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View 1 posts and 443 comments by Beamformer on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
42

Beamformer/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 12:18 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Clearly you haven't met my ex, she would talk your ear off about herself. Just kidding, but I get it, most of my friends have given up on women. Even when successful, it can't still be not worth it and a waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 08:18 PM
1

Why the self imposed celibacy? If I'm honest I think my ex thought I would be you. She said crap like, I will fix u up with my friends. I'm sure you're a great father, but caring for yourself is one of the examples your kids need to see. As they get older that becomes more true. I just watched my kid stay in a toxic relationship a little longer than he should... I didn't set a good example in that area.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 05:16 PM
3

My parents divorced when I was 6 and I was partially raised by my loving stepfather (dad had us every other weekend). My dad is and has been one of my anchors. There is nothing about now that defines the future unless you let it. My son is freshly adult but he is also still influenced by what I demonstrate. I don't want to demonstrate that I let someone else control my fate and pursuit of happiness. It's been relevant lately as his last serious relationship did a number on him. This parent job c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:36 PM
0

Congrats. !! Sounds like my situation regarding house. My ex didn't show under advise of her lawyer to settlemen. HER lawyer said to my lawyer in private..."she's fucking crazy and WILL screw this up". Lol ...
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 06:05 PM
13

A man with a penis made out of chocolate that ejaculates money ? That's my best guess
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:24 PM
3

Ive got a good Gf with her own place for three years now, retired for one year with an awesome pension, and a healthy 401k, I kept the house, kid is doing great (we talk daily), the divorce heloc will be paid off in Jan. I have only had to have one or two email /mail interactions with her over loose ends (the last one was her lawyer never filed the quit claim deed). She ended up fired in the middle of the divorce ( I suspect it was over the affair ) and I don't think she has been doing great now…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:27 PM
2

Exactly. My ex had years of head start. As soon as I started socializing too, my life got better and she lost her shit. It was a win/win.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 12:03 PM
2

I agree. Some won't be happy though even if you have filed, live sperately, and loathe the stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:54 AM
6

We all need to be wanted, or want to be needed...or both. My ex had worn down my self esteem, dating went a long way In re rebuilding confidence.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 02:16 AM
3

I was gaslit about AP. Regardless don't have her back or over for the night or period, quietly change locks, I got to the point of threatening to seek exckusive use from judge which she backed down from re-invasion threats after being gone years and paying nothing. If her name is on deed she can get a locksmith, I had a note posted saying I was exclusive resident for over a year and do not grant X access and would involve participant locksmith in forthcoming legal action.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:55 PM
1

I retired a year after my divorce, it has been very similar. The freedom of not having to get up and make other people happy everyday is so nice
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:15 PM
12

Triple lobotomy, one for me and two for her
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:20 AM
1

My GF is a therapist, ama, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:06 PM
2

Right. So the therapist just went along with, "I make no mistakes" (ie perfect). My ex was so critical that I started telling her it would be a red flag to me if she ever thought what I did was right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 03:56 PM
1

It does seem that way, the closer they are to my age (late 50s) the more jaded, bitter, and masculine a lot of them seem. My Gf is 14 years younger and after 3 years with her women my age all seem old and burned out. I know it's hypocrisy
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 06:15 AM
7

That piece of paper did nothing to provide me emotional connection. Im in a long relationship with more connection than i had, but im never marrying again. Haven't fully decided on cohabitation, definitely not in a hurry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:44 PM
2

Never marry, thats the only lesson
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:34 AM
3

Honestly me getting good with me, was getting out instead of sitting home alone every weekend. First chick I went out with sucked too, only good thing was the ex's friend busting us while out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 06:29 AM
2

The answer is different for everyone most likely. I felt duped, screwed over, ready to get on with life. I spent a good 3 months down about it, and decided to start dating about 6 months after filing. That Worked well for me to start rebuilding myself and regain self confidence, etc by interacting with women again. Im still dating a woman I started dating 3 years ago * divorced over 2 years now
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 05:26 AM
3

Back when he was in school and I did more of the calling, there were lots of short just checking in calls, how are things, updates on family etc. Now the calls are longer and he wants to talk about his work and life. maybe its the mid twenties when your friends have scattered and people realize family can be pretty foundational. My son saw me leaning on my own parents through divorce, I would add.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:48 PM
5

My ex/his mom was a functional borderline, he went off to college and was pretty quiet when it came to reaching out (I called pretty regular but not daily). Jump ahead 6 years and he calls me daily or every other day if I dont call him. TBH sometimes too much when he is worrying over something. I would say just keep it going. My relationship with my own father was similar and we talk regular still also
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 02:30 PM
2

Mine was borderline, same difference. Email only for me only if absolutely necessary
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:08 PM
3

I just retired comfortably while she is working her ass off with zero benefits... I wouldn't say I want to completely forget her. I just had to contact her to remove me as authorized user on an old credit card.... based on the balance I could see on my credit report, it doesnt seem things are going all that great for her now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 05:55 PM
1

You can love them OR you can understand them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 01:01 PM
2

There isnt any, do X and get Y result when it comes to people. You might improve odds, but you never know.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 12:53 PM
10

Peer pressure then at #5. 30% women with a friend or sis divorcing also divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 12:47 PM
2

I was happy AF, I had been through decades of sad. Caring about myself is a thing now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 04:53 PM
1

Females = Emotional violence vs us males favoring physical, but we are taught to supress those impulses while women get the, "you go gurls."
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 11:25 PM
3

I Only had one kid but stayed because ex was mentally abusive and a sad excuse for a parent. In hindsight I should have left earlier, around 16 he could have testified in my state about his custody desires.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 07:33 AM
4

I should have stock in Clinique, free gift my ass.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 03:47 AM
13

My dry cleaning bill went from God knows what to zero.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:05 AM
6

Her Moving truck showed up the morning our kid left for college, that's how I found out. It was planned for maximum impact. Four years later I have a great life with a younger, smarter woman who is more fun and treats me so so much better than she ever could. Turns out leaving was the best thing she every did for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 10:37 PM
4

Got mine b4 divorce. Yeah done with kids, been there did that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:56 AM
10

Win me back, ffs that is some main character crap.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:18 AM
2

And/or functional borderline personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 05:07 PM
9

I dont know. If I learned ONE thing, it is that no one should ever get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:07 PM
14

Mine stole around 100k it was our kids college fund, roof, etc. Then she came after the house in divorce while I 100% put our kid through college. She thought she was going to keep talking to me after the divorce. I paid a lot of money so I never would have to hear any of her shit again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 07:15 PM
4

"Keeping them from their true potential, as they mindlessly scroll". Nailed it !
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 05:06 PM
2

you Will definetly need that time machine then.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 03:07 AM
1

I thought the fancy purse and shoes were to impress me. /s
/r/MensRights21/11/25 02:48 PM
1

Same, casualty from the bible belt. Also, their world (my parents) hardly even relevant today
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 04:25 AM
3

this is the way, it is what i have told my son, what we should all tell our children
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:18 AM
4

i regret i waited a month to file, move on
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 02:20 AM
1

The true online dating profile, your residence, yard, car, how you dress, and can you cook and clean.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 05:55 PM
3

Personality counts for a lot. She will dump/exit dude or not, and then you will know.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:29 PM
3

The woman you are considering pursuing, is at a minimum, cheating emotionally on her partner? I understand where you are and I was in a simillar space after Dday happened to me. The first woman I went out with was pretty similar to what you described. I moved on and never regretted it. Imho, Get the wrong person out of your life to make room for the right one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:43 PM
2

Right. Towards the end, I heard from my then stbx, "who knows, maybe we get back together one day", and then Later she said, "maybe I can fix you up with one of my friends". She really was delusional. At the end, I handed her her precious money and said, "never contact me again", she was crying and saying some shit about me throwing away all the years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 03:49 PM
2

From what I pieced together, she had pursued him during his own divorce before even moving out. At some point in denying the whole (at that point obvious) affair, she said, "he's out of my league". She was right, he was, and his open Instagram later shows his new GF, who is at least 15 years younger than the ex. So today, her AP and I are both with women about 15 years younger than her. I think she thought I would die alone while suitors were lining up to commit to her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 02:52 PM
2

My decision was easy, my ex was abusive. That said I relate to putting myself second for many years, the last few on my own accord. Im glad that phase of my life is over now
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:43 PM
4

adult male child i talk to almost daily, he shut her out even before she moved out, way back around age 16.. married over 25 years, seperated a few years before D day and filing. My ex was borderline/narcisstic, the kid and i have a little ptsd from living with her abuse. ex was bicycle rider, her AP of course was too. I'll be financially recovered in the next year. I filed 10/22 divorced 1/24, Fed retired 9/25
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 05:53 PM
14

So mine watched her BFF (except the forever was 6 years) cheat, destroy 2 families, and level up... my now ex then did her own version of the same shit. There is a good chance that yours probably premeditated this shit for years from the sound of it. Who cares though, its on her and on her character. All of my ex's apparent fun in the divorce just disappeared the minute she realized I was having the time of my life with women significantly younger than herself. Today I have a hot and caring GF, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 04:54 PM
8

The opposite of love is Apathy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:26 PM
8

Of course she is going to say, " I DON'T want to find your replacement" , of course that IS exactly what she wants a head start on. it sounds though, like she already has replaced you, at a minimum, mentally. Get on with your life, honestly I'm so glad I did, instead of wasting an entire year for the divorce to complete. I busted my ex through social media, and the shit had gone on for a minute, so i got over her and then on with my shit in aboit 6 months. As soon as I started going out with you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:31 PM
1

Pfft.. I paid for years and years of therapy, she treated it like a bartender. It only has value if the person there wants to get better and they want it for themself. My ex had a few therapist let her go, until she found the ones that just let her show up and complain and blame everyone but herself. If they hinted at her eventually obvious personality disorder they get fired also.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 06:22 PM
1

Thank you. Honestly its been on an amazing trajectory every since I broke free of my (now) ex mentally, EVEN before the divorce. I've been dating a great woman, my kid is full steam adulting, ex is out of the picture 100%, and i am now retiring with a very nice federal retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 06:17 PM
3

I second this. I literally cried filing the divorce paperwork on her cheating ass, but when shit was finally done a year and half later, she was crying and I was going home to continue celebrating with my GF. My Only regret now is not getting a better life sooner
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:58 AM
2

Sounds like a borderline. Mine complained that i did not "back her up" the translation is, " do what I say so we are both abusive parents. " I talk to my adult son daily, and he re-blocked his mom three years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:32 AM
3

The abusive types seem to underestimate the intelligence and memory of children, I know my ex did. Our Kid has been NC with her, by his choice for a long time now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:38 PM
6

Longtime Female friend of mine walked in on her husband in their bed going at it with AP, i think it was around year one of marriage. He hired an expensive lawyer to come after her house she had inherited. At some point, they both had to fire the lawyers as their lawyer were sleeping with each other. The whole divorce last TEN years, ten years after catching someone in your own bed. I dont know exactly how it turned out for her financially, but I know it cost a lot more than just money. The whol…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:43 PM
25

Mine dipped out with the kid's 85k college fund, left me paying college out of pocket, and then came after the house. Fuck divorce court, nothing but wealth redistribution, zero justice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 10:45 AM
3

I think just where to put yourself, how heavy to weigh your happiness and the other person's level of giving. Honestly, its the question going forward, women are going to want to know where you stand on marriage, cohab, etc.. All you can do is learn from your past, and try to avoid mistakes like putting ourselves last.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 05:36 AM
3

In my age group the women are (1) bitter, (2) demanding and controlling, (3) lack the youthfulness and joy for life i need
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 09:27 AM
12

Yes she wanted to show the results of her work. Work she couldn't be bothered to put in until shopping for new attention.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:34 PM
8

They don't get "really mad" until they find out you're being pursued by women a decade or two younger than them. That's when they regret leaving you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:18 PM
2

I have Celebrated over a year of zero contact, you are really getting your money's worth when you divorce a borderline. Mine was as bad as she could possibly be before and during the divorce, blocked her the moment she walked in to collect the ransom for my release.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 04:25 AM
1

I looked hers up at one point and confirmed they were the type elevating if not adding T. It was clearly reflected in her behavior changes and agression towards me and her kid. From what I read there are tailored systems now that do a better job with less side effects.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:17 PM
3

Some of those HRTs contain testoerone, there is no doubt in my mind that it made my ex go from a miserable human, to an aggressive and miserable human. She fought with her doctor at one point to never stop taking them... testoerone does not mix well with cluster B rage, imho.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:27 PM
3

My ex just wanted the credit for being a mother, but she spent way too many years being the child herself for that to happen. It was the little red hen story, I did the chores, parenting, etc while she yelled at us how great a mother she was (bpd/npd). The kid was mostly a weapon for her, just like the house, my job, or anything else she thought I cared about.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:11 PM
3

