Blekah Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
592	This subreddit helped me avoid a LVM. Thank you.	Story time ☕	Blekah	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/05/21 02:02 PM
340	I set the boundary…	PORN SICK, LIMP DICK	Blekah	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 03:42 PM
303	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy?	DISCUSSION	Blekah	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/08/21 05:27 PM
1	One who got away?	STRATEGY	Blekah	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/05/21 09:06 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	I set the boundary… Thank you!!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/09/21 06:11 PM
1	I set the boundary… Yes, thank you for your feedback 💕	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/09/21 04:11 PM
4	I set the boundary… We have been dating much longer than a month, probably about 4 months. We became boyfriend/girlfriend official 1 month ago	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/09/21 12:15 AM
12	I set the boundary… That is definitely my worry! I will keep this in mind as I continue vetting	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/09/21 12:05 AM
7	I set the boundary… That’s very true, and thank you. Yes we’ve been intimate, no problems there. Like I said in my other comments, when I first met him and was creating boundaries with him (far before we ever became official) porn was not at the forefront of my mind. I only recently realized how important this is and decided to set the boundary now. So, it might go my way and it might not. All I can do at this point is always be vetting.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 11:59 PM
23	I set the boundary… Hell yes. I love being single and honestly would not mind getting back to that place in my life at the first sniff of a lie or a broken boundary.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 06:59 PM
33	I set the boundary… 100%. This is definitely a “see how it goes” type of thing… if I suspect at all that there’s porn use, I will not hesitate to look into it. It’s a tricky situation, I wish that I had set the boundary at the onset, however, my views on this were evolving in real time as I was in the dating stages with this man. I have been working on leveling up myself, and realizing that pornography and sex work are inherently exploitative and a form of infidelity were not at the front of my mind when we met. I’…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 06:58 PM
62	I set the boundary… He was watching porn before we were dating. He has not watched porn since we started dating. I’ve talked with him a lot about how my views on pornography and sex work have changed in recent years, with the upcoming fourth wave feminist views on these topics. He’s really enjoyed discussing it with me, and he claims his views have changed as well (that he believes pornography is exploitative). But there’s no way for me to know if he is virtue signaling or really indicating a change of heart. I wil…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 06:40 PM
7	I set the boundary… Very wise words! So important to keep our eyes open! When the things we observe in day to day life dont match the fantasy we have been fed through propaganda, it creates a cognitive dissonance state, and we often externalize this and say it’s other peoples lives, their mistakes, their shortcomings, it will never happen to ME. how wrong that lie of immaturity can be.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 06:18 PM
112	I set the boundary… Yup, exactly my train of thought. It might actually come to a point of him needing to make a decision to honor my boundary or do what is easy, and that would be a sexually charged moment of decision making lol… and we know men think with their dicks.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 04:31 PM
36	I set the boundary… Thank you!! Things have been going so well with him, that it’s so easy to imagine a future together. But I loved this post I saw here today about how to keep an attitude of relationships being temporary with men. That was a really great reminder. It feels harsh, but… I think its important. You can be committed and even marry a man who seems HV and still realize that it may end someday, and it will all be for the best no matter what happens.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/09/21 04:03 PM
13	What's with the older men who are still raising adult babies? This is my father and younger brother. LVM spawns LVM.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/09/21 02:05 PM
8	Share your FDS dating success story Yes!! It made me so happy! He’s really showing me what it’s like to have a man who truly cares for you and values you in your life. It’s life changing to meet that man who cares about things YOU like that he doesn’t know anything about. He loves that I enjoy fashion too, which is hilarious because my last boyfriend saw my shoe collection and said “wow, you have way too many shoes.” Bye, scrotes! 🤣	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/09/21 12:21 PM
27	Share your FDS dating success story I think you’re good on the vetting! You have already displayed that you are capable of leaving a relationship that doesn’t serve you anymore. So you don’t need to be afraid of losing that ability. Enjoy the relationship you have now, girl. I think people lose sight of the purpose of this subreddit, which is to help mentor women to get the relationships they want, the relationships that add value to their lives and aren’t exploitative. If a relationship is adding value for you, then don’t care ab…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/09/21 08:38 PM
37	Share your FDS dating success story Thank you!! Yes, he is always surprising me with how well he treats me. It’s one thing to in theory be like, okay, I deserve a man who treats me well. But if you struggle with self esteem, it’s easy to reject this kind of treatment and feel you don’t deserve it. We accept the love we think we deserve - that’s why self love and self esteem are so important before we create our standards & boundaries. It’s now incredibly embarrassing to reminisce on the kind of treatment I accepted from LVM in the…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/09/21 07:01 PM
