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_cnz_ Archive

View 7 posts and 390 comments by _cnz_ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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66

Should we have to verbally communicate every boundary we have? Is it wrong to expect respect for unsaid of basic boundaries? Men seem to just bulldoze through intimacy straight to have sex without any prior communication which is frightening for me. I feel as though I shouldn’t have to tell someone to ask before touching me especially if we’ve just met but I feel as though men put the onus on me to stop the sexual interaction from progressing when I didn’t even consent to progressing in the firs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 01:22 AM
128

Do you have any advice on how to practice or set boundaries around intimacy for virgins? I’ve struggled a lot in my past to set up and honor my boundaries regarding intimacy as well as react appropriately when a partner crosses a line. It’s a big reason why I haven’t had sex yet honestly. I don’t trust myself to enforce boundaries once they’re crossed due to so many past bad experiences
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 12:06 AM
33

Wow I’ve had the exact opposite experience, men became more interested in me and honestly a bit obsessive when I disclosed my virginity. They’d get really pushy to try and sleep with me very quickly. It never worked though lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 11:59 PM
31

I’m pretty sure this whole case is just a media strategy from Johnny Depps camp to destroy Amber Heards reputation in retaliation to her Washington Post article. He’s lost his other cases in different countries against her and different media outlets for calling him an abuser. This is nothing more than Depp trying to get revenge and reframe the narrative. Also while they were a toxic couple, I don’t believe that they abused each other, that’s just not how abuse dynamics work. Abusive relationshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:06 AM
19

NO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 04:13 AM
40

This is so true. I work in a certain sector of the entertainment industry and 99% of the photographers who work within my sector are (ugly) male perverts. For female talent, its required to have a few “sexy” shots (bc misogyny of course) and year after year the young girls and women are pushing the envelope to have the least amount of clothing or scandalous clothing in their portfolios. It’s commonplace to go topless for these pictures now. They’re literally creating whole nudes libraries for th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 11:00 PM
69

Sis by the second sentence I was all the way out. Block him and raise your standards
/r/askFDS20/04/22 05:04 PM
119

Tldr: I made a geographical profile based on the clues in the pictures to find his info -From the elevator picture, I was able to refine and edit the picture using Photoshop to find out he lived in a 12 story building. He geotagged the photo and I was able to get an approximate location but it was in a huge metro area. He was pictured with some guy who I Google Image searched to find out he was a university football star who was apart of a fraternity. Going back into the fraternity’s newsletter …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 04:33 PM
158

This! I was able to find the full name, address, employer, and roommates of the man who assaulted my friend based of 1) a picture of him in his building elevator and 2) a picture of the railing in his apartments rooftop area within 2 hours. His ass got arrested the very next day after I gave the police his info
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 11:10 PM
281

All the pornsick men I know use sexualized words like bitch, cnt, whre,etc not only to refer to women but just casually in there everyday vocabulary
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 09:17 PM
43

aka sexual assault
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 08:17 PM
19

I feel attacked reading this comment lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 11:59 PM
821

How were the nude pictures even allowed to be brought up as evidence in a boating accident case? How were they relevant?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 10:52 PM
3

The way I’d screenshot the messages and send them to HR expeditiously 😮‍💨 The man’s practically begging to get slapped with a lawsuit and a divorce once I’d also sent the messages to his wife. Hope she bleeds him dry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 01:31 PM
67

Stayed silent on abusive treatment from men and it got me no where and exacerbated the trauma I already had. I broke down a year ago from all of it and decided from that point onwards to report every single inappropriate incident I had with a male. I even decided to report some older instances of sexual abuse and both perpetrators were arrested and charged despite no physical evidence on my part. While it has been exhausting at times, it’s been very validating to know that people believed me and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 09:10 AM
32

She’s definitely not being portrayed as a role model. I think MCU created Jessica Jones to finally explore mental health issues surrounding trauma, rape, and loss. So much of the MCU revolves around violence and destruction, never bothering to show what actually happens to those affected by the hero’s and villains actions. I think the show had an accurate portrayal of what life looks like afterwards for survivors of sexual violence, domestic abuse, and abusive relationships. Kilgrave and his min…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 08:49 AM
10

This! While OPs right about her friend needing boundaries, I think she should’ve stated that while having good boundaries is important, it will not stop an abuser hellbent on targeting her. I’d understand if OPs friend interpreted it as victim blaming and it triggered her, especially bc the situations she described don’t sound very consensual and sound kinda scary. This isn’t to say what OP said anything wrong but I think it could’ve been worded more empathetically and doesn’t make her solely re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 07:35 PM
55

The men who complain about being use for free dinners aren’t even going out on dates or asking women out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 07:07 PM
49

I hate it when men blow past negative social cues/body language and come up to talk to you. The only reason that I’ll be staring a man down is because I’m trying to get a description of them so I can report them to security or the police.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 03:22 AM
427

It’s a PUA tactic called triangulation that aims to lower your self esteem and make you dependent on his validation by comparing you to a non imaginary or real person (who typically has no idea this is happening)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 04:16 AM
42

The irony 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 08:16 AM
278

I dated someone like this very shortly. I honestly loved debate and the idea of a partner that challenged me but it went downhill immediately. Every single opinion that I had that contradicted him turned into hours long one sided arguments where I ended up conceding due to the being exhausted of his shit. Towards the end of me seeing him, I remember actively learning logical fallacies and argumentation techniques so I could win and right earn the right to have an opinion. Had to wait until he di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 08:13 AM
148

I tell all my female friends to never ever EVER give ugly men a chance as it upsets the natural order of life. There heads are already filled with so much misogyny and porn, it already gives them enough audacity. Adding the attention of an attractive women, their pores secrete unfounded levels of entitlement. Every time a women does not entertain an ugly man’s advances, it slowly helps to undo all the cultural conditioning he’s been fed his entire life and helps him set up realistic standards an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 08:28 PM
124

No they’re just all terrible in the exact same ways
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 06:50 PM
90

The most “open” I’ve been with a female therapist is her telling me what tea she liked. Thank god I’ve never even once entertained the idea of having a male therapist 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 02:11 PM
150

I'd report him to his institution and/or current place of work. That definitely breaks some conduct policies in place at most institutions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 07:46 AM
28

Sis. You shouldn’t even be dating a man this old in the first place. Also he’s not lovebombing you, he’s continuously showing red flags (like GROPING you) and has no redeemable qualities, yet you have continued to engage with him. Please reread the handbook after you block and delete him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 01:54 AM
180

This is sexual harassment/assault especially if he touched you. Please report him to the gym and/or police
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 12:18 AM
27

If the roles were reversed and she caused that amount of damage to him, everyone would be calling her a sadistic abusive b*tch and she’s TA. Comments would be littered with profanities against OP and that her husband should divorce her expeditiously, taking all her money in the divorce
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 06:28 PM
8

Does this also happen to the iPad? I was considering getting but now I’m no so sure lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 07:32 PM
1143

I bet that the husbands stuff is fine and only the wife stuff is damaged
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 11:06 PM
235

This is abusive behavior. Sis better get out know before the abuse gets worse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 11:01 PM
182

LVM stories always use a lot of words to describe absolutely nothing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:51 PM
274

I think that OP had a great response. The best way to fight misogyny especially amongst men is to induce shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 07:35 PM
50

In the US, I believe you can get your name changed at any age if you’re over 18. A parents signature is needed if your under 18 Funny story but I had a classmate in hs who changed his names to Elvis when he was 15 because he believed he was a reincarnation of Elvis Presley. He’s probably the worst singer I’ve ever heard lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 06:40 PM
354

Is this even legal?! This women was barely even alive and her husband signed papers without her consent. Also, the fact that his family is readily promising that they’ll give their son preferential treatment over their other grandchildren just for using a certain name is appalling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 02:41 PM
9

I’d consider calling the police and reporting him to see if they can get the nudes removed from his phone and for them to make a courtesy call to him so that he’ll leave you alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 02:13 AM
756

Noticed how he also did not mention anything about her positive traits outside of her looks. Not even a single thing. Grace probably stopped dressing up to see if her husband behavior would change as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 02:20 AM
85

This the most pickme shit I’ve ever heard. I’m literally speechless
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 04:43 AM
18

OP I understand you are looking to get into the mental health field, but stop trying to diagnose the people in your life, especially men. You don’t need a degree or diagnosis to tell you that these are just shitty LVM. It will not change anything or give you any sense of control in your romantic life. Your time would be better spent by living your life and blocking men who even remotely resemble the type of man you described. A males behavior is always on him, regardless of his mental fitness, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 11:23 PM
152

For a community supposedly about enthusiastic consent and establishing boundaries, there seems to be a lot of boundary crossing and gaslighting when one’s consent is revoked
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:54 AM
15

The hallmark sign of an abuse victim is self blame. Even if a victim is able to verbalize how bad the abuse or the abuser was, they’ll also feel a weird sense of guilt, shame, and/or responsibility to the behaviors of their abuser
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 12:21 AM
12

Yes my biggest word of advice for women dealing with men is to never help them especially when asked. Men will never ask a women for help, the most they’ll do is use her as a free therapist but even that still is a trap because it’ll create a false sense of intimacy which later they’ll manipulate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 11:34 PM
263

- Collapsed on me during a party and ask for help taking him to the bathroom. Once I hit the lights to walk him in, he slammed the door and tried to rape me -Person in my cohort was a cancer survivor and had a host of lingering medical issues that impacted his day to day life. He texted me while he was having one of his episodes and when I came into the room, he had all the lights off and groped me while trying to get me to give him a massage to "alleviate the pain" -confronted someone who assau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 11:33 PM
290

There’s also the COVID special where men pretend to be afraid of the risk of eating at a restaurant so they’ll order food delivery instead at their place. They’ll pull the bait and switch when you meet up with him. Extra scrote points go to men who will still post themselves going to clubs or traveling during the pandemic on their social media. I also went to a bookstore on a date with a scrote that was conveniently near his house. He bought a whole stack of books and insisted on needing to drop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:40 PM
40

I think that us as women need to practice being more pragmatic and non empathetic to dealings with men. We’ve all been in situations where a man has convinced us to compromise our boundaries to becoming more malleable for them therefore no longer serving us. Men know this and it’s why they’ll use appeal to our empathetic nature and female socialization to manipulate women. When you do cave in, the man loses respect for you but will you use you until he bleeds you dry and you leave him. I think w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:04 PM
179

but its a show ABOUT teens and teen life thats talked about heavily in teen media. The show producers only put that rating as a cop out to avoid legal and personal responsibility. It’s the same tactic corporations like big tobacco and big porn use when their products fall into the hands of minors while increasing accessibility of their products near school areas. Majority of its fan base are gen z and aren’t even 18 yet. If you’re going to make a show about kids, youre morally obligated to not p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 09:31 AM
12

Tbh he probably tried to use the card first expecting it didn’t need a PIN number to use it. Then he calls her purposely asking for her PIN number instead of asking for permission (like any sane person would). It’s a classic abuser tactic intended to coerce a victim into a specific act by literally rushing the decision making process and limiting her choices to elicit a fawn response. Good on this girl for staying strong. If she was any younger though, I feel as though she would’ve fallen for it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:07 AM
29

I think past the age of 15 (which still could be pushing it), no. I grew up with having a mixed gendered friend group but things started getting weird during middle school and the guys started consuming porn. By high school, it got too much and my friend group split off into just a female and male friend groups. I just don’t think that very many men have the same level of empathy and emotional intelligence that women do and it makes them amazing friends. Female friendship have better levels of r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:34 AM
210

I would say yes a LVM can become HV later in life EXCEPT if it any point he held any misogynistic beliefs that dehumanized women. We live in a patriarchal society that holds little to no repercussions for who men abuse, disrespect, and mistreat women. Men are simple creatures whose actions only change when faced with consequences. I don’t believe that any man who had the capacity to cause harm (directly or indirectly) to women can change ever. Misogyny takes a lifetime of active unlearning and I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:20 AM
37

Sorry that this isn’t related to the post but this girl is so beautiful! The 90s era black women were something else!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 09:03 AM
3

If you’re in the US and you have a job, you should be eligible for at least 6 free therapy sessions under EAP. I would talk to you employer or HR department about any mental health services you might be eligible for especially if you have health insurance with them. If your a dependent of someone who has health insurance, you still should be able to get the 6 sessions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:37 AM
38

I used to struggle with the same thing as well. I’m heavily into statistics and would gaslight myself into believing that I was the problem bc all the men I met were abusive. Before MeToo and FDS, I thought that they’re was some defect in my personality, such as having a lack of boundaries or assertiveness, so I’d constantly consume self help books and psychological resources to fix myself to avoid future trauma. I modeled my life into avoiding known interactions, behaviors, and places where abu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:08 AM
24

FDS usually recommends dropping pickme friends but I know it’s hard especially when you’re really close. I usually employ a technique in where I ask questions about their behavior and treatment from an abusive partner that “leads” them to understand how bad or unfair the behavior is for them. For example, you mentioned that she buys lingerie to treat her bf. I would bring up this fact casually somehow and then ask when’s the last time her bf got her a gift of equal (monetary)value. If she’s unab…
/r/askFDS26/02/22 04:04 AM
3

