Amaran345 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	I choked Always take things into account, never overreact or choke	/r/seduction	14/06/25 09:50 PM
56	Seeking Clarity from a Woman About Where You Stand Ruins Attraction I see it in this way: If the girl is secure, she will actually appreciate that you want to clarify things about the relationship, she loves certainty and security, that's the way she connects with others, through security. If the girl is anxious, you're in trouble, clarifying things lowers her anxiety, this stops the emotional rollercoaster which will make her feel bored, as you are not triggering her anxious attachment, she's insecure, she doesn't connect through certainty and security. If she'…	/r/seduction	09/06/25 11:13 PM
11	Hard truth: Most of you will never change. Sometimes the motivation comes from the change itself, for example a guy that lifts releases more testosterone, and this hormone increases motivation and competitiveness	/r/seduction	16/05/25 02:23 PM
5	I only started improving with women when I stopped taking rejection personally The trick to handle rejection is to just take it into account, but never overreact or overthink about it, some guys have their brains wired to be oversensitive to rejection, so they need lots of active mind correction to go back to baseline state after getting rejected. Getting rejected many times and always focusing on handling it correctly, eventually rewires the brain to do this automatically, to the point where handling rejection can become effortless over time. Some guys are "naturals" or "…	/r/seduction	07/05/25 02:13 PM
1	Here we go again. My biggest weakness bites me in the ass yet again. Anxious attachment bro, the "but i'm fucked up" happens because the part of your brain that takes care of emotional regulation, was probably not nurtured when you were a kid, and so any feelings and emotions both positive and negative escalate to the point where they severely interfere with your thoughts and actions, this will make you feel quite bad and like you say it fucks with your life as a whole. With therapy or self-therapy you can develop self-regulation (also called self-soothing), afte…	/r/seduction	07/05/25 01:31 PM
9	What do you guys do after you get the girl? Being secure and getting a partner with a secure attachment style ends the cycle of empty toxic relationships	/r/seduction	02/05/25 02:05 AM
1	How do I go from logical conversations to emotional ones When talking about something, focus on talking about how you feel or felt about it, instead of just the logical facts about it. In the same way, ask her about how does she feel about things. Logical: "this room looks spacious, it has a nice big bed" Emotional: "this room makes me feel calm and relaxed" - she gets more useful information this way	/r/seduction	29/04/25 01:17 PM
1	How to get naughty pics from girls? First move the conversation to intimacy topics to set the mood, and then you can ask her what does she think about these kind of pics, if she says something that can be read as positive, then you can invite her to share some of these	/r/seduction	29/04/25 01:05 PM
2	I keep working but it never really pays off Stop chasing dismissive-avoidants and fearful-avoidants, and things will improve quickly. Learn to recognize secure women (women that don't flake or ghost), and become secure yourself, so that you can connect with them	/r/seduction	28/04/25 09:29 PM
46	I finally had a one night stand and now i feel miserable This may sound crazy, but the way this girl behaved looks very green flag to me, i wouldn't have blocked her on the spot, i would have tried to know her better to see if something else can develop from there	/r/seduction	22/04/25 03:49 AM
1	Do attractive women care about a guy's social media presence? Fearful-avoidants are complicated, they are also called "disorganized attachment", so what is up with them is always the question with people that have this attachment style. My guess is that her anxious side is being triggered when she sees you in person, that she becomes weak towards you when you are in the presence of her, if you approach and she treats you very amazingly well, this could be a confirmation that she's in anxious mode	/r/seduction	21/04/25 03:46 PM
3	Why am I so afraid of intimacy and sex? Sounds like you have fearful-avoidant attachment style, this is quite difficult to heal, as your fears will make you resistant to therapy, increasing the chances of it failing due to not being able to connect and trust the therapist. On the positive side, being like this is 100% not your fault, it's probably the fault of your parents, inside of you there's a secure guy that has no fears, but you have to rediscover and rebuild it, it was probably only allowed to exist briefly when you were a kid,…	/r/seduction	15/04/25 06:51 PM
1	How do you detect Flakes? Consider them more as signs that increase the probability of her being a flake	/r/seduction	09/04/25 03:42 PM
4	How do you detect Flakes? - She approaches you but becomes weirdly distant or resistant to connect when you try to match her energy. - She gives you no option but to put all the effort to maintain a conversation or interaction with her. - The convo is not about knowing each other, but only about her and her traumas and exes. - She displays or mentions way too many obvious insecurities	/r/seduction	09/04/25 02:44 PM
25	What's your biggest "aha!" realization, that seriously increased your results? But a door has to be opened for that, if the door is closed, they won't...even if they wanted to	/r/seduction	27/03/25 01:16 PM
2	Not exactly approach anxiety? If your parents never really spoke to you growing up, then you may had no choice but to become a dismissive-avoidant, a very independent person that doesn't see any meaning in bonding with others	/r/seduction	25/03/25 07:38 PM
3	i find myself always pulling away and i don’t know why Catch the feeling that makes you want to pull away, and force yourself to stay. Try to associate dismissive thoughts to this feeling, something like "this is bullshit, i'm staying", imagine the feeling as a snake that you subdue and grab by the neck to show it who's in charge. When your mind want to focus on your body, force it to focus back on the interaction with the girl, you may have to do this multiple times during a conversation with a girl. This active mental process will heal you over ti…	/r/seduction	25/03/25 02:18 PM