Mine has been doing the same, she bought an overpriced house recently with the money she stole. Despite working in the benefits field for years, she did not know the perks of my FERS ie fed (neither did i). Retiring this year at 57, pay off heloc from the divorce, then she is nothing but a bad memory.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 08:25 PM
4

All a lawyer has to say to most women is...". you are entitled to half". Doesn't matter how much they gamed you, who has the kid, or whatever you had previously agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 06:28 PM
3

The fact that she is compelled to air her dirty laundry on social media says more about her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 02:05 PM
0

Same.. started dating 4 months or so after filling, met a great girl and have been dating her now a year post full divorce. No regrets. if you were married for awhile you are going to take work, It helped me do that work with feedback being connected to a person or two that cared. I felt I had mastered being alone the last ten years of my marriage..lol.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 09:49 PM
2

That's a lot. Hang in there, always support and guidance here and someone who's been in through sonething simillar. Find some ways to treat yourself on the weekends even if it's visiting old friends or just getting out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 12:17 AM
6

She took me for more than 200k, in the end she was still threatening to sue over items she abandoned 3 years before when she left. The items are. 10 dollar halloween candlesticks from Walmart that she thought my GF had put out and therefore liked. About 40 dollars in outside pots that were decades old/some plastic (my dog sleeps in one sometimes). Every single christsmas decoration not just 80%, literally grinching your own kid. Her list sorta speaks for itself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 12:01 AM
3

There are plenty of available women, its just an issue of figuring out which ones are like the ones generally getting written about here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:04 PM
3

My bpd/npd ex couldn't handle anything from the kid. She was a doting new-born-mother, but every step of our child's independence was just a slap in her face (which coincidently was one of her later parenting approaches) . Around age 5 or 6 she was correcting his table manners with, " chew with your mouth closed". He did, so she added another... and another.. the last was, "sit with one hand in your lap", and he was in tears and I knew i would definitely NOT have another kid with her. If she sen…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 10:48 PM
2

I had good parents, but not all my siblings turned into the best people. My takeaway was that I need to be more proactive in guiding and mentoring my kid. I don't want my son cheating on his partner, anymore than I would want it from a daughter. I think you have to demonstrate and communicate character wherever and however you can. Ideally , you fostered a relationship where they are comfortable communicating openly with you into adulthood. I suppose the coralary is supported in my case, as my c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 10:10 PM
9

Im guessing she is doubting her perceived value since you aren't putting up a fight. This is the right direction, don't show emotions that feed her ego and don't let her emotions control you. It all gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 09:44 PM
3

My ex never cared about hurting our kid (or me) with her bad behavior, it was all rationalized through her own childhood abuse and the resulting personality disorder. She calculated how to hurt me most, like surprise moving out the very day our son moved out to go to college (even though he hadn't spoken to her in years at that point). Yeah, it worked, and I was broken and begging for mercy. SO she got the most bulldog lawyer in town and YOLOd down the road, trying to make it as bad for me as sh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:41 PM
3

It will happen, the rabitt holes of thoughts and emotions will fade away. Whatever feelings I might periodically have regarding her, now fade away in seconds. It was decades of my life and my son's, I don't hold back today if I need or want to reference anything good/bad from it. It has taken time to get to that point.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:11 AM
34

When some of her friends busted me on a date about six months after filing, she just couldn't believe that I would date women so much younger. She kept trying (unsuccessfully) to insult me about it (yeah, good luck with that). Her perception was that she was going to be happy, and I was going to be miserable. Part of her happiness had to have been my misery because she immediatly stopped being happy when i got my own "friend" . Her AP was long gone at that point, and it was clear to her that she…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 04:21 PM
2

Or did her BFF, sister, etc, start raving about it. Was it backed up and encouraged through social media algorithims.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 05:21 PM
15

I traced mine's planning back to her married bff, who broke up another marriage for some monkey branching. That's when mine decided to jump on the planning and grooming bandwagon, im sure she got all the confirmation, motivation, and attention she needed from her obsessive social media. There were plenty of intermediate things she did like plastic surgery and secret lease agreements in the months before she left to go wait-out any CS I might come after. The planning is fundamentally unfair and d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 05:17 PM
3

Forget the titles. Love your kid, let them know you always have their best interest in mind. Be an example of what you want them to be. My grown kid calls me almost daily, and she has long been blocked from both our lives. Narcisssit don't self label or seek help...youve been gaslit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:16 AM
3

I cant comment on legality, but I grew up on farm and had opportunities to earn money at a young age. It was MY money money, I got to spend it like I wanted. Unless it's a matter of a families survival, or they are buying nefarious items, why should your kid be told what they can purchase with money they earned. My ex always treated our kid's hobby he is still passionate about, the same way, he's turned it into his own business now, and he hasn't spoken to his mother in years. Let your ex make h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:27 PM
3

For every holliday she left enough decorations to decorate three or four houses easy. She hadn't put any of them out in many years, but she wanted every single one of them. As part of the divorce i went through the countless tubs of crap in the attic, a good 20 or 30 percent were never opened or used. There were clothes with tags, and so many clothes she "out grew, (a walkin closet full). She moved out two years before I divorced her, I asked over and over to let me bring her all the crap she le…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:54 PM
4

They were a week late serving my then wife. I let it slip out when she got nasty about something. She refused to answer the door, hid from the server on multiple days. Eventually, her lawyer just said, okay we will consider her served. I'm guessing the right answer is carry on and don't fix her mistake, let her lawyer take care of it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:17 PM
3

Yeah, we had lots of empowerment, and yeah I was never perfect. My ex is bpd/npd, the kid and I are no contact with her. She was not invited to the big graduation last weekend, but her mom and aunt were. So with little warning my GF and I hung out (at a little cake party) with my ex MIL and ex SIL. I hugged them and wished them well. All I can figure is they are hiding it from my ex because she would go nuclear, and All I'm doing is what's best for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:11 PM
5

What do you think that happiness is about? I think its pressure from all the other women claiming happiness * they don't really have. I was off social media, when I looked though my then wife had liked over years all these passive-aggressive sayings about toxic behavior that if anything they applied to her. She was painting her picture as a victim so she could tell her own happily ever after. Seems to still be a WIP
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 05:12 PM
6

I suspect this is (both before and after the male AP that i discovered). Lesbianism doubled since 2012, that doesn't sound like evolution or randomness to me. It seems logical, too, If media/society puts males down enough while simultaneously praising pretty much everything females do ... yeah, weak minded people will be affected by that. If she is sleeping with women, she definitely isn't enjoying it in the ways that I am.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:50 PM
1

Sure, you're welcome. Mountain biking is great too, i did it for a little while. If I tried it again, 10 years later, I would get the e-version to help out with the climbs.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:37 AM
6

Running is to total bliss once you get conditioned for it, but don't try and start by running. Get a good walking base distance established and slowly start increasing your speed. Read on form and when it feels better to run slow than than to walk fast, start working running in to your distance. You need the conditioning to be spread out so your bones and ligaments strengthen and you dodge the overtraining problems.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 11:47 PM
4

She was holding out filing until the kid aged out of child support. She had moved out and was in YOLO mode, while i put him thru college etc. I found out about her AP and filed. I think her new employer did too, she was fired for reasons I never heard. My threshold should have been her moving out, or just the general disrespect the previous decade.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 08:24 PM
4

My EX cluster B cleaned out the accounts, so i would lock those down. She also hired an Uber exspensive lawyer and executed lies, slander, and threats at their maximum. In the end i paid to end it sooner vs rolling the dice on a judge slicing off a chunk of my retirement. The revenge you want is getting this toxic person out of your life. Not needing closure, understanding, or anything from her, including pain. Mine will never be happy, she can't be, why do i need to add anything to that. The en…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 05:41 PM
4

"When we agreed to open the marriage". Whose idea was it? That's just code for " I'm going to fuck other people and I'd like to not feel guilty or not hide it". I Hope that you also got a jump start on a new social life and are talking to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:13 AM
3

Mine kept threatening to show up, demanding the new key-code, and did show up once. She had been gone over a year, living at a new address, and paying nothing. We were getting ready to request exclusive use of property during the divorce from the judge, to put an end to it. We finally got her lawyer to call her down after she walked in, trying to bust me with someone.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:50 PM
5

I'd like to hear an argument why it's not already done by default. I mean they require vaccines, draft, fingerprints, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 04:59 AM
5

I'm not sure she didn't jump to Stacy next.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 01:41 AM
2

Yeah, I filed, but I let shit drag on until she was cheating, moving out, and robbing me and the kids college fund. I Should have pulled the plug when I knew it would never get to ..well what i deserved. I would have done it sooner if I knew i would be living like this (even with the money hit). If it's not going to get better, do your homework, prepare and talk to lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 01:36 AM
15

I think it was after mine got dumped by chad, she says to me, "who knows, maybe we get back together one day". Are you fucking kidding, if i only know one thing, that would be it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 11:27 PM
1

Very solid and well stated, especially the regret for not pulling the trigger years earlier. My wife threatened divorce regularly, I'm sure it was another parental imprint on her. Gambling addiction, npd/bpd, and just abuse, marriage keeps people stuck in these bad situations.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 05:18 PM
2

Wow, "violated" that's way crazy. I remember telling my ex when she seemed to be withholding, "You can sleep with me, or I will go find someone who wants too". Hindsight, I should have anyway. I had the gentle and caring part down too, it was the throw them on the bed and take charge part I have had to work on. Some of what my GF likes, my ex would have probably called the cops on me for. A good partner, though, is going to be patient and understanding of where you are coming from. Evolution wil…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 07:32 PM
1

She will probably "realize" how much she loved you when she is sitting at home looking at her friends' pictures from vacation in the future. I agree that marriage is broken beyond repair, and no one should enter into it. My wife made it clear her goal was to remarry, and she seemed to insist mine was too. Definitely, some women walk away when you tell them you will never repeat that mistake, I just see those as the wrong person for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:56 PM
3

Yeah, I hadn't been with a different person in almost 3 decades, so i get that. If you're done with having kids, I recommend a vasectomy. Mine came with a cialis script that definitely doesn't hurt either. Being with someone who really wants you is so much better than marriage (lol).
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 05:19 PM
4

Singing... karaoke. My GF was into it on apps and really good. I got her to start doing it live. Eventually, I also got the confidence to go onstage. Definetly ive improved a lot. Also started playing around with sequencers and midi for some creation/learning. Also painting and drawing which I've got more invested in. Which brings me to my other post-marriage renewed interest, sex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:46 AM
10

She wanted you around until she was sure that she didn't need you or had secured/identified a replacement. Social media, divorcing friends, lots of input pushes people towards building narratives that help them feel good about doing thing X eventually. In the end , my wife couldnt tell me what was her issue with me (changed everytime i asked), What it was was, is that she thought she could do better. She started thinking this when her marriage busting friend divorced years ago and remarried up. …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:06 PM
6

Dont talk to her, you are right it is nothing but pain to do so. She isn't who she was, she is focused on herself now and you should probably do the same. Cut her off, she can go find a gf to chat up. You should too, at the least give her some of her own medicine.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 12:07 PM
5

Those posts aren't for you, they are too paint a picture for the present and future people in her life. Mine would go like all the poor victim passive aggressive stuff that didn't apply to her and then off to like her AP's bs that ultimately got her caught.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 11:41 PM
4

Personally, I'm not deleting pictures with my kid in them, in fact I haven't thrown away or deleted anything related to family pictures. If I want to walk down memory lane, I do it. I live in the house we built and shared for years, so i think I had to get over the memories thing quickly. Now I look at her old images with apathy and maybe a bit of pity for the wreck she made of being a wife and mother.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 08:57 PM
3

It's not about does it happen, it's about how often it occurs and why. I'm sorry for your situation, but recognize that it is occurring much less often than the statisticaly supported societal trend of women thinking they need to level up, go find themselves, and yolo off into the sunset.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 07:04 PM
2

That was how I felt, I will not let you turn my son into another abuser like your parents, siblings, and even grandparents. Great explanation also, a lack of empathy, no unconditional love, and a need to control everything is a good description of what the far end of the spectrum looked like to me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 06:23 PM
3

I Was also married to a borderline with a kid. There is a limited amount you can do, and honestly, it sounds like you have been doing it. My kid knows, I'm always thinking and acting in his best interest, he knows i love him unconditionally, he knows i will be there for him when he needs me. He started NC with the ex at least 3 years before she moved out. She was verbally and occasionally physically abusive towards the goal of controlling everyone and everything. It's clear our son has no desire…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 05:46 PM
1

