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BanjoKfan64 Archive

View 5 posts and 116 comments by BanjoKfan64 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

There are a lot of things I want to say, but I am not going too. You will get 0 sympathy, dude said your Wife has been great and you have 4 kids and a dream home...And now you just ruined it all....Like WTF??? I mean your Wife now knows you had an affair, she will never forget that.....Also your Wife should not have to beg you to not Divorce when you have been cheating on her. You're going to do what you want to do, so all I can say is those 4 kids and your Wife don't deserve this crap. And that…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:41 PM
2

While I have no kids, I moved back in with my Mom to save up and pay off some debts...Had to keep paying the mortgage until we sold the house. My Parents Divorced and my Dad moved in with my grandparents for a little over a year to save up so we would go there on weekends. So if you have access to it then I would. You can save up, pay off debt and not be worrying every 2 seconds about money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:10 PM
1

If that's your way of thinking then ok. Can I see that? Sure, but we as Men are far from perfect too. I think the reality is in a relationship you will have two imperfect people trying to make it work and both people will have their own agendas they hope gets fulfilled. My Ex Wife could be like that, but with reflection I realized I myself had selfish motives and don't want to be like that anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:37 PM
1

It's not that simple..It comes down to the couple...Biggest plus is you and your partner build a life together and travel and do whatever you want...Biggest Minus is you need to be self aware of your own issues and know how to communicate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:26 PM
3

I think it is, you just got to be with the right person...I married my Ex Wife because I had gone 3 years without dating and honestly just let the fact that someone liked me as my reason. I saw red flags while dating, but again I was oblivious. Now I know what I am looking for and want. Everyone is different, but don't let other per sway you. If you want too then go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:12 PM
2

I have now been Divorced 3 week, Broken up for 3 months. Together 4 years, married 1.5 (I know it doesn't even closely compare)...But One thing I realized is there is a difference between doing things you think are working on yourself and really working on yourself. So I went No Alcohol, Worked out everyday, Read Books, Did therapy and reached out to family and friends...And while it gave me a little boost of happiness, that same pain kept coming back...Then I realized I wasn't really working on…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:29 PM
2

Been there too my friend. It's the worst...Looking back, I was compared to my Ex Wifes Sisters Husband and her other Sisters BF and most of all their father.....I was in a lose lose no matter what. I had my own talents like we all have and was better then them at some stuff, but also worse...And because I was not like them....Yep I was looked down upon, the good stuff I did bring meant nothing.. It was demoralizing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 07:04 PM
1

I know that feeling man, for me it was her family and friends were way above me on priorities, and they were always right and I was wrong...It sucked and made me feel like crap. That's awesome that your current partner appreciates you. Congrats again!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 01:22 AM
0

Just sell it. Congrats on getting remarried! Hearing this helps because I just beat myself up everyday over my Divorce and I feel responsible for it all. How long after Divorce did you meet your current Fiancé? And do you find her a better fit for you?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:31 AM
1

Hey Man...I'm 31 too..Wife wanted it back in July...It does get easier...But one piece of advice I def have to say is you need to move out....We co existed for a month and a half and all that did was prolong my healing... Also take care of yourself. Do things that you know are good for you... I stopped Drinking alcohol (75 days Sober!!), Joined a gym, I was starting therapy before she ended it and I continued and it helps, Read books, reach out to family and friends and talk with them and hang w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:10 PM
4

I had ADD so the rejection is what kills me and that I was very selfless (Not perfect, I had weak moments and made mistakes that my Ex did not deserve. Didn't matter what she did) so it is hard. However she couldn't accept me for me and she expected me to be a Yes Man and never gave much....I spent a whole weekend helping her father hang drywall at his lake house (Friday Night-Sunday Morning) and then I asked for something and was told No...That was when I knew no matter what I did it wasn't gon…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 05:07 PM
1

Don't put limits on yourself or timeframes. Just let Life happen...Create goals and plans. Trust me you're not alone, my first and what I thought would be only marriage just ended 9 days ago. It sucks, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Travel would be an awesome thing to do now
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 12:56 AM
2

My Ex Wife got mad at me and stormed off at Bar in London all because I asked her to buy 1 more round...My phone was at like 20 Percent and our Air B&B was 2 miles away...That was last year, but when that happened I was like WTF!!! Had my phone died I would have been fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 12:39 AM
3

