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Amphy64 Archive

View 0 posts and 138 comments by Amphy64 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

OLD can't be helping, at least. I've seen historical male sulking about it, but not -thus far- problems with women: it's seems like it's other men who pick on shorter men, most usually. Though I get the impression it's more a US thing for women to care about height a lot? ...apart from in the case of my parents, but they are their own special trainwreck. Almost the totality of my mum's advice on dating is 'never marry a short man'...not because of attitude, but because, according to her, you hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:27 PM
22

Ach, isn't it just! I don't know if it's that they see us as essentially interchangeable so have a subconscious idea we can change ourselves/parts of ourselves out for another woman. And perhaps the idea that being able to change some things means all changes must be equivalent, when in reality, changing hair colour is not like switching lipstick colour, going lighter Vs. darker is a totally different prospect, and some things are impossible to change. Even women, esp. younger women, can fall fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:03 PM
38

Depends on the culture, where was the survey for? https://prostitution.procon.org/percentage-of-men-by-country-who-paid-for-sex-at-least-once-the-johns-chart/ It's possible the normalisation of 'sex work' -or at least, the specific narrative of normalisation- which tends to mean pornography, camgirling etc., is making women think more men pay for sex when they don't? (not to defend men, 'cos, they don't even pay for the coffee)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:19 PM
18

Were they, though? Napoleon -although he didn't really do that to begin with, it's complicated- wasn't, he was a bit above average for the period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 01:20 PM
157

I'm 5'1 and that is not what I'd want from shorter men. I don't care about height apart from objecting to discrimination based on it, they can do the same: solidarity, not complaining about taller women's height and using smaller women to look taller! And why are supermarket shelves designed for tall men? Is so unfair! ;_;
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 01:16 PM
19

It's not problematic (nor just a phase), either - femininity is the means of our oppression. That's exactly it, it's femininity-conforming women, LibFems (I don't see men do it. Men know femininity isn't good for us, that's the point of it), using it to bash non-conforming women. We needn't ditch pink and every single aspect associated with femininity, but, we're going to get nowhere conforming to it as a whole, and it's not misogynistic to reject what's being pushed onto us. Most girls don't go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 12:58 PM
10

I'm also vegan -great to see it discussed here! I think it should become a reationship baseline-, and as stupid as they are, they're not wrong, exactly. 'Masculinity' is a social construct, to maintain patriarchy/male domination, with violence and aggression, including towards animals, very much included.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:34 PM
17

At this point, after getting to know my parent's hellhound (now grown and still just as exhausting, and a shock to me after our family chihuahua), I'm wary of men who like dogs, or at least, ones that aren't very tiny and less 'doggish' in behaviour. Sorry dog people, but quiet energy is not what you are getting there! : D Dogs are loud, unreflective, in your face, in the way of everything you're trying to do...like the average dude. I assume this is why they like them. ...Ok, I'm a hypocrite be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 06:05 PM
10

Definitely, it's possible to see if they're as into reading as they're claiming, but it's not a guarantee of their attitudes: although I suppose at least we know what ideas they've been exposed to, that they have no excuse for pretending not to understand, and we can test to see what their views on books are. They should be only too eager to talk about it if they're really interested in literature, and it's more subtle to wait and see if they're going to talk about the portrayal of female charac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 03:11 PM
11

They're def. willing to lie and exaggerate, I figure it's the point at which to go a bit deeper. How much can they tell you about these alleged hobbies? If they don't get out much, is there a more valid reason? Eg. if they claim they like theatre, have the opportunity to go, but are failing to do so, Vs. if they live in the middle of nowhere, where there isn't the opportunity for the activities they like, but they're engaging with them in other ways. Are they really that kind of person, or just …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 02:39 PM
0

Yup, I think we're on the same page, there! Just wanted to make it clear that when I say I think the lectures she's aimed at the wider British public have been a bit much, I'm not talking about her criticising the racist monarchy and racist press for racism. Public opinion, I wish it would shift that way, but, the media is succeeding in shifting it the other way. : / We used to have a bit more acknowledgement about the colonial legacy, then we had the media import Alt-right views. We've hit a po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 10:30 AM
1

On certain things, public opinion can. On engrained, structural issues, like the monarchy simply intrinsically representing racism and classism, it can't. I think it's also unlikely public opinion could alter the racist views held by the members of the royal family: some are older, the younger ones have been marinated in it...it's just part of who they intrinsically are. If they weren't, they would have to renounce their titles, and everything that came with them. Certainly she has the right to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 01:52 AM
1

None of us have any control over what the monarchy, who are our oppressors too, do, though. It'd take a revolution to change that. Besides that, it's a bit rich from someone who voluntarily married a fancy dress Nazi. Even if he wasn't a Prince -which establishes he's a racist scumbag anyway-, there is absolutely no level of grovelling, 'I was young and stupid' apology I'd accept as ever being good enough for someone having thought that was Ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 01:16 AM
3

I appreciated your post a lot! As well as centering women, it does so inclusively. If the language sounds like it means 'he would for another woman', then all the cultural baggage about what women should be, and which women are 'worthy', comes back into play.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 01:09 AM
21

But, just, how, in this instance, though? I'm disabled and poor but I can afford cake for a special occasion, it's not like it's only for aristos. And my prom dress as a teen cost £10. It's so implausibe I'd bet faked for clicks and freebies even over male meaness, for once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 09:19 PM
4

I would actually somewhat disagree. If I think of the successful people, they were handed a lot of the factors for success, and had barriers removed: they were essentially set up for it, so sitting there was fine. If that approach to dating is working, there may be a lot of advantages, similar ones even, on the woman's side. Women don't want to end up chasing men who aren't interested, but passivity, being the princess in the tower, isn't what we're going for, either. I would especially discoura…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 03:39 PM
3

Right? Do those who say that know how it feels when someone who should be close to them refuses to engage like that? I don't even really like the idea that women aren't men's free therapists, they're not, but the real problem is the lack of mutual support. Emotional support is something that should be in a relationship, not outsourced. If you don't want to listen to someone's problems and be supportive, do you like them at all? I actually wonder if those for whom 'therapy' is the answer have bee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 12:44 PM
6

What scares me is the memory loss, during menopause, then age-related, and sometimes health-related on top of that. Older women can absolutely still be sharp mentally, but I'm not sure how much my mum is even capable of being rational any more (yes, I've said 'go to the doctor', she won't listen, because, irrational). Sadly, none of us are guaranteed the sharpness - not to downplay that, it's just, the opposite is good to be aware of, for the sake of ourselves, and family as well, before the opp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:32 AM
3

