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Ancient-Homework7557 Archive

View 0 posts and 121 comments by Ancient-Homework7557 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

That's exactly right. Your priorities are your kids well being, your wellbeing and the new woman in your life. Not reverting back to quasi-husband because your ex has cancer. That will confuse your kids, blow up your relationship and make you very unhappy. Don't do that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 04:34 AM
2

Exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:45 AM
3

After you file they can't leave the state during the process (with your kid). She'll threaten but she can't. Move away orders are hard to get. There has to be some serious circumstances. Abuse etc. to get a move away order approved. Judges typically don't want to see the child removed from one parent unless its absolutely necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:42 AM
1

I’m refurnishing my entire rental house after selling the old one. (Made good money). She took EVERYTHING!! Started out as kinda fun to pick stuff out. Over it now. Just want it done. Got a phenomenal mattress and a kick ass tv though! The place is coming together. Slowly. Getting real sick of eating on the floor with my kids. Picking up a table and chairs today! Thank God!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 06:39 PM
2

17 years together almost 14 years married. I’m so glad I filed. I’m light years better than the broken man I was a year ago. Staying for the kids is delaying the inevitable. And they see chaos as a representation of a relationship. It’s modeling an awful way to live for them. They see and hear everything. No matter their age. But it’s taken work to get to where I am. All the work is worth it. You have to be willing to suffer and embrace that suffering to come out the other side. There are still …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 05:15 PM
3

No. It’s delaying the inevitable. I stupidly went back and forth with a mentally unstable drunk for years. “For the kids” I was blind, wrong, and my thinking was completely backwards in trying to do what I thought was right for my children. If there’s abuse No respect No trust It’s done. Don’t waste any more of your life in that situation and do the hard work that will ultimately be the best for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 04:09 PM
2

That is completely intolerable behavior and you need to ditch that woman yesterday. Wake up and respect yourself. Reality is a tough pill to swallow. It’ll get better. But you gotta get the fuck out of that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 04:23 PM
15

If you don’t want to talk with her and feel it’s not go for you to do so then don’t. And it IS not good for you to continue to converse with her. It leaves an open ended emotional thread between you two. It’s bad for you. You don’t want it. She’s doing it out of her own selfishness and nostalgic feelings. Don’t get sucked into her horseshit. You’re divorced. Detach from that yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 01:46 AM
3

Thank you. Appreciate the positive outlook. My situation has been turning for the better too. It was pretty shitty throughout the winter. But bright days are coming for me and my kids. (When they’re with me anyway!) Can’t wait to get this divorce finalized and DONE!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 05:42 PM
2

No.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:19 AM
7

See them tonight. First Christmas morning ever that I won’t be with them. Hasn’t hit me yet. I think tomorrow morning will be quiet. I just want them to have a good Christmas no matter where they are. I’ll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 12:13 AM
2

Yeah. You too, dude!
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 12:07 AM
11

This sounds hellacious. Get the fuck out yesterday. Bite the ugly financial and emotional bullet. Pay the money. Go live a stable peaceful life with your children without this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 11:07 PM
6

Right there with you. 10 months removed from being at the house. Couldn’t stay. Not worth the risk. She can’t be trusted. She dates. I think she may even have a “boyfriend” now. That’s fine. Good on you man. She’s your problem now. I don’t care for men being in a home I still pay for. That’s annoying. But I can’t do anything about that until I get it sold. Then reality will set in for her. I hope new guy likes his women with a side of helpless crazy. She doesn’t handle reality or facts very well…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 07:45 PM
7

She’s trying to leverage your metal wellbeing against you and use it in court to get your kids. And by default more support. I know that sounds jaded but this sounds like horseshit phony concern for your wellbeing with an ulterior motive. I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope you get help but if you do, don’t tell her shit. You’re just handing her an easel to paint to paint a portrait of you as a wackjob who’s unfit to parent. Do what you need to do to help yourself. But do it privately. Good l…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 11:40 PM
2

