~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 32 | How do you respond to men who ask you to teach them something as an OLD opener?Not even “cook together” it’s ALWAYS cook “for” them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 06:46 PM |
| 229 | How do you respond to men who ask you to teach them something as an OLD opener?This one to me depends on phrasing. For example. “It’s great you love knitting. I’ve never tried before and it could be fun to do that together and I could learn from you.” To me that’s someone showing interest in your hobby while also being humble that they know nothing about it. Vs. “Whoa you play the cello? Teach me!” That’s demanding and wouldn’t be a fun activity for the both of you to do because he wouldn’t have his own cello and it’s just you being his free teacher/mom in a random difficu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/22 01:25 AM |
| 11 | I'm sick of Eurocentric beauty standardsThe podcast just recently did a really in-depth look at men’s racism in dating and it was so insightful. Savannah especially brought in some great topics and I feel that episode really relates to what you’re saying here. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/02/22 09:05 PM |
| 5 | Which book impacted you the most and would be your first pick as a gift to someone?Came here to give my support for “Adult Children…”! It was the book my therapist recommended for me instantly and it has helped my life in so many ways! I feel like I can finally grow and move on from my past. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 09:41 PM |
| 34 | FDS Approved Fictional Book RecommendationsI recommend the Mercy Thompson series and the spin off series, Alpha and Omega. They are urban fantasy set in modern day USA where in the 80s the Fae “came out” to society and in the first few books the werewolves do the same. The relationships portrayed are so realistic. The main women are strong and smart. They go through periods where they realize certain relationships aren’t right (for FDS reasons! Like dimming their light) and can be in relationships with men who support them, add to their … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 10:16 PM |
| 8 | My Boyfriend’s Father’s Obsession With Virginity & ThanksgivingI had the exact same thing. An ex had a terrible family, but they always said they didn’t want to be like their dad. And superficially it seemed that way. It still didn’t make going to their house completely enjoyable. And then at the end it became so apparent they were just like their family and had deluded them self into thinking they weren’t. So now I have a rule that I will only date people with good relations with their family, or strict non-negotiable boundaries if not. I never ask people … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/21 09:50 PM |
| 7 | A man disclosing his mental health/therapy habits early on is an absolute red flagYes absolutely! And you know how I know? Because I used to be this sort of person (not for conscious manipulation). But because I constantly overshared my mental health issues and past traumas. I had no outlet to share and absolutely no emotional intelligence skills. So guess what? I absolutely should not have been dating. I had no emotional intelligence and could not at all make a good partner. So I hold people I date to the same standard. I am learning how to be vulnerable with people who are … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 08:54 PM |
| 29 | Do not accept negging at all. It's always made to make you feel insecure so that you emotionally depend on them for validation.I dated a man who was so smooth with his words that one date he asked me about my relationship with my dad and I didn’t even really notice he did. On the next date he asked me if growing up there was anything about my appearance I was uncomfortable with. And staring those things here sounds so obvious. But trust me he was really smooth in those conversations that I didn’t even notice he was asking these classic questions to learn something he could neg me about. I praise FDS for teaching me the … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 08:40 PM |
| 5 | A small win… but I’ll take it.I have “resting nice face” and so this happens all the time. I’ll channel your small win for next time this happens to me!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/11/21 08:39 PM |
| 72 | If You Have to Confirm Plans, Cancel Them Instead.I’m not sure how long you’ve been going out with this guy, but I don’t think you’ve gone out with him long enough to have properly vetted him before going to his house to “hang out”. In general FDS doesn’t condone “hanging out dates” until you’re in a much more committed relationship. And even then they should be nicely thought out opportunities to enjoy each others company. This guys doesn’t sound like a thoughtful person at all. I would really encourage you to read the handbook. “Hanging out”,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 02:25 AM |