Now you know her true colors, so use it to build the attitude you need to move forward. Mine stole the kids' college fund and went and got herself a nice place for the 805 numbers and a bf for validation. Karma with her kids will come, just give her the apathy she deaerves.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 06:48 PM
3

Different, but Yes. My ex over disciplined, it was about her control, and it quickly turned abusive. She would say different styles, i would contest that her's was wrong, and a product of her own abusive childhood. It went back, and her own mom was abused in the worst way. She even admitted in front of her therapist that she thought slapping a teen in the face was acceptable in some cases (ffs). Without my support, she just checked out until the point that I was pretty much a single parent from …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 01:11 AM
5

Sorry for what you are going through. I spent decades also married to a functional undiagnosed borderline. She picked the image she wanted to present to the world, and then she pretty much executed the opposite at home. She was constantly controlling and threatening, and at some point, that just starts to look like a person of low character with poor upbringing. I tried for so long too, to understand to get beyond her walls to the core of whatever stunted her mental development. It got worse wit…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 06:29 PM
4

As a kid, I had a good stepfather, and I also had a great father who was in my life and more like me in most ways. We are and have always been very close, in the end it did not matter that I saw him less often when I was young. Your kid's need you, and not just in their life, but they need you to be okay. Forgive yourself so you can let go of it and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:06 PM
1

If i didn't agree with her heavy-handed approach, then I was just trying to be his friend. I Guess she was shooting for being his enemy because that's how it turned out Goid luck with it
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 01:19 PM
3

Move. I lived in a trailer after my parents divorced. It wasn't great, but it was better than a nice house with parents who didn't get along.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 08:23 PM
3

My job involves tackling hard problems and not giving up. I often have succeeded because of persistence and a refusal to quit trying. I realized at some point that I had pretty much handled my marriage the same way..ie just keep on trying. It was a mistake, and I regret what I lost because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 08:20 PM
2

I'm sorry your kid's are stuck in this and your wife can't prioritize their mental well-being being over her own issues. I wish I had advice, it sounds like you are documenting and doing what you can. Usually, I wish I had divorced my crazy ex a long time ago. The only redeming element was that I avoided this type of crap.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 08:11 PM
7

Her married friend cheated with a married man and then married that guy. My ex got dumped after her maaried guy divorced, aww.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:40 AM
8

Mine moved out four years ago now. Now, I know she was playing me, but I was regrettably a simp up until I discovered her old AP evidence. Then fuck her, I filed and i was a mess for six months or so. Started dating, realized how fucking easy it was to do better than her. She was as abusive and greedy during the divorce as she was in marriage. It will be a year December divorced, the kid is no contact, and we both have her blocked. I wish she would move away like she was compentplating once. I d…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 06:17 PM
2

She burnt that bridge with dynamite. Stole money, cheated, lied, left me fully supporting kid, and then stole more money. I warned her beforehand what her lack of mercy would cost her, and I reminded her when I handed her the check. She said, "i can't believe you would throw away all "... I said "believe it" and walked away. She said once during early divorce that she would consider me dead after we divorced, so that's where I am with her. I got to enjoy some of her turmoil towards the end, this…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 05:10 PM
5

This is what my ex wanted (or thought she would get) from me as she went about pursuing her new life plan. When I started dating, those women wanted strong assurances that I was fully over my then stbx. It's normal to go through these stages just don't get stuck such that you delay your future happiness and having a better version of the things you are missing now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 03:56 PM
2

Whatever happens in the moment with the kids and change is a smaller issue, they are going to much better off long-term by not being raised in the environment you described.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 09:19 PM
2

Past unresolved trauma, controlling, etc sounds like possible cluster B dusorder stuff (functional bpd / npd). I would look at the dsm list as a starting point t Also, I don't know if it was the hormone replacement drugs or the menopause but my ex's personality changed some for sure *during/after menopause. A buddy had the same escalations and changes with his wife at the time. I'm almost positive my ex took and continues to take one that has testoerone in it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 05:13 PM
1

I don't even have to tell my son that he shouldn't marry, he saw first hand his mother take every penny and come back with the help of lawyers for more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 04:16 PM
3

Yeah, she sounds horrible. So what is stopping you from doing what you want with your house, dog, and kids. Cut her a$$ off, I bet she will stop worrying about where the dog sleeps.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 07:32 AM
2

You described a grown woman with young kids prioritizing shit like being an influencer, over a mother and wife. Do you have your own list of how she doesn't make you happy, where she fails you, how your ideal partner would treat you? Go hit her with that instead of jumping through hoops she really doesn't care about.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 04:24 AM
3

Yes, it is. I recently had to re up the cialis that my urologist had written at snip time. Mid fifties men getting vasectomies, he knew what was going down. My old guy GP said " okay cialis for some ED". I did a "well, no i dont have any problem there (long awkward pause) I just like it." He was frowning as he wrote it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 09:14 PM
10

My post marriage assessment is that you get back what you put in. With my ex, sex was about her, she needed only show up, make herself available, and change positions a few times. Maybe a birthday or father's day might get some detectable change in behavior. Mostly it was about how she felt about the most important thing in the universe, herself. When she decided my opinion didn't matter, she went elsewhere for the validation she required. My GF of the last year plus, by contrast, is putting on …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 07:18 PM
1

It's so true too... the only thing I got for that money was her legally removed from my life. My ex moved from functional borderline to more covert narcissistic during our marriage. She did pretty good when he was a baby, but his independence triggered a control battle that never ended. She never delt with her own bs mother issues, so it was her turn to be the asshole once she had a kid. The dynamic of parenting with a controlling abusive parent is that the other parent ends up having to counter…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 05:42 PM
4

He came up with it, he was right too, she couldnt escalate if you didnt respond. For a period aftrr she moved out i encoraged him to respond to text, etc. It stressed me out, especially under the same roof and her trying to force it, constantly. My ex is bpd/npd, no contact is the only solution, ive enjoyed 8 months of it since i bought my freedom back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:47 PM
9

Yesterday I bought my girlfriend a gift, it cost 7 dollars, she was sooo happy about it. In general, She is happy to see me, cares what I think, and is constantly wanting me. I ve had the vasectomy and she is happy with never getting married again. We get 3 or 4 nights together every week and the rest of the time to ourselves. It's been pretty incredible for a year and a half. I'm wrapping up college with the kid now. He is doing great, and by his choice, no-contact with his borderline mom for m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:31 PM
3

It's a discovery process and ypu are also allowed to send your own list of questions/requests. Your lawyer should be on it, unless he's a lazy sob like mine was. It goes on until some specific number of questions are reached or the questioner is satisfied. It was nothing but an attempt at slander and dig at random accusations by my ex. For example it was no longer that she had forgotten her gmail login, but I must have hacked her account...lol. Sounds like they are using it as a scare tactic dum…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:55 AM
3

Mine wasn't this bad, and she wasn't all that strong. I could see it coming and generally just hold her off (or her hands) until she walked away. I did always feel that if she was a man that she would have been much more physically abusive, because she would have been more successful with it. In his early teens my son said to me," if she puts her hands on me again, I'm going to put her down." This was terrifying and I convinced him that she would use that against him and that we would both be he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:43 PM
5

It took some time. It helped to get rid of her crap, to rearrange things, to eventually have another woman's stuff in what were her spaces. The GF and I usually split weekends between our places. I've got new and better memories that occupy me now. The benefit is that I raised my kid here, it's never stopped being home to us.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 02:16 PM
1

If there are specific things you can do about those things, then sure put them down. If you are on top of your life (I wasn't during some of my divorce), then figure out new things. Started and continue to do acrylic pour painting and karaoke since divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:02 PM
3

It went like this for me. I'm going through a divorce. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. (Me smiling), don't be, it should have happened a long time ago. Then you notice a few people aren't relieved. You'll will tell some people that will be envious, HeLL I would have been.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 06:43 PM
2

Probably your comment was missed by anyone who feels legaly confident to answer. If you are legaly divorced then I heard from a judge friend it's very difficult to get those terms changed. I don't know about child support, I assume similar unless some massive change since signed. It might help to fill In a little more detail
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 06:32 PM
1

Make a list. Number it hold yourself acountable. Start with whatever you are letting slide that's depressing you or causing anxiety. I had divorcenon mine.. lol Maybe Start listening to more angry music, revenge music. It was lyrics born and the heavy for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 06:10 PM
3

Yeah... mine wanted to move out and set up her FWB rotation before filing. They don't tell us these things, they say "find themselves, or pursue life plans" and Im sure even in their mind it's more harlequin romance sounding. You need to just resolve that their may be background players on social media etc and not take a departing woman at her word. .. I was gaslit repeatedly before eventually finding the truth for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 06:04 PM
1

So what are you going to do with the realization, that you are standing in your own way, that you don't want to be happy? I've had the martyr mindset, I get it, but the people/person you want to care or notice, arent going to. Heros get credit for their acts, but not bonus points just for needlessly sacraficing their own happiness and choosing to be miserable. It's not really the day the papers are signed or filed, it's the day that you stop wanting anything from them and start prioritizing your…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 05:39 PM
2

Beyond infuriated, fixated on it being in the public record... you know, the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:20 AM
4

Mine threatened it always over anything. I wish like hell the first time I had gone and got papers and told her she wouldn't get an option if she ever said it again. At least I got to be the one to file... fault too
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:13 AM
3

Mine loved to bitterly say... I bet you are going to make a great partner to someone one day. Right she was. She also liked to tell me I worked too hard, or that I never went to work. Eventually after the millionth criticism of my parenting, I realized that if she ever agreed I should treat it as a red flag. Don't trust their judgments, especially if you don't believe it to be true.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 05:54 PM
4

I've never seen this before. I'm left feeling like this would be broadcasted constantly on all media formats if the numbers were reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 09:18 AM
5

In my opinion, it's more about the validation and attention than the libido.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:45 AM
1

Society needs to start holding CPS accountable. Constantly, I see some story come out and you hear that CPS had been there 40 times or some insane number. This should be the one agency that we don't tolerate the government's normal incompetency in.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:08 AM
1

Well, Lots of people with psychological issues go into the mental health field. Sounds like cluster B disorder crap to me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:00 AM
6

Maybe something like.. I didn't marry you to be a roomate, work with me to fix this while that is still an option. I'd be surprised if you can force change, but at least you know that you did what you could. Think about the environment you will be raising your kids in, the demonstration of love between parents they will see. It's a no-win situation, and you deserve to factor your own happiness into that equation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 07:36 AM
8

I continued to live in the house that we built and lived in for decades.... everywhere I looked were memories coming back it just went on and on. Yeah, I felt like I was living with a ghost. I knew the answer for me, new fresh memories in this place with better people. She is still a ghost, but she doesn't haunt me in the way she did.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:08 AM
0

and you leave the 40ish women for us mid 50s guys, works out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 04:49 PM
7

And almost everything is social media or at minimum a down low communication channel.. pintrest, flicker, strava, wow, etc etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 06:27 AM
3

Mine had cheated, after I got through all the self pity stuff... I just started going out, meeting younger women who were fun to be around. I needed it. The divorce took forever, I celebrated with my GF before and after signing the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 12:15 AM
15

At your age, I would have felt about the same, but it ended up becoming a hell I was trapped in. Now I love a different woman and I'm closer and more intimate with her than I ever could be with my ex. There's a saying I've heard, that women would rather men be dead than weak. I think there is some truth to that, in its not good if they think they have the power to destroy or lead you emotionally or otherwise. Men want to provide it all, but we end up giving away some of the things that attracted…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:02 PM
6

ALL you need to show is that you care only about it with respect to your daughters. My GFs mom was basically your ex... she is no contact 4ever now with her mom (kids grow up and remember). Your ex will find out her ACTUAL value when she shoots for that next ring.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:30 PM
5

Hey, it's one of the perks of divorced parents.. personal experience here. Seperate 4 sure, save the together for graduation
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 05:49 PM
8

I probably could have avoided my entire shit show marriage if I would have just insisted on a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:36 PM
1

4 months after filing, less than a year after discovering her AP.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 04:43 AM
2

Major mental issues as in qualify for disability? Courts, unfortunately, key off precedence. So they will often by default just look at the level of support lifestyle you have been providing. Secure your finances, mine cleaned out our savings before moving out. You are in a state that allows at fault divorces, but that can still come down to the lawyers and judges you end up with. I would talk to a local lawyer but not alert the spouse to it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:01 PM
1

Narcissists aren't people with strongly formed opinions, self-confidence, and pride in their efforts, they are people focused on control, lacking empathy, and incapable of admitting it when they are wrong (in the present).
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:30 PM
2

That sounds like personality disordered thinking (bpd/npd)... I delt with it for years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:14 PM
13