They were just there at the right time these men wanted marriage. It typically had absolutely nothing to do with these women’s perceived desirability
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 09:02 PM
4

Honestly I think we need to stop therapizing men and listening to them when it comes to their motivations and intentions for their behaviors. Abusive people are not only known to be liars but also have little insight to their personal motivations. All behaviors and actions are a choice. I believe that any abuser who blames their behavior on some uncontrollable biological force or urge is just covering up for the fact that they just wanted to do whatever the hell they wanted to. It’s honestly not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 08:58 PM
76

If I hadn’t don’t anal then I have no reason to refuse because I wouldn’t know if I didn’t want it. Why do men constantly say this anytime you don’t want to do a certain sex act with them? Like every single time I’ve told a man that I won’t have sex with them bc I’m a virgin (i don’t tell them this anymore), they think I have no right to refuse sex as I’ve never tried it. Why tf would I want to have sex for the first time with a pornsick limpdick scrote in a bathroom with their dirty dick?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 01:57 AM
29

its funny that they want to use moon cycle bitch control but openly shit on and reject anyone (typically women) who’s into astrology so heavily
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 12:09 AM
68

Don’t even give them oral. There’s still a plethora of diseases you can contract via oral sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 12:07 AM
178

I’ve noticed this is in gen z men I think due to certain dating coaches/RP rhetoric. They give head first so you’re more willing to have sex with them. You’ll think they’re generous bc women don’t often get oral sex first or more like at all. You’ll be less likely to then stop sex later bc you feel indebted to them or guilty for trying to put your needs first Also since you already have your pants off, it’ll be easier for them to coerce or rape you into sex than if you had just only given them o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 12:04 PM
46

Honestly I don’t trust most male travelers, they’re usually hobosexuals or predatory as hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:43 AM
159

I would actually also suggest telling them that you live with your family or that your landlord doesn’t allow overnight guests. I had a roommate in college who’s bf ended up living with me and our other 4 roommates for 8/10 months of the school year. It went from just a few nights then more frequently as he moved literally 3 hours away from school then permanently when he ended up dropping out of school to become an online trader/scammer. Would always run up the heater/AC, steal our food, and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:04 AM
54

It’s very funny that they use a black women as the cover picture for the article. As a black women myself, I’ve gotten so many disgustingly racist and sexual comments across all dating apps when I used them. I had no provacative pictures on my accounts and would usually get these comments as the first messages, so I was not inviting this behavior at all. I thought this was a normal thing for most women until I went on my Asian friends’ accounts. Not only did they not get any such comments, they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 11:41 PM
47

I’ve always wondered as to why the strongest of women became huge pickmes and end up with LVM. I thought this was mainly with women who desire to be married and worried about their biological clock, but I’ve seen this even with women who don’t want to be married and want to be child free. It has to be deeper than low self esteem. Tbh I’ve always thought it might have to do with abuse but it’s mean A LOT of women are experiencing it which scares the living daylights out of me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 09:12 AM
12

I’m not blaming her for anything. No one can control anyone‘s behavior, especially the behavior of depraved men. But this shit is insane. Men with kinks like this seek to replicate it in real life, so I think its weird that this women had no idea that her husband was into some weird stuff sexually or at least never tried anything on her. I can completely understand her not knowing about the money he put into financing his kink though. The point of this post was to never stop vetting but I find i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 12:15 AM
81

I refuse to believe that there were no red flags in their 4+ years of being in a relationship. You don’t just develop these depraved kinks all of a sudden, they build up slowly over time. OP must have completely ignored glaring red flags for years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 10:08 AM
46

I was thinking either Apollo or Adonis tbh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:35 AM
50

This is just rape. I bet he was more concerned with you labeling him as a rapist than anything else
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 01:15 AM
44

Does anyone else think it’s very inappropriate to not only have his team leads phone number and be texting him in this capacity?! Like why tf is the team lead letting him know about the details hiring process for a position in which he is leaving?! I’m so scared to work in the tech industry in the future if it’s truly a boys club like this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:30 PM
19

Yes as long as the statue of limitations as not passed in your state. If you are in the US, I would call a local rape crisis center or RAINN and they’d be able to get you more legal information. You can file charges criminally or through civil court. Criminal charges are prosecuted by the state and result in prison time or other some legal punishment if convicted guilty, so you would not need representation. Civil court is one a private citizen sues another party for monetary damages of a legall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 10:47 AM
236

It’s called trauma induced hypersexuality. A lot of people think that once you’re assaulted, you’d have an aversion to sex (hypo sexuality) but no hypersexuality is a very common trauma response. If you look at the sexual abuse sub, you’d see so many post on survivors watching violent porn or suggesting kinks as a way to cope I think it’s due to how mainstream sex, porn, and libfem logic is today. Whenever I talk to older generations of survivors of sexual abuse, most of them were hyposexual and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 10:37 AM
46

I feel as though this also might stem from the fact that victims of abuse end up retraumatized again in the future. However people fail to realize that there’s just a lot of shitty and abusive men out there in general so the chances of you being abused again is more due to the number of of abusers rather than the victim itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 08:54 PM
85

Most women I know over the age of 35 who were on birth control for a long period of time 5-10+ years developed breast cancers even though it did not run in their families. They are of different races, classes, health conditions, etc. Breast cancer induced birth control is something that needs to be addressed in all health classes and clinics Seeing these women go through breast cancer made me vow to never ever take BC and spread the word to as many women as possible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:33 PM
10

Medical fetish wtf?! As someone with a lot of family in the medical field I’m disgusted And I totally understand being naive to these things and being easily manipulated. At the time, I didn’t understand porn addiction and didn’t understand that people base their entire sexual life recreating it. Add in a manipulative narcissist, it was so hard to listen to my intuition until the red flags were glaringly obvious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:23 PM
3

No problem! And yes just asking him straight up could work, but he’d probably just going to lie or minimize things as he’s more likely to pick up that it’s a shit test. But it still doesn’t mean it can’t work. Again men are terrible liars so it you’d probably be able to sense he’s lying.
/r/askFDS24/01/22 04:17 PM
56

I just know he's walking around today with a loose anus and shitting in his pants involuntarily I thank god everyday that I only ended up meeting him like 5 times and never went past second base with him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 10:38 AM
21

For ED i like to bring up the recent surge in ED ads. I'll just start saying how something along the lines of the ads being everywhere and asking what he thinks about them. I also like the dumb fox technique and straight up ask him if he knows what ED is because you've been seeing all the ads. Somehow ill steer the convo into asking him how often are guys supposed to finish, how easily do they get hard, or what age do guys need ED meds. Men typically always project so he'll use his own experienc…
/r/askFDS24/01/22 10:32 AM
8

what if they have trouble finding or getting promoted in their jobs? etc.) but I think those fears are overblown. I've never experienced any of the consequences people talk about I have to heavily disagree with on this one. As a black women in higher education and in STEM, my appearance is heavily dependent on my treatment as a professional. My natural features (skin tone, kinky hair, facial features) are considered unkept and unruly according to Eurocentric beauty standards. Add to it an ethnic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:15 AM
32

By resentment do you mean reasonable feelings of betrayal that has allowed a new set of healthy boundaries and standards that protects you from terrible men? we live in a world where the majority of men have no problem using, abusing, and gaslighting women into not lowering their standards. Your anger is the best tool you have to make sure you get the life you deserve. Yes it sucks that these men wasted your time, but life does not stop after 30. The 20s are some of the worst years for women bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:27 AM
35

if a man is not getting hard from you sitting on his lap while making out, i think its red flag for ED, especially if you were grinding or just moving on top of him. typically non experienced men have trouble keeping an erection down when they're with a women. they typically don't know how have a lot of experience knowing how to control their erections. the only time ive known anyone to have issues with having an erection has had some form of PIED or excessively death gripped i don't think its a…
/r/askFDS24/01/22 03:50 AM
60

my biggest concern is that porn industry will start to produce counter research which aims to not only normalize porn but claim it as healthy. We've seen this already being done by the fast food, oil, and especially the tobacco industry. I've read a few research papers mostly done by (pornsick) grad students as their senior thesis projects and PhD holders on porn is great and a necessary part of male development. It sickens me that academic institutions allow students to produce this type of res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:17 AM
67

also there's a higher chance of transmission of STDs. The anus is structurally not designed to withstand penetration and is very susceptible to injury so bacteria, viruses, and other infections are more likely to enter the bloodstream. The anus also does not have similar blood flow like the vagina which is basically able to repair itself from physical trauma
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:11 AM
165

i briefly (emphasis on very briefly) dated a guy who took multiple Viagras every weekend from ages 14-16 and 17-19. The only way he was able to cum was through violent anal sex, aggressive prostate simulation, and choking. Even his death grip wasn't enough for him and he'd frequently lose his erections he'd always would tell me that it was normal for guys not to cummajority of the time or stay hard. Me being a virgin believed him up until he'd tried to coerce me, telling me that that our sex lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 02:59 AM
0

you met him at a singles event, the situation is already tricky and messy. he does not want to help you, he wants you to lower your boundaries around him and trust him so that you'll be more compliant to his advances. He's also already escalating yet you keep engaging with him. this is classic abuse 101 sis and you need to get out now there will be plenty of other business connections to make in the future especially with people who don't want to sleep with you. Trust me when i say its never wor…
/r/askFDS20/01/22 12:10 PM
19

That was the biggest red flag to me. My self esteem could never that low to accept man who has basically semi nude pictures of MY SISTER on his phone that hes definitely using to jerk off with god this one of those stories that I hope are fake
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 08:44 AM
47

Sis I read half of the first sentence and it’s a no huge no, he’s too old. Whether your intention is to date or do business, he’s giving off major creep energy
/r/askFDS19/01/22 08:39 AM
6

Did she give you any explanations as to why you might be watering down the discomfort/ disrespect?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 06:23 AM
66

i feel as though a lot of men feel the exact same way. They can't handle romantic relationships with women unless theres a power imbalance in their favor
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 11:29 AM
17

more like rapists
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:14 AM
29

that might work on a specific type of a woman, who's desperately trying to make the guy like her and to not "scare him away", so she goes along with everything, even if it makes her uncomfortable I think this tactic is actually more geared towards abuse victims. They oftentimes freeze when getting touched and have difficulty enforcing boundaries which make them prime target for future abuse. PUA/redpillers often see these women as "submissive" and go after them because they believe/know them to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:11 AM
25

A really common PUA is sitting right next to you instead of across from you. If a man does this one a first date especially, I can almost guarantee he's read PUA/redpill tactics. Run for the hills fast if a man even attempts to do this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:07 AM
95

I’d also throw in that twins run in your family to really fuck them over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:43 AM
14

You need to take a step back: He set his location on OLD to a different city to start trying to pursue women before he even moved or secured his job in your city. That’s a huge red flag and is just desperate as hell. He’s probably been hooking up with random women this entire time as well Block him
/r/askFDS11/01/22 07:10 AM
16

All of his tactics were straight from The Game, almost word for word. Seems like he was more of one of those new age red pillers who subscribes to a bunch of manosphere dating advice on TikTok
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:02 AM
49

dawn is not gentle for human skin. Think about it, it's used to remove PETROLEUM on animals. You could sweat and not wash your face for a whole month and not accumulate the same amount of oil on your body. Also the pH is way too stripping for human skin But honestly I'll take dishsoap over underwear skid marks anyday
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 11:19 AM
106

What type of listening device did he install? I’m really paranoid about this and I’m wondering if anyone has any info on this or how to check for these things in my devices
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:41 PM
5

I would’ve replied “Great! Self awareness is the first step to change”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 01:35 AM
141

One of the only truly funny male comedians out there today
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 12:31 AM
33

Jesus Christ there’s so many red flags about this guy just based off the title and first sentence. You can’t be separated/divorced only separated or divorced. You are dating a married man. Please read the handbook then read it again bc you obviously didn’t read it
/r/askFDS04/01/22 12:19 AM
13

NO
/r/askFDS04/01/22 12:15 AM
45

im with on the harms of hypersexuality and how its heavily promoted today. I had experienced abuse or trauma in my late teens and went through a hypersexual phase that led to more retraumatization. The nonconsensual experience that threw me into this was my first sexual experience and it warped my perceptions of sex leading me to years of other non consensual experiences. It completely destroyed my self esteem and left with me with chronic pain. Slut shaming and hookup culture make it so hard fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 12:41 PM
18

have you tried incorporating some DBT into your sessions? It can help to create more actionable steps to get out of the house more and build your social circle. I think it would pair well with ACT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 12:23 PM
18

Exactly. I don’t know any women even mentally ill to scream at someone like this compl unprovoked. He’s leaving out major details here Im wiling to bet my life savings that he’s abusing her in some way, isolated her from her true friends and family, and has flying monkeys like the friend that she went to to gaslight her into staying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:56 AM
31

This is the real reason why women are into astrology lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:38 AM
21

