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Aholahi Archive

View 4 posts and 71 comments by Aholahi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
136

[FIELD REPORT]Aholahi/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 03:24 PM
53

FIELD REPORTAholahi/r/RedPillWomen24/07/16 07:28 PM
11

ADVICEAholahi/r/RedPillWomen10/07/16 02:54 PM
3

Aholahi/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 10:55 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

I'm glad I didn't. Once I had my daughter, I didn't want the diamond to cut her accidentally when cleaning her face or caring for her with my hands. I basically went to wearing just my wedding band and putting on the engagement ring for dates/dinner. Now I wear both again because she is older but it's still nice to have the option of either or both.
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/16 05:46 AM
3

Oh girl, I'm so sorry. First off, hugs and love. You can get past this but it'll take some work. 1. Love yourself. Regardless of weight. That's a big thing. Start by listing things you are grateful for in your life. Find parts of yourself that are good and you are proud of. Finding and developing strong internal respect will allow you to start creating and enforcing external boundaries with others. 2. Lose the tool. This guy is an asshat. Fuck him and whatever lies he says or excuses he makes fo…
/r/RedPillWomen09/11/16 07:36 PM
8

I'd like to add one. Food!!! My husband loves quality food and he really feels loved and appreciated when I take the time to prepare dishes that he likes. For example, he loves to grill, so I try to make sure that there are his favorite cuts of meat ready. He likes trying new foods and flavors too so I also try and make sure that we are eating new dishes frequently. It seems simple but it's so important. Whenever he has to work late, I always have dinner ready when he gets home and I stay and si…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/16 01:37 PM
1

Awwww 😢 I'm so sorry. That sucks. Remember, his actions are NOT a reflection on you. Nothing you did caused him to act like that and there's nothing you could have done to prevent his nonsense. Move on and block him like the others are suggesting. It's a good thing he lives far away. Now is a good time to rekindle your own interests and hobbies while you forget about him. I would also get tested just in case. It won't take long and it'll be a weight off of your mind. ((Hugs))
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/16 03:06 PM
4

Therapy. Find a therapist and seek help. If not for yourself, also for your child. Your life quality will go up immensely.
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/16 12:37 AM
3

This too shall pass. I like to think of life as a period of different seasons. Right now, you are in a season of work. Luckily, it's work you enjoy and work that pays well. Your SO seems understanding. Change begins in your heart. Think to yourself of what this time will provide for you in the future. If you are working a lot, you won't be spending a lot if you are careful. This could be a good time to start a nest egg to plan for a season where you work less or start a family. While you might n…
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/16 04:25 PM
14

Sometimes I imagine a super glamorous woman (Marilyn Monroe comes to mind) and ask myself, what would she do? Would Marilyn (this is a bad example, there's better role models but let's go with it) be super clingy or would she have her own interests and keep her man's attention in other ways...IE, stay fit, stay on top of your appearance, stay up on current events, etc...that usually helps me pull back a bit and cultivate my own life. After all, the kind of man you want, wants a woman that is int…
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/16 01:44 AM
2

Focus on you and be honest with your feelings. Like the other comments said, be direct with your feelings but there's no need to push him to change right now. You sound driven yourself and also understanding. If he wants to improve, he will, when he's ready. In the meantime, focus on YOU. I work from home too and when you live with someone, sometimes it's necessary to have time apart to "miss" each other. Can you go to a coffee shop or somewhere once in awhile? Him seeing you look good and headi…
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/16 01:27 AM
2

This is so great and I love how casually you could say it. Go with this one OP
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/16 12:13 AM
1

Showing off was just in front of us at home. She only did it when we were going somewhere really nice, not a constant attention thing. She picked and chooses what to respond to. For example, if it was appropriate to ask further or show sympathy, she certainly does that and more! But she doesn't meddle- at all! Very refreshing.
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/16 05:38 PM
3