Zero cell service sounds like heaven. Used to shut mine off and leave it on the nightstand every weekend. Now I need it to stay in touch with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 12:40 AM
9

That’s something a narcissist would say. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:11 AM
1

Seek out individual therapy first. The weight is likely part of an overarching problem. Certainly doesn’t help not being physically attracted to your wife though. Then counseling for both if you think things can change. BUT never stay “for the kids” it will end poorly, delay the inevitable and make things messier. You sound pretty unhappy. Start with you. Then branch out to wife,life,kids etc. good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 06:47 PM
4

Play nice is public. But she’s an emotional roll coaster. And spiteful and bitter as shit. Fuck that. Even with all that shit there little tinges of “awe fuck” (mostly for the lives my kids knew before) But for me. Fuck that noise. I’m better now that I’ve left. Should’ve done it years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 11:03 PM
2

You should absolutely have conditions for love in your marriage. Lines slowly get crossed and conditions go by the wayside. Erosion over time can be (and often is) imperceptible. Then one day it all comes to a head. Then it’s too late you end up being a contributor to this sub. Set conditions with women. The current one your divorcing and any future ones you intend to let into your life. Love your children unconditionally.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:39 AM
4

Never beg. Never plead. They’ll never respect you. You’ll just emasculate yourself and she’ll (or any other woman) will treat you even worse. Doesn’t mean you have to be a prick. Having self respect and a sense of self worth isn’t being a dick. It’s not letting others define who you are. Wives, parents, coworkers,bosses,strangers in the grocery store etc. they don’t get to do that. (Unless you let them) Only you get to do that. So do it. Shut out the unnecessary noise.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 06:13 AM
5

Hard not to be bitter bro. It won’t serve you in the long run. Getting pissed sometimes happens. Roll with it and it’ll pass. Cliche (but that’s for a reason because it helps) Be the best father you can be (if applicable) Invest in yourself. Lift,run, read, get into a new hobby or rediscover one you may have left behind. Meet new people. Got to church (if so inclined) Get out there and meet new women (if so inclined) Don’t: Sit around Be sedentary and gain a bunch of weight Isolate yourself Drin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 10:59 PM
5

Your wife sounds monumentally insecure. People coexist with differing political beliefs. And she is threatening divorce.. and they’re not even your beliefs!?!Get a grip. She needs counseling. And if she’s talking divorce over something as petty as OTHER family members politics chances are theirs something else bubbling beneath the surface and likely has been for quite some time. Take a hard look. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 08:52 PM
6

Get it and love your children as you always have even if you aren’t their biological father. That isn’t their fault. And they know you as dad. That’s what important. Be dad. Nurture over nature in this care. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 05:49 AM
1

It won’t get better. You’re delaying the inevitable. Don’t let her get you locked up. BDP partners are like living with a hand grenade in your pocket. Staying “for the kids” is never the answer. All you’re doing is showing them what a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship looks like. Bad example. Get out yesterday and get as much time with your kids as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 11:57 PM
1

Out of your control. You can only do so much. And with certain people (often significant others and wives of a certain ilk) there is never an "enough" and you'll drive yourself into the ground to try and provide it. Once you think you have done well..... Guess what? It's not enough. Do more.I told my Ex on more than one occasion that I will not have a heart attack for her. And that's what would've happened eventually. I had family members pulling me aside to ask if I was "okay". It suck for you …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:37 PM
2

Same here man. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I worked my ass off while she was a SAHM (which is ABSOLUTELY work also), took care of the house, spent time with the kids. Never enough. Permanently dissatisfied. It’s hard to be told all your efforts suck. Especially when you’re really trying and working hard. It begins to fuck with your head. Now that I’m 7 months removed from that situation I look back and see how depressed and miserable I was. I’m so much happier and healthier now. It’s not…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 02:30 AM
5

