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Upstairs-Studio8509 Archive

View 3 posts and 26 comments by Upstairs-Studio8509 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Been there. I wept like a baby when I packed up my daughter's room alone, when the ex forced the sale of our house. Many times I felt the full force of the grief you are describing, mourning the loss of my children the same way as if they had died. It's a tragedy and I'm sorry you have to bear it along with so many men.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:59 PM
6

I agree completely. In no fault situations, alimony is legal robbery. My ex was a stay at home mom, and no matter how bad our finances got, she refused to help with income in any way. Now, after the divorce, she still refuses to work in any meaningful way, and is completely reliant on my alimony and child support checks. I try not to think about it because it's infuriating and absolutely unfair. She chose to leave, yet I am still legally obligated to support her in addition to the children.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 06:14 PM
8

You aren't alone, we share this tragedy with you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 06:40 PM
3

For sure. I don't think "narcissist" was in my wife's vocabulary until she read Lisa Turkheurst. I think the intent is good, but they are selling books, not actually in the business of strengthening marriages. Some of the female authors are "godly feminists" which still puts the woman at odds with the man. Women want to be led but not submit. They want a strong man that can be controlled. They want to follow as long as it suits them. Marriages become a power struggle, with neither partner gettin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:18 PM
1

Set boundaries and expectations now, and don't be shy about it. You have to be honest about your financial expectations and any other red flags that concern you. Then let her decide if she wants to continue the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:53 PM
11

So guys, how do we fix it? We know it's dark. It's lonely. Frustrating. Infuriating. Depressing. What do we do about it? I can't see my daughters except for the minimal amount I'm allowed by law. Nothing will bring them back to me, to live in my home full time while I care for and protect them and raise them the way I used to. The way they deserve. What needs to change? As a loving, dedicated and supportive father, I am treated the same by the "system" as the deadbeat who has 4 kids by 3 differe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 09:14 PM
2

She said she will no longer drink around me but I'm not sure that's enough. i think she needs to make some deeper changes that address issues rather than symptoms.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 07:25 PM
2

Western society has conditioned and trained women to believe that they hold all the cards. And men have been conditioned to believe that sex, respect, affection etc. are rewards for good behavior. It's a twisted perspective that leads to a lot of divorces. This needs to change on a societal level.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 03:11 PM
1

Same thing happened to me. So I went alone. It was helpful to vent but I mostly wanted help dealing with my wife. I got some advice on setting healthy boundaries, being honest, and prioritizing my needs a little more. The idea was to communicate that I loved her, but not her behavior. I accepted her, but not her toxic patterns. I allowed conversations, but not relentless interrogation. I drew a line in the sand by doing this, and I felt like it was the right thing to do. She couldn't handle it, …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:38 PM
0

That's a lot. First and foremost, you aren't alone. Multitudes of men are facing the same thing you are, and we can absolutely relate. I'm sorry you are in this position. This is a classic scenario where no-fault divorce is a tempting option, but please only look at that as an absolute last resort. You deserve to be in a happy relationship with your wife. But even more importantly, your children deserve to have their father and mother in the same home. The first thing you should do is talk with …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:35 PM
43

Most modern American women are conditioned to have particular expectations, many of which are unrealistic. My ex drained me of everything I had, in every way, and eventually gave up on me because I "didn't love her" enough to give even more. The expectation was that I sacrifice everything to meet every need she had, no matter how taxing or illogical. But when I expressed any of my needs, or on the very rare occasion I did something that was important to me without her blessing, I was "selfish an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 08:43 PM
15

I have 2 girls too and this is my greatest fear. We have an enforceable visitation agreement but in the back of my mind I keep thinking "what if".... since the system favors women so much I wonder if she wants to move them away from me how that would go down. I feel for you, no dad deserves to be robbed of his children. You are right, the system is broken and it breaks people.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 04:50 PM
1

Do you have kids? If so, you really need to work on it for their sake. That probably means couples therapy, but that won't do you any good unless you both go in with the expectation that you both need to change, adapt, and compromise for the sake of the other. It will not be comfortable. If you both aren't on board with that, therapy will be a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:13 PM
5

Every time I think about dating again, I come back to this. What's the point? Unfortunately I don't really see much in it for a lady either. I'm not going to have more kids, I'm not rich, not particularly good looking, after a long hard marriage and stressful job I'm not Mr. Fun either. So lately my outlook has been to be open to opportunities but not seek them out purposely.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:05 PM
1

You already made your decision 6 years ago. Don't be an idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:46 PM
3

Make it about your kids, not about you. Focus on improving every area of your life, not instant gratification. If you are actually getting a divorce (and seems like it's definitely headed there), try to get sneaky proof that she's binging. It could help your custody case in the future. Do what is right, not what is expedient.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:41 PM
1

You are right. As time goes on we want to find pride in our sacrifice like we did in the beginning but we set the precedent. Once the expectation of perpetual sacrifice sets in, you can't go back. I tried, and the marriage instantly fell apart. As soon as I communicated my needs, I was called selfish. As soon as I set healthy boundaries to protect my mental health, I was accused of not loving her enough to accommodate her every demand.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 04:32 PM
13

Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better. I hate that your story is a common one, similar to mine. I didn't deserve it. My daughters didn't deserve it. The whole thing is so unfair, unjustified, and just evil. I can't believe no fault divorce is so easily allowed when it destroys lives. It's a poison in our society that needs a social solution, not a government one. Your kids need you. They need your love and your positivity. Be a reliable father for them, even if it's the only thing you…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 04:25 PM
4

Keep your cool and treat it like a business transaction even though you feel ripped apart inside. And do something nice for yourself afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 06:24 PM
1

Good point, I think there's some truth to that for some men. Some of us see opportunity in the aftermath of destruction and take the initiative to improve our lives, ultimately trying to make it even better than before (or at least try to make up for the devastation). And some of those around us long for an opportunity like that. But it doesn't mean we wanted this to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 05:29 PM
21

Divorce turned my life upside down, and you're right, no one really cared except my close family. Friends were like, "yeah, that sucks man". I could barely function. Work and gym were good distractions to get my mind off it but most nights I found myself alone and going to dark places in my mind. I think it just comes down to how common it is now - it doesn't really surprise anyone when it actually happens. But that doesn't make it any easier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 07:09 PM
3

My wife refused to work too, it was one of our top issues. Not sure how it works in your state, but in SC, if she continues to leech off you and not work after separation, you have to pay spousal support (alimony) according to her income. Since my ex has no income of her own, I have to pay the max amount allowable from my income. It's absolute robbery and just another part of a broken system. That being said, I have heard of guys creating a corporation, running all their income and expenses thro…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:11 PM
1

The point is not to fix her, it's to fix him and she can be on board with that or not. Most likely not. But a line needs to be drawn and if she crosses it, it's on her, not him. A healthy marriage requires mutual respect and benevolence, and if that is not defined (along with healthy, respectful boundaries), the cycle will continue.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:58 PM
3

You need to see a therapist. Tell her whatever you have to in order to talk to someone without her there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 07:28 PM
2

Wow. This was almost 100% my situation. I am so sorry you are going through this, just know you aren't alone. I know exactly how excruciating it is. I fought for the marriage til the end - there was no way I was going to walk out on my kids. We went to couples counseling for awhile but eventually she stopped going and I went alone. In those sessions my therapist taught me about healthy boundaries and how to set them without escalating things further. Well, that was the last straw for my wife. On…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 07:20 PM
3

Same thing happened to me during our year-long separation before divorce. Even though we basically despise each other, it still hurt. The girl I fell in love with years ago dated another man before the divorce was finalized. It created some mixed feelings but mostly I was pissed that she was so careless about it regarding our kids. She had no hesitation about bringing the guy to her place, being affectionate in front of them, getting our kids together with his kid, etc. It just severely annoyed …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:37 PM
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