| 56 | The IckMy biggest “ick” was from this guy I met and went on about four dates with. He looked about 35 to me and I’m 26, a bit of an age gap but we had a lot in common so I wanted to see what happened. Well on our second date, he told a story where he was 29 in it and then mentioned it was before Uber! So I asked him how old he was and he was 41 (looked very young). Not so great. Then I asked him to guess my age. He guess 22-23!! Ya definitely got a big “ick” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 07:52 PM |
| 3 | Are these red flags, or am I reading too much into things?These are definitely red flags. If someone is constantly canceling and rescheduling dates that in and of itself is clear indicator that they don’t respect you at all. And you can see how it’s trickled into other areas, like how he’s treating you with your arm. Please leave this man. | /r/askFDS | 25/10/21 08:01 PM |
| 2 | My friend's bf is unhappy that she is out with me at night. How to navigate?This is very controlling behavior and one of the ways abusive men start with and then ramp up their tactics. Honestly my best recommendation is to listen to the latest episode of the podcast (details on the main FDS sub). They go into amazing tactics to help out friends with terrible, abusive boyfriends without directly stating it because that can alienate your friend in a time when they really need support. | /r/askFDS | 25/10/21 07:59 PM |
| 46 | I’m always the rebound or placeholder, what am I doing wrong?I’ll agree with the other commenter about opening up about past relationship issues too soon. You say you don’t tell them much, but even a little bit of talking about past relationships, being cautious, etc. is enough of an opening for them to exploit your traumas. Usually the best way to respond to a question about your past relationship is to give a generic “it didn’t work out for us.” And if you want to get your point across about being cautious in dating, consider changing your word choice t… | /r/askFDS | 25/10/21 07:56 PM |
| 17 | Checklist: Does he love you? Love has emotional and behavioural components - it’s not just a feeling.This is so helpful! As I was reading through these, it was great to be able to contextualize my last relationship. Specifically for my feelings. I always struggled with certain aspects of my partner, but I shoved them down because the other aspects were in place. It’s very nice to have it written out so I can vocalize, to myself, exactly what areas weren’t there. What I didn’t feel for them and what I didn’t want to give because I didn’t really respect them. Now in my next relationship I can ID … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/10/21 07:13 PM |
| 7 | What coping mechanisms did you not know you had (or developed) after post-breakup reflection?For me, what kept me in that relationship for 6 years was my desperate need for the love and affection i never had in my childhood. And so much of that was fulfilled. So I overlooked that our financial styles were so different, that our career goals were so different, etc. So I drink a lot, I ignored and shoved things down. I daydreamed about our future and only imagined our future together. Three years in we started planning our wedding over and over together and it seemed so magical and full o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 08:24 PM |
| 25 | Instead of looking for a partner, look for the father of your childrenYes! I’m childfree and so was my ex, but it would occasionally cross my mind “wow he would not be good to raise kids with”. And it threw up red flags in my mind (that I ignored) about how that could be harmful to our relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 07:12 PM |
| 11 | Lovebombing or attentive pursuit?Exactly. A HVM who wants to marry a HVM should have a much more rigorous vetting process that goes far beyond a first date. | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 11:18 PM |
| 1 | Bfs family jokingly asking why I am with him - red flag?Major red flags! My ex of 6 years and I got to a point that his family was involved in our future decisions (for good and complicated reasons) and his dad, who’s not always the best person, addressed me directly, right in front of his son and said “you’re ready for the next step in your life, you need to leave him and go live your life, while he’s still figuring things out”. Of course we both denied what he was saying, but it really stuck with me. And it played through my head over and over that… | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 09:54 PM |
| 1 | What do you do when strange men approach you or greet you on the street?To me on the street feels very predatory. The man knows nothing about you except that he likes how you look which suggests a LVM to me. Plus there’s really no where for you to hide. If you meet a guy “in the wild” to me that means you meet him at a music event, a museum, a hobby event, etc. this way he has a bit of context for who you are as a person, and knows you have something in common. Even meeting someone at a bar, if you’re there for a bit and a guy approaches you, at the very least he pi… | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 09:37 PM |