For the love of all that’s holy, Think with the big head!!
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 12:31 AM
3

Best post of the day. Reddit can take the rest of the night off. Good on you bro!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 01:38 AM
2

I would tend to agree. I frankly don’t see how people get hung up on the male centric themes he speaks about. (Which I find he rarely does.) It is ment to be positive and empowering for men. That very sentence bothers some people. As they see it as a call to dominance or violence or so other bullshit. Those people have a very surface level view of the subject matter. He delves into philosophical concepts Nietzsche and psychologists like Jung (especially) and Freud. These thinkers and concepts ar…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:52 AM
3

Reading his books and listening to Jordan Peterson have done more for me throughout this process than I can put into words. None of this is fair, pretty, just. Stop looking at that. Turning a keen eye on yourself and what you want for your life and future are key. How you attain that. What are you willing to do. What you’re capable of. (Good and bad) The man is brilliant. A modern day philosopher and psychologist.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 11:57 PM
1

If you’ve got a problem with the bottle put it down. Sounds like you’re trying. Keep at it. Replace happy hour with the gym. You don’t have to be a cross fit maniac or Arnold. Just get in there and do what you can. Talk to a friend who goes to get some pointers. And stick with it. Forget what it does for your body. Though that is fantastic for you. What it does for your mind is just as good if not better. Better than that last beer or cocktail you just picked up. Far better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:00 AM
1

Inspiration!! I can’t wait to get a place of my own. It’ll be some shitty apartment. Not the house I provided and worked my ass off to maintain. But my kids and I will be together and she won’t be there to scream and take her misery out on us.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:56 AM
4

Helped getting through another couple years. But ultimately delayed the inevitable as I should’ve left years prior. So in my case it was counterproductive. No. It didn’t help. Our problems were too great and our efforts (hers mostly) were too little. Everybody is different. It does have its merit. It’s like anything else you get out of it what you put into it. If you BOTH don’t put into it though… Just go to the attorney’s office. That’s where you’re headed anyway. You just haven’t gotten there …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:17 AM
5

The shit can hit you hard at the strangest times. It happens to all of us. If you need to cry, just cry and get it out. But don’t stay there. Feelings come and go. Do your best not to wallow in the sad or the angry. It’s actually better to be angry (not violent) than sad or depressed too long. You’ll get through it. I just had a bout of feeling like shit myself. 7 months in and the waves still come in. No rhyme or reason. It passed though. I’m doing better now. You will too. Start slow. Be patie…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:38 AM
6

Being an alcoholic borderline with no remorse for anything she said or did. There was always a “reason”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:08 AM
3

Oh thats fucked. What a great “friend” she is. Imagine if one of those women found out she’d done that. (I’m not advocating you tell them either) Tell your lawyer. That should stop it. Why they act like children is anybody’s guess. But they do.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:01 PM
4

What a moron. She has no control over what you do with those. Of course, never show them to anyone as that would make you a complete asshole. But really, why would you want them anymore? I deleted ones my ex sent, voluntarily. It’s all been seen and done before. Close book. Check please. Goodbye. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 03:02 PM
5

It has ruined countless marriages, without a doubt. My ex wife probably talks crazy shit on every platform she can. To anyone who’ll listen. Just like she does in reality. But I wouldn’t know. I’m not on any social media (does this count?) and I couldn’t get a shit about the venom she spits. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 02:55 AM
2

That’s an interesting take regarding BPD and narcissistic tendencies. My STBX is likely undiagnosed borderline and most definitely narcissistic AND taking ssris AND an alcoholic. I’ve not seen the leveling effect you’re talking about. Likely because of the drinking affecting their efficiency but I understand it. I took them for awhile. Everything was “my fault” in the marriage. Right….I was depressed as fuck of course because I was married to a lunatic. And they did make me kind of “muted” after…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 09:45 PM
1