1	super affraid of overstepping boundaries m25 Ask her about her preferences for touching, make it a conversation topic, tell her about the way you want to touch her and if that's is ok or not, in the same way, also tell her about your preferences to test compatibility. Consider big deviations from what she tells you as the boundaries, if after asking you get nothing useful from her, or she confronts or mocks you, consider it a red flag, a strong sign of incompatibility	/r/seduction	11/03/25 04:17 PM
1	Has anyone ever created an alter ego and completely changed their approach or the way people treated you? If this "alter ego" is secure, then it may actually be the most real version of you, that was suppressed by your mind, probably long long time ago, maybe even when you were a baby. With enough effort you can probably find when insecure strategies like hesitating and doubting began, for some they were the most effective thing to survive bad parents when they were a kid, their insecure self is actually the "alter ego" created and internalized for too long to survive a bad upbringing,	/r/seduction	28/02/25 03:39 PM
1	What do you do that empowers you after all the rejections/negative comments/etc? I've found that lifting weights helps, it releases a bit of testosterone that helps to recover emotional regulation after an overload of rejections and negative responses. Having secure friends helps a lot too, reliable and dependable people that sort of "restore faith in humanity", they are like a golden reference of how a healthy person should be, they listen and can offer support	/r/seduction	28/02/25 03:01 PM
5	Why does texting fizzle out? My hypothesis is that texting is a connection based more on dopamine than oxytocin, and so when the dopamine runs out, she stops being motivated to keep on texting, it fizzles out. Using texting only for planning dates doesn't exhaust her reward system and so it's more effective and sustainable. Guys that run text game may be fighting an uphill battle to keep her releasing dopamine, but at some point her receptors may downregulate and so she will feel less and less motivated to text, even if his…	/r/seduction	26/02/25 05:20 PM
1	Not replying after giving you her number There are many possible reasons, but at the end what matters is what you are doing to do about it, in my opinion the best course of action is to de-prioritize this girl and move on to more available and responsive girls.	/r/seduction	25/02/25 01:19 PM
1	«Broken» by tests If you got to the point of ending up "broken", then check your boundaries because they may have failed, letting this woman hurt you in a big way	/r/seduction	22/02/25 10:47 PM
1	I’m dying alone This may sound crazy to you, but you did well, starting with small talk is excellent to gauge the level of availability of a person for a longer conversation, and these women weren't available, and so you did well by disengaging and walking away. It seems that your mind is trying to internalize what happened as a huge failure, as a bloodline ending event, as a sign that something is very wrong with you, but try to have a more moderate stance on this, so that you can recover quickly and become re…	/r/seduction	17/02/25 03:29 PM
2	Wardrobe and watches to get attention? It worked for me, also Colours - Usefull fake confidence? When texting the watch is not really needed as the phone shows the time on the screen, but in dates and public settings where keeping track of time is sometimes not so easy or practical with a phone, a watch shines	/r/seduction	15/02/25 04:29 PM
0	Wardrobe and watches to get attention? It worked for me, also Colours - Usefull fake confidence? Apart from looks, watches are excellent to keep track of time in a practical and more subtle socially accepted way, compared to pulling out a huge smartphone, and activating the screen to check the time, which can be a big interruption to a conversation, etc. Some women are time wasters, and with a watch a guy can avoid spending hours on her and control his time in a more efficient way, he can even micromanage it if necessary	/r/seduction	15/02/25 04:01 PM
2	Oneitis won’t let me enjoy other girls This could be anxious attachment, the rejection and mixed signals of this girl activates your attachment wounds, and so your brain creates super strong neural pathways to her (the oneitis), making it very difficult for you to be available for other girls. Basically, the way this girl behaves, is the way in which your attachment system was wired (miswired) to work. A man with a secure attachment style, has his attachment system wired in a healthy way, and so he gives priority to the women that ar…	/r/seduction	15/02/25 02:29 PM
1	Positive self talk - what I say to myself before approaching Putting full belief in positive talk like if it were a religion can be quite powerful	/r/seduction	14/02/25 09:59 PM
2	She didn’t turned you down, she turned your offer down. Secure women reject in a polite and direct way, if she notices that you are secure too, she will offer you a reliable friendship, she may even be ok with finding a girl for you if you request her help. Anxious women usually reject in an "i'm not good enough for you" way, this will usually happen if you behave secure, loving and supportive with them from the get go, they don't feel like they have earned your love, and so, they can't accept it. Fearful-avoidants don't reject directly, they usually…	/r/seduction	01/02/25 04:55 PM
3	What’s the Point of Success If You’re Afraid of Women? Fear is kinda like the alarms of a plane cockpit, it can be quite scary when they sound, but you just focus on keep flying the thing. When a "scared little boy" (insecure man) guy approaches a girl, many alarms go off inside his head, something like "warning: possible rejection", "warning: closeness", "warning: shame", "warning: amog detected", and so on, he becomes overwhelmed by so many alarms that he just decides to avoid the situation. A secure man just keeps doing his job even if there are …	/r/seduction	31/01/25 12:48 PM
1	Growth Mindset is Hurting Me Then it is an insecure attachment, dismissive-avoidant i think, because op standards just go up and up and no girl can satisfy them no matter how much effort they put for him.	/r/seduction	27/01/25 11:44 PM
