~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 15 | She Must Be Bored | Adventurous_Tie_4464 | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/04/23 09:33 PM | |
| 5 | Bad Outcome What Would You Do | Adventurous_Tie_4464 | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/23 11:12 PM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 20 | Why do women complicate their lives so much?I can relate. Years of marriage counseling and the counselor recommended we spend 10 minutes a day talking. Let me tell you getting the 10 minutes on the calendar was like pulling teeth. The whole time the biggest complaint was not enough communication and it was a grind to set aside ten minutes. Now that I’m divorced I see it with others constantly just busy…..doing what I have no idea. Kind of a red flag for me if someone is so over scheduled now they can’t find two hours to watch a movie. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 07:23 PM |
| 3 | Scheduling nightmare...Status quo is probably the most important thing to establishing parenting time. If you are a highly involved dad demonstrating you play a major role in taking care of the kids it will be the biggest change tributes to getting custody. The best thing your STBX can do is get distracted with boyfriends and trips leaving you able to demonstrate status quo as a primary caregiver. You’ll have a lifetime post divorce to do trips with women. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/23 08:18 PM |
| 0 | STBX seems to be out seeking attention, potentially talking to other men already.. I'm emotionally gone from this loveless marriage.. but, it feels odd seeing her talking to new men. For context, we will live together until this 12 month lease is up. How'd you cope with your STBX talking to new men?Get a parenting plan and divorce decree stamped by a judge and then one of you should get out of the house ASAP. Don’t leave without everything finalized. Grey Rock her ass and quite frankly she is doing you a favor by going out leaving you time with your kids. The more time she spends with Prince Charming the less time she has to antagonize you. Move your divorce forward, get a custody plan, divide assets and someone needs to move out. I lived with my ex for a year negotiating custody and it wa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/23 03:24 PM |
| 5 | Scheduling nightmare...You don’t currently have a custody plan stamped by a judge so my advice would be to take any parenting time you can get to establish status quo. Document everything. Dating during the divorce process sounds nice, but can be stressful as hell. Even post divorce it can be a distraction and challenging. Really consider if having two women in your life combined with a bunch of attorneys and a full time job and child is worth it. I hate to say it, but I went close to two years without any female comp… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/23 03:12 PM |
| 3 | Anyone ever feel like never wanting a relationship again?I think what you’re experiencing is normal. On one hand it is great to have someone in your life to connect with, but the flip side is you’ve been thru a lot and healing can take a long time. If you were in a bad relationship you probably had a hard time with boundaries so have to be vigilant and there are times you may just need a break. In the end you just have to make yourself a priority. It’s understandable that a woman might want more in the relationship than you can give and that leads to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 06:25 PM |
| 7 | Is Mediation Pointless?I’ll suggest mediation only if the first order of business is parenting time and you get to a quick resolution. I spent about 9 months of hell in mediation as my ex’s attorneys badgered me and my own legal counsel hung me out to dry. I did secure 50/50 parenting time but it was the worst year of my life and still had to go to court for finances. If you’re dealing with an unreasonable person mediation is a waste of time and money. I think I suffer from PTSD from the hell of mediation. Just a bunc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/23 04:48 PM |
| 5 | Lies in Motions and AffidavitsNot really, but it does sound like your attorney is weak. Fire your attorney and hire a hard nosed litigator that will put a flamethrower to false accusations made in court. I had attorneys that allowed this nonsense and in the end I was the one that suffered. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/11/23 07:26 PM |
| 2 | Losing my mindI have stood in the same place you are today and can only tell you to persevere for your son and your children. Here is the playbook of what I did to stay alive. I forced myself to eat health, get eight hours of sleep, get some modest exercise, talk with a therapist, reach out to friends and family for help, and understand this will end. The sooner you stop trying to engage your ex and just focus exclusively on enforcing boundaries the better off you will be. Force the case to trial and if your … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/11/23 02:08 PM |
| 3 | Re-entering Dating SceneI dipped my toe in with the app Hinge and met some nice people and actually turned it off because I don’t want a 100 people to juggle. Best thing you can do is try to identify low drama women that have jobs and after texting offer to meet them for a drink at a public place. If you’re in good shape, decent looking,and have a job you’ll do fine. Personally I stick to my age range and I think that helps a lot. If you want to hook up with girls 20 years younger then you feel free but you may find so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/23 05:31 PM |
| 1 | Medical decisionsSetting aside you debating COVID shots. Joint medical is only worth fighting over in a true emergency. If you want the kids vaccinated just take them on your time. Your only other option is to take it to court and try to get a ruling from a judge. Doesn’t sound like in this case it is worth it | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/23 07:43 PM |
| 1 | Post-divorce shenanigans. Feeling really low.If I can tell u one thing it is focus on yourself and getting comfortable in your own skin. Make you mental and physical health your top priority. If you want to date feel free but just take the pressure off and tell these women the truth about what’s going on with you. If they like you great and if they don’t you should damm well have a network of friends and hobbies to keep yourself occupied. I read somewhere that a relationship with a woman post divorce is like dessert. You’re responsible for… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/23 04:55 PM |
| 12 | Self respectHaving been thru this divorce he’ll with teens I would flip the script. Make sure you have some assets in your own name and start working on yourself like you already are. In the real world a hard working guy with an awesome job is the Alpha Dog. If you went on a dating app you would be getting laid like tile. You probably need to separate from her emotionally and start having some fun. Kids turn 18 get a bull dog litigator and fight for yours. Get her working and if necessary retire tommorow | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 09:34 PM |
| 1 | 50/50 Custody Drop OffTry to arrange so transitions can be done independently when possible. My parenting plan when the kids were transitioning more often was based on transition occurred at the end of the school day so I would just pick them up at school. Eventually moved to a 7/7 so much fewer transitions. I’m actual going to buy a dash cam because any interaction with my ex makes me extremely nervous due to a false DV attempt a few years ago. If she begins creating drama insist transitions occur at a police statio… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 02:44 PM |
| 6 | Throwing in the towel?I just finalized a divorce in Illinois and it was a nightmare. I did secure 50/50 parenting time. I simply refused to accept anything less and told them I would spend all our assets getting to trial. My advice get a litigation attorney. The attorney needs to request discovery and if they refuse to give you all her financial info they “file a motion to compel”. My guess is you are in some protracted negotiations and your wife has a top notch firm. Sounds like you need fo fire your lawyer and get … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 06:17 PM |
| 2 | Dealing with a vindictive exGood for you. I died on the hill of 50/50 parenting time and can’t express how glad I am I did. The time with your kids is priceless and if you’re dealing with a vindictive person if you don’t have enough quality time she can really poison the well. I took a beating on the finances, but did the best I could in a crappy equitable distribution state. I didn’t know many divorced people before this happened, but since it has have not met a dad who has gotten 50/50 other than me. The reason I got it … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/23 10:10 PM |
| 2 | High conflict - How to escape financial ruin?The best thing you can do is get into court and a trial date. You have to force a trial date at all costs. Attorneys love continuances. Force them to trial. Unless the other side has a motion in place on a topic ignore then | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/23 11:11 PM |
| 1 | Financial mediation - STBXW asking for "a disproportionate amount of our assets"Lock down parenting time first if you can. I secured 50/50 by going that route. She still ended up with a decent disparity in assets received but I locked my 50/50 parenting . If were talking a few percentage points and 50/50 take it and run. I’m not in a 50/50 asset state but rather equitable distribution where it’s the Wild West | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/23 07:47 PM |
| 1 | Will my finances come up again after disclosures?In my state until divorce is finalized it’s all marital property. They would make you do a true up before final payouts to make sure the numbers are all updated and correct | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 09:30 PM |
| 2 | Ex is ordering an appraisal on my home but won't give me access to the appraiser. It will probably not happen before court. What will happen?Just order your on appraisal from a reputable firm and use that. If she wants her own the judge will likely allow and you’ll have to at some point accommodate. If you have two appraisals they’ll probably average out the two. If you don’t want another court date you should accommodate. I would get your own appraisal just to be safe | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 09:29 PM |