I’ve had a few daydreams about traveling solo lately. Figure I owe my kids a solid vacation first after all this shit is settled. Then I think I might wander off alone somewhere. Sounds peaceful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:14 AM
5

What a horrible situation. Like most of us here. Good on you for filing first. Make the next 20 years and beyond better than that 20. That 20 is over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:32 AM
7

If wants it give it to her. My ex threatened me for years. Then I filed. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. The fact that it’s even brought up speaks volumes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 02:14 AM
3

No. Don’t do that. Petty pleasure for no long term gain. The bill always comes due. She’ll get hers. In the meantime, be the better person.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:59 PM
3

Yes. It will be expensive. I found riding the wave as long as possible in an unhealthy marriage was the wrong decision for myself and my children. Better to live in two healthier households than one miserable one that doesn't set a good example of what a lovingly and respectful relationship looks like and how 2 people should conduct themselves. They watch your every move even when you think they aren't watching. They are. Everyone has their own path to walk and they're all different. Hold on as …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:32 PM
3

That sounds like a soul crushing and ultimately doomed situation. Why delay the inevitable? It's just going to be worse and cost more the longer it continues. Bite that bullet and regain your dignity and save your sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 10:47 PM
4

That’s a great story. What a hilarious game to play with your buddies. And thank you for your service.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 07:32 PM
9

Nah man. You can’t be “friends” with her. Maybe in the future you’ll be friendly. Cordial. But right now you’ve got to get on with the shit situation that is divorce. Especially if it stirs up mixed emotions. (FYI they manipulate) don’t do ghat to yourself man. Mine pulls the same shit occasionally. We’ll be at a kids event and suddenly she’ll say “it’s just like old times..” or something to that effect. No. No it isn’t. And it won’t ever be again. No more coffee dates. Check please.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:22 AM
10

Live in the bay too. make similar money. She makes nothing. I filed. It sucks but I came to the the determination that I can not go on being miserable for the sake of financial security. We only get to do life once. Better to be alone or with someone who cares about you than miserable with someone who couldn't give a shit. And your child deserves to grow up in a loving home with two parents at their best. If thats in 2 separate homes so be it. At 6 months old they'll have the advantage of not re…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:52 PM
2

It’s amazingly powerful. Hope your uncle did what was right for himself (and children if he had them) and lived a peaceful life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:23 AM
3

You can't control her. But you can control YOU and your reactions to situations in life. Talk to God, friends, family, a counselor. There is only one "her" in the world. So, she left. there are literally billions of other women out there who would be happy to have you. BUT DON'T DEFINE YOUR SELFWORTH BY THE WHIM OF OTHERS. Why would you subject yourself to someone who doesn't want to be with you? You're better than that. You'll get through this. But not if you give up on yourself at the starting…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 10:51 PM
3

I'm currently divorcing an alcoholic. I did everything I could to help. inpatient, outpatient, rehab. Moved away with my kids multiple times for months at a time. Nothing got through to her. On top of the alcoholism she has what I and others suspect as undiagnosed BPD. The roller coaster that I and my children have been through had to stop. So I stopped it. Now we're caught in the gears of the divorce machine which is another carnival ride from hell. I could regal you with horror stories of drun…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 10:41 PM
3

That’s outstanding. What a road to walk. Good for you and your boys. Perseverance manifested.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 04:28 AM
4

Don’t hide from the feelings. They suck. They hurt. It hurts. You will recover. Most of us feel this way at one time or another. Sometimes it comes in waves. Do the best you can to take care of yourself. 27. You’ve got a lot of runway ahead. You’ll fly again. Give yourself grace I. The meantime.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 08:34 PM
9

BPD is serious and a hellish world to live in. Leave the victimhood and join a neighborhood where you’re treated properly. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:49 PM
1

No contact. Hire the best attorney you can afford. Watch out for false allegations and other lies. Do not be alone with her again under any circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:00 AM
8