2	Mentally scarred from going out alone The secure way of handling this is to take what the girl said into account but without taking it personally or getting emotionally riddled up because of it. When going to a bar or club, try to hit conversation with someone, if no girls want to talk to you, talk with the guys, maybe you'll make a good friend there	/r/seduction	27/01/25 11:31 PM
2	Call or text to ask to hookup? If she's anxious, text, with minimal explanations, the more anxiety you can get out of her, the more she will attach to you. If she's avoidant, then call, she will get annoyed at it, but she can only attach to others through negative emotions. If she's secure, text or call will work, but don't play games on her, she has boundaries, she doesn't attach through negative emotions, so be polite, respectful and reliable	/r/seduction	27/01/25 02:31 PM
1	A beautiful girl said hi to me and I got nervous and walked away A trick to beat insecurities is to just do the opposite of what your subconscious is telling you to do, if you feel nervous and want to run away, just stay, recognize what's happening within you and put conscious effort on engaging with the girl. You can also apply a bit of cbt therapy in the moment, by thinking something like "ok brain i know you want me to run away, but i'll be fine, let me talk with this girl, nothing bad is going to happen, and if it does, i'l handle it"	/r/seduction	26/01/25 05:18 PM
3	Low vs. High Commitment: Why Most Guys Fail in Dating I think that balanced commitment is the sweet spot, secure attachment, a guy that doesn't commit anxiously to the point where he sacrifices everything about himself when approaching a girl, but that also doesn't barely commit, acts fake, uses masks, or runs away like an avoidant. A guy that's present in the moment, listens and enjoys time with the girl, but that never forgets about himself in the process, when approaching he conveys a very natural amused mastery, that comes from his secure view …	/r/seduction	25/01/25 02:02 PM
1	A waitress in a shisha cafe/bar: Can she be an innocent girl? Agree, that thirsty way of seeing things is not secure, but more like anxious, with fear of missing out	/r/seduction	22/01/25 06:55 PM
3	I like a girl in my uni class but she's in a relationship. Don't want to be friend zoned. "There are no other girls in our class I'm interested in" - this is bad because there could be girls that may be available and interested in you, but you are ignoring them due to your anxious attachment to this very unavailable girl	/r/seduction	22/01/25 03:20 PM
4	Struggling to Find New Topics After 2 Years of Talking, Need Advice! If the relationship needs "new topics" all the time to keep the spark alive, then it's an insecure attachment because a secure relationship doesn't need that, it just needs closeness and intimacy, two quiet people that are happy with each other is secure, with no fear that the relationship will fail because they are not constantly talking about new things	/r/seduction	21/01/25 01:38 PM
3	Asked a girl out, this is her reply This is true, because if that girl wanted to go with op, she could have said something like "my parents are rlly strict and will try to get in our way, but don't worry, i'll find a way to make our date happen"	/r/seduction	20/01/25 08:42 PM
9	Do attractive women care about a guy's social media presence? A secure woman may take this into account but she's flexible, if a guy has no social media presence is not like she's going to consider it a red flag or something. The anxious woman will be obsessed with the social media of the guy, always checking everything, if the guy stops posting, she will confront and manipulate him so that he posts more, "why are you so reserved? that's loser behavior, post more, more!!!". A hot dismissive-avoidant woman with 30,000 followers will probably consider it a h…	/r/seduction	14/01/25 01:10 PM
2	The Brutal Truth About Approaching Women Nobody Wants to Hear Me neither until recently, there also a cycle of anxiety	/r/seduction	14/01/25 01:00 AM
12	The Brutal Truth About Approaching Women Nobody Wants to Hear For guys that feel the "next time, i'll do it", learn about the cycle of fear, recognize your mind trying to apply inaction or avoidance, and then break it, the result will be a mindset where you will think something like "i feel fear, but i will approach, i'll do my best, whatever happens, i'll handle it". Most people feel fear, it's a natural emotion, but what makes a guy secure is the way he handles fear, he doesn't feed the cycle of fear, he recognizes it and breaks it, this makes his mindse…	/r/seduction	13/01/25 04:21 PM
1	Impossible shit test You can confront her if you want, focus on making her clarify her singleness status, if she keeps giving mixed signals tell her that you can't keep dating her, as a boundary. Secure men confront (in respectful ways) and have practical boundaries, something like "i can't spend money, effort and time dating women that are not confirmed single and available, sorry"	/r/seduction	05/01/25 03:29 PM
-2	What's your WORST cold approaching experience? It depends, if you are wearing them to hear music, there's no problem, but if you are wearing them to discourage people from talking to you, then avoidant. A secure person won't want to disconnect from the world so they would probably wear a single headphone, or headphones that easily let them hear outside sounds	/r/seduction	04/01/25 09:15 PM
0	What's your WORST cold approaching experience? Two headphones - dismissive or fearful avoidant, approach not recommended, you will have a bad experience if you do that. Single headphone - safer to approach, a woman that's maybe half open to hear someone. No headphones - ideal, a better chance of being a woman open to hear others	/r/seduction	04/01/25 08:32 PM
22	Extreme flakiness from girls on the apps It makes sense because secure and anxious women are already in relationships, and if they aren't, they prefer to meet their guys outside without apps, so that leaves only avoidants, women that flake and ghost due to insecurities	/r/seduction	04/01/25 03:01 AM
10	Seeing a girl in a week. One day I feel infatuated, then literally the next I feel bored. Is there a name for this? Yep, probably dismissive-avoidant, considering how quickly he goes from interested to bored	/r/seduction	04/01/25 12:18 AM