Ah, I mean, their attention usually is not worth it , but... 'Be conventionally pretty' is not exactly easy or just achievable. Men are superficial enough I've always assumed at least catching their attention can't be that hard for women who are, I'm more puzzled why women who can do that waste it on the most useless of useless men (patriarchy, I know), and on men they don't like. I'd blame a man who did that, so, I do think women are at fault to an extent if they go that far: it's not good beha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:46 PM
19

Oh, I really love this. I don't know if men use it like this in relationships but I can imagine they would: my parents would always use accusations of not being adventurous or spontaneous to mean that I didn't want to do what they wanted me to, and to overrule the right to have activity preferences and the value of interests. I have a dodgy spine, no shit I don't wanna be dragged on a long walk up a bunch of hills (which it isn't as though they enjoy either, especially), it really hurts and is r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:18 PM
126

But, on the plus side, he did just invite women to tell him to go take a running jump off a cliff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 07:47 PM
14

'Adventurer' (with 'adventuress' for women): previous centuries knew and acknowledged men could be out for money!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:59 PM
4

A skincare regime, and therapy though? Now, I just opened a new bottle of moisturiser. But doing this stuff was very far from a standard expectation, it's pretty Millenial and down, middle class (therapy is about £50 a session), and US-centric, too. I'd raise eyebrows at therapy when there was no specific issue, tbqh. At best, it tells me he's very Liberal, and I'm far left so that's not going to work. At worst, it tells me he buys into the 'mental health' concept, doesn't understand mental illn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:30 PM
28

Ach, calling me out like that... But shy /= permanently emotionally unavailable. I used to be very shy, which is my lame excuse for finding it cute I guess, but as well as what it hints about personality (I tend to appreciate a kinda 'quieter' vibe), it means I know people like that can be just fine one on one, and open up when they get to know someone. If they're still acting the exact same in a relationship, may not be shyness the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:13 PM
0

I just said there was racism here, though? What I'm saying is, it can be more complex how it manifests, and it's hard to get at with British men like this specimen - because of the usual, if you tell someone who just did a Chinaman impression like in Father Ted that it was racist, they're gonna go 'it was just a joke!'. They don't even think they're racist, because they only associate racism with overtly hostile attitudes - so confronting it on that basis is not an approach that works, they need…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 09:38 AM
1

The Guardian is self-serving, but is a very Liberal newspaper, that often includes discussion of racial issues - it can be questionable but on this specific issue should be Ok to describe the situation. Do you have any more specific examples about the textbooks, what level/subject is this for? Our education system is such an utter trainwreck that it tends to have glaring gaps about, well, everything. It can be nationalistic, a specific issue I have is the lack of wider European context, too. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:47 PM
1

I honestly don't know how I could be any clearer. Posters here can say 'not attractive' to mean they personally do not find a man attractive, it doesn't mean another woman couldn't, attractiveness is not something that set in stone, and to an extent, is even socially constructed. Which is more important when it comes to the narrow beauty standards imposed on women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:40 PM
12

But, why did they stop? A lot of these women have to be middle class. Privileged, even, given what they can afford. Middle class women were educated, they read. It's a complaint equally old to say 'why do people these days consume such awful media?': people then did say this, about men and women alike. And still, even the rubbish they read could be more challenging than the reality television show of today. The masses, supposedly, bewildering as it can be, used to read complicated political pamp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 04:12 PM
15

instead of fighting the system, decide that having a personality and a nuanced existance makes them "not like other girls". But if they were like that, then they would be fighting the system. The problem is they are 'like other girls', in being femininity-conforming. Inevitably, that does reduce nuance, performing femininity is, more and more, and huge and trivial time sink, and is often emotionally damaging. The idea girls should not say they are not like other girls, even when they clearly wer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 04:02 PM
16

I feel so much for young Gen Z like yourself growing up with such a restrictive concept of 'femininity'. I'm a Millennial, and I've said before that my sister hurt my feelings by saying I 'refuse to be feminine'. I'm not doing anything other than being, well, normal. 'Femininity' is a social construct, not something innate to us, not something we need to be at all. Look how concepts of it change across times and cultures. It's just performance for men that we're socialised into, the means of our…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 03:52 PM
5

Do those attitudes exist, certainly. It's still, though, an American idea that only white people hold racial prejudices - my home city is Birmingham, where there's still tension between the British Pakistani and black Caribbean communities: (TW for racist language) https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/oct/30/race.world It also shows a lack of understanding of the significance of xenophobia among various white European groups. In terms of overall 'white' culture, there are enormous differences eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 02:51 PM
4

On all my list of 'things wrong with English men', I wouldn't put arrogant, honestly. Ignorant, complacent, incurious, rigid, but not arrogant. When they repeat things that sound arrogant, it's because they actually do not know any better, and they may not be that invested in it, it's just a casual, wrong, unquestioned assumption, or not even meant as serious. And they're not the epitome of white, that's an Americanism that doesn't fit for Europe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 12:05 PM
39

Am British: tenner says it was ironic and he is still racist. I mean, British/Irish humour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zkL91LzCMc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA6u9jUKyN8 (this is a comedy persona!) How old is he? He sounds like an incredibly ordinary type of older forties, maybe fifties even, British man. If he's any younger I'd question, but otherwise, this isn't even that outrageous, tbqh -and I'm saying this as someone who considers men of my own nationality literally undateable. He…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 01:55 AM
2

Oh, men are so superficial it doesn't even seem possible given how much they value sex. Like, pick one! How they get away with claiming it's biological for them to be more visual, when the vast majority of pre-menopausal women are fertile just fine and reproduction takes so little effort on their parts, I do not know. The reality seems more like they would rather have a partner they can show off to other men, than one they actually like. I'm definitely not saying women should give men they don't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 12:44 AM
1

Is this not about sexual attraction -lust would fit as part of that I guess- and aesthetic attraction? It was about physical appearance, which romantic attraction -which would make you want to spend non-sexy time with them- isn't, really. I'm intending to talk about the physical kind of attraction, not the deeper emotional kind - other than how an emotional connection encourages actually looking at the person properly and thus to more appreciation of their appearance and everything that goes int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 12:26 AM
4

I have Irish family and yup, though Markle is very privileged and does not appear very silenced - she has a nerve (Americans...) thinking she can lecture us ordinary British people, having benefitted from our oppression, and the historic oppression of PoC through the Empire. If she cared, she would have told Harry to drop dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:52 PM
0