| 30 | Lovebombing or attentive pursuit?This seems a bit concerning to me, most importantly the part where he says you’re everything he wants in a life partner so soon. It really doesn’t show good judgement that he thinks that so soon. There’s no way to truely know someone so quickly, and it doesn’t seem intelligent to expect that. It seems like you’re getting caught up in such nice dates and treatment (which is always lovely to have a benchmark of how you expect dates to go) but to me it seems like his internal thoughts and motivatio… | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 09:28 PM |
| 6 | How should an HVM approach you first? What are green flags when HVM is trying to pursue you?I had a good experience recently (even though the guy didn’t turn out to be HV). I was at a restaurant/bar to grab a quick bite after a little event. My wallet is very artistic, and so the guy next to me at the long shared table turned to me after I’d been there for about 30 minutes (so I wasn’t ambushed) and asked about it. We got into a very nice conversation about art and our mutual hobbies around it. When he had to leave, he nicely asked if he could get in touch with me later and I said yes … | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 08:22 PM |
| 19 | Weekly FDS Check-InI had my first true experience of why FDS is important!! At the beginning of the year I got out of a six year relationship, and right after I did some not very FDS approved things, but I am glad I have some context now and those experiences so I better know what I want. Well recently I went on four dates with a guy, and while I implemented many FDS principles, I didn’t implement all of them. Well, I started to count up the red flags (ya I didn’t drop at the first one, one of the FDS principles I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 08:39 PM |
| 229 | What’s something that you thought you had to do but realized it’s misogyny and actually doesn’t benefit you?I’m in a very similar situation! I love sitting on my balcony, but it’s in a very high traffic area. For awhile I had men stopping by to talk with me, and because of my childhood socialization it’s really hard for me to “be rude”. Well I recently adopted an older German Shepherd and damn! He takes his protection of me very seriously. He’s very friendly and yet when a man stops at my balcony, he barks in a very serious way until he leaves. And the crazy thing is, because of his courage to be “rud… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 04:00 AM |
| 6 | Weekly FDS Check-inHonestly my best advise is to follow @domesticblisters on tiktok. She focuses on morally neutral cleaning to make your space functional. She’s a former therapist who’s now a stay at mom to two toddlers, so she knows the struggle. She also gives great advice for neuro divergent folks (like ADHD and whatnot) that’s so very helpful! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 11:46 PM |
| 21 | Weekly FDS Check-inA man I’ve gone on a few dates with randomly didn’t text me for a few days, when previously we’ve sent a text about every day (I hate text conversations so I don’t engage, but I do prefer like a once a day “how are you?”). Previous me would have gotten upset and felt bad about myself and would have double texted him. Now me, took that as a sign to pull back and I decided to busy myself by planning a super fun brunch and museum date with a new friend ☺️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 11:30 PM |
| 5 | Positive benefits to block and delete! Preserve your mental health, ladies! ✨I recently had my best friend of 20 years treat me horribly during a mental health crisis where I was misdiagnosed and the meds I was on were exacerbating my symptoms. I haven’t talked to her since and I was so devastated to lose her. But then, several months later, I was aware of a situation where she was careless and thoughtless to another close friend. And I realized it wasn’t about me at all. She just wasn’t a good friend to anyone. And it felt so freeing to learn that and know that I was at… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 10:57 PM |
| 68 | Bi & wlw gals, how have your experiences compared in hetero dating versus wlw?The main thing I’ve noticed is the difference in respecting boundaries. With women, I will tell them a boundary once and they will remember it forever. But when I’m with a man, even a “good man” (as other people called them) needs a ridiculous amount of reminders. To the point that I’ve had to break it off with a man with the main reason being crossing my boundaries. However, there’s a larger problem in both women and men that I keep running into, regarding porn consumption and views on sex work… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 10:51 PM |
| 73 | Why you should NEVER pay or split the bill on your first dateDefinitely have money with you. You might need to escape the date and it might be easier to give the waitress your card in the back and leave. Or he might be a NVM and sneak out without paying the bill. Have money as your “out” and for safety. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 10:25 PM |
