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View 1 post and 195 comments by AlleGood on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
20

DiscussionAlleGood/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 06:48 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
–

Been doing ok with work, haven't approached any of my coworkers after that except for mandatory work stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/25 08:52 AM
–

Got stuck with some work stuff during an intense week that had a ripple effect for everyone else. Got the feeling that no one was really a fan of me after that. I only get the need-to-know communcations and nothing else.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/25 11:06 PM
–

I've been kinda given the cold shoulder, so I just stick to myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/25 10:51 PM
–

Sure I do. But my coworkers don't want much to do with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/25 09:54 PM
–

Been off Tinder for about a month and I'm really feeling it now. It was of no real benefit of course, after 10 years I got nothing to show for it, but at least I was making the effort to connect with people. Now I have no avenue for that, and it's a strange thing to realize you've been completely cut off from dating and socialization.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/25 09:16 PM
1

What I mean is that in every social situation, I try to make it so that people don't have to acknowledge me if they don't want to. I don't approach anyone I don't know, I don't talk to them, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:24 PM
1

You can chalk that up to me writing this down poorly I guess. Didn't manage to get my thoughts on the paper properly. If it's any clarification, I am talking purely of my own personal experiences. But from what I know, there are plenty of men who feel similarly, though I cannot speak for them, only speculate.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:21 PM
–

I don't think I'm outwardly hostile, no. If anything, I try to be as non-offensive and easy to ignore as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:17 PM
1

In no way did I want to invalidate the struggles and horrors that women have faced and are still going through. Sorry if it came across that way. I see I gave you quite a terrible impression of me. I apologize for that as well. I must have made my point quite poorly. If I cannot fix that, I'll just wish you all the best.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:14 PM
1

Ah, I really wrote that down obtusely, didn't I. To actually explain myself, I would like to see similar changes as what happened to what is expected of women thanks to feminism. We as a society acknowledged the old expectations as unfair and unreasonable, and no longer held women to such standards or punished them for failing to meet them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 09:02 PM
1

Could be. Most of the time I don't really get the chance to talk with anyone at all though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:58 PM
–

Could be. I don't have problems with talking to other people when allowed so I wouldn't think so, but perhaps I'm wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:45 PM
–

Sorry for not being specific enough. I don't want to use other men as examples since this grouping has quite the negative undertone, and I can't speak for the experiences of others. So I'll just use myself as an example. For me, the standards I've failed to meet have been for appearance, wealth, career status and emotional stoicism. In my experience, there just isn't any space or group where I won't be socially ostracized, and my issues are more often mocked rather than acknowledged as mistakes …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:43 PM
–

University parties, industry events, local hobby groups, etc. I'm open to socialising with everyone if given the chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:37 PM
1

Good question. Admittedly this might be the point where I fail completely. Societal issues are not easy to solve. I would wish for gender roles that would allow men to be open about their problems and to receive help. The social expectations should change to less absolute and shouldn't be used as an excuse to be hostile. Government programs etc could also help.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:35 PM
–

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I have an ok career, I try to take care of my friends, be kind to the people around me, push for social changes that'll help those who need help. I'd never want to be the kind of person you describe me as.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:31 PM
–

I've tried to attend groups and events regularly for 10+ years. Doesn't help much when no one is willing to engage with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:26 PM
–

Who isn't? Men, women, internet, print, TV, you name it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:17 PM
1

Thank you for your response. I understand the abstract nature probably makes this hard to engage with. Admittedly, I wasn't able to write things out as concretely as I had hoped. So just as a side note, being shut out of communities is precisely one of these issues I'd like to see changed.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:16 PM
1

I agree with you on principle. The women's movement is beyond admirable in the work that women put into it to uplift themselves. I'm not necessarily asking for women to lead this. I am first and foremost asking to acknowledge these issues as real, to stop using societal standards as an excuse for hostility, and whenever possible (like in a governmental role for example) to allocate resources to make things better.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:10 PM
1

In my personal experience, that hostility has been societal ostracization to the point that there's been no social groups or spaces that I've been able to join despite trying repeatedly. You brought up sexuality, and though that wasn't my main point, it's of course a part of it. Not that any man deserves a chance, but more that there's no acceptable way to even ask for one.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 08:02 PM
–

Admittedly I'm not an organiser or a social activist so my practical solutions are quite lacking. I'd just want us to start from acknowledging men's issues as valid and stop using these standards as an excuse to be hostile. From there, it gets a lot more complicated. Whether the solution is government programs, education, community building, I don't know.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:56 PM
1

I think non-femimine women are cool as hell and very attractive too, though that's of course besides the point. I'm not at all picky with who I connect with.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:53 PM
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I personally experience this hostility in my day to day life whenever I try to connect with new people or groups. This is not about dating, though that of course is a part of it. It's about what is expected and the consequences of failing those expectations.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:39 PM
1

