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GreenUse1398 Archive

View 5 posts and 189 comments by GreenUse1398 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I hope you don't do anything unwise, my friend. Think of your children. Their situation will not be improved by removing yourself from their lives. I agree that it is not the coward's way. It takes a great deal of courage. But so does living, and dealing with the 'slings and arrows of outrageous fortune'. And please remember: nobody can take your pride from you, only you can give it away, and you can always reclaim it. This is why I think it's a good idea for everyone, male and female, to keep a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 06:56 AM
5

"Divorce is always good news. No happy marriage ever ended in divorce. Divorce is for life, marriage is for how long you can hack it." - Louis CK. To echo what others have said: just worry about your kid. The only thing you can control about the situation, is yourself. Fortunately, that's all you need.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:54 PM
3

I'm in the UK, I can give a couple of examples - my parents (this was 30 years ago now though, dad worked, mum worked part-time), my dad ended up giving my mum half the value of the house, possibly voluntarily (I don't remember them ever really going through court), he was also paying her child support for me and my sisters, which was insane, because he was looking after us! My mum was an alcoholic and not really around, and I'm sorry to say, that the child support was probably just subsidising …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 08:05 AM
12

Look, she's allowed to leave you, but you're not allowed to leave her. What's complicated about that? Anything she does is righteous by default, anything you do is automatically the behaviour of an a-hole. Does that help?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:16 PM
0

Well done you for being such a good guy. Seriously. Anyone can send flowers to some woman he wants to bone, but sending flowers to a woman who made your life hell and you hope to never see again? That takes fortitude. You must be in the fucking marines or something. I applaud you, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:40 AM
3

she got into an argument with her younger brother and everyone left, she then directs her anger towards me for not sticking up for her and knocking her brother out as, in her words, her ex would of done. As a result of me not knocking out her brother she has thrown my clothes onto the street and told me to leave. Wow, she sounds like a keeper. Why ever did you leave. (I agree with someone else on here, I'm not a dr, but it sounds like your ex might have borderline personality disorder). I had a …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:34 AM
2

women are mostly professional victims. Lol, I had to read this twice, like, when the divorce court asked your ex what her job title is, she wrote 'professional victim'.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:28 AM
7

I've thought this myself when people complain about gay couples adopting - because gay couples have to jump through all kinds of hoops to try and prove they're responsible adults. Hetero couples just bang out babies left and right, regardless of what kind of person/parent they are, and nobody bats an eye.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:24 AM
5

That sounds positive. All the best to you and your family.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:21 AM
5

Believe what he is communicating to you. Don't assume any alternative motivations, don't try and read into things, don't try and 'talk about it' if he doesn't want to. He says he is confused and needs space, because he is confused and needs space. Give it to him.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:19 AM
1

He was actually a bit of a gym rat for a while, although I doubt he gets there much now. His problem, ironically for a guy who had an affair, is that he's too loyal. He meets a chick who's willing to play with his dingus, she says "I want wedding. I want baby". And he shrugs and says, well, ok then I guess. You're the boss. He's the same with his job. When we were much younger, he used to slave away at a crappy job. I worked the exact same job for the same pay, and I'd be like, christ, why is he…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 08:59 AM
1

Yeah, I wonder about the guys who remarried too, I have a good friend like this, he had a disastrous marriage that lasted only a couple of years, they had a kid, and she completely screwed him over, not in the divorce really, just generally. But, like, 3 years later, he got married again. And is miserable, AGAIN. Had another kid. Had an affair. Whole thing is a mess. And you just think, dude, what did you not learn the first time?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 07:13 AM
2

Yeah, I think she's had enough of 'helping' you, but she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger, because then she's at fault. That's what it sounds like to me anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 12:49 PM
4

her words were mostly about how my depression was affecting her life, not about how she was worried about me You're a man, she's a woman. Your problems are only relevant insofar as they impact her. Women will SAY they want their husband to talk about his feelings, deal with his mental health issues, be vulnerable. I think a lot of women even believe it. But it is not true. When she says "tell me about your feelings", what she means is "tell me what I want to hear, or else". There's no way around…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 09:07 AM
5

Watch Louis CK talk about his divorce and having 50/50 custody. You're living the dream. It might not help emotionally, but it's frickin' hilarious.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 08:29 AM
1

This is affecting me too, last time I was weighed a couple of years ago I was 190lbs (I'm 6'2 - 6'3), but then when I was weighed at the drs recently, I was 155lbs! I've lost 35lbs just in a few years. It's just stress for me. When I'm stressed, I don't eat properly. Lots of people comment on how much weight I've lost if they haven't seen me for a while. My wife would even joke that I've become anorexic. Just stress. I have to have peace in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:57 PM
1

That is a tough situation. Tbh it kinda sounds like your mind is made up though - "if there's any doubt, then there is no doubt". Unless you think there's any hope, which it doesn't sound like you do, you're probably best to just get it over with and start splitting now. I'm actually in a not dissimilar bind myself, although we have no kids, it really needs to be my wife that leaves, but I doubt that she will, even though she could very easily (WFH, family she can stay with, nothing's in her nam…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:52 PM
4

And actually, I tell you another story about dreams. Years ago I read a crazy story about a guy who kept a fully grown tiger in an apartment in New York. Some time after that, I had a nightmare that I had to live in a small apartment with a tiger. It was a scary dream. When I told my wife about this, she quite sadly said, "That tiger is me", and I immediately thought, holy SHIT, she's right! I didn't dream that dream because of the story I'd read, or rather, that was just the vessel my subconsci…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:50 AM
3

Ya know, I used to say to my wife sometimes, that women behave as if their husband/boyfriend is a sub-genus of human being ('husbandalis boyfriendalia'), population size of 1, a special type of sub-human who she is permitted to treat with a unique contempt, like he's a combination of her parent and her servant. As soon as they no longer have this feeling of proprietary ownership, and will no longer 'get away with it', most women are nice as pie. I used to joke to my wife that I was going to come…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:46 AM
1

Take the money and run. It's the best deal you're going to get I'm afraid, it's only going to get worse if you fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:55 AM
4

She loved you. Love is weird, everybody has these different definitions, and tbh I find it an irritant when people criticise others for not loving them "correctly", I love my cat and I love my ex, the only difference is I wanted to have sex with one and not the other. (but enough about my weird relationship with my cat). Women have different pressures than us. They get a few short years in which they gots to make babies, and when they do makes em, they're literally carrying around a human being …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 08:26 AM
4

Here’s the hard part That's what she said.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 07:12 AM
3

What would I be looking for? A psychiatric evaluation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 07:11 AM
1

I had a bad drinking problem for a long time, and the thing to do is just quit. Just don't do it. It'll feel weird for about 3 days, and then you'll feel better. One thing that I found really helpful, is getting up early in the morning. The earlier the better. Evenings are pretty much a waste of time, you can get all kinds of things done at 4am.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 06:41 PM
1