Mine feel apart during the dep/heard trial she was 💯 on amber heards side and distraught at how that was going when amber's bs manipulation came to light.. Our last fight was her screaming because I was watching it and laughing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 12:28 AM
15

Instagram... (her open recommendations to his open narcisst page) then the pieces fell together like a giant puzzle. If shit don't make sense... there is a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 12:20 AM
8

Welcome to your better life, Brother. It's full of whatever you want from it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 12:16 AM
3

i pitied my ex for years before i divorced her. she made her life a shit show by her constant bad decsions. She blammed me or someone else for everything that went wrong..still i felt bad for her. And She got a lot more back than she ever put in. i got over it all when i realized how little she cared about me or my happiness. I remeber reading something once along the lines of..." I didnt realize the unpayable debt i incurred the moment i met you".
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 08:56 PM
6

I knew I would never get closure (only gaslighting). She is a cheating, lying, deadbeat mom with virtually no redeemable qualities that aren't faked...so I don't care what she thinks. During the divorce, she found out I had followed her template and moved forward with my own AP. It fucked her whole plan of leaving me broke, lonely, and miserable. Instead she saw from her spies and spying, young attractive women who wanted my time and attention. In the end it was her desperate for closure and try…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 06:23 PM
2

I agree. OP should look into codependency, fleas, trama-bonding, etc, that are associated with relationships to personality disorder people. It might help explain some of what he is feeling. The important part is to forgive yourself and start healing. Normal relationships are sooo much better, but it takes work on yourself to break the years of conditioning.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:41 PM
2

I agree that failing to learn from mistakes is a big failure. My point was that the Op shouldn't feel like a failure if he got out of a bad marriage... that is a win.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:14 PM
5

Being in a bad marriage is a failure, regardless of what any outsiders think. My biggest regret today is not leaving my abusive ex sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 01:21 AM
5

They start to change when the ring goes on and they finish when it comes off. You see the true nature of the person you married in divorce court.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 01:02 PM
6

Mine had a meltdown over her hoarded decorations. She even put the crap in the divorce settlement. I had an attic full of crap, a lot with stickers that had never been put out or opened. She straight got that crap from her mother, the horading... my ex was too lazy to put it out if she wasnt going to get attention from people that mattered (ie not us). I took her a truck load jammed full and she was still ranting over dollar store candlesticks she thought my GF had put out (that time she broke i…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 08:11 PM
6

It can be hit and miss, and it's easy to get self-conscious about the whole thing. The more you are at ease, the more likely it is you will have a good time. The first girl I went out with worked at the bar I was frequenting and approached me. Before that, three women had asked me to take their picture, I said sure as long as I get one with them too. They were drunk and posing it up like they were all out with me. Talked to them the rest of the night and i got a lot of mileage from those pics. D…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:34 PM
1

Mine had been gone long enough (>1yr) so I could and did change the locks. She pushed the issue at one point during divorce and I was about to petition the court for exclusive use during the divorce.. which I would have gotten. I put a sign on my door informing locksmiths I was the exclusive resident and did not give consent to then stbx. Also That they would become involved legally if they let her in. I forgot to lock the new lock one night and woke up to her standing over me the next morning..…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 12:53 AM
2

How is she stopping by and snooping? change the locks. Get a digital pad.. easy to change if needed. She is not on your side, so stop engaging as others have said. Your pain is likely just another ego boost for her, so stop giving her anything. Leak it out that you are enjoying your weekends and having fun...she will be insisting you take the kids before you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 08:37 PM
5

Personality disorder IMO equals GTFO. You might survive, but you won't be living. You deserve a better life than managing and suffering-from someone else's disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 07:03 PM
5

Change is hard to do, and a lot of people can't or won't. Baby steps in the directions you want are a good way to start. If that leads to momentum and branching out, you are probably on the way. It takes repetition and some initial commitment to adopt new things. Going out alone for example, was scary the first time, then less so every time, until pretty soon I would look forward to it. Walking became running, which I loved until the knee wouldn't let me anymore. It took longer for me to enjoy l…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:37 PM
6

Did not return or acknowledge a "happy thanksgiving" and a month later "merry christsmas". Two and a half decades of those together, the christsmas one sent me mentally to ... you have a nice life
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:59 AM
13

It sounds like you are being played. My ex said that shit to me way before I filed (but after she had moved out). She wants to know you are an option if plan A fails. You know if she doesn't find someone that will commit who has more money, is better looking, and basically makes her friends jealous. Do you really want your ex back after she's had a go at upgrading? Also, you owe anyone you are seriously involved with better than entertaining a backup plan yourself. Stop entertaining her outside …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:51 AM
6

I read something interesting years ago, " our kids see and/or hear our fights, and then we go makeup in private quietly. We don't show our kids the important reconciliation part of the process, just the disfunctional part. In addition to what you describe, I see men foregoing a lot just to avoid the conflict. They just give in, give up, shut up to keep peace, only to lose respect from their partner and for themself. I'm usually thinking... I couldn't do that and you probably shouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:32 PM
13

I'm not doing wife thing again, ever. So to me the question is GF vs GF. My ex would have moved on rather than stay a GF, so the new GF wins that she is here for me and not some security/retirement plan. She also has treated me better, likes who I am, and has been better company. We are both trying to make this work, but it hasn't all been easy and we both have some bad conditioning from past relationships. The year plus with my Gf has been much better than any of the 28 with the ex. She is inqu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:19 PM
2

GF>wife. Exactly !
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 08:36 AM
2

My son is the thing I did here on the planet that matters. I've got a productive high-end career mostly behind me ... but meh. By the time he was a preteen, She was horrible, abusive to us both, trying to imprint her own childhood abuse onto my kid. I found myself in a situation much worse than a single parent. He refused to speak to her way before she moved out. At one point the stress, lack of sleep, and an added sports head contact and I ended up with post concussion syndrome (i wanted to die…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 08:32 AM
1

Wow... good for you. Thats makes my 15yr age difference seem a lot smaller. The girl I was dating and spotted with by the exes friends was 25 year difference.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:56 PM
3

Simillar story, her BPD was comorbid with NPD ..kid stopped talking to her at 16, over 7 years ago. She moved out to pursue an affair that fizzled quickly (sorry, but we can both do a lot better than you). When she found out about my young GF... it definitely fucked her up even more. She wanted me miserable as much as she wanted me broke. It was clear when I handed her the check... I was in celebration mode.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 08:13 AM
9

Yeah, I had something similar happen with unsolicited bjs and love bombing... as soon as she thought I was back and not running... it all returned as it had been. Keep prioritizing your needs and goals...trust what you already know, not what you are being shown in desperation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 07:17 AM
1

So you are married on paper to a roommate. File for your freedom, and go pursue the relationship/life you deserve. I put the shit off, and I have misery and wasted time to show for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:52 PM
2

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference” -Elie Wiesel,
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:54 PM
22

These are early on things I wish I knew to prevent what happened. Educate yourself on cluster B personality disorders and know the stages/signs of being in a relationship with them. Do not think you will fix it or be able to tolerate it. Do not think you have to or need to get married to be in a serious committed relationship. Its just a contract with the state that can destroy you. If you are pressured to do so... run. Keep your finances separate and under your control. Do not provide a lifesty…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:23 PM
2

A long-time female friend of mine walked in on her newish husband in their bed with another woman ... her divorce was unaffected because she didn't have hard evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:52 PM
3

These are all classic personality disorder behaviors, just pointing out for those those that might not be aware.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 11:22 AM
6

I paid a lot of good money so I wouldn't ever have to ever talk to her again. So I'd just send her a sex video collage with my Gf doing all the things that she loves to do to/with me. It would kill her to know what my life is like now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:42 AM
1

No, cialis does nothing for the male orgasm side of things in my experience. i convinced my Gf I don't have to orgasm every time to enjoy it. She is good with all perks of the combination and content now that I still very much enjoy it all regardless of any outcum (sorry, i had to). Ocasionally its easy (usually next morning) other times I exhaust myself while she churns them out like an assembly line.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:51 AM
2

She pretended to lose it so she wouldn't have to list it on the asset list
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:06 AM
4

When I was in school long ago, a lot of the pretty girls (that got showered with attention) wouldn't have anything to do with engineers because they couldn't give them the time and college party experience. I remember thinking, when your frat boyfriend starts managing a Payless shoe store, don't come around looking for me. Also, I started telling them all that I was a buissiness major.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:04 AM
2

I just went out, quiet often alone. If I talked to or danced with a woman it was a win. I was trying to do sonething about it at least, which made me feel better than doing nothing. Same with OLD, I was talking to women and maybe learning a little (new to the market). Eventually It started paying off and getting easier, the confidence built with each positive interaction (im pretty sure women can smell either confidence or insecurity). Now guy friends... you got me, I think I made one in the las…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:51 AM
2

Congratulations and cheers. It just gets better and better I felt relief kick in about four months after filed. No matter what happens, the kid nor I will ever have to suffer any of her abuse again. A year later, I had my finger on the button, the minute she walked in the bank for her payday... blocked for life. That felt so good. She seriously thought she would get to keep interacting with me after all she did (left, stole, cheated, etc). This weekend, I tossed away more crap that she didn't wa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:26 AM
4

Not sure exactly, but it's a negative number. I'm almost positive though he had moved on to younger pastures before I even filed. She actually groomed him while he was divorcing as it was his stbx's tracker connecting to my wife's phone that got her busted.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:53 PM
1

For me, meeting new people even casually definitely helped to pull me out of whatever ruminating darkness I was in. I really don't think there are universal answers on the right timeline. I felt i had wasted too much of my life on her to give her anything more. I started going out and dating about 4 months after I filed. Filling happened when i discovered her AP (we were seperated already). What I realized quickly from the new female engagements is how far down my the stbx had worn my confidence…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:42 PM
5

Parents, brother, gf .... anyone else. It's more about a POC than a local physical resource. Imo
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 07:25 AM
2

I've got six siblings, I'm close to some and never see others. The reality was that During the harder stages of divorce, I could mostly rely on my friends and parents. Single children are usually different, my son has friends that range from his age to mine. He has always been comfortable talking to adults. He understands and respects the decisions I made years ago about more kids with his abusive mother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:27 AM
1

The Divorce rate goes up quickly with age, and it's women doing the filing mostly. And Do you even end up with a good relationship with the kid? Another dice roll. I love my kid and we are close, I don't feel like I missed out on anything by not having more.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:53 AM
7

It doesn't matter honestly, holding your current mindset does. Just Tell her you have a date, everytime she asks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:35 AM
1

IMHO (had my son around 32) you don't want to start much later (retirement/college for starters).
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:21 AM
12

During a divorce discussion, my ex said to me, well who knows, maybe one day down the road... we get back together. I'd rather die, I think was my general response. We are a backup plan, A security blanket, a baseline. And my ex (npd/bpd ) did screw me in the divorce to the maximum extent she could and get her tax free loot the quickest. It took a little over a year after filing, by which time I was soo over her. I have a great GF now and zero concern wtf is going on with the toxic ex.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:13 PM
1

My social network was near zero...but A mix of OLD and just going out (alone or with a friend) work well. There are so many divorced women (unironically).
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:30 AM
3

Staying, You could set a bad example for your kids by being with a partner like that. Don't set them up to accept less than they deserve, i worried i did that with my son (ive told him so). Them seeing you in a happy loving relationship is much better than watching a bad one happen with their mom. I've had a great committed GF for over a year, and we spend three or four nights a week together. I stopped the ex's withholding sex by letting her know I would go elsewhere, But my GF wants me all the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:15 PM
2

My ex mother in law is so covert. It took my ex a long time to reveal how abusive also her childhood was. My parents divorced but they never stopped loving me, her's stayed and gave her a bad reference model.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 09:51 PM
1

I watched both my grandmothers stay with bad husband's
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 09:11 PM
1

I think I took all of it in philosophically and just sorted it to my needs and objectives. I still wanted what I wanted in my failed marriage, to enjoy life and share it with someone likeminded. The TLDR for me was work on myself physically and mentally, be careful/educated on modern women, and just enjoy pursuing a better life. Focusing on the future and enjoying the present went a long way for me. Music.. Lyrics Born(chest wide open,shake it off, i changed my mind) The Heavy (how you like me n…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:07 PM
8

Caught mine with a long-term just friend (that she hardly knew). His fucking name went back for years, she tried to claim it was a different person with the same firat name, hobby, and career. Then he got divorced and realized what I did,... there are a lot better options out there than my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:02 AM
3

I sort of enjoy that she is reminded constantly of the people that she hates.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:57 AM
3

Yeah, mine did the same suffixed with the year she graduated... found her AP there, too. How she got busted
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:52 AM
1

I agree. I was below ground after I filed, but now i see the earths curvature. The last year feels more like a rocket ride even. I Worked on myself after the mourning.. found someone who I've had a great relationship with so far for over a year. It definitely helped me get over the past by looking forward to the future (a non marital future of course).
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 06:50 PM
2

Thanks for sharing. Your story shows that it doesn't matter where you start this, it's just about moving forward. I like what you said about getting past the past...it really is key.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 07:19 AM
2

Mine liked to say that I called her crazy in front of the kid and that's what ruined her relationship with the kid (for almost a decade). The truth is that she was having a breakdown, threatening us both, and screaming ... the kid needed to know this was not acceptable or normal and she was indeed acting crazy. (Npd)
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 09:51 PM
2

A vasectomy !
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 12:58 PM
3

Yeah, and you can't be in a good relationship with a bad person.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 03:05 PM
3

Yeah, this is what I wanted to say.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 03:57 AM
3

You were living those 10 years, raising a kid, eating, working, fucking. You don't have to look back on it as a waste, it was what it was then ...and now you get a chance to do something better. I kept our 17 year old adopted dog (and son), she had zero in taking care of either. She never fed or interacted with our dog much, but she did bypass cats and go str8 to her own big labradooldle. she screwed herself because she has no yard, and basically cock blocked herself on being away from her own h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 03:39 AM
5

The wound is fresh, take care of yourself ... your kids need you to. Get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 03:08 AM
4

I moved from hate to apathy. Probably going to have resentment until things get better financialy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:36 PM
3

Way to go!!.. the First steps are the hardest. i keep doing some math in my head like ... in the last year ive had sex equal to the last ___years of my marriage? Then i think the quality difference sort of makes the quantity comparrison irrelevant.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:30 PM
4

You have to do what she does and has done and put yourself first. Move towards your goals and change your mindset about her then the manipulation gets easier to resist. It wasnt long before i was convincing other women that i was over and done with my wife (while i was drawn out divorcing)... it was true and they were fully convinced.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:06 PM
10

Haha, I heard the "you'll make a nice partner for someone" shit over and over. It crosses my mind occasionally as it's been true for the last year. Listen to your gut, mine had an illusion of paradise with AP that fell apart after she moved out. I can't get the 1.5 years back that it took me to figure all that out while she gaslit and drug me through hell.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 06:38 PM
15

As the divorce rolled along slowly, I started living again, having fun, and mostly forgetting about her as much as possible. Her goal was always to divorce me and break me in the process. Everything changed when she realized I was dating and enjoying myself, that her inflicted pain could only be financial from this point on. I wish It didn't take me years to stop saying I deserved better and to make that happen by cutting her out of my life. The last time she saw me, she looked broken.. her AP l…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:17 PM
1

Turns out most all my emotional issues were from being married to and parenting with a cluster B nightmare. I do tend to sorta get a hold on my emotions first now, but yeah they are part of my healthy relationship. Definitely, they contribute to an overall closeness and understanding of each other. That said, my ex used any weakness ever presented as a weapon, it's a big red flag and I would rather find out sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:32 PM
2

I have friends who quit pursuing relationships, but they didn't quit wanting them. I think it's part of that ... You can't negotiate desire (including your own). I'm very glad that I wasted no more time on someone who was completely checked out. I'm also very glad for the healthy and much more fulfilling relationship I've had since my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 04:03 PM
4

If I truck along datung for a long time, not knowing where I stand ... I'm already out as far as a relationship. I agree, though, it has to be their idea to be exclusive. I'm just not interested in sleeping with someone thats actively sleeping with other people... apparently, that's what marriage is for.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:59 PM
4

Mine once brought up something pretty much trivial from seven years ago that i had never heard before. I laughed and said she missed the statue of limitations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:39 PM
3

Same here. Threatened to divorce for years every time she got mad or needed a threat. Pretty sure it was just more of her mom's bad behavior that she emulated throughout our marriage. I was over her quick because I was already alone through those last years.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:19 PM
1

That's how I feel... sorry for the next guy. I felt like I was living with a terrorist for the last decade.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 10:02 PM
2

Sorry about the GF. Yeah my ex stole our savings and left me putting our kid through college. Which is much harder now that I'm buying my house for a second time. Her fair share she said, after spending our money for years like she was royalty. The anger is now just financial, I don't give afk what she does today .. not my problem. She refused to show mercy and that will be her future when she reaches out about our kid or anything else in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 09:35 PM
4

Congratulations !
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 09:22 PM
1

That's how I felt when papers were signed, so long coming. I stayed to keep the kid safe from her bpd/npd abuse. Now she is in neither of our lives, and things are so much better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 07:08 AM
1

The chick I went out with twice before she asked to have my children....that convinced me quick. Yes, it very much improved my sex life... less volume, but a small price to pay overall. My doctor was basically winking because my age group is pretty much post menopause. He even prescribed some cialis, because ... why not.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 10:40 PM
1

Same thing here. At fault state, like you said the proof required is insane and still is not likely to matter. Maybe end up as part of grounds but unlikely a big factor in division. But filing fault was a bargaining chip for changing to IC.. I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 09:23 PM
1

Yeah, it was pretty great when my cheating ex's friends spotted me on a date with a woman 25 years younger and having a blast.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 09:11 PM
4

Congrats. No alimony for me, so I would mostly feel sorry for whoever was about to get an education on personality disorders.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 08:59 PM
7

I Found an awesome woman who actually likes who I am. She is happy not getting married (never again!), she is fine with two homes. Constant and wild sex with someone younger, funnier, and smarter than my ex. There are plenty of good women out there, but it takes patience to weed out the bad apples.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 08:52 PM
3

She was never that close to our rescue dog, never fed him unless I was traveling, and he was already old when she moved out. Maybe a year later (after buying a hundred house plants), she gets a big rambuscous labradoodle (popular). Immediately, she is in over her head, taking the dog out to pee, exercise, food, medicines, can't travel, etc. I can tell she is miserable, and I fully expect her to unload her dog if she hasn't already. The last thing she said about ours is that I should put him down…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:19 PM
4

Worked for me. There's not a lot of downside to meeting new people if you go in with boundaries established. I got a vasectomy six months after i filed, which was money well spent. The cheating from my ex really had me eager for her not to be the last person I had been with. I've had a GF now for about a year, time with her is so much better than it ever was with the ex (in or out of bed).
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 05:50 AM
6

Hooray for makeup and digital filters.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:13 AM
2

You're ready if you think you are ready. I dont agree with the, It takes this amount of time, one size fits all answers. I wasted enough time and energy on a person who never cared about anything but themself and their stupid image. Once I started dating, the ex lost any and all remaining hold on me. Simply put, there are better women to be had.. just don't marry them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:50 PM
1

I want to add that we unintentionally demonstrate to kids that it's okay to love toxic people, to not take care of yourself emotionally, to put yourself last. It's a bad message, and our actions are always stronger than our words. I've had this conversation with my adult kid, that I screwed up and showed him a horrible example. When my parents divorced (at 6) I remember being sad mostly because my dad was alone (in reality he was not). If I thought he was missing my mother it would have been eve…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 10:59 PM
3

I realized how unfair it was to me, how much of an obstacle she had been to my happiness, how I deserved better than i got. And in the end She couldn't return a "merry christsmas" ...cool, have a nice life. And I was right, life has become so much better, I've now had a great year with my hotter, smarter, funnier, and more loving GF. Mostly, now I feel bad that I didn't divorce the ex a decade or two earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:46 AM
4

I've started thinking that women want a husband, but they dont want to be a wife. Mines father paid zero, so I gave my ex the choice... big wedding or big honeymoon... (did the later)
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:39 PM
6

When I realized she didn't care what I did or who might come after me while she was rejecting me for extended periods. I realized in hindsight that she wanted me to cheat because she already was.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:33 PM
0

Defintly my marriage went from bad to worse when menopause came (a bit early, too). My ex got on strong hormone drugs that I think changed her for the worse. She is still on them long after menopause came.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 08:22 PM
3

Getting out there is what helped me for the things you listed.. self confidence, depression, etc.. I reached your point of being frustrated with my own inactivity.. started going out with friends, seeing bands sometimes by myself, as well as OLD. First chick that hit on me was a total mess, but she was young, smart, and exciting to be around. It definitely started a turnaround regarding my confidence and expectations for the future. All of it added sonething... if I went out and danced with a ch…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:21 AM
2

What does your son think about her? I put mine through college even though she stole the 80k we had saved for it. He has been no contact with her for quiet a few years... 2.5 in the same house refusing to even answer simple questions. Basically she treated him just as bad as she treated me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:45 AM
1

Becareful you can crash your metabolism if you push too fast for too long, exercise helps up to a limit. I did this years ago and started gaining weight on only a few thousand calories even though I was exercising daily.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:51 PM
3

Simillar... length of time with the npd/bpd ex. She just got worse with age, moved out towards the end of pandemic to pursue her "plan for 60". Left me raising our kid who wants nothing to do with her. She has been out of my life for two years, and my life has gotten so much better and more rewarding as a result. My biggest regret now is not divorcing her sooner. Forget the Sunk cost falacy thinking, it was a bad investment. Forgive yourself and go live the life you wished you could have had in …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:29 PM
2

I'm not going to continue to meet expectations of someone that doesn't care what mine are. I did enough of that in my marriage..
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:38 AM
1

I communicated my expectations, but I didn't state any consequences. I want understanding and agreement (which Im pretty sure i got), not compliance/control.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 08:29 PM
0

Yeah, to me it matters a lot. I've been in a good relationship that I hope continues. If it doesn't, it's been an awesome life experience so far that I wouldn't want to trade. I've also let things threaten my current relationship on a few occasions because I was overly emotional and/or making assumptions. In the most recent issue we had, I communicated my expectations... no demands made.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 05:43 PM
4

I remind myself that most relationships are temporary (we all sort of prove that point being here). Focus on enjoying and having a good relationship now, without so much pressure regarding forever. It helped me in the early phases. I don't like my expectations to be cast as insecurities. I have different expectations for dating than I do a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:36 PM
2

She also stole over 80k (most of our savings) when she left. We were paid off. But the taxes, maintenance, insurance, etc added up pretty quickly over 3 years. I settled because, it just wasn't worth the gamble, stress, and time to keep fighting an insane person and perhaps do better after legal fees. I wanted to on principle, though. They are advised by those that know to keep their expenses high... for the 8.05 filing. So when my ex moved out that's where she went ....a nice three bedroom apar…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:18 AM
2

I don't care how many men desire other men, it wouldn't alter my natural hardwired desire. I think it's just trendy and popular among GENz, more than a real sexual desire. Also, My gf has dated a girl in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:46 PM
3

Yeah, agreed. I asked for some financial compensation for putting (and continuing to) put our kid through college, nope. How about NOT using the 2023 home value, but the value when you left and never contributed another dime, nope. She just repeated, "I'm entitled to half" cause thats what her gfs and lawyer told her. Entitled should be her middle name. My GF sincerly thanks me for the things I do, sad that that seemed so unusual to me at first.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:19 PM
1

FYI, in case people aren't aware . They can go in and exclusively block YOU specifically from seeing anything they have liked, commented, or been tagged in. Source, done to me on facebook by ex. My ex forgot to hide her recommended on Instagram (enabled by default on private profile), found her AP with his wide open account. Then tracked how much activity was taking place between them from his follower/following rank. I confronted her at one point after the initial discovery, I see your rank is …
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 08:50 PM
19

The divorce really sorted out who is actually there for me when i need them, versus just verbalizing that they are.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:45 PM
10

My ex is abusive, I don't envy whoever is left dealing with her insanity. Mine moved on before I filed, and yeah there were a lot of feelings over the betrayal. But she can't be happy, and long term, no one else is going to be happy that is with her. I do wish I could be a fly on the wall when her problems with me all reoccur again with the next guy. The thing that pushed her out of my mind though, in terms of her current life, was just experiencing better people treating me right. I'm sure her …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:22 PM
1

no, i got the ten year old family dog, she had no interest in. She got a fancy labrdoodle even though she never fed, walked, or bathed our dog.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:38 PM
3

At one point i fought to keep a life that i would not go back to for anything now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 01:25 PM
7

i love women, but hate being owned by one. Been in a solid ltr for a little while. We may cohabitate one day, but not going to marry.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 12:54 PM
2

Congrats... had my last foreseeable interaction with x in Jan. It still feels like a weight lifted off me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:51 PM
10

It's critical with my current LTR or any future one... no marriage. Also, hard pass on any sub college age (home) kids, been there done that. I think marriage is poison to relationships (I understand the for the kid necessity, but kids are also hard on relationships in the long run). Like someone said above, so few marriages are actually happy. Everyone stays-motivated or moves-on until marriage gets involved.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:44 PM
3