| 11 | Need advice: how to have more grace for myself?I had a similar experience to you. And it didn’t help that I am very critical of myself. So I had to keep reminding myself of the things I did well, instead of berating myself for the red flags I overlooked. For example I joined FDS and am learning to level up and keep high standards for myself. Or the fact that I actually left this time and stood up for myself instead of overlooking these things. Additionally I’m not so naive anymore. I trust actions and not just word. Now I know what’s importa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 10:25 PM |
| 12 | First dates, vetting tips, precautions, safety.Once I was having a conversation about gig work, and casually mentioned something like “ya only fans is a really popular way young women are making money nowadays”. And usually I say that in a very congenial voice. This way I’m not lying about my stance, I’m just stating a fact, and that led into a rabbit hole where he divulged his porn preferences. And to that I usually just say “interesting” and then 10-20 minutes later I excuse myself from the date (one of the reasons it’s always good to ment… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 10:12 PM |
| 40 | Don't have your life revolve around menWhy men love bitches was so insightful for me! I highly recommend it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 04:45 PM |
| 107 | I forget my audienceI did have some success recently with a friend when I mentioned I don’t pay for dates with a man (though I do go 50/50 when I date a woman) and they were shocked! We’re on the west coast so the “we’re all equal” mindset is very prevalent. But then I explained my reasons to her and why we aren’t actually equal, and she really got it and after my explanation she was on board. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 04:37 PM |
| 0 | Coping with the early stages of a breakupPerhaps, but that’s for a doctor to recommend. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 04:30 PM |
| 9 | Coping with the early stages of a breakupIt’s not a very HV thing to try and pass off an animal as a service animal when it’s not expressly recommended by a doctor, and not someone on the internet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 01:53 PM |
| 1 | Is it ok to have a first date that’s not in your area if the guy pays for your transportation?Another voice to echo not to do this for a first date. Have him come to your neighborhood and don’t accept a paid Uber ride until several dates in. | /r/askFDS | 27/09/21 05:35 AM |
| 2 | Help an old friend, or avoid the drama?I don’t advise reaching out. This will open a whole bag of issues. Plus it will pull you into a cycle of drama that you should definitely avoid on your journey to being a HVM. Also it sounds like you have a lot on your plate with a custody battle and a rescue mission isn’t quite right in the moment. | /r/askFDS | 27/09/21 05:33 AM |
| 2 | How to deal with friends projecting their traumas onto you?This is the point where you need to set consequences for her behavior. Your boundary currently is “do not talk to me about this”. It need to be expanded to “if you talk about this, then our time today has ended”. Whether that be you leave wherever you are hanging out, or you ask her to leave your house. It’s really hard to do because woman are typically raised to be polite, but it’s such a vital skill. | /r/askFDS | 27/09/21 05:30 AM |
| 18 | What Strides and Discoveries Have You Made About Being in a RelationshipBut that word “exes” is so good for you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 04:31 AM |
| 51 | What Strides and Discoveries Have You Made About Being in a RelationshipSome early indicators are: Your partner says they’re saving for a special event, but when it gets close to that event they don’t have the amount of money that would line up with their plan and they didn’t tell you about any troubles they were having saving. They make a big purchase but lie about how much money it was. Alternatively they hide big purchases. Saying they’ll pay for a date, but when it comes up they say they’re running low on money and ask to split the bill. They say they make more … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 03:45 AM |
| 57 | What Strides and Discoveries Have You Made About Being in a RelationshipI spent 6 years in a relationship that was a mix of good and bad and coming out of it I feel I learned so much, especially because the last 8 months of it we were in couples therapy. 1) Financial issues. It’s very important to be in the same stage of life, careers, etc. I cannot stress this enough. If you are established in your career and your partner is uncertain of their career and bouncing between low paying jobs, it will not workout. Along the same lines, any hint of financial dishonesty wi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 03:30 AM |