That’s a common PUA move used to rush and escalate or rather manufacture intimacy. They’ll slowly do other acts like this to break down your boundaries so you’ll be more compliant when they rape- or I mean have sex with you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 12:48 AM
13

yeah the cheesecake bit took me out lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:54 AM
36

also even though there's only a small difference in age between a 17 year old and 21 year old, theres still a huge generational gap. Most 21yr olds grew up using dial up internet and experienced 9/11 or had a MySpace. Most 17 yr olds have no idea what that stuff even was and grew up watching Youtube videos and using laptops I highly doubt that this man could not tell the difference between a 17 and 21 yr old
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:44 AM
204

how many of those "lays" were unconsensual or coerced? I don't think anyone whos been with that many women in such a short amount of time had all of these encounters consensual
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:17 AM
23

There's no such this as grey rape, its just rape. Any penetration without explicit and enthusiastic or affirmative consent is rape. In certain places in the US, coercion in considered under the scope of rape or sexual assault and is therefore illegal. Using labels such as grey rape is just a form of cognitive dissonance invalidating to what you and other women have experienced as well as causes confusion. You went through a violent and traumatic experience, that is not your fault. Rape is rarely…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 09:28 AM
101

I relate to you on so many levels as an argumentative Aquarius and former victim of the sex industry. It hurts to know that so many young abused women see media supporting sex work or BDSM, not understanding that these industries are built off the back of their own exploitation and degradation. I think it’s bc I wish everyday I had something like FDS or someone to open my eyes to the bs of sex work. Or even cared enough to push me into seeking therapy instead of posting nude pictures of myself o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:40 AM
50

Charlotte was so HV except when it came to her relationships with her husbands. She had such amazing boundaries and was one of the only redeeming parts of the show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:42 AM
15

If his name is Luke, we dated the same guy lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 07:01 AM
96

i also had a problem with dating a guy who was far below my league. He wasn't fat, but he was really ugly and a raging narcissist. To this day, I have no idea what I saw in him. I know I had self esteem issues at that point in my life but i still have no clue why I put up with his shit for a second thank god im in therapy now lol and found FDS shortly after
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:21 AM
36

I feel as though all women should just give up performing blowjobs entirely. It's absolutely disgusting and does nothing women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:08 AM
4

how did you scrub your internet presence. I've heard a few FDSers talking about it in the past but have been told that its quite expensive
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 04:02 PM
31

also the wife gave birth only 8 months ago, she could very much be dealing with postpartum depression. Given that she also has multiple side jobs while being a full time mom, it probably exacerbates her depression and could also result in some serious anxiety issues. Based on her lazy scrote of a husband, I doubt she even had time off after giving birth to rest properly but of course, he does not mention anything at all related to his wife's mental health, just him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 11:58 AM
4

How should I ask for a plan w/o guiding them? Like I don’t want a LVM just mirroring my desires or standards so they can play me. While yes I don’t want to have a bait and switch pulled on me, I don’t want to LVM a man into something they weren’t going to do until I brought it up does that make sense? Idk if I’m being confusing or rather thinking about this too much lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 04:18 AM
19

The thing most people don’t understand about child support is that even though you may go to court to require the father of the child to pay, there’s little to no legal recourse to enforce him to pay. These legal battles are very expensive especially for single mothers. It often cost more than the child support itself. I believe majority of men don’t even pay in full or at all I hate when men act like child support is shackling single fathers and other men when in reality these single mothers ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:19 AM
120

The problem is that female suffering is so normal. I don’t know any women who has never been assaulted or abused to some degree and suffer through sexual or childhood trauma at the hands of men. Women are at significant risk of abuse especially while in romantic relations or during pregnancy. Almost all women fall victim to female socialization or internalized misogyny to some degree during their lives and become a pickme. Women are barely being compensated enough in their workplaces to afford r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:11 AM
103

i've been noticing that many guys are doing this now, especially during the pandemic. Dinner dates turn into food delivery at his place, museum dates become walk dates at parks which are conveniently close to his place, movie theater dates become netflix and chill. Its so infuriating to get all dressed up and have these LVM just switch up on you like this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:15 PM
17

I wish it was the case for me but in my experience, men have gotten very aggressive or abusive when I’ve tried to stop sexual interactions. Also most men my age (gen Z) don’t understand that just because a girl makes out you, doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with you. I don’t really trust myself to stop intercourse once things have gotten to passed a certain point so I avoid sexual interactions all together. If anyone has any tips on how to safely stop sexual interactions, I’m all ears
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 10:14 AM
17

Better yet, would he want his daughter putting white men on a pedestal and making them a prize while degrading black men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:35 AM
41

Can you give some examples on how you’ve done this for seeking answers about porn use?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:15 AM
69

Also just because you may not want sex and your culture is against premarital sex, does not mean he doesn’t want to have sex with you. I do agree that tho they’re might be non sexual motivations of course, but its always bitten me in the ass when I’ve assumed this with men of my culture. I come from a very conservative culture as well but ive been seeing a rise in men who want premarital sex. They still expect their wives to be virgins though 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:59 AM
29

No just because someone’s been tested for STDs doesn’t mean they’re clean. Some STDs take months or years to even appear on a test. A basic STD test doesn’t even test for oral STDs. Also they can take up to 2 weeks to get results which would be very inconvenient to a sex worker financially. Sex workers are vulnerable to abuse and objectified. Regardless, it’s still not empowering and offers little security for sex workers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:25 AM
409

We all know the real reason why they have performance issues and need to be alone to cum into a cup…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 12:38 AM
124

He said the word voluptuous to describe women. He was an early 20s GenZ guy, I was so confused and I wanted to 🤢🤮 I was going to study with another guy I just started seeing and he said he couldn’t come walk me over from my work to his place (a 10-15 min walk). He lived in one of the most dangerous cities in the US, I couldn’t believe it. I stopped talking him immediately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 12:02 AM
135

Any power dynamics is a red flag honestly, regardless of age difference. Manager dating an employee that works under him? Red Flag Teacher dating current or former student? Red Flag Someone in grad school dating someone in undergrad? Red Flag A high level lawyer dating a waitress, maid, school teacher, or secretary? Red Flag Often times men will seek relationships with these power dynamics to manipulate lower achieving women, even if they are closer in age. Instead they leverage their power, mon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:23 AM
3

I’m assuming that the women who posted this is some part black based on her picture and is speaking about black men or men of color. Black men with braids tend to be fuckbois and narcissistic. Also most of the time, they keep their braids unkept for a long period of time which is so unattractive. Also I associate braids on men with celebrity NVM like Travis Scott, Lil Uzi, Pop Smoke This might not be the case for all black men or men of color, but braids just give me bad energy for men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 11:16 AM
13

Ooo I love Love Island Australia Season 1. It’s a really good season to practice identifying red flags. I recommend watching S1,4,5,6,7 of the UK version if you really want to test your red flag meter. There were lots of manipulative people on the show that really creeped up throughout the show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 11:53 PM
231

Look what happened to Dani Leigh. DaBaby, her NVM bf, called the police and threw her out of his house in the middle of the night while she was breastfeeding their newly born child. The next day, he called her a side piece during a live stream to her face. No matter how much money or status you have, not protecting yourself legally against a man never serves women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 11:25 PM
67

I reported my assault to multiple people on my team, about 50 people. When the detective called to just to verify the story and not even testify, not a single person spoke up. Some even blamed me for being assaulted in the first place. The worst part was they knew he was a serial rapist before I was even on the team and they didn’t tell me when I would go up to them asking for help with his creepy behavior (before he assaulted me). Many of them were women who have been assaulted as well. I wish …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 12:27 PM
6

how much do you want to bet there's also an age gap?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:16 AM
34

I wish I could say I’ve never heard of this happening. i can’t believe men have devolved so much as a species that they are choking women before even initiating any type of physical intimacy Rapists the whole lot of them I swear
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 11:14 AM
50

lol "easier to slap"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 11:43 PM
1

Sex as self injury (SASI) is a legitimate illness that needs to be discussed about in trauma spaces instead of trying to push survivors into BDSM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:24 PM
0

Survivors only get rape fantasies after watching copious amounts of violent porn not through their trauma directly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:22 PM
242

Funny how equality ONLY comes into play for men when talking about finances or violence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:55 PM
59

I’m was a mod for a sexual abuse sub and I would see comments suggesting for survivors to get into BDSM daily, often from other survivors. It’s so infuriating I just couldn’t take going back and forth with these women so I quit. Youll always see these women back in the subs a few months later when they get assaulted AGAIN but this time during a BDSM related encounter. However they still don’t stop engaging in violent sex and they’ll keep going for years. They’ll keep reaching new depths of rock …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:07 AM
50

You don’t seem enthusiastic about the possibility of dating him so no.
/r/askFDS06/12/21 08:05 AM
66

This! I also suffered abuse while on the apps and was subjected to sexual harassment almost daily. I just don’t understand why women continue to put themselves through it. If it happened to one women, it’ll happen to you. No ones an exception
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 03:38 PM
21

im more concerned with the fact the guy was able to brush it off without seeming like he was in that much pain. Its screams sociopathic masochist to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:23 AM
9

dear lord that man is a sociopath
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 01:13 AM
9

It does get better but it takes time, therapy, and a lot of self reflection. For me, I also needed medication as well. I feel trust and intimacy with my friends and family but not men. I don’t think I ever will again but I don’t care I never wanted to be married anyways. If you’re not already I advise speaking to a trauma informed therapist who specializes in sexual abuse.
/r/askFDS01/12/21 08:38 PM
34

it reminds me of that story on Reddit where the abusive bf burns his gf's memorial candle of her dead sister. It was the only momento she had left of her sister and made it clear many times throughout their relationship its significance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 10:27 AM
66

so we supposed to just gloss over the fact the he almost orally raped her? Also notice how she didn't even mention whether or not she came (she probably didn't) but hey ~feminism~ am i right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 10:25 AM
9

Too bad he’s gay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:21 PM
2

You’re right. Virginity is very much a social construct but my point was to define the full scope of sex so they can feel strongly about defending their boundaries to have consensual sexual activity when encounter with men who try to use the “everything but” argument. Too many girls get coerced into performing sexual acts due to lack of sexual education and naivety
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:15 PM
9

We also need to emphasize to young girls that Bjs, fingering, and anal penetration are forms of sex and therefore should be considered a loss of virginity. The everything but principle only serves men and risks STIs just as much as vaginal sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 09:55 AM
57

I second this. The ombudsperson does not have the school's best interest in mind and is supposed to act like an impartial party in these matters. I would also urge you to review your school's handbook or disciplinary guidelines. Most universities in the US have rules against interpersonal relationships between students and professors. Him sending these messages could serve as evidence of him breaking the rules
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:20 AM
5

An old hs school friend of mine was the captain of the soccer and track team. She excelled so much academically as well an gained admission to a nationally respected university on a partial sports scholarship however her parents refused to pay the rest as they were supporting her older brother through his school. I still remember her crying the day she rejected her acceptance. She went to community college soon after and I never heard from her again until today. She announced that she was pregna…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:14 PM
27

I'm actually highly allergic to coffee oddly enough. I can't even walk into a coffee shop without needing to vomit immediately. I like to think of it now as a biological response to LVM antics
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 11:42 AM
15

Thank you so much for posting this! I reported over a year ago and despite a recorded confession the police have not arrested my attacker. The arrest warrant has been out for almost 12 months yet theyve made no progress in executing it. They haven't returned my advocate or I's calls and emails for months. It's taking everything in my power not to give up already. This post has given me a bit more hope that I have to get justice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 01:28 AM
8

Depending on what city or country you live in, there are several work programs for women who face abuse in the workplace. You might even be eligible for federal assistance through unemployment. Check local or community based jobs in the non profit sector in programs such as homelessness, DV, restoration, disability services etc. They are frequently hiring as well and little to no experience is ever needed It is not worth your mental health and safety to stay at this job. I work in resume revisio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 01:17 AM
21

I need this on a t shirt lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:40 AM
150

at least crop out your reply and pretend like you follow FDS this made me chuckle so much. I've always wondered the same thing as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:41 AM
174

i think so many people on this sub get carried away once learning how to spot red flags and LVM tactics. By entertaining LVM by teaching them a lesson, it gives these women a different form of male attention. They still haven't learned how to completely decenter men from their lives, so they engage with LVM by doing these callouts Honestly I just view it as an early phase in their journey to becoming HV. It's like when a child learns a new word then continues to repeat it. Eventually they'll lea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:38 AM
15

What I want to know is what happened to the first wife? By the way this title is phrased, it seems like he meet the second women while he was with the first wife Sorry I won’t read the article, I don’t want to increase the websites traffic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 09:12 PM
79

I find that this is changing a lot overseas for West African women. In my community, a lot of the men are unemployed despite being more educated than their wives. West African women are the head of households, and they’re encouraging their daughters to be hypergamous and not to settle for LV. Even my father does the same. I think my generation of West African women will be more educated than the men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 02:03 AM
4

Ah the old bait and switch, classic Right out the the good ok’ LVM handbook sis you know what to do
/r/askFDS16/11/21 01:50 AM
9

All I had to do was look at his fat, greying and balding ass next to the beautiful women to know he was LV and this will not a happy matrimony
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 11:22 PM
35