I've been having crazy amounts of insane sex for almost a year with my young gf who is madly in love with me and okay with never marrying. I never have to see the ex again. Handed her the checks, refused to hear anything she said, blocked her the end of Jan.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 08:12 AM
2

If you're thru with having kids, vasectomy... I would move where you want to live and your kids will be happy wherever you are.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:31 AM
4

Defintly going out with and chatting up women helped my confidence. And younger women, who are more fun, interesting, and well...fun. I've been in a good relationship for not quite a year. She knows I'm never marrying, she treats me so much better than my ex ever did.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:24 AM
12

Once they hear the story of anyone getting back together.. it's a clear option for them (if they think like my narc ex). She said it to me at one point, who knows maybe one day?... uh I know 100% She brought up my Gfs after papers. Tracked one down from a car vin...lol. wrong chick. The age difference is her biggest problem, but wtf does she think I care what she thinks about that. Lol. She knows I'm being treated better than she ever could, and she's seen the bank statements to know what I've b…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 11:17 PM
2

Right. I understand that bipolar can be treated to some degree with medicine.... not so for a cluster B problems. From what I've read and seen personally, there is a tendency for it to get worse with age. My exs did, despite being in therapy for the last seven or eight years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:50 PM
7

My ex also had an abusive childhood (that she didn't disclose initially). Yours sounds like she might also have BPD or NPD (cluster B personality disorders..mine was co-morbid). When I found our that my ex's mom was also abused as a child, it dawned on me "fuck no you are not passing this shit down to my kid". For your mental sanity, divorce, learn your lesson, and do the best you can with your kids. My crazy ex made me a much better father than I would have been otherwise, I had no choice but s…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:10 AM
2

My cluster B ex was a nightmare. She never stopped threatening me, even after the papers were signed. She never stopped gaslighting me, even when she was caught in lies of infidelity and fraud. Her delusions leaked out prior to me filing divorce, she would find a better man...and if she didn't maybe we would end up together one day. I told her I would choose death before that happened. When she walked into the bank for THE check... our buisnnes was done, and I blocked her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:19 AM
5

I started dating again in my mid 50s after decades of marriage. It took a minute to get my confidence back up. It helped just seeing how many single women are out there. The woman I'm with now is 15 years younger than me. Personally i found much more age difference than that and the culture/gen/life stage stuff starts to be a bigger issue... or they want kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:06 PM
5

First v day since divorce, and First v day in a long time, with a person who is loving and caring. The ex was an obstacle to my happiness, only regret is not doing it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:48 PM
2

There are women who are okay with not getting married (again).
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:39 PM
1

When I found the evidence that contradicted her lies, I offered up a lie detector test. She never considered going, she knew she would fail hard.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:11 PM
1

Mine wants me as miserable and depressed as she is. So she keeps reaching out to tell me how horrible I am, to threaten me legally , control me ... its all to try and drag me down where she is. Today, the final loose ends are DONE, and she knows she is going to be blocked going forward. The end of her narcissistic supply. Honestly, this day is just as exciting as the papers getting signed. It's all been going on for the last week or so and just ramping up, pointless derogatory text, legal threat…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:51 PM
1

Grey rocking ?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:08 PM
3

My advice would be to figure out what you want, and start moving in that direction. At one time, i had a Sunk cost falacy mindset, I've invested so much of my life into this. And She drug my self-esteem down to all-time lows over the last years together. You have to let go of who they were (or who you thought they were) and face who they are today. Now I see her for what she was in the end, an obstacle to my happiness and mental well-being. It took me a little while, but my life is so much bette…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:02 PM
2

Same. I know her future as well as the future of her next victim, and I already feel bad for him.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 07:54 PM
2

I agree leaving is the best approach, unless you like gambling on long-shots. Mine only gotten worse with age, which I hear is common. Total wreck now post divorce. Could also be co-morbid (40% I think) with NPD. Mine was.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 04:37 PM
4

I made mine go to therapy years ago, ie I'm leaving you if you don't do this. She went for quiet a few years and still does, I think. She wasn't going though to fix her denied cluster B problems or really work on herself. Her first one said, "I'm not here to diagnose your husband , if you don't want to talk about yourself, please find another therapist". So she did, swapping them out occasionally for reasons I don't know. I think therapy has value if the person shows up to work on their problems…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 04:27 PM
2

My ex surprise moved out the day our son went off to college. At that point he had not spoken to her in over two years! She chose that time so she could claim to others that she stayed until the kid left (also to hurt me). It was very hard at first. I felt haunted by memories of her in this house we shared for so long. So I brought friends and dates over and made fresh memories with other people.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:02 PM
11

Chores were another scorecard for her. I told her many years ago, don't do anything for me or the kid if it means you have to bitch about doing it. So she quit doing anything that would benefit us (laundry, shopping...etc). In the decades we were married... she never learned to cook anything beyond dumping some cans in a crock-pot or skillet. I got really good as a consequence, and now my GF reaps the rewards.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:45 PM
2

After she left, yes. After I filed no. In my state, abandonment of the marriage is tied to sex.. it takes a year of none .. I'm pretty sure mine was aware and trying to cover herself. I eventually filed fault and abadonment of property and kid
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 07:50 PM
1

Mine found the words, 'parental alienation' and just latched onto it. Look up the definition I said, none of those things happened. It was an easy out for her to not be responsible for the years of mental and sometimes physical abuse against our kid. She also loved to like those passive aggressive fb post where people are blah blah blah ....I'm a victim of someone.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:42 PM
4

Yes... I was with a functional bpd/npd for decades. She drove the kid, and I even closer. He was not speaking to her way before I filed. He had anger for a while that I didn't divorce her earlier, he now as an adult understands that i regret that too. She pretty much lied, stole our money, abandoned the home for years and was ready to fight for more years in court (coming after my retirement and leveling threats of pointless slander). I sent her lawyer (she hired with our kids' college money) vi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:34 PM
4

I went out with a young woman who by the third date wanted to marry me and have my kids. I scheduled my vasectomy after that. At one point I thought, I needed a widowed woman who has been married forever...to just avoid all the issues. I've worked on myself and my insecurities a lot since then so that I can be in a relationship in the world as it is now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 06:00 PM
7

Great post. You earn your kids' trust, and you demonstrate the relationship you want with them. Everything else will fall into place.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:30 PM
13

At first, I wanted my ex's world to just become a shit show in the name of Karma and justice. My much better life now is the Karma being served. I made no posts, but I was seen by her friends out on a date with a woman roughly half her age. When her attorney pulled my account records, the sex shops, trips, and bars were all there for her review. It's great that I've told her nothing and she gets to discover it on the very social media platforms she used behind my back. My GF now is 14 years youn…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:12 PM
2

I think all you can do is demonstrate unconditional love, where you can. Let her know that you want to be a part of her life and how important that is to you. Even if you fail, you will know that you did what you could.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:14 PM
2

I wouldn't look at online dating as hookup only women. Yeah they suck, and don't fall for the pay wall or scammer crap.. but you can chat up women and work on your game. It's not like you are going to find a woman in 2024 who hasn't at least done online dating/ social media.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:59 AM
4

I looked this up *below. I remembered seeing it recently. Defintly, my wife's ex BFF's affair/divorce planted the seed and started my wife's own planning. That planning included collecting every divorcee she could find and friend on social media. According to a 2018 study by researchers from Brown University, Harvard University, and the University of California at San Diego, people are 75% more likely to get divorced if a close friend or family member has been divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:11 AM
13

No respect from her. Yeah, that's just the biggest flag of all. They paint you as inept and incompetent, and they are the hero of their stories.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:32 PM
5

Before the snip and using condoms it was a challange. With cialis and the right chic, I achieved impressive feats last year. My ex was always sort of awkward sexually, my GF on the other hand puts on wigs and costumes and pretends to be all sorts of characters. It does take a minute to unlearn the person you are so used to, and learn sexually the new person you are with..at least it did for me. But being desired like I am now, it's a big motivator
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:09 PM
6

My ex definitely got more than she deserved, and she is miserable AF based on her text. She wanted me angry, I'm not. She knows that I have a hot girlfriend, and she knows I'm having the time of my life despite her financial success. I know it ultimately doesn’t go well for her or whoever has the misfortune to get involved with her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:49 PM
10

Yeah, mine has no game and never will. I sorta wonder if she got a big meh response from her initial foray(s). Like you, I dont care, I really dont... I'm too busy enjoying everything I missed out on for to long.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 03:34 AM
7

Same here, My life is nothing like it was a year plus ago. My younger, smarter, funnier gf treats me better than the ex ever did.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 07:22 AM
11

I went out a few times with a woman who friendzoned me. I felt like you do, now. I'm seeing a much better person now who treats me great. It just takes time to find someone where everything is compatible.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:33 AM
1

To a large degree, they are scammy against men, and they are also full of scammers (most are obvious.. get ypu off the site, no local pics, etc). I just went with what was free at the time (hinge, fb) and refused to spend money for more.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 09:34 PM
3

She sounds like she might have a cluster b personality disorder... narcissist and/or borderline. Regardless it's not likely to stop.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 04:14 AM
0

Yeah, I went through the same thing after I filed. My ex had moved out and ghosted me. I started talking to two women (25 and 14 yrs younger). I've been dating the latter for over six months now, and it's been a really good relationship and good for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:59 PM
7

Well I stayed for the kid until he was grown. I did it because she Is abusive and I could not leave him unprotected even 50% of the time. He stopped talking to her years ago and is doing well with life in general. Sometimes, I read the custody bs going on here and I'm glad I stayed and didnt deal with those problems, and sometimes I think of what I endured and what i missed out on, and I feel regret for not doing it so many years earlier. The other regret is that I demonstrated to my kid, stayin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:41 PM
10

When my shit was moving towards less or no sex, I told her that I was not going that route ...even if she did. I have had sooo much more, and so much better sex last year than I ever did with my ex... I know whoever ends up with mine is going to have a lot bigger problems than the mediocre sex they may or may not get.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:28 PM
15

The stop having sex with you was probably your first red flag. I had the same cheating crap happen, mine was all over social media getting attention from men and guidance from freshly divorced women.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:12 PM
10

I signed up for online dating and just went out.. with friends and sometimes alone. ALL of them eventually paid off and I met people and had fun. Yes, online dating sucks but its where i think 40% of relationships start now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 04:33 AM
6

Right after my divorce was filled I went into my retirement portal and changed my kid to the benficiary. I feel better just getting her name off it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 09:29 PM
4

The only cringe part to me is the noise if others can hear (are at home). I'm an empty nest parent and my GF is loud and I've gotten louder, and it's hard AF to be quiet when someone else is in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:36 PM
6

I would say most I've listened to have been divorced. I do think at least the better content out there goes beyond entertainment and is useful and informative. The problem is stereotyping all women (or men, or race, etc) as just one thing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 07:33 PM
3

It did for me. Also, it is great to have all the things I missed (ie the ex didn't have or wouldn't do). Just being desired by someone is a great change. I don't remeber the last time my ex "dressed up " for bed or just spontaneously jumped me. Defintly both have happened more this year than my whole marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:03 PM
2

26yrs, 22 in house. she moved out over 3 yrs ago.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:46 PM
3

it can be good if they are memories of your kids. As far as the ex, ive since made better memories with better women....and none of that shit bothers me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:17 PM
2

You can add my case. A year or two later after she talked about a guy in her hobby group in a non typical way , I see that her and dude had been all over each other social media for quiet sone time, and he had been divorcing through a lot of it. What she failed to understand is that I'm not going to forget about a dudes name spoken in those tones even a year or more down the road. "I have no idea who that is" etc when I asked her . Turns out she knew all kinds of shit, including details about du…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 03:24 PM
3

I agree narcisst, and she sounds very much like my "ex" (ahh, that feels sooo good to say that word) and mine's attorney took the same approach as yours ...full on legal and slander assault based on ridiculous crap largely outside my control... like i can't pull retirement records from over a decade ago because the website doesn't have it to give me . I figured out a lot of her game plan l and jumped a few moves ahead of her and filed fault for her trangressions . All her misdeeds (theft of all …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 07:54 AM
1

You ain't wrong, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 01:41 AM
2

Thanks, and congrats to you as well. I guess my day took so long to come that everything had already been lost or abandoned that was shared. But my day was pretty awesome, I stayed over at my awesome GF's the night before celebrating with champagne, music, food and a nice fire. Signed papers and went back and celebrated some more with the really amazing GF (who I'm NOT going to marry btw, because, never fucking again). Had beers and great conversations with friends and family last night. The EX'…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 01:40 AM
2