9	Do women get turned off if you tell them you really like them? Saying "i like you" will be perfectly fine with a secure woman, she will even appreciate it, and reciprocate some of it even if for some reason she can't pursue a relationship with you. For an anxious woman, you will notice that she will not easily accept that you like her, she may not get turned off, but she may become weird, she will give a vibe of "why do you like me? what do you see in me? w-what is wrong with you?", she may even confront you. Avoidants can't handle emotional intimacy, and s…	/r/seduction	03/01/25 01:50 PM
6	How I overcome my insecure inner voice When your insecure inner voice talks, respond to it by thinking something like "i hear you, but i can approach this girl, i'll be fine, trust me". Consider your insecure inner voice as a sort of imaginary friend that worries way too much about you, and then you just give it reassurance that everything will be fine, and that you can handle things, then you take the rational actions as decided by your conscious mind	/r/seduction	02/01/25 03:42 PM
1	Total conviction that you are attractive Those are their preferences, and so they have to be acknowledged and respected, in that case you can disengage in a respectful way from the interaction or if you have secondary goals like making your social circle bigger, then you can offer her friendship, to see if she agrees with that. Let's say she also rejects your friendship proposal with "i want only tall guys as friends", then you will have no option but to say goodbye and move on. If during the rejection you feel very bad, you can activa…	/r/seduction	02/01/25 03:33 PM
1	Assuming attraction sounds crazy to me Don't assume anything, just focus on liking yourself and on liking her, secure attachment. If she rejects you, no worries, you still like yourself, if she accepts you, great, you will treat her right because you like her as a person. Assuming things is insecure attachment, you will be doing things without confirmation from her that she likes you, this can lead to huge misunderstandings and conflicts	/r/seduction	02/01/25 01:23 PM
3	I don't fear rejection at all, I fear scaring women The absolute safest way is to use a wingwoman, this is an outright green flag to any women that sees you, and they will lower their guard around you	/r/seduction	31/12/24 01:24 PM
3	How do you get a girl isolated from her friend? Excessively intense (lovebombing level) friendships like this don't tend to last, don't be surprised if a huge disagreement happens between them at some point, and then they separate. Try to identify who's has the anxious attachment and who has the disorganized attachment in this friendship, the latter will be the one to hit the "eject" button when a big conflict appears. Hell, you making the invitation could be the thing that ends their friendship, if one of the girls wants to go alone and the …	/r/seduction	30/12/24 12:47 PM
1	should i tell a woman she was my first kiss This could be a good test of her attachment style, if she's a secure woman, you will be fine, if she's anxious, she may make fun of you, but she will stay, but if she's any kind of avoidant...she will ghost you, you may notice a 180 degree change in her behavior, she will think less of you, a fearful-avoidant woman may even end up hating you	/r/seduction	30/12/24 11:54 AM
1	I just can't do it Fearful-avoidant attachment, you are interested in women, but due to fears, you can't approach, and prefer to avoid them, and then you become angry at yourself due to being beaten by your emotions, and this will repeat as a perpetual cycle unless you heal it and become secure, with therapy or self-therapy. Don't focus on approaching yet, focus on managing anxiety and fears, particularly on developing strategies that don't involve avoidance. You will win this battle by learning how to manage your…	/r/seduction	29/12/24 06:46 PM
8	Why 'be yourself' is the best AND worst advice in your dating life. For those that have insecure attachment styles, "yourself" doesn't exist, as your parents didn't raise you in a secure attachment environment, you were not allowed to develop a healthy concept of "yourself". Anxious guys have their brains wired to reduce "yourself" to nothing, and so they consider her as "everything", like some songs "i'm nothing without you". The concept of "yourself" for fearful-avoidant guys was destroyed in between fears and emotional dysregulation, they appear as chaotic an…	/r/seduction	29/12/24 04:49 PM
2	How to deal with going from unattractive to attractive? To recover from this stuck negative mindset, actively try to incorporate "updated" thoughts about your appearance, something like "i was ugly, but i have made progress, now i look better" and so on, this over time will replace the negative mindset with one that's more accurate with your new appearance, a mindset that correlates better with how you are now in the present moment. But remember that this has to be an active process, it's not going to happen naturally to you, it may take months of ye…	/r/seduction	29/12/24 12:15 AM
1	Guys who propose within 3 months of knowing a girl Also guys that have lots of psychology knowledge can detect red flags from a mile away, and so three months can be plenty of time for them to know if a girl is compatible with them or not	/r/seduction	24/12/24 01:30 PM
1	What is wrong with me? It's ok to feel a bit anxious before meeting a stranger, but, take into account the anxiety cycle, if you keep avoiding the situation that causes anxiety...it will get worse, and the more you avoid it the worse the anxiety, until you become crippled by it. Study everything about anxiety, become a master at managing it, and you will be able to approach all day long	/r/seduction	21/12/24 03:50 PM
2	Noticing a few things to improve after 1st date with this woman (conversation skills, getting buzzed, & lack of "masculinity"). How to improve? "It's not that I get feminine but for some reason I get almost childlike", this is called regression), a defense mechanism that you are subconsciously deploying due to the stress of dating. it's not considered a mature defense because it's not adaptable and socially acceptable...you just become childlike. I read that in some cases regression can be useful, for example, an old man thinking like he is an horny adolescent when having sex with his wife, this will boost his performance at least at th…	/r/seduction	19/12/24 02:03 PM
