TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Arislan Archive

View 1 posts and 106 comments by Arislan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
13

RantArislan/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 06:32 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

Seconded. As a dad with 50/50 and young kids I totally agree. Ideal balance of uninterrupted time with kids and the ability to parent them how I see fit (don’t discount how huge this is). Then “free” time without the kids where I feel like I have the freedom of my 20s again. The only snag is I travel quite a bit for work and it creates challenges with a 223 schedule but nothing insurmountable. Onwards lads.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 02:52 PM
3

Same here, was worth enduring tantrums.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 05:00 AM
2

Not always. Sometimes it means “I want to go on Hinge and bang other dudes”.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 05:41 PM
2

“You can’t negotiate attraction.”
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 05:27 PM
5

Exactly this. One of the best quotes ever “you cannot negotiate attraction.” And when she loses it for you, it’s not coming back.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 05:24 PM
2

You’ll look at this message next year and see how far you’ve come. I was you last year at this time - it was brutal. It’s cliche, but it does get much better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 05:21 PM
4

No need to feel bad about this, I feel the same about mine. No part of me misses her, and she only gets me angry when she tries to extract more money from me beyond what she is getting from our very generous settlement. If she sends rude or emotional messages that aren’t about logistics around the kids, I don’t respond and put her on mute. She always gets back to polite contact after this treatment, because she has no other choice. It’s very liberating
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 03:05 AM
7

Good advice, however, the pool of women who fit this description is becoming increasingly small. And I hate to say it but the better looking they are, the more susceptible they are to social media slop life. Marry someone less attractive than you are who also has brains and maybe you’ll make it folks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 02:48 AM
2

Man I never understood guys who don’t stay in their master bedroom. I don’t mean this as a criticism, but I told my ex she initiated the separation she can sleep in the spare room or share the bed if she wants. I’m staying put. Helps that I paid all the bills, but also set the tone for no bullshit negotiations moving forward. In a weird way I think she respects me more now than when we were married because I don’t take shit. We will never be friends but we co parent well and she sticks to our ag…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 04:24 AM
1

Good advice here. I’ll add that if you are a halfway decent catch, regardless of age, the amount of interest you’ll get from women online will be so high you can’t keep up. Then your problem turns from sadness to protecting your time and sanity while engaging with new women, whether your goal is casual partners or more. In my experience even those who say they want casual want more once they start to like you so be cautious and whatever you do don’t jump quickly into another marriage or LTR.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 07:18 PM
1

Facts
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:35 AM
3

My situation is exactly like yours except I have two kids 4 and 6. It’s incredibly hard but I try and look at the bright side - no one is there to question my decisions and approach to parenting. And I make the most of my days without the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 11:04 PM
1

I am thankfully in a #3 situation. She left me but we get long well as co parents and do the odd thing together with the kids. Occasionally there is tension around scheduling coverage, but now that CS/alimony is set and I’m still saving money much of my anger has subsided. And I’m enjoying sex with new women. I’m sure there will be rough patches ahead, but for now I’ll be grateful for where I landed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 02:15 AM
4

Yeah I’m struggling with this too. My ex had the audacity to ask to cost split on back to school clothes for the kids when I am sending her thousands each month in CS and alimony and have 50% custody… at least my alimony ends in 2030.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 07:37 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 10:23 PM
2

Is there a website I can check out with suggestions on how best to structure this setup?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 05:51 PM
2

Oh I like this. Could also help with sports and other activities, not having to ferry equipment and gear back and forth etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:30 AM
2

I am in the same situation as OP, two young kids 3 and 5 with 50% and a 223 split. I also got promoted to CEO at the exact same time I started solo parenting. I have been running on adrenaline but it’s not sustainable. I am curious about the 2255 split. How does that differ from one week on, one off?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 05:58 PM
4

I am a textbook avoidant so… I know what to lookout for ;)
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 03:32 AM
4

Yes this causes great rage for me. But nothing I can do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 07:18 PM
2

Opening my skittles bag as we speak.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 08:40 PM
1

This is a great list, thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 08:39 PM
1

Yeah this is me. I cried watching Ted Lasso the other day, which is a delightful heart warming show that no one warned me is rally about divorce, anxiety, second chances and moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 03:41 PM
4