43	Share your FDS dating success story Hi there! In my understanding, and the way I use the term here, vetting simply means checking in to make sure that the person you are with is the person you believe them to be. When vetting early in the relationship, maybe you do things like making sure their actions match their words, and they don’t exhibit common red flags. Then as you vet throughout a relationship, it means you ensure that they still maintain their effort towards your relationship, remain consistent, don’t cheat, etc etc. It …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/09/21 06:21 PM
183	Share your FDS dating success story I am currently dating a HVM and would love to share!! (Disclaimer: a man is not truly HV until death do us part, ladies! ABV (Always Be Vetting.)) I discovered FDS about 3-6 months ago, not sure on the timing. But the concepts here fit in very well as the next step in my healing journey. In 2019 I had a relationship with an abuser. I read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That” and it jump started my healing journey which required me to identify and heal from trauma throughout my childhood and ad…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/09/21 05:39 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? 🤢 this is disgusting. Men are seriously held to such a lower standard of conduct in this culture. And they get slaps on the wrist for things that would end a woman’s career. I was talking with a guy friend of mine who is very thoughtful (and may be HV if he was not chronically unemployed) and he said “you know, I think the women I know tend to just be better people than the men…” and I was like “yeah, that is because we are required to be better, there are social pressures for us to be better.” …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/08/21 01:58 PM
2	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? Thank you, I’m so glad the discussion is helping others!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/08/21 01:53 PM
1	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? Right, he sounds HV, but also men will sometimes go out of their way to virtue signal with this stuff to manipulate women. I think seeing them treat women with respect is a much higher indication of them not being a misogynist then them stating that they’re a feminist (probably expecting pats on the head for it).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/08/21 01:52 PM
2	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? Thanks for sharing! I think they exist too, but he would be literally one in a million.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:10 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? Thank you! This encourages me to stand by my standards.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:09 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? This is so freaking true. 🤦🏼‍♀️	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:09 PM
6	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? How do you factor this in with a dating strategy? Do you vet in certain ways to ensure a man is not a misogynist?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:08 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? I just feel that if we are ever going to have progress as a society for women’s welfare, we need to get men on board and holding each other accountable… it’s the only answer I can see for things like incels. Accountability between men is also needed for things like preventing sexual assault, etc. I am just wondering if we are expecting far too little from men in this regard.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:07 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? How does this factor in to a dating strategy? Do you actively avoid men who seem to be virtue signaling as a feminist?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:02 PM
8	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? Honestly this socialization piece as a child seems SUPER important. Otherwise Men would need to take this on in therapy as an adult, and there’s a huge activation energy behind actually starting that. And I am not in the business of reparenting men.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 05:00 PM
3	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? How do you use this knowledge when dating? Do you avoid men who virtue signal about feminism at all?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 04:59 PM
7	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? I think this is a happy medium between expecting men to be as thoughtful as women (which is unrealistic and logically ends in not being able to date any men) and just giving up. The listening without centering themselves piece is super important.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 04:58 PM
8	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? So what’s your take on this? Do you consider men who are not feminists and don’t examine the power structure of patriarchy to be HVM? Do you turn a blind eye to it?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/08/21 04:57 PM
28	Honest question: have you ever met a man who has fully examined his relationship to patriarchy? I’m so sorry to hear about your experience with that psychologist. It seems like he was performing allyship with women and not actually examining his biases… that’s what I’m worried about with dating. Men can so easily adopt these various identities that are meant to make us comfortable and willing to trust them, and then turn around and act in ways that don’t align with their supposed values at all. I know this first hand from dating a narcissist who abused me but was in charge of the inclusion…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/08/21 07:10 PM
15	What's FDS opinion on Anna Bey? This is wild!! Thanks so much for sharing! Wow.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/07/21 09:09 PM
22	Let's give it up for the bare minimum! I’m cracking up, thank you	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/07/21 04:02 PM
61	What's FDS opinion on Anna Bey? I have watched a LOT of Anna’s content, and I can respond to some of the existing comments already here that are misguided. She has said that wearing a T-shirt as a casual look, like to the grocery store, is not elegant. She has also said that wearing this to a sporting event/safari is acceptable. She pushes for wearing appropriate clothing for every occasion, including galoshes when it rains. She does not come from high society. She used to be a party girl who dreamed of jet setting. She is fro…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/07/21 02:20 PM