| 124 | First dates, vetting tips, precautions, safety.For me, one of my top strategies is to mention something casually in the realm of porn and see how they answer. 9 times out of 10 they’ll take it as I’m okay with porn and divulge their preferences which tells me all I need to know. Date over. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 02:44 AM |
| 7 | PickMe here, left another idiot. Was I right?Hey hun just want to point out something in your green flags to watch out for next time. You mention that even in your worst fights he didn’t name call. The few couples I know who are in HV relationships don’t fight. If there is a problem, it is totally normal to be upset or frustrated. But they usually take a break and come back when they can discuss the problem rather than fight. This one took me awhile to learn because I had that style of communication modeled to me growing up. That difficult… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 02:30 AM |
| 54 | I finally don’t have to plan dates.And I know for me I can’t always tell what’s wrong until the actual good option is in front of me face! Glad for you for all those green flags ☺️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 06:33 PM |
| 49 | I finally don’t have to plan dates.I love dining alone, and I think if I was at a more fine dining type restaurant I wouldn’t enjoy the interruption. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 06:32 PM |
| 122 | I finally don’t have to plan dates.We were sitting at a bar top at one of those shared long tables (it was a more casual restaurant). And my wallet is odd - it’s a little compact made of metal with a really interesting pattern on it. It was one of Frank Lloyd Wrights designs. It was sitting on the table and he leaned over and asked me about it. I love this wallet so I gave the backstory and it got us into a conversation about art and architecture. It was really nice because I rarely meet men as into art/architecture as I am (exce… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 06:31 PM |
| 8 | Weekly FDS Check-inAs I’ve been going through a tough journey to get my mental health in order, I’ve finally found the motivation to make it further on writing a book than ever before! It’s my dream to write a full book because I’m a voracious reader, but I’ve never had the motivation to get past the idea stage and 2-6 pages of writing. I’m so excited! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 02:35 AM |
| 1 | Men Who live With Parents or RoommatesPersonally I would not be able to date someone who still lived at home. I do agree that some HV people might have good reasons for living with parents, such as saving for a house, caretaking for a parent, etc. But it’s not a dynamic I’m comfortable with since I highly value independence. I’ve primarily lived in expensive cities so I don’t have a problem with one or two very respectful roommates, who have good communication and a well taken care of house/apartment. But ultimately, to me, living a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 02:32 AM |
| 19 | Tell me all of your favourite ways to treat yourself to a date!Say thank you for everything. When they ask you how things are, respond like a friend and say something like “really lovely, I especially like xyz”. And if they’re not too busy they might chat about how they also like that thing. Tell them they’re doing a wonderful job and you’re enjoying your time (of course only if you are, don’t lie or try to suck up). But most people in the service industry get more criticism from patrons rather than compliments, so a genuine praise goes a long way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 11:17 PM |
| 59 | Tell me all of your favourite ways to treat yourself to a date!This is my favorite. I find as a woman dining alone, as long as you are extra friendly to the wait staff, they’ll throw in a free desert/after dinner coffee/etc. I feel so fancy doing this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 06:48 PM |
| 10 | Woman Refuses To Coddle Man-child on a Date, Comments Are Full Of Man Babies Saying She Has No Empathy for Mental HealthGod I feel like I did exactly this for six years!! Here’s the thing. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and finally bipolar disorder (inherited). And I’m not okay because of all this. So I’ve put myself on a dating hiatus until I can get myself right, my meds right, and my mindset right. Because it is no one else’s job to “fix me”. And yet for six year I was that person for a man. I was the one who every day got him out of bed for his job, and when I couldn’t, he didn’t go because of … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 05:46 AM |
| 14 | FDS was just featured in the Guardian! The article is fairly balanced and no mention of f3mcels or other such nonsense. FDS principles are becoming more mainstream 🥂 🥳It’s not linking for me 😕 link? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 05:39 AM |
| 4 | Having trouble finding exact response examples in the handbook to when a man asks you “when is a good time for you”?Thank you! This is so helpful! | /r/askFDS | 05/03/21 04:20 AM |