9	I can’t text a girl unless I’m horny. This happens a lot to dismissive-avoidants, they call because they want something (sex), not because they like the person	/r/seduction	16/12/24 03:47 PM
1	How to smoothly reply to, "So technically you're like my son" Make her expand on this, ask her "what do you think about age gap relationships?", so that you can get a clearer idea of what she's really meant when she told you that she sees you technically like a son	/r/seduction	10/12/24 11:35 AM
1	How keep coming up with conversation topics out of thin air at a bar It's ok to start with shallow conversation topics (hobbies, career, etc), but quickly push the convo to personal topics like discovering her attachment style, ask her what does she think of herself, other people, the world, her exes, about topics like trust, about her parents and what does she think of them. Then push the conversation to the topic of intimacy, how does she handle emotional intimacy, the sharing of feelings and emotions, what are her emotional and physical boundaries, and so on. …	/r/seduction	07/12/24 02:16 PM
1	How to restore frame and manage relationship anxiety? Frame is restored by learning and applying emotional regulation skills, the result is that anxiety ends up replaced by acceptance and self-compassion, which will make you secure again, instead of anxious insecure. For example, the fear that you will mess things up, should be replaced by calm acceptance that mistakes will happen, but that you will recover from them, even if the girl decides to go away	/r/seduction	06/12/24 04:47 PM
23	How to stop getting attached and obsessed so quickly Anxious attachment, this will make you obsessed with avoidants, women that flake, ghost and that show disinterest, like a moth to a flame, they are the flame that will consume your every thought. You will need therapy so that you can identify your anxious behavior patterns and apply the corrections, this may take a long time until your brain rewires into secure, at which point you will self correct automatically	/r/seduction	06/12/24 01:14 PM
21	Being called sweet a death sentence? If she's secure then it's a nice compliment, but if she's fearful-avoidant then it means that ghosting is inminent, that things are going too well and that it's time to self-sabotage and push you away. If she's anxious it means that she's getting bored and needs more drama, so expect more fights and conflicts	/r/seduction	29/11/24 06:41 PM
2	Should I Approach Women Despite Anxiety Approach despite anxiety, and use cbt cognitive therapy to kill the anxiety for good in the long term, try to fully convince yourself that approaching women is perfectly safe and that no matter what happens you can handle it, but for this to work you have to deeply believe in it like when a person believes in a religion or a god, over time this will reduce anxiety to zero, your mind will have healed the insecurity for good	/r/seduction	26/11/24 12:12 PM
1	How do you respond to rejection texts? Rough example: She: "let's be friends" You: "you mean, friends with benefits?" (this is the negotiation, trying to improve the offer that she's giving you) She: "haha, no!" She: "haha, you're so bold...let me think about it" Basically, anytime she proposes something unfavorable to you (like a rejection), you negotiate the hell out of it, with the goal of attaining mutual reciprocal benefit (the secure attachment), if you can't get anything, then you can respectfully accept and disengage to move …	/r/seduction	21/11/24 07:56 PM
2	How do you respond to rejection texts? Remember that it's ok to negotiate, secure attachment means a person that has defined but flexible boundaries, and this "flexible" part gives you the ability of negotiating, so give it a try because a girl may say no to a formal relationship but may say yes to friends with benefits, etc Not responding = bad Blocking = bad Begging = very bad Rude responses = very bad Politely accepting the rejection = ok Politely negotiating = best (though it depends) Avoidant men have inflexible boundaries, thei…	/r/seduction	21/11/24 06:18 PM
1	How To Get A Girl To Text You Back (Ultimate Guide) If she's an avoidant, you're fighting a losing battle, you may get her to back a bit but she will revert to her default attachment style in no time	/r/seduction	13/11/24 11:17 PM
1	What kind of personality in man is attractive to woman? Do we have to be a rude person? It depends a lot on her attachment style, a very insecure anxious woman will strongly attach to an avoidant guy, usually a bad boy. A secure woman will try to find a secure man, a reciprocal guy that treats her well. An avoidant woman will attach...to no one, she's single, maybe only available for hookups.	/r/seduction	13/11/24 03:38 PM
3	Huge lesson learnt on my seduction journey Interdependency, keeping a sweet spot balance between women and yourself, you don't neglect yourself, you keep a good control of how much you spend on dates, you walk away at unreciprocal match ups. You always negotiate in terms of healthy mutual benefit. Codependency, you focus on women, but at the expense of yourself, you neglect yourself, your dating expenses are out of control, you don't walk away when you should. You negotiate in terms of benefit for her, never for you. Independency/counter…	/r/seduction	01/11/24 01:26 PM
5	10 years experience with game and dealing with loneliness still "i am quite easily annoyed by women" - low opinion of women, they are annoying beings to you. "out of nowhere i freeze up" - deactivation, your conscience shuts down from the present moment. "i'm very self guided and individualistic" - classical DA independence/counterdependence Sounds like you developed a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, op, wish you luck healing this	/r/seduction	18/10/24 03:02 AM