I don’t think men who don’t marry for love marry the youngest, most attractive female in their dating pool. I think they marry whoever is with them at the time it becomes socially unacceptable for them to be single. They’re desperate and they’ll just take anyone who’ll have them. At least to me, that’s what the data suggested. These men don’t have to necessarily be attracted to their wives, she just has to be able to put up with their shit and be a good enough mommy bangmaid for them until they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 11:14 PM
55

Karma is mf bitch huh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:17 PM
187

Not only does DaBaby have multiple baby mamas, but he’s also has history of abusing women. And I just watched that video, you can tell she was more hurt than mad. I feel so bad for her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:17 PM
64

Do they making penis pumps yet there’s still NO male birth control or NO standardized test for HPV in men?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:52 PM
57

I found this also applies to people attending colleges as well. People do complete 180s when they move to colleges. Since people often come and go, there’s not a community to really hold you accountable, so LVM will manipulate and even abuse multiple women. Not to mention that some of these women are new adults who are naive and easy prey to older LV college guys
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 09:39 PM
200

I love how detailed this is! I feel as though fuckboys are getting wiser and more manipulative day after day, so its good to know some red flags. Also is it a thing that guys will take you to a movie to make out or have sex with you in the theatre? Because it really isn't that dark in there lol. Also wouldn't it be better to not communicate your boundaries so LVM won't attempt to lovebomb or future fake you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:42 PM
5

It’s definitely not. I would never suggest anyone to do this it’s incredibly unsafe and disgusting. I can’t have vaginal intercourse and I did these acts during my pick me days post SA Don’t ever be me ladies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 12:10 PM
10

You’re definitely right. I think it’s because while I do have traditionally black features (big lips, round nose, dark skin), my West African features (high cheekbones, almond eyes, hourglass figure) catch the attention of African American men who are obsessed with African culture. They’re definitely not as big as the group of black men who fetishize East African women, but they’re definitely out their especially in black activist groups and higher Ed/academia (AFAM or ethnic studies)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:53 PM
441

Once read one of the PUA subs here on Reddit about a guy who was pissed that his roommate slept with more women than. Turns out that the roommate was getting these women drunk every time and would ignore them when they said they didn’t want to drink anymore and refill their entire glass. Instead of labeling his friend the rapist that he was and stepping in to help these women, hed watch these women get past their limit then leave to go rant on Reddit that his peepee wasn’t getting wet while his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:34 PM
109

This patriarchal society we live in is so hell bent on gaslighting us to oblivion and the pick mes are drinking the Kool Aid. Our words are so powerful. Language is a tool that early feminist activists used progress female autonomy in the public and private spheres of life. But now people are doing all they can to silence us. Whether it’s the word rape and sexual abuse resulting in shadow bans on social media platforms or the vast majority of survivors whose cases never even reach a jury, societ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 10:20 PM
22

I feel the same as well. There’s also a certain population of black men (hoteps) who have “motherland fever” and fetishize African women. They tend to be incredibly aggressive and misogynistic while calling you their African queens and putting you on a pedestal (in comparison to African American women). They think by dating and sleeping with you makes them or potential offspring they have with you extra black
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:04 PM
237

Women in the age demographic also experience the most abuse from men compared to any other age demographic for women. Not dating and entertaining men during these age is a great way to reduce your chances of experiencing abuse of any kind from men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:48 AM
21

Yes Lundy Bancroft expressed this same sentiment in “Why Does He Do That”. I encourage all women to read these books
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:43 AM
47

I think all FDS members feel the same way regardless of their age. I found FDS when I was 21 but I wish I had it when I was 18. It’s never too late to start youre journey to becoming a HVW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:35 AM
89

Definitely the same in African culture as well. They’ll have families in 2 or more continents 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:29 AM
51

Ladies if you are physically capable of orgasming and you figured it out yourself w/o needing porn as an instruction manual, there should be no excuse a man to be unable to do especially if you are in a committed with them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:17 AM
46

So true. When other girls had told me they had swallowed for their bfs or they wouldn’t kiss them after a blowjob, I was absolutely appalled. Even my casual sex partners have never asked that of me and made out with me after I gave them a blowjob or if they ate me out. I just stop before they finish and they rubbed themselves off and ejaculate. It way cleaner this way. I didn’t know it was even a thing to swallow lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:26 AM
36

I have never known a man to stop pursuing someone just because they are demisexual. Men will fuck anything as long you let them. The amount of sexual attraction you feel for them or the amount of sexual attraction men feel for you does not matter as long as they can get their dicks wet. A growing number of men don’t like women who enjoy sex with them and prefer women to just lay there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:05 AM
47

For some states, it’s legally required that they disclose the salary wage for the position if asked. Wish I knew this at the beginning of my job search process lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:28 PM
12

There’s an alarming number of people typically women who have posted on the subs about their SA and have been revictimized by creeps who lurk and groom them. It’s terrible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 06:55 AM
27

Someone did a post here about golden penis syndrome. I advise looking at the post or googling to view red flags of men who exhibit these qualities
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 10:30 PM
8

Given the context of your situation, I understand him asking if you wanted to go further. But you stated a very clear boundary which he respected and adjusted the pace of things. When I meant push for more, I meant attempt to try and coerce me or push after I’ve said no. Not saying that what he did was a HV trait or anything, it’s really the bare minimum. I’ve just never experienced that before so I just get a little surprised when I hear things like this happening to women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 10:22 PM
11

Slightly off topic but it’s always amazed me when women just make out with men only. I’ve never experienced a man who didn’t try to push for more or respected my physical boundaries 100%. It feels like I’m doing something wrong when I hear of this happening for women and this is somewhat of a norm for others
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 09:22 PM
30

So he feels entitled to you accepting everything about him and not changing a thing about himself yet expects you to change your boundaries to meet his needs despite very valid reasons for having them?! He’s not even denying that he’s misogynistic or pornsick lol. Its guys like this who make me never want to date again And people still deny that we don’t live in a patriarchal society 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 07:37 AM
121

Block and delete him ASAP. Explore legal avenues to hold him accountable especially if you suspect he knowingly had chlamydia and had unprotected sex with you. Reread the handbook until you truly internalize it. Most importantly, seek therapy to reevaluate your entire relationship and rebuild your intuition. If he begged you to have unprotected sex with him, that is sexual coercion which is sexual assault. There might have been other forms of abuse in your relationship that you might have not be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:26 AM
5

Yes its shocking! I could into dissection (maybe one day?) about sexual violence towards young black girls and women. Deborrah Cooper recently did a live stream about violence towards black girls and women but at the hands of black men. I recommend watching the video here if you’re interested!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 12:12 PM
24

I think hookup culture for women is more than just women seeking validation or suffering from low self esteem. I have a theory: I believe that over 90% women who actively engage in hookup culture are just experiencing trauma induced hypersexuality as a way to cope with previous typically sexual or emotional abuse. About 1 in 11 girls first sexual experience in the US was the result of sexual assault/coercion however these number seems to be greater or increasing as people get better access to se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:16 PM
63

Anything by Andrea Dworkin. She mostly talks about the connection between porn and female violence. She literally predicted the normalization of porn in everyday life today and it’s use as a weapon against women, especially the grooming of younger women in the porn industry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 10:37 PM
228

No way he started the relationship when she was the age of consent. If she’s living with him and is that deeply entrenched in his manipulation, he’s groomed her years before she was legal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 07:42 AM
152

I attempted to give him a huge handful of my food after he asked for some but he said that my hands were probably dirty (no joke) and wouldn’t take the food unless I gave him the whole thing. I said no bc 1) i was too broke to buy another one 2) I needed to take food with my medication and 3)I was offended that he thought MY hands were dirty. Homeless man then threatened to hurt me and wouldn’t let me leave the train. Train car was empty until a tall man walked in and asked if I was okay (I was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 12:52 AM
142

I’m a recent grad and I see this all the time especially among men who are seeking graduate degrees. Bonus points if they’re black men or going to an Ivy League university. When I was on OLD, so many men would put their schools in their bios and have no other information about themselves. They really think that women will sleep with them just bc they’re college educated or went to a good school. I don’t know any women who truly cares about this but apparently men do. Like no Brian no one cares t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:44 AM
74

Never understood how people can sign leases together, contribute to a mortgage, and buy property together but not get married. Like make it make sense. It’s way easier to get out of a marriage than having to deal with the legal battle of property assets and estates I’m pretty sure OP wants to get the house only to push him into marriage
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:35 AM
123

If you’re going to live music festivals and concerts, always stay in the back. It’s typically less crowded and you can be more hyper vigilant as you can see anyone who moves towards you better. Also it lowers your chances of being pushed into a mosh pit and being trampled over. Apparently at this concert, 8 people died and many were injured due to a crowd surge (a bunch of people collectively push forward into the crowd which can literally trample people). This is really common for hip hop shows…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:26 AM
34

How can we run free background checks or search for possible criminal records?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:14 AM
149

Most are however there are a small few that say to stay in the relationship. They’re getting downvoted but it seems as though OP only replies to the comments tell her to stay. Also apparently OP has brought up having kids before and the fiancé pretended that he was excited to be a first time father. His family also said similar things when they’ve brought up kids so it the family was actively hiding the kid though out the relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 02:08 AM
33

I love Jouelzy! She’s an amazing Youtuber who has a lot of great dialogue on gender, race, and class as it relates to current social issues. She’s very educated and definitely a HVW to follow. I also recommend For Harriet’s channel as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 09:40 PM
22

Do you have any advice on how to safely exit a sexual situation like this? I have done this and unfortunately I was assaulted. Btw not saying that this will happen if you follow this strategy. This is really good advice that I’ve always followed and don’t want to scare anyone however it’s important to also have an exit strategy at all times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 09:37 PM
31

There’s also 1 more group: women who grew up in households with financial issues that made them feel guilty for having money spent on them. There was most likely a history of financial abuse in their families. A few friends and I definitely into this category. Growing up in my household was so bad, anytime someone spent more than $15 on me, I would start crying and have an anxiety attack. It comes from extreme guilt and trauma, not to necessarily prove that they’re stable Also I have noticed tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 09:01 PM
13

That’s what I thought too! I’m Nigerian so I can hear it too. Nigerian accents are so similar but Ghanaian accents seem more melodious to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 10:38 PM
253

West African women give the best advice i swear
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 08:18 PM
40

Had an ex that would constantly argue with me about music. He thought that because he listened to indie or genre less music Tame Impala and Tyler the Creator, he had “eclectic” and sophisticated tastes (his words not mine lol). He constantly tried to argue that of an artist was black and/or did on rap verse, they were a hip hop artist. He’s also constantly grill me on literally on every indie artists discography constantly. I was a classically trained competitive musician for over 10 years who s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 06:59 PM
12

I wouldn’t be surprised if he mirrored you to build a false sense of intimacy in order for you to lower your boundaries around him to groom you. When he couldn’t manipulate you the way he wanted, he just sent the pic as a last ditch effort
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 12:51 PM
10

I never waxed and I probably won’t ever. I have used Nair or tried trimming in the past, but I can count the amount of times if Ive done it on one hand. Being bald down there is so strange, I can barely remember a time in my life where I didn’t have hair so being hairy feels natural for me. I don’t feel any obligation to really shave down there bc I had a partner who was really made me feel comfortable having a bush (despite being very pornsick lol) I will say though that having hair down there …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:49 PM
39

I have a few times and I've been on both sides of it. I quite out of touch with my feelings and have dealt with emotional abuse in my past, so I really need space to gather my thoughts on things. A previous SO would get so angry with me about this, which led to us breaking up. I have been in a situation with another SO who was the same however he would take too much time. Like multiple days on end and sometimes up to two weeks. I just couldn't handle not knowing where we stood in our relationshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 07:52 AM
7

more like putting a tampon in incorrectly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 07:08 AM
68

Hoe phases are really just a time period of trauma induced hypersexuality. 99% of the women who undergo them has been sexually or seriously emotionally abused and is using casual sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism or an effort to retraumatize themselves. Most of the time, these women do not even realize that they have been abused. Men know this and flipped the script, grooming women into leaning into their trauma just to get low effort sex with emotionally damaged women. Liberal fems then ado…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 12:04 AM
16

Well we live in a misogynistic society ruled by laws that maximize male benefit at the extent of female suffering. Do not label your experience based on those standards. What happened to you was rape/coercion which are highly traumatizing experiences that change your worldview. Your experiences are more than valid and is sadly one that a lot of women go through
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:24 PM
6

I’d call the non emergency number and say that it sounded like someone was being hurt or there’s a really loud disturbance downstairs. I get really anal about neighborhood noise. I pay a lot of money to live where I do and I’m not having someone ruin it for me
/r/askFDS29/10/21 04:17 PM
28

It’s always the Ivy League lawyers I swear
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 04:11 PM
12

There is the Jessica Pride Law Firm here in California. They do civil suits and specialize in sex crimes. They have an office in both Northern and Southern California. She does a lot of advocacy work and she would only charge you if you win your case. She has a website and an Instagram account that you could look up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:10 AM
6

I always think about the limitations that suffering sexual abuse has put on my life. I was on track to become doctor too but I was assaulted multiple times during early college so I failed my coursework, ultimately leading to me change to an easier major and different career path. I’ve healed a lot since then but I still suffer from many mental and chronic health issues that’s left me disabled. The worst part of all the abuse is realizing that so much of your potential has been lost to the abuse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 02:12 AM
144