My anniversary is in 5 weeks. We actually got married on my Stepmoms Birthday, so that date gets to go back to being that....After my Divorced was finalized I started really creating goals I had put off when Married and reconnected with friends I had lost touch with (My Ex would never go out with me or my friends)... While I still miss her and I do regret some mistakes I made I am feeling better. I treated myself to new nice clothes Joined a really nice gym, been going daily Haven't had alcohol …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 12:37 AM
5

Mine did the same...It is impossible for her to take accountability for anything
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:11 PM
3

That is awful. I swear some people just don't have mental capacity to be happy for others...Sorta similar thing happened to me...It was like 3 months after we got married, I had been laid off 5 weeks earlier and just got a way better Job with better pay, benefits, etc...I spend the weekend helping her parents at their lake house basically build rooms and the whole time my Ex is getting snippy and being an asshole to me and I'm thinking...I just landed a better Job for us and instead of enjoying …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 01:05 PM
4

Damn man, I am so sorry. Yea I'd be pissed too. Hopefully you never have to see her again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:11 AM
13

I can relate my friend...My Ex Wife wanted us to go to counseling when we were fighting a ton...And I refused at first (Which I take responsibility for, it was a great idea and has been heling me. But I let my Ego get in the way and didn't go...I was wrong for it.) So we start going and we only made it 5 sessions- The first 3 session I got grilled by the counselor (Which I needed and made me a better man), my Ex says she loves the counselor and finds her really good.. Then Sessions 4&5 she asks …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:47 AM
3

The justification.. I hated it,my Ex Wife wasn't a drinker, but man there always was a reason for her hurting me...Never was it her fault magically.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:19 AM
6

I def understand this…my Ex said she wanted a divorce on a Saturday..two saturdays before she said she was so committed to us and making our marriage work. And was excited for our future…BS!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:22 PM
5

wtf??!! That’s awful. I’m very sorry you had to deal with an Ass Hole like that
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:21 PM
3

I’m so sorry you went through that man. That’s awful, some people just don’t care. I hope you’re doing better now and got to heal. My therapist is showing me that a divorce is the farthest thing from the end of the world and there’s so many great things besides a partner for life
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:55 PM
1

That is BS!!! Especially since you had Kids and she basically was like " you watch them and Ill be back later" I'm sorry you went through that. Good on you to file the papers...How did she react when you showed her Divorce papers?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:06 PM
1

Not with lawyers but when my Ex and I were splitting her story of why she wanted a divorce kept changing…basically I took full responsibility for my actions and wrong doings and she hated that because it would have then forced her to as well..But instead it was “well you did this too” which when she started getting to stuff I never did and she was making shit up I was like “ok yea I’m done being married to you”
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:44 PM
1

Sure, but I am NOT a lawyer or able to give actual legal advice. I can only give you what my experience was.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:12 AM
2

Lmao. that is pretty awesome response.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:12 AM
1

Ohhh man I am so sorry...Why is it going so long? Is it for custody?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:29 AM
2

Just get a good lawyer and let them deal with it. Don't talk to her. Lawyer, Lawyer, Lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:28 AM
1

I didn't want our Divorce either at first...Wife initiated it...We were Def in a real bad place with fighting...But I didn't want to give up...But through Therapy, getting help for my ADD and reading books and being healthier I realized how awful of a spouse my Wife was and how much I let slide (I was NOT perfect and def made mistakes myself and was wrong, but what my Ex Wife Divorced me over she had done herself a solid 10 times, basically she was hurt by things I said, which again I did say an…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:04 AM
2

Just finalized my Divorce a few days ago. I'm from Illinois. Pretty simple here, we were able to work everything out ourselves and when we went to Court the Judge was fine with it and just asked us to confirm. We had no Lawyers, No Kids, Never combined Bank Accounts or Credit Cards. So we each just kept our own Bank accounts, 401ks, and Debts...In order to play it safe I had us both sign a Agreement and then got it Notarized and the Judge went straight off that. So I would get an Agreement sayin…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:41 AM
7

