novelty wears off and suddenly a simple comfortable life seems appealing again, she's gonna come back to you. I just hope you don't fall for it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 11:56 PM
3

Just remember - what you see on social media and when people are out and about it curated. Go on the datingoverforty sub to see what her life is really like.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:08 PM
8

She's out clubbing at age 49? I mean, isn't that a bit pathetic?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:06 PM
3

I know it's a bad idea, but I'm struggling to say no to her offer to reconcile. Of course you are, because you're thinking of your kids. And that's ok. But this shouldn't be an emotional decision. You don't decide something this big based on feelings and attachments. You already said you know this is a bad idea. If you've already moved out and divvied up custody, the divorce is a formality at this point. Tell her with love and kindness that you need to move forward with the divorce but you would…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:57 PM
3

I've been on this sub for almost 2 years. Every time I read one of these I wonder "where is the justice? where is god?". Then I remind myself that these are the affairs of humans, not God. We create these relationships and we destroy them. So how do fix this? I don't know the answer but its astounding that out of all the social problems we as a society discuss the divorce rate of 40% gets zero mention.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 05:07 PM
1

They can work if the cheater takes full accountability for their actions, makes great effort to regain trust, and takes gentle care of their partner's wounded feelings. Simply moving forward without doing these things is the surest way to torpedo the reconciliation process.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:18 PM
3

I did the same for the sake of my kids about 2 years ago who were 8 and 6 at the time. The first 6 months was a rollercoaster of her essentially "withdrawing" from the relationship she developed with the AP. After those first 6 months, I gave her an ultimatum of no communication with the AP, went to his house to confront him, and as far as I can tell (checking texts and call log, sharing location on iPhone, etc) that has been followed since. We did some individual and marital counseling but the …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:26 PM
5

This is the answer OP. Its not about John, its about the thrill. You're basically married to a functioning alcoholic except the alcohol is another dude's cock. You seem like a nice guy who will probably tell her you want to help her and find happiness within and blah blah. Don't do that. Drug addicts can only help themselves. Divorce her now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 08:35 PM
5

Its a great question and I think everyone knows that perjury happens in family court as well as criminal court. Ultimately, its a district attorney who would file charges of perjury and for a family law case involving some relatively minuscule amount of money that's just not going to happen. I mean in California they don't even prosecute outright robbery and theft, can you imagine a district attorney chasing down something as small as this? Check out this post. The large and bolded font perjury …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 08:55 PM
6

She got cold feet and realized divorce might not be the best decision at the moment. All your desire to have a fulfilling marriage for both of you is admirable but it takes two to tango. If she is the one who expressed intention to divorce first, then the ball is in her court. Don't let her sweep that under the rug. You should make it clear to her that the marriage is fragile and you hope that both of you can get to a place where you are both fulfilled. It will take mostly individual counseling …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 05:15 PM
4

Sounds like you don't have kids with her, consider yourself blessed beyond measure. You're only 24 years old. Imagine the guys on here who are going through what you're going through except they're in their forties with kids in the middle of it. Take this as a life lesson and get out now!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:58 PM
2

You're playing checkers, she's playing chess. Put your feelings aside and get your head in the game. After the divorce decree is given you can go through the motions and grieve the marriage and nuclear family. Right now is not the time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 08:38 PM
10

They all realize it but for women it takes a backseat to their emotions. Their feelings tell them their marriage is fatally flawed. They have anger, resentment, boredom, etc. They believe the mythology around love is real and they chase that. They yearn for the romance novel high. The potential of what could be (dashing new boyfriend, a new life, a new persona) is irresistible. And finally, the clock ticking. With each passing year, the chance to achieve that dwindles. Men are way too pragmatic …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:05 AM
2

In fairness to them, if they are filing and if the man was a good guy and is being civil during the proceedings, they probably feel some form of pragma or storge love for their husband during and shortly after the divorce. However as the years wear on that will fade. So to say that "I will always love you" is total bullshit and shortsighted.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 11:23 PM
17

She wants to have her cake (freedom of divorce, new dick, girls trips, her own place, new adventures, etc)... ...And eat it too (friendly relationship with the ex, no bad blood, no hate, no guilt, everything seems fine, etc). Her tantrums are an attempt to get you to comply. Don't take the bait and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. Greyrock her, take what's owed to you and minimize what you owe her. Make it 100% clear that once the divorce is final, you will never ever get back with h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 11:16 PM
1

Awesome, love this!
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:26 PM
1

This is a phenomenal point and could be a whole Reddit post, if not an article in a major newspaper. At its core, this is being driven by three things 1) the shame that us men feel when we get divorced, cheated on, dumped, lose custody, etc 2) a macho ethos peddled by podcasters who create a narrative around simps, betas, weaklings, etc to gain subscribers 3) a politically correct culture that is VERY hesitant to lay blame on women for anything. For your work buddy, the best thing you can tell h…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:23 PM
1

If you don't live in a common law state, you can stand on the beach with her and say "I do" and call each other husband and wife without legally getting married. Marriage was a social contract since its inception during the ice age all the way up until the last 100 years or so. A good man who has built a good life for himself can pull this off. You don't need a marriage license to have a wife. Obviously, a lot of women will be turned off by this or refuse mostly because its out of the ordinary. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:03 PM
3

A prenup can help, but its not bulletproof. Just look what Kevin Costner went through last year.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 04:57 PM
5

Divorce in English speaking countries is generally considered a civil matter and even if it went to court there would be few consequences for her behavior. One of the hardest things about divorce/separation/infidelity is the feeling that there's no justice except that which you exact on your own. If you want her to face consequences, stop being civil and agreeable. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 03:20 PM
1

Yes, 100% this. Women set the bar and when they aren't happy the Principle of Least Interest takes effect and the marriage goes into a death spiral. Sadly, there is a misperception in modern society that women are the champions of marriage and family when the data overwhelmingly proves otherwise. My cynical side thinks that maybe that's why most human societies are patriarchal, simply because lead to societal stability.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 07:08 PM
4

YES! I've thought about this so often, I'm glad someone else noticed too. I think its rooted in our innate human nature to seek out problems and try to fix them. Our default state of mind seems to be rooted in dissatisfaction, often for something quite minor. Even the richest among us are typically unsatisfied with something in their life and fail to recognize all that is going right. Religion helps suppress this impulse by extolling the virtues of gratitude, contentment, and acceptance but as w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:14 PM
13

Devil's Advocate here - I don't blame her. There's a book called Mating in Captivity that talks about the incompatibility of marriage and sexual desire. The author rhetorically asks "How can you want, what you already have?". Us guys have a much lower threshold for arousal than women do so we aren't as affected by this so it's hard for us to understand. But if you put yourself in the shoes of a woman, marriage is a massive libido killer. SNL did a skit about this just a few weeks ago. Even a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:00 AM
3

This is good to know!! Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:47 AM
0

Sure, that might be the case, but why are you telling me? My post takes what OP says at face value and responds to that. Write a separate post to OP and ask for more info or present the possibility that his kid is just busy being a 21 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 02:02 AM
1

So what are you saying? OP deserves to be treated like this?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 05:59 PM
3

They're spending the majority of their time with her, what do you expect? Think about it, they're hearing her side of the story, they're seeing her do things for them, they're seeing her cry. That's gonna have an effect. If you want to spend time with them, put in the effort. Dedicate a room for them, prepare meals when they come over, offer to help them out in any way you can. The more time the spend with you, the more they will begin to see what you went through in the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 03:44 PM
2

Yeah for sure, it would be absurd to remain married if she was openly cheating on you. You had no choice but to pull the trigger in your situation. I think you handled and continue to handle the situation the right way and very admirably. Its too bad she didn't come to her senses more quickly. I find it absolutely amazing how dick drunk women get. Guys simply don't do that. I mean plenty of men cheat, but very few of them think anything of the women they're cheating with. Even when they do, they…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 06:44 PM
3

Great story but it also makes me sad since there's kids involved. You seem like a really good guy and you are holding her accountable which is the right thing to do. Just curious - if she had dropped the AP right away after D-Day would you have given her a chance at reconciliation?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 11:35 PM
1

If the woman is college educated, she is the one filing for divorce 90% of the time. That's a real statistic. But it goes beyond daddy issues. The reasons are all over the map and divorce occurs in every conceivable marital situation. For obvious reasons, this topic isn't being addressed by researchers but it should be. Here's a comment I wrote a while back explaining my perspective on why women abandon marriages so much more than men do.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 04:12 PM
7

The percentage fluctuates and its currently about 41% of first marriages, that's number is for ALL of America. It includes the entire time spectrum all the way up to people who get divorced in their 50's and 60's and beyond. It also includes all socioeconomic backgrounds across every corner of the country. I'm guessing you are at an age and socioeconomic status that is more insulated from divorce. Also - you are assuming you are surrounded by happy couples. Its an image. Scratch beneath the surf…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 08:44 PM
4

1000% this. Its so sad and pathetic. You want a woman to stay, treat her like dog shit. You want a woman to leave, treat her like a queen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:03 PM
8