As in 'Don't complain peasants, your rulers don't need to explain ourselves (including how we extract money from you and what we fritter it on')? Our class system is oppression. The current monarchy are the descendants of those who starved my great-grandmothers, and backed their government to do it right up through my grandparent's generation: it's always been odd to me how people with even Liberal politics picked up monarchical metaphors to describe them. I'm not a Queen, I'm at most very very …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:39 PM
19

I find it heartbreaking because as well as the situation and how much she and her family have already been through, they're still in so much danger. I wish those who stand and fight opppression won, but so often...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:27 PM
2

I wouldn't necc. assume jealousy without more context? I've had hassle with a boss giving too many tasks and wanting them all done a very specific way, but, that was just her. Give some people a bit of power over others and they'd always abuse it, including by witholding what you're owed, we think of men as prone to that but women aren't immune. Either way, sounds like she has more issues, and you've handled it well, good luck with getting the situation sorted out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 12:42 PM
5

This is extremely true, but I also see younger women do it back and not accept that older women didn't always have the same opportunities, and made the best of it. I'm as frustrated by my own mum as I am sympathetic: she shouldn't be trying to rob me, but she was robbed herself. It should be easier for younger women to understand that, even, having had those education/career opportunities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:59 PM
48

Because women are viewed as existing for men's gratification under patriarchy and brainwashed into making themselves as much into one-dimensional caricatures of people as possible, even when they have to swallow down their feelings to do it. Men too, at the extremes of 'macho' behaviour: gender-performance-as-personality. I'm not going to apologise to the kind of women, my sister included, who still try to bully me, for not being like them. LibFems who were the epitome of 'like other girls', aka…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:31 PM
12

Nah, it doesn't sound silly. I've come across loads of examples of people finding love in their forties onwards. One of my mum's friends had spent a lot of her younger years caring for her much older parents, and, after their deaths, met a nice man around her age through a walking club. Life happens. Circumstances do happen to men, too (and should women who made bad 'pickme' descions be denied the opportunity to change? Society might not encourage men to, but doesn't make them incapable of it). …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:47 PM
8

Honestly, I was just talking to my mum as an 'am I crazy?' check and...also new but getting the impression the sub, if not the basic principles -that's different-, does cater to somewhat insecure women, in a way that doesn't always help them deal with those insecurities, nor lift up other women, nor address harmful societal messaging: that's not second wave at all, and I find it surprising from women with exposure to those principles (will always recommend reading more second wave writers, for t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:08 PM
9

Also a dealbreaker for me, though it's one of those standards like no porn use that narrows it down a lot instantly; most people aren't consistent about climate change, and they'll say they love animals and are against animal abuse but haven't so much as tried eating less of them. Believing the flu jab works and is generally safe has never been a reason for most younger people to have one here, so that sounds like it depends, though? Not being vaccinated against meningitis may not seem a very go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 11:13 AM
1

I agree the aims are different, but some of the assumptions come from the same societal context. For women, it's a harmful one. What kind of message do ideas about 'leagues' send women like the nerdy women who've posted? How does it help them protect themselves? Does it help address men's attitudes, or confirm to them that women can be judged on a ranked scale of conventional attractiveness, and that this is the key attribute? Why are the men chasing imaginary 'Stacies', while ignoring the women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:30 AM
4

Huh? I just said attraction is usually important. You've never had the experience where you appreciate someone's looks, even if you found them attractive to begin with, more on getting to know them? Platonically, even, or with family? And yep, the opposite, where you learn something you don't like about them and the attractiveness just vanishes. What matters is the sense of mutal attraction/aesthetic appeal, on an individual level, not whether someone fits a specific society's current ideal of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:51 AM
7

Or, outright drop the concept of leagues (what, are we rating people out of ten on their looks? When the 'acceptabilty' range for women is already so much narrower than for men?) and just focus on compatibility? Which can include atraction. Attraction is usually important in a relationship, but it's not a myth that how you feel about someone can change how they appear to you, either. If the conventionally-attractive women had prioritised compatability, they wouldn't have dated men they basically…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:16 AM
1

Oh, yeah, scoli is one of those things that could be linked to a reproductive system condition that could cause more hair growth: connective tissue disorders cause a lot of problems. It's something I have in the back of my mind, along with other future potential issues to deal with -they said the hormones aspect was Ok, but, I don't trust 'em-, but, I don't really want to know unless it became an issue, and, yes, doctors do fuck us up. I mildly dread bushy brows going out of fashion again, I'm p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 07:46 AM
8

But they're often seen as trivial because they just...are. I'm not saying there's zero skill, but, even compared to actual drawing? And the motivation behind them compared to a hobby? Men mock women for it because they know darn well they reduced them to trivial creatures fishing for crumbs of male validation, even if only from the man in their heads. What are women gaining from make-up besides getting better at make-up and 'enhancing' their appearance? Fashion being so limited to women, while i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:19 AM
7

I'm honestly most scared at how short the cultural memory in the US has become, so quickly - and, as usual, that collective forgetting spread to the UK as an Anglophone country, as well. It's not just this, it's every aspect of politics. @u/NAthrowaway0613 I think you're right, they don't remember, and I can see why gen Z women wouldn't, but, a lot of us Millennials lived through this. A lot of us have older women we could talk to, but, more than that, we saw them. Didn't we? The shift may look …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:37 AM
3

Personally, I feel a lot better about having been 'creative' if I make an embroidery hoop and have this concrete thing I can hold and then go hang up and have it last, than if I do the equivalent of doodling a conventional design on my face to be washed off at the first opportunity, which just makes me feel crappy. Why does LibFem seem so focused on 'reclaiming' primarily only the least productive, and still very much contemporary expectations (even to the point of being literal job requirements…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:21 AM
8

The skincare focus is also a somewhat new cultural trend, though. Protection from the sun, sure, but otherwise the evidence for a lot of it is shaky, and even those most into it will acknowledge how YMMV it is. In practice, examples tend not to be ordinary women who've just been diligent with the suncream and moisturiser, but American celebrities who've had cosmetic treatments. It's beneficial to be active, but that doesn't always need to mean more dedicated efforts at the gym, and while I would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:36 AM
112

This is a unjustified personal attack. I'm sure there are lots of non-fictional difficult Francophone professors with glasses see, it's not even an unrealistic standard, and some of them might like weird kinda angsty not-conventionally-attractive English women, it's possible in theory. Some of them probably aren't even married and don't have a dead former love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 09:05 PM
33