| 11 | Needing some support right now as I’m extracting myself from a six year relationship.Thank you so much. I feel like I’m morning both. I’m a younger person without many long relationships so it’s difficult to have perspective. I’m lucky to have siblings and friends who can help me see better but man. Right now it feels like I’ll never have someone this good. | /r/askFDS | 13/02/21 03:06 AM |
| 1 | Needing some support right now as I’m extracting myself from a 6 year relationship.Thanks hun ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/21 02:01 AM |
| 5 | I own my own home, SO thinks we should sell it and buy one together within the next year.Just FYI this is against FDS advice. One should never “wait for a man to figure himself out”. If a grown man doesn’t know who he is, he definitely shouldn’t be dating. So always walk away in that situation. | /r/askFDS | 04/02/21 03:20 AM |
| 19 | I own my own home, SO thinks we should sell it and buy one together within the next year.OP I’m very worried for you. This is all a terrible situation and I don’t think you understand the gravity. You have worked so hard and are in an amazing place. You’re a homeowner!! But this man comes along and wants to profit off your hard work without offering you anything. Not marriage, nothing. It 100% sounds to me like you have not read the handbook because this is not the sort of relationship you should be in. Where you are having to chase down this guy to convince him to live together, he… | /r/askFDS | 03/02/21 09:55 PM |
| 2 | Held off on sex, it was horribleThanks!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/21 07:09 AM |
| 7 | Held off on sex, it was horribleThat’s fascinating. How do you get a guy to do all this? Because I know FDS teaches us how to act in a way that will make a man take incentive, but I doubt many men would take incentive to offer to pay your bills. Do you simply ask? Or are there actually men out there who would unprompted do these things? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/21 11:17 PM |
| 31 | Held off on sex, it was horribleThere’s a recommendation (I believe somewhere in the handbook, or perhaps just a previous post I read) to ask a man “what type of porn do you watch?” Rather than the divisive “do you watch porn?”. The later question will all too often get the “of course not!” response or the “once in a blue moon”. Both of which, are false. However, the first question opens up the discussion to go in multiple directions without you having to divulge your position first, because as we know, as soon as you tell a n… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/21 11:10 PM |
| 3 | Gender ratios among college-educated young people have been becoming more female since the 90s. Currently around 56% of new grads are women. How can all of us each find a HVM, if there simply aren't enough?This is exactly what I got myself stuck in, and am currently in the process of digging myself out. I got with a seemly nice and ambitious guy in college, sure he had no money since he was in college! And so I fell for his potential. Huge mistake! That potential, never panned out. I wish I had taken that extra energy and focused more on my mental health and grad school. Luckily I’m still considered young, but I wish I hadn’t had a LTR so young. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/21 12:53 AM |
| 6 | As the weather gets colder, walk dates are no more. They have been replaced by requests to meet at a stranger’s house for the first time.It’s like this guy has never heard of planning a picnic! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/21 12:49 AM |
| 55 | Y’all be safeIt’s me. I’m sleeping next to this broke ass. Three more weeks until my lease is up and I get to be free! I get to move into a part of the city I’ve always wanted to live in, have a bedroom to myself for the first time in my adult life, and just be me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/21 04:39 PM |
| 11 | How to be a HVW?This is a phenomenal response. I’d just add that FDS is very supportive of therapy, it’s a great tool for unlearned negative coping mechanisms, processing trauma, etc. There is also the sister sub FemaleLevelUpStrategy that is focused on personal growth. I love reading other’s plans for becoming a HVW. It inspires me in my own journey. | /r/askFDS | 21/01/21 03:52 PM |
| 135 | How I’m feeling getting out of a six year relationship, relieved I didn’t marry him before he showed his true self (captioned video)It’s like queer coding villains. They’re also “strong women coded”. Yikes | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/21 12:22 AM |
| 11 | How to get guys to pursue me?You can’t. There’s nothing you can do to change another person’s mind or “make” them do anything. This is why the number one focus of FDS is to level yourself up. Focus on your hobbies, goals, ambitions, and dreams. It seems as though these things are already on your mind - focus on them. If you’re unhappy with your shyness, try public speaking clubs, improv classes, etc. If you feel a need for intimacy and connection, foster relationships with other high value women. If you’re feeling you need … | /r/askFDS | 19/01/21 09:43 PM |