I see, thank you for sharing that. It seems that socially speaking, rejecting the expected performance led you to connect with different kinds of people? If I understood you correctly. In my case, failing to perform would lead to the destruction of all social connections.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:30 PM
5

I wasn't trying to refute that and I'm sorry if it came across that way. I can only offer my perspective and experiences. In no way did I want to invalidate women's struggles, but simply talk about my own.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:27 PM
–

True, true. Do you feel like that trajectory has affected your social relationships in adulthood?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:22 PM
1

Sorry to hear that. You do have a point, I agree. I have this vague feeling that there's still a difference there between genders, but it's difficult to articulate exactly.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:20 PM
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Thank you for your perspective. I just wondered if the consequences too are the same for both genders. For me, failing to perform means mockery, social ostracization, broken relationships, career suicide, etc. Becoming persona non grata. But perhaps it's not even possible to generalize these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:18 PM
1

That's very aptly put!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:09 PM
–

I see what you mean. What do you feel is the consequence of failing at that, if you don't mind me hounding you so?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:08 PM
–

I'm sorry to hear that. Would you agree that there's a difference there between appearance Vs performance as the condition, or do you feel it's still the same?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 07:05 PM
1

Thank you for the thought, I appreciate it. I'm doing fine, it's not a crisis, just a general malaise weighing me down that I'm quite used to.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 06:56 PM
–

Thank you for saying that, I appreciate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 06:53 PM
–

I have been taught to view my value as a human as performative and conditional. If I don't perform well enough or perform the wrong way, I will not be seen as equally valuable to a "real" man. All my actions and words among other people are performative, thinking that they could turn on me at any time. I have not spoken my true feelings about myself and my life in 15 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 06:43 PM
2

I agree and disagree. Agree in the sense that simply deciding to be an "asshole" for the sake of emulation is unlikely to gain any success. Disagree in the sense that one can certainly choose to make that choice for other reasons. Personally, I've thrived to be nice and considerate toward people around me all my life, but in response have received disdain, hostility, loneliness and social ostracization. So I just don't have the energy to keep giving out positivity and only receive negativity in …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 03:03 PM
2

Anecdotally, the same kinds of flaws that prevent men from dating also shut them out of other social circles.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 11:31 AM
8

I don't agree with equating approaching strangers to objectification. Not everyone is privileged enough to have social groups where they can slowly build acquaintances. Men like me just have to do our best to gauge if a person that catches our attention might hold something that we can connect through. But as OP pointed out, that's not allowed either, so there really isn't an avenue for men like me to even attempt to pursue dating and relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/25 11:29 AM
1

After spending around 15 years on Tinder and other online dating sites, I finally called it quits and deleted everything from my phone. Despite all the effort and hundreds of cumulative hours, no success ever came out of it. I had hoped I could just learn to give up on dating, but my mind still keeps going back to it. Only now I have no way to do it. Online dating has always been the only way I've been able to date. Being able to start with messaging meant I didn't have to lead with my poor appe…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/25 06:09 PM
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The one upside of not being able to engage with people socially is that I'm kinda fine with just waking up and working until I can't anymore. Not like there's anything else for me to spend my time on.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 05:49 PM
1

That's because once a man speaks about having these issues out loud, they risk severe mockery and social ostracization.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/25 08:26 AM
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I keep instinctively thinking of opening Tinder on my phone and scrolling, despite deleting it last week. Clearly there's still the underlying need to socialize and meet people (yes, also for dating), but I have removed my last avenue for it. Which was for a good reason cos it didn't lead to anything for 10+ years of using it, but it still feels like that aspect of my life is just gone now.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 07:42 PM
1

Thank you for the recommendation. I've tried those as well, the results were much the same and perhaps even worse because of the smaller user base. The issue of attractiveness seems to be present in them all.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/25 08:56 AM
2

Deleted Tinder today after 10 or so years. I don't have an alternative avenue for dating, but I never found any success there anyways, so at least I won't be wasting my time anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 08:10 PM
1

They are not, and I do fully acknowledge this is my own fault. But it has been years of trying and at this stage success seems uncertain, so regardless of who's at fault, the situation sucks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/25 05:12 PM
1

No one's said it to me directly. But I know from media and online discussions how people feel about men who look like, and I cannot find any other issues in me that would cause such a negative reaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/25 04:14 PM
1

That's of course understandable. It was perhaps a poor response on my part, as my disagreement is purely based on personal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/25 08:52 PM
2

Okay. I've been doing my best and generally don't have issues with people I know. i can't pinpoint any major issues with my behaviour, nothing that has been pointed out and I always try to be as inoffensive and reserved as possible. But guess that will remain a mystery then.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/25 07:38 PM
2

What's the real reason then? Cos the only culprit I've seen pointed out is my appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/25 07:30 PM
1