I honestly would love to have an AMA with your mother on this sub or have her on the podcast. She seems like a women that at a lot of women in general can learn a lot from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 09:15 PM
29

I lived with a girl who is a pretty popular influencer. She has multiple endorsement deals, has her own fashion brands, and also wears designer clothing/accessories. She had this rich and handsome bf that shed always post on social media. They looked so perfect from the outside but they weren’t. They would purposely give each other extravagant gifts for the sole purpose of a social media post. They’d spend hours buying the “gifts” together and using professional lighting to take the photos. Alth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 08:15 PM
204

The real kicker is that this sexual trauma is then exacerbated by the same men who label these women as "damaged goods". Men have no problem sleeping with traumatized women, they even go as so far to seek them out and abuse them further. Misogyny literally continues the cycle of abuse for these women for a lifetime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 03:45 AM
87

Can you detail more about what specific boundaries you put in place to being an immovable mover and being hard to read around men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 11:01 PM
33

As a darkskinned West African women it sucks. I don't get a lot of attention but when I do its from typically non black men and women who are quite obsessive and fetishize me. This only started to happen during the wave of African models becoming more globally recognized (think Anok Yoi, Adut Aketch, Mayowa Nicholas) in the past 10 years. It doesn't help that I am petite and look very similar to models, so Im compared to them a lot. I've gotten stalked, harassed, and assaulted a lot in public so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 08:53 AM
15

weirdly enough I noticed this sentiment with many mixed race men (who are half black). The express a desire to only date or marry black women but have no problem sleeping and degrading non black women in between it takes the madonna/whore complex to a whole other level
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 08:13 AM
78

his comment definetely gave me "im a porn addict, without saying im a porn addict" energy oh the irony
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 08:02 AM
73

Its not even older men anymore, its also young men. Im in my early 20s and every guy that I've ever gone out with is still in love or heavily traumatized by their first (typically hs) girlfriend. By the second date, each and everyone has found a way to bring up their ex in a conversation. Im tired of competing with girls who they dated before their balls even dropped. I've given up with dating completely
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 07:48 AM
9

Also beware about guys who try to go down on you by force. In my experience these were the guys that were trying to escalate and try to make you feel like you owe them a BJ or sex after. Just know that after he gets what he wants he’ll never go down on you again. omg I never knew about this, puts so many things into perspective
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:49 PM
19

exactly to this because some men believe that being an "entrepreneur" is being a forex or bitcoin trader aka gambling addict
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:38 PM
55

funny story about this but last week I went to the hospital and had to take the stairs bc the elevators lines were too long. As soon as I started going up the stairs, I heard a man and a women having sex a few floors above me. I tried to run the opposite direction but a women (presumably the one who having sex) came out and said hi to me as she rushed by. I went out the stairs and waited in line for the elevators. It was like Grey's Anatomy live action edition in the stairway lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:35 PM
17

came here also to say this and say this very much applies to those still in law school or hopes to be in law school. Always abusive monsters who prey on vulnerable women. You'll never see a male lawyer dating someone who makes a similar wage, same amount of education, or the same social class. Also someone who's lower than them all the lawyers and wanna be lawyers I know are also strangely enough sexual predators...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:30 PM
30

the restaurant industry is notorious for sexual harassment, assault, and pedophile men. They are also heavily into party and drug culture bc of their late hours and work/life balances. Chefs and cooks are at the top of the food chain in these spaces so they are often the perpetrators of the abuse and behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:24 PM
85

if he used his personal phone number, it would be on file. She can also do a phone number search, see whos it registered to, and show it to her supervisor. Or she could bait whoever sent the text to say their name and then report them even without a name, she should be able to report it. I would recommend though getting a name before reporting to really do some damage
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:20 PM
23

the whole institution of science is misogynistic. Early scientists like Francis Bacon, Aristotle, and Thomas Aquinas teamed up religious leaders and political leaders to spread misogynistic rhetoric in the name of "science" all intended to delegitimize women by creating and keep them out of science. Even the concept of reductionism is misogynistic. I love science but it was truly astonishing to learn how interconnected science is with misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:26 PM
13

I also find that men with small dicks tend to be more sexually aggressive towards women. From harassement to full on r*pe, these men literally force themselves onto any women they can find
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:14 PM
49

not the Rainforest Cafe LMAO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:06 PM
86

why would you salvage something that's had no chance of going anywhere anyways? Good on you for stating a boundary. Just block him and move on
/r/askFDS30/09/21 11:56 AM
27

Girl I was where you were only a year ago, it went on for about 2 years. Did it to cope with repeated sexual abuse. Took me getting abused again and leveling up to really seek help. Found FDS along the way and I couldn’t be more grateful for the space. Occasionally I look up try looking up any pics or videos that might’ve been taken bc i know men are depraved enough to have recorded some things. I try not to think about it too much but I feel so sad about the girl in those pics/videos. She was s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:38 AM
4

this comment needs more upvotes. If she willingly had unprotected sex with the random Tinder guy, I highly doubt she'd wouldnt with her bf. So many women get stealthed or assaulted during random hookups, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was and told her bf as a weird way of coping (which is quite common for survivors. Even if she did consensually do this, its completely within her right to refuse it now to her bf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 02:26 PM
9

I never give out my last name but if needed I'd use my mother's maiden name if anything. I'm a first generation and my mom came to this country after she was married so there's no record of the name anywhere as my mother's family is entirely back in the home country
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:48 PM
14

they seem like those types of people who tour college campuses spewing anti POC, LGBT, sexist, religious BS for the sole purpose of instigating a fight. They then press charges against the university to make hundreds of thousands of dollars then do the same to the next university. Those girls said absolutely nothing wrong and upheld their boundaries against these instigators. I hope they get the help they need. Please let us know if theres anything we can do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 10:44 AM
7

What are some apps that record phone calls like this? Or just good personal safety apps in general? I’ve looked up a few but they’re pretty expensive
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 03:12 PM
64

I know these asmrists very well. They have really good content but they have some videos that really toe line and has appeared on porn sites bc of sick fucks like your bf who jerk off to them. It’s no different from watching porn even though it’s not the intended purpose of it. If he’s jerking off to these videos, he’s definitely jerked off to more depraved content. He’s definitely the type of guy that runs to a bathroom when he sees a women in leggings. Break up with his porn sick ass
/r/askFDS24/09/21 06:51 PM
4

Block, delete, and screenshot that message and use that as evidence to report him for assaulting you Asking if you want to get “railed” will not go over well with a jury…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 06:00 AM
3

Relationships get worse over time not better. If you see things going downhill in a way you don’t like, it’s time to hit the eject button now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:19 AM
21

You don’t need evidence to press charges, all you need is your story to start an investigation. At minimum, the police will arrest him and you would be granted a restraining order. Also go to the hospital and get a rape kit ASAP. They can still collect evidence orally and assess for physical damage to your throat, possibly even check under your fingernails for DNA. Go with a trusted friend or you can call RAINN and they can send a trained victims advocate to meet you at the hospital
/r/askFDS23/09/21 01:56 AM
125

all these advancements yet there still isn’t male birth control…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:51 AM
21

this is why I don’t date men who have a Twitter account…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:49 AM
5

him: “iM nOt aN inCeL” next sentence: proceeds to spew deep incel rhetoric and labels all women who take valid measures to protect their safety “fat, ugly feminist”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:48 AM
50

Nah I don't believe drinking dates are dates. Its a low effort date that also sets a precedent for further low effort dates. Any guy who suggests going out drinking for a first or early stage date already gives me rapist vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 09:05 PM
223

Men have said time and time again that they value the opinions and output only from other men (to the point they're practically homosexuals). There is no reason for a man to ever ask for a women's help. Ever. They only do it to manipulate or take advantage of a women. Even my male family members do this. No male deserves your automatic trust
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 06:52 AM
45

words to live by. You are doing yourself a huge disservice by giving people especially men access to you and another chance to abuse you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 06:44 AM
79

Why tf do men do that?! I genuinely don’t understand the logic behind this thinking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 04:51 PM
53

Instead of asking if the sex was good, they might instead ask for another date or to see you again. Don’t fall for it ladies, he’s just trying to avoid jail and get your consent in writing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:37 PM
30

Stealthing, the act of pretending to use a condom and having it slip off, is a crime in some states and different parts of the world. It’s despicable behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:26 PM
38

Same thing happened to me. Twice. That man is a manipulative serial predator. I know now that men will never ask a women for help unless there’s an ulterior motive, usually a sexual one. I’m really sorry that happened to you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:21 PM
52

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s the worse kind of of coercion; it psychologically tortures you into wearing you down. When you think everything’s okay, it starts again, reinducing an acute stress response in your body which puts it in so much stress. Your body can’t take it, so eventually you give in. It mimics enhanced interrogation techniques somewhat on a psychological level, it’s sick. Also i encourage you to report that rapist if you feel comfortable, but I understand if you have r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:16 PM
361

Someone not leaving your residence or leaving you alone after repeated attempts at getting them to leave is also coercion. And a freaking crime. I’ve also seen men pretend to not hear you when you’ve said no or even stop for a minute and continue going. Even escalating to sexual contact before you were able to stay no. It’s all coercion and assault. Don’t ever feel like it’s too late to say no once he’s already started
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:27 AM
119

100%. I’ve noticed that nearly every women I’ve came across that has casual sex or at least as multiple sexual partners (at least 3 before the age of 21) has experienced some type of sexual or emotional trauma and abuse. Many of these women don’t even realize what they’ve experienced is abuse. Since surviving sexual assault, I can guess almost with certainty whether they’ve been assaulted before even talking to them. It’s so sad seeing these women revictimizing themselves w/o even being aware…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:20 AM
88

So many rape victims i counsel engage on BDSM, violent kinks, ridiculous amounts of casual sex, sex work, etc and claim to be using it to heal from their trauma. Hell I even did. The patriarchy masquerades as libfem logic exacerbates hypersexuality, continuing the cycle of abuse. I try to tell other survivors about this but I shunned for being a victim blamer and not being trauma informed. It’s so dangerous surviving SA in this generation, bc so mainstream popularizes dangerous ways of coping th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 11:42 PM
5

I don’t understand why it’s okay for men to watch degrading and abusive content that literally inhibits bodily and brain function but women are shamed having very reasonable boundaries that protect their well-being. Whenever a women does not want to have sex with a man (usually for a very valid reason), she’s automatically considered an abusive bitch and serves as grounds to end a relationship (or even worse sexual abuse). Im tired of the hypocrisy of modern relationships. They’re so blatantly b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 08:15 AM
36

Did we have the same ex?! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 06:24 AM
91

We need more strategy based content like this. While I do take my time to vet, I crave strategies that’ll weed LVM quicker and with less effort on my part
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 06:22 AM
25

Just in case it needs to be said, attention and validation are not valid reasons to keep interacting with a man. Get an animal, a body pillow, or a therapist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 01:02 AM
63

As someone who recently graduated from a prestigious university, I WISH I went to a community college. I really wanted to go to one but my counselors and parents pushed me to go for the schools name. I spent over 100K on tuition for 4 years of schooling for a highly focused major, half of it being online due to COVID. I should’ve trusted my intuition and went to a CC, I loved my local CC and would’ve had better career prospects if I had. Anyone who makes fun of someone going to a CC is seriously…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 08:53 AM
174

I really hate to say it but I wouldn’t be surprised in a few months if we see her start posting on the sexual assault subs rather than the relationship subs… I’m so worried for this poor girls safety, she’s so young
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 07:27 PM
196

No fantasy about this, any sexual contact while asleep is legally rape. You cannot consent while asleep. Dear lord if I’d heard about this from a friend, I’d call the fucking police bc this shit is insane
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 07:24 PM
72

Exactly this. Even the people I know who have the best boundaries rarely block people, they just won’t respond if anything. Im 99% sure he sent a picture of his dick while asking about the tattoo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 06:16 AM
49

I feel like this statement is just a huge causation. Many people today casually hook up so it would make sense for some of those people to end up getting married eventually or dating. It’s a sheer numbers game and does not actually mean anything. I feel like pick mes and scrotes will see this data and not actually interpret this data correctly, using it to fit their own personal narratives
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 04:36 PM
11

Your story really resonated with me. I too suffer from trauma induced vaginismus and was recently attacked by someone I went out on date with despite detailing about my condition beforehand and communicating that I could not have sex. Its chilling how similar our stories right down to what he said to you. I too blamed myself due to not having any real sexual or relationship experience. However after the attack and a lot of therapy, Ive decided that sex just isnt for me and will not push my body …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 10:27 AM
29

but doesn't the phone screening serve the same purposes as a coffee date? Its seems a bit redundant to do both based on your reasons. If you're worried about your safety, how would a coffee date be more safe than an actual date? I assume maybe youre worried about the time of day, but you could just have a local breakfast or lunch/afternoon date that involves actual effort. Going out with a man is unsafe regardless, but there plenty of ways to ensure your safety AND have high value dates. I love …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 10:09 AM
102

agreed. he was one of the only characters in the HP series to who was not intimidated by Hermiones beauty and intelligence and made snide remarks about her behind her back (like Harry and Ron did). the fact that she was with an older guy reflected society's idea that young and intelligent girls need an older men to meet them at their level. ugh one of the ways society normalized age gap relationships on young girls...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 08:47 AM
407