Entitlement has become a major problem as people's lives. My wife makes life often miserable because she is envious and wants experiences (traveling), which we do, but she does not appreciate the vacation time afterward. I just need to remind her to be grateful for all we've had. I'm not perfect and work too much sometimes. Social media...turn it off. This is wisdom. When my wife and I visited the Palace of Versailles in Paris, one of the things that struck me most forcefully was the sheer numbe…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 05:36 PM
2

Maintain frame, you set the rules, and set those boundaries early. This is actually really good advice, and this was one of my mistakes in marriage. After the first initial flush, when my wife first behaved in a way where I was like "Woah, where the hell did that come from?", I should have put my foot down, or even walked out there and then. Instead I thought (and said to her), "well, she's just getting used to things. She'll learn". Instead, she subconsciously got the green light, that hey, she…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 07:31 AM
2

Edna Kraboppel - Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. Principal Skinner - I don't agree to that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 07:20 AM
1

Art classes? Dancing classes would impress your gf. How about boxing? Sounds weird, but it's not as if you'll be put in a ring with Sonny Liston, it's just great for exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:41 PM
6

Alright bossy, jeez. Hey, you're not actually my wife are you??
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:17 PM
2

I did once talk to my dad about his relationship with my mother long after she had died (so maybe 15 years after they'd divorced), and I was quite surprised by his attitude. Obviously it made him sad, but on their marriage his attitude was actually more that my mother had "thrown away a good marriage", rather than "we were both miserable and it was huge relief when it was over". But yeah, she was long dead by then, and I know to this day he still feels a bit guilty that he kinda 'abandoned' her …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:14 PM
1

my son that he’s putting his head on a chopping block and giving his partner the axe if he gets married Sounds wise, although I wouldn't tell him it's his head on the chopping block, try telling him it's his meat and two veg he's flopping out in the breeze. Women are too wiley for hearts or minds or stomachs, it's the testiculos grandee that she's keen to revoke the licence for.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:04 PM
2

"Her money is her money. But his money is OUR money." - Chris Rock.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:19 PM
2

Contact the citizen's advice bureau. They have a phone line and an online chat facility.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:17 PM
2

Yeah my thought too, if ever there was compassionate grounds to take a case pro-bono, this sounds like it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 05:16 PM
1

Dang dude, where were you 25 years ago, you could've shared this with my dad. Would've saved me a lot of heartache if he'd told me this shit when I was a kid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 04:46 PM
3

Personally, I don't regret my relationship with my wife, I would do the same again, but I do regret getting married. And not for the financial castration of divorce, but because I am reasonably convinced that although women crave security in relationships, a woman feeling secure in a relationship is often a very bad thing. As soon as she feels secure, her attitude changes. Play time is over for you, sunshine. You're on the clock now. All that matters is what she wants and how she feels. Soon as …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 04:36 PM
3

This is sage, and of course true, that I am also a variable in the equation, it really takes two to fuck up a marriage properly. Of my father's children, I'm the most like our mother, my sisters are more like my dad, and, as far as I'm aware, they have pretty healthy long term relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 03:49 PM
1

That's true, but my description was for the sake of brevity rather than accuracy, my dad could have said "Congratulations!", and then later in private asked if I was sure, and it wasn't questioning my choice of partner, it was cautioning against the institution of marriage is more what I meant. I wonder why he never said anything while I was a kid or growing up either, I never remember him saying "FFS never get married!", even when/after his marriage to my mother basically smashed up and ruined …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 03:36 PM
1

Yeah, this is a very good point, kids is the thing really, I have thought this too, because my older sister, she has two kids with her boyfriend, and they're both named on a joint mortgage and have a joint bank account, so to a significant degree my sister and her boyfriend are more 'married' than me and my wife, because we have no kids and separate finances. So maybe my question should be, 'why don't dads advise their kids to never have sex?', which doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a q…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 03:28 PM
5

Good point - not dating long (marry in haste...), and my dad and I have quite a 'traditional' father/son relationship, I love him and he loves me, but we don't communicate a lot, and when we do it's usually about sport. But yeah, he would trust me and be supportive. The bastard. He already has grandkids, in fact, I'm the only one of his wide brood of children and step-children who hasn't procreated.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:45 PM
3

I agree, child support makes absolute sense, but somebody posted a video on here the other day of a divorce lawyer talking about alimony, and the guy said that every woman walks into his office a feminist, but then when it comes to it they say no no, actually I believe in traditional gender roles. Funny that. It is odd that there is this one part of the law, or of modern culture, where we say equality, men and women are equal, equal pay, equal opportunities........except in this one crucial thin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:30 PM
3

caught her emotionally cheating on me (she was texting another guy saying how she wants to leave everything behind and be with him). This guy didn’t even know I exist. After I confronted her about it, she said how she didn’t feel wanted by me since I was no longer giving her the same attention that I once did. Get out, out out out out out out, as fast as you can. Out. Out. Out. Then thank your lucky stars that you're out, and that you're young and didn't have kids. Be grateful to your stbxw that…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 12:15 PM
1

You did the right thing. She wants you to react angrily. She wants to be able to rationalise to herself, look, I was mature, I told him that new guy was meeting our kids, that's all I was doing was being a responsible parent, and then he gets furious at me, I was absolutely right to leave that toxic/narcissistic/gaslighting/wordoftheday a-hole, and now I have proof. But not responding? Well done. Now her only option is to fulminate to herself. She knows what she did. She knows who's in the wrong…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 11:38 AM
4

Men are like dogs. Dogs can be scary, they can even kill people if they're not raised right, but mostly, they're loyal, they just want to have lots of pals and run around, and they hate getting yelled at. Women are like cats. Capricious, always trying to cast spells, entirely self-interested except for their own offspring, will be affectionate so long as the service is good, but if they think they'll do better with the neighbour, they'll leave and won't even look back.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 07:54 AM
2

Agree, this sounds like a unique-ish situation, which I guess will count in OP's favour, because usually the problem is that it's in the female partner's interests to be 'difficult' because the more difficult she is the more she'll benefit financially. But it sounds like here, the stbxw is unlikely to want to get in a hash about it, because it's her livelihood that's in the mix too, she'll have to provide financial records etc. I mean, obviously don't take my word for it, but I would anticipate …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 07:49 AM
1

Yeah, me too, I once went an entire year in which I basically spoke to nobody. Didn't bother me that much tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:52 PM
3

Lol, this is EXACTLY what popped into my head too!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:49 PM
6

She's BPD. She want you back, so is playing nice. If you go back, the cycle will repeat as before. So be polite but firm. No thank you. Gotta run, see you when I drop off kiddo.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:47 PM
1