3	She is USING you if you are in the friendzone, this is why... That girl may be anxiously attached to her boyfriend, her emotional resources get drained when she's with him, then she recharges her emotional batteries by talking with you, which allows her to spent more time having sex with her toxic boyfriend, creating a sort of cycle. If you manage to replace her boyfriend in this cycle, then you become the guy she will bang, but this will be toxic, as you would the "bad boy" that dysregulates and drains her emotional resources, then another guy would take …	/r/seduction	12/10/24 11:37 PM
5	She is USING you if you are in the friendzone, this is why... Friendships with secure women can be mutually beneficial, a woman that cares about herself and that can care about others. She may not be able to give you sex due to reasons, but she may find a way to assist you finding that, secures take the needs of others into account, they like people, they may not or can't love you, but they like you. Friendships with avoidant women will only benefit them, avoidants have low opinion of others, and so they ghost and don't care, these are the ones where it's …	/r/seduction	12/10/24 01:15 PM
1	Rejection How much rejection hurts depends on your emotional regulation capability, if your self-soothing techniques are on point and your emotional needs are well sorted, you will recover from it fast. An example of self soothing technique is going to the gym and lifting weights, the release of testosterone will help you go back to baseline emotional state. Another example is abundance, positive experiences with other girls will help you recover from being rejected. Talking with a close understanding fri…	/r/seduction	09/10/24 09:39 PM
7	Love bombers that suddenly ghost you Fearful-Avoidant attachment style, they create cycles of lovebombing - ghosting. This can look very confusing to guys that are not aware of how these women operate, their constant switching between anxious and avoidant modes. This contrasts with secure where the love that she gives is less intense but way more stable, with no ghosting	/r/seduction	09/10/24 08:42 PM
1	How do I stop hesitating? Ideally he should foster a secure communication frame between him and you so that you can freely talk with him as needed without fears of him acting in a negative way towards you, due to overstepping unknown boundaries by accident	/r/seduction	09/10/24 07:50 PM
-1	Striking the balance between not being eager but not being standoffish? Try to foster a secure enviroment with them so that they can freely communicate what can you do to connect better with them. Just take into account that avoidants will strongly resist your attempts of doing this, as this will look ridiculously needy and annoying to them, or uncomfortable, like a sort of direct attack on their person. If you can handle never finding the balance with an avoidant, you can make them kinda stay with you, however these kind of women have the habit of "deactivating" ju…	/r/seduction	09/10/24 05:43 PM
0	Striking the balance between not being eager but not being standoffish? If the girl has an avoidant attachment style, the balance that you want will never ever happen, you will always appear needy and too eager to them. If the girl has an anxious attachment style, you will always look standoffish to her, and whatever you do, it's just not enough. If the girl has a secure attachment style, she will communicate you her preferences and boundaries so that you can calibrate and find the balance, so that a healthy relationship or friendship can happen	/r/seduction	09/10/24 04:52 PM
3	A relationship will not make you happy, this is why Have as much relationships as you want, guys, just try to be careful to not fall prey of codependence, a damaging mindset where you lose the ability to be alone or to separate from someone because you'll feel very lonely, depressed and worthless without them. Examples of codependence: "i can't live without you", "i will never ever find someone better than you", "i can't be happy alone, i need a girl asap", and so on. As long as you keep things on the side of interdependence, you will be ok, a mi…	/r/seduction	08/10/24 08:07 AM
1	Hot and cold after rejection? Hot and cold tends to be because of a disorganized attachment style, a person that has not good emotional regulation, if they feel good they behave hot, if they feel bad or insecure, they behave cold, and this constantly changes depending on triggers, hence disorganized. A secure woman has good regulation, her behavior is stable, communicative and predictable, she doesn't go hot or cold, she looks to stay in the middle	/r/seduction	23/09/24 01:35 PM
5	I’m Soft and Feminine: A Question about being a Walking Contradiction What i understood is that op feels like he's doing quite well by doing things in his own way, he wants to know if other guys in the same circumstances are doing well like he's doing, but the goal of this is unclear, my guess is that that he wants validation through others? i mean, if he already has internal validation (he feels good being himself), why does he need external validation? what difference does it make if other guys tell him that they are doing well too by being feminine?	/r/seduction	09/09/24 03:12 PM
10	Attraction Killers She's an avoidant person, outright dismissed your reasonable proposal of taking it easy with no pressure, considering how quickly she detached from you, i'd say she's probably dismissive-avoidant. Dismissive-avoidants have so ridiculously extreme boundaries that anything you do looks like a mistake or offense to them, whatever you do is ammunition for them to abuse you or push you away, because of this they have the ability to reject in the most hurtful ways. But don't worry, dismissive-avoidant…	/r/seduction	08/09/24 03:19 AM
4	Heartbreak does “a load” of damge! If your confidence is going down after heartbreak then yes, you were hurt and if you don't heal through therapy or self therapy, you may end up adopting an insecure attachment style like anxious or fearful avoidant, these won't allow you to approach in a relaxed secure way free of anxiety	/r/seduction	07/09/24 07:12 PM
8	Is it a good idea to completely cut off online dating ? Codependency, you used to have good approach skills, but online dating dulled them, now that you want to go back, you feel that you can't...you became dependent on online dating. Now there's a fear that you didn't had before, caused by the codependency. Completely cutting off online dating would be counterdependence, which is also not usually healthy, you lose all possible advantages of online dating, putting some women out of your reach. Interdependence would be ideal, just reducing the usage o…	/r/seduction	31/08/24 10:53 PM
