I recently went on a first date in a really long time. My date asked me to describe 3 things I like about my personality. I answered : Hardworking, curious and analytical. Pre-FDS me would have answered kind, empathetic and patient because those were all true but are no longer true when it comes to scrotes. I don't want to come across as uNdErStAnDInG because I've had too many scrotes take advantage of my compassionate nature. I had so much empathy and such poor boundaries that I even ended up in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I suppose this is an early vetting strategy to never describe myself to men as kind or empathetic. I wouldn't say I've lost my compassion or empathy but rather re-directed it towards women, children , animals and charitable causes. I'd rather not waste compassion and empathy on men, so I don't really have any for most men.

I also didn't tell him I worked in STEM. I described the domain of work I'm in. I did it in a way that would be easy to tie back into what I actually do if a man ever turns out to be HV. Which most men are not, so it's unlikely. This is to weed out male gold diggers. We've all been taken advantage of by them before.

I was curious to know if anyone else has similar vetting strategies in the early stages of dating?

A few more things I did for safety: -I used a Text Now number to communicate with him. (This is better than Google Voice. You can change it every 15 days. The other person will never know. It just looks like you're texting them from a regular number. It's as easy as downloading the app). - I didn't give out my last name. I suppose I'm cautious. -I didn't answer questions about the university that I went to or what I majored in. I just said I'd tell him more once I got to know him a bit more. Sometimes people can find you by your first name and your university. - I didn't say what city I lived in. I just said a different city that was somewhat close by.

I suppose I'm cautious because my past experience with a narcissist was so terrifying sometimes I feel like I'm lucky to even be alive. Remember people only show you their crazy 2-6 months in. My ex narc showed no red flags till 6 months in. It got progressively worse from there. I would say don't give men your real number till knowing them for 3-6 months.

Any emails you give them.should be a throw away. I still get threatening emails from my ex narc to this day. Which I frequently have to block. He keeps creating new emails to harass me. My main two emails were just tied to so many important things I can't get rid of of them. And after a long time I'm still in the process of moving things over to my new emails. He also kept getting different VoIP numbers to harass me on. I changed my number but it was awful and takes time because it was tied to my bank account and so many important things.

I'm curious to know about anyone else who has similar vetting strategies/processes and precautions?