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Appropriate-Shift564 Archive

View 4 posts and 52 comments by Appropriate-Shift564 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Honestly, I came on here for support to know I’m not alone and talked to therapists, friends, family as well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:29 AM
1

Completing an uncontested divorce in NY now. From start in this April of 2025, it’s going on about 3 months. It is with the judge now. She filed and used a .pdf editor to make documents to finalize this thing. It’s not incredibly hard. The clerks at NY Supreme family court are there to help with the process. The uncontested route tells you if you have paperwork that needs to be updated or fixed cause clerks are always reviewing the paperwork. My recently implemented this uncontested process and …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:08 PM
2

I am in the same boat. I think you’re doing the right thing. Just keep in my mind that they’re may be additional healing to consider post-divorce. I’m still in the process of finalizing my divorce and I have gone on a few dates. I think although I feel healed enough to date, I feel there is more to go through in my post-divorce life in order to figure out who I truly want to be. And I think we should all strive to give the best versions of ourselves to whoever we get romantically involved with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:46 PM
1

You can DM me as well if you’d like. Sorry it took me a few days to get on a reply
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:59 AM
3

I looked into this briefly during my ongoing divorce. She could assume the mortgage depending on your lenders requirements. My lender wanted to see consistent income which she doesn’t have on her own so it’s likely that the house will just need to be sold, at least in my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 10:53 PM
1

Going through it now so no garnishment or anything yet. Separated in June of this year and I now pay for the house my kids live in (close to $2,900/month) and all the bills to the house. I am surviving quite well because according to regulation, I am providing more than enough for my rank for a separated military member. The amount of child support/alimony she will get from me should be less than what I am providing now but that’s to be determined in the upcoming months.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 10:47 PM
2

As most of the posts have said OP, I would think about leaving and starting the divorce process ASAP. Depending on how toxic the situation is, there may be no getting back to a truly healthy relationship. I knew I was done when I sat in my backyard and knew that any level of success could not overcome the feelings of emptiness I had inside from my miserable marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:40 PM
5

Read it front to back in two days last week. Too early to tell but I have be alot more open around women lately and more confident overall. I definitely felt connected to several themes in the book. Pleasing others before myself actually builds resentment in self which has a high probability to displease yourself and your partner. It was eye opening and a breathe of fresh air for someone like me going through a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 01:21 AM
1

With a 740 credit score, it might be worth opening a credit card as opposed to a 20% interest for a personal loan. Not sure if you could predict how much a credit card company would approve you for though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 09:28 PM
1

Update: My attorney is creating the settlement agreement to state the following: At 3 years after the divorce, she needs to refinance and buy me out my portion of the equity or house is sold. We are going to put that I will pay the mortgage in Lieu of CS/alimony for 3 years, refinance or house is sold, whichever comes first. Let me know what you think. Thanks for your help.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 04:47 PM
0

Never have to pay alimony either. I’d rather take the risk that she never sells it and I can move on with my life with less entanglements. Plus, if she does sell it, there’s about $150k equity in the house today. I’m only 3 years into the mortgage. If she sells when my kids are older in their twenties, (I have a 4 and a 8 year old), that’s going to be one hell of a payout for half equity.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:28 PM
2

Why would a judge in my state approve the lieu of child support idea if they know that’s a possibility in the first place? But that’s a good point either way. Going to let my attorney know that if she tries to fight for child support after the divorce decree states that I pay the mortgage in lieu of CS, that I would need the house sold.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:25 PM
0

Credit score would go up and I would never have to pay legit child support that gets garnished from my paychecks
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:24 PM
6

Sounds like you might have moved out and are living in your own and having to cook for yourself. Do you not want to spend money on food? It sounds like you had a relatively successful first responder career which means you should have guaranteed pension or retirement and can afford different food than soup each night. Either way, my story. When I separated from the stbxw first in 2022, I rented a room and ate pasta and chicken almost every night. My finances were extremely tight cause I didn’t w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 08:13 PM
3

I would ensure you are 100% prepared and ready for a divorce before dropping the news. If you truly are unsure how she’ll react, it’s best that you are prepared emotionally, financially, mentally and spiritually for the divorce before you tell her. As other posters mentioned, divorce is very painful but with a good support system, preparation and true acknowledgement of your situation, it could work out better for you in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:32 PM
2

Definitely sounds like your wife is checked out of the marriage on multiple levels. Does she work or is she even close to the breadwinner? If not, that could make it easier to part ways especially with four kids. Either way, like the other posts said, the most logical bets are to start researching and possibly retaining an attorney, and focusing on your self-health (gym, possibly therapy, venting to family or friends if you can, reading self-help books).
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:28 PM
1

Yeah it was rough. It felt planned almost once she started crying. Her younger sister actually sat to my left and looked me in my soul the entire time and at one point said “you’re a bad human “. It’s something I’ll never forget. Just have to try and make a worthwhile life afterwards. I’ll never view people the same, especially white upper class. But back to your original post, this was for sure one of the biggest straws that broke the camels back. Granted, there were several moments like some b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:57 PM
2

This I agree with the most out of all the recent comments I read so far. Currently in the divorce process now, my stbxw was served September 25th. It’s very difficult as a man to accept a failure that you will carry around for the rest of your life and you will remember in every single encounter with another woman moving forward. This isn’t like remembering when you didn’t swing at a called strike 3 in high school. It’s about life altering decisions that you usually didn’t plan would actually be…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:50 PM
1

Basically. I knew I would never treat her that way or let my family treat her that way. That’s when I knew that I had to make a change.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:44 PM
5

I moved out after the stbxw gave me shit because she found a receipt for an attorney consultation even though we had been talking divorce for years. She said don’t come back and I didn’t. Finally got most of my stuff this past week. I filed in August, she was served almost 2 weeks ago. My advice would be to leave ONLY if you feel the situation is going to get or already is really toxic. Fighting in front of your kid, sleeping in separate beds, etc. I stayed in my house (mortgage is in my name, t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 10:05 PM
2

This^ I stuck it out for the kids (I have one 8 year old daughter and one 4 year old son) and felt very similar to your original post. It was a very toxic, unloving and not intimate relationship. We rarely had sex, probably once in the past year before I left this past June. There were many verbal altercations in front of the kids regarding when I was going to move out, what our divorce was going to look like, what kind of women I would be interested in dating post divorce. Finally I moved out a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:31 AM
10

Got chewed out by her family for something petty. I was holding my kid and they thought I threw her up and caught her way too close to a moving ceiling fan. After embarrassing me in front of my kids, my stbxw comes in the room and begins crying and talking about how bad of a husband I have been. This was all during a Christmas break while I was on leave from the military. That’s when my soul knew it was over, this was nearly 3 years ago. It took me almost another 2 years to get it done and I fin…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:24 AM
1

From what it sounds like, that could play in your favor. Best of luck king.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 06:20 PM
1

Yeah so before you consult with an attorney, if you choose do, I would check your states distribution laws. Equal vs equitable. Equal is fifty both ways. Equitable is based on what a court would deem fair.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 11:31 AM
1

Here are my counter moves so far: -Moved out in July to my own apartment to be able to think and act clearly without her toxicity. -Cut her off from a credit card that was always in my name. This brought me extra income to be a little more comfortable for the time being. -Consulted with 3 attorneys to get an overall idea of where I stand and what my divorce should look like from a legal standpoint. This solidified what I legally should owe in child support/ailmony. Only questions really are goin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 11:30 AM
1

Yes. Depending on your state laws, an attorney would advise most likely half/half split of equity unless she contributed a lot financially to the house. But some states are equal distribution regardless of contributions. I’m in Virginia where its not 50/50 and more based on each spouses contributions, earning potential, etc
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:32 PM
1

With my current situation, I would argue no because my attorney stated he wants to get half of the equity or we sell. Is the mortgage in your name? What about the title?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 12:49 PM
1

Kids are handling it well. I’ve FaceTimed with them several times and seen them a handful of times since I moved out in July. She is generally a good mom with flaws like all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 12:46 PM
1

I live separately from her and it’s been amazing. She works from home. Only downside is I still have a lot of my belongings and documents (social security card, passport, new registration for my car) at the house. Hopefully she doesn’t try and deny me my belongings once she gets served. I’m moving soon and will be getting those items when I move.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 12:46 PM
1

This is accurate emotionally on multiple parts. There will come a time when you have to decide as a divorced or divorcing man that your self worth comes first in order to continue living a worthwhile quality of life. My kids still FaceTime me while I’m separated and going through the divorce process and it’s very difficult. I’m still waiting on my spouse to be served while she and my children live off the fruits of my labor generally speaking. You have to look in the mirror and say how much more…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:43 AM
2

Brother, I’m just getting started with my divorce and I commend you for getting yours over with so quickly. Go live your life and become the best version of yourself. I am literally dying to become a legally divorced man in order to continue my self-growth after a gut wrenching and extremely painful marriage to a woman.. Basically what I’m saying is I wish my divorce was over like yours. Enjoy your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:34 AM
2

Hey man, Let me give you quick insight from my perspective: I was in a picture perfect situation on the outside but DYING on the inside for nearly 1-2 years before I had to leave my wife/2 kids due to public fights, cops threats and too much to lose in my professional side. After struggling with not wanting to cut off my former lifestyle, I moved back in primarily to save money with the plan to move back out once I felt comfortable to start the divorce or just have enough money to float comforta…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:29 AM
7

Great mentality. People change like the seasons and obviously your wife changed for the worst. My stbxw put on nearly 100 lbs in 2 years married to me, completely treated the house like an OCD prison ward while I worked upwards of 10 hours everyday with her not working at all. Like some of the posts say, unfortunately some people take take take and don’t give back until human nature forces them. Good luck to you brotha.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:19 AM
1

Update as of July 15: I have retained an attorney and he will be filing my divorce in the next few weeks
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:29 PM
1

Shut down a credit card today that she uses under my name. She will bitch and complain tomorrow when she goes to use it. Also planning to move out still because she found a receipt for a consultation with an attorney and blew her lid with threats and accusations as usual
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:37 AM
2

Sounds like the attorney would completely agree with that. Cause she said if she doesn’t sign, then we file. I guess it’s just a mental thing to say to the stbxw, hey if you don’t sign this, this is basically as good of a deal as you are going to get. I’m confident in the attorney, she has excellent reviews for years on divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:30 PM
1

My attorney was persistent on providing a property settlement agreement to her even though I know the stbxw is going to be extremely taken aback and angry, most likely not willing to negotiate or sign. Should I just tell the attorney to just file and be more aggressive?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:53 PM
1

My lawyer is suggesting to continue to pay the mortgage in lieu of CS/ailmony and then once the ailmony time frame reaches 2.5 years, I would pay traditional CS. Including the CC, mortgage and bills, i pay just about $6k a month. So it’ll definitely be less than that when all is said and done I hope
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:35 PM
3

We’ve tried marriage counseling and each have done individual counseling
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:59 PM
1

I should be seeing the PSA late next week so I’ll post an update once I get it but the attorney made it sound that we could propose for me to pay the mortgage amount directly in lieu of child support/alimony until the alimony timeframe runs out
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:04 PM
1

My attorney said that I would be on the hook for the mortgage until 2.5 years (alimony time due to 5 years then we separated physically in same house). At 2.5 years, I would assume a normal child support rate to her until kids are 18
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:03 PM
1

I’m dropping the retainer next Monday. I’ll see the PSA and put it here what it says. I know the stbxw is going to shit herself either way so it’s more of her reaction that will guide this thing in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:55 PM
2

I’m in Virginia, not a split community state. It’s an equitable distribution state. I know my stbxw will be a difficult human, but why would she want to lose the house so quick when she earns $0/year currently and would have to rely solely on the equity/profit from the house sale? Even if she wants to be difficult, how is that going to benefit her life if she fights to sell the house? I’d get it off my credit score, plus I’d fight to get half the profit after paying off the mortgage which would …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:06 PM
1

Hey brother, I’m new as far as posting on here but I just consulted with an attorney yesterday. Obviously it is fair to say that everyone’s process to coming to this decision is different. I have two kids as well and have been under verbal/mental abuse as well (granted I have said some nasty words but life happens). Since your kids and marriage is older, I think you might have more milestones to worry about than me as far as high school graduation, college, proms etc where it would be nice to at…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:59 PM
1

I’m already getting raped financially now between the mortgage, bills and credit card for a woman who does not earn income and does not love me to meet my needs anymore. The downside is yes, there’s risk with any PSA I put in front of her but that’s with any PSA. The part I haven’t mentioned yet is she has manipulated me for years that I am an emotional abusing monster and hates my family and blah blah blah. So she’s not going to take it easy no matter what guys. That’s why I’m in the decision m…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:46 PM
0

Dude she told me yesterday she knows everybody. The judges, the other attorneys in the area. She has 20+ years experience. I don’t think she would put her reputation on the line with a dumbass divorce filing for a young thirties guy with few contentious issues. Like you said, I’m willing to put my eggs in the basket as I am definitely not made of money and I have a career and life to focus on after divorce. I’m paying nearly $6k a month right now to live with a person who does not love, respect …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:42 PM
3

Yes I agree but in the consultation, the lawyer suggested for me to pay the mortgage directly, nearly $3k, and then after 2.5 years (period of alimony), I would pay a set child support amount. I’m still waiting to drop the deposit for the retainer but I don’t want to wait long because I am wasting away from other unmet needs. I don’t come from money, and yes I have a pretty stable income plus a small amount of savings but I don’t want this drawn out. When an attorney with 5/5 and 4/5 stars is te…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:38 PM
4

Right but at the end of the day, it’ll probably be less than what I’m paying now monthly between a credit card she uses, the mortgage and bills.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:23 AM
1

I think what the attorney suggested makes sense overall. Because either way, the stbxw would be using the money to pay the mortgage if she wanted to keep the home. I could just pay the mortgage and then when the ailimony runs out, it would be traditional child support afterwards. Either way my biggest fear is the wife is going to bug the fuck out at the PSA and I’m going to officially file and it gets ugly… I’m praying that doesn’t happen.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:04 AM
2

I know it’s bad. I was working like a dog and I got a new job from the same employer and it’s more laid back and it got me realizing I’m gonna have big time regrets. I’m a financial puppet right now. Kids are 4 and 7, soon to be 8 in August.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:58 AM
0

Lawyer said that because of the district of court we are in that child support doesn’t go by a defined amount because that’s what I thought it was too. She said it goes by all factors like earning potential, etc The house is a gem. 2.75 interest rate, almost 3k square feet. I’d rather let me kids keep it and she agrees to pay the mortgage if that’s possible. If she misses too many payments and forced my hand, then I can start being more aggressive and sell IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:56 AM
2

The gameplan is to have a set child support amount once the alimony time runs out. My lawyer is suggesting 2.5 years of alimony since we separated at nearly 5 years into the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:45 AM
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