I mean, my point of view is obviously biased, but I try to do the best with my appearance. I always shower, shave, groom myself, and pick out clean clothes before I go anywhere. But perhaps that's not enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/25 07:21 PM
3

So what's a man like that supposed to do when he repeatedly keeps trying to cultivate new friendships and relationships, but gets shut down and ostracized because of his appearance? Is it not reasonable to feel like you'll probably always be alone when years of trying yields zero success?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/25 07:17 PM
1

I'm not too sure, that hasn't really been my experience. People have been cold and dehumanising towards me my entire adult life. But that's a good perspective to hear, thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 05:38 PM
1

I mean, you can see how ugly men are made fun of in media, how they're mocked in online circles, etc. And of course, understandably, there's 0 positive feedback to offset that if you're ugly.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 05:25 PM
1

When people in general never initiate conversation with me, or talk about how disgusting men like me are, I don't need to confirm their words in practice. I've been told and given the hint, pushing it regardless is the very definition of harassment.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 04:36 PM
1

That's certainly possible, it's a bit difficult to self evaluate. But I wouldn't say I have problems with those once I'm allowed to talk with someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 02:16 PM
1

I've seen enough evidence spoken by other people to know this. If almost everyone in society says they find you disgusting, you're better off trusting that and not counting on the rare exceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 02:10 PM
2

Well, I'd rather not get blacklisted from the few social gatherings I'm able to attend. I know how people talk about men like me, I know what their default attitude is.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:42 PM
1

I haven't been removed because I've never made the mistake of approaching others. I can't speak for other people's experiences, maybe they do better than me. But I know when people talk about men like me, it is with distain and disgust, so it is only natural to assume hostility from the get go.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:41 PM
1

I've gotten a different impression; people tend to view it differently when you're an unattractive man. But I could be wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:36 PM
0

I've made it a point not to approach people I don't know unless spoken to first. I don't want to intrude, offend or make people uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:31 PM
0

What a waste of a Halloween party. Arrived there, stood alone for 45 minutes, then went home. My only outing in 6 months, I don't know why I even bother.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:28 PM
1

That only applies if you're not seen as unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:21 PM
1

What're you suggesting? I start talking to people willy nilly, make them feel uncomfortable and get kicked out of the few social situations I'm able to attend?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:07 PM
1

I didn't. Too much risk. I've never in my life dared to approach anyone unprompted.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 01:00 PM
1

I usually arrive, sit or stand on my own for about 60 minutes, then leave. And yes, this was an industry event so very much people similar to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/25 12:52 PM
1

Well, my experience differs from that for whatever reason. Just this week I attended a Halloween event, wasn't able to speak with a single person there.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/25 06:06 PM
1

Obviously I can't say absolutely that I'm the only one. I'm just telling my experiences about how all people react to me. And yes, it's very plain to see imo that attractive people are the ones who get accepted into social groups.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/25 01:30 PM
1

If you want to frame this as my own fault, then I guess yes. I'd much rather have everyone treated the same despite their appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/25 12:08 PM
1

Thank you for your perspective. I don't mean to diminish it and say this is purely a gendered issue. My comment might've been too much of a generalisation based on how I've seen this kind of problem and the lack of it being expressed through the gender lines.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 07:07 PM
1

This has been my experience, yes
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 07:03 PM
–

Yeah, I have 3 screens but only use them all for very specific circumstances. Like programming / reference text / YouTube.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 02:44 PM
0

I don't feel such way toward others, I can only judge others' attitude based on how I have been treated. And that is hostility, isolation, ostracization.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 02:43 PM
0

I think hostility and disgust towards men like me is completely unrelated the person's own appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 11:28 AM
1

I can definitely see that. The issue I face isn't so much the difficulty in interactions, more like people in society fundamentally do not want to interact with men like me. So they may tolerate me during activities when they have to, but that's not real socialization,
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 11:10 AM
1

Got it, thank you. I usually just sit or stand alone, not sure how that comes across to others.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 11:07 AM
-1

Those ain't any better haha
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 09:36 AM
1

I do networking events mostly. I don't really know how my body language could be altered to seem more inviting, unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 09:35 AM
–

Activity environments help less than you might think. The other person still must be willing to talk with you and not see that as off-putting. Same thing with smalltalk and such; they only work if you're not fundamentally unwanted.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 09:32 AM
1

Yes I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 01:22 AM
5

It looks like being told to suck it up if you complain about your issues. It looks like people suddenly becoming uncomfortable. It looks like people seeing you as weak and a failure from thereon out. It looks like damaging or ending relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 01:21 AM
1

Fair, but the issue is it's hard to do that when you're socially ostracized.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 09:53 PM
1

That might be very well true. I am not one of those guys, so I guess my situation is not representative of the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 09:43 PM
–