| 7 | What the hellEverything said in this posters outline of what will happen next is true. Keep a recorder on you at all times that you can turn on if any arguments arise. Do not just rely on your phone. Do not engage in verbal arguments at all just walk away. Keep conversations civil and only about your kids. See if you can work out an arrangement where you each are responsible for the kids 50/50 based on nights of the week while you still live in the same home and the other agrees to stay out of the way. If yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/23 12:12 PM |
| 2 | Today i got the conformation i needed Have Questions !!I wouldn’t do anything with this info for now. I would save your ring camera footage and the police report and just wait it out for the moment. You may come across some more definitive info. If this proves true it could prove highly relevant to you case and the career of that officer. Protect yourself as you know she is willing to file a false TRO so even with a legit officer that is a huge nightmare let alone a rogue one. Begin moving towards a trial date. Once someone goes the false TRO route … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/23 09:45 PM |
| 1 | De Novo complete / she was denied again!I’ve seen your previous posts and honestly when I saw this It made my day. Keep doing what your doing. She lost her first attempt and her appeal. She is getting real close to parental kidnapping. Glad to hear you get to FaceTime with them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/23 10:00 PM |
| 1 | i fought for, and got my 50/50 custody. Its looking like i may have to admit defeat and take 70/30.Please at least give yourself a couple of weeks. Making this decision after one day is not a good decision. Give it a chance to work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 02:25 AM |
| 3 | Bad Outcome What Would You DoTried mediation burned a ton on legal. Got very little accomplished. In hindsight should have gone straight to trial | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 01:42 AM |
| 3 | Bad Outcome What Would You DoThanks I wanted 50/50 custody and that was my hill to die on and got it. I can rebuild and even at 40% have a solid foundation. Struggling with the total lack of fairness. It sucks because this woman used and cheated on me. It’s a broken system, but I definitely have to give your feedback some thought. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 01:35 AM |
| 4 | Bad Outcome What Would You DoThere is no settling with her. She is burning the ground below here and its working. There is logic to settling. I walk with no debt and a six figure net worth and have earnings potential in front of me. The reality is I was used financially for many years. It’s just a matter of do I want to keep fighting this fight. It’s hard to sit here giving up a disproportionate amount of assets and significant future income in an unfair settlement, but the flip side is if you offered me $500,000 to go live… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 12:56 AM |
| 4 | Bad Outcome What Would You DoThis article sums it up exactly. Realistically they have just made a recommendation based on some statements provided by the attorneys. I certainly have every right to go to trial, get depositions and present a case. It’s just a question is it worth spending that money. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/06/23 12:51 AM |
| 3 | Is visitation my only option?You can never say for sure, but not likely. Based on your post history she has crossed a lot of red lines with the court and lost once already. I wouldn’t assume you will lose in 14 days. I’m sure the emotional pressure and fear builds leaving you thinking about cutting a deal prior to court. Honestly if you lose in court you lose, but your outcome won’t be much worse than if you settled. Just try to stay strong and hold out for 14 days to take it to the judge. You deserve a lot of credit for en… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 12:16 PM |
| 1 | Ex wants to move >50 miles away in state and change Custody to 80-20 for 5yr oldSorry your dealing with this. The parenting plan has some weaknesses like absence of geographic restriction however you had the main point 50/50. I would pick the most agressive attorney you spoke with to get into court and fight to maintain status quo. There are no guarantees but disrupting 50/50, moving the kid out of the district, and some of the harassing behavior will all work against her. I can’t see mediating this unless court ordered. She will need a more compelling reason to make these … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 12:07 PM |
| 1 | Ex wants to move >50 miles away in state and change Custody to 80-20 for 5yr oldI see. Based on what you describe and your previous challenges with mediators I would be hesitant to take it to mediation. There are a variety of areas to go at this as your parenting agreement has 50/50 but your ex is moving an hour away. I assume you have joint decision making on schools so the natural choices are the private school or local public school. You also have the recommendations from teachers regarding the local public school. Personally I would have a litigator making my case to a … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/23 01:23 AM |
| 1 | Ex wants to move >50 miles away in state and change Custody to 80-20 for 5yr oldIs your existing parenting plan in writing and stamped by a judge? If it is the only person that can change it is a judge. If your working with some sort of not court ordered document that may be a different issue. I really could care less about what her attorney has to say or a non court appointed mediator. If you have a parenting plan stamped by a judge that isn’t something your ex can just change on a whim. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 11:49 PM |
| 2 | Rant: Soon to be ex-wife keeps moving the goal post for child custody for the most trivial reasons.Thank goodness. Maintain the 50/50 and bide some more time so you have 6 months status quo. You probably have to give yourself some sort of deadline for when you get legal involved if she continues to drag her feet. She made a mistake moving out of the marital home without a parenting plan so if this drags out you will have to act via the courts,ask for exclusive use of the marital home, and roll thru the court system. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 05:09 PM |
| 6 | Rant: Soon to be ex-wife keeps moving the goal post for child custody for the most trivial reasons.You should get your attorney filing an emergency temp custody arrangement at 50/50. I don’t understand how you would have bought her out of the house without a signed parenting plan. Don’t let things like houses or money distract you from your primary goal which is parenting time. Honestly 70/30 is basically every other weekend, alternating holidays, and some extra time in the summer. You could go to court with no attorney and get that deal. I would not delay as you are establishing status quo b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 04:20 PM |
| 1 | Divorce Final....Going back to Court (AITA?)If you want to prove a point you can, but will cost more in legal. Unless you have a ton of extra money and just want to make a firm stand I would say just let it go. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 04:06 PM |
| 2 | Posting for a friend! Child support and alimony?He needs to file dissolution of marriage and an emergency motion for parenting time. He has wasted way too much time trying to negotiate to see his kids. Those are his first two priorities. He will likely pay child support for his own child. Alimony may be possible although he can likely get her income imputed to full time at minimum wage. The sooner he gets this in front of a judge the better with the first thing he needs to do is get a parenting plan | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 11:33 AM |
| 3 | Thank you my brothersGood for you. Individual therapy and marriage therapy is worth a shot if she is willing. If she is not start the journey to becoming a better person on your own | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 11:29 AM |
| 4 | What’s thoughts on week on and week off for a 4.5 year old childIf she broke into your home and you can prove it file charges immediately. Most would say 7 days is long for a younger child, but every situation is different and given this volatility can not be good for your child seems worth pursuing. Sorry your going thru this | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/23 11:26 AM |
| 3 | Advice for dealing with manipulative exSounds like a hard situation. In regards to parenting time I think you have every right to set boundaries. I personally won’t prevent my kids from doing things with the STBX’s family like birthdays, etc. If some of her other requests get excessive you should say “No”. Sounds like your hurting and she is moving on with her life. Probably best you start to pick up the pieces and find some things that you enjoy. Build the life you want for yourself not only today but down the road when your kids ar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 07:29 PM |
| 2 | ResentmentDon’t leave the house. Take the other half of that money and move to an individual account. Get a lawyer ASAP | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 06:21 PM |
| 12 | More single dad success stories please!Teenage daughter asked me to let her have a sleepover with her friends. I drive these kids to school a lot and have met a few of the parents,but definitely don’t know them well. I was concerned they wouldn’t be allowed to come. Turns out the whole group came over. I took my daughter out and picked up a bunch of fun snacks, ordered them some pizzas, and then let them just hang out and watch movies and talk. I spent most of the evening watching a movie upstairs letting them do there thing and they… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 05:30 PM |
| 3 | Couldn't control with money so tried to use the kidsReally sorry your dealing with this. Stay calm and record. Put a dash cam in your car and leave the vehicle running. This sounds volatile and stressful so be careful. You deserve credit for remaining calm and enforcing your parental rights. If you have a few more cases of her swearing at you during exchanges it may rise to the level of getting to court and request they be done at the police station. You shouldn’t have to put up with this and either should your children | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 02:26 PM |
| 2 | 1st part of my summer visitation over. STBXW being a big B****Just nonsense. Sorry your having to deal with this. I think you handled it perfectly. Don’t engage over a lost sock. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 11:35 AM |