In my state, it's apparently the dirty deed that defines abandonment of the marriage. I didn't know that and slept with her at her place. No sex for greater than a year is what I was told. I'm sure she knew it and what she was doing. As far as the house and someone leaving it permanently, it seems to be up to the judge/case here. Plus, that can get washed out with retirement value pretty fast. She knew it was stacked against her so she stole 100k (our savings) and hired the most expensive bulldo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 12:41 AM
2

If it's uswrs missing from all tvs I think it was deleted.. the Netflix access restriction didn't remove users just crippled access in my experience
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:43 AM
7

Thanks... I think I ended up closer to 70%. But she made a lot of mistakes. Stole 100k and abandoned the home and kid over three years ago. You are right, getting them out of your life is the victory
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:24 AM
2

It is valid in my opinion. The court even uses sex as the basis for abandonment. I think the phrase, " you can't negotiate desire," is also valid.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 06:42 PM
2

I'm dating a therapist. So, not all of them. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 04:12 AM
2

Not anymore, I'm much better now. The first stage was the realization that all that was actually over long ago. The second is the promise of better things with better people.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 06:04 AM
2

March 28th.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 10:01 AM
2

You will get a better plan B, it's pretty early still.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 05:44 PM
1

Way to go. It sounds like you are in a good place. I finally quit really caring about any of it... it's like a soul crushing force has been removed. The other day a friend I hadn't talked to in a bit was giving me the, "oh, I'm so sorry...". Yeah, well, don't be..there is only cause for celebration.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 05:22 PM
1

Yeah, she understands where I am and vice versa. It's just going to be casual. She says she finds me attractive, and I'm inclined to believe her. I've been working out hard and taking care of all the details. I feel like I've already proven something to myself regarding being ready to move forward. And I'm a little late, but the snip is on the horizon for me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 03:21 PM
2

Yeah, I'm in a similar situation. A woman 25 years younger gave me her number recently and has been texting and calling. Regardless of what else happens, my ego and self-confidence needed this boost after the last year or two. I also have definitely not been thinking about the stbx lately.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 07:32 AM
2

I'm in the same boat with my son.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 03:32 PM
12

It just takes a little time. My wife suprise left me the day our kid left for college. Shutdown was still on. The first week or two were rough, but now I do whatever, whenever, however, I want with no BS. It's easy to get used to.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 03:01 AM
1

If you feel therapy was helping you, run don't walk back to it. You have idealizing suicide, and she thinks the family eating out is more important than you getting help. She has let you know how little you mean ... it burns, I know.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 05:53 PM
13

I wasted years trying to save things after mine checked out. The harder you try, the weaker they will see you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 05:40 PM
2

This is a good post, but if she is BPD, he will never get real respect from her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 05:16 PM
1

I was guessing he was love bombed at first. No more need for bait once you're on the hook.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 04:41 PM
2

(Not op). The pictures my wife added were all within the last year or two. She is definitely self-absorbed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 04:38 PM
1

My stbx did exactly the same in her new place. I came over, and saw she had added five or six framed pictures of just herself throughout her house. She showed me and said, " what ? Is that weird".. "well....Yeah", i said. She is clusterB so i just figured that was the primary reason . However, the guy I later discovered she was chasing is into photography.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 04:27 PM
3

Meg myers' song Monster, has some great lines simillar to your post...my stbx was definitely triggered when she heard me listening to it.. "Oh, what it took out of me, to lay by your side". "My love.. too much, you're love...not enough". "What have I become, I'm a fucking monster, when all I wanted was something beautiful". https://youtu.be/GVQqZg5BisE
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 12:21 AM
2

As a kid (a few years older than yours) I looked forward to the routine we had with dad. He would grocery shop on friday, I got to pick out a mad or cracked magazine and give input to meals. Tacos, burgers, some fun, enjoyable food. Card games, TV shows, trips to the park, camping, helping with projects... a lot of it was cheap or free.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 09:51 PM
2

You guys aren't going to have much of a shot with my stbx, if you all throw out your wedding rings.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 07:25 PM
2

Congrats ! A toast to your future.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 07:10 PM
1

That's what mine was, the stbxs is four times that
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 04:09 AM
2

Pricey.? I figured out a little trick for closed Instagram, it didn't show messages, but it showed activity. It was enough to unravel the lies and catch her in them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 06:04 PM
2

I had to get off because of the side effects, but the first week, it was helping me. Like you said, I needed help moving from point a to b. Point a was an over emotional, overwhelmed, marginally functioning human. Point B was back on my game with parenting, work, and removing the parasitic tumor from my life. It's been three months, and the gym has been pretty much what I was left to work with. It's working, though. I look much better, feel better, and use those dark feelings to push out extra r…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:55 PM
3

Also 25+, filed two weeks after discovering her affair. My stbx thought it would be fun to move out the day our kid left for college (he was NC). I figured it was all part of her narrative for strangers, "I stayed until...". So my, "maybe this marriage will improve when the kid is off" thoughts, were quickly extinguished that saturday morning. I was numb those first days, realized pretty quickly I hadn't lived alone since college. It's been over two years... I enjoy the freedom, the peace, and t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 04:32 AM
1

Do you normally remember your dreams? Maybe you're just waking up more? Stress can do that but also supplements and other things.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 06:05 PM
3

I hope spotify is OK, youtube has edited version. This one's about the infidelity Chest Wide Open - lyrics born https://open.spotify.com/track/13Fe9MYHm6QyFQ4Mr1VvXa?si=LmXgfxpBQiqIuwnDm9Pm6Q&utm_source=copy-link A close second by him is..shake it off (bad dreams part 2).
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 05:04 PM
3

Hopefully not at current market value. I'm asking for value to be reflected at the time she abandoned it, over two years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 03:16 AM
3

We built on family land, when divorce would come up she would say my half of the house ...so little over a hundred k. I said subtract half college (2 years back CS). Nope. But now, fueled by the success story of her friends... it's half of everything I have that she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 02:19 AM
2

I was lucky, it went the other way with my son. To an extreme. She was getting slappy/pushy ( around 16) with him and he told me he was going to put her down . I told him he couldn't, that she could screw us bad if he did. So he went NC. He stopped talking to her for years while she lived here. My life was hell, trying to live between two angry people. When she moved out, I convinced him that zero contact wasn't healthy for him, so he sees her at Christmas and responds occasionally to her text. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 02:05 AM
2

I was looking for the bpd mention. Reading your description was ✔️ ✔️. The DSM list is a quick look. It ends in this sub anyway if your dealing with cluster B (and lucky).
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 01:41 AM
2

Sounds like mine trying to relive their youth. I've been going to bars to just get out and listen to mostly bad live music. For the most part, it's scary how the older drunk women behave. Well all the drunk women, but I don't expect to see older ones like the four that gave a free floor show last night... think strippers with their clothes on and a bit heavier.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 09:22 PM
1

Edit Wrong place
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 09:09 PM
2

Mine answered that question six years ago with her actions. New hobbies, clubs, gym classes, new friends, old friends, it just ramped up. I was home cooking, washing, chauffeuring, and raising out kid.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:39 PM
5

When my wife first left us, I took the pictures down, it was too triggering. I've since sat down on multiple occasions and gone through the old 35mm, and digitals. My best days, our families best days, I'm not going to give away those memories because she changed. I also realized that I need to walk a line for my kid, so now there are a few older happy family shots around the house . I'd put stuff in a digital archive or cloud and ignore it until a day in the future where you might feel like loo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:18 PM
5

I stayed in that mindset (work it out/ never fail/ never give up) for years, it was nothing but a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 10:52 PM
1

did you have clues or already know?. I know my STBX's prime Quest, but ive got grounds to wonder if she's run side-missions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 08:44 PM
1

no, not at filing. We still need to subpena bank records, but i know what i saw there. the infidelity i have little physical proof (thats the one, as i understand it that they barely care about or act on anyway - still, i dont think she can or wants to explain it all). if, she explained it away at the eleventh hour it would likely come off as mentaly cruelity for how she handled it. the rest are pretty undeniable CS, abandonment etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 08:33 PM
1

Infidelity, abandonment, back child support, misrepresenting money taken, there's a list. She was running the clock on me, waiting for the kid to age out so that I couldn't go after back child support (ie since separation). I didn't really know I was filing fault, or really, or what that meant, but she was stonewalling all discussions and had already let it slip she was going for the full 50%. It definitely did not go according to her plan. Having a public record description of her activities pr…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 04:34 PM
1

If you starting on the defense is good for her if she files fault, then why is the opposite not true?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 05:20 AM
2

That is fucking insane.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 04:35 AM
2

Mine went the opposite extreme. We adopted a five year old med size dog from the local nokill shelter, eleven years ago. He quickly became part of the family, helped raise our kid, just a great dog all around. When she walked out 2 years ago, that was that. I dated her like a fool off and on (along with others apparently) she never brought him up. Never said she missed him or asked about him, nothing. I would send pictures but it was, meh thanks. About six months ago, with 'off' moving towards d…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 04:13 AM
8

Hold on now, I don't like what you're saying about dogs. My dogs always want to see me, they don't want to live anywhere else or have someone else take care of them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 03:46 AM
9

All that fitness likely increased her sexual market value, premeditated or not she wants to capitalize on it. I don't see how you can NOT go no contact. She's on tinder FFS, her life is not something you want to be a part of anymore. Also, Her finding out about your social life isn't probably going to help you any.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 12:23 AM
1

I had a serial threatener, some threat leveled whenever shit was in the fan. She's cluster B so it was a big fan, and a lot of shit. So it progressed Divorce, kid, house, the more I had to lose the more she has to work with. You are right, I should have divorced the second time I heard IT (ie before the kid). She never actually meant it in the earlier days, but she did eventually. Specifically it became a lot more of a steady state when the adulterous BFF rolled into the picture. There were more…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 11:52 PM
3

That's what I told mine. No matter who wins, you will get what you want. Monkey branch away.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 11:04 PM
4

She likely was going to go on the war path no matter how you approached it. Mine said, " blah, blah, blah .. and that's why I'm divorcing you ". She didn't, I'm divorcing her. They don't want public record evidence that they were part of the problem. I had to file fault because she chose to ghost me whenever I tried to discuss terms and assets. NOW, she's agreed to try mediation. We will see, she hired a very expensive lawyer. The war path is nuclear, it was always going to be that way.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 06:24 PM
2

Some of it is just conditioning. It takes time for your mind to adjust to all the changes, and we are wired to be the protectors and providers. Give yourself some time, talk to your friends, family, therapist, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:40 PM
2

We both quit smoking cigarettes before we had our kid. Jump ahead like 12 years and some conflict that had nothing to even do with smoking. She's mad and wants to burn me with the kid (I guess). Your Dad used to smoke, she yells. Honestly why and what the fuck.. " Yes, we both did and it was very stupid." Super Psycho indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:18 PM
2

I started calling her friends what they really were, her wingmen.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:03 PM
5

Communication minimized to just the essential. Roughly
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 04:40 PM
17

im going to guess she might have dropped that divorce line on you because it came up when she went out with co workers. Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 06:07 AM
3

I've been trying to think of some red pill movies since you posted this. At First I think easy, clint eastwood, he didn't take shit from no one, then I remembered he was always risking his life for some poor widow or school teacher. So All I got Is, quest for fire ... *maybe cheating and maybe chucka from Land of the lost...
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 12:26 AM
4

Focus your energy on the long term torturing of her by being a better version of you. That's their real fear, that you turn into a better (and happier) version of what they lost. It doesn't hurt if you can hang something younger and hotter on your side.. that works for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 12:02 AM
2

I stuck around, not for financial reasons but because she was just as toxic a parent as she was a spouse. I should have left when he hit 16, kids can take the stand and say what they want here at that age. Sometimes I regret it, sometimes I see the hell guys are in here, and I don't.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 10:57 PM
3

I took the high road and didn't track, spy, snoop even though there were signs. Now, It just feels like I brought good-manners to a street fight.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 10:48 PM
3

It definitely gets them out of your life, at least short term. I think, based on reading between the lines, that it's failed already. But what's important was that it motivated her to sign that new lease and move out at the time. Back when I was busy raising our kid and she was busy living her best life or something, I thought the same thing. Just find someone and GTFO my life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 09:35 PM
1

Mine went the other direction. Younger, richer, more socially connected and minus zero fucking chance of actually locking his divorcing/divorced ass down. She groomed him on social media for years right under my nose and struck while in the middle of his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 07:14 PM
1

That sounded good right up to the Disney ending. When I first watched Gone Girl, it gave me chills. Also, girl on the train, didn't seem personal until the very end.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 06:57 PM
3

I'm working on those last two. I Pretty much made a (male) friend go out with me this weekend. It went a long way towards not sitting around and thinking about STBX all weekend. That problem has gone from perpetual to occasional in the last four months (always worst on weekends). The other part is the happy with my life, which really has to be reformed and redefined first. I got the gym locked, but I'm still trying to figure out the other parts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 06:49 PM
7

I try to remind myself how lonely it often was when she was here. I'm very guilty of cherry-picking the better moments and memories and sweeping the rest under the rug.. Did she really care about my day?, usually not if it didn't affect her. Did she share more of her true self with Her bff's, no doubt. If you're looking for something serious again, this is your chance to have something that's actually better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 06:26 PM
1

I've heard this happens a lot. They ultimately want the package deal after a certain amount of time. Knowing what I think I know about women, it's what I'm expecting. I'm definitely retaining my ability to walk away, from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:29 AM
3

Well, to be fair, I was going to ask him if he was sleeping with my wife, but I decided to reword it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 01:52 AM
5

Yeah I'm not marrying or ever doing cohabitation again, if I'm investing time though, I don't want it to be with anything resembling my stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 01:31 AM
1

Not dating, but also done sitting at home on the weekends. Feels much better, and this weekend I ended up in some wild selfies with a bunch of drunk black women at a bar. Sending those pictures to my friends and family was sooo much fun.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 01:17 AM
3

Do you find yourself wanting to know why they are divorced? Like hypergamous/cheater? I feel like labeling their exe mentally abusive or saying it just didnt work, is about as close to confession as you will see.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 12:56 AM
2

Ive been researching. As trash as they are its where 40% relationships today are happening. Know what to expect. Understand the thing is stacked against you and as a male you will be served -3 or 4 your number. That matches won't text, that testers won't date and that many that date are just entertaining themselves at your expense. My friend has been on them (we are older side), I think bumble and hinge are the best of the worst. Don't bother with the pay wall bullshit it's a scam. Profile: Men …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 08:41 AM
2

Legally, my wife can get a locksmith and come in the house she abandoned physically and financially over two years ago. Sleep overnight if she pleases and call the law if I interfere. Also, she could call the cops if I just parked in her drive. Lovely system.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 09:02 PM
1

I'll be in your boat. Mine left a bunch of crap here. Mostly what she left, she didn't want. I'm sure that will change down the road. Do you think she wanted unobstructed access to snoop or maybe some hidden crap. I got a, I would like xxx back I know you have it, you are lying. Months later, cleaning one of her old spaces...ahh.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 08:36 PM
3

Well, I can speak from a kids' perspective since my folks divorced when I was seven. My parents did it pretty good, there were not a high rotation of new men or women that I was exposed to. My mother married my step father who is like a second father and in no way muted my close relationship with my real father. I called Stepfather, Mr first name and that helped draw a mental line. I also got a sister in the deal and two more siblings down the road. Love them all today. No one did 50/50 in those…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 07:59 PM
9

Yes, not to pile on, but way over the line. I would cameras in the bedroom...your house.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 09:15 AM
1

Oops
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 09:12 AM
3

Control.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 09:09 AM
5

My STBX checks enough of the cluster B DSM boxes. But then I realized how blurry things really are. Narcissist females at work, everywhere, and societal messages that promote it. Dysfunctions are defined as being outside the average, and that average seems to be a moving target. I don't know what my grandmothers' were NOT responsible for, and I don't know what my STBX was. Meh, maybe her "image", that sure took a lot of work.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:13 AM
3

but they all come up with some reason to go scortched earth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 03:40 AM
1

that sucks. how old is your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 03:21 AM
2

15 years ago I had an internal medicine guy prescribe it because he thought some issue I had was panic/anxiety related. At week 3 (lexapro) everyone could kiss my ass. I got off because I knew I would end up divorced and not caring if I was. So jump ahead to infidelity discover last year being ghosted and my resulting emotional implosion .. my GP said give it a go. This time it was actually helping me until week two. Symptoms got bad fast, I had double vision at night, sleeping excessively, anxi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 12:09 AM
2

yeah i got the future planning too. Hit me up for plastic surgery, then moved out before the scar tissue was fully healed. intresting about the antidepressants ... ive wondered what the post menopause hormone replacement drug impact was in the scheme of things. Definetly it changed her personality, and she refused to give it up even wh3n her doctor wanted her to.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 04:33 PM
3

yeah thats what i keep telling my married friends (and son). Women over 50 divorce at the highest rates, because they planned it that way, long before the kids left. My wife bff'd an adulturous and hypergamous wench, that broke her and someone elses marriages to level up. In the end though i realized my wife went looking for a friend like this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 05:20 AM
1

i was told the banks only hold this information for three years. I ve got less than a year to get info on around 50k that mine hid from me when she left. im waiting for mediation to start (and fail) . My lawyer reassures me about the bank information, but these responses make me worry.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 04:26 AM
3

Mine would fire any therapist that didn't go along with HER plan. In the end she found those who would let her show up and run the show. Even then she swaps them out. I'll say after six or more years, she is much worse now. There is sort of a generic get therapy directive that seems to ignore just how bad and ineffective so many of them are. I went to one of my wives therapy sessions long ago with her because the therapist "didn't know what the problem was". I said well did she tell you about he…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:23 PM
4

For decades, I was concerned about all her problems. People at work, friends, whatever her issue of the moment was. But that was never recipicated, her tears and her real concern were only ever for herself. Narcissist don't have real empathy, and what you wrote was full of empathy. They do tend to project their shortcomings onto others, though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 10:52 PM
2

Cant wait to join your club. Congrats !
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:30 AM
6

also in the 20%. My failure was putting off the divorce as long as i did.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 06:00 AM
6

yes. Any discussions about her accountability rsulted in deflection or distraction. Dont let it drag it out, i did ...it just adds more regret at best.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 08:38 PM
1

I actually had a dream last week with an un-identfiable attractive woman in it for a change. Yeah, we just talked ...Stupid brain.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:59 PM
2

I've been at 100% for two years. That includes trying to handle the broken-hearted kid stuff, where a mother would be super helpful. I miss cooking and doing for my kid now that he is mostly at college.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 03:54 AM
1

My STBX (mid fifty) let it be known that she was okay being chad's FWB if she couldnt tie down her unicorn $oul mate. i told her her to go watch Kevin Samuels...ha ha
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 08:54 PM
1

I'm genX, a lot of our mothers worked, gave the kids chores, and took care of food etc.. My take away, and i would say my siblings as well was, get it done. My boomer father(s) didnt do housework then, they do now. I take that as "strong men adapt".. To my STBX housework was i tally sheet, you owed her and It didnt matter if you were working on the car all weekend. My grandmother would fist fight anyone who tried to get in her way of cooking. I agree the main problems today (both male and female…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 08:12 PM
1

The last time my stbx pulled me back, she was waiting for biopsy results. It's clear, see ya.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 07:11 PM
4

I share your sentiment that women in our current society have changed (accross all ages). To me, it just looks like narcissism.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 07:06 PM
2

No one is making me. Our plan was always to put put the kid through school. He is smashing it and holding down a part-time job, I'm not going to make him pay because the stbx changed her mind about it. He's not playing sides, he gray rocked her quiet a while back because of what she put him through in high school (ie. cluster B hell).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 11:39 PM
20

I would not date a woman who would date a married man. It's very likely to go full circle on you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 08:22 PM
1

I wish that I was in a 26 state, and not a 21. I've alreadtly paid two years of college and I am seeking back compensation in the divorce for those years before he was 21. That still leaves me paying for two more years of college after whatever financial burden comes from this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 07:17 PM
2

If they don't understand what is going on now, they will one day. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 08:57 AM
5

Poisoned, stabbed in your sleep, false charges....i mean whats the worst that could happen when she realizes she can not kick your ass in a fight.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 10:56 PM
2

I second that, that its easier to parent alone. My hardest years of parenting were all before she checked out and started reinventing herself and building social circles. Shopping, cooking, laundry, that's all easy enough. Having a cluster B insert their chaos into the middle of every problem is a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 10:30 PM
1

Roughly 48 years ago, I was your kid. My parents told me they were divorcing, I bawled, and it all got delayed for a bit. Like you, they had reached that point for a lot of reasons that a child can't or shouldn't understand. I worry now and have discussed it with my near grown son, that I gave him a bad example regarding staying in failed relationship much longer than anyone should.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 05:06 PM
2

Well that happened for me when my son went away for college. I just swing by the grocery store every other day now grab whatever is easy. The previous five years he was a runner and body builder and kept me in the kitchen. Then his non dairy gf came along...challenges.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 12:54 AM
3

Well put. It gets harder, not easier as they get older, maintaining trust and respect. If she couldn't do it with you, it's going to be harder with rebellious young adults.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 12:38 AM
1

Oh yeah, I remember reading your story the other day. Good job on being the primary caregiver for your daughter. My wife checked out six years ago, so i know the work that is involved. Two years ago my stbx moved out and left me paying his college expenses. I filed first and filed fault, that seems to have been the right move in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 12:00 AM
1

have you talked to a lawyer about filling?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:14 PM
2

26 years. She moved out two years ago, me (and apparently others) dated her, i took care of our son. She was running out the clock on our kid turning 21 (my state). I filed fault the end of sept , seeking compensation. The past, present, and future infidelty is what eats me the most i think. in addition to being a woman, she has an ever expanding multiplatform social media and real life collection of people....nicely assembled while i raised our kid. Its definetly getting easier every day. Hit t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 05:30 AM
1

Sort of. I'm going after compensation retroactively for the college/expenses I've paid to date and before his 21st (my state). It's part of the divorce since it's not future costs (ie child support).
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 03:13 AM
3

Thanks, I'm really hoping it bites her in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 08:10 PM
9

I saw women posting here, so I thought I would go check out what's being discussed over in their sub. The first thing I click on is basically saying hide money from your husband. Get friends or family to hold it, take this % every month, etc. It seemed to be agreed on almost 100%. I can only imagine the response if it was being done to them. I have some evidence (and i am about to get more) that mine did exactly that. She did that as well as cleaning out most joint accounts, all while knowing I …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 07:30 PM
2

I don't want to ever go through that shit again. My observation was that the hormone replacement therapy changed her personality, at least to some degree. She refused to pretty much ever come off of it when her obgyn recommended doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 05:20 PM
1

My shoulder has issues from decades of volleyball. I can swim without any issue but afterward I pay the price for days. There are a number of things like barbell bench that I just don't do when lifting for the same reason. (Injury management) I've got a friend in his early 60s who has done it daily for years now. He tried doing a local group water aerobics but found that men were banned from participating.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:51 PM
2

I filed and my stbx went ballistic. Threatened me with financial ruin and hired the most expensive lawyer she could find. My stress level was already high before that happened. I had some uncommon job stuff also going on at that time. I made the mistake of trying antidepressants, jeez talk about the cure being worse than the disease. For me at least, it was very counterproductive. The case is going in a better direction now (mediation) and like you I'm back in the gym. I wish I could run again, …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:27 AM
1

Regarding changing locks. I was told by my lawyer if thier name is on the property that they only need to show up with a locksmith to legally regain access.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 02:41 AM
5

It takes time to undo all the conditioning of the roles we have played. I'm still struggling with having concern and empathy for the person who would happily take everything from me. I say that as sole provider of our son (in college). Mine moved out so she could date, after i eventually figured that one out, I filed. I put myself through hell first...trying to salvage what she had no interest in.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 02:30 AM
2

I was wrecked two months ago. I have good days regularly now. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:03 AM
1

My ex got her divorcing bf to like her post. She knew I didn't screw with any of it. Took about two platforms and an hour to connect the dots.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 04:27 AM
6

I used to think gaslighting was when the person foaming and the mouth and screaming over practicaly nothing, followed it up by calling me crazy. She later learned the word (probably from her shrink). Everytime she used it...ugh that's not what that means. To her is was, any form of criticism, ... at least from what I can deduce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 04:09 AM
9

Mine had the nerve to say after moving out and being openly hypergamous, "well who knows, maybe some day in the future we will get back together, it happens". I told her it was the most insulting thing she ever said to me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 02:40 AM
5

It IS extra horrific when they stomp through other struggling families without any feeling of responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 02:23 AM
2

Yeah I never understood the, "you think your always right". Which morphs into " you think you are perfect" or you "think you know everyhing". Does she expect me to have opinions/conversations about things that I don't think are true/supported in some way. I think it's a scam, it's only about how you make them feel about themselves, and accountable is not an option.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 06:48 PM
1

I know that feeling. Mine built a huge social network and I focused on raising our kid for the last years. Lots of nothing on my calendar.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:13 AM
1

I don't follow. Why would there be no difference between a legitimate reason and one that isnt?
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 02:30 AM
6

I'm picturing Nathan leaving in " the jerk". I think he was carrying the chair in the movie poster. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 03:05 AM
1

stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 04:33 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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