| 11 | I agree with men women should not nag them. I would never be a nagging wife. If he cannot measure up to my standards, there will no be any nagging... I'd just kick him to the curb.I just read “Why Men Love Bitches” and there’s a whole section about this!! It was so helpful because I definitely can be a nagging type girlfriend because I expect so much of myself that I project it onto my partner. Turns out, I don’t need a boy that I have to nag to do things. Nope! Blocked. I deserve a man who is established and acts like a grown ass adult without my prodding. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/21 02:47 AM |
| 3 | Book recommendations that aren’t self-help? (Preferably fiction)And if you like the kite runner, I highly highly recommend his other book “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. It’s about two Muslim women and their lives with a horrid abusive husband and how they live through it. It is very inspirational and the women characters are interesting and complex. A really incredible book. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/21 06:55 PM |
| 10 | Ladies make sure you are stable before you go into the unstable dating world.Good for you for going to therapy!! I’m so proud of you for making that very difficult step. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/21 05:02 AM |
| 80 | I think my boyfriend of 6 years is an LVM please help me. Everyone on relationship_advice said he’s in the right, and I’m in the wrongHoney you just need to leave him. Screaming this ugly language at you is abuse. Kicking you out of your home is abuse. I don’t care that you yelled back. That’s a you issue and you can work on that in therapy. But if you stay with him he’s only going to continue to abuse you. You can’t love him into treating you better and you can “act right enough” for him to treat you better. | /r/askFDS | 10/01/21 03:26 AM |
| 6 | Boyfriend (m25) says FDS is making me crazy?I really feel for you because I am in the process of also leaving a relationship, that if I don’t look too deep into it “seems” good. And for many years I was worried to leave because “what if he is as good as it gets?” Or “what if I dump him, he finds someone terrific and I’m left alone?”. But it’s only been through therapy that I have discovered that what I’m thinking is a very black and white view of the world that’s honestly not healthy. There are plenty of lovely people out there that you c… | /r/askFDS | 10/01/21 03:23 AM |
| 8 | Reserving no seats 2021!If you haven’t read the handbook yet there are some great examples there! Also r/AskFDS would be a good place for this question: other ladies have given me great examples when I post there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/21 10:59 PM |
| 27 | Boyfriend (m25) says FDS is making me crazy?I think something to really think about is how many world crises will happen in our lifetime. The number is actually pretty big. Big world events and bad things are normal life. So if someone is acting badly now, don’t excuse it saying “they’ll be better when things go back to ‘normal’”. Guess what? This is normal. You need a partner that can be there, and make good decisions whether it’s good times or bad, and right now it sounds like he’s only a good person when times are good. New flash, that… | /r/askFDS | 09/01/21 10:52 PM |
| 1 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.I like this suggestion, thank you! I’m very analytical so lists and analysis really agree with me. It’s people and emotions that are sometimes a struggle. So perhaps if I employ this strategy of writing down questionable things, positive things, etc. and then analyzing them, it might one day come more naturally to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 03:11 PM |
| 2 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.Yes you do deserve so much better than this. And one thing this sub has really helped me see is that there is better than this out there!! And not just relationships, but the love and support of your high value friends too. There’s still joy and companionship and excitement to be found around every corner and staying with him is only holding us back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 03:13 AM |
| 3 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.This is why I so love the modern spheres of women supporting women. Because when abused and disenfranchised women are lifted up, supported, and told they do matter and they DO deserve better. It because easier and easier to find help and find a way out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 03:11 AM |
| 3 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.I think that is exactly what I need to do. Talk with my therapist and figure out why I was willing to put those things aside. Thank you for the support 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 03:09 AM |
| 2 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.I really appreciate your point about not trusting my instincts and that I should rely on them more from here on out. Because if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve had serious doubts about him since about month six. But I pushed them aside and now we’re in year six.... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 03:07 AM |
