How do you start dating again?

smartalec-71 · 2025-12-23T02:03:37+00:00

You may be poorer than you were before, you may still be much better off than the majority of your peers. Especially once you've gotten in shape and updated your wardrobe. I was on a date a few days ago, and the stories she told were shocking. I'm tempted to set up a phone so I can see what "the other side" sees.

There are many similarly aged women in the same boat. They were in a relationship, now they're not. Now they want to be in another one.

Figure out what you want... and what you don't want. That will help knowing what to go for / what to avoid when dating.

Work on your health, your profession, and your physique.

Get on the dating apps. Get some good photos (you can have your friends take some, and there's also services such as https://app.snappr.com/ ). Put together a profile, and get out there. There's also lots of tips in https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/

IAmTheBS · 2025-12-18T14:52:35+00:00

This post speaks to me more than you know.

I'm 47. I'm ready to throw in the towel also. And I won't have money either after it's all said and done, although I might get to keep the house if I want it.

I'm the exact same way about dating. I'm ready to find someone now just to spend time with, nothing romantic, nothing sexual, nothing overly stressful... I'm just really looking for people to go out with and maybe grab some dinner or go to a comedy club.

As you said, I've also grown distant from my friends and so my support system has been my wife and kids for a long time but my wife no longer supplies that emotional support to me or comfort.

Yeah, where are all the single ladies at? I don't think they're here on Reddit bitching about their relationship problems, save the ones at /r/abusive_relationships.

I think they're mingling on Instagram and Facebook, but I'm not sure, and I don't do Instagram or Facebook anyway although I guess I might have to. I've always and I mean always been gasly opposed to those services.

Good luck bro. You're not the only one in this boat.

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2025-12-18T12:58:27+00:00

44 and casually dating maybe 4-6 women. 3 were in-person, the rest apps. The apps don't tend to provide long term results, but a rotating cast of dates/hookups.

My best advice is to focus on the pipeline. Use the Circles Method. You need to have it so that you're regularly mingling with friends of friends and getting warm intros. So if you don't have a good social circle, start there. Really lean into any hobbies that put you and strangers together -- ideally strangers in similar life situations (not extremely older/younger). Focus on small talk. Make friends with everyone (male and female -- single or not). Be fun! Start getting invited to things. That's your first circle. Don't date anyone in this circle. It has to remain strong and it takes the longest to build. A bad breakup here is catastrophic. Use the apps for hookups during this time if needed.

Second circle are people you meet through first circle. I would still exercise caution here. If you date someone's best friend and it doesn't work out, you can lose that first circle connection. If you've come this far, it doesn't take much more to keep this circle "just friends" too. (Realistically it tends to be people's spouses, anyway.) There's way more people here, most will remain acquaintances. You're aiming for good impressions and name/face recognition. You will see people intermittently -- remember who they are and ask them about their lives.

Third circle is your dating pool. You're now regularly attending events with people from the first two circles and getting warm intros to their friends/relatives. For the average guy who struggles to pull on cold approaches, this is by far the easiest way to meet lots of beautiful women who would typically be out of your league. Nothing is better than a warm intro. It almost completely bypasses all the natural defense mechanisms women build up from years of having men harassing them. And breakups here don't tend to affect the first two circles. So even if you date a crazy and it goes off the rails, you'll still be at someone's BBQ/book club/softball game/whatever the following week, getting introduced to more people.

At this point, you have a hobby-based social circle that regularly sees you at your best engaging with something you enjoy, a large secondary circle that has a good impression of you as thoughtful and inquisitive, and regular access to women with warm intros that give you a real, serious shot at making a connection. You're interesting and well-regarded. Dating is a side effect of this process. You will barely have to exert effort at this point.

Now the harsh truth: it takes about 1-2 years to form and solidify the first two circles from scratch. People need to see you regularly, over and over, before they start inviting you in and talking about you to others. But I highly recommend it. The time tends to fly by at our age anyway, hah!

Good luck.

furgburger · 2025-12-18T12:05:51+00:00

TRT and FB dating will get you back in the saddle.

ColedTouch · 2025-12-18T03:14:33+00:00

Pay for an escort if needed to start the process. Build your confidence back. Just like healing mentally/emotionally takes time, figuring out the retarded new dating scene takes time. Get your dick wet, and I promise you'll forget the rest.

probebeta · 2025-12-18T02:12:09+00:00

Online dating isn't sexy but it's a good way to meet women. Go work out, lift heavy stuff, dress well, good profile photos, and go meet some cuties.

yourefunny · 2025-12-17T22:49:49+00:00

I'm newly separated and mid 30s. Between having my two young boys over and work I haven't had the time to even think about dating. Place I'm living is a bit depressing/embarrassing as well. But I have had some nice interactions with ladies in a few places that I think could develop. The gym and at a couple of work events for example. When I get round to it I think I'll focus on things I enjoy and see if I can't sign up to some groups etc. A book club, hiking clubs... Volunteer to be a couch for my kids teams when they are a bit older. I hope I'll meet ladies in those ways. Who knows.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2025-12-17T22:33:14+00:00

To my surprise, its kinda amazing how being single affects your life.

Still working through the divorce, but I decided it was time to take off the wedding ring. I was always against this and would never remove it. It meant something to me.

I work at many different job sites and a woman at one had stopped me.and said "I hope its ok that I ask, but I noticed that you are not wearing your ring. Is everything ok?"

I broke down and told someone for the first time about what im dealing with. She ended it with "I am so sorry your going through this, but I have to tell you I have always enjoyed watching you work. I just never said anything cause you were married. I think shes the one that lost." And then she left.

I was in shock. Still kinda am.

No-Spinach-169 · 2025-12-17T21:46:18+00:00

Why would you not want to live by yourself? Why mom? There is no greater joy than living by yourself.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-12-17T20:47:20+00:00

Focus on finalizing your divorce first. It will take time and a lot of effort. Dating may or may not happen later, it’s better to keep very low expectations on that front.

This-Discipline8891 · 2025-12-17T20:17:25+00:00

Dating is pretty much near impossible now. Woman don’t seem to like being approached in person.

There are the dating apps but those are super toxic and half the people on there aren’t a real person.

If you do happen to land a date, most woman seem to only care about themselves.

Another thing I think about as well is my ex is very high conflict and I never want to end up in this situation again.

I love my daughter very much but her mom (my ex) tries to make life so miserable for all of us.

It’s been 9 years now but I just have no desire to date anyone again. Woman can really destroy your life if things don’t workout.

Edit to add context: A lot of woman only want rich men nowadays so unless you’re a millionaire, good luck.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-12-17T18:27:13+00:00

You will be much happier if you can learn to be indifferent to women and the source of your validation. Because dating is rough out there for dudes over 40. You better be rich, generous with your money, emotionally available, over 6 ft. tall, have an elite physical body, and a high status job. Note that none of these requirements apply to women over 40 who you will find are single mothers, fat, political bullies, poor, mean, and downright ugly. You wasted countless hours searching for that diamond in the ruff, only to discover when you find one that she was actually a he.

It's rough out there.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-12-17T18:10:59+00:00

I prefer to meet women organically in person and don’t mind a cold approach at all. After what I’ve heard from friends, I won’t get on the apps because I’m not looking for casual sex.

I recommend while you’re healing and putting your life back together that you rebuild a good friend group. Not only is that a good way to quickly expand your circle and dating opportunities, it’s important to have guys that you can count on and vent with and have fun with.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-12-17T16:33:48+00:00

I was married in 1998. I had a poorly planned attempt at divorce before I hit 10 years - my perceived magical time when in California I understood spousal support to move from half the duration of the marriage to “for life.”

Around 2016 I was so miserable, I took to drinking daily because I was convinced I was destined to be broke and alone if I tried to get out of the marriage. I drank daily to oblivion for two years before I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was still afraid of being broke and alone but I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.

I went into rehab for 39 days. When I got out, I sat the wife down and told her what I needed or it was done. Nothing changed in the next 6 weeks and I filed.

I was pretty broke - had to pick up a night job hosting karaoke (still sober) to make ends meet, but I was not alone.

Finding women wasn’t so hard, but even in times when I was single, those days were far better than anything my fearful imagination had conjured.

My advice: take the next indicated step and don’t concern yourself with the endgame (dating). That time will come, but I don’t recommend jumping to the next woman right away.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-12-17T16:18:05+00:00

Dating is easy mode especially with the apps. Dress somewhat nice and be confident and you'll slay these women.

Just don't catch feelings or if you do, be ready to walk when the games start.

Get a vasectomy asap.

The dating scene is easy but it can get chaotic. Make sure to focus on your health and hobbies. Ladies will always be there.

serkovavantgarden · 2025-12-17T15:53:51+00:00

I rinsed tinder and FB dating

To be honest I was only looking for something physical. I’m not going to lie, it accelerated the healing process

I met my current partner organically through my job. I swore to god I wouldn’t get involved again however she’s very attractive, has a great body and is such a sweet, loving person. Everything my ex wasn’t. How can a guy pass that up!

For context, I’m not the most attractive guy in the world.

Balding 5ft 7 Not a good looker

However being a single dad in your 40s seems to work in your favour and mitigates your weaknesses

jimsmythee · 2025-12-17T15:36:13+00:00

When I was back into the dating market, 5 years ago, after being out of the dating market for 11 years.

On installed all of the apps. Put in recent pics. And let the chips fall where they may.

I pretty much went out with any woman that would go out on a date with me. “My standard line was “whats your schedule like for coffee or lunch or dinner?”

And from there, that weeded out the scammers and the time wasters. Both will never meet in person.

And then in dating in person, I had to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads, and the princesses.

After that, I had to weed out the rescue-me types. Then the ones with intimacy issues. Then weed out the ones who aren’t over their ex.

Title	How do you start dating again?
Author	AshamedAstronomer839
Upvotes	30
Comments	32
Date	December 17, 2025 3:14 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1poz19t/how_do_you_start_dating_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-start-dating-again.1569066 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569066

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