I'm sure good looking men have plenty of success being social. But what I have been taught by media and women's own words is that I would be seen as predatory and offensive.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 09:33 PM
–

What I've heard others say and how society and media in general portray men like me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 09:18 PM
5

That's a fair thing to advocate for. I wish it would change as well. But I can't change the minds of others, so my situation remains the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 09:16 PM
7

Low value, unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 08:49 PM
17

So the way I see it, the issue is that as a man I CANNOT seek support from friends and family. It's not socially permitted. If I feel alone, tired, defeated, scared, etc, my only option is to endure it. I think that contributes to the feeling of loneliness despite being around other people, because functionally speaking, you are still "standing alone". That's of course assuming that you have those connections. I've been trying to find a local social group I could interact with regularly for year…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 08:46 PM
–

I've been attending local events regularly. I always just end up sitting alone and leaving for a while. I think social rules are very different for men like me, I wouldn't dream of risking talking to a person I don't know.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 08:31 PM
–

Well, it's not like I can just walk up to people and talk to them without the risk of being seen as a creep.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 08:29 PM
1

True, I can only speak for my own experiences
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:55 PM
–

Yes I agree physically those places exist. But they're no longer socially 3rd spaces for people who aren't allowed to socialize with the people around them. Work and home are still social spaces because it's okay to freely socialise with people there.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:18 PM
–

No, but cafes and the like are no longer a social space for me. It's strictly transactional, strictly solitary, it's not acceptable to socialize with the people around you.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:16 PM
–

They're physically there but they're no longer 3rd places that're open to everyone. You used to be able to connect with the local community and new people, and that was seen as acceptable. Nowadays it's strictly not allowed unless you are attractive enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:07 PM
–

Different experiences then, I guess. But you don't have to physically block someone if there's an understanding that they won't be welcomed into the social group and will be left feeling unwanted. It's not much of a social space for you if you can't talk with anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 05:05 PM
–

Yes, those are still open if you meet the societal criteria of attractiveness. Otherwise they've turned into hostile places like everything else.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 04:58 PM
–

Bars, cafes, book clubs, hobby groups, sport clubs, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 04:57 PM
–

No, I've never done it in my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 04:26 PM
–

I mean, what are there nowadays? Specifically for social interactions and meeting new people. I'm sure if you have the looks and charisma, they still exist because people don't see you as something offensive, but otherwise those doors have been shut.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 04:25 PM
–

The destruction of 3rd places and just general chances for socialization unless you're a high value male has been incredibly damaging to the societal fabric imo. I really don't feel connected to the society or people around me, and I hate that. But I keep having months of not being able to socially talk to other people face to face, so it's hard not to feel that way. I'm not sure how this would be fixed though, you'd have to teach people to be more accepting and less hostile, whereas the opposit…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 04:03 PM
–

Have to disagree. I've instilled it upon myself to never approach a woman because I would be seen as hostile and be socially ostracized. But I do think it's solely because of my appearance, good looking men won't have that issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 03:43 PM
4

Happy to answer. So OP made two points when describing these men she's speaking about. 1) They do nothing to try and improve their situation. I do. I've gone probably on 50+ dates, have tried to integrate myself into new social circles, regularly attend events, etc. My appearance is poor but I do the best I can with basic hygiene, grooming, good clothes, etc. I have a semi successful career in a field I'm passionate about, though my finances are just ok. 2) These men don't really enjoy social in…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 08:02 PM
1

That could very well be the case. Can't really say what I could be doing wrong. Though I've never had a problem with talking with people; other students, workmates, dates, etc. It's more that I'm quickly shut down and turned away.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 07:23 PM
4

Okay so yeah, if a guy is acting like you describe then yes, I see your point and agree. That's not how I act, I have done everything I can in an effort to fix my situation, but perhaps you were not addressing men like me. In which case, my bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 06:31 PM
1

I think that's an accurate observation. Unfortunately I don't have a comprehensive or even carefully thought out answer for this. All I know is that in everything, I am alone. There is no social support, no other humans to rely on, for men like me. When I have problems, when I'm feeling down, when I'm tired, I can only rely on myself. Every attempt to change that through forming human connections, joining social groups and yes, pursuing relationships, has been immediately shut down with such reg…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 06:28 PM
13

Okay, so I'm basing this off my personal experience but I'll try to be as objective as I can. Firstly, I definitely recognize the mindset that you've described. Which leads me to question, why is it wrong to feel that way? If your entire adult life has been full of social ostracization and failures to find companionship despite your best efforts, isn't it natural to feel bad about it? Furthermore, isn't it proof that there is something fundamentally wrong with you; the one constant? Secondly I h…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 06:18 PM
1

That's fair and valid. I've struggled all my life on my own because there's no other option, but the older and wearier I become, the more I wish there'd be some support-
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 05:46 PM
1