I see your point but I respectfully disagree. In my situation, I came to the table with a lot of assets- far more than my spouse...are you suggesting that I should have insisted on a prenup? I feel that two people enter a marriage and hope for the best and that's what we did. Had my husband insisted on a prenup to protect me against future losses, perhaps my view would be different as I do think it's important to let our men lead, but my husband and I felt strongly that for us, a prenup was not …
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/16 01:08 AM
4

She is my MIL :) She actually stayed with us but when she is here, I follow her lead completely as a sign of respect and it actually begins to feel like her home rather than my own because she is in charge. Her and my FIL stayed with us in our home for a month.
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/16 07:50 PM
3

Thank you! This is such a great community and I'm so glad I found this safe space to grow as a woman and as a wife.
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/16 07:49 PM
2

I personally would not feel comfortable signing a pre-nup and it would make me feel uncomfortable asking my spouse to sign one too. I think part of the marriage process is really getting to know someone and being able to say, I trust this person with my life and I will love them until death do us part. I came to the table with more inheritance than my spouse, but he earns more...to ask him to sign one, or if he would have asked me to sign one, I think isn't right. If there is doubt, don't get ma…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/16 07:44 PM
4

Welcome! It's OK to be who you are right now. You don't have to wait until you are 50 pounds lighter to begin LIKING yourself and dressing for success- you can start right now! Start small. Go to Old Navy or another inexpensive store and find a skirt or a dress that you like and makes you smile. It should be something that you want to wear all the time and doesn't feel too dressed up. Wearing a dress or a skirt makes you feel so much prettier, I promise! Start with soft and simple makeup and hai…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/16 07:40 PM
1

This is spot on advise, thank you. I agree completely on the quality time. Just not sure how to navigate the time when he wants to take everyone out and get these large checks. How do I bring it up? Concern? Concern for his retirement? He's never saved a cent for retirement. Not one cent. Everything he earns, he spends.
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/16 09:19 PM
2

Yes, it's come up a few times over the years, and it's met with "he offers" or "he doesn't mind". Those are true statements but for me it doesn't make it right because I feel like they are taking advantage of his generosity. For example, sibling #1 is very money conscious when dining without dad. This sibling will order only water and usually a cheap sandwich or something off of the side menu and they eat before they go out. They say dining out isn't "worth it" but when dads around, they activel…
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/16 09:17 PM
1

I'm 30 and married, sibling one is married and 29, sibling 2 lives at home tho works and is 23. Dad has been trying to retire but can't (needs to pay down debt). He's 70, still works full time. He lives above his means and it was/is hard for me to live differently but I do try to be more reasonable with my money. I've paid my own way since I was out of college but my siblings haven't followed suit.
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/16 05:51 PM
1

We've been eating in a lot but we are currently on vacation and it would be nice to balance the costs more. Entertainment and restaurants add up quickly with the entire family.
/r/RedPillWomen10/07/16 04:34 PM
2

Rules help. We take off shoes at the front door, keeping vacuuming to a minimum. No eating or snacking unless you are seated at the table (prevents dishes everywhere). My daughter is taught to put away things after each activity (clean up, pick up, put away- Daniel Tiger song) Getting a place for everything makes tidying easier! Until then, work towards that goal. Check out the Fly Lady. She's on FB and though some of the posts are annoying, the basic principles are solid. She says not to get ov…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/16 07:53 PM
5

Skip it and focus on the multitude of natural self improvement options. No, they won't be as "quick" or as drastic as plastic surgery but they are so much better for you in the long run. Physical shape is more than breasts. Classes like pure barre create a beautiful and feminine shape, tight and toned. Implants won't make your legs look better or your butt look sexier. Facial and hair care is so vital. Taking good care of your skin now equals better looks later too. Hair color and cut should loo…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/16 04:39 PM
2

Sorry. We took the divorce off the table months ago and things have been good. This was a surprise and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 11:29 PM
2

Good point. Infrequently. Finding out the news was the catalyst for accusing him of cheating where he admitted to the incidents. I've had my suspicions before and after the incident with my friend, the trust was limited.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 09:27 PM
1

Both.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 09:25 PM
1

Good call. I need to work on communicating directly rather than communicating on my emotional feelings.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 05:00 PM
3