Not my Marriage/Ex Wife...But similar thing happened with my First Love. She left me for another guy..Like 2 years later he reaches out and is like "HOW TF did you last so long? SHe is a nutjob and liked you, but hates my guts"
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 03:27 PM
15

I really needed this. My Divorce was finalized today...It sucked and My Ex Wife acted like whatever...Although she did get a ticket on the way to the courthouse which was awesome lol
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 06:38 PM
2

I def know my divorce was for the best because my Ex was not easy (neither was I. I got my own flaws) but just being the in the courtroom and then going back to our house and it being over…it’s just such a weight
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:13 PM
1

Ohhh my fault. Sorry man. My divorce got finalized today so I’m just out of it. Apologies
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:29 PM
-2

We're only getting OPs side of the story, you don't have to call her Useless or Blind...And I am a Male, just saying we don't know the full story, and probably both do deserve better, but it's kind of harsh to call someone useless.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 01:39 PM
1

So I am going through a Divorce right now...I'm only 31. No Kids, was with my Ex for 4 years, married 1.5...Obviously I do not have the same experience as you do...25 years and 2 kids. I will say that while my Divorce probably is a good thing, It has been incredibly painful. There are things I wish I did better and I wish I did not do...And I totally had moments in my relationship where I wished I was single or not married...Then I realized I think we just get those thoughts because it's a "We w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:25 PM
1

Have you tried talking to her? Or have you tried couples counseling or individual counseling for both? Obviously idk your story or relationship. But you don't know what you have until it is gone, I would at least talk to your Wife before doing anything.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:12 PM
11

Been there. Sorta same, I did way more in my relationship then my Ex, she would do stuff only if she wanted it and benefited from it too. I paid most the bills, always helped and showed up to her family and friend stuff, cooked, laundry, dishes, grocery shopped, DD for her (She would for me sometimes, but only parties we went to together, I would be at home and leave to go get her for hers or drive her before hand and pick up later), always looked out and did what I could. I was not perfect, I d…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:50 PM
3

So between when you commented this I started reading a list of 10 things of Co Dependency and number 1 was be to a T...That is the issue...My Wife- Was the first girl I got into a long conversation with after 3 years being single because I was afraid....There was a major Red Flag at month 4 of us dating and of course I brushed it off, but was resentful....Then as time went on there were these things she did that just didn't seem right and all I did was ignore them. Obviously it came back to bite…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 06:16 PM
3

I really needed to hear this. I am 100% wanting to fix whatever issues I do have. I def made mistakes in my Marriage, I don't deny that at all. And even though my Ex was not always the nicest there were times I was wrong and she did not deserve that. I def think you're right I am co dependent. I just don't know how to fix it. Any Tips would be helpful. I am in therapy, but I don't see my therapist until Wednesdays.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 06:08 PM
1

I know. My issue is I have ADD (Am doing treatment for it) and I am an anxious person. Even though maybe it wasn't good, I had this sorta safety with my Ex Wife and I will admit I am terrified I will never find love again. Idk, I think I just get socially awkward.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:56 PM
10

What is killing me is I don't get why I am so sad and depressed... When I was in my marriage and living in our house I was not that happy, I never felt heard, I felt like my needs were never met, I felt like if I brought up stuff I wanted to do it did not matter. While my Ex anything she needed we did, always made time for her family and friends and helped them in any way I could. Idk, this just sucks. I know they say Time heals, but I honestly don't see how I will ever heal from this..I am sure…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:03 PM
7

Thanks. I hope. We both moved out this week and it’s killing me. I know I wasn’t happy because nothing I did ever felt like it mattered. But fuck, to do all that I did do and basically be told I don’t love you and want a divorce is soul crushing. Even though she wasn’t that nice to me it still kills me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:33 PM
5

I get that, but she also would complain about how shitty her mom would be and she hated seeing her Dad miserable. And yet she acted identical.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:16 PM
18

Also adding into this...And this is not all Woman, but my Ex Wife thought she could make me what she wanted... Her mother got whatever she wanted out of her father and her father while extremely resentful just did it. My Ex Mother in Law was a horrible mean person and very judgmental. While my Father in Law was Kind and hard working and family man. But my MIL treated him like a slave and he just kept taking it. My Ex Wife old sister and her husband, exact same thing My Ex Wife expected that out …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:06 PM
4