2	In a girl's room right now but she's doing a lot of I wanna/I don't wanna Signal her that a boundary is going to appear "look, i'm feeling a bit unsure and confused about how you are behaving towards me, i'm...starting to think that it may be best for me to go". (simplify this in your preferred wording). This "soft" boundary will act as a warning to her, that she has to behave in more clearer way or else you will escalate it to a solid boundary which could be something like "ok, it's enough, girl, if you don't behave consistently, i'm gone". Some women will tell you "…	/r/seduction	31/08/24 03:34 PM
6	Woman who act entitled and stuck up It sounds like you want a dismissive-avoidant woman, they have high self-esteem, they are hot, they know they are hot, they take care of themselves very well...but they have very low opinion of others, everybody looks super needy to them, and so, counterdependence is their default way of operation, and this is not an "initial defense", this is a permanent one, they will always treat you in a cold dismissive way. With enough insistence you may get tiny glimpses of a healthy attachment, this is ca…	/r/seduction	29/08/24 10:54 PM
27	How to get laid with minimal conversation The most sure way for what op needs, no long talk, just bang	/r/seduction	26/08/24 08:38 PM
18	Needy people: Understand anxious attachment style! A big problem of anxious attachment is the codependence that tends to come with it, because you'll find yourself doing things for the girl, which is not bad but...they will be often at the expense of yourself, you will be neglecting yourself for her, and this is terrible. The solution is interdependence, doing things for her, but never at the expense of yourself, a man that loves himself but that also loves her, real secure attachment. Avoidants go the opposite side, they are too independent, an…	/r/seduction	18/08/24 06:34 PM
10	How to stop taking rejections on my ego? Counteracting this requires an active process, when your mind wants to take rejections personally you then deploy self-therapeutic techniques to manage emotions and to bring you back to baseline emotional level again. After some time and consistent practice it may become a subconscious process, your mind will automatically do what's necessary and rejection may just end up feeling like a slight tingle at most, or not even affect you in any way, rejections will go thorough a new neural pathway whe…	/r/seduction	18/08/24 12:53 PM
2	I'm gonna go flirt at the gym If the guy is secure, you just have to be close and responsive to him and he will take care of making things work, if he's insecure, you will have to use game because he may end up feeling intimidated by you and run away.	/r/seduction	17/08/24 02:15 PM
14	Hard to settle down once you know about game? "Everytime it starts to get serious with a girl i get anxious and feel i want to get out" - fearful avoidant attachment, this cycle will repeat forever unless you heal it with therapy or self-therapy. It starts to get serious - this is the "trigger" that starts the deactivation process. I get anxious - the "fearful" part, a sense of discomfort and anxiety, not feeling at ease and secure with the girl. I want to get out - the "avoidant" part, the mind decides that you have run away to ease the an…	/r/seduction	13/08/24 05:35 PM
34	Has being super obvious about your interest ever worked? This works with secure women, they even appreciate that you are being direct and communicative of your interest in her, in the same way she will tell you how she feels about you, she may reciprocate, or she may reject, but she won't ghost, at least not without telling you first that she will do so. Insecure women (anxious and avoidants) will feel overwhelmed/annoyed/undeserving of direct interest, and so being direct with them will make them deploy their defense mechanisms, like ghosting, avoidi…	/r/seduction	10/08/24 11:42 PM
0	How do you think the mental image of your body is affecting you? Self-esteem by definition is the opinion that you have of yourself, if you tie that to the input of others...you're in for a rollercoaster of emotions, because people have their biases and even culture affects their perceptions and opinions. Even their insecurities shape their opinions, someone can tell you that you are ugly because may be jealous of your good looks	/r/seduction	05/08/24 01:56 PM
6	I realized I’m not afraid of approaching girls, the fear is something different That would be exposure therapy, however there's the risk to worsen the fear, especially if some of the rejections are traumatic, this will increase approach anxiety even higher and may also make future rejections hit like a truck, due to the mind not getting positive feedback, compared to fears that are easier to get over it when confronted. Exposure theraphy works better where just exposure will give positive feedback, convincing the subconscious to let go of the fear, but rejection is real, an…	/r/seduction	03/08/24 10:00 PM
2	How do you deal with late bloomer tax? Dating can be enjoyable and super chill, and you can be yourself all day long...as long as it's the secure yourself, not the unhealed insecure yourself. Most game theory is basically ways and shortcuts to hide the insecure yourself, but this is not sustainable because it's a façade, you're faking, acting like an attractive guy, instead of being the attractive guy, this puts a huge tiresome mental load because like you say, it's like walking on a tight rope, and no guy can do this forever, at som…	/r/seduction	31/07/24 01:44 PM
1	Girls that leaves you on read/seen/liked the message If she's unresponsive, just put more focus on other girls. Don't block or hate unresponsive girls, always keep a door open for them. If you want to message her after some time, say something positive and that you are open to hear from her again.	/r/seduction	30/07/24 02:47 PM