Sorry, but, 'value' aside, I don't exist to be free childcare to other people's children. It's not womens' job to demonstrate care through personal sacrifice. I quite possibly won't even like them much, since I like children selectively as individuals, same as with adults, not as though they're dolls. Might not think they should exist, either, if not everyone is 'meant' to procreate, and mum needs help because of her own pickme choices. It's a sore spot because conflicted feelings about it exist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 08:04 PM
6

I think this is a lot of why women don't want to admit they don't do it for themselves. It's one thing to be willing to admit patriarchy piles on pressure to look a certain way, even more to admit that, in a certain way, women do compete with other women. Not just directly for male attention, but for the social cachet of being seen as attractive: something we're almost required to be. Doesn't mean women are all mean girls all the time (though that doesn't never happen). It's still because women …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:34 PM
6

I'd have said in Europe -I mean the UK/France, really, I suppose, but it'd apply to other countries too, maybe not so much Eastern Europe- we're usually much less focused on appearance and preventing ageing than American women, whose 'look' is really a bit much by our standards, and not necessarily even seen as looking good, depending. But, it varying so much culturally, shows it is cultural. Women absolutely don't wear make-up for themselves, even when it's not actively for men, it's at minimum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:07 PM
-1

I absolutely agree with the essence of your point. I had a friend who 'dated' a man in that age range while she was a teen about this age, as is entirely legal in the UK, I still despise him. Still, though, she wasn't a child, she did have sexual desires, that's part of how he took advantage of her. I'll never understand the US attitude on this, it's not really realistic in how restrictive it is, infantilises teens, is often patronising, and I'm not sure is working to protect them: telling them …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:50 PM
12

It's cynical, but, someone being that good to someone with a disability? Doing exactly what they want and need, even when it's a big contribution of time, and it being a significant financial aid as well? I've begged people who were being paid to help for the simplest things and not got any help! Actual family are often not that good, current partners are not! So, I mean, like, I wish, but...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:11 PM
7

I'm going to weigh it up it based on the reality, honestly. Patriarchy screws with all our choices, but those made on concrete grounds (severe financial difficulties with little to no safety net, but also including mental illness, that is concrete) are not equivalent to those based on more indirect factors (looking for validation, buying into the conditioning, etc). Here in the UK, the idea that a woman has literally no other choice is almost never true, and going along with that idea, in order …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:38 AM
6

If he's creepy, she deserves better anyway. But being thin gets used as though it's shorthand for conventionally attractive, like it's the instant win button for the game of 'women try to conform to beauty standards' -shitty game-, but, it isn't. Unfortunately. Even without including everything else that's expected on top of it -curves, but only in all the right places, like in this image-, thinness is not always seen as attractive even in and of itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:06 AM
3

Same, I'm occasionally reminded 'oh yeah, most women don't work like that' by complaints about how they're represented in art/photoshopped images! Usually while I've twisted myself into a pretzel in front of my laptop because, I dunno, seemed comfy? I had my legs close to that ATM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:58 AM
31

Ach, yes, that one is a thing they do in general. Whenever my dad cooked, which was very rare, he had to make it into a performance, sometimes with fancy ingredients, and took forever at it, too. It wasn't that he was any good at cooking, just had to act like it was 'special' if he did it. Meanwhile my mum regularly tried new recipes while making none of that kind of fuss about it. I'd encourage women, instead of just expecting men to cook more without them subverting the tiny amount of progress…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:21 AM
15

Sure looking nice and put together is great - but tying our feeling of confidence and power with tangible material isn't the best way to go about it. It's also not all that objective what that means - take shifting beauty standards and trends as an example, both across time, and across cultures. I only recently started watching make-up tutorials and experimenting with make-up: so, I'm not used to this. The desire to cover blemishes, I understand -I have acne-, but that's a band-aid solution. For…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:49 AM
1

I can see what you're saying about those who do that, because I've def. seen it look more about wanting the label and demanding attention: the biggest offenders tend to claim 'anxiety' with no clarification about which anxiety disorder they might mean, and then with the way they describe it, it becomes obvious they're talking about normal-level worries about life stuff, not a disorder. But, which specific conditions, and what 'healing'? People were born that way, a lot of the time. There's, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:56 AM
5

But what we risk getting in this, is a backlash against people with mental illnesses: this 'movement' is not for them, but, it's like how there is nevertheless a backlash against both Liberal 'feminism' and women from the right, even though LibFem is not actually for women. Even here, there's often the assumption a person with a mental illness is purely personally responsible for it. This is leaving people with a disability, which they may literally be entirely unable to voluntarily control, to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:35 AM
17

Those people don't have a mental illness, is why. As a woman with one, at this point, I just hear 'mental health awareness' and translate to 'emotional hygiene movement', because the movement has nothing to do with mental illnesses, compared to pathologising normal human emotion: which is not on a continuum, but a different thing. Those with trauma -which there is a genetic predisposition to, it's not normal emotional struggles to process having been through a difficult time- will know the physi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:04 AM
2

That, and it can sound as though the focus on appearance has been internalised as though it's a choice or connected to character. Even the expectations for what can be done about appearance aren't necessarily realistic or universal, and buying into the beauty industry gets conflated with 'taking care of yourself' as though it's caring for health (which is not fully within anyone's control, either). If a woman thinks that stuff all always works: yes, congrats on the genetic giftedess, because tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 02:50 PM
4

That's very true, and of course something I appreciate myself with the period I'm interested in, so, I also respect your position. What makes me think it is toxic, is the idea that doing your duty as a member of society will always involve that society's current values: and the status quo is an oppressive one. Even for people who want to change it, it becomes very hard to escape weight of that, the inertia. War? Why war? Is it an inevitability? Notions of duty, itself, are so often dangerous, pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 01:39 PM
10

Eh, on paper, maybe. Always flag Marcus Aurelius, though. I'm not listening to some slave-owning smug privileged Roman Emperor dude about, well, literally anything, but certainly not one telling people it's all about controlling your own reactions to events. It's like psychology's gaslighting of oppressed classes of people into the idea the problem is them and how they think about and react to their oppression. Is it possible to be in the position he was and truly care about other people? Will t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 10:38 AM
11

It has to be at least partly that. Although educational standards can be non-existent, he has presumably read at least some actual books at some point and been around semi-normal people, it's hard to see how he couldn't know that what he's saying isn't true, and that the audience he targets aren't actually representative. His entire career can't actually consist of skimming random, disconnected mythology articles on Wiki and pulling the pretty pictures in the hope of sounding deep, can it? Even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 10:04 AM
9