10	Please share stories of some weirdly specific rules you set after that one guy Laughing because there’s a bathroom pun here about going #1 and #2… with no tp 😂🤢	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	29/06/21 06:09 PM
2	Texting all day is low value. Thank you so much!! You’re a godsend.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/06/21 04:43 AM
13	Texting all day is low value. I needed to read this, thank you. I was considering trying out this app I saw advertised to me, I think it's called Opal or something like that. It's supposed to help you develop mindfulness with your screen time. My screen time is out of control. I will have YouTube on while doing other mindless tasks, so that makes up a good portion of it, but it can be up to 8 hours a day. And that is just my phone. I also come home and spend time gaming sitting in front of my computer. Do you have any advice…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/06/21 04:22 AM
1	Just bought myself diamonds for the first time Yesss!!! I love your attitude! So inspiring. Thanks for sharing :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/06/21 05:33 PM
5	Just bought myself diamonds for the first time I bought a custom moissanite ring a few weeks back, still waiting for it to be completed! I personally don’t feel the need to spend money on a Diamond vs moissanite, which is a natural stone and matches the properties of diamonds. I cannot wait to get it. A diamond ring is one thing I always thought I can’t have until I get a man. No bitch, you can have a diamond ring whenever you want, because you worked for it and you don’t need a man to have ANYTHING in this life!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/06/21 05:20 PM
24	What are your favorite quotes from Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” Paraphrasing - An abuser does not want to abuse you. An abuser must eventually resort to abuse in order to effectively control you when other methods stop working. And the abuser will resent you for making him use abuse against you. reading this blew my f’in mind. Also paraphrasing - A man does not abuse because of his parents, his ex, his upbringing. A man abuses because he feels entitled to do so, because of his sense of entitlement to the world revolving around him.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	18/06/21 12:26 AM
14	Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that" is an eye opener. I LOVE THIS BOOK. Reading this book started my journey to healing. It opened my eyes to the patterns in my life perpetuated first by my father and then by the NVM I allow into my life. It was my first time learning about narcissism and entitlement. It might be the single most important book on my shelf. I recommend this to anyone.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/06/21 08:46 PM
45	If he can hold down a job, he is capable of doing tasks at home without asking, and remembering important dates. I had a man tell me once, "I changed the baby's diaper incorrectly a couple times until my wife got irritated with me and now she always does it herself." And he was grinning like he's some kind of genius. It makes me want to roll my eyes permanently into the back of my head	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/06/21 02:35 AM
6	my childhood friend's parents are examples of a HV Marriage Thank you for sharing this story, it's so encouraging to see so many real examples of how a healthy couple functions together. I believe in the power of visualization, and if I can visualize the life I want, I will be able to put it into motion. It's so hard to visualize what a healthy, high value relationship is like when only abuse and control have been modeled to you. We need more posts like this one which highlight what we should be striving for.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/06/21 02:31 AM
10	Reality is often disappointing... I have been SEARCHING for a subreddit that is similar to childfree but it’s about relationshipfree or choosing to live life single. Any leads out there?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/06/21 03:15 PM
7	My favorite TikTok doc 🩺 he has many videos making fun of trash men and advises women to do better ☺️ I love his YouTube channel! He normalizes surgery while also putting women first and highlights how beautiful they are both before & after surgery. Informative, respectful man.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/06/21 09:10 PM
33	“You seem expensive” We’re supposed to be perfectly groomed, have a nice high quality haircut and blown out look constantly, have our nails done, clear skin, hairless body... and that’s supposed to be natural and not cost a thing? Do LVM actually like women, or they like the idea of this non-human woman?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/06/21 05:19 PM
9	Don't over-complicate your relationships: if a relationship is not making you feel good majority of the time, it's time to leave. This is so true. I wish someone had told me this a long time ago!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/05/21 04:05 PM
7	You aren't "making him wait" to have sex This really helped me change my mindset... thank you queen!!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/05/21 05:48 PM
22	This subreddit helped me avoid a LVM. Thank you. Borrowed from Dr. Ramani! Love her channel.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/05/21 03:45 PM
57	This subreddit helped me avoid a LVM. Thank you. Honestly it’s not her fault and we have talked extensively about this since then. He was already manipulating the both of us before that happened and she didn’t know there was any interest between us. She did play somewhat of a part in this but he really held the power and controlled this situation. I would say she’s responsible 1% and him 99%.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/05/21 03:44 PM
30	This subreddit helped me avoid a LVM. Thank you. I was so happy it happened this way and I was able to support my girlfriend. She matters to me so much more than this LVM and I wouldn’t be in a position to support her if I was also involved	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/05/21 03:16 PM
56	This subreddit helped me avoid a LVM. Thank you. Yes!!! Thank you!!! I’m still learning and have tended to have this “well maybe if he steps up things will change” mindset even though I am not counting on them to change. It still in a way is an opening for them when really I need to have much more rigid boundaries on that point	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/05/21 03:15 PM