LEAVE!!!! Trust me, I just made a post about this in the Divorce Subreddit.. So long story short..My Wife wanted a Divorce in Mid July..We basically just ignored and didn't talk for 2 weeks and then my Wife started the papers and I helped to speed the process and we called a realtor and got the ball rolling. From July 20- Sept 10 it was Tense and Hard and I def got some angry and mean things said to me by my Ex.. This past Tuesday (September 10) I just said Fuck it and moved out..Been at my fami…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 08:09 PM
3

Honestly, I had been single for 3 years prior to meeting and just really wanted to be with someone. I had a lot of issues I had not handled and basically was very insecure...My family and friends did not tell me until after we broke up, but they did not like her. At first they loved her, but then as time went on she got ruder and ruder until OHH my god, 2 weeks before she ended it we went to stay at my family's lake house and she very much showed she did not want to be there..Rolled eyes, short …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 11:27 AM
16

A lesson I learned from my Divorce....If the signs are there..RUN!!! What I mean by that is when I was dating my Ex Wife, the first 3 months were magical...Then at Month 4 we hit a bizarre thing..She got really mad when I got sick and didn't eat the food she got me or I walked her to the door....It was so Bizarre, but I thought it was just a bad day...Then 2 weeks later I help her move and all I got every 2 seconds was criticized and basically told I was wrong...Then as time went on I noticed th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:23 AM
1

Idk how anyone could possibly be as much of a psycho like my Ex Wife...I had a HS girlfriend who was Bipolar and even she was not as Crazy as my Ex Wife.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 10:30 PM
3

As someone going through a Divorce, I am doing this lol..Wife was kinda chunky (Which I don't judge, body doesn't matter to me) and a Red Head...I plan to hope and try for someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 10:11 PM
14

Dude just deny/reject her profile and move on...The reality is regardless if she was the Dumpee or the Dumper...A cheater, hitter, victim, etc...Everyone has to move on I fully expect to see my Narcissitic Ex Wife on the same app we met on, I hope I don't but I don't control the app. Just reject/Deny her and move foward. Go out with another girl, it'll help.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:30 PM
1

Honestly...I just never thought my Life would be like this...I tried so hard with my Ex..I mean I gave up weekend after weekend to help her family and friends...I paid all the utilities, I always did the grocery shopping and cooking. Went on walks when she wanted, I mean I gave and gave...And rarely got anything in return I wanted and only got bitched at for the stuff I didn't do...Like WTF. And this Divorce hurts me, but to my Ex she seems amazing and great. I would understand if the role was r…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:26 PM
9

I get that but were you happy? Or did you walk on Egg Shells? Maybe this is easier for me because I was not happy and my Ex pretty much only wanted me to be an image of what she wanted to show off her to her family...I learned that my Needs and Wants did not matter and she was not going to go out of her way for me ever and that was when I checked out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:32 AM
11

Let me ask you this...And be 1000% honest. Was she that great? I am NOT taking your side or saying you don't need to work on yourself. But you're beating yourself up when I am sure your ex had flaws...Def get therapy, get your health in order (Go to Gym, Doctors, Dentist, etc,), Start taking better care of your new home, start trying to do things with less help. Just keep setting goals and trying to do better. My Ex Left me, she of course put the blame on me....And Yes she was more clean and cle…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:22 AM
1

Dude I am so sorry you're going through this and for your son....You son does NOT deserve that and is tougher than anyone on Reddit period. Do NOT beat yourself up over anything...What you went through with your son I couldn't imagine, Humans can only take so much..So I def want you to give yourself Grace and forgive yourself for anything.. As for your Wife, to be fair you have to forgive her too for stuff, except the cheating...That is just messed up... Us on Reddit can only give you our 2 cent…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 07:16 PM
1

This helps big time!! Just hearing success stories of people who unfortunately got Divorced. And are in better relationships now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:24 PM
1

I have discovered a lot about myself in the last 2 months..Been really tackling things I need too..Doing Therapy, On ADD Meds, Reading books and exercising more and I cut Alcohol from my Life.. I have not been at this weight in over 10 years, haven't not had alcohol this long in the same amount of time..Also Therapy is making my mind more open. Did you go through a Divorce yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:04 PM
1

Then go live that life..I want to be married and have a family.. This is kind of a Bizarre comment because you basically are telling me how you want to live your own life
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 11:04 PM
1

Nice. Yea I am not proud of my behavior in this past relationship at times. There were def times I just let emotions get the better of me and I'll just admit I was wrong and should not have said certain things. I am really working on being better, what bothers me is my Wife will sit there and say I did mistake 1,2 and 3..And true I did and it was wrong...But ohhh my god, the things she has said to me and hurt me...It's not tit for tate. But she can't even realize the awful things she has done, o…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 08:01 PM
1

Yep and 2 of her immediate family members have it so wouldnt shock me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:39 PM
2

No Kids. So I am so ready...I was having anxiety for a while before Divorce because God knew how she would react to stuff....I'm trying to be Ego Free and be a better person...Although I'm sure once we divorce if her life goes wrong and she doesn't have Kids or can't find a "Good Man" I am sure I will hear how It is my fault later in life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:24 PM
1

You’re a good friend. Hope your buddy is doing better now and happier
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:20 AM
1

Ohhhh I agree. You’re right. I’m just minding my business now. I guess my vent is more there are things we need to talk about. House document papers, agreeing on times for the house selling process with the lawyer…signing divorce documents, etc. even when keeping it to just business she’s so bipolar
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:40 AM
1

We still own a house and have to move and clean stuff. We also had to be around when we talked to the realtor and filed the divorce papers. The house sold. But I still have stuff here because my new place isn’t ready yet. I’m stuck here till next week when my new place is ready. Also I know she doesn’t want to be together I never said I wanted to win her back or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:33 AM
1

Appreciate the advice. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:21 AM
1

Soon House sells in 2 weeks and court in 2 weeks too. I am done then.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:00 AM
1

Done that too. She just throws more insults or defensive. She is a child. I am kind of done even trying. I don't care anymore...She is the spitting resemblance of her mother who was without question the worst human I have ever met...Miserable, never apologizes, always in a shit mood and expects her kids and SO to be her personal slave labors.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:49 AM
2

Ohhh I did say that to her...She then just pulls the "Yea I did because you made me do it" or the "You caused me to do it with this or that"
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:40 AM
2

Very True....I know it is just Ego but I hate how she makes me out to be a villain...Trust me I am NOT perfect, I have def made mistakes and have been wrong at times and said things I should not have out of anger...I accept responsibility for those wrong doings.... I am working on everything for myself. Therapy, Psychiatry (meds for my ADD), Working out, No Alcohol, reading books, trying to be a better family person and friend (I at times have not always been the best with my friends either...Tr…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:15 AM
3

Trying! Court already scheduled.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:06 AM
2

EDIT: Our realitor just asked us to do our house inspection tomorrow. I went to ask and tell my Ex if that worked for her and got my head bit off and to leave her alone......Literally I can't even talk about stuff that needs to be done without being shit on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:41 AM
1

Thank you so much!! This sharing and story really helps. I appreciate it and am so happy you found someone and are happy! Congrats on 6 years!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:36 PM
2

I wish I could give this 100 likes!! Thank you for sharing and that really helps. It shows it is never too late to change your life.... It's crazy you said 8 years...Same thing for my Parents...My Mom was always someone who was extremly mature for her age, she def had her fun..But always put family and friends first and acted mature. My Dad on the other hand....Matured somewhat, but even today at 63..Acts like he is 21 lol. They were together 2 years before they married...While engaged (Year 1) …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:59 PM
1

I have to ask. And Downvote me all you want, but why did you think a comment like this is necessary? I mean I'm sure those stats are true. It's just very negative, when I was asking for any success stories, Also that doesn't mean that everyone is going to just fail. Everyone I know who is in their second marriage has been married to that person the longest and is very happy and built a life together.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:42 PM
1

Ok well she wanted to go to counseling...I can't control the counselor. And nobody likes being Criticized, but if you're a mature adult you eventually realize that everyone has stuff they can work on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:38 PM
2

I guess. I want to be married again. Although I refuse to rush into it like my Ex Wanted. If I only knew then what I know now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:20 AM
1

We both did....My Wife was the first to ever threaten it while angry, then we both kind of did during fights which was wrong on us. I will admit and take responsibility that I probably threatened it more. I feel immature and embarrassed by it and am trying to not get so angry and control my emotions better. It was walking on Egg shells with my Wife over anything. If it was something she liked then great, but something I liked or wanted and she always would give a shit response. I got so tired of…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:26 AM
6

This is awesome to hear!!! I should have worded my post better. I just meant found a better partner. Did not have to be just marriage...I am so glad you are doing well and met someone who cares for you. It gives me Hope for myself! Thank You
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:26 PM
3

Thank you and so glad to hear...I am...In the last 2 months. -Weekly Therapy -Monthly Psychiatry for my ADD and Meds. -Reading Self help Books (They actually are huge help) -Seeing Family and friends and getting closer to them -Exercise Daily -Owning up to all the mistakes I made in my relationship...No Excuses, 100% responsibility and owning up and apologzing for the, to my Ex (Even though she won't for her stuff and is cold..I want to own up to my stuff so I can learn and be better and not mak…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:48 PM
5

Thank you so much for the kind words...And Yea, I just I have ADD (Getting Treatment for it) so of course I fixate on stuff and make bigger deal of things than they are..I just never thought I would get Divorced.. Hope you're doing good now..16 years and 4 Kids, that has to be a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:07 PM
3

I appreciate that. thank You...Yea I guess better now than 20 years later...I am trying to be more positive and realize it could be worse. My Cousin is getting Divorced after 7 years of marriage, 11 years together and 3 kids...So I try to think that I still have opportunities and like I said, could be way worse.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 08:04 PM
6

Same with mine....My Ex Wife doesn't want to ever talk about our Divorce because she knows she will have to face the things she has done, she has told me probably 1000 times "If you did this" or "Did not do that" then we might be together....Which some of the stuff she is saying is Valid and was wrong on me, OHH my god, but the wrong she has done and the awful things she has said and done....Always an Excuse from her and justification, also even when I would have her cornered where she could not…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:23 PM
3

You are NOT a failure...If anything you're the opposite because you realized the relationship was not good and you both were willing to let go so you each can find happiness. It is ok to Divorce...My Wife and I are Divorcing and where as half of my extended family are all Divorced...My Wife comes from a big NO Divorce family...Her Dad is 1 of 5 and her Mom is 1 of 10. None of her Grandparents or they siblings were Divorced and none of her Aunts or Uncles are Divorced, same with her parents...We …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 10:01 PM
1

So you’re saying never remarry?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 09:24 PM
1

It's a roller coaster. You will have good days and Bad Days...Do you have kids? A House? How long married? Going through a Divorce myself. I noticed the best thing is to move the process fast if you can....My Wife wanted a Divorce Mid July, we go to court in Mid September and luckily it is uncontested and we worked everything out so we just gotta go to get the divorce finalized. We also sold out house.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 08:09 PM
1

Well I want to be with someone and have a partner. I get everyone has their flaws. But with this person it was hard to talk about anything she did not want to talk about or do anything I liked. It was always what she wanted...And now of course I hear the shit I did that caused the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:17 PM
1

Wasn't as bad before we got married, got worse after...But was there to some degree...I was dumb, I had been single for so long before I met her and just did not know the stuff I know now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:59 PM
6

Very true...Also what you said of Slave is true...Wanna know why??? My Wife has 3 sisters..Her Older sister is her "Best Friend" yet they always compete with each other it feels..Well her older sisters Husband.. 100% a Yes Man, and my Wife just loved seeing them always "Happy" Her Father a Yes Man to her Mother...And her father is a great guy, hard working, family man...her Mother is Cold, Harsh, Always complaining and expecting people to do stuff for her, Never apologizes for being an ass. I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:45 PM
1

I just turned 31...Together 4 years, Married just under 2.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 01:55 PM
2

Ohhhhh you have no IDEA!!! She is. Anytime she would do something wrong there was always an excuse...Or the most half ass Apology followed with a "BUTT I did it because...." When I was wrong- It was a full truthful apology with details and then trying to make it right (Buying breakfast or dinner. Just something) It is hard, but I know it is for the best.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 01:55 PM
5

I disagree on them getting the best Version...They usually are overwhelmed to have someone new during the breakup. But you know all they do is talk about their Ex...Not my Ex Wife, but an Ex GIrlfriend dropped me for another guy and she did I was heartbroken. Years later I actually run into the guy and he is not a bad guy and was actually nice, but he told me...."How did you deal with her so long? Also She hates my Guts, but she def loves you or did love you...She talked about you non stop all y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 12:42 PM
11

I take it is a usual response that they get mad if they are asked about banging someone else? My Wife wanted a Divorce Mid July...At the time we def were in a rough patch and in counseling...My Wife loved the counselor when she called me on my Stuff, but then when she got called out she flipped and had a meltdown and wanted to quit and get divorced...With how the previous weeks we both always wanted to fix things and make a plan to her all of a sudden wanting a Divorce and to be done is just way…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 12:39 PM
1

Ohh I am. Got a psychiatry appointment today for my Meds... Got therapy tomorrow and I am reading books every night. Of course everytime my psycho roommate (We sold the house. Only 3 more weeks of torture) gets mad I hear the class "Ohh now you're fixing your issues"
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:44 PM
1

Oh I agree. And the shitty part is....I have def had my share of not nice things said, I own that. But I always apolgoized and realized I was wrong...She never apologized. She just did it last night, she apologized, but only as a way to bring up something else so it went. "I am sorry for saying shut the fuck up to you"......"But I don't like..... Never just owns up unless she has ammo.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:43 PM
1

Ohhh I agree. Ironically, when I would try to stand up for myself she would only get meaner and nastier...I was afraid she would leave, but now I realized I should have been ok with that. She is a miserable person who if things don't go her way has a tantrum and fit....She is 33 and acts like a 5 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:51 AM
1

Ohhh Yea. So the realitor calls me and my soon to be Ex sees that and just starts silently yelling at me...calling me a shady person and that I am making decisions without her......I literally just answered a phone call..This was also after she told me to shut the fuck up just because I was getting frustrated that I kept getting cut off from questions from my realtor (She talks fast and a lot!!) When I told my soon to be ex...She of course made excuses and justified it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:10 AM
1

Because when we started Divorce it just made my brain race...Basically I wanted to beg and plead and just fix it...But now from an outside perspective I see how my Ex Wife is and holy shit...She is a narcissist and a mean person. Guess even though I hated it when we were married I was so blind sided or seeing through Rose colored glasses and just letting her treat me like shit. We had to talk to our realtor about selling our house and I mean me even asking a question I got bitched at and nagged …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:53 AM
5

I always say that too...We just are hurt because our Ex Rejected us, Hurt us. And basically acts like an Ass. But if they came back we would be unhappy..We would reality wise be resentful and hold it over their heads..And imagine how awkward the family and friends would be (My family and friends hate my Ex Wife; They did not like her even before the split) And her family would look down on me because they already saw her be cruel to me during the relationship. Now to see me back with her after s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:02 PM
7

I understand..This kind of happened to my Dad...After him and my mom Divorced, he was in a serious relationship with a woman with no kids. Our Grandparents (Dads parents) took us on a trip and when my dad was going to fly down to meet us his GF at the time told him "You're not going to see your kids, you're staying here with me".....Needless to say my Dad had some words for her and they broke up right then and there. People without kids I don't think are trying to be mean, they just don't unders…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:07 PM
5

I pretty much stopped wearing mine a few months before she announced divorce because I didn’t feel married since my wife didn’t care at all
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 01:03 PM
1

Oh man you’re still young. You got time and opportunities…I’m 31 and just filed the papers for my divorce (my wife’s decision, but I efiled it to help and make the process faster and easier). Trust me I understand. It’s not easy. But you’re owning your mistakes and it’s not all your fault. I guarantee there were things your Ex did that were not good
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 01:36 AM
3

How old are you? When did the divorce/break up happen? Are you in therapy and doing other things to better you?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:11 PM
3

Well I have to say that yours is tougher and you’re much stronger than me. No kids from my marriage. We both wanted them and somehow we got into fights over that; doesn’t help that my Soon to Ex was basically in a life competition with her Bitch of an older sister (I hated that person sooo much!!) and all they did was try to one up each other, yet magically we’re best friends. You didn’t fail your kids. Trust me. My parents divorced too when I was like 2 months old and had my older sister too. T…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:46 AM
1

lol. Was having a pretty crap day and this comment just made me laugh. Appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:27 AM
3

Thanks Man. Yea I guess the best way to describe it for me too is....I don't miss the person so much anymore... I miss the symbol of Marriage and that I started a life with this person...Like I said we did it all. Wedding showers, Rehearsal, Wedding, Honeymoon, Vacations, Bought a house....It's the symbol and all how this was not just another GF...It sucks man. We will get through this though. Message me if you need to talk or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:25 AM
7

That’s how I’m handling my Divorce too…every break up I ever had before my wife. I would always be a dick and try to one up my Ex or make her jealous or act like I didn’t care. But my Wife was different and honestly my Wife was a really verbally abusive person and basically just liked the idea of a husband and didn’t like me at all. She also put me down a lot. So when she wanted a divorce, even though there are so many positive impacts of her gone. I never played the ego card or tried to do anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:13 AM
2

I did marry a girl who’s a psycho. Now I’m in the process of a hellish divorce. It sucks lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:52 PM
7

So she is engaged and had someone else end it and now is engaged again...Do you hear how fucked that is? She's insane and probably got some insane mental issues. You dodged a bullet. Be grateful you did not marry her. That would have been even a worst and harder process. Dude you're going to be good, you'll meet an amazing girl who actually is excited to be with you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:16 PM
11

Yep....Happened to me yesterday...My Soon to be Ex woke up.. (I'm sleeping on our couch Bed and she is in the bedroom) I told her I was going out to hang with family and friends (We are in the process of selling our house) And I heard a Scoff and then how I do absolutely nothing and never try for anything and basically am worthless and never did anything during our marriage, all because I did not paint a room before she did (She said she wanted too do it alone)...So I just went and started worki…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:33 PM
1

Been there..Yea it blows my mind how some people can remember hurtful things said to them, but not remember the hurtful stuff they said....My Wife soon to be Ex just remembered all the bad stuff I said to her...And I did say those things and was wrong for them and am doing a lot better at working at those responses and emotions, but when I would tell her the things she said to me it was "I did not say that" or it was some excuse why. It's nuts man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 05:23 PM
9

Dude. I apparently “proposed the wrong way” and because I asked too many questions once at a family dinner it was “embarrassing” I’m beyond happy I’m divorcing that partner
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:21 AM
12

Immaturity and being self centered. She would get mad when things didn't go exactly her way or if trips and other events weren’t exact how she expected them to go. It was pretty uncomfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:39 AM
3

Dude you need to stop, again verbatim...Sorta similar to yours...My Wife always found something to complain about with someone in my fam, and my fam was beyond generous. Would buy her nice drinks and food all the time to make her feel welcome; Her family never did that for us, we always had to bring our own stuff. I think it is just a defense mechanism since they didn't think through these decisions and they're doing whatever they can to justify it. It is immature and wrong and just more reasons…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 09:30 PM
9

Dude, what you're saying is verbatim my relationship lol....Yep I been there, so when I would go to My STBXW family...I liked a few of her family members and I could not stand other ones. Lets just say if I in a mature way said that something her family said bothered me, it blew up into her taking it as an insult...BUT EVERYTIME!! we went to my family I would hear the whole car ride home her say nasty stuff about my family, my family is not the easiest. But for every 10 times I had to see hers w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 08:49 PM
9

Sounds like my STBXW...Dude you got to let it go...Trust me I know how you feel, my spouse still brings up two things I said that she won't forgive me for and says was super mean...I will admit and take accountability that in the heat of the fights we were in at the time I did say two not nice things and I let emotions get the better of me, and I was wrong and am working to control my emotions and do better. But man the hurtful and disgusting things she has said to me, she either gives a half as…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:37 PM
3

Don't blame yourself, first of all, everyone makes mistakes, so whatever ones you did make as long as they weren't awful like abuse or cheating can always be forgiven and can happen to anyone and to the best of us, you sound like a good person who cares, some people have shit wrong with them and don't get help for it or just aren't willing to commit. Def I would do therapy, I am now and it is helping me through my Divorce big time, it's helping me realize that I am on the path of growth for my e…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:01 PM
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