Going into mediation blind

AdForward5729 · 2024-07-09T13:08:00+00:00

I’m going to motion to modify my child custody order in a few weeks to give me more structure on the time including weekend with my kiddos. Going for 30% custody and then once I move closer to or in my kids school district then I’ll go for 50%. I don’t plan of giving any information to my ex until we go to mediation (CA requires mediation first) I have a few PP’s ideas that will be fair to show her and if she doesn’t agree, then we will get in front of a Judge and have them sign off on it. 🙏🏽

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-07-09T10:47:41+00:00

Spent $4000 at my mediation nonsense had full agreement she backed out a week laterb

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-07-09T04:50:49+00:00

Before mediation you should have already have set down what you think is a fair settlement of the issues after doing your due diligence of what is likely to happen if you go to trial and the judge decides all of the issues. If you have hired a good experienced local divorce attorney then you should have been advise of what is likely.

Then you will be in a position to be able to evaluate her demands and negotiate to acceptable terms if she make demands that are in the ballpark and not unreasonable or unrealistic.

If the demands are unreasonable or unrealistic do not offer her anything until she is in the ballpark and if she refuses then terminate the mediation and set it for trial.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-08T20:22:29+00:00

A woman mediator is going to be biased for your wife. It's just natural for women to stand up against the patriarchy and get revenge against the evil men. How much you want to bet your mediator is divorced herself?

Complex-Twist5698 · 2024-07-08T19:15:07+00:00

I told my attorney to let them know I was agreeable to mediation, but I wanted to hear their proposed settlement first, under the premise that mediation may not be necessary. My other thought, which I didn’t say, was that mediation would be pointless if we are too far apart.

My attorney let me know that most judges require that the parties attempt mediation prior to setting a case for trial, especially so when at least one party has requested mediation.

As much as I don’t put much faith in mediation, I kind of feel like it is a no risk opportunity to get a settlement that I am agreeable with. Well, the only risk being the cost of the mediator.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2024-07-08T19:02:54+00:00

I'd find a mediator that is a retired judge who can guide you on what the typical ruling outcome would be on the specific award. A lawyer, while experienced in divorce cases, doesn't have the extensive knowledge of a retired judge on exactly how something would most likely be ruled. They will provide a perspective based on percentages and/or the rule of law so you can make an informed decision on the likelihood of something being in your favor, or not.

And I should add, do not go into mediation if there's even one iota of a chance that your spouse isn't willing to come to an agreement on all of the terms. It will be a huge waste of time and money, without being any closer to a final divorce agreement!

jimsmythee · 2024-07-08T18:21:29+00:00

Here is the deal on Mediation. It's not binding. You can go in there, let them throw down their cards and see if you can agree on anything.

I went to mediation with my now exwife and it went horrible, Mediation is free in AZ for "Divorce with children". But my mediator wasn't impartial. Regarding me wanting 50/50 custody, she actually said, "only a horrible person would try to take away children from the loving arms of their mother!" In the end, the 2 of them berated and had beaten me down, and I practically signed my life away. But Nothing is Official, until it is signed and notarized.

I left there, got a breath of fresh air and took that "agreement" and tossed it in the trash. I told my exwife, "See you at trial!"

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-07-08T17:55:10+00:00

My attrorney suggested my ex and I try to come to an agreement before mediation and we did. I drafted a financial proposal to my ex and didn't show my attrorney. My ex rejected what I thought was a very fair offer. A few weeks later, she texted me to ask if my offer was the same and I said it was. My attorney then translated my prososal into the divorce decree and we both signed.

We never made it to mediation..

Independent_Owlz · 2024-07-08T15:45:21+00:00

Mediation is often just an expensive fact finding mission.

FUMoney · 2024-07-08T15:03:17+00:00

Your counsel is correct. Offers start getting negotiated at mediation, and generally not before. Sometimes this may even be better, if one side is unreasonable and the mediator right away sets them straight on likely outcomes.

But you also are correct to be cynical. Is your ex reasonable? Maybe you can settle amicably, especially if the mediator can get both of you to agree to a fair deal. If your ex is unreasonable, it is likely to fail.

What you do: set your expectations, and your limits, before the mediation. Know exactly how far you are willing to go on key points. Know the law in your jurisdiction, especially what is likely to happen at trial, and the most likely financial outcomes.

Another point: if their side is patently unreasonable, leave the mediation. Leave within the hour if their proposal is ridiculous. Technically, you have mediated if you or the ex communicate a settlement proposal, and it is rejected or countered. A single offer and rejection/counter is a mediation.

Don‘t sit there for eight hours rejecting absurd or ridiculous proposals. Don’t get beaten down. You don’t have to. Don’t rack up many hours of mediator fees on a hopeless exercise. Even after just a single round, if you and the ex are in different universes, and the ex is devoid of reality, thank the mediator, tell her you are setting a trial date, polite excuse yourself and your counsel, and leave. And yes, this does indeed happen, especially among sophisticated litigants who know the value of their case, know the law, and are committed to a course of action.

Never forget, the mediator has zero power in your case. Negotiations are confidential and can never be used in court. The only thing a mediator can do is guide you to a resolution both of you agree to. You can always say no — and there’s not a goddamn thing the mediator can do about it. The same holds true for your ex.

Embarrassed-Steak331 · 2024-07-08T14:59:23+00:00

I've only seen mediation work twice. The first, the husband was a graffiti artist. In other news, graffiti artist is a thing. The second, the husband worked under the table, lived on family trusts, and they lived in a house his parents owned. He was rich in reality, poor on paper.

So the women didn't see a dime coming from it and unceremoniously dumped.

But it's all anecdotal stuff out of a population of maybe two dozen women who divorced that I know. I'd be interested if others had a different experience.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-07-08T14:30:56+00:00

95% of the time mediation is a waste of time and money, even moreso when there’s no offers or at least an idea of where the parties stand on the issues. As for the mediator, I wouldn’t fret too much if you have no reason other than the fact that her side proposed them, they have no power over the parties or the case.

They may not want to make an offer because they want to see where you stand as part of the mediation and strategically it’s rarely advantageous to make the first offer.

I’d set some red lines and if they cross them, just instruct your lawyer that you’re both walking out together.

Title	Going into mediation blind
Author	Complex-Twist5698
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	July 8, 2024 1:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dy8cz8/going_into_mediation_blind/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/going-into-mediation-blind.1523637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523637

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