Thank you for your comment. I see where you are coming from. I don't want to break up my family but I don't want to live in a marriage where my husband is unfaithful either. The drinking is hard to deal with, and the best I can do is to be cheerful and strong when I say, no thanks, I don't drink everyday. Or, no thanks, one glass is all I want/need. However, when we go out with friends, or when he goes out alone, and he consistently gets out of control with drinking, how can I continue to be sup…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 04:42 PM
1

This is a good point. I am very upset about my close friend. The hard part was her telling me and seeing how uncomfortable he had made her. Not once did I doubt a moment of her, but I instantly knew that I didn't know who my husband was. That continues to be painful. Most recently, I have felt uncomfortable when another close friend visits. I see the way he looks at her, smiling, and it makes me uncomfortable. He is really charming and my friends always say how nice he is and how much fun he is.…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 04:39 PM
1

Awesome. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 04:37 PM
1

It sucked to read this but I know exactly what you mean :(
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 03:16 PM
1

That book looks amazing. I'm ordering it. Thank you! I've followed TRP for months. This sub and that sub have really opened my eyes to my previous bitchy entitled behavior and I've really worked hard to be better for US and think about US and value his as my man and his role as my husband. This cheating, on top of the older drama, really unravels my feeling of stability.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 03:15 PM
1

He certainly does. His work is super stressful, long hours, very serious subject matter. He uses tobacco all day to deal with the stress and caffeine to power through the hours. After work, he's ready to drink and loves to go out with his friends to party. I get it. I love spending time with friends too, and socializing, but the line where he crossed into having sexual encounters or flirting with my friends is where I become very uncomfortable. I try to empathize but I am not sexually liberal ou…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 02:12 PM
1

Yes, numerous times. It was very helpful. I read Codependant No More and some other motivational books. Right before and after the baby, his drinking went through the roof and I was scared to stay and scared to leave. It's gone back to semi-reasonable. What I took away from the meetings is that I cannot control other people (sometime I used to try to do with my husband). I can control myself and my reaction and I make choices on who I allow into my life.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 02:07 PM
1

I'm not sure if he's an alcoholic in the way you describe, but he does have problems with alcohol. He loves to drink, usually wants to overdo it, makes poor choices...but he's high functioning, goes to work, doesn't put drinking before work. You are right about making it hard on children. My parents fought constantly and it was hard being around that. I too dreamed they would divorce but they waited until we finished high school. Not sure which would have been better. I struggle with reliving th…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 02:05 PM
6

Thank you for this. Your post really resonated with me. I did violate our trust as much as he did. I take your advice to heart. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 02:00 PM
2

Sadly, yes, I've considered it.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 01:05 AM
2

Thank you. I really appreciate your words. He has let me down completely. I felt that we were together, a unit, a couple that despite having problems, it was just us. It wasn't anyone else. Now I have doubts. My bubble was popped. I feel exposed. The drinking has never changed. It's daily for him. I try to look past it, but it's frustrating that he allows himself to drink so frequently and so much. I like to drink as well, but certainly not every day or at the same consumption rate. I could blam…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 01:03 AM
3

Complete out-of-body experience. I couldn't speak. I'm still in shock. The next two days were crying, forcing myself to work, trying to not think about it. I felt shattered. The weekend was good, we spent time with friends seperately, then a date night Sunday which was great. All in all, I want it to go away and us to be good. Then there's the other part of me that says, hey...hooked up with a literal whore? Then made a move on one of your best friends while you were inside? Then kissed a girl o…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 11:19 PM
3

I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak...somehow a work trip, where the bosses are out, and the sexual environment of a strip club...one thing leads to the next...I am able to hamster that to classic boys club activities. He said he wouldn't go to strip clubs anymore and that this was a horrible mistake. On the other hand, I don't want to be the fool that stays with the cheater.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 11:15 PM
3