I can understand being civil and thoughtful. Nothing wrong with that. But you don’t owe her this sort of work anymore. That’s the work of a husband. Of which you are no longer. I understand though. I did a few odd jobs for my ex after we split. Mostly out of habit. I’m handy and she’d just use my money to get it done anyway. (In the midst of divorce) so I just did shit. Not anymore. Cut that out immediately. She’ll be pissed but who cares. And if you don’t stop doing it. The requests will never …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:53 PM
1

Exactly. Get a handle on what your real options are from someone who knows. Money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:54 PM
4

If it sounds too good to be true…. This likely won’t work out in reality like it is in your head. Divorce this woman and do not stay tethered to her in any way more than is necessary by law.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:39 PM
6

Mine said the same thing. Took her a couple months. I think there have been three suitors so far. Keeps her away from me. They’ll all get a good look at what’s hiding behind the mask soon enough. Good luck boys. I’m out!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:25 AM
3

Without my failed marriage I wouldn’t have my children. True, I could’ve had children with a different woman. But my kids wouldn’t be these kids. And these kids are my reason for living. Worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:03 PM
2

I wish mine was $400 per hour.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 09:42 PM
2

I admire your optimism and could use some it myself every once in a while. (And I don’t mean that prickishly)
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:59 PM
1

It’s expensive. No real way around it. California isn’t setup for us. Men. Breadwinners. Decent humans. Hire a good lawyer and settle in. It’s going to be a while.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:42 AM
10

That’s exactly what she’s doing. She wants a reaction to her seeing someone else. The tucking in of my children wouldn’t sit well with me. Mine does the same shit. I don’t care if you’re dating someone. I don’t care that you’re going out of town. (Stay out of town, that’d be awesome) continue to show indifference. They hate it. And if you show your cards (because that’s why they tell you this shit) it’ll make her do it all the more. Stay away from it. Don’t let it bother you and she’ll either go…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:42 AM
21

Yup. She has. I hope she keeps doing it too. Keeps her the hell away from me. Don’t know these men. Don’t care. How or if it’s ended? Don’t care. She wants me to care and flaunts it. I don’t react and it makes her insane. (It’s hilarious) One day she’ll see me with another woman. She’ll loose her shit. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:16 AM
15

I have to say. I’ll miss it. Miss my kids excitement as a family under one roof. I won’t miss the stress and the extra argumentative drunkenness from her though. You can have that shit back all year long. Fuck the season. Always worst during the holidays though. Always.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 09:18 PM
1

Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 08:00 PM
3

If you feel dumb with your wedding band on your brain is already telling you the answer. Take it off and put it in a drawer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:36 PM
1

You aren't trapped. If you stay and your boys grow up seeing a dysfunctional marriage and how miserable you are, what are you showing them? However, on the converse side of that, maybe there are some things you and your wife could address through counseling. Something is obviously not working. Maybe try to fix that. With that being said, staying is a miserable situation out of fear is a surefire way to make sure you stay miserable. Nothing will fix itself. Get busy trying to address your marital…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:04 PM
1

You aren't trapped. If you stay and your boys grow up seeing a dysfunctional marriage and how miserable you are, what are you showing them? However, on the converse side of that, maybe there are some things you and your wife could address through counseling. Something is obviously not working. Maybe try to fix that. With that being said, staying is a miserable situation out of fear is a surefire way to make sure you stay miserable. Nothing will fix itself. Get busy trying to address your marital…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:03 PM
3

You can’t look at your life like that. Most of us have been where you are. Or still are, or feel that way periodically. We’re not all pure as the driven snow either. You’ll heal. Forgive yourself for the role you played. There’s no going back. But you can’t live in the past. No one wants to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Neither should you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 08:47 PM
9

Hang in there man! I severed mine almost six months ago and I was a fucking mess! 17 years. Gone. Crushed. I thought I was going to have a heart attack several times a day for months. But I came to the realization that if I didn’t do it. She’d grind me into the ground and I probably would have a cardiac arrest! Yet I still get upset sometimes. (And she was awful and I still loved her anyway!) riddle me that shit Batman!? It’s normal man. It’s alright to feel like shit. It’s called grief. You Wil…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:12 AM
7