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned about men is that men never ask for help from a women unless he has malicious intentions. It doesn’t matter what the why is or trying to decode what tactics he’s using on you. Drop him immediately as he’s adding no value to your like
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 02:19 PM
9

That’s sexual assault/coercion and I would not consider that situation consensual AT ALL. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you find healing 💙
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:17 AM
32

So there developing a subscription based ED medication but still haven’t put out male birth control? Nice to see where big pharma interests are 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 03:36 PM
7

Depending on what type of trauma you’ve faced, there are a bunch of free programs out there that’ll offer individualized treatment. Try teaching mental health schools, graduate programs, etc locally to get help. Government assistance is available especially if you’ve suffered a trauma that gives you a mental or physical illness (PTSD, anxiety, depression, chronic pain, etc). If you need resources, please let us know on the sub here so we can help you out so you can level up mentally and start he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 03:58 AM
1010

looks like the trash took itself out sis 😂 wish all men would do this haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 06:07 AM
11

I absolutely hate it when men ignore my boundaries. It makes me go crazy and think that maybe I miscommunicated something bc I never understood why’d someone could ignore something so explicit. I’d used to just freeze up and my mind would go blank bc they were just blatantly so rude Dealing with men is truly a mind fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 05:44 AM
7

I’d caution against some men who recreationally roll or trip as well bc I’ve found that these men aren’t doing it consistently bc they emotional stability, it’s because they’re broke 😂 Consistent drug use is expensive and men my age (college aged) aren’t financially stable enough to support that type of lifestyle. Majority of them are still LV tho 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 04:53 AM
52

Every man I’ve ever been out with has done this, it’s absolutely infuriating. I found that they do this for their enjoyment. They’re so insecure that they will literally surround themselves with people who are “beneath” them intellectually and quiz them on these obscure topics to validate their fragile ego and make their small peepees feel big. They are all below average pseudo intellectual either be in their looks, height, sociability, desirability or some combination who use their “intelligenc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 04:11 AM
48

She really thought she was doing something with this tweet hahaha😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 05:41 PM
311

Slightly off topic but I’ve noticed an alarming number of men who feel entitled to unprotected sex from hookups, FWBs, and ONS. They don’t even care if you’re not on BC, cuz apparently the can just pull out (but we all know how that goes). I’ve heard from my friends who engage in casual sex that they have to push their partners to use protection despite telling them they aren’t on BC. Don’t even get me started on the rise of stealthing. Gen Z men do not care about STDs anymore and I think this i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:07 PM
1

Trust me, the last think this man will do is come after you if you report. It’ll only prove your case even more and will not serve in his best interests. However you can get an expedited restraining order if you report to the police. Also the police, don’t communicate with the perpetrator until towards the end of the investigation. I can’t obviously make any guarantees but it’s highly unlikely that he’ll come after you especially if you take legal action against him
/r/askFDS17/08/21 12:50 PM
1

I would call RAINN and ask what local hospitals or clinics to go to that provide rape kits. Some smaller clinics might not have a sexual assault nurse available so calling would direct you to the closest place. They’re available literally 24/7. It should be free but if you can apply for reimbursement if so get charged. They can arrange for someone to meet you at the hospital as well Put the clothes into a brown paper grocery bag and seal it ASAP. I really do hope the best for you but on your hea…
/r/askFDS17/08/21 05:17 AM
110

You can literally get a PhD for anything and you’re basically producing your own research, so I don’t consider everyone who has a PhD to be intelligent. I find a lot of people, especially men, with PhDs to be incredibly close minded and think they’re gods gift on earth just bc they have a doctorate. This is coming from someone who works in higher Ed and will probably pursue a PhD in the future. People with PhDs only specialize in a very small area of study. Most aren’t even considered experts in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:23 PM
20

Regardless of whether or not you report, you should get a rape kit. STDs aren’t the only thing that a rape kit protects against, you could also have internal trauma that you’re not aware about. It’s really important for your health In terms of reporting, since you seem to have a desire to get justice for yourself, so I think you should do it. Be prepared that you won’t necessarily get the results you want and the process could be emotionally draining. I’d recommend getting a trauma informed ther…
/r/askFDS16/08/21 09:56 PM
157

Activity dates raise your heart rate and result in neurological love bombing and increases early attachment. Activity dates almost always turn into long overdrawn dates with multiple locations to also induce love bombing. These dates in general bypass important stages of intimacy and can dwindle ones boundaries over the course of one date Ive seen this type of date being suggested by redpill or LV dating/improvement advice platforms (ie Improvement Pill has a widely popular video about this tact…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:39 AM
77

They will also cuddle you if you’re not in a relationship as a form of positive reinforcement or which continues the cycle of trauma bonding. I know several men who have admitted to using this tactic to have longer situationships so don’t think you’re special after you get a hug or cuddle after he degrades or sleeps with you. He just wants to use you again after
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 08:42 PM
6

In the comments, he mentioned that her hysterectomy specifically resulted in the complete loss of her sexual drive and could only be recovered with medication prescribed. I didn’t mean to suggest that all hysterectomy did this and I should have clarified. Thank you for pointing this out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 07:57 PM
19

I dated a guy like this who’d always use my lack of relationship experience against me to manipulate me despite being the same age. Anytime I’d bring up a valid issues with what he said or did, he’d want to have these long “mature conversations” (that were really more of lectures) about why he was right and I’d just be so exhausted after him talking I’d just drop it. Id tried to break it off a few times but he’d manipulate me into thinking my reasons weren’t valid enough so young pickme me staye…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 12:42 AM
143

I just read the post - apparently she recently had a hysterectomy which means she literally does not have a sex drive. This man is literally coercing sex out of his wife who literally derives no sexual pleasure from anything at all. He’s literally leaving out vital information that’s intended to make him look like the victim. He literally does not care about his wife at all
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 02:24 PM
73

Other people have definitely seen it. I don’t know any guy who’s never shown a nude he’s received to other people. Any guy who’s willing to ask already view women as objects and thus have no problem sharing these pictures like baseball cards
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 02:01 PM
42

Or have permanent brain damage (if not already)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:31 AM
69

It’s funny that you mentioned oral sex. People don’t even see it as a sex act anymore, especially a sex act that would result in a STD. The amount of girls who would give bjs but still be a “virgin” was astonishing. Men and women today from gen z to millennials to boomers still believe this shit. There were so many times where I was kissing a guy and said I didn’t want to have sex so they whipped out their penis demanding a bj bc “it’s not sex” 🙃. This rhetoric literally only benefits men as the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 08:45 PM
65

A colorist world. While it could be argued that bc Chris Brown grew up in the public spotlight as a golden boy, people are more sympathetic to him however it’s really due to his skin tone. Chris Brown is getting a pass because is an attractive, light skin, somewhat ambiguous black man compared to a darkskin, unambiguous DaBaby. People subconsciously view Chris Brown as less threatening but DaBaby as an inherently violent man who is capable of harming others. People don’t cross the street when a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 10:54 AM
68

Alright I’m officially going to get into the habit of tasing or pepperspraying any man who even messes with me in the slightest. Fuck that benefit of the doubt shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:46 AM
10

I feel like no one also talks about the parallels between Kevin Samuels and other “dominant, masculine” black male rhetoric vs red pill rhetoric. They believe in the complete submission of women to their pornsick “alpha” desires is sickening
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 03:40 PM
18

I played football in hs as a wide receiver and I was the only girl in my school history to do so. Even shared the locker rooms with them too. I had the exact same 3 scenarios of how the men treated me. Surprisingly, still have a wonderful relationship with the very few men who treated me as equal years after. My coaches still talk about me fondly and see me as their adopted daughter. It was an amazing self esteem boost and led me to be more confident around guys at a young age. It also drove the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 11:38 PM
69

This is so true. I work with sexual trauma survivors and the amount of women who develop rape fantasies and get into bdsm is astonishing. They view it as a way of reclaiming their bodies, but it’s really no more than an unhealthy coping mechanism and act of self harm due to feelings of worthlessness. I blame liberal feminism and the normalization of porn for this epidemic. It’s why I can never support porn and BDSM: its an extension of patriarchal control of women that exacerbates the cycle of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 11:23 PM
29

Facebook is one of the best social media networks in terms of acquiring old data as they rarely delete info from their servers. Police love it bc it’s so easy to recover old message as well. I would suggest going on Facebook messenger website instead of an app to check messages. Or calling or emailing to try them directly to get some help with getting the messages. If that all fails, I would bait him by asking about the nudes or claiming there’s a rumor your nudes are out there to get him to adm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 04:51 PM
6

TW: Sexual assault I was assaulted by a teammate during my very first college party. He seemed insanely drunk, incoherent, and couldn’t even walk straight. He pushed me down on the bed and started touching me while slurring his words despite me pushing him off. When someone outside the door made a noise, he got off of me immediately and jumped to sit upright across the room completely sober like nothing had happened. All abuse is intentional. Abusers do things not only bc they want to but becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:16 PM
19

Almost all of the men I’ve dated were very intelligent and probably are the most intelligent men I’ve ever met in my life. All go to best Ivys in the US. They also happen to be the most abusive and manipulative people I’ve met. A good education/intelligent does not make someone high value and breeds men who believe deserve women to kiss their feet despite being complete sociopaths. I now don’t date anyone who’s in a higher level of education that me personally (ex I’m in grad school and I only d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 09:54 PM
21

I wouldn’t be surprised if this women is Christian. A lot of people in the black community are Christian or have deeply rooted Christian values and it shows lol. Tbh I believe that black men weaponized Christianity against black women to accept low value behavior and abuse. It’s an exact parallel how Europeans forced Christianity on slaves and African peoples during missionary trips and colonial era
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:28 AM
14

I had the exact same thing happen to me. I went on a walk date (pre-FDS of course) with the expectation of getting lunch at a restaurant nearby. However after the walk ended, he asked if I was ready to go to the restaurant, which I replied to yes to. He then said he was just order the food to his place instead of the restaurant due to COVID. I felt i was put on the spot and I reluctantly agreed. Worst “date” of my life and biggest mistake ever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 03:21 PM
2

When would be a good time to communicate this? Before any sexual activity? Before oral? Or before penetration? Should we even verbally communicate this at all?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 03:10 PM
279

As a black women, this is why I stay tf away from black men. They want feminine, lighter skinned “submissive” women and shame any women who doesn’t fit this archetype. They end up abusing all types of black women. And then black women get blamed and gaslighted for the lack of “black love” and all other social issues within the black community. Don’t fall for it ladies. Please divest and find a man who actually values you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:40 PM
88

Also you can get a rape kit up to 5 days after a rape (oral, vaginal, digital/fingers, anal). If it’s been a few days after this period, you might be able to still get one as a hospital can’t refuse do it. If you ever get attacked and you’re not able to get to the hospital, place any clothes especially underwear into a brown paper bag to preserve the evidence. Take pictures of any bruises you might have as well and text multiple people that you were assaulted to leave a digital trail as evidence…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 04:08 AM
17

I would’ve just straight up called the police on him. Even if she wouldn’t admit to what he did was wrong, that man should not be on the streets for the sake of all women everywhere. Also, where tf do you even find roofies in 2021?! It’s not an easy drug to find and it worries me heavily that he has the access and supply to just casually roofie his gf for “nagging”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 09:54 PM
6

Thank you so much! I feel like no one talks about this stuff and it’s so important especially for women, especially survivors of sexual assault. No one ever really teaches us what to do when someone disrespects our boundaries after saying no or how to safely exit a potentially dangerous sexual situation. I’ll definitely be implementing these strategies in my vetting book
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:48 PM
83

Sounds like she’s in shock but her subconscious is screaming at her that something is wrong. That’s why she called into the show. The brains capability to make us deny our own experiences is truly insane
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:33 AM
20

I asked this before and didn’t get any replies but what are some good ways to get up and leave during foreplay or during sex? Getting up and leaving sometimes is easier said than done especially when experiencing resistance. Men (at least in my experience) are becoming more coercive and abusive. Men feel entitled to sexual activity once started and I’m not trying to deal with that bs anymore. I will of course be vetting carefully and waiting 3-6months to weed out abusive men but I’d love to get …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:20 AM
38

I didn’t date in college at all but I did date around a little bit and had a few “text relationships” lol. Nothing that lasted more than 2 months or went out on more than 3 dates with. It was all a waste of time. I thought that I was better than the other girls who were getting into relationships but I was still spending time talking to men who added no value to my life. I was constantly trying to text them back or FT them and the amount of time I spent really added up when I look back. I still …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 12:45 AM
3

I don’t trust men who have a lot of female friendships. It’s weird straight up and those friendships usually serve as potential casual sexual encounters. Tbh I just stopped asking myself why men do the things they do. Im not a psychologist so unless im being paid, I have no incentive to counsel a man or worry about his behavior. If it bothers you, just dumb them
/r/askFDS27/07/21 10:16 AM
109