This is exactly it. They're like junkies always chasing the next high. To be fair, there's a lot of guys doing the same except most of them don't want to torch their family in the process. The root of this difference lies in our primitive sexual programming. Males are hardwired to have sex with as many as possible and preserve those they have. Females want the best possible and discard the rest. Marriage was supposed to elevate us beyond this monkey fuck fest but the gals found it too restrictin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:58 PM
3

You don't have to tell her how you know. That will just make her find other ways to communicate. Instead, give her clues about things you know. Enough to make her believe you know way more than you do. Just the mere threat that you know much more than she thinks you know should scare her and provide you with some leverage as you go through the divorce. I wouldn't worry about the AP FBI guy, as long as you're within the law you're fine. Once the divorce decree is given you are then free to do wha…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 12:21 AM
8

Take advantage of the affair fog. Tell her you can see how happy she is and try to extract the most from her, try to get everything. Use her shame as a bargaining chip. For instance, "I won't share the details of the affair with anyone if you let me keep house/401K/savings/etc". You have a limited window because as soon as the affair is done with and she comes to is gonna realize what's happening and will either want to get back with you or get her fair share in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 10:08 PM
1

I believe in a lot of Eastern philosophy and spirituality and in those religions marriage is a civil contract between two people. Breaking it or damaging it is wrong just like its wrong to go back on your word. A moral man or woman maintains their commitments, all of them. But in Eastern spirituality marriage isn't elevated to some sort of spiritual experience the way it is in Christianity. So after I went through the 12 stages of grief I read a lot, researched, and discussed with many people. I…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 06:38 PM
2

Thank you, I wasn't aware there's a term for it. Its interesting how pervasive this is. I was thinking about how the expectation that men make the first move and men propose marriage falls right in line with this. Unfortunately, I think our ancient male forefathers created this dynamic and it worked until the modern feminist era. Today, women have all the same legal rights and responsibilities that men do but the societal expectations and women's own perceptions haven't shifted as fast as the la…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 05:29 PM
13

You're asking why women don't hold themselves accountable. I'm not going to defend bad behavior but I'll do my best to explain it. Females from a very early age are conditioned to see boys as the active ones and themselves as passive. There's subtle ways this happens but it does happen. If you're passive, you don't feel like you have agency. Add to that the stories and movies of women being rescued and saved from men and there is a damsel-in-distress mentality they all carry deep within them. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 06:40 PM
1

Well, they aren't saying "I married a hot new woman", they're saying "I got a hot new woman". And if they remain legally single, they are shielded from the possibility of getting screwed again in divorce. But I get your point, if we all step back and really do it right, our relationship status should have no effect on the outcome of all this. However, that's very high level Zen stuff that most people can't comprehend let alone attempt in their lives. Like all other primates, we're hardwired to s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 12:59 AM
2

And no, there will never be a 3rd ex wife. Good for you my man. Better to learn the lesson late than never at all.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 11:00 PM
2

If you're concerned with probabilities, the failure rate doesn't get much worse than a second marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:59 PM
2

There will be a time for all the "move on" and "forget the past" stuff. Right now your mind is in fight mode. There is a visceral primal rage in your that needs to be allowed. Give that rage an avenue. Don't suppress it, express it. But do so in a way that doesn't derail your goals in the divorce or land you in jail. You're going to have to evaluate what works for you, try different things out, and then use it again and again until you either it no longer works or the "fight" is over. It could b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 10:57 PM
3

Why did you get married a second time? Would you take a swing at a 3rd?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:57 PM
1

I disagree, I think its definitely possible. People have all kinds of arrangements out there. There's polygamous communities right here in the USA where men have multiple wives. There's people who practice polyamory. For thousands of years, there's been common law marriages. What I'm describing is for all practical purposes a regular plain vanilla husband & wife marriage without the marriage license.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:46 PM
2

You're absolutely right, I think a majority of good women would be offended and hurt. They would perceive you as going into the "marriage" having 1 foot out the door. You could acquiesce and roll the dice again in the hope that second time's a charm. But every single one of us took that leap of faith once before and look where it got us. If it were me, I would explain my thinking. I would couch my beliefs in the need to never take each other for granted. I think that's a perspective that would r…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:50 PM
3

A million times this. This is the only comment I've ever read on this sub which paints the picture from 30,000 feet in the air. Where do you think laws and mores with respect to marriage will be in 100 years?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:22 AM
4

My wedding was great and all that but I really remember the honeymoon. We went to the beach the next day and got there on the Fourth of July. We got to our hotel just as the fireworks were starting to shoot off from a boat on the ocean. We both ended up running onto the beach and then into the ocean to watch them there. I remember holding on to her and thinking how great the world was. Not only was it the start of a great vacation, but it was the start of the rest of my life with this woman that…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:17 AM
3

Kids are literally the ONLY reason to get married. Well, technically you can impregnate a gal without being married but that's not the type of fatherhood most of us envision.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:09 AM
1

I don't think its a conspiracy or anything and saying that actually sets men back further. Its just not discussed because its complex, multi faceted, and goes against the feminist narrative that's dominated politics since the 1960's. At some point, men's advocacy groups need to gather data and fight back just like women have.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:02 AM
26

I disagree, the fault lies with a legal system and modern social norms. The fault lies with the movies that perpetuate the falsehoods of marriage. The age old stories that uphold the chivalrous man. The "American Dream" of the family of 4 with a house, car, and a dog. The divorce courts that incentivize the lower income earner to behave like trash because divorce would be more costly to the higher income earner. The unspoken reality that women cheat just as often as men and are the ones filing i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 10:20 PM
2

Allow them the space to grieve the breakup of the family. At their age they want to blame someone and if you were the one that initiated then you're gonna have to take the hit. Be consistent, treat them no different than how you treated them when they were talking to you. Eventually, the pain will diminish and they will start talking to you again. Maybe some day, many years from now, they will understand why you filed and sympathize with you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:02 PM
9

That's the right attitude. But don't blame yourself for having once thought that you were supposed to help her or save her. Movies and age old fables hold the "knight in shining" armor as the ideal. There's no way the 20-something you could have known what a slippery slope that arrangement is for modern marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 08:51 PM
2

Your lizard brain is scrambling because you lost your mate. Your human brain wants validation that you meant something to her. That's why this bothers you so much. You need to step back. Heck you need to hover 30,000 feet above. You need to recognize that this is 1 regular human with a vagina among 4 billion. But more than anything, you need to allow yourself to miss her and miss your marriage. Grieving is an important part of this journey.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:24 AM
7

Relationship? Sure. Committed? Sure. Stand on the beach and say "I do"? Sure. Call each other husband and wife? Sure. Legal Marriage? FUCK NO.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:47 PM
8

Tom Brady went through this last year. Jason Sudeikis went through this a few years ago. Kevin Costner went through this twice, the second time was just last year. So did a lot of men on this forum. You're no different than the rest of us. If all of us can do this, so can you. Work through your grief, process it. Imagine your wife died and you now have the kids. Step up, figure it out, do the best you can. In 2 years you will be used to being a single dad, running the household, having a girlfri…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 06:25 PM
15

Given how similar everyone's stories are here, yes its now fairly obvious because its so predictable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 06:19 PM
1

Lol, actually the rumor was that Bridget was cheating on him and their son's biological Dad is Woody Allen. Do you have anything to substantiate your rumor?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:46 AM
9

Marriage isn't natural, its a man made institution meant to bring order to the chaos of human sexuality. Even men lose that intense sexual desire after marriage. Our ancient forefathers recognized the insanity of people fucking each other like monkeys and assigned each man a wife. It worked fairly well until divorce lost its stigma and became financially beneficial. We're now regressing to a modern version of the chaotic fuckfest that cave men had to deal with. The dating world is chaos. Its hor…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 11:10 PM
5

Its a great idea and you have the passion. Honestly, if we were all in a room and you made this speech, we would look to you to lead the way. I would say create a Political Action Committee. Similar to NOW PAC. Women are way ahead of us and we need to catch up. In the UK there's something called Families Need Fathers, maybe there's a US chapter or something equivalent which you can join. Start small. Don't quit your day job. A facebook page and a clearly defined mission is all you need to start.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 11:26 PM
3

Don't tell her anything yet. Quietly consult an attorney about what a divorce might look like. Research research research. Look up affair fog, you will have a short window to take advantage of her stupidity and win a favorable outcome in the divorce. Figure out a game plan and be ready for the day you serve her with divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:39 PM
7

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:34 PM
7

Your therapist is right, if you are happy with life then that will be the ultimate revenge. But if your definition of happiness comes from advancing in your career beyond your exwife, then you aren't in control of your happiness. Happiness should come from within. You need to do some self work to understand yourself, what is motivating you, why you are comparing yourself to someone else. Buddhism is a good resource to help you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:32 PM
9

Imagine you hate someone so bad that you answer every question they ask with something off-the-wall just to drive them bat shit. That's what she's doing to you. You don't have kids together so who gives a shit, just leave and never look back. Consider yourself damn lucky you didn't spend your ENTIRE life with her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 09:48 PM
5

This is the answer OP. Hugh Jackman and Tom Brady's wives left them. If they couldn't pull it off, what makes you think you could? No matter what you do, no matter how successful or good looking you are, they won't stay. Get that in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:59 PM
2

Ahhh, gotcha. I'm not in a common law state so that wouldn't affect me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:25 PM
0

Don’t live with her though If you're not legally married, why is it a problem to cohabitate?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:55 PM
1

No worries. Thank you for your perspective. I agree. I have no issue committing to someone, I have no issue having a marriage ceremony and saying "I do", or calling each other husband and wife. Will I ever sign a marriage certificate again? Never. I want to be in a situation where we both are committed to each other because we want to be. The minute a woman thinks the grass is greener she's free to leave with what she brought to the relationship. No alimony, no child support, no custody issues.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:18 AM
2

Every person is different obviously but generally if he is working on himself I would say a year to 2 years post his divorce is when he will be able to really move on from it. At that point, whether he moves on with you, someone else, or alone depends on a bunch of different factors.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:54 PM
10

She's not yours, its just your turn.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:42 PM
3

Congrats! Make sure you give them 100% attention on your custody days...they grow up fast!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 07:30 PM
3

Since there's no kids and she's willing to divide assets without attorneys, you might be one of the few lucky people who can truly divorce amicably. Try it out if she's willing. If it doesn't work out, the attorneys will be more than happy to take your money. In terms of whether you should live apart or together during the proceedings, that's an individual decision. By being apart you get to have space and process feelings but there might be a higher chance for communication breakdown and misund…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 07:25 PM
2

Brother, your situation and the description of your wife are 99.999% the same as mine. Its eerie actually. Difference being that my wife actually did cheat, I caught her and put an end to it, for 6 months she was unsure if she wanted to remain married, and just when I was about to file for divorce she snapped out of it. I'm about 1.5 years ahead of you. In retrospect, the whole episode was a midlife crisis, she's now aware of that. I asked her to go through therapy and recount the entire period …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:13 PM
3

I got lucky, I knew the city he lived in and he has a unique name so I used one of those online people search tools and found his address. A private investigator can track down nearly anyone so worse case there's always that route. I never thought I would have to go that far. I assumed after D-Day she would take accountability for her actions, how wrong I was. In hindsight I'm glad I had to do it. It gave me a feeling of agency and it made me feel like I'm in control of both of them. I've even h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:33 AM
3

Then don't worry about it. Sperm donors aren't fathers. Fathers are fathers. The love, support, and guidance makes you a father. Ask any adopted kid. If you found out your Dad wasn't your biological Dad, would you feel any differently about him? Me personally, I would love him more, I would defend him more. I would hate whoever the asshat is who was my biological father and I would hate my mom for putting my Dad and me in such a situation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:27 PM
6

After I caught my wife continuing to communicate with her AP after D-Day I had to go to his house and tell him to stop responding to her texts, emails, calls, etc. He was shocked to see me on his ring doorbell camera and didn't come out. He was married with a kid and wanted nothing more to do with her once I was at his doorstep and after that day communication finally stopped. It felt good to get his fat ugly ass out of the picture. But I was demoralized with my piece of shit wife, it felt like …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 06:14 PM
7

Good therapists rarely challenge their clients opinions, they just try to help them see things in different ways. Ultimately, they're hearing one side of the story and based on what they're hearing they will likely validate whatever the client is saying. If your wife's therapist had challenged her opinions of you and your marriage, your wife probably would have found a new therapist. This may not help but I'm willing to bet your wife was going to end up divorced no matter who she married.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:56 PM
2

Listen to your intuition, its not wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:50 PM
9

Yes, she left your daughters. But, she will NEVER admit it. Don't waste your time trying to convince her. Your daughters are probably devastated, sad, confused, and embarrassed at the same time. Don't make it worse for them. In time, they'll see her midlife crisis for what it is and hold her accountable when they are older. Just soldier on for now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:10 PM
4

If there's kids you can give it a shot, with a shit ton of individual therapy for her it might work. But odds are it won't work long term so be prepared for that. If there's no kids tell her to fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:58 PM
1

That's awesome and really illustrates how unpredictable all this stuff is. I hope what you have lasts but I'm sure by now you know that it probably won't but if it does you will be grateful for it and know how rare that is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:47 PM
1

When you go through something like a divorce, the wisdom in Buddhist philosophy written more than 2000 years ago becomes clear. Every facet of our lives are temporary. All that we build and cherish...our marriages, our friendships, our careers, our bodies...they will come to an end. You can take that in a very negative way and say "what's the point" or you can appreciate what you have when you have it (be present) and learn to let go when the time comes. Lately I've been thinking about Sandra Bu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:45 PM
5

You have full custody? That's awesome! Congrats bud.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:23 PM
3

Its a normal feeling, don't fight it. Let the rage have its place, yell in the car, do what you gotta do to express it. I'm 2 years post D-Day, the hate has died down a lot. It still sometimes bubbles up here and there but not as much as it used to. Its been replaced with a feeling of "what the hell is wrong with you". Almost like having a family member who you had so much going with and then one day they go on an alcohol bender and ruin your family.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:58 PM
3

So have you met any woman you CAN trust?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:49 PM
29

She's not yours, its just your turn. Live by those words bro. Long term relationships and marriage take a lot of noble qualities like commitment, empathy, forgiveness, self awareness, persistence, positivity, and on and on. Its a very very rare person who has all that. Most gals (and a lot of guys) can't see past the tingles and when that's gone, they're gone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:58 PM
1

If there weren't kids involved I would say leave. That's what everyone would say. This all boils down to your kid and a decision that only you can make about a trade-off. Here's how to go about it. Assume your wife won't change. She may, but in all likelihood she won't. If you divorce now, you trade 50% of your time with your daughter plus alimony/child support for the opportunity to meet a woman who might give you what you need. If the opportunity to do that isn't worth it to you, don't divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:40 PM
1

I agree. I asked because typically people warm up to the idea of getting remarried a few years after the pain of divorce has faded. For him to stay resolute 6 years later is unique and I was curious about it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:27 PM
2

I don't currently see marriage in my future. To me, this is the most interesting piece of your journey. Why have you come to see it that way?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:40 AM
2

You are correct, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:10 PM
2

Kevin Costner got burned in his first divorce. When he got married a second time, he had a prenup. The prenup saved old Kevin from getting burned a second time. But it didn't stop him from getting his eyebrows singed. The second ex wife got more in alimony and child support than the prenup stipulated. This just happened 6 months ago, read about it to get the details. A woman can tie things up in court and drag things out. The more she does this, the more likely everyone will tell you to just set…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:10 PM
3

I think it's common across the country though. No, its a patchwork. Missouri, Oregon, Washington, New York, and many other states allow child support until 21. California, Texas, Florida, Nevada and many other states only require child support until 18 or until the child graduates from high school. The exceptions in these states are if the child is special needs or something.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:01 PM
2

Don't most states still divide retirement income? Also, his community property assets would still be divided 50/50, right?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:17 PM
4

You didn't have kids with her, you have no idea how lucky you are! Take some time to learn some valuable lessons. You dodged a bullet by not getting her pregnant, I wish I were in your shoes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:57 PM
7

You're being manipulated. You're playing checkers, she's playing chess. Be cordial, polite, respectful, friendly, and stop having sex with her. You need to hire an attorney ASAP to get your boys back in your life. Once that is done, you can try to win her back or let the divorce proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:34 PM
3

There's people out there who think the earth is flat. Don't waste your time on people like them (her).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 06:28 PM
8

Compared to what a lot of other guys deal with, I don't hear anything major. Maybe a regular cleaning service could go a long way in your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 07:09 PM
3

Thanks for sharing your experience with religious women. Yet another nail in the coffin for my theory.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:59 PM
2

I have a hard time believing he's completely unaware, she literally prances around in the other man's clothes in front of him. Good god (no pun intended), does she have no shame? So she knows you know and isn't sorry about it?
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:56 PM
2

Powerful testimony from someone who has lived it. I'm so sorry to hear you went through this. I agree completely with what you said regarding the state, leave them out of it. I'm not religious, never have been. I was hoping that this was the answer. That somehow religion makes marriage work. After overwhelming evidence from all the responses I got, its clear this isn't the answer I either. I stand here lost, completely cynical about relationships, marriage, and women. I don't have any answers. I…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 09:29 PM
8

I tell you with firsthand experience that litmus test can fail too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:51 PM
1

Damn bro. Just a regular woman like all of them. No different than an atheist. Thanks for explaining.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:48 PM
4

The lesson here is, just because a woman has a magical sky friend doesn’t mean she isn’t still a woman. Love that statement right there. All the emotional insanity and emotional self centeredness are always there in every woman, that's who they are no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:45 PM
2

I was not abusive, but she got it in her head that I was. Wow, bottom line, cognitive dissonance doesn't discriminate. In what way is she claiming you are abusive?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:35 PM
4

Thanks, I agree. Like a good upbringing, it can help. But its not a magic bullet. And people can and do change, last thing you want is to be legally married if the change is for the worse.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:30 PM
2

Thanks for sharing, exactly the kind of contrary perspective I was seeking.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:27 PM
4

This would be more fitting in a marriage or dating sub, or of course the echo-chamber of the sub you mentioned. I could have phrased my question as "Are God-fearing women the answer to fewer divorces?". I posted here because I only wanted to hear from men who've had the experience of marriage and seen the good (early days) and bad (divorce) and have had time to think through what went wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:19 PM
1

If she left she probably doesn't think of you much. Right now, she probably still harbors tons of resentment and anger. Right now, when she sees something that reminds her of you, she probably rolls her eyes or gets annoyed. That's how women are. But in a few years when her anger and resentment are trained on her new boyfriend, and she sees something that reminds her of you, she will have the same feelings you are having right now. By that time, hopefully, you will have moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:43 AM
2

Forgiveness is a very late stage emotion. Apathy comes way before. A lot of people try to short circuit the grieving and healing process to their own detriment. The person who told you to forgive now is delusional. It could take years, maybe decades. But if you go through the stages of grief and then rebuild your life better than what you had with her, forgiveness will one day feel natural. You're eventually going to look back and see her like an irredeemable druggie who stole from you in order …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:30 AM
1

How so? Here's the definition I came across from a Google search, seems fitting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:19 AM
1

Awesome, kudos to you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:03 AM
4

Well done bro. As for what's going on in her head, its all the craziness you read about. It will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 01:57 AM
15

Exchange rings, have a wedding ceremony, have a reception, call each other husband and wife. But don't sign a marriage certificate and don't live in a state that recognizes common law marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:23 PM
1

This is a great idea but men would have to fund it and work to get donations from wealthy divorced men. Can PACs lobby and advocate or just raise money for politicians? Yes, it can lobby. There's rules around it but they can do that. Whether its a foundation, a PAC, a think tank, a university endowment for Men's studies...something is better than nothing. We need to start somewhere. If even half the divorced guys in this country donated $10 it would make a massive difference.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 03:34 PM
12

There needs to be a PAC (political action committee) to represent men's interests in legislative matters in every statehouse. This is getting out of hand.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 01:38 AM
18

If you want to heal, go into the divorce with a vow never to reconnect with her down the road. Commit to closing that door for good and tell her. She isn't going to like that but you need to do that for your sake. Not doing so will prevent you from moving on and allow her to have her cake and eat it too. As far as why she is doing this, she wants butterflys again. Marriage can never give someone butterflies no matter how hard they try. Marriage is about cohabitation, companionship, and partnersh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 07:30 PM
1

The bigger cosmic joke is the natural discrepancy between most men and most women regarding sexual desire The discrepancy is the cause of the double standard. Its like any market imbalance and it exists in all species, even birds. Males biologically need/want more sex than females do which make sex a "Woman's market". She can be choosy. The inverse discrepancy exists with romance/relationships. Women crave romance/relationships far more than men do so they are far more frustrated in that realm t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:20 AM
12

The dudes who want to date her are just wanting to fuck her, nothing else. It amazes me that women can never tell the difference between a guy who wants to date them versus fuck them. Hint to any ladies reading this: at this age its a rare diamond who wants a relationship. Women on the other hand are always looking for a relationship. Go on the datingoverforty sub and see how many single gals have to weed out married dudes on the dating apps who are pretending to go through a divorce only to fin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 07:05 PM
2

This is the answer. Women want relationships, Men want sex.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 06:50 PM
2

Don't shut it off. Let it have the space it demands. I know its tiring but if you shut it down its going to pop up in some other weird way. Workout till exhaustion, therapy, journaling, let our your rage in legal way, cry, listen to sad songs, repeat. It takes a year or two before you get to a good place. You got this. I'm sure you know by reading the posts on this sub but your story is as old as time itself. Pro athletes go through it. Celebrities go through it. Look what Jason Sudeikis endured…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 08:09 PM
5

If there's no obvious reason, then there's some deep rooted things driving your thoughts which even you may not be aware of. You probably need the help of a therapist to uncover them, understand their root causes, and then address them. Could be unmet expectations. Could be unresolved trauma from your past. Could be your attachment style. Don't just throw away a good relationship without giving it your all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 08:00 PM
1

My career is nothing great but provides and has a good pension (and in a lot of ways I really enjoy it at times!)Own a home. Gf. Dogs. On paper, you are actually doing quite well. I would look into some spirituality. Its amazing what gratitude and perspective can do for your mental well being.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:54 PM
6

No. De-escalate. Not give in. Hostage negotiators don't let the kidnapper take the hostage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:40 PM
5

It's instinctive behavior as basic as the desire to eat or have sex. You see the same hate/animosity when business partnerships sour. The best way to understand it is from the lens of a fight, which in essence is what a divorce really is. But in this case the fight isn't over a watering hole or a mate, its over custody and marital assets. Imagine yourself in a fistfight and your life or your child's life is at stake. You are going to do anything you can to inflict damage to your adversary so tha…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:33 PM
5

Daily fighting, no children, 1 year marriage? Leave now!
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:18 PM
1

Ah, ok that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:13 PM
2

Its human nature to let go of the pain and move on, we're wired to do that. Religion, society, and good people encourage us to let go of the past and be optimistic about the future. To hang on to pain and suffering is deemed to be broken. Then a really sweet girl comes along, does everything right during the dating phase just like our ex did. And we think to ourselves "Am I going to punish this sweet girl for what my ex did to me?". There you go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:29 PM
1

Wait, how did you have your 11 year old if you had a vasectomy in 2011?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:23 PM
1

That's so sad, I'm really sorry to hear that. I had no idea they can do this, I thought if a parent moves they forfeit their custody rights? I have to imagine there is some way to right this wrong. Write a letter to Ron DeSantis or some politician who can mention your story on the campaign trail and hopefully take it public. I don't know, there's gotta be something. If nothing else, move to Hawaii and find a way to make a living there. It would only be a few years because once they're teenagers …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:21 PM
3

Ok well it sounds like you got it figured out, if that's the case godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 10:16 PM
3

I understand that but if you're beneficial to her by being a US citizen, once she is married to you and gets her citizenship, how do you remain beneficial? Why not split your time between her country and the US? I just hearing red flags here and I'm concerned you're not thinking this through.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 08:00 PM
1

If you're doing it for your kid, don't do it. If your partner is willing to give you 100% custody in a divorce, do that. If you're doing it because you don't want to split custody of the kid, meaning you want full time custody and the full experience of being a parent, you can try it out as long as you both can keep the household free of marital tension. By the time she's a teenager, it will be much easier to split.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 06:14 PM
3

She’s not a US Citizen so I’m definitely beneficial for her. Why do you say that? You are just as beneficial to her as she is to you, irrespective of citizenship. I mean, if you weren't a US citizen, how would that impact your value? Older Brother - be sure you have thought this through before jumping in. You don't need to legally get married. You can exchange rings, have a ceremony, call each other husband and wife but keep the state out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:03 PM
1

I also feel every relationship no matter what will always end in divorce! I am actually surprised when I see couples together for 10+ years now. what's your take on this? What you're experiencing is called Survivorship bias. You are on this sub, you are focused on all the divorces you hear about. Its natural to think that. But as you stated, it FEELS like every relationship ends in divorce. Feelings aren't facts. The hard fact is 40%, that's the number of first marriages that actually end in div…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 07:25 PM
5

This is my mentality. I have no doubt a woman can truly love you for a few years. But decade after decade? Lol, no I'm not stupid. Marriage isn't just love, its about tolerance, gratitude, empathy, communication, fidelity, partnership, honesty, conflict resolution, and on and on. It takes skill and a F ton of really good qualities to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 07:11 PM
1

I get what you're saying but if you had acted like a viking warlord she would have divorced you because you were a narcissist or because she didn't feel an emotional connection. A woman has to be the type that naturally defers to her man in order for the man to step into a leadership role. Most modern women are conditioned to see such behavior as weak and enabling misogynistic behavior. Even many religious women have a hard time with traditional gender roles.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:58 PM
2

I've thought about this question a lot and I came to the conclusion that nearly everyone has red flags, including those of us on this sub. Over the course of 10, 20, or 30 years there's just way too many variables to control for divorce. The old control valves (religion, stigma of divorce) are gone. There's no such thing as a divorce proof woman. The 40% of marriages that end in divorce include beautiful women, ugly women, smart women dumb women, successful women, poor women, women from good fam…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:48 PM
7

It sounds like you want to leave because of the lack of sex. If that's the case, I would have a serious conversation with her first and try to do some marital counseling to see if you can fix things.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:35 PM
5

Interesting. I'm wondering why she opened up to you about this? There is a reason she said this to you. Does she want to commiserate, does she see you like a girlfriend she can confide in, is she trying to reconnect with you romantically?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:31 PM
3

Completely normal. You need to mourn the loss of her and the marriage just like you would mourn someone who died. It will be easier to go no-contact to pull this off. If you go through all the stages of grief in a year or two you will be much much better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 04:36 PM
2

I would let her know you know, but only her and no one else. Tell her you have proof, hint at the what the proof is but don't show it. Tell her you are sad and devastated but you want the divorce to go smoothly so you won't be exposing this. Doing this will give you some leverage over her behavior and hopefully minimize how toxic she may become. That's what I would use the proof for. The threat of being exposed and humiliated + affair fog should put you in a position to gain a favorable outcome …
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:35 PM
1

Depression has a purpose, you need to go through it. Watch the movie Inside Out and you'll understand what depression helps with. Eventually after a few years, if you stick to the routine you mentioned, you will emerge from this feeling better than ever. And then you'll look around and see all that this big beautiful planet has to offer, all other 8 billion people on here with you, and the possibilities you have, and you will wonder why you were so sad for so long.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 08:18 PM
3

Get a lawyer now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:35 PM
5

Don't give an ultimatum. Secretly begin planning for a divorce, the likelihood it will happen in the future is high. Be the best husband and man you can be but don't cater to her needs or turn into a pet poodle. Be a manly man, a protector, a provider, a rock. Be someone that she knows will find another woman very quickly. Look for any signs of infidelity. This is the time they try to test the waters and see what they can get. Make it known that if she wants a divorce, you will accept it. But on…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:27 PM
4

I don't think there's a name for it. But the same mental processes seem to take place. They are seeking fulfillment of some kind, they abandon an old set of beliefs, they abandon their old social group, they're very resistant and antagonistic towards anyone trying to bring them back to their old life. Any new experience will fire off dopamine in the brain, whether that's a new car, new religion, or new romantic partner. People mistake the dopamine hit from the shiny new toy for something that wi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 07:07 PM
2

Redpill has a theory for this. They call it War Brides. Essentially, prehistoric women who were captured by the enemy and resisted did not produce offspring and their lineage died out. Those who quickly acclimated to their new captor and had babies with him passed their genes on. Today, every woman is a descendent of a war bride who quickly acclimated to her captor. Logically speaking, it makes sense. I don't know if its true though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:55 AM
1

Read through your post history. I like your perspective on this. Like me, it seems like your wife may have cheated but you're still together. If so, how did you reconcile the disrespect of her infidelity with the devotion she now shows you?
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:51 AM
3

Are you willing to risk it all on someone who wont tell you how theyre feeling? Even if they could tell you, it would be different each day. There's no such thing as convictions with them. Its all fuzzy feelings and randomness.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:32 AM
7

Years and years of resentment being let out without any need to show restraint. Its probably somewhat cathartic for them to express that anger and rage that's been built up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:29 AM
3

Not almost, you weren't. Its some weird psychological thing women do where they think their husband / home / family is the sole cause of their misery. They can't see past how they feel. They can't be objective and rational. They can't be grateful for what they do have. Its like certain people who are miserable no matter which job they have. They start out happy and excited and then eventually they grow disillusioned. They job hop and keep hoping they will find the right company somewhere but nev…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:24 AM
4

She’s like an imposter lost to a cult etc. From a psychological standpoint, that's actually a really good analogy. They eventually come out of it, but it can take years, maybe even a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:19 AM
24

Perfectly articulated and completely agree.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:41 PM
7

Its probably depression + getting older = midlife crisis. The best analogy I can give for what it feels like is someone changing careers. At one time, they believed in their chosen career and invested their whole lives in it. At some point, they become disillusioned and instead of trying to salvage the existing career they think that another career is the answer. Sometimes it is, but more often its not. The new career they choose is often the total opposite of the one they left behind. Similarly…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:04 PM
3

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't understand why so many women pull this crap when the kids are little.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:52 PM
2

Once they're able to drive, you will only see her on the kids wedding day and the birth of grandchildren. Nothing is forever. Don't rush into forgiveness. Don't fight the negative feelings, that doesn't work. Channel that rage and resentment into being an amazing father and human being to everyone but her. With her, be formal, cordial, and distant. Once you have a new gal in your life and the kids are accustomed to the 2 house routine, you will naturally feel like you are past it and ready to mo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:50 PM
5

Its only been a month. Its going to take at least a year or two, maybe longer, before you start feeling better. Don't short circuit the grieving process. Allow all the emotions to have their place. Start therapy, hit the weights hard, workout till exhaustion, journal, yell in the car and feel your rage, listen to sad songs, cry your eyes out, repeat until you get to a point where you don't need to do these things. Its a process, and you will have good days and bad days. But a year or two from no…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:40 PM
1

She probably isn't as cold and heartless as she seems right now. She probably has mixed feelings and regret but at some level believes this is what's best for both of you in the long run. She knows that if she wavers at all, it will delay the breakup process that she believes needs to happen. She isn't stringing you along and I think that deserves a level of respect. Go no contact and force yourself to mourn the loss of the marriage. Its a process and its difficult but at least there's no childr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:34 PM
11

Keep your cool for your daughter's sake. Deal with the wife and boyfriend after she is out and fully healed. Now is not the time. Sorry your exwife is acting like an asshat.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 11:18 PM
1

Thank you. I saw Marriage Story recently, another great divorce movie and true to life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 11:12 PM
14

You have no children together and there's 4 billion women on this planet. You have no idea how lucky you are. Leave.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 05:32 PM
4

Bro from the standpoint of a divorce guy, you're in an almost ideal situation. You're going to get 100% custody so you control the children's upbringing, you have all holidays with them, you have the full experience of being a father. Your exwife is remarried so all her insanity is her new husband's problem and you no longer have to pay alimony or child support. What more could you want? Be super nice to your MIL and tell her you want her to be a part of the kids lives. Never let on that you nee…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 05:27 PM
2

but she told me a few days ago that “she loves me more than I could ever know, wants to keep me in her life, but does not want a romantic relationship with me anymore.” Its going to be tempting to stay in her life but don't allow this to happen, its a trap. Once the divorce is final, an occasional brief text about administrative things (eg. mail) is all you should allow. Women are notorious for keeping guys on the backburner, its how they operate. It leaves you in no-man's land. You aren't able …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:54 AM
1

Absolutely. Google what Kevin Costner just went through. He had a prenup. Lucky for him the judge was giving plenty of signals that he would enforce it if they went to trial so they settled. In the end she still got more than what the prenup stipulated. But if there were no prenup, she would have gotten half of all marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:34 PM
2

Its very similar to a prenup. Both parties should have their own lawyer review it and negotiate the terms before signing. Infidelity clauses are worthless. No matter what you put in there, your spouse can still contest it if you divorce. Hope that gives you a good start.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:26 PM
1

This. IF they'll admit infidelity at all, it's usually as some twisted way of making it all "OK" in their minds. "I came clean, I'm absolved". I disagree. In some situations (very few) the cheater has a genuine desire to change and atone. This requires them to start by coming clean, being fully transparent and honest with themselves and those they love. But it doesn't stop there, they have to delve deep into their thinking and impulses with a trained therapist. They need to then move to practici…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 06:20 PM
3

Just know that if you got those answers - they would leave you scratching your head. It would be like getting answers to why an alcoholic drinks or a druggie shoots up. They're rooted in the person's weaknesses and brokenness.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 06:16 PM
4

Its roughly accurate. It seems like women cheat/divorce around the 12 - 15 year mark or the 20 year mark (once the children are older). Where I disagree with him is he makes it seem like women are scheming from the very beginning in order to extract money out of the husband. I think its far more complicated and varied in terms of motivations.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 08:12 PM
3

You're definitely on the right track. So much of what we experience as life is just in our head. Our self conception is in our head. So is our conception of parents, children, and family. Even the concept of love in a construct. The Ancient Greeks wrote of the 7 types of love, in modern Western culture we only have 1. In some Eastern cultures, love isn't even much of a concept. As you process the loss, its helpful to pick this apart and understand why your wife meant so much to you, why the divo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 06:52 PM
2

My gosh, she's a walking disaster. I'm so sorry. If there's more than one, I'm not sure its worth telling any of their wives even after the divorce is final. She'll just move on to the next in line. Get the best possible divorce terms you can. Keep her as cooperative as you can by not rocking her boat. Once the divorce is final, grey rock her and build a new life with your children that is loving, stable, and predictable. Children need and love that. Your STBXW is going to have a revolving door …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 05:56 PM
3

100%. Women are the ones filing 70% of the time, 90% if they're college educated. The institution of marriage needs to catch up with a world where women have as much power as men.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 10:39 PM
5

Wow, thank you for sharing this. We all know what crazy looks like, but sometimes we don't know the levels. This one is particularly crazy. I will never ever ever get married again, I absolutely don't give a fuck who she is, won't ever do it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 10:36 PM
2

Its not natural for human beings. Its a manmade institution.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 10:01 PM
3

There's all kinds of women so its hard to generalize. But in an attempt to provide you some understanding, women rely on emotions and feelings for decision making far more than men do. So on paper and to outsiders the woman looks insane for what she is doing and the woman is aware of that. But she will justify it with how she feels. Its sort of like when you see a really rich person or a famous celebrity who commits suicide even though they have it all. She can't see past her depression, isolati…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:55 PM
2

Don't do anything until the divorce is final. Just curious, is AP staying with his wife? If so, is your STBXW okay with being a side piece?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:36 PM
2

Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:01 PM
1

They're old enough to understand what infidelity is, I would tell them. If you do, I wouldn't make your wife out to be a monster. I would leave out details and just state the basics, the reason we're getting a divorce is because your mom has been cheating on me for 4 years. They're going to be livid with her and concerned about your feelings. You should tell them how you feel and be honest but don't burden them with details or trying to make you feel better. They don't need to know how you found…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 06:30 PM
4

I mean it depends on the perspective. A woman could say she is living that life because the burden of her ex is no longer holding her back and suddenly she's on the back of a Harley with some tatted up biker dude. At the end of the day, marriage is a living and child rearing arrangement, its not exciting stuff. When either party gets to a point where they no longer value that or need it, they are more likely to "unburden" themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:55 PM
2

A man’s midlife crisis involves buying a motorcycle or sport car In all fairness, there's PLENTY of guys who burn down their family to chase pussy. The old guy driving a Ferrari with a hot young blonde is a cliche for a reason. At the very core of any midlife crisis (man or woman) is a combination of depression, a sudden awareness of how finite our lives are, and the motivation to do something about it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 06:18 PM
2

Great list of advice, glad you are finding yourself after a difficult experience!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 05:13 PM
48

Wife initiated separation and immediately signed up on dating sites. That right there tells you how broken she is. She's searching for her drug of choice (sex and romance). She's needs the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin that her drug gives her like a crack addict needs crack. And she can't get it from you. See her like the junkie she is and try to protect yourself and your kids. Manage your feelings on your own, don't let them cloud your thinking. Be resolute in getting the best outcome for y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:38 PM
2

There are a few good women out there, no doubt. But they're rare, very rare. And none of them are going to be conventionally hot. I get that it makes you feel powerless but hopefully you eventually come to realize that for the vast majority of women (95%+) it's silly to assume you will spend the rest of your life with her and to act accordingly. Keep finances separate, don't legally get married, don't take her for granted. Doing those things will give you a better outcome than trying to believe …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:29 PM
2

Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written response. I don't think the question is a "gotcha" that decries the purpose as a whole. Instead, I think it's a question everyone considering long-term romantic relationships and marriage should answer for themselves. Completely agree. I do believe if people truly knew what they were getting themselves into a large chunk of them would either say "no thanks" or modify the arrangement in a big way before agreeing to it. For those who do agree, there s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:25 PM
3

So let's ignore the fact that no one can control another person's emotions, I can't MAKE anyone happy, no one can MAKE me happy. Once we're well into adulthood, we come to realize (hopefully) that happiness is fundamentally a choice and often springs from a mindset of gratitude and good perspective. Let's pretend that we can MAKE other people happy. If that's all it is, why get married? Why not just have long term relationships and use the technique of making our partner happy to keep it togethe…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:04 PM
5

Great point. I used to think celebrities divorcing was just another day in the park for them. But the more I read about divorce I came to realize that the vast majority of the time it was the woman filing and these celebrity men, as high value as they are, were still heartbroken.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 06:36 AM
14

Its time to covertly plan for an eventual divorce. If you want to gain as much of an advantage as possible, don't let her think you are thinking this. In fact, try to meet her every demand, try to be the best husband and father you can possibly be, just to throw her off. In the meantime, do your best to get her into a job that pays as much as possible, the closer her salary is to yours the better. As far as assets in any personal accounts you have, talk to a lawyer to figure out what you can do …
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:01 PM
1

Guilt is an emotion, a powerful one. Let it be, don't fight it. Listen to what its saying and why its manifesting. See it as a sign that you are a conscientious person. Journal and think through the emotion and what is causing it. Dissect it and really get to the bottom of it. You can do it through therapy, talking to a close friend, or journaling. Once you get to the bottom of it, you may find that the guilt is unwarranted and it will disappear. Or you may find that it is warranted and you have…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 06:37 PM
1

Its never an ideal time. Its either when the kids are young or when you are getting ready to retire. Ultimately, anyone can choose to divorce at anytime, you just have to be willing to make the sacrifice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 07:28 PM
5

So many guys think they can take off their ring and start a harem and instead are hit with a hard reality that it’s a lot of work to get a new girl. This! I have a friend who was in a dysfunctional marriage and got a little attention from a few ladies during the pandemic. He suddenly got the itch and divorced his wife. Did no work on himself, no introspection about what happened in his marriage, hit the dating world and spoiler alert...he's had zero luck. Nuked his family to jack off in his bach…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:10 AM
2

Why can't you divorce her now??
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:04 AM
2

Haha dude your ex is bat shit crazy. I wonder why women can't just stand up and say what's bothering them, jeez. All the suggestions given by other commenters sound like a lot of fun, I would respond in kind. But if you don't want to go to the effort, I would just pretend like its bothering you. Don't get angry or anything, just act bothered a few times when you see her. Politely ask her if she ever plans to take down the peacock and mention the condoms in a coy way. Act like it makes you uncomf…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:43 AM
7

You sound like you've completely moved on, kudos brother! Your best life is ahead of you. In all likelihood, the income issue was just a proxy for something else. She probably had built up resentment or something else, decided the marriage was fatally flawed, checked out, and then filed for divorce. Now this new dude comes along and its a clean slate so the income issue is longer an issue. But like you said, in due time his all too human quirks will start to get on her nerves and she will begin …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:27 AM
4

All of us feel your pain. You had a vision for your life and you invested in that for 20 years. Now the rug has been pulled from under your feet and you feel lost and hopeless. Allow the feelings to have their place, go through the grieving process. Grieve the life you imagined. If you allow yourself to go through it, you will come out the other side with a new life that is much better than the one you left behind. Right now, you will say you don't want that new life, you want your old life back…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:22 PM
5

When you think about what the dating world really is, a subset of the normal population actively looking to find a partner, its not an ideal place to be. Their focus on finding someone is almost guaranteed to lead to disappointment. You just got out of a marriage, do you really wanna go right back in? I would suggest pressing the pause button on dating. Figure yourself out, date yourself, go on a journey to discover who you really are. Rediscover your joys and cultivate them. Then when you are r…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 04:34 PM
1

I have a divorce attorney, but I would also like to solicit the Reddit mindhive. Do I just have to suck it up and suffer these three consequences if I want to be done with her--and she basically goes off consequence-free? Any strategic plays I can make here, or questions I can ask her to get some answers (or to box her in, should it get contentious)? There's a Texas billionaire named Ed Bosarge that filed for divorce and tried to leave his wife penniless using a South Dakota Trust. He ultimately…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 04:11 PM
1

Thank you for sharing your perspective and glad to see you here. Did you know Gay Marriages have the lowest divorce rate? Guess who has the highest....Lesbians! Kudos on being able to change teams! There's no way I could do that but wish I could.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:32 PM
2

Isn't child support it's own thing though that you can't get out of regardless of income? Like if I were to let her move them and have full custody I would have to pay it regardless, it's for the kids not her. Why would she have to pay me child support if she has full custody? My apologies, I misunderstood. Yes, if she takes the kids and has full custody, you will owe her child support. Same if its vice versa. Its when you share custody 50/50 that she could end up paying you for child support si…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:27 PM
1

Do Not Move. There's a movie called Marriage Story and the husband gets screwed in exactly this scenario. Like me, you have a wife who doesn't have your best interests at heart. Her focus is herself and your children, you need to start thinking the same way. She's playing chess, time for you to start playing too. But if she did obviously I would be stuck paying full child support to a person making mid 6 figures across the country and never see my kids. Not true on both points. Point 1 - If she …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:49 PM
1

That's an awesome ending to your story. Hope it continues.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:49 AM
4

Interesting. The more I think about it, the more I agree. You take all the variables of a marriage...2 human beings living together, decades of time, the stress of children, careers, and health....it really doesn't matter what criteria you have at the outset, its gonna fall apart at some point or another.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:47 AM
4

Problem is, even though the data confirms that feelings change and people remarry, it ALSO confirms that 60% of those people will go on to feel differently and get divorced again . 100% and I'm glad you pointed this out. Feelings absolutely continue to change, that's the reason people get divorced, remarried, and divorced again. And you're right the data shows that of the 2/3 of men who will remarry, nearly 60% will get divorced again. If you step back and look at it, its total madness. I agree …
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 06:19 PM
4

If you brought 2 kids in the world and you got a good woman, man the F up. Wondering if you love your spouse is what women do, not us men. You don't need to fight for anything. You need to work on yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. If you do that, everything will fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:59 PM
4

Prenup as well. If it happens again, and god forbid there’s another divorce, don’t think I’d be able to handle being told what she’s “entitled” to and she can’t be “disadvantaged”. Jesus when I hear that I want to punch a hole through the planet. Have you read up on Kevin Costner's divorce saga and what he's enduring in spite of having a prenup in place?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:54 PM
8

Haha that was great and probably very true. Reminds me of the chimp who made better stock picks than brokers.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:52 PM
1

When I read posts like this I think "God, where are you?". Then I remember its in our hands to fix these worldly problems. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can you try to get 50/50 custody?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:35 PM
0

If a person changes careers 2-3 times today. Then everything is temporary including relationships. Exactly. People used to live to the age of 40 in ancient times, there just wasn't enough lifespan for more than 1 marriage. Today, the world is changing at lightning speed. Careers change, fashions change, friends change, yet somehow we are supposed to naturally stay married to the same person for 50+ years? Its unrealistic.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 10:27 PM
2

Gotcha, interesting take.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:04 PM
1

She's gonna grow old with this guy and play with their grandbabies together. /s Jk bud. With her maturity level I would give the new relationship 3 years, 5 max. You're sooooooo lucky you are learning these lessons at your age. Enjoy your 20's, you're free! In the next 10 years, read this sub. Learn about marriage, women, infidelity, mid life crises. Become a good man once your wild days are behind you. Then find a good woman, get engaged, have a marriage ceremony and live in a non-common law st…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:43 PM
5

Just model good relationships for them. But right now, the modeling that they're witnessing is a single father and a mother with a series of boyfriends. Neither of you can obviously conjure up an ideal partner on your own so in lieu of that, how do you "teach" your kids what a good relationship looks like?
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:31 PM
4

And not for the financial castration of divorce, but because I am reasonably convinced that although women crave security in relationships, a woman feeling secure in a relationship is often a very bad thing. Unless the woman is very self aware and practices gratitude. Otherwise, its the chase that keeps them in the game. Remove that from the equation and they're forced to begin looking for faults with the rabbit they just caught.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:24 PM
6

This is a great question. I would honestly pose it to your father and let us know what he says. I'm genuinely curious I've thought about this a lot. I think it comes down to three things... Awareness - Before coming on this sub and seeing nearly the exact same scenario described over and over again I assumed my situation was unique. Before reading statistics like 70% of all divorces are initiated by women and that number goes up to 90% if they're college educated, I thought divorce was just as o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 03:18 PM
4

Will your kids like to hang out with Mom and Dad at the same time? Yes. Will they be confused seeing another guy with their Mom and their Dad just looking the other way? Yes. When they grow up will they think you did the right thing for yourself? No. She wants the family experience and she also wants the new dude. Is she aware how much it would hurt you to endure hanging out with her and the AP? Maybe. Does she care? Doubtful. In fact, she may even like having 2 men in her life, the doting fathe…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:34 PM
0

I was recently telling a friend about how the early red flags I missed in dating weren't that big of a deal because my mom would get angry and have little tantrums while I was growing up and yet she was a good wife and mother, and it hit me. I didn't realize until that moment that my mom's outbursts throughout childhood probably desensitized me to an unstable woman. I think 99% of people have parents that traumatized them in some way or another. The perfect parents we see in 80's sitcoms just do…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:08 PM
1

Great question. What I mean by a fight is trying to get my fair share. For others it may be to get more than their fair share or to inflict harm out of spite, but that's them not me. Another question you seem to be asking is how viciously should you fight. To me, the tenacity with which you fight depends on what's at stake and what is it for. Fighting for the life of my child, I'll do anything, absolutely anything. Fighting for my fair share in a divorce proceeding, I want to do what I think is …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 08:02 PM
3

I was 6. My four brothers and I were used as weapons our entire childhoods. Our parents hated each other and constantly sued each other for custody and child support. It was hell. Man, that's rough. I'm currently married but the marriage is in tatters after my wife cheated. For my wife, it wasn't a friend encouraging her it was her sister. The sister was going through a divorce, they commiserated, and voila she decides she needs to live it up before she gets any older. She had a big turn around …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 11:59 PM
2

So happy to see the shoe on the other foot. Hope this trend continues. Hire a lawyer because here's the best part brother, she will have to pay your legal fees lol. "Take her for everything she has king! You deserve better!!!" lol
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 07:11 PM
3

100%. Its comical actually. I go on the datingoverforty sub and all they talk about is being ghosted, being used for sex, or finding out their boyfriend isn't who he said he is. But I was referring to modern women having the option to leave whereas prior to the 1900's divorce was really taboo and practically unheard of.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 06:14 PM
2

And you want to stay with this woman?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 06:08 PM
3

Yeah ok, maybe. I guess the whole institution of marriage just never really worked and now its plainly obvious because women have options.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:18 AM
2

I came from a divorced family so I knew I'd never do it How old were you when your parents divorced? What made you so vehemently against it?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 11:40 PM
5

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 99.999% sure no matter what you did to be a better husband, you would end up right where you are today, divorced. Throughout history women have stood by men who are boorish and uneducated, often living in small quarters. Did they bitch and complain? No, they cherished their husbands. This is still the case in many third world countries. Watch a woman try to figure out what she wants to eat or wear. After she supposedly decides, watch her rethink her decision …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 10:20 PM
7

Don't beat yourself up about imagining an alternate reality. Its the denial part of the grieving process. You have to through it and all the other stages so that you can move on. Just accept it and wallow in the loss. Grieve it like you are grieving the loss of a child or parent. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol. Don't deny these feelings. Let them be. But to answer your question, although we never actually got divorced, we were on the brink of it. For about a year she seemed to have some sort of …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 11:17 PM
2

Romance is fueled by bonding hormones. Marriage is a societal organization system. The idea that every man needs to be a ripped alpha male in order to stay married is insane. Find the right woman who believes in the value of a stable and secure marriage and her duty and value as a wife and you will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 11:29 PM
3

I love that guy too. Lol!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 10:29 PM
4

OP this is the best advice to your question. Put your feelings to the side and use this situation to your advantage. If your emotions are making it difficult to get through your day, find a therapist, journal, work out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 10:27 PM
1

So, this is only meant to be a partial Joke but are most women insane? I feel the same way most men on here do. The "I don't know who this person is" seems to be the general consensus here. My conclusion is that something flips in their head or they are expert liars and masters of deception. Literally two months before I got the bomb dropped on me I heard from my wife "I am happily married" you know that same crap most of you guys have heard. I do think sometimes it is some sort of mental health…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 10:22 PM
2

You would only be a fool if you stay married to her. You probably agreed to an open marriage because you never had thought about it before and you wanted to be a good husband and keep her happy. If asked to do it again, I'm sure you would say "absolutely not". You don't need to walk around with a T shirt saying I agreed to an open marriage and my wife turned into a whore. If asked, you can share and also be honest about where your head was at and the lessons you've learned. No one is proud to be…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 09:58 PM
1

I thought this is fake too. No way someone is THIS much of a doormat.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:46 PM
1

What are you ashamed of?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:43 PM
3

Even so, I just don't know how to stop hurting, how to stop ruminating over the what-ifs, the what-could-have-beens, and my failures during the marriage. You need to go through this pain in order to move on, don't try to stop it. Its no different than grieving the death of a loved one. If you don't, you won't let go, it will never be in the past. Grief is your mind's method of putting it in the past, allow the process to take place. Don't do anything stupid, don't drink, don't do drugs, hit the …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 01:39 AM
4

I think the dynamic you've observed on social media reflects real life. For some reason, there's just a culture of accountability for men that you don't see with women. It might be the centuries of women serving in a supportive role that has created this. It might be because women have historically been dependent on men and not seen as having agency. Whereas us men have traditionally been made to feel like we are masters of our own destiny. So naturally, when women see the relationship as broken…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 06:46 PM
3

It’s been 3 months and I’m still shocked and can’t accept the fact that she’s so unwilling to work on things. Isn't it crazy? From a rational standpoint, they decide to torpedo their life and their children's lives to go chase a rainbow. There isn't much you can do, just be the best version of yourself you can be and let the chips fall where they may. Grey rock her, hit the gym, hire a good lawyer, be civil and stoic. Get a good therapist to process the pain and suffering. For some giggles, go o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:33 PM
2

That's often the case, but not always. Some people do file for divorce and have the decency not to monkey branch or cheat. But obviously they're in the minority.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:29 PM
4

The US divorce rate in 1900 was 1%, were our great great grandfathers experts at choosing mates? No doubt we should all look within first rather than blame others. But that's only part of the story for a lot of the divorces people are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 11:40 PM
3

Fast forward, I’ve worked on myself and feel I’ve grown in a lot of ways and realize what I want in partner and she isn’t it. If it helps, I'm willing to bet you would have ended up in this situation no matter who you married. And if you divorce now and remarry, you could very well end up in this situation in another 10 -15 years. The ideal partner, even though we think we know what it is, can be very elusive to find. And once we think we found it, somehow our tastes change and they're no longer…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 10:51 PM
14

I agree with everything you said, but you're ignoring the commitment that many men (and women) make in a marriage. Yes, feelings change, that's why the institution of marriage was founded in ancient times. Why go through the process, make vows, say "for better or worse", if a change in feelings is all it takes to break it? The other spouse just ends up being misled into believing their commitment is met in kind. It makes the whole institution of marriage a joke. Feelings WILL change, about every…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 09:21 PM
1

Its about 1% but they're out there, very rare though.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 04:26 PM
2

Experience the pain and the grief. Wallow in the feeling of loss. The process of grieving is absolutely essential to the next stage, letting go and moving on. Its going to feel uncomfortable, so much so that you will want to drown out your sorrows with alcohol or go back to her. You will be no different than a junkie going through detox. Journal your thoughts, find their root causes, let your emotions fly. Talk to a therapist, siblings, good friends. Vent and give these powerful emotions the spa…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 07:27 AM
1

Thank you. I also found this after I asked you which was helpful: https://www.protective.com/learn/legal-separation-or-divorce
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:40 AM
9

I too always wanted kids and have them. They are the only reason I'm still married. If I had to do it over, here's two options I would consider. Safe Route: Find a good woman. A woman who is self aware, in control of her emotions, is accountable, recognizes her bad choices and owns them, learns from her mistakes. A woman who comes from a family where divorce and broken marriages are unheard of. A woman who doesn't suffer from depression or copes with substances. Learn about relationships, marria…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:32 AM
1