It is bizarre: too bizarre? On another thread, a poster posited that this stuff is actually paid advertising. Which sounds plausible, doesn't it? We already know influencers are paid to promote products, we already know pimps were involved in pushing the 'sex work' narrative, and we know they can make prostituted women act as their front to do that. TikToks look full of very young women/girls who, well, have they actually had plastic surgery, even? Not just regular-seeming girls. Some young wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:30 AM
7

I think it sounds Ok, with decent timing, but, inevitably, there's the potential minefield. But there is when any questions about family are asked at all; even being asked things like 'do you have siblings?' etc., it's going to be obvious if someone isn't close to them. A lot of innocent questions become delicate depending on circumstances, it's something that contributes to being open to relationships, romantic or friendly, involving openness to vulnerability. I'm not sure how avoidable that pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:01 AM
3

No no, clearly it must be our fault for our 'intimidating' knowledge when we, uh, take them precisely at their word and try to have a conversation about exactly what they just said they wanted a conversation about. Men are so rational, there's no way they'd just have a fantasy where they spout some ~deep~ quote they saw in a image meme and we gaze at them admiringly. I'm sure there's just some problem with CoMmUniCaTioN when they're upset when it turns out we actually read the book it was from a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:42 PM
2

Hmm, I'd have said the opposite, that it's a more middle class idea to expect a man will always pay, though I'd agree with you about working class men often not contributing: I'd generalise to say working class men of that younger generation don't (the older one did), lower middle class people negotiate and share costs more, privileged middle class men will potentially pay more esp. if the woman makes it clear she expects it. Depending on country and the access that existed to education, if a yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:49 PM
6

Ach, sorry to hear that. It's somewhat familiar to me, too, I'm currently waiting for my ADHD assessment, in my thirties. I'm livid the 'mental health care' system didn't even consider it either, when it should have been such an obvious possibility, it ought to at least have been considered to rule out. I do definitely have dyscalculia (which I know can be co-morbid with ADHD) for which I wasn't diagnosed. I got constant zeros on mental arithmetic tests, but still told I was better at maths than…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 07:05 PM
22

That's very much possible. Unfortunately, they might do nothing, though: experienced it with a different condition, and heard more than enough stories to believe it. Parents, even if they seem 'Ok' otherwise, can be bad with a mental illness, and people in general are entirely capable of ignoring explicit begging for help from someone in crisis. It's why I never just believe it when families claim to have had no idea someone was struggling, am just 'neutral' about it. Abusive parents could be a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:45 PM
37

I don't know, I'm kinda surprised it occurred to them to do something. Heck, I'm surprised they noticed she existed, and amazed they went as far as to acknowledge it. Which make me think the 'girlfriend quality characteristics' are not personality/interest compatibility so much as a willingness to at least pretend not to be grossed out/horrified by their 'kinks'. Because you can literally be right there while they complain 'why don't women like [list of things you like]?', and that does not coun…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:35 PM
1

I think it is a little much, tbh - it's not all obviously even to do with patriarchal socialisation at all. Being anti-vax is really rare, and tends to be associated more with women who -while they may still be dating- are a little older, mothers, sometimes, while it doesn't excuse the ableism, not coping well with processing a child's disability. But, that's, vastly unfair to women still, even, I mean, these are our UK childhood vaccine stats: Coverage at 5 years in 2019-20 was 95.2% MMR1 cover…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 02:15 PM
6

Since what you know about them for definite is they chose to be a sperm donor...it's a good job genetics are incredibly complicated and not like mixing paint colours. Socially, given the way men can be about the idea of fathering lots of children they're not involved with, it seems like a way to select for the worst, most aggressively macho, and crafty about it to boot, idiots possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 12:40 PM
15

I think it tends to mean the ones who did, to at least some extent, choose -but 'choice' is always messy under patriarchy- the situation, though (not divorcees, who were not single at the point they became a mum)...but these are the exact same men who are against abortion, still expect women to have sex with them on demand, who usually support the kind of policies that cause the most issues for single mums and their children, and who contribute to the whole pile of societal programming that make…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 11:10 AM
1

All of that is just awful, a sobering reminder, thank you. Of course, your standards are up to you, and there's big problems with men and gaming, but is there a specific reason why a hard no to gaming? I play them occasionally, but I'm also vegan and think about sustainability generally. I can see gaming can be a needless energy/resources drain, but then, a lot can be, I'd want to think about how someone participates in it: do they have to have all the systems just to 'keep up' even if they're n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 06:15 AM
52

I only tried taking selfies for the first time recently, and it just feels awful. I can see confidence being a factor, but for most women, going to effort and time to look 'right', posing for your phone instead of for a human, being forced to nitpick your appearance, being taken out of the moment when doing activities to take one because you're trying to show that you're fun or w/e you're meant to do...it just seems like it would feel degrading to many women and drag them down, confident or not.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 01:48 AM
4

Hey, sis fist 🤛: I'm not much of a bro, but I am geeky. That's it, but, women who get judged as more conventionally attractive need to do that for us too, and there isn't always as much going this way. We're not 'androgynous', men are just thick, women come in all shapes, including small and straight up-and-down, and aren't born with convenient 'feminine' accessories to act as add-on sex indicator signallers. And, as to clothing, why are comfortable, or just, entirely normal, ordinary, clothes, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 01:22 AM
2

I'm sorry to hear that. It really does suck. This will be, the seventh for me, I think? I've lost count but at least that. No prospect of an end in sight (well, technically it's always temporary: my gran always liked to say 'Everything passes, even life', but comforting words of wisdom were not exactly her thing). And before that there was the few years I lived with my parents after uni. There isn't anyone except my mum, who can be difficult, depending often on how she's feeling about my dad at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:28 PM
25

Well, I just translated a section from a novel from two centuries ago. In summary: Guy, who is very young and portrayed probably as quite legitimately a bit dense, not just faking, takes girl on a 'walk date' through the grounds of a stately home they're visiting. They sit down next to a little grotto and stream, flowers everywhere, birds a-singing and he's at her feet thinking how beautiful and superhumanly perfect she is, and it's all very romantic, really. Then he has to ruin it, because when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 05:54 AM
8