The mental gymnastics pick mes and pedophiles are using these days are insane…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 12:41 PM
35

of course! You’re so brave and I hope you get the healing you’re seeking 💓
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 12:38 PM
91

It depends on the state you’re living in but usually the statue of limitations for civil crimes expire after 2 years. For criminal cases, it’s varies per state but it can either be a misdemeanor or felony charge (unless you live in MS, SC, WY, or MA). I would Google it to be sure or call RAINN to ask more questions. They might even be able to refer you to legal advice as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:46 AM
213

I totally understand your concerns. You can file civil charges and sue for damages which would not go through the local police. If you want to press criminal charges, I would only speak to an SVU detective with a lawyer present to refrain from getting his brother involved. I advise calling RAINN and bc they are more skilled with dealing with the police and protecting you legally. They can help you even file a restraining order if you want one. I’m pretty well versed in sex crimes and you have th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:24 AM
336

Sis please call the police on him and charge him with revenge porn. You’ve got the evidence, take this abusive POS out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:07 AM
68

I went through the same thing. It didn’t stop him from being an abusive, red pilled POS. I ignored the red flags bc he feed my ego and soothed my insecurities. It’s just a grooming tactic and not worth it. Men will never change for a women, they’ll only change for themselves which is probably never going to happen. Always take a man at face value
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:05 AM
106

Literally the post itself was stupid but the back and forth in the comments is so ghetto and embarazzing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 08:16 PM
187

100%. He feels jealous and emasculated by her success so he lashed out and knocked her down the only way he could. It’s despicable behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:40 PM
105

I think the show purposely edited her scenes to make her seem more unreasonable and combative. She talked about this in interviews after the show was aired. The producers definitely had it out for her and wanted to type cast her and some of the other women on the show. I’m glad she stuck to her standards and didn’t lower them for anybody. She’s definitely a real life HVW women to aspire to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:20 AM
93

All rape and sexual abuse subs on Reddit have a strict no PM rule to bc its a very known fact that abusers will target vulnerable people, claiming to want to help them with their trauma or to be a listening ear for them. Its pinned on all the front pages. It’s honestly so sick and twisted but it happens A LOT I don’t want to victim blame but what did she expect, especially when he revealed that he wasn’t a survivor as well?! At best, he just a random guy that lurks on rape subs all day long for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:24 PM
12

Recent college grad here too and I agree with everything! Here are a few things I’d like to add Surround yourself with HVW. Don’t entertain pickmes in your circles at all bc they’ll just drag you down Don’t date or hookup your freshmen year at all bc one bad experience with a guy will fuck you up. Your freshmen year will dictate the rest of your college years academically. You don’t want to flunk your freshmen yr and spend the rest of your undergrad career catching up. Tbh I honestly don’t recom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:09 PM
7

This is a huge problem especially on AskFDS. I’m seeing women to there who have clearly never read the handbook or barely grasp what FDS is about venting about their NVM or random dudes from OLD. I’m tired of pickmes continuing to use dating apps and accepting bottom of the barrel behavior from men bc they don’t want to be alone. I just report these posts bc they take away from the women who are doing the work to level up and who actually need advice. We’ve all made mistakes in dating, friendshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 09:35 PM
22

I just read your story and I wanted to say I’m so sorry. Literally the exact same thing happened to me almost a year ago (got raped then went back to rapist to try and normalize things) but unfortunately it ended with me getting raped again. I fell for the fake apology. Good on you for trusting your gut and not letting him back into your space. And please know that what you did is a valid trauma response that’s more common than people would like to admit especially when you have an emotional con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 09:05 PM
266

At 2am?! He really must be that desperate for sex lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 07:33 AM
7

A weird standard I have that people told me is unreasonable is a check in after every date to see if I got home safe. Even if the dates during the day. This applies to hookups (I don’t do this anymore) or people I’m casually seeing as well. To me, it shows that they’re worried about my safety and well being. I’ll block someone within the morning if I don’t get a check in message
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 01:43 AM
52

My family is full of jokesters and we do this all the time, so I often find myself doing this unconsciously with whoever I’m dating whenever I get a neg from someone. I briefly went out PUA who’d negged me but it never registered bc I’d always turn it around on him, thinking he was being flirty. He started crying on a 45 min phone call telling me how I was breaking his self esteem (my pet name for him was ugly lol) and that I was really immature. Thank god it was a call and not a FT bc I couldn’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 01:28 AM
135

The term aftercare is so gross to me. It’s really just PC version of saying trauma bonded. When can we as a society stop normalizing abuse?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 12:58 AM
330

This reminds me of the group of men who attacked a single mother outside a grocery store. She said no to them helping her out with her groceries. Minutes later, they repeatedly stomped her out, punched her, and even bit her eye all while her child was in the car. They then left her for dead until bystanders called for help. The attack left her with partial blindness and serious complications It’s absolutely terrible to be a women in today’s society. Men only risk rejection while women literally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 06:03 AM
15

Okay but is he vaccinated against HPV? 👀👀👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 05:56 AM
36

He’s was just intimidated by her beauty. I mean look at her! She’s absolutely gorgeous and that fucking red pilled, limp dick, NVM scrote had to knock her down to reach his level of insecurity. I can’t believe her mad a face at her WHILE ON A FIRST DATE! Did he really expect another after pulling that shit?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 05:52 AM
335

I still don’t understand why women today are still on OLD if they’re getting shit like this….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 11:58 PM
97

You’re asking yourself the wrong the question here. It does not matter why he assaulted you, it’s about whether or not you’re willing to take that treatment from him or anyone else. Asking yourself why is just a form of self blame which keeps you stuck in this cycle. But it’s not your fault, please know that. The reason why he did this is because he’s an abusive rapist, plain and simple. Men are unempathetic creatures who love power and control, especially over women. Honestly I wouldn’t be surp…
/r/askFDS09/07/21 09:33 AM
40

Sounds like he wants a teenage virgin with no self esteem and boundaries to control
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 03:44 AM
55

Men just will lie, claim they’re stupid, and use plausible deniability to lie about anything these days. They saw the nonverbal signs, they just don’t care. My abuser admitted to me after 3 months (and multiple conversations of him lying to me) that there were clear verbal and nonverbal signs of me not being interested in him sexually. He even listed instances that I wasn’t even completely aware of. Men literally just don’t care Men always claim to be masters of nonverbal cues that makes them in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 03:18 AM
12

I would also add lawyers, civil servants like politicians, high level corporate workers to this list of men who lie constantly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 02:57 AM
26

You need to read the handbook because there are a lot of red flags here that are explicitly stated. Don’t tell him about your romantic or sexual history, this is very dangerous and this information can be used against you later The first date was way too long and seem really “bonded” together for the short amount of time you’ve been seeing each other. I think he’s love bombing you. You should be multi dating He should be coming to you or paying for your gas/transportation (eg Uber). 2 hours is t…
/r/askFDS06/07/21 10:15 AM
3

ABORT THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG This is a really common PUA and love bombing tactic. It’s supposed to build a false sense of intimacy in a short amount of time and wear down your boundaries. I would not recommend going on this date or seeing this guy. A first date shouldn’t last more than an hour, the absolute max maybe 2. Don’t fall for it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:13 AM
86

Drop him. Now its just celebrities he's attracted to, but then it'll be nude IG "models", OF stars, and random women on the street or in his friend group. You get to decide your boundaries. Your HV man would never make you feel uncomfortable or fetishize a women based on her hair color. Its rude behavior and a red flag. Be happy you found this out now before you were exclusive with him
/r/askFDS03/07/21 09:35 PM
56

They way men try to gaslight women these days is insane 🥲
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 08:46 AM
19

Does anyone have any tips on how to safely stop during sex or foreplay? I’ve noticed that the farther I’ve go through with foreplay or sex, guys will try to coerce or push me to keep going once I try to leave. I usually try and dip once they try and get a condom since they’re away from me at that point, but I’d love some advice on how to exit beforehand and more confidently
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 05:09 AM
91

This ties heavily into self blame. We as women blame ourselves too much for the shitty actions of men. We internalize it and carry that trauma for life. Collectively, we need to stop rationalizing and taking blame for male behavior. Once we make this mindset shift, dating and the rest of life becomes so much easier
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:34 AM
48

I’m come from a conservative culture as well so I understand not wanting to be posted by someone you’re dating. Personally, I don’t think posting or not posting says anything about the healthiness of your relationship, for the most part. I keep my personal life very private from social media as is I think it’s a good sign that he wanted to post you. But I would be wary that he could be potentially trying to love bomb you depending on how long you both have been dating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:23 PM
30

Slightly off topic, but in Nigeria, the penalty for rape is castration. In more of the local and rural areas, the villagers mob and attack the rapist. Seems like they’re definitely onto something there 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:58 AM
2

Its NOT your fault or you are NOT a pickme for actions you made during an assault. It looks as if your trauma responses kicked in and you can’t necessarily control that. He violated a clear boundary of yours and you even attempted to reinforce it during a painful act, that’s incredibly brave. I’m happy you’ve left him and focusing on leveling up. Don’t let this experience contradict all the work you’ve done to become a HVW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:46 AM
37

^ THIS!!! No nefarious person will display obvious red flags or bad behavior upfront. They can’t risk being turning off potential victims, They’ll be “helpful”, “nice”, and a “gentleman” before they show their true colors. No person who’s trying to manipulate or trick you will ever be upfront with you until after it’s too late
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:19 PM
11

I understand your pain completely. My first sexual experience was rape as well and i was heavily coerced into it after being a physically and sexually assaulted. I finally reported him 3 years later after finding his other victims. You’re honestly doing gods work. This process is not easy especially as rape culture tries to gaslight rape victims and blames them into oblivion. My only regret is not doing it sooner. I blamed myself because I was coerced into the act, I thought it wasn’t legitimate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:06 PM
14

They’ll never admit it but men love to get off to nonconsensual sex acts. It’s a huge power trip to know that they’re forcing someone into a sex act. Many men hate eager and willing sexual partners as they’re seen as too easy. Porn has unfortunately normalized this and made rapists think that it’s okay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:58 PM
39

this is clearly triangulation. I bet “random people” are made up as she isn’t even to give a name/identity to them. He’s just making this up to manipulate her and lower her self esteem to the point she thinks that she’s the one who came up with this “compromise”. Also, I bet these “comments” didn’t start coming until after he was unable to get his federal law enforcement job which probably means he’s broke and needs to leech off of her finances
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:58 PM
33

Projection at its finest LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 12:36 PM
180

Every man I’ve ever gone out on a date with has brought up their high school “gf” (meaning the girl they held hands with for 3 weeks and got as far as 2nd base with). They cannot stop comparing every girl they meet to this gf who was too young to realize her self worth and have standards. Since one girl put up with their shit, they believe that all women should too and become emotionally stunted for life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:10 AM
9

Same thing with me except the “boy” was in his late 20s when I was 18. I wouldn’t have said yes if he hadn’t assaulted me. Even the word “tip” sends me into a nervous panic. The “just the tip” excuse is just a rape tactic plain and simple. It’s an actual documented and heavily researched tactic used my pedophiles and predators. I don’t know why this isn’t taught to girls in middle/high school it would save a lot of lives
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:13 PM
134

I think the statistic is that 1 out of 11 girl’s first sexual experience is rape or heavily coerced. Most of the girls i know who dated in high school were actually being abused by their bfs. A lot of girls i knew who lost their virginity in college were raped usually during their first two months of undergrad. Rapists start really young and it will get younger until we actually punish these monsters for traumatizing generations of young woman. I hate how society treats abusive behavior as a pha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 12:22 AM
21

At this point, men just need to come out with the homosexual urges and just date the men they’re so in love with
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:44 AM
3

“I didn’t even know I was allowed to have boundaries” THIS!!! When I realized this, it put everything into perspective about the lack of self worth I had. I just didn’t understand why I kept being abused or mistreated by guys when my friends weren’t but then I realized they just had boundaries on surrounding the type of behavior they’d expect. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 18 yr old self this😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 07:53 AM
68

I run into the same problem like example B. I live in a huge metro area and most of the guys that ask me out live across a bridge or are at least 45 mins away from me. When they ask me out, I always get asked where we should go because “I’m the local” 🙃 YELP IS A FREE RESOURCE. GOOGLE IS BUILT INTO YOUR PHONE. FIGURE IT OUT OR AT LEAST COME UP WITH SOME OPTIONS FIRST
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 04:12 AM
59

I feel like the more suspicious thing is he’s in a workplace environment that hires minors at his age👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:24 PM
34

The way he played Mackenzie was horrible 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 06:36 PM
3

This puts everything I experienced with that last person I dated into perspective. He’d always try to weaponize things that I told him that he thought were traumatic to me. This is was stuff like the bad relationship i had with my mom, my lack of dating/sexual experience, my Afrocentric features, etc. The funniest part was that they truly didn’t bother me or have an impact on my self esteem. The thing that DID bother me was the amount of times he felt the need to bring it up. When I’d call him o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 05:32 PM
28

is this Jalen from Love Island USA?! LOL I knew he was always fine but I like the darker hair better on him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 05:00 PM
3