Maybe you should talk with a counselor. An objective sounding board is a great help. Don’t give up on the positive things you are doing. Lift. Read. Play a damn video game. Walk. Talk to family and friends. Don’t stop. She left you and had some other dude’s kid! That all you need to know. She told you whole she was through her actions. You have a second lease on life. You deserve far better than that. Focus on you. Be good to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:48 AM
2

Darts are great fun!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:42 AM
7

Her mind is made up. Don’t degrade yourself by pleading. Say she acquiesces? Go more months? A year or more. Take it from a guy who acquiesced, bent over backwards and did everything. I won’t matter. She’s decided. File before she does. It’s a long shitty slog through the jungle.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:17 AM
21

What a contrast. “Happy wife happy life” my ass. I hate what I and most of us are going through. But little glimpses into potential futures like this give me hope. Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 01:31 AM
4

Don't file while she's pregnant. She's already told you what she wants and she'll do it again. Don't stay too long trying to "make it work". You'll "make it work" for your baby for awhile and you'll be back in the same boat when she goes off her rocker again in a few months or years. She bad mouths you, doesn't respect you, doesn't care. Yes I know this sounds incredibly cynical. But she said she doesn't want you or your children. The writing is on the wall and she's holding the pen.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 03:08 AM
5

She did that on purpose to fuck with your feelings. Don’t let her do that. You CAN stop thinking about that. I was you a few months ago. The thing is. It’s not her. It’s YOUR reaction to outside forces you have no control over. Focus on you and what you control. Namely yourself and your reactions to things outside yourself. That was fucked up of her to say and she knew it. Thats why she did it. There was a purpose. And now you’re feeling that purpose. Mission accomplished by a woman who no longe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:33 AM
12

Any woman would be an improvement from my ex from a personality perspective. My ex is beautiful on the outside. And conversely dark hearted, nihilistic, and bitter on the inside. Pretty girls are great! But if they're a ball of negativity I'll drop kick (metaphorically speaking) that ball into next week. Never tying myself to negativity like that again. Never.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 09:36 PM
5

Can never know the truth when you were married to a congenital liar. She’s “fantastic” according to her. I couldn’t give a shit. She’s a bpd yo-yo. That house of cards will come down in a few days/weeks. Glad I won’t be there to witness it. I’ve seen enough.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:54 PM
22

That SUCKS!!! Divorcing her and she still can't leave you alone. High conflict women.... Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:37 PM
1

Its a shattered dream. It's completely understandable to mourn it. I mourned it too. But the further I get away from her the more I realize how mentally and emotionally beat down I was. (recovering from it still) I wasn't myself. I walked on eggshells and sacrificed my and my children's wellbeing in vain attempts to please a woman for which there was ultimately NEVER enough. I'm a better father now. A better contributor at work. In better shape. Looking forward to the future with optimism for wh…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:46 PM
2

My kids and I are far more peaceful when we’re away from my ex. Can’t put on our new found Tranquility. It’s glorious. But she does her best to try and fuck it up. She’s a miserable human.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:40 PM
3

Don’t ignore gut feelings when you’re dating her. It ain’t gonna get better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:11 AM
3

At 18 they can make their own decision in the eyes of the law. At 13-14 the courts will start listening to and taking into account the wants and concerns of a minor (typically)
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:52 AM
3

I could've written this. Strikingly similar right down to the state. I'm playing the long game too. This thing will go 50/50 to start but my soon to be 13 year old will not put up with her mother's abusive behavior alone for very long. And without me there to keep the peace and bring some civility to the household I don't think the EX will be able to cope very long. I honestly hope she does for everyone's emotional and mental health. But, if she can't I'll take them for as long and as much as I …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:06 AM
4

That’s wonderful and is truly something to be happy about. That said. Dopamine is a strong hormone. Head leads the heart. Do it the other way around and it’ll lead you to hell. Good luck and congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:38 PM
12

So many. Little to no shared values. Hated her father. Shitty relationships with other family members. No friendships with other women. We were young. Blinded by youth and sex. Older and wiser now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:17 PM
5

Feel it. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Weep (or laugh) for the next poor bastard lured in by the siren’s song. When the veil drops. When the mask slips… Glad you’re gone. I am too. Better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:15 AM
1

Just shy of 14 years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 04:19 PM
21

That’s a mind fuck man. I’m sorry. I agree with the other men here. Get a DNA test. Get another round of STI tests for you and your kids. If it all comes out good. Thank God. Then get her to be straight with you on how she got it. If she won’t. Serve her. Then she will. She’s living on borrowed time at this point and you need to start planning your future for you and your children. I know this sounds harsh. But reality doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings or anybody else’s. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 08:49 PM
2

Been 5 months so far. The end can’t come soon enough.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 08:30 PM
2

Keep your mouth shut for sure!! You’ll just dig yourself a hole. Good luck man! Pulling for you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 12:15 AM
2

No formal diagnosis. Gleaned information from other therapists and my own research. There's a sub on here called BPDlovedones. I checked it out awhile back and read so many stories that mirrored my own experience it made my hair stand up. Anything formal would matter anyhow. It'd just fuel the fire. And I keep my opinions to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 08:44 PM
1

Agree with everything you're saying here. I'm in a similar situation with a STBXW with BPD. 17 years of this shit and I've finally had it. But I'm the monster, right..... They don't change. They're always right. And it's up to you to fix every problem (often self created) in their lives or "you just don't care". It's manipulative bullshit, and you've lived with it for so long you don't even see what's being done to you. How could you? It's the only "normal" you know. Well, there's nothing normal…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:15 PM
1

Had worn it on and off for years mostly due to work hazards. So I'd already had it off well before I served her. Good riddance to both her and symbol of servitude. I don't even know where the fucking thing is. When I find it, I'll sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:19 PM
7

I did. Writing was on the wall for years and I chose not to read it. Stayed too long. I’m an avid reader now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 03:56 AM
1

I wouldn't switch gyms right away. Try your best to go at different times. If you can't deal with the emotion of it than reconsider. It's certainly not worth the mental anguish if it's really gutting you. The distraction will fuck with your focus and training, and that's why you're there to begin with, right!?! To work and build yourself up! So switch if it's too much of a mind fuck right now. It won't be this way forever. (I repeat that mantra to myself too.) Good Luck!
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 10:48 PM
2

That’s a beautiful picture you just painted. Thank you. The waves of this divorce experience really does span the full breadth of human emotion. Theres days I’d do anything to get back what we had. Others I’m so glad I left. I would’ve been so miserable if I’d stayed. Thanks again. Enjoy the game and have a cold one for us fellow travelers. Back to work tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:07 AM
3

I'll be 44 next month. I too, am back at attacking my training. Took a 5 month hiatus as things began to culminate to their inevitable end. (bad marriage taking its toll) 4 months into the divorce and 3 months back into solid weight training and cardio mixed in of my off training days have been very good for me both physically and mentally. I've noticed over the years it takes about 3 months of solid training to really see any difference. If you keep at it the flood gates open and you're off to …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:09 PM
3

If she wants a divorce give her one. I got sick and tired of being threatened with it. Thats what I’m doing. It’s hard and it sucks but in all likelihood the devaluation will continue. I waited too long. My children and I suffered for it. You could stand on your head and spit nickels while you juggle flaming chainsaws for side money. It won’t matter. Suffer no more. Give it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:11 AM
7

See a counselor. LMFT, church counselor etc. It's earth shattering, I know. I'm a month behind you. Lay off the booze. Visit with your feelings but don't dwell there. Don't stay there. Depression kills. And this is a dark time we're passing through. But we will pass through it. Even on the days it seems insurmountable. Those are the worst. Get outside. Exercise. Lift weights. Rediscover hobbies or start new ones. Talk to folks here and elsewhere. Be angry. (ironically better for you than being d…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:18 PM
15

Then don't. Your kid doesn't need to be vying for your attention because you're focused on another relationship. Stay focused on your kid and yourself and being the best dad and human example you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:12 PM
1

Sounds like you'd rather have your own place but don't want to jeopardize the relationship. If she & the relationship are as great as you say they are she should understand and respect your position. What's the hurry?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:33 PM
3

Sounds like she may have some postpartum issues. Maybe a BPD deal? Regardless, don't have another kid with her until (or if) she can get herself some serious help. If you have another kid with her she'll be even more overwhelmed and everything that's wrong now will be compounded. And as a bonus everything will be "YOUR FAULT" and you'll never be able to do enough. She'll grind you to dust without a second thought. Put that shit covered basketball back in her court and see if she can clean it off…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:24 AM
20

Poor relationship with her family. No female friends. Insisting she's never wrong and thinking it was "cute" Wild mood swings. I could fill a book.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 11:02 PM
2

Not be a Drunken Manipulative Loon.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:36 PM
3

I know it's shitty. My family is being ripped apart as we speak. I have two young children. It's awful. But we can only control what we can control. one thing we can't control is other people. That includes stbxw.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:44 PM
2

Somethings just aren't meant to be, unfortunate as that may sound. Time to find a new dream. You sound like you could benefit from talking with a therapist. I don't mean this condescendingly in the slightest. An objective sounding board is an invaluable tool. Pulling for you brother!
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:14 PM
13

Thats extremely petty and shows she still has a hold on you cognitively. Write a letter. Pen to paper, not an email. A real nasty one. Then burn it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:03 PM
9

Mine has done the same thing. Together 17 years. Things go to hell and two months latershe's on dates. It's like a knife to the heart. She says it's "only friends" but I know thats complete bullshit. This guy is just biding his time if he hasn't sealed the deal yet. Simultaneously pissed off and gutted is no way to live. You're not alone brother. Chin up. We'll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 10:57 PM
2

What County of CA are you in? Sounds like a reasonable judge.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 05:54 PM
4

Thank you. This is awful. One foot in front of the other…..
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 02:35 AM
1

This was a good post. Your insights are pretty spot on and relatable more often than not. Appreciate you. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:53 PM
1

I am going through damn near the exact same scenario with my STBX. Eerie. Stay strong for yourself and your children.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:59 PM
3

Mother of your children or not, she sounds manipulative and only cares about you when it suits her. That's no way to be treated. Total bullshit. Respect yourself and don't stand for that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 03:27 PM
1

Sounds like BPD (maybe other PDs too). They lie and smear in one breath and act angelic and want to work things out the next. It's a total mindfuck. It still can be bafflingly difficult to let them go sometimes. "together for X amount of years. Mother of my children. Maybe she'll get better, it wasn't "all bad" was it? blah, blah blah etc." Best thing for yourself is to do is get the hell away from her. She can't be trusted. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 03:17 PM
1

Just started that last night too. Interesting so far.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 09:30 PM
2

Yeah. I get the same shit from mine. That's become an overused and/or misused term. Just starting down the divorce road and it's shitty. Especially with kids. This "forum" has been helpful and a wealth of information though. I'm glad I stumbled on it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:06 PM
2

I identify with your story. I have many of the same issues with my STBX. Remember even if you think she has BPD or BPD like traits DO NOT tell her that and DO NOT bring it up in court. It's just kicking the hornet's nest with an unstable individual and will make you look like an ass to the judge by playing armchair shrink. These types of personality disorders are often coupled with substance abuse issues also.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:55 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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