Yeah totally. My situation mirrors yours, timeline, cash etc. I think it’s naturally a grieving thing. Like a death. It hangs with you for a while. If I’m busy I don’t notice the melancholy, but the days by myself it’s always lingering. I say fuck off to it, actually out loud. Then I crank some music and literally tune it out. Gym, walks, phone calls help quiet it too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 04:44 AM
2

I felt the exact same way before my wife left me. It initially hurt because of the ego hit of not initiating, but a few months into the process I could feel the tension and weight leave my body.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 03:50 AM
3

This. Being ripped or jacked helps get them, but it doesn’t keep them. Nothing does. Be stoic and stay the course.
/r/TheRedPill24/11/24 07:28 PM
1

Finally sold my house after 2 months with no offers as well. Signed, sealed and delivered baby! Freedom awaits us my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:20 AM
5

Yeah I also took smoking back up. It’s gross but here’s the thing - I keep it to 5 or fewer a day, and it’s less destructive than drinking, drugs and gambling in the short term at least. I quit before so I know I can again, but Christ we are human and sometimes need an outlet aside from gym, meditation, therapy (which I all do). I am learning to be kind to myself and less hyper critical which has always been a problem for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 04:41 AM
6

We’re all here for you. This sub is a gift for struggling men.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 03:14 PM
2

Mine doesn’t either. Kids are 2 and 5. She loves them for selfies and insta stories, and is happy to have time off from them. Just pathetic behaviour.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 03:42 AM
2

Great post thanks for sharing. Will have to check the MeetUp app.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 05:08 AM
3

I can relate, I too have been consistently grey-rocking but have slipped up from time to time and told her to fuck off, reminded her she’s a selfish bitch etc. we are human and fallible, don’t beat yourself up too much
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:59 AM
4

I hear you, but sound legal arguments can’t be overturned by money alone. She can challenge things and drag them out, but you should consider spending the money for a good lawyer and get the most you can in a sound legal framework be it separation agreement or otherwise. In your current situation it sounds like she holds all the cards and can pull the rug out from under you anytime she chooses.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:57 AM
2

This hits home. My ex’s father said “she always gets what she wants” during his speech at our wedding which at the time I took as classic dad joke shit, but turns out it was prophetic.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 01:59 AM
1

This was my main priority in the parenting agreement we set up with the lawyers. Bang whoever you want on your own time, but if a dude is going to be around my kids you have to have been dating for at least 9 months.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 12:48 AM
1

This is awesome advice. Especially the piece about looking at the kids as a costly but very worthy investment.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:29 PM
4

Probably 1-2 years tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 12:37 AM
4

Holy shit what a good post. Flaky women easily manipulated by the almighty algorithm. A generation of DMs from randoms leading to divorced men. YOLO girls!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 12:36 AM
1

We men have little leverage, but one element is that court battles are costly for both parties. If you have kids to co-parent that’s another angle to push for collaborative.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:36 PM
1

Canadian here. Try your best to settle outside of court. I used the collaborative process - time consuming and expensive but often I would see the “legal standard” and negotiate something less painful. Won’t work in all cases but if this is an option it’s worth considering.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:25 PM
0

Good advice if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:30 PM
3

I am going to use this line, thanks brother!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:19 AM
2

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:16 AM
2

The greatest band ever
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 11:15 PM
3

Oh very much this. “That’s not my good side!!”
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:49 AM
3

Same. My family has been awesome during this, and very much team “fuck her”, even more so than I am.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:37 AM
3

Wow, well said. What do you mean by reinvent yourself? Did you? In what ways?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:32 AM
1

Wise words
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:50 PM
21

My STBX looks like Margot Robbie. Was always hot but is now a 10. Been there, banged that, don’t want anything to do with the reptile beneath the mask.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 11:52 PM
2

Agreed this post is bang on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:00 AM
3

Same here. Apparently very common!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:43 AM
2

Hell yeah brother!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:33 AM
5

Wow you are me, right down to the shopping spree, Vegas girls trip and “the kids will be fine” bullshit. Keep calm, be there for your kids, and settle asap so you can move on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:33 AM
2

If this is true, they should lose their licence…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 09:28 PM
3

This. It also helps that it’s 50/50 of what you’ve earned since marriage give or take. She can’t touch the assets I brought into it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:40 PM
3

Up vote x1000000
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 11:26 PM
7

In the same situation brother, been 5 months and counting for me. Agreement should be finalized before the end of the summer then we sell the house. It’s brutal and even moreso with two young kids. Hang in there my man.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 03:40 AM
7

Bingo. A great quote I heard “you can’t negotiate attraction.” Off to find someone who wants to fuck you, they are out there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:39 AM
8

This post is so so good. Bang on. Btw agree with the autism risk with women having kids older. Totally anecdotal but half of my exes friends have autistic kids - all got pregnant 36+. Don’t think it’s a coincidence.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:05 AM
5

This moved me to tears - in a good way. Thanks for sharing, sorry for your loss and thank you for reminding us that hope does sometimes prevail.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 03:14 AM
2

I’m in the exact same situation with the age of my kids. Very early on but also planning on staying solo for at least a year. Neither the kids nor I need the drama right now. The odd hook up here and there is ok but nothing serious.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:16 PM
2

Seconded.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:05 PM
1

As a gamer I’d be down for this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:52 PM
3

Where are you all meeting these ideal women? Asking for a friend ;)
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:49 PM
8

Brutal stuff but… you have the right attitude. Treat the marriage like the memory eraser from Men in Black and move forward. One foot at a time. On another note, hope your daughters don’t frequent Reddit…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 11:21 PM
3

Going through exactly this at the moment and it sucks. Just posted a similar thread on dealing with the “shame” of telling friends/co-workers. I have found they don’t dwell much when I turn the convo to the kids and stay upbeat.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:18 PM
4

Love this!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 09:29 PM
5

This is the real talk I needed. Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:23 PM
3

Yeah you’re probably right. They think about it for 2 mins then move on. On a positive note we did very little group socializing so my friends will just get to golf with me more.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:45 PM
1

This is good to hear, thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:42 PM
2

Good points, I like this approach. No need to make a press release about this, just bring it up if it comes up organically.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:41 PM
1

There are houses for 225k? You can’t buy a shed outside of Toronto for less than a million. Miserable hellhole.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 06:35 PM
2

Why does she get all the children in a divorce situation? You sound like the far more stable parent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:06 AM
4

How did you allow yourself to trust again? Or are you just more prepared for the separation if it comes again?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:35 AM
1

Here here. I am in a very similar situation, and agree that the CS and to an extent SS doesn’t bother me much once I shifted my paradigm to realize I was paying it when I was married (probably more), I just never measured it out because I paid for everything always for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:11 AM
7

This is so well said it should be framed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 02:21 AM
2

I think that's a good approach. Becoming secure and confident takes time. Regardless of your own self-confidence and insecurity, avoid hard drinking women at all costs if you want a loyal partner.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:54 PM
5

But... you are insecure and jealous, that's why you're on here venting. And it's understandable. Look, many dudes will tell you adopt the abundance mindset, play numbers, be alpha, etc. and that is good advice for those who can. But if it doesn't come naturally, then don't torture yourself. You can always work towards a paradigm shift, but be kind to yourself and don't expect it over night.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:35 PM
4

She will cheat. As a former hard drinker / borderline alcoholic, anybody who drinks heavily is prone to cheating. Man or woman, it's just facts. That being said, if you are enjoying her company and want to keep sleeping with her and can live with the fact that you aren't exclusive, then that might be an option. But if you have "caught feelings" as the kids say, bolt for the door.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:31 PM
1

I love this. You can do it Jimmy 2.0!
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 09:18 PM
2

We do it out of fear. Plain and simple. I have been guilty of it too. But not anymore. No one deserves to be neglected, emotionally, physically. It helps to think of your life like a movie or book. This is a turning point in your story. Incredibly difficult and not part of "the plan" but it will define your next chapter. Do you wallow in self-pity, or do you take the opportunity to be a Phoenix rising from the ashes and start something new and exciting? Easier said than done, but as others have …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 08:04 PM
3

Holy this is so accurate it's not funny. Right down to the fact I am adamant our young children have at least some vegetables and my lazy STBX always caves to their whining and gives them cookies. Now she's chasing her own cookies. Have fun getting fat and sick off them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:45 PM
4

Bang on. I'll raise you selfish and throw in illogical, irrational and any other synonym.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:43 PM
11

You seem like a really really good guy with a solid moral compass. I'd say your hookup is the universe sending you a break after the trauma you've dealt with. You have done nothing wrong at all. Also, this woman is not too attractive to be interested in you - objectively she pursued you, asked you to her place, and you got to it. Right on. You are probably like me, and many other men here, in that your ego and sense of self worth is either damaged or outright shattered by separation and the mont…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:41 PM
2

Oh this is good. A more accurate depiction of the situation using a workplace analogy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:26 PM
3

As hard as it is, detach, Grey Rock and focus on what's next. She sounds a lot like my STBX. She's not the person you married, treat conversations like a business. Add therapy to your working out and spending time with kids. You need to do everything you can to boost your physical, mental and emotional strength. If you are fortunate to have close friends and family, let them know what's happening but focus on how it is impacting you emotionally and not slagging your wife and re litigating conver…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 05:03 PM
2

My favorite hobby, finally able to spend more time on it!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 03:26 PM
1

I like this a lot. Appreciate your way with words - it's nice to interact with intellectual people after years with a vapid wife.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 02:09 PM
1

So much this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 03:37 AM
2

Dude I am 100% with you on food and meal planning for myself and kids. My STBX is the queen of nuggets and fries every night and not giving kids healthy food because it’s hard. Not anymore. My boys are going to get the right nutrition at least half the time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:00 PM
1

Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 07:50 PM
5

I think this is the right approach with a caveat. Don’t be overly emotional or motivated by revenge, but do let her know in a calm and clear manner she is human garbage and you have lost all respect for her and will have no relationship with her outside of logistics and kids moving forward. Then hold your ground and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:09 PM
1

Amen brother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 01:13 AM
1

Bingo, especially 3. Early stages of separation and the point where things turned upward for me was when I laid down the law with her “ I only speak to you if it pertains to the kids or logistics related to meals, groceries and household chores” (living under same roof separated for a few more months. If she tries to veer from this, pure gray rock.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:07 AM
3

Oh man my situation is very similar. I like your approach and pledge to take the same. Never again will I be with someone purely based on physical without an emotional or intellectual connection. Period.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:55 AM
5

Sage advice. I married my ex knowing full well we were very different and she was, for lack of a better term, less intellectually curious than me. I even focused my wedding speech on how our differences made us stronger. Bullshitting myself at my own wedding should have been a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:37 AM
4

Oh man this hits close to home. Such a similar situation for me. So many “going through the motions” valentine’s dinners, anniversary, birthdays etc. good riddance, never again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:31 AM
13

Bingo, end thread.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:23 PM
2

This should be framed. Pure gold.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:40 AM
5

I’m in between your perspective and the sad sacks in that I didn’t love my wife for a few years before the end, but I miss the company, having another adult in the house to talk to and laugh with. That coupled with the financial loss, and the blow to my ego are what bothers me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:26 AM
2

I’m 41 going through a divorce with two small kids so this is uplifting to read. Where did you meet her?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:12 AM
6

Yes. My situation is shockingly similar. Surprise surprise the therapist was female .
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 11:56 PM
5

100% this. At one point during our counselling session I said I feel invisible and like she looks right through me and she didn’t deny it. Remarkable how we got here from where we were, but that’s life sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:00 PM
5

Holy shit this is so bang on. My ex personified. I knew this but it helped to hear it articulated so perfectly. Explains why she acted like she was doing me a favour to go to counseling with me and we lasted 4 visits. Does not seem to care about the impact and trauma for our two young boys. It’s all about her and her “happiness”. The main character / entitlement syndrome women often live by is remarkable. Concepts like “commitment, sacrifice, generosity, thinking of others, hard work” are foreig…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:14 PM
8

As bleak as things seem, perhaps you can take solace in knowing there are so many of us sharing in the suffering my brother. The only way I persist is to take it one day at a time. I don’t look back, I don’t look too far forward. Taking a good crack at cognitive behavioural therapy made a huge difference. I don’t know you, but I am you. Love yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:06 PM
8

If you think she’s cheating you’ve lost the trust you need in the relationship. A wife leaving for an actual affair hurts less in many ways than a wife leaving for the prospect of a “better” man. Either way, once the trust goes and they start acting different the writing is on the wall. Acknowledge your incredibly deep pain, focus on yourself and your daughters and keep you chin up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter