I've been seeing a lot of posts where our fellow brothers are shocked and grief stricken to see their once loving wives turn into their worst enemy. I think we are quick to feel like she was wearing a mask the entire time and the evil woman who she's become is who she really is. Its mind bending to try and reconcile to monster divorcing us from the sweet girl we married all those years ago. Sadly some of us have sworn off women completely after going through this. I came across an article that explains what happens during this process and hopefully should help provide you with some perspective.

Its very similar to a situation where you get into a physical fight with a guy who was once your friend. During the fight, you each become absolute enemies and you feel hatred for the other. This is a primal reaction that our cave dwelling ancestors used to stay alive. Invariably, after the fight is over you both go your own separate ways and if you encounter each other you typically just maintain distance. Once in a while, you go back to being on friendly terms.

The divorce process is basically the equivalent of a physical fight. Once the fight is over (the divorce decree is given by the judge) the feeling of having to defend yourself and inflict harm is over. Typically, the ex-spouses hatred will slowly begin to ratchet down over the coming years and one day there will emerge a cautious tolerance of each other. In a some rare instances, you even have exes who are friendly to each other. There is a movie on Netflix called Marriage Story that covers this arc really well.

The people who benefit the most from this Fight or Flight reaction are obviously divorce attorneys as they often will file motions and make claims fully knowing they will lose but have the ability to charge their clients for.

Hopefully, this helps those of you in the thick of it and provides some understanding of how you ended up in such an awful situation. Eventually, it will get better.