I honestly don't know what to do. All I can say is that personally, it's really hard to push for change when you're socially ostracized and looked down upon. Of course women did do that, and I applaud them for it, so it's not impossible. And women are not obliged to help us of course, even though I think a sympathetic society would be a much better place compared to a hostile one.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/25 05:42 PM
–

Thanks, it's nice to hear I've managed to give that impression. I'll try my best to find out what's the solution to this.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 05:56 PM
–

Yeah I don't mind the baldness to be honest. My father was bald as long as I could remember and I've been shaving my head almost a decade now. Weight is the biggest obstacle, I think. Of course there's the general feeling that nothing will be enough, but that's not really conductive to the conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 05:53 PM
–

Yeah I get it and do wish I could share cos I appreciate feedback in general. But I'm like 5'10, 230lb, bald with a beard. I don't have horrible skin but it's definitely not clear or smooth. I know that ain't much but at least it may give you some sort of an idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 05:43 PM
–

Won't share pics, which I know is annoying, but I'm freaky about privacy. But I do agree on principle. A lot of things about me I could theoretically fix but have failed to do so. Losing weight is a big one, plastic surgery is another to fix my skin and head shape. But I do my best with what I can at the moment; dress well, trim myself, shave, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 05:37 PM
–

I'm honestly getting literally sick of online spaces. Between algorithms, rage baits, disinformation, AI content, paywalling etc, it has become a miserable experience. As a social space, I can list only a handful of examples where I've formed even a passing human connection with someone. But then again, the reason I'm so stuck online is that the real world can be outright hostile when you're physically off-putting like me, so it isn't a valid option either. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 05:28 PM
1

Glad to hear it worked out for you!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:56 PM
1

Could very well be. Though it's been like that pretty much my adult life. I don't see it as a major fault or anything holding me back.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:25 PM
1

Not really. I'm definitely more comfortable that way but I don't dislike or have problems when speaking to someone. I'm just a lot more self-conscious about how I'm presenting myself to them with my whole being.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:19 PM
1

That's a valid point of view. My experience is that I'm a thoughtful writer and communicator, so I can put that forth through messages while presenting my best (but still honest) in pictures.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:12 PM
1

I'm honestly getting literally sick of online spaces. Between algorithms, rage baits, disinformation, AI content, paywalling etc, it has become a miserable experience. As a social space, I can list only a handful of examples where I've formed even a passing human connection with someone. But then again, the reason I'm so stuck online is that the real world can be outright hostile when you're physically off-putting like me, so it isn't a valid option either. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:10 PM
2

I honestly wish I could. I'm getting quite sick of online spaces and social media in general. But if you have unappealing looks like me, approaching women or people in general irl is an even worse option. You're basically leading with your most offensive trait and might even be seen as hostile.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/25 04:04 PM
1

I have to disagree there slightly. Yes there's no perfect objective scale for attractiveness but there are clear societal standards for what's attractive and what's unattractive. Though I can only speak from personal experience admittedly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/25 03:56 PM
0

You're exactly right. I phrased that poorly. I guess better way might be to say that equal attraction can only exist within the same league? But I don't think it answers your original question. I can only speak of this from personal experience. I just know that there's a societal measure of attractiveness, and I'm at a certain level within it. Those above me are out of my league. That's really the relevant part.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 08:21 PM
1

Could be. But it feels to me that whoever wants you will always be the same type; at most roughly equal to you in attractiveveness. That's an awfully objectifying and cold way to put it, but I can't find any other way to put it. To give an example, I would never pursue anyone in a higher league than me because I know they're not attracted to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 08:13 PM
1

I think of leagues more like measure of attractiveness. People in the same league have a similar level of attractiveness. They are desirable to more people and have more dating options. Now, it also seems that people date within their own leagues, so that forms kind of barriers for who you can pursue. I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 08:09 PM
1

That's a fair assesment, but I think leagues come to exist when EVERYONE can rank their attraction based on the same features. So, more of those features = higher league, less of those features = lower league.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 08:01 PM
1

So I can only answer this from my personal point of view when it comes to these issues and "pills" in general. Your stance seems to be that women will be treated poorly by men by default. If that's your experience, I cannot refute that. However, personally I've always thrived to treat all people around me, women and men alike, with basic decency and according to their individual character. But as I'm getting older and find myself voicing those complaints you mentioned (mostly about systematic so…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/25 09:48 PM
2

That's nice to hear, great that things worked out.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 09:51 PM
1

Perhaps. I'm primed to expect hostility from others so I usually call it quits pretty quickly unless proven otherwise, but yours is certainly a valuable perspective to that. I don't really want to stick around if I'm making others uncomfortable with my presence.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 09:15 PM
1

No, I haven't really been actively involved in any hobbies since my teens. I've dabbled in some, but it never sticks, one or two meetings. I always end up feeling very unwelcome, similarly to what I explained before.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 08:37 PM
1