This also applies to any social gatherings such as work parties, family/friend gatherings, house parties, etc. I never went clubbing or to frat parties in undergrad, but I did go to house parties hosted by school clubs or teams, so we were all close. They’d always push for everyone, especially the younger women, to drink excessively. They’d tell us that’s it’s safe to trust them as they weren’t as wild as the frats and that we all knew each other pretty well. Looking back, I don’t know one girl …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 12:12 AM
20

^ this applies to any man in entertainment industry really. Dancers, musicians, artists, photographers, etc. Not only do they objectify any women that breathes in front of them, they’ll do anything to manipulate and coerce vulnerable lower level women. Predatory behavior is so normalized in this industry. Also every man seems to have Peter Pan syndrome and will manipulate minors and young women into making their balding asses feel alive again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 12:44 PM
68

Lawyers are hell on earth, they’re the most manipulative ppl I’ve ever met. They turn every discussion into a courtroom brawl, negotiate your boundaries, lie straight to your face, etc Idk if it’s just me but most male lawyers or law students I know also have dead, empty eyes as well. It’s terrifying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:11 AM
80

I swear men on dating apps act more depraved as they have no emotional or personal connection to you. Whatever they do to you won’t reach back to their friends, so they think how they treat the women they meet on apps isn’t a reflection of their behavior. No one holds these men accountable and NVM abusers love that. Because you’re just the girl from Bumble, they rationalize their shitty behavior because to them you’re not even a real human
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 04:15 PM
28

I had a very similar experience to you: I could never meet people in real life despite being involved in multiple hobbies and having a large network of coworkers and school friends. I joined dating apps and it’s terrible. You think these guys you’re meeting are good guys, not like the crazy ones you here in the news or in these FDS posts. Until you meet one of those guys. Sis you’re not the exception, don’t give these men the benefit of the doubt because you will end up traumatized If you’re sti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 04:12 PM
2

I’m just speculating but I think a “lack of sexual compatibility”, especially when it comes to a lowered sex drive than in the beginning stages of a relationship is a big indicator of abuse. Yes, sex isn’t for everyone and some people don’t want sex all the time, but a symptom of many mental health issues that stem from abuse is low libido. This can include depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Anytime I hear a man complaining about his partners lack of sex drive, I automatically think he’s abusing he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 09:14 AM
57

Naw I don’t care what anyone says coerced sex is rape. Nearly all rapists only apply the appropriate amount of force needed to dominate someone. There’s no point in using physical force if pestering/emotional abuse will work, unless they’re a sadist. Not acknowledging coercive sex as form of rape is an extension of rape culture as it puts the blame on victims, who are typically women. People who delegitimize the damage of coercion uphold patriarchal ideals
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:34 AM
67

My abuser did this after sexually assaulting me. Even started describing all the women’s he’s been with as I lay there in shock Afterwards, I confronted him and asked if he’d assaulted anyone else, and he said hes unsure 🙃 I swear they tell on themselves
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:22 AM
185

Honestly I think she was in too much pain to think straight. He’s clearly using plausible deniability to avoid responsibility. It’s funny how he mentions they rarely use their safe word but brings it up after he rapes her. He’s probably going to show this post to further gaslight her into doubting her own trauma as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 08:37 AM
23

I experienced the same things a few months ago. I had gone out on a date with someone who I thought was HV to practice what I recently learned from FDS. I wasn’t strong with my boundaries and ignored red flag behavior because deep down I thought I wasn’t good enough to be HV. Just know that what happened was not your fault and that just because you didn’t follow FDS values does not mean you deserved to be assaulted. What happened to you is no way a reflection of you and your character. It might …
/r/askFDS28/05/21 02:19 AM
6

I feel like we need a post dedicated to how men try to create a false sense of intimacy. I feel like the behavior is so normalized that men don’t even know that they do it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:44 AM
5

I thought the same way. I thought I was just nervous because I was inexperienced and had major anxiety when it came to dating. I remember feeling anxious the whole week BEFORE I went out with the monster who raped me. Ive had the unfortunate experience to have only dated abusive men, so I just thought it was normal. My friends kept telling me I just had self esteem issues which just further led to me gaslighting myself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:40 AM
26

just a warning with this: both my rapists asked if they could kiss me before they raped me. I think some rapists know that women prefer verbal consent, so they’ll ask for smaller acts of physical and sexual intimacy to gain your trust. Then they’ll completely ignore you later on to purposely keep you confused and in a state of cognitive dissonance. Remember to make sure he’s consistent with consent as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:20 AM
30

how did you go about listening to your body and stop using sex as a coping mechanism? I'm currently in therapy and going about processing my trauma, but I think Im still struggling with maintaining my boundaries around sex and resort to fawning when distressed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 06:59 AM
13

Dated a guy exactly like this last year. Worst mistake ever. I ignored the red flags because he seemed really into me but turned out to be a narcissistic, porn addicted abuser. She needs to block him ASAP
/r/askFDS09/05/21 02:11 AM
44

I’m still in my early 20s but I wish I never dated or was interested in men. Ive never even been on more than 3 dates with a boy or been in a relationship, but I’ve officially given up for life. The act of dating around did not effect my classes or career, but the violence I’ve encountered at the hands of men has finally caught up to me and impacted me especially now during my senior year of college. I’m not saying you’ll end up getting assaulted/abused due to dating/hooking up (I’ve had plenty …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 07:57 AM
24

Can absolutely confirm this. My abuser (27M) was a serial rapist who preyed on sexually inexperienced 18yr olds who were new to our college team year after year. He’d obtain our numbers/addresses from audition sheets, groom us for during the first few weeks on the team, then purposely isolate and assault us during our weakest the first chance he got (typically heavily intoxicated while team social events). Hed thrive off of plausible deniability for years and constantly push boundaries under the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:43 AM
2

Block and delete needs to apply to all aspects of your life, including friendships. It might seem hard to d but trust me you’ll feel more at peace after you do it. You owe it to yourself to be surrounded by like minded people who will support you on your journey. Also, it’s good that you’re leveling up from your pick me ways but understand what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Hyper sexuality is really common for SA survivors and personally I don’t completely consider it pick me behavior (howe…
/r/askFDS09/04/21 04:08 PM
5

Honestly the rejection did not matter to me, I was prepared to end things because I felt like there wasn’t enough investment given the time we’d known each other. I’d noticed a pull back the days leading up to the breakup and I’d wished that he’d just told me sooner, as we were seeing each other for 5 months. But my biggest gripe is that my friends still bring up the situation and criticize me for being too demanding. I understand that I shouldn’t need their validation but they made me feel like…
/r/askFDS02/04/21 06:31 PM
27

Sexual coercion is rape and these are all common tactics used to do so. Being manipulated into sex is not valid consent. Certain types of coercion may not be punishable by law but it is STILL rape. You feel the same violation/disrespect as rape victims/survivor because you are one. You went through with sex because it was the only way to deescalate the situation. RAINN gives a lot of information about sexual coercion and how to respond to it. If you look up sexual coercion, you’ll find more info…
/r/askFDS18/02/21 04:14 AM
38

Wait so he’s empathetic enough to suddenly cry and take care of you in moments where your triggered emotionally by sex/trauma but not emphatic enough to have a committed relationship with you?! How goddam desperate and full of shit is this man?! Make it make sense🙃 This is why you don’t disclose your trauma, because men will literally emotionally manipulate you to do what they want aka SEX! Disclosing my trauma to someone has actually gotten me assaulted AGAIN, so please be careful. I mean he wa…
/r/askFDS11/02/21 06:53 PM
9

Tbh I just think you should pack up his stuff and put it outside while he’s out the house one day, change the locks, and block him on all platforms. He borderline abusive and prone to arguments, so I think having a sit down talk to break up would be a huge waste of time and could potentially turn out very bad. Just have him disappear from your life and begone with him for the sake of your mental health and safety.
/r/askFDS09/02/21 07:08 PM
39

IMO pleasuring yourself in front of a partner is not weird, but doing it because he was unable to get off after 20+ minutes of oral, that is not normal. He put himself over you this early in the relationship and your gut is telling saying that you don’t like that. Also the blue balls thing is a cop out, he’s seemed to be trying to guilt trip you. You want someone to be present with you while being intimate, that’s not too much to ask for and is a very standard thing during sex. FYI I agree with …
/r/askFDS04/02/21 02:14 AM
11

I’m not in Canada but I think you should really report him. I just reported my rapist and the process wasn’t as bad as I though it was. The cop I talked to was really nice and tried to make me feel better. I’m still in the process of everything but the only thing I regret is not doing I sooner (I waited 2 months due to school). There should be a local rape/advocacy center nearby you, and they can really help you get answers to the legal/police process. They can even go with you to get the police…
/r/askFDS26/12/20 08:54 PM
6

He’s a textbook naracisst girl don’t bother with trying to decipher his actions anymore. There’s nothing that you can do that will undo any of the abuse he put you through or make him see the error in his ways. His behavior will never stop no matter what anyone says or does to him. He lives in his own world, where he will always be the hero and everyone else the villain . The only thing you can do is pity him, move on, and be happy you don’t have his ugly insecure scrote ass in your life anymore…
/r/askFDS26/12/20 08:09 PM
19

I swear to god you’re dating the last guy I was seeing (I refuse to refer to him as an ex, since ex implies a relationship which we were never in lol) BLOCK HIM NOW. He’s a classic naracisstic incel who is constantly trying to emotionally manipulate you. The “fun” you feel is just oxytocin and after a period of no contact you won’t be able to feel it. You owe him no explanation, just block him on all forms of communication. Write a list of all the toxic traits he exhibited and everytime you thin…
/r/askFDS01/12/20 08:25 PM
17

Do some research into different therapeutic practice ie DBT,CBT, EMDR, etc. One you figure out which therapy is right for you, look for therapist/psychiatrist that practices it AND that specializes in what you need. This will take a lot of time and research but trust me it’ll all be worth it. Outside of therapy, I’d advise to put your effort into hobbies, goals, etc. Once you start making progress with your life, your confidence will boost too. My source of confidence comes from my artistic purs…
/r/askFDS01/12/20 09:47 AM
54

There’s a lot to unpack here but I’ll do my best to answer your questions: 1) Seek therapy or counseling of some sort to boost your confidence. Men prey on insecure women will try to manipulate you and your trauma, so I think you need to spend some time working on yourself before you start dating. You might not even want to date as you start to improve yourself and grow into to a newer and better person. 2) I think you should figure out what you want out of dating apps before you go on them. Lik…
/r/askFDS01/12/20 09:33 AM
21

He did not reply to you (ghosted) for a month sis he’s not that interested in you. He only messages you when it’s convienent for him, which indicates hes not serious and a LVM. If he was serious, he would’ve continued to initiate conversations or call you. It also seems as though you two aren’t compatible (lack of shared interests, awkward convos/dates, etc). I know you said that you’re shy and new to dating, but you should never feel awkward or uncomfortable during a date it’s a sign that hes n…
/r/askFDS17/11/20 04:29 AM
4

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE! I’ve had some terrible dating experiences in the past and I feel like I’m now at a point where I’m just not into waiting my time lol I’m in college so I feel like every guy I meet wants a hookup or is “looking for a relationship but open to hookups” 🙃 it’s so infuriating. What’s worse is that a few of my male and female friends simply normalize this behavior which is just 🤢🤮
/r/askFDS14/11/20 04:13 AM
1

wait so you think that engaging in physical contact and potentially escalating to a kiss during the date would be better less upfront than asking if she has feelings for him?! Especially when they currently have a platonic relationship and on a their first few dates?! dear lord that’s some terrible advice especially due to COVID restrictions Since OPs seems to be young, if you’re not comfortable asking her straight up (which personally I think is best way to go after you’ve hung out for a while)…
/r/seduction12/11/20 07:20 PM
1

EXACTLY! Men hate the fact that we can attract other men by doing basically nothing. That’s why PUAs and “seduction” techniques exist, to manipulate women into being attracted to them. Met that guy at a festival where my picture was constantly being taken by event photographers and random ppl. I even ended up on the festival promo and websites! I KNOW that he was intimidated by my beauty and used all the manipulation tactics in order to try and knock me down to his level. Took me a minute but I …
/r/askFDS05/11/20 03:08 PM
1

Dated someone similar to this. He’d constantly talk about his past sexcapades, his ex gfs, or just women in general that found him attractive. He even hung up on me while we were on FT to answer a call from his ex. When I brought it up to him, he gaslit me and said “my past is relevant to our relationship” 🙃🤮 Classic naracisstic tendencies, wouldn’t be surprised if he’s read The Game or if he’s a PUA. It’s all to get a reaction from you. Had low self esteem too so I put up with it for weeks, but…
/r/askFDS05/11/20 02:46 PM
1

Request to comment
/r/askFDS05/11/20 09:19 AM
16

Sending a sextape he made without the consent of the girl involved is not only a red flag but ILLEGAL. Did he even make the sex tape with her consent in the first place?! Why would you want to be with a man who is committing a CRIME? Get the divorce and run. He’s definitely a Negative Value Man who probably has more skeletons in his closet
/r/askFDS04/11/20 07:53 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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