| 1 | Ex requests parenting time on my time during my birthdayThat sounds really tough. I can appreciate your frustration. It sounds like you are enforcing your boundaries by saying no and using Our Family Wizard. Keep at it and as your kids get older they will see what is happening. It is brutal, but it sounds like your a good Dad that cares for his kids and I have to believe they see that in the long run | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 02:58 AM |
| 1 | Ex requests parenting time on my time during my birthdayYeah just tell her no and you previously made plans for your 50th birthday and I would tell your child the same thing. Your asking how to make her stop but there is no answer. She ain’t gonna stop. You have to enforce the boundary. If she is truly doing it twice a month than she is tormenting you and you are gonna have to ignore he. “No” is a complete sentence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/23 01:35 AM |
| 1 | One year after divorce, I'm fighting Parental Annihilation.Sorry your going thru this and it sounds like you are doing what you can and should continue. Definitely read up on the topic of parental alienation and communicating with your kids to continue to improve your communication skills and continue to invest time in your daughter. Document this stuff and perhaps someday it rises to the level of court involvement. Sounds like your a great Dad and should be proud of yourself for trying so hard to maintain a healthy environment for your daughter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 01:23 PM |
| 1 | Best advice for separating financially.Going thru the same. Tried mediation and ended up spending in excess of $100k on attorneys fees making it now nearly impossible for either to keep the house. In hindsight it would have been better for everyone if I had just gone to trial. If this is amicable you can defer getting paid some equity to some later date altjough not recommended. My advice divide the assets 50/50 and if someone can figure out how to buy out the equity in the house with a refinance than have at it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 01:16 PM |
| 1 | Advice regarding mediationYou know try one mediation session and if it doesn’t work just make a settlement proposal and head to trial. There are no minor children involved and Texas has some clear asset division guidelines relative to other States. Attorneys love to have meetings for billable hours. Got burned pretty bad financially in mediation so I personally would send her a settlement offer and if you can’t work it out set a trial date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 01:09 PM |
| 1 | One year after divorce, I'm fighting Parental Annihilation.We’ll of course your daughter doesn’t have to have her phone with her at all times so that is not on you and you don’t have to entertain excessive calls or texts from your ex on the topic. I would say open and honest communication with your daughter is the answer. Seldom do problems get better when ignored. It’s ok to check in with your daughter and see how she is feeling about things that are happening in her life. If your seeing signs of anxiousness or anxiety consider counseling. Unfortunatel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 01:03 PM |
| – | Don't mind me.. just having a rough night. Just ranting mostlyHang in there. Do something kind for yourself tomorrow/today. Grief comes in waves.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 12:56 PM |
| 11 | UpdateWhat you are describing is taking your kid and leaving. It happens all the time to men on this board. The problem is you will be abandoning the marital home and denying access to her kid. IIf you do what you are suggesting the counter move is to file an emergency motion for exclusive use of the marital home and your son be returned. She could arguably get a temporary restraining order against you and cut off access to your kid. Slow down and go talk with an attorney. She doesn’t know you know so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/23 02:13 AM |
| 4 | Stbxw harassing me.Not much you can do document everything and grey rock. Perhaps if you document enough violations of the parenting agreement you can resubmit for the court for some relief, but it sounds like they don’t think this rises to the level of court involvement. Just document everything and it may prove helpful if the behavior escalates. When the child is school age this will be taken more seriously if they are missing school. Just have to ignore in the interim | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/23 04:28 PM |
| 1 | Judge (Ret) Anthony BompianiNever heard of him but if you share your feedback it may help other dads. Good luck | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/23 01:22 PM |
| 1 | Being a dad just isn’t sameI think it is very early for you and these are normal feelings. As others have said use your time without the kids to work on yourself, hobbies, exercise, etc. alAlso use that free time to get your house in order so it is clean with groceries and maybe even prepare and freeze some meals in advance. By doing these things in your free time you can spend time with your kids doing some things they enjoy when they are over. Force yourself to go to the park or schedule a fun movie night where you buy … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/23 01:20 PM |
| 2 | Spouse no budge on custodyHa same happened to me. Ended up in a meeting with mediators and attorneys. I was being questioned on my discovery and they never even submitted theirs. A few months later schedule a meeting and I provide updated discovery and the other side gives nothing. This time I cancel the meeting in advance and they blame the issue on a clerical error. Next we have a hearing date. I supply updated discovery and they go to the hearing without updated discovery. Judge issues continuance and tells them to co… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/23 11:44 PM |
| 4 | Spouse no budge on custodyWe’ll take some comfort in the 50/50 temp order. You are establishing status quo and this is your chance to prove you can parent. Be a great dad and document everything. Let her drag her feet on discovery who cares.? At some point you can file a motion to compel if they don’t provide discovery. I would patiently continue with the 50/50 schedule and not waste a lot of money talking with attorneys. They have to provide discovery at some point and the judge will eventual require a status hearing. T… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/23 10:23 PM |
| 3 | It’s going nuclear ☢️Sorry it sounds like she has a reasonable case for 50/50. I would take it and move on. I was offered 35/65 and spent significant money defending myself against false fraud allegations. Needless to say we’re going to trial. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 11:47 PM |
| 2 | Should I try to talk to my STBXW before mediation?I was in a situation where nothing I could say would matter. I would tell you it’s worth a shot. In the least you’ll find out where she stands. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 11:43 PM |
| 3 | Wife looted the houseI’m really sorry to hear your going thru this. There is a high probability she will be reprimanded by the judge and in the long run this makes her look awful. You’ll probably get some modest financial relief from the court if that makes you feel better. I’m sure it’s extremely stressful but having moved out leaving mostly everything behind you will rebuild quite quickly. I know it’s awful to deal with but a few hundred dollars at Wal-Mart and a thrift shore goes a long way. Happened to a friend … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 11:42 AM |
| – | Ex just dropped off stuff at my place???Invest in a ring doorbell. Best to ignore, but you don’t need this becoming a habit | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 12:10 AM |
| 1 | Is my house a premarital asset?My guess is you get the equity from before the marriage and she is entitled to increases of equity once married. Going to be tough to argue equity gained post marriage isn’t a marital asset. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/23 12:07 AM |
| 23 | Why do the responsible ones end up paying?I wouldn’t spend time trying to figure it out. Lots of bad dads out there just abandon their kids, no emotional support or a dollar of financial help. Meanwhile this board is full of men fighting till their last breath just to even see their kids. I guess life isn’t fair. Play the long game. Work on building long term relationships with your kids. Your a dad for 50 years not just the 18 that get argued about on this board. The race is long and in the end it is only with yourself. Be the best per… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/23 01:08 AM |
| 2 | What am I dealing with?Limit communication to just things about your kids. I can’t imagine why you would be driving her around while she berates you. Sounds like a volatile situation and dangerous in a motor vehicle. I would rather walk than have someone yelling at me while driving | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 08:01 PM |
| 1 | PO hearing closeI’m sorry it is brutal to have to wait. Realistically they can’t honestly give you the precise answer. Based on my limited understanding you clearly have a case, but judges have broad latitude. I never dealt with this personally, but have seen it break both ways. Just keep the faith. You have a lot of things going for you including having resided in Texas, filing in Texas and having family in Texas. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/23 07:56 PM |
| 1 | My lawyer takes +/-10 days to respond to e-mails what to do? More in the text bodyIt’s probably just best to set up a 15 minute call thru their assistant. Set up a meeting to discuss communication, timing, expectations. Sending a ton of emails to attorneys is a great way to light money on fire. It’s possible this attorney isn’t the right fit or realizes nothing in your case has changed and doesn’t want to run up the bill on you by emailing back and forth. Probably a good idea to pause, set expectations, and see if this is the right fit for you. There are a lot of bad attorney… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/23 03:23 PM |
| 5 | Had a nice chat with the police… againMy God man I’m so sorry. This must be some version of hell. Stay there until you get a parenting plan in place and division of assets., This sounds absolutely insane. I did eight months in the marital home waiting to finalize a 50/50 parenting schedule. I used to sit outside in a chair in my yard in front of my ring doorbell because I knew it was safe and being recorded. Got to meet with the police in my bedroom as well. Keep faith. I’ve since moved out to a place a few blocks away and have 50/5… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/23 04:43 PM |