I think the logic is supposed to be that if men don't want them to do it, as supposedly evidenced in that shit men say, it must therefore be empowering. It doesn't seem to get through that even through all the insults, it often doesn't sound like men don't want women to do it, just that they won't respect them for it. They also don't really understand how expectations of 'purity', or whatever you want to call it, have historically worked (give up reliable birth control and STD protection for a f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 05:05 AM
23

One of the most useful things my mum got out of Al Anon was that alcoholics drive people around them to act 'crazy'. If she snaps and angrily confiscates my dad's booze, it's only after having found it in the bushes when he swore blind he didn't have any.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:55 AM
8

There is definitely spite there, as you say we see it explicitly when they gloat that this is what we wanted. It has to be combined with a lot of cultural factors, though: among them, devaluing of education among men, loss of community, ahistorical attitudes. They haven't just not levelled up, they're vastly less use than their granddads, even. Among lower-class men, which I don't think most of them really are, it's batshit for them to resent women for working, because, um, look at your gran -pi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 04:36 PM
18

I'm figuring that made sense in context, but having a mental illness isn't equivalent to emotional vulnerability, or, often, even much to do with it at all, though? Many are entirely incurable, as well. Even something like panic disorder that might look emotional to those who don't have it, it's more 'annoying to unpleasant physical thing that occasionally, or often if unlucky, just happens to you'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:44 AM
18

Mmm, that's if it is temporary, though. I kind of have to wonder how long people who feel that way have actually been alone for. Long-term due to various circumstances, it can be so crushing that men start to seem not such a bad idea, despite the massive piles of evidence to the contrary: and then if you've seen even one example of a relationship that works, well...the miraculous is at least possible for other people. And then a lot of relationships semi-work some of the time, if the woman puts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 07:01 AM
6

I'd say: why would she agree to that? Why does he think sex is a thing to do to her -and it's not really 'initiating sex' if she's unconscious-, not with her? The morning oral is I'd guess about the idea of 'surprising' him with pleasure (call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with breakfast in bed, as in with actual food?), not hers, so again, what's going on with the thinking there? Consent like that can't be withdrawn in the moment until after it already happened, so is at best very question…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:53 AM
4

I wonder what their male friends are like, and how they'd treat one who broke the mould, though? If their bonding sessions include being dicks about women, and one miraculously grows a conscience about it? 'Sociopath' is a bit far and a shaky term anyway, but they're not necessarily not aggressive male assholes, and generally aligning with the oppressive status quo, depending on what they're actually doing with their best buds, and that can call the genuineness of the friendship into question, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:42 AM
1

That's absolutely my dad, so I think that could be it. He does like travel, would even do it on his own in his twenties before he met my mum, but the only times he's ever shown any initiative after that is when it's a WWII-related trip that she absolutely would not plan or go on: when he wants to, he will. The most excuse he has to offer for his delegating labour is 'well, she might not be happy with it if I arranged it...', which is not automatically wrong, but he could still have chosen to con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:28 AM
7

Hah, yeah, newly-know the feeling: experimenting with make-up and regular skincare may not have been the best choice for me to pick up as a 'I'm bored in the pandemic' activity. Tried out teeny-tiny-but-alarmingly-expensive Inika samples yesterday, then realised I was still going to have to cover half my face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 06:57 AM
10

But, hey, it's a bizarre standard that was an absolute baseline for a decent male education for hundreds of years, to the point even flippin' Shakespeare caught shade for not being good at it! Clearly reasonable! Being less flippant, it'd be less completely insane than it sounds as it's still a class signifier in the UK, a class-obsessed society. Public school boys (hate the bastards, would not date) are getting lazy now, but they had it for a long time (see smug twerp and absolute ZVM Boris Joh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 12:29 PM
19

While audiobooks are fine, there's a hard limit if it's just audiobooks, though. While I appreciate my 'one of the books I most want to read only exists in manuscipt afaik' is quite extreme, not everything is available in listenable format, or possible to 'read' like that depending on the type of text. If they're middle class they're already getting off lightly if they don't read Latin and Ancient Greek. I think they can handle reading words. If not, and they don't start reading soon, I'm just g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:35 AM
6

My standards are entirely reasonable. Just like men's. Veganism (the whole ideology, as distinct from just a plant-based diet). As well as being personally essential to me (and I don't want to live with someone who fills my fridge with the body parts of dead animals), I'd consider it absolute bare-minimum as a sign of willingness to oppose the (always shitty and oppressive) status quo through personal change (unlike oppressors who won't 'give up' something because they enjoy it) and of being pot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:12 AM
5

If you have Netflix, Dancing with the Birds is a fun watch. I actually felt a little bad for the males with all the effort they have to make to impress choosy females! 😄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 05:11 AM
7

Maybe it stopped being as true...? Were men's expectations always so crazy? They can't really have been because as well as the bombardement of pornified images and advertistments, some expectations, esp. at the extreme end like boob jobs, weren't as possible, if at all. They might have liked big breasts but they couldn't have expected women to get them like it was changing a part out on a machine. They act now as though we can just change everything to please them, as though we owe the kind of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:49 AM
19

Of course, men are being ridiculous to compare women trying to protect themselves from misogygny to men who hate women. But ideological assumptions like 'all women are surrounded by men at all times' are similar to what incels (who don't even seem to see most women) seem to believe about us. It's not a universal experience, and we all know how insanely unreasonable about looks/youth men can be. They can, conversely, manage to talk to women like normal human beings: making their 'men can't keep t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:16 AM
17

The most frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking thing, about 'back then', is at least some men at least somewhat get it at least some of the time. Questioning what honour actually means is a common motif in drama. Men in the past are entirely capable of saying women are more moral, more loving (that's old sexism, not new feminism). And yet men as a class (and, often, women too), never quite get there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:04 AM
2

Even with courses... I quit the Psychology part of my degree and switched to just English, because there was just too much outdated bullshit, and it was patriarchal as well, of course: with only a vague nod to it not being current and the keen interest of the male professor, they still managed to teach 'refrigerator mothers' in a way that made it sound like it was plausible. It's a problem in a lot of fields, but Psychology was just built on it, it's especially embedded structurally, which makes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 09:14 AM
1

Not having as much financial freedom as you'd like, that's normal in your twenties, and in general. This is something I wish I'd consciously understood better in my twenties, when I'd compare myself to 'more cultured' people and feel inadequate: all of them were much more privileged, and even if it's something you could do on paper without being, it just makes it a lot easier and can mean the opportunities are effectively handed them. The woman in the OP sounds like she was from a privileged bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 08:43 AM
3