4	How to stop feeling like a creep? That sounds like "fearful-avoidant" attachment, op, a series of insecurities that don't let you attach to women in a secure way, without fears or distrusts. This attachment is called "avoidant" because you feel a strong urge or inclination to disengage and create distance, this process is called "deactivation", when your insecurities get triggered, you will want to go away, to deactivate. This attachment style has a component of low self esteem, where you perceive yourself as creepy, and there's…	/r/seduction	20/07/24 01:15 AM
8	Approached and got a GF, now how to get in state for benefits in other areas of life? You have to keep approaching people because "community" is an emotional need, but instead of approaching with romantic intentions do so only to get friends and aquaintances. If you self-isolate because of her, you will resent her over time, due to unsatisfied community needs	/r/seduction	13/07/24 07:19 PM
1	How I faced a hard rejection on a bar approach and what I learned In public it's very important to be discrete with intentions, to respect her privacy. Privacy is an emotional need and if a woman sees that people are noticing things about her romantic life due to you being agressive, she may feel insecure by you not respecting her privacy, and so she may decide to reject and/or ghost, as a protection mechanism	/r/seduction	13/07/24 05:42 PM
3	What's exactly charisma? Charisma has a component of social skills, but it's also a lot about liking people, the secure attachment, you like yourself and you like people, this puts you in the sweet spot where you are not needy (because you like yourself), and also are not an avoidant (because you like people). A charismatic guy is not fake because for example if he's feeling tired or down, he's not going to hide that (because he likes himself, he acts like himself), but this doesn't mean that he's going to suddenly avoi…	/r/seduction	12/07/24 02:35 PM
2	Man FUCK I keep getting nauseaous before dates You are right, but this anxiety is subconscious, not something that op can control much at will, however a good therapist can get to the root of the problem and help op, it's usually due to an unhealed insecurity that became a deep subconscious fear, leading to the anxiety and nausea before a date, op body is activating a strong fight or flight response when it shouldn't. This subconcious fear may be something that op forgot long time ago, but it's still there, programmed deep into his brain, an…	/r/seduction	09/07/24 10:01 PM
16	Girls kiss ass for the guys they like and make the others wait for no reason. Going for maybe girls is POISON If a guy has good inner game and can maintain high self-esteem even when seriously "poisoned" by false hope, he will be ok, he will recover quickly from the poison and will be able keep on going in his search for women that like him	/r/seduction	09/07/24 12:38 AM
6	Dating influencers isn't all its cracked up to be They get huge amounts of normal attention, but they may not be getting enough "intimacy", a deep emotional connection with someone, and if they are lacking on this, they may be not be feeling like they can replace you at any moment if you are good at giving intimacy of all kinds to them	/r/seduction	08/07/24 04:37 PM
51	What are things that worked for you guys that got you laid in day game? My hypothesis is that it lowers the anxiety and insecurities that comes from unfulfilled "community" needs, community is one of the nine key emotional needs, then the brain subconsciously goes "ok, you belong, you are accepted in this place, approach anxiety reduced, have fun!" Guys that like to be alone will have their approach anxiety through the roof because the brain will be in a fight or flight mode as it hasn't subconsciously recognized belonging to a wide group, a community, then they try…	/r/seduction	07/07/24 10:30 AM
2	Why good looking men STEAL YOUR girls I extrapolated that from the characteristics of the attachment types. For example, a dismissive-avoidant woman has high self-esteem (she puts herself on a pedestal, her gym, diet, lifestyle, self care and social media game is on point), and low opinion of others (she sees people as annoying or inferior, so she hates when others put her in a pedestal, she hates compliments and it's emotionally closed to everyone)	/r/seduction	07/07/24 03:41 AM
1	Why good looking men STEAL YOUR girls Look for "Attachment theory"	/r/seduction	07/07/24 12:12 AM
40	Why good looking men STEAL YOUR girls If she's secure, she's is happy to be in a pedestal, and she also has you on a pedestal. If she's anxious-preoccupant, she can only stay with you if she can put you on a pedestal. If she's fearful-avoidant, the pressure of being in a pedestal will make her go or push you away. If she's dismissive-avoidant, she's annoyed that you put her in a pedestal, and will go or push you away.	/r/seduction	06/07/24 02:50 PM
2	Noticing the delusion and cognitive dissonance some women have regarding their options I don't know...you have your methods, i have mine, i'm going to respect that	/r/seduction	01/07/24 11:13 PM
1	Noticing the delusion and cognitive dissonance some women have regarding their options I see what you mean, but still i find it hard to "get up and walk away" without that signaling something like "i'm angry, very angry, you touched one of my insecurities, woman!", women tend to lose respect real fast for insecure guys, opening the door for her other options	/r/seduction	01/07/24 10:50 PM
0	Noticing the delusion and cognitive dissonance some women have regarding their options That sounds too reactive, a bad boy would probably slowly say something like "uh huh, sure", and not even flinch a bit, he would signal something like "i heard you, but whatever, i don't give a fuck" She may or may not exercise her options, but a bad boy is not afraid of losing the woman, very few men have this level of confidence, so by not reacting in an insecure way he has better chances to keep her	/r/seduction	01/07/24 09:24 PM
4	How to be happy alone It "literally falls right in my lap" for you, but for the woman, she was probably thinking about you for some time, you were seducing her unintentionally, maybe you were her crush, and she decided that she needed you in her life for real. For some guys this is not going to happen, because they may have lives that give them little to no exposure to women, they can't do this "indirect seduction" game, women are not going to fall right in their laps just like that, "out of sight, out of mind"...the…	/r/seduction	01/07/24 01:47 PM