Yes, I spoke to my doctor and she said there is no reason to believe that having HPV now is due to cheating. In fact, she encouraged me not to default to assuming cheating was involved b/c HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease and either of us could have had it for years and years before it showing up. Getting the letter from the doctor was the catalyst to finding out about infidelity. I knew about him hitting on my friend (she told me herself) but the kissing the girl, and the bj …
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 11:13 PM
3

Thanks for your response. I realize that if I am going to let go, I have to really let go. Part of me feels I can do that if we are able to communicate in an open, honest space moving forward. I do work now, part time, and I am steadily trying to increase my hours and income. I am extremely fit and keep up with my appearance. I have a degree. Solid advise though.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 11:09 PM
-5

Invite another fun couple to join for dinner! Great way to make the evening more lively, more conversations, pour some wine and play cards or something light and put on great music. After a few hours laughing with friends, he'll (you too!) be in a great mood and ready to continue the private after party alone once the guests leave ;)
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/15 06:52 PM
3

You sound stressed. 1. Work out. Run, bike, walk, lift- whatever. Team sports, solo, doesn't matter. Swim, hike, yoga. You get the picture. Find a few things and commit time daily to moving your bod. Massive stress relief, good meditation time. Push yourself to let out your stress and get tired. You'll sleep better and feel better. Trust yourself. You know in your heart what's best for your situation. Don't listen to the anxious doubt unless the doubt also lies in your heart. Once you listen to …
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/15 03:23 PM
2

Girl, YES. I really blamed it all in the hubby. It was easier, it seemed obvious, I felt entitled...now, I'm still finding myself throwing shit tests (RP language) and all too frequently my default is to go against what I really want: to uplift, love, and support.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/15 11:52 PM
2

A happy man has a couple of drinks every now and then. A depressed man has more, and more often. Nothing makes us want to come home like knowing we are successful there, and nothing makes us want to stay away like the stink of failure. I love this. I will try to remember this. I don't want to drive him to sadness and feelings of failure. I want to be his support and his encouragement and hopefully we can do that for each other, rather than bringing each other down like we did in the past. Routin…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/15 08:10 PM
1

Lol!!! That's awesome.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/15 06:59 PM
2

I understand! I have four people in my house, so we have lots of laundry, and it makes it so much easier to do it frequently. But you wouldn't need that frequency. Haven't tracked the water usage but that's a great idea!
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/15 06:46 PM
2

I take an afternoon where I tackle a large cleaning portion. I start by beginning a load of laundry, running the dishwasher, and the start in on the actual scrubbing (toilets, bathrooms, showers, etc) if you do this weekly, it doesn't take as long and it's easier (less grime). Daily: all dishes done. Easiest way is to unload In the morning, and then all dishes go in dishwasher during the day as used. Run dishwasher nightly. Wipe down countertops as necessary. Laundry: once daily, I start mine in…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/15 02:13 AM
1

Well. Thanks? Not a troll. Just working on improvement like the rest of us.
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/15 03:29 AM
1

Thank you friend :)
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/15 05:11 PM
1

Thank you! I am so grateful for all the feedback! This is an amazing community and I'm so thankful for this groups advice and wisdom. I know RP preaches not to talk about it...but I keep feeling like so many people would be so much happier if they knew what life could be like with gratitude and understanding
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/15 03:27 AM
3

I appreciate that so much! Thank you for your helpful guidance friend!
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 10:38 PM
2

Thanks! You too! What's really great is knowing the rational behind why we feel like we do, and once we know that, we can change our reactions. Example, my husband is amazingly thoughtful and super sweet. Sometimes I would perceive that as a weakness and be really bossy and push him away in response. Classic beta M/F dynamic. Now, I am able to rationalize and can act differently. I.E. Do I want a thoughtful, sweet guy? Absolutely. So, I am recognizing that and responding in an equally soft, swee…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 07:18 PM
7

THANK YOU!!!! When I first met my husband, and for so many years after, we were blissfully happy. Everything was wonderful, I couldn't stop complimenting and loving him and being out of my mind proud of him and his accomplishments. I was so proud to be with him! He made me a better woman, the world was infinitely possible, we had dreams, and aspirations and it was all so beautiful. And then some cruel life issues hit and the bubble got popped a bit. We turned on each other, rather than turning t…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 06:01 PM
2