It's more an older and male thing. Although I'd take food just in case of emergency, because otherwise the 'new experiences' I get risk being attempting to explain that no, vegans don't eat fish sandwiches, not even if you half-heartedly scrape some of it off. European stubbornness about food, whether wanting something specific or expecting that someone else should eat it, may actually be fairly universal, and the French are absolutely as bad about it (up to living up to the stereotype of acting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:36 AM
2

The superiority complex is no surprise given the history that Britain has lmfao A lot of how that narrative of past 'glories' is interpreted is an infuriating modern lie, though: it's often Americanisation and a hard shift to the right, not our culture. My, working class, grandparents, weren't under the flag-waving illusion that they'd been in the war and land army because Britain was just so great, and they knew the interests of the upper classes did not align with theirs. My grandad who'd lear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:49 PM
13

I'd be more concerned about some of the continental European rightwingers...but that's because they'll at least say, and, given where the political context there is at, may have genuinely absorbed, so much that is traditional leftwing. It gives them the ability to initially sound more convincing when they talk about workers and religious oppression of women without seeming to contradict themselves, instead of just being explicitly racist. I think what makes me crossest is seeing the US/UK right …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:10 PM
2

Well, I meant 'in general', they can be, and that it's relative to older women, who'd be inclined to be politer. From me, though I think refusing to acknowledge his existence ever again, rather than just 'no', was at least a taaaad excessive as a response to being asked to prom. Especially as he sat by me in morning tutorial sessions, he was at least an long-time acquaintance even if I didn't think we were friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 09:53 AM
19

Oh, I don't know, in strict fairness, young girls can be pretty brutal! 😃 As a teen, I cut the guy who assumed I'd go to prom with him dead, and never spoke to him or acknowledged his existence again: at least with block-and-delete they don't have to stay in the same class as us while we ignore them... I'd like to say I'd have been nicer if he'd asked nicely, but...probably wouldn't have. Simultaneously proud and shocked by teenage me. I doubt he was upset, just took it for granted that I would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:41 AM
3

It does sound like it's a kind of trauma-driven desire for justice for OP's friend, which is understandable, and that the empathy for the women is there, but when it's discussed with a lighter tone or ghoulish fascination, yeah. My mum's always loved detective fiction and becomes fascinated by in the occasional real case, and the way she talks about it, there's times I remind her that this one is real, and wonder if she can really tell the difference. But she can't handle the ones with children:…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:23 PM
2

Not a specific age of consent law, but it was already illegal, just prosecuted as a sexual act on a minor rather than automatically rape without specific evidence of coercion. So it's an adjustment to existing law, not that none covered it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:39 AM
10

It can be very difficult to adopt. Here in the UK, my aunt, who could not have children, tried, but the process dragged on over years and it was just too much. It's rare to be able to adopt a baby, and the child may have health and/or behavioural issues - rolling the genetic/luck dice on that is one thing, but, it's not something everyone is up for intentionally talking on, and, rightly not something that just gets handed anyone who thinks they are, either. Adopting is not an easy option. I'm no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 01:23 PM
2

I was kinda tired (bad night) when I wrote that, sure. On the cultural context? Ok, so, in the UK, we used to have two separate institutions, universities, and polytechnics: the latter then also became universities. Some of these are as good as the 'red brick' universities (which are the noted older institutions), and some are very much not, to the point the idea of attending one can be kind of a joke. The cost of institutions tends to be similar, partly because the way our student loans work, y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 11:34 AM
2

Well said, and I'd add that the 'real issues' includes health issues, as well. Some people don't get perfect, or even healthy, bodies, full stop, and it can make trying to live even a healthy lifestyle a lot more of a challenge. I'm kinda also, um...not sure how women are supposed to feel, as well as all the taken-for-granted assumptions about what they 'should' be doing, about buying in, literally, to the beauty industry, even when it's men who are criticised for things about their appearance t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:39 AM
1

I think it depends. The access to opportunities can be relevant -here, if they're about Millenial-age, it'd really be their own fault-, but standards can be so much lower they couldn't even be said to have a degree at a good institution. In the UK, everyone already KNOWS, or should, that some of the former polytechs still aren't equivalent to a university -so, add poor decision making on a major life choice, on top of the substandard education they chose to get-, and then US colleges, unless the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 02:41 AM
5

I'd agree with much of that. Although, nurses here can tend to show the same arrogant indifference to patients and make mistakes too - been on the receiving end of that much too often as a disabled women, as well as the endless issues with male doctors (think sexism is part of it as much from the women, my dad has some similar health problems and is treated so much better). While the pay not being enough for the work and the hours is absolutely fair to argue and I agree with, still, they would n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 11:29 PM
8

What's pay like for nurses where you are? They could still be paid more, but aren't poor in the UK, it's a degree level job, not working class and minimum wage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:52 PM
50

Oooh, is this seriously why I was going 'I just don't get why I haven't lost the little bit of weight I put on in lockdown, it's not much and the advice makes it sound easy!'? The advice was for men the whole time, not small women? Lost it, but yeah, only because at that point I was mad and fed up enough to be willing to eat the same as a six year old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:29 AM
23

Special dishonourable mention to the Anglo-white men who try to mock Asian men as 'feminine' while not even making any effort to be their own, already incredibly biased, concept of 'masculine'; at least, besides the 'total douchebag' aspect. Not even subtle that it's the idea of 'effort' that threatens them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:23 AM
25

It's kinda interesting when male artists choose to depict these kinds of scene, and seem to be aiming to portray the man negatively: I always wonder what their own attitudes really were. Some are just 'sexual harassment is funny, lol'. Here's a 1895 description of various kinds of male railway nuisance: https://danielmilfordcottam.wordpress.com/2019/06/06/six-hogs-manspreading-in-1895/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:01 AM
12

Hmm, technically, but those statues/art range up to this, but, also, more like this (warning for Classical dick pic): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_sculpture#/media/File:Belvedere_Apollo_Pio-Clementino_Inv1015.jpg To me, slim, yes, while I find muscles to be gross aesthetically, but, hey, geek chic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 02:00 AM
89

It's 'of course' from Henry VIII, but meanwhile across the Channel the throne is just getting passed to distant cousins and it mostly seems to be accepted or at least to function: aristos squabble but when do they ever not. The way they taught us about it in school (am English, so especially feel the impact of the lie on this), along with the 'lol he had six wives, here's a cute chant about what he did to them!', you'd have thought he LITERALLY needed a male heir and that it was absolutely impos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 01:19 AM
12

