I have been divorced for about 3 years now. I actually have a pretty good relationship overall with my ex. We co parent our three kids together, helping each other out when needed. If one of us needs a babysitter for a date, we help out. We live within walking distance and have no custody issues, etc. However, when we actually split, it was pretty messy.

To give some background, I worked and was the sole provider, which was one of our issues as she was upset she didn't do anything and I was upset she wouldn't help out.

We were living in Africa, and she wanted to move back to Europe where she is from, which she did, and because I being American had limited opportunities there, I stayed working in Africa. It was tough, but I was pretty well paid at the time, and I continued to provide for the kids and her. She wanted me to move to Europe, but at the time, I went through major depression and had alcohol problems.

I eventually did move to Europe, but ended up going to the US to work because covid hit and it was that or no money. We already started talking about splitting before I left, and when I was in the US, the personal battles I had finally got to be too much, and I went to rehab/behavioral health to recover. When this happened, she phoned me and said it was over. But then she also said she wanted to wait till I was back to make a final decision.

Mind you, I was still supporting our family, I still found away to keep all the bills paid and food on the table despite 10 weeks of rehab. And I am proud to say I have been sober for three years now. When I went back after I got out of rehab I found out she had started seeing someone already, and had taken money I sent for the kids to go and see this guy as he lived in another city. I had specifically told her I wouldn't support her any more if she was dating people that just the kids and she would need to get a job. It was worse cause it was someone we both knew, and then when I confronted him, they both lied and said nothing happened.

I had to keep going back and forth between Europe and the US to be able to support our family. Keep in mind she wasn't working at all during this period. And then, on my second trip back, she said she didn't want to try and that she actually had been sleeping with this guy. And that was when I finally decided to stop trying to make it work.

There was a lot of other drama because she stayed in my place for 4 more months. The final straw was she called the police on me when we arguing saying I was verbally abusing her, which I wasn't and thankfully my kids were there to witness everything and nothing serious came of it but even thr police advised me not to be alone with her cause she could make up anything. So I kicked her out that night. I had tried to get her to leave for a while, but she finally left. And then the kids were with me for about a year till she finally got her own place.

So yeh, this is way longer than I wanted, but. Now we actually do get along, but I am still so angry about this guy she was seeing and that after 16 years of being married she couldnt even had waited to see me and tell me to my face before she srarted sleeping with other people. And that on top of the other things she did. She treats me fine now and we do get along but if I ever try to talk to her about all of this she just says it's in the past or tells me I am crazy for being upset about it. I am really happy to be single she isn't a bad person but she was super toxic and gas lighted me our whole marriage would do things like try to see how angry she could get me then get mad when I would leave the house to calm down. But she has issues she needs help with, so I am not upset about all that. It's just that she was seeing this guy while I was in rehab it makes me so upset, and I can't get closure from her, but I want to be over it so I don't feel frustrated. We're in a good place, so I don't want to mess that up either by bringing it up. Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading this mind essay, lol.