Did university and the related social gatherings there, workplaces obviously, some occasional industry get-togethers and events, Tinder for dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 08:30 PM
1

I can't really speak for others' experiences. I can't tell what they might exceed in which I cannot see. I only know that I've only met with hostility in most social situations, and I've never been offered support or sympathy for my struggles. Quite the opposite. So I look at what society values in a man and it's performance, superiority, dominance. So that must be the way, and how can I achieve that if I'm wasting my time on things which I'm failing at and only exposing my weaknesses for others…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 07:05 PM
–

Just general social ostracization in all areas of life, and seeing that the kind of men who perform exceptionally are the ones who get acceptance and support, anything else feels like a waste.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 05:10 PM
1

The asshole in me wants to say that it's different for women, but that would be totally unfair and probably hurtful. So I'll just try to rephrase that I feel like, based on my experience so far, though these groups may accept me to a certain extent, that's begrudging at best unless I've reached a certain high stature in society. And even if they would, that's still time wasted from climbing towards true social acceptance through measurable success.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 01:19 PM
–

That's not my personal experience, but I do appreciate your perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 01:01 PM
3

I feel like as I get older, the sphere of what I can actually do is getting smaller. Any activity where I can't feasibly reach the very top is a waste of time, as I'm then stuck at low value isolated from the rest of society. So stuff like gaming, sports and creative pursuits are causing more frustration than joy since my failure to dominate is reminding me of my shortcomings and low value compared to those who do. At the same time, there are pursuits that are mandatory where you just have to ke…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 11:04 AM
1

I hate the radicalisation of men but year after year, I'm unfortunately starting to understand it more through personal experience. When you're treated by outright hostility by the society at large and your value as a human is conditional on exceptional performance, you can't help but to feel like life's a battle. I just wish this would be addressed, I'd happily go through any service if it meant being accepted by the society at large. But these current requirements, so immense and nebulous, I j…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 05:40 PM
–

Overweight, average job, poor physiology, balding, no relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 10:12 AM
–

I'm in my 30s. Overweight, unremarkable job, no relationship, poor physiology in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 10:11 AM
–

Good question. Just like, being accepted in social situations and not being ostracized. General support, emotional and otherwise, would be nice too, as well as a chance for a relationship, but I know not to ask for too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 06:41 AM
–

I'm wondering if a major societal shift of being more honest towards low value men could cure some of our societal issues. The reality is harsh, but I'd rather people tell me straight what I need to do to gain societal acceptance and value as a human. A major revelation has been that for men like me, there is no support from society or other people. You cannot form emotional bonds or connections because the society at large is hostile towards your very existence. It's a harsh reality, and having…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 05:23 AM
–

The older I get and the more I experience, the less accepting I am of the blue pill. It's starting to feel like a cruel, dishonest ideology that denies low value men the chance to claim a stable position in society and to be seen as human. It's harsh to tell someone that society sees them as lesser, but the upside is providing them with the pathway to rise from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/25 03:10 PM
1

Oh yeah, I absolutely agree with you there 100%
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 11:12 AM
1

I think it's more the idea that men cannot afford to put effort and time into something like this, because that means falling behind elsewhere in life. That in turn means real losses, whether it be in relationships, support networks, social status, financial security, etc. It becomes a net loss in a way that can put you in real danger.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 09:17 AM
1

That's fair, I can only speak for my own experiences. The only gender difference I'd wager is that what's considered attractive and thus acceptable is way narrower for men than women.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/25 03:47 PM
3

According to my experience, what's often ignored in redpill discussions is that while a man's looks can bar him from relationships, it can have even wider and more serious consequences. That's where the real damage lies, while of course the inability to have a romantic relationship is serious as well. Being a man with sub standard looks can make it impossible for you to socialise with anyone, or to have meaningful friendships. Any social situation becomes inherently hostile.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/25 03:27 PM
6

You're kinda on the mark at least for myself personally. I definitely see myself as less than human, with little connection or value to the rest of society. It feels to me that I am only valued and seen as a worthy person if I meet certain criteria as a man, which I fall terribly short of.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 03:22 AM
2

I mostly agree. Of course we can all choose which causes to support and take part in, but it's not anyone's responsibility to do so. I do think just a change in mindset and a general attitude of sympathy from women (and others!) would help out a lot, instead of the current societal situation of judgement and hostility towards any transgressions.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/25 03:05 PM
3

That's definitely true. I agree that on a broad level the answer is in community, individually it's just easier said than done of course. So I try to start with the smaller steps of trying to make others understand there is a genuine issue here which is not made better for anyone through the usual hostilities.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 09:44 PM
6

True, but the world would be a better place for all if we'd offer sympathy and support for those having a hard time instead of leaving them on their own or being outright hostile towards them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 08:51 PM
4