| 4 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.It’s so hard for me to think of myself as a victim here because that makes him a criminal/abuser. And honestly that’s just so wild to me!! Because for six years he has presented as a decent person. Even my confidants were shocked to hear the full story, saying “he’s very different than I ever realized”. But I’m slowly starting to wrap my head around this new reality and see him in this light. It’s a real mind fuck.... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 12:30 AM |
| 7 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.Yes, I am fortunate to have had an upbringing that taught me to always have an out. So even with the money stole, leaving is very easy for me. Unfortunately not everyone is in my situation, which makes FDS principles before getting into a relationship so much more important for women to hear about. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 12:28 AM |
| 7 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.It’s the combination of rent/utilities/groceries for a couple months (high cost of living area). I won’t be going into all the financial details here, but don’t have anxiety over someone finding a loophole or some nefarious way to swindle your money from you. This is more about someone slowly teaching me to trust them, and stretching and stretching that trust (with no breaking of it) until a larger situation occurred where they hugely broke my trust. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/01/21 12:24 AM |
| 14 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.I honestly rarely even talked with my close friends and confidants about any relationship troubles because I was so ashamed. I knew I was too good for him. My mentor, the person I trust most in the world even kindly brought up that I might be more ambitious than him back in year one of our relationship. I wish I had listened to him.... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/21 11:27 PM |
| 19 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.A thousand percent this and I’m trying to repeat this words to myself to walk off with my head high. Basically as soon as the check clears he will never hear from me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/21 07:06 PM |
| 49 | I just found out that my partner of the past six years stole $7,000 dollars from me.I’ve already found a nice apartment with a lovely women and I’m so excited to be moving out! I bought all the furniture for our place so I get to bring it all with me :). Luckily I shouldn’t have to go as far as taking him to court (though it’s not out of the question). I have already told him that if I do not have the money by X date, I will go to his parents for the money. And it’s difficult to really explain this particular situation, but just trust me that that threat holds more weight than … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/21 07:05 PM |
| 9 | Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough?You are speaking such truth to me and it’s so wonderfully helpful. I had already “mostly” resolved to cut things off once our lease ends (very soon), but your words are giving me courage and hope. I’ve been working on a list of all the negatives right now while I’m angry about what he did, so that in moments of weakness and missing him, I can read that and not go back. But the saddest thing is, that I have shocked myself with how long that list has gotten of really valid things that I cannot bel… | /r/askFDS | 31/12/20 12:43 AM |
| 5 | Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough?No worries at all!! It sounds like we can both learn a lot from this. | /r/askFDS | 31/12/20 12:37 AM |
| 8 | Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough?Thank you for sharing. This is a really lovely story and makes me very hopeful. | /r/askFDS | 30/12/20 11:09 PM |
| 11 | Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough?Thank you this is really really helpful. You actually got my dating history spot on. Aside from a 2 month relationship and some dates in college, this is my only long term relationship. We met in college in our teens, and he was so sweet and kind, and we had so many niche life values that I feel I will struggle to find in this combination in other people. But now that we're in our mid twenties, I feel like I can't stop making the same excuses for him that I've been making for the last several ye… | /r/askFDS | 30/12/20 10:35 PM |
| 21 | Does anyone have a story about leaving someone who wasn’t abusive or terrible, but just wasn’t quite HV enough?Your last paragraph really speaks to me. “Really comparable” “could compromise on many things”. But I too want better for myself. Could you tell me a little about your post relationship life and how you knew it was the right choice to leave? | /r/askFDS | 30/12/20 08:55 PM |
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