You could have done better by filing for legal separation (vs a postnup) which is available to e-file in CA (If you are in Santa Clara county) I'm not familiar with the advantage of filing for legal separation. Can you elaborate or provide link that explains?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 09:46 PM
1

Mine did, but I'm the minority. It was bizarre. When it started, it happened seemingly overnight. She seemed to want nothing to do with me and became super distant. Then 6 months after D-Day I was a hair's breath from filing for a divorce and she snapped out of it and came back to her old self. Her entire possessed period from beginning to end was about 1 year. I would liken it to a family member joining a cult. Looking back, it seemed to be a mental health episode but could be undiagnosed Borde…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 11:16 PM
3

Agree with this 110%. A lot of guys are conditioned to get into a pattern like this with their ladies because of the whole damsel-in-distress and knight-in-shining-armor thing. We want to be heroes. When I was younger, I would have felt inadequate with a woman who didn't need me and was perfectly content with the single life. It felt good to be needed and see someone's face light up when they saw me. Today, its the opposite. There's a Youtuber named Courtney Ryan who has some videos on red flags…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 10:52 PM
6

You ever hear stories of combat veterans who are back home in a peaceful town and still talking and acting like they are deployed? That's you. You have PTSD. You need intensive therapy, journaling, buddhism, and a host of other things to help you get better. Your mind is wounded and you aren't going to be back to your normal self until you heal it. Its going to take a lot of work, maybe year or two, but start and diligently work at it until you start seeing progress.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 06:32 AM
1

Sounds like you've already agreed on divorce with her, if that's the case you need to go all the way and get it done. If you initiated, she agreed, you have to follow through. Staying now will make her suspicious of your motives and she will be preparing for the inevitable to maximize her advantage when it does happen. Your daughter is too young to remember you both together, she will have zero trauma from the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 06:25 AM
1

You should have a family meeting with them and talk it out. Explain your perspective and get theirs. They could very well be doing it as a ploy to get her to divorce on favorable terms with you for the sake of the kids. If that's the case, then its smart. Until the divorce is final, you want her to be as cooperative as possible. If they aren't doing it for those reasons, then you should explain why you need them to be on your side, why you want them to minimize contact with her, and what she's d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:24 PM
1

It sounds like you are in California. If so, how many years back do they use to calculate imputed income?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 08:36 PM
1

Great questions, thank you for asking and challenging. It forces me to focus and re-evaluate. My answer is I stay for now, here's why: Until my kids are older, they are my sole focus. Even if I divorce, I would not want to get remarried or have a girlfriend they need to adjust to. I'm investing the next 10 years in my kids, not on another woman. Today I get 100% custody and I get to spend every holiday with them, every life occasion, I get to experience being a family man and having kids to rais…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 09:50 PM
1

I've written it out to her in an email about a year ago. I worded out exactly what I want her to do. I've verbally reminded her about it at least 3 times since then. I've said in these words "Let's get through this and that way we can move past it". But she won't do it and I know why. She's an epic rug-sweeper, she's conflict avoidant, she wants to make peace. She's also not very introspective, she would rather stay busy than to think and look within. She would rather blame and have a pity party…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 07:51 PM
1

I have not. Instead I'm observing and quietly judging to see how she goes about this. As I mentioned, I would give her a C+ as of now. If I were to give her an ultimatum like Divorce, there's no doubt in my mind she would spring to action and do everything I told her to do. But what good is that? It means I have to point a gun at my wife's head to get her to do what's right? I would rather just quit the marriage. The question at this point is WHEN. Some say do it sooner rather than later, others…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 07:21 PM
7

So, it should be normal for us to expect that no matter how bad she feels now, no matter how tired she is, no matter how confused she is, finantial problems she has, loneliness, fear, etc. She will always find a way to support her beliefs and that she was right. Wish I could upvote your comment more for this statement right here. You nailed it completely and it eloquently explains the insanity so many of us witness firsthand.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:06 PM
6

She held onto resentment and used it to detach and move on without telling me. This sentence hits home but is ominous of my own mental processes in play rather than my wife's. She cheated, I gave her a chance because we have kids, but she's done a C+ job of making amends. I've asked multiple times for her to take ownership, be completely transparent and forthcoming about the affair, learn about her own impulses and share all her progress with me. But she doesn't do these things and just wants to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:03 PM
1

My wife is sweet, respectful, and moods are in control....but she cheated on me. They're all crazy, just different types of crazy. I would take your crazy over mine any day. I can easily work with that, I could talk to her, get her to understand, put in the work and give her time to change. It comes down to what's more important to you, full time with kids or a being single and unburdened?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 09:29 PM
1

I don't know if its jealousy, rage or what but I am very tempted to just pay her the bare minimum now. Its one of those things. Bottom line is she knowingly crossed a line that you both agreed to. She didn't forget, she wasn't drunk, she took a chance and got caught. There must be consequences or it will happen again and again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 08:27 PM
2

Your hopeful side is fighting against your realist side. Find a good woman, the kind of woman who has good character and is a saint of a person, treat her like a queen and take care of her in every way. Give her access to your credit card, let her redecorate your home to her taste, introduce her to people as your life partner. But don't get legally married. Getting the legal system involved in your relationship means getting it involved if things go south. There's nothing wrong with find a good …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 08:13 PM
2

You WILL find that special someone who will love that ‘competent generosity’, kindness, kingship and shepherding trait as a man… you will. Do women like this even exist anymore? We all want that, even atheist guys do, but you never meet a gal who is like this.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 08:06 PM
3

Kids are worth it, marriage is not. Without kids in the picture, the divorce rate would be like 90%. If you really want kids without the headache of marriage, find an egg donor and a surrogate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:57 PM
12

You never know what the reason is man, they're all nuts. Don't spend too much time thinking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:51 PM
1

Of course you are, you are a normal decent human being. I'm sure before all this happened she would be aghast to know what she is capable of. Its ok to feel distraught and broken up, accept that feeling, wallow in it, listen to sad songs, yell in the car, whatever it takes to process the anguish and turmoil. Just don't do anything crazy, no drugs, no alcohol, no suicide attempts, just endure the suffering. Its going to take months, maybe even a year, before you start to find some peace, but it w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:38 PM
1

You are bewildered like so many of us were. Think of what your ex is doing as a form of a psychological break or some sort of mental health episode. Its not that different than when a person joins a cult. It could take years before she "wakes up" and comes to grips with what she has done to you, her kids, and herself. You can read about Rewriting History in a marriage, its a very common reaction to the end of a marriage and helps a person move on and leave the relationship behind. Its a process …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 06:02 PM
2

possession of the marital house. How did you pull that off?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:24 AM
2

They are hardwired to look elsewhere for provisioning, parental involvement and protection. Can you elaborate? I'm not familiar with this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:21 AM
1

I wish OP didn't connect single mothers to society's ills, that was a distraction. But I think its worth understanding the root causes of why women are more prone to end marriages than men. Women aren't evil and they aren't going through the process of divorce for the fun of it. I wish there was some acknowledgement that these statistics are pointing to something real. Whether women marry men or other women they have a harder time with staying committed for life. If we can all acknowledge that o…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 08:39 PM
1

Great reply! Really helps put things in perspective. If I learn what those instincts are Can you point me to some links that explain female instincts and nature? I've been reading about hypergamy but I'm sure there's more out there.
/r/TheRedPill20/12/22 08:11 PM
2

That says it right there. I think if we were all being honest, men might have a problem making a commitment but women seem to have a problem sticking to a commitment. And if there's 1 quality needed for a long term marriage, its commitment.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 06:02 AM
29

Yup, I've seen the stats around Lesbians having the highest divorce rates and Gay Men having the lowest. I even posted about it in the big Divorce sub but only a handful of people gave any insightful answers. Most were completely off topic about how much women endure in marriage and ignored the stats about Lesbian divorce. My fear is that this conversation leads to demonization of women. I don't ever want that. I think women are just as well intentioned as men when they get married, maybe even m…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 08:32 PM
1

Along the theme of some of my other comments: she destroys her family(by divorcing TB) so she can make it better? How more illogical can you be? Exactly. She's is worried about him getting CTE so she decides to divorce him? Makes perfect sense.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 07:55 PM
11

Oh wow she's a walking disaster. You legitimately had no other choice in your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 07:25 PM
2

That's a good point. I know a lot of guys who refuse to bend, are stubborn as hell, feel entitled to a stable marriage and somehow expect that their wives will endure this for the rest of their lives. Did you go into your marriage knowing what he was like or did he change for the worse over the years?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 07:23 PM
10

Did you try getting her to seek help and treatment before quitting? Was she aware that she was an addict?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 07:10 PM
6

The following idiom explains why, generally, divorce happens: men get married thinking she wont change, women get married thinking he will change (or that she can change him). Both are wrong. So true. I had no idea how much someone could change. At the time I got married, it just wasn't something I thought about. I guess time and experience teach you this. If I got remarried at this age, I would go in expecting whoever I marry to morph into someone else 10 years from now. The root cause, women g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 07:05 PM
-1

Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have included an example. Put Tom's situation aside. Why do women file 70% of all divorces?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 06:42 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter