I am 5 months into separation, still living with stbxw while we work out the terms and sell house. The situation is as “amicable” as this shit can be - pursuing collaborative process, she agreed to 50/50, we continue to parent the kids well together etc. I was blindsided by the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” line at the beginning of the year, and after a few days of deep sadness which turned to anger, I realized I didn’t love her either and that this is the right move, as hard as it will be.

The part I am struggling with most is telling others. My ego is preventing me from being open and honest with friends - my family and some close friends know. I am ashamed of how much I care about what others think, but every time I talk myself into telling my buddies, coworkers, neighbours etc I back out. I don’t want to deal with looking like a discarded loser, and the talking behind my back, the gossip, the speculating about what really happened. I struggle with being vulnerable and have cultivated this alpha image (that is mostly bull shit). Even though I know the marriage ending is not my failure, my fault, a weakness, etc. it’s hard not to feel that way. I know logically I should just let people know and tear the bandaid off but it’s so hard.

Sorry for venting, but has anyone else felt this way and what helped you move past your ego and the insecurity associated with dealing with others judgments?