How much approx is her cc debt, if you don't mind me asking? If your pay is getting paid into a joint account, you definitely want to look to that, like, yesterday. Nothing outraged women feel more self-righteous in doing than draining a joint account before giving you the final fuck off. Can you sell any of her 'hoard' to try and pay the debt and clear the house at the same time? She's gonna be claiming the debt is joint, so the shit she bought with it must be, too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:43 PM
1

"Lilith and I got divorced, which was painful. Then we got back together again, which was excruciating." - Frasier Crane.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:41 PM
1

I don't want to give you a bum steer here, but have you thought about looking see if any lawyer can do pro-bono? Or sometimes law schools, the students in legal training will take on cases for free for the learning - not ideal of course, but it should be free and better than nothing, and if you haven't got much by way of income, well, as Seasick Steve says, if you start off with nothing you tend to end up with most of it left.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:32 PM
2

That's actually an interesting question, I've wondered that myself. I have a friend who has 50/50 custody of his son with his ex, but he still has to give her child support money, while she didn't give him anything except herpes. (JK, she didn't give him herpes. Not that I know of anyway).
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:25 PM
2

I was a super introverted but good looking dude in IT Aren't we all my guy, chicks really don't know what they're missing by backing out of the IT dept without making eye contact, looking scared. Wishing you the best, and good health. You definitely don't want to be married to that woman, she sounds horrible, you're well out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:21 PM
5

The grass is always greener. Except it often isn't, and it often has dog turds hidden in it. But we're not rational creatures, we're rationalising creatures. Social media is an evil for a number of reasons, we have all been enrolled as lab rats in this giant experiment without our consent, and yeah, "the force can have a strong influence on the weak minded". And not just the weak minded, ya know, a few years ago I watched a video by a woman, and she was an absolutely gorgeous creature, Indian, b…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:15 PM
2

No one believes she’s how she is… no one gets close enough to see she’s crazy. They say that nobody truly knows a woman until you've broken up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 06:40 PM
2

I'd leave her out of it. Speaking as a child of divorce, I can well remember being a kid and wanting my parents to have absolutely as little interaction with each other as possible. Don't badmouth her to the kids (even if she's doing that about you, which she likely is), but I'd ask about her through them - "is your mother ok, how she doing?". Be nice, but standoffish where your ex is concerned. Trust me, your kids'll remember when they're older. I do, and my parents divorced more than 30 years …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 08:08 AM
2

She says she doesn’t love me anymore even though “I’m good on paper” I'm sorry, but this made me laugh. It's such a 'wife' attempt at a compliment - "You solve all my problems and take care of everything, you work your bollocks off to give me the nice life I said I wanted, but still, not good enough for me. I wanna marry a pirate." I hope you burned her back with "Yeah, well, you're good in photos" or sumthin.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:59 AM
3

Are you sure she's not using her credit card to withdraw cash? If she has nothing to show for it? She might be stashing cash somewhere, and if you pay half the cc debt, she's just made herself 11.5k (minus credit card fees when she pays it off).
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:51 AM
7

"Directly after copulation, the devil's laughter is heard" - Arthur Schopenhauer
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:31 AM
29

Well, presumably you didn't marry her because you find her unattractive. My wife is very attractive. But wanting to stick your d in a good looking woman and wanting to be held hostage by a deranged terrorist, are two different things.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 04:54 AM
4

the marriage mindset. Generosity, reasonableness, kindness, thoughtfulness - all of that makes you a fucking sucker now. Tbf all those things made me a sucker when I was married, too....
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 04:41 AM
4

I know, right?? Like Chris Rock said, women, children and pets are loved unconditionally. Men are loved conditionally on what they provide. Every grammy award speech thanks their mother, but no kid is ever like, "thanks for paying all those bills, dad. I sure do love all this hot water."
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 02:29 PM
6

You want to take your kids from an emotional war zone at home, to an ACTUAL war zone? Even "hypothetically" I have to imagine this is a troll.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 01:57 PM
2

I actually have this argument regularly with my wife - she talks as if sexual attractiveness is the only barometer of happiness. Me? I don't want to be considered unattractive, but really, my barometer of happiness is just fulfilling my duties and then the rest of the world leaving me the fuck alone. If Taylor Swift walked in right now and said "I find your middle aged grumpiness irresistible, get your kecks off", I'd say no thanks Taylor, I'm watching Better Call Saul. You can stay and watch if…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 01:41 PM
2

Your's is a very common story unfortunately. She isn't going to change. She's not going to wake up one morning and decide it's time the two of you started having regular satisfying sex. She's always going to do 'the minimum she thinks she can get away with'. Not the recipe for a happy union. Financially you seem to have some wiggle room, so my advice, obviously not knowing you and not being a lawyer, my advice is just tell her that you're going to split, and be prepared to hold the line. Don't b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 11:26 AM
7

"If you're going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill. You love your kids, you want to take care of them, and that's what you're doing. You're being a man. I remember hearing George Foreman commentating on a boxing match, and he said "A man needs a burden. If a man's got 7 kids, you watch how hard he fights". Get a hobby. Read some good books. As someone else said, don't drink alcohol, if you're prone to. Even with your youngest child being only 5, that's still only a maximum of 13 year…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 08:56 AM
3

You'll hear about it anyway. And remember, "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 06:48 AM
3

Friend of mine, he's on his second marriage (one kid with each wife). After they've been married a few years, another friend of mine overhears wife number 2 saying to my friend's kid from his first marriage (ie her step-son), "I got what I wanted, I got my wedding day, I got my baby, I got a house, I don't care about your dad any more". He said this is a word for word quote. I can believe it. Women are all about marketing. And what do they say in marketing? "Buyer beware". It's odd to me that it…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 06:45 AM
0

Women all think the police will dish out their personal perception of justice then cry misogyny when it doesn't work. "The book of female logic is blotted all over with tears, and justice in their courts is forever in a passion" - William Makepeace Thackerey
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 06:38 PM
3

In that case her boyfriend can cosign the mortgage for her. She's his problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:39 PM
2

The mediator then says, and I quote "but you're her husband" Tbh I might have laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of that statement - the whole point of the mediation is that you're NOT going to be her husband any more, you are NOT going to be around to solve her problems, and deal with her shit. The mediation is about how best to accomplish the separation, not how to entangle your lives even more. And if the mediator can't see that, then wtf are they doing being a mediator?
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:14 PM
3

I'm not surprised. Your ex 'trying it on' I can see, but I don't think I'd be willing to continue with that mediator. If you're cosigning on a mortgage for her, most mortgages are avg 25 years. That means potentially even if it's 24 years from now, she defaults, suddenly you're pulled into the financial mess of somebody you divorced a quarter of a century earlier. Even if you've got kids together that are very young now, I can't see any scenario where you should still be tied to your ex like tha…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:01 PM
1

Last mediation ended with my ex and mediator trying to get me to cosign on a mortgage for her Wow, yeah, that does NOT sound like a healthy "moving on with your separate lives", I'm surprised a mediator was in favour of that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 02:44 PM
4

I feel like such pansy. I told her I don't want assets, alimony, child support; All of which I am entitled. I just want her sit down and talk to me. I was with you until the last sentence. No offence guy, but your wife sounds horrible, if it was me, I'd never want to talk to her ever again. You actually won the divorce jackpot, weird as it sounds, because the man is almost always the villain, even if the wife cheated. But you? Bro, you were DYING, and she went and fucked her boss. No amount of '…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 12:39 PM
10

How long have you been married? Women crave security in relationships, but ironically, once they get it, and feel secure, they often stop giving a shit about you and treat you however she feels like (he ain't leaving, I don't have to try any more). There could be any number of reasons - her friend might have told her she's being a fool and she took it onboard (unlikely, but possible). It might be that she feels guilty about something (more likely).
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 12:19 PM
4

Why that book? Women have a 'mid-life' crisis, usually more profound than men, because it's biological. When a woman's baby-making years are coming to a close, she reassesses her life, or conjures that she should (same difference). It's a 'do it now or you never will' type thing, and often that involves 'renegotiating the marriage contract', which often in practical terms means ditching the husband she's been with for awhile, seemingly on a whim. Other guys on here will tell you that it's friend…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 12:05 PM
1

Thank you very much for the comprehensive reply, and I wish you good luck as well. I'd really rather not dredge over old wounds, but what I would like is for my wife to believe that she is negotiating from a weak position (even if not true). I really want it to be highly advantageous to her to 'play nice' and be reasonable. For example, her getting half of everything would be unjust. She has been to varying degrees a 'dependent child' through our relationship, the financial burden has been almos…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 09:18 AM
1

Your wife is 41? I recommend you read the book 'The Female Brain' by Louann Brizendine, if for no other reason that I'm sure that your mother in law has already.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 08:47 AM
5

"Only time can heal a broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs" - Miss Piggy. I agree with what the other person said, if it's you, the man, who is trying to get her to communicate about problems, they have existed a long time and she has checked out a while ago. To be completely honest, I wish I was in your position, I wish my wife would 'check out' so we could both start to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 08:10 AM
5

There's an episode of Myth Busters where they take the girl, and have her work in a coffeeshop, and every day they increase her bust size fractionally. Result? Bigger tits = better tips. Then they take a roomful of women, and show them images of men, with some details. Height, age, job, location. The woman mark the men out of 10 for attractiveness. The next day, they took a different roomful of women, showed them the exact same photographs of the exact same guys, all details the same, except the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 02:20 PM
9

Strong and independent is a lie. There's an episode of the Office where the character Kelly writes a song, and I can't remember the exact lyric but it's something like, "I need a man to take care of me so I can be a strong independent woman".
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:16 PM
9

Just be glad she's not your problem any more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:13 PM
3

To be honest by this point I'd rather roll the dice on being gay too, rather than live with another female.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:06 PM
11

Be there for your child. Don't drink alcohol. Remember what Winston Churchill said - if you're going through hell, keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:52 AM
2

Is your grandfather correct? Does she have a mental illness? It sounds like she does. Sometimes people respond well to an outside 'authority figure'. My wife will treat me like the scum of the earth, but she is weirdly sensitive to my father's opinion of her, and is always on her 'best behaviour' when she sees him. Whichever way, you should get out of the marriage. Just because she loves you now, she'll turn again soon enough. Remember, falling feels like flying at first.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:34 AM
2

Ask for the receipts? Ask to speak to the childcare people yourself? I certainly wouldn't just start shelling out money on her say so. That sounds like a very slippery slope.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:30 AM
2

Classic example of the female "rules for thee but not for me". Would she accept you behaving this way? Of course she wouldn't. You're not a POS. You did exactly the right thing. If you didn't, she'd just keep pushing your boundaries more and more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 09:55 AM
1

Sounds like you'll be fine. If you got no teeth, you're unlikely to get a toothache.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:07 AM
1

2 cars, 2 kids, all evenly split perfectly Wait, you split the kids evenly as well? ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:05 AM
2

I have also had a friend who had this happen to him. His wife was desperate for a baby, and for some reason he'd stick his unsheathed d in her, even though it was obvious she'd become impossible to live with (drunk, violent, etc). He leaves one day. The very next day, she tells him she's pregnant. He was reasonable about it, tells her ok, we'll get through it, but you need to stop drinking etc. She goes nuts, smashes up his place, attacks him. Turns out it was a complete lie. He got suspicious a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:50 AM
1

Those of you that know BPD probably know that it's hell. Yes I do, and yes it is. I'd rather be kidnapped by ISIS than live with a BPD person. Come to that, I'd rather be driven by Stevie Wonder the wrong way down the highway with a man-trap around my testicles than live with a BPD person. Sucks that you still have to be involved with this person, hope it works out for you. Also, if it's any help at all, I did read once that BPD tends to trail off as people get older (BPD is almost always women,…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:27 AM
5

Wow. I mean, I really don't want to seem unsympathetic (honest), but I can understand why your lawyer chuckled, it really is astonishing some of the shit people pull, and people you're supposed to trust. I have a friend who was in a somewhat similar situation (different country though), him and his ex weren't married but had kids, and lived in a house owned by her dad. Ex didn't work, he paid all the bills, mortgage etc. When she decided she'd had enough? He was fucked. No house. $$$ in child su…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:17 AM
3

It was weird as I told ex one time that I had photos and medical records of bruises etc and she felt so betrayed It's not weird, this is very common, in fact, perhaps even universal amongst abusive females ("How could YOU do this to ME?"). As far as women are concerned, she simply cannot be in the wrong or to blame, it is a law of physics as immutable as gravity. I'm convinced it's the main reason heterosexual relationships fail. I read last year about a woman who had stabbed her husband to deat…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 04:43 AM
3

Hope things are improving for you guy, BPD is the worst, it's like living with a 4 year old child. And not a well-behaved 4 year old child either, a petulant, obstreperous 4 year old child who hates your fucking guts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:32 PM
1

I think you're right, I think most people would be yawning before I even finished a sentence, and would dismiss it as 'he said / she said'. I just want her to be a bit unsure, a bit off balance, a little wary of what I might have.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:27 PM
2

threatened to accuse me of rape if I told anyone about her affair bla bla bla Jesus, really? It's unbelievable. I imagine you're the same as me, I don't want to see her homeless (or in prison), but I do want what's fair. I want justice. Hope you and your daughter are doing better now, stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:20 PM
3

Yeah, I mean, I'm embarrassed to report that when she first started being physically abusive, I was oddly GLAD, because she had been extremely verbally abusive previously, but would then always downplay and deny it the next day - I was exaggerating, she wasn't yelling, I was the one who had been yelling etc. So then the first time she punched me, I was like, "Ah-ha, so it wasn't all in my head. She is abusive". This was always a favourite rationalisation of hers, and in fact still is - that it w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:16 PM
2

No, you're not diminishing it at all, no worries, and I actually tend to agree with you - raking over this stuff now isn't going to do me any good either, I'm not out for 'revenge'. What I'm thinking about is a kind of insurance policy, I want to have it in reserve to encourage her not to be difficult - like, she knows I could 'drop the bomb'. The evidence is pretty solid - I mean, she can't deny that she visited a psychiatrist, and some of the photos, I actually looked at one at random that I'd…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:03 PM
2

Thanks man, I probably shouldn't have but I had a quick look through my 'dossier', and there was even one message exchange where she said "You think because my bruises are not physical they're less important than yours", and I joked back "I assume I can quote you in court?" lol. It's tough being a man and being the victim of female abuse, not just because it's embarrassing (although it kinda is), ya know, I'm 6'3, she's 5'5 or whatever, it's that when it happens you're too shocked to know how to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:59 PM
5

Thanks! It really means a lot, I can't even tell you how much. It was a few years ago now, but when her therapist said to me "I know it's very hard for you", I literally almost broke down in tears, you become so habituated to the other person's insane parallel universe where up is down, and the problem isn't them punching and kicking and screaming at you, it's you 'not communicating' or whatever. It is a medical problem. She takes pills and is better, but the reverberations will last forever, an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 08:23 AM
0

Oh man, BPD is the absolute worst, and you have kids too? You're right, after fighting it for long enough you just start feeling sorry for the person, how exhausting it must be for them, their emotions lurching around so violently (as my wife once screamed at me "stop treating me like I'm a criminal mental patient!", to which my only possible response was "then stop acting like one").
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 07:59 AM
3

She's that guy's problem now, you're free. I have a friend, divorced his first wife, she insisted, after a kid and only a couple of years of marriage. He didn't want to, but she was adamant. She almost immediately marries some other guy, moves him into the house my friend is paying for. Guy spends all day smoking weed and playing video games. A few years after that, of course, she's split from husband number 2 (actually might have been husband number 3), my friend is picking up his kid from her …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 06:21 AM
8

You're still very young. Debt is almost always a bad thing. If it was me? I'd just split the 401k. Take the hit, learn a lesson, move on and rebuild. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:55 PM
2

A piece of advice I would offer is to not waste your time and energy even discussing, let alone fighting about, the reasons for your marriage failing. Ultimately she's just going to be trying to make herself feel better about it all, This is excellent advice. I can't say for certain, but I'd give fair odds that no woman ever, in the immediate aftermath of a breakup of her marriage, said "Well, my bad". She needs to soothe herself, it NEEDS to be your fault, it is incontrovertible, as if it were …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:52 PM
2

Congrats my friend, and hey, 55 isn't that old these days, you can lose the belly (and you can probably do something about the bald as well, if you want to). It's often the finance that's the real kick in the teeth, so that sounds great if you're sanguine about it. Frankly, if I had money, everything would be easier - wouldn't have to worry about her and whether she was taken care of, and I don't need a lot. The cat is my best friend, truly. All he wants is food, somewhere warm to sleep, and to …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:18 PM
0

How did her ass look? What did you say?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 11:52 AM
3

My mother made my father's life hell for a few years, and her kids. It's really amazing that my older sister has turned out as well adjusted as she is. My parents did eventually divorce. My mother has been dead for many years now, and my dad is doing fine - although tbh, I don't like the way my step-mother treats him sometimes either, lol. Idk, maybe my mother did fuck me up in other ways I don't even realise. I do have very low tolerance for 'female bullshit', but I also have a compulsion to ta…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:42 AM
4

I like 'female patter'. I like hearing women just talk about nothing stuff. It's when they get angry that I want to jump ship, I really don't understand why "living a quiet life" is a heinous crime. But, they do say that all men want to live in a porno, whereas all women want to live in a soap opera. Difference is, if you're not interested in being in her soap opera, most women will cast you in it whether you like it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 06:31 PM
2

I might not understand the lingo exactly, I mean paying for 'girlfriend experience' but no sex. A bit like being married in fact, except with less yelling, and you can ask her to leave and she has to do it. (actually reminds me of a bad joke someone told me decades ago - you're not paying a prostitute for sex, you're paying her to go away again afterwards).
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 06:11 PM
1

Paying for sex, I have no judgement on it (it's what we're all doing, fundamentally), but it's not really a turn-on for me, in order to get my engine running I kinda have to know that the lady is into it, and obviously, if I need to give her cash to do it, that isn't the case. But I can definitely see the benefit for everyone, and it being legal obviously means the ladies have more protection than when it's underground. And until there's realistic sex-bots, it's always going to exist. EDIT: Also…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 05:33 PM
2

Most countries recognise foreign marriages, if it's all done according to the laws of that country. Really, 'marriage' is the conjoining of 2 people, for example, my sister has 2 children and a mortgage and all kinds of joint finances with her boyfriend, but they're not married. Wouldn't make much difference if they broke up - still a hell of a mess to sort out, legally married or not. Whereas a couple that are married, but have no kids, no property, hardly any money to speak of - well, they can…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:52 PM
3

They say nobody truly knows a woman until you've broken up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:49 PM
1

Tried to help her as much as I can but blamed me for everything that happened in her life Honestly, they should REALLY include this line in the marriage vows. Every man should have this drilled into him before he gets married or has children with a female.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:29 PM
0

In fact, the goal was for her to act anyway she chose, take zero responsibility, and control the relationship/me. This is exactly correct. Exactly correct.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:04 PM
3

When I realized that love is a complete and utter lie Like Chris Rock said - women, children and pets are loved unconditionally. Men are loved conditionally on what they are able to provide.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 01:44 PM
1

Mary-Jane is pernicious because it's not seen as harmful in the same way as heroin, or alcohol, or cocaine. It's just getting high, it's natural, it's groovy, etc, but I had a friend like this. Really nice guy, very intelligent, but smoking wacky backy became the thing his whole day was structured around, every day - and like all addicts, you knew he was an addict because of how defensive he'd get about it. His apartment became an absolute pigsty, he started hanging around with dodgy people, and…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 01:22 PM
1

She had a 3 year affair with your own brother 13 years ago, and you have daughters aged 12 and 9? I mean, paternity test, right? That's got to be in your thinking. Sounds strange, but have you tried talking to your brother? The guy must be feeling something right now. Can he not do something to sort out the mess he helped create?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 06:28 PM
1

2.5 hours? Oof, that is a long way. I'd move closer, I mean, have you even considered renting a room somewhere for a year or something nearby, so you can go and watch the weekend games etc?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 06:24 PM
19

Realising you can't trust anyone. Nobody has got your back. Your job is to be a beast of burden, and when you'll fulfilled your usefulness, to die as unobtrusively as possible. You're entirely expendable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 06:09 PM
2

Yes, the principle is correct, I don't know what your relationship was like, but if I found out my wife had sent $700 of my money to random people she chatted to on the internet, I would find that staggeringly disrespectful. I mean, she's got two teenage sons, right? Do THEY send your/family money to other gamers? That's the kind of thing I'd expect teenage boys to do, not 40 year olds with someone else's hard earned wages.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:49 PM
4

I'd recommend you read a book called 'The Female Brain' by Louann Brizendine. She basically says that most women have a mid-life crisis, more acute than men, after their baby making years are over or almost over. From what she writes, I got the impression it's often of the 'He's always held me back, I should be a great feminist artist and do potato prints with my empowered va-jayjay', or the like.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:41 PM
6

I remember reading an agony aunt column years ago, and somebody had written in and asked what the agony aunt's own biggest regret was. Her answer? "I wish I hadn't been such a bitch to my first husband." Old too soon, smart too late. Had a friend like this, married his first wife, then after 2 years and a kid, she decides that she could do better, and that he's king of the assholes and all he ever did was be appalling to her wonderfulness (yep, after only 2 years of marriage). He doesn't want to…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:36 PM
3

You are NOT being a controlling asshole there. SHE is being a controlling asshole unless she immediately apologised and offered to try and make right. Assuming I'm understanding correctly that you work, and she stays home, so the money comes from you? Because obviously if it's her money that's her business, but honestly, if it was $700 in one month, then your wife must have known. She might not have known the exact figure, but she must have known it was more than she should be sending to rando i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:23 PM
2

She started sending this streamer $$, $700 in 1 month Wait, she what now? She's a SAHM and she started sending $700 of your money to random internet people?? If my wife ever did that she had better have the MOTHER of all explanations why. Your wife has 2 teenage kids? And she's sending gamers off the internet money? Keep your dignity. Tell her you never really loved her either, and that the relationship wasn't working for you either, now that she mentions it. And it's a small thing, but as other…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:03 PM
2

No offence dude, but it sounds like you should get away from all of these people ASAP. Stay sober, stay safe.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:47 PM
1

So in your example I might say sth like "okay" and basically ignore her and look at her like she's a emotionally immature child. Yeah. But it wears you down. It really wears you down.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:49 PM
1

Yes, I've literally said to my wife before, "Should I take you seriously now, or should I have taken you seriously then?". Because I genuinely don't know. Example, my wife once yelled at me because I had gone shopping for her and hadn't bought vanilla extract. I showed her the list she'd written - vanilla extract was not on it. But she STILL continued to yell at me, that I "should have known that she needed vanilla extract". And you're just like.......seriously? You're literally yelling at me be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:36 PM
5

Women are emotion junkies, men are sex junkies. It is very strange, I've had this experience myself with a few different women (including my own mother and my wife) where they will almost literally say to you, "Why did you take me seriously when I was screaming at you back then? More fool you". Caitlin Moran says that men are like dogs - yes, dogs can be scary if they're not raised right, they can bare their teeth and even kill people, but mainly, dogs are loyal and just want to run around and h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:01 PM
11

'Love', or romantic love at least, is really just biology's way of tricking us into having babies. Not very romantic, sure, but it's true. Men are desperate for sex because of biology (think about it, it's actually gross), and women are desperate for babies because of biology (think about it, a human growing inside you and bursting out? Really gross. And painful. And traumatic). The "burned hand teaches best" as they say. I don't think I'll ever trust a woman again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 12:33 PM
9

It drives me crackers too, but it's the way of the world. Females are taught from being very small, if you get hurt or something bothers you: Cry. Cry and some adult will come along and solve the problem for you. Males are taught from being very small: boys don't cry. Fix the problem yourself. If you can't fix it yourself, you'll just have to be miserable your whole life. It seems to me, even on forums like reddit, that women are just 'flushing their emotions'. That they often don't really even …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 11:57 AM
0

But first text back, "happiest birthday of my life because I went a year without talking to you!". JK. Yeah, I'd just not respond and block her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 08:22 AM
4

Question that occurs to me, is do you want to make this work? You've been married just 3 months and you're having daily arguments and fights. It sounds like she's trying to 'establish her authority' in the relationship. To be completely honest, it sounds like you should just get divorced. If you think it's 'the worst', better do it now than 20 years from now. Oh, and don't have kids with this person.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 08:19 AM
1

Our cat is awesome, unfortunately, my wife thinks so too, it's actually one of my biggest concerns about getting divorced. Love that little guy. He 'chose us' too, I never had any intention of getting a pet, he just showed up at our back window one day, and then kept coming back. Tried to trace where he came from, but nobody has any clue.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 08:16 AM
1

It makes perfect sense yeah, she might be entitled to a portion of the equity while you were married, but she can't interfere with you selling the house if you want to. Thanks, best of luck guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 05:30 AM
4

Yeah, I agree, it's weird, I've had women say that to me too, almost as if you should be flattered. As if "I feel comfortable screaming at you because I know there are no consequences for me". But there are - they're just a slow moving geological build up of resentment. If there's one thing I wish women would understand, it's that she doesn't get special dispensation to disrespect her husband just because he's her husband.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 06:25 PM
1

Please, I'm here for advice, I'm very keen to hear from guys who know the score and have been there. When I say that my wife acts as if she's a child and I'm her parent, I really mean it. The only thing my wife pays for is groceries, and I often contribute to that too. Otherwise I pay for everything, mortgage, utilities, home insurance, car insurance, etc etc. I even pay her phone bill. I do most of the housework. Unlike some men, I am not deluded about this. I really do most of the housework. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 05:37 PM
2

Thanks yeah, I probably should. I don't even know that we're going to divorce, I'm just trying to mitigate this nuclear option that she has, so if/when it happens everyone gets what they deserve. I've seen too many guys have their lives obliterated because after 2 kids or whatever the wife suddenly woke up one day and decided she was bored and 'hashtag yolo/girlboss'.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 04:35 PM
1

Thanks, that's helpful, this is actually the point I'm at now (although I'm not in the USA). It seems highly likely that we're going to split at some point, and I'm trying to figure out how best to prepare financially, whether it happens next week or 10 years from now. Obviously I understand that she should get something, but given that she basically lives in this house as a dependent child and contributes almost nothing to bills, I want what's fair. Fair is not her getting half of absolutely ev…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 02:49 PM
2

This is actually something I've been mulling myself. Because I've had some spare cash recently I've been using it to overpay the mortgage, which I pay, alone, with literally zero contribution from the wife (she hasn't paid a single penny towards the house, ever). But thinking about it, although that does lower the interest on the mortgage I'm paying by a little because it's reducing the capital, it also means that if I overpay 500, and we divorce, I'm effectively gifting her 250 of it. So I'm th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 02:33 PM
1

Hmmm, yeah, for reasons I won't go into, our house is all in my name, mortgage and everything, but I bought the house after we were married. If I needed to find half the equity to pay to my wife rn, I'd either have to sell the house or try and remortgage, I don't have that kind of money anywhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:41 PM
2

Right, I mean, you're going to have to 're-finance' something if you've got to pay your ex some huge amount of equity from the house anyway. Say you've paid off 100k of a 300k mortgage, and it was you alone that paid it off during the marriage, and mortgage was in your name alone. Even still if you divorce, you're still going to have to find 50k from somewhere to give to her, and I imagine for most guys you're not going to have that kind of cash, so it means re-mortgaging the house anyway, if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:17 PM
1

Do what, put her name on the house? I'm not planning to, I was just wondering why so many guys say it's important, when it seems to only make a difference after you split (if you divorce she's still getting half whether her name was or wasn't on the paperwork while you were married).
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 01:12 PM
1

Post-divorce: no financial entanglements. None. None. None Right, gotcha, so it is just a 'post divorce' thing, it doesn't actually matter whether her name is on the house/mortgage etc when you're married, so long as they're not still on there (assuming you stay in the house) after you get divorced and go your separate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 12:50 PM
1

You know what they say, staying angry at someone is like drinking poison and hoping that they die. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:28 AM
1

What did you do, dude? If it wasn't infidelity, or kids on the side, was it alcohol? Gambling? Because those things, you need support.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:12 AM
19

They say that relationships end when the female doesn't feel loved and special, or the man doesn't feel respected and appreciated. If your partner breaks the golden rule, and acts towards you in a way that they wouldn't want in return, or that they wouldn't behave towards anyone else, they don't respect you. And you know, I have a lot to say about women, but one thing about arguing with them - you know the movie 'The Usual Suspects'? There's a scene where some Hungarian gang holds Keyzer Soyze's…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:01 AM
1

Yep. Keep in mind, this was in a book written by a female professor, aimed at a female audience, that must've had some kind of peer review, so 10% must be on the conservative end of the spectrum.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:39 PM
7

You know what I read recently? That roughly 10% of children are not the biological child of the man who thinks they are. That's 1 in 10 of us, the man our mum told us was our dad, ain't. This was in the book 'The Female Brain'. I'm paraphrasing here, obviously, but the author says that a lot of women find a provider guy, get him locked down, and then go and try and get impregnated by the 'highest value genetic material' she can.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:21 PM
6

Dear wife, Fuck you, you fucking maniac. Your husband.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:59 PM
1

Since being married I utterly detest that word, "insecurity". Insecurity is the name of some ancient Mayan god, a god whom nothing will appease, to whom you must offer yourself daily as blood sacrifice. Nothing is ever enough. You are never enough. But you can't say that. Why? Because insecurity. The god is angry. The god insecurity is jealous and spiteful, and he is coming for YOU. Good luck, brother man. Take care of yourself if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 02:57 PM
2

I used to have a flatmate, good guy, and he had this girlfriend who most definitely was NOT a good guy, they used to fight constantly, and his gf would always say "I could do so much better than you", and he'd reply, "Then why don't you? Please?". Thank god he eventually saw sense and dumped her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:17 PM
2

No way man, I'm a perfect human being in every conceivable way :)
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 08:25 AM
3

She told me (screamed at me) that her Job is to be a SAHM. If she wanted to look at it that way, it's also her job not to get a DUI.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 05:16 AM
18

Some men would like for their wives to be a quitter. The wife's utter relentlessness is the problem, in the relationship or out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:40 PM
2

Good for you. She seriously expected you to take a second job to pay her DUI fines, rather than her get a first job?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:19 PM
1

Thank you - could I ask, hiding money and the like, is that because your partner's finances were closely entwined with yours'? Because my wife has almost literally zero idea about my finances, nor has she ever seemed much interested - except in the lifestyle sense, what I mean is she has no idea how much money I do or don't have in the bank, how much I get paid, or anything but a rough idea of what the mortgage is. So I'm wondering if when people say this, they need to be clandestine about it - …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 05:39 PM
2

That's interesting, yeah, I mean, that's why I'm a bit cynical of 'BPD' as a diagnosis, because it seems so broad and nebulous, and could just be interpreted as 'someone who can't handle proper adult relationships', or variations of that. I always try and steer clear of saying things like 'petulant toddler' about my wife, but ya know, if the shoe fits.....
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 05:09 PM
1

Yeah, I mean, if it were that simple - and the thing is, she HAS improved a lot after going to a psych and getting prescribed medication, so I'm always holding out hope that at some point she is going to have another lightbulb moment, and realise that the problem isn't things like my vague and nebulous 'lack of affection' or some non-thing I said 7 years ago, but her disrespecting me whenever she doesn't get things exactly her own way, and if she just learned to treat me with the same respect sh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 05:06 PM
1

Excellent advice, fortunately I actually learned this lesson in advance of marriage, because I had a friend who used to have his wages paid into a joint account that he shared with his wife, it had all their money in it (like 30k), and guess what? She drained the account, left, and filed for divorce. It completely blindsided him, he never saw it coming. So when my wife was talking about joint accounts right back when we first got married, I was like, yeah, no, that ain't happening.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:52 PM
2

It really is crazy, it's like a spouse is rewarded for having been lazy and profligate, and the hard-working frugal partner gets punished. Glad to hear you're doing better. Onwards and upwards, she's someone else's problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:45 PM
2

Who wrote her name on the house in the first place? JK, that's excellent advice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:17 PM
1

What if you know the reason, and the reason is her behaviour? But she won't hear of it?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 02:41 PM
1

The black/white thinking thing would be comical if it wasn't so tragic. My wife has a lot of siblings, and I've almost made a game of 'who do we love now and who is evil?', for example, when I first knew her, her eldest brother was the greatest living human, she would honestly talk about him like he was a quasi-religious figure, but her youngest brother was the epitome of evil, a truly heinous person (and she even had temper tantrums at me, two separate occasions, when I didn't join in in condem…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 01:04 PM
1

I got in therapy, learned how to not walk on eggshells while "handling" her Can you tell me the secret? How do you handle a BPD person? My wife fits all the criteria too, in one of the books I read there were I think 18 symptoms of BPD and she was a strong yes for all of them. She accepts no responsibility for being abusive and maintains that she was the righteous victim no matter how outrageous a claim it is, and genuinely seems to struggle to comprehend the emotional toll her behaviour takes o…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 12:02 PM
6

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Do you think that BPD is a real thing? My wife has been diagnosed with this too, she can be an indescribable nightmare at times, but having read a couple of books about it, it seems to me that 'BPD' really just means 'female who has decided she is not accountable for her actions'. Men almost never get diagnosed with 'BPD', and when toddlers behave that way, it's called 'a temper tantrum'. It's just that with kids, you can control them, send them to their r…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 11:16 AM
1

One thing I do wonder about, is if you had no kids and she is entitled to half your stuff, are you also entitled to half of hers? Did your ex work?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 10:17 AM
1

Excellent advice, I actually have started doing push-ups again myself, health is very important.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 09:41 AM
4

If that was you a year ago, hope you're doing better now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 09:40 AM
1

He is, I'm sure you are too, I'm now the age my dad was then, and I have no idea how he managed it - working full time, taking care of 3 kids, my mother determined to make his life as miserable as possible, all that wasted time, money and energy, but looking back, I can't ever remember him even complaining. Like Chris Rock said, mom gets plenty of credit, but nobody appreciates dad. Every grammy award speech thanks their mother, but no kid is ever like, "Wow, thanks for paying all those bills da…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:49 AM
1

Why are you leaving? Have you tried writing a physical list of the reasons, and keeping it on you, and looking at it sometimes? Do you have kids? Why is your wife trying to stop you? - by which I mean, what reasons does she give?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 05:28 PM
2

Are you my dad time-travelling to the future from several decades ago? This could exactly describe his situation with my mother - 3 kids, alcoholic partner, him trying to juggle work and caring for children. Best of luck my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 05:10 PM
2

People love to gossip about other's private lives. People also love to justify and rationalise their own behaviour. A buddy of mine, he had this crazy girlfriend (few years ago now), and she used to text me at all hours of the night, saying shit like "if he tells you I punched him, it's only because.....(weirdass excuse I don't care about)". The thing is, people don't buy that stuff, and it tends to backfire. The classic example being, couple splits up, girl immediately goes on facebook to post …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 05:04 PM
9

Do you know the phrase "Living well is the best revenge"? That will be you in a couple of years. It's infuriating now, but when it's over, she still won't be able to budget, and it won't be your problem, it'll be her's alone. You're right, it is infuriating. I'm often put in mind of the moment in the Terminator movie, when the guy from the future is trying to explain to the police officers about the terminator, and in sheer desperation he says, "You don't understand, this thing can't be reasoned…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:08 PM
1

They would care if it was a murder trial or international espionage or something, but for some family matter, I doubt they're bothered. If you can use it as leverage somehow, then great, do that, but I don't imagine any judge is going to have her taken down in chains for that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 01:08 PM
6

Years ago I remember hearing a guy say that no matter how happy a man thinks his wife is, that his wife knows, right now, who she is going to call up and sleep with as soon as she's had enough of him. And remember that old meme? "Female logic: men cheat because men are assholes. Women cheat because men are assholes."
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 08:14 AM
9

I read a book on female psychology a couple of years ago, and the author (who is female), said something like "women crave security in relationship, but security in a relationship is actually very bad for a woman, because as soon as she has it she feels she can behave badly towards him, because he ain't leaving."
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 07:45 AM
6

You know the old joke, right? "Scientists have discovered a food that puts women off blow-jobs for life. It's called wedding cake."
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 07:43 AM
1

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the worst things in the world, because the person is utterly IMPOSSIBLE to deal with. It's a nightmare. Nothing will make them see sense. My parents got divorced when I was a kid, I can say with a fair degree of confidence it was pretty much entirely my mother's fault (she died not long after - she didn't have BPD, she was an alcoholic, and just incapable of accepting any responsibility for her problems). There is loving somebody, and then there is being…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 07:24 AM
1

Expensive? Time consuming? Painful? Any advice you could share on what you would have done different?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 07:07 AM
2

"Fat Charlie the Archangel files for divorce. He says, “Well this will eat up a year of my life. And then there’s all that weight to be lost.” She says the joke is on me I say the joke is on her" - Paul Simon, 'Crazy Love'
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 06:32 PM
2

Well, kinda, I don't think anyone should be forced to do anything, but do I wish I'd had the snip when I was 15? Hell yes. I have a friend who had a kid with his first wife, then she got him to have a vasectomy. Less than a year later she dumps his ass. Second wife tells him to get it reversed. Bingo bango, another kid. I don't know if he's gone back to have the laser beam up his jaffas again, but, they haven't had any more kids, so maybe. I don't like to ask him, it's (literally) a sore spot wh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 04:51 PM
1

Lol, yeah, probs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 04:11 PM
1

I only bought the house a year ago, we haven't lived in it for long. I can't see her hiring some hotshot lawyer tbh, just because I'm not sure there are any around here. Although I also can't see her being reasonable about anything either, because why break the habit of a marriage and start now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:56 PM
2

Yeah, most men around the world are aware of how insane it is in California and the like. As far as I can tell, it won't be too agonising for me, mainly because we don't have kids. You can't weaponise what doesn't exist. We're not split up yet, I just want partly to reassure myself, and partly to do anything I can to protect myself, because unless she somehow has some bolt of enlightenment shoot into her brain from the ether, I can't see us lasting the distance.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:53 PM
2

Nope. All in my name. Mortgage goes out of my bank account. She hasn't contributed one single shiny penny to the house itself (she has contributed to a bit of furniture).
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:49 PM
1

We're not spilt up yet! I just think it's likely to happen, I can't see her suddenly seeing the light, and she's pretty much become impossible to live with. The way it works here, as far as I can tell, is that if no kids are involved, you're supposed to try and figure out between the two of you what you think is fair. If you can't agree, you're supposed to go to a mediator, who'll see if they can find a compromise. If you still can't agree, then you go in front of a judge or some representative …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:15 PM
2

We've been married nearly 9 years, but have spent a good amount of that time apart. Having read about it, I'm pretty sure I could make a case for having the marriage annulled rather than divorce, but I don't think it makes much difference to us. I earn a lot more than she does at the moment, but honestly? I know this is probably the height of naivety on my part and breaking omerta on this forum, but I really don't mind giving her money for a few years as like 'child support' (because it kinda wo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:28 PM
4

You've just reminded me of 2 stand-ups comedians. Louis CK - "Divorce is the best part of my life, because divorce is forever. Marriage is for how long you can hack it." And I heard Whitney Cummings on a podcast, and the other person mentioned 'unconditional love', and she immediately jumped in and said "I hate that. Love should be completely conditional on the other person not treating you like shit." Bravo, Whitney. I read a book a couple of years ago about female psychology, and the author sa…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:19 PM
-1

To be completely honest, I agree with some radical feminists that vasectomy should be the default, rather than the exception. They say the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Same proverb applies to having your balls disconnected, imo.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 01:47 PM
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