I get your point and I'm not saying change is impossible. Just wanted to acknowledge that there are hostilities and obstacles, and for an individual man trying to break the mold might very well leave them much worse off.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 08:47 PM
3

Yes I definitely agree with you there. I'm not saying it's a historically unique position or nearly comparable to what you mentioned, just that there are obstacles and hostilities, and it can be hard for individual men to break the mold when the risks are so great.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 08:45 PM
10

Other people, through societal shame, ostracization and isolation. The risk of losing family, friends, and jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/25 08:38 PM
1

Thanks, I appreciate it
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 10:16 PM
1

Thanks, I appreciate it! :)
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 09:49 PM
–

I had my birthday couple of months ago at the beginning of the summer. I am now well into my 30s with no long-term relationship to speak of. Every year is scattered with first dates that go nowhere. I've spent my adult life trying to believe that with enough attempts, things will eventually change, but at this point, it's hard to keep that up the hope. I feel conflicted between what I've been told and what I feel in my heart. The usual advice is that if you're a decent man, diligent and kind wil…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 09:34 PM
–

I'm not sure where you're pulling your examples from. With all due respect, I wonder if your definition of "below average" is actually quite high in the scale of things. I can only offer my own experience in return and say that despite all the effort you put in, there are absolutely fundamental physical features that can disqualify you from dating as a man. Heck, you'll be lucky to have any decent human relationships whatsoever.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 05:33 PM
1

Your "all social statuses" is a pretty vague critique for judging the validity of your point. In my personal experience, dating can be accessible and easy for men who meet the mandatory criteria, but without them, it's pretty much impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/25 05:25 PM
1

Had a consultation for therapy today. I feel so ashamed and know it'll only kick me further down the social ladder, but since I'm already ostracized in basically all social situations, I might as well be happy alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:15 AM
1

Once I don't see any results it's hard to justify going on.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 10:29 PM
1

Yup, been doing that
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 10:25 PM
1

I'm not sure I understand the question. I restrict my calories, increase my activity, but see no progress. It's also hard to keep that up when food is the only source of positive feedback available.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 10:06 PM
1

Calorie counting and increased activity has been my go-to.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 10:02 PM
1

That's true of course. Been trying that for 10+ years, no luck unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 09:25 PM
1

I just keep failing at it. Not "can't" in a way that's impossible, but "can't" in the way that I'm unable to succeed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 09:21 PM
5

Been thinking about the available options for a low-value man with no hope of fixing himself. I can't afford plastic surgery, can't lose the weight, can only earn enough to survive, every hobby I do I fail at. Any other avenues besides homesteading in a cabin in the woods? I should aim for something like that I think. It's not healthy to be involved in a society where you feel hated, but there aren't many ways to separate yourself from it, and of course nobody is offering any remedies either. Tr…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 09:18 PM
–

Got an awesome work opportunity at the beginning of the year. Let myself get delusional for a while, luckily the red pill gave me a reality check once I had to face some of my other failures. Probably gonna let the opportunity go. There's little point in throwing your effort into something when you will still be looked down upon because of your other sub-par qualities and shortcomings. It doesn't create any new opportunities, social acceptance or relationships. The whole thing is like an abusive…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:19 PM
2

Fair enough, appreciate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 10:07 PM
1

I've never done that in my life, and honestly I don't think I'd ever dare. I don't want to make people uncomfortable or be perceived as a creep.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 09:41 PM
1

I'm just past 30, and to this day, I still feel like I live in a completely different reality to everyone else when it comes to socialization. It's like I'm practically ostracized from the rest of society. I have tried to improve for years, but with no luck, and I can't help but to wonder if the problem is not what I do but what I am. Of course this is a problem when it comes to relationships, but it also makes just getting to know people and having a community impossible. As time goes on, I'm s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 08:46 PM
1

Good points. Of course it's hard to define ugly, even I can only speak about my own preferences and how I have been treated personally. Insecurity is certainly poison, though in my case it's more about not understanding how attraction could work outside of a strict hierarchy. You look at any media, and it's clearly a very specific type of guy who's deemed attractive, so how can you entertain the idea of being wanted if you don't fit that type?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 11:21 PM
1

I don't have definite answers, just guesses, and I can only speak for myself. Firstly, I am definitely ugly and not average, and I think plenty of men highly exaggerate where your looks need to be to get a partner. Average is fine. But then again from purely a personal point of view, even if I managed to fix my appearance and reach the averag, I cannot rationalize why a woman would commit to me instead of someone objectively better. Getting a relationship is one thing, knowing that the person tr…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 10:57 PM
1

I'm fine, it's a long brought rational realisation more than anything else.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 06:39 PM
1