| 1 | What do you do in an impossible situation?I’m sorry this is happening to you. Regardless of the cost get an attorney using credit cards if necessary and fight for a modification based on change in circumstances. Like one poster said it’s hard to think a competent attorney couldn’t get you some relief. Clearly fire your old attorney. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/23 12:23 PM |
| 1 | Disclosure of Finance waiver and Child CustodyI wouldn’t sign any waiver. If everything is as you say than what’s the harm in disclosing and reviewing? I filled out these forms last night for an upcoming court date and it took 20 minutes. There is certain info the other side hasn’t disclosed and I’m sure there is a reason. Also you can’t “waive child support”. She can take you back to court and ask for child support at any time claiming change in circumstances. If she can afford a lawyer so can you because your married so everything is join… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/23 12:14 PM |
| – | More STBXW drama.Sorry this is happening to you. Just walk away and don’t get in a confrontation with her. You deserve a lot of credit for not engaging in this argument in front of your kids. You have to let your family enforce their own boundaries although you can certainly tell your mom she doesn’t have to put up with verbal abuse on your behalf and do not want her to be a conduit for communication from your ex. Just be careful not to go to your attorney with each argument. Document these things over a series … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/23 11:54 AM |
| 3 | Ex refused to clothe or put shoes on kids on exchange todayWe’ll this is disturbing and quite sad. Document what is happening, bring clothes when you pick up your kids, and when you have multiple occurrences bring forth to the judge. Don’t confront her in the moment and make sure you have a dash cam. You can try communicating your concerns via a parenting App like Our Family Wizard. She it trying to create a conflict so pick up your kids, get them dressed, and be the best dad you can be on your time. Sorry you are going thru this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/23 11:44 AM |
| 3 | Night #1 of not moving out..Sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you are doing what you can. They can’t just throw you on the street at least legally. Do not engage in any arguments and if you are threatened physically exit and call the police. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/23 11:27 AM |
| 4 | Sleep ProblemsSleep is probably the single largest factor for maintaining mental health and clarity. In the CIA they actually teach their candidates that “sleep is critical in a high stress environment” and staying well rested profoundly increases your chances of performing well when under a lot of pressure. I would recommend a consistent regular bed time, no electronics before bed, no alcohol consumption, no caffeine after noon, and having your own space to sleep with blackout shades and a locked door since … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/23 11:19 AM |
| 15 | Two of my kids are hinting that I should pay mom more so she can better take care of herself (disregarding my survival)... has this ever happened to anyone else?How old are your kids and who specifically is discussing the finances with them? Discussing finances with minor children is a great way to get placed in contempt of court. I don’t think you should be discussing with them at all if they are minors. Since you mentioned CS is involved it sounds like they are minors and your legal counsel needs to get in front of this with a judge. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/06/23 07:13 PM |
| 23 | Control is a helluva drugJust grey rock, walk away, and enjoy time with your kids. Don’t engage with any verbal nonsense. Just focus on the kids and go get some ice cream after the recital. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 10:17 PM |
| 1 | Does filing w/court ever help reduce alimony/child support?You signed the agreement and it doesn’t sound like there has been a change in circumstances like your spouse making significantly more money. You may want to get your financial figures organized and get a free consult to see if an attorney thinks you have a case, but it sounds uphill. It sounds like you will get some cash when the house is sold but agreed to let her stay for some period of time. I can’t see signing over the deed until the property is sold and you are paid unless the agreement yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 05:19 PM |
| 4 | Bad idea to contact my STBXW’s lawyer?Sorry but definitely not. They shouldn’t communicate with you without legal counsel present and nothing good can come from it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 05:05 PM |
| 6 | What you wish you knewIn custody geographic restriction in your school district, right of first refusal to have kids when spouse is busy on their time, crystal clear holiday schedule. The less ambiguity the better. I actually believe in being as flexible as possible but having a very well defined plan in place to fall back on if there are disagreements. Add a provision that all communication except emergencies go thru Our Family Wizard a parenting app. If you and your spouse get along you can still phone and text but… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 05:03 PM |
| 5 | Am I right to be pissed?Your feelings are valid but there is nothing you can do. Focus on being a good dad and enjoying your time with your kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/23 12:12 PM |
| 1 | I'm going to mediation years after divorce. Any tips?Totally understand. When you get to mediation you can offer to trade her a specific week or days and the mediator will consider you reasonable. If it doesn’t work close out the one hour mediation and she is gonna do what she is gonna do after that. In the interim you stick to your court mandated plan and enjoy your time with your kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 10:00 PM |
| 2 | I'm going to mediation years after divorce. Any tips?I doubt she is taking a month long vacation. You might consider another compelling reason for things to remain the same in addition to status quo for mediation purposes. Month is a long time so maybe you could trade a week in July for a week in August this year and leave the plan as is. That would at least show you are trying. I couldn’t say if what she is proposing would be considered a change in circumstances. I probably wouldn’t die on this hill and just offer to trade her a week so she can g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 07:56 PM |
| 2 | Separated and it's my faultI’m sorry your having a hard time. Really focus on getting some therapy and self care. Your mental health should be your top priority. Hang in there and use this board for support. This is definitely not all your fault. It’s good your recognize your contribution to the problems but if your STBX is in another relationship I’m not sure how that isn’t a contributing factor. Talk care of yourself and take it day by day | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 05:48 PM |
| 9 | She's not in a hurry to get divorced all of the suddenMediation is done. File for divorce. Guess the vacation didn’t go as planned. Really sad she put the kids in that position with nothing finalized. File and get a court date and move on with your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 03:29 PM |
| 1 | Wife is delusionalDealt with similar and spent a fortune and still in the process. In the end the lesson I learned is you can’t negotiate with an unreasonable person. File for dissolution, request discovery, pre-trial and then trial. It’s the only way out. Hopefully she doesn’t show up for the default hearing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 01:42 AM |
| 3 | A win-win situation? ThoughtsSorry to hear. That is brutal. Keep the faith. It may not seem like it but she is losing. When she gets forced back to Texas I can’t imagine the judge will be impressed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 01:37 AM |
| 1 | Wife is delusionalHave your lawyer draft a custody plan and see if she will sign it. That will give you all the info you need. If she signs you can figure out the rest and can be more than fair. If she won’t sign just file and start moving to get a court date. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 12:12 AM |
| 1 | A win-win situation? ThoughtsI assume you have filed for divorce in your state and a motion to have your children returned? If you haven’t do that tomorrow. I would be looking for a court order for her to return the kids to your state ASAP. By all means if she is going to let them come for a week take her up on it. I don’t see any harm, but I would be talking with your lawyer about their complete return by court order. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/05/23 12:07 AM |
| 12 | Not moving out - idea of what to expect?Listen it’s horrible. If you can move into your own room with a locked door. Ideally you can set up a parenting schedule so you at least both have designated times when your taking care of the kids. Go ahead and get your personal sentimental items out of the house and safely at a family members. All this stuff about always having a recorder on your person and being prepared for a false DVR are accurate. If you have a friend or family with a spare bedroom ask them / beg them to let you rent it so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/23 04:23 PM |
| 5 | My plan so far (WA State)Be cautious of the false DV charge as it appears to be part of some divorce playbook given the number of times it is used. Even if entirely fabricated it is like a nuclear bomb based on the horror stories on this sub. If you have sentimental family heirlooms get them out now and stored with family. I’m not talking big items, but the little things that are important to you. Finally don’t fool yourself into thinking you can just talk this thru. If you can do an amicable settlement great, but the s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 10:49 PM |