Thanks. It is counter intuitive but it is all true, for better and for worse.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 05:55 PM
2

Thank you :) I do want to get there. So many of the posts are from people that are already "there" and you know what...this is where I am. It's easy to see my errors, I make no attempt to hide or make excuses. I know that I made a lot of mistakes and I want to use those horrible experiences (self-induced, most) to learn and grow and step forward each day with that knowledge.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 05:54 PM
3

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and give me advice. I really appreciate it! I read everything you said, and while it was hard to read some of it, I thank you for putting the time, effort, and emotion into your words. It was really beautifully written. I am working on bettering myself and my relationship and also thinking about my husband's happiness and what makes him happy. Learning every day, and I am so grateful for my friends here on reddit for their advice. Often times h…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 05:53 PM
1

You are right!
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 04:20 AM
5

I like your opinion :) I don't want to cruise through life anymore. I'm excited and wanting to better myself everyday. It's humbling and liberating all at once.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 02:45 AM
3

I like your viewpoint.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 02:44 AM
1

I may have been exaggerating my own lack of feeling. I do care, and I show that I care all the time through words and actions. But sometimes, yeah, I focus on myself too much. Working on improvement.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 01:28 AM
2

Thanks, I'll check it out!
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 01:26 AM
6

Thank you. I am working on that.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 08:00 PM
6

I appreciate your feedback.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 08:00 PM
2

That's an awesome quote! I'll remember that one. Really good analogy.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 06:25 PM
5

Exactly! I see this situation everywhere now! Something that also stood out for me was in a RP post about how women often become aggressive in situations where a man doesn't become aggressive and how illogical that is. Women are responding in a masculine way, when a masculine man wouldn't respond that way! My MIL is from abroad and I often thought how subservent she was, she would do whatever the men wanted, always smiling, cooking, and being pleasant. She told me a man controls the head, the wo…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 06:15 PM
12

Hard to read, but yes, that's where I am at right now. I am working on the humanity and respect issue. It's a selfish world we live in, and I am guilty of being the same way myself. One step at a time.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 06:12 PM
18

You are so right. I really need to work on being empathetic and feeling the love for those around me. I just...don't. Literally, I feel a coldness, and I know that my mother does too. I'm fearful I will pass that same programming onto my daughter. I do think about myself constantly, and how things benefit ME. I have a lot of personal development steps to take. Thank you for your insight. I needed to hear that honesty.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/15 04:32 PM
2

I struggle with this one too. I found it easier to connect with my spouse and other men that I dated, but still struggle to make a physical connection with friends. I ain't a hugger either! I can relate completely! However, I think being the way I am (stand off is a good way to describe me) hurts my friends and family and when I think about the hurt I am (inadvertently) causing, I've been trying to adjust. Ie. If I think, you should hug your friend, I've been trying to go for it and not be weird…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/15 04:22 AM
1

It depends on what committee you get on. The first year is pretty tough. Lots of meetings, and then depending on the assignment, private meetings with your smaller group, emailing, etc. There are lots of really focused women in the group that make it a great league, but that being said, they also take things seriously, so you have to step up on what you promise. Event planning, fundraising, help with marketing, decorating, helping local needy kids, homeless shelters, old folks homes, etc. all op…
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/15 06:05 PM
2

Junior league is great! There is a real time commitment though, but if you are ok with the time and financial commitment, go for it! Great way to Meet cool women friends and also great way to give back to the community 👍
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/15 05:45 PM
1

Hey girl! Fly Lady is awesome! Sign up for her emails. She's great about keeping things in perspective and not getting overwhelmed. I stayed at home for two years and I can tell you it is very hard to get motivated consistently. Things that helped me: Stay busy! Not just in the home. Find yourself little things you can look forward to that are weekly or monthly. These things need to be social and cost-effective so you look forward and don't feel guilty. Check out the library for book clubs, yoga…
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/15 01:16 AM
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