That's kinda the problem, nothing is fun when everything has been turned into a measurement of self worth and a competition. But, I will keep my eye out and see if something comes along.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 06:38 PM
2

I've lost pretty much all joy in doing any performance or skill related hobbies and activities, since all my failures and shortcomings are essentially marks of low worth and value. It's absolutely humiliating, and there's too much to do to exceed in everything. Someone's always going to be better at more things.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 06:10 PM
1

Good points, well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:38 PM
1

That's certainly a valid point and I agree for clarity's sake. Just wanted to point out that romanceless shouldn't replace lonely, because men (like me) experience both being romanceless and lonely.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:34 PM
2

That's fair, but I'd argue it's at least an indication that there's significant attraction towards that kind of women. And if there's attraction, I don't see why there couldn't be love? Whereas I really haven't seen any signs towards the opposite.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:32 PM
0

I'm sorry to hear people feel like that's the case, but that's way different from my experiences. Not only from how I personally feel and have heard from other guys, but there's entire subreddits and porn categories dedicated to older women. Maybe we just have differing experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 04:31 PM
0

Plenty of men are into older and bigger women though. Can't say much about single moms, so I will take your word on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 04:18 PM
-1

Thank you for clarifying. That's certainly a fair point to refute. I don't think either gender receives absolute unconditional love, but personally I feel like men do have conditions as a prerequisite for being loved, unlike women.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 03:38 PM
3

My bad then for explaining things poorly. To try and clarify, I disagree with the basic premise that men (can only talk about myself here) have only trouble with romances. I have met severe obstacles with any kind of socialization or trying to be a part of communities, to the point of basically being ostracized from the surrounding society.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 02:46 PM
2

Sure it would. I didn't mean to imply otherwise, not sure why it came across that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 02:36 PM
8

I'm having trouble understanding what your main point is exactly? Are you arguing that unconditional love does not exist or that men use the term wrongly when actually speaking about shallow or toxic relationships? Unconditional is certainly a heavily loaded term, it's fair to say there's limits to how you can act and still be loved. But for me unconditional love means that you could be loved as a unique individual, flaws and all, instead of only being worthy of love once you meet a certain quan…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 02:34 PM
9

Disagree. It's not just about romances, it's about every type of relationship. I can personally say that I am utterly alone in life. There is no social group or community that would accept and offer support to a man like me. I have tried but been repeatedly ostracised. No one has my back, my problems and challenges are mine to swallow and suffer through alone. This is in contrast to other, socially appreciated groups of people.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 12:09 PM
3

Nah, it's not persecution, just total indifference.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 12:03 AM
1

All land is owned and managed, building regulated, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 12:01 AM
1

Yeah leeching off state would be easy but that's what I want to avoid. I don't want to become any more of a net negative that I already am. Just cut off all contacts; out of sight, out of mind. Going all in to a career would work, if I had the means for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 12:01 AM
2

Fair. Could be a good option for some. Not me unfortunately, got $0 to my name.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 11:58 PM
2

Would need the land and the house, somehow. If one had the means for those, you're not really hurting for prospects.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 11:39 PM
3

I really don't see society offering much for me anymore. 30+ male, failed career, no relationship prospects. In the old times one could've just built a hut in the wilderness and cut himself out of everything else, but it's not as feasible these days. Wonder if there's any similar options left still, totally cutting yourself off from society while being mostly self-sufficient?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 11:33 PM
4

I admire the emotional and social support networks women have built for each other. Wish us men could have the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 11:08 PM
–

I understand that. What I'm just saying is that personally I would rather hear straight what makes me unattractive so I can fix it. Just a different view.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 12:28 PM
–

Could be other things than weight, I didn't mention it specifically. Could be about lack of hair, lack of musculature, bad teeth, bad skin, bad facial structure, etc. I do sympathise with not wanting to hurt others, and that's valid. I'm just saying that personally, I'd rather hear, otherwise you just keep stumbling in the dark and falling into that same situation over and over again.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 12:15 PM
–

If that's the case, then that's fair. But OP indicated it was about his physical appearance, which could be something you can fix.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 10:29 AM
–

I have always been open to female friends. I'm not delusional enough to think they could become something more. Despite this, I have never received any emotional support from them. I think it's very much just in our social DNA that men don't deserve that. Coincidentally, if I ask a woman why they're not into me, I want a straight answer. Especially if it's about physical looks, because I want to know what I have to fix. Otherwise I'm just doomed into eternal failure and loneliness.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 10:05 AM
1

80% because of appearance I'd wager. I'm overweight so it's my own fault though.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 09:02 PM
4

I don't have many hard requirements, I can be attracted to many different types of women. But my most usual favorite is cubby girls who are into similar stuff as me; art, culture, literature, gaming, nerd stuff, etc. I honestly can't say to have noticed any "type" being into me. But that just comes from my physical appearance, I think.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/23 12:39 PM
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