| 1 | In a crisis while traveling internationally. Could use some opinions from mu support groupYour on vacation and it sounds like some stress has built up. See if you can have a rational conversation with your current wife. Unless I missing something this sounds blown out of proportion or a symptom of a larger issue. Your kids should be able to have reasonable contact with your ex while out of the country and if it is excessive then u can set a boundary. You don’t really need to talk about or with your ex unless it is brief conversations on if their ok. Sending you and your kids back hom… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 02:47 PM |
| 1 | Weird question about withholding parenting time.Happened to a friend when his wife took off with his kids. Police wouldn’t do much. He did file an immediate motion in court and the judge did take it seriously, set up an immediate temp custody arrangement, and gave him additional time with his kids to make up for the weeks they were gone and he worked thru the court system. In the end he got 100% physical custody but his situation was unique as he was dealing with someone that was off the rails to such a degree a judge awarded him 100% physica… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 01:29 PM |
| – | [NC] Advice in custody case?Waiting in general. Every call with the attorney should start with “what specific date are we targeting for trial”. They will then give you a litany of reasons why they can’t request a trial date. It is not as hard as they make it. File dissolution, request discovery, make an offer and when the other side declines request a pre-trial conference and if that doesn’t work a trial date. Deadlines make deals. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 02:45 AM |
| 1 | House or rental propertiesKeep the house if you can. You can buy rentals later. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 02:36 AM |
| 4 | Ex wants to take things from houseSo she moved out 18 months ago and is currently in contempt of court. You both have no contact orders in place. The only communication you should be having is thru your attorney. People like this thrive on chaos. You could give her all of the contents in your house and she’ll come back asking for the door knobs and windows. If she was removed from the home and you have a no contact order she can’t just march in your house and start loading up a truck. Lock the doors and get some cameras for your… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/23 02:19 AM |
| 10 | Ex still grills me about my lifeSo that is a problem. Before you even address the couch surfing retain an attorney and get a parenting plan signed and stamped by a judge. Legally you have nothing and she could false DV claim you out of this house and you won’t see your kids. Your setting up an excellent status quo taking 100% of parenting one week and 50% the next. You need this all in writing or stamped by a judge. Right now your a married guy supporting his wife while she spends every other week with her boyfriend. On Tuesda… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 05:23 PM |
| 6 | Ex still grills me about my lifeI’ve never seen this scenario. Do you have an actual custody agreement stamped by a judge that at least insures you 50/50? If you do you can just set a boundary but would expect her to take the kids on her time. If there is no formal parenting plan stamped by a judge I would talk to an attorney first. If you don’t have a divorce decree and parenting plan finalized and asset division than you are just married to this woman and she takes off for a week at a time. If you are divorced with 50/50 you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 05:10 PM |
| 1 | I messed up. Now I want a divorceWell you’ve admitted you were wrong which is better than most people so I give you credit. This is in many ways the ultimate betrayal for people so I can appreciate her pain and being triggered. Will it get better? With extensive counseling both marriage and individual it is possible. It will be a hard, long, and painful journey. If your both willing to continue to try it is worth the effort. Nobody can say what is right for you. I tried five years of marriage counseling. At some point it seemed… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 03:46 PM |
| 2 | Nex jigging money to hold me backIn respect to her mode of communication I would follow the guidelines and if she is belligerent document and address when appropriate if necessary in court. It sounds like your decree says you pay 1/2 of childcare so even if not requested previously a judge would likely uphold that requirement so if that is the case I would suggest paying. A trip back to court will be expensive and I assume the judge would enforce the provision. If you want to go back to court to review financials and argue for … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 12:21 PM |
| 9 | She cheated but won’t sign papers unless I say I want a divorce.Sounds like a bizarre power move. She is cheating on you but wants it in writing that you want a divorce via text. I believe the divorce decree is ample written notification. People are insane. Just tell her you want the divorce and if she doesn’t sign just go back to the judge. She sounds like a comic book villain. Take it to the judge if she won’t sign | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 12:11 PM |
| – | Living in the moment againWhat your describing sounds very normal. It can be a slow process and the pain/sadness can come in waves. The more you can adopt a healthy routine of 8 hours of sleep, eating right, and laying off things like cigs and alcohol the better. I’m not saying cut it cold turkey but try to fill your time with healthier things and you will likely feel better. Try to plan some things you enjoy and make sure to keep up you social connections. These all may be new and hard to you so do your best and build u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/23 12:07 PM |
| 4 | Unsubstantiated Claims of AbuseYes accused of financial fraud, falsifying tax returns (jointly filed), and a variety of other things. I was begging my attorney to do something. I would literally sit outside in front of my ring doorbell because at least I knew I was being recorded. My attorney kept saying “just ignore it”. I should have fired that attorney earlier and called the police myself. It just kept getting worse and the entire time trying to antagonize me. Get into court immediately by filing and request depositions to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/23 12:22 PM |
| 2 | Help, when the ex is hostileI dealt with the same. Set a trial date. If your attorney wants to negotiate tell them not until we set a trial date. If I could live my life over I would file and set a trial date. I did 8 months in the marital home waiting to get a parenting plan in place and honestly feel I have some sort of PTSD from the experience. False accusations, cryptic notes left around the house, taking down my family photos. Set a trial date, contact your local police department about your fear of false allegations,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 03:22 PM |
| 2 | What is she doing?Not sure where your at in the process, but sounds like you need to be in court with a pending trial date. Unlikely after a year and a half she is going to be reasonable. Get to a judge as quickly as possible and decisions will get made. I don’t know about communicating through the MIL. She is not a parent and really has no say in any matter. I guess it is up to you if that is better than your STBX, but it would need to be limited and concise. Every thing else just limit contact, manage your atto… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/23 12:01 PM |
| 6 | My ex-wife refers to my by my first name to our kidsThere is nothing you can do. Just be better and refer to her as Mom around your kids. Anybody who has taken a co-parenting class knows this is unhealthy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/23 10:01 PM |
| 5 | Has anybody successfully turned their case around by getting a high conflict attorney?It sounds like you definitely need a new attorney. I spent a year being falsely accused of financial fraud that was so obviously false and my attorney just kept saying don’t worry about it. In the interim I was mentally drained and financially drained. In hindsight I realize we were being low conflict and the other side was just making up false allegations in settlement conferences that are inadmissible. I didn’t switch to a high conflict attorney but rather a matter of fact litigator. I don’t k… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/23 12:26 PM |
| 7 | 50/50 CustodyShe’s 17 by the time you litigate this in court she will be 18. Unless your daughter is severely disabled it sounds like you would have almost no chance of changing absent some sort of abuse | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/23 09:45 PM |
| 1 | Divorce settlement - finally.. but something's bugging me - ventingYeah it sucks. No need to interact with her Dad end of story so I don’t know who he could be arguing with? If he called me I would hang up the phone and if he called my attorney I would tell him to hang up the phone. After 7 years I assume you have an attorney. Let them close this out and move on. You’ve probably been fighting for so long it is hard to believe you are nearing the end. If you have the kids most of the time and she is moving an hour away you just won the lottery. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/23 09:41 PM |
| 3 | Feeling defeated, need to ventSetup communication thru a parenting app like My Family Wizard. Everything would be documented, saved, and admissible in court. You probably have enough evidence now to take it to court to force that requirement if she declines. The other option is just ignore provocations and respond in a reasonable time frame. Using your kids phone to text you and face time you is messed up so that would bring it very close to be worthy of taking it to a judge right now. You may need to work on some boundaries… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/23 04:46 PM |
| 5 | Trying to Find Hope I can beat a Civil Protection Order.Really sorry you are going thru this and will keep you in my prayers. Having defended myself over false allegations for over a year it has been emotionally and financially exhausting to the point of unbearable. You have to break it down into small steps. You don’t need to survive another year just focus on the next few days and go from there. Some of the things you mention like taking your kids to the store aren’t going anywhere because it is absurd and the other side knows this. Document everyt… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/23 11:54 AM |
| 1 | In divorce decree it states:no overnight visitors of the opposite sexSounds unlikely since she is remarried. She can always take you back to court for pretty much anything. If moving someone in becomes an issue for the child that is something either of you could pursue in court. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/23 04:32 PM |
| 2 | In divorce decree it states:no overnight visitors of the opposite sexUnenforceable provision of a divorce decree. At best you can take her to court spend a few thousand dollars and the judge may chastise her but even that is unlikely. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/23 12:40 PM |
| 1 | Finally officially divorcedSorry you had to go thru that. In the end it sounds like you received the best possible outcome. Hopefully you can find peace in the future | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/23 12:36 PM |
| 3 | Seeking some guidance and want to share - very tiredAfter reading all your posts this sounds like a bad situation and your moving and deciding the relationship is no god for you seems well thought out. Putting your life on hold for 5 years so your spouse can get a Visa sounds outrageous to a third party. If you are saying you are going to stay in this marriage because you want to work on it that is great. If your suggesting staying married and living separate lives for 5 years so she can get a Visa that sounds very unhealthy. Who is to say how mu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/23 03:09 PM |
| 8 | NJ-Unemployed-Pay a Lot of Alimony-Super Worried-Ex is not the Sympathetic TypeYes file a temp motion to reduce alimony given your change in circumstances. Let your attorney tell her. Do your best to find a new job. I can’t imagine your still paying child support because if you were that wouldn’t even make sense as your kids have aged out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/23 11:28 PM |
| 1 | My STBXW wants me to fill in the information on her lawyer intake/consult form?Get a lawyer and don’t fill anything out for another law firm unless your lawyer instructs you. Take a step back. This makes no sense. Once you have lawyers everyone is going to be disclosing all assets on forms submitted to the court. Illinois is equitable distribution as opposed to 50/50 so everything is ultimately at the judges discretion if you can’t settle yourselves and if your smart you’ll disclose everything. Pro tip don’t take legal advice from your STBX or her attorney. In fact right f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/23 04:51 PM |
| 5 | Divorce when suicidal, broke, and alone?Never take legal advice from your STBX. She is a therapist not a judge. Stay in the marital home and don’t be moving into any Subaru. You need to talk with a therapist to work on your mental health and consult with an attorney. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/23 05:41 PM |
| 1 | Post-divorce trip ideas.My advice if your going solo try a short trip first. Sometimes building up to a “big trip” can put some pressure on you and you may find traveling alone emotional. You would do a short weekend or two alone to see that you enjoy or acclimate. Costa Rica is an amazing destination for a longer trip and can be done affordably. You can sit on the beach or zip line thru the mountains. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/23 01:25 PM |
| 3 | Kids around the new significant other, when is too soon?You can put some language about waiting a year in your divorce agreement to meet significant others but it is essentially unenforceable. Document what is happening for your custody case, but ultimately this is sad but out of your control. You will waste more mental energy on this than her and she is going to do what she does. Focus on your kids and remain calm. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/23 01:21 PM |
| 7 | I'm losing the only family I have. I can't afford therapy and don't have anyone, while she has a great family to support her. Honestly, thinking of ending it.Hang in there man. There was a time when my ex finally acknowledged some sort of affair / inappropriate relationship after two years of denying it in marriage counseling and I was in the same place. Going thru a brutal divorce with plenty of false allegations almost pushed me back there. Get out and get active, pick up the phone and call anyone, and believe brighter days are ahead. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/23 09:15 PM |
| 1 | STBX keeps changing her mind, need adviceFind a new lawyer committed to filing dissolution and scheduling a trial date. Once that is scheduled you can send them a fair basic offer or just go to trial. I wasted a year and six figures on non sensical discussions and false allegations. Half the things said about me couldn’t even be presented to a judge as they were just blatantly false. The financial and emotional toll has been devastating. If I could do it over I would file, schedule a trial date, and present my case in court. You win or… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 10:08 PM |
| 3 | I need a hobby for the 50% I don't have my sonWell getting back to the gym is very important. If you enjoy running or biking there are all kinds of clubs to get involved with. I bought a cheap guitar and am trying to learn to play. If you can getting a dog is a game changer just to have a companion and to do walks and hiking | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 08:14 PM |
| 8 | She’s fighting 50/50Your right in your approach. Take it to trial. Minimize your legal costs as much as possible by getting a date set and manage the attorney. It sucks but is the only way with someone like this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 02:55 PM |
| 1 | The NET costs of DivorceReally sorry to hear that happened to you. I unfortunately am in Illinois and heading to pre-trial as well. Perhaps I’m looking at the same fate, but at this point not sure what I can do. Sounds like I could suffer a similar fate. If they put me in that spot I may just take it to trial for the hell of it. I was poor once when I was young but happy. Made a bunch of money and can’t say it made me significantly happier. If you wouldn’t mind PM’ing me the judge it would be good to know. I guess it i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/23 02:29 AM |
| 1 | Conflict Management AdviceThe court isn’t going to frown upon you for refusing to argue with your spouse on a sensitive topic. Just offer to discuss it after the deposition when both attorneys are present. Don’t waste time or money with your attorney dealing with it now. Maybe they should give you a fair settlement offer and you can skip the deposition all together. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 10:52 PM |
| 1 | The NET costs of DivorceGoing thru it now. Could you share your state and if this was awarded at trial or the best deal you could cut? | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 10:45 PM |
| 4 | Divorce taking foreverJust hire an attorney and file. In most states the other party has a certain amount of time to respond. Somebody has to file if you want this to move forward. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 09:04 PM |
| 1 | Fighting GAL recommendationWell if your still in the marital home custody isn’t finalized until the judge bangs the gavel at trial. I was and am very active father. I was going to fight for 50/50 with my kids all the way to trial because I truly believe that is in their best interests. I wouldn’t ask for more or less. Ultimately we agreed on 50/50. It was nerve racking. 96% of divorces are settled out of court. Worst case you become one of the 4% and go to trial. If you lose at trial at least you know you gave it everythi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 08:31 PM |
| 1 | Need advice on moving out…Similar situation except my STBX wanted me out. I rented a place unfurnished down the street and disclosed to everyone before I did it including both attorneys. I made it clear I would not leave until we had a signed parenting plan and temp maintenance as I knew I would pay maintenance. It ended up taking two months to get parenting negotiated allowing me time to get the kids rooms in order and scour thrift shops for essentials. On days my kids were busy or not around it was a place for me to es… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 05:34 PM |
| 2 | Need advice on moving out…For your own sake and your children do not move out without a parenting plan for your children. This sub is a nightmare of horror stories. Even if you don’t plan to fight for 50/50 get some written plan in place stamped by a judge. If u must rent an apartment or a VRBO to escape when you need too but do not move out without a parenting plan. To answer your question the best option from my perspective is a place in your school district that is furnished and your kids would enjoy. I rented a place… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/23 04:32 PM |
| 3 | Paralyzed physically, what to do?Biggest things for me 8 hours of sleep, no drinking, therapist, journaling, exercise and pick up the phone and call someone. I started with no support network but built one using online groups and reconnecting with old friends and family. Depression is a slippery slope and I have been to the depths. Early in this process I read a book about Admiral James Stockdale and his experience after being captured and held captive in the Hanoi Hilton a prison camp in Vietnam. They survived in horrific isol… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/23 10:59 PM |
| 2 | Equitable distributionSame situation. Having to take it to a judge. I think you have to leave it to the attorney and just try to be reasonable and respectful of the judge. Don’t be shocked if they present you a reasonable offer in the courthouse steps. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/23 12:10 AM |
| 1 | What did you do when the other side didn't respondMotion to compel or motion for pre-trial / trial. They can ignore you. The judge not so much | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/23 04:44 PM |
| 3 | I'm About To Start Process To Get My Children During School WeekI’ve never fought this fight but a few thoughts. In my State getting sole custody is nearly impossible. A few thoughts. Can you switch communication to Our Family Wizard so everything is time stamped and logged. Going thru discovery with hundreds of texts will be a financial burden. My Family Wizard will consolidate and save everything for you and is generally admissible. You can also better identify and catalogue false allegations and check once a day with text only for emergencies so you aren’… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/23 04:17 PM |
| 1 | What did you do when the other side didn't respondIt sounds like the first step is to file dissolution of marriage with the court. The next step is your attorney requests that info from the other attorney. If they ignore you your attorney would file a motion to compel them to provide info. If the judge grants that motion and they ignore it they would be in violation of a court order. Short answer you can not negotiate with yourself. File for divorce, request discovery, motion to compel if they ignore, file for a pre-trial settlement conference … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/23 12:05 PM |
| 6 | STBXW called 911, gave false story to dispatcher, almost got me killedNothing surprises me anymore. So sorry you had to deal with this trauma and will keep you in my prayers. I don’t even have advice for this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/23 03:52 PM |
| 1 | equity settlementIn Illinois it is commingled. Just get an attorney and file. Your ex can say you deserve 1% and she deserves 99%. She can say you deserve 25% and you deserve 75%. Basically she can say whatever she wants. Illinois is an equitable distribution state so the judge decides if you can’t reach an agreement. I’m not familiar with anyone in Illinois getting a 75% / 25% that I’ve ever heard about unless they signed that away themselves prior to seeing a judge | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/23 11:29 PM |
| 3 | What do you guys do for birthdays?Kids 8 so if you can have civil joint family parties I would just agree to alternate for the next few years. If it’s not civil I would just celebrate with a small party of your own. Growing up birthday parties were seldom on the actual birthday, but rather the weekend before or after. As your kids get older most people don’t have big elaborate parties and just get together for dinner or something. Nobody wants to go to a tense party where the divorced parents can’t get along. Either everyone wor… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/23 10:25 PM |
| 1 | Feel like back at step 1. Anyone else been here?Don’t let it get you down. It’s normal to be hurt by that kind of betrayal so it will set you back and then you will bounce back. That being said the new guy means you ex has less time to focus negative energy on you and you may pick up parenting time as she will be distracted. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/23 08:18 PM |
| 2 | dick move or notIf you have residency in Wisconsin file there. Entering mediation with such a lopsided offer sounds like a waste of time unless there are unusual circumstances and you are extraordinarily wealthy. My advice file, request discovery, and set a trial date. Once you have a trial date you can try negotiation. Negotiations without deadlines is where money goes to die. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/23 03:17 PM |
| 1 | Wife not holding up her endThey should have taken your deal sounds lopsided in their favor, but still not honoring their commitments. Call a lawyer Monday and have them formally notify them you are exiting mediation and going to trial. In the least they will try to send you the money they owe you by wire transfer same day to keep their deal | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/23 09:59 PM |
| 1 | Has anyone actually had success in litigation?My situation sounds similar to yours. Spent extraordinary time, financial resources and mental energy in mediation. Ultimately I had to come to grips with the fact that I was never going to negotiate a fair agreement with them. After a year I’ve had to pivot to litigation. It will be expensive and time consuming but in the end no matter what I gave or how many times I disproved false allegations no progress was made. I can’t tell you that litigation will be any better, but if you couldn’t figure… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/23 01:50 PM |
| 1 | To tell or not tell that is the questionIf you are in the process of divorce I would not. Your just going to create more chaos and conflict. Post divorce it’s your call, but I would try to let it go. It’s not your problem and just will put you back in the middle of more drama. You’ve probably dealt or will deal with enough drama to last you a lifetime. “Not your circus not your monkeys” | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/23 11:58 PM |
| 1 | Considering suicide. Divorce destroyed my life.Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers. Call a friend, family member or worst case a suicide support line. I was in the same place a few years ago when my STBX admitted to lying about an inappropriate relationship. I literally was lying in the ground at a park near my home texting with a help line. It saved my life. Going thru a brutal split now. Hang in there | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/04/23 03:16 PM |
| 3 | Mediation NightmareWe’ll good news it was non binding so it’s done. No need to go back. I wasted massive sums of money paying for the mediation team and consider it a waste. Some of the things I was accused of in mediation were bizarre. I’ll have to do some deep introspection someday to figure out why I wasted so much time with it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/23 07:19 PM |
| 5 | Rough Day Today GuysYeah pick up the phone and call someone really anyone to share what your going thru. If you can get outside even for 20 minutes with your kid just do it. I try to remind myself it comes in waves. Likely at some point in the next two days you have a moment of happiness so make sure to take note. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/23 06:37 PM |
| 1 | It’s basically OverI’m from Illinois and feel your pain. Realistically you don’t have to accept the pre-trial recommendation although understand it would be all uphill from here. Trying to get to pre-trial myself and it has been hell just getting to that. If your still in the marital home you can grind forward to trial and present your case. If my kids were young I might die on that hill. I’ll keep you in my prayers I can appreciate how devastating that would be. In the end you have to play the cards you’ve been d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/04/23 02:39 PM |
| 1 | Question on moving to new placeI would suggest the best rental you can afford close by or a purchase with the inheritance. The move is brutal and you want the best place you can afford where the kids will want to spend time. Ideally if you could rent a nice single family home or townhouse that would be ideal. Staying as close as possible will hep with fostering relationships with the kids, commutes to school, and having them close to their friends. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/04/23 01:50 PM |
| 4 | I’m so tired!I 4th this. If you don’t call the police and file a report you will have basically given away your children to this person. If she does this to you rest assured she will do this to them some day. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/04/23 02:46 PM |
| 2 | STBXW leaving 9yo home without proper supervisionSounds like your doing the right thing communicating with your daughter. Getting her a inexpensive phone might help so she can at least call if there is an issue and perhaps you can be of support or spur one of the older kids into action. In a perfect world this is something you would address with your ex on the side, but can appreciate she may not be willing to work with you or blow it off. Its a tough one to address in court until you have documented a consistent pattern, but some of the steps… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/04/23 12:16 PM |
| 2 | STBXW leaving 9yo home without proper supervisionWell your not going to get far complaining she left a 9 year old with a 15 year old even if he was sleeping. If she is consistently leaving your 9 year old alone you can document and depending on your state contact CPS to investigate if it conflicts with state law and you believe the child is in danger. It really varies by State as to when you can leave a child unsupervised. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/04/23 03:15 AM |
| 4 | Just begunYes you can go home. Move back in and don’t tell her in advance. Have an audio recorder running in your pocket at all times to avoid any false domestic violence accusations and do not under any circumstances argue with her. If she starts to antagonize you call the police and file a report. It is against the law to kick someone out of a home they lease without a court order. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/23 11:33 AM |
| 6 | Just begunGo back to your house. You left for a few days and now your back. Are you on the lease or mortgage? If you are you have every right to live there and she can’t just throw you out | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/23 01:40 AM |
| 5 | Collaborative Divorce?Spent in excess of $100k trying to go collaborative. I wouldn’t wish that process on my worst enemy. The mental and emotional toll has left me in a deep hole and still have to find a way to litigate out of this nightmare now with limited funding. I was in a high conflict situation so ended up defending myself against a bunch of false allegations. The biggest lesson I learned is that people can say anything in a conference room, but in a court room run the risk of committing perjury. Get a lawyer… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/04/23 08:37 PM |
| 2 | Contempt of CourtSounds like you are in contempt. I would do what the court ordered you to do or the judge will make you and award her legal fees for having to run this out | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/23 01:54 PM |
| 1 | Utility billsHonestly if there are kids/custody involved just pay the utilities. As someone noted they will use this in your custody dispute. If there are no kids internet and cable just cancel no worries. The other majors I think you just tell her to change. If she doesn’t I don’t know if that is a hill to die on. Two lawyers discussing this type of nonsense is what attorneys live for. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/23 01:50 PM |
| 2 | Help - Divorce and Marijuana UseIf you have one spouse working and the other does not he could likely have to pay alimony and child support. The alimony is probably short term given the length of the marriage. Ultimately she will end up back working. In respect to custody the best thing he can do is be a present and active father and have it well documented. It makes no sense to be drinking or smoking when around the kids during a divorce and even post divorce nobody thinks it’s a value add. It certainly doesn’t help his case … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/23 10:10 PM |
| 2 | What would you do?In a long distance situation your lawyer was probably right. That being said they should never advise you to sign an agreement that makes you uncomfortable. Detailed parenting agreements like outlining cooperation are nearly impossible to enforce especially long distance. I live three miles from my STBX and pretty much am resigned to the fact that I can’t force her to cooperate and coparent, but do the best I can. Fortunately I have 50/50 so can instill my parenting style and be present at all s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/23 08:56 PM |
| 2 | Wife seems to be not allowing kids to see my on my Birthday.You know in my parenting plan it spells out the kids spend the day with the parent on their birthday. If you have it in your parenting plan you can enforce it, but if you don’t just put together your own celebration on your next parenting weekend or day. It’s not a hill worth dying on. Honestly just celebrate the weekend prior or after. If you don’t have a formal parenting plan stamped by a judge consider adding to the holiday schedule if important to you. You can waste a lot of mental energy on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/23 07:50 PM |
| 3 | Mediation on Friday - What do you wish you knew back when you went through it?I’ve spent over 100k on combined legal. Honestly I was stupid. Part of that was mediating to 50/50 parenting time which I got stamped by a judge. Subsequently I got churned by attorneys. I honestly don’t know how I was that stupid. I try to make myself feel better by saying I got 50/50, but the remainder is ongoing so a cautionary tale. Needless to say I fired my old attorney and am forcing this to trial. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 11:55 PM |
| 7 | Mediation on Friday - What do you wish you knew back when you went through it?High conflict case as well. In hindsight I wish I realized what a total waste of time and money it was. If you actually paid me $10,000 to attend divorce mediation I wouldn’t go at this point. Wasted thousands listening to false allegations and engaging in circular discussions. I would rather light money on fire than go to mediation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 11:39 PM |
| 3 | STBXW is bullying me again. We had a conversation a few minutes ago, I need some support...File immediately and ignore her. If you let her move out with your child it will be a huge regret. Prepare for the worst and do not engage in any arguments with her. Have a voice recorder on you at all times. You can not appease her it doesn’t work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/23 07:15 PM |
| 2 | Tips for making the new home comfortable?Sounds silly but as a guy this really stressed me out. First priority is comfortable beds and furnishings for their rooms. It doesn’t have to be fancy and depending on your budget can be done a lot of ways. Get some things on the walls even if temporary. Just bought a $20 house plant looks great. My kids like to bake so having a bunch of cake mixes and frostings gives you guys something to do together. Other than that the most important thing is to be present and available. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/23 09:53 PM |
| 1 | TaxesIt’s all a negotiation but just say your splitting 50/50 and file jointly. Depending on how contentious your situation is they can argue about it, but just stick to 50/50. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/23 01:26 PM |
| 4 | Need AdviceIn order to have 50/50 you have to live in the same geographic location and a heavy travel schedule makes that difficult. I would recommend living where your daughter is at and finding a consistent job there either by staying in the military or getting out and finding a normal job in the area. I think you need to get a lawyer and file to prevent your wife just packing up your kid and moving on you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/23 01:59 AM |
| 4 | Am I being unreasonable?Stand your ground. Hard to change custody arrangements without a significant change in circumstances. Reading your post I was thinking does the judge really care about your ex’s new boyfriends work schedule? I sure don’t. I would fight it and file some continuances to drag it out past summer maintains status quo in the interim | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/23 12:22 PM |
| 7 | Should I sign Quit Claim?Under no circumstances do you sign until the money is secured. No circumstance. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/23 12:18 PM |
| 1 | Just scared of the unknownYour ex can’t legally prevent you from living in your own home. Scramble over to a locksmith to get the door opened and go home. Make sure to have a video recorder rolling and once your in your home call the police and tell them what has been done. They can’t do anything, but will at least know your side. Have your attorney file a motion tomorrow for you to have exclusive use of the home. Forcing you out of the home is the #1 way to prevent you from seeing your kids and it’s actually illegal. Yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/04/23 05:34 PM |
| 1 | Help omg helpShe is intentionally antagonizing you. If some random mentally ill person sent you a video would you watch it? You don’t have to watch her videos. Ignore her, document what she is doing, and after you have multiple examples show them to your lawyer to discuss at your next appearance. Don’t send each one individually as it just runs up the bill. We have all been there and I understand the anxiety and pain it causes you. I feel the same way when it happens to me. It’s much easier to be an outside … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/04/23 12:30 PM |
| 4 | Help omg helpListen I’ve been there too and there have been days I have literally had to peel myself out of bed in the morning. It’s nearly impossible, but you just have to cutoff any communication with her outside of very critical issues regarding your child. Don’t engage with her at all and if necessary when your kid is with her get a side gig to earn money to pay your lawyer. Take care of yourself and your son first and foremost. If she is crazy she will run out of money to antagonize you eventually. Fili… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/04/23 02:35 AM |
| 1 | Parenting time schedule - optionsNot sure of your state and custody laws, but live in a state where 50/50 is not assumed. I fought hard to get it. Personally if she is offering 50/50 I would accept her 5/2/2/5 and insist on 7/7 in the summer assuming your children are young. If they are older like teens I would fight for 7/7 all year. I understand the advice of pushing for 7/7 now, but that isn’t a hill I would die on if it jeopardized a smooth sign off of 50/50. Admittedly I don’t have a commute and live less than a mile from … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/23 01:04 PM |
| 1 | Asset divisionYou may need a new attorney. Your right it can be done in 15 minutes. I’m approaching one year with the only remaining issue being assets. In hindsight I should have set a trial date on day one which will move the process forward and at least stop wasting time and money with attorneys negotiating endlessly. They will “negotiate” until you force them to stop and schedule a pre-trial or trial with a judge | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/03/23 01:33 PM |
| 1 | How is this Possible?I would fight it requesting a stepped up custody arrangement over time to 50/50. If you lose worst case you get the 70/30 you have now. Parenting time was my hill to die on. The temp order sucks because it stays in place until you get to trial, but you can’t let that dissuade you. Even if you negotiate one extra day per week you will be better off. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/23 01:29 PM |
| – | I might be in trouble.You know it sucks but I spent extraordinary amounts of money negotiating basically with myself as the other side was unreasonable. I’ve told my attorneys to take it to the judge and hopefully they are following those instructions. Some people just want to fight and negotiating is pointless in those cases. Keep pressing forward and go to court. I’m not saying you will be thrilled with the outcome, but at least it will be done. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/23 01:24 PM |
| 1 | Older kids, custody and visitation questions.Don’t move out. As you note your 20 year old is an adult so work on fostering a positive relationship with her and don’t bad mouth her mom it will backfire. I would fight for 50/50 with your son, but you will have to be pragmatic once an agreement is in place as he will generally do what he wants. The best thing you can do is use this time to foster as strong of relationships with your kids as you can. Never take legal advice from your ex so just ignore her every other weekend threats. If you pu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/23 01:16 PM |
| 2 | SO I'm a babysitter now?Maybe you can ask for some help from friends and family during your parenting time to come over and help you. Overtime you will become better at managing and things get easier quick as the kids get older. I appreciate the frustration with what your spouse has done, but don’t let that impact you time with kids. I have heard stories of dads that would give up everything they have to get your parenting time. Use your free time to rest and prepare for when the kids come over. It sounds like you are … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/23 01:08 PM |
| 3 | Will mediation sort it?My experience absolutely not. I would avoid mediation like the plague unless court ordered | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/03/23 12:43 PM |
| 1 | Back to it Again!Man I can just say I really understand how hard this is for you. I’ve been pushed to the brink of a mental collapse by my divorce. Just keep doing your best and take care of yourself. It’s brutally hard, but you can do this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/03/23 12:39 PM |
| 3 | Need courage to actually file this timeIt’s like I wrote this post myself six years ago. I literally was in the same situation. In my case I gave it my best shot and got into marriage counseling and individual therapy. I tried to make it work, but we could never get on the same page on so many issues. I would encourage you to give individual and marriage therapy a shot. I gave it 5 years and ultimately failed and am almost one year into a brutal divorce. I don’t think I would have survived this had I not done those years of therapy a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/23 08:13 PM |
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