The problem is the concept of gender identity: it's impossible to make it make any consistent sense without sexism, and then there's how new and culturally-bound (politically, even) this form of the concept is yet how rapidly it's gained ground to be used in place of sex in a survey like this, while it serves to naturalise patriarchy...at which point it's time to go 'hmm, looks like more patriarchal gaslighting'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 08:24 PM
7

Girls have being going to schools for hundreds of years: it's also quite modern to think of schools as equalling education. But then, that still leaves their accusations of 'feminisation!' equally baffling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:25 PM
16

I think that's what they want us to think, so they can convince us it could be worse and to accept what we get now. There's no point in European history -specifically, UK and some French, can't speak as much to anywhere else- I can think of that's strictly accurate to, and specific points quite a bit was a lot better. Class is crucial, of course: through much of history, the options have sucked for most men, as well. It does kind of make some of the 'well, women were just expected to marry' rhet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:06 PM
27

I figure if they ever do, hey, FDS successfully raised the bar for women everywhere! Men know they won't get away with negging? Win for women. Level up and raise it some more. It has a looong way to go before it even gets back to the point it was at before they drastically lowered it over the last two decades or so, and that was already decidedly unimpressive. As I don't mind discussing standards... 😉 Heck, if they'll go to the opera while being capable of feigning interest convincingly and can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 03:51 AM
9

I don't think most people think it's real, honestly. Their understanding/misunderstandings of female fertility, and of course, also male fertility, is kinda separate to the pure fantasy concept of 'the wall'. Then there's just practical/logistical considerations. Although, I do find my mum's 'lol, don't be silly, you're practically still a child' attitude, when I'm 33, to be even more unhelpful. I think, as completely horrible and misogynistic as they are, TRP maybe caught on to the extent it ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:33 PM
22

It adds up -as I think using a service regularly is bound to-, but it's still often going to be minimum wage, including under the standard adult rate, for the workers: not extortionate. It's possible that the owners of some nurseries may be exploitative, but that means the workers still aren't seeing most of the money. England: https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/aug/05/one-in-eight-childcare-workers-in-england-earn-less-than-5-an-hour As most are women, underpaid is also almost a given.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:26 PM
2

Very much appreciate you saying this, thank you. I've definitely had other stuff on my plate, and when you have a chronic pain-causing condition to keep trying to get appointments for, even dermatology goes on the backburner. But...with having had no routine, I still get mistaken for a teenager, in my early thirties, and, considering other female members of my family and how slow we all age, I don't think that's just the mild-moderate acne... My skin won't have had the opportunity to get sun-dam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:21 AM
3

I think it depends, and coming to a religion later can be more positive than being brought up in it, which I'm glad if it's the case for you. It can absolutely keep women trapped in bad situations being oppressed by men, too, and that is something patriarchal religion is designed to do, which is why we say so. It's just that the same critical lens needs to be applied across all aspects of culture, not just religion. I think it can just be about exposure to other ideas, in whatever form it happen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 03:06 PM
1

I would say BDD does need treating physically, but focusing on the brain, not the rest of the body. It's not an emotional issue but a functional one with self-perception, and, like anorexia, may be linked to OCD. And there's trichotillomania on that kind of spectrum, as well. Psychologists may still help with managing it, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:37 PM
1

Hmm, to me, it's the opposite. When you're younger is the time you're more typically looking to be 'settled' in a relationship, if you want that, and OLD cannot be doing much for insecurities. There are the older actresses and the odd 'cougar', but for most women in their sixties, concern about looks isn't necc. as relevant to where they're at in their lives. I am British though so, that's a factor in why I wouldn't expect the average woman to be that concerned about it, culturally we're quite c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:21 PM
17

And the language is also associating maturity 'Somehow, I feel more like a woman' with performing for the male gaze. So the message is if young girls, who've been following her career this whole time, want access to adult status, they better be prepared to perform like they're in the 'adult' industry. It's extra-concerning combined with a reference to surgery, because women can get judged as immature just based on how they naturally look: certain figures are even called 'boyish' despite being a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:06 PM
6

I'd like the same thing (can't afford it tho) - I think an injection might do it, which isn't such a biggie? I think the problem, and when it comes to more drastic surgery, can be, though: it doesn't matter a darn thing what our own attitude is if we still get judged for how we look. A lot of this 'body positivity' stuff is just comparing citrus and non-citrus fruit. There's the conventionally stunning women with nothing anyone sane would even count as a flaw. And there's the women who are not t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 11:42 AM
18

Here's a great video on the history of women's pockets, it's really recent that they disappeared! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaRoWPEUTI4 I'm planning to see how tie-on ones work with a modern dress, though, without slits in the skirt, they'd have to be worn over for access that wasn't, um, very inelegant in public.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 05:40 PM
4

I'd say it's more that class-based oppression doesn't mean there's zero wriggle room or individual agency, ability to mitigate it even if involves tough and unfair choices, or even that pure chance doesn't matter. I think that, without acknowledging that, it becomes easier for men to say 'well, you have [legal right] now, what more do you women want?', when there's always been a lot more to it. The woman selling pics to foot-fetishists is still oppressed as a woman, as a member of the sex-class,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 05:10 AM
3

Obligatory 'in mice' disclaimer, but the way men act does beg the question of whether they can really tell the difference: https://www.newscientist.com/article/2147778-sex-and-aggression-linked-in-male-mouse-brains-but-not-in-female/ There's behaviour we interpret as dominance mounting in a lot of species, though females can also display the behaviour. Is mating nothing to do with aggression whatsoever ever, or are humans just the out-of-touch-with-nature ones to romanticise it so often?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:55 PM
9

Ach, tell me about it. I end up arguing way too often with men who don't read, about English, the subject in which I have my degree (I know, but we all have our bad habits). One of the things I've learnt is to ask them, with varying degrees of frankness, if they know what they're talking about - starting from mild statements like 'Oh, I don't know if you've studied this, but if you do then you learn that []', or simple statements about level of expertise. I don't think they like it much. Also wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 12:48 AM
22

I think it was doomed as soon as we had reliable birth control that was wholly in the women's control, and secularisation -which the US really needs- makes it impossible to enforce. 'Men won't like you' isn't much of a threat when the majority of them are perfectly happy with an arrangement where more women will sleep with them, without having to worry as much about unwanted pregnancies, or untreatable STDs either, I guess. Other 'men won't like you' threats are still highly effective, so I thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:20 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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